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1
00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:03,500
Wait a minute.
2
00:00:03,459 --> 00:00:06,695
It's 10:00
and there's 9 doughnuts left.
3
00:00:06,512 --> 00:00:08,012
Where the hell is Paul?
4
00:00:07,945 --> 00:00:10,046
Ever since he won
the million dollars,
5
00:00:09,938 --> 00:00:11,706
he's having trouble
sleeping.
6
00:00:11,620 --> 00:00:14,789
That's because
it's stuffed in his mattress.
7
00:00:14,580 --> 00:00:15,779
Good morning!
8
00:00:15,731 --> 00:00:17,599
Morning, Paul.
You're late again.
9
00:00:17,506 --> 00:00:20,175
Am I late, Mike?
10
00:00:20,029 --> 00:00:24,600
Or am I...
Right on time?
11
00:00:24,328 --> 00:00:25,828
No, you're late.
12
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:29,430
And, uh, thanks
for the free beta rental.
13
00:00:30,899 --> 00:00:32,533
What's it like
to be rich?
14
00:00:32,456 --> 00:00:33,790
You know, it's funny.
15
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:37,570
On the way in, I was asked
the same thing by my chauffeur.
16
00:00:37,347 --> 00:00:39,682
They're called
"bus drivers," Paul.
17
00:00:39,558 --> 00:00:42,193
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
18
00:01:04,569 --> 00:01:05,636
Okay, first of all,
19
00:01:05,597 --> 00:01:07,565
congratulations are in order
to James,
20
00:01:07,466 --> 00:01:09,667
who's the only New York
city hall employee
21
00:01:09,552 --> 00:01:10,753
to finish the marathon.
22
00:01:10,705 --> 00:01:12,172
What was your time?
23
00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,274
26 hours.
24
00:01:15,065 --> 00:01:16,699
I'd like
to remind everyone
25
00:01:16,622 --> 00:01:18,857
the mayor's expecting you
to join him on Thursday
26
00:01:18,740 --> 00:01:21,476
at his Connecticut estate
for Thanksgiving dinner.
27
00:01:21,326 --> 00:01:23,994
And, Stuart, this year,
no giggling at the words
28
00:01:23,848 --> 00:01:26,617
breast meat,
stuffing...
29
00:01:27,773 --> 00:01:30,208
...wishbone, candied yam,
30
00:01:30,078 --> 00:01:33,447
and for some reason,
gravy boat.
31
00:01:33,255 --> 00:01:35,423
[GIGGLING]
32
00:01:35,311 --> 00:01:37,945
Stop it.
33
00:01:37,802 --> 00:01:40,570
And to make this fun, we'll all
bring a different dish.
34
00:01:40,418 --> 00:01:41,919
I'll bring my famous Turkey!
35
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:45,320
Then I'll bring
my famous stomach pump!
36
00:01:45,122 --> 00:01:46,722
When Nikki and I
were dating,
37
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,849
she used to cook great meals
for me all the time.
38
00:01:48,735 --> 00:01:51,169
I got some of that
tuna casserole you love
39
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:52,040
in the fridge.
40
00:01:52,005 --> 00:01:55,340
Anyway...
41
00:01:55,151 --> 00:01:56,852
Gravy boat.
42
00:01:56,770 --> 00:01:58,437
[GIGGLES]
43
00:01:58,359 --> 00:02:00,426
So, Paul, I saw you
on "millionaire."
44
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:01,855
Spend any of your winnings yet?
45
00:02:01,786 --> 00:02:05,555
As a matter of fact,
I have.
46
00:02:05,336 --> 00:02:07,171
Oh. New suit?
47
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,449
No, but I've had it
professionally dry-cleaned.
48
00:02:10,257 --> 00:02:11,224
Nice.
49
00:02:11,191 --> 00:02:12,591
Thank you.
50
00:02:12,531 --> 00:02:15,265
We'll see you all
Thursday.
51
00:02:15,116 --> 00:02:17,117
Thursday, it is.
52
00:02:19,102 --> 00:02:20,635
All right.
You all saw.
53
00:02:20,566 --> 00:02:21,900
She smells the money.
54
00:02:23,058 --> 00:02:26,460
She wants
a piece of Paulie pie.
55
00:02:26,266 --> 00:02:28,100
Paul, you're married!
56
00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:29,477
I can't help it.
57
00:02:29,411 --> 00:02:32,313
She's undressing me
with her eyes.
58
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:35,322
Well, she sure left
in a hurry.
59
00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:39,524
She must've got
to the underwear.
60
00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:43,161
[GRUNTS]
61
00:02:43,022 --> 00:02:45,424
[SIGHS]
62
00:02:45,297 --> 00:02:48,065
Sir, I wanted to talk
to you about...
