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1
00:00:04,407 --> 00:00:07,046
Stick a pony in me pocket
2
00:00:07,767 --> 00:00:10,839
I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
3
00:00:11,807 --> 00:00:13,923
'Cause if you want the best 'uns
4
00:00:14,087 --> 00:00:15,884
But you don't ask questions
5
00:00:16,047 --> 00:00:18,561
Then, brother, I'm your man
6
00:00:19,607 --> 00:00:22,838
'Cause where it all comes from
is a mystery
7
00:00:23,007 --> 00:00:26,841
It's like the changing of the seasons
and the tides of the sea
8
00:00:27,087 --> 00:00:30,716
But here's the one
that's driving me berserk:
9
00:00:30,887 --> 00:00:33,640
Why do only fools and horses work?
10
00:00:33,807 --> 00:00:35,604
La-la la-la la
11
00:00:35,767 --> 00:00:37,598
La-la la-la la
12
00:00:37,767 --> 00:00:41,237
La-la la-la la
la-la la-la la...
13
00:00:44,407 --> 00:00:46,637
What's up with you, Rodney?
14
00:00:46,807 --> 00:00:48,798
I'm a bit nervous, that's all.
15
00:00:48,967 --> 00:00:51,845
I mean, this bloke we're
gonna see, this Justin.
16
00:00:52,007 --> 00:00:55,795
He's not going to ask me
about my private life, is he?
17
00:00:55,967 --> 00:00:58,527
Of course he ain't.
Well, not that private.
18
00:00:58,687 --> 00:01:03,397
He won't want to know about you
and Cassandra's little problems.
19
00:01:03,567 --> 00:01:06,240
No, no. Good. 'Cause otherwise I...
20
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:10,916
What problems? Me and Cassandra
haven't got any problems.
21
00:01:11,087 --> 00:01:13,123
That's not what you said to me.
22
00:01:14,687 --> 00:01:17,201
So there's been one or two minor hiccups
23
00:01:17,367 --> 00:01:19,198
in the bedroom department,
24
00:01:19,367 --> 00:01:22,120
but they're personal
and I told you in confidence.
25
00:01:22,287 --> 00:01:23,766
All right.
26
00:01:24,247 --> 00:01:28,525
I'm not going to be telling him
about your thongs and things.
27
00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,797
I won't say what Cassandra wears either.
28
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:37,556
Sorry to keep you. It's been
a particularly busy morning.
29
00:01:37,727 --> 00:01:41,606
I've got all the basic details
about your business career,
30
00:01:41,767 --> 00:01:44,565
but I'd like to get an insight
into the real you.
31
00:01:45,607 --> 00:01:48,326
How you started,
how you became so successful,
32
00:01:48,487 --> 00:01:53,197
but more importantly, your lives
and your "raison d'etre".
33
00:01:53,367 --> 00:01:56,245
Oh, yeah. "Laboratory Garny."
34
00:02:01,327 --> 00:02:05,957
So, in your own words
and in your own time.
35
00:02:08,767 --> 00:02:10,883
Well, where shall I start, Justin?
36
00:02:12,727 --> 00:02:15,400
Well, up to a few years ago,
37
00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:18,604
we were just very ordinary people
38
00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:23,124
living very ordinary lives.
Weren't we, Rodney?
39
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:31,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
40
00:02:40,087 --> 00:02:41,600
Mmm.
41
00:02:41,767 --> 00:02:43,644
And then, as you know,
42
00:02:43,807 --> 00:02:48,483
one day I discovered an historic
and almost priceless artefact.
43
00:02:48,647 --> 00:02:51,081
At first we didn't know what to do with it.
44
00:02:51,247 --> 00:02:52,566
That's right.
45
00:02:52,727 --> 00:02:56,402
We thought about donating it
to the British Museum.
46
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,797
Yeah. And then we decided to flog it.
47
00:02:59,967 --> 00:03:01,639
So before you know it,
48
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,559
Rodders and me have come into
49
00:03:03,727 --> 00:03:07,766
nigh on six and a half million quid.
50
00:03:09,247 --> 00:03:11,807
Well, after we divvied the dosh up -
51
00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:15,437
making sure our Uncle Albert
got a nice little drink.
52
00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:19,763
But we thought of others first.
53
00:03:20,247 --> 00:03:22,556
We donated to charity -
54
00:03:23,047 --> 00:03:25,038
anonymously, of course.
55
00:03:31,727 --> 00:03:36,118
So, eventually, we had to start
thinking about our future.
56
00:03:36,287 --> 00:03:42,044
So we sought out this City stockbroker
and he advised us
57
00:03:42,207 --> 00:03:45,404
to invest in a new and vibrant venture.
58
00:03:45,567 --> 00:03:47,478
The Central American market.
59
00:03:47,647 --> 00:03:50,115
It was attracting massive funds.
60
00:03:50,287 --> 00:03:52,755
We were making more money
than the Royal Mint.
61
00:03:52,927 --> 00:03:54,440
But we weren't flash.
62
00:03:54,607 --> 00:03:57,075
Oh, no, no. We weren't flash.
63
00:04:00,047 --> 00:04:03,596
When we went away on business,
we took the family with us.
64
00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:06,235
There would be me and Raquel -
65
00:04:06,407 --> 00:04:09,126
my significant other -
and, of course...
66
00:04:09,647 --> 00:04:12,923
- Rodney, Cassandra.
- Cheers.
67
00:04:15,207 --> 00:04:18,438
And not forgetting
my young son Damien.
68
00:04:19,967 --> 00:04:21,878
He's a lad, in't he, eh?
69
00:04:27,247 --> 00:04:29,920
She's into superstition
70
00:04:30,087 --> 00:04:32,237
Black cats and voodoo dolls
71
00:04:32,407 --> 00:04:34,841
I feel a premonition
72
00:04:35,007 --> 00:04:37,601
That girl's gonna make me fall
73
00:04:43,447 --> 00:04:46,120
She's into new sensations
74
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:48,721
New kicks and candlelight
75
00:04:48,887 --> 00:04:51,481
She's got a new addiction
76
00:04:51,647 --> 00:04:54,161
For every day and night...
77
00:04:57,767 --> 00:04:59,883
Oh, Mr Trotter.
78
00:05:00,047 --> 00:05:01,878
It's good to see you again.
79
00:05:03,647 --> 00:05:05,558
Bonnet de douche, Dominique.
80
00:05:05,727 --> 00:05:07,240
Bonnet de douche.
81
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,486
Del, you've got to have a word
with Damien.
82
00:05:11,647 --> 00:05:15,162
- People are complaining.
- Oh, no. What's he done now?
83
00:05:15,327 --> 00:05:17,318
He's weed in the swimming pool.
84
00:05:18,167 --> 00:05:19,680
Leave it out, Cassandra.
85
00:05:19,847 --> 00:05:22,600
All little boys do a Johnny Cash
in the pool.
86
00:05:22,767 --> 00:05:26,521
Yes, but not from the top
of the four-metre diving board.
87
00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:34,285
The little git.
88
00:05:36,927 --> 00:05:39,839
# To make you go insane
All right!
89
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,475
# Upside inside out
90
00:05:42,647 --> 00:05:45,002
# She's living la vida loca
91
00:05:45,167 --> 00:05:48,000
# She'll push and pull you down
92
00:05:48,167 --> 00:05:50,476
# Living la vida loca... #
93
00:05:50,847 --> 00:05:53,566
Well, this is the bizzo, ain't it, Rodders?
94
00:05:53,727 --> 00:05:55,524
It's not too bad, is it?
95
00:05:55,687 --> 00:05:58,042
Old Uncle Albert would love it here, eh?
96
00:05:58,207 --> 00:06:01,404
Yeah. Mind you, bet your life
he's been here before!
97
00:06:02,967 --> 00:06:06,926
He's happy down on the coast,
right next door to the sea.
98
00:06:07,087 --> 00:06:10,159
And he's living in sin
with old Elsie Partridge -
99
00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:12,124
his "girlfriend".
100
00:06:12,287 --> 00:06:15,165
His girlfriend! Do me a favour!
101
00:06:15,327 --> 00:06:19,161
I heard she cut the ribbon
on the opening of Stonehenge!
102
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:24,442
At least we don't get
the Battle of the Baltic every night.
103
00:06:24,607 --> 00:06:28,361
- "During the war..."
- "During the war..."
104
00:06:30,127 --> 00:06:32,641
Come on, Rodders. I feel lucky tonight.
105
00:06:32,807 --> 00:06:34,525
Del, I can't, mate.
106
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:38,997
- What?
- I promised Cassandra.
107
00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:41,886
No gambling, no discos,
108
00:06:42,047 --> 00:06:44,117
no talking to women and no boozing.
109
00:06:44,927 --> 00:06:48,476
Yeah. What she meant was not to excess.
110
00:06:49,047 --> 00:06:50,924
You're not on probation, are you?
111
00:06:52,607 --> 00:06:56,282
I'll treat us to a few bottles
of champagne to get us started.
112
00:06:57,727 --> 00:07:00,799
- "During the war..."
- "During the war..."
113
00:07:00,967 --> 00:07:03,606
"I was aboard this battle cruiser..."
114
00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:08,443
And then, just as everything
seemed to be going so well...
115
00:07:08,607 --> 00:07:10,723
Her lips are devil red
116
00:07:10,887 --> 00:07:13,082
Her skin's the colour mocha
117
She will wear you out...
118
00:07:15,687 --> 00:07:17,439
Something...
119
00:07:19,727 --> 00:07:21,763
something terrible happened.
120
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,962
Chateauneuf du Pape!
121
00:07:35,807 --> 00:07:39,038
Negotiations between
the Central American countries
122
00:07:39,207 --> 00:07:40,959
had collapsed.
123
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,595
We was wiped out. Nicht a coin.
124
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:47,157
We'd even paid for the hotel
on a credit card -
125
00:07:47,327 --> 00:07:50,000
a credit card
which had now been withdrawn.
126
00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:54,206
But Derek is, if nothing else,
a very creative businessman,
127
00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:57,325
and he came up with a solution
to our dilemma.
128
00:07:57,487 --> 00:08:00,479
(MUSIC: "LA VIDA LOCA")
129
00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:12,525
Monsieur Trotter! Your bill!
130
00:08:16,007 --> 00:08:17,998
Right. It's time to go.
131
00:08:20,007 --> 00:08:21,838
Follow me, gentlemen.
132
00:08:30,647 --> 00:08:32,922
How long did it take
the news to hit the UK?
133
00:08:33,087 --> 00:08:36,079
As long as it took to push
a button on the Internet.
134
00:08:36,247 --> 00:08:39,205
Suddenly, all our "business associates"
135
00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:41,085
wouldn't return our calls.
136
00:08:41,247 --> 00:08:43,397
We were in the financial wilderness.
137
00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:46,286
Fortunately, we come
from a strong community,
138
00:08:46,447 --> 00:08:49,359
and when our old friends
from Peckham heard the news
139
00:08:49,527 --> 00:08:52,917
they was as gutted as us.
Weren't they?
140
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,564
(SNIGGERING)
141
00:09:02,247 --> 00:09:05,080
There's a name that crops up
every now and then.
142
00:09:05,247 --> 00:09:07,238
Michael Fisher.
143
00:09:07,407 --> 00:09:11,036
Landlord of a public house -
the Nag's Head, Peckham.
144
00:09:11,207 --> 00:09:13,596
What part did he play in the proceedings?
145
00:09:13,767 --> 00:09:16,998
Well, Mike invested
his life savings in our venture.
146
00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:18,885
He remortgaged the pub.
147
00:09:19,047 --> 00:09:21,003
Will Mr Fisher give evidence?
148
00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:22,839
No. He's in prison.
149
00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:25,164
He's awaiting trial.
150
00:09:25,967 --> 00:09:30,643
The Fraud Squad claims
that he tried to recoup his losses
151
00:09:30,807 --> 00:09:32,798
by embezzling the brewery.
