All language subtitles for The Middle s06e10 Pam Freakin Staggs.eng

[Crows caw]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Really? No one's even gonna say, "what?"

- [Scoffs]
- Pam Staggs just Facebook friended me.

Pam freakin' Staggs!

Who's Pam Staggs?

She's that "Wheel of Fortune" lady

your mom went to high school with.

[Sighs] She's not just the
"Wheel of Fortune" lady, Mike.

She won a million dollars!

She solved "pardon my French"
with just a "p" and an "r."

And I thought it was, "purell my friend."

I know she moved to St. Louis,

but then I didn't hear a thing after that.

- This close to not asking.
- Like, I couldn't make the first move.

- Yeah.
- She's Pam Staggs!

And now she has friended me. Me, Mike, me!

You do realize you're an adult now?

- [Door closes]
- Mom, Dad.

You are not gonna believe this.

Wait, me first.

How long should I wait before I accept

a Facebook friend request?

Oh, you gotta jump on that.
It could've been a mistake.

Good thinking.

- Anyway...
- [Typing]

I was perusing KicklnltTenstyle's

sister web site...
KicklnltCollegeStyle.com...

and I learned some very life-changing intel

on a surefire way to get into
the university of your choice.

One word... oboe.

Five words... you don't play the oboe.

Don't worry, you guys. I got this.

These universities need
to fill their oboe needs,

and that is where Sue Heck comes in.

[Playing notes off-key, blowing air]

[Inhales] Whoo! Feelin' kinda dizzy.

- Head between knees.
- [Head thuds]

[Inhales sharply]

Whoa, Devin, what up? You wanna hit a movie?

- Busy.
- Come over later. Watch the game.

- Can't.
- You hungry? I'm famous for my toast.

- Pole.
- Whoa.

All right, fine, I'll just keep
walking backwards around campus.

This could be a date right here.

- Except it's not.
- Why not?

We went out, had a great
time, I don't get it.

Is there someone else? Am I hideous to you?

Look, I like you, Axl.

I'm just not sure I can
do this whole dating thing.

I have soccer practice every
day, and my grades suck.

Mine suck, too. That's another
thing we have in common.

We're like those two characters
from that book we never read.

Why isn't this happening? Oh, my God.

Maybe you do think I'm hideous.

Yeah, I do. You disgust
me. I can't stand blue eyes,

especially when they have
that stupid gold fleck

in the corner.

Your thick curly hair makes me wanna heave,

and I hate your smile.

You smile like you're embarrassed,

you look down like you're shy,
and it makes me wanna kiss you,

and I don't really want to want
to kiss anybody right now, okay?

You can get that, can't you? Jeez.

[Oboe playing off-key in distance]

[Sighs] You take away my noisy toys

and this, you're allowing?

Very inconsistent
parenting, is all I'm saying.

Hey, don't wreck your dinner.

I've got pizza poppers in the microwave.

You need help with that?

No, that's okay. This one's on me.

- Ugh, literally.
- [Liquid dripping]

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

Oh, come on!

[Vehicle approaching]

[Wheels squeak]

Frankie?

Frankie Spence?

Pam?

What are you doin' here?

Didn't you hear? I'm back, baby.

Pam Staggs is back!

Help! Pam Staggs is here!
Right outside, right now!

- [Door closes]
- She's parking down the street.

- I think I bought us a few minutes.
- [Obey continues playing off-key]

If she asks, the curbs are being painted.

Oh, my God. Somebody do something!

It's a shantytown in here!

Brick! Put on the news or something
that makes us look smarter!

Stuff a sock in it, Sue!
Somebody cover the sinkhole.

- [Music stops]
- Why do I have to do everything around here?!

When are you people gonna learn
to clean up after yourselves?!

What's going on?

Nothing good in this dump!
Get that hose out the window!

- [Doorbell rings]
- All right.

Change everything, clean
the tub, be different!

Hey there, Pam.

Such a pleasure to have you stop by.

Come in, come in.

- [Chuckles]
- [Door closes]

- Well...
- Wow.

This is cray cray, huh?

I mean, I'm driving around
checking out the old hood,

and, at first, I thought this homeless woman

was picking through the trash,
and then I realized, oh, my God,

that's not some bag lady.
That's Frankie Spence!

[Forces laugh]

Oh, this is my husband Mike.
He's president of the quarry.

Anybody that wants a rock blown up,

they gotta ask this guy first.

And this is my youngest,
Brick, he reads. He's a reader.

Show her your books.

Oh, and this is my daughter
Sue. She plays the oboe.

Don't play now. We don't wanna show off.

I'm sorry my oldest son, Axl,
isn't here. He's very handsome.

He's at college on a football scholarship.

That's true. I mean, of course it's true.

