All language subtitles for The Middle s06e09 The Christmas Wall.eng

[Crow caws]

Frankie: Christmas season
is built on tradition,

and no tradition is more beloved

than the family
gathering together

to pick out the
perfect Christmas tree.

Man on P.A.: Gary to automotive,
please. Gary to automotive.

Why do we have to
get a fake tree?

Why can't we get a real
tree and a fake Sue?

It's not my fault
I'm allergic, Axl.

I feel bad enough.

Look, nobody's saying
it's gonna be the same,

but once you put lights
on an artificial tree,

it can look very realistic.

Come on. Let's just
check out our choices.

We have trees with
lights already on,

trees that look like
they're covered in snow.

And, you know, it's
good for the environment

'cause they're
made out of plastic.

I like the pink one.

This is the tree we're
gonna have until we die.

It's not gonna be pink.

Brick: Fake trees are weird.
They don't smell like Christmas.

If being weird was a reason
not to take things home,

we would have left
you at the hospital.

- [Sighs]
- You did.

Okay, look, we're parked in the
loading zone, so let's wrap it up.

What do we think, hmm?

- Sue: Sparkly one!
- Brick: Snow tree.

Axl: Whatever gets
us out of here!

As it's been since biblical
times, 50% off wins.

You keep saying
"a" goes into "b,"

but I'm telling
you, it doesn't fit.

But that's because the
branches are also color-coded.

Blue "a" goes into red
"b." I showed you the chart.

Mm.

This is so much less
joyful than killing a tree.

[Sighs] I still
have so much to do.

I got to run out and
buy wrapping paper,

I got to get out the dancing Santa,
I got to set up the Christmas village.

Although I don't
know why I bother.

The only one who even notices
is Axl, and that's just

so he can put the villagers
in compromising positions.

- Yeah.
- Lates.

Hey, where you going?

And what's with the hat?

If you must know, it's part
of our new business venture...

"tree wise men," a subsidiary
of Boss CO. Enterprises.

We're getting paid to put up people's
Christmas lights and decorations.

It's the season to get rich.

Well, we have a tree right here,
and as soon as it gets assembled,

we are decorating
it as a family.

Oh, but this is the only chance
I get to hang out with my friends.

Now that I'm in college,
which you guys insisted on,

I never get to see them anymore.

Okay, but as soon
as you get back,

we're making a trip
to the frugal hoosier.

I'm filling two cars with stuff,

and you're gonna be
my Christmas helper.

Ugh. Fine.

But I'm gonna need
10 bucks for my time.

Oh, are we settling up?

Because I put a bill together for
all the things I've done for you,

and it's a billion dollars.

[Scoffs]

We hit the jackpot today
eight Christmas cards.

The Kirkwoods wish us
a happy holidays and...

hold on. It's got
a letter in it.

It's all about their
doings and goings-on.

Jackson was made captain
of the soccer team.

Oh, Dale's ankle's better.

Who's Dale, again?

Some guy I went to
high school with.

And yet he thought he should share
every detail of his life with you?

Yeah, Brick. It's
a Christmas letter.

People update you on their lives.
It's a way to keep in touch.

- So we've gotten more of these?
- Yeah, I usually throw them out.

Why? They're fascinating.

Emily's engaged! They like him!

Have you seen the
top of the tree?

No.

You didn't take it into
the bathroom, did you?

Yeah, I took the top of
the tree into the bathroom.

I'm just saying.

I find the remote in
there all the time.

Well, big work's out of the way.

I'd say we've earned
ourselves a boss break.

Rudolph always made
me sad, you know?

They wouldn't ever let him
play any reindeer games.

That's B.S., man.

Hey, if you're gonna feel bad

for anyone in the Rudolph special,
it's the Island of Misfit Toys.

Train with the square wheels,

that cowboy riding an
ostrich, King Moonracer.

Man, that place is depressing.

I agree with you on the depressing,
but you're wrong about King Moonracer.

He was not one of
the misfit toys.

Yeah, he was. He was on
the Island of Misfit Toys.

Therefore, he's a toy.

The lion with the wings?