63
00:02:47,913 --> 00:02:48,547
whoa!
64
00:02:48,599 --> 00:02:50,800
Mike.
Mike, come over here.
65
00:02:50,685 --> 00:02:52,052
Look at this paper.
66
00:02:51,994 --> 00:02:54,728
[STRAINED] Yeah, I can
see that from here, sir.
67
00:02:54,578 --> 00:02:57,280
Senator grady is retiring.
I'm running for his office.
68
00:02:57,132 --> 00:02:59,967
He still hasn't given me
his endorsement. Here, look.
69
00:02:59,811 --> 00:03:02,580
Uh...
70
00:03:02,427 --> 00:03:05,395
Yeah, sir.
That's just an outrage.
71
00:03:06,570 --> 00:03:08,737
You know what you should do?
72
00:03:08,625 --> 00:03:10,893
You should put your shoes
and socks back on,
73
00:03:10,775 --> 00:03:13,376
go down to his office,
and demand an endorsement.
74
00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:14,302
We could really use it.
75
00:03:14,263 --> 00:03:16,697
I can't talk
to that man, Mike.
76
00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:19,503
How about just putting
your shoes back on?
77
00:03:19,339 --> 00:03:20,472
I'm a man of principle,
78
00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:22,497
and what grady did
was unforgivable.
79
00:03:22,392 --> 00:03:25,461
It embodies everything that is
wrong with our political system.
80
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,955
Sir, he stole your chair.
81
00:03:26,877 --> 00:03:29,178
We were at the white house
at some dinner.
82
00:03:29,057 --> 00:03:31,259
I went to the bar,
and when I came back,
83
00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:32,345
grady was in my chair,
84
00:03:32,297 --> 00:03:34,131
sitting, talking
to Bob dole.
85
00:03:34,041 --> 00:03:36,275
And the next thing you know,
he's senator
86
00:03:36,159 --> 00:03:38,493
and my political career
is down the crapper!
87
00:03:38,402 --> 00:03:40,836
Sir, you're the mayor
of New York.
88
00:03:40,706 --> 00:03:43,741
Don't remind me.
89
00:03:43,603 --> 00:03:46,605
My whole career, this man
has been upstaging me.
90
00:03:46,437 --> 00:03:48,739
I build a road,
he builds a highway.
91
00:03:48,617 --> 00:03:52,353
I take up jogging,
he wins the nobel peace prize.
92
00:03:52,137 --> 00:03:54,538
You know
what they say, sir...
93
00:03:54,410 --> 00:03:56,211
life gives you lemons...
94
00:03:56,123 --> 00:03:58,792
Put your shoes back on.
95
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:06,717
Uh, excuse me.
96
00:04:06,652 --> 00:04:08,852
I was told senator grady
was here tonight.
97
00:04:08,737 --> 00:04:10,372
Mike...
98
00:04:10,295 --> 00:04:11,529
What are you doing here?
99
00:04:11,479 --> 00:04:12,479
I run the campaign.
100
00:04:12,445 --> 00:04:14,279
I'll handle
the grady endorsement.
101
00:04:14,189 --> 00:04:15,456
No, I'm not here for that.
102
00:04:15,403 --> 00:04:17,138
No, I just came here
to pick up...
103
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:20,577
...sailors.
104
00:04:20,449 --> 00:04:22,350
Look, this guy
is old school, okay?
105
00:04:22,256 --> 00:04:24,357
He's not gonna respond well
to a woman.
106
00:04:24,248 --> 00:04:25,416
Just let me handle it.
107
00:04:25,370 --> 00:04:26,236
No!
108
00:04:26,211 --> 00:04:28,212
All right, Caitlin.
109
00:04:28,111 --> 00:04:30,212
I didn't want to have to play
this card,
110
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,772
but there's
a very good reason
111
00:04:31,693 --> 00:04:33,961
that I need to speak
to senator grady alone.
112
00:04:33,842 --> 00:04:35,009
Why?
113
00:04:34,963 --> 00:04:37,998
He's my biological father.
114
00:04:37,828 --> 00:04:39,061
Mike!
115
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,313
He's carrying a bomb.
116
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:42,559
I'm gonna talk to him,
117
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,501
and have
his endorsement in 30 seconds.
118
00:04:47,889 --> 00:04:49,155
Senator grady?
119
00:04:49,103 --> 00:04:51,138
Could you
send this back?
120
00:04:51,034 --> 00:04:52,802
Oh, I'm not a waitress.
121
00:04:52,717 --> 00:04:54,718
I work for Randall Winston.
122
00:04:54,617 --> 00:04:55,850
How about that.
123
00:04:55,799 --> 00:04:57,901
It just needs
a couple more minutes.
