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1
00:00:04,599 --> 00:00:09,565
Mike, I'm sorry I ruined our big
romantic weekend by getting sick.
2
00:00:09,402 --> 00:00:11,201
Nikki, I didn't
even think about it.
3
00:00:11,184 --> 00:00:15,149
Uh-huh. What was that you said last
night after you took my temperature?
4
00:00:15,032 --> 00:00:16,864
Come on.
That's a proven medical fact.
5
00:00:16,845 --> 00:00:19,077
You're supposed to
starve a cold...
6
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,239
Have sex with a fever.
7
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:24,622
Thank you for taking
such good care of me.
8
00:00:24,574 --> 00:00:28,306
You gave me massages. You got my medicine.
You cooked me food.
9
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,165
I'm sorry about that. Didn't have
a lot to work with in the fridge.
10
00:00:31,094 --> 00:00:34,026
Hey, I loved your
chili con pop tart.
11
00:00:35,834 --> 00:00:38,033
You sure you're gonna
be ok today?
12
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:40,462
Yeah. I found your video collection.
I'll be great.
13
00:00:40,414 --> 00:00:43,379
I thought I'd start with beaches,
then go to fried green tomatoes.
14
00:00:43,308 --> 00:00:45,307
Then if I'm still awake,
waiting to exhale.
15
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,012
Those aren't mine.
16
00:00:46,998 --> 00:00:49,997
You... you think those
are my videos? Come on.
17
00:00:49,923 --> 00:00:52,356
You couldn't pay me
to watch those videos.
18
00:00:52,309 --> 00:00:55,275
And I suggest you don't waste
your time either. I love you.
19
00:00:55,204 --> 00:00:57,236
Love you, too.
20
00:00:57,208 --> 00:00:59,473
If you are gonna watch 'em...
21
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:03,132
The order I suggest
is exhale, beaches, tomatoes.
22
00:01:03,027 --> 00:01:05,160
And get some extra tissues.
23
00:01:33,721 --> 00:01:35,620
I'm telling you.
It always works.
24
00:01:35,598 --> 00:01:37,563
The bridge represents
your life,
25
00:01:37,538 --> 00:01:39,904
and the bunny
represents true love.
26
00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:41,626
Watch. Stuart.
Hmm?
27
00:01:41,609 --> 00:01:44,374
Make up a story using
a bridge and a bunny.
28
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,077
Ok.
29
00:01:46,061 --> 00:01:47,993
I'm walkin' on a bridge.
30
00:01:47,970 --> 00:01:49,902
I see a bunny...
31
00:01:49,878 --> 00:01:53,412
And I give it $100
to have sex with me.
32
00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:55,446
You'd have sex
with a bunny?
33
00:01:55,412 --> 00:01:57,111
Not like
the little animal.
34
00:01:57,098 --> 00:01:58,897
But you know
that robot bunny
35
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,146
that bugs bunny
always had the hots for?
36
00:02:01,106 --> 00:02:02,638
I'd do her.
37
00:02:02,633 --> 00:02:05,565
You see? It's like
a crystal ball.
38
00:02:05,495 --> 00:02:07,794
Carter, you're too
hard on yourself, ok?
39
00:02:07,754 --> 00:02:09,220
One on one
40
00:02:09,217 --> 00:02:11,249
is a very different
kind of basketball.
41
00:02:11,221 --> 00:02:13,187
Next time we play,
back me into the paint.
42
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,659
Use your height advantage.
43
00:02:14,656 --> 00:02:16,422
Concentrate on
your low post moves.
44
00:02:16,405 --> 00:02:19,004
Mike, I beat you 21-3.
45
00:02:18,950 --> 00:02:20,683
Fine. Don't improve.
46
00:02:22,702 --> 00:02:25,368
(WHISTLES)
47
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:26,243
Oh!
Aw!
48
00:02:26,265 --> 00:02:28,264
Look at
the face. Aw...
49
00:02:28,238 --> 00:02:30,436
Just to remind me of her
while she's out sick.
50
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,133
What do you do when
I'm out sick, Mike?
51
00:02:33,072 --> 00:02:34,505
Guys, let's show him.
52
00:02:34,503 --> 00:02:36,802
Da da da da,
Paul's sick
53
00:02:36,761 --> 00:02:37,993
Da da da da,
Paul's sick
54
00:02:38,002 --> 00:02:39,634
Da da da da...
55
00:02:39,624 --> 00:02:41,289
Ok.
56
00:02:41,278 --> 00:02:43,877
And then I take
everyone out for lunch.
57
00:02:43,823 --> 00:02:45,188
No offense to Nikki,
58
00:02:45,190 --> 00:02:46,556
but as long as
she's sick,
59
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:49,923
I can get us a date
with these twins tonight.