He was the leader of the misfit
toys... he wasn't one of them.

So you're telling me King
Moonracer, this guy here,

would willingly hang out with a bunch
of unwanted toys when he didn't have to?

- Good point.
- Think about the end of the special,

when Santa delivers
the misfit toys.

Who's not in the bag? That's
right... King Moonracer.

Booyah!

I guess that settles it.

Yeah, but they only show, like,
five toys being dropped of.

Just 'cause king
moonracer isn't one of them

doesn't mean he's not a toy.

I'm pretty sure that
more than five toys

get delivered on Christmas.

What is your problem, man?

Why do you hate King
Moonracer so much?

I don't hate him. He's
one of my favorite toys.

Stop calling him a toy!

So, Jackson made
soccer in September.

How'd the season go?

Oh. That had to be great
for his self-esteem.

Hey, is Emily there?
I'd love to talk to her.

Who are you talking to?

Oh, the Kirkwoods.

The family who sent us
the Christmas letter.

Brick, we barely even
know those people.

Why would you call them?

What am I supposed to do?

Wait till next year to
find out what happened?

That's like reading the
first chapter of a book,

then waiting a year
to read the next one.

Emily! What up, girl?

You and Marshall set a date yet?

- [Door opens]
- Hello?

[Sighs] Can you believe this?

They can't just give me
the top of a different tree.

I got to come back here, take this
tree apart, put it all back in the box,

and then haul the whole thing
back to the store and return it.

Really? Did you tell them
it was just missing the top?

Yes.

Well, did you tell
them that's ridiculous?

- Yes.
- Well, did you tell...

everything you're about to
say to me, I said to them.

Frankie: Yep, it was beginning
to feel a lot like Christmas...

stressful, irritating,
and overwhelming.

[Sighs]

That reindeer looks
good over there, Axl.

Yeah.

Hey, Sean, you want to arrange
the bag of toys on the sleigh?

Fine.

I know one guy who
won't be in that bag.

I know what you're getting at, Axl.
I'm not gonna sink to your level.

I'm just saying, if we want
to be factually correct...

and we are professionals...

King Moonracer would not be in
that bag, 'cause he's not a toy.

He's obviously a toy!

All of the unwanted toys have some
problem that makes them a misfit.

His is that he's
a lion with wings!

Would you listen to yourself?

"Lion with wings"...
where's the problem?

That's not misfit.
That's just awesome.

Guys...

If he were a real lion with wings, he
wouldn't hang out at the north pole.

He'd be flying around Africa,
picking up gazelles and eating them.

Oh, there you go,
throwing around facts...

"meh, meh, lions
live in Africa."

You always got to
be right, don't you?

That's so Donahue.

It's got nothing to do
with me being a Donahue!

It's about thinking
things through.

You think you're so cool, you can just
say whatever dumb thing you want...

people just agree
with the Ax Man.

Well, guess what.
Those days are over.

You're such
a know-it-all.

Yeah, well, you're
a know-it-nothing.

- Idiot!
- Jerk!

- [Footsteps approach]
- That store was a zoo.

Took me 45 minutes just
to get somebody to help me.

[Sighs]

What's with you?

- What's the point of Christmas?
- What?

I don't know if
I can do it, Mike.

I think I'm done.

Did you get into the eggnog
already? There better be some left.

No, it's just...

Christmas is so overwhelming.

What is the point of it all?

I get the ladder, I climb up,

I drag down all the decorations,
I put them out everywhere.

Week or two later, pack them up,

lug them back up the
ladder, put them away again.

Why do I have to go to one
store for wrapping paper

and another store for bows?

Why can't we just use the
birthday wrapping paper?

It's all just so tedious.

You know what?
You're just in a funk.

We'll get the tree up,

and you'll get in
the Christmas spirit.

Are you kidding me?

I got to go back again?

Make sure you tell them...

I know what to tell them!

[Chuckles]

[Sighs]

- Look. Grandma sent fudge.
- Ooh!

Hey, mom, I can't find the
Christmas wrapping paper.

And I got Darrin that
3-foot teddy bear he wanted,

so I'm gonna need a lot of it.

