Original subtitles

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com

Ew, what is that smell?

I made cheesy eggs.

Yeah, no, I think it's Ernie.

It's the weekend. Showering is optional.

No. No, it's not.

Agent Johnson, from The Organization. Nobody move.

Oh, is this about the pen I took from the office?

Kira Cooper, you're under arrest.

Craig, give them back their pen!

It's not about the pen. You're under arrest for leveling our field office in Hong Kong.

We have an office in Hong Kong?

Not anymore. Pay attention!

Hey!

Honey, don't worry. Everything will be all right. Hey!

(Music)

Oh, when danger comes for you

You know I'll stand beside you

Cause ain't nobody keep their head so cool

I always find a way

A way out of the fire

But don't tell nobody

Tell nobody

I'm not perfect

So many things I wanna tell you

But I I keep it undercover

Livin' my life on red alert

Doin' my thing, gonna make it work

Know I'm the realest

Baby, I'm fearless

But I always got your back

Nobody can do it like I can

I gotta find out who I am

Ain't got to worry about me

It's all part of the plan

I keep it undercover.

I keep it undercover.

There is no way Mom could do this to The Organization.

She is the most loyal person in the world.

For crying out loud, she still uses AOL.

What if she never comes home?

Who's gonna take care of us?

Ernie, we gotta pull it together, all right?

We're gonna get through this as a family.

(Sighs) You're right.

We'll all pitch in. I'll...

do what Mom would do.

You going to decimate a building?

Judy! What? I'm using humor to lighten the mood.

Well, don't bother. Okay? Everything is gonna be just fine.

I'm sure of it.

Things could not get any worse.

They're calling her an enemy of the state, and they have tons of evidence.

Now would be a good time to lighten the mood.

Knock knock. Who's there?

Five agents to rescue a Cooper.

Too soon?

What took you guys so long?

Uhh... you're in a prison 40 stories underground,

and the elevator was broke. Oh. Wow!

My ears just popped.

Hah-hah! Ooh, sorry honey, is there anything we can do for you?

Well, some clean clothes and a hairbrush would be a good start.

Oh, and maybe if you have time... clear my name!

Mom, look, we know you didn't do this.

I am being set up.

I don't know by who or why, but I am.

I know, honey. You were on that solo mission in Hawaii.

I mean, it's not like you snuck out of your hotel,

took Honolulu Air flight 213 to Hong Kong that arrived at 6:14 AM,

rented a car, scored some explosives on the black market, decimated a building,

and made it all the way back to your hotel in Hawaii in time for breakfast.

Did you?

Take that back, or they will find me guilty... of killing my husband!

Look, Mom, we are not gonna rest until you are out of here

and the person who set you up is sitting in there instead.

My attorney from The Organization, Maggie Summer,

said that they're turning me over to the Hong Kong authorities in 72 hours.

Time's up. Let's go.

Now that doesn't give you a lot of time.

Work with Maggie! And while you're at it, bring me a darn brush!

Okay, so they got a receipt for a plane ticket to Hong Kong

on Mom's credit card.

No! Her phone and spy bracelet pinged off a cell tower

in the area at the time of the explosion.

No! And a picture of her getting celebratory dim sum afterwards,

which is totally bogus because Mom doesn't even like dim sum.

Noo!

Dad, are you okay?

No. I'm falling apart.

She's the sun to my moon.

The surf to my turf.

The tidies to my whities.

Here. This'll make you feel better.

Ernie, I can't think about eating right now, your mo...

Ooh! Is that truffle oil?

With jalape?o aioli.

Okay, Ernie, enough with the food already.

It's what Mom would do.

I'm trying to pick up the slack around here.

Like Mom always says, food equals love.

Mom's never said that.

Well, maybe she would if you could get her out of prison!

(Someone knocking on door)

Hi, Coopers!

I'm Maggie Summer. Kira's attorney.

We have a lot to do and not much time to do it.

So I suggest we get started.

You really think you can help my mom?

There's a lot of evidence against her. What's your defense strategy?

All you need to know is, I may not look like it, but I am a pitbull!

Really? Very... pink pitbull.

That's right, missy.

And I'm not a glass half-full kinda person.

My glass is overflowing!

(Laughing weakly) I need you people to stay positive

if we're gonna work together and save your mom!

Now, are you with me?

Craig and Ernie: Yeah! Yeah!

I can't hear you!

All: Yeah!

I still can't hear you.

All: Y-Yea... Wait. Wait.

I could that time, I just... I wanted to make my point.

I'm so glad you're here.

You're organized, you have a plan of action, and, wow, you smell really good.

What is that?

It's a little fragrance I like to call... positivity!

Okay. I sent your dad to Hong Kong to canvass for witnesses.

Now, I need you to go over your mom's story again with her

and look for anything she may have left out.

Okay. Yup. No, I got it.