60
00:02:49,834 --> 00:02:53,033
They're ugly...
But they're healthy.
61
00:02:52,951 --> 00:02:55,150
Since Nikki and I
got serious,
62
00:02:55,113 --> 00:02:57,346
I don't even remember
other women I've dated.
63
00:02:57,309 --> 00:03:00,074
Mike, you remember
Heidi Klum.
64
00:03:01,730 --> 00:03:03,395
Yes, I do.
65
00:03:10,127 --> 00:03:12,626
So, it's Heidi.
66
00:03:12,576 --> 00:03:14,908
Hi, Heidi.
67
00:03:14,865 --> 00:03:16,631
The mayor didn't
tell you I was coming.
68
00:03:16,615 --> 00:03:18,847
Sometimes I like
to surprise him.
69
00:03:18,810 --> 00:03:21,109
Good one, sir.
70
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:23,801
I thought Heidi would be
a perfect spokesperson
71
00:03:23,739 --> 00:03:27,139
for New York City's first
annual cruelty to animals week.
72
00:03:27,047 --> 00:03:30,913
Sir, I-it's prevention
of cruelty to animals.
73
00:03:32,677 --> 00:03:35,543
You keep forgetting
the prevention part.
74
00:03:35,477 --> 00:03:36,809
Well... Gotta leave.
75
00:03:36,812 --> 00:03:38,778
Janelle and I are taking
a tae Bo class.
76
00:03:38,753 --> 00:03:39,885
Whhh-whhh-whhh!
77
00:03:41,806 --> 00:03:45,438
So is this going to be a
problem since you and I dated?
78
00:03:45,337 --> 00:03:47,169
Oh, did we date?
79
00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:50,415
Oh, that's right, we did.
We dated. That's right.
80
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,930
Yeah, yeah.
Good times. Good times.
81
00:03:52,874 --> 00:03:54,373
So how you been?
82
00:03:54,370 --> 00:03:58,001
Busy. I just did the sports
illustrated swimsuit issue.
83
00:03:57,899 --> 00:04:01,299
They have a whole issue devoted
entirely to women in swimsuits?
84
00:04:03,180 --> 00:04:05,411
I'll be... I'll be damned.
85
00:04:05,374 --> 00:04:08,707
So... How have you
been doing?
86
00:04:08,619 --> 00:04:11,084
Oh, I been pretty good.
Same old... s-same old.
87
00:04:13,293 --> 00:04:14,959
Mike, have you
called Nikki?
88
00:04:14,947 --> 00:04:17,213
Ah, not yet. I will.
89
00:04:17,175 --> 00:04:19,040
'Cause I'm sure
she misses you.
90
00:04:20,864 --> 00:04:21,929
I know.
91
00:04:21,946 --> 00:04:25,744
Don't make me
come back in here.
92
00:04:25,635 --> 00:04:26,934
You and Nikki are...
93
00:04:26,939 --> 00:04:28,105
yeah...
94
00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:29,949
We're dating.
95
00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,079
Oh. Is it serious?
96
00:04:34,063 --> 00:04:36,663
Well, compared to
an opera?
97
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:39,040
I mean, uh...
You know, I...
98
00:04:38,994 --> 00:04:41,160
Nikki and I
have fun together.
99
00:04:41,125 --> 00:04:43,190
We're certainly
not married.
100
00:04:48,408 --> 00:04:52,775
So the dilemma we face
with the animal cruelty issue
101
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,939
is reconciling the needs
of medical research
102
00:04:55,852 --> 00:04:58,517
with the protection
of all creatures.
103
00:05:00,940 --> 00:05:02,540
And in closing,
104
00:05:02,532 --> 00:05:05,164
we've established a commission
to review the findings
105
00:05:05,107 --> 00:05:06,539
of the first commission.
106
00:05:06,537 --> 00:05:09,104
Now, their report
will be submitted to...
107
00:05:09,878 --> 00:05:12,178
Another commission.
108
00:05:15,125 --> 00:05:16,191
Any questions?
109
00:05:18,020 --> 00:05:20,386
Anything at all?
110
00:05:20,343 --> 00:05:21,774
I'm taking tae Bo!
111
00:05:21,773 --> 00:05:23,173
Haah-haah-haah!
112
00:05:24,859 --> 00:05:26,459
And we're done.
113
00:05:33,223 --> 00:05:35,122
Oh, my God.
They hated me.
114
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:37,766
No, sir, no. It's not you.
It's the material.
115
00:05:37,709 --> 00:05:39,907
His material!
116
00:05:39,871 --> 00:05:42,036
My material? What about
your lame introduction?
