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1
00:00:01,265 --> 00:00:04,297
Come on, James. It's
been, like, 15 minutes.
2
00:00:04,188 --> 00:00:06,221
Don't rush me.
3
00:00:06,169 --> 00:00:08,869
You're just trying to pick
what color you're gonna be.
4
00:00:10,949 --> 00:00:12,481
Fine, I'll be black.
5
00:00:12,459 --> 00:00:13,525
Maybe.
6
00:00:18,937 --> 00:00:20,869
All right, everybody.
Listen up.
7
00:00:20,823 --> 00:00:22,155
Just a reminder.
8
00:00:22,144 --> 00:00:24,209
The office Christmas party
is upon us.
9
00:00:24,156 --> 00:00:26,155
As always, the booze
will be free and flowing.
10
00:00:26,106 --> 00:00:28,205
And, Stuart,
you cannot come.
11
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:30,794
But, Mike, I'm the
life of that party.
12
00:00:30,742 --> 00:00:34,641
Stuart, last year you tried
to create life at that party.
13
00:00:36,779 --> 00:00:39,311
I believe it was with the
cleaning lady on Nikki's desk.
14
00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:41,889
What's the big deal?
15
00:00:44,106 --> 00:00:46,871
Well, for starters, now
I have to boil my desk.
16
00:00:48,540 --> 00:00:49,705
And Mike's couch.
17
00:00:49,703 --> 00:00:50,902
CARTER:
Uuh!
18
00:00:55,714 --> 00:00:57,846
Finally,
as a Christmas present,
19
00:00:57,790 --> 00:01:00,190
the country of Ghana is
presenting the central park zoo
20
00:01:00,117 --> 00:01:02,116
with a really,
really smart monkey.
21
00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:04,265
Apparently, of all the
monkeys in Ghana,
22
00:01:04,203 --> 00:01:06,936
this one eats the least
of his own poop.
23
00:01:06,845 --> 00:01:08,111
What can
this thing do?
24
00:01:08,103 --> 00:01:09,169
Bobo can talk.
25
00:01:09,173 --> 00:01:11,239
Ha! Bobo can talk!
26
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:14,455
Bobo can
repeat commands.
27
00:01:14,455 --> 00:01:16,888
Ha! Bobo can
repeat commands!
28
00:01:23,067 --> 00:01:24,266
You wanna finish
this tomorrow?
29
00:01:24,262 --> 00:01:26,029
Nah. Checkmate.
30
00:01:25,991 --> 00:01:27,658
No, it isn't.
31
00:01:27,628 --> 00:01:29,693
I mean, you're
gonna go like this.
32
00:01:29,639 --> 00:01:31,804
I'm gonna go like this.
You're gonna go like this.
33
00:01:31,745 --> 00:01:34,545
And I'm gonna go like... This.
And that's checkmate.
34
00:01:36,368 --> 00:01:37,434
Damn!
35
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:10,312
Hey, Carter, your psycho dog's
trying to kill himself again.
36
00:02:13,858 --> 00:02:15,357
Did you ever think
37
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,969
that maybe he's
just playing?
38
00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:18,606
He rolled himself up
in a duraflame wrapper
39
00:02:18,575 --> 00:02:20,608
and laid down
in the fireplace.
40
00:02:24,958 --> 00:02:26,624
Stuart,
you have yet to show
41
00:02:26,593 --> 00:02:27,726
one iota of
Christmas spirit.
42
00:02:27,726 --> 00:02:29,024
Hey, that's not true.
43
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:31,148
Last night I brought home
my favorite Christmas movie.
44
00:02:31,090 --> 00:02:33,589
Yeah, frosty,the can't say no man.
45
00:02:35,649 --> 00:02:36,882
Got a phone call from
46
00:02:36,876 --> 00:02:38,742
my parents last night
and...
47
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:39,699
They're flying to oahu
48
00:02:39,706 --> 00:02:41,205
for a second honeymoon,
49
00:02:41,184 --> 00:02:43,116
so guess I'm not going
home for Christmas.
50
00:02:43,071 --> 00:02:46,137
Oh. My parents told me
not to come home, too.
