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1
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SQUEALING OF BRAKES
2
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Effy!
3
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:51,388
Effy!
4
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:53,595
Effy!
5
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,075
- What's wrong?
- It keeps happening.
6
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,350
OK. Lie down.
7
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,038
- Do you mind?
- No.
8
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I like this story, anyway.
9
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Thanks.
10
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"Orpheus was the greatest poet
who ever lived.
11
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"His music was so beautiful that when
he played, rivers would stop flowing,
12
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"winds would stop blowing,
and the skies would open up
13
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"so his wondrous melodies
could be heard by the gods in heaven.
14
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"One day, his wife, Eurydice,
was bitten to death by vipers.
15
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"Overcome with grief,
16
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"Orpheus played
heartbreaking songs on his lyre.
17
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"The gods were moved,
18
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"and so advised Orpheus
to travel to the land of the dead
19
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,390
"and sing his songs to Hades
to bargain for his wife.
20
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:57,395
"So it was
that Hades' heart was softened
21
00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:00,238
"and he allowed Eurydice to leave
on one condition -
22
00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:04,671
"that Orpheus would walk in front
and never look back."
23
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,200
- Hey! Here he is!
- Looking good, mate.
24
00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,357
- Cheers. I feel quite good.
- (Liverpudlian) Oi! No pushing in. >
25
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,073
- (Boy) Oh, fuck off, you Scouse twat. >
- What's going on here, then?
26
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:21,155
Ah, you know, man. The winds of change.
Rivers of blood and all that.
27
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:24,112
Shit getting wild, man. Him and her,
28
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Sid and Michelle...
THUD!
29
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,035
- Easy, man.
- Yeah. Where is Sid?
30
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,878
He came early... with Michelle.
THUD!
31
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FAST DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
32
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:38,955
CHEERING AND WHISTLING
33
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,034
All right?
34
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,877
It's loud.
35
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:53,879
You all right?
36
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:56,195
What do you mean?
37
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,470
You look a bit...
38
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:00,954
I'm fine.
39
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,151
Loudest club in the West, mate.
You gonna be all right?
40
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,555
Yeah. I'll be fine.
41
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,109
- Hey, Tony.
- Hey, Cass.
42
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,798
Are we going somewhere?
43
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:13,955
Oh, yes.
44
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,395
- You sure you're ready for this?
- I'm totally ready.
45
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:37,030
Ah. Isn't that sweet?
46
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,833
(Cassie) I'm sad about them.
47
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,393
Aren't you?
48
00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,551
I'm fine and dandy.
49
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,229
Good. We're just fine and dandy.
50
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,479
< Come on. You can buy me a drink.
51
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:04,192
I think that since Sid and Michelle
are together, we should do the same.
52
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:08,112
- What, go out?
- Yeah.
53
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,469
Get dressed up?
Go on a date?
54
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:11,873
Yeah.
55
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,718
And we'd talk and eat dim sum,
then I'd take you home.
56
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:16,318
And I'd walk you upstairs.
57
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,828
And I'd knock my head on the door frame
and fall downstairs.
58
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,031
- And I'd run and get the witch hazel.
- And I'd say, "Witch hazel?
59
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,548
"What are you, 90?
Get me some fucking painkillers."
60
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,068
And I'd say, "Hey,
it's an excellent astringent.
61
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,395
"And we're out of aspirin, anyway."
62
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,273
And then I'd turn the argument
into a good, hard, angry fuck.
63
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,756
- That's where we might have a problem.
- What do you mean?
64
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:40,271
I've got a bit of a problem
in the... downstairs department.
65
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,594
What?
66
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,631
You know, downstairs.
67
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,113
What? Where?
68
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,673
Oh, for fuck's sake!
69
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,109
- My cock doesn't work.
- What?
70
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,639
My cock doesn't work!
71
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,037
Hi. He's watching us.
72
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,078
We can't help it, Sid.
73
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,719
No.
74
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,351
It's OK, isn't it?
75
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:24,515
Isn't it?
76
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,999
It's fine. We're fine.
77
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,108
Fine.
78
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:32,912
- OK?
- I'm fine.
79
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:34,791
And dandy.
80
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,836
Whoa! Here it comes.
