Original subtitles

The dream.

I remember it as clearly as if it were last night.

It was the first day of school. I was late.

I found the class and went in.

[ Thunder crashes ]

I began to panic.

Maybe I'd come on the wrong day.

Maybe I'd come to the wrong place!

Every time I opened a door, there was another hallway.

I couldn't find the teachers. I couldn't find the students.

And that's when it hit me. [ Thunder crashes ]

This was high school.

And I... Was completely and utterly...

Alone.

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? -? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Somebody who knows quite sure ?

? Baby ?

? By with a little help from my friends ?

? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

? Eight Miles high ?

? And when you touch down ?

? You'll find that it's stranger than known ?

1971.

It was a crazy time.

People were on the move, looking for answers,

breaking new ground.

It seemed like everyone was searching for a new identity.

? ...just being their own ?

Me, I was breaking some ground of my own.

That September, I entered William McKinley senior high.

I was looking forward to a new adventure.

My only hope was

they'd have something besides Jell-O for lunch.

Everything was different.

Minis had become micros.

Hippies had turned into "heads,"

and some of us were on the road to political awareness...

Kinda.

[ Bell rings ]

But those weren't the only changes.

My best friend, Paul Pfeiffer, was off to prep school,

which left me...

completely on my own.

[ Saxophone music plays ]

Yeah. This wasn't gonna be bad at all.

Kevin Arnold? Stuart Carpazian.

Remember me?

We both had Miss Serita for fourth grade.

Oh. Hi, Stuart.

Wow. It's good to see you!

You're probably wondering what happened to me.

See, my Dad got a job in Tucson when I was in fifth grade,

so we moved.

But I'm back now!

Jujube?

No, thanks.

So, how's your Mom?

Hey, remember when she chaperoned

our field trip to the zoo...

And the elephants started doing it?

Geez. Was this kid blind?

Couldn't he see what was happening here?

Remember that time you came down with the Hong Kong flu?

- Here she came. - It was right after lunch.

Fish sticks and peas,

and you threw up all over your desk.

Stuart!

Well, I got to go to class now.

It's been nice talking to you.

See you later!

Oh, well.

One thing about a big public high school...

with any luck, Stuart Carpazian would be lost in the system.

Hey, would you look at this? Talk about luck.

Hey, you know what I was thinking about?

That time we were playing basketball,

you ran into the pole and knocked a hole in your head.

Stuart, class is gonna start, okay? We'll talk later.

Oh, yeah. Sure, sure.

[ Bell rings ] Not to be obnoxious or anything,

but this was no time to be reliving old memories.

This was high school...

the big leagues...

Education in the fast Lane...

once we got rolling.

Buenos Dias. My name is Mr. Bottner.

And this is U.S. government.

Okay. Finally.

So, here are the rules.

Roman numeral "I"... rules.

Numero uno... Bottner's law.

At 8:25, the doors are locked.

No one gets in. No one gets out.

Numero dos.

Due to an inner-ear injury

sustained at the Pusan beachhead...

[ Cracks neck ]

We shall all refrain from making any sudden noises

in the 2,000 kilocycle range.

That means, do not... I repeat...

do not rip the paper from spiral notebooks.

Comprende?

Hmm.

Now... Can anyone tell me the name

of this country's "living document"?

Anyone?

No one?

Gruntner!

Um... Uh...

Good job.

Callio!

Uh... I'm not sure.

[ Chuckles ] Perfect.

"Carpazon."

Uh, that's Carpazian, sir.

What did you say?

Uh, it's not important.

The answer to the question...

Is the... Con... Sti...

Tu... Tion.

And speaking of the constitution,

this might be a good time to tell you

about meeting the 39th vice President of the United States,

Spiro T. Agnew.

I was one of only 900 teachers

selected to have lunch at the white house.

The real white house.

And there you had it.

It was pretty obvious

the man who was teaching us all about freedom

was nothing but a petty dictator.

And that's when we realized...

for the next five months, we'd be held hostage

while this guy strutted and preened

and perpetrated his little power plays

and told and retold his crowning life achievement...

meeting Spiro T. Agnew.

And then... During dessert...

which included a generous portion of cherries jubilee...

the vice president himself came over to my table,

shook my hand.

And do you know what he said? Huh?

Of course we didn't.

Still, it seemed like some kind of response

was called for here.

"I can't believe I ate the whole thing"?