51
00:02:46,026 --> 00:02:46,992
Yeah?
Where they going?
52
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:48,333
Nowhere.
53
00:02:49,423 --> 00:02:52,055
Well, I guess if you want,
we could, uh,
54
00:02:51,970 --> 00:02:53,902
have... Christmas...
55
00:02:53,857 --> 00:02:54,889
together.
56
00:02:54,894 --> 00:02:56,426
Yeah, why not?
57
00:02:56,404 --> 00:02:58,703
Just promise me
you won't go overboard.
58
00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:00,502
Don't be such a grinch.
We can exchange presents.
59
00:03:00,460 --> 00:03:02,059
We can sing Carols.
60
00:03:02,032 --> 00:03:04,198
We can even...
Make a fruitcake.
61
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,166
That's amazing.
62
00:03:14,163 --> 00:03:16,529
You think he's actually
reading that?
63
00:03:17,559 --> 00:03:20,325
Yeah, he's checking
the personals.
64
00:03:20,232 --> 00:03:22,664
Single, white female,
5'7" blond
65
00:03:22,591 --> 00:03:24,023
seeks diaper-wearing
primate.
66
00:03:25,169 --> 00:03:26,234
Bobo, say hello
to Mike.
67
00:03:29,445 --> 00:03:30,544
How're you doing?
68
00:03:30,546 --> 00:03:32,112
Mike, ask him
to count to 5.
69
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,485
No, I'm not gonna...
70
00:03:33,470 --> 00:03:36,035
All right, Bo...
hey, bobo, count to 5.
71
00:03:37,494 --> 00:03:40,094
Is anyone concerned that
waving hello and counting to 5
72
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:42,076
are essentially of
the same gesture?
73
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,755
You're offending him,
Mike.
74
00:03:45,639 --> 00:03:47,071
He can't be offended.
He's a chimp.
75
00:03:47,054 --> 00:03:48,453
He's got a tiny
little chimp brain.
76
00:03:48,438 --> 00:03:54,236
Watch this. Hey, bobo, your
mother dates red-assed baboons.
77
00:03:53,971 --> 00:03:55,338
Ppppph!
78
00:04:01,518 --> 00:04:03,384
Well, that's clever.
79
00:04:03,342 --> 00:04:06,942
I'm glad you were
a good boy this year, a.J.
80
00:04:06,801 --> 00:04:09,567
Now, run over
to that elf.
81
00:04:09,475 --> 00:04:10,574
He'll give you
a present.
82
00:04:10,575 --> 00:04:11,708
Ho ho ho!
83
00:04:14,097 --> 00:04:16,062
Here you go, kid.
84
00:04:16,015 --> 00:04:18,546
Don't let the door
hit you on the way out.
85
00:04:25,511 --> 00:04:28,975
Chemical explosion
at the keebler factory?
86
00:04:28,843 --> 00:04:31,942
Sir. Listen, gonna take
5 for a smoke break.
87
00:04:31,831 --> 00:04:33,897
Here you go, kid.
Merry Christmas.
88
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:37,531
Mr. mayor,
can I have a moment?
89
00:04:37,522 --> 00:04:39,188
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
90
00:04:39,157 --> 00:04:41,323
I'm not the mayor.
Let's keep up the illusion.
91
00:04:49,284 --> 00:04:52,450
Well, young man, what would
you like for Christmas?
92
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:54,398
Um, my dignity back.
93
00:04:54,346 --> 00:04:56,378
Funny, that's what
Paul asked for, too.
94
00:04:56,327 --> 00:04:59,192
Must be the hot item
this year.
95
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:03,298
Listen, sir, I had a chance
to read your proposal
96
00:05:03,197 --> 00:05:04,630
for the city hall
greeting card,
97
00:05:04,612 --> 00:05:06,578
and, uh, while I applaud
your instincts,
98
00:05:06,530 --> 00:05:08,229
I don't think we have
the funds in the budget
99
00:05:08,196 --> 00:05:11,162
for a Christmas ham
scratch 'n' sniff.
100
00:05:11,058 --> 00:05:14,357
I'm having a problem
with rabbi rosenthal.
