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1
00:00:02,081 --> 00:00:04,182
Negotiating the firemen's
contracts. Stuart?
2
00:00:04,207 --> 00:00:06,409
I'm being tough, Mike.
3
00:00:06,434 --> 00:00:08,869
You can't play softball
with these guys.
4
00:00:08,892 --> 00:00:11,594
Actually,
we have a game this Saturday.
5
00:00:11,617 --> 00:00:12,851
Besides, this is personal.
6
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,914
I lost three girlfriends
to firemen.
7
00:00:14,940 --> 00:00:16,908
Well, it just shows you
what they know.
8
00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:19,536
You take away dignity,
muscles, and courage,
9
00:00:19,559 --> 00:00:21,059
and you are a fireman.
10
00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:22,754
This negotiation
would be a lot easier
11
00:00:22,782 --> 00:00:25,883
if they weren't rescuing baby
what's-his-name from that well.
12
00:00:25,905 --> 00:00:27,772
His name is Keanu.
13
00:00:27,799 --> 00:00:30,901
And yet they let
the parents keep him.
14
00:00:30,923 --> 00:00:32,824
Mike, I thought
I'd cut out early...
15
00:00:32,850 --> 00:00:34,417
make this a long weekend.
16
00:00:34,445 --> 00:00:38,547
It's Tuesday.
17
00:00:38,565 --> 00:00:41,700
I was thinking we could go to
the well to visit baby Keanu.
18
00:00:41,722 --> 00:00:43,489
I have him booked
with interviews.
19
00:00:43,483 --> 00:00:45,783
Well, he can do those
when he gets back.
20
00:00:45,808 --> 00:00:47,309
Well, I have to brief him.
21
00:00:47,337 --> 00:00:48,503
He's a quick study.
22
00:00:48,532 --> 00:00:50,100
Ahh! You cracked my back!
23
00:00:50,128 --> 00:00:52,696
My brother and I always fought
over the remote control,
24
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,021
so my mom would give him
the remote on odd days.
25
00:00:55,046 --> 00:00:56,779
I would get it
on even days.
26
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,608
We used to fight
over the TV, too.
27
00:00:58,635 --> 00:01:00,935
TV? You must have
been rich.
28
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,428
Anyway, maybe you two
could do that with him.
29
00:01:03,453 --> 00:01:05,854
Oh, yeah... we're really
gonna share the mayor
30
00:01:05,878 --> 00:01:07,178
like he's a remote control.
31
00:01:07,206 --> 00:01:08,774
I love the idea!
32
00:01:08,801 --> 00:01:12,170
So, to review, we're really
gonna share the mayor
33
00:01:12,190 --> 00:01:14,191
like he's a remote control.
34
00:01:14,218 --> 00:01:16,753
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
35
00:01:50,070 --> 00:01:51,604
Stuart!
36
00:01:51,632 --> 00:01:55,001
Do not leave this
half-dead rodent on my desk.
37
00:01:55,088 --> 00:01:58,690
I prefer to think of him
as half-alive.
38
00:01:58,709 --> 00:02:01,044
I'm taking him
to doggie day care.
39
00:02:01,069 --> 00:02:02,335
Doggie day care?!
40
00:02:02,365 --> 00:02:04,666
Remind me
to pay you way less.
41
00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:07,492
He's lonely home alone.
Plus, he needs his exercise.
42
00:02:07,581 --> 00:02:10,716
Yeah, I've seen
how wound up he gets
43
00:02:10,738 --> 00:02:13,473
when you don't take him
for his drag.
44
00:02:13,496 --> 00:02:14,695
Hey! Everybody!
45
00:02:14,725 --> 00:02:16,593
Guess where I've been...
46
00:02:16,587 --> 00:02:17,885
"a"... the gym,
47
00:02:17,915 --> 00:02:21,751
"b"... trying out for "who wants
to be a millionaire"...
48
00:02:21,770 --> 00:02:24,038
well, we know
it's not the gym.
49
00:02:24,062 --> 00:02:26,797
Mike, take all the shots
you want now,
50
00:02:26,819 --> 00:02:30,622
'cause tomorrow, you're gonna
be insulting a millionaire.
51
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:31,641
Wow!
52
00:02:31,671 --> 00:02:33,305
Too bad you're married...
53
00:02:33,332 --> 00:02:35,267
And you.
54
00:02:35,261 --> 00:02:37,961
Don't you have to be smartto win on that show?
55
00:02:37,985 --> 00:02:41,420
I am smart! Besides,
they give you four answers,
56
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,708
so even if
you don't know something,
57
00:02:43,733 --> 00:02:46,335
you still have a 33% chance
of being right.
