All language subtitles for The Middle s06e16 Flirting with Disaster.eng

[Crows caw]

Frankie: Technology.

It's moving faster than ever,

unless you're in Orson.

We just gotta match it with a
frequency on your FM station,

and we should be all set.

Mike bought me a Bluetooth
at the McVaney's garage sale

'cause for some reason,

he thought I needed a hands-free phone.

[Mouth full] Hold on. I'm
gonna put you on speaker.

[Beep]

Okay, here we go. Now what were you saying?

[Tires screech]

Oh, great.

Remember, it's synced to your phone.

So if you're in the car,
or even near the car,

the Bluetooth will kick in,

and you'll hear everything
over the car speakers.

- Ooh, fancy!
- Yeah.

It was in a dollar bin of
pagers and 8-track tapes.

I don't think "fancy" is the right word.

[Vehicle approaches]

What's Axl doing here?

Ugh. He's going to some party this weekend

and bringing a friend home.

I'm sure it'll be three seconds
before he's bugging me

to make 'em lunch and do their laundry.

[Car door closes]

[Seat belt clacks]

Hi. You want me to make you some lunch?
Do your laundry?

Oh, good. There you are.

- Finn, this is my brother.
- [Bag thuds]

If you see a half-dork,
half-girl walking around,

that's my sister.

Feel free to ignore them both.

So I've got fake noses and rock gloves.

What time are we leaving tomorrow?

We should probably go early.

Silligans aren't known for being prompt.

What are you talkin' about?

Nowhere con. The "Planet
Nowhere" convention.

Tomorrow in Indianapolis?

You said you'd take me.

Uh, that doesn't sound like us.

Brick: Will you take me to the
"Planet Nowhere" convention

- in Indianapolis?
- What?

[Crunches]

[Mouth full] Hold on, I'm
gonna put you on speaker.

[Beep]

Okay, here we go. Now what were you saying?

[Tires screech]

Oh, great.

You said, "oh, great."

Brick, I'm pretty sure I
wouldn't use the word "great"

about a "Planet Nowhere" convention.

[Sighs] Okay, I guess I don't have to go.

It's fine. Toss another
broken promise onto the fire.

- [Sighs]
- [Sighs]

All right, fine. We'll take you.

Yes! And who knows? You may even enjoy it.

Rumor has it, they're gonna
have a 1/16th scale replica

of a Vernego hypercraft.

Message boards are blowing up.

Please don't make me go.
I don't wanna do it.

Axl has a friend here. They might need me.

Hang on. Isn't Sue still being
punished for the quarry party?

I don't know. How long did we say?

I don't remember either.

But, hey, we're desperate,
it's worth a shot.

Hey, Sue! Get in here!

- So you're still being punished...
- I know, I know.

I was reckless and irresponsible
and I only hope that one day...

Okay, okay, we don't have to relive it.

As part of your punishment,
you're gonna drive your brother

to the "Planet Nowhere"
convention tomorrow in Indy.

Wow. That's harsh.

But you know what? I deserve it.

You bet you do.

Wow. That worked out well.

How much longer do you think we've got?

I don't know. I say we ride
this pony till it drops.

[Telephone rings]

[Beep]

- Hello?
- Mike, it's Tag.

- Oh, I'll get Frankie.
- No, no, no, I wanna talk to you.

Okay, here's the deal.

I need you to meet me at
Stuckey's in two hours.

Now don't tell Frankie.

Can't talk anymore. Pat's comin'. Wha...

[Dial tone]

[Beep]

[Sighs]

Oh, hey, uh, Axl said it'd be
okay if I grabbed some chips.

Sure. All we have left
is barbecue, 'cause I...

'cause everybody eats 'em so fast.

I'll... I'll get 'em for you.

- Here, let me help.
- Oh.

- [Groans] Got 'em.
- Good.

Oh, before you go,

let me give you guys your laundry.