101
00:05:14,235 --> 00:05:15,533
We'll talk
about this later.
102
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,856
Santa's gonna take
a little break.
103
00:05:17,788 --> 00:05:19,286
In the meantime,
you can tell
104
00:05:19,264 --> 00:05:22,497
Mrs. claus what you want for Christmas.
Ho ho ho!
105
00:05:25,145 --> 00:05:28,311
Whoa. I was expecting Mrs. claus
to be a little plumper.
106
00:05:28,196 --> 00:05:29,961
Not to mention
more warmly attired.
107
00:05:29,925 --> 00:05:32,824
Yeah? Well, Santa installed
a gym in the north pole,
108
00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:35,422
and the Mrs.
Has been working out.
109
00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:37,066
Ok, who's next?
110
00:05:38,383 --> 00:05:39,382
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
111
00:05:39,391 --> 00:05:41,222
Come on now, guys.
112
00:05:41,182 --> 00:05:42,682
Single fathers first.
113
00:05:48,917 --> 00:05:52,116
Hey, Nikki.
I haven't seen Arthur.
114
00:05:51,999 --> 00:05:54,864
Oh, yeah. No, he's been
hiking in the rain forest.
115
00:05:56,214 --> 00:05:58,680
Hope he has time
to Christmas shop.
116
00:05:58,604 --> 00:06:00,270
I'm sure he'll bring
something back.
117
00:06:00,239 --> 00:06:01,971
Hopefully malaria.
118
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,398
Hi. I'm looking for
a Carter Heywood.
119
00:06:08,414 --> 00:06:10,813
Oh, my God! Rags!
120
00:06:10,742 --> 00:06:12,774
Where'd you get
my dog?
121
00:06:12,723 --> 00:06:15,389
Oh, it's a dog.
122
00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:18,850
I'm Lloyd drum. I just
moved into your building,
123
00:06:18,823 --> 00:06:20,855
and I found the little
guy in the garage
124
00:06:20,804 --> 00:06:23,669
sucking on the tailpipe
of a minivan.
125
00:06:25,679 --> 00:06:30,178
Ok. So we've got 2 choices for
this year's holiday card layout...
126
00:06:29,986 --> 00:06:33,152
the one that
I meticulously crafted,
127
00:06:33,036 --> 00:06:35,002
and the one
that you slapped together.
128
00:06:34,954 --> 00:06:36,553
Let me just say,
129
00:06:36,527 --> 00:06:39,592
if it were up to me, we'd be sending
yours directly to the printers.
130
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,514
Great.
131
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:43,486
Janelle, however,
despised it.
132
00:06:43,381 --> 00:06:44,780
Right, janelle?
133
00:06:44,765 --> 00:06:46,131
Whatever.
134
00:06:46,117 --> 00:06:48,683
So, I guess we have
to go with mine!
135
00:06:48,602 --> 00:06:49,934
Yours? Assuming you liked it.
136
00:06:49,922 --> 00:06:50,854
Great.
137
00:06:50,866 --> 00:06:52,632
Hey... I loved it!
138
00:06:52,595 --> 00:06:53,694
Good.
139
00:06:53,696 --> 00:06:55,462
Stacy,
on the other hand,
140
00:06:55,425 --> 00:06:57,291
uh, had some
reservations.
141
00:06:58,380 --> 00:07:00,413
Oh, yeah, yeah.
142
00:07:00,361 --> 00:07:02,694
I thought it was
a little effeminate.
143
00:07:06,233 --> 00:07:07,166
Effeminate?
144
00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:08,410
You heard me.
145
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:11,366
This is my roommate,
Alfred.
146
00:07:11,327 --> 00:07:14,460
Boy, that is one
ugly creature.
147
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:17,446
How big is the animal
that coughed that up?
148
00:07:17,333 --> 00:07:19,099
I think
he's adorable.
149
00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:21,663
Oh, ha.
150
00:07:21,579 --> 00:07:23,845
You like a guy
with experience?
151
00:07:23,779 --> 00:07:25,712
Experience? Sure.
152
00:07:25,666 --> 00:07:28,465
Not civil war
experience.