152
00:09:33,527 --> 00:09:35,916
Never was a man more innocent.
153
00:09:36,087 --> 00:09:39,363
I take it Mr Fisher
will be pleading not guilty?
154
00:09:39,527 --> 00:09:41,643
No. He confessed to everything.
155
00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:56,439
For Gawd's sake, sit down!
You're wearing the marble out!
156
00:09:56,607 --> 00:09:59,997
I can't help it! I've never
been a character witness before.
157
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,919
And you think we have?
158
00:10:02,087 --> 00:10:04,885
I'm worried.
Del's made a terrible mistake.
159
00:10:05,687 --> 00:10:08,281
Of course he's made a terrible mistake.
160
00:10:08,447 --> 00:10:10,165
That's why he's in court.
161
00:10:10,327 --> 00:10:13,399
No. I mean having you four
as character witnesses.
162
00:10:13,567 --> 00:10:16,206
It's like inviting
the Manson Family to dinner.
163
00:10:18,527 --> 00:10:21,519
I saw Del and Rodney earlier.
They seemed confident.
164
00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:25,362
They've arranged to meet Raquel
and Cassandra to celebrate,
165
00:10:25,527 --> 00:10:27,643
so I'd avoid Pizza Hut if I were you!
166
00:10:30,447 --> 00:10:33,883
Del was not confident.
He was deeply worried.
167
00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:35,958
He didn't even touch me up.
168
00:10:38,927 --> 00:10:41,885
- I've got most to worry about.
- Why?
169
00:10:42,047 --> 00:10:45,278
I'm managing the Nag's Head
till Mike is released.
170
00:10:45,447 --> 00:10:47,836
But how exactly do I know
what he got up to?
171
00:10:48,007 --> 00:10:51,682
Yeah. How does Sid know Mike
didn't post-date his fiddles
172
00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:53,758
so the police think they're Sid's?
173
00:10:53,927 --> 00:10:55,997
There's nothing to be nervous about.
174
00:10:56,167 --> 00:10:58,237
All you've got to do is tell the truth.
175
00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:00,796
Trig, if I go in there and tell the truth,
176
00:11:00,967 --> 00:11:03,356
Del and Rodney will spend
the next five years
177
00:11:03,527 --> 00:11:06,485
sharpening Jeffrey Archer's pencils.
178
00:11:07,327 --> 00:11:09,204
What are you going to do, Trig?
179
00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:11,676
I'm gonna tell 'em I hear voices.
180
00:11:12,247 --> 00:11:15,922
Trig, you're not on trial,
you're a character witness.
181
00:11:16,087 --> 00:11:19,284
I know, but I hear voices.
182
00:11:21,087 --> 00:11:24,716
Oh, Gawd, it's gonna be
one of them days.
183
00:11:25,487 --> 00:11:28,718
I notice that your properties
were company owned,
184
00:11:28,887 --> 00:11:31,401
- so you both lost your homes?
- Yes.
185
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:33,637
I had a lovely place on the river.
186
00:11:33,807 --> 00:11:37,356
Well, I had an estate
with peacocks and everything.
187
00:11:38,287 --> 00:11:40,881
Anyway, at least we weren't homeless.
188
00:11:41,047 --> 00:11:44,642
Due to my foresight
some years previously,
189
00:11:44,807 --> 00:11:48,402
I had bought another property.
So we had somewhere to live.
190
00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:52,037
Yeah. It's called our old flat,
Nelson Mandela House!
191
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:56,280
That just goes to show
how our fortunes altered.
192
00:11:56,447 --> 00:11:59,405
- Suddenly, everything changed.
- Yeah.
193
00:11:59,567 --> 00:12:01,717
All our good luck turned to bad.
194
00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:05,243
Every day there was more rows,
there was more bad news.
195
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,725
We thought things
couldn't possibly get worse.
196
00:12:08,887 --> 00:12:11,037
Boy, how wrong we were.
197
00:12:13,487 --> 00:12:16,081
(AUDIENCE CHEER)
198
00:12:20,047 --> 00:12:21,480
Good evening.
199
00:12:21,647 --> 00:12:24,605
Welcome to the quiz show
everyone is talking about.
200
00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:26,837
This is the fastest game show on TV.
201
00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:29,157
This is Monday, this is Jonathan Ross,
202
00:12:29,327 --> 00:12:31,318
and this is Goldrush!
203
00:12:37,567 --> 00:12:40,764
It's no good looking at me
with that Anne Robinson face.
204
00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:44,003
I'll look at you any way I like.
205
00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:49,320
At least I am trying
to do something about it.
206
00:12:49,487 --> 00:12:51,523
What exactly are you doing?
207
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:54,679
- I'm after a stockbroker.
- You've got a stockbroker.
208
00:12:54,847 --> 00:12:56,724
That's the one I'm after!
209
00:12:57,447 --> 00:13:00,644
Why didn't he tell me
the market was going to crash?
210
00:13:00,807 --> 00:13:03,037
He phoned you at least six times.
211
00:13:03,207 --> 00:13:05,357
He said he had to speak to you urgently,
212
00:13:05,527 --> 00:13:07,438
but you were too busy.
213
00:13:07,607 --> 00:13:09,438
Well, I was water skiing.
214
00:13:09,607 --> 00:13:11,404
You wasted our birthright!
215
00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:14,035
And then Trotter's Independent Traders
216
00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:17,324
hired a helicopter to fly
to Nice to collect magazines.
217
00:13:17,487 --> 00:13:18,920
Unbelievable!
218
00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:21,246
That was you!
219
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,246
Oh, yeah.
220
00:13:24,407 --> 00:13:27,763
Well, I'm a big man.
I've got broad shoulders.
221
00:13:27,927 --> 00:13:31,203
The buck stops here.
I take full responsibility.
222
00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:33,756
Even though it was Rodney's fault.
223
00:13:33,927 --> 00:13:36,441
Me?! How the hell was it my fault?
224
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:39,599
You were the company's
Director of Administration.
225
00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:42,281
That meant organising
the Christmas parties.
226
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:45,962
They were about as exciting
as a Buddhist hen night.
227
00:13:47,687 --> 00:13:50,565
You were the Managing Director,
the Chairman,
228
00:13:50,727 --> 00:13:53,082
the Chief Executive and the President.
229
00:13:53,247 --> 00:13:54,726
It's my fault, is it?!
230
00:13:54,887 --> 00:13:58,721
Either you or this is
the Chinese Year of the Dodo!
231
00:13:59,287 --> 00:14:03,075
Wait a minute. You can't lay
all the blame at Derek's door.
232
00:14:03,247 --> 00:14:04,680
I know it's tempting.
233
00:14:05,527 --> 00:14:08,599
Why is it that whenever we've got
something good going,
234
00:14:08,767 --> 00:14:12,157
anything that remotely resembles
a future, he nauses it up?
235
00:14:12,327 --> 00:14:15,239
- That's just the way he is.
- Thank you.
236
00:14:18,447 --> 00:14:22,804
It's unfair of you to blame Rodney.
He is your brother.
237
00:14:22,967 --> 00:14:26,323
Yes, and like a brother,
he's let me down all his life.
238
00:14:28,807 --> 00:14:30,320
Is that right?
239
00:14:30,487 --> 00:14:34,366
If I'm such a let-down,
why did you insist on having me around?
240
00:14:35,287 --> 00:14:37,278
To keep my promise to Mum.
241
00:14:37,927 --> 00:14:41,044
And you never know when you
might need some bone marrow.
242
00:14:41,207 --> 00:14:43,277
(PHONE RINGS)
243
00:14:45,807 --> 00:14:48,082
Cassandra, answer that phone, please.
244
00:14:48,247 --> 00:14:50,078
Yes, sir. Straight away, sir.
245
00:14:50,247 --> 00:14:52,807
This time next year, we'll be millionaires.
246
00:14:52,967 --> 00:14:55,925
This time last week, we were millionaires!
247
00:14:57,047 --> 00:14:59,402
Sorry. I can't hear you very well.
248
00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:01,478
Go in the kitchen, then!
249
00:15:01,647 --> 00:15:04,559
Don't worry. I've worked it
all out. I'm serious.
250
00:15:04,727 --> 00:15:09,278
I've worked out a way to make
a hundred thousand pounds.
251
00:15:09,447 --> 00:15:12,484
- Invest that wisely...
- Invest that wisely!
252
00:15:12,647 --> 00:15:15,207
Invest it wisely, and before you know it,
253
00:15:15,367 --> 00:15:17,722
you and I can buy a nice little gaff each.
254
00:15:17,887 --> 00:15:21,641
All right. Go on, then. What's the plan?
255
00:15:21,807 --> 00:15:25,163
I wasn't going to say anything,
but... OK. You ready?
256
00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:30,126
I'm going to apply to go on
that new game show, the Goldrush.
257
00:15:34,887 --> 00:15:36,684
Did I say something amusing?
258
00:15:37,727 --> 00:15:39,763
Last night one of the questions was
259
00:15:39,927 --> 00:15:43,840
who introduced the potato to England?
You said King Edward!
260
00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:49,997
I didn't hear the question properly.
261
00:15:51,047 --> 00:15:53,959
Look, Del, if you want
to appear on the telly,
262
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:56,038
try for something more simple.
263
00:15:56,207 --> 00:15:58,960
Like go on Stars in their Eyes
as Barry White!
264
00:16:00,007 --> 00:16:01,804
Del. Del!
265
00:16:02,487 --> 00:16:05,240
- It's Elsie Partridge's son.
- What's he want?
266
00:16:05,407 --> 00:16:08,080
It's Uncle Albert. I'm sorry.
267
00:16:10,647 --> 00:16:12,080
I'm so sorry.
268
00:16:12,247 --> 00:16:15,478
(SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS)
269
00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,882
Right. Are we ready?
270
00:16:49,327 --> 00:16:52,876
- Shall I bring the wreath?
- Wait till the hearse arrives.
271
00:16:53,047 --> 00:16:55,436
Yeah. All right. Come on.
272
00:17:00,567 --> 00:17:03,365
Hello. We're Albert's nephews.
273
00:17:04,287 --> 00:17:07,040
Derek and Rodney Trotter from Peckham.
274
00:17:07,207 --> 00:17:10,279
Hello. I'm Marion. I did
a bit of cleaning for Albert.
275
00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:12,523
Lovely old man.
276
00:17:14,287 --> 00:17:15,959
Went on a bit.
277
00:17:18,047 --> 00:17:20,038
Excuse me. Excuse me.
278
00:17:20,487 --> 00:17:23,479
This is Cassandra, that's Rodney's wife.
279
00:17:23,647 --> 00:17:26,207
This is Damien. This is my son.
280
00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:29,800
This is Raquel.
She's my significant other.
281
00:17:30,447 --> 00:17:33,519
Nice to meet you all.
Please come in and have a drink.
282
00:17:33,687 --> 00:17:35,040
Thank you.
283
00:17:38,687 --> 00:17:40,120
Thank you.
284
00:17:48,247 --> 00:17:49,965
Damien, put it back.
285
00:17:53,927 --> 00:17:57,237
I feel bad, you know,
about leaving him here on his own
286
00:17:57,407 --> 00:17:59,318
while we was off globe-trotting.
287
00:17:59,487 --> 00:18:01,717
He wasn't on his own.
He was with Elsie.
288
00:18:01,887 --> 00:18:05,038
But Elsie was in that rest home
for the last six months.
289
00:18:05,207 --> 00:18:07,163
But he had her family around him.
290
00:18:07,327 --> 00:18:09,397
Yeah. He was having a good time.
291
00:18:09,567 --> 00:18:11,159
Yeah, I know.
292
00:18:11,327 --> 00:18:14,080
It's just I wish we'd taken him with us
293
00:18:14,247 --> 00:18:16,841
when we went to Barbados
and other places.
294
00:18:17,007 --> 00:18:18,599
Well, we did ask.
