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1
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("Everything's Alright" from
Jesus Christ Superstar playing)
2
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? Try not to get worried ?
3
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? Try not to turn on to ?
4
00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:23,232
? Problems that upset you ?
5
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? Don't you know ?
6
00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:26,569
? Everything's alright, yes... ?
7
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:29,196
YOUNGER SHELLY: Hey, Morty?
8
00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:30,781
Mort?
9
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(muffled): How about some
sauerkraut and a Tab?
10
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,663
YOUNG SARAH (muffled): I felt it kick!
I felt it kick!
11
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,957
YOUNGER SHELLY: (chuckles) Yeah,
you did. That was a big one.
12
00:00:39,999 --> 00:00:41,459
? So forget all about... ?
13
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,294
Oy, Morton!
14
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,004
? Everything's alright, yes ?
15
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,506
? Everything's alright, yes ?
16
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,800
(singing along): ? Sleep
and I shall soothe you ?
17
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:51,886
? Calm you and anoint you ?
18
00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:54,847
? Myrrh for your hot forehead ?
19
00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,348
? Then you'll feel ?
20
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,850
? Everything's alright ?
21
00:00:57,892 --> 00:01:00,603
? Yes, everything's fine... ?
22
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,855
YOUNGER SHELLY: Mort.
23
00:01:02,897 --> 00:01:04,732
Oy, okay, go...
24
00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:06,650
Will you go get me some
sauerkraut, Sarey?
25
00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:09,528
Since your father doesn't care
that he's got a pregnant wife.
26
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,530
? Close your eyes, close your eyes ?
27
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,783
? And relax, think of nothing... ?
28
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:16,327
I'm getting your sauerkraut, Shell.
29
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:18,454
? There will be poor always... ?
30
00:01:18,496 --> 00:01:21,373
YOUNGER SHELLY: Oh, Joshy, Sarey,
31
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,542
tell this baby to get out of here.
32
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,961
- Get out of here.
- I'm gonna pop, you guys.
33
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,713
I'm gonna explode out of this body.
34
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:30,883
Baby, hurry, come out.
35
00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:33,493
? You'll be lost and you'll be sorry ?
36
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,294
- sync and corrections by Mr. C -
- www.addic7ed.com -
37
00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,348
? When I'm gone... ?
38
00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:42,311
? Sleep and I shall soothe you ?
39
00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:44,897
? Calm you and anoint you ?
40
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:47,441
? Myrrh for your hot forehead ?
41
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,527
? Then you'll feel ?
42
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,570
? Everything's alright ?
43
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,656
? Yes, everything's fine ?
44
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:57,576
? And it's cool and the
ointment's sweet ?
45
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,578
? For the fire ?
46
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,580
? In your head and feet ?
47
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:05,626
? Close your eyes, close
your eyes and relax ?
48
00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,294
? Think of nothing tonight ?
49
00:02:07,336 --> 00:02:09,713
? Close your eyes and relax ?
50
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,173
? Think of nothing ?
51
00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:13,300
? Close your eyes, close your eyes ?
52
00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:15,010
? And relax ?
53
00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:17,346
? Close your eyes, close your eyes... ?
54
00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:19,265
PEARL: So...
55
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:24,186
we were wondering if you've
read the latest New Yorker.
56
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:25,729
No, I'm really behind.
57
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:28,691
Like this... far behind. Why?
58
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:31,235
Well, our esteemed leader
Leslie wrote a poem in it.
59
00:02:31,277 --> 00:02:32,778
Oh, my God, that's amazing.
60
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:35,656
She's been submitting
for, like, 20 years.
61
00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,867
PEARL: Your name is in the title.
62
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,285
Really?
63
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,536
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.
64
00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:43,497
"My Ali, My Garcon."
65
00:02:43,539 --> 00:02:46,125
"Garcon.
66
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,003
"Garcon, you cried and I came running
67
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:51,422
"with my bad, old knees," Aw.
68
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:54,633
"Little white towel starched
perfectly over my arm,
69
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,844
"not knowing the mess that awaited me
70
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,681
"You were a child without
a booster chair,
71
00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:03,309
- wanting to play garcon..."
- "You were so cute,
72
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,185
"when you asked, I said,
'Yes, ma'am, ' of course,
73
00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,979
"no problem, right away
74
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:09,356
"I didn't know that
you had the intellect
75
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:12,192
"of a commoner, the
smarts of a wooden clog,
76
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,777
"eclipsed by your pedigree.
77
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,404
- "You stupid girl...
- "You fraud
78
00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:17,656
Your pussy ate the salad fork"?
79
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,283
What the fuck does that even mean?
80
00:03:19,325 --> 00:03:21,702
"Then the dessert fork,
then the fork-fork.
81
00:03:21,744 --> 00:03:23,162
"You gorged, then walked away,
82
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,372
farting flatware"?