58
00:02:46,358 --> 00:02:48,259
Well,
congratulations, Paul.
59
00:02:48,284 --> 00:02:50,152
I'd say
don't get a big head,
60
00:02:50,179 --> 00:02:52,881
but that ship sailed
when you were about 5.
61
00:02:53,037 --> 00:02:55,037
I'm not gonna quit
just because I win.
62
00:02:55,063 --> 00:02:56,964
Even millionaires
need free coffee,
63
00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:58,991
long distance,
and office furniture.
64
00:02:59,017 --> 00:03:01,753
I'm rich! I'm rich!
I'm rich!
65
00:03:01,775 --> 00:03:04,543
So am I! So am I!
So am I!
66
00:03:04,566 --> 00:03:06,366
Sir, we got to get
to the well.
67
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:07,594
Today's a Caitlin day.
68
00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:10,158
Well, it is, but she wanted
to catch up on her drinking.
69
00:03:16,694 --> 00:03:18,995
MIKE: Hey, I thought
there'd be more people here.
70
00:03:19,021 --> 00:03:20,287
This doesn't look good.
71
00:03:20,315 --> 00:03:22,450
Is there anything
you need me to do, Mike?
72
00:03:22,476 --> 00:03:26,111
Because as deputy deputy mayor,
I'd take a bullet for you.
73
00:03:26,130 --> 00:03:27,731
Maybe after lunch.
74
00:03:27,759 --> 00:03:31,528
Excuse me, we're looking for
the well with the kid in it.
75
00:03:31,546 --> 00:03:34,682
Well, that's the well.
We just rescued Keanu.
76
00:03:34,703 --> 00:03:36,838
I called and said
the mayor was gonna be here.
77
00:03:36,863 --> 00:03:38,731
Would 20 extra minutes
have killed him?
78
00:03:38,758 --> 00:03:40,291
Very possibly.
79
00:03:40,318 --> 00:03:42,219
Well, then...
80
00:03:42,245 --> 00:03:44,947
Obviously,
you did the right thing.
81
00:03:44,971 --> 00:03:47,605
So, how did
they get him out, Mike?
82
00:03:47,629 --> 00:03:49,997
Well, sir,
if this is the well,
83
00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:52,723
then in the direction
you're heading,
84
00:03:52,746 --> 00:03:54,112
they must have dug
85
00:03:54,141 --> 00:03:56,542
some sort
of parallel rescue...
86
00:03:56,567 --> 00:03:58,167
Pit.
87
00:04:00,687 --> 00:04:03,189
All right, sir,
listen, I can't help you here.
88
00:04:03,212 --> 00:04:05,547
I'm gonna go back
to city hall, come for you,
89
00:04:05,572 --> 00:04:07,073
and organize a rescue party.
90
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:10,502
James, wait here and make sure
nobody finds out about this.
91
00:04:10,522 --> 00:04:12,590
I'll wait here
better than anyone, Mike.
92
00:04:12,616 --> 00:04:14,383
MAYOR WINSTON:
What am I supposed to do?!
93
00:04:14,411 --> 00:04:15,877
Pretend
you're bugs bunny?
94
00:04:15,905 --> 00:04:17,573
That's not a good idea.
95
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,868
[IMITATING ELMER FUDD]
It's rabbit season.
96
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,227
[LAUGHS]
97
00:04:26,073 --> 00:04:28,809
What's the dog's name?
98
00:04:28,831 --> 00:04:30,965
Uh, rags Heywood.
99
00:04:30,991 --> 00:04:32,124
Age?
100
00:04:32,154 --> 00:04:33,387
35.
101
00:04:33,417 --> 00:04:36,419
No, I mean in people years.
102
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,775
35.
103
00:04:39,796 --> 00:04:41,363
I assume he's neutered?
104
00:04:41,391 --> 00:04:44,025
Uh, not technically.
105
00:04:44,049 --> 00:04:47,884
10 years ago...
Something fell off.
106
00:04:47,903 --> 00:04:51,105
I'm sorry. We only accept
neutered males.
107
00:04:51,127 --> 00:04:52,894
Oh, please...
look at him.
108
00:04:55,380 --> 00:04:57,247
I see your point.
109
00:04:57,274 --> 00:04:58,807
Oh, all right.
110
00:04:58,835 --> 00:05:00,301
You won't be sorry.
111
00:05:00,330 --> 00:05:01,731
I can assure you,
112
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:04,461
rags will be
a perfect gentleman.
113
00:05:04,484 --> 00:05:05,651
Bye-bye.
114
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,682
Take care, now.
115
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,530
We need to cut some fat.