Oh, thanks again.

You saved me, like, 8 bucks in quarters,

and, you know, those are hard to come by,

so that's more like 12 bucks in real money.

[Chuckles nervously] Oh, yeah.

Hey, I noticed you have an Alt-J T-shirt.

I love that band. I saw 'em on Conan.

Yeah, I like 'em 'cause
they play real music.

Everybody's so auto-tuned these days.

I can't stand that stuff.

- I like the sound of real instruments.
- I know, right?

I mean, if you're auto-tuned,

it's like anybody could be a rock star.

I could be a rock star.
Well, maybe in Europe.

[Chuckles]

[Sighs]

[Chuckles nervously]

You know, if you like the sound of Alt-J,

you should check out the national.

Here's their latest album.

Yep, ooh, looks good. [Chuckles]

I like to listen to 'em when I'm studying.

It helps me sort of...

Axl: Finn! You don't have to talk to her!

Well, thanks again for the chips.

- Holler if you need dip!
- Okay.

I wish I could get some onion rings,

but I don't eat 'em anymore.

I never can wait for 'em to
cool and they burn my mouth.

Ah, what the hell? This
time will be different.

Yeah. So, Tag, this isn't another

"we should get together
every week" thing, is it?

No, no, this is a one-and-done.

I like the done part, what do you need?

Well, here's the deal, Mike.

It looks like I'm about to
lose my driver's license.

Ohh. Tag, what'd you do?

Nothing big.

Everybody's alive, but the bastards want me

to retake my driver's test.

Oh, I'm with the bastards on this one.
What did Pat say?

Oh, she doesn't know. Don't tell her.

I mean, I'm like a God to her.

Yeah. Well, okay, whatever gets this done.

All right, uh, "how many
feet do you have to signal

ahead of turning? 50, 75, or 100?"

Fif...

Sev...

- 100.
- Right.

- Ha! We got that one locked.
- [Chuckles]

"When you see a pedestrian using
a white and red-tipped cane,

they are usually... "

A gay.

What? What do they want
to be called these days?

It's a blind person.

Blind and gay? It's gotta be tough.

[Sighs]

Wow, it's late.

Can't believe Finn and Axl are
just now going to the party.

Oh, this was funny.

When they were leaving, I said,

"have fun and be careful."

And Finn goes, "which one is it?"

[Laughs] Yeah.

- We laughed.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, what?

Why are you ummin' and hummin'?

I'm just sayin'.

Been hearing a lot of Finn stories lately.

You doin' a little flirtin' there?

[Scoffs] What?

Uh, he's a child!

God. Jeez. Wow!

I think that's one too many.

Okay, it's not flirting. We
just have stuff in common.

We're two people who are
interested in the same things.

If anybody's flirting,

it's you with cute waitresses
when we go to restaurants.

"Hi, Amy. Got any specials today?"

Like you've ever ordered
the special in your life!

I just like to have all the information

- before I order.
- Oh, please.

The way you lock in on 'em,

I haven't gotten that much eye contact

in our whole marriage

as when you're waitin' to hear about eggs.

Hey, don't try to turn this on me.

You're the one "oggling" your son's friend.

I'm not, and it's ogling.

Yeah, well, you would know.
You're the one doin' it.

[Sighs]

The Silligans come from a drier planet

and are a rock-type people,

whereas the Vernegos' habitat
is a lusher, forest area...

Brick, enough!

You have been droning on
and on since we left.

I am trying to concentrate.

Aunt Edie's car is 3 feet wider

than any car I've ever driven.

Sorry. Well, do you wanna
listen to a book on tape?

- Please.
- [Tape rattling]

Brick: But Soran would have to navigate

the Asteroid belts of Norox

without a working Pernovian laser.

[Whispers] Pernovian laser.

- Is that you?
- Uh-huh!

I recorded the entire series on tape.

I play them when my eyes are
too tired from reading.