153
00:07:28,371 --> 00:07:30,803
You're embarrassing me,
you fool.
154
00:07:30,729 --> 00:07:33,462
This is not one of your bi-weekly
visits to the jiggle hut.
155
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,502
Love the jiggle hut.
156
00:07:35,446 --> 00:07:38,478
But you know, they have better
nachos at Vinnie's house of buns.
157
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:39,569
Oh, yeah, yeah.
158
00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:40,559
You're disgusting.
You're disgusting.
159
00:07:40,571 --> 00:07:42,236
Bite me.
Bite me.
160
00:07:43,809 --> 00:07:46,342
Paul, we need you
to break a tie here.
161
00:07:46,262 --> 00:07:49,695
Um, I want you to tell us which
holiday card layout you like more,
162
00:07:49,564 --> 00:07:51,497
mine or Mike's.
163
00:07:51,450 --> 00:07:53,316
I like the mayor's.
164
00:07:54,910 --> 00:07:57,742
Paul, pick one,
and I'm not telling you
165
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,077
whose is whose.
166
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:00,427
STACY, SARCASTICALLY:
Ha ha.
167
00:08:01,421 --> 00:08:02,354
This one.
168
00:08:02,364 --> 00:08:03,830
Yes!
169
00:08:03,811 --> 00:08:07,044
I... I was pointing to
the one I didn't like!
170
00:08:06,925 --> 00:08:08,857
It's... it's the one
I didn't like.
171
00:08:08,811 --> 00:08:10,576
Ladies and gentlemen,
172
00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:13,539
I give you the central park
zoo's newest attraction,
173
00:08:13,433 --> 00:08:16,699
one of the most sophisticated
primates in the world.
174
00:08:16,578 --> 00:08:20,610
Bobo, play
Mary had a little lamb.
175
00:08:23,243 --> 00:08:24,242
What's the monkey's
problem?
176
00:08:26,357 --> 00:08:28,222
He's a monkey.
177
00:08:29,941 --> 00:08:31,307
Mike, he's not
gonna perform
178
00:08:31,294 --> 00:08:32,826
because you insulted
his mother.
179
00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:34,135
Now apologize
to bobo.
180
00:08:34,124 --> 00:08:35,556
James, let me explain
something to you, ok?
181
00:08:35,539 --> 00:08:37,605
I graduated third in my
class at Fordham law.
182
00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:39,350
I help run the most
important city in the world.
183
00:08:39,312 --> 00:08:40,711
Apologize
to the monkey.
184
00:08:40,696 --> 00:08:42,328
I'm, uh,
very sorry, bobo.
185
00:08:44,155 --> 00:08:46,787
(PLAYING
Mary had a little lamb)
186
00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:01,019
Hey, bobo, bobo.
187
00:09:00,946 --> 00:09:03,345
I was lying.
188
00:09:06,575 --> 00:09:07,741
(DOOR SLAMS)
189
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:10,447
Chimp's got
some issues.
190
00:09:18,681 --> 00:09:21,047
His antlers
keep falling off.
191
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,876
I'm telling you,
you staple 'em on,
192
00:09:22,832 --> 00:09:24,498
he's good
until new year's.
193
00:09:26,364 --> 00:09:27,629
(DOORBELL RINGS)
194
00:09:27,622 --> 00:09:28,854
Ho ho ho!
195
00:09:28,848 --> 00:09:30,347
Alfred and Lloyd
are here
196
00:09:33,911 --> 00:09:36,043
So glad
you could drop by.
197
00:09:35,986 --> 00:09:37,885
We wouldn't have missed
this for anything.
198
00:09:37,841 --> 00:09:40,141
Oh, mistletoe.
199
00:09:40,074 --> 00:09:42,540
Yeah.
200
00:09:42,463 --> 00:09:44,062
Oh, what the hell?
201
00:09:50,545 --> 00:09:53,144
Oh, my God.
202
00:09:54,193 --> 00:09:56,825
Alfred, I gotta
tell you,
203
00:09:56,740 --> 00:09:58,205
I thought
you were, uh...
204
00:09:58,186 --> 00:09:59,952
straight?
Ha ha ha.
