Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,250 --> 00:00:04,917
Carter...
2
00:00:04,876 --> 00:00:06,876
What's wrong
with this picture?
3
00:00:06,822 --> 00:00:08,790
Those earrings
with that blouse.
4
00:00:08,736 --> 00:00:10,170
Hoo-hoo!
5
00:00:10,140 --> 00:00:12,241
Okay, if you weren't gay,
6
00:00:12,181 --> 00:00:14,916
what's wrong
with this picture?
7
00:00:14,829 --> 00:00:18,164
Let me give you a hint.
8
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:19,585
It was taken
at a press event.
9
00:00:19,550 --> 00:00:22,118
You wanna be in the picture,
you gotta be at the event.
10
00:00:22,038 --> 00:00:24,674
Caitlin plans these events
behind my back.
11
00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:27,024
She schedules them,
she creates them,
12
00:00:26,950 --> 00:00:29,051
she stars in them.
13
00:00:28,993 --> 00:00:32,996
She's like
an evil, blond spike Lee.
14
00:00:32,852 --> 00:00:36,121
Why are you so uptight?
15
00:00:36,010 --> 00:00:37,477
She's cuttin' me out!
16
00:00:37,445 --> 00:00:41,214
I can't do my job if I'm not
the guy behind the guy.
17
00:00:41,081 --> 00:00:41,680
You are.
18
00:00:41,687 --> 00:00:42,454
Not anymore.
19
00:00:42,453 --> 00:00:44,187
Now she's made me the guy
20
00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:47,179
behind the girl behind the guy,
21
00:00:47,078 --> 00:00:49,412
which sounds like fun...
22
00:00:49,343 --> 00:00:51,677
...but is
not.
23
00:00:51,608 --> 00:00:55,278
From now on, wherever the mayor
goes, whatever he does,
24
00:00:55,149 --> 00:00:57,250
I'm gonna be
right next to him.
25
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:03,537
Gentlemen.
26
00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:06,313
Starting in
about 10 minutes.
27
00:01:06,218 --> 00:01:09,020
[ACOUSTIC GUITAR PLAYS]
28
00:01:30,439 --> 00:01:31,806
Okay, next item...
29
00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:33,680
this morning, the first...
30
00:01:36,692 --> 00:01:39,994
Train pulled into the newly
renovated grand central station.
31
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:41,282
The tracks weren't ready.
32
00:01:41,253 --> 00:01:43,655
Oh, no,
the tracks were ready.
33
00:01:43,582 --> 00:01:46,517
Unfortunately,
the stoplights were n ot.
34
00:01:46,421 --> 00:01:47,887
As a result,
35
00:01:47,856 --> 00:01:51,625
the eastern wall is now
known as "the Western archway."
36
00:01:51,493 --> 00:01:53,494
Hey, Mike,
tell 'em about Manny,
37
00:01:53,438 --> 00:01:55,907
the bathroom attendant
from grand central
38
00:01:55,831 --> 00:01:58,399
who's gonna work here
during the renovations.
39
00:01:58,318 --> 00:01:59,686
Go ahead, tell 'em.
40
00:01:59,659 --> 00:02:01,859
Sure you
don't wanna tell 'em, James?
41
00:02:01,795 --> 00:02:04,597
No, I don't want
to steal your thunder.
42
00:02:04,507 --> 00:02:06,642
Bathroom attendants...
I hate 'em!
43
00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:08,714
Just a bunch of crooks.
44
00:02:08,654 --> 00:02:10,522
Manny survives
off his tips.
45
00:02:10,472 --> 00:02:12,039
Survives... ha!
46
00:02:12,004 --> 00:02:14,805
They're just like
panhandlers.
47
00:02:14,715 --> 00:02:19,018
Half of 'em have mansions
out on long island.
48
00:02:18,861 --> 00:02:20,629
Yeah, Paul, according to Forbes,
49
00:02:20,585 --> 00:02:23,853
the three richest men in America
are bill gates, Warren buffet,
50
00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:25,243
and the guy on 31st street
51
00:02:25,209 --> 00:02:28,379
who screams, "gimme a dollar
or I'll drop my pants!"