295
00:18:18,767 --> 00:18:21,201
But if you remember,
the Ancient Mariner,
296
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:24,598
who'd been round the world
more times than a satellite,
297
00:18:24,767 --> 00:18:26,837
never had a passport.
298
00:18:27,847 --> 00:18:29,917
Good job Hitler didn't find that out.
299
00:18:30,087 --> 00:18:32,362
Albert would have been in right trouble.
300
00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:43,320
Hey, Rodney.
301
00:18:45,367 --> 00:18:50,077
The old sod. He only had his own
monogrammed brandy glass.
302
00:18:50,247 --> 00:18:52,363
He loved his cognac, didn't he?
303
00:18:52,527 --> 00:18:56,042
"Just to keep the old colds
at bay." Eh? Remember?
304
00:18:56,207 --> 00:18:59,517
Pardon me. I'm Roland.
I was married to Albert's niece.
305
00:18:59,687 --> 00:19:01,518
Oh. This is my brother Rodney.
306
00:19:01,687 --> 00:19:04,804
- Rodney.
- Cassandra, come and say hello.
307
00:19:04,967 --> 00:19:07,117
This is Cassandra, Rodney's wife.
308
00:19:07,287 --> 00:19:09,801
- Hello.
- And Damien. My son Damien.
309
00:19:09,967 --> 00:19:12,959
- And this is...
- Raquel.
310
00:19:13,127 --> 00:19:15,721
And this is Derek, my significant other.
311
00:19:17,847 --> 00:19:19,565
Nice to meet you all.
312
00:19:20,247 --> 00:19:23,125
Well, I suppose
we'll all miss him in our way.
313
00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,642
Yeah. We're missing him already.
314
00:19:26,247 --> 00:19:28,397
I tell you one thing we won't miss.
315
00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:32,082
All those bloody wartime sagas.
Ooh.
316
00:19:34,887 --> 00:19:38,880
Actually, Roland, we used
to love hearing about his past.
317
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:41,402
That's right. Couldn't get enough of it.
318
00:19:41,567 --> 00:19:44,206
Yeah, but he did go on, didn't he?
319
00:19:44,367 --> 00:19:46,676
He never bloody stopped.
320
00:19:47,647 --> 00:19:51,526
Yeah. Well, you'd have to blame me
for that one, Roland.
321
00:19:51,807 --> 00:19:54,367
You see, I used to love them stories.
322
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:58,566
I loved them so much that when
he said, "Germany surrendered",
323
00:19:58,727 --> 00:20:01,400
I'd say, "Tell us about
when war was declared",
324
00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:04,604
and he'd start all over again
and go right through it.
325
00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:07,122
We'd stay up all night, wouldn't we?
326
00:20:07,287 --> 00:20:10,006
More fool you. I used to tell him straight,
327
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,123
"Oi. Knock off the John Wayne stuff.
328
00:20:12,287 --> 00:20:14,801
"You'd think you'd won
the war by yourself!"
329
00:20:14,967 --> 00:20:16,878
Well, in many ways, that's true.
330
00:20:17,047 --> 00:20:20,483
Everyone involved was fighting
their own individual war.
331
00:20:21,527 --> 00:20:23,404
Yes. And you've got to remember
332
00:20:23,567 --> 00:20:27,196
that a lot of blokes lost
their lives for our liberty,
333
00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:30,359
so that 50 years later, prats like you
334
00:20:30,527 --> 00:20:33,917
would have the freedom
to knock 'em. All right?!
335
00:20:34,087 --> 00:20:37,477
- Take it easy, Del.
- Have they got a garden here?
336
00:20:37,647 --> 00:20:41,560
You and I ought to go outside
and have a more detailed chat.
337
00:20:41,727 --> 00:20:45,037
- Del, that's enough, mate.
- Go on, Dad. Deck him!
338
00:20:46,447 --> 00:20:49,883
- I didn't mean to upset anyone.
- Calm down.
339
00:20:50,047 --> 00:20:52,607
- All right.
- The hearse is on its way.
340
00:20:53,647 --> 00:20:55,877
I'll go and get the wreath. You just...
341
00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:57,799
All right, Rodney.
342
00:21:04,247 --> 00:21:06,283
Have you calmed down?
343
00:21:07,327 --> 00:21:10,000
Yes, yes, it's all right, sweetheart.
344
00:21:11,527 --> 00:21:13,324
I'll tell you another thing.
345
00:21:13,487 --> 00:21:16,559
None of the others have bothered
to turn up, have they?
346
00:21:16,727 --> 00:21:18,957
Boycie, Marlene, Denzil, Trigger.
347
00:21:19,127 --> 00:21:22,881
"Don't worry, Del Boy,
we'll be there. Pay our last respects."
348
00:21:23,047 --> 00:21:25,038
Well, where are they?
349
00:21:25,207 --> 00:21:29,041
You'd think Sid would put in
an appearance. He was in the war.
350
00:21:29,207 --> 00:21:32,517
No. He's in that pub
making too much money.
351
00:21:33,287 --> 00:21:36,438
Well, maybe they had problems.
It is a bit of a journey.
352
00:21:36,607 --> 00:21:40,282
Good old Mike would have made
more of an effort to get here
353
00:21:40,447 --> 00:21:43,439
- and he's in the nick!
- Come on, you, outside.
354
00:21:43,607 --> 00:21:45,199
All right.
355
00:21:49,887 --> 00:21:53,641
I'm sorry again. I really
didn't mean to offend anybody.
356
00:21:53,807 --> 00:21:56,367
It's OK. Emotions
are running a bit high.
357
00:21:56,527 --> 00:21:59,439
I bet Bunny's up there
having a right laugh at us.
358
00:21:59,607 --> 00:22:01,563
I bet he is.
359
00:22:03,247 --> 00:22:04,566
Bunny?
360
00:22:04,727 --> 00:22:07,958
- Yeah. Albert.
- Why do you call him Bunny?
361
00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:12,040
That's what they called him
in the RAF. His surname was Warren.
362
00:22:12,647 --> 00:22:16,117
(ORGAN MUSIC:
TOCCATA AND FUGUE)
363
00:22:29,727 --> 00:22:31,957
Is that a Spitfire, Dad?
364
00:22:45,607 --> 00:22:47,802
We're at the wrong funeral.
365
00:22:50,687 --> 00:22:52,325
Yes.
366
00:23:41,247 --> 00:23:43,397
You have my deepest sympathy,
367
00:23:43,567 --> 00:23:46,286
but I must bring you back
to the matter in hand.
368
00:23:46,447 --> 00:23:48,961
Are there any mitigating circumstances
369
00:23:49,127 --> 00:23:51,197
you'd like me to tell the court?
370
00:23:51,367 --> 00:23:56,077
Yes. Remember to tell them
that we were slaves to detail.
371
00:23:56,247 --> 00:23:58,044
- Weren't we?
- Absolutely.
372
00:23:58,207 --> 00:24:01,836
We always got our cheques off
to the Inland Revenue on time.
373
00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:03,360
Always.
374
00:24:03,527 --> 00:24:05,358
Be upstanding.
375
00:24:07,047 --> 00:24:10,756
The Inland Revenue versus
Trotter's Independent Traders.
376
00:24:10,927 --> 00:24:15,159
Fair do's, they bounced,
but they was always on time.
377
00:24:21,247 --> 00:24:24,125
I don't believe it.
Where does he get this crap?
378
00:24:27,727 --> 00:24:29,763
I thought they were gonna bang you up.
379
00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:31,804
Well, you was wrong, Rat Boy.
380
00:24:31,967 --> 00:24:34,800
I was exonerated of all responsibility.
381
00:24:34,967 --> 00:24:37,435
- So you both got off?
- Not quite.
382
00:24:38,967 --> 00:24:40,844
I'll get you a cup of tea.
383
00:24:41,007 --> 00:24:43,475
No. I need something
stronger than tea.
384
00:24:43,647 --> 00:24:47,003
- What happened, Dad?
- They declared me bankrupt.
385
00:24:47,167 --> 00:24:50,557
- Are you going to prison?
- No! Well, not yet.
386
00:24:50,727 --> 00:24:52,399
Why does he go on about prison?
387
00:24:52,567 --> 00:24:55,206
His mates' dads are doing time.
He feels left out.
388
00:24:55,367 --> 00:24:57,278
Damien, go and tidy your room.
389
00:24:57,447 --> 00:24:59,756
- I tidied it already.
- Tidy it again.
390
00:25:02,047 --> 00:25:04,880
So what exactly does it mean?
391
00:25:05,047 --> 00:25:10,121
It means that the Inland Revenue
give you a year to pay off your debt.
392
00:25:10,287 --> 00:25:13,723
Then they come and take
all your goods - anything of value.
393
00:25:13,887 --> 00:25:15,479
So it won't affect us.
394
00:25:16,847 --> 00:25:20,920
We have got something of value.
You're sitting in it. This flat.
395
00:25:21,087 --> 00:25:24,124
Our home. They'll steal
the roof from over our heads.
396
00:25:24,287 --> 00:25:27,597
You take it from me,
that is not going to happen, Derek.
397
00:25:27,767 --> 00:25:29,758
Have you got an idea, Rodney?
398
00:25:29,927 --> 00:25:33,681
It's been on the market for five years
and no one's looked at it!
399
00:25:33,847 --> 00:25:36,600
That's because I had it up for its true value.
400
00:25:36,767 --> 00:25:39,759
They'll auction it for a third of its price.
401
00:25:39,927 --> 00:25:41,918
What we gonna do?
402
00:25:42,327 --> 00:25:44,158
You could always look for a job.
403
00:25:46,727 --> 00:25:49,958
Trigger said they're recruiting
down at his depot.
404
00:25:50,127 --> 00:25:53,836
The pay's not too bad.
I know it's road sweeping, but...
405
00:25:55,447 --> 00:25:57,278
She's right, Del.
406
00:25:59,127 --> 00:26:00,560
I suppose so.
407
00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:03,002
I'll help you fill in your application.
408
00:26:04,687 --> 00:26:06,166
Me?
409
00:26:06,327 --> 00:26:09,478
You can't expect Del to go out
sweeping the roads.
410
00:26:09,647 --> 00:26:13,162
Not at his age. I was talking about you.
411
00:26:13,327 --> 00:26:15,158
- Me?!
- Oh, come on.
412
00:26:15,327 --> 00:26:17,761
Can you see Rodney
pushing a broom around?
413
00:26:17,927 --> 00:26:20,236
It's all right. They give training.
414
00:26:22,207 --> 00:26:25,438
So how much do you actually owe
the taxman?
415
00:26:25,607 --> 00:26:28,644
48,750.
416
00:26:28,807 --> 00:26:30,604
- Four.
- What?
417
00:26:30,767 --> 00:26:33,725
48,754.
418
00:26:33,887 --> 00:26:35,400
- Four.
- Plus interest.
419
00:26:36,007 --> 00:26:39,556
Oh, well. I never really liked
this place anyway.
420
00:26:40,887 --> 00:26:42,923
Look what you've done now!
421
00:26:43,727 --> 00:26:45,285
You've upset her.
422
00:26:45,447 --> 00:26:47,438
What, by adding four quid?
423
00:26:48,527 --> 00:26:51,837
No, it was dopey there
talking about interest.
424
00:26:52,007 --> 00:26:53,759
- It's got her worried.
- Oh!
425
00:26:53,927 --> 00:26:56,600
I don't want to talk to you.
I'm having a shower.
426
00:26:56,767 --> 00:26:58,758
Don't use all the hot water.
427
00:27:01,527 --> 00:27:03,597
It's all right, sweetheart, come on.
428
00:27:03,767 --> 00:27:05,758
We'll soon be back on our feet.
429
00:27:05,927 --> 00:27:10,717
How? You owe
nearly P49,000 plus interest!
430
00:27:10,887 --> 00:27:13,924
It's not a very good start, I must admit.
431
00:27:14,327 --> 00:27:18,115
Let me do that. Go on.