116
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:25,591
Last year, you people filed
117
00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:28,018
three times as many
smoke-inhalation claims
118
00:05:28,042 --> 00:05:30,343
as the teachers
and garbagemen combined.
119
00:05:30,368 --> 00:05:33,203
We're firemen.
120
00:05:33,225 --> 00:05:36,294
That line may work
with my girlfriends...
121
00:05:36,315 --> 00:05:37,882
not with me.
122
00:05:37,911 --> 00:05:40,279
Dude, is that my sweater?
123
00:05:41,798 --> 00:05:44,366
We're gonna have to
reschedule that,
124
00:05:44,390 --> 00:05:47,792
'cause the mayor's gonna be,
uh... Holed up all day.
125
00:05:47,812 --> 00:05:49,412
[STATIC]
126
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,843
MAYOR WINSTON: Mike, could you
bring back some magazines?
127
00:05:52,863 --> 00:05:55,631
Uh, sir, listen,
I'm at city hall right now,
128
00:05:55,654 --> 00:05:58,121
so we probably
shouldn't use these.
129
00:05:58,146 --> 00:05:59,580
Sir?
130
00:05:59,608 --> 00:06:01,710
You didn't say "over."
131
00:06:01,735 --> 00:06:03,102
Sorry. Over.
132
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,999
I just don't want anyone
to get suspicious.
133
00:06:06,022 --> 00:06:08,522
You can't talk
after you say "over."
134
00:06:08,546 --> 00:06:11,247
Yeah, I-I'll try
and remember that, sir.
135
00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,205
It's just that we really...
136
00:06:13,232 --> 00:06:16,634
or before I say "over."
137
00:06:16,653 --> 00:06:19,555
Sir, I'm, uh,
heading into a tunnel.
138
00:06:19,577 --> 00:06:21,079
[IMITATES STATIC]
139
00:06:21,107 --> 00:06:22,106
What's that?
140
00:06:22,136 --> 00:06:23,236
Uh, what, this?
141
00:06:23,266 --> 00:06:26,869
This would be a...
this is a cell phone...
142
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,588
From 1983.
143
00:06:28,616 --> 00:06:31,317
Have you seen the mayor?
He's late for an interview.
144
00:06:31,341 --> 00:06:32,641
Caitlin, it's your day,
145
00:06:32,637 --> 00:06:34,503
if you lost him,
that's your problem.
146
00:06:34,530 --> 00:06:35,997
I am watching you.
147
00:06:36,025 --> 00:06:37,393
Yeah, I know.
148
00:06:37,421 --> 00:06:39,389
This body is a curse.
149
00:06:41,474 --> 00:06:42,675
Stuart!
150
00:06:42,704 --> 00:06:43,871
Yeah?
151
00:06:43,901 --> 00:06:45,734
The mayor
is stuck in a well.
152
00:06:45,761 --> 00:06:48,429
Okay. And?
153
00:06:48,452 --> 00:06:50,954
An we're gonna need
these firemen on our side
154
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:53,145
if we're gonna
keep the rescue a secret.
155
00:06:53,170 --> 00:06:54,003
Hold on.
156
00:06:54,035 --> 00:06:55,568
Show of hands...
157
00:06:55,596 --> 00:07:00,000
when I called you chili-eating,
hose-fondling closet pyros,
158
00:07:00,016 --> 00:07:02,017
who didn't know I was jokin'?
159
00:07:03,737 --> 00:07:06,872
Gimme a sec.
160
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,429
Tomorrow...
161
00:07:09,452 --> 00:07:12,821
These crumb cakes are mine.
162
00:07:12,842 --> 00:07:16,310
Hey, millionaire, you still owe
3 bucks to the coffee fund.
163
00:07:16,330 --> 00:07:18,397
Oh, please!
The rich are above the law.
164
00:07:18,423 --> 00:07:19,590
Which reminds me...
165
00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:23,122
I get to ask one friend
for help on an answer.
166
00:07:23,142 --> 00:07:25,076
So, Carter, you're my man
if the question
167
00:07:25,101 --> 00:07:27,570
has to do with history,
politics, music, or art.
168
00:07:27,595 --> 00:07:30,530
Janelle,
you're ballet and fashion.
169
00:07:30,552 --> 00:07:34,088
Actually, Carter,
you take fashion, too.
170
00:07:34,108 --> 00:07:37,810
This outfit is straight
from the pages of vogue!
171
00:07:37,828 --> 00:07:39,195
Tell him, Carter.
172
00:07:39,224 --> 00:07:41,525
Fashion... got it.
173
00:07:44,906 --> 00:07:46,940
Nikki, you're on math.
