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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,407 --> 00:00:07,046 Stick a pony in me pocket 2 00:00:07,767 --> 00:00:10,839 I'll fetch the suitcase from the van 3 00:00:11,807 --> 00:00:13,923 'Cause if you want the best 'uns 4 00:00:14,087 --> 00:00:15,884 But you don't ask questions 5 00:00:16,047 --> 00:00:18,561 Then, brother, I'm your man 6 00:00:19,607 --> 00:00:22,838 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery 7 00:00:23,007 --> 00:00:26,841 It's like the changing of the seasons and the tides of the sea 8 00:00:27,087 --> 00:00:30,716 But here's the one that's driving me berserk: 9 00:00:30,887 --> 00:00:33,640 Why do only fools and horses work? 10 00:00:33,807 --> 00:00:35,604 La-la la-la la 11 00:00:35,767 --> 00:00:37,598 La-la la-la la 12 00:00:37,767 --> 00:00:41,237 La-la la-la la la-la la-la la... 13 00:00:44,407 --> 00:00:46,637 What's up with you, Rodney? 14 00:00:46,807 --> 00:00:48,798 I'm a bit nervous, that's all. 15 00:00:48,967 --> 00:00:51,845 I mean, this bloke we're gonna see, this Justin. 16 00:00:52,007 --> 00:00:55,795 He's not going to ask me about my private life, is he? 17 00:00:55,967 --> 00:00:58,527 Of course he ain't. Well, not that private. 18 00:00:58,687 --> 00:01:03,397 He won't want to know about you and Cassandra's little problems. 19 00:01:03,567 --> 00:01:06,240 No, no. Good. 'Cause otherwise I... 20 00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:10,916 What problems? Me and Cassandra haven't got any problems. 21 00:01:11,087 --> 00:01:13,123 That's not what you said to me. 22 00:01:14,687 --> 00:01:17,201 So there's been one or two minor hiccups 23 00:01:17,367 --> 00:01:19,198 in the bedroom department, 24 00:01:19,367 --> 00:01:22,120 but they're personal and I told you in confidence. 25 00:01:22,287 --> 00:01:23,766 All right. 26 00:01:24,247 --> 00:01:28,525 I'm not going to be telling him about your thongs and things. 27 00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:31,797 I won't say what Cassandra wears either. 28 00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:37,556 Sorry to keep you. It's been a particularly busy morning. 29 00:01:37,727 --> 00:01:41,606 I've got all the basic details about your business career, 30 00:01:41,767 --> 00:01:44,565 but I'd like to get an insight into the real you. 31 00:01:45,607 --> 00:01:48,326 How you started, how you became so successful, 32 00:01:48,487 --> 00:01:53,197 but more importantly, your lives and your "raison d'etre". 33 00:01:53,367 --> 00:01:56,245 Oh, yeah. "Laboratory Garny." 34 00:02:01,327 --> 00:02:05,957 So, in your own words and in your own time. 35 00:02:08,767 --> 00:02:10,883 Well, where shall I start, Justin? 36 00:02:12,727 --> 00:02:15,400 Well, up to a few years ago, 37 00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:18,604 we were just very ordinary people 38 00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:23,124 living very ordinary lives. Weren't we, Rodney? 39 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:31,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 40 00:02:40,087 --> 00:02:41,600 Mmm. 41 00:02:41,767 --> 00:02:43,644 And then, as you know, 42 00:02:43,807 --> 00:02:48,483 one day I discovered an historic and almost priceless artefact. 43 00:02:48,647 --> 00:02:51,081 At first we didn't know what to do with it. 44 00:02:51,247 --> 00:02:52,566 That's right. 45 00:02:52,727 --> 00:02:56,402 We thought about donating it to the British Museum. 46 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:58,797 Yeah. And then we decided to flog it. 47 00:02:59,967 --> 00:03:01,639 So before you know it, 48 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,559 Rodders and me have come into 49 00:03:03,727 --> 00:03:07,766 nigh on six and a half million quid. 50 00:03:09,247 --> 00:03:11,807 Well, after we divvied the dosh up - 51 00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:15,437 making sure our Uncle Albert got a nice little drink. 52 00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:19,763 But we thought of others first. 53 00:03:20,247 --> 00:03:22,556 We donated to charity - 54 00:03:23,047 --> 00:03:25,038 anonymously, of course. 55 00:03:31,727 --> 00:03:36,118 So, eventually, we had to start thinking about our future. 56 00:03:36,287 --> 00:03:42,044 So we sought out this City stockbroker and he advised us 57 00:03:42,207 --> 00:03:45,404 to invest in a new and vibrant venture. 58 00:03:45,567 --> 00:03:47,478 The Central American market. 59 00:03:47,647 --> 00:03:50,115 It was attracting massive funds. 60 00:03:50,287 --> 00:03:52,755 We were making more money than the Royal Mint. 61 00:03:52,927 --> 00:03:54,440 But we weren't flash. 62 00:03:54,607 --> 00:03:57,075 Oh, no, no. We weren't flash. 63 00:04:00,047 --> 00:04:03,596 When we went away on business, we took the family with us. 64 00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:06,235 There would be me and Raquel - 65 00:04:06,407 --> 00:04:09,126 my significant other - and, of course... 66 00:04:09,647 --> 00:04:12,923 - Rodney, Cassandra. - Cheers. 67 00:04:15,207 --> 00:04:18,438 And not forgetting my young son Damien. 68 00:04:19,967 --> 00:04:21,878 He's a lad, in't he, eh? 69 00:04:27,247 --> 00:04:29,920 She's into superstition 70 00:04:30,087 --> 00:04:32,237 Black cats and voodoo dolls 71 00:04:32,407 --> 00:04:34,841 I feel a premonition 72 00:04:35,007 --> 00:04:37,601 That girl's gonna make me fall 73 00:04:43,447 --> 00:04:46,120 She's into new sensations 74 00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:48,721 New kicks and candlelight 75 00:04:48,887 --> 00:04:51,481 She's got a new addiction 76 00:04:51,647 --> 00:04:54,161 For every day and night... 77 00:04:57,767 --> 00:04:59,883 Oh, Mr Trotter. 78 00:05:00,047 --> 00:05:01,878 It's good to see you again. 79 00:05:03,647 --> 00:05:05,558 Bonnet de douche, Dominique. 80 00:05:05,727 --> 00:05:07,240 Bonnet de douche. 81 00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,486 Del, you've got to have a word with Damien. 82 00:05:11,647 --> 00:05:15,162 - People are complaining. - Oh, no. What's he done now? 83 00:05:15,327 --> 00:05:17,318 He's weed in the swimming pool. 84 00:05:18,167 --> 00:05:19,680 Leave it out, Cassandra. 85 00:05:19,847 --> 00:05:22,600 All little boys do a Johnny Cash in the pool. 86 00:05:22,767 --> 00:05:26,521 Yes, but not from the top of the four-metre diving board. 87 00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:34,285 The little git. 88 00:05:36,927 --> 00:05:39,839 # To make you go insane All right! 89 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,475 # Upside inside out 90 00:05:42,647 --> 00:05:45,002 # She's living la vida loca 91 00:05:45,167 --> 00:05:48,000 # She'll push and pull you down 92 00:05:48,167 --> 00:05:50,476 # Living la vida loca... # 93 00:05:50,847 --> 00:05:53,566 Well, this is the bizzo, ain't it, Rodders? 94 00:05:53,727 --> 00:05:55,524 It's not too bad, is it? 95 00:05:55,687 --> 00:05:58,042 Old Uncle Albert would love it here, eh? 96 00:05:58,207 --> 00:06:01,404 Yeah. Mind you, bet your life he's been here before! 97 00:06:02,967 --> 00:06:06,926 He's happy down on the coast, right next door to the sea. 98 00:06:07,087 --> 00:06:10,159 And he's living in sin with old Elsie Partridge - 99 00:06:10,327 --> 00:06:12,124 his "girlfriend". 100 00:06:12,287 --> 00:06:15,165 His girlfriend! Do me a favour! 101 00:06:15,327 --> 00:06:19,161 I heard she cut the ribbon on the opening of Stonehenge! 102 00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:24,442 At least we don't get the Battle of the Baltic every night. 103 00:06:24,607 --> 00:06:28,361 - "During the war..." - "During the war..." 104 00:06:30,127 --> 00:06:32,641 Come on, Rodders. I feel lucky tonight. 105 00:06:32,807 --> 00:06:34,525 Del, I can't, mate. 106 00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:38,997 - What? - I promised Cassandra. 107 00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:41,886 No gambling, no discos, 108 00:06:42,047 --> 00:06:44,117 no talking to women and no boozing. 109 00:06:44,927 --> 00:06:48,476 Yeah. What she meant was not to excess. 110 00:06:49,047 --> 00:06:50,924 You're not on probation, are you? 111 00:06:52,607 --> 00:06:56,282 I'll treat us to a few bottles of champagne to get us started. 112 00:06:57,727 --> 00:07:00,799 - "During the war..." - "During the war..." 113 00:07:00,967 --> 00:07:03,606 "I was aboard this battle cruiser..." 114 00:07:03,767 --> 00:07:08,443 And then, just as everything seemed to be going so well... 115 00:07:08,607 --> 00:07:10,723 Her lips are devil red 116 00:07:10,887 --> 00:07:13,082 Her skin's the colour mocha 117 She will wear you out... 118 00:07:15,687 --> 00:07:17,439 Something... 119 00:07:19,727 --> 00:07:21,763 something terrible happened. 120 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,962 Chateauneuf du Pape! 121 00:07:35,807 --> 00:07:39,038 Negotiations between the Central American countries 122 00:07:39,207 --> 00:07:40,959 had collapsed. 123 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,595 We was wiped out. Nicht a coin. 124 00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:47,157 We'd even paid for the hotel on a credit card - 125 00:07:47,327 --> 00:07:50,000 a credit card which had now been withdrawn. 126 00:07:50,167 --> 00:07:54,206 But Derek is, if nothing else, a very creative businessman, 127 00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:57,325 and he came up with a solution to our dilemma. 128 00:07:57,487 --> 00:08:00,479 (MUSIC: "LA VIDA LOCA") 129 00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:12,525 Monsieur Trotter! Your bill! 130 00:08:16,007 --> 00:08:17,998 Right. It's time to go. 131 00:08:20,007 --> 00:08:21,838 Follow me, gentlemen. 132 00:08:30,647 --> 00:08:32,922 How long did it take the news to hit the UK? 133 00:08:33,087 --> 00:08:36,079 As long as it took to push a button on the Internet. 