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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,394 SQUEALING OF BRAKES 2 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:48,839 Effy! 3 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:51,388 Effy! 4 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:53,595 Effy! 5 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,075 - What's wrong? - It keeps happening. 6 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,350 OK. Lie down. 7 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,038 - Do you mind? - No. 8 00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:07,190 I like this story, anyway. 9 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,753 Thanks. 10 00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:15,357 "Orpheus was the greatest poet who ever lived. 11 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,791 "His music was so beautiful that when he played, rivers would stop flowing, 12 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:23,833 "winds would stop blowing, and the skies would open up 13 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:27,111 "so his wondrous melodies could be heard by the gods in heaven. 14 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:33,879 "One day, his wife, Eurydice, was bitten to death by vipers. 15 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,031 "Overcome with grief, 16 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,958 "Orpheus played heartbreaking songs on his lyre. 17 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,317 "The gods were moved, 18 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:47,955 "and so advised Orpheus to travel to the land of the dead 19 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,390 "and sing his songs to Hades to bargain for his wife. 20 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:57,395 "So it was that Hades' heart was softened 21 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:00,238 "and he allowed Eurydice to leave on one condition - 22 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:04,671 "that Orpheus would walk in front and never look back." 23 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,200 - Hey! Here he is! - Looking good, mate. 24 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,357 - Cheers. I feel quite good. - (Liverpudlian) Oi! No pushing in. > 25 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,073 - (Boy) Oh, fuck off, you Scouse twat. > - What's going on here, then? 26 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:21,155 Ah, you know, man. The winds of change. Rivers of blood and all that. 27 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:24,112 Shit getting wild, man. Him and her, 28 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:25,639 Sid and Michelle... THUD! 29 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,035 - Easy, man. - Yeah. Where is Sid? 30 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,878 He came early... with Michelle. THUD! 31 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:35,313 FAST DANCE MUSIC PLAYING 32 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:38,955 CHEERING AND WHISTLING 33 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,034 All right? 34 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,877 It's loud. 35 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:53,879 You all right? 36 00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:56,195 What do you mean? 37 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,470 You look a bit... 38 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:00,954 I'm fine. 39 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,151 Loudest club in the West, mate. You gonna be all right? 40 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,555 Yeah. I'll be fine. 41 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,109 - Hey, Tony. - Hey, Cass. 42 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,798 Are we going somewhere? 43 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:13,955 Oh, yes. 44 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,395 - You sure you're ready for this? - I'm totally ready. 45 00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:37,030 Ah. Isn't that sweet? 46 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,833 (Cassie) I'm sad about them. 47 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,393 Aren't you? 48 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,551 I'm fine and dandy. 49 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,229 Good. We're just fine and dandy. 50 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,479 < Come on. You can buy me a drink. 51 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:04,192 I think that since Sid and Michelle are together, we should do the same. 52 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:08,112 - What, go out? - Yeah. 53 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,469 Get dressed up? Go on a date? 54 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:11,873 Yeah. 55 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,718 And we'd talk and eat dim sum, then I'd take you home. 56 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,318 And I'd walk you upstairs. 57 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,828 And I'd knock my head on the door frame and fall downstairs. 58 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,031 - And I'd run and get the witch hazel. - And I'd say, "Witch hazel? 59 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,548 "What are you, 90? Get me some fucking painkillers." 60 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,068 And I'd say, "Hey, it's an excellent astringent. 61 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,395 "And we're out of aspirin, anyway." 62 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,273 And then I'd turn the argument into a good, hard, angry fuck. 63 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,756 - That's where we might have a problem. - What do you mean? 64 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:40,271 I've got a bit of a problem in the... downstairs department. 65 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,594 What? 66 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,631 You know, downstairs. 67 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,113 What? Where? 68 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,673 Oh, for fuck's sake! 69 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,109 - My cock doesn't work. - What? 70 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,639 My cock doesn't work! 71 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,037 Hi. He's watching us. 72 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,078 We can't help it, Sid. 73 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,719 No. 74 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,351 It's OK, isn't it? 75 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:24,515 Isn't it? 76 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,999 It's fine. We're fine. 77 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,108 Fine. 78 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:32,912 - OK? - I'm fine. 79 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,791 And dandy. 80 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,836 Whoa! Here it comes. 