117
00:05:42,002 --> 00:05:45,035
Ladies and gentlemen,
here's the mayor. Whoo!
118
00:05:44,961 --> 00:05:48,359
Oh, thank you. What am I supposed
to do, tell knock-knock jokes?
119
00:05:48,268 --> 00:05:51,267
Wait. That's a great idea.
120
00:05:51,195 --> 00:05:52,860
Thank you, sir.
121
00:05:52,848 --> 00:05:55,480
We need to make our policy
statements more entertaining,
122
00:05:55,425 --> 00:05:57,857
you know, spice things up
with a few jokes!
123
00:05:57,810 --> 00:05:59,409
Sir, I think
that's a bad idea.
124
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,833
Well, then, it's official.
We're doing it.
125
00:06:01,786 --> 00:06:03,485
Knock-knock.
Shut up, Paul.
126
00:06:03,471 --> 00:06:05,004
No, who's there?
127
00:06:04,999 --> 00:06:07,564
So how long was Heidi
in Mike's office?
128
00:06:07,511 --> 00:06:11,010
Five minutes under
level 2 surveillance.
129
00:06:10,914 --> 00:06:13,047
So tell me...
How does she look?
130
00:06:13,013 --> 00:06:15,446
(SCOFFS) Fat.
131
00:06:16,639 --> 00:06:20,372
Good. Bet her hair
was all natty, too.
132
00:06:20,266 --> 00:06:23,164
Yeah, sure.
Whatever you want.
133
00:06:23,096 --> 00:06:24,562
He's home. I gotta go.
134
00:06:26,309 --> 00:06:27,541
Hey.
Hey.
135
00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:28,982
How was work?
136
00:06:28,981 --> 00:06:31,980
Oh, the usual.
Stuart annoyed Stacey.
137
00:06:31,906 --> 00:06:33,439
What about
the others?
138
00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:35,466
Oh, yeah,
he annoyed them, too.
139
00:06:37,378 --> 00:06:39,410
That's it?
140
00:06:39,382 --> 00:06:41,448
Uh...
141
00:06:41,417 --> 00:06:43,383
(MUTTERS)
Heidi Klum stopped by.
142
00:06:43,358 --> 00:06:45,423
You want some tea?
143
00:06:45,393 --> 00:06:48,392
Mike, I don't care
if Heidi Klum came by.
144
00:06:52,041 --> 00:06:55,006
This is a trap,
isn't it?
145
00:06:54,935 --> 00:06:56,034
Of course not, Mike.
146
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:58,047
Our relationship
is way beyond
147
00:06:58,021 --> 00:07:00,020
all that insecure stuff.
148
00:06:59,992 --> 00:07:02,758
How cool are you?
149
00:07:02,695 --> 00:07:04,561
And besides,
you know, you're right.
150
00:07:04,541 --> 00:07:07,140
We are totally
committed to each other.
151
00:07:07,086 --> 00:07:10,118
Oh, my God. I can't believe you
just used the word "committed"
152
00:07:10,044 --> 00:07:12,576
and didn't break out into hives.
153
00:07:12,524 --> 00:07:14,924
I know commitment's always
been a problem for me,
154
00:07:14,878 --> 00:07:17,044
but I've been working on it
with my therapist.
155
00:07:17,008 --> 00:07:18,541
You still see that guy?
156
00:07:18,536 --> 00:07:20,135
No, I had to leave him.
157
00:07:20,126 --> 00:07:22,392
He started talking
about our summer schedule,
158
00:07:22,353 --> 00:07:24,685
and I was like,
"whoa, buddy! Slow down!"
159
00:07:30,209 --> 00:07:33,575
Ok, Carter. You...
A bunny and a bridge.
160
00:07:33,484 --> 00:07:35,516
Ok, ok, ok.
161
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:38,054
I'm standing on
le pont neuf in Paris.
162
00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:41,533
The powerful seine
stretches out below my feet...
163
00:07:41,436 --> 00:07:44,768
I take it seine is some swedish guy
you picked up the night before?
164
00:07:48,179 --> 00:07:50,511
I'm wearing a brushed
cotton Gucci shirt
165
00:07:50,468 --> 00:07:52,601
as I ponder
my existence,
166
00:07:52,568 --> 00:07:56,433
staring at my reflection
in the cool, flowing waters.
167
00:07:56,321 --> 00:07:58,353
Damn, I look good!
168
00:07:58,325 --> 00:07:59,390
What about the bunny?
169
00:07:59,406 --> 00:08:01,872
What bunny?
Oh, yeah, he came and went.
170
00:08:01,823 --> 00:08:03,056
That's your story?
171
00:08:03,064 --> 00:08:04,229
Yeah. So?