52
00:02:28,272 --> 00:02:30,706
Now, finally,
Tuesday is the banquet
53
00:02:30,632 --> 00:02:33,735
honoring our own Carter Heywood
as activist of the year.
54
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:37,133
I just want
to let you people know
55
00:02:37,012 --> 00:02:39,947
that I don't do what I do
for the awards.
56
00:02:39,850 --> 00:02:42,586
Ah, this really comes
out of nowhere.
57
00:02:42,499 --> 00:02:44,267
It was a complete shock.
58
00:02:44,221 --> 00:02:46,523
Carter,
you nominated yourself,
59
00:02:46,455 --> 00:02:49,290
and you ran
a few months' smear campaign
60
00:02:49,197 --> 00:02:52,733
against your only competition,
sister carlita.
61
00:02:52,610 --> 00:02:55,378
You're either a nun
or an activist, Mike.
62
00:02:55,290 --> 00:02:56,624
You can't be both!
63
00:02:56,598 --> 00:03:01,402
The last thing you fought for
was a desk chair.
64
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:03,124
I just happen to do
my best protesting
65
00:03:03,073 --> 00:03:05,141
from an ergonomically balanced
position.
66
00:03:05,082 --> 00:03:06,684
I once got a chick
67
00:03:06,647 --> 00:03:09,949
in an ergonomically balanced
position.
68
00:03:09,836 --> 00:03:11,571
Then she sobered up,
69
00:03:11,527 --> 00:03:16,031
and I was just another loser
swinging from a harness.
70
00:03:15,865 --> 00:03:17,498
Oh, I was
looking for Caitlin.
71
00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:20,028
I have the schedule
of the mayor's campaign events.
72
00:03:19,948 --> 00:03:21,882
You can leave that with me.
73
00:03:21,830 --> 00:03:23,598
I was told
only to give it to Caitlin.
74
00:03:23,553 --> 00:03:24,920
Who told you that?
75
00:03:24,892 --> 00:03:25,892
Caitlin.
76
00:03:25,881 --> 00:03:27,882
Who you gonna listen to?
77
00:03:27,827 --> 00:03:29,661
[SNICKERS] Caitlin.
78
00:03:33,027 --> 00:03:36,229
Here are the transit papers.
79
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,995
Stuart, what's that?!
80
00:03:40,938 --> 00:03:42,839
A paperweight.
81
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:45,223
That's a
breast!
82
00:03:45,148 --> 00:03:47,717
This paperweight
looks nothing like a breast.
83
00:03:47,636 --> 00:03:50,671
Here, I'll prove it to you...
whip out one of yours.
84
00:03:50,570 --> 00:03:55,909
Caitlin, Stuart
has a breast on his desk.
85
00:03:55,707 --> 00:03:59,576
I was trying
to explain it's not a breast.
86
00:03:59,438 --> 00:04:02,407
It's a nonsexual,
abstract piece of art.
87
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,077
Oh, yeah?
Where'd you get it?
88
00:04:04,033 --> 00:04:06,367
The knocker locker.
89
00:04:12,837 --> 00:04:15,038
[WHISTLING]
90
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,702
Aah!
91
00:04:31,616 --> 00:04:33,750
That's not my purse!
92
00:04:33,689 --> 00:04:35,690
What are you doing?
93
00:04:35,635 --> 00:04:38,371
I'm looking for
the mayor's campaign schedule.
94
00:04:38,283 --> 00:04:39,717
Why don't you
just ask for it?
95
00:04:39,686 --> 00:04:41,453
Like you're just
gonna give it to me.
96
00:04:43,003 --> 00:04:45,372
Good.
97
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:48,769
Glad to see we're finally
being mature about this.
98
00:04:48,649 --> 00:04:50,817
Here's your mascara.
99
00:04:50,755 --> 00:04:53,390
Wait a minute...
this is written in code.