81 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:46,912 Oh, I've missed this. Fucking hell, I've missed this! 82 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,153 I feel good! 83 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,237 Yes, but take it easy, Tony. 84 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:58,512 I feel so fucking good! 85 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,232 What about our date? 86 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,353 - Yeah! - You all right? 87 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:08,154 I'm balalaika, feathered up, and ready to rock da party! 88 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,713 Yeah, boy! 89 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,672 - Yeah, b-o-o-y! - Yeah, b-o-o-y-y-y? 90 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,029 Yeah! 91 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,509 Dude. I can't believe you're going out with Michelle. 92 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,198 It just kind of happened. 93 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:54,151 But you're... you know. 94 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,394 What? 95 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,351 Well, you're not exactly... 96 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,789 Not exactly what, exactly? 97 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,717 Not exactly, you know... 98 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,473 ...a player, a don, an R Kelly, a baby daddy... 99 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:06,748 All right. I get it. 100 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,155 ...a smooth criminal, a president of the USA, 101 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,760 - a Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, cheese Buddha. - OK. 102 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,552 Hey, Sid. 103 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,593 Tony. Um... you having a good evening? 104 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,517 I'm just marvellous, Sidney. 105 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:24,109 Like hell on Earth in here. Glorious. Yourself? 106 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,833 - Er, yeah, yeah, I'm all right. - Excellent! 107 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,711 Vibrant! Superb! 108 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,318 So glad to hear it. 109 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,998 Tony, are you OK? 110 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,350 I'm top-notch, buddy. Enjoying your night out? 111 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:38,715 Me, too. 112 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:48,834 Oh, my God... 113 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:55,788 Oh. > 114 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,319 Hey, Nips. 115 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:01,069 - Don't call her Nips, Tony. - Why, what you gonna do? 116 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:04,078 I'm, er... objecting. 117 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,115 Strongly. 118 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,720 - Come on. - Tony, what are you doing? 119 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,479 Isn't she pretty? Eh, man? 120 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,830 Eh? Eh? Hey! 121 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:18,236 - Tony! - You two make such a sweet couple! 122 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:21,909 Out of all the world's famous lovers - Antony and Cleopatra... 123 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,190 - Listen. ...Taylor and Burton, Jordan and Peter... 124 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,958 (Michelle) Stop it. 125 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,436 ...Bert and Ernie, I would say that you two are, 126 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,278 quite possibly, the greatest snog history has so far encountered. 127 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,993 What is wrong with you, Tony? Are you OK? 128 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,873 What is it with you people and the concept of OK? 129 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:41,708 I mean, we're a fucking threesome, aren't we? You know... peas in a pod. 130 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,876 A fucking family - that's what we are. 131 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,194 - Do you need to sit down? - No! 132 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,390 - Just calm down. - No. I need to... 133 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,193 I don't... I've got... 134 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,037 I need to go... 135 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,194 Out of my way! > 136 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,431 VOMITS 137 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,670 - (Girl) It's a panic attack. That's all. - What? 138 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,030 It sounds like you're having a panic attack. 139 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:28,719 I can't breathe. 140 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,273 I can't... 141 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,392 < Maybe it's because you wanna fuck your sister. 142 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,637 - What? - Do you want to fuck your sister? 143 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,069 No! Jesus! 144 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:42,271 It's just people say panic attacks come from deeply repressed sexual urges. 145 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,309 You know? 146 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:48,477 - What? - I was just testing a theory, see. 147 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,238 FLUSHING 148 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,156 Actually, I'm talking shit, 149 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,998 cos it turns out a panic attack's just a fuckload of adrenaline 150 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,076 mainlining into your heart. 151 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,078 It's just how we deal with danger. 152 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,429 "Fight or flight", they call it. Right? 153 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,596 I don't know you. 154 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,029 Are you a fighter or a flighter, Tony Stonem? 155 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,719 - Huh? - Cos depending on your answer... 156 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,678 Well... a lot depends on your answer. 157 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:19,912 See you around. 158 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,633 SQUEALING OF BRAKES 159 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,031 DOORBELL RINGS 160 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,234 Hi, Effy. (Silly voice) How are you? 161 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,078 I'm fine. (Mimics Michelle) How are you? 162 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,758 Good. Is Tony here? We need to speak to him. 163 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,591 Tea? Coffee, anyone? 