81
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:46,912
Oh, I've missed this.
Fucking hell, I've missed this!
82
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,153
I feel good!
83
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,237
Yes, but take it easy, Tony.
84
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:58,512
I feel so fucking good!
85
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,232
What about our date?
86
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,353
- Yeah!
- You all right?
87
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:08,154
I'm balalaika, feathered up,
and ready to rock da party!
88
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,713
Yeah, boy!
89
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,672
- Yeah, b-o-o-y!
- Yeah, b-o-o-y-y-y?
90
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,029
Yeah!
91
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,509
Dude. I can't believe you're going out
with Michelle.
92
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,198
It just kind of happened.
93
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:54,151
But you're... you know.
94
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,394
What?
95
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,351
Well, you're not exactly...
96
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,789
Not exactly what, exactly?
97
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,717
Not exactly, you know...
98
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,473
...a player, a don,
an R Kelly, a baby daddy...
99
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:06,748
All right. I get it.
100
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,155
...a smooth criminal,
a president of the USA,
101
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,760
- a Buddha, Buddha, Buddha, cheese Buddha.
- OK.
102
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,552
Hey, Sid.
103
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,593
Tony. Um... you having a good evening?
104
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,517
I'm just marvellous, Sidney.
105
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:24,109
Like hell on Earth in here.
Glorious. Yourself?
106
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,833
- Er, yeah, yeah, I'm all right.
- Excellent!
107
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,711
Vibrant! Superb!
108
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,318
So glad to hear it.
109
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,998
Tony, are you OK?
110
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,350
I'm top-notch, buddy.
Enjoying your night out?
111
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:38,715
Me, too.
112
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:48,834
Oh, my God...
113
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:55,788
Oh. >
114
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:57,319
Hey, Nips.
115
00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:01,069
- Don't call her Nips, Tony.
- Why, what you gonna do?
116
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:04,078
I'm, er... objecting.
117
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,115
Strongly.
118
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,720
- Come on.
- Tony, what are you doing?
119
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,479
Isn't she pretty? Eh, man?
120
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,830
Eh? Eh? Hey!
121
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:18,236
- Tony!
- You two make such a sweet couple!
122
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:21,909
Out of all the world's famous lovers -
Antony and Cleopatra...
123
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,190
- Listen.
...Taylor and Burton, Jordan and Peter...
124
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,958
(Michelle) Stop it.
125
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,436
...Bert and Ernie,
I would say that you two are,
126
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,278
quite possibly, the greatest snog
history has so far encountered.
127
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,993
What is wrong with you, Tony?
Are you OK?
128
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,873
What is it with you people
and the concept of OK?
129
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:41,708
I mean, we're a fucking threesome,
aren't we? You know... peas in a pod.
130
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,876
A fucking family - that's what we are.
131
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,194
- Do you need to sit down?
- No!
132
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,390
- Just calm down.
- No. I need to...
133
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,193
I don't... I've got...
134
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,037
I need to go...
135
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,194
Out of my way! >
136
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,431
VOMITS
137
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,670
- (Girl) It's a panic attack. That's all.
- What?
138
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,030
It sounds like you're having a panic
attack.
139
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:28,719
I can't breathe.
140
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,273
I can't...
141
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,392
< Maybe it's because
you wanna fuck your sister.
142
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,637
- What?
- Do you want to fuck your sister?
143
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,069
No! Jesus!
144
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:42,271
It's just people say panic attacks come
from deeply repressed sexual urges.
145
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,309
You know?
146
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:48,477
- What?
- I was just testing a theory, see.
147
00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,238
FLUSHING
148
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,156
Actually, I'm talking shit,
149
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,998
cos it turns out a panic attack's
just a fuckload of adrenaline
150
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,076
mainlining into your heart.
151
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,078
It's just how we deal with danger.
152
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,429
"Fight or flight", they call it. Right?
153
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,596
I don't know you.
154
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,029
Are you a fighter or a flighter,
Tony Stonem?
155
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,719
- Huh?
- Cos depending on your answer...
156
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,678
Well... a lot depends on your answer.
157
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:19,912
See you around.
158
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,633
SQUEALING OF BRAKES
159
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,031
DOORBELL RINGS
160
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,234
Hi, Effy.