You know what, Sue? I'm
not buying it this year.

We have so much
birthday wrapping paper.

Just use that.

[Laughs] You're joking, right?

I can't use birthday
wrapping paper.

Well, I just don't
want to go to the store

and deal with all the traffic
and the crowds and the blah.

What?

Don't worry. We'll
still have Christmas.

I'm just not gonna get sucked
into all the trappings this year.

[Door opens]

Axl! Mom says she's not getting
sucked into all the trappings.

What?

She says she's not
doing Christmas.

Whoa! Whoa!
[Laughing] Whoa, whoa.

I'm pretty sure
there's a law that says

I have to get
presents on Christmas.

Relax. You're all
getting presents.

I'm just not gonna
spend all my time

running around
decorating and wrapping

and being so miserable,
I don't enjoy Christmas.

This is weird.
You're being weird.

Brick, mom says she's not
getting sucked into the trappings.

Tell her she can't do that.

Is this 'cause you think the
holiday should be more about Jesus?

S-sure. That too.

But right now, for me,

it's just more about laying
around and watching TV,

eating my mom's fudge,

and actually having fun
at Christmas for once.

But you can't just, like,
lay around all Christmas.

Why can't I? You
do it all the time.

As a matter of fact...

Okay.

There. Now, this
is the way to relax.

I think you're
onto something, Axl.

Good god! Cover yourself!

- Stop it!
- Aah!

- Let me enjoy my Christmas!
- No!

What is going on here?!

Jill Kirkwood would
never act like this!

- Let me have my Christmas!
- Axl: Behave! Mom!

Hey, there. I need to...

hmm.

Ma'am, w...

hey, hey, hey. I need
to return this tree.

Oh, sure. I can
help you with that.

Is there a problem with it?

Yeah, I'd say so.

It's supposed to
be green, but...

Oh, it's pink.

It is pink.

Oh. I see what happened.

See, the box was mislabeled.

Yeah. I'm glad we all know the
problem. Now let's get to the solution.

You know, this happened to me once
when I worked in home lighting.

We got in a shipment
of wall sconces.

Yeah, that's a good story.

Listen, I've been to this
store three times today.

I just want to get the
tree I paid for and go.

So, green?

Yes... green.

[Beep]

It looks like we're sold out
of that model in the green.

I think we have one in the back,

but it doesn't have a top.

Yeah, I returned that one.

So you don't want
that tree, then?

No, I don't want
the tree I returned.

[Beeping] I think we have a
couple in our jasper store,

so if we do a return
on this one now,

you can go pick up the
new tree at that location.

- [Beeping]
- Fine.

Now, there is a restocking fee
because the box has been opened,

but you ow what...
I'm gonna waive for ya.

Looks ke it's your lucky day.

[Laughing] Yeah.
Feeling real lucky.

Okay, something is
seriously wrong with mom,

and we need to figure it out.

Axl, what did you do?

Whoa. Why do you
think it's my fault?

'Cause you always something.

Did you call her "old," "gross"?

Obviously. I've been
home for two days.

No, I blame Brick.

He's the one who's
home all the time,

and the stress of
his freakishness

has probably taken
its toll on mom.

Me? I raise myself
like a cactus.

They hardly have to do anything.

Personally, I think it's Sue.

Mom's got to be cracking

under the pressure of
sending her to college.

She does complain
about that a lot.

Yeah. I'm with Brick.

That's two votes for
Sue. The Sues have it.

Oh, really?

Well, if it's my fault,

why is mom sitting
around with no pants on?

I think we all know
who that lesson's for.

You know, the Kirkwoods
just went through

a very similar situation
with their grandma.

Jill had to put her
in assisted living.

But she's very happy, though.

They show "Hot in Cleveland"
in the bridge room.

Okay, I change my vote.
It's definitely Brick.

Hey, have you guys seen this
show "Chrome Underground"?

It is awesome!

These guys travel to the most
dangerous neighborhoods in the world

looking to buy exotic cars.

- That one is Yusuf, and...
- Yeah.

