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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,196 --> 00:00:02,639 english by sub-stance 2 00:00:02,674 --> 00:00:09,155 Submitted here is the story of a little boy, and a magical christmas wish, 3 00:00:09,190 --> 00:00:12,027 that changed his life...forever 4 00:00:14,957 --> 00:00:20,116 it began in 1985, in a town just outside Boston 5 00:00:21,149 --> 00:00:25,819 it was christmas eve, and all the children were in high spirits 6 00:00:25,854 --> 00:00:30,832 that special time of year, when Boston children gather together 7 00:00:30,867 --> 00:00:35,637 and beat up the jewish kids. -hey greenbob,uh oh...get him 8 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:43,996 but there was one child who wasn't in such good spirits 9 00:00:44,031 --> 00:00:46,010 little John Bennett 10 00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:51,144 that one boy in every neighbourhood, who just has a tough time making friends 11 00:00:51,179 --> 00:00:52,900 hey guys, can i play? 12 00:00:52,935 --> 00:00:55,440 get out of here bennet, -get lost bennet 13 00:00:55,475 --> 00:00:57,819 get out of here bennet, yeah bennet, get lost 14 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:06,764 John longed with all his heart,for that one true friend that he could call his own 15 00:01:06,799 --> 00:01:13,401 and he knew that if he ever found that friend, he would ever let him go 16 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:19,457 well, as it does every year, christams morning finally came 17 00:01:19,492 --> 00:01:23,745 all of the children were opening their gifts with holiday glee 18 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:37,340 and for little John bennet, christams day brought a very special new arrival. 19 00:01:43,544 --> 00:01:47,711 Wow.i guess santa payed attention to how good you were this year huh... 20 00:01:47,746 --> 00:01:49,903 aww, merry christams John 21 00:01:51,134 --> 00:01:52,301 "I love you" 22 00:01:52,336 --> 00:01:54,117 he talks. 23 00:01:55,722 --> 00:01:58,045 im gonna name you teddy 24 00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:06,820 John became instantly attached to teddy, there was something about that bear 25 00:02:06,855 --> 00:02:13,234 that made him feel as if he finally had a friend. with whom he could share his deepest secrets 26 00:02:13,269 --> 00:02:14,739 "i love you" 27 00:02:14,774 --> 00:02:17,267 i love you too teddy 28 00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:22,341 you know, i wish you could really talk to me 29 00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:26,025 because then we could be best friends forever and ever 30 00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:30,741 now if theres one thing you can be sure of, 31 00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:35,310 its that nothing is more powerful than a young boys wish 32 00:02:35,345 --> 00:02:38,175 except an apache helicopter... an apache helicopter 33 00:02:38,210 --> 00:02:41,743 has machine guns and missiles 34 00:02:41,778 --> 00:02:47,402 it is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry. An absolute death machine 35 00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:54,295 well as it turned out, John had picked a perfect night to make a wish 36 00:03:32,149 --> 00:03:33,090 teddy... 37 00:03:36,852 --> 00:03:38,515 teddy? 38 00:03:42,837 --> 00:03:44,204 teddy 39 00:03:52,559 --> 00:03:53,690 hug me 40 00:03:54,605 --> 00:03:56,780 your my best friend John 41 00:03:56,815 --> 00:03:59,898 did you... did you just talk... 42 00:03:59,933 --> 00:04:03,235 dont look so surprised, your the one who wished for it arent you? 43 00:04:03,270 --> 00:04:05,188 yeah... 44 00:04:05,223 --> 00:04:08,043 i did wish for it 45 00:04:08,078 --> 00:04:09,720 well, here i am... 46 00:04:09,755 --> 00:04:13,055 you mean...we get to be best friends for real? 47 00:04:13,090 --> 00:04:14,513 for...real. 48 00:04:14,548 --> 00:04:15,978 forever and ever? 49 00:04:16,013 --> 00:04:17,576 sounds good to me 50 00:04:18,899 --> 00:04:25,754 John was just about the happiest boy in the world. And he couldn't wait to tell everyone the good news 51 00:04:25,789 --> 00:04:28,791 mom...dad...guess what, my teddy bears alive 52 00:04:28,826 --> 00:04:31,712 really...oh isnt that exciting... 53 00:04:31,747 --> 00:04:34,659 no mom, hes really alive, look... 54 00:04:34,694 --> 00:04:36,901 merry christmas everybody 55 00:04:38,752 --> 00:04:41,786 Jesus H Fuck... -lets all be best friends. 56 00:04:41,821 --> 00:04:43,937 oh my god. -get away from that thing, get over here right now. 57 00:04:43,972 --> 00:04:45,003 but dad... 58 00:04:45,038 --> 00:04:46,508 -GET OVER HERE! 59 00:04:46,543 --> 00:04:49,061 LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER,COME HERE, -Helen, get my gun. 60 00:04:49,096 --> 00:04:50,020 dad...no... 61 00:04:50,055 --> 00:04:51,365 is it a hugging gun? 62 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,842 Helen, get my gun and call the police 63 00:04:52,877 --> 00:04:56,496 im sorry mr bennet, i didnt mean to scare anybody 64 00:04:56,531 --> 00:04:58,642 i just wanted john and i to be friends 65 00:04:58,677 --> 00:05:03,314 yeah dad, i made a wish last night that teddy was alive, and my wish came true 66 00:05:04,475 --> 00:05:06,619 oh god 67 00:05:07,787 --> 00:05:09,729 its a miracle 68 00:05:09,764 --> 00:05:13,070 its a christmas miracle 69 00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:16,013 your just like the baby Jesus 70 00:05:17,258 --> 00:05:23,295 well it wasnt long before the news of Johns little miracle was sweeping the nation 71 00:05:23,330 --> 00:05:27,421 out of a Boston suburb comes, what is without doubt the most incredible story 72 00:05:27,456 --> 00:05:32,041 a young boys stuffed animal, has magically come to life for unknown reasons 73 00:05:32,076 --> 00:05:36,615 LOOK WHAT JESUS DID! LOOK WHAT JESUS DID! 74 00:05:36,650 --> 00:05:41,738 before long, teddy had become a huge celebrity in his own right 75 00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:49,593 hello teddy 76 00:05:53,952 --> 00:05:58,294 you surprise me, for some reason i thought you were going to be taller 77 00:05:58,329 --> 00:06:00,565 i thought you were going to be funnier... 78 00:06:04,424 --> 00:06:10,603 but for all the fame, teddy never forgot his very best friend, John 79 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:14,154 the thunder cant get us, right? 80 00:06:14,155 --> 00:06:17,331 nope. were thunder buddys. and the thunder knows it 81 00:06:17,366 --> 00:06:19,279 were totally safe 82 00:06:19,314 --> 00:06:22,443 teddy... -yeah John? 83 00:06:22,478 --> 00:06:25,228 do you promise that we'll always be together? 84 00:06:25,263 --> 00:06:27,272 i promise. 85 00:06:29,606 --> 00:06:32,151 thunder buddys for life 86 00:06:32,862 --> 00:06:35,294 -thunder buddys for life. 87 00:06:36,508 --> 00:06:41,610 and that was a promise that niether one of them forgot 88 00:06:42,909 --> 00:06:45,908 so...where are John and teddy today? 89 00:06:45,943 --> 00:06:48,174 well, let me put it this way 90 00:06:48,209 --> 00:06:51,471 no matter how big a splash you make in this world, weather your a 91 00:06:51,506 --> 00:06:55,488 Corey Feldman,Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber... 92 00:06:55,523 --> 00:06:59,719 or a talking teddy bear... eventually nobody gives a shit 93 00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:05,382 - 94 00:07:25,204 --> 00:07:28,577 TED 95 00:07:28,612 --> 00:07:31,579 - 96 00:07:52,651 --> 00:07:56,007 - 97 00:09:35,862 --> 00:09:42,239 look, all im saying is that Boston women are, on the whole, a paler uglier sort than women from the elsewheres of life 98 00:09:42,274 --> 00:09:44,771 thats bullshit...what about Lori? shes hot... 99 00:09:44,806 --> 00:09:46,860 no Lori's from Pennsylvania thats not a Boston girl 100 00:09:46,895 --> 00:09:47,947 there not that bad... 101 00:09:47,982 --> 00:09:52,020 see, the fact that you have to say there not that bad, means that they are that bad 102 00:09:52,055 --> 00:09:57,860 you ever hear a Boston girl have an orgasm? oh yah, oh yah, hardar hardar 103 00:09:58,271 --> 00:10:03,167 oh god...that was so good. now im gonna stuff my fucking face with pepper flan 104 00:10:05,518 --> 00:10:09,436 jesus this is weak, not even getting me high 105 00:10:09,471 --> 00:10:12,177 im gonna have a talk with my weed guy 106 00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:13,324 working for me... 107 00:10:13,325 --> 00:10:14,798 i think it sucks, im gonna have a talk with him 108 00:10:14,833 --> 00:10:17,322 i dont know you want to go to a drug dealer with complaints 109 00:10:17,357 --> 00:10:19,082 ive known this guy a long time, 110 00:10:19,117 --> 00:10:20,926 ive known him since 9-11 111 00:10:20,961 --> 00:10:23,070 you remember?, i was like, aww shit 9-11, i gotta get high 112 00:10:23,105 --> 00:10:24,752 is it 9.30? -yeah... 113 00:10:24,787 --> 00:10:26,868 shit, i gotta get to work 114 00:10:26,903 --> 00:10:28,408 i dont know if i can drive 115 00:10:28,443 --> 00:10:30,755 its ok ill drive you, i feel fine 116 00:10:52,891 --> 00:10:54,282 fuck... -aww shit. 117 00:10:56,636 --> 00:10:59,939 aww Johnny im sorry man, that car just came out of nowhere 118 00:10:59,974 --> 00:11:01,833 aww god is it bad? 119 00:11:04,439 --> 00:11:07,487 John...may i speak with you please? -shit 120 00:11:08,555 --> 00:11:10,566 its alright, go go go. ill pull out of here 121 00:11:10,601 --> 00:11:11,920 hi Thomas, how are yah 122 00:11:24,990 --> 00:11:26,306 asshole! 123 00:11:26,341 --> 00:11:28,260 -thats my bad, i was sending a tweet 124 00:11:31,044 --> 00:11:32,896 John, its almost 10 o'clock 125 00:11:32,931 --> 00:11:35,588 i know sir, im sorry it wasnt my fault 126 00:11:35,623 --> 00:11:37,661 what do you mean? 127 00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:44,173 well i..i guess i wasnt prepared for a follow up question 128 00:11:45,365 --> 00:11:48,154 John, all you got to do is not fuck up 129 00:11:48,189 --> 00:11:50,778 and you get my job when i go to corporate next month 130 00:11:50,813 --> 00:11:52,268 your the new branch manager 131 00:11:52,303 --> 00:11:54,541 all you gotta do, is not fuck up... 132 00:11:54,576 --> 00:11:57,383 i realise now -good, glad to hear it. 133 00:11:57,418 --> 00:12:01,246 cos in a month...my life, could be your life 134 00:12:01,281 --> 00:12:07,120 a cushy 38 thousand dollar a year branch manager, whos personal friends with Tom Scarritt 135 00:12:07,155 --> 00:12:09,224 not a bad life is it? 136 00:12:09,259 --> 00:12:11,116 no. 137 00:12:12,192 --> 00:12:16,121 let me show you something i dont like showing people, cos i dont want them treating me differently 138 00:12:19,861 --> 00:12:22,215 boom! thats me and scarritt 139 00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:23,532 wow... 140 00:12:23,567 --> 00:12:25,019 god damn right wow 141 00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:28,514 im gonna dock you for dinging the car and for showing up late today alright 142 00:12:28,549 --> 00:12:30,913 try and be a little more responsable tomorrow 143 00:12:30,948 --> 00:12:32,262 i will sir, i promise. 144 00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:35,212 "not gonna let you down goose" 145 00:12:35,247 --> 00:12:36,491 what? 146 00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:38,518 Top Gun... 147 00:12:38,553 --> 00:12:40,303 so... 148 00:12:40,338 --> 00:12:42,048 Tom Scarritt... 149 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,472 i know that get out of here ok 150 00:12:45,507 --> 00:12:46,708 thank you sir 151 00:12:46,743 --> 00:12:51,675 and heres your keys,rental agreement, complimentary map of Boston 152 00:12:51,710 --> 00:12:54,305 than you for choosing liberty, drive safely 153 00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,723 thanks -thanks so much. 154 00:12:56,836 --> 00:12:59,073 heard you got busted... 155 00:12:59,108 --> 00:13:01,751 jesus Guy, you look like shit man what happened? 