174
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,867
Paul, what's in it for us?
175
00:07:48,893 --> 00:07:52,296
.001% of my million dollars.
176
00:07:52,315 --> 00:07:54,417
100 bucks?
177
00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:55,842
Keep dreamin', sister.
178
00:07:55,870 --> 00:07:57,805
It's 10.
And you're off math.
179
00:07:59,094 --> 00:08:00,328
No, no!
180
00:08:00,357 --> 00:08:03,025
J-James, don't you dare buy him
a super big gulp!
181
00:08:03,047 --> 00:08:04,782
All right,
get back to the well.
182
00:08:04,809 --> 00:08:06,343
I'll be there
in five minutes.
183
00:08:06,370 --> 00:08:07,270
Hey, Mike!
184
00:08:07,301 --> 00:08:08,435
Paul, not now...
185
00:08:08,464 --> 00:08:09,865
not ever!
186
00:08:09,893 --> 00:08:11,560
It's only
gonna take a second.
187
00:08:11,587 --> 00:08:12,888
I'm assigning topics.
188
00:08:12,917 --> 00:08:14,884
I need to know
your area of expertise.
189
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:17,112
How much I don't want to
have this conversation.
190
00:08:17,136 --> 00:08:18,803
Here's what's still open...
191
00:08:18,830 --> 00:08:21,166
cars, dinosaurs, hygiene,
192
00:08:21,190 --> 00:08:23,825
human massacres,
food-borne diseases...
193
00:08:23,848 --> 00:08:25,149
stop, stop!
194
00:08:25,178 --> 00:08:26,979
Here it is, okay?
195
00:08:27,005 --> 00:08:30,708
Stanley cup m.V.P.S
between 1964...
196
00:08:30,726 --> 00:08:32,661
And 1964.
197
00:08:32,687 --> 00:08:34,321
You're a good friend.
198
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,683
All right, Mike!
199
00:08:36,707 --> 00:08:40,243
Five people saw you leave
with the mayor.
200
00:08:40,262 --> 00:08:41,429
Where is he?
201
00:08:41,459 --> 00:08:44,193
Uh, well,
I-if you must know,
202
00:08:44,216 --> 00:08:46,919
h-he went
to the hospital...
203
00:08:46,975 --> 00:08:49,710
To visit
his favorite aunt...
204
00:08:49,733 --> 00:08:52,434
Who is just
very, very ill.
205
00:08:52,457 --> 00:08:54,158
You took him to that well,
didn't you?
206
00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:55,185
No.
207
00:08:55,215 --> 00:08:56,949
And frankly, I'm offended.
208
00:08:56,976 --> 00:08:58,609
What could be more cynical
209
00:08:58,637 --> 00:09:01,906
than to believe someone
could use a dying relative
210
00:09:01,928 --> 00:09:03,661
as a cheap cover story?
211
00:09:03,688 --> 00:09:05,956
TV: Randall Winston,the mayor of New York,
212
00:09:05,981 --> 00:09:07,581
trapped 30 feet below grou,
213
00:09:07,609 --> 00:09:10,110
as the entire cityholds its collective breat.
214
00:09:10,134 --> 00:09:12,135
We'll be backwith more live coverage
215
00:09:12,161 --> 00:09:14,062
of "Winston in the well."
216
00:09:15,650 --> 00:09:18,252
I mean, other than
actually doing it.
217
00:09:26,434 --> 00:09:30,136
You print that, you won't
set foot in city hall again!
218
00:09:30,155 --> 00:09:33,124
There is a perfectlylogical explanation.
219
00:09:33,146 --> 00:09:35,981
I just can't give it to you
right now.
220
00:09:36,003 --> 00:09:39,672
Well, is there anything
available in the mezzanine?
221
00:09:39,691 --> 00:09:41,125
They're sending
a camera down.
222
00:09:41,153 --> 00:09:42,620
CAITLIN: Oh, perfect!
223
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:45,851
This is exactly the image I want
my candidate to project...
224
00:09:45,871 --> 00:09:47,238
a mud-covered boob.
225
00:09:47,267 --> 00:09:49,836
You talking about that
wrestling place in Jersey?
226
00:09:51,022 --> 00:09:53,456
MAYOR WINSTON:
Hello, people of New York.
227
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,815
First of all,I want to assure you
228
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,207
that I'm fine.
229
00:09:57,236 --> 00:10:00,405
And if you're going to worryabout anyone,
230
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:02,059
make it little Keanu,
231
00:10:02,086 --> 00:10:05,087
because he had no wayof understanding
232
00:10:05,110 --> 00:10:07,878
that he was going to beall right.
233
00:10:07,901 --> 00:10:09,536
I do.