[ Laughter ]

I see.

And maybe right then I should have known...

I... Was a dead man.

[ Bell rings ]

That's it, amigos.

Still, by the end of class, I'd come up with a plan.

I figured I'd talk to the guy, explain myself,

offer the old olive branch.

Mr. Bottner?

About your story about Vice President Agnew?

Sorry I ruined it.

So?

So... I'll see you tomorrow?

You bet.

And that was that. Piece of cake, right?

Wrong.

Okay, I'd learned my first lesson.

In high school, one had to be careful

when dealing with authority figures.

[ Grunts ]

Hey, wart, looks like somebody forgot to read

the scrote handbook.

Get out of my way, Wayne.

Sorry, Kev. Can't. You're on the seal.

The sacred emblem of our fine school.

So?

So? So only seniors are allowed to walk on the seal.

Yeah, only seniors are allowed to walk on the seal.

Now, coming from anyone else, maybe I would have believed it.

But from these jokers?

That's crazy! What kind of rule is that?

Kev. Kev, this seal is an emblem for the school.

And protecting it is a long-standing tradition

passed from one senior class to the next.

Get out of my way, butt-breath.

Wha...

let me explain something to you.

Maybe you were some kind of hotshot in junior high,

but you're nothing here.

You're the lowest of the low,

the putridest of the putrid.

You're the stuff that Mom sweeps out

from underneath the refrigerator.

And we're in charge here.

And if we catch you walking on the seal,

you get... The "boosh," the royal flush.

The boosh.

Not that I knew what that was.

Still, the terminology seemed pretty self-explanatory.

Thanks for letting me know.

You're my brother. I care about you.

[ Bell rings ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Cash register dings ]

Finally, something familiar... lunch.

The trick was to desperately look for someone to sit with

without anyone ever knowing you were desperate.

And that's when I saw her.

Winnie... an oasis in sea of strangers.

She looked so alone, I thought I'd go over

and do the best I could to console her.

Hi, Winnie.

Mind if we sit with you?

Me and half the varsity football team.

Come on, Kevin. You can squeeze in.

Uh, no, thanks.

See, I'm... I'm just gonna... Walk around for a while,

and build up an appetite.

Okay?

I mean, hey, I didn't need charity.

I could manage on my own.

Plenty of folks I could sit with.

Good folks. Honest folks.

Folks like, say...

Mmh!

Hey, Kev! Pretty neat cafeteria, huh?

Stuart.

Remember that time you got that pencil stuck up in your nose?

Hmm?

I always had Stuart.

Huh? Oooh!

[ Bell rings ]

One French class, one biology lab,

and three major social gaffes later,

I was just about ready to call it a day.

On the other hand...

All right, mis amigos. This is study hall.

What you do in here is study.

You don't talk. You don't doodle.

You keep your faces in your books.

Comprende?

So, here are Bottner's rules. Numero uno.

Oh, man.

Oops.

Arnold.

You have something to say?

No. I-I...

Oh, come on. Share it with the class.

I'm sure it's pretty amusing, your being such a funny guy.

Come on, Arnold.

Don't you think you're funny?

No. Not really.

Oh, sure you are.

You're a real Jos� Jim�nez.

I'm sure the rest of the class wouldn't mind waiting,

even if we have to stay after school to listen to your joke.

I'm sure it'll be worth it.

And as Bottner turned

an entire class of 10th graders against me,

I realized something... my nightmare had come true.

It was the first day of high school,

and I was completely and utterly alone.

[ Machine buzzing ]

After the first day at McKinley, I was lost.

But as the week wore on,

the true significance of high school became more clear to me.

Boy, you really flattened that little kid back there.

That must have cost you 10 points.

I know, Stuart. I know.

For instance,

where else would they give you a backseat driver

for driver education? [ Tires screech ]

Boy, isn't high school great?

You know, they're gonna have an assembly next week.

Stuart, we're coming up on a 4-way stop sign, okay?

Can we cut the small talk?

- Well, yeah, sure... - Stuart!

You might want to watch out for that truck.

[ Horn honks ] - Whoa!

But traffic wasn't my only problem.

Pathetic.

Fair.

Adequate.

Putrid.

Arnold.

You're gonna have to do yours over.

Passable.

Marginal.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You have a comment?

Yeah. Why do I have to do mine over again?

I'm glad you asked me that question.

I can't read your writing.

Your margins are off.