164 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,551 - Er... no, thanks. - Er, no, I'm fine. 165 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,194 - Tony? - No, thank you. 166 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,391 You OK, Tony? You seem a little under... 167 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,396 well, under the bed. 168 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,829 (Tony, muffled) I'm fine. 169 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,394 - Tony, come out. - I'd prefer not to. 170 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:48,078 - I think we need to talk about this. - I really don't know what you mean. 171 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,156 Well, me and Sid are together now. 172 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,668 (Tony) Yeah. I know. 173 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,632 And you're obviously not OK with it. 174 00:12:55,680 --> 00:13:00,276 - Who says I'm not? - Well, you did, pretty much, last night. 175 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:05,314 (Tony) Oh, come on. I was only taking the piss. You know... cos it's funny? 176 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:11,478 Listen, do you mind? I've got an interview. Got to get ready. 177 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:15,513 - All right? - Oh, OK. See you later, Tone. 178 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:22,599 Bye, Tony. 179 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,159 (Tony) Bye. 180 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,353 CRASH! 181 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,879 Fuck! 182 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,195 Take this. It's stuff. Maps and shit. 183 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,832 OK. 184 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,032 You look really good, Tony. Like you're ready for anything. 185 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,273 Thanks. See you later. 186 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,195 I'm gonna tell you a story. 187 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,273 A bloke, 188 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,390 he wakes up one morning. 189 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,874 He gets dressed. He goes down the stairs. 190 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:10,878 He makes himself a little bit of breakfast. 191 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,195 He walks to the garage, he gets in his car. 192 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:16,630 He starts his car, drives off... I don't know, a couple of miles. 193 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,875 Stops. Gets out his car. 194 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,718 Has a couple of blokes pour petrol over his head and... 195 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,077 ...sets fire to himself. 196 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,034 - He... what? - Sets fire to himself. Fucking boom! 197 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,278 What's in the bag? 198 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,039 My sandwiches. 199 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,190 So what we got? 200 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,550 Ham and cheese, chicken, or egg and cress. 201 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,238 Egg and cress. 202 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,836 Isn't life wonderful? 203 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,719 You looking? 204 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:16,039 - I don't... What? - A few scars, a few marks. 205 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,670 What do you think of them? 206 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,597 I think they're horrible. 207 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,790 At least I fucking wear 'em. Right? 208 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,913 - Right. - How about you? 209 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,997 - Do you... have any marks? - No. I'm fine. 210 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,758 Oh, yeah, course you are. > 211 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,478 You're fine and dandy. 212 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,112 Right? 213 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,359 Egg and cress. 214 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,316 It's a little fucking miracle. 215 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:50,073 18 years old. The age of opportunity. 216 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,190 I bet you can't wait to come here. 217 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,596 Imagine it - being able to live away from your parents 218 00:17:55,640 --> 00:18:00,953 and you can do anything you like, like stay up all night and eat ice cream! 219 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,599 - Derek. - Thanks, Polly. 220 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,392 So... 221 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:10,991 new home, new friends, new horizons. 222 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,871 The good times, the bad times... 223 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,150 The parties. Oh, my God, the parties! 224 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:19,113 The loves that will never be, even though they seem so right. 225 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:23,153 Just remember, though, that if you will drink - 226 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,430 and personally, I have a bitter lemon... 227 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,874 ...but if you do, just don't overdo it, 228 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,959 or you won't be able to get up in the morning for your lectures! 229 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:40,838 So... any more questions before group sessions? 230 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,110 (Northern male) Are you two shagging or what? 231 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,353 No, we're not. 232 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:56,389 I adore Derek to bits, but he's more like a brother. 233 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,715 But you'll make friends like that here too. 234 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,320 Friends who appreciate that you never, 235 00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:04,591 never, never want that to happen. 236 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,552 So... no. 237 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,910 We're certainly not doing that. 238 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,037 No. We're not. We're... 239 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,559 truly not. 240 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:22,029 (Voice breaks) Any more questions before? (Thank you.) 241 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,793 Why d'you have to go and be so beautiful inside? 