234
00:10:09,563 --> 00:10:12,965
He's so brave.
235
00:10:12,986 --> 00:10:15,821
And I think thatboth of our rescue effors
236
00:10:15,843 --> 00:10:18,511
have proventhat humankind's true desty
237
00:10:18,534 --> 00:10:21,870
is to minister to ourselsand to our fellow man.
238
00:10:21,890 --> 00:10:23,691
Thank you.
239
00:10:23,718 --> 00:10:25,318
And, kids, stay in school..
240
00:10:27,306 --> 00:10:30,208
...and watch your step.
241
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:33,231
Heroic wordsfrom a heroic man.
242
00:10:33,254 --> 00:10:35,588
You know,
the mayor gets more eloquent
243
00:10:35,613 --> 00:10:38,015
the closer he gets
to the earth's core.
244
00:10:38,039 --> 00:10:40,507
So, it's two hours
until he's out of there?
245
00:10:40,530 --> 00:10:43,232
Well, they're estimating.
Three could be safer.
246
00:10:43,255 --> 00:10:44,856
And fourwould put his rescue
247
00:10:44,883 --> 00:10:47,318
smack in the middle
of the evening news.
248
00:10:47,342 --> 00:10:49,310
We keep him down there
all night,
249
00:10:49,336 --> 00:10:51,036
he could be on
"good morning America."
250
00:10:51,064 --> 00:10:53,965
You're not serious?!
The man's buried alive!
251
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,223
People get so caught up
in the "buried" part,
252
00:10:56,247 --> 00:10:58,381
they lose sight
of the "alive."
253
00:11:03,823 --> 00:11:05,757
I'm terribly sorry.
I'm very sor...
254
00:11:04,659 --> 00:11:06,559
I don't care
what you think you saw!
255
00:11:06,586 --> 00:11:08,854
I'm telling you,
it simply isn't possible!
256
00:11:08,879 --> 00:11:11,180
Rags hasn't been interested
in sex for 20 years!
257
00:11:11,205 --> 00:11:14,274
Well, he certainly
made up for it today!
258
00:11:14,295 --> 00:11:17,197
I suppose
I shouldn't be surprised.
259
00:11:17,220 --> 00:11:22,123
Oh! I see! It's always the gay,
black man with the horny dog!
260
00:11:22,137 --> 00:11:24,171
Just take him and go!
261
00:11:24,198 --> 00:11:25,365
No, I don't think so!
262
00:11:25,362 --> 00:11:27,294
I'm not gonna let you
scapegoat rags
263
00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:29,688
for something
he couldn't possibly have...
264
00:11:33,036 --> 00:11:35,237
[LAUGHS]
265
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:37,163
Well, once he's through,
266
00:11:37,189 --> 00:11:39,724
we'll... we'll be
on our way.
267
00:11:39,747 --> 00:11:41,348
Ooh!
268
00:11:41,376 --> 00:11:46,780
And finally, the city will erect
a statue in central park
269
00:11:46,792 --> 00:11:49,294
honoring your bravery,
courage,
270
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:51,217
and ability to aim a hose.
271
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,545
Well,
I think we have a deal.
272
00:11:53,571 --> 00:11:57,073
We'll get the mayor
out of that well in no time.
273
00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:58,059
Stuart!
274
00:11:58,089 --> 00:11:59,890
[CLEARS THROAT]
275
00:11:59,916 --> 00:12:02,185
This thing is turning into
a publicity bonanza!
276
00:12:02,209 --> 00:12:04,444
We're gonna keep the mayor in
a little longer.
277
00:12:04,469 --> 00:12:06,437
So you think you can
slow things down?
278
00:12:06,462 --> 00:12:09,397
Got it.
279
00:12:09,419 --> 00:12:10,920
You know...
280
00:12:10,948 --> 00:12:13,884
I once wanted
to be a fireman, too...
281
00:12:18,358 --> 00:12:20,959
...but then I turned 10.
282
00:12:26,565 --> 00:12:29,400
["WHO WANTS TO BEA MILLIONAIRE" THEME PLAY]
283
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,269
So, Paul, congratulations on
beating the other contestants.
284
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:40,491
I understand
you work for the mayor.
285
00:12:40,515 --> 00:12:43,017
Is he doing okay
down there in that well?
286
00:12:43,041 --> 00:12:44,475
Yeah, yeah, he's fine.
287
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:46,804
Look, are we
gonna play the game?
288
00:12:46,829 --> 00:12:49,231
Okay, all right.
Sure, let's get started.
289
00:12:49,255 --> 00:12:52,023
You're 15 questions away
from winning $1 million.
