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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:06,505 ? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ? 2 00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:11,275 ? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ? 3 00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:17,515 ? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ? 4 00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:21,018 ? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ? 5 00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:25,156 ? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ? 6 00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:26,691 ? All I need is my buddies ? 7 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,761 ? High with a little help from my friends ? 8 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,863 ? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ? 9 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:35,367 ? Try with a little help from my friends ? 10 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,567 ? Whoa-oa-oa-oa ? 11 00:00:36,569 --> 00:00:38,303 ? Oh, oh, oh, oh ? 12 00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:42,707 ? Somebody who knows quite sure ? 13 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:43,908 ? Baby ? 14 00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:46,644 ? By with a little help from my friends ? 15 00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:48,747 ? Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ? 16 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,482 ? Try with a little help from my friends ? 17 00:00:51,484 --> 00:00:53,885 ? Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ? 18 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,454 ? High with a little help from my friends ? 19 00:00:56,456 --> 00:01:00,092 ? I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ? 20 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:02,560 ? Ooh, ooh, ooh ? 21 00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:06,865 Every great act has its own routine... 22 00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:08,133 Gracie, say good night. 23 00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:09,634 - Good night. - Good night. 24 00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:11,870 Delivery, timing... 25 00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,205 - You know what I mean? Huh? - Yeah. 26 00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,505 - Huh? - Yeah. -Huh? 27 00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:16,208 They take years to perfect. 28 00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:18,543 [ Piano plays ragtime music ] 29 00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:20,745 It takes hard work and practice. 30 00:01:20,747 --> 00:01:22,380 - It's all right. -It's all right? - It's all right. 31 00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:24,149 But once you've got it down, 32 00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:27,052 it becomes second-nature... 33 00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:28,453 Routine. 34 00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:30,421 Butthead! 35 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,456 Dork face! 36 00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:32,624 Grow up! 37 00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:33,557 Take my family... 38 00:01:33,559 --> 00:01:35,227 Please. [ Rim shot ] 39 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,428 - Morning. - [ Groans ] 40 00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,865 Talk about routines... we had a million of 'em. 41 00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:41,233 [ Sighs ] 42 00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,601 Kevin? Did you feed... 43 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:43,701 mom, could you do it? 44 00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,370 I got to get to school early. 45 00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,806 Mom? Did you fix that button on my... 46 00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:49,107 I sewed it on last night. 47 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,109 - Norma, where's my... - It's in your briefcase. 48 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,878 - Hey, where's the... - Right here. 49 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,881 Yep, we had 'em all... timing, delivery, 50 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:59,250 and of course, the best straight man in the business. 51 00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:02,454 Jack? The tickets for the concert series arrived. 52 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,323 Good, old mom. 53 00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:06,390 Honey? 54 00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:11,663 Uh, no, no. Just coffee's fine. 55 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:12,931 [ Chuckles ] 56 00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:16,268 No, Jack, I was talking about the concert series. 57 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,903 Oh. 58 00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:19,203 It starts this Thursday night. 59 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:20,639 They're doing chamber music. 60 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,474 I think it should be fun. 61 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,742 Uh-huh, you could always count on Norma Arnold 62 00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:26,144 to set up the punch lines. 63 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,213 Thursday's gonna be a bear, Norma. 64 00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:31,082 It's this damn audit. 65 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,053 One of the kids will go with you. 66 00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:37,188 [ Rim shot ] 67 00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,125 I've got a date. 68 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,792 Big history test Friday. 69 00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:43,395 Got to hit the books. 70 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,730 [ Crunching ] 71 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:46,898 You had to hand it to her. 72 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,433 Mom was perfect at the part... 73 00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,702 like any great comedian. 74 00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,771 Kev, it isn't funny. 