100
00:04:53,306 --> 00:04:54,673
It's not code, Mike.
101
00:04:54,647 --> 00:04:57,082
The mayor and I have developed
a sort of shorthand
102
00:04:57,007 --> 00:04:58,574
to help us be more efficient.
103
00:04:58,538 --> 00:05:00,740
He and I have had that
for years.
104
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:02,076
Oh, Caitlin,
there you are.
105
00:05:02,047 --> 00:05:03,347
Oh, did you get my memo...
106
00:05:03,323 --> 00:05:05,158
cpdr13?
107
00:05:05,109 --> 00:05:07,878
Central park dog run
1:00 to 3:00.
108
00:05:07,789 --> 00:05:11,692
And this time, remind me
not to put the tennis ball
109
00:05:11,553 --> 00:05:13,354
in my trouser pocket.
110
00:05:14,806 --> 00:05:17,408
Hey, hey, b.F.
111
00:05:17,326 --> 00:05:18,694
What?
112
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:21,769
B.F... Big fella.
113
00:05:21,665 --> 00:05:25,235
L.F... Little fella?
114
00:05:25,110 --> 00:05:26,978
I thought maybe later
115
00:05:27,088 --> 00:05:31,591
we'd get
some b. U.D... Weisers.
116
00:05:31,426 --> 00:05:33,593
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
117
00:05:35,317 --> 00:05:36,384
Here we go.
118
00:05:36,371 --> 00:05:37,738
Thanks, Manny.
119
00:05:37,710 --> 00:05:40,212
By the way, I love
the green urinal cakes.
120
00:05:42,336 --> 00:05:44,404
Very
classy.
121
00:06:05,654 --> 00:06:07,989
Hmm.
122
00:06:10,183 --> 00:06:12,384
No candy corn, huh?
123
00:06:14,266 --> 00:06:16,667
You know, they're not just
for Halloween, my friend.
124
00:06:16,594 --> 00:06:18,162
You know what would be nice,
125
00:06:18,126 --> 00:06:21,695
is, um...
126
00:06:21,570 --> 00:06:23,538
Some sliced fruit...
127
00:06:23,484 --> 00:06:25,485
Or, uh, I don't know...
128
00:06:25,431 --> 00:06:27,666
finger sandwiches, maybe.
129
00:06:32,449 --> 00:06:34,851
I'll catch you
next ? time.
130
00:06:38,892 --> 00:06:42,227
Mike, you got a minute?
131
00:06:42,114 --> 00:06:43,381
Yeah, Carter.
132
00:06:43,358 --> 00:06:46,794
I think I've broken
Caitlin's code.
133
00:06:46,675 --> 00:06:48,709
Okay, see this... "fifen."
134
00:06:48,653 --> 00:06:50,654
It makes no sense, right?
135
00:06:50,599 --> 00:06:54,236
However, if you replace
all the f's with g's,
136
00:06:54,108 --> 00:06:56,076
swap the "I" for a "u"...
137
00:06:56,022 --> 00:06:59,124
Add the standard syllable
"heim"...
138
00:07:01,445 --> 00:07:07,517
...suddenly,
"fifen" becomes "gugenheim."
139
00:07:07,282 --> 00:07:11,085
Couldn't "fifen" just mean...
Congressman Barney fifen,
140
00:07:10,951 --> 00:07:13,953
who the mayor
is meeting with right now?
141
00:07:16,947 --> 00:07:19,382
At the gugenheim?
142
00:07:19,309 --> 00:07:21,042
No, in the pressroom.
143
00:07:20,999 --> 00:07:23,601
Oh, she is good.
She is very g ood.
144
00:07:23,519 --> 00:07:26,154
Mike, Mike...
I-I need to talk.
145
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:29,740
Make it fast, okay?
'Cause I gotta find the mayor.
146
00:07:29,612 --> 00:07:32,214
Nikki was right
this morning.
147
00:07:32,132 --> 00:07:34,634
I've totally lost my edge.