290
00:12:52,046 --> 00:12:54,380
You got all
your three lifelines left...
291
00:12:54,404 --> 00:12:56,940
50:50, ask the audience,
phone a friend.
292
00:12:56,963 --> 00:12:58,363
So if you're ready, Paul,
293
00:12:58,391 --> 00:13:00,826
let's play "who wants to be
a millionaire"!
294
00:13:00,850 --> 00:13:03,186
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
295
00:13:05,370 --> 00:13:07,470
Here we go.
For $100...
296
00:13:17,198 --> 00:13:21,702
I'd like to use a lifeline...
the 50:50.
297
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:23,785
Computer,
would you please take away
298
00:13:23,811 --> 00:13:25,511
two of the incorrect answers?
299
00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:26,573
There we go.
300
00:13:26,602 --> 00:13:28,703
I'd like
to ask the audience.
301
00:13:28,728 --> 00:13:29,895
How you holding up, sir?
302
00:13:29,925 --> 00:13:31,358
MAYOR WINSTON:
I'm all right.
303
00:13:31,386 --> 00:13:32,987
What makes this bearable
304
00:13:33,014 --> 00:13:35,883
is knowing my closest advisors
are up there suffering with me.
305
00:13:35,906 --> 00:13:37,472
Well, it's the least
we could do.
306
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:38,734
Ooh, I had the mochacino.
307
00:13:38,763 --> 00:13:40,898
This is perfect.
All three networks are here.
308
00:13:40,923 --> 00:13:43,525
The whole nation's gonna see him
come out of that well.
309
00:13:43,548 --> 00:13:45,449
He's covered in dirt,
his suit is torn,
310
00:13:45,475 --> 00:13:47,709
and there might even be
a little blood.
311
00:13:47,735 --> 00:13:48,702
Yes!
312
00:13:50,624 --> 00:13:52,292
Ooh, brainstorm...
313
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:55,956
a week before the election...
lost at sea.
314
00:13:55,975 --> 00:13:58,743
You know,
when the mayor's not around,
315
00:13:58,766 --> 00:14:01,201
we actually get along
all right.
316
00:14:01,225 --> 00:14:03,259
After he comes out,
we could work together
317
00:14:03,284 --> 00:14:05,018
in mutual understanding
and respect.
318
00:14:05,046 --> 00:14:08,114
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
319
00:14:08,136 --> 00:14:10,003
I almost didn't get it out!
320
00:14:10,030 --> 00:14:11,730
[SIGHS]
321
00:14:11,758 --> 00:14:14,460
I came as soon as I heard.
Is there anything we can do?
322
00:14:14,482 --> 00:14:17,517
Oh, no, Carter.
All our ducks are in a row.
323
00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:19,541
Could you clear something up?
324
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:22,635
I know how a 2-year-old
can fall in the well.
325
00:14:22,657 --> 00:14:24,457
What's the mayor's excuse?
326
00:14:24,484 --> 00:14:28,354
Caitlin,
you want to take this one?
327
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:32,862
What are you doing?!
328
00:14:32,890 --> 00:14:35,259
Watching Paul on
"who wants to be a millionaire."
329
00:14:35,283 --> 00:14:37,784
He's up to
the $500,000 question.
330
00:14:37,808 --> 00:14:40,877
I want to make sure that hole
doesn't cave in on the mayor.
331
00:14:40,898 --> 00:14:44,902
Janelle, if it does, you know
they'll interrupt "millionaire."
332
00:14:44,919 --> 00:14:47,087
That's true.
333
00:14:49,604 --> 00:14:51,872
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAY]
334
00:14:51,897 --> 00:14:53,764
Is that your final answer?
335
00:14:57,512 --> 00:14:59,213
Yes. "D"... yes.
336
00:15:02,895 --> 00:15:05,264
The answer is "d"...
337
00:15:05,288 --> 00:15:08,090
Karl ditters Von dittersdorf!
338
00:15:08,112 --> 00:15:09,479
Yeah! Yeah!
339
00:15:09,507 --> 00:15:10,674
Yeah!
340
00:15:10,704 --> 00:15:12,805
Aaaaah!
Aaaaah!
341
00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:15,299
You've won $500,000!
342
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:19,718
You're on fire, Paul!
What's your secret?
343
00:15:19,742 --> 00:15:22,343
I'm guessing!
344
00:15:22,366 --> 00:15:25,435
Before we go on to the final
question, take a look at this...
345
00:15:25,456 --> 00:15:27,090
a check for
a half-million dollars!
346
00:15:27,117 --> 00:15:29,052
What do you think of that?
347
00:15:29,078 --> 00:15:30,379
Uhh uhh uhh...