Uh, is there anything else I can do?

Yes. I want Ernie's recipe for his focaccia bread.

Tell him it was out of this world!

Yeah, you're still new here. We don't compliment Ernie.

(Cackling)

(Cackling)

(Laughing stops)

What do you think you're doing?

Oh. Hi, sweetie.

I'm Maggie. I'm helping defend your mom and bring her home.

By inserting a flash drive and uploading suspicious files?

Oh. Oh, honey, it's more complicated than that.

I would explain it, but... (Baby voice) you wouldn't understand.

Try me.

I don't have time for games.

I have a built-in lie detector.

And it's telling me you're full of baloney.

Except for when you called me cutie.

That part was true.

Ohhh. You're a junior undercover digital youth!

Why didn't you just say so?

(Judy powers down)

I would've powered you down a lot sooner.

Ship-It Express?

Yeah, I need a package pick-up. It's about 4 feet tall and nosy.

If we don't get that evidence within the next 24 hours,

they're gonna turn our mom over to the Hong Kong authorities,

and we might never ever see her again.

(Gasps) Hey, hey. Hey.

I don't know about you, but I am on Team Positive!

Come on, everybody.

Hold hands.

Okay, Maggie, look. I think that's kind of a waste of...

Do it!

Okay.

Hands high, hands low.

Let those negative feelings go!

Everybody.

All: Hands high, hands low.

All: Let those negative feelings go!

Dad! Shoes! I just did the floors.

I'll get the mop.

Ernie's work is never done.

Dad, please tell me you found evidence in Hong Kong

to prove that Mom was not in that dim sum picture.

No, it was a complete waste of time.

I sat in Wang Lee's Dim Sum House for 12 hours and nobody knew anything.

Wang Lee's? No. It was Wang Lu's.

No, you told me it was Wang Lee's.

Oh, you must've misheard me.

Craig, do you think I'd send you all the way to Hong Kong

on a wild goose chase?

No. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

(Baby voice) Turn that frown upside down.

Stay positive!

I was positive you said it was Wang Lee's!

Look, Maggie, I know my mom believes in you,

but I'm starting to think you're full of...

and I mean this in the most positive way possible... poopoo!

Wha... That's not very positive, K.C.

It's not meant to be.

Look, you have done absolutely nothing to help,

and we are running out of time.

Okay. I was waiting till I had all my ducks in a row,

but I think I know who's setting Kira up.

His name is Chuck Maddox.

Well, what does he have against my mom?

She discovered he was selling secrets and had him kicked out of The Organization.

Last I heard, he was working as a professor at the George Washington University.

Hm. Looks like it's time to teach that professor a little lesson.

Ooh.

I finally restore my power and... Oh, no.

I fell for the ol' "mail the robot away" trick.

Well played, Maggie. ( mocking Maggie) Well played.

(Scoffs) It's gonna be a long walk home.

Hey, uh, professor. Can I ask you a question?

Sure. Are you in one of my classes?

Yeah, I'm in Intro to 'You Mess With My Mom, You Mess With Me'.

That sounds more like Women's Studies.

I teach poli-sci.

(Smirks) Sure, you do.

Is this about a bad grade I gave you?

Tell me everything you know about The Organization's field office in Hong Kong.

Well, I know it's in Hong Kong.

Don't play cute with me.

You set my mom up!

I don't know who your mom is!

Kira Cooper. Ring a bell?

I have nothing against Kira.

In fact, we used to be friends before I quit The Organization!

Quit? Funny. I heard you got fired!

Fired? Me? Please.

I'm much happier being a college professor than I ever was being an agent.

I get summer vacations.

Yeah, well, if you don't start talking,

you're gonna be going on a permanent vacation.

(Grimacing)

(Yelling)

Ahh!

Come on!

Uhhh... (Clears throat ) Overdue book fines.

Return your books, people. Respect the process.

Ughh.

There's got to be an easier way.

Oh, wait. Duh.

Why row row row when you can go go go?!

Mom? I found the guy who set you up.

Recognize him?

I don't know. Can you back him off the glass a little?

(Chuck gasps) Chuck?

How are you, sweetie?

Sweetie? Good to see you, Kira.

You look well. Other than being imprisoned in a glass box thing.

But at least it's bigger than that first cubicle we shared, right?

(Both chuckling)

So you can bring me an old friend but you can't bring me a pair of pants?

Mother. Big picture.

Chuck set you up because you got him fired.

No. I wrote him a letter of recommendation to the university

when he didn't want to be an agent anymore.

(Muffled) By the way, I still owe you that lunch.

(Muffled) Assuming you ever get out.

Wait, so he's really your friend?

Yeah.

K.C.: Ohh. (Laughing)

Sorry about that. Hah.

Looks like I owe you lunch. (Laughing nervously)

And my mother wondered why I wanted to quit the business.