83
00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,791
Oh, my God.
84
00:03:32,171 --> 00:03:33,422
(knocking on door)
85
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,179
- Hey.
- Hi.
86
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,640
- How you doing?
- Good. Come on in.
87
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,141
Thanks for answering my Insta...
88
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:45,684
Just, you know, wanted to reach out.
89
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,311
Nice of you to have me "ovah."
90
00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:49,939
- Yeah, of course.
- Wow, the light.
91
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,482
- Yeah.
- It's really beautiful.
92
00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:52,733
Do you want some tea?
93
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:53,984
- Oh, that would be great.
- Yeah.
94
00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:55,611
Thank you.
95
00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:57,571
Oh, my God, you have a swing! (laughing)
96
00:03:57,613 --> 00:04:00,532
That's how I get to the office,
actually, so, yeah, yeah.
97
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,201
Oh, my God.
98
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,535
(chuckles): Yeah, right?
99
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,371
- Whee!
- (laughs)
100
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,706
- So fun!
- Yeah.
101
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,417
- Oh. I need one of these.
- It's probably happy you're riding it.
102
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:11,669
Wow, this is really beautiful.
103
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,253
Yeah, it's cool, right?
104
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,589
That was so funny to run into you there.
105
00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:18,092
Yeah, it's funny when you
see people you know.
106
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:21,303
Um, you know, I'm not, I'm not
really, like, a regular there,
107
00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:23,305
so I hope you weren't
looking for a sponsor?
108
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:26,684
- Oh, no. No.
- Okay.
109
00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,560
I mean, I probably should be, but no.
110
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,312
- I'm not there yet, but...
- Okay.
111
00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:31,814
No, I just wanted to, like...
112
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,357
- just kind of...
- Yeah.
113
00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:34,817
It was interesting.
114
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,568
- It was an interesting meeting.
- It is, yeah.
115
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,988
- I mean, I don't... I try not to...
- Thank you.
116
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,864
- to judge anybody there.
- Right.
117
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:42,116
'Cause, obviously, it's a spiritual...
118
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:44,284
- You mean the freaks? All the freaks?
- (laughs)
119
00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:46,662
Am I, like, wrong, or is that the
most unsexy group of people?
120
00:04:46,704 --> 00:04:48,831
Yeah. They seem to be getting it.
121
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,374
Well, it's not just sex, it's love.
122
00:04:50,416 --> 00:04:52,084
- There's the "L," so...
- There's the "L."
123
00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:53,127
For sure.
124
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,881
Love.
125
00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,926
Yeah, I don't...
126
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,803
I don't, I don't know.
127
00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:06,932
I don't think I really know what...
how to actually do that.
128
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,018
Hmm.
129
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:15,733
Hmm.
130
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:17,985
I remember you and your husband.
131
00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:19,319
Len.
132
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,656
Right.
133
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,869
He's-he's a good guy.
134
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,289
My ex.
135
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,166
- Oh, sorry.
- No, no, it's actually good.
136
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,417
I mean, it's weird.
137
00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:34,626
We kind of are still together.
138
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,295
- Oh.
- I mean, you know,
139
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,588
there's a lot of stuff going on.
140
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:38,881
- Mm-hmm.
- With... but...
141
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,466
it's just about being honest, I think.
142
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,384
- You know what I mean?
- Yeah, honesty's the best.
143
00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:44,136
Like, I could totally
tell him I was here.
144
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:45,444
Right. Why wouldn't you, right?
I mean...
145
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,139
Used to lie a lot.
146
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,890
My family lies a lot. We're liars.
147
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:49,433
I think it's just because
everyone's, like,
148
00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:51,351
in everybody's stuff, so you tell a lie,
149
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:54,021
and you just kind of
can have some privacy.
150
00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:55,606
Totally.
151
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:58,484
I mean, secrets are kind
of like a perfect stand-in
152
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,986
for, for boundaries.
153
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,571
Right?
154
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,200
- Yeah.
- (chuckles): Yeah.
155
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,202
But seriously, that is really...
156
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,369
Yeah, I mean, it's natural.
157
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,954
We all... you know, you
compartmentalize it,
158
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,414
so you feel like you have
159
00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,166
permission structure to kind of decide
160
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,918
who you want to be that day.
161
00:06:17,169 --> 00:06:19,129
It's human.
162
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:21,381
? ?
163
00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:25,803
Hi.
164
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,221
- Hi.
- Hi.
165
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,264
Hi. What's all... What's the emergency?
166
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:32,059
Um, I want to come to Israel with you.
167
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,645
- What?
- Yes.
168
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,605
- You do?
- Yes, I really, really do.
169
00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:37,940
Why? What's going on? What happened?