It's all true. [Laughing awkwardly]

Wow, Frankie, look at you.

You just have hardly changed.

Oh, yeah, you're just saying that.

You're the one that hasn't changed.

- Our kitchen's being remodeled.
- You know what?

You and I are gonna go
out right now. Shut up!

Because I will not take no for an answer.

Is that okay, Mike?

Can I borrow your wife for a bit?

I'll do you one better. You can keep her.

[Laughs] He does that.

We joke about our love all the time.

[Forces laugh]

- [Under breath] Calm down.
- [Under breath] You calm down.

[Normal voice] Okay, then.
Well, I guess that's the plan.

These two gals are hitting the town.

So just put my pizza
poppers in the fridge, guys,

'cause I'm going out
with Pam Staggs. [Laughs]

Nice to meet you.

[Door opens and closes]

[Honky tonk music playing]

My glass is empty, Kevin.

You promised me this wasn't gonna happen.

Oh, my God, Frankie. You
forget what Orson's like.

- Yeah.
- It's so much slower.

Everything moves fast in St. Louis.

I mean, if you don't get
into T.G.I. Fridays by 6:00,

you're not getting in.

Anyway, what were we talking about?

The "Wheel."

You know what? I'm tired
of talking about the "Wheel"

anymore and all the money I won
from solving "pardon my French"

with only two letters.

- Let's talk about us!
- Mm.

We didn't have any classes together, did we?

Oh, I don't really remember... seven...

history, english, biology...

Oh! So we both had Mr. Todd for biology.

- "Todd The Bod."
- [Laughs]

Did he hit on you? 'Cause
he hit on all the girls.

No, he didn't hit on me.

But I sat in the back of the class, so...

Oh! Remember that wild
party Nick Saltzman had

where we all had to run away from the cops?

I don't recall being invited to that.

- But I think I had mono anyway.
- Oh.

Kevin, is this drink gonna be better?

I feel good about it.

Mm, well, if you feel good, then I feel good.

[Clicks tongue]

Yeah, Kevin, it better be good,
or I'm gonna tell your Mom.

[Laughs] I know his Mom.
We joined curves together.

Anyway, you know what?

You haven't told me about your husband.

What does he do?

Uh, let's see, he gets half my winnings.

We're divorced.

Ooh, I'm so sorry. I...

No, it's way better.

We're... you know, we're
great. We're still best friends.

And our son is in South America,
and he's helping the locals

start a system of sustainable agriculture.

Yeah.

Mmm!

Kevin! Get over here!

This isn't good, Kevy, and my friend here

has yet to taste a real St. Louis Melon Ball.

You know what? Watch out. I'm coming over.

You know, we're gonna be spending

a lot of time here, Kevin.

And we need our Melon Balls to be made right.

Frankie, no! You spit that out right now.

That's the bad one.

So, Dad, I picked this up in
the free bin at the library,

and I thought you and Mom
might find it very interesting.

It's called "Far Out Parenting."

It was written in the '70s,
but I think it still applies.

Just substitute "flip-flops"
for "go-go boots,"

and "oboe" for "drugs."

Put it in the john. Maybe I'll check it out.

Wow, ooh, oh, wow, wow.

Ooh! Crazy night. [Sighs]

Crazy, crazy night.

Really? Nothing?

Does nobody around here
care about my life at all?

I saw the end of the night.

I think I can connect the
dots on how you got there.

So listen, this hose water is really
making this coffee taste weird.

- I was thinking we should...
- [Cell phone vibrates]

- Mm, oh, hang on a second. It's Pam.
- Mm.

[Laughs] Was... Totally
in, period, sane, period.

[Cell phone beeps] All right,
sorry, what were you saying?

I'm saying we need to do
something about the sink situation.

- It's freezing out there. We're losing heat.
- [Door closes]

No, Sue, no.

No oboe today. My head can't take it.

Honestly, I'm losing faith in my ability

to master the oboe in the time required.

But doesn't matter,

because what I heard what
colleges are really looking for

are girls who do rowing.

But you don't do rowing.

- No, but...
- [Pop]

I have been working on my upper arm strength,

and I think I could be really good at it.

Look at this. [Blows air] If
I were in a boat right now,

I'd be, like, a hundred feet away.

[Cell phone vibrates] [Laughs]

Is there room for two in that boat?

Okay, change of plans. [Cell
phone buttons clicking, beeps]

Mike, put my egg pockets back in the freezer.

I'm going to brunch with Pam Staggs.

[Slurring] Look! Mike! [Bracelets clanging]

Aren't these pretty?

- They're from the Chico's in Santa Fe.
- [Grunting]

Pam Staggs gave them to me
just 'cause I said I liked them.

[Groans] Well, maybe next time,

you can tell her you like her sink.

[Laughing]

You're so funny.