124
00:04:57,793 --> 00:05:00,896
Oh. I can't eat meat
this red either.
125
00:05:00,722 --> 00:05:03,757
Like I always say,
"rare is for coins."
126
00:05:04,801 --> 00:05:06,502
I'll take this
back to the kitchen.
127
00:05:06,421 --> 00:05:08,589
Mike, I could use
a little help here.
128
00:05:08,477 --> 00:05:10,345
I'd say about
three more minutes
129
00:05:10,252 --> 00:05:11,286
on an open flame.
130
00:05:12,153 --> 00:05:13,520
Watch and learn.
131
00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:15,428
Excuse me, senator grady.
132
00:05:15,329 --> 00:05:16,595
Leave me alone.
133
00:05:16,544 --> 00:05:19,780
You don't understand.
I'm Mike Flaherty.
134
00:05:19,596 --> 00:05:22,698
Oh. Well, in that case,
leave me alone, Mike Flaherty.
135
00:05:22,524 --> 00:05:26,593
No, I... you see, Caitlin and I
work together
136
00:05:26,355 --> 00:05:27,922
down at city hall.
137
00:05:27,850 --> 00:05:29,651
You know, back in the '70s,
138
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:32,999
my wife, rose, and I worked
together down in city hall.
139
00:05:32,803 --> 00:05:35,104
Oh, I heard about
your wife's passing.
140
00:05:34,982 --> 00:05:35,949
Me too.
141
00:05:35,917 --> 00:05:36,984
I'm so sorry.
142
00:05:36,944 --> 00:05:37,844
I'm sorrier.
143
00:05:37,816 --> 00:05:39,884
Look at you two squabbling,
144
00:05:39,779 --> 00:05:41,279
just like rose and me.
145
00:05:41,211 --> 00:05:44,180
It warms my heart
to see young people in love.
146
00:05:44,014 --> 00:05:46,483
Uh! We're not in love.
147
00:05:46,351 --> 00:05:47,250
Oh. You're not?
148
00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:52,962
No... We're crazy in love.
149
00:05:52,612 --> 00:05:53,878
I can't help it.
150
00:05:53,826 --> 00:05:56,661
I am just nuts
about this... Little woman.
151
00:05:59,619 --> 00:06:01,186
I feel the same way.
152
00:06:01,114 --> 00:06:03,316
Whoa!
Nails, nails, nails!
153
00:06:07,063 --> 00:06:08,663
Thanks for last night.
154
00:06:08,590 --> 00:06:10,290
Thanks for this morning.
155
00:06:10,209 --> 00:06:11,909
Thanks for the elevator.
156
00:06:11,828 --> 00:06:13,462
Thanks for the hallway.
157
00:06:13,386 --> 00:06:15,721
Thanks for
the janitor's closet.
158
00:06:15,598 --> 00:06:18,499
Thank the janitor, 'cause I
peeled off at the bathroom.
159
00:06:18,338 --> 00:06:19,338
Oops.
160
00:06:19,304 --> 00:06:21,038
[LAUGHING]
161
00:06:22,294 --> 00:06:23,928
[SIGHS]
162
00:06:23,852 --> 00:06:25,319
Heh heh.
163
00:06:25,253 --> 00:06:27,821
How can you date that woman?
She's a sex-crazed idiot.
164
00:06:27,683 --> 00:06:30,450
Asked... And answered.
165
00:06:30,298 --> 00:06:32,633
What do you talk about
when you're not having sex?
166
00:06:32,510 --> 00:06:35,145
It hasn't really come up.
167
00:06:35,001 --> 00:06:36,402
Stuart forgot his lunch.
168
00:06:36,341 --> 00:06:38,642
Uh-oh. I'm gonna miss
"Jerry springer."
169
00:06:38,521 --> 00:06:40,722
That man is a genius.
170
00:06:40,607 --> 00:06:41,875
I'm just curious.
171
00:06:41,823 --> 00:06:44,258
Is there anyone
who you find dim?
172
00:06:44,127 --> 00:06:45,294
Whom.
173
00:06:45,248 --> 00:06:46,515
Excuse me?
174
00:06:46,463 --> 00:06:51,568
You improperly used the pronoun
"who" instead of "whom,"
175
00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:55,964
which makes you a person whom I
find dim. Ironic, n'est-ce pas?
176
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,684
Caitlin, listen,
about Thanksgiving,
177
00:06:57,582 --> 00:06:59,317
I think I should bring
the Turkey.
178
00:06:59,204 --> 00:07:01,837
My grandmother taught me
everything she knows.
179
00:07:01,694 --> 00:07:04,863
But Nikki had her heart set
on bringing it.