172
00:08:04,241 --> 00:08:06,173
The bridge
represents your life.
173
00:08:06,149 --> 00:08:08,315
The bunny
represents true love.
174
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,213
You were so busy
looking at yourself
175
00:08:10,188 --> 00:08:12,654
that the man of your dreams
just hopped right on by.
176
00:08:12,605 --> 00:08:14,738
This is a silly,
meaningless game.
177
00:08:14,705 --> 00:08:16,438
Stuart, what was your story?
178
00:08:16,423 --> 00:08:19,221
I paid a rabbit for sex.
179
00:08:19,158 --> 00:08:21,990
Wait, I am not
that self-absorbed.
180
00:08:21,925 --> 00:08:24,457
Do you have any idea
how much charity work I do?
181
00:08:24,406 --> 00:08:26,838
I even founded
a big brother program.
182
00:08:26,791 --> 00:08:29,791
What's it called?
Carter's kids.
183
00:08:29,719 --> 00:08:33,685
And what do you call the award for the
most outstanding child in the program?
184
00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:35,298
The Carter.
185
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,456
Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.
186
00:08:38,433 --> 00:08:40,832
It's time to start
the press conference.
187
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,486
Sorry, sir. You say that.
Say what?
188
00:08:42,473 --> 00:08:44,472
It's time to start the
press conference. It is?
189
00:08:44,444 --> 00:08:45,710
No, you say that.
Say what?
190
00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:48,249
It's time to start the
press conference. It is?
191
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,425
We'll bring Paul back
a little later on.
192
00:08:55,386 --> 00:08:57,418
He'll be here all week.
193
00:08:58,916 --> 00:09:01,048
I can't believe
you're a part of this.
194
00:09:01,015 --> 00:09:03,381
You're jealous 'cause
you're not his sidekick.
195
00:09:03,337 --> 00:09:04,703
I'm not jealous.
I'm trying...
196
00:09:04,705 --> 00:09:06,237
shh, shh, shh.
He's back on.
197
00:09:06,232 --> 00:09:09,031
Mr. mayor, are the funds for
your proposed animal shelter
198
00:09:08,968 --> 00:09:11,433
coming from another program
or the taxpayers' wallets?
199
00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:13,484
I'll get to that in a moment.
Where are you from?
200
00:09:13,451 --> 00:09:15,084
Channel 6 news.
I'm sorry.
201
00:09:15,075 --> 00:09:16,473
(LOUDER)
Channel 6 news.
202
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,405
I heard you.
I'm just sorry.
203
00:09:22,516 --> 00:09:25,949
Can you believe the cruelty
of testing makeup on rats?
204
00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:28,355
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The makeup's bad.
205
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,669
But you know
what's really cruel?
206
00:09:31,645 --> 00:09:34,411
When they put
the little dresses on 'em.
207
00:09:34,348 --> 00:09:37,248
I love the way
you make me laugh.
208
00:09:37,179 --> 00:09:38,778
You're so funny.
209
00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:41,336
We had a lot of fun
together, didn't we?
210
00:09:41,282 --> 00:09:43,815
Y-yeah. Uh, listen,
Heidi, about that.
211
00:09:43,763 --> 00:09:47,129
I have one question. Um...
When you went out with me...
212
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:48,238
Yes?
213
00:09:48,248 --> 00:09:49,847
Why?
214
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,623
I miss you, Mike.
215
00:09:52,606 --> 00:09:54,338
And I miss you, Heidi.
216
00:09:54,323 --> 00:09:56,822
I think it's great that
we're gonna be working together
217
00:09:56,772 --> 00:09:58,571
in a very collegial way.
218
00:09:58,553 --> 00:10:00,486
I want you.
219
00:10:02,688 --> 00:10:04,454
And I want you...
220
00:10:05,392 --> 00:10:07,557
To know that
it's great...
221
00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:09,355
Working...
222
00:10:09,336 --> 00:10:11,202
Collegial...
223
00:10:11,180 --> 00:10:12,646
Etcetera.
224
00:10:13,566 --> 00:10:16,432
Maybe we gave up
too quickly.
225
00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:19,430
I'm sorry, Heidi. Look,
the answer is... is no.
226
00:10:19,355 --> 00:10:22,521
But every time you say no,
you make me want you more.
227
00:10:22,441 --> 00:10:24,206
Really?
228
00:10:25,621 --> 00:10:27,653
So... so I say no...
229
00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:29,424
and I get hot.
230
00:10:30,359 --> 00:10:31,359
Then yes.
231
00:10:31,379 --> 00:10:32,311
Great.
232
00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:34,365
No!
Oh, Mike!
233
00:10:34,337 --> 00:10:35,534
Heidi, um...