134 00:08:36,247 --> 00:08:39,205 Suddenly, all our "business associates" 135 00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:41,085 wouldn't return our calls. 136 00:08:41,247 --> 00:08:43,397 We were in the financial wilderness. 137 00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:46,286 Fortunately, we come from a strong community, 138 00:08:46,447 --> 00:08:49,359 and when our old friends from Peckham heard the news 139 00:08:49,527 --> 00:08:52,917 they was as gutted as us. Weren't they? 140 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,564 (SNIGGERING) 141 00:09:02,247 --> 00:09:05,080 There's a name that crops up every now and then. 142 00:09:05,247 --> 00:09:07,238 Michael Fisher. 143 00:09:07,407 --> 00:09:11,036 Landlord of a public house - the Nag's Head, Peckham. 144 00:09:11,207 --> 00:09:13,596 What part did he play in the proceedings? 145 00:09:13,767 --> 00:09:16,998 Well, Mike invested his life savings in our venture. 146 00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:18,885 He remortgaged the pub. 147 00:09:19,047 --> 00:09:21,003 Will Mr Fisher give evidence? 148 00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:22,839 No. He's in prison. 149 00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:25,164 He's awaiting trial. 150 00:09:25,967 --> 00:09:30,643 The Fraud Squad claims that he tried to recoup his losses 151 00:09:30,807 --> 00:09:32,798 by embezzling the brewery. 152 00:09:33,527 --> 00:09:35,916 Never was a man more innocent. 153 00:09:36,087 --> 00:09:39,363 I take it Mr Fisher will be pleading not guilty? 154 00:09:39,527 --> 00:09:41,643 No. He confessed to everything. 155 00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:56,439 For Gawd's sake, sit down! You're wearing the marble out! 156 00:09:56,607 --> 00:09:59,997 I can't help it! I've never been a character witness before. 157 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,919 And you think we have? 158 00:10:02,087 --> 00:10:04,885 I'm worried. Del's made a terrible mistake. 159 00:10:05,687 --> 00:10:08,281 Of course he's made a terrible mistake. 160 00:10:08,447 --> 00:10:10,165 That's why he's in court. 161 00:10:10,327 --> 00:10:13,399 No. I mean having you four as character witnesses. 162 00:10:13,567 --> 00:10:16,206 It's like inviting the Manson Family to dinner. 163 00:10:18,527 --> 00:10:21,519 I saw Del and Rodney earlier. They seemed confident. 164 00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:25,362 They've arranged to meet Raquel and Cassandra to celebrate, 165 00:10:25,527 --> 00:10:27,643 so I'd avoid Pizza Hut if I were you! 166 00:10:30,447 --> 00:10:33,883 Del was not confident. He was deeply worried. 167 00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:35,958 He didn't even touch me up. 168 00:10:38,927 --> 00:10:41,885 - I've got most to worry about. - Why? 169 00:10:42,047 --> 00:10:45,278 I'm managing the Nag's Head till Mike is released. 170 00:10:45,447 --> 00:10:47,836 But how exactly do I know what he got up to? 171 00:10:48,007 --> 00:10:51,682 Yeah. How does Sid know Mike didn't post-date his fiddles 172 00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:53,758 so the police think they're Sid's? 173 00:10:53,927 --> 00:10:55,997 There's nothing to be nervous about. 174 00:10:56,167 --> 00:10:58,237 All you've got to do is tell the truth. 175 00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:00,796 Trig, if I go in there and tell the truth, 176 00:11:00,967 --> 00:11:03,356 Del and Rodney will spend the next five years 177 00:11:03,527 --> 00:11:06,485 sharpening Jeffrey Archer's pencils. 178 00:11:07,327 --> 00:11:09,204 What are you going to do, Trig? 179 00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:11,676 I'm gonna tell 'em I hear voices. 180 00:11:12,247 --> 00:11:15,922 Trig, you're not on trial, you're a character witness. 181 00:11:16,087 --> 00:11:19,284 I know, but I hear voices. 182 00:11:21,087 --> 00:11:24,716 Oh, Gawd, it's gonna be one of them days. 183 00:11:25,487 --> 00:11:28,718 I notice that your properties were company owned, 184 00:11:28,887 --> 00:11:31,401 - so you both lost your homes? - Yes. 185 00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:33,637 I had a lovely place on the river. 186 00:11:33,807 --> 00:11:37,356 Well, I had an estate with peacocks and everything. 187 00:11:38,287 --> 00:11:40,881 Anyway, at least we weren't homeless. 188 00:11:41,047 --> 00:11:44,642 Due to my foresight some years previously, 189 00:11:44,807 --> 00:11:48,402 I had bought another property. So we had somewhere to live. 190 00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:52,037 Yeah. It's called our old flat, Nelson Mandela House! 191 00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:56,280 That just goes to show how our fortunes altered. 192 00:11:56,447 --> 00:11:59,405 - Suddenly, everything changed. - Yeah. 193 00:11:59,567 --> 00:12:01,717 All our good luck turned to bad. 194 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:05,243 Every day there was more rows, there was more bad news. 195 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,725 We thought things couldn't possibly get worse. 196 00:12:08,887 --> 00:12:11,037 Boy, how wrong we were. 197 00:12:13,487 --> 00:12:16,081 (AUDIENCE CHEER) 198 00:12:20,047 --> 00:12:21,480 Good evening. 199 00:12:21,647 --> 00:12:24,605 Welcome to the quiz show everyone is talking about. 200 00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:26,837 This is the fastest game show on TV. 201 00:12:27,007 --> 00:12:29,157 This is Monday, this is Jonathan Ross, 202 00:12:29,327 --> 00:12:31,318 and this is Goldrush! 203 00:12:37,567 --> 00:12:40,764 It's no good looking at me with that Anne Robinson face. 204 00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:44,003 I'll look at you any way I like. 205 00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:49,320 At least I am trying to do something about it. 206 00:12:49,487 --> 00:12:51,523 What exactly are you doing? 207 00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:54,679 - I'm after a stockbroker. - You've got a stockbroker. 208 00:12:54,847 --> 00:12:56,724 That's the one I'm after! 209 00:12:57,447 --> 00:13:00,644 Why didn't he tell me the market was going to crash? 210 00:13:00,807 --> 00:13:03,037 He phoned you at least six times. 211 00:13:03,207 --> 00:13:05,357 He said he had to speak to you urgently, 212 00:13:05,527 --> 00:13:07,438 but you were too busy. 213 00:13:07,607 --> 00:13:09,438 Well, I was water skiing. 214 00:13:09,607 --> 00:13:11,404 You wasted our birthright! 215 00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:14,035 And then Trotter's Independent Traders 216 00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:17,324 hired a helicopter to fly to Nice to collect magazines. 217 00:13:17,487 --> 00:13:18,920 Unbelievable! 218 00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:21,246 That was you! 219 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:24,246 Oh, yeah. 220 00:13:24,407 --> 00:13:27,763 Well, I'm a big man. I've got broad shoulders. 221 00:13:27,927 --> 00:13:31,203 The buck stops here. I take full responsibility. 222 00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:33,756 Even though it was Rodney's fault. 223 00:13:33,927 --> 00:13:36,441 Me?! How the hell was it my fault? 224 00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:39,599 You were the company's Director of Administration. 225 00:13:39,767 --> 00:13:42,281 That meant organising the Christmas parties. 226 00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:45,962 They were about as exciting as a Buddhist hen night. 227 00:13:47,687 --> 00:13:50,565 You were the Managing Director, the Chairman, 228 00:13:50,727 --> 00:13:53,082 the Chief Executive and the President. 229 00:13:53,247 --> 00:13:54,726 It's my fault, is it?! 230 00:13:54,887 --> 00:13:58,721 Either you or this is the Chinese Year of the Dodo! 231 00:13:59,287 --> 00:14:03,075 Wait a minute. You can't lay all the blame at Derek's door. 232 00:14:03,247 --> 00:14:04,680 I know it's tempting. 233 00:14:05,527 --> 00:14:08,599 Why is it that whenever we've got something good going, 234 00:14:08,767 --> 00:14:12,157 anything that remotely resembles a future, he nauses it up? 235 00:14:12,327 --> 00:14:15,239 - That's just the way he is. - Thank you. 236 00:14:18,447 --> 00:14:22,804 It's unfair of you to blame Rodney. He is your brother. 237 00:14:22,967 --> 00:14:26,323 Yes, and like a brother, he's let me down all his life. 238 00:14:28,807 --> 00:14:30,320 Is that right? 239 00:14:30,487 --> 00:14:34,366 If I'm such a let-down, why did you insist on having me around? 240 00:14:35,287 --> 00:14:37,278 To keep my promise to Mum. 241 00:14:37,927 --> 00:14:41,044 And you never know when you might need some bone marrow. 242 00:14:41,207 --> 00:14:43,277 (PHONE RINGS) 243 00:14:45,807 --> 00:14:48,082 Cassandra, answer that phone, please. 244 00:14:48,247 --> 00:14:50,078 Yes, sir. Straight away, sir. 245 00:14:50,247 --> 00:14:52,807 This time next year, we'll be millionaires. 246 00:14:52,967 --> 00:14:55,925 This time last week, we were millionaires! 247 00:14:57,047 --> 00:14:59,402 Sorry. I can't hear you very well. 248 00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:01,478 Go in the kitchen, then! 249 00:15:01,647 --> 00:15:04,559 Don't worry. I've worked it all out. I'm serious. 250 00:15:04,727 --> 00:15:09,278 I've worked out a way to make a hundred thousand pounds. 251 00:15:09,447 --> 00:15:12,484 - Invest that wisely... - Invest that wisely! 252 00:15:12,647 --> 00:15:15,207 Invest it wisely, and before you know it, 253 00:15:15,367 --> 00:15:17,722 you and I can buy a nice little gaff each. 254 00:15:17,887 --> 00:15:21,641 All right. Go on, then. What's the plan? 255 00:15:21,807 --> 00:15:25,163 I wasn't going to say anything, but... OK. You ready? 256 00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:30,126 I'm going to apply to go on that new game show, the Goldrush. 