180
00:07:04,684 --> 00:07:07,052
I thought of a way
of breaking it to her
181
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,094
where she's not
gonna be insulted.
182
00:07:08,982 --> 00:07:11,717
Hey, Nik,
have you gained weight?
183
00:07:11,567 --> 00:07:13,668
What?
184
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:14,994
Oh. I'm sorry.
185
00:07:14,931 --> 00:07:17,433
Maybe your new haircut
makes you look a little fat.
186
00:07:17,299 --> 00:07:20,734
What?!
187
00:07:20,538 --> 00:07:22,706
I'm bringing the Turkey,
not you.
188
00:07:22,593 --> 00:07:25,128
Whatever, jerk!
189
00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:32,551
Mike...
190
00:07:32,436 --> 00:07:33,636
Hi, honey.
191
00:07:33,589 --> 00:07:35,389
How was your day?
192
00:07:35,301 --> 00:07:37,035
That's not funny.
193
00:07:36,952 --> 00:07:40,854
We never laugh anymore.
194
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,662
What happened to us?
195
00:07:42,558 --> 00:07:45,393
I had everything under control
last night.
196
00:07:45,236 --> 00:07:49,006
Yeah, word around the kitchen
is you're up for head waiter.
197
00:07:48,787 --> 00:07:50,788
Senator grady
obviously sees you and me
198
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,389
as a younger version
of rose and him.
199
00:07:52,307 --> 00:07:53,941
So we're gonna get
the endorsement.
200
00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:56,465
We only have to pretend
we like each other for one meal.
201
00:07:56,325 --> 00:07:57,458
One meal.
202
00:07:57,415 --> 00:07:59,883
I don't think I can do it.
203
00:07:59,751 --> 00:08:01,919
So I broke down
and I called grady.
204
00:08:01,806 --> 00:08:04,842
He's gonna be joining us
for our Thanksgiving weekend.
205
00:08:04,672 --> 00:08:07,775
We're all gonna be shacking up
together in the country.
206
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,167
An entire weekend?
207
00:08:09,095 --> 00:08:12,230
Your mother will
look after the kids.
208
00:08:12,054 --> 00:08:14,256
I'll tell you one thing,
this is one situation
209
00:08:14,141 --> 00:08:16,576
where that man is not going to
be able to one-up me.
210
00:08:16,446 --> 00:08:18,780
I have an exciting
senate campaign to talk about.
211
00:08:18,657 --> 00:08:20,357
What's happened
to him lately? Ha!
212
00:08:20,277 --> 00:08:22,745
Actually, sir,
his wife just died.
213
00:08:22,613 --> 00:08:25,013
I cannot catch a break!
214
00:08:33,825 --> 00:08:34,925
Oh, Caitlin, Michael.
215
00:08:34,884 --> 00:08:36,985
Did you have trouble
finding the place?
216
00:08:36,877 --> 00:08:39,746
No, sir. Your directions
were right on the money.
217
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:41,521
It somewhere
in Connecticut.
218
00:08:41,425 --> 00:08:43,593
So, is the guest of honor
here yet?
219
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:47,249
You mean senator spotlight-grabbing,
chair-stealing bastard?
220
00:08:47,031 --> 00:08:48,665
You know,
he prefers Joe.
221
00:08:50,115 --> 00:08:53,450
Well, if it isn't
the happy couple.
222
00:08:53,261 --> 00:08:54,627
It isn't.
223
00:08:54,569 --> 00:08:56,669
We will be as soon
as the senator gets here.
224
00:08:56,562 --> 00:08:57,696
Don't touch me.
225
00:08:57,652 --> 00:09:00,387
Sounds like a couple.
226
00:09:00,237 --> 00:09:03,039
And remember, don't anybody
tell Paul about this, okay?
227
00:09:02,885 --> 00:09:04,018
He's got a big mouth.
228
00:09:03,975 --> 00:09:05,475
Who has a big mouth?
229
00:09:05,407 --> 00:09:08,375
Tell me. I want to know.
I want to tell other people.
230
00:09:08,211 --> 00:09:09,678
Paul, where's Claudia?
231
00:09:09,613 --> 00:09:11,681
Ah, she's with her mother.
232
00:09:11,575 --> 00:09:13,842
Why?
233
00:09:13,724 --> 00:09:16,393
Why do you ask, Caitlin?
234
00:09:16,247 --> 00:09:18,815
I was curious.
235
00:09:18,676 --> 00:09:19,810
I'll bet you were.
236
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,267
Hey, janelle...
237
00:09:21,199 --> 00:09:24,468
Give you 5 bucks if you go to
the bus stop and get my bag.
238
00:09:24,282 --> 00:09:27,218
I'll give you 10 if you go
and bring it in yourself
239
00:09:27,054 --> 00:09:28,421
between your bony knees.