Mom, um, we just wanted to
talk to you for a second.

We just wanted to
say that we apologize

and are so sorry.

For what?

Just a... General... Sorriness.

We're gonna work on
bringing our grades up.

And we're gonna
stop licking things.

Well, we're certainly gonna try.

Look, you don't have to
apologize for anything.

You didn't do anything wrong.

Then why don't you
put on some pants

and bake cookies?

[Chuckles] Hey, I am
totally pro-cookie here.

I'm just not doing it.

Well, how about the
Christmas letter?

When are you gonna write that?

Look, for years, I
ran myself ragged,

but this year, I just
hit the Christmas wall.

Don't let me stop you, though.

If you guys want
that stuff, go. Do.

I'm just enjoying the not doing.

Oh, my god. Mom's
lost her spirit.

I've heard this
happens to old people.

First it's the spirit,
then it's the knees.

[tires squeal] Mm, mm,
mm! Look, look, look!

Now the guys are being
chased by the polic�a.

You got to remember
In these countries,

sometimes the polic�a are
not actually the polic�a.

Well, after paying for
damages, we each made...

$1.

Okay.

Guess that's it, then.

Yep. That is it.

Guys, this is ridiculous.

We're not even talking
to each other now?

Maybe he's right.

We've been friends since we
were 4. We're like brothers.

But clearly, we got to have an
answer on this King Moonracer thing.

All right. Here's the plan.

We sequester Darrin away
with no outside influence.

He watches the entire "Rudolph
the Red-Nosed Reindeer" special,

and whatever he
decides, we live with it,

no matter what.

Done.

Wow.

Our whole, entire
friendship is at stake.

This is serious business.

I will watch this
cartoon for you.

[Car door closes]

Hey, dad, I've been working
on the family Christmas letter,

and I want to run it by you.

Uh, not a good time, Brick.

I just drove all the way to
Jasper and then to Bedford

'cause they put a tree on hold
for me, which apparently means

"sell it to whoever walks
in and asks for one."

You know, if you can make
that a bit more interesting,

I think I can squeeze
it in this baby.

Here's what I got so far.

"Dear friends,
merry Christmas 2014.

"What a year.

"Mom doesn't wear pants anymore.

"She's got an unsightly
bruise on her hip

"that's been there since july.

"She says if it doesn't
go away in a week,

"she'll go to the doctor.

"Finances weigh
heavy on our minds.

"The sink fell through
the counter last month,

"and now we wash
dishes in the shower.

"Axl's football career
appears to be over,

"as he dropped the ball... both
literally and figuratively."

I'm very proud of that part.

Yeah.

"Mom and dad stay up
late worried about Sue

doing something with
Darrin called 'losing it.'"

Whoa!

Brick, you can't say
any of that stuff.

Why not? It's all true.

Yeah, well, that's exactly why.

Christmas letters are
just for the good things

that happened in the last year.

Oh.

Well, that's gonna
be a lot harder.

And shorter.

[Chuckling] Yeah.

Axl, I need your help.

Dad won't let me write anything
bad in the Christmas letter,

but I can't think
of one good thing

that's happened to
the family this year.

Not now, Brick. We're in the
middle of something important here.

Darrin wants to know
if he can rewind.

[Both inhale sharply]

First impressions only.

Yeah, we don't want
Darrin thinking too much.

Okay.

So, what am I supposed
to do about the letter?

I can't write anything
good, but I can't lie.

Sure you can. People lie
all the time in those things.

Wait... so you're
telling me 2014

wasn't a great year
for the Kirkwoods?

Maybe not.

But what about the
addition to the house

they built in the backyard?

Probably so the dad had somewhere
to get away from the mom.

Wow.

I feel like I don't know
the Kirkwoods at all.

[Hurried footsteps approach]

Darrin wants to know if he
can reference source material.

We'll allow it.

Look, you sent me to Jasper.
Jasper sent me to Bedford.

Then bedford sent
me to Clay City.

All I know is, it's two
days before Christmas

and I still don't have a tree.

Just sell me the floor model,
and I'll get out of here.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's tree's
just a display. I can't sell it.