(Silly voice) How are you?
161
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,078
I'm fine.
(Mimics Michelle) How are you?
162
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,758
Good. Is Tony here?
We need to speak to him.
163
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,591
Tea? Coffee, anyone?
164
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,551
- Er... no, thanks.
- Er, no, I'm fine.
165
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,194
- Tony?
- No, thank you.
166
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,391
You OK, Tony?
You seem a little under...
167
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,396
well, under the bed.
168
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,829
(Tony, muffled) I'm fine.
169
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,394
- Tony, come out.
- I'd prefer not to.
170
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:48,078
- I think we need to talk about this.
- I really don't know what you mean.
171
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,156
Well, me and Sid are together now.
172
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,668
(Tony) Yeah. I know.
173
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,632
And you're obviously not OK with it.
174
00:12:55,680 --> 00:13:00,276
- Who says I'm not?
- Well, you did, pretty much, last night.
175
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:05,314
(Tony) Oh, come on. I was only taking
the piss. You know... cos it's funny?
176
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:11,478
Listen, do you mind?
I've got an interview. Got to get ready.
177
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:15,513
- All right?
- Oh, OK. See you later, Tone.
178
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:22,599
Bye, Tony.
179
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,159
(Tony) Bye.
180
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,353
CRASH!
181
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,879
Fuck!
182
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,195
Take this.
It's stuff. Maps and shit.
183
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,832
OK.
184
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,032
You look really good, Tony.
Like you're ready for anything.
185
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:02,273
Thanks. See you later.
186
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,195
I'm gonna tell you a story.
187
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,273
A bloke,
188
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,390
he wakes up one morning.
189
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,874
He gets dressed.
He goes down the stairs.
190
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:10,878
He makes himself
a little bit of breakfast.
191
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,195
He walks to the garage,
he gets in his car.
192
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:16,630
He starts his car, drives off...
I don't know, a couple of miles.
193
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,875
Stops. Gets out his car.
194
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,718
Has a couple of blokes
pour petrol over his head and...
195
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,077
...sets fire to himself.
196
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,034
- He... what?
- Sets fire to himself. Fucking boom!
197
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,278
What's in the bag?
198
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,039
My sandwiches.
199
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,190
So what we got?
200
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,550
Ham and cheese, chicken,
or egg and cress.
201
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,238
Egg and cress.
202
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,836
Isn't life wonderful?
203
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,719
You looking?
204
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:16,039
- I don't... What?
- A few scars, a few marks.
205
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,670
What do you think of them?
206
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,597
I think they're horrible.
207
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,790
At least I fucking wear 'em. Right?
208
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,913
- Right.
- How about you?
209
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,997
- Do you... have any marks?
- No. I'm fine.
210
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,758
Oh, yeah, course you are. >
211
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,478
You're fine and dandy.
212
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,112
Right?
213
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,359
Egg and cress.
214
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,316
It's a little fucking miracle.
215
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:50,073
18 years old. The age of opportunity.
216
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,190
I bet you can't wait to come here.
217
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,596
Imagine it - being able
to live away from your parents
218
00:17:55,640 --> 00:18:00,953
and you can do anything you like,
like stay up all night and eat ice cream!
219
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,599
- Derek.
- Thanks, Polly.
220
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,392
So...
221
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:10,991
new home, new friends, new horizons.
222
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,871
The good times, the bad times...
223
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,150
The parties.
Oh, my God, the parties!
224
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:19,113
The loves that will never be,
even though they seem so right.
225
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:23,153
Just remember, though,
that if you will drink -
226
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,430
and personally,
I have a bitter lemon...
227
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,874
...but if you do, just don't overdo it,
228
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,959
or you won't be able to get up in the
morning for your lectures!
229
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:40,838
So... any more questions
before group sessions?
230
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,110
(Northern male) Are you two
shagging or what?
231
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,353
No, we're not.
232
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:56,389
I adore Derek to bits,
but he's more like a brother.
233
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,715
But you'll make friends
like that here too.
234
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:01,320
Friends who appreciate
that you never,
235
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:04,591
never, never want that to happen.
236
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,552
So... no.