156 00:13:01,786 --> 00:13:04,690 i dont know, i got fucking wasted last night 157 00:13:04,725 --> 00:13:09,272 and my phone says i texted someone at 3.15, asking them to beat me up 158 00:13:09,307 --> 00:13:13,065 and then at 4.30 i texted the same person saying thanks 159 00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,710 and you dont remember it? -no,same as last time 160 00:13:15,745 --> 00:13:17,950 it just seems kind of gay doesnt it? 161 00:13:17,985 --> 00:13:20,017 i dont know, maybe yeah 162 00:13:20,052 --> 00:13:23,549 do you think your part of some gay beat up underworld? like one of those gay beat up clubs or something? 163 00:13:24,654 --> 00:13:27,692 i dont now, i dig chicks man, i dont remember any of it 164 00:13:27,727 --> 00:13:31,365 i was so fucked up. i might be gay i dont know. do you mind covering for me for a bit? 165 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,165 i might go lay down in the John 166 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,704 hey buddys, wheres it hanging? -hey Alex 167 00:13:34,739 --> 00:13:36,354 whats up? you get in the club last night? 168 00:13:36,389 --> 00:13:39,582 ahh, i didnt get in because the bouncer was douche face 169 00:13:39,617 --> 00:13:41,769 but i make friends in the line 170 00:13:41,804 --> 00:13:42,908 well thats good i guess. 171 00:13:42,943 --> 00:13:47,452 hey guys, anybody know a nice restaurant? like something where they give out free bubblegum in the bathrooms 172 00:13:47,487 --> 00:13:48,889 for what? 173 00:13:48,924 --> 00:13:52,200 Lori and i have been dating 4 years tomorrow. i wanna take her some place really nice 174 00:13:52,235 --> 00:13:54,247 aw, congratulations John 175 00:13:54,282 --> 00:13:58,399 you guys have been going out for 4 years? my last relationship lasted 6 months. 176 00:13:58,434 --> 00:14:02,045 then she farted in her sleep. im like, im out of here man. and i was gone before she woke up 177 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,529 wow your not very tolerant huh... 178 00:14:04,564 --> 00:14:06,349 Lori ever fart in front of you? 179 00:14:06,384 --> 00:14:07,545 yeah 180 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:10,268 really? -a million times 181 00:14:10,303 --> 00:14:12,103 you italian? 182 00:14:12,138 --> 00:14:13,198 no 183 00:14:13,233 --> 00:14:14,695 why? 184 00:14:15,820 --> 00:14:17,255 nevermind, take her to biniarta 185 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:21,631 John look, dont you think after 4 years maybe shes hoping for something more than dinner? 186 00:14:21,666 --> 00:14:22,772 like what? 187 00:14:22,807 --> 00:14:26,856 i dont know. but if it were me, id be expecting a proposal 188 00:14:26,891 --> 00:14:29,890 oh come on, no ones expecting anybody to propose... 189 00:14:29,925 --> 00:14:34,463 i mean marriage isnt...i mean... isnt love enough? i submit love is enough 190 00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:37,841 you can put the ring in her ass... and let her fart it out? 191 00:14:44,986 --> 00:14:47,725 so bad, but so good... 192 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:52,710 hey by the way, dont let me forget you and i got to nail down a plan for the ruins game tomorrow night 193 00:14:52,745 --> 00:14:55,630 oh no i cant, im taking Lori to dinner 194 00:14:55,665 --> 00:14:56,643 for what? 195 00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,755 well, weve been dating 4 years tomorrow 196 00:14:58,790 --> 00:15:00,196 ohh...fuck me, nice 197 00:15:00,231 --> 00:15:04,890 let me ask you something, you dont think shes going to be expecting something big do you? 198 00:15:04,925 --> 00:15:06,264 what...like anal? -no... 199 00:15:06,299 --> 00:15:09,617 like a circular gold thing on the finger 200 00:15:09,652 --> 00:15:13,640 oh fuck that. its been 4 years Johnny you and me have been together for 27 years 201 00:15:13,675 --> 00:15:15,121 wheres my ring? 202 00:15:15,156 --> 00:15:16,716 huh... wheres my ring asshole... 203 00:15:16,751 --> 00:15:19,051 wheres my ring motherfucker? put it on my 204 00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:22,878 fuzzy finger you fuck. alright knock it off 205 00:15:22,913 --> 00:15:24,288 im just sayin... 206 00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:26,709 do you think she might be expecting me to make that kind of a move? 207 00:15:26,744 --> 00:15:28,494 no no no, i dont think 208 00:15:28,529 --> 00:15:30,521 and not only that, its the wrong time 209 00:15:30,556 --> 00:15:35,205 its a terrible idea, you got the economy, you got the credit bubble, the supreme court 210 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:36,520 look at Haiti 211 00:15:36,555 --> 00:15:37,901 i guess i didnt think about that 212 00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:39,856 well you know, its a factor 213 00:15:40,534 --> 00:15:44,913 who are you? -Flash Gordon, quarterback, New York Jets 214 00:15:44,948 --> 00:15:47,769 this is the american fantasy right here 215 00:15:47,804 --> 00:15:51,734 a professional NFL player is called upon to save the world. -yeah. 216 00:15:51,769 --> 00:15:52,735 Tom Brady could do that... 217 00:15:52,770 --> 00:15:54,371 -Tom Brady could do that. 218 00:15:55,133 --> 00:15:56,668 hey... -hey sweetie 219 00:15:56,703 --> 00:15:57,658 hey Lori 220 00:15:57,693 --> 00:15:58,922 hi 221 00:15:58,957 --> 00:16:01,795 what you got there? -turkey burgers 222 00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:05,155 oh turkey burgers, are we having homosexuals over for dinner? 223 00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:08,106 tonight... -ha, no just you homos...wooo 224 00:16:09,607 --> 00:16:12,405 ...you kinda just re-worded my joke, but haaaa 225 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:14,817 how was work? -oh it was fine 226 00:16:14,852 --> 00:16:16,749 hows your dickhead boss? 227 00:16:16,784 --> 00:16:19,932 Rex, is fine. he only hit on me once today so, 228 00:16:19,967 --> 00:16:21,427 its a good thing 229 00:16:21,462 --> 00:16:23,032 hey Johnny how bout a beer huh? 230 00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:24,811 oh couple of chowbukowskis... 231 00:16:24,846 --> 00:16:26,590 couple of brewstoievskis... 232 00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:28,392 maybe a mibrewstowsky? 233 00:16:28,427 --> 00:16:30,065 perhaps a teddybrewski... 234 00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,240 thats a good one 235 00:16:31,275 --> 00:16:33,995 -i think i too want a martina navratilovaski 236 00:16:34,030 --> 00:16:36,275 oh...no no no that doesnt work 237 00:16:36,310 --> 00:16:37,081 Bullshit... 238 00:16:37,116 --> 00:16:38,931 that totally worked... no, no 239 00:16:38,966 --> 00:16:40,934 yeah it does, -it doesnt work 240 00:16:40,969 --> 00:16:44,675 the name has to have a ski at the end of it, and you just put brewski at the end of martina navratilova 241 00:16:44,710 --> 00:16:46,702 i just thought we were saying funny names 242 00:16:46,737 --> 00:16:50,144 no. it has to have ski at the end of it, else wheres the challange? 243 00:16:50,179 --> 00:16:55,003 if theres no ski at the end of the root word, then wed just be idiots saying nonsense 244 00:17:05,475 --> 00:17:07,467 hey -they found the missing hikers 245 00:17:07,502 --> 00:17:09,077 they did? -yeah...-what happened? 246 00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:10,096 they said 247 00:17:10,131 --> 00:17:13,804 they got seperated, and one of them had there foot stuck under a rock for like 5 days 248 00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:21,118 you know, if your leg got trapped under a rock, id chew it off to get you free 249 00:17:21,153 --> 00:17:23,442 you would? - i sure would 250 00:17:24,516 --> 00:17:25,833 is that cannibalism? 251 00:17:25,868 --> 00:17:28,418 no, i think its only cannibalism if you swallow 252 00:17:28,453 --> 00:17:31,573 oh yeah, dont worry about that, cos i dont swallow 253 00:17:31,608 --> 00:17:33,541 really...cos thats not what i heard 254 00:17:33,576 --> 00:17:36,198 well its not true ok, im a classy broad 255 00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:37,775 yeah 256 00:17:37,810 --> 00:17:39,208 i can see that 257 00:17:39,243 --> 00:17:44,285 umm, listen, speaking of classy chow bellas a really expensive restaurant 258 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:49,270 so we can go anywhere else tomorrow. i really dont care as long as were together 259 00:17:49,305 --> 00:17:51,014 are you kidding me? 260 00:17:51,049 --> 00:17:55,538 no, 4 years we've been going out... im taking you to the best place in town 261 00:17:55,573 --> 00:17:57,871 i love you 262 00:17:57,906 --> 00:18:00,592 i love you too. -and your nasty 263 00:18:00,627 --> 00:18:03,068 you wanna get nasty? 264 00:18:03,103 --> 00:18:04,406 nasty girl 265 00:18:10,544 --> 00:18:13,986 i dont understand...35 years old and your still scared of a little thunder 266 00:18:14,021 --> 00:18:15,398 i am not 267 00:18:17,910 --> 00:18:19,780 thunder buddys for life right Johnny -fucking right. 268 00:18:19,815 --> 00:18:20,614 alright 269 00:18:20,649 --> 00:18:21,952 come on lets sing the thunder song 270 00:18:21,987 --> 00:18:25,429 when you hear the sound of thunder dont you get too scared. 271 00:18:25,464 --> 00:18:29,227 just grab your thunder buddy, and say these magic words 272 00:18:29,262 --> 00:18:32,706 fuck you thunder... you can suck my dick, 273 00:18:32,741 --> 00:18:35,930 you cant get me thunder, cos your just gods fart 274 00:18:39,476 --> 00:18:43,465 hey Lori...can you set the alarm for 11 A.M? i got alot of stuff to do tomorrow 275 00:18:56,930 --> 00:18:57,691 hi Lori 276 00:18:57,984 --> 00:18:58,897 morning 277 00:19:04,798 --> 00:19:06,443 ok 278 00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:07,442 you ok there sweetheart? 279 00:19:07,477 --> 00:19:08,979 you look a little flustered 280 00:19:09,014 --> 00:19:11,608 im fine, i just didnt have time for breakfast 281 00:19:11,643 --> 00:19:13,406 and the garage was full ohh and thats right, my boyfriend 282 00:19:13,441 --> 00:19:15,503 cant sleep through a thunder storm without his teddybear 283 00:19:15,538 --> 00:19:18,073 i dont understand why you keep putting up with him... 284 00:19:18,108 --> 00:19:21,784 yeah, the guys 35 and hes working for a rental car service... 285 00:19:21,819 --> 00:19:24,818 you guys, its not about that. i dont care about that 286 00:19:24,853 --> 00:19:26,283 id love him if he was a janitor 287 00:19:26,318 --> 00:19:30,456 he has a huge heart and we laugh alot 288 00:19:30,491 --> 00:19:33,680 its just a bonus that hes like the hottest guy in Boston 289 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:36,260 i dont know, i just wish hed get his life together 290 00:19:36,295 --> 00:19:41,008 our life...and he cant. and i swear to god it is because of that bear 291 00:19:41,043 --> 00:19:44,060 you should give him an ultimatum, its you or the bear 292 00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:46,725 no, i cant do that. that would devistate him 293 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:50,398 besides,what... what if he chose ted? 294 00:19:51,646 --> 00:19:56,219 well hello there, sorry if im interupting any girl talk about Channing Tatum's index finger 295 00:19:56,254 --> 00:19:58,823 but Lori, i need to see you in my office 296 00:19:58,858 --> 00:20:00,887 the thing is Rex, i have alot of work i need to get through 297 00:20:00,922 --> 00:20:02,583 oh this is work i swear 298 00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,305 ugh great. 299 00:20:07,172 --> 00:20:08,728 good luck, -thank you 300 00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,963 hes such an asshole -out of control... 301 00:20:11,998 --> 00:20:15,948 hes such a sleaze. 100 bucks says hes showing her the diving photo 302 00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:18,150 check this out 303 00:20:18,185 --> 00:20:21,502 its me on the high school diving team 304 00:20:21,537 --> 00:20:23,938 we dove the shit out of the pool that year 305 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:25,792 you promised me this was about work 306 00:20:25,827 --> 00:20:27,832 Lori...why dont you like me? 307 00:20:27,867 --> 00:20:29,880 im rich,im good looking, my dad owns the company... 308 00:20:29,915 --> 00:20:31,959 i have a boyfriend... i have told you this 309 00:20:31,994 --> 00:20:33,797 yeah, the guy with the bear 310 00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:36,502 but im talking about a mature relationship Lori 311 00:20:36,537 --> 00:20:40,163 if we were together, our babies would be spectacular 312 00:20:40,198 --> 00:20:42,898 i mean, my top of the pyramid caucasian genes 313 00:20:42,933 --> 00:20:50,423 and your splash of...dark...beautiful... smokey...baltic... 