257 00:15:34,887 --> 00:15:36,684 Did I say something amusing? 258 00:15:37,727 --> 00:15:39,763 Last night one of the questions was 259 00:15:39,927 --> 00:15:43,840 who introduced the potato to England? You said King Edward! 260 00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:49,997 I didn't hear the question properly. 261 00:15:51,047 --> 00:15:53,959 Look, Del, if you want to appear on the telly, 262 00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:56,038 try for something more simple. 263 00:15:56,207 --> 00:15:58,960 Like go on Stars in their Eyes as Barry White! 264 00:16:00,007 --> 00:16:01,804 Del. Del! 265 00:16:02,487 --> 00:16:05,240 - It's Elsie Partridge's son. - What's he want? 266 00:16:05,407 --> 00:16:08,080 It's Uncle Albert. I'm sorry. 267 00:16:10,647 --> 00:16:12,080 I'm so sorry. 268 00:16:12,247 --> 00:16:15,478 (SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS) 269 00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,882 Right. Are we ready? 270 00:16:49,327 --> 00:16:52,876 - Shall I bring the wreath? - Wait till the hearse arrives. 271 00:16:53,047 --> 00:16:55,436 Yeah. All right. Come on. 272 00:17:00,567 --> 00:17:03,365 Hello. We're Albert's nephews. 273 00:17:04,287 --> 00:17:07,040 Derek and Rodney Trotter from Peckham. 274 00:17:07,207 --> 00:17:10,279 Hello. I'm Marion. I did a bit of cleaning for Albert. 275 00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:12,523 Lovely old man. 276 00:17:14,287 --> 00:17:15,959 Went on a bit. 277 00:17:18,047 --> 00:17:20,038 Excuse me. Excuse me. 278 00:17:20,487 --> 00:17:23,479 This is Cassandra, that's Rodney's wife. 279 00:17:23,647 --> 00:17:26,207 This is Damien. This is my son. 280 00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:29,800 This is Raquel. She's my significant other. 281 00:17:30,447 --> 00:17:33,519 Nice to meet you all. Please come in and have a drink. 282 00:17:33,687 --> 00:17:35,040 Thank you. 283 00:17:38,687 --> 00:17:40,120 Thank you. 284 00:17:48,247 --> 00:17:49,965 Damien, put it back. 285 00:17:53,927 --> 00:17:57,237 I feel bad, you know, about leaving him here on his own 286 00:17:57,407 --> 00:17:59,318 while we was off globe-trotting. 287 00:17:59,487 --> 00:18:01,717 He wasn't on his own. He was with Elsie. 288 00:18:01,887 --> 00:18:05,038 But Elsie was in that rest home for the last six months. 289 00:18:05,207 --> 00:18:07,163 But he had her family around him. 290 00:18:07,327 --> 00:18:09,397 Yeah. He was having a good time. 291 00:18:09,567 --> 00:18:11,159 Yeah, I know. 292 00:18:11,327 --> 00:18:14,080 It's just I wish we'd taken him with us 293 00:18:14,247 --> 00:18:16,841 when we went to Barbados and other places. 294 00:18:17,007 --> 00:18:18,599 Well, we did ask. 295 00:18:18,767 --> 00:18:21,201 But if you remember, the Ancient Mariner, 296 00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:24,598 who'd been round the world more times than a satellite, 297 00:18:24,767 --> 00:18:26,837 never had a passport. 298 00:18:27,847 --> 00:18:29,917 Good job Hitler didn't find that out. 299 00:18:30,087 --> 00:18:32,362 Albert would have been in right trouble. 300 00:18:41,887 --> 00:18:43,320 Hey, Rodney. 301 00:18:45,367 --> 00:18:50,077 The old sod. He only had his own monogrammed brandy glass. 302 00:18:50,247 --> 00:18:52,363 He loved his cognac, didn't he? 303 00:18:52,527 --> 00:18:56,042 "Just to keep the old colds at bay." Eh? Remember? 304 00:18:56,207 --> 00:18:59,517 Pardon me. I'm Roland. I was married to Albert's niece. 305 00:18:59,687 --> 00:19:01,518 Oh. This is my brother Rodney. 306 00:19:01,687 --> 00:19:04,804 - Rodney. - Cassandra, come and say hello. 307 00:19:04,967 --> 00:19:07,117 This is Cassandra, Rodney's wife. 308 00:19:07,287 --> 00:19:09,801 - Hello. - And Damien. My son Damien. 309 00:19:09,967 --> 00:19:12,959 - And this is... - Raquel. 310 00:19:13,127 --> 00:19:15,721 And this is Derek, my significant other. 311 00:19:17,847 --> 00:19:19,565 Nice to meet you all. 312 00:19:20,247 --> 00:19:23,125 Well, I suppose we'll all miss him in our way. 313 00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:25,642 Yeah. We're missing him already. 314 00:19:26,247 --> 00:19:28,397 I tell you one thing we won't miss. 315 00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:32,082 All those bloody wartime sagas. Ooh. 316 00:19:34,887 --> 00:19:38,880 Actually, Roland, we used to love hearing about his past. 317 00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:41,402 That's right. Couldn't get enough of it. 318 00:19:41,567 --> 00:19:44,206 Yeah, but he did go on, didn't he? 319 00:19:44,367 --> 00:19:46,676 He never bloody stopped. 320 00:19:47,647 --> 00:19:51,526 Yeah. Well, you'd have to blame me for that one, Roland. 321 00:19:51,807 --> 00:19:54,367 You see, I used to love them stories. 322 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:58,566 I loved them so much that when he said, "Germany surrendered", 323 00:19:58,727 --> 00:20:01,400 I'd say, "Tell us about when war was declared", 324 00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:04,604 and he'd start all over again and go right through it. 325 00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:07,122 We'd stay up all night, wouldn't we? 326 00:20:07,287 --> 00:20:10,006 More fool you. I used to tell him straight, 327 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,123 "Oi. Knock off the John Wayne stuff. 328 00:20:12,287 --> 00:20:14,801 "You'd think you'd won the war by yourself!" 329 00:20:14,967 --> 00:20:16,878 Well, in many ways, that's true. 330 00:20:17,047 --> 00:20:20,483 Everyone involved was fighting their own individual war. 331 00:20:21,527 --> 00:20:23,404 Yes. And you've got to remember 332 00:20:23,567 --> 00:20:27,196 that a lot of blokes lost their lives for our liberty, 333 00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:30,359 so that 50 years later, prats like you 334 00:20:30,527 --> 00:20:33,917 would have the freedom to knock 'em. All right?! 335 00:20:34,087 --> 00:20:37,477 - Take it easy, Del. - Have they got a garden here? 336 00:20:37,647 --> 00:20:41,560 You and I ought to go outside and have a more detailed chat. 337 00:20:41,727 --> 00:20:45,037 - Del, that's enough, mate. - Go on, Dad. Deck him! 338 00:20:46,447 --> 00:20:49,883 - I didn't mean to upset anyone. - Calm down. 339 00:20:50,047 --> 00:20:52,607 - All right. - The hearse is on its way. 340 00:20:53,647 --> 00:20:55,877 I'll go and get the wreath. You just... 341 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:57,799 All right, Rodney. 342 00:21:04,247 --> 00:21:06,283 Have you calmed down? 343 00:21:07,327 --> 00:21:10,000 Yes, yes, it's all right, sweetheart. 344 00:21:11,527 --> 00:21:13,324 I'll tell you another thing. 345 00:21:13,487 --> 00:21:16,559 None of the others have bothered to turn up, have they? 346 00:21:16,727 --> 00:21:18,957 Boycie, Marlene, Denzil, Trigger. 347 00:21:19,127 --> 00:21:22,881 "Don't worry, Del Boy, we'll be there. Pay our last respects." 348 00:21:23,047 --> 00:21:25,038 Well, where are they? 349 00:21:25,207 --> 00:21:29,041 You'd think Sid would put in an appearance. He was in the war. 350 00:21:29,207 --> 00:21:32,517 No. He's in that pub making too much money. 351 00:21:33,287 --> 00:21:36,438 Well, maybe they had problems. It is a bit of a journey. 352 00:21:36,607 --> 00:21:40,282 Good old Mike would have made more of an effort to get here 353 00:21:40,447 --> 00:21:43,439 - and he's in the nick! - Come on, you, outside. 354 00:21:43,607 --> 00:21:45,199 All right. 355 00:21:49,887 --> 00:21:53,641 I'm sorry again. I really didn't mean to offend anybody. 356 00:21:53,807 --> 00:21:56,367 It's OK. Emotions are running a bit high. 357 00:21:56,527 --> 00:21:59,439 I bet Bunny's up there having a right laugh at us. 358 00:21:59,607 --> 00:22:01,563 I bet he is. 359 00:22:03,247 --> 00:22:04,566 Bunny? 360 00:22:04,727 --> 00:22:07,958 - Yeah. Albert. - Why do you call him Bunny? 361 00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:12,040 That's what they called him in the RAF. His surname was Warren. 362 00:22:12,647 --> 00:22:16,117 (ORGAN MUSIC: TOCCATA AND FUGUE) 363 00:22:29,727 --> 00:22:31,957 Is that a Spitfire, Dad? 364 00:22:45,607 --> 00:22:47,802 We're at the wrong funeral. 365 00:22:50,687 --> 00:22:52,325 Yes. 366 00:23:41,247 --> 00:23:43,397 You have my deepest sympathy, 367 00:23:43,567 --> 00:23:46,286 but I must bring you back to the matter in hand. 368 00:23:46,447 --> 00:23:48,961 Are there any mitigating circumstances 369 00:23:49,127 --> 00:23:51,197 you'd like me to tell the court? 370 00:23:51,367 --> 00:23:56,077 Yes. Remember to tell them that we were slaves to detail. 371 00:23:56,247 --> 00:23:58,044 - Weren't we? - Absolutely. 372 00:23:58,207 --> 00:24:01,836 We always got our cheques off to the Inland Revenue on time. 373 00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:03,360 Always. 374 00:24:03,527 --> 00:24:05,358 Be upstanding. 375 00:24:07,047 --> 00:24:10,756 The Inland Revenue versus Trotter's Independent Traders. 376 00:24:10,927 --> 00:24:15,159 Fair do's, they bounced, but they was always on time. 377 00:24:21,247 --> 00:24:24,125 I don't believe it. Where does he get this crap? 378 00:24:27,727 --> 00:24:29,763 I thought they were gonna bang you up. 379 00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:31,804 Well, you was wrong, Rat Boy. 380 00:24:31,967 --> 00:24:34,800 I was exonerated of all responsibility. 381 00:24:34,967 --> 00:24:37,435 - So you both got off? - Not quite. 382 00:24:38,967 --> 00:24:40,844 I'll get you a cup of tea. 383 00:24:41,007 --> 00:24:43,475 No. I need something stronger than tea. 384 00:24:43,647 --> 00:24:47,003 - What happened, Dad? - They declared me bankrupt. 385 00:24:47,167 --> 00:24:50,557 - Are you going to prison? - No! Well, not yet. 386 00:24:50,727 --> 00:24:52,399 Why does he go on about prison? 