You get some plates out.
432
00:27:18,527 --> 00:27:20,882
It's gonna be all right. I worked it out.
433
00:27:21,047 --> 00:27:24,517
I'm a trader, ain't I?
I've been trading since I was 12.
434
00:27:24,687 --> 00:27:27,042
I could sell rice to the Chinese.
435
00:27:27,967 --> 00:27:31,482
I'm gonna go back to trading.
I'm gonna work for a local firm.
436
00:27:31,647 --> 00:27:33,319
Yeah? Like who?
437
00:27:33,487 --> 00:27:35,603
Trotter's Independent Traders.
438
00:27:36,287 --> 00:27:39,404
What are you talking about?
The firm's been liquidised
439
00:27:39,567 --> 00:27:42,081
or liquidated
or whatever the word is.
440
00:27:42,247 --> 00:27:44,522
No, no. The firm can go on trading,
441
00:27:44,687 --> 00:27:47,155
but I've been disqualified from running it.
442
00:27:47,327 --> 00:27:49,921
That doesn't mean to say
I can't work for it.
443
00:27:50,087 --> 00:27:53,284
All we need is a new managing director.
444
00:27:53,447 --> 00:27:55,881
Oh, God. I actually got excited then.
445
00:27:56,047 --> 00:27:57,765
Who is going to be stupid enough
446
00:27:57,927 --> 00:28:00,282
to take over Trotter's Independent Traders?
447
00:28:05,887 --> 00:28:08,082
Rodders, get it down your neck.
448
00:28:08,247 --> 00:28:09,600
Cheers, mate.
449
00:28:09,767 --> 00:28:12,406
I don't know what we're going to do, Rodney.
450
00:28:12,567 --> 00:28:14,000
No. Me neither.
451
00:28:14,167 --> 00:28:17,876
Here I am, disqualified
from running me own company.
452
00:28:18,047 --> 00:28:21,278
If I take out a loan,
the taxman will nick me
453
00:28:21,447 --> 00:28:24,678
and if I work in cash,
Customs and Excise will nick me.
454
00:28:24,847 --> 00:28:28,476
My credit rating is so low,
I can't even pay with money.
455
00:28:31,087 --> 00:28:35,319
If only there was some way
in which we could carry on trading.
456
00:28:36,727 --> 00:28:38,206
Yeah.
457
00:28:39,767 --> 00:28:42,565
It's no use you trying
to cheer me up, Rodney.
458
00:28:43,607 --> 00:28:46,360
I'm afraid the company's finished. It's gone.
459
00:28:46,527 --> 00:28:49,519
Trotter's Independent Traders is no more.
460
00:28:49,687 --> 00:28:54,158
It's kaput. It's dead. Dead as the emu.
461
00:28:58,127 --> 00:29:00,118
Well, that's not strictly true.
462
00:29:00,287 --> 00:29:02,881
I mean, the company can still operate,
463
00:29:03,047 --> 00:29:05,925
it's just that I'm banned from running it.
464
00:29:06,927 --> 00:29:08,519
I know.
465
00:29:13,807 --> 00:29:17,004
If only there was someone
who could take over the firm.
466
00:29:17,167 --> 00:29:19,556
Someone young and enthusiastic.
467
00:29:19,727 --> 00:29:22,639
Someone full of enthusiasm and ideas.
468
00:29:22,807 --> 00:29:25,401
Eh? I wonder who.
469
00:29:32,207 --> 00:29:36,723
Young and energetic,
with ideas and enthusiasm.
470
00:29:39,287 --> 00:29:42,199
- Hang on a minute.
- You've thought of someone.
471
00:29:43,687 --> 00:29:46,281
No. He emigrated, didn't he?
472
00:29:48,247 --> 00:29:51,284
(QUIETLY) "He emigrated,
didn't he?" What a wally.
473
00:29:51,447 --> 00:29:54,757
Honestly, I don't believe him sometimes.
474
00:29:56,487 --> 00:29:59,763
- There might be one person.
- Whom?
475
00:30:01,127 --> 00:30:02,446
Me.
476
00:30:06,967 --> 00:30:09,083
You? How do you mean, Rodney?
477
00:30:09,247 --> 00:30:12,398
Look, look.
You've been made bankrupt, right,
478
00:30:12,567 --> 00:30:17,004
and are therefore not allowed
to run a company, right? I haven't.
479
00:30:18,767 --> 00:30:21,281
No. You got me all confused now.
480
00:30:23,087 --> 00:30:25,920
Let me explain in simple terms, right?
481
00:30:26,087 --> 00:30:29,602
Legally, there is nothing to stop me
482
00:30:29,767 --> 00:30:32,759
taking over Trotter's Independent Traders.
483
00:30:32,927 --> 00:30:35,839
Let me see if I've got this right.
484
00:30:36,007 --> 00:30:39,397
What you're saying
is that you could run the firm.
485
00:30:39,567 --> 00:30:41,319
By George, I think he's got it!
486
00:30:41,487 --> 00:30:43,762
That is a brilliant idea, Rodney!
487
00:30:43,927 --> 00:30:47,124
"Argent compatant"
as they say in Cannes!
488
00:30:47,287 --> 00:30:50,518
Tell you what we'll do.
We'll see our lawyer tomorrow,
489
00:30:50,687 --> 00:30:54,566
go to Companies House and make
you the new Managing Director.
490
00:30:54,727 --> 00:30:57,480
Rodney Trotter.
Hey, Raquel, guess what?
491
00:30:57,647 --> 00:31:00,639
Rodney has had a brilliant idea
to save the family.
492
00:31:00,807 --> 00:31:03,116
He's going to be the Managing Director
493
00:31:03,287 --> 00:31:05,243
of Trotter's Independent Traders.
494
00:31:05,407 --> 00:31:09,446
I'll just be in charge of sales,
purchasing and finance.
495
00:31:09,607 --> 00:31:12,997
Congratulations. I'm surprised
you didn't think of that, Del.
496
00:31:13,167 --> 00:31:15,044
That's just what I was thinking.
497
00:31:15,207 --> 00:31:16,686
(SCREAMING)
498
00:31:18,287 --> 00:31:20,562
Damien, get away from that keyhole!
499
00:31:25,087 --> 00:31:26,805
He's a lad, in't he?
500
00:31:30,807 --> 00:31:33,082
The world's full of surprises, innit?
501
00:31:33,247 --> 00:31:36,000
Look at that. Mickey Pearce
has learnt to read.
502
00:31:37,567 --> 00:31:41,446
"Trotter's Independent Traders
now under new management.
503
00:31:41,607 --> 00:31:44,360
"Managing Director, Rodney Trotter."
504
00:31:45,207 --> 00:31:48,916
You seen this? Rodney Trotter's
a managing director.
505
00:31:49,087 --> 00:31:52,124
Yeah. And Cliff Richard's
on 40 Silk Cut a day.
506
00:31:53,927 --> 00:31:55,440
No, it's true. Look.
507
00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:59,120
"Consultancy and party planning."
508
00:31:59,287 --> 00:32:02,597
Remember their last do?
Depressing, weren't it?
509
00:32:02,767 --> 00:32:04,200
Albert's funeral?
510
00:32:04,367 --> 00:32:06,835
No. I'm talking about Rodney's wedding.
511
00:32:09,647 --> 00:32:12,036
I'm gonna give him a call. Wind him up.
512
00:32:12,207 --> 00:32:14,357
Leave him alone. He's doing his best.
513
00:32:14,527 --> 00:32:18,600
They've had a setback, losing
their money and being bankrupt.
514
00:32:18,767 --> 00:32:21,725
It would be a rather insensitive act, Mickey.
515
00:32:21,887 --> 00:32:24,355
Yeah. I suppose you're right.
516
00:32:24,527 --> 00:32:26,085
Use my phone.
517
00:32:29,647 --> 00:32:31,046
Damien!
518
00:32:32,087 --> 00:32:35,796
We're going out to celebrate
Dad's new job with Uncle Rodney.
519
00:32:35,967 --> 00:32:39,562
Get ready and go to Wesley's flat.
We'll collect you later.
520
00:32:39,727 --> 00:32:43,003
(JAMAICAN ACCENT)
Don't fuzz me, bitch. Me gun is hungry.
521
00:32:43,927 --> 00:32:47,715
Oi, oi, oi! If you don't stop
listening to that gangsta rap,
522
00:32:47,887 --> 00:32:51,516
I'm going to give you a rap.
Now go and get yourself ready.
523
00:32:53,207 --> 00:32:54,640
- Honky.
- Rat Boy.
524
00:32:54,807 --> 00:32:57,241
- Honky, honky, honky!
- Get out of here!
525
00:32:59,567 --> 00:33:01,046
Ready, Rodney?
526
00:33:01,207 --> 00:33:03,277
I'm waiting for Cass. She's getting...
527
00:33:03,447 --> 00:33:05,403
Come on, hurry up, darling.
528
00:33:05,567 --> 00:33:07,319
...dressed.
529
00:33:13,527 --> 00:33:14,880
Very nice.
530
00:33:15,047 --> 00:33:17,083
I don't believe you did that.
531
00:33:17,247 --> 00:33:19,442
We're not even going out with you.
532
00:33:19,607 --> 00:33:22,405
- Why not?
- We're going out on our own.
533
00:33:22,567 --> 00:33:24,364
Cassandra suggested it.
534
00:33:24,527 --> 00:33:28,122
I think me becoming Managing
Director has made a difference.
535
00:33:28,287 --> 00:33:31,006
They say that power is an aphrodisiac.
536
00:33:31,167 --> 00:33:33,556
Yeah. Well, I must say, she's bubbling.
537
00:33:36,087 --> 00:33:37,566
Yeah, well.
538
00:33:37,927 --> 00:33:39,918
I'm taking her out to a club.
539
00:33:40,087 --> 00:33:42,681
First thing we did when we met was dance,
540
00:33:42,847 --> 00:33:45,361
so I thought it might rekindle old memories.
541
00:33:45,527 --> 00:33:47,324
No. Take her out to dinner.
542
00:33:47,487 --> 00:33:51,480
There's a nice new place opened
down Jomo Kenyatta Grove.
543
00:33:51,647 --> 00:33:54,605
- She'll love it.
- No. You don't understand.
544
00:33:55,407 --> 00:33:58,877
Dancing is the human form
of the mating ritual, innit?
545
00:33:59,047 --> 00:34:02,084
Yeah, I know... if you are a good dancer.
546
00:34:03,647 --> 00:34:06,878
- I am a good dancer.
- You're not a good dancer.
547
00:34:07,047 --> 00:34:10,198
I saw you dancing
in that disco in Monte Carlo.
548
00:34:10,367 --> 00:34:12,517
Like Billy Elliot with worms.
549
00:34:15,207 --> 00:34:19,485
Mind you, if what I've seen
in there is anything to go by,
550
00:34:19,647 --> 00:34:21,319
you're on a winner tonight.
551
00:34:21,487 --> 00:34:24,718
Will you stop talking about
my wife and her...? Really?
552
00:34:28,247 --> 00:34:31,523
G-string? More like dental floss.
553
00:34:36,607 --> 00:34:38,484
(DOORBELL RINGS)
554
00:34:40,967 --> 00:34:43,356
- Evening, Del.
- Hello, Trig. Come in.
555
00:34:44,327 --> 00:34:46,397
I'll just go and jolly Raquel up.
556
00:34:46,567 --> 00:34:50,321
Raquel, hurry up! I'll have to have
another shave in a minute!
557
00:34:52,127 --> 00:34:54,038
All right, Dave?
558
00:34:56,567 --> 00:34:58,319
I'm fine, thank you, Trigger.
559
00:35:01,047 --> 00:35:05,484
(MUSIC: MOZART'S SYMPHONY
IN D MAJOR)
560
00:35:11,047 --> 00:35:14,403
So what are you doing here, Trig?
561
00:35:14,567 --> 00:35:17,161
Del said he'd give me a lift to the pub.