314 00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,663 Czech? -goodbye Rex 315 00:21:07,768 --> 00:21:10,147 ok, that was perfect 316 00:21:10,182 --> 00:21:12,142 would you like me to wrap your leftovers? 317 00:21:12,177 --> 00:21:13,772 no, im good thank you 318 00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:16,841 actually, could you wrap just this up for me please? i wanna scare the shit out of somebody 319 00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:17,854 sure 320 00:21:17,889 --> 00:21:19,723 what are you, like 5 years old? -yeah 321 00:21:19,758 --> 00:21:21,784 but i read at a 6 year old level,so... 322 00:21:24,086 --> 00:21:26,044 sir...and madam 323 00:21:26,079 --> 00:21:29,891 here is your desert, and champagne 324 00:21:30,708 --> 00:21:33,513 ohh...cristal 325 00:21:33,548 --> 00:21:36,088 its a special night, we've been dating for 4 years 326 00:21:36,123 --> 00:21:38,940 and hey...all those rich black people cant be wrong right? 327 00:21:41,839 --> 00:21:44,119 doesnt feel like 4 years does it? 328 00:21:44,154 --> 00:21:45,761 no it doesnt 329 00:21:45,796 --> 00:21:51,668 you know, you had no business being out on that dance floor.But im really happy that you were 330 00:21:52,515 --> 00:21:55,451 - 331 00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:59,136 this song is so great 332 00:21:59,478 --> 00:22:01,427 oh yeah, Chris Brown can do no wrong 333 00:22:02,492 --> 00:22:04,727 wow you can really move 334 00:22:04,762 --> 00:22:07,178 you like that huh? check this shit out 335 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:14,931 oh my god 336 00:22:16,121 --> 00:22:17,311 are you ok? 337 00:22:17,346 --> 00:22:18,985 oh god, i am so sorry 338 00:22:19,020 --> 00:22:20,215 im fine,im fine 339 00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:22,694 jesus im so sorry, i didnt see you it was an accident 340 00:22:22,729 --> 00:22:23,901 did you hurt your head? -yeah 341 00:22:23,936 --> 00:22:25,723 my head hurts alot 342 00:22:25,758 --> 00:22:27,527 oh man, here, let me get you some ice 343 00:22:32,589 --> 00:22:34,802 sorry...sorry, does it hurt? 344 00:22:37,265 --> 00:22:39,039 no 345 00:22:39,074 --> 00:22:41,310 it...its fine 346 00:22:42,646 --> 00:22:45,126 ok, heres a test to see how much you actually care about me 347 00:22:46,029 --> 00:22:50,262 you remember the night after the club, we went and had late night eggs and waffles 348 00:22:50,297 --> 00:22:54,371 till about 5 A.M, we watched a movie on the little tv in the diner 349 00:22:54,406 --> 00:22:56,421 name that movie... 350 00:22:56,456 --> 00:22:57,531 "octopussy" 351 00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,923 baby...gold star 352 00:23:00,958 --> 00:23:03,528 and by the way, my dancing was not that bad 353 00:23:03,563 --> 00:23:04,599 it was pretty bad... -i have cool moves 354 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,745 yeah, and so do people with parkinson's 355 00:23:06,780 --> 00:23:08,179 thats not how i remember it 356 00:23:08,214 --> 00:23:09,871 ok how do you remember it? 357 00:23:39,731 --> 00:23:41,782 alright...whatever you say 358 00:23:41,817 --> 00:23:44,471 hey, heres to 4 more years huh 359 00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:46,319 cheers, -you make me happy 360 00:23:47,509 --> 00:23:49,770 i know we said no gifts,but... -we said no such thing... 361 00:23:49,805 --> 00:23:52,717 but i got you something anyway, in clear violation of the no gift rule 362 00:23:52,752 --> 00:23:54,072 we had no such rule... 363 00:23:54,107 --> 00:23:57,310 Lori, i wanted to give this to you for a long time 364 00:23:59,943 --> 00:24:01,423 John... 365 00:24:06,597 --> 00:24:09,447 those are the ones you like right? from the kiosk at the mall 366 00:24:10,645 --> 00:24:12,427 yeah... 367 00:24:13,687 --> 00:24:18,271 you know Lori, some day theres gonna be a ring in there 368 00:24:18,306 --> 00:24:21,134 but i want to wait till i get you something really special 369 00:24:21,169 --> 00:24:23,025 i just do have the money right now 370 00:24:23,973 --> 00:24:27,577 look, im only saying this because i love you 371 00:24:27,612 --> 00:24:31,179 your not going to have any sort of career if you wasting time with ted 372 00:24:31,214 --> 00:24:32,146 oh geez here we go... 373 00:24:32,181 --> 00:24:34,886 baby, please ask ted to move out so we can move on with our lives 374 00:24:34,921 --> 00:24:37,790 Lori, look hes been my best friend since i was 8 375 00:24:37,825 --> 00:24:40,385 i was not a popular child, you have to understand 376 00:24:40,420 --> 00:24:42,907 i had no friends before he came along 377 00:24:42,942 --> 00:24:45,121 hes the only reason i ever gained any fucking confidence 378 00:24:45,156 --> 00:24:48,073 but your no longer 8, your 35 years old 379 00:24:48,108 --> 00:24:52,406 and unless your too blind to notice, hes not your only friend anymore 380 00:24:52,441 --> 00:24:55,829 can we talk about this another time and just enjoy our anniversary dinner? 381 00:25:06,112 --> 00:25:07,581 oh shit, hang on a second 382 00:25:07,616 --> 00:25:10,035 my phone fell under the seat somewhere 383 00:25:10,070 --> 00:25:11,402 can you call it? 384 00:25:11,437 --> 00:25:12,711 yeah 385 00:25:26,392 --> 00:25:28,134 is that a new ringtone? 386 00:25:28,169 --> 00:25:29,643 oh, yeah 387 00:25:29,678 --> 00:25:32,999 what is it, cos it sounds negative 388 00:25:33,034 --> 00:25:34,938 no,no, its from the notebook 389 00:25:36,582 --> 00:25:40,387 this is gonna take some doing i think -ill just meet you upsatirs then... 390 00:25:40,422 --> 00:25:41,943 yeah, ill be right there 391 00:25:49,768 --> 00:25:52,456 ugh, Lori...your home early 392 00:25:52,491 --> 00:25:54,231 what the hell is this? 393 00:25:54,266 --> 00:25:56,881 the ladys and i were just watching Jack and Jill 394 00:25:56,916 --> 00:26:01,079 Adam Sandler plays a guy and his sister its...its just aweful 395 00:26:01,114 --> 00:26:04,109 its unwatchable, but they're hookers so its fine 396 00:26:04,144 --> 00:26:06,572 this place is a wreck, who are these girls? 397 00:26:06,607 --> 00:26:10,529 oh where are my manners, Lori this is Angelic, 398 00:26:10,564 --> 00:26:13,212 heavenly,sharinne and sovereign blanc 399 00:26:13,247 --> 00:26:19,012 i love you girls. You know somewhere out there, are four terrible fathers i wish i could thank for this great night 400 00:26:19,047 --> 00:26:20,284 what is that? 401 00:26:20,319 --> 00:26:21,742 what is what? 402 00:26:21,777 --> 00:26:26,602 theres a...a shit on my floor 403 00:26:26,637 --> 00:26:29,029 in the corner, there is a shit 404 00:26:30,123 --> 00:26:34,012 oh, yeah, we were playing truth or dare... ad sharinne's pretty ballsy 405 00:26:34,047 --> 00:26:35,956 theres a shit on my floor! 406 00:26:35,991 --> 00:26:40,646 well, or... or is the floor on the shit... 407 00:26:41,665 --> 00:26:45,426 who lives here? im coming to get whoever lives here 408 00:26:45,461 --> 00:26:46,916 you owe me lobster money 409 00:26:46,951 --> 00:26:50,507 haha, thats my buddy Johnny, not the lobster, the guy running it 410 00:26:50,542 --> 00:26:53,749 i found my phone, whats going on? 411 00:26:54,923 --> 00:26:56,661 is that a shit? 412 00:27:12,766 --> 00:27:15,790 god there are some fucked up fish out there 413 00:27:15,825 --> 00:27:18,589 oh look at that one. waspy white guy fish 414 00:27:18,624 --> 00:27:23,035 i married the wrong woman, and now i lead a life of regret 415 00:27:23,070 --> 00:27:26,869 oh look at this guy, i went to new york once, in 1981 416 00:27:26,904 --> 00:27:29,140 and i just did not feel safe 417 00:27:30,168 --> 00:27:33,198 ted, you gotta move out 418 00:27:33,233 --> 00:27:35,453 you...what 419 00:27:35,488 --> 00:27:37,909 its gotta happen 420 00:27:37,944 --> 00:27:40,983 what did i do? 421 00:27:42,161 --> 00:27:45,695 my relationship is at a very delicate stage, you know 422 00:27:47,226 --> 00:27:49,707 Lori and i just need a little space right now 423 00:27:49,742 --> 00:27:53,117 plus, a hooker took a shit in out apartment 424 00:27:53,152 --> 00:27:54,631 oh god -what? 425 00:27:54,666 --> 00:27:56,057 oh this is so gross 426 00:27:56,092 --> 00:27:57,653 dont tell me, i dont want to hear about it. you get it? 427 00:27:57,688 --> 00:27:59,498 oh my god no i didnt get it! 428 00:27:59,533 --> 00:28:02,662 oh my god i got some on my thumb 429 00:28:02,697 --> 00:28:04,166 no! -yes i did 430 00:28:04,201 --> 00:28:05,954 you can never cook with that hand again 431 00:28:05,989 --> 00:28:09,239 oh my god this is the most disgusting thing ever. -get away from me 432 00:28:10,419 --> 00:28:12,684 look, that was tough night for all of us 433 00:28:12,719 --> 00:28:16,519 ted, you mean everything to me, and so does Lori 434 00:28:16,554 --> 00:28:19,228 i mean im just trying to find a way to keep both of you in my life 435 00:28:20,553 --> 00:28:22,793 shes making you do it isnt she? 436 00:28:22,828 --> 00:28:26,888 yes, but that doesnt mean we cant hang out. well hang out all the time 437 00:28:26,923 --> 00:28:28,225 yeah but 438 00:28:28,260 --> 00:28:30,963 what bout thunder buddys for life Johnny 439 00:28:30,998 --> 00:28:34,825 i know. i just dont know what to do here i know it sucks 440 00:28:34,860 --> 00:28:36,770 but otherwise im gonna lose her 441 00:28:36,805 --> 00:28:38,921 and i do lover her ted 442 00:28:38,956 --> 00:28:41,605 i know you do Johnny 443 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:43,830 ill help you get on your feet out there, i promise 444 00:28:43,865 --> 00:28:46,306 i know, and we'll hang out all the time right? 445 00:28:46,341 --> 00:28:47,625 -all the time 446 00:28:47,660 --> 00:28:51,142 all right fuck it, bring it in come here, bring it in you bastard 447 00:28:52,237 --> 00:28:53,396 "i love you" 448 00:28:53,431 --> 00:28:55,583 -fuck..shit..sorry thats the...the thing 449 00:28:57,008 --> 00:28:59,441 im not gay -i know 450 00:28:59,476 --> 00:29:01,524 and your not gay so were fine 451 00:29:02,626 --> 00:29:04,750 we got to get you a job 452 00:29:06,657 --> 00:29:08,940 i look stupid... no you dont you look dapper 453 00:29:08,975 --> 00:29:12,129 i dont. i look like snuggles accountant 454 00:29:12,164 --> 00:29:13,426 come on, its not that bad 455 00:29:13,461 --> 00:29:16,272 John, i look like something you give a kid when you tell them grandma died 456 00:29:16,307 --> 00:29:20,517 look, i know it sucks ok but you gotta make some money so you can pay for an apartment 457 00:29:20,552 --> 00:29:22,394 i dont want to work at a grocery store 458 00:29:22,429 --> 00:29:24,280 yeah but you have no skills 459 00:29:24,315 --> 00:29:26,199 i told you, i can totally be a lawyer 460 00:29:26,234 --> 00:29:29,304 you get the job, were celebrating after ok 461 00:29:29,339 --> 00:29:32,827 ahaa, and if i dont get the job... are we still going to smoke that pot? 462 00:29:32,862 --> 00:29:34,433 probably yes 463 00:29:34,468 --> 00:29:36,754 ahaa yeah, good talk coach alright buddy 464 00:29:36,789 --> 00:29:37,948 go get em 465 00:29:39,085 --> 00:29:42,389 and dont worry, ill do my very best to get this job that i so crave 466 00:29:43,253 --> 00:29:45,394 so you think you got what it takes? 467 00:29:45,429 --> 00:29:48,386 i tell you what i got... you wifes pussy on my breath 468 00:29:49,434 --> 00:29:52,928 nobodys ever talked to me like that before 469 00:29:52,963 --> 00:29:56,118 thats because eveyones mouth is usually full of your wife's box 470 00:29:57,228 --> 00:29:59,183 your hired 471 00:29:59,218 --> 00:30:00,675 shit. 472 00:30:47,552 --> 00:30:50,452 well, i am a former celebrity in a minimum wage job 473 00:30:50,453 --> 00:30:57,396 this is how the cast of different strokes feels all day, every day.Aweful, they must feel aweful..the live ones must feel aweful. 474 00:30:57,431 --> 00:30:59,518 come on, its not that bad ok 475 00:30:59,553 --> 00:31:01,589 i got a shitty job and i assure you i am quite content 476 00:31:01,624 --> 00:31:02,904 excuse me 477 00:31:02,939 --> 00:31:04,625 im sorry to bother you but, 478 00:31:04,660 --> 00:31:08,432 my son and i couldnt help but admire your teddy bear 479 00:31:08,467 --> 00:31:10,491 oh thank you -thanks 480 00:31:10,526 --> 00:31:12,719 im Donny this is Robert 481 00:31:12,754 --> 00:31:16,251 i have to say, ive been following you ever since i was a young boy 482 00:31:16,286 --> 00:31:19,517 and eh, i remember seeing you on the carson show 483 00:31:19,552 --> 00:31:21,434 you were just wondeful 484 00:31:21,469 --> 00:31:24,285 oh yeah, that was a weird interview 485 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:28,000 Ed thought i was Alf. and he kept muttering anti semitic comments. 