75 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:56,208 I can't walk into the cafeteria looking like this. 76 00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:58,143 Of course, when it came to playing straight man, 77 00:02:58,145 --> 00:03:00,011 I had some experience of my own. 78 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,147 Paul, it's just a cowlick. 79 00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:03,381 It's not so bad. 80 00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:05,116 What do you mean, "not so bad"? 81 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:08,186 "Not so good," right? That's what you really mean. 82 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,655 For instance, when Paul's self-esteem was down... 83 00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,324 read "any day of the week"... 84 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:14,158 it was routine for me to build him back up. 85 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,962 It looks like I've got pipe cleaners growing out of my head! 86 00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:19,264 [ Sighs ] It looks fine. 87 00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:21,533 Hey, alfalfa. 88 00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,201 Nice 'do. 89 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,369 Get bent, Hobson. 90 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,836 Careful what you say, Pfeiff, - 91 00:03:25,838 --> 00:03:28,339 or I might not let you see the Berlini poll. 92 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,442 - What? - The Lisa Berlini poll... 93 00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:32,010 the definitive rating... 94 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:34,279 Of the male faction at RFK junior high. 95 00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:37,181 It was the kind of document that eventually led 96 00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:39,951 to deep-seated neuroses and psychotherapy... 97 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,953 not that we knew about that stuff in eighth grade. 98 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,955 Read 'em and weep, cupcakes. 99 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,356 [ Chuckles ] 100 00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:48,126 [ Toilet flushes ] Ha! 101 00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:49,493 Is my name on it? 102 00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,496 "Best eyes"? 103 00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,498 I got "best eyes"? 104 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,066 What about the rest of my face? 105 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,402 Well, I guess it could have been worse. 106 00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:00,171 [ Scoffs ] "Brainiest." 107 00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,439 I could have been Paul. 108 00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:03,341 Does anybody see my name?! 109 00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:06,644 Man, last time at least I got "best-mannered." 110 00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,380 Hey! 111 00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:10,148 There's nothing wrong with being brainy. 112 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:13,551 Thank God I didn't get "brainiest." 113 00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:14,819 [ Scoffs ] 114 00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,855 Man, first a cowlick the size of Mount Rushmore, 115 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,123 and now this. 116 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,924 Uh-oh, you could sense 117 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:22,494 Paul heading for a major-league slump here. 118 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,796 This was gonna take care. 119 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:27,032 Paul, nobody's gonna notice. 120 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,232 Trust me. 121 00:04:28,234 --> 00:04:29,333 You think so? 122 00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:30,334 Yeah. 123 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:31,536 Care... 124 00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,605 And a little good luck. 125 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,307 [ Screaming ] 126 00:04:38,144 --> 00:04:39,810 [ Screaming continues ] 127 00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:43,782 Now,there's a brain. 128 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,684 Pretty attractive, huh? 129 00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:48,019 Paul, it's just a stupid movie. 130 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:51,589 Man, I'd rather be "ugliest" than "brainiest. 131 00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:54,426 Paul Pfeiffer! Who said you were ugly? 132 00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,027 Nobody said he was ugly. 133 00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:58,096 [ Scoffs ] No, they said brainiest. 134 00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,732 The babes are already starting to beat down my door. 135 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:03,033 [ Scoffs ] 136 00:05:03,035 --> 00:05:05,103 It's these stupid glasses. 137 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,637 What are you talking about?! 138 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,540 Never mind, mom. 139 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,675 After all, if I couldn't cheer the guy up, 140 00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:11,676 what could mom do? 141 00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:14,546 Paul, I've known you a long time, 142 00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,847 and I've always thought 143 00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:19,116 that your glasses make you look very... 144 00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:20,485 Manly. 145 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,253 Manly? 146 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:24,356 Manly? 147 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:25,589 Absolutely. 148 00:05:25,591 --> 00:05:28,593 Of course, she was obviously throwing him a line. 149 00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:31,329 Still, the fish were biting. 150 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:34,566 You know, a lot of great men wear glasses. 151 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,000 Like who? 152 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,401 Well, like... 153 00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:38,870 Arthur Miller. 154 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,739 Who's Arthur Miller? 155 00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,941 You think Arthur Miller is handsome? 