All language subtitles for Lady Dynamite s01e12 Enter Super Grisham.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,314 --> 00:00:04,003 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,384 [Maria] It was a week since I broke up with Scott, and I was doing great. 3 00:00:08,468 --> 00:00:11,763 I was throwing myself into exercise and healthy living. I was doing great! 4 00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:13,223 See? 5 00:00:13,306 --> 00:00:16,476 Sweating and jumping. This is what people do after a breakup. 6 00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:17,644 Absolutely. 7 00:00:17,727 --> 00:00:19,687 Ever since I accepted that Barbara's gone for good, 8 00:00:19,812 --> 00:00:21,439 I started turning over a new leaf. 9 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:24,484 Yeah, I mean... So, you feel better with exercise, right? 10 00:00:24,567 --> 00:00:27,070 Oh, absolutely. Plus these great owl tranquilizers 11 00:00:27,153 --> 00:00:29,113 I got online from this guy named Johnny He. 12 00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:31,491 [upbeat music playing] 13 00:00:31,574 --> 00:00:32,408 [hooting] 14 00:00:32,909 --> 00:00:35,662 - I'm high, like, literally 20 hours a day. - Oh! 15 00:00:35,745 --> 00:00:37,288 Plus, the gym is a wonderful place 16 00:00:37,372 --> 00:00:38,414 to meet people. Truly. 17 00:00:38,498 --> 00:00:40,333 [chuckles] Hi, there. 18 00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:42,210 Hey, here's the big honeypot, girls. 19 00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,420 Where's all my female honeybees? 20 00:00:44,504 --> 00:00:46,589 [Maria chuckles] Well, I'm excited. 21 00:00:46,673 --> 00:00:49,634 You know, 'cause finally I can get to do the things 22 00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,553 I've been putting off because I was in a relationship. 23 00:00:52,637 --> 00:00:53,721 - You know. - Yeah. 24 00:00:53,805 --> 00:00:56,558 Just going to salsa clubs alone or... 25 00:00:56,641 --> 00:00:58,810 going to a cat show alone. 26 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:01,938 Acknowledging the homeless, on a regular basis, you know. 27 00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:04,732 - Embroidery, it's so beautiful. - Mmm. 28 00:01:04,816 --> 00:01:09,112 And I've always longed to be interested to do it, so... 29 00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:12,031 But those are things you don't do if you're tied down. 30 00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:14,158 Absolutely. I love everything you're saying. 31 00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:18,329 But it's probably because I can only hear the blood rushing in and out of my aorta. 32 00:01:18,413 --> 00:01:20,206 Did I mention there's a little man living inside my brain? 33 00:01:21,332 --> 00:01:22,750 - His name is Danny. - [gasps] 34 00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:24,294 - Owl drink? - [hooting] 35 00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:28,256 Bruce, are you sure you're in a condition to handle my career? 36 00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,967 - Let me check with Danny. - [bells chiming] 37 00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:32,135 Answer is, "Yes." 38 00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:34,095 As a matter of fact, the Abluvia people 39 00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:37,348 are looking for a new pitch woman for their brand-new campaign. 40 00:01:37,432 --> 00:01:39,475 Oh, Abluvia? Is that... yogurt? 41 00:01:39,559 --> 00:01:42,145 Yeah, a delicious yogurt with herpes at the bottom. 42 00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:43,354 That's disgusting. 43 00:01:43,438 --> 00:01:44,731 No. Just joshing. 44 00:01:44,814 --> 00:01:45,815 [chuckles] 45 00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:48,401 Abluvia is a medicine for people with mouth herpes. 46 00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:51,487 Speaking of herpes, that chick over there is checking me out. 47 00:01:51,571 --> 00:01:52,655 I'm gonna give her something 48 00:01:52,739 --> 00:01:54,407 - to really look at. Come with me. - Okay. 49 00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:56,242 - Oh. Okay. - Just help me... 50 00:01:56,326 --> 00:01:58,036 - ...pull down these cables, okay? - Yes. Okay. 51 00:01:58,119 --> 00:01:59,871 I wanna get the full extension. 52 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:01,497 Okay. [chuckles] 53 00:02:01,581 --> 00:02:04,500 You know, love really is like a child's prison. 54 00:02:04,584 --> 00:02:05,710 You hold on tightly 55 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:08,004 and then you let go lightly. 56 00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:09,714 - Okay. [gasps] - Wait a second! 57 00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,424 - [bones snapping] - [screaming] 58 00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:14,177 [theme music playing] 59 00:02:35,782 --> 00:02:37,825 [Maria] I'm a pterodactyl. 60 00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:46,334 [Scott] I don't understand what I did to her. 61 00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:49,462 I mean, why isn't Maria taking my calls or calling me back? 62 00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:51,964 Yeah, well, it's really hard to understand Maria, 63 00:02:52,048 --> 00:02:53,674 you know, most of the time... 64 00:02:53,758 --> 00:02:55,968 She thinks you fingerbanged her in the kitchen on Thanksgiving. 65 00:02:56,052 --> 00:02:57,887 - Fingerbang? - Mmm-hmm. 66 00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:00,598 Why have I heard nothing of this tale of fingerbangery? 67 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,558 Because you're a third-tier friend at best. 68 00:03:02,642 --> 00:03:06,312 Wait. I promise you, I did not fingerbang anyone. 69 00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:08,856 And she did not like how you scraped half your plate. 70 00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:10,066 Mmm. 71 00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:12,985 Okay, was it the plate scrape or was it the fingerbang? 72 00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:14,612 So you did fingerbang her. 73 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,240 See, I'm part Native American, so... 74 00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:19,283 my people are used to being raped at Thanksgiving. 75 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,035 - Look. I have big hands. - Ew. 76 00:03:21,119 --> 00:03:22,703 If I'd have fingerbanged her in the kitchen, 77 00:03:22,787 --> 00:03:24,205 you'd have felt it in the living room. 78 00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,748 Okay, I don't feel safe! 79 00:03:25,832 --> 00:03:28,000 Look, fuck-knuckles, Maria's got a mind of her own 80 00:03:28,084 --> 00:03:29,836 underneath all that yellow hair. 81 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:31,712 So, do you want my advice? 