234
00:10:35,544 --> 00:10:37,144
Listen, you and I...
235
00:10:37,135 --> 00:10:39,533
We're gonna have a terrific
working relationship,
236
00:10:39,487 --> 00:10:41,987
but that's all it's gonna be, ok?
Are we clear?
237
00:10:41,938 --> 00:10:44,604
(SINGSONG)
I will have you.
238
00:10:48,075 --> 00:10:50,041
As long as we're clear.
239
00:10:59,272 --> 00:11:01,537
What exactly did
Heidi say to you?
240
00:11:01,498 --> 00:11:05,164
She said she vill have me.
What am I gonna do?
241
00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:07,794
I'd start by calling
some old high school friends
242
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:10,531
and seeing if they want
to hide in your closet.
243
00:11:12,536 --> 00:11:14,235
I mean,
I can't believe her!
244
00:11:14,221 --> 00:11:15,686
I know.
The nerve!
245
00:11:15,684 --> 00:11:18,850
And after you told her that you
were in a committed relationship,
246
00:11:18,769 --> 00:11:20,435
that you love Nikki...
247
00:11:20,422 --> 00:11:22,521
You did say that,
didn't you?
248
00:11:22,490 --> 00:11:25,523
Well, I didn't use
those exact words.
249
00:11:25,448 --> 00:11:28,782
What exactly did you say to her
about you and Nikki?
250
00:11:28,693 --> 00:11:32,526
I told her that
we aren't... Getting married.
251
00:11:32,415 --> 00:11:35,648
Should have heard
my tone... very stern.
252
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:37,162
Mike, don't mess this up.
253
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:41,053
You only get one bridge,
and... Nikki is your bunny.
254
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:45,039
Good point.
255
00:11:45,011 --> 00:11:47,342
Are you really ready
for commitment, Mike?
256
00:11:47,299 --> 00:11:50,900
'Cause Heidi's the ultimate test.
You can't fool her.
257
00:11:50,799 --> 00:11:52,231
The Klum...
258
00:11:52,229 --> 00:11:53,995
Always knows.
259
00:11:53,978 --> 00:11:56,478
Look, guys,
I appreciate your help,
260
00:11:56,429 --> 00:11:59,395
I really do, but I'm gonna
handle this one on my own.
261
00:11:59,324 --> 00:12:00,721
Hi, it's me.
262
00:12:00,722 --> 00:12:03,222
Yeah, yeah, I been
thinking about you, too.
263
00:12:03,172 --> 00:12:06,171
We... we should get back together.
I need to see you.
264
00:12:06,099 --> 00:12:08,263
Oh, my God!
Mike, is that Heidi?
265
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,293
No, it's my shrink.
266
00:12:11,728 --> 00:12:13,226
What?
267
00:12:13,222 --> 00:12:16,722
Hey, hey, whoa! Back up, buddy!
You're already crowding me!
268
00:12:16,625 --> 00:12:19,225
Sir, I'm concerned about this
morning's press conference.
269
00:12:19,170 --> 00:12:21,169
Why? I killed
out there!
270
00:12:21,142 --> 00:12:23,908
Yes, but you didn't mention
cruelty to animals week.
271
00:12:23,846 --> 00:12:27,111
James, it's the promotion
of cruelty to animals week.
272
00:12:28,362 --> 00:12:29,928
Look...
273
00:12:33,483 --> 00:12:37,548
Sir, I don't think people are actually
laughing at what you're saying
274
00:12:37,427 --> 00:12:39,293
so much as out of
a great deal of respect
275
00:12:39,271 --> 00:12:41,737
for your esteemed position,
which I admire, but...
276
00:12:41,689 --> 00:12:43,988
spit it out, son.
Sir, you're not funny.
277
00:12:43,947 --> 00:12:45,580
That's ridiculous!
278
00:12:45,569 --> 00:12:47,669
I'm hilarious!
279
00:12:47,637 --> 00:12:49,003
Watch.
280
00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,760
So...
281
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:53,939
What's the deal
with limousines?
282
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,935
Are they hard
to eat in, or what?
283
00:12:58,483 --> 00:13:00,948
PAUL: Ha ha ha ha!
284
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:02,599
That is so funny...
285
00:13:02,586 --> 00:13:04,318
Because it's true!
286
00:13:07,388 --> 00:13:09,221
It's not you, sir.
It's them.
287
00:13:09,201 --> 00:13:11,333
They're just
civil servants!
288
00:13:11,301 --> 00:13:13,200
And they're drunk!
289
00:13:14,672 --> 00:13:16,838
(RING)
290
00:13:18,775 --> 00:13:19,841
Hello?
291
00:13:19,857 --> 00:13:22,523
(SCRATCHY VOICE)
Mike? I feel awful.