240
00:09:28,363 --> 00:09:30,330
It's a deal!
241
00:09:30,232 --> 00:09:32,499
Ah, there's
my favorite couple.
242
00:09:32,380 --> 00:09:35,016
Senator grady,
glad you could make it.
243
00:09:34,872 --> 00:09:36,205
Here, have a seat.
244
00:09:41,319 --> 00:09:44,121
He took my chair again.
245
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:45,467
Let it go, sir.
246
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,936
Remember, he just lost
his wife of 30 years.
247
00:09:48,732 --> 00:09:51,434
That helps a little.
248
00:09:52,936 --> 00:09:55,238
So, how are you,
senator grady?
249
00:09:55,118 --> 00:09:58,553
It's my first Thanksgiving
without rose.
250
00:09:58,357 --> 00:10:01,959
Hundreds of seemingly
insignificant things
251
00:10:01,752 --> 00:10:03,619
trigger waves of grief
252
00:10:03,527 --> 00:10:07,396
that stab at my blackened heart
like daggers.
253
00:10:08,573 --> 00:10:11,274
So, like, medium?
254
00:10:14,242 --> 00:10:15,675
Sorry we're late.
255
00:10:15,611 --> 00:10:18,980
We stopped at an antique shop
to copulate.
256
00:10:18,789 --> 00:10:20,823
That means "have sex."
257
00:10:20,719 --> 00:10:22,220
I know what it means.
258
00:10:22,153 --> 00:10:24,955
And unlike you,
I didn't learn about it
259
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,700
from my word-a-day vibrator.
260
00:10:26,606 --> 00:10:28,774
He's just upset
because I'm smarter than he is.
261
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:29,963
No, you are not.
262
00:10:29,908 --> 00:10:32,576
Care to prove that with
a friendly game of strip chess?
263
00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:35,399
Uh, honey, we have a house
full of rooms to christen,
264
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,268
and we were gonna play
dirty clue.
265
00:10:37,165 --> 00:10:40,201
I have a feeling the culprit
is gonna be major Johnson
266
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:42,065
in the library
with the handcuffs.
267
00:10:41,962 --> 00:10:43,629
[LAUGHING]
268
00:10:43,550 --> 00:10:44,516
Yeah.
269
00:10:44,485 --> 00:10:47,353
Whoo!
270
00:10:47,195 --> 00:10:48,729
I have nothing
to prove here.
271
00:10:48,658 --> 00:10:50,726
If it makes you feel better,
by all means,
272
00:10:50,620 --> 00:10:52,254
believe you're smarter
than me.
273
00:10:52,177 --> 00:10:53,911
Smarter than i.
274
00:10:53,828 --> 00:10:55,463
I'll see you
on the chessboard.
275
00:10:59,247 --> 00:11:00,347
James, what's that?
276
00:11:00,307 --> 00:11:02,575
The Turkey.
It's farm-fresh.
277
00:11:02,456 --> 00:11:05,725
James, it's farm breathing.
278
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,107
He's adorable.
I named him sparky.
279
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,969
Come on.
Let's wring that sexy neck.
280
00:11:08,872 --> 00:11:10,506
Wait!
281
00:11:10,429 --> 00:11:11,563
How can you do that?
282
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,455
The key is to get
a firm grip on the beak.
283
00:11:13,358 --> 00:11:15,225
You can really
work up some torque.
284
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,133
Come on!
285
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:21,430
Michael, Caitlin was just
telling me how you two met.
286
00:11:21,206 --> 00:11:25,075
Oh, right.
Well, I'll never forget that.
287
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:28,052
Rose and I could never agree
on how we met.
288
00:11:27,872 --> 00:11:31,675
I bet you have two completely
different stories, too.
289
00:11:31,454 --> 00:11:36,057
Come on, Mike.
Tell me yours.
290
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:38,351
Oh, well, uh, uh...
yeah, well, we met,
291
00:11:38,212 --> 00:11:39,746
uh, in, uh...
292
00:11:39,676 --> 00:11:41,410
Cassis, France.
293
00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:42,660
No help.
294
00:11:42,604 --> 00:11:45,673
It was.
It was in cassis,
295
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:48,735
as unnecessarily hard to believe
as that may sound.
296
00:11:48,553 --> 00:11:51,888
Uh, I was vacationing.
297
00:11:51,699 --> 00:11:54,501
She said you were there
for your grandmother's funeral.
298
00:11:56,245 --> 00:11:59,781
Yeah, it was a package deal,
you know?
299
00:11:59,579 --> 00:12:00,479
Six days...
300
00:12:00,451 --> 00:12:02,719
Seven nights...