82 00:03:31,796 --> 00:03:33,714 - Yes. - You gotta go see her. 83 00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:36,884 Bring her something she likes, like one of those self-help workbooks. 84 00:03:36,968 --> 00:03:38,302 - [mouthing indistinctly] - She loves those things. 85 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:39,762 She loves checking 'em off. 86 00:03:39,846 --> 00:03:41,472 She can feel herself getting better. 87 00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:44,976 Then you could bring her a case of LaCroix sparkling water. 88 00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,269 Don't bring her that pamplemousse shit. 89 00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:47,645 That's fucking disgusting. 90 00:03:47,729 --> 00:03:50,440 Oh, you know what? And get her some pug shit. 91 00:03:50,523 --> 00:03:51,983 She loves those little fuckers. 92 00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:53,151 Great. 93 00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:56,028 Thanks, but if you talk to her, tell her that I'll do anything, 94 00:03:56,112 --> 00:03:57,905 whatever it takes to make this right, okay? 95 00:03:57,989 --> 00:03:59,198 You should have thought about that 96 00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:01,325 before you fingered your relationship to death. 97 00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:02,785 That's not what happened. 98 00:04:02,869 --> 00:04:05,455 Don't you point that rape stick at me, man. 99 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:08,583 Thank you. 100 00:04:11,544 --> 00:04:13,588 I don't feel safe with him anymore. 101 00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:16,591 Yeah, well, you shouldn't feel safe around me either. 102 00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:17,925 Oh, God! 103 00:04:18,968 --> 00:04:20,595 [shrieking] 104 00:04:24,849 --> 00:04:25,808 [knocking] 105 00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:32,815 Oh, uh... 106 00:04:32,899 --> 00:04:33,941 Hey, Bert. 107 00:04:34,859 --> 00:04:35,902 Maria around? 108 00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:37,236 [Bert] It's late, Scott. 109 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,989 And she doesn't want to see your fucking garbage face. 110 00:04:40,072 --> 00:04:41,199 I don't get it. 111 00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:43,743 What did I do? 112 00:04:44,911 --> 00:04:46,704 Is this about the plate scrape at Thanksgiving? 113 00:04:46,788 --> 00:04:49,999 [Bert] It's not my place to say. But, yes, it was. 114 00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:52,877 And the fingerbang, and some other things. 115 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,421 Among them, your general neediness. 116 00:04:55,505 --> 00:04:57,882 - [Blueberry] Who is it, Bert? It's late. - [growling] 117 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,509 Hey, Bert! Dude, that's not cool! 118 00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:02,762 [Bert] No, I wasn't going to hit her. 119 00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:06,015 In dog language it means, "I love you. See you in bed." 120 00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:08,226 But I think it's fucked up that you went there. 121 00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:09,352 Good night, Scott. 122 00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:11,437 Let me talk to her for one minute. 123 00:05:11,521 --> 00:05:13,773 [Bert barks] In dog years that is four days, 124 00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,483 and that is fucking ridiculous. 125 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,193 - Good night. - No, look, please... 126 00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:19,612 - No, tell her... I love her. - [door slams] 127 00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:20,696 [sighs] 128 00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:25,576 [Bert] Leave the clock. 129 00:05:26,661 --> 00:05:27,954 Leave the fucking clock! 130 00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:33,376 [door slams] 131 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,673 Good job-job, Bert. 132 00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:41,342 [Bert] You're welcome. My dear Maria, Scott loves you. 133 00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:43,678 - Why won't you talk to him? - Because... 134 00:05:43,761 --> 00:05:47,348 I'm not comfortable with people, places, or things needing me. 135 00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:49,892 When things need me, I let them down. 136 00:05:49,976 --> 00:05:52,853 Scott needs me. I'll let him down. 137 00:05:52,937 --> 00:05:55,982 [Bert] I need you. And you've never let me down. 138 00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:58,401 That's not true, and you know it. 139 00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:01,404 [Bert] Oh, yes, there was that one time... 140 00:06:03,656 --> 00:06:05,116 [Maria] I had been in Duluth for six months, 141 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:07,785 and I realized Los Angeles wasn't my home anymore. 142 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,120 This was where I belonged. 143 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:11,205 [Maria] Mom, I was wondering if, maybe, 144 00:06:11,289 --> 00:06:13,374 I could have my own space inside my room... 145 00:06:13,457 --> 00:06:16,002 [Marilyn] No, we don't want you to isolate yourself... 146 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,628 - [Maria] Okay. - 'cause we want... 147 00:06:17,712 --> 00:06:19,922 - some family time with you. - [Maria] Okay. 148 00:06:20,006 --> 00:06:22,425 [Marilyn] You know what I mean? [Maria] Yeah. 149 00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,552 There's a fine line between isolation... 150 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,264 - What! Where's Bert? - [Joel] Where'd he go? 151 00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,391 He was just here, snorting away. 152 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:31,517 [Maria] He's gone! 153 00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:33,019 [Marilyn] Let's don't get in a panic. 154 00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:35,187 - I mean, how far can a pug go? - [Joel] Exactly. 155 00:06:35,313 --> 00:06:37,982 [screaming] Checklist stole another one of my pugs! 156 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:41,444 - It's Blossom all over again! - [Marilyn] Bert? 157 00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:45,656 - Bert! - Where could that pug have gone? 158 00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:46,866 Bert! 159 00:06:48,784 --> 00:06:49,952 [dog barking] 160 00:06:50,036 --> 00:06:51,287 [horse neighing] 161 00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:52,496 [Maria] Hi. 162 00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:56,167 I was wondering if I could put up a flyer for my beloved, missing dog, Bert? 163 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,460 Oh, sure. 164 00:06:57,543 --> 00:06:59,795 If you want, you can put one in the break room, too. 165 00:06:59,879 --> 00:07:01,964 [Maria] Thank you so much. All right. 