- All right, go to sleep. Sleepy, sleepy...
- Okay.

[Snoring]

[Sighs]

Frankie: Here's the thing
about trying to date a girl

who's a lot like you...
you know her weaknesses.

Quick game of horse. One game.

If I win, you go out with me.

If you win... highly doubtful...

I'll leave you alone.

[Inhales sharply] Yeah, not doing that.

Why not? You scared? You
don't think you can beat me?

Uh, no, I know I can beat you.

Well, prove it.

Fine.

Left hand, over the head,
no look, nothing but net.

You know what they say...

if at first you don't
beat a girl in basketball

to win a date, try, try again.

So this is your idea of leaving me alone?

Ooh, somebody likes herself some her.

You think I'm just out
running looking for you?

- I'm training on my
off-season. - Oh, really?

Funny how I've never
seen you out here before.

Yeah. Funny. Race you to the mailbox.

You trying to run away from
that body spray you have on?

It's McConaughey by McConaughey for men.

Then, why are you wearing it?

So, Mike get this,

Pam's house is one of
the Homearama 2014 houses.

You would believe this place.

They've got remote-control window shade

there's a TV in every room,
but there's also a room

just for watching TV.

Frankie, I couldn't care less

if Pam Staggs lives in a big house.

I'm just saying, it's not
the worst thing in the world

to have a millionaire for a best friend.

Yeah, well, I could just use a break

from the constant Pam Staggs updates.

Oh, wow, okay, I get it. Just admit it.

You don't like Pam Staggs.

No, I don't like you when
you're with Pam Staggs.

You act stupid. You act like a big dummy.

Oh, you're a big dummy.

Okay, you're not in high
school anymore, Frankie.

So stop trying to act like you are.

You've been out every night this week.

Well... [scoffs] I've been breaking rocks

in this prison for 20 years.

I think I've earned a
little time out in the yard.

Wow.

You don't want me to have any fun.

I find that very sad.

I want you to have fun.

I just want you to have
old, married people, Mom fun.

- The kids...
- Oh, don't bring the kids into this.

The kids are older now. They're fine.

I know what the kids are doing every second.

- [Sue screaming and coughing]
- This just isn't you, Frankie.

I don't get why you're twisting yourself

into something that you're not

just to please some crazy
girl from high school.

For your information,
Pam and I are very close.

Who did she seek out when
she came back to Orson? Me.

This is about more than just partying, Mike.

Pam and I have a real connection.

She told me about her divorce,
her uterus... heavy stuff.

I told her stuff, too.

[Mouth full] Wait a minute.

You talked about stuff. What stuff?

Just that you were emotionally distant.

But don't worry. I told
her we went to counseling.

You came out sounding very good.

- Frankie!
- What?

She gave me divorce and uterus, Mike.

What was I supposed to give her?

That you don't put the cap back
on the ketchup bottle? Blah.

I had to give her something
of equal or greater value.

Oh, and in case she asks,
during your gambling addiction,

I stayed for a month at my Mom's,

but now we're closer than ever.

Oh! I gotta go change. I'm meeting Pam.

- Again?
- It's ladies drink free, Mike.

I could stay here and drink our beer,

and then we'd be losing money.

I'll go out, drink some beer,

and then like a mama bird, I will come home

and spit in your mouth.

You already did that last night.

[Scoffs]

Both:
reunited 'cause we understood

[Scattered applause and laughter]

What's Peaches without her Herb?

Oh, seriously, I'm so glad I ran into you,

'cause believe me, I had called everybody,

and I mean, everybody I liked in high school,

and they've all moved.

I guess everyone else left Orson

to pursue their dreams but you.

Oh, wait, here's the solo part.

This is just me.

[TV playing indistinctly]

- [Door closes]
- Hey, Dad.

I need you to sign this
form so I can join 4-H.

What?

4-H. It's an organization for teens.

It's something to do with agriculture,

and you have to grow crops and stuff.

Oh, yeah, and I might
have to raise an animal.

Why would you wanna do that?

Because everybody's caught on to
the whole oboe and rowing thing,

but 4-H is kind of under
the radar these days.

Yeah, but are you really
that interested in farming?

Dad, just don't talk. You don't get it.

Gladly.

[Sighs] I gotta say, Brick,

you're annoying me the least this week.

Thanks, Dad.

I know we don't always share
a lot of the same interests,

but I think we're both very calm.

[Crunching]

[Doorbell rings]

Frankie, where were you?

I thought we were supposed
to meet at Suds and Duds.

You know, you don't have
to do laundry to drink.

Yeah, Pam, I don't think...

Oh, my God, are you mad at me?

You're mad at me. You
got so quiet at karaoke.

That thing I said... it just came out wrong.

What I meant to say was, I
called all my real friends,

and they had all moved.