292
00:13:22,465 --> 00:13:24,898
Nikki?
What's the matter?
293
00:13:24,851 --> 00:13:29,383
I'm in the bathroom trying
not to throw up again.
294
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:31,672
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
295
00:13:31,626 --> 00:13:33,691
I wish I was there
with you.
296
00:13:33,661 --> 00:13:35,660
Can you hold on
one second, please?
297
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,989
Hello?
298
00:13:37,986 --> 00:13:40,252
Oh, Mike.
I feel awful.
299
00:13:40,214 --> 00:13:41,646
Heidi?
300
00:13:41,645 --> 00:13:43,644
What's... what's
the matter?
301
00:13:43,616 --> 00:13:45,482
I'm here
at this photo shoot,
302
00:13:45,462 --> 00:13:48,894
taking these clothes
on and off, on and off.
303
00:13:50,041 --> 00:13:52,407
But all I can
think of is you.
304
00:13:52,363 --> 00:13:55,228
Oh, and these dress straps
just keep getting tangled.
305
00:13:55,162 --> 00:13:58,328
I wish you could be here
and hold my hair back.
306
00:13:58,248 --> 00:13:59,747
Hold, please?
307
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,325
(VOMITS)
308
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:06,777
Mike!
309
00:14:06,772 --> 00:14:09,771
I wish you were here
to hold my hair back.
310
00:14:10,748 --> 00:14:12,680
Me, too, honey.
311
00:14:12,656 --> 00:14:16,488
Um... Can you hold a sec? I gotta
get rid of this other line.
312
00:14:16,378 --> 00:14:18,910
Oh, sure.
Take your time.
313
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,523
You got it.
314
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,501
Hello?
315
00:14:22,516 --> 00:14:24,348
So I will see you soon?
316
00:14:24,329 --> 00:14:26,595
Oh, look!
Now I'm completely naked!
317
00:14:28,908 --> 00:14:31,275
O-ok. Me. Go.
Really. Now.
318
00:14:31,231 --> 00:14:33,163
(SINGSONG)
I will have you.
319
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,437
Stop saying that.
320
00:14:36,415 --> 00:14:38,082
Nikki?
321
00:14:39,945 --> 00:14:41,944
(TOILET FLUSHES)
322
00:14:41,917 --> 00:14:43,950
(WATER RUNS)
323
00:14:46,211 --> 00:14:47,709
I miss you.
324
00:14:49,393 --> 00:14:52,325
Oh, Stacey. I wanna
redo my rabbit story.
325
00:14:52,255 --> 00:14:53,386
Oh, me, too!
326
00:14:53,399 --> 00:14:54,698
You can't redo your story.
327
00:14:54,704 --> 00:14:55,737
It's not a major change.
328
00:14:55,753 --> 00:14:58,585
I just want my rabbit
to have bigger breasts.
329
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,886
You know what?
I don't care.
330
00:15:00,843 --> 00:15:03,041
You guys misunderstood
my story all along.
331
00:15:03,004 --> 00:15:05,070
I am not that self-absorbed.
332
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:08,172
When the right guy comes along,
I'm certain I will know it.
333
00:15:08,095 --> 00:15:09,227
Excuse me.
334
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,472
Can you direct me
to the archives department?
335
00:15:11,434 --> 00:15:12,967
Yeah, just one second.
336
00:15:12,961 --> 00:15:14,392
I'm a very sensitive man
337
00:15:14,392 --> 00:15:17,092
who is totally in touch
with his surroundings.
338
00:15:17,033 --> 00:15:19,198
Hey, he's reading
that boring book you loved.
339
00:15:19,163 --> 00:15:22,496
I'm writing my dissertation on the
gentrification of ethnic communities
340
00:15:22,407 --> 00:15:23,406
in the 5 boroughs.
341
00:15:23,425 --> 00:15:25,090
Yes, yes. Very nice.
342
00:15:25,079 --> 00:15:26,378
Let me tell you
something.
343
00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:29,348
Carter Heywood
is all about love.
344
00:15:29,277 --> 00:15:30,976
I'll just find it myself.
345
00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:32,362
Good luck!
346
00:15:33,953 --> 00:15:35,585
Well, Mr. love,
347
00:15:35,575 --> 00:15:37,841
that guy was totally
checking you out.
348
00:15:37,801 --> 00:15:39,567
Who? That guy?
349
00:15:39,551 --> 00:15:42,117
That... Very attractive guy
350
00:15:42,063 --> 00:15:44,396
who shares all my interests?
351
00:15:45,625 --> 00:15:47,825
Bunny!
352
00:15:47,788 --> 00:15:49,287
Ah, bunny!