562
00:35:17,327 --> 00:35:18,646
Right.
563
00:35:20,807 --> 00:35:24,004
But you live closer to the pub than us.
564
00:35:24,567 --> 00:35:25,886
I know.
565
00:35:27,647 --> 00:35:31,003
In fact, you have to walk past
the pub to get to this flat.
566
00:35:32,087 --> 00:35:34,840
Yeah, but Del said he'd give me a lift.
567
00:35:38,007 --> 00:35:39,520
Right.
568
00:35:53,327 --> 00:35:55,682
You put a bit of music on, Dave.
569
00:35:58,047 --> 00:36:02,643
Yes. Mozart's Symphony
Number 38 in D Major.
570
00:36:02,807 --> 00:36:05,401
I find it helps me unwind, you know?
571
00:36:05,567 --> 00:36:08,286
Eases my executive stress.
572
00:36:12,487 --> 00:36:15,001
Ain't there no words to this, Dave?
573
00:36:17,287 --> 00:36:21,246
No, there's no words, Trig, no.
Sort of instrumental.
574
00:36:23,207 --> 00:36:26,597
Raquel, I'm giving you two minutes
or I'm going on me own!
575
00:36:26,767 --> 00:36:28,439
Cor dear.
576
00:36:28,607 --> 00:36:30,518
What's this?
577
00:36:30,687 --> 00:36:34,236
It's Mozart's Symphony
Number 38 in D Major.
578
00:36:37,607 --> 00:36:39,598
It's the karaoke version.
579
00:36:43,167 --> 00:36:45,158
(PHONE RINGS)
580
00:36:47,487 --> 00:36:49,682
Cassandra, answer that phone, please.
581
00:36:49,847 --> 00:36:53,283
Yes, sir. I'll organise your
bloody appointment book too!
582
00:36:53,447 --> 00:36:56,405
Trotter's Independent Traders.
May I help you?
583
00:36:56,567 --> 00:37:00,446
- That is one moody mare, innit?
- Can you blame her?
584
00:37:00,607 --> 00:37:04,282
You treat her like a secretary
and you've seen her drawers!
585
00:37:04,447 --> 00:37:07,757
The only reason that I like
Cassandra to answer the phone
586
00:37:07,927 --> 00:37:09,838
is 'cause she's got a nice voice.
587
00:37:10,007 --> 00:37:12,316
Anyway, if you two weren't so proud,
588
00:37:12,487 --> 00:37:15,320
you could be living
in her mum and dad's house.
589
00:37:15,527 --> 00:37:18,997
We've been through this before.
We're happy here.
590
00:37:20,007 --> 00:37:23,761
Well, we're here, anyway.
I'm running the firm now.
591
00:37:23,927 --> 00:37:27,317
Cassandra's applied
for her old job, so eventually...
592
00:37:27,687 --> 00:37:31,043
Eventually, we might be able
to get our own place.
593
00:37:31,207 --> 00:37:34,756
I don't know who it is.
Sounds foreign. He wants the boss.
594
00:37:34,927 --> 00:37:38,522
- All right.
- Oi! Excuse me. I'm the boss.
595
00:37:38,687 --> 00:37:40,837
Sorry. I keep forgetting.
596
00:37:41,007 --> 00:37:44,124
I knew it was lonely at the top,
but not this quick!
597
00:37:44,287 --> 00:37:46,642
I'll get you a beer, Trig.
598
00:37:47,087 --> 00:37:49,806
Trotter's Independent Traders.
Can I help you?
599
00:37:49,967 --> 00:37:53,926
(ASIAN ACCENT) I am wishing
to speak to Managing Director.
600
00:37:54,087 --> 00:37:58,478
Yes, this is he. Rodney Trotter.
I'm the managing director.
601
00:37:58,647 --> 00:38:02,720
I am representative of Sultan of Brunei.
602
00:38:04,007 --> 00:38:06,680
Wow! You'll never guess who's on...
603
00:38:07,287 --> 00:38:09,482
You'll never guess who's on the phone.
604
00:38:09,647 --> 00:38:12,161
- The Sultan of Brunei.
- Yeah, right.
605
00:38:12,327 --> 00:38:15,524
My name is Asif Hassan.
606
00:38:15,687 --> 00:38:18,121
It's very nice to speak with you, sir.
607
00:38:18,287 --> 00:38:20,198
There. Who are you talking to?
608
00:38:20,367 --> 00:38:23,962
- The Sultan of Brunei.
- Oh, yeah, right. Come on, you.
609
00:38:24,127 --> 00:38:26,277
How may I be of assistance, sir?
610
00:38:26,447 --> 00:38:29,086
You have advertisement in newspaper
611
00:38:29,247 --> 00:38:31,807
and his Highness would like to talk with you.
612
00:38:31,967 --> 00:38:34,356
- Del, he's seen my advert.
- Yeah?
613
00:38:34,527 --> 00:38:38,042
The Sultan of Brunei reads
the Peckham Echo, does he?
614
00:38:38,367 --> 00:38:39,846
What a Moby!
615
00:38:43,527 --> 00:38:46,644
If you get another brush,
I'll do the other hand.
616
00:38:46,807 --> 00:38:48,445
Go away.
617
00:38:49,447 --> 00:38:52,996
His Highness would like you
to fly to Brunei
618
00:38:53,167 --> 00:38:55,123
and be his consultant.
619
00:38:55,287 --> 00:38:56,686
No problem.
620
00:38:56,847 --> 00:39:00,203
And what would he like
to consult with me about?
621
00:39:00,367 --> 00:39:04,360
Recently, his Highness bought
a crappy old three-wheeled van...
622
00:39:05,767 --> 00:39:09,077
...and he wants to know
how to start it on cold mornings!
623
00:39:12,807 --> 00:39:14,798
I had you going there, didn't I?
624
00:39:17,527 --> 00:39:21,076
I knew it was you all along.
I was just winding you up.
625
00:39:23,287 --> 00:39:25,596
Oh, shove it, will you? Just shove it.
626
00:39:26,407 --> 00:39:29,160
When the going gets tough,
the tough get going.
627
00:39:29,327 --> 00:39:31,283
- What's happened?
- Dave's had a row
628
00:39:31,447 --> 00:39:33,324
with the Sultan of Brunei.
629
00:39:35,207 --> 00:39:36,606
Yeah, right.
630
00:39:54,287 --> 00:39:56,517
- To the future.
- Yeah. The future.
631
00:40:01,767 --> 00:40:03,678
Cass, I'd like us to try for a baby.
632
00:40:04,887 --> 00:40:08,402
Rodney, some restaurants
don't like that sort of thing.
633
00:40:09,607 --> 00:40:13,566
I didn't mean in here
on the ta... In the future.
634
00:40:13,727 --> 00:40:15,206
Soon.
635
00:40:15,367 --> 00:40:18,484
We weren't very successful at it
last time, were we?
636
00:40:18,647 --> 00:40:22,162
It'll be different next time.
I know about these things.
637
00:40:22,327 --> 00:40:26,718
And what about...?
You know, the way things are.
638
00:40:27,847 --> 00:40:30,077
I'm glad you brought that up.
639
00:40:30,247 --> 00:40:32,556
Recently, I bought this magazine.
640
00:40:32,727 --> 00:40:34,843
I hate it when you buy those magazines.
641
00:40:36,047 --> 00:40:38,117
Not that sort of magazine.
642
00:40:38,287 --> 00:40:40,005
You end up making comparisons.
643
00:40:40,167 --> 00:40:45,560
No. It is a man's magazine,
but not that sort. It's serious.
644
00:40:45,727 --> 00:40:49,481
A fella writes in there
who's an expert on marital problems.
645
00:40:49,647 --> 00:40:53,242
He's developed this
psychological healing process.
646
00:40:54,167 --> 00:40:58,206
I'd like us to try it, Cass.
You never know, do you?
647
00:40:58,367 --> 00:41:01,882
- So who is he?
- He's American. West Coast.
648
00:41:02,047 --> 00:41:06,040
He reckons that most couples' troubles
stem from bygone days.
649
00:41:06,207 --> 00:41:09,882
- Things in the past.
- Like your childish behaviour?
650
00:41:10,047 --> 00:41:11,480
Yeah, that...
651
00:41:13,367 --> 00:41:17,246
That sort of thing, yeah.
He calls that "memory baggage".
652
00:41:17,407 --> 00:41:20,319
And how do we unload
this memory baggage?
653
00:41:20,487 --> 00:41:22,478
We become different people.
654
00:41:22,647 --> 00:41:24,638
- Different people?
- Yeah.
655
00:41:24,807 --> 00:41:27,401
We don't have to go to a plastic surgeon.
656
00:41:27,567 --> 00:41:29,797
It's simply "remembering to forget".
657
00:41:29,967 --> 00:41:34,006
To forget who you were and become reborn.
658
00:41:34,167 --> 00:41:36,681
His clinic's called Fantasy Therapy.
659
00:41:36,847 --> 00:41:39,919
Wait a minute.
Does this involve dressing up?
660
00:41:40,087 --> 00:41:42,123
Of course not!
661
00:41:42,287 --> 00:41:47,077
It's based on a theory known
as "iconoclastic auto-suggestion".
662
00:41:47,247 --> 00:41:48,600
Sorry?
663
00:41:49,607 --> 00:41:52,679
It's "the subconscious rejecting reality"...
664
00:41:54,047 --> 00:41:55,799
and something else.
665
00:41:55,967 --> 00:42:00,040
Basically, each person
writes down their fantasy figure
666
00:42:00,207 --> 00:42:03,802
and then the other person,
for a while, becomes that figure.
667
00:42:03,967 --> 00:42:06,879
- And there's no dressing up?
- Absolutely not.
668
00:42:07,047 --> 00:42:09,845
It's all up here.
See, we suspend reality
669
00:42:10,007 --> 00:42:13,317
and then we create our own
little make-believe world.
670
00:42:14,647 --> 00:42:18,765
What do you think, Cass?
Are you willing to give it a try?
671
00:42:21,007 --> 00:42:22,520
All right.
672
00:42:23,367 --> 00:42:24,720
Yeah?
673
00:42:24,887 --> 00:42:28,800
Well, that's good. That's very healthy.
674
00:42:28,967 --> 00:42:32,164
- It does involve dressing up.
- Yes.
675
00:42:34,247 --> 00:42:36,681
OK. Let's go for it.
676
00:42:38,607 --> 00:42:40,165
Cosmic!
677
00:42:41,407 --> 00:42:43,125
There's a pen.
678
00:42:44,567 --> 00:42:49,083
You write down yours, OK?
And I'll write down mine.
679
00:43:04,927 --> 00:43:09,125
- I never watch The Bill.
- I've got it on tape... probably.
680
00:43:12,607 --> 00:43:14,086
Your turn.
681
00:43:18,167 --> 00:43:21,557
- I didn't know you fancied him.
- Oh, yeah!
682
00:43:23,127 --> 00:43:24,606
A little bit.
683
00:43:24,767 --> 00:43:27,600
Bloody hell, Cass.
How am I supposed to be him?
684
00:43:28,247 --> 00:43:30,636
I don't know and I don't care.
685
00:43:30,807 --> 00:43:35,085
To hell with putting clothes on,
let's go home and take some off.
686
00:43:36,127 --> 00:43:39,961
Yeah. Yeah, right. Bill, please.
687
00:43:42,807 --> 00:43:44,638
Hurry it up.
688
00:43:58,567 --> 00:44:01,843
- I thought you'd be in bed.
- We're just going. Goodnight.
689
00:44:02,007 --> 00:44:05,158
Goodnight. Never guess
who phoned for you earlier.
690
00:44:05,327 --> 00:44:06,726
Richard Branston.
691
00:44:07,287 --> 00:44:08,606
Really?
692
00:44:08,767 --> 00:44:11,884
Of course not. I'm gonna kill
that Mickey Pearce.