156 00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,409 Well, not just me. 157 00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:47,078 Marilyn Monroe thought so, too. 158 00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,682 I guess I'd never really thought about it that way before. 159 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,418 Naturally, he hadn't. 160 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:57,422 It was patently ridiculous... whoever Arthur Miller was. 161 00:05:57,424 --> 00:06:01,192 Glasses can make the man, Paul. 162 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:03,027 Still, you had to hand it to old mom. 163 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,530 Paul was lapping' up the kind words like... 164 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,331 hey, how about some cocoa? 165 00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,233 Uh, I'm allergic to instant. 166 00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:11,101 Oh, I make it from scratch. 167 00:06:11,103 --> 00:06:12,837 Always cheers Kevin up. 168 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,506 Look, mom, I don't think he... 169 00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:15,740 that sounds great. 170 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,008 Let's go. 171 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,344 I'm in the mood for some, too. 172 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,179 How about you, honey? 173 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,314 No. No thanks. 174 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:26,184 - So, who else wore glasses? - Well... 175 00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:27,885 Sure, let them have a little time together. 176 00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:29,453 It was no skin off my nose. 177 00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:31,622 After all, mom's cocoa and sympathy 178 00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:34,726 could never prepare Paul for the cold realities of... 179 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,161 hey, brainiac! 180 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:38,496 Heard any good theorems lately, gray matter? 181 00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:39,697 Real life... 182 00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,232 Hey, big brain. 183 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,134 Life after Lisa Berlini. 184 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,503 Look at it this way, Pfeiffer... 185 00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:48,506 brainy's not so bad. 186 00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:51,376 There are a lot of librarians out there looking for a man. 187 00:06:51,378 --> 00:06:53,244 Okay, that was my cue. 188 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,979 Time to come to the rescue here. 189 00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,247 Yeah, well, I guess being brainiest 190 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,216 is something you'll never have to worry about. 191 00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,517 Or maybe not. 192 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,886 Oh, very funny, four-eyes. 193 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:05,056 Hey, pal, Arthur Miller wears glasses. 194 00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:06,791 Who's Arthur Miller? 195 00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:08,593 Why don't you ask Marilyn Monroe? 196 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,227 Huh? 197 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:11,996 Well, well, well. 198 00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,832 Seemed we had a new Paul on our hands. 199 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:17,602 Yep, my best friend was feeling better. 200 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,903 So, then I said, 201 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,005 "why don't you ask Marilyn Monroe?" 202 00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,875 [ Both laugh ] 203 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:25,709 Much better. 204 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,546 In fact, over the next few days, 205 00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,315 it was all he talked about. 206 00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:32,383 I've been thinking about getting wire rims. 207 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:34,819 Wire rims? 208 00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:36,554 To accentuate the positive. 209 00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:38,456 Glasses can make the man. 210 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,257 Your shot. 211 00:07:39,259 --> 00:07:40,791 "Accentuate the positive"? 212 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:42,193 "Glasses make the man"? 213 00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,028 Was this a kid I was playing with 214 00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,530 or a clotheshorse? 215 00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:48,365 You know, I could probably get dad to special-order some frames 216 00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:49,701 like Donald Perman's. 217 00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,769 That'd be neat. Who's Donald Perman? 218 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,306 Of course, Ben Franklin wore bifocals, 219 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,641 but I don't need those. 220 00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,776 Paul, who's Donald Perman? 221 00:07:58,778 --> 00:08:00,979 That guy your mom dated in high school. 222 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:03,181 She thought he was really good-looking. 223 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,350 She showed me his picture in her yearbook. 224 00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:07,118 Her yearbook? 225 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,121 When did Paul ever see my mom's yearbook? 226 00:08:10,123 --> 00:08:12,857 Man! We must have talked for about an hour yesterday. 227 00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,592 Where was I? 228 00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:17,195 Why didn't you ever tell me your mom wanted to be a singer? 229 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,396 Isn't that a funny story about the audition 230 00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:20,698 for the radio commercial? 231 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:23,635 The radio commercial? 232 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:26,738 My mother never told me about any radio commercial. 