All language subtitles for The Middle s06e07 Thanksgiving.eng

[Crow caws]

Frankie: Thanksgiving.

What do the Hecks and the
Pilgrims have in common?

No indoor plumbing.

How many times do I have to tell you?

Coffeepot is stream.

Ice tray is mist.

Mm.

Okay, listen, Mike. I was thinking.

You know how we always say

only losers and sad, pathetic people

go out to dinner for Thanksgiving?

So are you saying we're
going out this year?

No. Well, yes, but not 'cause we're losers.

'Cause we have a floor
sink and a tiny table.

Don't exactly sound like winners.

[Scoffs]

Okay, just... just follow me here.

I saw an ad in the paper
that king Henry's feast

is doing a Thanksgiving buffet,
and it's only $7.99 a person.

They're doing all the Thanksgiving staples,

plus their full complement
of international cuisine.

And as an added bonus,

we don't have to do the
dishes in the bathtub.

You don't have to convince
me to leave this house.

Long as I get some turkey, I'm fine.

Wait a minute. What's going on?

Are we not having
Thanksgiving at home this year?

Sue, take a look around this place.

But we have to stay home.

Thanksgiving's not Thanksgiving

without frugal hoosier canned corn,

safeway boxed stuffing,
and CVS pumpkin pie.

Brick, did you hear this?

Mom and dad say

we're having Thanksgiving at a restaurant.

Well, I'm actually okay with that.

Of course, I'll have to
run it by Cindy first.

Why?

Well, it's a major holiday.

We can't just spend time with my family.

You know what? Let's not
make a big deal about this.

I already got Cindy breathing down my neck.

I don't need you guys.

Sue: Axl! Did you hear this?

Mom and dad say we're having
Thanksgiving at a restaurant.

Oh. So mom's not cooking?

At last... something to
be truly thankful for.

Oh, and listen, Axl...
I invited Devin Levin

to come down and have dinner with us,

so I'm gonna need you to
drive her home from school.

No! No way.

I'm not driving Devin
Levin here from college.

I told you a million times!
I'm not telling you again!

I know this seems like an
extreme reaction, even for Axl,

but this Devin Levin battle
had been raging for two years.

Mm. Axl.

My hair person's cousin's
niece's daughter is from Idaho,

and she just started at east Indiana,

so since she really
doesn't know anybody yet,

I thought it'd be nice if
you called her just to say hi.

Well, think again,

'cause there's no way I'm
calling some uggo from Idaho.

Did you ever call Devin Levin?
I asked you six months ago.

Mom, I don't have time. I'm studying.

Axl, this is getting embarrassing.

You have to call her
before my roots grow out.

I'm sorry, but I'm not leaving that girl

stranded for Thanksgiving.

That's not how we roll.

I'm asking you to do this,
and you do for family.

But you don't do for hairdresser's family.

Look, it's hard to find a good hair person

who works out of her garage,

but I did it, and you're doing this.

Wait... so it's not
gonna be just our family?

It's not just our family anyway.

Brick's bringing Cindy and Darrin's coming.

Ugh.

Wait. Sue's bringing a date
and Brick's bringing a date?

That means Devin Levin's
gonna think it's a date.

Relax. I didn't tell her it was a date.

Mom [Chuckles] look at me.

If I pick a girl up, she's
gonna think it's a date.

All right, I smoothed
things over with Cindy.

She's gonna spend Thanksgiving with us,

but I'm gonna have to do
Christmas with her folks.

I think for new year's,

we're just gonna go skiing with her Uncle.

So, Thanksgiving day arrived,

and Axl finally agreed
to pick up Devin Levin.

He might not always show it,

but deep down, he's a perfect gentleman.

[Horn blaring]

[Blaring stops]

I was right here.

So-rry!

How would I know it's you?
We don't even know each other.

I'm just giving you a
ride. I have a girlfriend.

O... Kay.

Aren't those your pregnancy pants?

They used to be my pregnancy pants.

Now they're my holiday pants.

Ah.

Well, mom, do you mind if I ask you

kind of a serious question?

Uh... Sure.

[Clears throat]

Does dad not like Darrin?

What?! Pfft!

Of course dad likes Darrin.
Why would you say that?

W-well, the other day,
you were talking about

who was coming to Thanksgiving dinner,

and after you said Darrin was coming,

dad said, "ugh."

No. He didn't say, "ugh."

He said... "Ah."

You know, like, "ah, that's nice."

No. It was definitely an "ugh."
I remember it very vividly.

You said, "Darrin is
coming," and dad said, "ugh."

Look, Sue, don't take it personally.

Your dad likes us, and that's about it.

And some days, not even us.

[Rock music plays loudly]

So, are we going right to the restaurant,

or are we stopping at your house first?!