And you didn't put the date in the top right-hand corner.

Bottner's rules.

But I spent all night on this report.

Now, that's funny.

[ Laughs ]

My ego was taking a beating.

So there was only one thing to do.

Beat the pants off my best friend at basketball.

3zip. Your ball.

I can count, Paul.

Ungrateful dork.

- Hey, what's bugging you? - Nothing.

Let's play!

No way I was gonna to let this bozo know I needed help.

I was gonna keep my emotions to myself.

That sweatshirt makes you look like a geek.

Yep, better I should just insult the guy.

4zip.

I said I can count, okay?!

Okay, okay.

[ Grunts ]

[ Rim rattles, net swishes ]

No basket. Foul!

What do you mean, foul?

You charged.

I didn't touch you!

I'm taking it out of bounds.

No way!

Kev, a rule's a rule.

God, Paul. "A rule's a rule"? You should hear yourself.

All I hear all day is rules!

Don't walk here, don't... don't be late,

your margins are too wide,

don't talk, don't think, don't breathe.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about... High school.

[ Exhales sharply ]

Junior high used to be so great, and now...

Now we're like that stuff underneath the refrigerator,

you know?

Okay, it just slipped out.

The way I saw it, I had a right to expect a little sympathy,

a gesture of support.

I don't know. I kind of like my prep school.

Really?

Really.

[ Ball bounces ]

[ Rim rattles, net swishes ]

5-zip.

So much for sympathy.

I hit the couch.

[ Exhales deeply ]

[ Grunts ]

It was the best conversation I'd had in days.

[ Bell rings ]

Friday afternoon... one week down, 600 to go.

- Kevin, wait up! - Oh. Hi, Winnie.

- Where have you been? - Around.

I'm sorry about lunch the other day.

That's okay. No problem.

Are you all right?

Yeah!

I just expected this place to be different, you know?

Give it some time. It'll get better.

Trust me. It's gonna be great.

I'm going this way, so I'll see you later, okay?

Okay.

And you know, hearing that voice,

seeing that smile,

for one moment I actually felt a little twinge of...

Oh, Kevie?

Absolute fear.

You get the boosh.

Hey! Hey!

[ Coughs ]

You heard it here.

I got the boosh.

Hey, Kev, wait up.

I wanted to know if you were going to the football game tonight.

You know, afterwards, I hear they're gonna toilet-paper Cheryl Manning's house.

- Go away, Stuart. - You remember her.

You hit her in the head with the tetherball once.

- Go away! - Gee, Kev, your hair's all wet.

You know, speaking to you as a friend, you should really...

look, Stuart, don't you get it?

We're not friends.

Just 'cause you sat behind me in the fourth grade

doesn't mean we're friends.

We weren't even friends then!

So why don't you get someone else to hang around with, okay?

'Cause I can't take it anymore. You hear me?

And so it came down to this.

I had acted like an idiot, blown up at the wrong guy,

and now...

My only hope was that my government teacher was dead.

All right, here's the deal...

I just had to walk five blocks out of my way

because some substitute choral director

parked her pinto in my spot!

Comprende?!

On further consideration, though,

death didn't seem half good enough.

Therefore, I suggest you open your notebooks and write me,

oh, let's say 500 words

on the meaning of property rights in the U.S. constitution.

Just for fun.

And no talking.

Especially you, Arnold.

Me?!

Look, I never said any...

ahahah.

I said no talking.

Sorry, buddy.

You're on detention... the whole week.

Let's move it, amigos!

And I don't know.

Maybe it was all that talk about the constitution.

In any event, at that moment, I made up my mind.

It was time for a declaration of independence of my own.

[ Tearing echoes ]

Who did that?

It was you, Arnold, wasn't it?

But sitting there, holding that paper,

I just didn't care anymore.

If I was alone, fine. I'd go it alone.

[ Paper tears ]

Only suddenly...

I wasn't.

[ Paper tears ]

[ Paper tearing ]

Maybe it was futile, maybe not.

It really didn't matter.

For that one moment, we'd found a common voice,

a common bond against a common enemy.

And for that one moment, it was a sweet victory.

That first week of high school,

as I watched our class band together,

I realized something about these strangers I'd just met,

strangers I hardly knew,

strangers who were just like me...

we were all sharing the same feelings, the same fears,

the same loneliness.

We were just starting out,

and there was only one direction to go.

So we went... together.

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