148
00:07:34,556 --> 00:07:36,323
Maybe I used to be
an activist,
149
00:07:36,278 --> 00:07:38,447
but now, whenever
I try to make a stand,
150
00:07:38,384 --> 00:07:40,418
someone always
talks me out of it.
151
00:07:40,362 --> 00:07:42,630
That's not true.
152
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:43,830
Yeah,
you're probably right.
153
00:07:43,807 --> 00:07:46,174
Wait, wait, wait!
Mike, Mike.
154
00:07:46,103 --> 00:07:47,638
This is important to me.
155
00:07:47,603 --> 00:07:50,605
I want to show the gay community
that I, uh...
156
00:07:50,505 --> 00:07:52,506
I stand out
here at city hall.
157
00:07:52,451 --> 00:07:56,155
Show them that mesh tank top
you wear on casual Fridays.
158
00:08:01,066 --> 00:08:02,567
Paul, I can't believe you!
159
00:08:02,534 --> 00:08:05,102
You're totally
taking advantage of Manny!
160
00:08:05,022 --> 00:08:06,389
Oh.
161
00:08:06,362 --> 00:08:10,498
That's preposterous!
162
00:08:10,350 --> 00:08:12,016
You better return
all this stuff,
163
00:08:11,976 --> 00:08:14,311
and if you want to use
the bathroom, tip Manny!
164
00:08:14,241 --> 00:08:16,376
Look, James,
I have principles!
165
00:08:16,314 --> 00:08:19,283
There are certain things in life
I will not pay for...
166
00:08:19,185 --> 00:08:22,687
parking, sex,
food, shelter!
167
00:08:25,118 --> 00:08:27,319
Stuart...
168
00:08:27,255 --> 00:08:31,025
Regarding the breast,
I put together a little file...
169
00:08:30,892 --> 00:08:35,163
let's just call them your
achievements here at city hall.
170
00:08:35,007 --> 00:08:37,308
Uh-oh.
171
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:41,811
"March 14... bondek arrives
at work wearing no pants."
172
00:08:41,642 --> 00:08:44,109
That was a special day.
173
00:08:44,034 --> 00:08:47,737
And eyewitness accounts suggest
it was also a very cold d ay.
174
00:08:49,935 --> 00:08:51,569
I want that breast gone.
175
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:55,901
Be careful about how you
interact with women here.
176
00:08:55,741 --> 00:08:57,375
What if I want to say
something nice?
177
00:08:57,336 --> 00:09:00,005
Well, according
to city-government protocol,
178
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:03,122
the only acceptable compliment
you can give a woman
179
00:09:03,014 --> 00:09:04,314
is "you look sharp."
180
00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:05,624
Understood?
181
00:09:05,598 --> 00:09:08,100
Absolutely.
182
00:09:08,022 --> 00:09:11,825
[SWEETLY]
Oh, Caitlin...
183
00:09:11,690 --> 00:09:13,458
You...
184
00:09:13,413 --> 00:09:15,681
Look sharp.
185
00:09:18,198 --> 00:09:22,568
You look so sharp...
186
00:09:22,408 --> 00:09:24,810
You make me feel sharp.
187
00:09:26,970 --> 00:09:28,971
Get out of the water,
188
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,617
'cause here comes...
189
00:09:30,575 --> 00:09:32,576
A "sharp" attack!
190
00:09:36,221 --> 00:09:38,389
Where's the mayor?
191
00:09:38,327 --> 00:09:41,295
He's in the middle
of an interview Caitlin set up.
192
00:09:41,198 --> 00:09:42,865
Another one.
That's it!
193
00:09:42,824 --> 00:09:46,260
I'm gonna show this reporter
who's really in charge...
194
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,735
uh, you know...
after the mayor.
195
00:09:47,648 --> 00:09:49,848
Uh, sir,
I just wanted to...
196
00:09:49,785 --> 00:09:53,421
ooh! An interview!
197
00:09:53,422 --> 00:09:56,024
Thanks for approving
that interview, Caitlin.
198
00:09:55,942 --> 00:09:58,144
Mike would never
have gone for that.