387 00:24:52,567 --> 00:24:55,206 His mates' dads are doing time. He feels left out. 388 00:24:55,367 --> 00:24:57,278 Damien, go and tidy your room. 389 00:24:57,447 --> 00:24:59,756 - I tidied it already. - Tidy it again. 390 00:25:02,047 --> 00:25:04,880 So what exactly does it mean? 391 00:25:05,047 --> 00:25:10,121 It means that the Inland Revenue give you a year to pay off your debt. 392 00:25:10,287 --> 00:25:13,723 Then they come and take all your goods - anything of value. 393 00:25:13,887 --> 00:25:15,479 So it won't affect us. 394 00:25:16,847 --> 00:25:20,920 We have got something of value. You're sitting in it. This flat. 395 00:25:21,087 --> 00:25:24,124 Our home. They'll steal the roof from over our heads. 396 00:25:24,287 --> 00:25:27,597 You take it from me, that is not going to happen, Derek. 397 00:25:27,767 --> 00:25:29,758 Have you got an idea, Rodney? 398 00:25:29,927 --> 00:25:33,681 It's been on the market for five years and no one's looked at it! 399 00:25:33,847 --> 00:25:36,600 That's because I had it up for its true value. 400 00:25:36,767 --> 00:25:39,759 They'll auction it for a third of its price. 401 00:25:39,927 --> 00:25:41,918 What we gonna do? 402 00:25:42,327 --> 00:25:44,158 You could always look for a job. 403 00:25:46,727 --> 00:25:49,958 Trigger said they're recruiting down at his depot. 404 00:25:50,127 --> 00:25:53,836 The pay's not too bad. I know it's road sweeping, but... 405 00:25:55,447 --> 00:25:57,278 She's right, Del. 406 00:25:59,127 --> 00:26:00,560 I suppose so. 407 00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:03,002 I'll help you fill in your application. 408 00:26:04,687 --> 00:26:06,166 Me? 409 00:26:06,327 --> 00:26:09,478 You can't expect Del to go out sweeping the roads. 410 00:26:09,647 --> 00:26:13,162 Not at his age. I was talking about you. 411 00:26:13,327 --> 00:26:15,158 - Me?! - Oh, come on. 412 00:26:15,327 --> 00:26:17,761 Can you see Rodney pushing a broom around? 413 00:26:17,927 --> 00:26:20,236 It's all right. They give training. 414 00:26:22,207 --> 00:26:25,438 So how much do you actually owe the taxman? 415 00:26:25,607 --> 00:26:28,644 48,750. 416 00:26:28,807 --> 00:26:30,604 - Four. - What? 417 00:26:30,767 --> 00:26:33,725 48,754. 418 00:26:33,887 --> 00:26:35,400 - Four. - Plus interest. 419 00:26:36,007 --> 00:26:39,556 Oh, well. I never really liked this place anyway. 420 00:26:40,887 --> 00:26:42,923 Look what you've done now! 421 00:26:43,727 --> 00:26:45,285 You've upset her. 422 00:26:45,447 --> 00:26:47,438 What, by adding four quid? 423 00:26:48,527 --> 00:26:51,837 No, it was dopey there talking about interest. 424 00:26:52,007 --> 00:26:53,759 - It's got her worried. - Oh! 425 00:26:53,927 --> 00:26:56,600 I don't want to talk to you. I'm having a shower. 426 00:26:56,767 --> 00:26:58,758 Don't use all the hot water. 427 00:27:01,527 --> 00:27:03,597 It's all right, sweetheart, come on. 428 00:27:03,767 --> 00:27:05,758 We'll soon be back on our feet. 429 00:27:05,927 --> 00:27:10,717 How? You owe nearly P49,000 plus interest! 430 00:27:10,887 --> 00:27:13,924 It's not a very good start, I must admit. 431 00:27:14,327 --> 00:27:18,115 Let me do that. Go on. You get some plates out. 432 00:27:18,527 --> 00:27:20,882 It's gonna be all right. I worked it out. 433 00:27:21,047 --> 00:27:24,517 I'm a trader, ain't I? I've been trading since I was 12. 434 00:27:24,687 --> 00:27:27,042 I could sell rice to the Chinese. 435 00:27:27,967 --> 00:27:31,482 I'm gonna go back to trading. I'm gonna work for a local firm. 436 00:27:31,647 --> 00:27:33,319 Yeah? Like who? 437 00:27:33,487 --> 00:27:35,603 Trotter's Independent Traders. 438 00:27:36,287 --> 00:27:39,404 What are you talking about? The firm's been liquidised 439 00:27:39,567 --> 00:27:42,081 or liquidated or whatever the word is. 440 00:27:42,247 --> 00:27:44,522 No, no. The firm can go on trading, 441 00:27:44,687 --> 00:27:47,155 but I've been disqualified from running it. 442 00:27:47,327 --> 00:27:49,921 That doesn't mean to say I can't work for it. 443 00:27:50,087 --> 00:27:53,284 All we need is a new managing director. 444 00:27:53,447 --> 00:27:55,881 Oh, God. I actually got excited then. 445 00:27:56,047 --> 00:27:57,765 Who is going to be stupid enough 446 00:27:57,927 --> 00:28:00,282 to take over Trotter's Independent Traders? 447 00:28:05,887 --> 00:28:08,082 Rodders, get it down your neck. 448 00:28:08,247 --> 00:28:09,600 Cheers, mate. 449 00:28:09,767 --> 00:28:12,406 I don't know what we're going to do, Rodney. 450 00:28:12,567 --> 00:28:14,000 No. Me neither. 451 00:28:14,167 --> 00:28:17,876 Here I am, disqualified from running me own company. 452 00:28:18,047 --> 00:28:21,278 If I take out a loan, the taxman will nick me 453 00:28:21,447 --> 00:28:24,678 and if I work in cash, Customs and Excise will nick me. 454 00:28:24,847 --> 00:28:28,476 My credit rating is so low, I can't even pay with money. 455 00:28:31,087 --> 00:28:35,319 If only there was some way in which we could carry on trading. 456 00:28:36,727 --> 00:28:38,206 Yeah. 457 00:28:39,767 --> 00:28:42,565 It's no use you trying to cheer me up, Rodney. 458 00:28:43,607 --> 00:28:46,360 I'm afraid the company's finished. It's gone. 459 00:28:46,527 --> 00:28:49,519 Trotter's Independent Traders is no more. 460 00:28:49,687 --> 00:28:54,158 It's kaput. It's dead. Dead as the emu. 461 00:28:58,127 --> 00:29:00,118 Well, that's not strictly true. 462 00:29:00,287 --> 00:29:02,881 I mean, the company can still operate, 463 00:29:03,047 --> 00:29:05,925 it's just that I'm banned from running it. 464 00:29:06,927 --> 00:29:08,519 I know. 465 00:29:13,807 --> 00:29:17,004 If only there was someone who could take over the firm. 466 00:29:17,167 --> 00:29:19,556 Someone young and enthusiastic. 467 00:29:19,727 --> 00:29:22,639 Someone full of enthusiasm and ideas. 468 00:29:22,807 --> 00:29:25,401 Eh? I wonder who. 469 00:29:32,207 --> 00:29:36,723 Young and energetic, with ideas and enthusiasm. 470 00:29:39,287 --> 00:29:42,199 - Hang on a minute. - You've thought of someone. 471 00:29:43,687 --> 00:29:46,281 No. He emigrated, didn't he? 472 00:29:48,247 --> 00:29:51,284 (QUIETLY) "He emigrated, didn't he?" What a wally. 473 00:29:51,447 --> 00:29:54,757 Honestly, I don't believe him sometimes. 474 00:29:56,487 --> 00:29:59,763 - There might be one person. - Whom? 475 00:30:01,127 --> 00:30:02,446 Me. 476 00:30:06,967 --> 00:30:09,083 You? How do you mean, Rodney? 477 00:30:09,247 --> 00:30:12,398 Look, look. You've been made bankrupt, right, 478 00:30:12,567 --> 00:30:17,004 and are therefore not allowed to run a company, right? I haven't. 479 00:30:18,767 --> 00:30:21,281 No. You got me all confused now. 480 00:30:23,087 --> 00:30:25,920 Let me explain in simple terms, right? 481 00:30:26,087 --> 00:30:29,602 Legally, there is nothing to stop me 482 00:30:29,767 --> 00:30:32,759 taking over Trotter's Independent Traders. 483 00:30:32,927 --> 00:30:35,839 Let me see if I've got this right. 484 00:30:36,007 --> 00:30:39,397 What you're saying is that you could run the firm. 485 00:30:39,567 --> 00:30:41,319 By George, I think he's got it! 486 00:30:41,487 --> 00:30:43,762 That is a brilliant idea, Rodney! 487 00:30:43,927 --> 00:30:47,124 "Argent compatant" as they say in Cannes! 488 00:30:47,287 --> 00:30:50,518 Tell you what we'll do. We'll see our lawyer tomorrow, 489 00:30:50,687 --> 00:30:54,566 go to Companies House and make you the new Managing Director. 490 00:30:54,727 --> 00:30:57,480 Rodney Trotter. Hey, Raquel, guess what? 491 00:30:57,647 --> 00:31:00,639 Rodney has had a brilliant idea to save the family. 492 00:31:00,807 --> 00:31:03,116 He's going to be the Managing Director 493 00:31:03,287 --> 00:31:05,243 of Trotter's Independent Traders. 494 00:31:05,407 --> 00:31:09,446 I'll just be in charge of sales, purchasing and finance. 495 00:31:09,607 --> 00:31:12,997 Congratulations. I'm surprised you didn't think of that, Del. 496 00:31:13,167 --> 00:31:15,044 That's just what I was thinking. 497 00:31:15,207 --> 00:31:16,686 (SCREAMING) 498 00:31:18,287 --> 00:31:20,562 Damien, get away from that keyhole! 499 00:31:25,087 --> 00:31:26,805 He's a lad, in't he? 500 00:31:30,807 --> 00:31:33,082 The world's full of surprises, innit? 501 00:31:33,247 --> 00:31:36,000 Look at that. Mickey Pearce has learnt to read. 502 00:31:37,567 --> 00:31:41,446 "Trotter's Independent Traders now under new management. 503 00:31:41,607 --> 00:31:44,360 "Managing Director, Rodney Trotter." 504 00:31:45,207 --> 00:31:48,916 You seen this? Rodney Trotter's a managing director. 505 00:31:49,087 --> 00:31:52,124 Yeah. And Cliff Richard's on 40 Silk Cut a day. 506 00:31:53,927 --> 00:31:55,440 No, it's true. Look. 507 00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:59,120 "Consultancy and party planning." 508 00:31:59,287 --> 00:32:02,597 Remember their last do? Depressing, weren't it? 509 00:32:02,767 --> 00:32:04,200 Albert's funeral? 510 00:32:04,367 --> 00:32:06,835 No. I'm talking about Rodney's wedding. 511 00:32:09,647 --> 00:32:12,036 I'm gonna give him a call. Wind him up. 512 00:32:12,207 --> 00:32:14,357 Leave him alone. He's doing his best. 513 00:32:14,527 --> 00:32:18,600 They've had a setback, losing their money and being bankrupt. 514 00:32:18,767 --> 00:32:21,725 It would be a rather insensitive act, Mickey. 515 00:32:21,887 --> 00:32:24,355 Yeah. I suppose you're right. 516 00:32:24,527 --> 00:32:26,085 Use my phone. 517 00:32:29,647 --> 00:32:31,046 Damien! 518 00:32:32,087 --> 00:32:35,796 We're going out to celebrate Dad's new job with Uncle Rodney. 519 00:32:35,967 --> 00:32:39,562 Get ready and go to Wesley's flat. We'll collect you later. 520 00:32:39,727 --> 00:32:43,003 (JAMAICAN ACCENT) Don't fuzz me, bitch. Me gun is hungry. 521 00:32:43,927 --> 00:32:47,715 Oi, oi, oi! If you don't stop listening to that gangsta rap, 522 00:32:47,887 --> 00:32:51,516 I'm going to give you a rap. Now go and get yourself ready. 523 00:32:53,207 --> 00:32:54,640 - Honky. - Rat Boy. 524 00:32:54,807 --> 00:32:57,241 - Honky, honky, honky! - Get out of here! 525 00:32:59,567 --> 00:33:01,046 Ready, Rodney? 