237
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,910
We're certainly not doing that.
238
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,037
No. We're not. We're...
239
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:16,559
truly not.
240
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:22,029
(Voice breaks) Any more questions
before? (Thank you.)
241
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,793
Why d'you have to go and beso beautiful inside?
242
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:15,675
Don't you know it's torturous?
243
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,917
You have got some great charisma...
244
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,509
You know, if you don't
work together, then you'II...
245
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,272
You're late.
246
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,390
Sorry... I couldn't find the room.
247
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:35,116
Yet everybody else seems to have managed,
which I find kind of spooky, really.
248
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:38,799
Sorry.
249
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:41,839
Please.
250
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:48,196
So... whilst you were meandering
around the corridors,
251
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,674
we were introducing ourselves. Martin,
252
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,917
you were telling us
what you did in your gap year.
253
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:57,555
Yeah... As I was saying, I spent
most of my time in Central America.
254
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:02,151
You know, building bridges of the real
and the symbolic variety.
255
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:07,115
You know, just really teaching the people
out there the value of teamwork.
256
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,390
So 6,000 years of tribal society,
257
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:13,115
they still hadn't managed to grasp
the rudiments of teamwork.
258
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:17,358
Sloppy. They must have been
delighted that you showed up.
259
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,038
You next.
260
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,469
- Me?
- Yes, yes, you.
261
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,476
Enlighten us, do.
262
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,317
Um, OK.
263
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:34,991
I'm Tony Stonem.
264
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,349
- I go to college. I live in...
- I actually said enlighten us.
265
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,311
Don't bore us, Mr Stonem.
266
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:43,717
Speak about yourself, about your motives,
your drive, your animus.
267
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,950
- I...
- Don't know what animus means, do you?
268
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,357
- Yes. I know what it means.
- Well, I'm relieved.
269
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:57,439
You see, because at this university,
we don't have room for the inarticulate.
270
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,238
I think I'd better go, then.
271
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,077
Bye.
272
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:12,918
Good. So, Tony, you were about to tell us
just how extremely clever you are.
273
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,559
- I'm not that clever.
- Oh, he's clever, all right.
274
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,795
Really? >
275
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,478
Touching.
276
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,795
Sadly lacking in substance.
277
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:28,834
At our university you have to have verve,
a sense of charisma -
278
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,589
intellectual thrust. That's what
we're here to do this afternoon -
279
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,837
find out whether you're a giver,
or whether you're...
280
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,030
< Willing to sleep with the lecturers?
281
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,353
- I'm sorry?
- I was just making the point, sir,
282
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:46,029
that you've been screwing every girl
in here with your eyes since we arrived,
283
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:50,756
which suggests that sex ranks higher
than substance.
284
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,870
And I'll pass, thanks.
285
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:56,708
You see, I don't really find
intellectual thrust that sexy...
286
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,638
Or fake tan, for that matter.
287
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,069
Oh, you think that's funny, do you?
288
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,435
- It's possibly funny.
- Possibly funny.
289
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,153
Right, well, the thing is,
I don't actually have to put up...
290
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:11,158
OK. Cool. See ya.
291
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:19,517
I think you should join her.
Don't you, Tony?
292
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,679
Toodle-oo.
293
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,074
DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS
294
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,031
You.
295
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,275
(Girl) You really fucked up in there.
296
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:45,029
(Tony) I really fucked up? Wait,
what are you even doing here, anyway?
297
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:46,798
Same thing you are.
298
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,835
Wow! Check it out.
299
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,354
Ah! Shall we?
300
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:11,718
No. No way. First of all, I can't really
swim very well any more and secondly...
301
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:13,352
Ah, boo-hoo!
302
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,710
SHE LAUGHS
303
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,159
What the fuck?!
304
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,111
I told you, I can't...
305
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,076
- I can't... can't swim!
- Oh, you're such a pussy.
306
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:34,956
- I can't.
- You just don't want to. Lie back.
307
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,558
That's it.
308
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:39,712
You're OK.
309
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:41,398
It's easy.
310
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:44,839
Just float.
311
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:51,074
Why d'you have to go and beso beautiful inside
312
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:56,148
Don't you know it's torturous?