199
00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,748
Hey, the mayor being profiled
by the gay observe r
200
00:10:00,663 --> 00:10:02,231
it's a win-win.
201
00:10:02,194 --> 00:10:04,028
People
don't really understand
202
00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:06,982
just how close
the mayor and I really are.
203
00:10:08,765 --> 00:10:11,900
And I think it's time
they found out.
204
00:10:11,795 --> 00:10:14,363
Right, big fella?
205
00:10:14,284 --> 00:10:16,352
You said it, little fella.
206
00:10:17,346 --> 00:10:19,547
Somebody's
been working out.
207
00:10:23,406 --> 00:10:26,542
Working out... I don't have
the energy for that.
208
00:10:26,469 --> 00:10:28,670
You've seen me
in the mornings.
209
00:10:28,606 --> 00:10:31,642
I had no idea you guys
had this kind of relationship.
210
00:10:31,701 --> 00:10:33,002
A lot of people around here
211
00:10:32,977 --> 00:10:35,011
have been making
a lot of claims.
212
00:10:34,954 --> 00:10:37,857
So I'm just going to
bottom-line it for you, okay?
213
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:41,798
I am the guy...
Behind the guy.
214
00:10:44,365 --> 00:10:45,765
Hey, how about a picture?
215
00:10:45,736 --> 00:10:46,770
Perfect!
216
00:10:57,356 --> 00:10:59,324
Mike,
look at this headline!
217
00:10:59,269 --> 00:11:01,504
"The mayor comes out"!
218
00:11:01,471 --> 00:11:03,705
Sir,
if it's any consolation,
219
00:11:03,639 --> 00:11:07,576
I did talk them out of
"nobody's gayer than the mayor."
220
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,703
They're saying
that I'm a homosexual!
221
00:11:11,646 --> 00:11:14,948
This is the most horrible,
humiliating moment in my life!
222
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:20,426
No offense, Carter.
223
00:11:20,354 --> 00:11:22,088
None taken.
224
00:11:22,045 --> 00:11:25,013
You?! I mean, sir,
t-they called me your boy toy.
225
00:11:24,915 --> 00:11:28,385
As if I came prancing into work
in a purple suit and a pink tie.
226
00:11:28,265 --> 00:11:29,832
No offense, Carter.
227
00:11:29,796 --> 00:11:31,797
None taken!
228
00:11:31,742 --> 00:11:33,476
I can't believe
they made us gay!
229
00:11:33,433 --> 00:11:34,801
First of all,
230
00:11:34,773 --> 00:11:37,008
you can't make someone gay...
231
00:11:36,942 --> 00:11:38,676
they're born that way.
232
00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:41,233
Or they...
Join the wrestling team,
233
00:11:41,152 --> 00:11:44,288
and... It's just
a matter of time.
234
00:11:44,183 --> 00:11:46,184
Randall...
235
00:11:46,129 --> 00:11:47,662
Boy toy.
236
00:11:49,032 --> 00:11:50,666
Shouldn't you
be calling reporters
237
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:52,660
trying to undo
the damage you've done?
238
00:11:52,604 --> 00:11:55,339
I tried.
Apparently, I lack credibility
239
00:11:55,253 --> 00:11:57,887
because I'm always "lying"
to them.
240
00:11:57,804 --> 00:11:59,939
Until this blows over,
the mayor and you
241
00:11:59,878 --> 00:12:02,278
probably shouldn't be seen
in public together.
242
00:12:02,206 --> 00:12:04,208
Yeah, you would like that,
wouldn't you?
243
00:12:04,152 --> 00:12:05,485
I think Caitlin
may be right.
244
00:12:05,460 --> 00:12:08,428
Sir, please, all we have to do
is put you in a series
245
00:12:08,331 --> 00:12:10,932
of very public,
very heterosexual situations,
246
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:14,053
thereby cleansing you
of any lingering gay... Residue.
247
00:12:16,529 --> 00:12:19,798
None taken!