486 00:31:28,035 --> 00:31:29,931 thought Alf was Jewish for some reason 487 00:31:29,966 --> 00:31:32,766 have you ever considered selling the bear? -what? - excuse me 488 00:31:32,801 --> 00:31:34,022 i want it 489 00:31:34,057 --> 00:31:36,272 hey...im not an IT pal im a HE, alright 490 00:31:36,307 --> 00:31:41,546 im sorry little guy, but my bear isnt for sale, see ive had him since i was about your age 491 00:31:41,581 --> 00:31:42,868 hes very very special to me 492 00:31:42,903 --> 00:31:45,381 -stand up straight when your talking to me 493 00:31:45,416 --> 00:31:47,257 why the fuck would he say that? 494 00:31:47,292 --> 00:31:50,096 sorry, you know you really shouldnt swear infront of children 495 00:31:50,131 --> 00:31:55,673 uh look, were very interested in the bear. if you want to make some sort of arrangement, heres my address and phone number 496 00:31:55,708 --> 00:31:58,215 you can call me anytime ok? 497 00:31:58,250 --> 00:31:59,486 -will do 498 00:31:59,521 --> 00:32:02,721 look,here it goes, in the really important pocket for really important stuff 499 00:32:02,756 --> 00:32:03,994 ok? -ok 500 00:32:04,029 --> 00:32:05,381 see you later 501 00:32:05,416 --> 00:32:07,385 ok come on Robert -take it easy 502 00:32:07,420 --> 00:32:09,384 what the fuck... 503 00:32:09,419 --> 00:32:11,349 can you imagine what that little shit would do to me? 504 00:32:11,384 --> 00:32:16,780 i can totally see him taking you down to the basement and slowly delimbing while singing some creepy victorian nursery rhyme 505 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:21,150 "oh my little sixpence my pretty little sixpence" -stop it 506 00:32:21,185 --> 00:32:22,990 " i love my sixpence" -knock it off 507 00:32:23,025 --> 00:32:27,393 stop it, fuck. why you got to take it to that place..you took it to a...that was real 508 00:32:27,428 --> 00:32:29,703 now its a real thing -aww come on,take it easy 509 00:32:29,738 --> 00:32:31,745 lets just find a better place to get stoned 510 00:32:54,231 --> 00:32:55,577 well i guess this is it huh? 511 00:32:55,578 --> 00:32:57,861 yeah, i guess so 512 00:32:57,896 --> 00:32:59,831 first night on your own 513 00:32:59,866 --> 00:33:02,974 yeah, first night in my beatiful new apartment 514 00:33:03,009 --> 00:33:05,328 well itll be great when its furnished 515 00:33:05,363 --> 00:33:08,902 yeah. and the guy said it aint hardly had no murders in it, so thats good 516 00:33:08,937 --> 00:33:11,524 ok, so... 517 00:33:11,559 --> 00:33:13,642 if you need anything -yeah 518 00:33:13,677 --> 00:33:17,130 i know. dont worry Johnny, ill be fine 519 00:33:17,165 --> 00:33:19,112 i know you will 520 00:33:20,516 --> 00:33:21,889 alright 521 00:33:46,897 --> 00:33:48,659 hey there 522 00:33:48,694 --> 00:33:50,183 hey 523 00:33:52,875 --> 00:33:55,067 listen, umm 524 00:33:56,239 --> 00:33:57,880 i just want to say thank you 525 00:33:57,915 --> 00:34:01,142 i know what you did wasnt easy 526 00:34:01,177 --> 00:34:04,687 and i just want you to know that i love you for it 527 00:34:04,722 --> 00:34:08,615 and... i think its a new beginning for our relationship 528 00:34:09,797 --> 00:34:12,601 anything for you 529 00:34:12,636 --> 00:34:15,734 this is all part of the new grown up John Bennett,so 530 00:34:15,769 --> 00:34:17,292 you better get used to him 531 00:34:17,327 --> 00:34:19,176 really... 532 00:34:20,266 --> 00:34:25,666 well...now i dont have to be at work for another 20 minutes 533 00:34:25,701 --> 00:34:29,922 well thats perfect, cos im only going to need 1 534 00:34:32,574 --> 00:34:35,566 you know what my favourite thing about you is? 535 00:34:35,601 --> 00:34:40,284 even after 4 years, you can still surprise me 536 00:34:41,511 --> 00:34:47,868 and to step up and change such a huge part of your life just to make your girlfriend happier 537 00:34:47,903 --> 00:34:51,291 i dont know, i guess most guys wouldnt do that 538 00:34:51,326 --> 00:34:54,238 well most guys dont have you to motivate them 539 00:34:57,232 --> 00:35:00,557 i know im not a talking teddybear, but... 540 00:35:01,498 --> 00:35:04,571 at least you dont have to make a magical wish to get me 541 00:35:04,606 --> 00:35:06,326 how do you know? 542 00:35:18,813 --> 00:35:22,774 ohh...is that a Flash Gordon ray gun, or are you just ahppy to see me? 543 00:35:30,769 --> 00:35:35,405 there you go.thank you very much,please come again we have alot more grocerys 544 00:35:42,066 --> 00:35:44,326 hey uhh, hey Ellen -yeah? 545 00:35:44,361 --> 00:35:46,049 whos that over there? 546 00:35:47,182 --> 00:35:50,702 oh thats the new check out girl i dont know her name. seems cute 547 00:35:50,737 --> 00:35:52,436 yeah. very cute 548 00:35:52,471 --> 00:35:56,117 you know what id like to do to her? something i call a dirty fozzy 549 00:36:30,302 --> 00:36:32,159 ok...alright...so thats where well draw the line 550 00:36:36,481 --> 00:36:38,580 hey...how you holding up? 551 00:36:38,615 --> 00:36:42,812 oh im alright, im just getting used to things thats all 552 00:36:42,847 --> 00:36:44,415 its going to be alright 553 00:36:44,450 --> 00:36:47,465 i actually went through something like this with my last boyfriend 554 00:36:47,500 --> 00:36:49,210 really? -yeah 555 00:36:49,245 --> 00:36:53,553 we were together for 8 months and i really loved him 556 00:36:53,588 --> 00:36:58,203 and then he got deported back to Iran, so i know what your going through 557 00:36:58,238 --> 00:37:03,327 oh yeah. so i guess we both lost our furry little guy 558 00:37:03,362 --> 00:37:05,049 we sure did 559 00:37:09,818 --> 00:37:13,455 hey ted. hey Johnny what are you doing? wanna come over and catch a buzz? 560 00:37:13,490 --> 00:37:15,641 well i could probably stop by after work 561 00:37:15,676 --> 00:37:18,314 fuck that, i traded off yesterday so i got the other shift 562 00:37:18,349 --> 00:37:20,977 come on, im bored as crap over here. just swing by for a bit... 563 00:37:21,012 --> 00:37:22,877 i cant just ditch work man 564 00:37:22,912 --> 00:37:25,489 im trying to get my shit together and be an adult here you know, for Lori's sake 565 00:37:25,524 --> 00:37:27,616 Johnny, 5 minuites and ill kick you out, i promise 566 00:37:27,651 --> 00:37:32,182 just come over. i got the cheers dvd boxset 567 00:37:32,217 --> 00:37:35,129 and the guy down at the store told me everybody talks shit about each other in the inteviews 568 00:37:35,164 --> 00:37:37,527 youll kick me out in 5? 569 00:37:37,562 --> 00:37:38,872 i will kick you out in 5 570 00:37:38,907 --> 00:37:43,401 John, ill have to kick you out. i have so much teddybear paperwork to get through it is sick 571 00:37:43,436 --> 00:37:45,049 what do i tell Thomas? 572 00:37:45,084 --> 00:37:46,529 just tell him you dont feel well 573 00:37:46,530 --> 00:37:51,774 i got to cut out for a bit, Lori tried to break up a dog fight and guess she got hurt pretty bad 574 00:37:51,809 --> 00:37:52,931 oh my god 575 00:37:52,966 --> 00:37:56,464 yeah thats the way she is. she sees trouble and she tries to help out 576 00:37:56,465 --> 00:38:00,698 and i guess one of these dogs clamped its jaws on her forearm, and wouldnt let go untill a fireman showed up 577 00:38:00,733 --> 00:38:02,376 and had to stick a finger in its ass 578 00:38:03,604 --> 00:38:06,167 oh jesus -yeah shes pretty shook up 579 00:38:06,202 --> 00:38:08,316 up the dogs ass right... 580 00:38:08,351 --> 00:38:10,288 yeah the dogs not the firemans ass 581 00:38:10,323 --> 00:38:12,155 i thought the fireman stuck his finger up his own ass 582 00:38:12,190 --> 00:38:14,397 i dont think a firefighter would do that, i mean... 583 00:38:14,432 --> 00:38:16,587 well go go, take care of it, let me know how she is. thank you. -Go 584 00:38:20,839 --> 00:38:24,144 woody harrelson...smallest dick ive ever seen on a man 585 00:38:26,488 --> 00:38:30,121 see, thats why i watch these things. its like a cool behind the scenes thing that you wouldnt know 586 00:38:30,785 --> 00:38:33,027 oh hey, listen, try this. 587 00:38:33,062 --> 00:38:35,869 i told my weed guy to step it up, and he gave me that 588 00:38:35,904 --> 00:38:36,977 what is it? 589 00:38:36,978 --> 00:38:39,871 its called mind rape, its actually pretty mellow 590 00:38:39,872 --> 00:38:41,080 it doesnt sound very mellow 591 00:38:41,115 --> 00:38:43,081 well he only had 3 other batches 592 00:38:43,116 --> 00:38:46,209 uh, gorilla panic...uh, there coming there coming 593 00:38:46,244 --> 00:38:48,412 and something called this is permanent 594 00:38:48,447 --> 00:38:49,779 come on , spark it up 595 00:38:56,079 --> 00:38:57,802 there you go, you got it 596 00:38:58,910 --> 00:39:00,857 ahahaha, nice 597 00:39:00,892 --> 00:39:04,329 good huh? good job -yeah 598 00:39:04,796 --> 00:39:07,640 take pride in that -you know, this place looks great 599 00:39:07,675 --> 00:39:11,634 aww thanks man, its all Ikea, did the whole place for $47 600 00:39:11,669 --> 00:39:12,900 nice... -yeah 601 00:39:12,935 --> 00:39:14,402 how are the neighbours? 602 00:39:15,247 --> 00:39:19,152 ah, you know, theres an asian family living next door, but they dont have a gong or nothing so its not too bad 603 00:39:19,187 --> 00:39:20,751 thats lucky -yeah it is 604 00:39:20,786 --> 00:39:22,804 hows work? -sucks 605 00:39:22,839 --> 00:39:26,368 you? -you know,not bad actually 606 00:39:26,403 --> 00:39:28,060 i met a girl, shes a cashier 607 00:39:28,095 --> 00:39:29,524 no way, thats awesome -yeah 608 00:39:29,559 --> 00:39:32,738 we should fucking double date, you me and Lori and...whats her name? 609 00:39:32,773 --> 00:39:34,694 white trash name, guess... 610 00:39:34,729 --> 00:39:36,100 mandy? -no... 611 00:39:37,014 --> 00:39:38,521 marilyn? -no... 612 00:39:38,556 --> 00:39:40,085 brittany? -no... 613 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:41,054 tiffany? -no... 614 00:39:41,089 --> 00:39:42,197 candice? -no... 615 00:39:42,232 --> 00:39:44,051 dont fuck me on this, i know this shit 616 00:39:44,086 --> 00:39:45,521 do you see me fucking with you? 617 00:39:45,556 --> 00:39:48,863 alright speed round.im gonna rattle off some names, and when i hit it, fucking buzz it ok?- i will tell you 618 00:39:48,898 --> 00:39:50,035 you got me? alright 619 00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:52,358 brandy, heather, shanine,briana, amber,sabrina,melody,dekota 620 00:39:52,393 --> 00:39:55,524 ciara,bamby,crystal,samantha,autumn ruby,taylor,tara,tammy,lauren, 621 00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:59,012 shelly,shantelle,courtney,misty,jenny, krista,mindy,nowel,shelby,trina, 622 00:39:59,047 --> 00:40:03,720 casandra,nicky,kelsey,shauna,joleen ilene,claudine,savanha,casey,dolly kendra,kyley,chloe,demelu 623 00:40:03,755 --> 00:40:05,079 fucking becky? -no 624 00:40:05,114 --> 00:40:08,439 was it any one of those names with a lynn after it? 625 00:40:08,474 --> 00:40:09,485 ...yes... 626 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,977 ohh i got you motherfuker, i got you 627 00:40:12,012 --> 00:40:14,476 ok...brandy-lynn,heather-lynn, tammy-lynn 628 00:40:14,511 --> 00:40:15,579 FUCK! 629 00:40:18,130 --> 00:40:20,079 what the hell 630 00:40:20,114 --> 00:40:24,187 hey man, you think you can open more than 1 register? theres like a 1,000 people here 631 00:40:24,222 --> 00:40:26,599 theres supposed to be 3 open 632 00:40:26,634 --> 00:40:27,954 for gods sakes 633 00:40:41,578 --> 00:40:43,449 stick your finger in the loop of my tag 634 00:40:44,822 --> 00:40:50,389 you had sexual intercourse ontop of the produce that we sell to the public 635 00:40:50,424 --> 00:40:52,778 -i fucked her with a parsnip last week... 636 00:40:52,813 --> 00:40:56,156 and i sold the parsnip to a family with 4 small children 637 00:40:56,191 --> 00:40:58,781 that took guts 638 00:40:58,816 --> 00:41:02,168 we need guts. im promoting you 639 00:41:02,203 --> 00:41:04,683 -you got alot of problems dont you? 640 00:41:18,802 --> 00:41:20,127 alright karim 641 00:41:21,242 --> 00:41:22,259 you suck karim 642 00:41:29,806 --> 00:41:30,819 hello... 