313
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,514
You have got some great charisma
314
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:06,033
But to our senses we are all estranged
315
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:10,032
Why d'you have to go and beso beautiful inside...
316
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,036
< Excuse me.
317
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,554
Come here, please.
318
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:22,392
...You have got some great charismaBut to our senses we are all estranged...
319
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:26,399
Come on. Bit naughty, but never mind.
320
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,192
Up you come.
321
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:40,398
Tony - is that right?
322
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,317
Yes.
323
00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:45,909
Now, Tony, the thing is, we're not
really supposed to go in the pool.
324
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:50,112
- It's really only for sporting events.
- And the Super Irony Fun Splash Club.
325
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:55,075
And the Super Irony Fun Splash Club, too.
You're supposed to be on the tour.
326
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:57,680
There was this girl, but she's gone.
327
00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:59,870
Don't go with her, Tony.
328
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:02,673
- What?
- You should join us.
329
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,312
What?
330
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:07,830
Yes. We'll find you
somewhere you can dry off.
331
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:11,156
You should get out
of those wet clothes, too.
332
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,988
I'd really like to see you
out of those clothes.
333
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,315
I'll lend you my cagoule.
334
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,310
I'm all right, thanks. Just...
335
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:23,191
I'm all right.
336
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,879
(Derek) 'Built in 1972, then demolished
the following year'
337
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:32,515
before being rebuilt in '85,
the Bulwer-Lytton building
338
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:35,393
is a classic example
of the late modernist,
339
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,919
post-Bauhaus development
340
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,475
from humanist rationalist
impulses from utility.
341
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:44,638
Inspired by Alvar Aalto's signature style,
the building is built...
342
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,274
Psst!
343
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:48,639
In here. Come in here.
344
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:54,357
...social interaction and the hyper
relevance of volume as, er...
345
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:00,279
I want to talk to you.
346
00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:02,873
Come here, then.
347
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:11,596
- What are you doing?
- The idea is to walk across the room.
348
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,473
The room's full of shit.
349
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,637
This is a lab. It's an experiment.
350
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,109
Come here.
351
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,118
ELECTRICITY BUZZES
352
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:24,639
For fuck's sakes.
353
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:28,276
BREAKING GLASS
354
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,072
Fuck.
355
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,876
Oh, shit!
356
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,239
SHE LAUGHS
357
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:37,269
Ow.
358
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,353
ALARM BLARES
359
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,391
(Tony) Bollocks.
360
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,116
Well done.
361
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,674
Well done?
362
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,198
You got here, though.
363
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:56,593
What do you want from me?
364
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:57,834
ALARM CONTINUES
365
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,758
Hey! Who's in there? Over here! >
366
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:01,789
Better run.
367
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,674
(Man) Hey! Stop! Come back here, you!
368
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,917
Oi! They're going down
the science block.
369
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:10,439
Come back!
370
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,671
Halls of residence.
371
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,029
Shall we?
372
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:40,476
SNIFFS
373
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,080
Ah-hah.
374
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:50,512
Good afternoon.
375
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:51,879
How may I help you?
376
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,993
We're seeking shelter
from the fascist oppressors.
377
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:57,519
And we're wet.
378
00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:04,354
Can I interest you in some hashish?
379
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:05,992
I'm not really supposed to.
380
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,349
Drugs do odd things to me
at the moment.
381
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,834
Aren't they supposed to?
382
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:12,677
This is Matt.
383
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,199
You want a hit from the bong?
384
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,391
He is an artist. Truly, an artist.
385
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,512
I'm Toby. His roommate.
386
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:25,998
And this is of the purest,
highest possible grade.
387
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:27,268
I assure you.
388
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:28,799
(Girl) Cool!
389
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,593
SHE LAUGHS
390
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,870
Bravo!
391
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,876
All splendid fun.
392
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,592
KNOCK AT DOOR
393
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:42,510
Polly! My little chaffinch.
How the devil are you?
394
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:46,758
I'm going to pretend that
I don't smell that, Toby.
395
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,394
Smell what, mon petit chou?
396
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,716
It's very, very naughty,
what you're doing, Toby.
397
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:54,113
Quite possibly.
398
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,754
Anyway. Have you seen a...