As professor Faxon's prophecy
foretold, Soran's quest...

Wow, a deejay on a pontoon boat?
That sounds fun.

Ohh! We don't have any cereal!

There's four boxes there.

Yeah, none of which have marshmallows.

Looks like it's Denny's to the rescue.

Oh! I could destroy some Denny's right now.

Oh, you guys are goin' out? Okay.

[Scoffs]

- [Door opens]
- Oh... [blows raspberry]

Way to go, mom, you parked behind me.

You gotta move.

Oh, my shoes are all the way in my room.

Here, take my car.

[Keys jingle]

- Hey, nice catch, Finn.
- [Door closes]

Shut up.

New wrinkle, Mike...

Big government's making
me take a road test, too.

So you gotta practice
with me behind the wheel.

With you behind the wheel?

Yeah. You know, grade me.

Put my through my paces on the road.

As I told my German masseuse at the Y,

"don't go easy on me." [Laughs]

Uh, no, just pretty much stayed
around here all weekend.

Axl brought a friend home.

Oh, my God, Janet, you should see this guy.

I should be arrested for what I'm thinking.

Frankie: Oh, my God. The Bluetooth.

Hey.

Ooh! The Sacred Key of Larkin!
That's what I wanna get.

They only did a limited release of 5,000.

Luckily, I brought my birthday money.

Hey, Brick, we can't be here all day.

I gotta get back to Orson.

I'm pretty sure everyone's
meeting at the mall later.

Or at Arby's. But there are
definitely maybe plans.

Let's just get your key
and get out of here.

[Chuckles] You can't just walk up

and get the Sacred Key of Larkin.

Whatever, Brick. I'm sure
it's not that complicated.

First, you have to get three tokens

by traversing the valley of despair,

- which is in convention hall "C".
- Okay.

The tokens earn you the
opportunity to answer

the five questions of the mystic,

who will bestow upon you
the Pin of Greywhackle.

You travel with the pin
to the Oracle of Singal.

If the Oracle deems you worthy,

you're allowed an audience
with the princess.

Then, and only then, will
the princess exchange

the Pin of Greywhackle for
the Sacred Key of Larkin.

Assuming you have the $29.99, which I do.

What? Brick, that is gonna take forever.

Well, you can't rush a quest.

Did I tell you they moved our garbage day?

I mean, for years, it's been on Thursday.

Now they just up and move it to Friday?

[Laughs] Who puts their
trash out on Friday?

[Horn blares] Okay, you
just cut off a school bus.

[Cell phone rings]

[Ring, beeps]

Hey, Frankie.

Quick question. Uh, I just
gotta ask you one thing.

If I'm right outside the
car on my cell phone,

does the Bluetooth definitely
pick it up inside the car?

It should, yeah.

Well, like, how close? 6 feet?

- Probably.
- Probably or definitely?

Which is it? Don't ask why. It's important.

- I-I don't know, Frankie.
- [Sighs] Oh, God.

You know, you're useless. Okay, forget it.

I gotta figure this out.

- [Cell phone snaps shut]
- [Sighs]

You have chosen to enter
the Valley of Despair.

Only the most brave,
clever, and true of heart

shall avoid certain death.

I did that wrong. I'm very sorry.

All right, um... which
hand holds the jelly bean?

You are correct.

You have avoided certain death

and you may now exchange it for... A token.

Okay, Brick, you got it. Let's go.

I can't. I need two more tokens.

You have chosen to enter
the Valley of Despair!

Only the most brave, clever...

[Groans] [Gasps]

Will avoid certain death.

Hey! Sorry.

[Groans]

Why you stopping? The light's green.

I can't see colors too good anymore,

but I figured it out.

I stop at every light,
count to five... [sighs]

And then go. 3... 2... 1.

[Tires screech]

- What are you doin'? It's red now!
- [Horns honking]

- Man: Are you crazy?!
- [Tires screech]

[Indian accent] And now

for your fifth and final question.