526 00:33:01,207 --> 00:33:03,277 I'm waiting for Cass. She's getting... 527 00:33:03,447 --> 00:33:05,403 Come on, hurry up, darling. 528 00:33:05,567 --> 00:33:07,319 ...dressed. 529 00:33:13,527 --> 00:33:14,880 Very nice. 530 00:33:15,047 --> 00:33:17,083 I don't believe you did that. 531 00:33:17,247 --> 00:33:19,442 We're not even going out with you. 532 00:33:19,607 --> 00:33:22,405 - Why not? - We're going out on our own. 533 00:33:22,567 --> 00:33:24,364 Cassandra suggested it. 534 00:33:24,527 --> 00:33:28,122 I think me becoming Managing Director has made a difference. 535 00:33:28,287 --> 00:33:31,006 They say that power is an aphrodisiac. 536 00:33:31,167 --> 00:33:33,556 Yeah. Well, I must say, she's bubbling. 537 00:33:36,087 --> 00:33:37,566 Yeah, well. 538 00:33:37,927 --> 00:33:39,918 I'm taking her out to a club. 539 00:33:40,087 --> 00:33:42,681 First thing we did when we met was dance, 540 00:33:42,847 --> 00:33:45,361 so I thought it might rekindle old memories. 541 00:33:45,527 --> 00:33:47,324 No. Take her out to dinner. 542 00:33:47,487 --> 00:33:51,480 There's a nice new place opened down Jomo Kenyatta Grove. 543 00:33:51,647 --> 00:33:54,605 - She'll love it. - No. You don't understand. 544 00:33:55,407 --> 00:33:58,877 Dancing is the human form of the mating ritual, innit? 545 00:33:59,047 --> 00:34:02,084 Yeah, I know... if you are a good dancer. 546 00:34:03,647 --> 00:34:06,878 - I am a good dancer. - You're not a good dancer. 547 00:34:07,047 --> 00:34:10,198 I saw you dancing in that disco in Monte Carlo. 548 00:34:10,367 --> 00:34:12,517 Like Billy Elliot with worms. 549 00:34:15,207 --> 00:34:19,485 Mind you, if what I've seen in there is anything to go by, 550 00:34:19,647 --> 00:34:21,319 you're on a winner tonight. 551 00:34:21,487 --> 00:34:24,718 Will you stop talking about my wife and her...? Really? 552 00:34:28,247 --> 00:34:31,523 G-string? More like dental floss. 553 00:34:36,607 --> 00:34:38,484 (DOORBELL RINGS) 554 00:34:40,967 --> 00:34:43,356 - Evening, Del. - Hello, Trig. Come in. 555 00:34:44,327 --> 00:34:46,397 I'll just go and jolly Raquel up. 556 00:34:46,567 --> 00:34:50,321 Raquel, hurry up! I'll have to have another shave in a minute! 557 00:34:52,127 --> 00:34:54,038 All right, Dave? 558 00:34:56,567 --> 00:34:58,319 I'm fine, thank you, Trigger. 559 00:35:01,047 --> 00:35:05,484 (MUSIC: MOZART'S SYMPHONY IN D MAJOR) 560 00:35:11,047 --> 00:35:14,403 So what are you doing here, Trig? 561 00:35:14,567 --> 00:35:17,161 Del said he'd give me a lift to the pub. 562 00:35:17,327 --> 00:35:18,646 Right. 563 00:35:20,807 --> 00:35:24,004 But you live closer to the pub than us. 564 00:35:24,567 --> 00:35:25,886 I know. 565 00:35:27,647 --> 00:35:31,003 In fact, you have to walk past the pub to get to this flat. 566 00:35:32,087 --> 00:35:34,840 Yeah, but Del said he'd give me a lift. 567 00:35:38,007 --> 00:35:39,520 Right. 568 00:35:53,327 --> 00:35:55,682 You put a bit of music on, Dave. 569 00:35:58,047 --> 00:36:02,643 Yes. Mozart's Symphony Number 38 in D Major. 570 00:36:02,807 --> 00:36:05,401 I find it helps me unwind, you know? 571 00:36:05,567 --> 00:36:08,286 Eases my executive stress. 572 00:36:12,487 --> 00:36:15,001 Ain't there no words to this, Dave? 573 00:36:17,287 --> 00:36:21,246 No, there's no words, Trig, no. Sort of instrumental. 574 00:36:23,207 --> 00:36:26,597 Raquel, I'm giving you two minutes or I'm going on me own! 575 00:36:26,767 --> 00:36:28,439 Cor dear. 576 00:36:28,607 --> 00:36:30,518 What's this? 577 00:36:30,687 --> 00:36:34,236 It's Mozart's Symphony Number 38 in D Major. 578 00:36:37,607 --> 00:36:39,598 It's the karaoke version. 579 00:36:43,167 --> 00:36:45,158 (PHONE RINGS) 580 00:36:47,487 --> 00:36:49,682 Cassandra, answer that phone, please. 581 00:36:49,847 --> 00:36:53,283 Yes, sir. I'll organise your bloody appointment book too! 582 00:36:53,447 --> 00:36:56,405 Trotter's Independent Traders. May I help you? 583 00:36:56,567 --> 00:37:00,446 - That is one moody mare, innit? - Can you blame her? 584 00:37:00,607 --> 00:37:04,282 You treat her like a secretary and you've seen her drawers! 585 00:37:04,447 --> 00:37:07,757 The only reason that I like Cassandra to answer the phone 586 00:37:07,927 --> 00:37:09,838 is 'cause she's got a nice voice. 587 00:37:10,007 --> 00:37:12,316 Anyway, if you two weren't so proud, 588 00:37:12,487 --> 00:37:15,320 you could be living in her mum and dad's house. 589 00:37:15,527 --> 00:37:18,997 We've been through this before. We're happy here. 590 00:37:20,007 --> 00:37:23,761 Well, we're here, anyway. I'm running the firm now. 591 00:37:23,927 --> 00:37:27,317 Cassandra's applied for her old job, so eventually... 592 00:37:27,687 --> 00:37:31,043 Eventually, we might be able to get our own place. 593 00:37:31,207 --> 00:37:34,756 I don't know who it is. Sounds foreign. He wants the boss. 594 00:37:34,927 --> 00:37:38,522 - All right. - Oi! Excuse me. I'm the boss. 595 00:37:38,687 --> 00:37:40,837 Sorry. I keep forgetting. 596 00:37:41,007 --> 00:37:44,124 I knew it was lonely at the top, but not this quick! 597 00:37:44,287 --> 00:37:46,642 I'll get you a beer, Trig. 598 00:37:47,087 --> 00:37:49,806 Trotter's Independent Traders. Can I help you? 599 00:37:49,967 --> 00:37:53,926 (ASIAN ACCENT) I am wishing to speak to Managing Director. 600 00:37:54,087 --> 00:37:58,478 Yes, this is he. Rodney Trotter. I'm the managing director. 601 00:37:58,647 --> 00:38:02,720 I am representative of Sultan of Brunei. 602 00:38:04,007 --> 00:38:06,680 Wow! You'll never guess who's on... 603 00:38:07,287 --> 00:38:09,482 You'll never guess who's on the phone. 604 00:38:09,647 --> 00:38:12,161 - The Sultan of Brunei. - Yeah, right. 605 00:38:12,327 --> 00:38:15,524 My name is Asif Hassan. 606 00:38:15,687 --> 00:38:18,121 It's very nice to speak with you, sir. 607 00:38:18,287 --> 00:38:20,198 There. Who are you talking to? 608 00:38:20,367 --> 00:38:23,962 - The Sultan of Brunei. - Oh, yeah, right. Come on, you. 609 00:38:24,127 --> 00:38:26,277 How may I be of assistance, sir? 610 00:38:26,447 --> 00:38:29,086 You have advertisement in newspaper 611 00:38:29,247 --> 00:38:31,807 and his Highness would like to talk with you. 612 00:38:31,967 --> 00:38:34,356 - Del, he's seen my advert. - Yeah? 613 00:38:34,527 --> 00:38:38,042 The Sultan of Brunei reads the Peckham Echo, does he? 614 00:38:38,367 --> 00:38:39,846 What a Moby! 615 00:38:43,527 --> 00:38:46,644 If you get another brush, I'll do the other hand. 616 00:38:46,807 --> 00:38:48,445 Go away. 617 00:38:49,447 --> 00:38:52,996 His Highness would like you to fly to Brunei 618 00:38:53,167 --> 00:38:55,123 and be his consultant. 619 00:38:55,287 --> 00:38:56,686 No problem. 620 00:38:56,847 --> 00:39:00,203 And what would he like to consult with me about? 621 00:39:00,367 --> 00:39:04,360 Recently, his Highness bought a crappy old three-wheeled van... 622 00:39:05,767 --> 00:39:09,077 ...and he wants to know how to start it on cold mornings! 623 00:39:12,807 --> 00:39:14,798 I had you going there, didn't I? 624 00:39:17,527 --> 00:39:21,076 I knew it was you all along. I was just winding you up. 625 00:39:23,287 --> 00:39:25,596 Oh, shove it, will you? Just shove it. 626 00:39:26,407 --> 00:39:29,160 When the going gets tough, the tough get going. 627 00:39:29,327 --> 00:39:31,283 - What's happened? - Dave's had a row 628 00:39:31,447 --> 00:39:33,324 with the Sultan of Brunei. 629 00:39:35,207 --> 00:39:36,606 Yeah, right. 630 00:39:54,287 --> 00:39:56,517 - To the future. - Yeah. The future. 631 00:40:01,767 --> 00:40:03,678 Cass, I'd like us to try for a baby. 632 00:40:04,887 --> 00:40:08,402 Rodney, some restaurants don't like that sort of thing. 633 00:40:09,607 --> 00:40:13,566 I didn't mean in here on the ta... In the future. 634 00:40:13,727 --> 00:40:15,206 Soon. 635 00:40:15,367 --> 00:40:18,484 We weren't very successful at it last time, were we? 636 00:40:18,647 --> 00:40:22,162 It'll be different next time. I know about these things. 637 00:40:22,327 --> 00:40:26,718 And what about...? You know, the way things are. 638 00:40:27,847 --> 00:40:30,077 I'm glad you brought that up. 639 00:40:30,247 --> 00:40:32,556 Recently, I bought this magazine. 640 00:40:32,727 --> 00:40:34,843 I hate it when you buy those magazines. 641 00:40:36,047 --> 00:40:38,117 Not that sort of magazine. 642 00:40:38,287 --> 00:40:40,005 You end up making comparisons. 643 00:40:40,167 --> 00:40:45,560 No. It is a man's magazine, but not that sort. It's serious. 644 00:40:45,727 --> 00:40:49,481 A fella writes in there who's an expert on marital problems. 645 00:40:49,647 --> 00:40:53,242 He's developed this psychological healing process. 646 00:40:54,167 --> 00:40:58,206 I'd like us to try it, Cass. You never know, do you? 647 00:40:58,367 --> 00:41:01,882 - So who is he? - He's American. West Coast. 648 00:41:02,047 --> 00:41:06,040 He reckons that most couples' troubles stem from bygone days. 649 00:41:06,207 --> 00:41:09,882 - Things in the past. - Like your childish behaviour? 650 00:41:10,047 --> 00:41:11,480 Yeah, that... 651 00:41:13,367 --> 00:41:17,246 That sort of thing, yeah. He calls that "memory baggage". 652 00:41:17,407 --> 00:41:20,319 And how do we unload this memory baggage? 653 00:41:20,487 --> 00:41:22,478 We become different people. 654 00:41:22,647 --> 00:41:24,638 - Different people? - Yeah. 655 00:41:24,807 --> 00:41:27,401 We don't have to go to a plastic surgeon. 656 00:41:27,567 --> 00:41:29,797 It's simply "remembering to forget". 657 00:41:29,967 --> 00:41:34,006 To forget who you were and become reborn. 658 00:41:34,167 --> 00:41:36,681 His clinic's called Fantasy Therapy. 659 00:41:36,847 --> 00:41:39,919 Wait a minute. Does this involve dressing up? 660 00:41:40,087 --> 00:41:42,123 Of course not! 661 00:41:42,287 --> 00:41:47,077 It's based on a theory known as "iconoclastic auto-suggestion". 662 00:41:47,247 --> 00:41:48,600 Sorry? 663 00:41:49,607 --> 00:41:52,679 It's "the subconscious rejecting reality"... 