242 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:15,675 Don't you know it's torturous? 243 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,917 You have got some great charisma... 244 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,509 You know, if you don't work together, then you'II... 245 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,272 You're late. 246 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,390 Sorry... I couldn't find the room. 247 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:35,116 Yet everybody else seems to have managed, which I find kind of spooky, really. 248 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:38,799 Sorry. 249 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:41,839 Please. 250 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:48,196 So... whilst you were meandering around the corridors, 251 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,674 we were introducing ourselves. Martin, 252 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,917 you were telling us what you did in your gap year. 253 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:57,555 Yeah... As I was saying, I spent most of my time in Central America. 254 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:02,151 You know, building bridges of the real and the symbolic variety. 255 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:07,115 You know, just really teaching the people out there the value of teamwork. 256 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,390 So 6,000 years of tribal society, 257 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:13,115 they still hadn't managed to grasp the rudiments of teamwork. 258 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:17,358 Sloppy. They must have been delighted that you showed up. 259 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,038 You next. 260 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,469 - Me? - Yes, yes, you. 261 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,476 Enlighten us, do. 262 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,317 Um, OK. 263 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:34,991 I'm Tony Stonem. 264 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,349 - I go to college. I live in... - I actually said enlighten us. 265 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,311 Don't bore us, Mr Stonem. 266 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:43,717 Speak about yourself, about your motives, your drive, your animus. 267 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,950 - I... - Don't know what animus means, do you? 268 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,357 - Yes. I know what it means. - Well, I'm relieved. 269 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:57,439 You see, because at this university, we don't have room for the inarticulate. 270 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,238 I think I'd better go, then. 271 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,077 Bye. 272 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:12,918 Good. So, Tony, you were about to tell us just how extremely clever you are. 273 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,559 - I'm not that clever. - Oh, he's clever, all right. 274 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,795 Really? > 275 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,478 Touching. 276 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,795 Sadly lacking in substance. 277 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:28,834 At our university you have to have verve, a sense of charisma - 278 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,589 intellectual thrust. That's what we're here to do this afternoon - 279 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,837 find out whether you're a giver, or whether you're... 280 00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,030 < Willing to sleep with the lecturers? 281 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,353 - I'm sorry? - I was just making the point, sir, 282 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:46,029 that you've been screwing every girl in here with your eyes since we arrived, 283 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:50,756 which suggests that sex ranks higher than substance. 284 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,870 And I'll pass, thanks. 285 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:56,708 You see, I don't really find intellectual thrust that sexy... 286 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,638 Or fake tan, for that matter. 287 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,069 Oh, you think that's funny, do you? 288 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,435 - It's possibly funny. - Possibly funny. 289 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,153 Right, well, the thing is, I don't actually have to put up... 290 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:11,158 OK. Cool. See ya. 291 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:19,517 I think you should join her. Don't you, Tony? 292 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,679 Toodle-oo. 293 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,074 DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS 294 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,031 You. 295 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,275 (Girl) You really fucked up in there. 296 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:45,029 (Tony) I really fucked up? Wait, what are you even doing here, anyway? 297 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:46,798 Same thing you are. 298 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,835 Wow! Check it out. 299 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,354 Ah! Shall we? 300 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:11,718 No. No way. First of all, I can't really swim very well any more and secondly... 301 00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:13,352 Ah, boo-hoo! 302 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,710 SHE LAUGHS 303 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,159 What the fuck?! 304 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,111 I told you, I can't... 305 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,076 - I can't... can't swim! - Oh, you're such a pussy. 306 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:34,956 - I can't. - You just don't want to. Lie back. 307 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,558 That's it. 308 00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:39,712 You're OK. 309 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:41,398 It's easy. 310 00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:44,839 Just float. 311 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:51,074 Why d'you have to go and be so beautiful inside 312 00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:56,148 Don't you know it's torturous? 313 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,514 You have got some great charisma 314 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:06,033 But to our senses we are all estranged 315 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:10,032 Why d'you have to go and be so beautiful inside... 316 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,036 < Excuse me. 317 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,554 Come here, please. 