301
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,366
One funeral.
302
00:12:05,153 --> 00:12:07,054
So, there I was.
303
00:12:06,961 --> 00:12:11,865
I'm on the beach,
and I'm in my black speedo,
304
00:12:11,570 --> 00:12:14,204
out of respect for Nana,
305
00:12:14,061 --> 00:12:18,631
when Caitlin goes...
goes parasailing by.
306
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,262
She said you met
in an emergency room.
307
00:12:21,101 --> 00:12:23,669
Yeah, see,
that's where we went
308
00:12:23,530 --> 00:12:26,264
after she slammed
into the hotel.
309
00:12:26,115 --> 00:12:28,817
Hard to believe,
two years later,
310
00:12:28,669 --> 00:12:29,802
here we are.
311
00:12:29,759 --> 00:12:32,060
She said
you met six weeks ago.
312
00:12:31,939 --> 00:12:35,809
See? Well, there you go.
313
00:12:35,583 --> 00:12:39,086
Two completely different
stories.
314
00:12:41,066 --> 00:12:43,501
Still playing
strip chess?
315
00:12:43,370 --> 00:12:44,937
Where you been?
316
00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:45,966
The pantry.
317
00:12:45,924 --> 00:12:48,993
And that's the last room
I do alone.
318
00:12:48,821 --> 00:12:52,423
You walked
right into my trap.
319
00:12:52,216 --> 00:12:54,852
Your pawn is now mine.
320
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:55,808
Ha ha ha ha ha.
321
00:12:55,767 --> 00:12:57,568
Finally.
322
00:12:57,479 --> 00:12:58,846
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
323
00:12:58,787 --> 00:13:00,188
Start with a shoe.
324
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:02,495
Foot fetish.
325
00:13:02,369 --> 00:13:04,271
I like it.
326
00:13:04,176 --> 00:13:05,376
Where were we?
327
00:13:05,328 --> 00:13:07,830
Oh, that's right.
Checkmate.
328
00:13:07,696 --> 00:13:09,496
Oh, my God!
329
00:13:09,409 --> 00:13:12,411
Nude up, dum-dum.
330
00:13:12,243 --> 00:13:15,145
You may be smarter
than me...
331
00:13:14,984 --> 00:13:16,485
But I'm bigger.
332
00:13:16,417 --> 00:13:17,650
Come on!
333
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,234
[TURKEY GOBBLING]
334
00:13:19,158 --> 00:13:21,926
You wanna bring it on?!
335
00:13:21,774 --> 00:13:25,076
I'm gonna like this.
336
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,457
Okay, run, run!
Be free! Be free!
337
00:13:27,318 --> 00:13:29,652
Carpe diem,you stupid bird.
338
00:13:29,529 --> 00:13:31,130
Oh, he's not stupid.
339
00:13:31,056 --> 00:13:34,425
He just knows he'll freeze
to death out there.
340
00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:38,102
What we need to do is we need
to find him a hiding place
341
00:13:37,877 --> 00:13:40,712
and just keep him there
until... Spring.
342
00:13:40,556 --> 00:13:42,823
Oh, my God.
He's coming. He's coming.
343
00:13:42,704 --> 00:13:44,272
Uh, uh, okay!
344
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:48,002
Sparky, this way!
Come on, sparky!
345
00:13:54,572 --> 00:13:56,839
You guys know
where sparky is?
346
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:57,887
Haven't seen him.
347
00:13:57,842 --> 00:13:58,808
Me either.
348
00:13:58,776 --> 00:14:01,244
Hello.
349
00:14:01,112 --> 00:14:02,812
If you do see him,
be careful.
350
00:14:02,732 --> 00:14:04,699
When turkeys get cornered,
they freak out.
351
00:14:04,601 --> 00:14:07,002
They start pecking
at anything that moves.
352
00:14:06,875 --> 00:14:08,942
Sorry, sparks,
you're on your own.
353
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:17,722
Oh, senator, here,
have a seat.
354
00:14:17,464 --> 00:14:19,966
Thank you, Randall.
355
00:14:19,831 --> 00:14:22,833
He took my chair again.
356
00:14:22,665 --> 00:14:25,200
Sir, you gotta ask yourself
what's more important...
357
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:26,464
being a senator for six years
358
00:14:26,403 --> 00:14:28,371
or sitting in that chair
for one hour.
359
00:14:28,271 --> 00:14:29,705
You're right, Mike.
360
00:14:29,642 --> 00:14:32,811
Okay, Buster [WHISTLES]
scoot.
361
00:14:34,345 --> 00:14:37,747
Paul, you have some crumbs
on your sleeve.
362
00:14:37,553 --> 00:14:38,854
Thank you.