233 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,105 Yeah, well, it's not so funny 234 00:08:28,107 --> 00:08:30,375 after you heard it a bazillion times. 235 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:31,542 I thought it was hilarious... 236 00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:33,645 especially the part about the shoulder pads. 237 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:34,646 [ Laughs ] 238 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:35,914 Look... 239 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,115 Ow! 240 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,584 I'm gonna go get something to drink. You want anything? 241 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,185 Hey, I'll get it. 242 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,554 Be right back. 243 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,355 Sometimes, Paul could be a real dink. 244 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,956 I mean, I wanted to shoot hoops, 245 00:08:45,958 --> 00:08:48,459 and this guy wanted to talk about my mother's history. 246 00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:49,727 Who cared? 247 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:53,231 I had more important things to think about... 248 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,967 Like winning an NBA title in triple overtime 249 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,902 with a shot at the buzzer. 250 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,608 [ Buzzer buzzes ] The crowd has gone wild! 251 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:07,412 [ Crowd cheering ] 252 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,946 The crowd, maybe, 253 00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:11,416 but what about the other team? 254 00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:12,650 Didn't Paul realize 255 00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:15,185 there were more important things in life than... 256 00:09:15,187 --> 00:09:16,320 full of people, okay? 257 00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:18,222 And then all of a sudden, the lights go out. 258 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:20,692 Sitting around, having cocoa, 259 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,694 while my mother laughed harder 260 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,330 than I'd seen her laugh in years? 261 00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:28,332 [ Indistinct talking, laughter ] 262 00:09:31,670 --> 00:09:33,471 [ Indistinct talking ] 263 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:39,944 ? Did you ever have to make up your mind? ? 264 00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:43,214 ? Pick up on one and leave the other behind? ? 265 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:47,385 ? It's not often easy and not often kind ? 266 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:50,722 ? Did you ever have to make up your mind? ? 267 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,924 [ Indistinct talking ] 268 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,958 Article five, section six 269 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,394 of the eighth-grade boys' code of conduct... 270 00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:00,531 "when faced with a popularity poll you don't like, 271 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,000 make up your own." 272 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,404 Of course, we took it seriously. 273 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,873 There was an art to this... points awarded 274 00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:11,309 for intelligence, political awareness, 275 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,543 - and of course... - Best body? 276 00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:14,579 - Eva Jenkins. -Eva Jenkins. - Eva Jenkins. 277 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,748 No way! Holly stern! 278 00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,817 She shaves her legs! 279 00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,085 Doug, you're drooling. 280 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:22,487 Of course he was drooling. 281 00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,121 That's what adolescents do. 282 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:25,957 - Hi. - Well, most adolescents. 283 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,259 What are you guys doing? 284 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,495 Oh, decide to spend some time with people your own age, huh? 285 00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:34,666 We're doing a poll to get back at Lisa Berlini. 286 00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,100 How about "best smile"? 287 00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:38,268 You know who has a nice smile? 288 00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:40,404 Your mom. 289 00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:42,106 Was he nuts? 290 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:44,909 When the guys found out what he thought about my mother, 291 00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:46,210 they would... 292 00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,046 yeah, you know, Arnold's mom's not bad. 293 00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,847 Agree. 294 00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:51,649 She shaves her legs, too. 295 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,984 You're talking about my mother! 296 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:57,455 As if she were some kind of, uh... Woman! 297 00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:58,989 Well, I think we should put down 298 00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,357 Kevin's mom for "best smile." 299 00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:01,659 Paul, that's ridiculous! 300 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,628 I mean, this is a school poll. 301 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,929 Wait a minute. 302 00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:07,331 Pfeiffer's actually got a decent idea. 303 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,333 Uh-oh. 304 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:13,337 Lisa Berlini should know she's in competition with real women. 305 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,772 Look what I got for your tub, honey! 306 00:11:15,774 --> 00:11:19,811 Norma Arnold... homemaker, mother, wife... 307 00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,112 Teen idol. 308 00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,947 [ Telephone rings ] 309 00:11:23,949 --> 00:11:25,182 Hello? 