318 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:22,392 ...You have got some great charisma But to our senses we are all estranged... 319 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:26,399 Come on. Bit naughty, but never mind. 320 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,192 Up you come. 321 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:40,398 Tony - is that right? 322 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,317 Yes. 323 00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:45,909 Now, Tony, the thing is, we're not really supposed to go in the pool. 324 00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:50,112 - It's really only for sporting events. - And the Super Irony Fun Splash Club. 325 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:55,075 And the Super Irony Fun Splash Club, too. You're supposed to be on the tour. 326 00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,680 There was this girl, but she's gone. 327 00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:59,870 Don't go with her, Tony. 328 00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:02,673 - What? - You should join us. 329 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,312 What? 330 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:07,830 Yes. We'll find you somewhere you can dry off. 331 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:11,156 You should get out of those wet clothes, too. 332 00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,988 I'd really like to see you out of those clothes. 333 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,315 I'll lend you my cagoule. 334 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,310 I'm all right, thanks. Just... 335 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:23,191 I'm all right. 336 00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,879 (Derek) 'Built in 1972, then demolished the following year' 337 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,515 before being rebuilt in '85, the Bulwer-Lytton building 338 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,393 is a classic example of the late modernist, 339 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,919 post-Bauhaus development 340 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,475 from humanist rationalist impulses from utility. 341 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:44,638 Inspired by Alvar Aalto's signature style, the building is built... 342 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,274 Psst! 343 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:48,639 In here. Come in here. 344 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:54,357 ...social interaction and the hyper relevance of volume as, er... 345 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:00,279 I want to talk to you. 346 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:02,873 Come here, then. 347 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:11,596 - What are you doing? - The idea is to walk across the room. 348 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,473 The room's full of shit. 349 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,637 This is a lab. It's an experiment. 350 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,109 Come here. 351 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,118 ELECTRICITY BUZZES 352 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:24,639 For fuck's sakes. 353 00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:28,276 BREAKING GLASS 354 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,072 Fuck. 355 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,876 Oh, shit! 356 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,239 SHE LAUGHS 357 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:37,269 Ow. 358 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,353 ALARM BLARES 359 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,391 (Tony) Bollocks. 360 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,116 Well done. 361 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,674 Well done? 362 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,198 You got here, though. 363 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:56,593 What do you want from me? 364 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:57,834 ALARM CONTINUES 365 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,758 Hey! Who's in there? Over here! > 366 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:01,789 Better run. 367 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,674 (Man) Hey! Stop! Come back here, you! 368 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,917 Oi! They're going down the science block. 369 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:10,439 Come back! 370 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,671 Halls of residence. 371 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,029 Shall we? 372 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:40,476 SNIFFS 373 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,080 Ah-hah. 374 00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,512 Good afternoon. 375 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:51,879 How may I help you? 376 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,993 We're seeking shelter from the fascist oppressors. 377 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:57,519 And we're wet. 378 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:04,354 Can I interest you in some hashish? 379 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:05,992 I'm not really supposed to. 380 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,349 Drugs do odd things to me at the moment. 381 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,834 Aren't they supposed to? 382 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,677 This is Matt. 383 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,199 You want a hit from the bong? 384 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,391 He is an artist. Truly, an artist. 385 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,512 I'm Toby. His roommate. 386 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:25,998 And this is of the purest, highest possible grade. 387 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:27,268 I assure you. 388 00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:28,799 (Girl) Cool! 389 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,593 SHE LAUGHS 390 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,870 Bravo! 391 00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,876 All splendid fun. 392 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,592 KNOCK AT DOOR 393 00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:42,510 Polly! My little chaffinch. How the devil are you? 394 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:46,758 I'm going to pretend that I don't smell that, Toby. 395 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,394 Smell what, mon petit chou? 396 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,716 It's very, very naughty, what you're doing, Toby. 397 00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:54,113 Quite possibly. 398 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,754 Anyway. Have you seen a... 399 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:58,597 wet boy running around here? 400 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,234 He's lost. And he's truly in a lot of trouble. 