When Soran traveled to the
outer rings with Ramale,

how did he reveal he had
switched allegiance

from the Vernegos to the Silligans?

He showed him the mark of
some rock on his left thigh.

- That is correct.
- What?

I got it right?

I heard it on the tape in the car.
[Chuckles]

This is the Pin of Greywhackle...

Hi, Frankie!

What are you measuring?

Oh, I'm getting a new mailbox. Oh, great!

Who's your contractor?

We have a fantastic carpenter
who did our gazebo.

I can give you his number.

- Is there something that you might...
- Okay, okay, we're not getting a mailbox.

[Sighs] It's a little personal.

I may have done something stupid.

[Sighs]

Axl brought a cute friend home from school

and he may have overheard
me say I should be arrested

for what I was thinking about him. [Gasps]

- Oh, Frankie.
- I know! I'm so embarrassed!

I mean, it was just a
stupid thing that I said.

I mean, okay, yeah, I was
flirting with him a little bit.

But it didn't mean anything. I
would never have gone there.

It's just that we had this connection.

You know, we talked about music, and
he thought I was funny. [Chuckles]

And you know what? Mike
flirts with waitresses.

You get him in a diner,

- and all of a sudden, he's George Clooney.
- [Laughs] Frankie,

it's okay to notice if someone
is nice or attractive. [Sighs]

When Dottie's guitar teacher comes over,

I might sneak an extra peek or two.

I mean, with his ponytail

and the way he comes in the house

and kicks off his shoes,

he just seems so...

Dangerous.

Okay, so, if... if Sean happened
to overhear you say something

about Dottie's guitar teacher,
wouldn't be so bad, right?

- Oh, no. I'd be mortified.
- [Scoffs]

Pretty much where I am now.

Oh, Frankie.

Oh.

[Sighs deeply]

I used to get my hair cut
around here someplace.

- [Sighs]
- Snippers.

Ah, there it is over there. I...

Oh, sorry. I didn't see you.

What do you mean, you didn't see me?

- Can you see me now?
- Nope.

Now can you see me?

Negative.

There ya are!

Tag, you have no peripheral vision.

No, I don't see out of the
sides too good anymore.

[Sighs] But I got a system for that, too.

Here, watch me take a left.

[Honks horn]

[Tires screech, horns blare]

All right, that's it! Pull over.

[Exhales, clears throat]

We are here to claim our Sacred Key.

Mm, sorry, we're closing for the day.

Princess Kalakare's sitter
has to go home at 6:00.

- What?
- No!

So this is how my quest ends,

just steps away from Princess Kalakare.

Why did I think my fate
would be any different

than Gackos the Tatossian?

No!

[Clears throat] This is my brother,

and you have to let him pass.

We drove all the way
from Orson to get here.

He has read every "Planet Nowhere" book

three times!

So? So has everyone here.

Look, "Planet Nowhere"
is about inclusiveness

and perseverance.

Wherever "Planet Nowhere"
lies, it'll always be home.

And that's why all these
people come here! To be home!

And to follow a quest as important as that,

you cannot be denied.

That's not what it is about at all.

It really isn't.

Wait a minute.

- It's as plain as the nose on your face.
- What?

In book four, when Ramale met the oracle,

he gave him his nose as
proof of his allegiance.

Here. Take this nose as a
gesture of my sincerity.

I expect nothing in return.

[Groans]

You have five minutes.

Yeah!

[Music continues playing]

Congratulations. You have
made it to the seventh moon.

I have your Sacred Key of Larkin.

Cash or credit card?

All right, Tag. That's it. You're done.

Yeah, you're right.

We should probably start fresh
again tomorrow morning.

No, Tag, I mean, you're
done done with driving.

What? No, no, I gotta
have my license, Mike.

I've been driving since I'm 14.

I drove a transport supply truck
in the war, for God's sake.