166 00:07:03,883 --> 00:07:07,261 Oh, I can't even look in the cages, all these sad little eyes. 167 00:07:08,346 --> 00:07:10,473 Wait... Bert? 168 00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:13,601 [Bert] 'Tis I. I couldn't resist 169 00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:16,687 the pull of my true love. [kisses] Lady pug. 170 00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:20,399 Better to die on one's paws than live on one's haunches. 171 00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:21,901 It's you! 172 00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:25,071 It's him! [stuttering] My dog, Bert, he... 173 00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:26,238 You're not dead! 174 00:07:26,322 --> 00:07:28,282 [Bert] I've never felt more alive. 175 00:07:28,366 --> 00:07:29,659 Bert, you ready to go home? 176 00:07:29,742 --> 00:07:31,202 [Bert] Not without my lover. 177 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,370 Oh! 178 00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:33,663 [Bert] This is my lover. 179 00:07:33,746 --> 00:07:38,250 Bert, we can't take in another dog. I can't be trusted. 180 00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:39,961 I killed Blossom. 181 00:07:40,044 --> 00:07:42,588 I can't take responsibility for another dog. 182 00:07:42,672 --> 00:07:44,757 Except you, you've been grandfathered in. 183 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:53,015 - Blossom! - [Blossom] That's right. 184 00:07:53,099 --> 00:07:55,351 Take a seat, bitch. And listen hard. 185 00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:57,728 [whimsical music playing] 186 00:07:59,981 --> 00:08:01,649 [Blossom singing] A wet snout in your crotch 187 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:02,984 Loose fur on your couch 188 00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:05,861 Sweet slobber on your cheek A warm companion when you sleep 189 00:08:05,945 --> 00:08:10,825 Yes, puppies are the answer The opposite of cancer 190 00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:12,159 [barks] 191 00:08:12,243 --> 00:08:14,078 [yawns] 192 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,664 We watch you when you shit We're really into it 193 00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:19,125 When we chase after cars And dig up your yards 194 00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:24,213 You love us just the same We don't even know our names 195 00:08:24,296 --> 00:08:26,590 Puppy, puppy, puppy 196 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:28,718 Life getting scarier? Just get a terrier 197 00:08:28,801 --> 00:08:31,178 Get beat by a brute? Pick up a malamute 198 00:08:31,262 --> 00:08:33,723 Doubt the presence of God? Get a shepherding dog 199 00:08:33,806 --> 00:08:34,807 Too much evil? Get a beagle 200 00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:36,392 Lost your noodle? Get a poodle 201 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:38,561 Need a great big hug? 202 00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:41,939 Just get yourself a pug 203 00:08:44,025 --> 00:08:47,028 Really, dear. Get yourself a pug. 204 00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:51,991 Oh, Blossom. I'm so sorry I killed you. 205 00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:57,329 I was so stupid to turn over the garbage can with all those pills, 206 00:08:57,413 --> 00:09:00,041 and I'm never gonna do that to another dog again. 207 00:09:00,124 --> 00:09:01,709 Because I'm never gonna have another dog, 208 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,878 except for Bert, he's grandfathered in. 209 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,087 [Blossom] Poor Maria. 210 00:09:05,171 --> 00:09:07,840 Don't you know, baby girl, that if you hadn't killed me, 211 00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:09,050 I would have killed you? 212 00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:12,595 One of us was not getting out of there alive. 213 00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:16,140 I admire you, actually. You did what I could not. 214 00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:18,601 My paws were too tiny to pull the trigger. 215 00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:19,977 You had a gun? 216 00:09:20,061 --> 00:09:21,896 Of course. A Walther PPK. 217 00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:24,690 With a mother of pearl handle and nickel plating. 218 00:09:24,774 --> 00:09:26,525 A lady pistol. 219 00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:28,986 I waited for you for hours to kill you. 220 00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:30,821 You did? 221 00:09:30,905 --> 00:09:34,408 But I had to make sissy and got distracted by that delicious trash. 222 00:09:34,492 --> 00:09:35,534 Oh. 223 00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:38,496 Little did I know, you would be making sissy all over my face. 224 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,374 If you had gone first, I would have eaten you from the ankles up. 225 00:09:42,458 --> 00:09:45,169 The best woman won. My bowler hat is off to you. 226 00:09:45,795 --> 00:09:48,798 Wait. Are you forgiving me? 227 00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:50,257 Not quite yet, human. 228 00:09:50,341 --> 00:09:52,843 Not until you return to the scum-filled streets 229 00:09:52,927 --> 00:09:55,054 of the City of Angels where you belong. 230 00:09:55,137 --> 00:09:59,433 But I'm worried if I went back to LA... [stuttering] I'd go mad. 231 00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:02,853 And I wouldn't be able to handle it, 232 00:10:02,937 --> 00:10:05,481 and I'd go crazy on the 405. 233 00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:07,775 [Blossom] Fuck the 405. Take Coldwater. 234 00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:11,737 Look, Maria, if you put fear behind you and live life to the fullest, 235 00:10:11,821 --> 00:10:14,031 our karmic debt will be repaid, 236 00:10:14,115 --> 00:10:16,742 and you will no longer be my murderer. 237 00:10:16,826 --> 00:10:19,328 Do what I can no longer do, Maria. Live! 238 00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:21,288 Live, mein liebchen! 239 00:10:21,372 --> 00:10:23,499 Goodbye, my sweet Maria. Adieu. 240 00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:24,667 Live! 241 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:27,336 - [Blossom echoing] Live! - Adieu! 242 00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:29,088 [dogs barking] 243 00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:31,757 Holy shit, I can't believe she would have eaten me. 244 00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,093 Oh, my God. 245 00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:35,803 Is that how you put the dogs down? 246 00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:38,139 Oh, no. We drown them in a bucket. 