248
00:12:22,494 --> 00:12:23,828
That's it!
249
00:12:23,802 --> 00:12:26,470
I've had enough.
I'm getting rid of it.
250
00:12:28,459 --> 00:12:32,129
[GRUNTING]
251
00:12:37,869 --> 00:12:40,771
What good is a paperweight
if it's glued to your desk?!
252
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:43,512
I think you just showed me.
253
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,154
Caitlin...
254
00:12:49,097 --> 00:12:54,368
I think it's time
we fight fire with fire...
255
00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:02,273
Little, uh,
paperweight of our own.
256
00:13:02,144 --> 00:13:03,244
Well!
257
00:13:03,228 --> 00:13:05,797
And this is supposed
to distract Stuart?
258
00:13:10,244 --> 00:13:13,112
It didn't look so big
in the store.
259
00:13:13,019 --> 00:13:15,487
What
store?
260
00:13:15,412 --> 00:13:18,848
Oh, Nikki,
can I ask you a question?
261
00:13:18,729 --> 00:13:20,229
Yes, sir.
262
00:13:23,833 --> 00:13:25,901
Do I seem gay to you?
263
00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:29,649
I mean,
I don't know why the press
264
00:13:29,574 --> 00:13:32,076
latches onto
things like this.
265
00:13:44,759 --> 00:13:49,363
Is there anything at all
about me that seems gay?
266
00:13:51,202 --> 00:13:53,569
No.
267
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:54,966
Thank you!
268
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:56,234
Oh, you know,
269
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:59,245
my ex-wife had this same
paperweight on her nightstand.
270
00:14:02,590 --> 00:14:05,459
Never any papers, though.
271
00:14:10,756 --> 00:14:12,957
Okay, now joining us
on "Monday night football"...
272
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:15,728
none other than the mayor of
New York City, Randall Winston,
273
00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:18,038
and next to him,
deputy mayor, Michael Flaherty.
274
00:14:17,965 --> 00:14:19,032
Welcome, guys.
275
00:14:19,017 --> 00:14:20,318
Thank you, boomer.
276
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:22,795
Boomer...
that's such a cool name.
277
00:14:22,718 --> 00:14:24,752
Uh, easy...
I-I'm married.
278
00:14:24,695 --> 00:14:26,663
As was the mayor...
279
00:14:26,609 --> 00:14:27,944
To a woman.
280
00:14:27,918 --> 00:14:29,952
And before that,
quite the womanizer...
281
00:14:29,896 --> 00:14:32,064
just sex, sex, sex
every chance he got...
282
00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:33,468
But responsibly.
283
00:14:33,436 --> 00:14:36,338
I heard you played
a little high school football?
284
00:14:36,212 --> 00:14:37,378
He was
the star quarterback.
285
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,694
Until my senior year,
when I had to give it up.
286
00:14:39,624 --> 00:14:41,359
Was it a knee injury?
287
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:42,648
Lead in "show boat."
288
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,518
Football just can't compare
289
00:14:44,473 --> 00:14:46,774
to the thrill
of musical theater.
290
00:14:46,705 --> 00:14:48,373
I'm sure.
291
00:14:48,333 --> 00:14:50,767
You were a tough kid,
though, right?
292
00:14:50,693 --> 00:14:51,660
IWas...
293
00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:52,851
In "West Side story."
294
00:14:52,831 --> 00:14:54,098
I was a jet.
295
00:14:54,075 --> 00:14:56,175
Unfortunately, me too.
296
00:14:56,116 --> 00:14:59,952
And when you're a jet,
you're a jet
297
00:14:59,817 --> 00:15:02,284
all the way
from your first cigarette
298
00:15:02,209 --> 00:15:04,043
to your last dying day
299
00:15:03,995 --> 00:15:05,530
boo doo-be-do da
300
00:15:05,495 --> 00:15:06,828
boo doo-be-do...
301
00:15:10,216 --> 00:15:11,983
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
302
00:15:11,938 --> 00:15:13,439
Mike Flaherty's office.