643 00:41:38,996 --> 00:41:40,504 hey ted 644 00:41:41,722 --> 00:41:44,361 oh, hey there fella how are you? 645 00:41:45,676 --> 00:41:47,218 are you out here all alone? 646 00:41:47,253 --> 00:41:49,867 uhh,no, no im not 647 00:41:49,902 --> 00:41:52,937 you know, your never alone when your with christ, so... 648 00:41:52,972 --> 00:41:54,621 no im not alone 649 00:41:54,656 --> 00:41:56,090 yeah 650 00:41:57,175 --> 00:41:58,335 yeah me too 651 00:42:01,588 --> 00:42:04,347 you know Robert and i could give you a very good home 652 00:42:04,382 --> 00:42:08,946 you know, im pretty happy where i am i just got a shitty new apartment 653 00:42:08,981 --> 00:42:10,873 i could offer you $6,000 in railroad bonds 654 00:42:10,908 --> 00:42:15,607 well you know, since i just returned from active duty in the civil war 655 00:42:15,642 --> 00:42:17,554 that actually sounds very appealing 656 00:42:17,589 --> 00:42:21,381 oh wait, sorry that was 150 years ago and i dont give a shit... 657 00:42:21,416 --> 00:42:23,358 ok 658 00:42:25,528 --> 00:42:28,218 teddy come on, were going to be late for dinner with your friends 659 00:42:28,253 --> 00:42:30,061 ok, ill be there in a second baby as you can see, 660 00:42:30,096 --> 00:42:33,615 my dance card is quite full im going to have to decline 661 00:42:33,650 --> 00:42:35,306 can i just get a hug? 662 00:42:36,352 --> 00:42:38,690 oh, no... -yeah 663 00:42:38,725 --> 00:42:43,068 and it kills me to have to tell you no. because im a people pleaser 664 00:42:43,103 --> 00:42:47,464 but,thank you for creeping up my night and jesus be with you...-ok 665 00:42:47,499 --> 00:42:48,760 in christ 666 00:42:50,095 --> 00:42:51,648 who was that guy? 667 00:42:51,683 --> 00:42:54,633 oh, that was sinead o'connor, she dont look so good no more 668 00:42:59,156 --> 00:43:02,354 how great is this huh? the 4 of us out to dinner 669 00:43:02,389 --> 00:43:04,225 how long have we been saying we were gonna do ... 670 00:43:04,260 --> 00:43:07,131 Lori, how you doing? i havent talked to you in forever 671 00:43:07,166 --> 00:43:08,630 im good 672 00:43:08,665 --> 00:43:12,018 the companys having there 20th anniversary party next week, so... 673 00:43:12,053 --> 00:43:13,172 thats something 674 00:43:13,173 --> 00:43:14,201 Lori's a senior vp at a pretty huge P.R firm 675 00:43:14,236 --> 00:43:17,455 its not that big of a deal 676 00:43:17,456 --> 00:43:20,167 companys turning 20...so you can bang it,but you cant get it drunk 677 00:43:21,396 --> 00:43:22,669 right... 678 00:43:22,704 --> 00:43:25,494 yeah she gets it she enjoys my humour 679 00:43:26,986 --> 00:43:29,684 yeah, i mean Rex is having a house party, im surprised John didnt tell you 680 00:43:29,940 --> 00:43:33,904 considering you two have seen each other every single day since you moved out 681 00:43:33,939 --> 00:43:37,625 well you know, its funny cos whenever Johnny and i hang out 682 00:43:37,660 --> 00:43:41,691 the first item on our agenda is... whats going on with Lori? 683 00:43:41,726 --> 00:43:45,093 so you know its funny that didnt come up. it musta have slipped through the cracks 684 00:43:45,128 --> 00:43:46,612 we do, we talk about you all the time 685 00:43:46,647 --> 00:43:50,418 you remember the other day? i was saying how great Lori's hair always looks 686 00:43:50,453 --> 00:43:54,225 oh my god it always looks so fucking great i just want to brush it, you know 687 00:43:54,260 --> 00:43:56,254 right Johnny... i say that 688 00:43:57,599 --> 00:44:03,223 so, tammy-lynn. why dont you tell us a little bit about yourself 689 00:44:03,258 --> 00:44:06,620 like where you from? im always fascinated to meet teds girlfriends 690 00:44:06,655 --> 00:44:09,985 what do you mean girlfriends? was there like alot of them or something? 691 00:44:10,020 --> 00:44:13,621 no...thats not what she meant at all right Lori?, Lori you didnt mean that 692 00:44:13,656 --> 00:44:20,485 no, no, what i meant to say was that teds very handsome, so im always interested in meeting the lady that can snatch him up 693 00:44:21,348 --> 00:44:23,657 did you just call me a whore? -what? 694 00:44:23,692 --> 00:44:26,486 you just worry about your own snatch how bout that honey... 695 00:44:26,521 --> 00:44:28,493 wow, hey...what the hell happened? 696 00:44:28,528 --> 00:44:30,549 we were having a friendly meal -this was a nice evening 697 00:44:30,584 --> 00:44:32,217 dont talk shit to me 698 00:44:32,252 --> 00:44:33,593 i just asked you a question 699 00:44:33,628 --> 00:44:37,836 you know, your a frickin snob you think your all cool cos you work at some fancy shit place 700 00:44:37,871 --> 00:44:40,115 whatever.-ok take it easy. nice Lori, real nice 701 00:44:40,150 --> 00:44:42,503 me...its not my fault she cant speak english 702 00:44:42,538 --> 00:44:47,384 oh fuck you. just cos your in the business world and shit, you think everyone should suck your asshole or something? 703 00:44:47,419 --> 00:44:51,597 ok,alright. tammy, come on honey, lets get out of here. well go back to my place for a couple of vodka and strawberry quicks 704 00:44:51,632 --> 00:44:55,395 you know what bitch, i gave birth once, i can kick your fucking ass 705 00:44:55,430 --> 00:44:58,523 and you better not show your face around quincy, you hear me? ever 706 00:44:58,558 --> 00:45:00,997 i didnt know you had a baby, is it alive? 707 00:45:02,979 --> 00:45:04,254 what a cunt... 708 00:45:04,289 --> 00:45:06,458 i hate that word -what? 709 00:45:06,493 --> 00:45:09,942 that word, its like an electric saw slashing everything in its path 710 00:45:09,977 --> 00:45:11,012 why would you say that? 711 00:45:11,047 --> 00:45:13,138 you dint exactly stand up for me... 712 00:45:13,173 --> 00:45:16,257 im trying to walk a line here.i want to be fair to you and to him, you know 713 00:45:16,292 --> 00:45:18,246 well i think your being a little more fair to him 714 00:45:18,281 --> 00:45:19,598 oh, come on... 715 00:45:19,633 --> 00:45:23,477 you know your boss called this morning asking how my arm was 716 00:45:24,563 --> 00:45:28,717 huh...-yeah because of the dog fight that i tried to break up 717 00:45:29,925 --> 00:45:34,788 if i had to guess, id say you made up some bullshit excuse to get out of work 718 00:45:34,823 --> 00:45:36,621 to go to teds. now... 719 00:45:36,656 --> 00:45:38,624 am i right? 720 00:45:39,700 --> 00:45:41,444 ...i made you out to be a hero 721 00:45:41,479 --> 00:45:44,116 you know what John, we asked ted to move out, to give ourselves a chance without it 722 00:45:44,151 --> 00:45:48,559 your not giving anything a chance if your blowing off work to get high with your teddybear 723 00:45:49,699 --> 00:45:54,020 your right. ive been getting stoned too much i know that 724 00:45:54,055 --> 00:45:56,885 ive been bumming around with ted too much, i know that too 725 00:45:58,165 --> 00:46:00,706 you give me one more chance, i promise i can fix it 726 00:46:00,741 --> 00:46:05,081 John, i need a man. not a little boy with a teddybear 727 00:46:05,116 --> 00:46:07,879 i know, done, man 728 00:46:07,914 --> 00:46:11,097 right here infront of you, look at these pecks...these are man pecks 729 00:46:11,132 --> 00:46:13,401 look at the hair on my upper lip... thats man hair 730 00:46:14,574 --> 00:46:16,810 i just farted, that was a man fart 731 00:46:23,557 --> 00:46:25,092 fine... 732 00:46:25,127 --> 00:46:28,686 fine John, but this is, i swear to god your last chance 733 00:46:28,721 --> 00:46:30,206 trust me, i love you 734 00:46:30,241 --> 00:46:31,866 alright, i love you 735 00:46:31,901 --> 00:46:33,842 i love you so much. you wont be sorry i swear 736 00:46:34,999 --> 00:46:36,777 did you really just fart? 737 00:46:36,812 --> 00:46:38,622 yeah...but i pushed it that way with my hand 738 00:46:39,636 --> 00:46:41,018 i wonder who its going to hit first 739 00:46:41,053 --> 00:46:43,453 "so if i told them once, i told them a million times,these numbers do not add up" 740 00:46:45,592 --> 00:46:47,626 who did this to us? 741 00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:51,192 god damn it, im here on business 742 00:46:55,776 --> 00:46:57,047 alright, here we go 743 00:47:00,789 --> 00:47:02,317 im really glad that you came -me too 744 00:47:02,352 --> 00:47:03,595 yeah? 745 00:47:03,630 --> 00:47:07,403 is it ok if i kick your boss's ass? i mean that wont effect your workplace chemistry will it? 746 00:47:07,438 --> 00:47:09,143 please play nice 747 00:47:09,178 --> 00:47:10,563 for you i will 748 00:47:10,598 --> 00:47:12,245 thank you -anything 749 00:47:14,875 --> 00:47:17,237 there she is... i was worried you weren't coming 750 00:47:17,272 --> 00:47:19,869 hey there squirt, how you doing? wheres your bunny rabbit? 751 00:47:19,904 --> 00:47:22,552 hes a bear -got it 752 00:47:22,553 --> 00:47:25,210 oh my god, this house is fucking huge... 753 00:47:25,245 --> 00:47:27,598 i know, try not to get lost. come on in 754 00:47:39,754 --> 00:47:42,606 wow, here are the ladies. look at you guys 755 00:47:42,641 --> 00:47:44,410 you guys look amazing 756 00:47:44,411 --> 00:47:46,161 little heavy on the eye make up, but pretty good 757 00:47:46,196 --> 00:47:49,639 you guys know Lori and Jim right? ...John 758 00:47:49,674 --> 00:47:51,106 hi 759 00:47:51,141 --> 00:47:55,342 listen, why dont John and i go get a drink at the bar 760 00:47:56,139 --> 00:47:58,571 uh...sure -great, well be right back 761 00:47:58,606 --> 00:47:59,670 come on buddy 762 00:48:00,737 --> 00:48:02,536 thats an old sweater huh 763 00:48:04,370 --> 00:48:06,401 this is Wade Boggs autographed bat 764 00:48:06,436 --> 00:48:08,854 i just barely outbid phil donoghue for that at auction 765 00:48:08,889 --> 00:48:09,913 wow cool 766 00:48:09,948 --> 00:48:11,324 yeah...cool 767 00:48:11,359 --> 00:48:14,763 these boxing gloves worn by Joe Lewis in his first fight 768 00:48:15,638 --> 00:48:18,185 this is art, get it? 769 00:48:20,876 --> 00:48:23,760 these were John Lennon's glasses there worth like a million dollars 770 00:48:23,795 --> 00:48:26,698 thats me and Tom Scarritt 771 00:48:26,733 --> 00:48:28,486 ohh...check this out 772 00:48:30,243 --> 00:48:31,923 thats Lance Armstrong's nut 773 00:48:31,958 --> 00:48:34,173 i had it freeze dried and bronzed 774 00:48:34,208 --> 00:48:41,272 every now and then, when my lifes getting me down and things are tough. i just come up here, and i look at it 775 00:48:42,627 --> 00:48:46,972 and it reminds me that... things arent so bad 776 00:48:48,413 --> 00:48:49,929 sometimes you feel like a nut 777 00:48:50,995 --> 00:48:52,551 sometimes you dont 778 00:48:54,263 --> 00:48:57,884 so, talk to me Johnny quest, how are things with you and Lori 779 00:48:57,919 --> 00:48:59,765 you know, things are great actually 780 00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:01,040 oh thats great that ...is...great 781 00:49:03,644 --> 00:49:08,571 Lori would hate me for saying this, but she told me how you are at the office 782 00:49:08,606 --> 00:49:13,870 and as one gentleman to another, i justwant to say, i really fucking hope you get lou gehrig's disease 783 00:49:13,905 --> 00:49:18,670 wow...i think we need to clear the air here a little 784 00:49:18,705 --> 00:49:22,029 i mean yeah, im kind of a fun time boss and what not 785 00:49:22,064 --> 00:49:24,697 but look man, i do that with everybody at the office 786 00:49:24,732 --> 00:49:25,845 im a cook 787 00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:30,553 i have no designs on your girlfriend we work together and thats it 788 00:49:30,588 --> 00:49:34,049 i think your a great guy. and shes a very lucky girl 789 00:49:36,088 --> 00:49:37,522 well thats good to hear 790 00:49:37,557 --> 00:49:38,678 yeah 791 00:49:40,940 --> 00:49:42,028 excuse me 792 00:49:42,063 --> 00:49:43,566 hey ted 793 00:49:43,601 --> 00:49:46,061 Johnny, were are you you gotta get over here man. why whats going on? 794 00:49:46,096 --> 00:49:46,920 ok, so 795 00:49:46,955 --> 00:49:49,578 im having a little impromptu thing with some people at my apartment 796 00:49:49,613 --> 00:49:51,969 and John...Sam Jones is here 797 00:49:52,004 --> 00:49:53,318 what! 798 00:49:53,353 --> 00:49:56,222 sam jones...Flash fucking Gordon ...is here 799 00:49:56,257 --> 00:49:57,693 holy shit, what 800 00:49:57,728 --> 00:50:00,416 you remember i said my buddys cousin is friends with sam jones? 