247 00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:40,891 I just use the shotgun to keep their heads underwater. 248 00:10:40,975 --> 00:10:42,184 [Bert grunts] 249 00:10:42,268 --> 00:10:44,103 So you gonna take that other pug, too? 250 00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,940 Um... uh... 251 00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:50,901 - Uh... - [Bert] Please, Maria! I need her! 252 00:10:52,945 --> 00:10:54,780 Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. 253 00:10:54,864 --> 00:10:56,323 Okay, cool. 254 00:10:56,407 --> 00:10:59,160 [Maria] Okay. [Bert] I dub thee... 255 00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:00,619 Blueberry. 256 00:11:00,703 --> 00:11:04,331 Blueberry it is. 'Cause you're sweet, and small, and quiet. 257 00:11:04,415 --> 00:11:06,250 Just... like a blueberry. 258 00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:10,546 You know what, guys? I'm gonna make a quick phone call. 259 00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,216 [cell phone ringing] 260 00:11:18,888 --> 00:11:20,639 [Bruce] Salad department. Bruce speaking. 261 00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:21,807 Hey, Bruce. It's Maria. 262 00:11:21,891 --> 00:11:23,475 Would you like to represent me again? 263 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:24,977 [gasps] 264 00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:26,437 I'm coming home! 265 00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:28,272 Oh, yes! 266 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,024 [Maria] And that's how I made it back to LA. 267 00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:32,109 I was really throwing myself into my work 268 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,986 and forgetting about my breakup with Scott. 269 00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:37,781 Oh, this is so funny. Putting herpes on someone. 270 00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:40,784 - Normally, I'm covering these things up. - [both chuckling] 271 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:41,869 [Bruce] Maria! 272 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,997 - [muffled] Oh! Hey, Bruce! - [Bruce] How you doin'? 273 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,415 Oh. Sorry. 274 00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:47,625 [clattering] 275 00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,043 - [cat meowing] - Sorry. 276 00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:50,711 - Uh, listen... - [Maria] Hey. 277 00:11:50,794 --> 00:11:53,881 Please. Uh... Not a word about my current state, okay? 278 00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:55,633 Believe me, I've heard it all already. 279 00:11:56,592 --> 00:11:58,093 So, uh, how are you? 280 00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:02,097 Good! Yeah... just glad to be working and... 281 00:12:03,307 --> 00:12:07,311 pushing down all the feelings down, down, down, about the breakup. 282 00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:09,772 So, do you have anything for me? 283 00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:11,023 I got some great news. 284 00:12:11,106 --> 00:12:14,485 The bladder people, Quandranique, are looking for another older woman 285 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:18,030 for a spot where you walk around holding hands with an animated bladder. 286 00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:20,074 - Lisa Rinna's already on board. - Oh. 287 00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:21,325 They need you to play somebody who's, 288 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:24,119 well, more than friends with her at an outdoor concert. 289 00:12:24,203 --> 00:12:25,621 Yeah, of course. I accept. 290 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:28,457 I have to say, Maria, I'm really digging your enthusiasm. 291 00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:29,625 This is just great. 292 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:32,461 I feel like we're really clicking like never before. 293 00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:35,673 You're finally getting the Bruce Ben-Bacharach plan for you. 294 00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:36,590 Take anything. 295 00:12:36,674 --> 00:12:37,591 [chuckling] Yeah! 296 00:12:37,675 --> 00:12:40,135 - Toot, toot! - Toot, toot! 297 00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:41,220 [both chuckling] 298 00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:42,763 [serene music playing] 299 00:12:44,390 --> 00:12:45,641 I have herpes. 300 00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,101 And I still don't. 301 00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:50,980 [chuckling] Abluvia, for the sexually active bicyclist. 302 00:12:53,107 --> 00:12:55,943 [director] Cut! Everybody, take five. Everybody stay close. 303 00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,903 My herpes people, if you're gonna drink anything, 304 00:12:57,987 --> 00:12:59,113 I need you to use a straw. 305 00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:01,532 - Can I get a water? - [Maria] Huh. 306 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,493 - We make a cute couple. - [both chuckling] 307 00:13:05,119 --> 00:13:06,203 [crying] 308 00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:09,039 - Oh, my God! Are... are you... - Yeah. 309 00:13:09,123 --> 00:13:11,166 - I'm so sorry. - Fuck it. It's nothing. 310 00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:13,460 - I'm just... I'm a little... - Okay. 311 00:13:14,712 --> 00:13:16,630 Just that thing you said about being in a cute couple. 312 00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:18,007 You reminded me of my ex-girlfriend. 313 00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:20,884 - Oh. - But she fucking broke up with me. 314 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,219 Oh! 315 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,596 I'm sorry. Oh! Fuck me! 316 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,348 [sniffling] This is embarrassing. 317 00:13:26,432 --> 00:13:28,559 [stammering] But why did she break up with you? 318 00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,352 That's the worst part. 319 00:13:30,436 --> 00:13:32,688 She never told me. I don't know why. 320 00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,024 Oh, no. Oh, my God. 321 00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:38,235 That's exactly what I just did with my beloved. 322 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,446 Oh, fuck! No! 323 00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:41,780 - Yeah. - Why? 324 00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:43,741 It was our first Thanksgiving together, 325 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:46,493 and I brought him to meet all my friends... 326 00:13:46,577 --> 00:13:47,995 - So fraught. - Right. 