So thank goodness, you never
followed any of your dreams!

Come on. Don't be mad at Peaches.

Pam, it's not just that.
You know, I'm a little tired.

- I got the kids and...
- Of course!

Ugh, what was I thinking?

We'll stay in!

That's why I always bring purse wine. Whoo!

[Sighs]

[Clack]

- Boom.
- Seriously?

Is there anything you're not good at?

Word searches. I get way too frustrated.

8-ball, corner pocket, for the win.

Oh, my God.

You scratched. I win! I win! [Laughs] Loser!

Of course, it's not really a loss

'cause you get me. [Chuckles]

Wait a minute. Did you
just do that on purpose?

Did you just let me win?

You'll never know.

Pick me up at 8:00. No body spray.

[Imitates Matthew McConaughey]
All right, all right, all right.

What are you doing?

Oh, I had to get out of there.

I don't know what's worse,

your Mom going out with Pam Staggs,

or your Mom staying in with Pam Staggs.

I was hiding at the library.
I thought she'd be gone by now.

Yeah, well, she's not.

You know, you and I can just
get an apartment together.

The Jetzons:
if I
could have all the women

Come on, Frankie! Stand up and dance with me.

It's not fun by myself.

Yeah, you know, Pam, I'm not really in the...

Oh, oh, I've got a great idea.

Let's prank call Gary Pope, remember him?

Yeah, he died.

Oh.

Well, here's to Gary. Gary! Gary!

Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary.

Pam, this is really fun and all,

but tomorrow's a workday,

and most of us have to go to work.

We didn't all win a million dollars.

Yeah, but I did.

Seriously, Frankie, if
you do go to work tomorrow,

how much would you make? Why
don't I just write you a check?

That is tempting,

but tomorrow's the day I get to clean out

- the saliva ejector...
- Oh, no. We're out of fun juice.

- [Bottle thuds]
- Ugh, we gotta make a booze run.

Where's the young one?

Does he drive? I mean, I'll run in.

You know, Pam, maybe this is a sign

we should be winding things down a bit.

Oh, isn't that great?

Here, I want you to keep
it. Here, it's yours.

Pam, you can't just keep
giving me your stuff.

- No, come on, take it.
- Yeah, I don't want it.

- Just take it.
- I don't...

Mike, she won't dance with me
and she won't take my speaker.

Okay.

But you'll dance with me, won't you?

[Snapping fingers]

Oh, you're so sweaty.

I love me some salty snacks.

[Music stops]

[Gasps]

- Frankie.
- [Giggles]

What are you doing?

You just licked my husband.

Look, I don't know how
they do things in St. Louis,

but around here, we don't
lick each other's husbands.

We just don't.

I don't care if you are Pam Staggs.

People don't exist just for you
to call them when you're bored,

or back up your karaoke,
or loan you their lipstick

so you can write your phone number

on Kevin's windshield.

What the hell is wrong with you?!

[Voice breaks] A lot of things.

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

I don't know what's the matter with me!

I...My life is such a mess! I'm such a mess!

[Breathing heavily]

You know my whole life,
people always tried to put me

way up here on one of those... Thingies,

what do you call them? Those high things?

- Pedestals?
- Yeah, those!

But I-I don't belong up there.

I belong down here because I am not perfect!

You know, I had to move here from St. Louis

because my husband left me.

And he didn't even have
the decency to cheat on me.

He just didn't wanna be with me.

[Sniffles] And my son...

Yeah, he's in South America, all right...

Growing pot!

Oh, you have no idea what a
burden this money is, Frankie.

You are so lucky that you have nothing.

Don't you think that I
would love to dye my hair

in my bathroom like you do and then ride off

into the sunset with my salty husband?

Because I would, and I'd do it in a second.

Another thing, you know,

the only thing Pat Sajak said to me was,

"you're standing in my light."

[Inhales sharply] I lied.

I'm a liar. [Crying]

I'm just a beautiful...
Wealthy liar! [Sobbing]

Pam, I-I am so sorry.

I honestly had no idea.

Oh, you've got a little snot thingie here.

- I'll get you a Kleenex.
- [Crying]

[Sighs]

She's miserable, Mike.

Pam Staggs is miserable!

[Gasps] Her life is horrible!

She wants what I have. Can you believe it?

She wishes she was me! [Laughs]

I guess it's true what they
say, money doesn't buy happiness.

Not that being poor does either.

But when you think about it, our
family really does have it all goin' on.

Have you seen my Mom?

And as for sad, pathetic Pam? Well, I
didn't see her much after that night.

But I did hear she started
dating the real estate guy

who sold her Homearama home.

Me? I wouldn't trade places for the world.

Because, pardon my French...

I am Frankie freakin' Heck.

Sinc and corrections by caioalbanezi
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0