399
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:58,597
wet boy running around here?
400
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,234
He's lost.
And he's truly in a lot of trouble.
401
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:05,592
We have witnessed no moist children
402
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:10,111
of the masculine variety
gallivanting within these halls, no.
403
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:12,435
Oh, hey, Poll. How's it going?
404
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:13,674
Oh... Hi, Matt.
405
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:15,915
You, er,
you thought about what I asked you?
406
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:17,109
Yes, actually, I have...
407
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,276
And?
408
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:21,550
All right, you can shag me.
But only once.
409
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:25,356
You're lucky Bruce is in Guatemala.
410
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,834
Fine. I'll be around later.
411
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,073
Can't allow our friends
to be naked alone, Matthew.
412
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:45,951
It's just not cricket.
413
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,479
< Got ya...
414
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:10,154
They're beautiful.
415
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,758
Oh, thanks.
416
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:13,995
I do them myself.
417
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,109
Do you?
418
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:16,639
Yeah.
419
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,990
So you could do me... now?
420
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:24,989
Sure, if you're up for it.
421
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:35,112
BUZZING
422
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,349
Does it hurt?
423
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,353
Beautifully.
424
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:49,235
What are you getting?
425
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:53,910
A mark... Passion...
426
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:57,800
Want...
427
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:01,475
Need...
428
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,591
My, my.
429
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:13,395
Thank you.
430
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,318
My...
431
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:20,751
My pleasure.
432
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,598
(Girl) Come and look at it.
433
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:32,069
What's it like?
434
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:34,111
Good.
435
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:35,752
Touch it.
436
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:36,789
What?
437
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:38,319
Touch it.
438
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,516
GASPS
439
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:47,789
I can't do this.
440
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:51,355
So many things you can't do.
441
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:55,154
You can't swim, you can't run...
442
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,634
You can't fuck.
443
00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,511
Oh, dear.
444
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,279
How d'you know that?
445
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,834
But you can, Tony Stonem.
446
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,952
You can fuck me right now.
447
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:09,115
No, I couldn't.
448
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:10,149
You want to.
449
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,111
Hey, fuck you!
450
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:13,593
I got hit by a fucking bus.
That fucks you up.
451
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:15,915
Well, fuck you right back.
452
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:17,837
You're just not trying hard enough.
453
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:20,314
You must be so happy
the way you are.
454
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,828
Why do you care if my dick
can get hard or not?
455
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,075
This is fucked up beyond words.
456
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:27,076
Coward. Fucking coward.
457
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:28,155
Coward.
458
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:29,315
Wanker.
459
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:35,549
Why don't you just stop being such
a fucking pussy and let the fuck go?
460
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,391
Fucking leave me alone!
461
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,390
There you are. Are you OK?
462
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:05,278
Look at you, you poor thing.
463
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:09,233
Come with us. We'll get you some
warm clothes and a nice hot tea.
464
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:13,114
The Musical Society are going to
do a performance for all of you.
465
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:14,912
HMS Pinafore.
466
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,394
(Polly) I've treacle and toffeeI've tea and I've coffee
467
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,671
Soft tommy and succulent chops
468
00:34:20,720 --> 00:34:24,349
So buy of your ButtercupPoor Little Buttercup
469
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,312
Come of your Buttercup, buyl
470
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,954
(Polly) Come back!
There'll be cheese and wine.
471
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,115
(Derek) It'll be fun!
472
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,833
(Polly) There's always cheese and wine!
473
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:46,239
Take a seat.
474
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,913
Eventful day.
475
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:59,875
Pissing around in pools,
smashing up labs, avoiding activities,
476
00:34:59,920 --> 00:35:01,911
getting up to no good in the dorms.
477
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:02,949
How'd you know what I?
478
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:04,638
And now you turn up
479
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:09,549
for an interview like, well...
480
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:13,354
You know, I'm amazed you
actually even bothered, really.
481
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,236
But I'm a fair man,
482
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,669
so bearing all that in mind,
483
00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:21,870
why don't you
484
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:27,074
try to convince me into offering you
a place at this university?
485
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,829
Oh, you think you're so original,
don't you?
486
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:37,632
I have met a million kids like you.