327 00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,872 - It's just full of tension, right? - Thank you. 328 00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:53,250 [chuckling] It was like... I felt responsible for him, 329 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:56,628 and it's, like, he was super clingy, and... 330 00:13:56,712 --> 00:13:59,173 He kind of fingerbanged me in the kitchen, 331 00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:02,426 and I was like, "Ooh, I don't wanna do this." 332 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:06,764 You know, like, I'm gonna let him down. Like I've let everybody down. 333 00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:07,890 Especially Blossom. 334 00:14:07,973 --> 00:14:09,349 Who's Blossom? 335 00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:10,976 [crying] My... 336 00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:13,020 My dead pug. 337 00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:14,605 Fuck, I'm sorry. 338 00:14:15,564 --> 00:14:17,399 I love pugs. 339 00:14:17,483 --> 00:14:19,485 They're the best. They don't do anything. 340 00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:21,278 - [chuckling] Exactly! - At all! Right? 341 00:14:21,362 --> 00:14:23,530 - And it's enough. - It's like... [grunting] 342 00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:25,991 - [snorts] Yeah. - What is this? 343 00:14:26,075 --> 00:14:27,576 - They sit on things. - [both laughing] 344 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:30,871 - Fuck! I'm so fucking sorry. - [groaning] 345 00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:33,082 - Fuck! - Yeah, I made a terrible mistake. 346 00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:35,834 I sent the one good thing in my life away from me... 347 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:39,046 'cause I was afraid I... I wasn't enough for him. 348 00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:41,757 Go to him. 349 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:42,758 Okay. 350 00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:44,802 - And be a pug! - [laughing] 351 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,762 - Be a fucking pug! - I am a pug! 352 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:50,140 - 'Cause it's enough! - Oh, God! 353 00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:53,143 I'm going to my lover, Scott! 354 00:14:53,227 --> 00:14:56,855 I'm coming to fulfill our destinies! 355 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:04,780 [Maria] Thank you. 356 00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:05,948 [Karen] Excuse me. 357 00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:07,658 - So sorry for your loss. And mine. - Oh. 358 00:15:08,409 --> 00:15:10,869 I almost had Blossom in a two-bedroom condo on Wilshire. 359 00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,037 - Oh. - Miracle Mile. 360 00:15:12,121 --> 00:15:14,915 Now the only miracle is how I'm gonna get that fucking deposit back. 361 00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:16,708 Blossom was moving out? 362 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:18,544 Yeah, she was moving in with her boyfriend. 363 00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:21,088 Fucking hot corgi named Josh. 364 00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:22,381 I thought Bert was her boyfriend. 365 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:23,966 No, Bert's her husband. Sort of. 366 00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:26,677 I mean, they have a loosey-goosey Kurt and Goldie type of thing. 367 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,387 - Oh. - Hey, what's the Wi-Fi password here? 368 00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:30,180 [crying] "Blossom." 369 00:15:30,264 --> 00:15:32,057 - Oh, that's a bummer. - [groaning] 370 00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,102 Hey, why is there a Mountie here? 371 00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:38,439 Blossom had a dual German-Canadian citizenship. 372 00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,023 How do you know that? 373 00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:43,402 I saw her passport when I bailed her out of jail after that DUI. 374 00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:44,528 The second one. 375 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,071 But she always got sick in the car. 376 00:15:46,155 --> 00:15:47,322 Yep, because she was shit-faced. 377 00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,658 This girl knew how to light it on fire. 378 00:15:50,451 --> 00:15:51,743 Oh, I'm getting upset. 379 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,579 Fuck you, Blossom! 380 00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:54,663 [exclaims softly] 381 00:15:55,414 --> 00:15:56,665 Oh, okay. 382 00:15:56,748 --> 00:16:00,419 Maria, my black heart goes out to you. I mean it. 383 00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,715 From one person who has killed dogs before to another, I know it's tough. 384 00:16:04,798 --> 00:16:06,842 Yes, I know. Thank you, Karen. 385 00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:09,052 And I'm sorry that you couldn't make it. 386 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,305 I'm here. I was just freshening up my drank. 387 00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,806 Oh, okay. 388 00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:14,266 I know you've been dealing with bad news, 389 00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:16,059 so I'm gonna hit you with the good stuff. 390 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:19,313 Checklist has upgraded your flight to Business Coach Plus. 391 00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:21,064 A little more leg room, a little less width. 392 00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:23,192 - Oh. - Fuck you, Robert Downey Jr. 393 00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:25,527 I'm not talking to you, you little shit lick! 394 00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:27,362 Robert Downey Jr. is here? 395 00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:28,655 - Yeah. - The Ironman? 396 00:16:28,739 --> 00:16:31,033 Oh, yeah. He was Blossom's AA sponsor. 397 00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:33,243 He's pretty torn up about the death. 398 00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:35,746 His dogs aren't, though. They had a falling out. 399 00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,289 It's always about the fucking money. 400 00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:40,542 Speaking of money, when you land in Minneapolis, 401 00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:43,795 you're gonna head straight to the annual Checklist Check Down. 402 00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:48,050 And get ready to cream your jeans, because Mark McGrath is gonna be there. 