801 00:50:00,451 --> 00:50:03,790 well my buddys cousin is in town, and who do you think is with him... 802 00:50:03,825 --> 00:50:08,492 sam jones...sam jones is here and John ...his hair is parted down the middle 803 00:50:08,527 --> 00:50:10,414 -just like in the movie... 804 00:50:10,449 --> 00:50:12,941 yes!, get over here right now 805 00:50:12,976 --> 00:50:16,860 fuck i cant,im with Lori and im already on probation 806 00:50:16,895 --> 00:50:19,553 i just...i cant 807 00:50:19,588 --> 00:50:26,071 John, Flash Gordon was the most important influence of our informative years.he taught us right from wrong, good from evil 808 00:50:26,106 --> 00:50:29,531 and the word acting apparently has an extremly broad definition 809 00:50:29,566 --> 00:50:34,136 Flash Gordon is the symbol of our friendship John. come share this with me 810 00:50:35,617 --> 00:50:37,111 im coming 811 00:50:38,240 --> 00:50:42,157 Rex, i gotta go. ill be back in like 30 minutes tops ok 812 00:50:42,192 --> 00:50:45,976 Lori can not find out. she absolutely can not know i was gone 813 00:50:46,011 --> 00:50:49,148 if you can cover for me, im cool with all that other shit 814 00:50:49,183 --> 00:50:51,588 i got your back on this she wont know ive been there 815 00:50:51,623 --> 00:50:55,407 alright, this is one man to another i dont really know you, but im trusting 816 00:50:55,412 --> 00:50:56,949 you as a man. this is serious 817 00:50:56,984 --> 00:51:01,220 dude...one man to another, i got you on this 818 00:51:01,255 --> 00:51:02,756 thank you, ill be back 819 00:51:04,067 --> 00:51:06,518 im going to have sex with your girlfriend 820 00:51:48,565 --> 00:51:50,430 oh Johnny thank christ, you made it 821 00:51:50,465 --> 00:51:51,997 dude, i got 10 minutes. where's Flash Gordon? 822 00:51:52,032 --> 00:51:53,286 ok get ready 823 00:51:53,321 --> 00:51:55,619 hey sam, this is the guy i was telling you about 824 00:52:56,746 --> 00:52:58,382 how you doing? good to meet you 825 00:52:59,587 --> 00:53:01,971 i thank you for saving everyone of us 826 00:53:02,006 --> 00:53:03,033 your welcome 827 00:53:03,068 --> 00:53:04,896 ahh,he acknowledged it 828 00:53:04,931 --> 00:53:06,616 lets do some shits -with you? 829 00:53:06,651 --> 00:53:09,223 oh my god...oh my god yes -yes totally 830 00:53:09,258 --> 00:53:10,454 lets go 831 00:53:13,455 --> 00:53:14,855 thanks 832 00:53:14,890 --> 00:53:17,275 there you go my friend -thank you 833 00:53:17,310 --> 00:53:19,344 "death to Ming" 834 00:53:23,444 --> 00:53:26,412 you know, you guys seem pretty cool you like to party? 835 00:53:28,746 --> 00:53:30,915 uhh...cocaine right? 836 00:53:30,950 --> 00:53:33,844 come on dudes, dont tell me you never done it before 837 00:53:33,879 --> 00:53:37,984 well uh, not recently no.-i thought that was just for people in florida 838 00:53:38,019 --> 00:53:40,079 you better follow me, come on 839 00:53:40,114 --> 00:53:42,255 Johnny im frightened 840 00:53:50,340 --> 00:53:53,638 we are gonna party like the 80's 841 00:53:53,673 --> 00:53:55,509 show us how Flash 842 00:53:55,544 --> 00:53:59,286 its easy, we just gotta nail alot of girls named stephanie 843 00:53:59,321 --> 00:54:02,726 oh my god Johnny i got so much energy we better start doing stupid shit 844 00:54:11,564 --> 00:54:14,869 look Johnny, if were ever going to get serious about opening a restaurant, we gotta start planning it now 845 00:54:14,904 --> 00:54:16,423 Italian... -Italian yes 846 00:54:16,458 --> 00:54:18,259 whats the specials on tuesdays? eggplant parm 847 00:54:18,294 --> 00:54:20,638 chopped salad, half price -and its a non restrictive place 848 00:54:20,673 --> 00:54:22,706 wait, what do you mean? -anybody can come 849 00:54:22,741 --> 00:54:24,122 ofcourse... -Jews are welcome 850 00:54:24,157 --> 00:54:26,283 yeah, why wouldnt they be? -exactly, thats what im saying 851 00:54:26,318 --> 00:54:28,774 why would you even bring that up? -you dont bring that up, you let them in 852 00:54:28,809 --> 00:54:30,263 so why mention it? -no one will 853 00:54:30,298 --> 00:54:33,220 why are we talking about it? -your talking about it, im just saying let them in 854 00:54:33,255 --> 00:54:34,999 yeah exactly, right, good, ok 855 00:54:35,034 --> 00:54:36,103 no mexicans though... 856 00:54:39,432 --> 00:54:41,228 this is how everyone sang in the 90's 857 00:54:52,518 --> 00:54:54,578 trust me, i can do this -shut up 858 00:54:54,613 --> 00:54:56,589 let him try man -alright, ok 859 00:55:11,451 --> 00:55:12,774 son of a bitch 860 00:55:12,809 --> 00:55:15,080 ...well you never should have trusted me, im on drugs 861 00:55:24,046 --> 00:55:27,814 hey Johnny. i just had a great idea lets go get drunk at cars on the overpass 862 00:55:27,849 --> 00:55:31,591 oh come on, i do not sound that much like peter griffin 863 00:55:32,870 --> 00:55:36,352 you can do any 90's song with just vowels 864 00:55:48,352 --> 00:55:51,747 see, there, proof.Garfields eyes look like a pair of tits 865 00:55:51,782 --> 00:55:53,209 you were right 866 00:55:53,244 --> 00:55:56,073 if you can punch through this wall you really are Flash gordon 867 00:55:56,108 --> 00:55:58,044 you gonna do it? -im gonna punch through it 868 00:55:58,079 --> 00:56:00,305 go on sam, do it -do it 869 00:56:02,017 --> 00:56:03,264 oh my god...oh my god 870 00:56:03,299 --> 00:56:05,916 yes, he did it 871 00:56:05,951 --> 00:56:09,107 what they hell your problem, you breaker my wall, i breaker your wall 872 00:56:15,634 --> 00:56:17,044 break his arm off -were gonna die 873 00:56:20,918 --> 00:56:25,008 you breaker my wall, dis my home long time 874 00:56:25,043 --> 00:56:26,949 you breaker my wall you bastard men were sorry 875 00:56:26,984 --> 00:56:30,126 it was an accident ok.. i try to make duck dinner, now plaster everywhere 876 00:56:30,548 --> 00:56:33,627 chill out ok, look. can we just talk about this? whats your name? 877 00:56:33,662 --> 00:56:35,299 im John. my name a Wan Ming 878 00:56:35,334 --> 00:56:36,530 Ming... 879 00:56:38,501 --> 00:56:41,097 you blame each other for war, this bullshit, this all bullshit 880 00:56:41,257 --> 00:56:43,369 "Deah to Ming" 881 00:57:11,338 --> 00:57:12,233 let him go 882 00:57:16,949 --> 00:57:18,628 you crazy, you crazy man 883 00:57:19,491 --> 00:57:21,357 come on james franco 884 00:57:24,117 --> 00:57:27,779 you pay for wall, move sucker 885 00:57:59,024 --> 00:58:00,132 hey... 886 00:58:00,167 --> 00:58:01,540 -hey guy 887 00:58:01,575 --> 00:58:02,808 whats going on? 888 00:58:03,853 --> 00:58:06,821 this is Gerrard, hes the guy who beat me up 889 00:58:06,856 --> 00:58:09,005 and ahh...were in love. -huh? 890 00:58:10,196 --> 00:58:12,998 turns out im gay, or whatever i dont know 891 00:58:13,033 --> 00:58:15,218 i had no idea 892 00:58:16,420 --> 00:58:19,245 hey Gerrard, lets go grab another one of these 893 00:58:23,426 --> 00:58:25,572 how we doing ace? you coming down? 894 00:58:25,607 --> 00:58:28,072 yeah, i dont feel so good 895 00:58:28,107 --> 00:58:30,836 oh give it a couple of hours, youll be golden pony boy 896 00:58:30,871 --> 00:58:32,627 you want a xanax? 897 00:58:34,219 --> 00:58:36,151 oh shit, oh my god -what? 898 00:58:36,186 --> 00:58:38,493 i gotta go 899 00:58:46,021 --> 00:58:48,309 ...Lori...i... 900 00:58:49,772 --> 00:58:50,774 Lori 901 00:58:53,067 --> 00:58:55,244 Lori, wait please 902 00:58:56,351 --> 00:59:00,191 im sorry, i messed up. - i need you out of the apartment tonight 903 00:59:00,226 --> 00:59:02,049 can i just... -give me the car keys 904 00:59:02,084 --> 00:59:03,789 can i please just explain... -no 905 00:59:03,824 --> 00:59:07,908 i was...-i have givin up a huge chunk of my life for you 906 00:59:07,943 --> 00:59:10,397 i was gonna stop in for like 5 minutes, then Flash Gordon... 907 00:59:10,432 --> 00:59:11,724 just give me the car keys 908 00:59:23,223 --> 00:59:24,488 Lori 909 00:59:24,523 --> 00:59:26,872 Lori please, i love you, come on 910 00:59:40,061 --> 00:59:41,445 hey johnny, there you are 911 00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:42,952 i had to get some air 912 00:59:42,987 --> 00:59:47,219 that dude from your office is on the couch, making out with that Van Wilder looking guy 913 00:59:47,254 --> 00:59:48,950 you know what, fuck you, i dont even want to talk to you 914 00:59:48,985 --> 00:59:52,459 what... -do you know what just happened? 915 00:59:52,494 --> 00:59:55,526 do you have any clue? my fucking life just ended 916 00:59:55,561 --> 01:00:02,063 oh come on, shell go home, shell watch Bridget Jones some asshole, shell have a good cry.she'll be fine. 917 01:00:02,065 --> 01:00:03,204 youll talk to her tomorrow come on upstairs 918 01:00:03,239 --> 01:00:06,202 are you even listening to me? do you even give any thread of a shit? 919 01:00:06,237 --> 01:00:10,756 ofcourse i do...Johnny, thunder buddys for life, remember 920 01:00:10,791 --> 01:00:16,400 jesus, Lori was right.i shoulda stopped hanging out with you along time ago 921 01:00:16,435 --> 01:00:20,898 im never going to have a life with you around. im 35 years old and im going nowhere 922 01:00:20,933 --> 01:00:23,819 all i do is smoke pot and watch movies with a teddy fucking bear 923 01:00:23,854 --> 01:00:27,239 because of that, i just lost the love of my life 924 01:00:27,274 --> 01:00:31,036 Johnny...i...im sorry 925 01:00:31,071 --> 01:00:33,474 i gotta be on my own ted. i cant see you anymore 926 01:00:34,719 --> 01:00:37,704 John, wait, listen 927 01:00:38,706 --> 01:00:39,642 "i love you" 928 01:01:39,161 --> 01:01:44,221 so, word through the grapevine is that your newly solo 929 01:01:44,222 --> 01:01:46,148 Rex, i have alot of work i need to get to 930 01:01:46,183 --> 01:01:52,859 i have tickets to norah jones at the hatshell tonight, and i would love it if you'd go with me 931 01:01:52,894 --> 01:01:55,665 your asking me out? a week after i broke up with somebody... 932 01:01:55,700 --> 01:01:58,801 look, im going to cut the shit here 933 01:01:58,836 --> 01:01:59,906 please 934 01:01:59,941 --> 01:02:04,977 this is the first time you've been single in all the years you've worked here 935 01:02:05,012 --> 01:02:07,689 just...go out with me one time? 936 01:02:07,724 --> 01:02:14,569 and if your miserable, and you hate it.then i promise, i will never hint at the subject again 937 01:02:14,604 --> 01:02:16,628 please 938 01:02:16,663 --> 01:02:18,655 Rex, i dont think its smart 939 01:02:18,690 --> 01:02:24,153 im an asshole, i know that. it worked for me in highschool. and its been a reflex ever since 940 01:02:24,188 --> 01:02:30,079 Lori, the worst that can happen is you go on a fun casual date, with a guy 941 01:02:30,114 --> 01:02:34,186 who just wants to prove that he can be something more than a jerk 942 01:02:34,221 --> 01:02:39,302 plus you are a huge catch, and its about time someone treated you that way 943 01:02:41,761 --> 01:02:44,056 fuck it, fine 944 01:02:44,091 --> 01:02:46,528 sure beats crying myself to sleep every night 945 01:02:46,563 --> 01:02:49,352 and if that means getting you off my back,well thats just a bonus 946 01:02:49,387 --> 01:02:50,935 ill pick you up at 8 947 01:02:58,311 --> 01:03:00,929 hey Johnny, its me 948 01:03:00,964 --> 01:03:02,829 go away 949 01:03:02,864 --> 01:03:06,112 Johnny open the door please, i want to talk 950 01:03:15,393 --> 01:03:17,867 jesus christ, what the fuck man 951 01:03:17,902 --> 01:03:20,462 sorry, look Johnny, i know your pissed alright 952 01:03:20,497 --> 01:03:22,246 but just listen to me for 5 seconds 953 01:03:22,281 --> 01:03:24,781 i saw Lori leaving the apartment with Rex 954 01:03:24,816 --> 01:03:25,741 what? 955 01:03:25,776 --> 01:03:28,793 im serious John. i went over to talk to her, maybe take some of the heat off you 956 01:03:28,828 --> 01:03:30,451 and there he was, picking her up 957 01:03:30,486 --> 01:03:31,878 they were going to the hatshell 958 01:03:31,913 --> 01:03:34,383 your fucking unbelievable you know that 959 01:03:34,418 --> 01:03:35,762 i mean how stupid do you think i am? 960 01:03:35,763 --> 01:03:40,157 if you think that by making shit up like that your going to make me choose some kind of loyalty to you over her 961 01:03:40,158 --> 01:03:42,255 your out your fucking mind. John its the truth im telling you 962 01:03:42,290 --> 01:03:44,251 you know what, get out of here 963 01:03:45,729 --> 01:03:47,227 you know what, your acting like a cock you know that? 964 01:03:47,262 --> 01:03:50,201 what? im acting like a cock? 965 01:03:50,236 --> 01:03:52,722 yes, you are. so shut your meat hole for a second and listen to me 966 01:03:52,723 --> 01:03:56,033 huh?...meat hole , thats not right is it...no 967 01:03:56,068 --> 01:04:02,471 pudding hole...is that what they say, no cant be that either right.cos how can you have any pudding, if you dont eat your meat 968 01:04:03,770 --> 01:04:08,887 pink floyd thing...the point is, your blaming me, for something that you did to yourself 969 01:04:08,922 --> 01:04:14,399 Lori was right about you. you cannot take any responsibility for anything that goes on in your life 970 01:04:14,434 --> 01:04:15,780 oh and you can? 971 01:04:15,815 --> 01:04:18,039 i dont have to, im a fucking teddybear 972 01:04:18,074 --> 01:04:21,721 you know something... i didnt tie you up and drag you to that party 973 01:04:21,756 --> 01:04:24,904 alright, i wanted you to come because your supposedly my best friend 974 01:04:24,939 --> 01:04:27,955 you cant stand there and tell me you havent always seen Lori as a threat to our friendship 975 01:04:27,990 --> 01:04:32,082 i mean it works out so much better for you when were getting fucked up on the couch at 9A.M doesnt it? 976 01:04:32,117 --> 01:04:36,017 listen to yourself, what am i, emperor ming here controlling your mind 977 01:04:36,052 --> 01:04:41,449 thats your choice John. and you know by blaming me, you just make yourself look like a pussy 978 01:04:42,421 --> 01:04:47,191 you know, sometimes i think back to that christmas morning, when i was 8 years old 979 01:04:47,226 --> 01:04:49,093 i wish id just gotten a teddy ruxpin 980 01:04:50,111 --> 01:04:51,990 say that 1 more time... 981 01:04:51,991 --> 01:04:55,403 teddy...rux...fucking...pin 982 01:05:21,212 --> 01:05:25,554 shit, ou fuck man 983 01:06:13,057 --> 01:06:14,252 fucking stop 984 01:06:26,232 --> 01:06:27,969 why you crying? 