353
00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:53,809
So I guess I just
have to face the fact
354
00:15:53,768 --> 00:15:56,233
that I have no discernible
sense of humor.
355
00:15:56,185 --> 00:15:58,584
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
356
00:15:58,539 --> 00:16:01,804
You see, that one's funny
because it's not true.
357
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,553
Ha ha ha ha ha!
358
00:16:03,533 --> 00:16:06,165
Paul. You don't have to
keep laughing.
359
00:16:06,109 --> 00:16:08,208
Oh, thank you, sir.
360
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,912
I tell ya, that Paul,
361
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:16,182
sometimes I think he's two chimichangas
short of a fiesta platter.
362
00:16:16,095 --> 00:16:17,361
(GIGGLES)
363
00:16:17,368 --> 00:16:18,966
What was that?
Nothing.
364
00:16:18,958 --> 00:16:21,725
No, no.
That was a real laugh.
365
00:16:23,126 --> 00:16:26,724
Look, sir, I think you're funny.
You're just not... You know...
366
00:16:26,623 --> 00:16:29,489
Jeff foxworthy funny.
367
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:32,156
I'll make you a deal.
We'll have a little contest.
368
00:16:32,095 --> 00:16:34,927
If I can make you laugh,
we'll keep in the funny stuff.
369
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:36,795
If not,
back to dullsville.
370
00:16:36,771 --> 00:16:38,369
Fair enough.
371
00:16:38,361 --> 00:16:39,761
Ok.
372
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,359
Ok. Ok.
373
00:16:41,351 --> 00:16:43,516
Ok, I got one.
374
00:16:43,482 --> 00:16:45,381
My father was never home.
375
00:16:45,359 --> 00:16:47,790
He was always away,
drinkin' booze.
376
00:16:47,743 --> 00:16:50,943
He saw a sign that said
drink Canada dry,
377
00:16:50,861 --> 00:16:53,127
so he went up there.
378
00:16:54,773 --> 00:16:56,606
So he went up there.
379
00:17:00,115 --> 00:17:02,981
Uh, sir, how much time do
you get to make me laugh?
380
00:17:02,915 --> 00:17:04,914
Unlimited.
Fantastic.
381
00:17:05,968 --> 00:17:07,900
Great job at
the press conference.
382
00:17:07,877 --> 00:17:10,476
Thank you. Were all
those guys reporters?
383
00:17:10,421 --> 00:17:11,954
Yeah, I think so.
384
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,814
Even the five shirtless guys
385
00:17:13,793 --> 00:17:16,626
whose chests
spelled out "Heidi"?
386
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,226
Four of them were.
387
00:17:18,214 --> 00:17:20,447
The guy with the "h,"
that was Stuart.
388
00:17:22,094 --> 00:17:24,626
Mike, this issue
really means a lot to me,
389
00:17:24,575 --> 00:17:28,074
and I just wanna thank you
for letting me get involved.
390
00:17:27,979 --> 00:17:29,644
Ok.
391
00:17:31,128 --> 00:17:32,693
All right, uh...
392
00:17:32,686 --> 00:17:34,152
According to
my watch,
393
00:17:34,150 --> 00:17:36,515
this hug has gone past
the gratitude stage
394
00:17:36,471 --> 00:17:38,970
and right into foreplay.
395
00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:42,007
And how do you feel
about that?
396
00:17:43,595 --> 00:17:46,528
I ca-I ca-I can't...
I can't do this, Heidi.
397
00:17:46,458 --> 00:17:49,691
Look, every time I've looked
commitment in the face,
398
00:17:49,607 --> 00:17:53,306
I've either run away or made
a really bad mistake, and, uh...
399
00:17:53,201 --> 00:17:55,900
I love Nikki, and it's not
gonna happen this time,
400
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:57,440
and I wanna make this work.
401
00:17:57,431 --> 00:17:59,564
If I had known that Nikki
meant so much to you,
402
00:17:59,531 --> 00:18:01,996
I would have never
been so forward.
403
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,547
Well, don't be so hard
on yourself, kid.
404
00:18:04,492 --> 00:18:07,192
I know this must be
killin' ya inside.
405
00:18:07,132 --> 00:18:08,598
No, I'm good.
406
00:18:13,239 --> 00:18:16,339
Well, I have dinner plans. Bye.
407
00:18:17,088 --> 00:18:18,820
You be strong.
408
00:18:20,905 --> 00:18:22,537
Ah, poor kid.
409
00:18:22,527 --> 00:18:24,026
What a trouper.
410
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,039
Did you catch
your bunny, Carter?
411
00:18:27,012 --> 00:18:29,944
Did I ever! And you were right, Stacey.
He is perfect.