403 00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,760 - Oh, God. - From Sugar Ray. 404 00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:51,261 Cream away. I'll wait. 405 00:16:51,345 --> 00:16:54,932 Meant to tell you, I... I can't do it. I can't. 406 00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,141 "Can't" or "cunt"? 407 00:16:56,225 --> 00:16:57,476 Here's what they want you to do. 408 00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:59,686 You're gonna wheel out the chairman of Checklist 409 00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:01,188 before the awards for regional sales. 410 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:02,689 He mentally died 15 years ago, 411 00:17:02,773 --> 00:17:04,399 but they still parade his crippled, rotten corpse 412 00:17:04,483 --> 00:17:05,484 in front of the shareholders. 413 00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,486 God, I fucking love corporate America. 414 00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:10,948 [grunting] Okay. So, fuck you. You're doing it. 415 00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,574 Plane. Tomorrow. You. 416 00:17:12,658 --> 00:17:16,578 No. I don't feel good. I don't... My dog just died! 417 00:17:16,662 --> 00:17:19,248 And I'm pretty sure that Checklist is evil. 418 00:17:19,331 --> 00:17:20,582 - "Can't" or "cunt"? - Yes. 419 00:17:20,666 --> 00:17:22,751 "Cunt." What are we talking about? Someone read me in. 420 00:17:23,669 --> 00:17:24,711 Maria, I am so sorry. 421 00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:27,923 The best thing for grieving is to do it with a group of strangers. 422 00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,091 Who are you? 423 00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:30,551 I'm Karen Grisham, your life coach. 424 00:17:30,634 --> 00:17:33,011 - We haven't met. I'm from the future. - Oh, no. 425 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,264 Karen Grisham, real estate. 426 00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,724 Also Karen Grisham. You'll be hearing from my lawyers. 427 00:17:37,808 --> 00:17:38,976 [straining] 428 00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:40,185 You're fucked. 429 00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:41,311 You're fucked. 430 00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:42,729 - You're future-fucked. - Hey. 431 00:17:42,813 --> 00:17:44,856 - [all laughing] - Nice to meet ya. 432 00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:46,942 [screaming] I don't feel good! 433 00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:50,445 [laser zapping] 434 00:17:52,823 --> 00:17:54,283 [guinea pig] Hello. 435 00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:58,078 [clears throat] Hello! I am the Super Grisham. 436 00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:02,165 Oh, Super Grisham... I'm so sad. 437 00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:03,500 I don't know what to do. 438 00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:04,751 [Super Grisham] Do you want my advice? 439 00:18:04,835 --> 00:18:07,087 Well, seeing as you're the combination 440 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:10,132 of my three Karen Grishams in guinea pig form, 441 00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:14,094 and you're also a hairy little golem that represents my manic false engine, 442 00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:17,264 why would I have any reason not to listen to you? 443 00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,434 You fear Minneapolis. You need to face that fear. 444 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:21,727 I don't think so. 445 00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:23,687 Do you fear letting people finish their thoughts? 446 00:18:24,313 --> 00:18:25,397 No. No, I just... 447 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:26,773 You're doing it. I had more. 448 00:18:26,857 --> 00:18:28,191 - I'm sorry... - God! 449 00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:30,444 I want to slap you with my tiny, tiny hands. 450 00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:31,778 In fact, lean down. 451 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:34,031 [Maria whimpers] 452 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,241 Maria, this is when you dig down deep. 453 00:18:36,325 --> 00:18:39,036 Your needle is on empty, so I want you to go below the needle 454 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:40,621 and come back all the way around 455 00:18:40,704 --> 00:18:42,914 to the other side to a full tank. 456 00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:45,083 - Is that even possible? - Can I finish? 457 00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:47,044 Checklist is an evil corporation. 458 00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,713 They're the reason Blossom's dead. 459 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,381 And they did lots of other bad things. 460 00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:53,383 Checklist killed Blossom. 461 00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:55,177 You want to take them down, don't you? 462 00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,428 More than anything. 463 00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:58,555 Then scoop me up, put me in your pocket, 464 00:18:58,639 --> 00:19:00,515 pack me a necklace made of Cheerios, 465 00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:04,311 and let's get our asses out to Minneapolis-Saint Paul, the Twin Cities! 466 00:19:05,479 --> 00:19:08,482 From the cradle to the grave, baby! 467 00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:10,817 - [crowd cheering] - Come on! Whoo! 468 00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,238 What's up? I'm Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray... 469 00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:18,408 and I just wanna fly! 470 00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,869 - [applauding] - Yeah! Come on! 471 00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:23,580 - You got it! - [cheering] 472 00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:24,748 Whoo! 473 00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:28,168 Mark McGrath is such a... such a powerful performer. 474 00:19:28,251 --> 00:19:30,295 He's bad, Maria. You need to kill him. 475 00:19:30,379 --> 00:19:33,882 Mark McGrath? But he's... he's wonderful and kind. 476 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:37,302 That's how the devil works. By convincing the world that he's nice. 477 00:19:37,386 --> 00:19:38,512 Murder him now. 478 00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,639 No one is being murdered. All I need to do 479 00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:44,768 is to tell people all the evil things Checklist has done. 480 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,520 Then I can kill Mark McGrath, right? 481 00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:49,940 No! No one kills Mark McGrath! 