363
00:14:38,799 --> 00:14:41,935
Help me out.
She's all over me.
364
00:14:41,758 --> 00:14:43,592
I'm startin' to weaken.
365
00:14:43,503 --> 00:14:45,036
Paul, just think
of your wife.
366
00:14:44,966 --> 00:14:48,234
I am, but she doesn't
look anything like that!
367
00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:49,484
JAMES: Chow time!
368
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:50,787
NIKKI: Ohh!
369
00:14:50,729 --> 00:14:52,229
I watched sparky
run and play.
370
00:14:52,161 --> 00:14:54,797
I don't think I can bear to see
him on that serving dish.
371
00:14:54,653 --> 00:14:57,554
Actually, I have
a little confession to make.
372
00:14:57,393 --> 00:15:00,129
Growing up on a farm
slaughtering animals
373
00:14:59,978 --> 00:15:01,479
never bothered me before,
374
00:15:01,411 --> 00:15:04,112
but maybe it was something
you said, Nikki,
375
00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:07,100
maybe it was the glint
in sparky's eyes.
376
00:15:06,924 --> 00:15:08,858
Anyway, the bottom line is
377
00:15:08,761 --> 00:15:12,164
we're having tuna casserole
for dinner, okay?
378
00:15:11,970 --> 00:15:13,804
James, that is so sweet.
379
00:15:13,714 --> 00:15:15,515
I'm kidding!
Dig in!
380
00:15:18,169 --> 00:15:20,470
I just want to make sure
our stories are consistent.
381
00:15:20,348 --> 00:15:21,982
You never know
what he's gonna ask.
382
00:15:21,905 --> 00:15:25,775
What? Like, uh, what first
attracted you to me?
383
00:15:25,549 --> 00:15:28,184
Can we start
with an easier one?
384
00:15:28,042 --> 00:15:30,977
Like when do we plan
to get married?
385
00:15:30,813 --> 00:15:32,447
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
386
00:15:32,371 --> 00:15:34,605
We've been in this fake
relationship a few days.
387
00:15:34,489 --> 00:15:36,123
You're already
fake smothering me.
388
00:15:36,046 --> 00:15:40,383
Fine. Then when did
we first have sex?
389
00:15:40,126 --> 00:15:40,993
First date.
390
00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:41,934
We did not!
391
00:15:41,902 --> 00:15:44,137
I wait until the third date.
392
00:15:44,020 --> 00:15:45,587
Not with me, you didn't.
393
00:15:47,570 --> 00:15:49,739
Here he comes!
We're on.
394
00:15:49,626 --> 00:15:51,427
You know, Caitlin,
395
00:15:51,339 --> 00:15:53,240
this pie is the same color
as that sweater
396
00:15:53,145 --> 00:15:55,413
you got for your birthday
last August 4th
397
00:15:55,294 --> 00:15:56,795
from your aunt Ida, age 62.
398
00:15:57,817 --> 00:16:00,019
You are right,
Michael Patrick Flaherty.
399
00:15:59,905 --> 00:16:02,874
And didn't I wear it to your
favorite movie, "Chinatown"?
400
00:16:02,708 --> 00:16:06,911
Bet your size 6 1/2 shoes.
401
00:16:06,664 --> 00:16:09,031
That was our first date.
402
00:16:08,906 --> 00:16:11,641
We had sex that night.
403
00:16:13,048 --> 00:16:15,517
Yes, Mike, who could forget
404
00:16:15,384 --> 00:16:18,386
those three
fantastic minutes?
405
00:16:18,218 --> 00:16:20,820
You guys are just too cute.
406
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,814
And we're deeply,
deeply in love.
407
00:16:22,704 --> 00:16:24,838
So, how about
that endorsement?
408
00:16:24,728 --> 00:16:27,931
Who could say no
to such an adorable couple?
409
00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:30,852
Couple?
They're not a couple.
410
00:16:30,677 --> 00:16:33,513
Paul, they're puttin'
the pies out.
411
00:16:33,356 --> 00:16:36,325
She's just cozyin' up to Mike
to make me jealous.
412
00:16:36,159 --> 00:16:38,260
Uh, Paul, we really
a a couple.
413
00:16:38,152 --> 00:16:41,888
Caitlin... I'm flattered...
414
00:16:41,672 --> 00:16:43,706
But I'm also married.
415
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:47,739
We can never be an us.
416
00:16:47,496 --> 00:16:48,829
No, no, no.
417
00:16:48,773 --> 00:16:51,841
Shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh.
418
00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:54,206
Don't betray the moment
with words.
419
00:16:54,069 --> 00:16:56,903
Shh.
420
00:16:56,747 --> 00:16:59,616
Shh.
421
00:17:01,232 --> 00:17:03,333
What does he mean
you aren't a couple?