[Volume decreases]

What?

I was just wondering...

are we going straight to the King's Feast,

or are we stopping at your house first?

Uh, no, we will not be
stopping at my house first.

Nice try.

Well, out of respect for the King,

I better get out of my hoop clothes.

Okay.

Can't forget my seat belt.

Safety first.

[Sighs]

Could've sworn I had a
bag of funyuns in here.

I always travel with funyuns.

They're like fun onions. They're funyuns!

Ooh! Bingo!

[Crunching]

You do realize we're eating dinner

in like less than an hour, right?

[Muffled] Okay, dad.

You know, I got to say,

it was really cool of your mom
to invite me to Thanksgiving.

I mean, I would've been totally fine

just hanging out in my dorm.

[Smacks lips] We could
still make that happen.

Yeah, you know,

I can pretty much cook
anything on a hot plate.

The other night, I made
brownies and lasagna.

You can't make brownies on a hot plate.

Sure you can. You can make
anything on a hot plate.

All you need is heat and the will to do it.

Hmm.

You ready?

Yep. Just waiting for Brick's girlfriend.

No matter how many times I say
that, it still sounds weird.

Uh, you know, you guys don't have to drive.

We can all ride in Darrin's pickup.

It's 34 degrees out.

There's a tarp to keep us warm.

We can all fit in dad's car, Sue.

Okay, fine, but it's guys in
the front and girls in the back

so that dad and Darrin can talk.

About what?

[Doorbell rings]

Hi, Cindy.

I like your dress.

It has turkeys on it.

[Engine revs, tires squeal]

What kind of parents

just dump their 12-year-old
on Thanksgiving and take off?

You're just mad you
didn't think of it first.

Mm.

[Indistinct conversations]

Pretty long line.

You know where there are no lines? Home.

[Scoffs] It's fine.

Look, that table's getting
ready to leave. I can feel it.

Hey, let's all give them the stink eye,

get them to move along.

Oh, crap. They're heading
for the appetizers.

They're starting the
whole process over again.

We're never gonna eat.

We have a table for five.
Anyone with a party of five?

Oh!

One, two, three, four, five.

Six.

[Smacks lips]

Hey, Darrin, um,

can I see you by the
king's gumballs, please?

- [Giggles]
- What's up?

Okay, so, I was just thinking,
since it's Thanksgiving

and, you know, your first
major holiday with my family,

maybe you could just...

[Clicks tongue] Kick it up a notch.

Kick what up a notch?

Uh... Nothing specific,

but if you could just
be a little bit better.

But not so much better

that it looks like you're trying too hard,

but better than you are right now.

Not that you're not great.

[Chuckles]

I'm not exactly sure what
you're asking me, but okay.

Mm-hmm.

Shoot. Now I feel like
you're gonna do too much.

So don't even worry about it.

Just forget everything I said

and be yourself, like you normally are.

But a little bit better.

Okay.

I really like that stuffed pink flounder.

Flounders are my favorite animal.

Then the flounder, you shall have.

[Coin clinks]

["Start game" music plays]

[Claw clicking]

Hmm.

["Game over" music plays]

I'll give it one more shot.

Okay, well, I'll sit next to mom,

and Brick can sit next to Cindy,

and then...

Darrin, why don't you sit next to my dad?

[Chuckles]

[Clears throat] We're here!

Next stop... food coma. Lates.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where are you going?

We haven't even said hi to Devin Levin.

I got to say, it's so
nice to finally meet you.

Sorry it took so long.

Oh, no. It's all good.
Thanks for having me.

Sure! So, let's see.

You're my hair person's
cousin's niece's daughter.

So that means your mother's
aunt is cousin to my hairdresser.

Wait... but if it's an
aunt, would she be a cousin?

You know what? Let me work backwards.

Okay, so...

[Claw clicking]

- ["Game over" music plays]
- I'm hungry.

It won't be much longer.

I think I'm really starting to pick up

on the intricacies of the machine.

- [Coin clinks, "start game" music plays]
- You're not good at this.

I'm getting food.

Okay, so, if my niece is Lucy
and Lucy's mother is Janet...

wait. Hold on.

So, Axl, you a big Colts fan?

Nope. Not at all. Not in any way.

Well, it might be a good
year to jump on the bandwagon.

If luck stays healthy, they
can win the whole thing.

If the offensive line does their job,

luck will stay healthy.

Yeah, but Pagano's got to do his job, too.

If he gets too pass-happy,
they'll get blitzed every time.

You can't put that on the o-line.

Darrin: Well, if the Colts do
win the super bowl this year,

it won't be because of luck.

But, then again, it will be 'cause
the quarterback's name is luck.

Get it?

[Chuckles] I get it, Darrin.