985 01:06:28,004 --> 01:06:31,436 my dick is squished by the t.v 986 01:06:41,221 --> 01:06:43,342 im so sorry Johnny 987 01:06:43,343 --> 01:06:44,831 so am i man 988 01:06:45,811 --> 01:06:47,085 i love you 989 01:06:47,120 --> 01:06:48,740 i love you too 990 01:06:49,797 --> 01:06:51,131 listen 991 01:06:51,166 --> 01:06:54,529 you gotta let me help you make things right with you and Lori 992 01:06:54,564 --> 01:06:56,980 theres no putting things right, she fucking hates me 993 01:06:57,015 --> 01:07:01,740 look , john, we can get her back 994 01:07:01,775 --> 01:07:07,564 you remember when you were 10? and you hit that squirrel with your bb gun 995 01:07:07,599 --> 01:07:11,661 and then when we seen it fall from the tree we both started crying, you remember? 996 01:07:11,696 --> 01:07:15,288 and we ran upto it, and we tried to give it CPR 997 01:07:15,323 --> 01:07:17,297 and it came back to life 998 01:07:17,332 --> 01:07:20,256 John, we could do that again 999 01:07:20,257 --> 01:07:24,138 ted, we blew out its rib cage and crushed its lungs trying to give it CPR 1000 01:07:24,173 --> 01:07:25,523 it died 1001 01:07:26,598 --> 01:07:28,926 come on, were going to the hatshell 1002 01:08:19,199 --> 01:08:22,020 thanks. were gonna take a short break, but well be back in a few 1003 01:08:30,444 --> 01:08:32,650 hey, play chopsticks you jazzy slut 1004 01:08:32,685 --> 01:08:33,729 teddy... 1005 01:08:33,993 --> 01:08:34,969 how are you? 1006 01:08:35,275 --> 01:08:36,951 how you doing you fuzzy little asshole? 1007 01:08:36,986 --> 01:08:41,789 oh you know, im not a hot half muslim chick whos sold 37 million records, but im hanging in there 1008 01:08:41,824 --> 01:08:43,929 half indian, but thanks 1009 01:08:43,964 --> 01:08:46,587 yeah whatever, thanks for 9-11. hey listen, i want you to meet a good pal of mine alright 1010 01:08:46,622 --> 01:08:48,956 John Bennett...norah jones 1011 01:08:50,096 --> 01:08:52,941 hi -hey there...sweaty 1012 01:08:52,976 --> 01:08:55,882 you ready to bring down the house? 1013 01:08:55,917 --> 01:08:59,339 yes ma'am. thank you for the opportunity miss... ma'am...jones 1014 01:09:00,409 --> 01:09:01,396 thank you 1015 01:09:01,431 --> 01:09:02,701 jesus, you look fantastic 1016 01:09:02,702 --> 01:09:05,298 well, your probably not used to seeing me fully clothed 1017 01:09:06,058 --> 01:09:11,024 i know right. me and norah met in 2002 at a party at belinda carlisle's house 1018 01:09:11,059 --> 01:09:13,509 and we had awkward fuzzy sex in the cloak room 1019 01:09:13,544 --> 01:09:15,189 actually you wernt so bad for a guy with no penis 1020 01:09:15,224 --> 01:09:18,848 yeah. you know, ive written so many angry letters to hasbro about that 1021 01:09:21,124 --> 01:09:22,312 thank you 1022 01:09:22,347 --> 01:09:25,927 so im going to give my chops a rest, and bring a friend upto the stage 1023 01:09:25,962 --> 01:09:30,146 hes going to sing a song to a special lady in the audience who he loves very much 1024 01:09:30,181 --> 01:09:33,498 please give a big hand, to John Bennett 1025 01:09:35,966 --> 01:09:38,238 oh...my god 1026 01:09:38,928 --> 01:09:41,088 holy shit 1027 01:09:43,668 --> 01:09:46,020 i gotta fuck her again 1028 01:09:47,588 --> 01:09:51,425 umm high, my names John bennett 1029 01:09:51,460 --> 01:09:55,213 and this is for Lori Collins, cos i love you 1030 01:09:57,064 --> 01:10:03,064 and this song always reminds me of the most important night of my life. the night we met 1031 01:10:03,825 --> 01:10:07,526 umm, this is the theme song from the movie octopussy 1032 01:10:24,729 --> 01:10:26,389 still better than Katy Perry 1033 01:10:50,006 --> 01:10:51,908 you suck, get off the stage 1034 01:10:51,943 --> 01:10:53,367 aww come on, give him a chance 1035 01:10:59,564 --> 01:11:00,668 your an asshole 1036 01:11:06,934 --> 01:11:07,812 oh jesus 1037 01:11:09,080 --> 01:11:10,880 someone call an ambulance 1038 01:11:20,743 --> 01:11:22,040 that was insane 1039 01:11:22,075 --> 01:11:24,753 did you see the way the guys body hit the ground?. it was like a rag doll 1040 01:11:26,177 --> 01:11:28,148 id rather just not talk about it 1041 01:11:28,183 --> 01:11:29,882 you want to go get a drink after this? 1042 01:11:29,883 --> 01:11:32,093 i feel like i could use one after seeing a guy almost die 1043 01:11:32,128 --> 01:11:34,844 uh nope, i think id rather just have you take me home 1044 01:11:34,879 --> 01:11:37,548 one drink come on 1045 01:11:37,583 --> 01:11:39,569 no, not really feeling upto it 1046 01:11:39,604 --> 01:11:41,483 alright, i get it 1047 01:11:41,518 --> 01:11:44,121 and you know, i dont blame you 1048 01:11:44,156 --> 01:11:49,383 i mean thing about it, it was actually unfair of him to embarrass you like that 1049 01:11:50,561 --> 01:11:53,275 just to be clear, im not embarrassed 1050 01:11:53,310 --> 01:11:57,263 so John and i have our problems, but at least he tried 1051 01:11:58,448 --> 01:12:01,555 you know what, i dont feel like talking to you about this 1052 01:12:01,590 --> 01:12:03,482 where you going? 1053 01:12:03,517 --> 01:12:06,004 taking a cab, im going home 1054 01:12:11,089 --> 01:12:12,116 finally 1055 01:12:22,736 --> 01:12:26,470 down here, not looking up your towell, swear to god 1056 01:12:26,505 --> 01:12:28,698 not looking up your towell, not looking at your funny business 1057 01:12:28,733 --> 01:12:30,543 ted, what are you doing here? 1058 01:12:30,578 --> 01:12:32,731 i need to talk to you 1059 01:12:32,766 --> 01:12:35,385 listen if your here to fight Johns battles for him its not... 1060 01:12:35,420 --> 01:12:38,735 just let me talk first alright, and then you can say whatever you want 1061 01:12:42,980 --> 01:12:46,660 look, John loves you very much 1062 01:12:46,695 --> 01:12:49,180 more than anything in the world 1063 01:12:49,181 --> 01:12:51,789 and hes falling to fucking pieces without you 1064 01:12:51,824 --> 01:12:55,762 he knows he screwed up huge. but you gotta believe me, 1065 01:12:55,797 --> 01:13:00,832 it wasnt all his fault alright. i told him to bail on you that night at Rex's 1066 01:13:00,867 --> 01:13:03,903 and he said no, he was going to stay there with you 1067 01:13:03,938 --> 01:13:05,602 and i twisted his arm Lori 1068 01:13:05,637 --> 01:13:08,864 so if you just give him one more chance 1069 01:13:08,899 --> 01:13:11,820 i promise i will leave, and ill never come back 1070 01:13:11,855 --> 01:13:13,898 alright...hell be all yours 1071 01:13:14,964 --> 01:13:19,530 ted, thats a really nice offer. but i dont want you to do that 1072 01:13:19,565 --> 01:13:24,117 this is between John and me, and i dont think it can be fixed 1073 01:13:24,152 --> 01:13:25,536 yeah because of me 1074 01:13:25,571 --> 01:13:28,665 look look Lori, you want him to be a man 1075 01:13:28,700 --> 01:13:32,245 but as long as hes got his teddybear, hes always going to be a boy 1076 01:13:35,311 --> 01:13:40,941 hes waiting down at Charlies right now, so if you go down there and just talk to him 1077 01:13:40,976 --> 01:13:43,611 ill be gone when you get back 1078 01:13:44,687 --> 01:13:46,095 forever 1079 01:13:47,251 --> 01:13:51,622 and youll see. hell never be scared of thunder again 1080 01:14:36,428 --> 01:14:39,044 michelob ultra tuscan orange grapefruit 1081 01:14:39,079 --> 01:14:41,858 my god, americas imploding 1082 01:14:50,848 --> 01:14:52,077 high ted 1083 01:14:52,112 --> 01:14:53,692 fuck! 1084 01:15:13,061 --> 01:15:14,193 Lori...what... 1085 01:15:14,228 --> 01:15:15,638 hey 1086 01:15:15,673 --> 01:15:17,004 what are you doing here? 1087 01:15:17,005 --> 01:15:19,129 you can thank ted 1088 01:15:23,265 --> 01:15:25,607 should i...should i sit? 1089 01:15:25,642 --> 01:15:28,672 yeah...if you want -ok 1090 01:15:31,383 --> 01:15:33,594 so works good? everythings good there? 1091 01:15:33,629 --> 01:15:35,764 yeah, works good 1092 01:15:36,855 --> 01:15:40,759 well i guess we cant make small talk all day huh? 1093 01:15:41,762 --> 01:15:45,050 if its ok with you, i just want to say what i want to say 1094 01:15:46,677 --> 01:15:50,784 look i could sit here and tell you im sorry, and it was a huge misunderstanding, im ready to change 1095 01:15:50,819 --> 01:15:54,553 but i dont think you want to hear any of that crap 1096 01:15:54,588 --> 01:15:59,483 im not going to try and get you to take me back. i mean, why would you 1097 01:15:59,518 --> 01:16:02,452 ive been a really shitty boyfriend for the last 4 years, i dont deserve you 1098 01:16:02,487 --> 01:16:07,696 look, i know i didnt take our relationship seriously, but Lori 1099 01:16:07,731 --> 01:16:10,010 i do love you more than life itself 1100 01:16:10,045 --> 01:16:14,153 and i want is... i just want to end on good terms 1101 01:16:14,188 --> 01:16:16,047 i owe that to you 1102 01:16:16,082 --> 01:16:18,025 alright, i want you to be happy, you deserve that 1103 01:16:18,060 --> 01:16:22,850 and i just hope, you know, that we can still be friends 1104 01:16:25,023 --> 01:16:27,064 thank you for being so honest 1105 01:16:29,654 --> 01:16:31,171 that was pretty much it 1106 01:16:34,325 --> 01:16:35,638 thanks for coming by 1107 01:17:11,496 --> 01:17:12,449 yeah 1108 01:17:12,484 --> 01:17:17,262 as you can see, youve been a part of our family for quite some time 1109 01:17:17,297 --> 01:17:20,297 welcome home 1110 01:17:20,332 --> 01:17:24,211 yeah its kinda funny, i got alot of pictures of you guys at my house 1111 01:17:24,246 --> 01:17:26,203 is he all mine daddy? 1112 01:17:26,238 --> 01:17:28,856 yes he is my little winner, yes he is 1113 01:17:29,989 --> 01:17:34,491 ted you've arrived at a lucky time, its almost Robert's play hour 1114 01:17:34,526 --> 01:17:37,685 im guessing you guys dont have a ps3 1115 01:17:37,720 --> 01:17:39,908 im guessing your more of a wooden horse with a wig kinda family 1116 01:17:39,943 --> 01:17:41,751 yeah 1117 01:17:42,432 --> 01:17:43,919 eh yeah, no 1118 01:17:44,853 --> 01:17:46,214 yeah 1119 01:17:53,225 --> 01:17:55,080 yeah see theres a cart 1120 01:17:56,510 --> 01:17:59,649 ted, you belong to Robert now. you do as he says 1121 01:17:59,684 --> 01:18:02,981 you think your just gonna get away with a kidnapping?. its a nice fucking example your setting 1122 01:18:03,016 --> 01:18:05,476 LANGUAGE!...sorry sorry 1123 01:18:11,227 --> 01:18:14,217 you know ted, when i was a little boy 1124 01:18:15,468 --> 01:18:21,895 i saw you on television, and i thought you were the most amazing most wonderful thing id ever seen,ever. 1125 01:18:21,930 --> 01:18:28,860 and i asked my dad if i could have a magical teddybear too 1126 01:18:28,895 --> 01:18:30,253 and he said no 1127 01:18:30,288 --> 01:18:32,791 can you just email me the rest of this story... 