Why not? Because if I did,

people wouldn't know we
have that tree for sale.

But you don't have
that tree for sale.

Yes, but we have a
shipment coming in.

Well, how about you
sell me the floor model,

then when the shipment comes in,

you make one of
those the floor model?

Whoa! That's not how
we do things here.

[Sighs] All right. Let
me talk to your manager.

I am the manager.

Then let me speak
to your supervisor.

Actually, there
is no one above me

that you can talk
to about this matter.

Really?

There's no one above you?

You're in charge
of the whole store?

You're the C.E.O. of Homeville?

At the end of the day, you
hop into your private jet

and fly off to your lake house?

You? Danny?

I-I might.

Knock, knock.

Hey, Nancy.

Frankie... What's going on?

I've heard that you lost
your Christmas spirit.

Is that true?

Au contraire. I have found it.

It's just that I noticed

the geese out front aren't
dressed for Christmas.

The wreath isn't on your door.

I'm afraid if I go in
your guest bathroom,

there'll just be regular
hand towels in there.

Nancy, I'm fine.

In fact, I'm great.

For the first time, I am
free from the holidays.

You get brainwashed
into thinking

if you don't go overboard,

the whole world's
gonna fall apart.

I'm telling you,
it's the magazines

and the papers and the malls...

all a part of this
giant corporate thing

called "big Christmas."

Frankie, what are you saying?

It was said,

"unto them a leader was born
to show them a new path."

Oh, nancy, take off
your pants and join me.

But...

But you have to have the
smell of cookies baking.

Do you, Nancy?

Do you?

What about wrapping
the garage door

like a giant Christmas present?

The custom-made nutcracker
for each member of the family?

Imagine a world where
you don't do those things.

Imagine a world where you don't
stay up till 3:00 in the morning

making your white-chocolate-covered
pretzel rings.

What would happen, Nancy?

What if you just said... "No"?

I got to go!

I'm caroling later!

- [Door opens]
- Coward!

A verdict has been reached.

Gentlemen, I have
come to a decision.

After considering both sides,

uh, the choice became clear.

He's weaseling out!

Sean: Get back here!

Get back here! Hey!

[Grunts]

No!

No! No!

[Grunts]

- Tell us your decision!
- We need an answer!

- No! I don't want to!
- If you don't, we'll whitewash you!

Okay, okay! King Moonracer...

Is a toy.

- [Sighs]
- I'm sorry, man.

No hard feelings?

I just need a minute.

[Sighs]

You're doing it wrong.
You're making a girl angel.

You should make a boy angel.

There's no such thing
as a boy snow angel.

Snow angels are unisex.

Unisex? That doesn't make sense.

Hey, man, he's still raw.

Let him be.

I think it looks really nice.

Yeah. Better than I thought.

I see you wrapped the presents.

[Sighs]

Mike, I know it was an
unconventional Christmas,

but I got to say,
I really enjoyed it.

Yeah, well, you needed a break.

I'm just happy to see you happy.

Aww. If there was
mistletoe up, I'd kiss you.

- Mm.
- [Sighs]

It's funny... for me, I always kind
of enjoyed all the Christmas stuff.

Hmm.

Didn't really get that
in my house growing up.

I mean, after my mom died,
it was just a bunch of guys.

Nobody was gonna decorate.

[Chuckles lightly]

In fact...

I didn't really ever celebrate
Christmas until I met you.

Anyway, I'm sure the
kids will be up early.

I'm gonna go to bed.

Mwah.

Aw, crap.

[Sighs]

Oh, my God.

It's Christmas!

Look! Look! The tree
It's pink and green!

Oh, my God. This is amazing!

Mom!

Oh, you got us so good!

[Chkles]

Hello, Mr. Mailman.

Meet Miss Ice Skater.

[Gasps] Have you got
a package for her?

Yes! "Infinite Jest"!
I wanted this!

Frickin' Christmas...
It's so awesome.

It really is the best holiday.

Every time you think you're out,

it just sucks you back in.

Who wants cocoa?

- I do!
- Me!

Right here!

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www.addic7ed.com

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