693
00:44:12,047 --> 00:44:15,722
- Oh, well. See you, then.
- See you.
694
00:44:15,887 --> 00:44:19,118
- I couldn't sleep.
- No? Oh, well, 'night.
695
00:44:19,287 --> 00:44:22,199
Night-night. I was lying in bed there,
696
00:44:22,367 --> 00:44:25,325
thinking about all the family.
697
00:44:25,487 --> 00:44:28,604
You know, about Mum and Uncle Albert.
698
00:44:29,447 --> 00:44:32,996
Yeah. Well... 'Night, then.
699
00:44:40,607 --> 00:44:42,359
Look at that old bed.
700
00:44:44,527 --> 00:44:48,156
If that bed could speak
it could tell some tales.
701
00:44:48,807 --> 00:44:52,766
Yeah. Old Granddad
had his first fit in that bed.
702
00:44:56,447 --> 00:44:58,483
Then there was Uncle Albert.
703
00:44:58,647 --> 00:45:02,356
Uncle Albert slept in that for years.
Do you remember him?
704
00:45:02,527 --> 00:45:04,961
Snoring, tossing and turning...
705
00:45:05,967 --> 00:45:08,925
scratching his old beard.
706
00:45:10,687 --> 00:45:12,757
A lot of history in that bed.
707
00:45:12,927 --> 00:45:14,804
Yeah. Anyway, goodnight.
708
00:45:18,767 --> 00:45:20,485
Try and imagine what it's like.
709
00:45:20,647 --> 00:45:23,844
We're lying in bed and all we
can hear is you watching telly.
710
00:45:24,007 --> 00:45:25,918
It's not just you.
711
00:45:26,087 --> 00:45:29,557
It's Raquel and Damien
and all his friends, and Trigger,
712
00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:33,606
and anyone else who comes round
any time of the day or night.
713
00:45:33,767 --> 00:45:35,758
The flat's overcrowded, Del.
714
00:45:35,927 --> 00:45:38,361
The flat's always been overcrowded.
715
00:45:39,167 --> 00:45:43,319
The council said it was
designed to be overcrowded.
716
00:45:44,207 --> 00:45:46,243
Cassie and I can't help thinking
717
00:45:46,407 --> 00:45:49,683
that if we can hear you, you can hear us.
718
00:45:51,327 --> 00:45:53,397
Never hear a sound from your room.
719
00:45:54,167 --> 00:45:55,725
Exactly!
720
00:45:55,887 --> 00:46:00,005
While we're at it,
this ain't gonna solve anything.
721
00:46:00,167 --> 00:46:04,240
I know, I know. I just get
so wound up sometimes, I just...
722
00:46:05,327 --> 00:46:06,885
It's water.
723
00:46:08,047 --> 00:46:10,686
I know that.
You should have a proper drink.
724
00:46:11,567 --> 00:46:12,920
No, no.
725
00:46:13,087 --> 00:46:17,080
Years ago, I may have given in
to that temptation, but not now.
726
00:46:17,247 --> 00:46:20,876
I'm a different bloke now.
Much stronger. I've got more...
727
00:46:22,287 --> 00:46:25,836
- Go on, a small one.
- You know it makes sense.
728
00:46:26,007 --> 00:46:28,999
Oi, darling.
A couple of scotches, please.
729
00:46:30,887 --> 00:46:33,117
So how can I help?
730
00:46:33,287 --> 00:46:35,437
Go out! All of you.
731
00:46:35,607 --> 00:46:38,280
Just leave me and Cass on our own for once.
732
00:46:39,367 --> 00:46:41,676
Rodney, this must be your lucky day.
733
00:46:41,847 --> 00:46:45,806
I wasn't gonna say nothing yet,
it's a bit of a secret...
734
00:46:46,647 --> 00:46:51,596
but I'm taking Damien and Raquel
out next Thursday.
735
00:46:52,087 --> 00:46:53,805
Really?
736
00:46:54,007 --> 00:46:56,805
You'll have the whole
evening to yourselves.
737
00:46:58,087 --> 00:47:00,396
Cheers, Del. You are a diamond.
738
00:47:02,927 --> 00:47:05,999
- At least give us a clue.
- I'll say that this is a night
739
00:47:06,167 --> 00:47:10,080
that you will never forget.
I'm not saying anything more.
740
00:47:10,247 --> 00:47:13,557
Just sit back in comfort
and enjoy the evening.
741
00:47:13,727 --> 00:47:16,116
Oh, yeah. What did Monkey Harris say?
742
00:47:16,287 --> 00:47:19,165
- How do you mean?
- What do you mean?
743
00:47:19,327 --> 00:47:21,636
I asked you to phone Monkey and say yes.
744
00:47:21,807 --> 00:47:26,835
I forgot, Del. Sorry. What with
getting ready. Was it important?
745
00:47:27,007 --> 00:47:31,159
Was it important? Hang on, driver.
'Course it was important.
746
00:47:31,327 --> 00:47:35,002
He's had a consignment
of electronic personal organisers
747
00:47:35,167 --> 00:47:37,158
and they're selling like crazy.
748
00:47:37,327 --> 00:47:40,956
He's got another 200 and I want
my name on them before tomorrow
749
00:47:41,127 --> 00:47:43,118
or they'll all be gone.
750
00:47:43,287 --> 00:47:46,085
Raquel, you've really
let me down on this one.
751
00:47:50,087 --> 00:47:54,046
You dis you man, woman.
You can't do simple ting.
752
00:47:54,527 --> 00:47:56,085
Shut up.
753
00:48:03,247 --> 00:48:06,080
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYS)
754
00:48:07,687 --> 00:48:09,040
Oh, Gawd.
755
00:48:37,847 --> 00:48:40,361
Monkey? Listen, I've got to hang up.
756
00:48:43,647 --> 00:48:45,399
We're being raided.
757
00:50:07,287 --> 00:50:08,606
All right?
758
00:50:10,647 --> 00:50:13,844
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, God, it's you, Cassandra!
759
00:50:14,007 --> 00:50:16,726
I thought you was a real policewoman.
760
00:50:16,887 --> 00:50:19,242
You nearly gave me a connery!
761
00:50:19,407 --> 00:50:22,046
- You said you was going out.
- I went out.
762
00:50:22,207 --> 00:50:24,357
- What are you doing?
- I've come back.
763
00:50:26,167 --> 00:50:29,637
- Why are you dressed like that?
- Like what?
764
00:50:32,487 --> 00:50:34,284
Like a couple of wallies.
765
00:50:36,807 --> 00:50:41,005
What, like this?
Oh, don't be naive, Derek.
766
00:50:41,167 --> 00:50:44,318
- Can you believe him?
- Isn't it obvious?
767
00:50:44,487 --> 00:50:46,762
It may be to some people, darling,
768
00:50:46,927 --> 00:50:49,600
but I'm not from the Planet Dippy.
769
00:50:50,647 --> 00:50:54,322
Derek, Cassandra and I are simply...
770
00:50:54,487 --> 00:50:56,398
Going to a fancy dress party.
771
00:50:56,567 --> 00:51:00,003
Oh, I see. Right.
Who are you supposed to be?
772
00:51:00,167 --> 00:51:02,601
- That one from The Bill.
- Reg Hollis?
773
00:51:03,327 --> 00:51:04,680
No!
774
00:51:05,007 --> 00:51:07,316
- What's her name?
- I don't know.
775
00:51:08,007 --> 00:51:12,523
Well, whoever you're supposed
to be, darling, you look very nice.
776
00:51:12,687 --> 00:51:16,396
A little bit scary, but very nice.
777
00:51:17,527 --> 00:51:18,926
And um...
778
00:51:24,727 --> 00:51:26,558
And, Rodders, what about you?
779
00:51:26,727 --> 00:51:29,764
- What about me?
- Who are you supposed to be?
780
00:51:31,287 --> 00:51:33,084
Russell Crowe.
781
00:51:36,167 --> 00:51:37,486
Pardon?
782
00:51:40,287 --> 00:51:42,084
Russell Crowe.
783
00:51:42,247 --> 00:51:44,238
Russell Crowe.
784
00:51:44,407 --> 00:51:46,967
You look more like Spartacus with piles.
785
00:51:48,167 --> 00:51:52,046
Look, it's a simple fancy dress
party, that's all.
786
00:51:52,207 --> 00:51:55,597
Bit early for a fancy dress party,
innit? Half past five.
787
00:51:55,767 --> 00:51:59,646
Yeah. It is a bit early. That's 'cause um...
788
00:51:59,807 --> 00:52:01,718
It's an early fancy dress party.
789
00:52:01,887 --> 00:52:04,606
My ex-boss at the bank invited us.
790
00:52:04,767 --> 00:52:08,646
He can't have late parties.
People have to be up for work.
791
00:52:08,807 --> 00:52:10,240
Oh, right.
792
00:52:10,407 --> 00:52:12,398
Bit of a choker, innit, bruv?
793
00:52:12,567 --> 00:52:14,956
You were hoping for fun and games.
794
00:52:17,047 --> 00:52:18,844
- Never mind.
- Bad luck, bruv.
795
00:52:21,007 --> 00:52:22,326
Go on, then.
796
00:52:25,407 --> 00:52:27,967
- Go on, then, what?
- Off you go. I'll lock up.
797
00:52:28,127 --> 00:52:31,597
No, no. It's all right. We're in no hurry.
798
00:52:31,767 --> 00:52:33,564
Oh, come on, Rodney.
799
00:52:33,727 --> 00:52:37,276
Look, Cassandra wants
her old job back at the bank.
800
00:52:37,447 --> 00:52:41,042
How will it look if she turns up
late for her boss's party?
801
00:52:41,207 --> 00:52:43,198
That won't go down very well.
802
00:52:43,367 --> 00:52:45,722
You've got to make a big impression.
803
00:52:45,887 --> 00:52:47,639
You can borrow the old Capri.
804
00:52:49,527 --> 00:52:51,324
- Right.
- Thanks, Del.
805
00:52:51,487 --> 00:52:55,366
No, no, you're family.
Go on, go off and have some fun.
806
00:53:07,007 --> 00:53:09,885
Just a second, Rodney. Here you are.
807
00:53:10,567 --> 00:53:12,558
Don't want you to get rusty.
808
00:53:18,527 --> 00:53:22,361
Come on, Monkey. I've got
to be away by six. Hurry up!
809
00:53:24,447 --> 00:53:27,837
What in God's name are we going to do?
810
00:53:28,007 --> 00:53:29,998
I mean, people might see us.
811
00:53:30,167 --> 00:53:33,398
There's nothing strange
in a policewoman on the estate.
812
00:53:33,567 --> 00:53:36,525
What about me?
I look like Ben Hur in a mac!
813
00:53:36,687 --> 00:53:40,077
- I'll say I've arrested you.
- For what?
814
00:53:40,247 --> 00:53:42,807
There must be a law
against dressing like that!
815
00:53:43,607 --> 00:53:44,926
(BELL)
816
00:53:45,087 --> 00:53:46,918
Oh, no.
817
00:53:48,567 --> 00:53:52,162
Hurry up, Dad. The driver's
got another job to go to.
818
00:53:53,687 --> 00:53:55,245
Pervert.
819
00:54:04,007 --> 00:54:05,326
Oh!
820
00:54:05,487 --> 00:54:09,002
You two are still here.
Thank Gawd. I thought you'd gone.
821
00:54:09,167 --> 00:54:13,160
I know you want to go out,
but I just remembered something.
822
00:54:13,327 --> 00:54:15,557
I don't want to spoil your fun,
823
00:54:15,727 --> 00:54:18,924
but I was wondering,
would you mind if you didn't go?
824
00:54:19,087 --> 00:54:21,442
- No trouble at all.
- Anything for you, Del.
825
00:54:21,607 --> 00:54:23,518
Oh, right. Good.
826
00:54:23,687 --> 00:54:28,317
Listen, Rodney, I'm expecting
a very, very important phone call.