310 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,584 Oh, hello, Paul. 311 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:27,985 No, tell him I'm not home. 312 00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,421 Fact is, I'd had just about enough of... 313 00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,156 it's for me, honey. 314 00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,859 Okay, fine. In fact, perfect. 315 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:38,128 Because when mom discovered how boring Paul was on the phone... 316 00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,664 [ Laughing ] Oh, Paul! 317 00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:42,133 Really? [ Laughs ] 318 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,901 Uh, excuse me, Mrs. Arnold, 319 00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,502 but don't we have better things to do? 320 00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:46,704 Now? 321 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,273 Well, I have to go now, Paul. 322 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,541 Okay. 323 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,477 Okay. Bye. 324 00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,445 [ Sighs ] 325 00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:55,746 Oh, dear. 326 00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:57,180 Your father will be home soon, 327 00:11:57,182 --> 00:11:59,350 and I'm not sure what to do about dinner. 328 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,552 Okay, this was the mom I knew... 329 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,221 the mom that fixed dinner. 330 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,656 And now that Paul's going to the concert with me tonight... 331 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:07,058 What? 332 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,327 Yeah, that's why he called. 333 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:10,728 He asked if he could go with me. 334 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,630 How'd Paul know about the concert? 335 00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:15,666 Well, I told him your father couldn't come. 336 00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:18,302 And since the rest of you were busy, 337 00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,071 that extra ticket shouldn't go to waste. 338 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,839 Look, mom, you know all Paul's gonna do 339 00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,474 is talk through the whole thing. 340 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,976 And it's not like he even knows what chamber music is. 341 00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:27,178 Which made two of us. 342 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,580 He said he wanted to expand his horizons. 343 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,649 I think that's nice. - Nice? 344 00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:34,618 Why did I suddenly smell a Pfeiffer in wolf's clothing? 345 00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,354 Well, I better get ready. 346 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,189 The concert begins at 7:00. 347 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,959 The funny thing is, 348 00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:45,062 I hadn't seen mom so excited in... Months. 349 00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:46,697 Norma? 350 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:48,199 Can you come here a minute? 351 00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,900 I'm still getting dressed, honey! 352 00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:52,536 In fact, she was sounding downright... Chipper. 353 00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:54,605 [ Doorbell rings ] I'll get it. 354 00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:57,641 Oh, hi, Mr. Arnold. 355 00:12:57,643 --> 00:12:59,277 I brought a Jell-O mold. 356 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,711 My mother wanted me to bring it over. 357 00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,379 It's lime Jell-O. She put fruit cocktail in it. 358 00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:03,948 But we didn't have any little marshmallows... 359 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,516 Norma! 360 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,318 Paul's here. 361 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,020 I'll just be a minute! 362 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,854 She'll just be a minute. 363 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:18,596 Norma? This pizza's still frozen in the middle. 364 00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:21,599 Turn it up to 450 for about another 10 minutes. 365 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:22,900 Oh. 366 00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:24,402 [ Groans ] 367 00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:27,505 Oh, and sprinkle a little water on the crust. 368 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:30,675 I've always found the only way you can get the middle warm 369 00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:33,077 is burn the sides. 370 00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,344 That was it. 371 00:13:34,346 --> 00:13:36,447 The same 13-year-old who was dating his wife 372 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,482 was now giving him cooking tips? 373 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,786 Dad wasn't gonna stand for this. 374 00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:43,654 How much water? 375 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,922 [ Sighs ] 376 00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:47,091 Oh, just a little sprinkle. 377 00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:49,259 Sir. - [ Groans ] 378 00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:54,432 Okay, then, if dad wouldn't do it, I would. 379 00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,533 It was time to explain to Paul 380 00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:59,503 my mother was just like everyone else's mother. 381 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:01,505 Okay, I'm ready. 382 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,808 Only more beautiful. 383 00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:12,316 Hi, honey. 