Yeah, and America thanks you.

But if you really want to
serve this country now,

you'll stay off its roads.

Come on, Mike. This is my life
we're talkin' about here.

My freedom.

How could I give that up?

Look, Tag, I know it's
not easy to hear, but...

You gotta trust me, this
is the right decision.

Tag, you asked me to help you out.

I'm helpin' you out.

All right.

I got a podiatrist appointment on Tuesday,

and Pat's got water aerobics.

Wanna me up around 9:00?

I am in serious crap right now, Janet.

I need to know what you heard
before I hung up on you.

What? I am not a cougar.

Stop laughing! This isn't funny.

[Door opens]

- Uh, hey, I'll be there in a sec.
- All right, cool.

- [Switch clicks]
- [Sighs]

[Knocks on washer]

What are you doin'?

Nothin'. I was just at my computer

when I fell to the floor.

You know how I do that sometimes.

Yeah, that does sound like you.

Yeah, pretty embarrassing.

Probably the most embarrassing
thing I've done all day.

Right?

I don't know. That could
be a million things.

[Chuckles]

Look, we're about to go,

and I should probably talk to you
about what happened in the car.

Oh, God! You heard?

I have been tortured by that all day.

It doesn't mean anything.

I would never do anything like that.

Yes, your friend is cute,

but I am very happy with your dad.

Look, when I said I should
be arrested for what I was

thinking about Finn, I was just joking!

Ew! Ew! Ew! Stop talking.

No, let me explain.

I was talking to your aunt Janet.

She and I have a ribald relationship

and we say ribald things, that's all.

[Stammers, flaps lips]

Okay, first of all, gross.
Second of all, barf.

Third of all, I wanna rip my ears off

and throw 'em back in the past

before I ever heard you say that!

Hey, I wasn't the only one.
He was talkin' to me, too.

Your dad flirts with waitresses.

Oh, my God! Get over yourself!

Finn's been old lady bait for years.

He'll stop and have a
conversation with anybody.

He's just that kind of guy.

The lunch lady gives him extra tater tots.

Oh.

Anyway, uh, what I was gonna say was,

I spilled a chocolate
milkshake in your car. See?

Oh, yeah, I could still wear these.

Your floor mats took the worst of it.

All right. [Exhales slowly]

We're gonna go.

Um...

Wow, mom.

[Scoffs]

Just...

Wow.

[Sighs]

So just like that,

I went from being a flirty,
music-lovin' hip thing

to a lunch lady, all in one weekend.

Maybe I'll take a stroll by the bank

where that old security
guard always hits on me.

At least she thinks I'm hot.

Oh, my God.

Did you see the guy dressed
as Professor Faxon's robot?

He had on working lights!

I wonder if he had to plug in during lunch.

Hmm.

Hey, you're being kind of quiet.

Are you thinking about your key?

Yeah, sorta.

But... I don't get it.
Didn't you have fun today?

It was one of the best days
I've had in a long time.

So what's the problem?

It's you.

Me?

Yeah.

Sue, today was amazing.

I know you were forced
to take me, but still,

we hung out together, you talked to me.

I mean, you understand
"Planet Nowhere" now.

I feel like someone in this
family finally gets me,

and it's right when you're
about to leave for college.

Aw, Brick!

What's it gonna be like when you're gone?

Hey, I am gonna miss you tons.

But you know what? You'll
come visit me at college.

I know Axl has the whole
"no relatives" policy

at his place, but mine is
gonna be the opposite.

You have to visit me.

Really?

Does a Silligan need iron oxide to survive?

[Chuckles]

[Pushes button] Brick: And
with the Vernegos' triumph

and the planet orbiting towards a new moon,

Princess Kalakare bade
goodbye to her home world,

knowing not only would
her loved ones miss her,

but the entire planet as well,

and they would all look
forward to her return.

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- www.addic7ed.com -

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