482 00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,483 Can I slap him around a little bit? 483 00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:52,651 No! 484 00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:54,194 And, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, 485 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,738 I give you our favorite Checklist check lady... 486 00:19:56,822 --> 00:19:58,407 [Super Grisham] Just put me in your satchel. 487 00:19:58,490 --> 00:20:01,076 I'm going out there with you. It's go time, baby cakes. 488 00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:02,661 Our very own cradle to the grave... 489 00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:04,788 - For justice. - [breathing nervously] 490 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,123 For Blossom. 491 00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,083 Miss "Sounds Good, Feels Right" herself. 492 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:10,252 For Blossom! Okay. 493 00:20:10,919 --> 00:20:15,465 [Mark] Maria Bamford and Checklist CEO Ray Banicheck! 494 00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:17,759 [cheering] 495 00:20:21,972 --> 00:20:23,473 Hey, everybody! 496 00:20:23,557 --> 00:20:25,892 [chuckles nervously] Sounds good, feels right! 497 00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:27,436 - [laughing] - [applauding] 498 00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:31,273 Maria, what do you think of the fine Checklist people? 499 00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:33,483 - [muttering] - All right. [chuckles] 500 00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,654 - Teleprompter. Read it! - Oh. Yes. 501 00:20:37,738 --> 00:20:38,822 Uh... 502 00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:41,867 Hi, I'm Maria Bamford, and... 503 00:20:41,992 --> 00:20:43,577 here's a big Checklist welcome 504 00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,580 to all of our Checklist associates all around the globe. 505 00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,582 Hola. Bonjour. 506 00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:50,584 Murder. Slavery. 507 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,794 [sing-song] The great prices. 508 00:20:52,878 --> 00:20:54,880 - [feedback whines] - [breathing heavily] 509 00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:56,047 Perfect. Keep going, baby! 510 00:20:58,383 --> 00:21:01,178 Checklist is a predatory company... 511 00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:07,934 that oppresses foreign labor in order to give us artificially low prices. 512 00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:10,771 We are all complicit in modern day slavery. 513 00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,106 I am a part of it, too. 514 00:21:13,190 --> 00:21:15,192 I'm the voice of Trabajito. 515 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,694 I oppressed Mexican workers. 516 00:21:17,778 --> 00:21:21,114 I did! I was a part of an evil agenda. 517 00:21:21,198 --> 00:21:25,160 Checklist must be stopped, and I am the person to stop it! 518 00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:26,495 Okay, get her out of there. 519 00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:27,662 Uh, Maria. 520 00:21:27,746 --> 00:21:29,206 - Okay. - Let's go offstage for a little bit. 521 00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:31,124 - Get a drink or something. Oh! - [blabbering] 522 00:21:31,208 --> 00:21:33,126 One of those LaCroix that you love. I'll get you one. 523 00:21:33,210 --> 00:21:35,086 LaCroix yourself, you punk! 524 00:21:35,170 --> 00:21:36,963 Super Grisham was right! 525 00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,007 You are evil! 526 00:21:40,175 --> 00:21:41,384 [distorted] How did you know? 527 00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:47,182 Form of a Sugar Ray sugar beast! [laughing demonically] 528 00:21:47,265 --> 00:21:50,644 Form of an Ultra Maria! 529 00:21:50,727 --> 00:21:51,686 [whooshing] 530 00:21:51,812 --> 00:21:53,063 [dramatic sounds] 531 00:21:53,814 --> 00:21:54,981 [action music playing] 532 00:21:59,861 --> 00:22:00,862 [trilling] 533 00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:02,823 [roaring] 534 00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:15,252 - Kick! - Punch! 535 00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:16,336 Punch it again. 536 00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:18,672 - Give him a taste of his own diabetes! - Yeah. Get it. 537 00:22:18,755 --> 00:22:20,382 Why are we scuttling? Why are we scuttling still? 538 00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:22,425 - Go. - I'm just gonna hit the big one. 539 00:22:25,929 --> 00:22:28,932 [sugar beast] I'm sweet! You want me. 540 00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:30,976 You can't live without me! 541 00:22:31,059 --> 00:22:33,770 I'm everything you fear and desire! 542 00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:35,355 [Ultra Maria] I can live without you. 543 00:22:35,438 --> 00:22:37,190 You are a false god! 544 00:22:37,274 --> 00:22:38,984 [grunting] 545 00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:43,905 [sugar beast] Sugar blast! 546 00:22:45,282 --> 00:22:46,658 All the buttons. Press all the buttons. 547 00:22:46,741 --> 00:22:48,493 - Press every single button. - Yeah, I am. 548 00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:51,079 [grunting] 549 00:22:51,913 --> 00:22:53,290 [Super Grisham] Uh-oh. 550 00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:08,888 Hey. Who's the new girl? 551 00:23:08,972 --> 00:23:11,766 Maria Bamford. The comedian that went crazy at the Checklist Check Down. 552 00:23:11,850 --> 00:23:12,726 Oh, yeah. 553 00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:15,270 - I saw the video on YouTube. - There's a video? 554 00:23:15,353 --> 00:23:16,438 Yup. 555 00:23:17,606 --> 00:23:19,357 - Yes! - Thank you, Maria. 556 00:23:19,441 --> 00:23:21,276 - Why? - Thank you. Thank you. 557 00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:22,902 - It's all right. It's okay. - Okay. 558 00:23:22,986 --> 00:23:26,740 [grunting] You're not my God, sugar beast! 559 00:23:26,823 --> 00:23:28,158 [both grunting] 560 00:23:28,241 --> 00:23:29,242 - [yelling] - [woman screams] 561 00:23:29,326 --> 00:23:30,410 [audience exclaiming] 562 00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:32,162 - [screaming] - [woman] Medic! 563 00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:36,166 I don't think that old guy's gonna recover. 564 00:23:36,249 --> 00:23:37,667 - You know what else won't recover? - Hmm? 565 00:23:37,751 --> 00:23:40,962 Mark McGrath's reputation as a guy who doesn't kill crippled old men. 566 00:23:41,046 --> 00:23:42,505 [both laughing] 567 00:23:44,382 --> 00:23:45,842 [Maria] So that's how I ended up in Duluth. 568 00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:48,845 It was a combination of fear and mental illness. 569 00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:51,640 But I wasn't gonna let fear and mental illness stop me now. 570 00:23:51,723 --> 00:23:53,558 I was going after my man! 571 00:23:53,642 --> 00:23:54,851 I'm in France! 