303
00:15:13,406 --> 00:15:16,375
[IMITATING WOMAN]
Hello, is Manny there?
304
00:15:16,277 --> 00:15:19,179
This is Mrs... Manny.
305
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,486
Oh, hold one second.
I'll get him.
306
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,956
Out of my way, junior!
This morning,
307
00:15:37,872 --> 00:15:41,675
Starbucks was giving away free
samples of Madagascar melody!
308
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,175
I had 12!
309
00:15:43,136 --> 00:15:44,136
You know the rules.
310
00:15:44,124 --> 00:15:46,926
Yeah, well,
I don't pee by the rules!
311
00:15:46,837 --> 00:15:48,437
Don't make me use this.
312
00:15:48,399 --> 00:15:50,033
What are you gonna do,
deodorize me?
313
00:15:49,994 --> 00:15:53,129
Ow! Ow!
My eyes! My eyes!
314
00:15:53,025 --> 00:15:54,658
Nice work, James.
315
00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:56,953
I'll take it from here.
316
00:15:56,883 --> 00:16:01,187
Let's see how tough
you are now... Mint stealer!
317
00:16:06,708 --> 00:16:07,942
Oh!
318
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,255
"Monday night football"...
319
00:16:09,229 --> 00:16:10,629
nice work, Mike.
320
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,735
Now the mayor's
not just gay in New York,
321
00:16:12,675 --> 00:16:14,876
he's gay in 70 countries
around the world.
322
00:16:14,811 --> 00:16:17,112
He's like the visa card
of gay people.
323
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:19,379
Yeah, well,
on the upside, uh,
324
00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:23,612
he was offered the role
of kenickie in "grease on ice."
325
00:16:23,456 --> 00:16:24,490
Oh, there he is.
326
00:16:24,477 --> 00:16:26,044
Carter, as guest of honor,
327
00:16:26,008 --> 00:16:28,509
you're seated at table 1
with the mayor.
328
00:16:28,401 --> 00:16:30,167
Hey, welcome
to the big time, Carter.
329
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,524
Not that there's anything wrong
with the other tables.
330
00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:33,719
There's no hierarchy here.
331
00:16:33,695 --> 00:16:35,228
Mike, you're at table 9.
332
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,496
The loser table?!
333
00:16:37,427 --> 00:16:38,962
You can't sit
with the mayor.
334
00:16:38,927 --> 00:16:40,828
Everyone will think
you're his date.
335
00:16:40,777 --> 00:16:43,979
All right.
I see your point.
336
00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:45,805
For the record,
though, uh...
337
00:16:45,753 --> 00:16:47,754
He could do a lot worse.
338
00:16:47,698 --> 00:16:51,735
I don't know, Caitlin,
I, uh...
339
00:16:51,590 --> 00:16:53,691
I feel like a fraud
being here.
340
00:16:53,632 --> 00:16:55,399
I rarely speak out anymore,
341
00:16:55,354 --> 00:16:57,956
and when I do,
nobody really listens.
342
00:16:57,875 --> 00:17:00,443
I don't know.
I think it's some kind of fish.
343
00:17:02,053 --> 00:17:05,055
Looks like we both
got stuck at the loser table.
344
00:17:04,956 --> 00:17:06,957
This is not the loser table.
345
00:17:06,871 --> 00:17:09,839
This is the "young
mover and shaker" table.
346
00:17:10,889 --> 00:17:13,858
Oh, great...
the loser table!
347
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,269
We're both businessmen.
Let's make a deal.
348
00:17:21,158 --> 00:17:24,326
You let me use the bathroom
free of charge,
349
00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:27,723
I'll hook you up with
this guy down in Chinatown...
350
00:17:27,602 --> 00:17:29,870
he brews his own old spice.
351
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:35,553
Stings a little,
but it's a nickel a gallon.
352
00:17:35,386 --> 00:17:37,220
Hmm...
353
00:17:37,171 --> 00:17:39,672
I'm listening.
354
00:17:39,819 --> 00:17:41,286
I can't believe this.