That's funny, huh? [Chuckles]

Yeah.

So, Devin, you think
the defense will hold up?

Okay, that's enough sports talk.

Let's change the subject, hmm?

Does anyone have a funny
air-conditioning-school story?

Oh, wait... I do.

This guy, Dan, at work
was on a service call,

and he got his arm stuck in a fan belt.

[Laughs]

And then what happened, Darrin?

Uh, I think that was the whole story.

Oh, no. That can't be the whole story.

There must be more.

Oh, yeah. There is.

He mangled his hand pretty bad

and lost his pinkie finger
and half his pointer.

[Chuckling] Oh, Darrin, stop.

No, seriously... stop.

[Chuckles]

I can't believe you.

I know, right? I'm gonna
crush my mac-and-cheese record.

You're goin' down, you hear me? In my face!

I'm talking about the way
you're treating Devin Levin.

Oh, my God. I did everything you asked.

Responsibility over. What
more do you want from me?

I want you to talk to her.

She doesn't seem that hard to talk to.

[Groans] What is it with old people

thinking all young people
should talk to each other?

Why don't you go talk
to the guy on the Rascal?

I did. His name is Wayne.
He's from Lafayette.

He has a touch of the gout,
but today is his cheat day,

and tomorrow, he's going
right back on his diet.

[Snores]

All right, come on, Axl.
Just be nice. Make an effort.

I mean, you're my social one.

Besides, how hard can it
be? She likes football.

And not to mention, she's adorable.

Ohhh. Okay.

I see what's happening here.

Let me just say this.

I will never, ever, ever be
with someone you set me up with.

- [Scoffs] Axl...
- Ever!

Ahhhh.

Can you give me 20 bucks?

No.

How about a 5-spot?

How about a no-spot?

But I'm trying to win Cindy a flounder.

You're the one that
told me to be chivalrous.

Well, I'm not giving you any money, Brick.

When we leave, you can lay
your coat over a puddle.

Mm. Fair enough.

I'll use my birthday money.

[Sighs]

How's your cheese?

I've had better.

Oh, excuse me, uh, Barry.

Can you let them know we need more turkey?

Sorry. We're all out of turkey.

Tough break.

Aw.

You know, if you put the sugar packet
a little further back on the spoon,

you'll get a better angle.

Don't tell me how to
play sugar-packet spoon.

I've been playing this
game since I realized

I didn't want to talk to
my parents at restaurants.

I'm just saying,

if you put it a little
further back on the handle,

get the sugar evenly distributed,

you can pop it in, just like...

That.

Hmm.

Are you done eating already?

You haven't even gotten your $7 worth.

Well, I didn't want to be done eating,

but they ran out of turkey.

You know, in my day, I'd have made sure

that my girlfriend's dad got
his turkey before I got mine.

Oh. I'm sorry, Mr. Heck. Here. Take mine.

- No, thanks.
- No, seriously. I'm not even hungry.

I'm just eating 'cause I'm bored.

Just take it, dad. He wants you to have it.

I said I don't want it.

Is it because it has ranch dressing on it?

'Cause I can wipe it off.

Uggh. Darrin...

[Groans]

Here. Just like new.

Forget it, Darrin.

Why'd I take the last piece of turkey?

I'm such an idiot.

I know this is gonna sound crazy,

but when I'm with your dad,

I get this weird vibe he doesn't like me.

What?!

That's nuts!

You're, like, my dad's favorite

and so on and so forth and what have you.

I don't know.

I feel like I'm lagging
behind Cindy and Devin Levin.

No, no, no. He loves
you. Everything's fine.

The important thing

is to not beat yourself
up about it and act weird.

Just act normal.

W-well, but a little bit better.

Well, better than you were
at being better before,

but not so much better that it's weird.

The important thing is to not overthink it.

Boom! It's on!

All right, first one to 21 wins.

Loser drinks Darrin's turkey water.

So, did your parents say what
time they were gonna pick you up?

It depends what time they
get back from Kentucky.

[Coughs]

[Claw clicking, "game over" music plays]

Thanks, Delores.

Keep 'em coming.

All right, here we go.

- ["Start game" music plays]
- Papa needs a good grab.

[Claw clicking]

Yeah! There you go!

Choke it down, my friend.

And make sure you finish
all those turkey chunks.

Those babies are filled with protein.

Come on. There you go.

Oh. Whoo!

There's a reason they didn't have taquitos

at the first Thanksgiving.

If I can just rally a burp here,

I might be able to squeeze
in a piece of zebra cake.

[Burps]

I think I fixed everything, Sue.

What did you do?

I ate the turkey and your
dad didn't get any. Remember?

I meant, what did you do to fix it?

Oh.

I told them it was your dad's
birthday, even though it's not,

and they're gonna bring
over a cake and sing to him.

Wait. What?

We do it in our family all
the time. It's hilarious.

No one can stay mad when
strangers are singing to them.

Mom, I have to talk to you.
Darrin did something bad.

Don't worry. Dad will
get over the turkey thing.

He told the waiters to sing
"Happy Birthday" to dad.

What?

Has he lost his mind?!

I don't know.

Listen to me right now.

You need to tell me who you talked
to and exactly what you said.

Uh, I don't know. He was a waiter.

What did he look like?

He had an apron and a pen.

They all have aprons
and pens! I need details.

Mole on his face, crooked nose... anything.

I don't remember.

Well, you've got to remember!

It's kind of hard to think
when you're yelling at me!

All right, just... just
go and find him... now!

Axl!

Darrin told the waiters to
sing "Happy Birthday" to dad.

Oh, my God. He's killed us all!

All right, listen, we got to stop this!

Everybody, fan out.

Axl, you check the kitchen.
Sue, you talk to the hostess.

You see anybody carrying a birthday cake,

you take them out!

[Chuckling] Hey. Wrong table. Keep moving.

Citizen of King's Feast,
by decree of the King,

I declare it to be the day of birth

of noble townsman Mike Heck.

[Chuckles] It's not my B...

[Applause]

[Applause stops, customers murmuring]

Who?

I don't get it. Does
your dad not like cake?

No, Darrin, he does not like cake,

he does not like being embarrassed,

and he does not like you! [Gasps]

Your dad doesn't like me?

No... Darrin.

B-but he should.

Dad, I know Darrin isn't perfect,

but Cindy ate a whole wedge of cheese,

and Brick spent the whole
dinner playing an arcade game,

and Axl's being rude

to mom's hair person's
cousin's niece's daughter.

And none of this would've happened

if we could've just had
Thanksgiving at home,

like God intended it to be!

You know what? Home sounds
like a good idea right now.

Axl: My God, Sue.

Thanks to you, now we got to go home,

and I haven't even had a chance

to make my mex-Italian meat sundae!

- You are so rude, Axl!
- You just try so hard!

- She's really, really cute!
- Be at home, eating turkey!

Stop it!

It's Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving... the one day of the year

we're supposed to stop
complaining and stressing out

and just give thanks!

I mean, we have so much to be thankful for.

We're all here together and we're healthy

and we're... relatively happy.

You know, there are people
that live in the street

and have nothing to eat,

and here we are with this bountiful feast

of lo mein and moussaka
and root-beer cake,

and we're inside, where
it's warm and nice and...

[Alarm blaring]

Man: Folks, this is not a drill.

We need everyone to evacuate
the building immediately.

Game over, pink flounder.

At long last, you are mine.

[Electricity powers down]

Sorry, folks. We had a
small electrical fire.

As soon as the fire department clears us,

we'll get you all back inside.

Sorry.

I spent all my money, but I
couldn't get you your flounder.

My what?

- Mr. Heck, sir...
- Darrin, listen.

I don't dislike you.

All in all, you're a pretty good guy.

I'm just not gonna like anyone...

anyone who's looking to
take away my daughter.

It makes me grumpy.

You can understand that, right?

Yes, sir.

But I'll try to be better anyway.

Good plan.

You seen my wife?

I guess I was feeling sorry for myself.

For the first time in
my life, I was thinking

maybe I didn't have
anything to be thankful for.

The last few months with two jobs,

no dining-room table, a floor sink,

having Thanksgiving in a restaurant,

like a bunch of losers...

it all just washed over me, and I was done.

Done trying to make everything fine for...

are you kidding me?

[Laughing] You are...

You are so gonna get it.

Watch out. Here it comes.

Whoo! Yeah, babe!

Hey! No fair.

Who's that?

[Laughing]

[Groans]

Hey, turkey water!

Pfft! Weak!

Ohhh!

I... I'm it!

And just like that,

the Thanksgiving we
never wanted to remember

turned into one we'd never forget.

[Laughter]

[Engine shuts off]

Thanks for the ride.

My pleasure. [Chuckles]

And, uh, just so you know,
I don't have a girlfriend.

You don't?

Well, I did.

But, uh... She...

[Voice breaking] Died.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Got the text during dinner, so...

Wow. So sudden.

Mm. Well, not really. [Chuckles]

She was in a coma.

Truth is, we weren't really that close.

You weren't really that
close to your girlfriend?

D... I mean, eh...

We both knew before the
coma it wasn't working out.

Um, her last words to me were, uh,

"Move on. Be happy. Find someone else."

We didn't know at the time
those were her last words,

but, uh, still
[Clicks tongue] pretty poetic.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- Good luck with that.
- Thank you.

- Happy thanksgiv...
- [Car door slams]

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