664 00:41:54,047 --> 00:41:55,799 and something else. 665 00:41:55,967 --> 00:42:00,040 Basically, each person writes down their fantasy figure 666 00:42:00,207 --> 00:42:03,802 and then the other person, for a while, becomes that figure. 667 00:42:03,967 --> 00:42:06,879 - And there's no dressing up? - Absolutely not. 668 00:42:07,047 --> 00:42:09,845 It's all up here. See, we suspend reality 669 00:42:10,007 --> 00:42:13,317 and then we create our own little make-believe world. 670 00:42:14,647 --> 00:42:18,765 What do you think, Cass? Are you willing to give it a try? 671 00:42:21,007 --> 00:42:22,520 All right. 672 00:42:23,367 --> 00:42:24,720 Yeah? 673 00:42:24,887 --> 00:42:28,800 Well, that's good. That's very healthy. 674 00:42:28,967 --> 00:42:32,164 - It does involve dressing up. - Yes. 675 00:42:34,247 --> 00:42:36,681 OK. Let's go for it. 676 00:42:38,607 --> 00:42:40,165 Cosmic! 677 00:42:41,407 --> 00:42:43,125 There's a pen. 678 00:42:44,567 --> 00:42:49,083 You write down yours, OK? And I'll write down mine. 679 00:43:04,927 --> 00:43:09,125 - I never watch The Bill. - I've got it on tape... probably. 680 00:43:12,607 --> 00:43:14,086 Your turn. 681 00:43:18,167 --> 00:43:21,557 - I didn't know you fancied him. - Oh, yeah! 682 00:43:23,127 --> 00:43:24,606 A little bit. 683 00:43:24,767 --> 00:43:27,600 Bloody hell, Cass. How am I supposed to be him? 684 00:43:28,247 --> 00:43:30,636 I don't know and I don't care. 685 00:43:30,807 --> 00:43:35,085 To hell with putting clothes on, let's go home and take some off. 686 00:43:36,127 --> 00:43:39,961 Yeah. Yeah, right. Bill, please. 687 00:43:42,807 --> 00:43:44,638 Hurry it up. 688 00:43:58,567 --> 00:44:01,843 - I thought you'd be in bed. - We're just going. Goodnight. 689 00:44:02,007 --> 00:44:05,158 Goodnight. Never guess who phoned for you earlier. 690 00:44:05,327 --> 00:44:06,726 Richard Branston. 691 00:44:07,287 --> 00:44:08,606 Really? 692 00:44:08,767 --> 00:44:11,884 Of course not. I'm gonna kill that Mickey Pearce. 693 00:44:12,047 --> 00:44:15,722 - Oh, well. See you, then. - See you. 694 00:44:15,887 --> 00:44:19,118 - I couldn't sleep. - No? Oh, well, 'night. 695 00:44:19,287 --> 00:44:22,199 Night-night. I was lying in bed there, 696 00:44:22,367 --> 00:44:25,325 thinking about all the family. 697 00:44:25,487 --> 00:44:28,604 You know, about Mum and Uncle Albert. 698 00:44:29,447 --> 00:44:32,996 Yeah. Well... 'Night, then. 699 00:44:40,607 --> 00:44:42,359 Look at that old bed. 700 00:44:44,527 --> 00:44:48,156 If that bed could speak it could tell some tales. 701 00:44:48,807 --> 00:44:52,766 Yeah. Old Granddad had his first fit in that bed. 702 00:44:56,447 --> 00:44:58,483 Then there was Uncle Albert. 703 00:44:58,647 --> 00:45:02,356 Uncle Albert slept in that for years. Do you remember him? 704 00:45:02,527 --> 00:45:04,961 Snoring, tossing and turning... 705 00:45:05,967 --> 00:45:08,925 scratching his old beard. 706 00:45:10,687 --> 00:45:12,757 A lot of history in that bed. 707 00:45:12,927 --> 00:45:14,804 Yeah. Anyway, goodnight. 708 00:45:18,767 --> 00:45:20,485 Try and imagine what it's like. 709 00:45:20,647 --> 00:45:23,844 We're lying in bed and all we can hear is you watching telly. 710 00:45:24,007 --> 00:45:25,918 It's not just you. 711 00:45:26,087 --> 00:45:29,557 It's Raquel and Damien and all his friends, and Trigger, 712 00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:33,606 and anyone else who comes round any time of the day or night. 713 00:45:33,767 --> 00:45:35,758 The flat's overcrowded, Del. 714 00:45:35,927 --> 00:45:38,361 The flat's always been overcrowded. 715 00:45:39,167 --> 00:45:43,319 The council said it was designed to be overcrowded. 716 00:45:44,207 --> 00:45:46,243 Cassie and I can't help thinking 717 00:45:46,407 --> 00:45:49,683 that if we can hear you, you can hear us. 718 00:45:51,327 --> 00:45:53,397 Never hear a sound from your room. 719 00:45:54,167 --> 00:45:55,725 Exactly! 720 00:45:55,887 --> 00:46:00,005 While we're at it, this ain't gonna solve anything. 721 00:46:00,167 --> 00:46:04,240 I know, I know. I just get so wound up sometimes, I just... 722 00:46:05,327 --> 00:46:06,885 It's water. 723 00:46:08,047 --> 00:46:10,686 I know that. You should have a proper drink. 724 00:46:11,567 --> 00:46:12,920 No, no. 725 00:46:13,087 --> 00:46:17,080 Years ago, I may have given in to that temptation, but not now. 726 00:46:17,247 --> 00:46:20,876 I'm a different bloke now. Much stronger. I've got more... 727 00:46:22,287 --> 00:46:25,836 - Go on, a small one. - You know it makes sense. 728 00:46:26,007 --> 00:46:28,999 Oi, darling. A couple of scotches, please. 729 00:46:30,887 --> 00:46:33,117 So how can I help? 730 00:46:33,287 --> 00:46:35,437 Go out! All of you. 731 00:46:35,607 --> 00:46:38,280 Just leave me and Cass on our own for once. 732 00:46:39,367 --> 00:46:41,676 Rodney, this must be your lucky day. 733 00:46:41,847 --> 00:46:45,806 I wasn't gonna say nothing yet, it's a bit of a secret... 734 00:46:46,647 --> 00:46:51,596 but I'm taking Damien and Raquel out next Thursday. 735 00:46:52,087 --> 00:46:53,805 Really? 736 00:46:54,007 --> 00:46:56,805 You'll have the whole evening to yourselves. 737 00:46:58,087 --> 00:47:00,396 Cheers, Del. You are a diamond. 738 00:47:02,927 --> 00:47:05,999 - At least give us a clue. - I'll say that this is a night 739 00:47:06,167 --> 00:47:10,080 that you will never forget. I'm not saying anything more. 740 00:47:10,247 --> 00:47:13,557 Just sit back in comfort and enjoy the evening. 741 00:47:13,727 --> 00:47:16,116 Oh, yeah. What did Monkey Harris say? 742 00:47:16,287 --> 00:47:19,165 - How do you mean? - What do you mean? 743 00:47:19,327 --> 00:47:21,636 I asked you to phone Monkey and say yes. 744 00:47:21,807 --> 00:47:26,835 I forgot, Del. Sorry. What with getting ready. Was it important? 745 00:47:27,007 --> 00:47:31,159 Was it important? Hang on, driver. 'Course it was important. 746 00:47:31,327 --> 00:47:35,002 He's had a consignment of electronic personal organisers 747 00:47:35,167 --> 00:47:37,158 and they're selling like crazy. 748 00:47:37,327 --> 00:47:40,956 He's got another 200 and I want my name on them before tomorrow 749 00:47:41,127 --> 00:47:43,118 or they'll all be gone. 750 00:47:43,287 --> 00:47:46,085 Raquel, you've really let me down on this one. 751 00:47:50,087 --> 00:47:54,046 You dis you man, woman. You can't do simple ting. 752 00:47:54,527 --> 00:47:56,085 Shut up. 753 00:48:03,247 --> 00:48:06,080 (SOFT MUSIC PLAYS) 754 00:48:07,687 --> 00:48:09,040 Oh, Gawd. 755 00:48:37,847 --> 00:48:40,361 Monkey? Listen, I've got to hang up. 756 00:48:43,647 --> 00:48:45,399 We're being raided. 757 00:50:07,287 --> 00:50:08,606 All right? 758 00:50:10,647 --> 00:50:13,844 - Oh, my God! - Oh, God, it's you, Cassandra! 759 00:50:14,007 --> 00:50:16,726 I thought you was a real policewoman. 760 00:50:16,887 --> 00:50:19,242 You nearly gave me a connery! 761 00:50:19,407 --> 00:50:22,046 - You said you was going out. - I went out. 762 00:50:22,207 --> 00:50:24,357 - What are you doing? - I've come back. 763 00:50:26,167 --> 00:50:29,637 - Why are you dressed like that? - Like what? 764 00:50:32,487 --> 00:50:34,284 Like a couple of wallies. 765 00:50:36,807 --> 00:50:41,005 What, like this? Oh, don't be naive, Derek. 766 00:50:41,167 --> 00:50:44,318 - Can you believe him? - Isn't it obvious? 767 00:50:44,487 --> 00:50:46,762 It may be to some people, darling, 768 00:50:46,927 --> 00:50:49,600 but I'm not from the Planet Dippy. 769 00:50:50,647 --> 00:50:54,322 Derek, Cassandra and I are simply... 770 00:50:54,487 --> 00:50:56,398 Going to a fancy dress party. 771 00:50:56,567 --> 00:51:00,003 Oh, I see. Right. Who are you supposed to be? 772 00:51:00,167 --> 00:51:02,601 - That one from The Bill. - Reg Hollis? 773 00:51:03,327 --> 00:51:04,680 No! 774 00:51:05,007 --> 00:51:07,316 - What's her name? - I don't know. 775 00:51:08,007 --> 00:51:12,523 Well, whoever you're supposed to be, darling, you look very nice. 776 00:51:12,687 --> 00:51:16,396 A little bit scary, but very nice. 777 00:51:17,527 --> 00:51:18,926 And um... 778 00:51:24,727 --> 00:51:26,558 And, Rodders, what about you? 779 00:51:26,727 --> 00:51:29,764 - What about me? - Who are you supposed to be? 780 00:51:31,287 --> 00:51:33,084 Russell Crowe. 781 00:51:36,167 --> 00:51:37,486 Pardon? 782 00:51:40,287 --> 00:51:42,084 Russell Crowe. 783 00:51:42,247 --> 00:51:44,238 Russell Crowe. 784 00:51:44,407 --> 00:51:46,967 You look more like Spartacus with piles. 785 00:51:48,167 --> 00:51:52,046 Look, it's a simple fancy dress party, that's all. 786 00:51:52,207 --> 00:51:55,597 Bit early for a fancy dress party, innit? Half past five. 787 00:51:55,767 --> 00:51:59,646 Yeah. It is a bit early. That's 'cause um... 788 00:51:59,807 --> 00:52:01,718 It's an early fancy dress party. 789 00:52:01,887 --> 00:52:04,606 My ex-boss at the bank invited us. 790 00:52:04,767 --> 00:52:08,646 He can't have late parties. People have to be up for work. 791 00:52:08,807 --> 00:52:10,240 Oh, right. 792 00:52:10,407 --> 00:52:12,398 Bit of a choker, innit, bruv? 793 00:52:12,567 --> 00:52:14,956 You were hoping for fun and games. 794 00:52:17,047 --> 00:52:18,844 - Never mind. - Bad luck, bruv. 795 00:52:21,007 --> 00:52:22,326 Go on, then. 796 00:52:25,407 --> 00:52:27,967 - Go on, then, what? - Off you go. I'll lock up. 797 00:52:28,127 --> 00:52:31,597 No, no. It's all right. We're in no hurry. 798 00:52:31,767 --> 00:52:33,564 Oh, come on, Rodney. 799 00:52:33,727 --> 00:52:37,276 Look, Cassandra wants her old job back at the bank. 800 00:52:37,447 --> 00:52:41,042 How will it look if she turns up late for her boss's party? 801 00:52:41,207 --> 00:52:43,198 That won't go down very well. 802 00:52:43,367 --> 00:52:45,722 You've got to make a big impression. 803 00:52:45,887 --> 00:52:47,639 You can borrow the old Capri. 