205
00:09:59,915 --> 00:10:01,448
Well, I used to
think so, too,
206
00:10:01,425 --> 00:10:04,358
but after we lived
together for 20 years,
207
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:05,555
I... well, I
couldn't help it.
208
00:10:05,544 --> 00:10:07,743
I just... I just
fell for him.
209
00:10:07,683 --> 00:10:08,948
Ha ha ha ha.
210
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:11,906
It was really just
a matter of time.
211
00:10:14,978 --> 00:10:17,144
That's just
a great story.
212
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,784
Isn't it, Stuart?
213
00:10:18,751 --> 00:10:20,217
Stuart?
214
00:10:21,581 --> 00:10:24,014
Oh, my God.
215
00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:29,433
I made reservations at tavern
on the green for Christmas day.
216
00:10:29,365 --> 00:10:31,731
Actually, I... I can't
make it.
217
00:10:31,661 --> 00:10:34,125
I thought we were spending
Christmas together.
218
00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:36,582
My aunt Caroline
got in touch with me.
219
00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:39,168
She died 2 years ago!
220
00:10:39,082 --> 00:10:41,181
I have a ouija board.
221
00:10:47,352 --> 00:10:49,983
James, what are all those security
guards doing in the lobby?
222
00:10:49,898 --> 00:10:52,364
I don't like getting frisked
first thing in the morning.
223
00:10:52,288 --> 00:10:53,586
Oh, they're looking
for bobo.
224
00:10:53,577 --> 00:10:55,877
Oh, they found bobo,
all right.
225
00:10:59,710 --> 00:11:00,876
I gotta go see
the mayor.
226
00:11:00,873 --> 00:11:04,839
Hey, Mike, Mike, be careful.
You insulted bobo.
227
00:11:04,678 --> 00:11:06,343
I think the monkey's
coming after you.
228
00:11:06,313 --> 00:11:08,711
Ooh, James,
I'm shakin'.
229
00:11:13,954 --> 00:11:17,087
I'm going to the supply room.
You need anything, Stuart?
230
00:11:16,973 --> 00:11:18,271
No, I'm good.
231
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:19,828
Wha-ho!
232
00:11:19,803 --> 00:11:21,502
What's with
the wave?
233
00:11:23,576 --> 00:11:25,807
There's nothing wrong
with my wave.
234
00:11:25,745 --> 00:11:28,611
Not if you're waving
good-bye to being straight.
235
00:11:30,462 --> 00:11:32,862
Just hold on
a minute here.
236
00:11:32,790 --> 00:11:35,589
If you're trying to say I'm
starting to act all foofy
237
00:11:36,777 --> 00:11:39,442
just because I been livin'
with Carter, you are so wrong,
238
00:11:39,356 --> 00:11:40,923
because I don't have
a foofy bone in my body.
239
00:11:40,897 --> 00:11:42,830
Stuart, look at
yourself right now.
240
00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:47,068
Oh, God, make it stop.
241
00:11:47,971 --> 00:11:49,904
Look, look,
look, look.
242
00:11:49,858 --> 00:11:51,925
You wanna
butch it up,
243
00:11:51,871 --> 00:11:54,070
here's what you do.
244
00:11:54,009 --> 00:11:55,808
Imagine that you're
making love
245
00:11:55,771 --> 00:11:57,335
to a woman.
246
00:11:57,310 --> 00:12:00,543
Everything should
exude passion.
247
00:12:00,424 --> 00:12:01,889
I could do that.
248
00:12:01,869 --> 00:12:02,969
I could!
249
00:12:02,970 --> 00:12:04,203
Oh!
250
00:12:06,429 --> 00:12:07,928
That's it!
251
00:12:07,908 --> 00:12:09,107
That's it?
252
00:12:09,102 --> 00:12:10,768
A little bigger. That's
it, Stuart, but bigger.
253
00:12:10,738 --> 00:12:12,337
Good afternoon,
senator.
254
00:12:12,309 --> 00:12:13,542
Ka-pow!
255
00:12:19,950 --> 00:12:21,349
So...
256
00:12:21,334 --> 00:12:24,500
We meet again, Mr. bond.