572 00:23:55,477 --> 00:24:00,065 I'm in 1950s Brooklyn. Oh! Ebbets Field! 573 00:24:01,524 --> 00:24:03,943 Who would've thunk I'm in Antarctica! 574 00:24:04,861 --> 00:24:06,780 Global warming! 575 00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:11,076 I'm a real-life newsie! Extra! Extra! 576 00:24:11,159 --> 00:24:12,952 I'm gonna fuck Scott! 577 00:24:16,247 --> 00:24:17,540 [panting] 578 00:24:19,709 --> 00:24:21,503 - [fuse blowing] - [glass shattering] 579 00:24:21,586 --> 00:24:23,129 [Scott] What the hell? 580 00:24:23,213 --> 00:24:24,422 [Maria giggling] 581 00:24:28,051 --> 00:24:29,302 - Maria? - Yeah. 582 00:24:31,721 --> 00:24:33,306 [panting] Your power is out. 583 00:24:33,390 --> 00:24:35,767 Do you need someone to help you turn it back on? 584 00:24:35,850 --> 00:24:37,852 Did you just cut my power? 585 00:24:37,936 --> 00:24:39,229 That's really goddamn dangerous. 586 00:24:39,312 --> 00:24:44,234 This is a huge romantic gesture, like all those Nora Ephron movies. 587 00:24:44,901 --> 00:24:49,406 Listen, I know that you're angry at me, and I made a huge mistake, Scott. 588 00:24:49,489 --> 00:24:51,282 But now I'm back! 589 00:24:51,366 --> 00:24:54,244 And we're together again. Un-broken up. 590 00:24:54,327 --> 00:24:56,079 - Uh, so you're okay? - Yes. 591 00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:57,539 Yeah, and then, automatically, I'm okay. 592 00:24:57,622 --> 00:24:58,748 - Yes. - Okay, Maria, 593 00:24:58,832 --> 00:25:00,625 you put me through hell this past week. 594 00:25:00,709 --> 00:25:02,502 What about my feelings? 595 00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:04,921 They should be happy feelings. 596 00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:06,965 Okay, well, you can't just turn it on and turn it off, 597 00:25:07,048 --> 00:25:10,135 and expect me to be all happy about it, you know. 598 00:25:10,218 --> 00:25:12,053 That's not how relationships work. 599 00:25:12,137 --> 00:25:13,680 You don't have to be so mad at me. 600 00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:14,806 I am mad! 601 00:25:14,889 --> 00:25:18,643 [shouting] I'm mad, too, because you put your hand down my pants, 602 00:25:18,727 --> 00:25:21,563 and then you also were really needy at Thanksgiving, 603 00:25:21,688 --> 00:25:23,940 and then you only scraped off half the plate. 604 00:25:24,023 --> 00:25:25,900 What is... Is that like an animal? 605 00:25:25,984 --> 00:25:29,654 Okay. I did not put my hands into your pants. 606 00:25:30,405 --> 00:25:32,407 And okay, I was needy at Thanksgiving. 607 00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:35,285 But being around your friends freaked me out. 608 00:25:35,368 --> 00:25:37,871 Okay. I didn't know that. 609 00:25:37,954 --> 00:25:40,039 No. You made conversation a little hard to have, 610 00:25:40,123 --> 00:25:41,541 with the knee-jerk breakup. 611 00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:42,625 Okay. 612 00:25:43,543 --> 00:25:45,503 Well, I guess... we're over. 613 00:25:45,587 --> 00:25:50,592 I guess this is how... you have a fight, and then it's... It ends and... 614 00:25:50,675 --> 00:25:54,888 I... I bid you adieu... Sweet prince, adieu. 615 00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:56,014 Maria... 616 00:25:56,931 --> 00:26:00,477 You know you can have a fight with someone and not break up? 617 00:26:01,436 --> 00:26:03,062 - Really? - Mmm-hmm. 618 00:26:03,938 --> 00:26:07,317 You can't do it every day, but, every once in a while, for sure. 619 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,068 Even on holidays? 620 00:26:09,152 --> 00:26:10,570 Especially on holidays. 621 00:26:11,613 --> 00:26:13,948 Well, fuck you, then! 622 00:26:14,032 --> 00:26:15,784 [chuckling] Fuck you, too! 623 00:26:15,867 --> 00:26:19,996 [chuckling] So you're not... You're not mad at me anymore? 624 00:26:20,079 --> 00:26:23,082 Nah... I love you. 625 00:26:23,917 --> 00:26:26,127 Oh, I feel sick! 626 00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:31,466 Blossom said to put my fear behind me... and to live. 627 00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:34,093 Maybe this is what she was talking about. 628 00:26:34,177 --> 00:26:35,261 Nah. 629 00:26:36,179 --> 00:26:38,723 I think this is what she was talking about. 630 00:26:38,807 --> 00:26:40,642 [both chuckling] 631 00:26:40,725 --> 00:26:44,020 - That thing isn't real, right? - No. It's a prosthetic. 632 00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:45,605 [both giggling] 633 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:50,360 Wow! 634 00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:52,695 - Blossom never kissed me like that. - [both chuckle] 635 00:26:52,779 --> 00:26:54,864 - Look, I made you something. - Oh! 636 00:26:56,157 --> 00:26:57,826 - Ready? - Yes. 637 00:26:59,410 --> 00:27:02,247 [gasps] You painted my vision board. 638 00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:03,915 And I added myself into it. 639 00:27:03,998 --> 00:27:05,750 Is that your tax return? 640 00:27:06,543 --> 00:27:07,585 Yeah. I don't have much. 641 00:27:07,669 --> 00:27:09,796 - Oh, that's okay. - Mmm. 642 00:27:09,879 --> 00:27:11,130 Is that number what I think it is? 643 00:27:11,214 --> 00:27:14,467 The 410? That's my credit score. 644 00:27:14,551 --> 00:27:19,180 That is the most intimate thing a man has ever shared with me. 645 00:27:19,264 --> 00:27:21,933 - Yeah, it's pretty low. - It is ridiculously low. 646 00:27:22,016 --> 00:27:25,854 And I'm gonna help you get a handle on it. With workbooks. 647 00:27:25,937 --> 00:27:27,397 - I'd like that. - [laughing] 648 00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:34,028 I can't believe you painted yourself into my vision board and drew me to you. 649 00:27:34,112 --> 00:27:35,697 Yeah. And then I drew a pizza. 650 00:27:37,282 --> 00:27:39,075 And that made me hungry, so I ordered pizza. 651 00:27:39,158 --> 00:27:40,618 - Oh. - [Bert] Pizza's here? 652 00:27:40,702 --> 00:27:42,078 Hey, Bert. 653 00:27:42,161 --> 00:27:45,915 [Maria] Oh! Bert, what are you doing here? [Bert] I was watching the game with Scott. 654 00:27:45,999 --> 00:27:48,209 We've also gotten into craft brewing. 655 00:27:48,293 --> 00:27:49,544 Oh! 656 00:27:58,469 --> 00:28:00,930 [Maria chuckling] Okay! Okay. 657 00:28:03,057 --> 00:28:05,184 [Maria] Life. What a kick in the pants. 658 00:28:05,268 --> 00:28:07,061 Love had come for me after all. 659 00:28:07,145 --> 00:28:09,397 So, what does the future hold? Who knows? 660 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:10,648 Who cares? 661 00:28:10,732 --> 00:28:13,735 My hair is blowing and I'm riding a bicycle above the clouds, 662 00:28:13,818 --> 00:28:15,320 and that's enough. 663 00:28:15,403 --> 00:28:18,740 Now I feel like I'm getting somewhere! [chuckling] 664 00:28:19,657 --> 00:28:24,913 [choir singing] I don't know what I'm doing 665 00:28:24,996 --> 00:28:30,627 More than half of the time 666 00:28:30,710 --> 00:28:32,712 [light jazz playing] 667 00:28:32,762 --> 00:28:37,312 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 50870

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