827
00:54:28,487 --> 00:54:32,400
I want you to answer it.
You're not going out, are you?
828
00:54:32,567 --> 00:54:36,355
Absolutely not. We'll go
to the bank's next party, won't we?
829
00:54:36,527 --> 00:54:41,362
Good for you. You're 42 carat!
I'll be back about midnight.
830
00:54:41,527 --> 00:54:45,361
Oh, and... Russell Crowe, yes!
831
00:54:46,927 --> 00:54:48,758
More like Daffy Duck!
832
00:54:59,487 --> 00:55:02,718
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
833
00:55:09,847 --> 00:55:12,520
Welcome to another edition
of the quiz show
834
00:55:12,687 --> 00:55:14,757
taking the country by storm.
835
00:55:14,927 --> 00:55:18,636
Not here, but we're big in Bosnia
and massive in Macedonia.
836
00:55:21,127 --> 00:55:25,325
You can win anything from P1 to P100,000.
837
00:55:25,487 --> 00:55:29,196
This is the fastest game show,
this is Thursday, this is live,
838
00:55:29,367 --> 00:55:32,040
this is Jonathan Ross
and this is Goldrush.
839
00:55:35,047 --> 00:55:37,561
- Oh, Rodney.
- Oh, Cass.
840
00:55:38,967 --> 00:55:43,040
So let's start by meeting
our three lucky contestants.
841
00:55:43,207 --> 00:55:45,675
First is Mike Wallis from Merseyside.
842
00:55:45,847 --> 00:55:49,044
Mike is a financial advisor,
married with two horses,
843
00:55:49,207 --> 00:55:53,246
and his pastimes include golf,
real ale and dressage.
844
00:55:53,407 --> 00:55:56,444
I've seen dressage.
It's like rodeo on Prozac.
845
00:55:57,287 --> 00:55:58,845
That's Mike Wallis!
846
00:55:59,007 --> 00:56:01,123
(CHEERING)
847
00:56:01,287 --> 00:56:04,199
Next we have Janice Scott from Newquay.
848
00:56:04,367 --> 00:56:08,565
Janice is married to lan,
with a three-year-old daughter, Meryl.
849
00:56:08,727 --> 00:56:11,525
Her hobbies are rock-climbing and opera.
850
00:56:11,687 --> 00:56:14,679
Wow. And she's only three.
That's impressive.
851
00:56:14,847 --> 00:56:16,644
Come on, this is class!
852
00:56:18,767 --> 00:56:21,122
Finally, Derek Trotter from Peckham.
853
00:56:23,007 --> 00:56:24,360
Derek is a businessman
854
00:56:24,527 --> 00:56:27,246
who lives with Raquel,
his significant other.
855
00:56:29,927 --> 00:56:32,236
He has an eleven-year-old son, Damien,
856
00:56:32,407 --> 00:56:35,524
and his pastimes include
fine wines, the theatre,
857
00:56:35,687 --> 00:56:38,645
and 16th-century Italian Renaissance art.
858
00:56:40,727 --> 00:56:42,763
They're our contestants!
859
00:56:45,207 --> 00:56:47,641
(INAUDIBLE)
860
00:56:48,367 --> 00:56:51,723
As always, we start with the timed round.
861
00:56:51,887 --> 00:56:54,845
Let's see who's got the fastest finger.
862
00:56:55,007 --> 00:56:57,840
(CASSANDRA) Oooh, Rodney!
863
00:56:59,727 --> 00:57:04,403
Whose diary recorded the Plague
and the Great Fire of London?
864
00:57:04,567 --> 00:57:06,637
(BUZZER)
Mrs Dale's.
865
00:57:10,167 --> 00:57:12,965
Nice try, Del, but I'm afraid that's not right.
866
00:57:13,127 --> 00:57:15,436
You're frozen at the back of the queue.
867
00:57:15,607 --> 00:57:19,395
- Janice?
- Is it Bridget Jones, Jonathan?
868
00:57:21,207 --> 00:57:24,199
Again, so close, Janice, but so very far.
869
00:57:24,367 --> 00:57:26,597
You go to the back. Del, you move up.
870
00:57:26,767 --> 00:57:30,123
Mike, get this right and you're
first on the Rainbow Road.
871
00:57:30,287 --> 00:57:32,039
What's at the end of the rainbow?
872
00:57:32,207 --> 00:57:34,118
A pot of gold!
873
00:57:37,007 --> 00:57:41,319
I think I know it, Jonathan.
It's Adrian Mole.
874
00:57:43,967 --> 00:57:46,003
Oh, bad luck, Mike.
875
00:57:46,167 --> 00:57:48,635
It was Samuel Pepys.
You go to the back now,
876
00:57:48,807 --> 00:57:50,923
everyone else moves forward one,
877
00:57:51,087 --> 00:57:54,523
which means Derek is the first
on the Rainbow Road.
878
00:57:54,687 --> 00:57:56,120
Del, come and join me.
879
00:58:02,407 --> 00:58:05,160
First things first, Del. Here's your pound.
880
00:58:05,327 --> 00:58:08,205
That's yours, and welcome to the BBC!
881
00:58:09,647 --> 00:58:11,558
Just make sure it ain't Irish.
882
00:58:12,647 --> 00:58:15,286
The rules are simple, which is just as well.
883
00:58:15,447 --> 00:58:17,324
You'll get a series of questions,
884
00:58:17,487 --> 00:58:20,365
each having three possible answers.
885
00:58:20,527 --> 00:58:24,520
Each correct answer moves you
to another colour of the rainbow
886
00:58:24,687 --> 00:58:28,600
and the prize money increases,
right up to the gold question,
887
00:58:28,767 --> 00:58:31,839
which is worth P100,000.
888
00:58:32,407 --> 00:58:33,965
Lovely jubbly!
889
00:58:34,127 --> 00:58:38,040
You also have a number of options
to help you on your way.
890
00:58:38,207 --> 00:58:41,563
You have a Shot in the Dark,
you have an SOS,
891
00:58:41,727 --> 00:58:43,319
or you can Drop One.
892
00:58:44,967 --> 00:58:48,516
This is class! Where do we get them?
893
00:58:48,687 --> 00:58:51,804
But Janice and Mike
can play their Aces at any time
894
00:58:51,967 --> 00:58:53,798
and challenge you.
895
00:58:53,967 --> 00:58:57,243
So, if you're ready, let's play Goldrush!
896
00:59:04,727 --> 00:59:09,278
You have 20 seconds. Which is
the highest mountain in Africa?
897
00:59:09,447 --> 00:59:11,358
Kilimanjaro or Fuji?
898
00:59:11,527 --> 00:59:14,041
It's Kilimanjaro. Any idiot knows that.
899
00:59:14,207 --> 00:59:15,879
Well, I didn't.
900
00:59:17,007 --> 00:59:21,159
Anybody coming back from Ibiza
with a duty-free brain cell
901
00:59:21,327 --> 00:59:23,318
knows it's Kilimanjaro.
902
00:59:23,487 --> 00:59:25,876
But this is Derek Trotter.
903
00:59:26,487 --> 00:59:28,443
I'm going to go with...
904
00:59:29,327 --> 00:59:30,885
Kilimanjaro.
905
00:59:31,047 --> 00:59:33,003
Derek, that's the right answer!
906
00:59:38,127 --> 00:59:42,598
I thought it was because Fuji
make cameras, don't they?
907
00:59:43,847 --> 00:59:47,044
Well done. Now, let's move up
to the next colour
908
00:59:47,207 --> 00:59:49,926
and take a look at the P2,000 question.
909
00:59:50,447 --> 00:59:54,076
Del, you're doing really well.
Janice challenged you wrongly.
910
00:59:54,247 --> 00:59:57,557
She has doubled your money
to P10,000.
911
01:00:01,887 --> 01:00:05,960
The next question, the green
question, is worth P25,000.
912
01:00:06,127 --> 01:00:09,244
You've still got your
Shot in the Dark and SOS.
913
01:00:09,407 --> 01:00:11,125
Let's look at the question.
914
01:00:11,287 --> 01:00:13,482
In which state was President Kennedy
915
01:00:13,647 --> 01:00:16,036
when he was assassinated in 1963?
916
01:00:16,207 --> 01:00:18,960
Well, he was in a terrible state. He died.
917
01:00:23,447 --> 01:00:26,917
You were a bit quick there.
Let me give you the answers.
918
01:00:27,087 --> 01:00:30,796
Was it Texas, was it Florida,
or was it California?
919
01:00:34,727 --> 01:00:36,445
Sorry, Jonathan, no.
920
01:00:36,607 --> 01:00:39,644
I'm gonna have to use
the Shot in the Dark on this.
921
01:00:39,807 --> 01:00:41,126
OK.
922
01:00:41,287 --> 01:00:43,562
I'll go for um...
923
01:00:44,847 --> 01:00:46,326
Florida.
924
01:00:46,487 --> 01:00:48,079
No!
925
01:00:48,247 --> 01:00:49,885
(TRIGGER) No.
926
01:00:50,047 --> 01:00:52,402
I'm afraid Florida is wrong.
927
01:00:52,567 --> 01:00:55,718
It was Texas. But you played
your Shot in the Dark,
928
01:00:55,887 --> 01:00:59,118
which means you lose the money
and you're frozen.
929
01:00:59,287 --> 01:01:01,084
Here's the penalty question.
930
01:01:01,247 --> 01:01:05,559
How many wheels
does a Reliant Robin have?
931
01:01:11,807 --> 01:01:14,719
This question is worth P50,000.
932
01:01:14,887 --> 01:01:17,355
If Derek is correct, these lights turn gold
933
01:01:17,527 --> 01:01:19,961
and he'll be answering
the P100,000 question.
934
01:01:20,127 --> 01:01:22,595
For P50,000, here it is.
935
01:01:22,767 --> 01:01:26,123
Which classical guitarist wrote the opera,
936
01:01:26,287 --> 01:01:31,486
The Child and the Enchantment?
Ravel, Segovia, or Rodrigo?
937
01:01:32,847 --> 01:01:34,803
I think I know this one.
938
01:01:36,007 --> 01:01:37,725
I think it's...
939
01:01:37,887 --> 01:01:39,684
Ravel...
940
01:01:41,047 --> 01:01:44,517
Or, I keep thinking, it could be...
941
01:01:45,567 --> 01:01:48,127
Could it be Segovia?
942
01:01:49,607 --> 01:01:52,440
Then again, it might be...
943
01:01:53,207 --> 01:01:54,526
Rodrigo?
944
01:01:54,687 --> 01:01:57,247
Well, it's definitely one of those three.
945
01:01:59,287 --> 01:02:03,166
In that case, Jonathan,
I'll have to use me old SOS.
946
01:02:03,327 --> 01:02:05,966
Who would you like to be
your saviour tonight?
947
01:02:06,127 --> 01:02:09,358
- My brother Rodney.
- And where is Rodney now?
948
01:02:09,527 --> 01:02:13,076
He's at home, taking care
of a bit of business.
949
01:02:13,247 --> 01:02:15,636
(ECSTATIC MOANING)
950
01:02:15,807 --> 01:02:17,604
(PHONE RINGS)
951
01:02:17,767 --> 01:02:19,325
(RODNEY) No! No!
952
01:02:19,487 --> 01:02:22,399
(CASSANDRA) Del said he was
expecting an important call.
953
01:02:22,567 --> 01:02:24,478
(RODNEY) Oh, bloody hell!
954
01:02:29,847 --> 01:02:32,520
- Hello!
- Hello. Is that Rodney?
955
01:02:32,687 --> 01:02:34,006
Yes.
956
01:02:34,167 --> 01:02:36,601
This is Jonathan Ross from Goldrush.
957
01:02:36,767 --> 01:02:39,281
Piss off, Mickey!
You're getting on my tits!
958
01:02:47,967 --> 01:02:50,322
Mickey pretending to be Jonathan Ross.