384 00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:13,316 - Hi. - Hi. 385 00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:18,990 Oh! My mom wanted me to give this to you. 386 00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,257 Oh, thank you! 387 00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:22,526 That was very nice of her. 388 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,630 Hey, should I put some foil on this? 389 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,398 - It'll stick. - It'll stick. 390 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,033 Oh. 391 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,769 Well, are you ready? 392 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:34,204 It was... Embarrassing. Didn't dad see? 393 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:36,907 While he was busy playing Suzy homemaker, 394 00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:40,043 my best friend was squiring his wife around town. 395 00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:41,746 Well, I'll see you later. 396 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:44,148 And if you want a snack tonight, 397 00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:45,782 there's Jell-O. 398 00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:52,389 I'm really looking forward to this. 399 00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:54,358 It should be fun. 400 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,526 Yep, there was definitely something wrong 401 00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:58,262 with this picture. 402 00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:00,564 By 9:00 that night, the pizza was burned, 403 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,600 the Jell-O was gone, and the toaster had blown a fuse. 404 00:15:03,602 --> 00:15:06,170 Without mom to help, dad and I had been reduced 405 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,305 to the lower end of the food chain... 406 00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:13,644 plus, the more rudimentary forms of communication. 407 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,845 [ Crunching ] 408 00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:28,192 Seemed like a perfect time 409 00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:30,027 to do a little historical research. 410 00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:31,162 Dad? 411 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:32,930 Hmm? 412 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,200 Did you know mom when she wanted to be a singer? 413 00:15:39,171 --> 00:15:41,171 That's right. She did. 414 00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:43,607 Okay, an actual eyewitness. 415 00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,475 Maybe I was onto something here. 416 00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:46,811 And was she really... 417 00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:47,911 Kev, put a lid on it. 418 00:15:47,913 --> 00:15:50,381 I got to get this finished by tomorrow. 419 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,416 Sure. 420 00:15:52,418 --> 00:15:53,684 Sure. 421 00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,319 [ Sighs ] 422 00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:58,622 [ Television plays indistinctly ] 423 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:02,726 Except I kept thinking about mom and Paul. 424 00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:07,297 Why had she told him about Donald Perman and not me? 425 00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,666 Not that I felt threatened or anything. 426 00:16:09,668 --> 00:16:11,569 It's just... Well... 427 00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:15,072 Was it possible, just possible, that... 428 00:16:15,074 --> 00:16:20,077 Mom liked you best! 429 00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:21,812 [ Soundtrack laughter ] 430 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,313 You lower your voice! 431 00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:25,649 [ Deep voice ] Mom liked you best! 432 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,251 Hi, everybody! 433 00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:28,619 We're home! 434 00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:30,287 [ Door closes ] 435 00:16:30,289 --> 00:16:31,155 Great. 436 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,490 The woman in black... 437 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:34,925 [ Sighs ] 438 00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:38,562 And her teenaged Lothario. 439 00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,030 Hey. 440 00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:43,834 Hey. 441 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:47,204 Okay, it was time to put this four-eyed Romeo in his place. 442 00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:49,506 Have a nice time? 443 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,742 Missed a great evening, honey. 444 00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:55,712 Paul and I had the most wonderful time. 445 00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:56,914 Mmhmm. 446 00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,782 It was the most beautiful music. 447 00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:02,753 But I guess I already knew it wasn't Paul I was angry at. 448 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,988 Anyone for some hot cocoa? 449 00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:07,058 It was mom. 450 00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:11,228 I'd love some. 451 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:21,105 I could have used some cocoa myself. 452 00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:24,575 But I couldn't go in there, because it was pretty clear now 453 00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:29,046 whatever was going on between my mother and Paul... 454 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,215 Was just between my mother and Paul. 455 00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,818 I've always loved Beethoven. 456 00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:36,687 Um... 457 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:39,223 I got this for you. 458 00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,725 It's from my mother's garden. 459 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,360 Well, thank you. 460 00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:46,430 It's a beautiful rose, Paul. 461 00:17:46,432 --> 00:17:49,666 Sure. What was next, a formal proposal? 462 00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:53,704 Which is why you shouldn't waste it on me. 463 00:17:56,475 --> 00:17:58,409 But you have to take it. 464 00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,776 I'm allergic. 