804 00:52:49,527 --> 00:52:51,324 - Right. - Thanks, Del. 805 00:52:51,487 --> 00:52:55,366 No, no, you're family. Go on, go off and have some fun. 806 00:53:07,007 --> 00:53:09,885 Just a second, Rodney. Here you are. 807 00:53:10,567 --> 00:53:12,558 Don't want you to get rusty. 808 00:53:18,527 --> 00:53:22,361 Come on, Monkey. I've got to be away by six. Hurry up! 809 00:53:24,447 --> 00:53:27,837 What in God's name are we going to do? 810 00:53:28,007 --> 00:53:29,998 I mean, people might see us. 811 00:53:30,167 --> 00:53:33,398 There's nothing strange in a policewoman on the estate. 812 00:53:33,567 --> 00:53:36,525 What about me? I look like Ben Hur in a mac! 813 00:53:36,687 --> 00:53:40,077 - I'll say I've arrested you. - For what? 814 00:53:40,247 --> 00:53:42,807 There must be a law against dressing like that! 815 00:53:43,607 --> 00:53:44,926 (BELL) 816 00:53:45,087 --> 00:53:46,918 Oh, no. 817 00:53:48,567 --> 00:53:52,162 Hurry up, Dad. The driver's got another job to go to. 818 00:53:53,687 --> 00:53:55,245 Pervert. 819 00:54:04,007 --> 00:54:05,326 Oh! 820 00:54:05,487 --> 00:54:09,002 You two are still here. Thank Gawd. I thought you'd gone. 821 00:54:09,167 --> 00:54:13,160 I know you want to go out, but I just remembered something. 822 00:54:13,327 --> 00:54:15,557 I don't want to spoil your fun, 823 00:54:15,727 --> 00:54:18,924 but I was wondering, would you mind if you didn't go? 824 00:54:19,087 --> 00:54:21,442 - No trouble at all. - Anything for you, Del. 825 00:54:21,607 --> 00:54:23,518 Oh, right. Good. 826 00:54:23,687 --> 00:54:28,317 Listen, Rodney, I'm expecting a very, very important phone call. 827 00:54:28,487 --> 00:54:32,400 I want you to answer it. You're not going out, are you? 828 00:54:32,567 --> 00:54:36,355 Absolutely not. We'll go to the bank's next party, won't we? 829 00:54:36,527 --> 00:54:41,362 Good for you. You're 42 carat! I'll be back about midnight. 830 00:54:41,527 --> 00:54:45,361 Oh, and... Russell Crowe, yes! 831 00:54:46,927 --> 00:54:48,758 More like Daffy Duck! 832 00:54:59,487 --> 00:55:02,718 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 833 00:55:09,847 --> 00:55:12,520 Welcome to another edition of the quiz show 834 00:55:12,687 --> 00:55:14,757 taking the country by storm. 835 00:55:14,927 --> 00:55:18,636 Not here, but we're big in Bosnia and massive in Macedonia. 836 00:55:21,127 --> 00:55:25,325 You can win anything from P1 to P100,000. 837 00:55:25,487 --> 00:55:29,196 This is the fastest game show, this is Thursday, this is live, 838 00:55:29,367 --> 00:55:32,040 this is Jonathan Ross and this is Goldrush. 839 00:55:35,047 --> 00:55:37,561 - Oh, Rodney. - Oh, Cass. 840 00:55:38,967 --> 00:55:43,040 So let's start by meeting our three lucky contestants. 841 00:55:43,207 --> 00:55:45,675 First is Mike Wallis from Merseyside. 842 00:55:45,847 --> 00:55:49,044 Mike is a financial advisor, married with two horses, 843 00:55:49,207 --> 00:55:53,246 and his pastimes include golf, real ale and dressage. 844 00:55:53,407 --> 00:55:56,444 I've seen dressage. It's like rodeo on Prozac. 845 00:55:57,287 --> 00:55:58,845 That's Mike Wallis! 846 00:55:59,007 --> 00:56:01,123 (CHEERING) 847 00:56:01,287 --> 00:56:04,199 Next we have Janice Scott from Newquay. 848 00:56:04,367 --> 00:56:08,565 Janice is married to lan, with a three-year-old daughter, Meryl. 849 00:56:08,727 --> 00:56:11,525 Her hobbies are rock-climbing and opera. 850 00:56:11,687 --> 00:56:14,679 Wow. And she's only three. That's impressive. 851 00:56:14,847 --> 00:56:16,644 Come on, this is class! 852 00:56:18,767 --> 00:56:21,122 Finally, Derek Trotter from Peckham. 853 00:56:23,007 --> 00:56:24,360 Derek is a businessman 854 00:56:24,527 --> 00:56:27,246 who lives with Raquel, his significant other. 855 00:56:29,927 --> 00:56:32,236 He has an eleven-year-old son, Damien, 856 00:56:32,407 --> 00:56:35,524 and his pastimes include fine wines, the theatre, 857 00:56:35,687 --> 00:56:38,645 and 16th-century Italian Renaissance art. 858 00:56:40,727 --> 00:56:42,763 They're our contestants! 859 00:56:45,207 --> 00:56:47,641 (INAUDIBLE) 860 00:56:48,367 --> 00:56:51,723 As always, we start with the timed round. 861 00:56:51,887 --> 00:56:54,845 Let's see who's got the fastest finger. 862 00:56:55,007 --> 00:56:57,840 (CASSANDRA) Oooh, Rodney! 863 00:56:59,727 --> 00:57:04,403 Whose diary recorded the Plague and the Great Fire of London? 864 00:57:04,567 --> 00:57:06,637 (BUZZER) Mrs Dale's. 865 00:57:10,167 --> 00:57:12,965 Nice try, Del, but I'm afraid that's not right. 866 00:57:13,127 --> 00:57:15,436 You're frozen at the back of the queue. 867 00:57:15,607 --> 00:57:19,395 - Janice? - Is it Bridget Jones, Jonathan? 868 00:57:21,207 --> 00:57:24,199 Again, so close, Janice, but so very far. 869 00:57:24,367 --> 00:57:26,597 You go to the back. Del, you move up. 870 00:57:26,767 --> 00:57:30,123 Mike, get this right and you're first on the Rainbow Road. 871 00:57:30,287 --> 00:57:32,039 What's at the end of the rainbow? 872 00:57:32,207 --> 00:57:34,118 A pot of gold! 873 00:57:37,007 --> 00:57:41,319 I think I know it, Jonathan. It's Adrian Mole. 874 00:57:43,967 --> 00:57:46,003 Oh, bad luck, Mike. 875 00:57:46,167 --> 00:57:48,635 It was Samuel Pepys. You go to the back now, 876 00:57:48,807 --> 00:57:50,923 everyone else moves forward one, 877 00:57:51,087 --> 00:57:54,523 which means Derek is the first on the Rainbow Road. 878 00:57:54,687 --> 00:57:56,120 Del, come and join me. 879 00:58:02,407 --> 00:58:05,160 First things first, Del. Here's your pound. 880 00:58:05,327 --> 00:58:08,205 That's yours, and welcome to the BBC! 881 00:58:09,647 --> 00:58:11,558 Just make sure it ain't Irish. 882 00:58:12,647 --> 00:58:15,286 The rules are simple, which is just as well. 883 00:58:15,447 --> 00:58:17,324 You'll get a series of questions, 884 00:58:17,487 --> 00:58:20,365 each having three possible answers. 885 00:58:20,527 --> 00:58:24,520 Each correct answer moves you to another colour of the rainbow 886 00:58:24,687 --> 00:58:28,600 and the prize money increases, right up to the gold question, 887 00:58:28,767 --> 00:58:31,839 which is worth P100,000. 888 00:58:32,407 --> 00:58:33,965 Lovely jubbly! 889 00:58:34,127 --> 00:58:38,040 You also have a number of options to help you on your way. 890 00:58:38,207 --> 00:58:41,563 You have a Shot in the Dark, you have an SOS, 891 00:58:41,727 --> 00:58:43,319 or you can Drop One. 892 00:58:44,967 --> 00:58:48,516 This is class! Where do we get them? 893 00:58:48,687 --> 00:58:51,804 But Janice and Mike can play their Aces at any time 894 00:58:51,967 --> 00:58:53,798 and challenge you. 895 00:58:53,967 --> 00:58:57,243 So, if you're ready, let's play Goldrush! 896 00:59:04,727 --> 00:59:09,278 You have 20 seconds. Which is the highest mountain in Africa? 897 00:59:09,447 --> 00:59:11,358 Kilimanjaro or Fuji? 898 00:59:11,527 --> 00:59:14,041 It's Kilimanjaro. Any idiot knows that. 899 00:59:14,207 --> 00:59:15,879 Well, I didn't. 900 00:59:17,007 --> 00:59:21,159 Anybody coming back from Ibiza with a duty-free brain cell 901 00:59:21,327 --> 00:59:23,318 knows it's Kilimanjaro. 902 00:59:23,487 --> 00:59:25,876 But this is Derek Trotter. 903 00:59:26,487 --> 00:59:28,443 I'm going to go with... 904 00:59:29,327 --> 00:59:30,885 Kilimanjaro. 905 00:59:31,047 --> 00:59:33,003 Derek, that's the right answer! 906 00:59:38,127 --> 00:59:42,598 I thought it was because Fuji make cameras, don't they? 907 00:59:43,847 --> 00:59:47,044 Well done. Now, let's move up to the next colour 908 00:59:47,207 --> 00:59:49,926 and take a look at the P2,000 question. 909 00:59:50,447 --> 00:59:54,076 Del, you're doing really well. Janice challenged you wrongly. 910 00:59:54,247 --> 00:59:57,557 She has doubled your money to P10,000. 911 01:00:01,887 --> 01:00:05,960 The next question, the green question, is worth P25,000. 912 01:00:06,127 --> 01:00:09,244 You've still got your Shot in the Dark and SOS. 913 01:00:09,407 --> 01:00:11,125 Let's look at the question. 914 01:00:11,287 --> 01:00:13,482 In which state was President Kennedy 915 01:00:13,647 --> 01:00:16,036 when he was assassinated in 1963? 916 01:00:16,207 --> 01:00:18,960 Well, he was in a terrible state. He died. 917 01:00:23,447 --> 01:00:26,917 You were a bit quick there. Let me give you the answers. 918 01:00:27,087 --> 01:00:30,796 Was it Texas, was it Florida, or was it California? 919 01:00:34,727 --> 01:00:36,445 Sorry, Jonathan, no. 920 01:00:36,607 --> 01:00:39,644 I'm gonna have to use the Shot in the Dark on this. 921 01:00:39,807 --> 01:00:41,126 OK. 922 01:00:41,287 --> 01:00:43,562 I'll go for um... 923 01:00:44,847 --> 01:00:46,326 Florida. 924 01:00:46,487 --> 01:00:48,079 No! 925 01:00:48,247 --> 01:00:49,885 (TRIGGER) No. 926 01:00:50,047 --> 01:00:52,402 I'm afraid Florida is wrong. 927 01:00:52,567 --> 01:00:55,718 It was Texas. But you played your Shot in the Dark, 928 01:00:55,887 --> 01:00:59,118 which means you lose the money and you're frozen. 929 01:00:59,287 --> 01:01:01,084 Here's the penalty question. 930 01:01:01,247 --> 01:01:05,559 How many wheels does a Reliant Robin have? 931 01:01:11,807 --> 01:01:14,719 This question is worth P50,000. 932 01:01:14,887 --> 01:01:17,355 If Derek is correct, these lights turn gold 933 01:01:17,527 --> 01:01:19,961 and he'll be answering the P100,000 question. 934 01:01:20,127 --> 01:01:22,595 For P50,000, here it is. 935 01:01:22,767 --> 01:01:26,123 Which classical guitarist wrote the opera, 936 01:01:26,287 --> 01:01:31,486 The Child and the Enchantment? Ravel, Segovia, or Rodrigo? 937 01:01:32,847 --> 01:01:34,803 I think I know this one. 938 01:01:36,007 --> 01:01:37,725 I think it's... 939 01:01:37,887 --> 01:01:39,684 Ravel... 940 01:01:41,047 --> 01:01:44,517 Or, I keep thinking, it could be... 941 01:01:45,567 --> 01:01:48,127 Could it be Segovia? 942 01:01:49,607 --> 01:01:52,440 Then again, it might be... 943 01:01:53,207 --> 01:01:54,526 Rodrigo? 944 01:01:54,687 --> 01:01:57,247 Well, it's definitely one of those three. 945 01:01:59,287 --> 01:02:03,166 In that case, Jonathan, I'll have to use me old SOS. 946 01:02:03,327 --> 01:02:05,966 Who would you like to be your saviour tonight? 