257
00:12:25,893 --> 00:12:28,226
Hey, hey, don't mess
with the board.
258
00:12:33,629 --> 00:12:35,628
That's a bold move.
259
00:12:43,246 --> 00:12:45,546
I wanna go on record
just saying
260
00:12:45,478 --> 00:12:47,911
that I actually preferred
the mayor's holiday card.
261
00:12:47,837 --> 00:12:49,836
Then why did you
pick his?
262
00:12:49,787 --> 00:12:51,452
I, uh...
263
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:52,888
I had been drinking.
264
00:12:52,868 --> 00:12:55,101
Ok. If you could
just all, uh...
265
00:12:55,037 --> 00:12:56,736
Just scrunch in, ok?
266
00:12:58,056 --> 00:12:59,522
Stuart...
267
00:12:59,503 --> 00:13:01,635
You smell nice!
268
00:13:01,578 --> 00:13:02,611
All right,
that's it.
269
00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:03,715
I'm moving.
270
00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:05,649
Fine. Just stand
wherever you want.
271
00:13:05,604 --> 00:13:07,936
Hey, wait a second. Why does he
get to stand next to the mayor?
272
00:13:07,868 --> 00:13:09,800
I told my mother I was going
to be next to the major.
273
00:13:09,754 --> 00:13:11,719
Stuart, you stood next
to the major last year.
274
00:13:11,672 --> 00:13:13,804
That's because
he likes me the best.
275
00:13:13,748 --> 00:13:14,881
No, he doesn't.
276
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,546
You look great, Nikki.
Is that a new sweater?
277
00:13:16,514 --> 00:13:18,680
Oh, yeah.
Arthur got it for me.
278
00:13:18,622 --> 00:13:21,054
Won't his grandmother
miss it?
279
00:13:22,143 --> 00:13:24,575
Ok. In 5, 4...
280
00:13:24,502 --> 00:13:26,401
hey! Hey! All right!
281
00:13:26,357 --> 00:13:27,656
No, no, no, no, no!
282
00:13:27,646 --> 00:13:29,446
I wanna be in the picture!
Please come back!
283
00:13:29,407 --> 00:13:31,306
Mr. mayor, get them back.
Call them back!
284
00:13:31,263 --> 00:13:33,229
Better luck next year.
285
00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:36,962
Ok...
286
00:13:36,923 --> 00:13:39,155
I believe it was
my move.
287
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:47,458
Hey, do you mind
not doing that?
288
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,659
'Cause it's very
difficult to concentrate.
289
00:13:52,619 --> 00:13:53,985
There.
290
00:13:54,914 --> 00:13:57,380
Deal with that,
bobo fischer.
291
00:14:03,780 --> 00:14:06,080
Hey, you found bobo!
I'm gonna call the zoo!
292
00:14:06,014 --> 00:14:07,445
No, James, not yet.
293
00:14:07,428 --> 00:14:09,360
Bobo and I have a little
unfinished business.
294
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,815
(SNAPS FINGERS) Get back here, buddy.
Gonna kick your ass.
295
00:14:11,738 --> 00:14:13,603
Get over there.
296
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,727
Mike, the zoo is really
worried about him.
297
00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:30,792
I knew that.
298
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,011
Ah, a Christmas Carol.One of my favorites.
299
00:14:35,886 --> 00:14:38,952
The story of a man
who is shown his destiny
300
00:14:38,842 --> 00:14:42,474
and given the chance to alter
his lifestyle accordingly.
301
00:14:42,332 --> 00:14:44,066
Sound familiar?
302
00:14:44,031 --> 00:14:48,162
Reminds me of what aristophanes
said to heraclitus
303
00:14:47,992 --> 00:14:49,991
at the foot of mount Olympus
during a heated debate:
304
00:14:49,942 --> 00:14:50,907
What's that?
305
00:14:50,916 --> 00:14:53,550
You the man's man,
baby!
306
00:14:56,734 --> 00:14:57,966
Ah, Stuart,
307
00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,092
it's useless.
308
00:14:59,092 --> 00:15:00,391
Why resist?
309
00:15:00,382 --> 00:15:01,648
You're right.