Why in the world would you think Chuck had anything to do with this?

Well, because Maggie told me he did.

Look, I am having serious doubts about her.

She sent Dad to Hong Kong. Twice.

K.C., I trust her. Don't lose faith.

Oh, Maggie, hey. We were just talking about you.

Yeah, and I was just gonna ask... Who the heck are you?

I'm Maggie Summer. I'm defending your mother.

Wait... if you're Maggie, then...

Who the heck is 'Maggie'?

K.C., you're telling me that there's another woman pretending to be me?

Yeah. She's-She's blonde, about 5'4"...

Honey, that could be anybody.

Okay, she wears a lot of pink. Super perky.

Candace Adams!

I-I mentored when she was training to be an agent.

I knew immediately she didn't have what it takes.

Any idiot could see something was wrong with that woman.

Well, when Dad gets back from Hong Kong for the second time in three days,

I'll be sure to let him know.

Is this her? Yup. That's her.

Mom, now we can get you out of here.

Ooh, I can't wait to take down that perky little powder-puff.

No, K.C. We cannot alert Candace that we're onto her.

That girl is dangerous. Who knows what she might do?

K.C., your mission is to do nothing.

Isn't that more of a mission for Ernie?

Okay, fine, but it's no fun being a spy if your hands are tied.

Tell me about it!

(Harmonica)

Can I see that harmonica for a second, Bobby?

Thank you.

Finally some peace and quiet.

Guys. Guys. Guys.

You are not gonna believe this.

So it turns out Maggie is actually... in our kitchen!

She's in our kitchen.

'Cause it's dinner time.

And that's where she'd be. 'Cause that'd be weird if she were in the garage.

You're home for dinner? I only made three Cornish game hens.

And now someone's gonna have to share.

K.C., what were you so excited about?

Did you locate Chuck Maddox?

No. Just, uh, another dead end.

Darn that brick wall we just keep coming up against.

Oh... Oh! I... just got a text.

Unfortunately, I am going to have to pass on dinner.

You can't go.

Why not?

Because I am feeling super negative right now,

and I need your help, Maggie. I need you.

Guys, could you give us a moment?

Fine. I'll just torch the cr?me br?l?es in the bathroom.

Like an animal!

I know you set my mom up, Candace.

Aahh!

Took you long enough to figure it out, Miss Super Spy.

Talk about nepotism!

(Candace laughing) (Yelling)

Mama's home!

(Candace grimacing)

(Candace yelling)

What's all this... Kira?

Baby. You're home.

What...

...is going on?

She was working against Mom the entire time.

She's a fake and an annoying sicko nutjob.

And, yes, Candace, I am positive about it.

All because I didn't think she had what it takes to be an agent.

Oh, really? Didn't have what it takes?

Who disguised herself as you?

Who flew all the way to Hong Kong, destroyed a building,

had some celebratory dim sum, and then came back and pinned it all on you?

Me. That's who.

And guess who just confessed on tape?

You. That's who.

Agents! Candace Adams, you're under arrest.

Ughh. (Grimacing)

Kira: Okay.

Oh. Oh. Hey.

Judy! Where have you been?

I don't want to talk about it.

But next time the Ship-It Express guy's around,

tell him I got a bone to pick with him.

And now, a message from the cast of K.C. Undercover.

Hi, kids. We had a lot of laughs this week.

But there's one thing we wanted to address.

In this episode, my character Judy gets shipped off to another country.

In the mail.

And as funny as that is, we are here to tell you that you should not try this at home.

People are not mail.

Many of you have brothers and sisters of your own.

And if they're anything like my brother, they can be annoying as heck.

But that does not mean you should wrap them up and ship them off to...

England, or Venezuela, or Cuba.

It's just not cool.

Even if you call dibs on the last donut,

and your brother Kumario literally grabs it out of your hand

and licks it and says, "Oh, were you gonna eat that?"

Knowing full well you were gonna eat that?

It's still not okay to ship them off.

And you might think, "Well, what if I pay the mailman a little extra

to mark it 'fragile', then it is totally fine."

It is not totally fine.

Marking 'fragile' may have never crossed your mind.

You may be thinking, "I'm not even gonna pay for postage.

"I'm just gonna throw it in the garbage and let the trash guy deal with him."

Still not cool. In fact, that's worse.

Totally worse. Even if your brother deserves it.

You're better off not throwing him into a box and laughing maniacally

as he's shipped to Timbuktu.

Sure, your mom might miss him for the holidays,

but you know that the Thanksgiving turkey is gonna taste

so much better without your brother's nasty saliva all over it.

"Oh? Were you gonna eat that turkey leg?"

Yes, I was gonna eat that turkey leg!

Quit licking my food, Kumario!

Are you okay, Kamil?

(Breathes) I'm fine.

As I was saying, do not ship your siblings.

All: It's the law.

Rob, your name's on TV.

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