Original subtitles

Bible Porn: the Story of Adam and Steve, take one.

And… action!

I’m hungry, Adam.

Look, Steve, that man has an apple.

Can I tempt you with a bite?

Or would you rather swallow my serpent?

Sss!

That’s a big snake.

Yeah.

What’s the matter, Wood?

I’m… sorry, Sebastian. I...

can’t seem to get…

get hard.

This has never really happened to me before.

Come on, man!

All right. Everyone, take five!

Wood can’t get wood.

♪Where the bears are, We wanna be♪

SEASON 6 EPISODE 11 THE BEAR CONSPIRACY

We have a dangerous assassin loose in this city somewhere.

I try to reach you, and you’re off the grid?

I wasn't off the grid, sir.

I was trying to clear my husband of the charges against him.

I don’t give a flying fuck about your husband.

I care about you doing your job!

And while you were out playing loyal puppy dog

to that ridiculous narcissist you married,

we cleared the one lead you gave us.

Prince Omar isn’t the assassin?

Not even close.

And neither is his bodyguard.

According to the intel from operatives

that are actually working for me!

Well, then what was Rami talking about in that email?

See this face, Stevens?

This is the face of a man who doesn’t give a shit.

It's also the face of a deeply unhappily married man

who wakes up every morning next to a neurotic frigid shrew

wondering where it all went wrong.

But I digress!

Now get out of here and find me some answers!

Everyone having a good laugh?

Fuck.

Having a bad day?

Yeah, and sadly, it just got worse.

You have a couple of horny studs waiting for you in your office.

Why would you plan a mid-day orgy and not invite me?

I’m hurt.

If you don’t get out of my fucking way,

I’ll show you a whole new world of hurt.

I’m always up for a little kink.

Hey, it’s Chico and the Man.

So what did you guys find?

Well, we talked to one of our buddies in Forensics,

and we may have our killer: Kenny Kim.

The prop master? I thought we cleared him.

He wasn’t the last person to handle the gun.

Nelson had passed it to that Rami guy.

Well, explain this:

why are Kenny’s fingerprints on one of the bullets in the gun

that Nelson used to shoot Toby Marsden?

Oh, holy shit.

Plus, he’s only been with the show for a few weeks,

and we still can’t find any previous work history

of him as a prop master.

Who is this guy? Where is he from?

We also found out about a couple of large deposits

made to Kenny’s bank account.

It looks like somebody paid

Kenny to set up Nelson for the murder.

We just don’t know who.

Well, you guys need to get to Kenny.

- Like right now, today. - Yeah, we’re on it.

Whoa, done already?

I even brought my own candy-flavored condoms.

Oh, come on, you guys look like you have a sweet tooth.

MRU MALE RAPE UNIT

How did they find out?

Yes, I know what I have to do.

Hey, Kenny.

We’d like to have a word with you.

Get him, get him.

Hold it, Kenny!

Relax, Kenny, we just want to ask you a few questions.

Yeah, no one’s going to get hurt.

(speaks foreign language)

- What did he take? - I don’t know.

What's going on?

Kenny!

Kenny!

- What the— - Oh, shit.

The rotund B actor was last seen fleeing the set

of the hit TV series Law and Order: MRU

with an unknown accomplice.

“Unknown accomplice"? I am a huge TV personality!

I can’t believe they didn’t say my name.

This could be a big windfall for my show.

Shh, would you shut up! I’m trying to watch this!

The two disguised themselves and stormed the set

despite the restraining order against Dorkoff forbidding him

to be anywhere near the production.

He is now at large and wanted by the police

for violating the conditions of his bail.

I can’t believe they didn’t even mention me!

Guys, I can’t believe it.

- I’m incompetent. - What?

I can’t get it up, like, for the first time ever!

It’s “impotent,” Wood.

Getting hard is my livelihood.

I-I don’t know what is happening!

Uh, would you please tell “Beer Can Bart,”

or whatever the hell you call him, to get out of my face!

Wood, I’m in real trouble here!

You don’t think this is because George quit, do you?

Honestly, I-I haven’t felt complete since he’s been gone.

You know what?

The old standby, turn to GROWLr.

- Oh, God. - Okay, here we go.

- Gross. - Oh, yeah, this guy’s hot.

- Bob, you like this? - Yeah.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Bob, hello?

Okay, come on!

All right, how about this guy?

Oh, yeah, I like that.

Oh, yeah, Bob?

You like what I’m seeing?

Come on, Bob, what are you doing?

These guys are hot. You should be throbbing!

Bob!

Can you believe him?

What I can’t believe

is that I’m not the one on trial for murder.

Why do you always have to steal focus?

Oh, for God’s sake.

Nelson!

I came as soon as I could! You’re all over the news!

What were you thinking?

You’re going to have to go to jail and stand trial.

I know. The police are on their way.

I turn myself in.

I-I want to fight this the right way.

Oh, my God. This is so fucked up.

I can’t believe this is happening!

I know, I know!

What if I'm convicted, Todd?

What if-- what if I go to prison for the rest of my life?

- No, no. - Oh, God!

What if I’m there and-and

what if-what if they don’t allow conjugal visits?

What if I never see you again?

What if-- What if you and I can never have sex again,

ever in our lives?

- Don’t, don’t— - Oh, my God.

We have got to take advantage

of these last moments

of freedom right now, while we can.

You want to have sex now?

No, Todd, I don’t want to have just sex right now,

I want to have the best fucking sex we've ever had...

- Yeah? - ...in our entire lives.

I want to remember it every night for the next 20 years.

Turn around, spread them, you little bitch!

Oh, yeah!

Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Oh, yeah!

(growling)

- Yeah, yeah. - Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Giddyup! Giddyup, cowboy!

(both grunting)

(spraying)

- Get! - (indistinct yelling)

Yeah, yeah.

God.

Oh, my fucking God! That’s too much!

Oh, God!

Now, my dick’s sore.

Mine’s chafed.

- But it was hot. - Uh-huh.

Hey, what’s taking the police so long?

Hang on.

Stevens?

Cyanide?

Why would Kenny kill himself before he had a chance to—

Fuck,

I gotta go.

Nelson, baby, we gotta get outta here.

This is much bigger than we thought.

There’s some kind of conspiracy going on here.

Listen, I’m afraid if you go back to jail,

your life might be in danger.

We gotta hide you someplace safe

until I can figure out what the fuck is going on.

We need to get out of here right now!

- Okay, okay. - Right now!

- I parked in back. - Okay.

(knocking)

This is Officer Mark Loeffler,

and I'm here with Officer Dennis Fee from the LAPD.

- Open up! - Go.

Hop the fence in the back, get to the neighbor’s yard, and run.

- I’ll stall for time. - Okay.

(imitating Nelson) Hello, Officer Loeffler,

this is Nelson Dorkoff.

What do you want?

You violated the conditions of your bail, Mr. Dorkoff.

We’re here to place you under arrest

and take you back to jail.

How in the hell can you do that?

(normal voice) It's a skill I picked up in spy training, okay?

Just go!

(imitating Nelson) Please, give me an ankle monitor!

Anything! I can’t go back to jail.

The toilet seats are too small,

and the fried bologna gives me terrible gas!

Oh, God!

Okay, that is just freaky!

(normal voice) Go!

Freeze, Dorkoff!

♪Where the bears are, We wanna be♪

♪Where the bears are, Where the bears are♪