310
00:15:01,639 --> 00:15:03,371
Uh-huh. And pretty
soon you'll be...
311
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,569
what?
312
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,287
Living with you...
313
00:15:08,212 --> 00:15:09,711
It's changed me,
Carter.
314
00:15:09,689 --> 00:15:12,022
Stuart, you can't
turn somebody gay.
315
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:14,286
That's the whole point!
316
00:15:14,218 --> 00:15:16,250
Then maybe it's always
been there.
317
00:15:16,199 --> 00:15:18,731
Maybe my homophobia is
covering up some larger truth.
318
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:19,951
Nonsense!
319
00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:23,373
Hey, will you stop kidding around?
This is hard for me!
320
00:15:23,242 --> 00:15:25,374
Oh, my God. Stuart.
321
00:15:25,317 --> 00:15:26,583
Let's do this.
322
00:15:30,694 --> 00:15:32,260
You and me.
323
00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:36,439
Let's go on
a gay cruise.
324
00:15:37,706 --> 00:15:40,406
O-oh... Dear lord.
325
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,046
I wanna shop with you.
326
00:15:46,165 --> 00:15:49,697
I wanna buy us
matching sarongs.
327
00:15:49,561 --> 00:15:53,494
And... I wanna dance
until the sun comes up.
328
00:15:53,335 --> 00:15:54,700
And, Carter...
329
00:15:54,686 --> 00:15:57,019
Sweet Carter...
330
00:15:58,428 --> 00:16:00,229
Yes, Stuart?
331
00:16:00,189 --> 00:16:01,989
Don't ever mess
with me.
332
00:16:03,208 --> 00:16:05,307
I'm outta your league,
baby!
333
00:16:08,899 --> 00:16:11,466
I gotta go take
a shower.
334
00:16:20,787 --> 00:16:23,452
You have chosen...
335
00:16:23,365 --> 00:16:25,131
Poorly.
336
00:16:29,151 --> 00:16:30,217
Checkmate.
337
00:16:32,515 --> 00:16:34,149
Come on.
You are such a child.
338
00:16:36,383 --> 00:16:39,049
Look, I admit it. I admit it.
You're smart. Here.
339
00:16:38,961 --> 00:16:41,395
There you go. Hey.
There you... uh, hey.
340
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,319
All right.
341
00:16:45,062 --> 00:16:48,028
Mike, the zoo people
are here for bobo.
342
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:49,789
We're gonna need
a minute.
343
00:16:58,897 --> 00:17:01,030
Whoa, hey, look at
that mistletoe.
344
00:17:00,973 --> 00:17:02,472
Who put that there?
345
00:17:02,451 --> 00:17:05,383
Whaddaya say? Christmas.
346
00:17:05,281 --> 00:17:06,647
All right.
347
00:17:10,092 --> 00:17:11,858
Whoo! That was hot.
348
00:17:13,394 --> 00:17:16,193
I'll have you know
that in some countries
349
00:17:16,098 --> 00:17:19,896
a kiss on the cheek is considered
more erotic than a kiss on the mouth.
350
00:17:19,745 --> 00:17:21,444
Oh, yeah? Like where?
351
00:17:21,412 --> 00:17:23,811
Kissacheekistan.
352
00:17:25,342 --> 00:17:27,275
So what are you
doing for Christmas?
353
00:17:27,229 --> 00:17:28,628
I dunno.
354
00:17:28,613 --> 00:17:31,412
I think I'll just
spend it at my place,
355
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:33,382
you know,
with swishy pants.
356
00:17:34,241 --> 00:17:36,306
First Christmas
of many, huh?
357
00:17:42,637 --> 00:17:44,736
Whew.
358
00:17:49,241 --> 00:17:51,373
Gotcha
a Christmas present.
359
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:55,399
Hasn't that been on the
mantle the last 8 years?
360
00:17:55,310 --> 00:17:56,942
Ha ha ha ha.
361
00:17:56,913 --> 00:18:00,213
I was hopin' to catch ya
on one of your bad days.
362
00:18:00,089 --> 00:18:01,522
Hee hee hee.