355
00:17:41,254 --> 00:17:43,122
Everybody thinks I'm gay.
356
00:17:43,073 --> 00:17:45,641
Caitlin is up there
attached to the mayor's hip,
357
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,228
and I'm stuck
at the loser table.
358
00:17:47,187 --> 00:17:49,221
You said this was
the cool table.
359
00:17:49,165 --> 00:17:52,300
James, wake up
and smell the bathroom guy.
360
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,430
Carter...
361
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,432
You got to
help me out, okay?
362
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:59,110
As the most prominent gay member
of this administration...
363
00:17:59,022 --> 00:18:00,990
Mike, I'm the only gay member.
364
00:18:00,936 --> 00:18:02,770
No, mark in accounting
came out.
365
00:18:02,722 --> 00:18:04,623
I knew it!
366
00:18:04,573 --> 00:18:05,873
I need you to go up there
367
00:18:05,849 --> 00:18:08,316
and tell everybody
the mayor and I are not gay.
368
00:18:08,241 --> 00:18:10,609
You're the only one
they're gonna believe.
369
00:18:10,538 --> 00:18:12,705
You want to let them know
you're straight?
370
00:18:12,643 --> 00:18:15,378
Just show them
how you dance.
371
00:18:15,290 --> 00:18:18,226
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen...
372
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:19,663
What do you say, Carter?
373
00:18:19,629 --> 00:18:20,996
...our city's activists,
374
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:24,104
and tonight's guest of honor,
Carter Heywood!
375
00:18:30,602 --> 00:18:32,904
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
376
00:18:32,835 --> 00:18:34,435
Thank you for this award.
377
00:18:34,398 --> 00:18:36,365
It's a...
378
00:18:36,312 --> 00:18:39,681
it's a great honor,
and now I need to live up to it.
379
00:18:39,566 --> 00:18:41,299
Believe it or not,
380
00:18:41,257 --> 00:18:44,926
the mayor was so alarmed
at being mistaken for gay
381
00:18:44,798 --> 00:18:48,300
that I was asked
to come up here and deny it.
382
00:18:50,061 --> 00:18:54,064
Well, I may work at city hall,
but I don't work for city hall.
383
00:18:55,515 --> 00:18:56,950
Stay strong.
384
00:18:56,919 --> 00:19:00,588
Carter Heywood... Is back.
385
00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:02,126
[APPLAUSE]
386
00:19:07,223 --> 00:19:10,224
Wow!
387
00:19:10,125 --> 00:19:13,827
Powerful... Powerful stuff.
388
00:19:13,698 --> 00:19:16,332
So, to sum up, uh...
389
00:19:16,249 --> 00:19:19,486
The mayor and I...
390
00:19:19,376 --> 00:19:21,344
not gay.
391
00:19:22,438 --> 00:19:24,038
Nice spin, Mike.
392
00:19:24,001 --> 00:19:26,068
I guess I'm back
at the mayor's table.
393
00:19:26,010 --> 00:19:27,411
Oh, this is silly...
394
00:19:27,382 --> 00:19:30,083
us competing to see
who can be closer to the mayor.
395
00:19:29,998 --> 00:19:33,867
Maybe you're
competing. I'm not competing.
396
00:19:40,142 --> 00:19:41,876
I'm closer.
397
00:19:51,211 --> 00:19:55,248
Well, Stuart...
398
00:19:55,104 --> 00:19:56,270
[CRASH]
399
00:19:57,656 --> 00:20:00,825
Looks like you can kiss
your paperweight goodbye.
400
00:20:00,718 --> 00:20:03,052
And we don't mean that
literally.
401
00:20:02,983 --> 00:20:05,017
[SIGHS]
402
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:13,152
They sell them in
pairs.
403
00:20:18,102 --> 00:20:19,436
Duh!
404
00:21:15,355 --> 00:21:17,957
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
405
00:21:17,958 --> 00:21:19,025
(BARKING)
406
00:21:19,075 --> 00:21:23,625
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
28719
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof