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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:02,480 Do you think she's going where we're going? 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:03,640 She is now. 3 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:04,960 I'm tired of you, mate. 4 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,400 Me, you and JJ. Best mates for life. 5 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,400 Hello. I'm Thomas. So glad to meet you. 6 00:00:12,040 --> 00:00:14,400 - They fuck you up. - They don't mean to, Eff. 7 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,040 Please don't leave me. 8 00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:17,480 But they do. 9 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,480 Pyjama party means only one thing : 10 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,600 girls getting friendly. 11 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,640 Be careful what you wish for, Pandora. 12 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:29,120 I missed you too much. 13 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,400 - He's your friend, isn't he? - Not necessarily. 14 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:37,720 DADA presents 15 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,280 Transcript by Vanilla Chocolate 16 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,600 Subtitles by ANTI TELE II 17 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:06,600 Season III - Episode V - Freddie - 18 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,720 Every day I know this is what I was born to do. 19 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,840 It's everything to me. And nothing else matters except... 20 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,040 This is for you, Mum... 21 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:21,280 Singing "Juicing Down", please welcome Karen McLair! 22 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:35,040 ♪ The light is running out And my baby's still not back 23 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,720 ♪ Although I'm by myself He's chowing down on his snack 24 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,160 ♪ It's the third time this week But I have a plan 25 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,720 ♪ I haven't lost him yet I'm gonna make him understand 26 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:49,480 ♪ I'm juicing down tonight I'm gonna make him moan 27 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:53,120 ♪ I'm juicing down tonight I'm gonna take him to the zone 28 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:56,720 ♪ I'm juicing down tonight I can't wait to start 29 00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:00,480 ♪ I'm juicing down tonight Until I'm torn apart 30 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,760 ♪ I'm juicing down tonight 31 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,440 ♪ I'm juicing down tonight 32 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:29,400 ♪ I'm juicing down tonight. ♪ 33 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,920 Let's see what the judges think. 34 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,320 Ladies, could you be happy with Karen in the Sexxbombz? 35 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,120 - Yeah, it'd be lovely. - Lovely, I love her. 36 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,040 Jordan, did you get Karen tonight? 37 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:51,240 Karen, I'm going to be honest with you, ok? 38 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,280 We're in the semi-finals of this competition. 39 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,640 Everybody's talented. Yeah? 40 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,040 But the question is... 41 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:03,240 are you talented enough to join the Sexxbombz? 42 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,880 - How can you watch this again? - Shut up, cockhead... 43 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,600 You know what? You dance like a gazelle. 44 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:14,200 On acid. I love it! I love it! Yes! 45 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,400 Do you think I look hot? 46 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,520 Don't be fucking twisted. You're my sister. 47 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:19,840 Dad! 48 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:24,600 Freddie says I look ugly. 49 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,240 She doesn't look ugly. She looks sexy. 50 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,040 Dad, that isn't what I said. She's talking bollocks. 51 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,480 Tell your sister she looks sexy on the television. 52 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:32,960 Go on. 53 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,400 You look sexy on telly, Karen. 54 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:38,440 Now let's watch the good bit. 55 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:44,160 We've had a record number of votes, over 1,000 texts and phone calls. 56 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,920 And the last girl to go through to the final 57 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,720 of "Search for a Sexxbomb" is... 58 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,520 You know you bloody won! 59 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:55,920 Karen! 60 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,840 I just hope my mum was watching up in Heaven. 61 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,320 This is for you, Mum, and I love you forever! 62 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,160 For fuck's sake, Dad. Listen to what she's saying. 63 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:29,120 Hello. 64 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,040 Hi. 65 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,960 - You're in my garden. - Yeah. - Right. Um... 66 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:41,840 So... 67 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,920 I... wanted to see what was in your shed. 68 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:50,720 - My...? - Shed. 69 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,040 Everyone says you have a marvellous shed. 70 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,840 - Everyone? - Yeah. 71 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,600 It's marvelled at. 72 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,560 So this is it. 73 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:20,080 So what do you and the boys do in here? 74 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,920 Braid each other's hair and play soggy biscuit? 75 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,040 No...not for ages. 76 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:34,520 - So, spliff then? - Cool. 77 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,840 Why don't you get your porn on the internet, like normal people? 78 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,320 What the fuck's this? 79 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:03,720 Sometimes, when we're too stoned to go outside... 80 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:07,720 I'm sorry. 81 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,920 I wasn't really expecting guests. 82 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:14,240 What do you normally do? Put out doilies? 83 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,160 Well, they do keep the cups clean. 84 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,600 Thanks for letting me in. I know it's weird. 85 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,480 No... It's... whatever. You know. 86 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,400 It's cool. 87 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:49,640 It's cool. 88 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,320 It just... seems like a good place to hide. 89 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,520 You'll never gonna guess what just happened. 90 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,840 There's some little skinny asian fucker at the Green, right?... 91 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:06,080 - Cook! - ...body popping on a bit of lino. 92 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,520 He's got a little sign saying "Anwar the Magnificent", right? 93 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,040 - Cook. - He's busking, making cash money. 94 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,280 So I said to him if I can join in, yeah? And he says something about 95 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:18,040 Do I know the Buddha Buddha Cheese Buddha routine. So I says... 96 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:19,560 Cook! 97 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,160 Well, blow bubbles up my bollocks and call me Shirley. 98 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,880 Welcome to our fortress of solitude! 99 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,200 I think I love the Sexxbombz. 100 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,600 Karen's costume last night was a bit of a marvel. 101 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,800 I'm pretty sure it defied the laws of physics. 102 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,720 I mean, that tiny amount of material is surely not be able to cover 103 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:52,600 the requisite surface area for UK broadcasting laws. 104 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,920 - Did you see it, Eff? - No. 105 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,400 That skirt was so short I saw her bumhole wink. 106 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,480 Pass the spliff, Freddiebrek. 107 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,720 - It's that trick! - Don't worry, I've perfected it. 108 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,280 Water... water... 109 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:22,720 No way... 110 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,160 Fucking Genius! 111 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:33,840 How long have you had that planted there? 112 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,480 About eight months. 113 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,880 Fucking genius. Fucking top, mate. 114 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,560 That's fucking tip toparoo. 115 00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:46,880 After all that excitement, I fancy a spunk. You coming, Eff? You soon will be. 116 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,120 I'd sooner fuck JJ. 117 00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,840 I know that isn't intended as a compliment but, 118 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,800 - ...I'm going to take it as one anyway. - Maybe you didn't get it, 119 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,160 I said "Are you coming, Eff? You soon will be." 120 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,560 I got it. 121 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:05,040 Freddie and JJ got it. That termite over there got it. 122 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,040 But you're not going to get it. Got it? 123 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:09,920 No, I'm confused. 124 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:15,400 I'm not going anywhere near your crayola dick. 125 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,520 I know where it's been. 126 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,760 - What's she talking about? - Piss off then. 127 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,040 This is our place, right?, and if you're not gonna shag us, then... 128 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,720 Get to fuck! 129 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:40,440 Mate, try and stir my porridge if you want, 130 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:44,120 but I'd say even Jay's got a better chance than you. 131 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,920 I mean, when was the last time you breathed fire? 132 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:23,080 Freddie... Dinner's ready! 133 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:39,440 So, should I be called Minxy Sexxbomb or Foxy Sexxbomb? 134 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:43,600 Jordan says he likes Minxy. I wanted it to be Sexy Sexxbomb... 135 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,200 Freddie? 136 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:57,280 Can't you tell? Look at his eyes. He's completely monged. 137 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,920 No... I'm not. 138 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,800 I've, erm... got coursework now. 139 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,840 You gonna tell him Dad? About the thing? 140 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,480 - Sit down! - I'm busy. 141 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,720 Freddie, sit down! 142 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,320 Sit down. 143 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:27,840 < We want you here at two o'clock tomorrow. 144 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,040 What for? 145 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,600 Filming for the interview before my final performance. 146 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,400 You've got to talk about how much you miss Mum 147 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,760 and how much it'll mean to you to see me win. 148 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:43,040 This is like, too fucked-up for words. My Mum's dead, vote for me... 149 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,240 It's not like it's not true. I miss Mum every day. 150 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,200 - Shit. Dad, she's doing it again! - You need a story. 151 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,440 - She didn't mean it like that. - Yes, I did. 152 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,080 - At least I've got some fucking ambition! - I don't really think that... 153 00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:59,520 Wanting Robbie Williams to jizz over your baps counts as ambition! 154 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,400 Oh, that's nice. That's Lovely, that is! 155 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,440 Freddie, you be here tomorrow two o'clock in the afternoon. 156 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,040 - You know what, why should I? - Cos I wash your clothes, 157 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,800 I cook your meals, I put a roof over your head, 158 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,640 Prolly pay for your skunk! And I do all that without asking 159 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,720 - ...anything in return. Except for this. - Look! Look at her! 160 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,400 She's your sister, you support her. That's it. 161 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:23,560 It's just... Oh Fucking hell! You know? 162 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:28,440 It's just, like, erm... Fucking hell, you know? 163 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:36,920 Dad! 164 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,760 Freddie you get back here and apologise. 165 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,200 - Freddie, get back here! - Dad! 166 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,280 - Get him back here now and make him apologise to me! - Sorry. 167 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,520 Dad, you've got to get him back here. Dad, please... 168 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,040 ♪ I am 169 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,920 ♪ The only one 170 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,440 ♪ Can ride that horse 171 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,800 ♪ Yonder 172 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,120 ♪ I'm full of beans 173 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,920 ♪ Who died at sea... ♪ 174 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:28,280 So, Hamlet. What's it all about.... dudes? 175 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,040 Anyone? 176 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:38,920 Well, Josie, through the fog of his grief, 177 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:44,560 Hamlet is struggling to choose between action or inaction, 178 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:50,880 and through this struggle, he encounters existential forces 179 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:54,400 illuminating the path towards death which is, 180 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,720 in itself, life. 181 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:02,920 My my, that is an illuminating thesis, Gerald. Well done. 182 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,840 - Well, thank you. - No, thank you. You're a delight to teach. 183 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:14,400 - I got held up. - Freddie's always late. 184 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,840 - Sorry. - Sit down, please. 185 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:23,840 - Is Freddie gonna fail his A-levels? - 'Fraid so, Gerald. 186 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:27,640 You're all gonna fail if you don't read the pucking book... 187 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,400 I've read it! It was great! 188 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,440 I didn't really understand it though. 189 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:37,880 Did the ghost do it after all, or was it Voldemort? He's a right beast, in't he? 190 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:41,400 Erm, I think you've got your books mixed up again, Panda. 191 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,520 So, in summary, the predominant themes of... 192 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,280 William Shakespeare's Hamlet are... 193 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:55,040 Action, Inaction, Madness, # Quand tu es pres de moi... # 194 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,720 Grief, Death. # Cette chambre n'a... # 195 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,240 ♪ ... plus de parois 196 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:06,520 ♪ Mais des arbres oui 197 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:10,040 ♪ Des arbres infinis 198 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:16,920 - Being, or not being? That is the question. # Et quand tu es... tellement pres de moi # 199 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:24,240 ♪ C'est comme si ce plafond-la 200 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:28,320 ♪ Il n'existait plus 201 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:35,440 ♪ Je vois le ciel penche sur nous... ♪ 202 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:40,600 Uh... Anyone else? 203 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:45,920 Hamlet's basically a teenage boy. He's got these desires, 204 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,160 but he doesn't have the bottle to reach out for them. 205 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:53,040 So, he goes mad and wanks off about Ophelia and ends up so boring 206 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,040 that somebody has to kill him. 207 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,960 I'm not sure that's right. There's no wanking in Hamlet. 208 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:03,880 Mmm, yeah there is. Loads. Only they call it soliloquizing. 209 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:09,720 Nice one, blondie. She's funny. 210 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,760 Cook, no, please don't! 211 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,640 Stop it, please! 212 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:17,560 Freds! 213 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,520 Oh, thanks a lot, Cook. Now my nipples are really chafed. 214 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,880 Come on. We're going down the boozer. 215 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,920 - Nah, I'm gonna... - Come on man! 216 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,720 I need to get that fucking Dickens out me head. 217 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,600 - Let's get fucking trashed! - But... - Oh, come on! 218 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:35,560 Fredds, it's been ages since we last went out. 219 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:36,880 No. 220 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:40,240 I'm going home. 221 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,600 Oh, no... Cook don't! No! 222 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:52,440 Not again! 223 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,240 Have a tickle! 224 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,040 So, Freddie... 225 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,440 Tell us what it means to you to have Karen 226 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:14,920 in the grand final of Search For A Sexxbomb? 227 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,760 It's like, you know... Well, I mean... 228 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,160 I can't quite put it into words. 229 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,640 It's great. It is... great. 230 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,040 He is just the best brother in the whole wide world. 231 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,080 I mean, we take every day as a blessing from God because, 232 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,720 you know, Mum isn't with us any more. 233 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:44,880 - It really makes you think. - Does it? About what? 234 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:49,400 About, you know, life is precious... And stuff. 235 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:53,120 Freddie, why don't you tell me what it was like... 236 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,520 - ...to lose your mother? - I didn't lose her. 237 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,760 I'm not going to find her down the back of the sofa, or anything. 238 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:03,120 Ok, But, you know, like, how did it feel? 239 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:08,200 Oh, it felt great, Jordan. It felt really great. 240 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,720 Let me ask you. 241 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,560 How does it feel being a cocaine-snorting, low-budget, corporate puppet? 242 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:19,160 - Yeah, ok. I think we're gonna cut here. - No. Mum was... 243 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:23,720 She was the one who told me that I had a talent, and a gift. 244 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,560 Who first sang with me and believed in me. 245 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,080 When I'm singing out there, I'm not just singing for me. 246 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,560 I'm singing for her. 247 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:37,080 And I'm singing for anyone who's ever been through tragedy. 248 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:45,320 Ok, cut there. I love you, Karen! I actually love you. Wow! 249 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,800 - Yeah? - Yeah. 250 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:52,320 You're so warm and sweet and cool. I could eat you. I'd love to eat you. 251 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,480 You'd like that, wouldn't you, Karen? 252 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,760 - I'd love that, Jordan. - Ok, all right. 253 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,560 Listen, I need a chai latte. Where's that asshole runner? 254 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,720 In there, with all the other arseholes. 255 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:09,040 You know, you're not that hot, kid. Nobody wants to eat you... 256 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,520 - Phil, yes, my man... - You're such a cock! 257 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,720 Why are you trying to fuck this up for me? 258 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,160 ...the stuff that makes me go gaga, you know? 259 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:20,120 Start raping people, you know? You are beautiful, I'll see you then. 260 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,400 You know, you oughta get laid or something, kid. 261 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:31,720 I might be a corporate puppet or whatever. But I have a fucking good time. 262 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:36,120 How's being an angsty little prick working out for you? 263 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,320 Wow. I haven't seen you dressed like that since, well... 264 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,200 ever. 265 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,880 You look a bit like Frau Hilde from Primary. 266 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,400 Right now Kinder, get ze glitter on ze macaroni und stick! 267 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,520 Stick! Express yourselves, ja? 268 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:11,080 Oh, oh, Jeremiah. No. 269 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,400 Oh, no. Ze glue is all over das lippen. 270 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,920 Do you remember how Cook used to try and ping his crayons into her bra? 271 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:31,840 Yeah. 272 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,760 Primary was fun. 273 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:49,280 Yeah...yeah it was. 274 00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:53,120 Cook wants you to come to Uncle Keith's pub quiz tomorrow. 275 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:57,800 Well, if Cook wants me there, I suppose I'd better fucking hop to it, hadn't I! 276 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,760 Freddie, why don't you want to be friends with us any more? 277 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:07,480 Cook hasn't got any friends. Just people that he knows. 278 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,520 - Don't say that. - JJ! 279 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,920 So? I mean, 280 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:18,040 What else are you gonna do? 281 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,160 Anyway, you'll like this. 282 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,080 Hang on. Pack of cards, 283 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:35,480 handkerchief, and a mouse, but I haven't actually got a mouse, so... 284 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:39,080 so, a rubber. I need you to pick a card. 285 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,520 I'll pick it for you. 286 00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:00,800 Hello, Effy. I hope you're OK. 287 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,240 Good. 288 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,440 Now, Elizabeth. It's important for you to remember 289 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,280 that your mother and I still love each other very much. 290 00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,960 - No we don't. - No, that's right. We don't. 291 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,040 That's why I'm fucking out of here, woman. 292 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,200 I am on a fucking plane. 293 00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:21,720 You're dead right. I am fucking out of here... 294 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:33,640 What's up? 295 00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:47,440 ...And you've got so little imagination, 296 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,840 you have to shag my fucking boss! 297 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:54,240 It's pathetic. You could have shagged the turd from Tesco's. 298 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,040 - Take anything! - I don't want anything! 299 00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,880 Take it! Otherwise it's all gonna go to cunting Oxfam! 300 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,560 Don't you dare use "cunt" and "Oxfam" in the same sentence! 301 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,560 - Take something. - All right. - You bought it with your fucking precious money. 302 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:09,560 - I'll take my fucking pan. - Take that pan and you are fucking dead! 303 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,840 - I brought your bracelet back. - Thanks. 304 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:19,600 We'd be good together. 305 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,720 - Don't you think? - No. 306 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,400 - Why? - Because I'll break your heart. 307 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,200 Maybe I'll break yours. 308 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:37,720 Nobody breaks my heart. And anyway, 309 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,040 why would I want that? 310 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,280 Who the buggering tits is this? 311 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,120 Unbelievable. 312 00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,720 They're not actually crazy, you know. 313 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,880 They're just women. 314 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,320 ♪ Now that I know 315 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,840 ♪ The way it goes 316 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:36,040 ♪ You gotta pay back every penny that you owe 317 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,840 ♪ Twelve years old 318 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:43,040 ♪ In your momma's clothes 319 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:47,040 ♪ Shut the blinds and lock up every blow 320 00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,040 ♪ And if you hear 321 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,840 ♪ Someone's coming near 322 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:58,720 ♪ Just close your eyes and make 'em disappear... ♪ 323 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,800 It's amazing what you can accomplish if you get up early enough, isn't it? 324 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:55,040 Fuck! 325 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,800 Don't swear. You know I don't like you swearing. 326 00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:00,440 This is bullshit! This is our fucking shed. 327 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:04,400 Mine and JJ's and Cook's. Since we were little kids. 328 00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,480 Maybe it's time you grew up then. 329 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,720 Besides, Karen needs somewhere to rehearse... 330 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,760 and actually it's my shed. 331 00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,640 I think this is the worst thing anyone's ever done to me. 332 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,600 I didn't do it to you. I did it for you. 333 00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:42,800 Right. Question 23. 334 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,560 A swan is the only bird with a penis, 335 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:52,920 but how long can a cockroach live after you've pulled its head off? 336 00:27:53,360 --> 00:27:54,400 Easy. 337 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,920 Ah, this is the life, eh? 338 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,840 The three musketeers out on the lash. Let's have a cheers. 339 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,200 - The only man in Britain... - Come on, cheers. 340 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,080 ...to survive three attempts to hang him 341 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,400 was John Babbacombe Lee at Exeter Jail. 342 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,720 On what dates were the attempts made? 343 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,920 Keith, what's up with these questions? 344 00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:19,160 Do you wanna be disqualified? 345 00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,400 What were the dates? 346 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:24,920 Yep. 347 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:30,640 Do you know what Naomi is spelled backwards? 348 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,440 - I moan. - Fucking JJ. 349 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:39,840 Brilliant, man. 350 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:43,280 In Sherwood Forest, a famous oak tree... 351 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:44,760 Hi Eff, what's up? 352 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,200 - You all right? - Yea, fine. Who's this? 353 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,640 - What is it? - Mike. 354 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:53,720 Romantic. 355 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:58,080 All right, love. Clitoris Allsorts could do with some more members. 356 00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,960 All right Keith, we're not stopping. 357 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,400 Right, next question. 358 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:09,040 When dropped from a height of 100 inches onto concrete, 359 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:13,440 how high should a new tennis ball bounce? 360 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,720 Answer in hectares please. 361 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:23,080 - I've got the answer. - Write it down then J-kins. 362 00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:27,160 In 1912, a famous ship hit an iceberg... 363 00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,440 Now, we don't let nothing come between us, yeah? 364 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,240 Bros before hos, boys, bros before hos. 365 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,760 - Yeah. - Anyway, we've got bigger fish to fuck. 366 00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,800 Who does your sister think she is? Gina fucking G? 367 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,880 This fucking shed situation is fucked. 368 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:42,440 The Cookie Monster does not like this. 369 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:47,040 If you find her so reprehensible, why did you have sex with her? 370 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:49,240 Oh wait, wait. 371 00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,440 - What you? - That was supposed to stay in the vault. Wasn't it? 372 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,480 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm emotionally underdeveloped. 373 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,720 - You shagged my sister? - You know what I'm like, Freds. 374 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:00,920 Half a bottle of grappa and I turn into a fucking machine gun. 375 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,640 You fucked my sister?! 376 00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:25,040 Just be, Freddie. 377 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:26,800 Just be. 378 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,080 Fuck! 379 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,280 Bring it, Karen, bring it. 380 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:11,880 What do you want? 381 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,600 I was just wondering if there was anything else you wanted to take? 382 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:16,440 - What? - You've got this. 383 00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,400 Maybe you want my bedroom for a tanning salon next. 384 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,480 At least then you might stand a chance tomorrow. 385 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:22,560 Freddie... 386 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,840 Just let me rehearse, and you can bitch at me after the final. 387 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:28,720 Oh, I am so sorry. 388 00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,160 I forgot that's the only thing that matters in the whole world. 389 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,720 - Grow the fuck up! - You don't see it, do you? 390 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:40,160 You don't see what a stupid fucking cliche you really are. 391 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:41,760 Piss off, Freddie. 392 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,520 So, out of interest, 393 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:50,160 What were you dreaming of when you fucked my best friend? 394 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,480 - It wasn't like that. - I bet he fucked you good, didn't he? 395 00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,600 I know your type, Karen. 396 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:05,400 Love me. Love me. Love me! 397 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:06,400 Look, stop it. 398 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,720 You little fucking whore. 399 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,600 Karen. Go to your room. 400 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,200 Get some rest. 401 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,240 Freddie, don't you ever speak to your sister that way again. 402 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:29,600 What are you gonna do about it, huh? 403 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:41,040 Freddie, every time I look at you, I wonder... 404 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:44,960 You've got your mother's eyes, but... 405 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:48,480 I don't know who you are any more. 406 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,520 You just skate around. 407 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,800 You just fucking skate around. 408 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:06,080 ♪ Stephen Fretwell : Darling Don't ♪ 409 00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:41,080 - Yeah? - Is Effy in? 410 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,920 No, there's no-one here but terrible old me. 411 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:47,600 Do you know where she is? 412 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:50,920 Please? 413 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:56,520 She's at the water park, I think. 414 00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,040 She goes there to, um... 415 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,280 ..get away from here. 416 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:08,040 ♪ Phosphorescent : I Am A Full Grown Man ♪ 417 00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:27,440 Effy! 418 00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:30,280 Effy! 419 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,320 Effy! 420 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:34,880 Effy! 421 00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:40,160 Effy! I wanna talk to you! 422 00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,320 Hi. This is Effy. I'm not talking right now. 423 00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:05,640 But leave a message and maybe I'll get back to you 424 00:36:57,560 --> 00:37:00,560 - Effy, I've come to tell you... - Freddie. 425 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:03,520 I don't think I can... 426 00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:19,040 So, now I've told you, ok? 427 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:22,400 Now you know. 428 00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:42,480 ♪ Rim licking, clit flicking 429 00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,280 ♪ You're the stuffing I'm the chicken 430 00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,120 ♪ Said we're clicking You're still licking 431 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,040 ♪ Clock is ticking Stick your dick in 432 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,040 ♪ In this club they cannot tame us 433 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:51,800 ♪ On the dancefloor tongue meets anus 434 00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:53,560 ♪ Boy, I need you in my south pole 435 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,840 ♪ Put your star in to my black hole 436 00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,040 ♪ Rim lickin', baby 437 00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:00,920 ♪ Could ya lick my rim? 438 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,120 ♪ Could you put it in Oh, baby 439 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:06,600 ♪ Rim lickin', baby 440 00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,240 ♪ If ya taste that thing 441 00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:11,800 ♪ Then you can put it in Oh, baby. ♪ 442 00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:19,640 Jemma, Jemma, Jemma, Jemma! That was fierce. Fierce! 443 00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:23,200 Jordan? 444 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,720 I didn't like it. 445 00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:31,160 I loved it! 446 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:34,920 I loved it! I freakin' loved it! 447 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:38,760 Well, done! Thank you very much, Jemma. Thank you. 448 00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:43,760 OK, it's time for our third and final act of the evening. 449 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,040 Singing the song that took the Sexxbombz to number one 450 00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:49,520 in two countries, one protectorate and of course, Wales... 451 00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:52,720 it's Karen Mclair with Ass To Ass! 452 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,560 ♪ Ass to ass with you 453 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,640 ♪ Ass to ass with you 454 00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:10,600 ♪ At the rave we were bumping I can feel his body pumping 455 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:14,560 ♪ As he moves into mine Then he really starts to wind 456 00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:18,920 ♪ He tells me dis ting and dat ting To make me come undone 457 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,040 ♪ Then he whispers in my ear 458 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:25,560 ♪ Girl I want to see them going ass to ass with you 459 00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:29,440 ♪ I wanna see them going Ass to ass with you 460 00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:33,320 ♪ He wants to see me going ass to ass with you 461 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:37,520 ♪ I wanna see them going Ass to ass with you 462 00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:42,600 ♪ Ass to ass 463 00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:46,520 ♪ Ass to ass 464 00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:50,840 ♪ Ass to ass 465 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,520 ♪ Ass to ass with you 466 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:05,120 ♪ I wanna see them going 467 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,440 ♪ Ass to ass with you 468 00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:09,160 ♪ He wants to see me going 469 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,400 ♪ Ass to ass with you 470 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:15,640 ♪ I wanna see them going Ass to ass with you. ♪ 471 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:18,240 Oh, yes! 472 00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:21,480 Absolutely fantastic! 473 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:29,840 I'd like to dedicate that to my mum, Mary Mclair. 474 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,040 I love you so much. 475 00:40:36,720 --> 00:40:38,240 Shut up. 476 00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:41,320 Karen, Karen, that was amazing. 477 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,840 You are not just in this competition, 478 00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:50,120 you are this competition! Yeah! Yeah! 479 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,480 Yes! Yes! Yes! 480 00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:57,320 What about you Sexxbombz, are you feeling the love tonight? 481 00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:04,720 ♪ I wanna see you going ass to ass with you 482 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:09,040 ♪ I wanna see you going ass to ass with me ♪ 483 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,600 They're feeling the ass, baby! Fo' shizzle! 484 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:17,880 OK, all feeling the ass. 485 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,840 Thank you. Karen, everybody! 486 00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:26,400 OK, it's now time to get voting for your favourite. 487 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,240 Honey, Jemma, or Karen? 488 00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:32,520 Lines are open, get dialling now and come back here in one hour. 489 00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:34,520 One of these three lovely girls will be 490 00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:38,320 The New Sexxbomb! 491 00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:13,040 Thanks, mate. 492 00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,760 What are you doing, man? Let's go out and fucking celebrate! 493 00:42:45,240 --> 00:42:47,120 - What? - She fucking lost. 494 00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:49,040 I'm not going anywhere. 495 00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,040 OK then. We'll bring the party to you. 496 00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:52,320 Come on J. 497 00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:55,720 JJ. 498 00:42:56,680 --> 00:43:01,800 He wanted to come around. Just don't do anything bad, OK? 499 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:11,120 Hello, Mr Mclair. Karen. 500 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:12,560 Hello, JJ. 501 00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:23,600 Bad luck, Karen. In the competition, like. 502 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:25,120 But you know, 503 00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:27,520 what goes around comes around. 504 00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,440 How much did you lose by again? 15 votes? 505 00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:35,720 Well, that's funny. 506 00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:39,040 Cos that's about how many people were in Keith's pub tonight. 507 00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:40,880 You voted against her? 508 00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:43,080 Not just me. Everyone in there. 509 00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,120 - JJ, even. - Cook, don't. 510 00:43:46,240 --> 00:43:47,920 You fucking did what? 511 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:50,520 You took my shed, I took your competition. Fair's fair. 512 00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,840 You little shit, you ugly little bastard! 513 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:54,400 Guys. Guys. Guys. 514 00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:58,240 Let's go out? You can watch me play pin the sausage on the bramble. 515 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:00,720 - I forgot how limber you were, Karen. - What's going on? 516 00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:10,080 - Come on. It's been a long day. - You prick. 517 00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,600 You selfish fucking prick! 518 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:19,160 Freddie, please. 519 00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:21,280 Fucking do it then. You pussy. 520 00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,520 I really fucking love you, you bastard. 521 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,040 JJ, we're leaving, man. 522 00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:52,280 - JJ, I'm sorry. - JJ! 523 00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:57,720 You fucking... 524 00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:36,960 Hi, this is Effy. I'm not talking right now but leave a message... 525 00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:57,040 - Hi, um... is Eff... - Oh, give it up, will you? 526 00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,520 - What? - Just fuck right off. 527 00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:18,240 You've got about as much chance of fucking me 528 00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:21,160 as becoming the democratically elected Student President of this dump. 529 00:47:21,240 --> 00:47:24,520 - You? President? - Yeah man. Problem? 530 00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:29,280 Vote for me! Vote for non-stop party! 531 00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:35,200 - You're such a fucking joke. - I'm a joke? You're fucking hilarious. 532 00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:38,280 Can we go somewhere? Anywhere? 533 00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:59,880 Subtitles by ANTI TELE II 534 00:48:00,720 --> 00:48:05,720 Transcript : Vanilla Chocolate 535 00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:11,480 DADA 536 00:48:11,530 --> 00:48:16,080 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41467

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