348
00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:31,241
Paul?
349
00:15:31,272 --> 00:15:34,741
Can't... Breathe!
350
00:15:36,987 --> 00:15:40,122
Come on, Carter, if the mayor
comes out of that well
351
00:15:40,142 --> 00:15:42,978
holding the dog
that he went down to rescue,
352
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,000
then he's a hero.
353
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,498
Rag will be a hero!
354
00:15:45,526 --> 00:15:46,860
Yeah, a dead hero!
355
00:15:46,888 --> 00:15:48,789
He got through
the great depression!
356
00:15:48,816 --> 00:15:50,115
He will get through this!
357
00:15:50,145 --> 00:15:52,313
Fine, fine, fine!
358
00:15:52,337 --> 00:15:54,672
[SIRENS WAILING]
359
00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:56,063
Get ready, sir.
360
00:15:56,093 --> 00:15:58,661
We're going to cause
a little distraction,
361
00:15:58,684 --> 00:16:00,184
then we'll send rags down.
362
00:16:00,211 --> 00:16:01,579
James, take the bullet!
363
00:16:03,302 --> 00:16:04,803
Hey, mom.
364
00:16:10,014 --> 00:16:11,548
Feeling better?
365
00:16:13,835 --> 00:16:16,637
It's a blood-sugar thing.
366
00:16:16,660 --> 00:16:20,262
Well, you can stop right now
with the $500,000,
367
00:16:20,282 --> 00:16:23,450
or you could try to answer
the big $1 million question.
368
00:16:23,472 --> 00:16:25,939
Miss that, and you'll go back
down to $32,000.
369
00:16:25,963 --> 00:16:28,298
I can't go back, Regis.
370
00:16:28,323 --> 00:16:31,625
I've gotten
used to the money.
371
00:16:31,646 --> 00:16:34,548
Okay, then.
For $1 million...
372
00:16:39,255 --> 00:16:41,623
Is it "a"...
373
00:16:41,647 --> 00:16:43,381
ah-ah-ah-ah!
374
00:16:43,407 --> 00:16:45,408
Reege...
375
00:16:45,434 --> 00:16:47,569
You can stop right there.
376
00:16:47,594 --> 00:16:50,163
I'd like
to phone a friend.
377
00:16:50,187 --> 00:16:51,987
[CELLULAR PHONE RINGS]
378
00:16:52,013 --> 00:16:53,848
Yeah, Mike Flaherty.
379
00:16:53,874 --> 00:16:57,043
Hello, Mike.
Regis philbin here from abc.
380
00:16:57,064 --> 00:16:58,698
R-Regis, for the last time,
381
00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:01,961
we're not renaming 10th Avenue
"Regis philbin way."
382
00:17:01,982 --> 00:17:03,983
I-I don't know
what you're talking about.
383
00:17:04,009 --> 00:17:06,310
I'm calling from "who wants
to be a millionaire."
384
00:17:06,335 --> 00:17:08,469
Your friend Paul lassiter
needs some help.
385
00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:10,462
The next voice you hear
will be his.
386
00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:13,924
And, Paul, your 30 seconds
starts right now.
387
00:17:13,944 --> 00:17:15,945
Hey, Mike? Listen...
388
00:17:15,971 --> 00:17:19,040
which Canadian
hockey player...
389
00:17:19,061 --> 00:17:20,428
okay, guys...
390
00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,090
let's start bringing him up!
391
00:17:22,117 --> 00:17:23,384
Paul, I gotta go!
392
00:17:23,414 --> 00:17:27,317
[DIAL TONE]
393
00:17:27,334 --> 00:17:30,770
I'm sorry, Paul.
Tough break.
394
00:17:30,791 --> 00:17:33,458
What do you mean? He hung up.
I got another call.
395
00:17:33,481 --> 00:17:35,115
No, I'm afraid not.
396
00:17:35,143 --> 00:17:38,011
We'll see about that.
397
00:17:38,034 --> 00:17:40,202
Paul, you really can't
use that.
398
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,328
You're right.
399
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:45,388
It's not the weekend.
400
00:17:45,409 --> 00:17:48,979
So, um... Do you have
an answer for us?
401
00:17:49,066 --> 00:17:51,066
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAY]
402
00:17:52,351 --> 00:17:54,519
Come on, Paul!
Say somethin!
403
00:17:54,543 --> 00:17:57,345
Just take the money.
I could learn to love you.
404
00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:59,236
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
405
00:17:59,262 --> 00:18:01,497
Paul... I need an answer.
406
00:18:03,648 --> 00:18:05,148
All right.
407
00:18:05,176 --> 00:18:07,978
I'm gonna go with "b."