412
00:18:29,874 --> 00:18:31,806
We have so much
in common.
413
00:18:31,783 --> 00:18:35,148
He shares my love for the theater.
He, too, is an avid tchaikovsky fan,
414
00:18:35,059 --> 00:18:39,625
and get this... he and his
wife have a son named Carter.
415
00:18:39,479 --> 00:18:42,179
That must have been
so humiliating for you. God.
416
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,019
Wish I'd been there.
417
00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:45,929
I will never listen
to you again.
418
00:18:45,905 --> 00:18:48,337
It is silly to let
an arbitrary school of thought
419
00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:50,055
dictate the way
I lead my life!
420
00:18:50,039 --> 00:18:52,471
Ooh, you wanna hear
your horoscope?
421
00:18:52,425 --> 00:18:54,424
Ooh, why?
Is it good?
422
00:19:01,426 --> 00:19:02,359
Nikki?
423
00:19:02,380 --> 00:19:03,679
Mmm!
424
00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:06,283
I have... Good news.
425
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,494
You look great!
426
00:19:07,501 --> 00:19:08,967
I feel great!
427
00:19:09,918 --> 00:19:12,084
Anyway, for the first time
in my life,
428
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:14,382
I'm ready to take a
relationship to the next level.
429
00:19:14,340 --> 00:19:16,172
I am totally
committed to you.
430
00:19:16,153 --> 00:19:17,852
Aw, Mike.
431
00:19:17,839 --> 00:19:20,471
It's like Heidi coming back
was a test, and I passed.
432
00:19:20,414 --> 00:19:22,480
With flying colors.
433
00:19:22,451 --> 00:19:24,750
Even though
I totally wanted her,
434
00:19:24,708 --> 00:19:26,774
I didn't do
anything about it.
435
00:19:27,858 --> 00:19:29,890
Hey, smells great.
What's for dinner?
436
00:19:30,784 --> 00:19:32,450
Wait. Say that again.
437
00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:33,836
What's for dinner?
438
00:19:33,837 --> 00:19:34,936
Before that.
439
00:19:34,950 --> 00:19:37,282
Love you... passed the test...
440
00:19:37,241 --> 00:19:39,473
To-to-totally wanted her.
441
00:19:40,421 --> 00:19:42,654
I see my mistake.
442
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:44,848
So do I. What are
you talkin' about?
443
00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:47,809
I don't want our relationship to
interfere with your social life.
444
00:19:47,737 --> 00:19:51,136
I don't want a social life.
I wanna be with you!
445
00:19:51,044 --> 00:19:53,810
No, don't leave. Everything
just keeps coming out wrong.
446
00:19:53,748 --> 00:19:57,047
No, no, you're like a poet.
Please, continue to woo me.
447
00:19:58,137 --> 00:20:00,936
What I was saying
is... With Heidi and I,
448
00:20:00,872 --> 00:20:02,538
it would just be
about sex.
449
00:20:02,527 --> 00:20:04,558
With us,
it's completely different.
450
00:20:04,530 --> 00:20:07,563
We could never have the sex
that Heidi and I would have.
451
00:20:07,488 --> 00:20:09,922
You know what? You want me.
You want Heidi!
452
00:20:09,874 --> 00:20:12,540
I think it's obvious
you have no idea what you want!
453
00:20:12,482 --> 00:20:14,415
I... I... I just...
454
00:20:14,390 --> 00:20:16,489
wanted to share
the good news.
455
00:20:22,564 --> 00:20:23,897
Before we do this,
456
00:20:23,901 --> 00:20:25,900
why does janelle
get to wear the poncho?
457
00:20:25,873 --> 00:20:27,938
Because I think
the man is funny.
458
00:20:27,908 --> 00:20:29,406
(GRUNTS) Huh!
459
00:20:34,809 --> 00:20:36,243
Huh?
460
00:20:36,241 --> 00:20:39,639
(VOICE QUAVERS) I'm laughing
on the inside, sir.
461
00:20:39,548 --> 00:20:42,015
Not good enough.
462
00:20:41,966 --> 00:20:43,498
You're excused, janelle.
463
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,326
Janelle, can I have
the poncho now?
464
00:20:45,307 --> 00:20:46,739
No.
465
00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:50,144
Scoot a little closer, son.
466
00:20:50,109 --> 00:20:51,341
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
467
00:20:51,349 --> 00:20:53,715
Ha ha ha ha...
Ha ha... Ha... Ha...
468
00:21:53,566 --> 00:21:55,166
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.Good dog.
469
00:21:55,167 --> 00:21:56,298
(BARKING)
470
00:21:56,299 --> 00:21:57,466
Moo.
471
00:21:57,516 --> 00:22:02,066
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