422
00:17:03,225 --> 00:17:04,192
Are you two faking?
423
00:17:04,159 --> 00:17:06,660
Faking?
Of course not.
424
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,828
How could you fake
passion like this?
425
00:17:16,930 --> 00:17:18,596
Whoa, was that
an earthquake?
426
00:17:20,917 --> 00:17:22,584
Cait... cait...
oh, there you are.
427
00:17:22,504 --> 00:17:24,705
Listen, we can still
turn this thing around.
428
00:17:24,592 --> 00:17:26,693
Mike, he's in the room
next door packing.
429
00:17:26,585 --> 00:17:27,352
It's over.
430
00:17:27,332 --> 00:17:28,399
No. No. It's not over.
431
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,795
There must be something
we can do.
432
00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:32,800
[SQUEAKING]
433
00:17:32,690 --> 00:17:34,790
We can have sex.
434
00:17:34,683 --> 00:17:37,051
How's that gonna help?
435
00:17:36,926 --> 00:17:37,659
Wait a minute.
436
00:17:37,642 --> 00:17:39,976
Let me rephrase
the question.
437
00:17:39,854 --> 00:17:41,655
Yeah.
438
00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:43,701
No, I mean, fake sex.
He's in the room next door,
439
00:17:43,591 --> 00:17:45,091
so all we have to do
is make it...
440
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:47,392
[SQUEAKING]
441
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:49,067
...sound real.
442
00:17:48,979 --> 00:17:51,447
He'll believe us,
we'll get the endorsement.
443
00:17:51,315 --> 00:17:52,482
That's good thinking.
444
00:17:52,436 --> 00:17:54,037
He's gonna leave.
Now, come on.
445
00:17:53,962 --> 00:17:56,965
[UNENTHUSIASTICALLY]
Oh, Mike.
446
00:17:56,797 --> 00:17:57,864
Oh, Mike.
447
00:17:57,825 --> 00:18:00,660
I'm better than that.
448
00:18:00,503 --> 00:18:03,505
Oh, Mike!
449
00:18:03,338 --> 00:18:05,439
Oh, Mike!
450
00:18:05,331 --> 00:18:06,832
There you go.
451
00:18:06,764 --> 00:18:08,198
Oh, Caitlin.
452
00:18:08,134 --> 00:18:09,468
Oh, Caitlin!
453
00:18:09,411 --> 00:18:11,579
Oh, Mike.
Oh, Mike.
454
00:18:11,467 --> 00:18:13,234
It feels so good.
455
00:18:13,148 --> 00:18:15,884
Yeah, you like that,
huh?!
456
00:18:15,734 --> 00:18:18,102
Yes! Yes!
Don't stop!
457
00:18:17,976 --> 00:18:20,211
Oh, I won't, officer!
458
00:18:20,094 --> 00:18:21,161
What?
459
00:18:21,122 --> 00:18:22,656
Nothin'.
460
00:18:22,587 --> 00:18:24,588
Oh, Caitlin!
461
00:18:24,486 --> 00:18:25,853
Oh, Caitlin!
462
00:18:25,795 --> 00:18:26,928
Oh, Mike!
463
00:18:26,884 --> 00:18:27,984
Oh, Mike!
464
00:18:27,943 --> 00:18:30,312
Who's your deputy mayor?
465
00:18:30,186 --> 00:18:32,654
Yes! Oh, yes!
466
00:18:34,858 --> 00:18:38,327
Oh, yes!
Oh, yes!
467
00:18:38,128 --> 00:18:40,263
[SIGHS]
468
00:18:47,939 --> 00:18:52,309
So, you two
aren't a couple.
469
00:18:52,050 --> 00:18:54,452
No, and we feel terrible.
470
00:18:54,324 --> 00:18:56,959
Please accept our apologies.
471
00:18:56,817 --> 00:18:58,851
Why did you come in here
anyway, senator?
472
00:18:58,747 --> 00:19:05,520
Well, rose and I
used to... Swing.
473
00:19:05,101 --> 00:19:08,903
This may not have turned out
the way we wanted,
474
00:19:08,683 --> 00:19:12,353
but, uh, you gotta admit,
it was pretty amazing.
475
00:19:12,140 --> 00:19:15,509
Mike, I was faking.
476
00:19:18,028 --> 00:19:19,728
Sure you were.
477
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:27,065
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
478
00:19:34,504 --> 00:19:35,503
[DOOR SLAMS]
479
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,234
He-e-e-e-e-re's jamesy.
480
00:21:15,806 --> 00:21:18,441
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
481
00:21:18,442 --> 00:21:19,642
(BARKING)
482
00:21:19,692 --> 00:21:24,242
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