401 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:05,592 We have witnessed no moist children 402 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:10,111 of the masculine variety gallivanting within these halls, no. 403 00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:12,435 Oh, hey, Poll. How's it going? 404 00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:13,674 Oh... Hi, Matt. 405 00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,915 You, er, you thought about what I asked you? 406 00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:17,109 Yes, actually, I have... 407 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,276 And? 408 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:21,550 All right, you can shag me. But only once. 409 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:25,356 You're lucky Bruce is in Guatemala. 410 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,834 Fine. I'll be around later. 411 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,073 Can't allow our friends to be naked alone, Matthew. 412 00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:45,951 It's just not cricket. 413 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,479 < Got ya... 414 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:10,154 They're beautiful. 415 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,758 Oh, thanks. 416 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:13,995 I do them myself. 417 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,109 Do you? 418 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:16,639 Yeah. 419 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,990 So you could do me... now? 420 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:24,989 Sure, if you're up for it. 421 00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:35,112 BUZZING 422 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,349 Does it hurt? 423 00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,353 Beautifully. 424 00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:49,235 What are you getting? 425 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:53,910 A mark... Passion... 426 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:57,800 Want... 427 00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,475 Need... 428 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,591 My, my. 429 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:13,395 Thank you. 430 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,318 My... 431 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:20,751 My pleasure. 432 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,598 (Girl) Come and look at it. 433 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:32,069 What's it like? 434 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,111 Good. 435 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:35,752 Touch it. 436 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:36,789 What? 437 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:38,319 Touch it. 438 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,516 GASPS 439 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:47,789 I can't do this. 440 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:51,355 So many things you can't do. 441 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:55,154 You can't swim, you can't run... 442 00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,634 You can't fuck. 443 00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,511 Oh, dear. 444 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,279 How d'you know that? 445 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,834 But you can, Tony Stonem. 446 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,952 You can fuck me right now. 447 00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:09,115 No, I couldn't. 448 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:10,149 You want to. 449 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,111 Hey, fuck you! 450 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:13,593 I got hit by a fucking bus. That fucks you up. 451 00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:15,915 Well, fuck you right back. 452 00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:17,837 You're just not trying hard enough. 453 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:20,314 You must be so happy the way you are. 454 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,828 Why do you care if my dick can get hard or not? 455 00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,075 This is fucked up beyond words. 456 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:27,076 Coward. Fucking coward. 457 00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,155 Coward. 458 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:29,315 Wanker. 459 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:35,549 Why don't you just stop being such a fucking pussy and let the fuck go? 460 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,391 Fucking leave me alone! 461 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,390 There you are. Are you OK? 462 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:05,278 Look at you, you poor thing. 463 00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:09,233 Come with us. We'll get you some warm clothes and a nice hot tea. 464 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:13,114 The Musical Society are going to do a performance for all of you. 465 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:14,912 HMS Pinafore. 466 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,394 (Polly) I've treacle and toffee I've tea and I've coffee 467 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,671 Soft tommy and succulent chops 468 00:34:20,720 --> 00:34:24,349 So buy of your Buttercup Poor Little Buttercup 469 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,312 Come of your Buttercup, buyl 470 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,954 (Polly) Come back! There'll be cheese and wine. 471 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,115 (Derek) It'll be fun! 472 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,833 (Polly) There's always cheese and wine! 473 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:46,239 Take a seat. 474 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,913 Eventful day. 475 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:59,875 Pissing around in pools, smashing up labs, avoiding activities, 476 00:34:59,920 --> 00:35:01,911 getting up to no good in the dorms. 477 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:02,949 How'd you know what I? 478 00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:04,638 And now you turn up 479 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:09,549 for an interview like, well... 480 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:13,354 You know, I'm amazed you actually even bothered, really. 481 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,236 But I'm a fair man, 482 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,669 so bearing all that in mind, 483 00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:21,870 why don't you 484 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:27,074 try to convince me into offering you a place at this university? 