487
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:41,275
Yeah, vaguely intelligent.
Agonisingly middle-class.
488
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:45,871
Read a book by Camus, a book by
Kafka. No real substance, though.
489
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,673
Just a little fucked-up jumble
of misdirected,
490
00:35:48,720 --> 00:35:53,316
immature, poly-sexuality
and pure, arrogant, impotent rage.
491
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,348
So...
492
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,118
What you got, big boy?
493
00:36:05,240 --> 00:36:06,798
Get off me.
494
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:10,276
You don't know a fucking thing about me,
you sanctimonious cunt.
495
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,710
But since we're playing the guessing
game, let's make a few assumptions.
496
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,638
A divorced, Ionely,
middle-aged lecturer,
497
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,830
who lives alone
and gets his rocks off...
498
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:19,869
You are really
fucking blowing this...
499
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,833
...gets his fucking rocks off trying
to sleep with fucking first years.
500
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:27,555
Other hobbies include intimidation
and furtive masturbation.
501
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:30,433
I bet you thought you'd died
and gone to heaven when you got here.
502
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,233
Your own office
and all the students you could eat.
503
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:34,269
Let go of me now.
504
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,073
Animus.
505
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:40,430
It means spirit, courage,
506
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:43,199
passion, wrath.
507
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,911
This is mine.
508
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,913
Who the fucking hell
do you think you are?
509
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:56,996
I'm a bad dream, mate.
510
00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:00,476
I'm you before you shrivelled
and died.
511
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:02,954
And I don't wanna go
where you've been.
512
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:08,596
So in answer
to your earlier question,
513
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,029
you should've given me a place here.
514
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,594
I'd have been the best student
you'd ever had.
515
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:37,791
Here he comes. Welcome back, Tony.
516
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,313
Congratulations, Tony.
Good work, sir.
517
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:44,475
Enjoy.
518
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,556
The pleasure is all yours, sir.
519
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,989
The pleasure is all yours.
520
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:29,438
PANTS
521
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:45,799
You're not coming?
522
00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:49,870
I think I'll stay here for a while.
523
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:52,589
It's peaceful.
524
00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:58,836
Go home.
525
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:03,669
It was good to meet you.
526
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:13,519
Thank you.
527
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:22,431
Don't look back, Tony.
528
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,758
APPLAUSE
529
00:41:24,720 --> 00:41:25,709
Hey, Tone.
530
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,955
Where are Sid and Michelle?
531
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,479
No idea.
532
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:31,839
You're a terrible liar, Jal.
533
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,314
Anybody can see you've
got something going on.
534
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:44,429
Shit!
535
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:45,469
(Michelle) Christ!
536
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:46,509
What the fuck?!
537
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:47,788
Tony!
538
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:49,034
What the fuck are you?
539
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:50,069
Shut up!
540
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:51,235
Sid, are you gonna let him?
541
00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:53,840
- Tony, I'm objecting to...
- You're always fucking objecting!
542
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:55,518
Can't you do something?
543
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:58,074
OK. OK, Jesus.
544
00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:03,389
Tony, what?
545
00:42:03,440 --> 00:42:06,910
Are you trying to scare me,
cos it's not working?
546
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:09,509
I love you.
547
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:12,830
I'm saying it again. OK?
548
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:17,792
And you.
549
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,354
I love you too, you little fucker.
550
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,875
This is wrong.
Can't you see it's all wrong?
551
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:31,194
You're my girlfriend!
552
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,551
And you're my best friend.
553
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:35,715
Tony, I love her.
554
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,398
- No, you don't.
- OK, maybe I don't.
555
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:40,192
He loves Cassie.
556
00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:44,279
And you love me.
That works.
557
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:45,389
We work.
558
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:48,000
Why now? It's too late.
559
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:49,792
It's always been there, Michelle.
560
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,512
It just took a while.
561
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:53,710
I need you.
562
00:42:56,880 --> 00:42:58,359
You can't have her.
563
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:01,309
It's wrong.
564
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:04,949
It's wrong.
565
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:07,999
That's all I'm trying to say.
566
00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:49,355
Everything's going
to be all right, Cass.
567
00:43:49,405 --> 00:43:53,955
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