947 01:02:06,127 --> 01:02:09,358 - My brother Rodney. - And where is Rodney now? 948 01:02:09,527 --> 01:02:13,076 He's at home, taking care of a bit of business. 949 01:02:13,247 --> 01:02:15,636 (ECSTATIC MOANING) 950 01:02:15,807 --> 01:02:17,604 (PHONE RINGS) 951 01:02:17,767 --> 01:02:19,325 (RODNEY) No! No! 952 01:02:19,487 --> 01:02:22,399 (CASSANDRA) Del said he was expecting an important call. 953 01:02:22,567 --> 01:02:24,478 (RODNEY) Oh, bloody hell! 954 01:02:29,847 --> 01:02:32,520 - Hello! - Hello. Is that Rodney? 955 01:02:32,687 --> 01:02:34,006 Yes. 956 01:02:34,167 --> 01:02:36,601 This is Jonathan Ross from Goldrush. 957 01:02:36,767 --> 01:02:39,281 Piss off, Mickey! You're getting on my tits! 958 01:02:47,967 --> 01:02:50,322 Mickey pretending to be Jonathan Ross. 959 01:02:50,487 --> 01:02:52,364 Rodney, we need your help. 960 01:02:52,967 --> 01:02:54,798 Roddy. 961 01:02:56,087 --> 01:02:58,078 It IS Jonathan Ross. 962 01:02:59,847 --> 01:03:01,758 Oh, my God. 963 01:03:02,767 --> 01:03:05,600 Hi, Jonathan. How are you? 964 01:03:05,847 --> 01:03:08,680 I'm just fine, thanks. I've got Derek here. 965 01:03:08,847 --> 01:03:12,476 - He's on P25,000. - You're kidding? 966 01:03:12,647 --> 01:03:17,038 I'm serious. He's got a problem with the P50,000 question 967 01:03:17,207 --> 01:03:19,402 and he's chosen you as his saviour. 968 01:03:19,567 --> 01:03:22,286 Listen carefully. You get 20 seconds to answer. 969 01:03:22,447 --> 01:03:24,165 Listen, Rodney... 970 01:03:24,327 --> 01:03:26,636 Hold on. What's in this for me? 971 01:03:27,767 --> 01:03:30,156 I'll make sure you get a drink. 972 01:03:32,727 --> 01:03:36,720 Which classical guitarist wrote the opera, 973 01:03:36,887 --> 01:03:39,481 The Child and the Enchantment? 974 01:03:39,647 --> 01:03:42,480 Was it Ravel, 975 01:03:42,647 --> 01:03:45,161 Segovia or Rodrigo? 976 01:03:46,367 --> 01:03:47,686 Ravel. 977 01:03:47,847 --> 01:03:51,283 - How sure are you? - One hundred per cent, Derek. 978 01:03:51,447 --> 01:03:52,800 Good boy. 979 01:03:54,487 --> 01:03:56,284 Take it away, Del! 980 01:03:56,447 --> 01:03:58,358 I know my classics. 981 01:03:58,887 --> 01:04:03,039 Yeah. I'll go with that. It's Ravel, Jonathan. 982 01:04:03,207 --> 01:04:05,926 You don't have to take his answer, you know. 983 01:04:06,087 --> 01:04:09,682 I know, but he knows what he's talking about. It's Ravel. 984 01:04:09,847 --> 01:04:12,042 - You can change your mind. - No. 985 01:04:12,207 --> 01:04:13,526 Derek... 986 01:04:14,487 --> 01:04:16,682 that was the wrong answer. 987 01:04:22,927 --> 01:04:24,838 It was Segovia. 988 01:04:26,247 --> 01:04:29,922 No, no. Rodney said it was Ravel. 989 01:04:30,087 --> 01:04:32,760 I know he did, but he was wrong. Bad luck, Del. 990 01:04:32,927 --> 01:04:34,997 He's got two GCEs! 991 01:04:37,287 --> 01:04:39,801 Derek, you've used up all your options. 992 01:04:39,967 --> 01:04:43,960 You've lost all your money. You're frozen out of the game. 993 01:04:44,127 --> 01:04:46,595 Janice, join me on the Rainbow Road. 994 01:05:00,807 --> 01:05:02,559 I was certain. 995 01:05:03,567 --> 01:05:06,957 - I was so certain it was Ravel. - You did your best. 996 01:05:07,127 --> 01:05:10,881 Yeah. Yeah, I did, and Del was OK, wasn't he? 997 01:05:11,047 --> 01:05:14,244 Yeah. Till he kicked the podium over. 998 01:05:14,407 --> 01:05:16,875 No, no. I think that was just an accident. 999 01:05:17,047 --> 01:05:21,438 No. He kicked it, it fell over. Jonathan Ross had to pick it up. 1000 01:05:21,607 --> 01:05:23,404 (DOOR SLAMS) 1001 01:05:28,247 --> 01:05:31,478 - All right? - Yeah. You? 1002 01:05:32,647 --> 01:05:35,036 - Where's Del? - I haven't a clue, Rodney. 1003 01:05:35,207 --> 01:05:37,357 At the end of the show, he disappeared. 1004 01:05:37,527 --> 01:05:40,644 He went off and abandoned his child and his wi... 1005 01:05:41,407 --> 01:05:43,079 his significant other... 1006 01:05:43,247 --> 01:05:46,125 in an area of London we've never been in before. 1007 01:05:46,287 --> 01:05:47,800 Thank Christ. 1008 01:05:47,967 --> 01:05:50,879 Thankfully, the studio paid for a cab home. 1009 01:05:51,807 --> 01:05:54,275 - I'm gonna make a coffee. - Raquel... 1010 01:05:54,447 --> 01:05:56,722 Don't. We're friends. 1011 01:05:58,487 --> 01:06:01,877 I don't know why my dad didn't use Trigger as his SOS. 1012 01:06:02,047 --> 01:06:03,878 Trigger wouldn't have a clue! 1013 01:06:04,047 --> 01:06:05,924 And he was spot on, weren't he? 1014 01:06:09,247 --> 01:06:11,283 (DOOR SLAMS) 1015 01:06:14,847 --> 01:06:16,917 What the hell happened to you? 1016 01:06:17,847 --> 01:06:19,644 I went out. 1017 01:06:19,807 --> 01:06:22,526 Oh, good. Long as I know. 1018 01:06:29,927 --> 01:06:31,406 All right? 1019 01:06:31,567 --> 01:06:34,206 How's your evening been, Rodney? 1020 01:06:35,167 --> 01:06:37,397 Not very good, to be honest. 1021 01:06:37,567 --> 01:06:41,606 No? Well, bloody snap! You Moby. 1022 01:06:42,327 --> 01:06:45,637 I'm sorry. I could have sworn it was Ravel. 1023 01:06:45,807 --> 01:06:47,923 - So could Cassandra. - Yes, I could. 1024 01:06:48,087 --> 01:06:50,521 You're both a pair of dipsticks, then! 1025 01:06:50,687 --> 01:06:54,726 You... You're never going to borrow my Capri ever again. 1026 01:06:54,887 --> 01:06:57,003 Well, that bone marrow, forget it. 1027 01:07:01,287 --> 01:07:06,202 I mean to say, I mean everyone knows that Ravel makes shoes. 1028 01:07:09,287 --> 01:07:12,120 - What? - Shoes? 1029 01:07:12,287 --> 01:07:15,836 Shoes. It was a trick question and you fell for it. 1030 01:07:16,007 --> 01:07:17,679 Oh, right. 1031 01:07:17,847 --> 01:07:19,678 Yes. Sorry. 1032 01:07:20,567 --> 01:07:23,001 Still, at least you won a pound. 1033 01:07:23,167 --> 01:07:26,364 That wasn't even enough for a bus fare home! 1034 01:07:26,527 --> 01:07:31,806 Anyway, I went to a club after the show to drown my sorrows. 1035 01:07:31,967 --> 01:07:33,844 I was in this club 1036 01:07:34,007 --> 01:07:36,396 and I was talking to this lap... 1037 01:07:36,567 --> 01:07:40,719 lap... lap... laptop salesman. 1038 01:07:40,887 --> 01:07:45,563 Even he said it wasn't Ravel. Would you like a drink, darling? 1039 01:07:45,727 --> 01:07:47,445 - No. - OK. Fine. 1040 01:07:47,607 --> 01:07:52,317 Look what you've done. You've upset her. You stay here. 1041 01:07:56,847 --> 01:07:59,042 You know, for the rest of my life, 1042 01:07:59,207 --> 01:08:02,279 getting that question wrong in front of my family, 1043 01:08:02,447 --> 01:08:05,996 my friends... well, the entire British nation, 1044 01:08:06,167 --> 01:08:09,716 will be the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened. 1045 01:08:09,887 --> 01:08:12,162 - Russell Crowe? - Yeah! 1046 01:08:15,327 --> 01:08:16,999 Or maybe not. 1047 01:08:17,167 --> 01:08:19,158 (PHONE RINGS) 1048 01:08:21,567 --> 01:08:22,920 Hello. 1049 01:08:23,687 --> 01:08:26,997 Yes. Can I ask who's calling, please? 1050 01:08:29,127 --> 01:08:32,437 Del, it's the producer of Goldrush. He wants you. 1051 01:08:32,607 --> 01:08:35,883 What's he want? I bet it's about that podium. 1052 01:08:36,047 --> 01:08:39,801 I bet someone's damaged it. All right. I'll speak to him. 1053 01:08:41,327 --> 01:08:44,683 Hello. Yes. This is Derek Trotter. 1054 01:08:45,887 --> 01:08:47,240 What? 1055 01:08:48,007 --> 01:08:50,726 No? No. 1056 01:08:51,927 --> 01:08:55,283 He says there's been a mistake. It was Ravel. 1057 01:08:55,447 --> 01:08:57,802 No? I knew I was right. Yeah. 1058 01:08:57,967 --> 01:09:01,243 He says I can take the P50,000 and go back on the show. 1059 01:09:01,407 --> 01:09:03,238 Yes! 1060 01:09:04,447 --> 01:09:08,201 Oh, have a day off, will ya, you lot! 1061 01:09:10,287 --> 01:09:12,278 Who do you think this is? 1062 01:09:12,447 --> 01:09:14,915 You can hear the jukebox in the pub. 1063 01:09:15,087 --> 01:09:17,521 Bloody Mickey Pearce. I'll murder him. 1064 01:09:17,687 --> 01:09:20,520 No. Get to the back of the queue. Sshh. 1065 01:09:20,687 --> 01:09:23,485 I tell you what we would like you to do. 1066 01:09:23,647 --> 01:09:26,400 Give all the money to charity. 1067 01:09:26,567 --> 01:09:29,206 And if you phone here once again, 1068 01:09:29,367 --> 01:09:32,439 I'm going to come and kick your arse into shredded duck. 1069 01:09:32,607 --> 01:09:34,040 Goodbye. 1070 01:09:37,447 --> 01:09:41,998 Jonathan, he said give the 50 grand to charity. 1071 01:09:42,927 --> 01:09:45,077 Wow, what a nice guy. 1072 01:09:48,607 --> 01:09:50,916 Who do people think we are, eh? 1073 01:09:51,087 --> 01:09:53,396 We're the Trotters, and we're back! 1074 01:09:53,567 --> 01:09:55,205 Yes! 1075 01:10:00,087 --> 01:10:01,918 We've got some half-price cracked ice 1076 01:10:02,087 --> 01:10:03,486 Miles and miles of carpet tiles 1077 01:10:03,647 --> 01:10:06,480 TVs, deep freeze and David Bowie LPs 1078 01:10:06,647 --> 01:10:09,445 Ball games, gold chains, what's-their-names and at a push 1079 01:10:09,607 --> 01:10:12,519 Some Trevor Francis tracksuits from a mush in Shepherd's Bush 1080 01:10:12,687 --> 01:10:15,201 Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush 1081 01:10:15,367 --> 01:10:18,279 No income tax, no VAT 1082 01:10:18,447 --> 01:10:21,519 No money back, no guarantee 1083 01:10:21,687 --> 01:10:24,599 Black or white, rich or broke 1084 01:10:24,767 --> 01:10:28,999 We'll cut prices at a stroke 1085 01:10:29,487 --> 01:10:32,240 God bless Hooky Street 1086 01:10:32,407 --> 01:10:35,365 Viva, Hooky Street 1087 01:10:35,527 --> 01:10:38,087 Long live Hooky Street 1088 01:10:38,247 --> 01:10:41,523 C'est magnifique, Hooky Street 1089 01:10:41,687 --> 01:10:44,804 Magnifique Hooky Street 1090 01:10:46,327 --> 01:10:47,885 Hooky Street 1091 01:10:49,367 --> 01:10:50,800 Hooky Street 1092 01:10:51,305 --> 01:10:57,225 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 1093 01:10:57,275 --> 01:11:01,825 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 84259

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