1128 01:18:32,826 --> 01:18:34,861 and i was so heartbroken 1129 01:18:35,950 --> 01:18:44,560 and i promised myself that if i ever had a son,i would never, ever, ever, say no to him 1130 01:18:45,288 --> 01:18:46,678 ever 1131 01:18:46,713 --> 01:18:50,195 maybe no to a snickers bar every once and a while wouldn't hurt 1132 01:18:50,230 --> 01:18:52,507 me and ted are going to be best friends daddy 1133 01:18:52,542 --> 01:18:55,762 yes you are my little chipmunk 1134 01:18:58,896 --> 01:19:01,200 happy playtime 1135 01:19:02,551 --> 01:19:04,897 jesus fucking christ 1136 01:19:04,932 --> 01:19:07,787 i said that word one time 1137 01:19:07,822 --> 01:19:10,253 daddy punished me for it 1138 01:19:10,288 --> 01:19:12,599 thats a great story, i felt like i was there 1139 01:19:12,634 --> 01:19:14,445 daddy gave me an ouch 1140 01:19:14,480 --> 01:19:17,201 now...i have to give you an ouch 1141 01:19:21,442 --> 01:19:26,004 alright kid you win, what you want to do? you want to play a game? 1142 01:19:26,039 --> 01:19:28,081 its playtime right, well play a game 1143 01:19:28,116 --> 01:19:29,925 yeah, ill play a game -good 1144 01:19:29,960 --> 01:19:33,936 uh, alright lets see, how about we play a little game of hide and seek? 1145 01:19:33,971 --> 01:19:36,455 i love hide and seek, ill hide 1146 01:19:36,490 --> 01:19:42,834 now hang on there, your daddy likes you to show good manners, right Tubby McFatfuck 1147 01:19:42,869 --> 01:19:44,689 ok, you hide first 1148 01:19:44,724 --> 01:19:49,350 great,fantastic. now,you count to 100 and then you try to find me, ok? 1149 01:19:51,277 --> 01:19:54,519 do i need to wash my hands before i play this game? 1150 01:19:55,223 --> 01:19:59,041 no...thats a weird fucking question, no just start counting 1151 01:20:00,954 --> 01:20:04,500 1...2...3... 1152 01:20:04,535 --> 01:20:08,556 4...5...6... 1153 01:20:08,591 --> 01:20:10,215 7... 1154 01:20:10,250 --> 01:20:12,338 ok,no peeking now, or youll get kid cancer 1155 01:20:12,339 --> 01:20:14,653 8...9... 1156 01:20:14,654 --> 01:20:19,739 10...11... 12...13... 1157 01:21:39,514 --> 01:21:44,551 hey. - hey. -walking home alone huh? 1158 01:21:44,552 --> 01:21:46,263 yeah 1159 01:21:46,298 --> 01:21:48,351 do you need a lift? 1160 01:21:48,386 --> 01:21:52,686 oh im ok, i mean if i get raped, then it would be my fault for what im wearing 1161 01:21:53,914 --> 01:21:56,113 listen, John 1162 01:21:56,148 --> 01:21:59,338 theres something that i need to say to you too 1163 01:22:14,157 --> 01:22:18,067 hey, -hey -John, i hope that... 1164 01:22:19,154 --> 01:22:21,059 listen i dont want you to think that... 1165 01:22:23,729 --> 01:22:25,193 sorry 1166 01:22:26,312 --> 01:22:29,879 i want us to keep talking... because i think that maybe... 1167 01:22:31,961 --> 01:22:33,145 look,whoever this is, its not a good time 1168 01:22:33,180 --> 01:22:34,828 John, its me, can you hear me? 1169 01:22:34,863 --> 01:22:37,470 ted?...listen i gotta call you back 1170 01:22:37,505 --> 01:22:39,540 nono no, John dont hang up im in trouble 1171 01:22:39,575 --> 01:22:41,340 what do you mean? what kind of trouble? 1172 01:22:41,375 --> 01:22:44,604 they got me, that freaky guy from the park and that kid 1173 01:22:44,639 --> 01:22:46,749 who i think is his son, but may also be his lover, i dont know 1174 01:22:46,784 --> 01:22:48,014 wow wow wow, slow down. where are you? 1175 01:22:48,049 --> 01:22:50,682 uh..im not sure.its uh... 1176 01:22:52,068 --> 01:22:54,450 hello... hello John... 1177 01:22:55,410 --> 01:22:56,633 hello... 1178 01:22:56,668 --> 01:22:59,335 your not a very polite guest are you? 1179 01:22:59,370 --> 01:23:01,766 shit! -ted, hello... 1180 01:23:01,801 --> 01:23:03,342 ted 1181 01:23:03,377 --> 01:23:04,698 whats the matter? is he ok? 1182 01:23:04,733 --> 01:23:06,787 i dont know -well where is he? 1183 01:23:06,822 --> 01:23:08,654 i dont know, he just said he was in trouble 1184 01:23:08,689 --> 01:23:10,675 can you call him back? 1185 01:23:10,710 --> 01:23:12,205 no its blocked 1186 01:23:12,240 --> 01:23:14,531 wait a second 1187 01:23:18,111 --> 01:23:20,635 go, take colombus to hylton, get on the express way 1188 01:23:24,266 --> 01:23:27,344 hello, 911. i need the police right away 1189 01:23:27,379 --> 01:23:28,867 this guy took my teddybear 1190 01:23:29,815 --> 01:23:31,549 hello... 1191 01:23:34,104 --> 01:23:35,658 let me out of here, you crazy bastards 1192 01:23:36,812 --> 01:23:40,792 oh...oh...i hear the fat kid running, i hear the fat kid running. ...that is hilarious 1193 01:23:40,827 --> 01:23:42,139 come on, let me out of here 1194 01:23:42,174 --> 01:23:45,330 i am a citizen of the United Stated of America, and i have rights 1195 01:23:48,016 --> 01:23:49,930 Robert, seatbelt 1196 01:23:49,965 --> 01:23:52,320 should be right here somewhere 1197 01:23:56,804 --> 01:23:58,072 Johnny 1198 01:23:58,107 --> 01:24:00,765 wow wow wow, stop stop stop thats them,turn around 1199 01:24:07,647 --> 01:24:08,566 stay with them 1200 01:24:16,643 --> 01:24:17,774 hang on 1201 01:24:35,142 --> 01:24:36,611 back off Susan Boyle 1202 01:24:42,432 --> 01:24:43,501 oh my god, hes gonna jump 1203 01:24:43,536 --> 01:24:44,529 get closer 1204 01:24:48,399 --> 01:24:50,522 alright, easy... -come on ted 1205 01:24:54,128 --> 01:24:55,645 shit -yes 1206 01:24:55,680 --> 01:24:58,154 hey Johnny, total T.J Hooker right? 1207 01:24:58,189 --> 01:24:59,784 yes!, fucking A right! 1208 01:25:09,031 --> 01:25:10,335 go go go 1209 01:25:22,617 --> 01:25:23,963 daddy 1210 01:25:26,788 --> 01:25:28,365 lets see how well you know these streets 1211 01:25:29,804 --> 01:25:31,402 where is he? 1212 01:25:52,177 --> 01:25:53,064 jesus 1213 01:26:05,469 --> 01:26:06,526 there he is, pullover 1214 01:26:43,957 --> 01:26:48,225 no...you cant have my teddybear... 1215 01:26:54,828 --> 01:26:56,686 holy shit 1216 01:26:56,721 --> 01:26:59,844 sorry, somebody had to go joan crawford on that kid 1217 01:26:59,879 --> 01:27:01,256 come on 1218 01:27:06,795 --> 01:27:07,758 ted... 1219 01:27:13,425 --> 01:27:15,152 oh my god 1220 01:27:18,977 --> 01:27:20,209 ahh shit 1221 01:27:45,687 --> 01:27:48,169 jesus, stay here -no no no John 1222 01:27:48,204 --> 01:27:49,501 wait John -stay here 1223 01:28:00,692 --> 01:28:02,034 your mine ted 1224 01:28:02,069 --> 01:28:04,961 screw you pal, i belong to John Bennett 1225 01:28:04,996 --> 01:28:07,313 but i can give you love 1226 01:28:07,348 --> 01:28:10,358 and rocking horses, and dancing 1227 01:28:10,393 --> 01:28:13,513 i think we're very far apart on this 1228 01:28:33,100 --> 01:28:35,287 ted... -Johnny 1229 01:29:23,937 --> 01:29:24,576 oh my god 1230 01:29:24,577 --> 01:29:26,427 ted 1231 01:29:27,858 --> 01:29:29,274 John 1232 01:29:29,309 --> 01:29:31,601 Lori, get the stuffing. get it all 1233 01:29:36,466 --> 01:29:38,369 Johnny... 1234 01:29:38,404 --> 01:29:42,098 your gonna be ok buddy, can you understand? your gonna be fine 1235 01:29:42,133 --> 01:29:45,901 jesus, i look like the robot from Aliens 1236 01:29:45,936 --> 01:29:49,498 look at me buddy. i promise, your going to be ok 1237 01:29:49,533 --> 01:29:52,018 i dont think so 1238 01:29:52,053 --> 01:29:56,703 im a...im...im in trouble 1239 01:29:56,738 --> 01:30:00,190 i need...i need to tell you something 1240 01:30:00,225 --> 01:30:02,029 what is it? 1241 01:30:04,001 --> 01:30:07,015 dont...dont ever lose her again 1242 01:30:08,074 --> 01:30:10,319 shes the most important... 1243 01:30:11,745 --> 01:30:15,059 most important part of your life 1244 01:30:15,094 --> 01:30:19,566 even...even more than me 1245 01:30:20,829 --> 01:30:22,939 shes your thunder buddy now 1246 01:30:23,740 --> 01:30:25,711 shes... 1247 01:31:08,586 --> 01:31:09,978 i got it 1248 01:31:26,661 --> 01:31:28,159 baby, i dont know if this is going to work 1249 01:31:28,160 --> 01:31:29,512 please, just try 1250 01:31:39,677 --> 01:31:40,781 come on buddy 1251 01:32:27,951 --> 01:32:28,834 im so sorry 1252 01:32:30,440 --> 01:32:32,341 you did everything you could 1253 01:32:33,382 --> 01:32:35,377 im so sorry 1254 01:35:10,166 --> 01:35:10,878 ted 1255 01:35:10,879 --> 01:35:13,040 im alive Johnny, -oh my god 1256 01:35:13,075 --> 01:35:13,855 im alive 1257 01:35:13,890 --> 01:35:16,332 your magic always worked 1258 01:35:16,367 --> 01:35:18,067 your back, i cant... 1259 01:35:18,102 --> 01:35:22,115 yeah, i mean when you sawed me up, you put some of the stuffing in the wrong places John 1260 01:35:22,150 --> 01:35:26,308 ima little fucked up, but will you take care of me forever and ever? 1261 01:35:28,741 --> 01:35:32,705 nah...im just kidding with you, i thought it would be funny if you thought i was fucking retarded 1262 01:35:32,740 --> 01:35:35,576 you asshole... -come here you bastard 1263 01:35:39,227 --> 01:35:40,759 welcome back ted 1264 01:35:43,423 --> 01:35:44,770 it was you... 1265 01:35:44,805 --> 01:35:47,283 you did it... 1266 01:35:47,318 --> 01:35:51,032 son of a bitch. you wished for my life back 1267 01:35:51,067 --> 01:35:53,806 no...no no 1268 01:35:53,841 --> 01:35:55,653 i wished for my life back 1269 01:36:08,264 --> 01:36:09,615 i love you 1270 01:36:09,650 --> 01:36:10,982 i love you too 1271 01:36:12,248 --> 01:36:14,430 and i want you to know that 1272 01:36:15,432 --> 01:36:18,739 after last night, i dont want to lose anyone that matters to me ever again 1273 01:36:18,774 --> 01:36:21,473 im not gonna wait any longer for my life to start 1274 01:36:21,508 --> 01:36:23,767 ...Lori 1275 01:36:24,477 --> 01:36:26,710 will you marry me? 1276 01:36:27,759 --> 01:36:32,467 all i ever wanted was you John Bennett 1277 01:36:36,919 --> 01:36:41,408 and so, John and Lori and ted, lived happily ever after 1278 01:36:41,443 --> 01:36:46,572 having discovered at last, that all they really needed was each other 1279 01:36:49,093 --> 01:36:55,180 John and Lori were married in Cambridge, by a very special justice of the peace 1280 01:36:55,215 --> 01:36:57,965 by the power vested in me 1281 01:36:58,000 --> 01:37:00,882 by the New York Jets 1282 01:37:00,917 --> 01:37:05,023 and by the united peoples of the planet Mongo 1283 01:37:05,058 --> 01:37:09,677 i now pronounce you, man and wife 1284 01:37:09,712 --> 01:37:11,807 you may kiss the bride Johnny 1285 01:37:35,495 --> 01:37:37,425 thanks so much for coming 1286 01:37:37,460 --> 01:37:41,120 my daughter better be alive you sick son of a bitch 1287 01:37:42,582 --> 01:37:45,450 i am so... fake happy for her 1288 01:38:12,804 --> 01:38:16,089 ahh, you know sam, theres only one way to end a perfect day 1289 01:38:16,124 --> 01:38:17,292 whats that? 1290 01:38:17,327 --> 01:38:18,705 Flash jump 1291 01:38:18,740 --> 01:38:19,948 right... 1292 01:38:19,983 --> 01:38:21,890 1...2... 1293 01:38:21,925 --> 01:38:23,214 3... -yeah 1294 01:38:29,357 --> 01:38:36,643 and thats the story of how 1 magical wish,forever changed the lives of 3 very special friends 1295 01:38:36,678 --> 01:38:41,730 ted and Tammy-Lynn continued there torrid love affair for quite some time 1296 01:38:41,765 --> 01:38:49,229 one afternoon, ted was caught behind the deli counter,eating potato salad off of Tammy-Lynn's bare bottom 1297 01:38:49,264 --> 01:38:52,583 he was instantly promoted to store manager 1298 01:38:53,643 --> 01:38:58,393 Sam Jones moved back to Hollywood, with the goal of restarting his film career 1299 01:38:58,428 --> 01:39:04,438 he currently resides in burbank where he shares a studio apartment with his room mate brandon routh 1300 01:39:04,473 --> 01:39:08,758 remember brandon routh, from that god aweful superman movie? 1301 01:39:08,793 --> 01:39:13,130 jesus christ... thanks for getting our hopes up and taking a giant shit on us 1302 01:39:14,415 --> 01:39:19,121 Rex was forced to give up his pursuit of Lori 1303 01:39:19,156 --> 01:39:23,451 not long after, he fell into a deep depression and died of lou gehrig's disease 1304 01:39:23,486 --> 01:39:28,723 Donny was arrested by Boston police and charged with kidnapping a plush toy 1305 01:39:28,758 --> 01:39:33,780 the charge was dropped when everyone realised how completely stupid that sounded 1306 01:39:33,815 --> 01:39:40,783 Robert got a trainer, lost a substantial amount of weight, and went on to become taylor lautner 1307 01:39:40,818 --> 01:39:45,319 english by sub-stance 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.moviesubtitles.org 105073

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