959
01:02:50,487 --> 01:02:52,364
Rodney, we need your help.
960
01:02:52,967 --> 01:02:54,798
Roddy.
961
01:02:56,087 --> 01:02:58,078
It IS Jonathan Ross.
962
01:02:59,847 --> 01:03:01,758
Oh, my God.
963
01:03:02,767 --> 01:03:05,600
Hi, Jonathan. How are you?
964
01:03:05,847 --> 01:03:08,680
I'm just fine, thanks.
I've got Derek here.
965
01:03:08,847 --> 01:03:12,476
- He's on P25,000.
- You're kidding?
966
01:03:12,647 --> 01:03:17,038
I'm serious. He's got a problem
with the P50,000 question
967
01:03:17,207 --> 01:03:19,402
and he's chosen you as his saviour.
968
01:03:19,567 --> 01:03:22,286
Listen carefully.
You get 20 seconds to answer.
969
01:03:22,447 --> 01:03:24,165
Listen, Rodney...
970
01:03:24,327 --> 01:03:26,636
Hold on. What's in this for me?
971
01:03:27,767 --> 01:03:30,156
I'll make sure you get a drink.
972
01:03:32,727 --> 01:03:36,720
Which classical guitarist wrote
the opera,
973
01:03:36,887 --> 01:03:39,481
The Child and the Enchantment?
974
01:03:39,647 --> 01:03:42,480
Was it Ravel,
975
01:03:42,647 --> 01:03:45,161
Segovia or Rodrigo?
976
01:03:46,367 --> 01:03:47,686
Ravel.
977
01:03:47,847 --> 01:03:51,283
- How sure are you?
- One hundred per cent, Derek.
978
01:03:51,447 --> 01:03:52,800
Good boy.
979
01:03:54,487 --> 01:03:56,284
Take it away, Del!
980
01:03:56,447 --> 01:03:58,358
I know my classics.
981
01:03:58,887 --> 01:04:03,039
Yeah. I'll go with that.
It's Ravel, Jonathan.
982
01:04:03,207 --> 01:04:05,926
You don't have to take
his answer, you know.
983
01:04:06,087 --> 01:04:09,682
I know, but he knows what
he's talking about. It's Ravel.
984
01:04:09,847 --> 01:04:12,042
- You can change your mind.
- No.
985
01:04:12,207 --> 01:04:13,526
Derek...
986
01:04:14,487 --> 01:04:16,682
that was the wrong answer.
987
01:04:22,927 --> 01:04:24,838
It was Segovia.
988
01:04:26,247 --> 01:04:29,922
No, no. Rodney said it was Ravel.
989
01:04:30,087 --> 01:04:32,760
I know he did, but he was wrong.
Bad luck, Del.
990
01:04:32,927 --> 01:04:34,997
He's got two GCEs!
991
01:04:37,287 --> 01:04:39,801
Derek, you've used up all your options.
992
01:04:39,967 --> 01:04:43,960
You've lost all your money.
You're frozen out of the game.
993
01:04:44,127 --> 01:04:46,595
Janice, join me on the Rainbow Road.
994
01:05:00,807 --> 01:05:02,559
I was certain.
995
01:05:03,567 --> 01:05:06,957
- I was so certain it was Ravel.
- You did your best.
996
01:05:07,127 --> 01:05:10,881
Yeah. Yeah, I did,
and Del was OK, wasn't he?
997
01:05:11,047 --> 01:05:14,244
Yeah. Till he kicked the podium over.
998
01:05:14,407 --> 01:05:16,875
No, no. I think that was just an accident.
999
01:05:17,047 --> 01:05:21,438
No. He kicked it, it fell over.
Jonathan Ross had to pick it up.
1000
01:05:21,607 --> 01:05:23,404
(DOOR SLAMS)
1001
01:05:28,247 --> 01:05:31,478
- All right?
- Yeah. You?
1002
01:05:32,647 --> 01:05:35,036
- Where's Del?
- I haven't a clue, Rodney.
1003
01:05:35,207 --> 01:05:37,357
At the end of the show, he disappeared.
1004
01:05:37,527 --> 01:05:40,644
He went off and abandoned
his child and his wi...
1005
01:05:41,407 --> 01:05:43,079
his significant other...
1006
01:05:43,247 --> 01:05:46,125
in an area of London
we've never been in before.
1007
01:05:46,287 --> 01:05:47,800
Thank Christ.
1008
01:05:47,967 --> 01:05:50,879
Thankfully,
the studio paid for a cab home.
1009
01:05:51,807 --> 01:05:54,275
- I'm gonna make a coffee.
- Raquel...
1010
01:05:54,447 --> 01:05:56,722
Don't. We're friends.
1011
01:05:58,487 --> 01:06:01,877
I don't know why my dad
didn't use Trigger as his SOS.
1012
01:06:02,047 --> 01:06:03,878
Trigger wouldn't have a clue!
1013
01:06:04,047 --> 01:06:05,924
And he was spot on, weren't he?
1014
01:06:09,247 --> 01:06:11,283
(DOOR SLAMS)
1015
01:06:14,847 --> 01:06:16,917
What the hell happened to you?
1016
01:06:17,847 --> 01:06:19,644
I went out.
1017
01:06:19,807 --> 01:06:22,526
Oh, good. Long as I know.
1018
01:06:29,927 --> 01:06:31,406
All right?
1019
01:06:31,567 --> 01:06:34,206
How's your evening been, Rodney?
1020
01:06:35,167 --> 01:06:37,397
Not very good, to be honest.
1021
01:06:37,567 --> 01:06:41,606
No? Well, bloody snap! You Moby.
1022
01:06:42,327 --> 01:06:45,637
I'm sorry. I could have sworn
it was Ravel.
1023
01:06:45,807 --> 01:06:47,923
- So could Cassandra.
- Yes, I could.
1024
01:06:48,087 --> 01:06:50,521
You're both a pair of dipsticks, then!
1025
01:06:50,687 --> 01:06:54,726
You... You're never going
to borrow my Capri ever again.
1026
01:06:54,887 --> 01:06:57,003
Well, that bone marrow, forget it.
1027
01:07:01,287 --> 01:07:06,202
I mean to say, I mean everyone
knows that Ravel makes shoes.
1028
01:07:09,287 --> 01:07:12,120
- What?
- Shoes?
1029
01:07:12,287 --> 01:07:15,836
Shoes. It was a trick question
and you fell for it.
1030
01:07:16,007 --> 01:07:17,679
Oh, right.
1031
01:07:17,847 --> 01:07:19,678
Yes. Sorry.
1032
01:07:20,567 --> 01:07:23,001
Still, at least you won a pound.
1033
01:07:23,167 --> 01:07:26,364
That wasn't even enough
for a bus fare home!
1034
01:07:26,527 --> 01:07:31,806
Anyway, I went to a club
after the show to drown my sorrows.
1035
01:07:31,967 --> 01:07:33,844
I was in this club
1036
01:07:34,007 --> 01:07:36,396
and I was talking to this lap...
1037
01:07:36,567 --> 01:07:40,719
lap... lap... laptop salesman.
1038
01:07:40,887 --> 01:07:45,563
Even he said it wasn't Ravel.
Would you like a drink, darling?
1039
01:07:45,727 --> 01:07:47,445
- No.
- OK. Fine.
1040
01:07:47,607 --> 01:07:52,317
Look what you've done.
You've upset her. You stay here.
1041
01:07:56,847 --> 01:07:59,042
You know, for the rest of my life,
1042
01:07:59,207 --> 01:08:02,279
getting that question wrong
in front of my family,
1043
01:08:02,447 --> 01:08:05,996
my friends... well,
the entire British nation,
1044
01:08:06,167 --> 01:08:09,716
will be the most embarrassing
thing that's ever happened.
1045
01:08:09,887 --> 01:08:12,162
- Russell Crowe?
- Yeah!
1046
01:08:15,327 --> 01:08:16,999
Or maybe not.
1047
01:08:17,167 --> 01:08:19,158
(PHONE RINGS)
1048
01:08:21,567 --> 01:08:22,920
Hello.
1049
01:08:23,687 --> 01:08:26,997
Yes. Can I ask
who's calling, please?
1050
01:08:29,127 --> 01:08:32,437
Del, it's the producer
of Goldrush. He wants you.
1051
01:08:32,607 --> 01:08:35,883
What's he want?
I bet it's about that podium.
1052
01:08:36,047 --> 01:08:39,801
I bet someone's damaged it.
All right. I'll speak to him.
1053
01:08:41,327 --> 01:08:44,683
Hello. Yes. This is Derek Trotter.
1054
01:08:45,887 --> 01:08:47,240
What?
1055
01:08:48,007 --> 01:08:50,726
No? No.
1056
01:08:51,927 --> 01:08:55,283
He says there's been a mistake.
It was Ravel.
1057
01:08:55,447 --> 01:08:57,802
No? I knew I was right. Yeah.
1058
01:08:57,967 --> 01:09:01,243
He says I can take the P50,000
and go back on the show.
1059
01:09:01,407 --> 01:09:03,238
Yes!
1060
01:09:04,447 --> 01:09:08,201
Oh, have a day off, will ya, you lot!
1061
01:09:10,287 --> 01:09:12,278
Who do you think this is?
1062
01:09:12,447 --> 01:09:14,915
You can hear the jukebox in the pub.
1063
01:09:15,087 --> 01:09:17,521
Bloody Mickey Pearce. I'll murder him.
1064
01:09:17,687 --> 01:09:20,520
No. Get to the back
of the queue. Sshh.
1065
01:09:20,687 --> 01:09:23,485
I tell you what we would like you to do.
1066
01:09:23,647 --> 01:09:26,400
Give all the money to charity.
1067
01:09:26,567 --> 01:09:29,206
And if you phone here once again,
1068
01:09:29,367 --> 01:09:32,439
I'm going to come and kick
your arse into shredded duck.
1069
01:09:32,607 --> 01:09:34,040
Goodbye.
1070
01:09:37,447 --> 01:09:41,998
Jonathan, he said give
the 50 grand to charity.
1071
01:09:42,927 --> 01:09:45,077
Wow, what a nice guy.
1072
01:09:48,607 --> 01:09:50,916
Who do people think we are, eh?
1073
01:09:51,087 --> 01:09:53,396
We're the Trotters, and we're back!
1074
01:09:53,567 --> 01:09:55,205
Yes!
1075
01:10:00,087 --> 01:10:01,918
We've got some half-price cracked ice
1076
01:10:02,087 --> 01:10:03,486
Miles and miles of carpet tiles
1077
01:10:03,647 --> 01:10:06,480
TVs, deep freeze and David Bowie LPs
1078
01:10:06,647 --> 01:10:09,445
Ball games, gold chains,
what's-their-names and at a push
1079
01:10:09,607 --> 01:10:12,519
Some Trevor Francis tracksuits
from a mush in Shepherd's Bush
1080
01:10:12,687 --> 01:10:15,201
Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush,
Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush
1081
01:10:15,367 --> 01:10:18,279
No income tax, no VAT
1082
01:10:18,447 --> 01:10:21,519
No money back, no guarantee
1083
01:10:21,687 --> 01:10:24,599
Black or white, rich or broke
1084
01:10:24,767 --> 01:10:28,999
We'll cut prices at a stroke
1085
01:10:29,487 --> 01:10:32,240
God bless Hooky Street
1086
01:10:32,407 --> 01:10:35,365
Viva, Hooky Street
1087
01:10:35,527 --> 01:10:38,087
Long live Hooky Street
1088
01:10:38,247 --> 01:10:41,523
C'est magnifique, Hooky Street
1089
01:10:41,687 --> 01:10:44,804
Magnifique Hooky Street
1090
01:10:46,327 --> 01:10:47,885
Hooky Street
1091
01:10:49,367 --> 01:10:50,800
Hooky Street
1092
01:10:51,305 --> 01:10:57,225
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1093
01:10:57,275 --> 01:11:01,825
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