485 00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,829 Oh, you think you're so original, don't you? 486 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,632 I have met a million kids like you. 487 00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:41,275 Yeah, vaguely intelligent. Agonisingly middle-class. 488 00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:45,871 Read a book by Camus, a book by Kafka. No real substance, though. 489 00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,673 Just a little fucked-up jumble of misdirected, 490 00:35:48,720 --> 00:35:53,316 immature, poly-sexuality and pure, arrogant, impotent rage. 491 00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,348 So... 492 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,118 What you got, big boy? 493 00:36:05,240 --> 00:36:06,798 Get off me. 494 00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:10,276 You don't know a fucking thing about me, you sanctimonious cunt. 495 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,710 But since we're playing the guessing game, let's make a few assumptions. 496 00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,638 A divorced, Ionely, middle-aged lecturer, 497 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,830 who lives alone and gets his rocks off... 498 00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:19,869 You are really fucking blowing this... 499 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,833 ...gets his fucking rocks off trying to sleep with fucking first years. 500 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:27,555 Other hobbies include intimidation and furtive masturbation. 501 00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:30,433 I bet you thought you'd died and gone to heaven when you got here. 502 00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,233 Your own office and all the students you could eat. 503 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:34,269 Let go of me now. 504 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,073 Animus. 505 00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:40,430 It means spirit, courage, 506 00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:43,199 passion, wrath. 507 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,911 This is mine. 508 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,913 Who the fucking hell do you think you are? 509 00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:56,996 I'm a bad dream, mate. 510 00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:00,476 I'm you before you shrivelled and died. 511 00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:02,954 And I don't wanna go where you've been. 512 00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:08,596 So in answer to your earlier question, 513 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,029 you should've given me a place here. 514 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,594 I'd have been the best student you'd ever had. 515 00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:37,791 Here he comes. Welcome back, Tony. 516 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,313 Congratulations, Tony. Good work, sir. 517 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:44,475 Enjoy. 518 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,556 The pleasure is all yours, sir. 519 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,989 The pleasure is all yours. 520 00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,438 PANTS 521 00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:45,799 You're not coming? 522 00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:49,870 I think I'll stay here for a while. 523 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:52,589 It's peaceful. 524 00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:58,836 Go home. 525 00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:03,669 It was good to meet you. 526 00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:13,519 Thank you. 527 00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,431 Don't look back, Tony. 528 00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,758 APPLAUSE 529 00:41:24,720 --> 00:41:25,709 Hey, Tone. 530 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,955 Where are Sid and Michelle? 531 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,479 No idea. 532 00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:31,839 You're a terrible liar, Jal. 533 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,314 Anybody can see you've got something going on. 534 00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:44,429 Shit! 535 00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:45,469 (Michelle) Christ! 536 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:46,509 What the fuck?! 537 00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:47,788 Tony! 538 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:49,034 What the fuck are you? 539 00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:50,069 Shut up! 540 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:51,235 Sid, are you gonna let him? 541 00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:53,840 - Tony, I'm objecting to... - You're always fucking objecting! 542 00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:55,518 Can't you do something? 543 00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,074 OK. OK, Jesus. 544 00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:03,389 Tony, what? 545 00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,910 Are you trying to scare me, cos it's not working? 546 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:09,509 I love you. 547 00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:12,830 I'm saying it again. OK? 548 00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:17,792 And you. 549 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,354 I love you too, you little fucker. 550 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,875 This is wrong. Can't you see it's all wrong? 551 00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:31,194 You're my girlfriend! 552 00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,551 And you're my best friend. 553 00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:35,715 Tony, I love her. 554 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,398 - No, you don't. - OK, maybe I don't. 555 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:40,192 He loves Cassie. 556 00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:44,279 And you love me. That works. 557 00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:45,389 We work. 558 00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:48,000 Why now? It's too late. 559 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:49,792 It's always been there, Michelle. 560 00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,512 It just took a while. 561 00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:53,710 I need you. 562 00:42:56,880 --> 00:42:58,359 You can't have her. 563 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:01,309 It's wrong. 564 00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:04,949 It's wrong. 565 00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:07,999 That's all I'm trying to say. 566 00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,355 Everything's going to be all right, Cass. 567 00:43:49,405 --> 00:43:53,955 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40185

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