170
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:39,691
Well, I just... because I want to go,
171
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,944
and-and, you know, I want
to stand on that ground,
172
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,695
and I want to feel all that history,
173
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,197
- and-and...
- Yeah?
174
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,533
the suffering, and the
bloodshed and just all that
175
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,368
real stuff, you know?
176
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,996
And just get away from the
bullshit of nothingness here.
177
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:56,333
And this... fucking poem about my pussy
178
00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:58,001
that is in this week's New Yorker.
179
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,386
You don't have to read the whole thing.
180
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,555
Don't read the whole thing.
181
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,098
What's with the fork?
182
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:15,394
There's also that family
that's living at the house,
183
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,020
and-and they're there for a whole month,
184
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,897
and they're just there. I-I can't,
185
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,442
I can't live underneath
that guy, you know?
186
00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,611
Listen, I don't want you to just say yes
187
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,196
because you're afraid
of hurting my feelings.
188
00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:28,157
I only want you to say yes if it's...
189
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,993
if it's what you really
feel, if it's true.
190
00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:36,415
What are you doing? This is mean.
191
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,208
I would love you to come.
192
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,418
- Really?
- What are you...
193
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,544
- Of course...
- Really, really, really?
194
00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:41,670
Really, really.
195
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:43,422
(laughs)
196
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,008
- What's going on here?
- What?
197
00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,427
- You need to scrub.
- No, stop.
198
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,720
SARAH: You must be really good at that.
199
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:50,804
With the teaching and every...
200
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,556
you know, like, compartmentalizing.
201
00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:54,933
I don't... do not know how
you handle all those kids.
202
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,436
I would fucking kill myself.
203
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:01,064
Yeah. It's, uh, you know,
there's-there's tools.
204
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,524
- Really?
- Yeah.
205
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,026
Please. Please, help.
206
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:06,236
'Cause I'm so tired of, like, raging.
207
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:07,696
Mm.
208
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:10,282
I have this belief that...
209
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:14,661
when you're born, you know,
you're kind of... perfect.
210
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,830
You know, you just have so much wonder.
211
00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:20,167
And then, you get older,
212
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:23,670
and... you know, you get dumb.
213
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,797
So that's why I like to
give them the power.
214
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,216
- Clever.
- Yeah.
215
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,967
Or let them think they have the power.
216
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,595
- Kind of like bottoming.
- Yeah, but you're the bottom...
217
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,055
You're actually the top,
but you're on the bottom.
218
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:34,473
- Right, right, right.
- You know?
219
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,933
Yeah. So, like, bottoming your kids?
220
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,726
- (both laugh)
- That's a good...
221
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,186
Put it that way, yeah.
222
00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:41,063
And then the kids are...
223
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,272
The kids are...
224
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,690
BOTH: The kids are on top.
225
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,776
(both laughing)
226
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,694
Kids on top!
227
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:49,279
Joshy?
228
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:51,031
- JOSH: Yeah?
- Come here, tushy.
229
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,033
I need a little help.
230
00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:54,618
- I'm taking you down.
- Oy, oy, oy!
231
00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:55,911
Ooh, you're so strong.
232
00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:56,912
What is this?
233
00:08:56,954 --> 00:08:58,330
I came up with a system.
234
00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:01,416
It's-it's called Steps for Cents and...
235
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,543
So I don't fritter
away my condo profits.
236
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:07,297
What's this "300,000 steps"?
237
00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:11,093
Once I do the 300,000
steps, then I'm allowed
238
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:15,514
to spend $100 in fun money.
239
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,557
Who-Who's allowing you?
240
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,893
- I am.
- Mom, it's your nest egg.
241
00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,395
I'm allowing me.
242
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,313
You don't have to be so
stingy with yourself.
243
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:24,720
Why is this so
difficult to understand?
244
00:09:24,722 --> 00:09:26,692
- Why-why... Hey, hey!
- Ooh, ooh, ooh!
245
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,777
Don't poke me.
246
00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:30,779
You have a very sharp fingernail.
247
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:34,825
Okay.
248
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,578
- Um...
- Well...
249
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,039
- I-I got to be somewhere.
- Where?
250
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,750
Um... somewhere.
251
00:09:43,792 --> 00:09:46,378
- Well, where?
- I-I got to go.
252
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,884
? ?
253
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:57,556
? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?
254
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:04,271
- ? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... ?
- (leaf blower whirring)
255
00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,898
RITA: Hey! Hey!
256
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,737
You going in there?
257
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:18,869
Hey! Hey!
258
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:19,870
Rita?
259
00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:21,580
(leaf blower stops)
260
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,707
- Um...
- You came back!
261
00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:26,501
Yeah.
262
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:29,671
I mean, I got a lot out of it last time.
263
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,341
Ah. So now you're a victim?
264
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,218
I was a victim.
265
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,429
Hey, you chased after me.
266
00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:39,931
Yeah. I was 14, you were 20.
267
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,684
And it didn't matter. Did it?
268
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:54,696
Hey, there's something I
really wanted to ask you.
269
00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:56,823
Did you jump?
270
00:10:57,699 --> 00:11:00,535
(scoffs)
271
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:04,831
I... swan dived.
272
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:07,876
You know, something
that I didn't know was,
273
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,712
when you get to the waiting
room in the afterlife,
274
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:14,174
suicides get to the front of the line.
275
00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:24,059
I got to get in there.
276
00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:26,937
You know...
277
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,730
why don't I go in with you?
278
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:29,773
Come on.
279
00:11:31,817 --> 00:11:35,362
I'll just... give you comfort.
280
00:11:35,404 --> 00:11:37,406
Come on.
281
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,121
Leave me alone.
282
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,041
(Rita scoffs)
283
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:57,592
MARTIN: I sat in this meeting
284
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,302
for three months,
285
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,681
listening to everyone say
how great their life was.
286
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,267
But I still felt like shit.
287
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:09,062
And I was like, really?
I can't even jack off?
288
00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:11,481
- (piano plays glissando)
- What's the fucking point?
289
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:16,361
Then I got a sponsor,
started working the steps,
290
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,363
and that's when my life
started to change.
291
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:19,823
(whispering): Go away.
292
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:22,200
I'm just making sure you're
not changing the story.
293
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,036
MARTIN: Thank you for listening.
I'll be back.
294
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,171
(Latin music playing
quietly over speakers)
295
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,860
? ?
296
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:15,545
Excuse me. Excuse me. Wh-What is this?
297
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:18,048
Uh, Upright Citizens Brigade.
298
00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:19,758
What's that?
299
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,844
It's improv. A performance.
300
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:26,223
Wonderful.
301
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,475
(chuckles) Okay.
302
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,645
Sumo Orgy 101.
303
00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:34,731
- (all groaning and grunting)
- (laughter)
304
00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:36,858
WOMAN: I've never quite
seen sex dogs like this,
305
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,277
but these are absolutely the
best dogs I've ever seen.
306
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,612
They're all best in show!
307
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,906
No, don't do it! Don't do it, chickens!
308
00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:46,743
(crowd cheering)
309
00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:49,329
BRIDGET: All right. Okay, last round.
310
00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:52,082
Can we get one more suggestion?
311
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,291
Sauerkraut!
312
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,669
Sauerkraut. That is awesome.
313
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,629
Okay, sauerkraut it is.
314
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,673
(crowd cheering)
315
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:03,927
BRIDGET: Do you need $500
for your parking ticket?
316
00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:05,470
WOMAN: I mean, yes.
317
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,347
Are you offering me $500
to pay my parking ticket?
318
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:10,225
Excuse me. I'm the sauerkraut lady.
319
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,269
Oh! You're the sauerkraut lady.
320
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:14,646
Fantastic. That's my-my favorite
suggestion of the night.
321
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:16,147
Oh! G-Good.
322
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,607
- Bye.
- Bye.
323
00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:20,569
So do you, you perform here...
a regular basis?
324
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,821
Yeah. And I teach some classes.
325
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,823
Oh.
326
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,866
Uh... Oh.
327
00:14:26,908 --> 00:14:28,618
Isn't that...
328
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:30,287
That-that-that's terrific.
329
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:32,330
Yeah. It's fun. I-I come from improv.
330
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,957
I always want to spread the word.
331
00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,667
You know, the art of it.
332
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:39,296
I could, I could tell, uh,
that there was an art to it.
333
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,006
- Yeah.
- Yes, and to life.
334
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,258
- Yes, and to life.
- There you go. Nice to meet you.
335
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,594
Thank you.
336
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,185
(grunting)
337
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,564
Lila.
338
00:14:57,606 --> 00:15:01,151
Lila. (sighs)
339
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,281
(moans): Oh.
340
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,745
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
341
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,788
Do you feel my wet pussy on your ass?
342
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,790
Oh, yes, yes.
343
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,959
(moaning)
344
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,545
(hisses) I want to see you.
345
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,632
I want to see you. I want to see you.
346
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:25,759
(exhales)
347
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,511
(panting)
348
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,597
(moaning)
349
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,851
- Yeah.
- LEN: Have you seen my phone?
350
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:37,937
Hey. So, I was just...
351
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,856
No, no, I know what you're doing.
352
00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:42,275
- (chuckles)
- Wow. Dirty bird.
353
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,319
I don't know what's wrong with me.
354
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:46,905
- Fucking dirty.
- I have, like, a perma-boner.
355
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,698
Yeah, you were super
horny last night, too.
356
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,825
I know. Ya know, ya know.
357
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,118
I don't think that's what
you're supposed to be getting
358
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,453
out of these sex addicts meetings.
359
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:55,455
Getting all drummed up.
360
00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:59,209
You want some of this?
361
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,586
Fuck yeah.
362
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:10,095
Fuck.
363
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,305
You're so wet.
364
00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:14,849
What were you thinking about?
365
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:18,061
You.
366
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:22,107
Mm.
367
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:25,276
? ?
368
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,260
(Davina and Sal shouting indistinctly)
369
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,387
SAL: You act like it's my fault
that the transmission blew.
370
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,888
- DAVINA: You never check things.
- I check.
371
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,306
- You never take time...
- It's not my fault.
372
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,142
- It is, too.
- The transmission is blown.
373
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,518
DAVINA: Well, it's your fault
that the AAA check bounced,
374
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,103
- isn't it?
- Well, it only bounced
375
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,730
because the check that Jimmy
wrote me bounced. Okay?
376
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,898
And how does this surprise you?
Why is this surprising to you?
377
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,316
SAL: You look great.
378
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,943
Thank you.
379
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,280
So sorry. You all right?
380
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:11,781
Uh, yeah.
381
00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:13,074
Can I wear these?
382
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:14,492
Well, yeah, you could... yeah.
383
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,785
I'm going out with Donald.
384
00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:17,162
Yes? Yes, yes, yes, yes?
385
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,413
Looks great, honey.
386
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,333
I'm never going on a
trip with him again.
387
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,752
Mm.
388
00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:26,838
- Okay, honest.
- Yeah?
389
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,382
This? This?
390
00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:30,842
I like the one you're wearing.
391
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:32,135
- This one.
- Mm-hmm.
392
00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:33,344
Yeah, it's great.
393
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,013
I mean, slimming, right?
394
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,308
- Are you okay?
- I'm really good.
395
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,476
Where are you going on your date?
396
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,019
Oh, we're just gonna...
397
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,771
I'm going to his place.
398
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,272
Are you... Where is that?
399
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,565
Um...
400
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:47,025
Northridge.
401
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,110
Yeah.
402
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,322
? ?
403
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,388
? The wind has gone ?
404
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,141
? The invisible come ?
405
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:23,436
? Your memories are being run ?
406
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:24,479
(keypad beeping)
407
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,858
? The mountain scarred ?
408
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,652
(door buzzes)
409
00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:32,445
? By invisible bars ?
410
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:36,574
? The stillness is on guard... ?
411
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,244
Oh, Jesus.
412
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,453
God.
413
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,038
? Oh, the wind will come ?
414
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,248
(sighs)
415
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:46,084
? Blow ?
416
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:49,462
? Answer echo's answer ?
417
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,842
(sniffles)
418
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:58,680
? The mountain mine ?
419
00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:01,766
? From invisible time ?
420
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,060
? I am next in line... ?
421
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,520
(knocking on door)
422
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,399
You have to fix your elevator.
423
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,276
I'm sorry about the elevator.
424
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:13,820
- I'm so sorry.
- Almost left the chicken on the stairs.
425
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:18,575
? From incline to incline ?
426
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:21,619
? Oh. ?
427
00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:25,415
Lordy.
428
00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:26,875
(grunts)
429
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,501
What did you do?
430
00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,003
My goodness.
431
00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:32,797
It's too bad I can't come with you.
432
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,257
Too bored in Israel.
433
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:36,301
I'll give you a warm bed.
434
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,760
Oh, yeah?
435
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:41,723
I would be in the hotel,
keeping the bed warm.
436
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:44,058
Hard for you all day.
437
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:46,144
MAURA: Then what would you do?
438
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,313
Suck on those tits.
439
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,982
(whispers): Daddy.
440
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:54,944
Hey, you should watch the
live-stream of my lecture.
441
00:19:56,779 --> 00:20:00,825
Oh, I'm not interested
in lectures, babe.
442
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,494
I've got all the gender
and Judaism I need
443
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,331
right here with you.
444
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,458
(chuckles)
445
00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:10,501
(clears throat)
446
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:16,382
DAVINA (moaning): Oh, my God.
447
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:19,761
Oh, yeah. That's really...
448
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:22,388
Don't ever stop doing the
thing that's happening.
449
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,015
Ooh.
450
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:27,936
Oh, that's really... that's incredible.
451
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:32,774
(moaning)
452
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,779
- Ooh, my kidneys! Off, off!
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
453
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:40,782
- All right.
- (grunts)
454
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:43,076
(groans, hisses)
455
00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:45,495
- (exhales)
- It's okay.
456
00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:49,207
No, please don't touch... don't, just...
457
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,750
You know, baby, I wish you'd go back
458
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,752
to that acupuncture girl, huh?
459
00:20:52,794 --> 00:20:55,421
She was helping you.
460
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,840
I've been taking these
meds for 20 years.
461
00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:01,135
I don't think sticking a needle
in me for 45 bucks a pop
462
00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:03,429
is gonna save my kidneys.
463
00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:05,890
Yeah, but what can it hurt?
464
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:09,227
(sighs) We can't afford any more bills.
465
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:17,777
(sighs)
466
00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,823
(knock on door)
467
00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,033
ALI: Hi.
468
00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:25,910
- Hello.
- How are you?
469
00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:28,371
- Uh, good. Yeah.
- Good.
470
00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:30,248
Um, is your husband home?
471
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:34,669
No, he's, um, gone out for... procedure.
472
00:21:34,711 --> 00:21:36,212
Um, I just wanted to let him know,
473
00:21:36,254 --> 00:21:38,965
you and the whole family,
that I'm-I'm going away.
474
00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:40,383
So...
475
00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:42,301
- I won't be downstairs.
- Okay.
476
00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:45,471
I'm-I'm going to Israel for a week.
477
00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:47,932
Why Israel?
478
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:50,893
Well, my mom is going, so...
479
00:21:50,935 --> 00:21:54,147
But really 'cause...
480
00:21:54,188 --> 00:21:55,690
I don't know just... (sighs)
481
00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:58,985
this crazy world and these
crazy times, you know.
482
00:21:59,027 --> 00:22:01,988
Just... just such bad anxiety.
483
00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:03,573
I have anxiety, too.
484
00:22:03,614 --> 00:22:05,324
- You do?
- Yeah.
485
00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:08,494
Do you feel like it's-it's kind of like
486
00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:11,873
your body, you know, telling you
something about what it needs?
487
00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:16,044
I-I feel like it's-it's my body
screaming at me, you know.
488
00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:17,462
"You're in the wrong place.
489
00:22:17,503 --> 00:22:19,380
You are in the wrong place."
490
00:22:19,422 --> 00:22:21,215
- Okay.
- Okay.
491
00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:22,884
Okay.
492
00:22:22,925 --> 00:22:24,927
MAURA: ? Try not to get worried ?
493
00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:27,096
? Try not to get wor... ?
494
00:22:27,138 --> 00:22:29,474
? To get worried now ?
495
00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:30,933
? Don't you know ?
496
00:22:30,975 --> 00:22:32,518
? Everything's all right now ?
497
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,479
BOTH: ? Everything's fine ?
498
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:35,344
(Maura hums)
499
00:22:35,346 --> 00:22:37,816
Oh, my God, you guys
were obsessed with that.
500
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:40,526
- (hums)
- Okay, let's do our idiot check.
501
00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:42,278
Idiot check.
502
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,322
- ? Try not to get worried ?
- What are you doing?
503
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,283
- ? Try not to get... ?
- That is ridiculous looking.
504
00:22:47,325 --> 00:22:49,243
You look like an orphan who got
separated from her parents.
505
00:22:49,285 --> 00:22:51,245
Stop. I am an orphan.
506
00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:52,747
This is not...
507
00:22:52,789 --> 00:22:57,085
this is very sort of
Kindertransport sort of...
508
00:22:57,126 --> 00:22:59,253
please, take care of this bear.
509
00:22:59,295 --> 00:23:01,047
It's extremely triggering.
510
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:02,882
Well, you are too easily triggered.
511
00:23:02,924 --> 00:23:05,343
(sighs)
512
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,428
? Try not to get worried ?
513
00:23:07,470 --> 00:23:09,305
? Try not to get worried ?
514
00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:11,349
? Try not to get worried now. ?
515
00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:12,350
What is that?
516
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:13,351
ALI: Pot gummies.
517
00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:14,769
MAURA: What?
518
00:23:14,811 --> 00:23:16,354
- Pot gummies. Here.
- (whispers): Marijuana?
519
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:17,772
Yeah.
520
00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:19,190
It's medical marijuana.
521
00:23:19,232 --> 00:23:21,275
It's fine. It's legal. Everybody has it.
522
00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:24,153
It's illegal and you
cannot take it on a plane.
523
00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:25,404
First of all, we're gonna eat it.
524
00:23:25,446 --> 00:23:26,531
(whispers): I have Xanax.
525
00:23:26,572 --> 00:23:28,282
- This is Xanax.
- And I have...
526
00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:29,826
Why would you take that ugly,
yucky pharmaceutical stuff
527
00:23:29,867 --> 00:23:31,452
when nature made you Xanax
528
00:23:31,494 --> 00:23:34,247
and put it in this delicious,
cute, little gummy bear?
529
00:23:35,873 --> 00:23:39,252
I-I was just gonna
have you eat the head.
530
00:23:39,293 --> 00:23:41,546
Well, surely the head is not enough.
531
00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:44,340
You're gonna be so high.
532
00:23:46,342 --> 00:23:49,095
(humming)
533
00:23:51,973 --> 00:23:54,392
("The Temple" from Jesus
Christ Superstar playing)
534
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:15,663
? Roll on up for the price is down ?
535
00:24:15,705 --> 00:24:17,874
? Come on in for the best in town ?
536
00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:20,251
? Take your pick of the finest wine ?
537
00:24:20,293 --> 00:24:22,336
? Lay your bets on this bird of mine ?
538
00:24:22,378 --> 00:24:24,380
? Roll on up for the price is down ?
539
00:24:24,422 --> 00:24:26,382
? Come on in for the best in town ?
540
00:24:26,424 --> 00:24:28,718
? Take your pick of the finest wine ?
541
00:24:28,759 --> 00:24:30,428
? Lay your bets on this bird of mine ?
542
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,388
? Name your price, I've got everything ?
543
00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:34,098
? Come on, buy, it's going fast ?
544
00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:36,100
? Borrow cash on the finest terms ?
545
00:24:36,142 --> 00:24:38,519
? Hurry now, it's going fast ?
546
00:24:38,561 --> 00:24:40,438
? Roll on up for the price is down ?
547
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:42,398
? Come on in for the best in town ?
548
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,358
? Take your pick of the finest wine ?
549
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,444
? Lay your bets on this bird of mine ?
550
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:48,362
? Roll on up for the price is down ?
551
00:24:48,404 --> 00:24:50,406
? Come on in for the best in town ?
552
00:24:50,448 --> 00:24:52,283
? Take your pick of the finest wine ?
553
00:24:52,325 --> 00:24:54,452
? Lay your bets on this bird of mine ?
554
00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:56,454
? Name your price, I've got everything ?
555
00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:58,581
? Come on, buy, it's going fast ?
556
00:24:58,623 --> 00:25:01,250
? Borrow cash on the finest terms... ?
557
00:25:01,292 --> 00:25:03,294
? ?
558
00:25:19,060 --> 00:25:21,312
? Roll on up for the price is down ?
559
00:25:21,354 --> 00:25:22,897
? Come on in for the best in town ?
560
00:25:22,939 --> 00:25:25,483
? Take your pick of the finest wine ?
561
00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:27,485
? Lay your bets on this bird of mine ?
562
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,528
? Roll on up for the price is down ?
563
00:25:29,570 --> 00:25:32,490
? Come on in for the best in town ?
564
00:25:32,531 --> 00:25:36,953
? My temple should be ?
565
00:25:36,994 --> 00:25:40,206
? A house of prayer ?
566
00:25:40,248 --> 00:25:43,542
? But you have made it ?
567
00:25:43,584 --> 00:25:45,836
? A den of thieves ?
568
00:25:45,878 --> 00:25:47,296
? Ah, oh. ?
569
00:25:47,338 --> 00:25:48,756
AGENT: Wait right here, ma'am.
570
00:25:48,798 --> 00:25:53,135
Hold up. We're gonna
have to pat you down.
571
00:25:54,387 --> 00:25:56,514
Oh. Why-why?
572
00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:58,599
You've got a groin anomaly.
573
00:26:00,142 --> 00:26:01,727
(Maura chuckles)
574
00:26:01,769 --> 00:26:03,521
I'm sorry, what?
575
00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:05,273
- AGENT: A groin anomaly.
- What's happening, Mom?
576
00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:06,857
Back up, ma'am.
577
00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:08,442
ALI: What's going on? Why
are you hassling her?
578
00:26:08,484 --> 00:26:11,070
I have a groin anomaly.
579
00:26:11,112 --> 00:26:14,240
AGENT: I have to pat you down.
580
00:26:14,282 --> 00:26:16,367
- Um...
- Okay. Whatever you people are doing,
581
00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:18,953
- I'm recording it.
- AGENT: Ma'am, you can put that away.
582
00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:21,455
I am not gonna put it away and
please don't call me "ma'am."
583
00:26:21,497 --> 00:26:22,873
- Shh, take it easy.
- AGENT: Ma'am.
584
00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:25,418
- Um... Ma'am.
- I have to pat you down.
585
00:26:25,459 --> 00:26:27,712
May I talk to you?
586
00:26:27,753 --> 00:26:30,548
I'm trans. Do you
understand what that is?
587
00:26:30,589 --> 00:26:32,675
I have, um...
588
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:34,135
I have a penis.
589
00:26:34,176 --> 00:26:36,137
Oh, then we're gonna need a male agent.
590
00:26:36,178 --> 00:26:38,014
Matt.
591
00:26:38,055 --> 00:26:40,433
- Yeah.
- MAURA: Hi, Matt. I'm, um...
592
00:26:40,474 --> 00:26:42,310
I can't pat her down; you
need to pat her down.
593
00:26:42,351 --> 00:26:44,603
I can't pat her down. She's got a penis.
594
00:26:44,645 --> 00:26:46,856
- Well, she's a woman, right?
- Well...
595
00:26:46,897 --> 00:26:48,524
- You know, I don't really...
- No, he said he's got a penis.
596
00:26:48,566 --> 00:26:50,443
- I don't mind who pats me down.
- ALI: What is going on?
597
00:26:50,484 --> 00:26:51,736
Sorry, just give us one minute.
598
00:26:51,777 --> 00:26:53,112
No, I would like to know what's
going on with my mother.
599
00:26:53,154 --> 00:26:54,488
- AGENT: I have to pat you down.
- Um...
600
00:26:54,530 --> 00:26:55,573
Ma'am, you need to back up
and give us some space.
601
00:26:55,614 --> 00:26:56,782
ALI: Is this because she's trans?
602
00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:57,950
Aren't you people trained in this?
603
00:26:57,992 --> 00:26:58,993
Please, turn off your phone.
604
00:26:59,035 --> 00:27:00,244
- ALI: No.
- I'm sorry.
605
00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:01,412
I'm just, uh... please, pat me down.
606
00:27:01,454 --> 00:27:02,663
Hold on one moment, ma'am.
607
00:27:02,705 --> 00:27:04,623
Can I get a supervisor over here?
608
00:27:04,665 --> 00:27:07,251
Please, put your hand down. I
have every right to film this.
609
00:27:07,293 --> 00:27:09,211
- MAURA: Hi.
- SUPERVISOR: What's the situation here?
610
00:27:09,253 --> 00:27:11,047
MAURA: Here's the situation. I'm trans.
611
00:27:11,088 --> 00:27:13,632
I have a penis. Pat me down.
612
00:27:13,674 --> 00:27:15,593
All right? If you want me to be a man
613
00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:17,094
to pat me down, I'll be a man.
614
00:27:17,136 --> 00:27:19,805
If you want me to be a
woman, I'll be a woman.
615
00:27:19,847 --> 00:27:23,267
If you want me to be a fucking
chicken, I'll be a chicken.
616
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:24,602
Okay, you're gonna have to pat her down.
617
00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:26,145
Just make sure to get high in the thigh.
618
00:27:26,187 --> 00:27:27,897
- Okay.
- Lord have mercy.
619
00:27:27,938 --> 00:27:29,690
? See my tongue, I can hardly talk ?
620
00:27:29,732 --> 00:27:32,109
? See my skin, I'm a mass of blood ?
621
00:27:32,151 --> 00:27:34,487
? See my legs, I can hardly stand ?
622
00:27:34,528 --> 00:27:36,447
? I believe you can make me well ?
623
00:27:36,489 --> 00:27:38,699
? See my purse, I'm a poor, poor man ?
624
00:27:38,741 --> 00:27:40,701
? Will you touch, will
you mend me, Christ? ?
625
00:27:40,743 --> 00:27:42,912
? Won't you touch, will
you heal me, Christ? ?
626
00:27:42,953 --> 00:27:44,914
? Will you kiss, can
you cure me, Christ? ?
627
00:27:44,955 --> 00:27:46,999
? Won't you kiss, won't
you pay me, Christ? ?
628
00:27:47,041 --> 00:27:48,959
? See my eyes, I can hardly see ?
629
00:27:49,001 --> 00:27:51,045
? See me stand, I can hardly walk ?
630
00:27:51,087 --> 00:27:53,172
? I believe you can make me whole ?
631
00:27:53,214 --> 00:27:55,132
? See my tongue, I can hardly talk ?
632
00:27:55,174 --> 00:27:57,176
? See my skin, I'm a mass of blood ?
633
00:27:57,218 --> 00:27:59,136
? See my legs, I can hardly stand ?
634
00:27:59,178 --> 00:28:01,097
? I believe you can make me well ?
635
00:28:01,138 --> 00:28:03,224
? See my purse, I'm a poor, poor man ?
636
00:28:03,265 --> 00:28:05,101
? Will you touch, will
you mend me, Christ? ?
637
00:28:05,142 --> 00:28:07,144
? Won't you touch, will
you heal me, Christ? ?
638
00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:09,105
? Will you kiss, will
you cure me, Christ? ?
639
00:28:09,146 --> 00:28:11,107
? Won't you kiss, won't
you pay me, Christ? ?
640
00:28:11,148 --> 00:28:12,108
? See my eyes... ?
641
00:28:12,149 --> 00:28:14,902
? Ooh, there's too many of you ?
642
00:28:14,944 --> 00:28:18,406
? Don't push me ?
643
00:28:18,447 --> 00:28:21,367
? Oh, there's too little of me ?
644
00:28:21,409 --> 00:28:23,786
? Don't, don't crowd me ?
645
00:28:23,828 --> 00:28:26,455
? Mm, don't crowd me. ?
646
00:28:26,505 --> 00:28:31,055
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