465 00:17:59,778 --> 00:18:04,781 [ Chuckles ] 466 00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:07,684 There's gonna be a lot of very wonderful girls in your life 467 00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:09,887 who would die to get a rose from you. 468 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,622 [ Chuckles ] I doubt it. 469 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,524 I don't. 470 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:16,760 You're a very special person, Paul. 471 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,395 And I guess there was something 472 00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:20,063 in the way she said it 473 00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:21,499 that made me understand. 474 00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,667 And I hope you never get contacts, 475 00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,268 because you don't need them. 476 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:27,538 Mom wasn't breaking my heart. 477 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:30,874 She was breaking Paul's... 478 00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,176 Without breaking it. 479 00:18:34,079 --> 00:18:35,613 I guess I better go. 480 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,751 I had a great time. 481 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,386 Thank you. 482 00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:44,622 Me, too. 483 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,828 Thanks, Mrs. Arnold. 484 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:57,701 And in that moment, 485 00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:01,471 I began to realize a lot of things. 486 00:19:05,777 --> 00:19:08,145 Maybe my mother didn't go to the concert with Paul 487 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,780 because she thought he was special, 488 00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,949 but because he thought she was special, 489 00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:15,653 special enough to ask, "where's my Jersey? 490 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,487 "What's for dinner?" Or... 491 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,323 Who took the TV guide? 492 00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:22,393 Oh, try Wayne's room under his pillow. 493 00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,094 Or maybe it's behind Karen's record player. 494 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:27,364 - Supposed to stay on the... - I know. 495 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,102 I guess dad realized it, too. 496 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,804 So... You had a good time? 497 00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:40,010 Mmhmm. 498 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,779 Yeah, well... 499 00:19:42,781 --> 00:19:45,648 Isn't there supposed to be another one of these things? 500 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:51,622 Next month. 501 00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,023 Huh. 502 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,958 So, uh... 503 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,927 We'll go. 504 00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:01,599 Okay. 505 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,133 Okay. 506 00:20:08,073 --> 00:20:11,575 The night Paul Pfeiffer gave my mom a rose, 507 00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:14,645 he gave me something, too. 508 00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:17,615 He gave me a new way of seeing her. 509 00:20:23,322 --> 00:20:26,090 I guess Paul's not gonna drink his. 510 00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:27,524 Could I have some? 511 00:20:27,526 --> 00:20:29,493 I was making it for you. 512 00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,403 Paul made my mother feel good 513 00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:42,239 because he didn't look at her the way we always did. 514 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,976 We saw mom, and he saw Norma Arnold. 515 00:20:45,978 --> 00:20:49,413 And I think she liked that, for a change. 516 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,715 - Mom? - Mm-hmm? 517 00:20:51,717 --> 00:20:54,285 Did you really audition to sing for a commercial? 518 00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:57,154 Oh! It was a radio commercial. 519 00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,355 Yeah? 520 00:20:58,357 --> 00:21:00,157 For axle grease. 521 00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:03,494 [ Both laugh ] 522 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,362 Do you know what axle grease is? 523 00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:06,663 Mnhmnh. 524 00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:08,331 It's the grease that they put in trucks... 525 00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:09,700 That night, I found out 526 00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,234 my mother once got sent to the principal's office 527 00:21:11,236 --> 00:21:12,936 for smoking in the bathroom 528 00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,606 and that she almost married someone else, 529 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,440 until she met my dad. 530 00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:19,776 I learned a lot about her... 531 00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:23,079 about who she was, who she'd been... 532 00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:26,316 about who she wanted to be. 533 00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:33,223 And the next morning, she was mom again... 534 00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:35,358 our straight man. 535 00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,628 Only, this time, I knew better. 536 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,196 [ Indistinct conversation ] 537 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:47,137 ? Unforgettable ? 538 00:21:47,139 --> 00:21:52,809 ? In every way ? 539 00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:58,181 ? And forever more ? 540 00:21:58,183 --> 00:22:04,421 ? That's how you'll stay ? 541 00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:08,258 ? That's why, darling ? 542 00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:11,562 ? It's incredible ? 543 00:22:11,564 --> 00:22:13,697 ? That someone ? 544 00:22:13,699 --> 00:22:17,233 ? So unforgettable ? 545 00:22:17,235 --> 00:22:20,604 ? Thinks that I'm ? 546 00:22:20,606 --> 00:22:24,575 ? Unforgettable ? 547 00:22:24,577 --> 00:22:25,077 ? Too ? 548 00:22:25,127 --> 00:22:29,677 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39503

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