363
00:18:01,504 --> 00:18:03,036
(DOORBELL RINGS)
364
00:18:03,013 --> 00:18:04,579
(BOTH GRUNT) Uh...
365
00:18:07,065 --> 00:18:08,998
You get it.
I got it last time.
366
00:18:08,952 --> 00:18:10,885
I got it last time.
367
00:18:10,838 --> 00:18:13,037
Damn, you are on
fire today!
368
00:18:15,083 --> 00:18:18,215
Caught my belt
on my nipple again.
369
00:18:19,329 --> 00:18:21,361
Hey, merry Christmas,
guys.
370
00:18:21,310 --> 00:18:24,076
Long time no see.
How old are ya now?
371
00:18:23,983 --> 00:18:26,515
88.
372
00:18:28,165 --> 00:18:30,097
You guys wanna go out?
373
00:18:30,051 --> 00:18:32,150
I think tonight
is the night...
374
00:18:32,095 --> 00:18:34,495
I actually meet
the right woman.
375
00:18:35,491 --> 00:18:37,291
No, I think
we're gonna...
376
00:18:37,252 --> 00:18:39,051
Stay here
and watch TV.
377
00:18:39,013 --> 00:18:42,845
That is, if Stuart can
ever reach the zapper.
378
00:18:44,799 --> 00:18:46,498
Here.
379
00:18:51,968 --> 00:18:53,734
Have fun.
380
00:18:53,698 --> 00:18:56,896
If you have sex, you have
to tell me about it.
381
00:18:56,779 --> 00:18:59,345
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm just gonna go visit Paul,
382
00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:01,829
you know,
at the institution.
383
00:19:03,037 --> 00:19:07,036
My God, the way that man
runs around, I...(INHALES)
384
00:19:06,873 --> 00:19:08,906
Can't believe
he's still alive!
385
00:19:08,854 --> 00:19:12,120
You know who I can't
believe is still alive?
386
00:19:11,999 --> 00:19:13,131
Who? Ha.
387
00:19:20,961 --> 00:19:22,093
Anyway...
388
00:19:25,544 --> 00:19:27,942
Eee-eah. I'm not
in the mood!
389
00:19:29,789 --> 00:19:32,154
Can we at least
hold hands?
390
00:19:36,864 --> 00:19:38,796
Merry Christmas,
Carter.
391
00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:42,215
Merry Christmas,
uh...
392
00:19:43,811 --> 00:19:44,744
Duh...
393
00:19:44,755 --> 00:19:45,688
Stuart.
394
00:19:45,698 --> 00:19:47,098
Yeah!
395
00:19:48,121 --> 00:19:49,953
(SHUDDERS) Ohh...
396
00:19:49,913 --> 00:19:51,212
Come on.
Let's go.
397
00:19:51,201 --> 00:19:53,433
Oh, hey!
And for Christmas Eve,
398
00:19:53,371 --> 00:19:56,303
I picked us up 2 tickets
to a Christmas Carol.
399
00:19:56,201 --> 00:19:59,567
Stuart, it says here
the show is all nude.
400
00:19:59,441 --> 00:20:01,207
Relax. There's
something for everybody.
401
00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:05,169
Wait till you see the guy that
they cast as "not so tiny Tim."
402
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,633
That's right. I am the
inter-mammal chess champion!
403
00:20:16,011 --> 00:20:17,843
Mike, this is
without a doubt
404
00:20:17,804 --> 00:20:19,736
our best holiday card yet!
405
00:20:19,690 --> 00:20:20,789
Well, actually, sir,
406
00:20:20,791 --> 00:20:22,723
I feel that I was
responsible
407
00:20:22,678 --> 00:20:24,911
for putting this whole
thing together.
408
00:20:28,275 --> 00:20:30,774
Great job, Paul.
409
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,266
This gonna
affect my bonus?
410
00:20:37,363 --> 00:20:40,661
Oh, I don't see
how that's possible.
411
00:21:54,913 --> 00:21:56,246
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.Good dog.
412
00:21:56,247 --> 00:21:57,446
(BARKING)
413
00:21:57,447 --> 00:21:58,514
Moo.
414
00:21:58,564 --> 00:22:03,114
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