408
00:18:08,001 --> 00:18:10,269
"B"? Huh.
409
00:18:10,294 --> 00:18:13,362
Okay, wait... "a."
410
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:15,819
"A"? Really?
411
00:18:15,843 --> 00:18:17,810
No, no, okay, okay!
No... "c."
412
00:18:18,899 --> 00:18:20,800
"D"... "d."
413
00:18:20,827 --> 00:18:21,694
You're sure?
414
00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:24,093
Yes... "d."
415
00:18:24,117 --> 00:18:25,484
"B."
416
00:18:25,513 --> 00:18:27,647
"B" is your final answer.
417
00:18:27,705 --> 00:18:29,639
"A"! "D"! "D"! "B"!
418
00:18:29,666 --> 00:18:31,633
"C"! "A"! "A"! "D"!
419
00:18:31,659 --> 00:18:33,527
"D"! "B"! "A"! "B"!
420
00:18:33,553 --> 00:18:35,655
"D"! "D"! "B"!
421
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,448
"C"! "C"!
422
00:18:38,471 --> 00:18:40,305
"C"!
423
00:18:40,332 --> 00:18:42,734
If you're not sure,
maybe you shouldn't play.
424
00:18:42,757 --> 00:18:44,758
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
425
00:18:44,784 --> 00:18:46,518
I shouldn't play.
I'm gonna stop.
426
00:18:46,546 --> 00:18:47,512
I'm playing!
427
00:18:47,542 --> 00:18:49,243
I'm stopping!
I'm playing!
428
00:18:49,270 --> 00:18:51,204
I'm playing!
I'm gonna play!
429
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:52,864
Oh, you're cruel, Regis!
430
00:18:52,891 --> 00:18:54,926
So, what's your answer?
431
00:18:57,045 --> 00:18:58,580
"D."
432
00:18:58,607 --> 00:18:59,840
Confident?
433
00:18:59,869 --> 00:19:01,270
No, I'm not confident!
434
00:19:01,299 --> 00:19:02,699
I'm an ulcerous wreck!
435
00:19:02,727 --> 00:19:05,129
Is that what
you want to hear?! Huh?!
436
00:19:05,153 --> 00:19:06,787
Does that make you happy?!
437
00:19:06,814 --> 00:19:08,815
So "d"
is your final answer?
438
00:19:10,468 --> 00:19:13,737
Yeah... "d."
439
00:19:13,758 --> 00:19:16,728
Well, Paul...
440
00:19:16,749 --> 00:19:17,915
I'm sorry.
441
00:19:17,912 --> 00:19:19,679
But "d"...
442
00:19:19,706 --> 00:19:21,840
Is absolutely...
443
00:19:21,866 --> 00:19:24,668
Not the right answer...
444
00:19:24,691 --> 00:19:26,058
To a different question...
445
00:19:26,086 --> 00:19:27,386
But also...
446
00:19:27,414 --> 00:19:30,717
oh, for God's sakes, Regis!!
Do you think you're cute?!
447
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:34,073
You think they're laughing?!
Well, they're not!
448
00:19:34,093 --> 00:19:35,860
Tell me! Tell me!
449
00:19:35,888 --> 00:19:38,689
For God's sakes,
tell me... now!
450
00:19:38,712 --> 00:19:39,946
We'll be right back.
451
00:19:39,975 --> 00:19:41,642
Oh, no!
452
00:19:41,669 --> 00:19:45,906
["WHO WANTS TO BEA MILLIONAIRE" THEME PLAY]
453
00:19:45,922 --> 00:19:48,157
He looks alert.
454
00:19:48,182 --> 00:19:50,116
[APPLAUSE]
455
00:19:50,142 --> 00:19:55,146
And he seems to have rescued
some sort of rat.
456
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,693
It's a dog!
457
00:19:59,113 --> 00:20:00,580
Our mayor...
458
00:20:00,609 --> 00:20:02,910
animal lover... hero.
459
00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:04,602
We're back.
460
00:20:04,629 --> 00:20:07,531
And, Paul...
461
00:20:07,553 --> 00:20:09,454
The answer... Is "d"!
462
00:20:09,481 --> 00:20:11,348
You've won $1 million!
463
00:20:11,375 --> 00:20:13,509
Oh, no!
464
00:20:13,534 --> 00:20:15,435
Yeah!
465
00:20:20,517 --> 00:20:22,118
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
466
00:20:41,796 --> 00:20:43,797
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYS]
467
00:21:12,159 --> 00:21:14,761
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
468
00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:15,929
(BARKING)
469
00:21:15,979 --> 00:21:20,529
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