All language subtitles for Inside Amy Schumer s04e02 Welcome to the Gun Show.eng

Roy had the kids,
so me and Trev--

Oh, great.

We hit the road.
Fun.

Antiquing.
Fun.

Heaven.

Oh!
Welcome back, home shoppers.

Over the break, we sold 600
Steve Irwin commemorative coins.

600.

Now, this is the perfect
gift for someone

who does not have
a Steve Irwin coin.

God, I miss Steve,
you know?

Yeah, oh yeah.

You know what's
great about him?

He, he--
Everything.

Everything and...
Yeah?

He had the kind of body
where he didn't work out,

but it looked like
he worked out.

Sure!

Got one of these
for my wife.

Your what!?

Okay.

Oh, next up,
what do we have?

Oh!
Oh, boy.

Okay, okay.
Stop.

Now, speaking of
perfect gifts,

now, this is a
no brainer, all right?

Now, this is a gun.

Just your regular,
run of the mill,

meat and potatoes
handgun.

Now, how cute is that?

I love that.

How cute-- we can pick it up?
Look at this.

Oh, heavy, oh...
Ooh, can I see this?

You can hold it, sure.
Oh, wow!

Look at that.
Wow, look at that.

Wow!
Bam-bam, bam-bam!

It's like a toy,
but it's extremely real.

Yeah, and now here is
what's great about this.

Now, pretty much anyone
can purchase this.

Mm-hmm.
Okay?

Oh, my God, this is so fun,
I love this. It's fun.

Hey, lady, give me all your
money and your makeup!

Oh, my God, so fun,

and it's on sale now.

Call in.

Oh, we got a caller.
Oh, caller!

Hey, did I miss
the Steve Irwin coins?

Uh, yeah, you did.
You sure did, honey.

I'm sorry.
But that's okay.

You want a gun?

Oh, no,
I could never get a gun.

I have several
violent felonies.

Oh, no.

Caller, you bite your tongue,
you silly goose.

You can absolutely
get a gun

if you have
several felonies,

as long as you buy
it on the Internet...

Right.
...or at a gun show,

and caller, guess where
you are right now?

Bam! You're at a gun show!

You're at a gun show.

Yes, if you go to a gun show you
can get an unlicensed seller

to sell you a gun,
noquestioneasked.

That's right, not one question
for you, caller.

Great, I'll get one for me
and my mouthy (bleep) wife.

Ooh, one's for
your wife.

In a way.

Great.

You know the guns my wife
can't get enough of?

These.

You are really committing
to the whole wife thing.

She's real.

What's her name?

Ben...

...ita, Benita.

From Espana.

That's fantastic,

and just a reminder
to all the parents at home,

these make perfect
stocking stuffers.

Oh, yeah.
Right?

For-- for as young as--
Beautiful.

It doesn't matter,
okay?

These are great
for any age group.

It's like the bottom
of the stocking.

It is, it's shaped...
It's like the foot.

...very stocking-like.

It's like a metal foot.

Very stocking-like shape, okay?
Fantastic.

My wife's in the states,
by the way.

I said she's Spanish,
but she is from the states.

Let's keep these
calls coming.

We only have
65 million left.

And here's some good news.

Even a blind person can see
what a great deal this is

and take advantage of this
deal by buying a gun.

Totally legal!

So, if you're Stevie Wonder,
you don't have to wonder

if you can get a gun.

Uh, caller, I, I hope you
just called to say

you want a gun.

Stevie Wonder reference.

My wife's favorite band.

Hi, I wanted to buy

a lot of these

but I am suspected terrorist
on the no-fly list.

Oh.
Oh.

Ooh-ooh.

You're fine, sweet potato fries.
You're fine.

The no-fly list.

No one can tell you that
you don't have a right

to buy a gun in this country
you're trying to destroy.

You're funny today.
Uh-oh, uh-oh!

Whoa! What is that?
You know what that means.

Mass shooting.

We've had
a mass shooting.

Which means the government
could be coming

for your guns soon,

like they never have,
but always might.

Scary.

Now, we're gonna go
to commercial.

When we come back-- ooh,
you're gonna like this--

we'll be selling United States
Congressmen and Senators

whose influence
can be purchased

for much cheaper
than you think.

Yes, and they're
selling out fast,

ranging from $1,000 to--

Shh...

Shit!

Ah, ah,
(bleep, bleep)!

Oh! Shit!

It was his foot's time.

There was a shooting
at a screening

of the movie
I made last summer

and, um,
these two girls,

Jillian Johnson
and Mayci Breaux,

were shot and killed and, uh,
I just like, was so angry

and I wanted to help.

You know, people are like,
"Ew, like, we don't like

when celebrities
get involved in politics."

And I hear you and I feel
the same way.

I remember when Scarlett
Johansson endorsed Obama.

I was like,
"Who gives a (bleep)?"

Like, why do we care?

Your superpower and your hero
movie is just like

you have a hot ass.

But, I met with people,
the victims' families

and they have, like,
buttons with the pictures

of their children
or their par--

and so, and they're like,
"Will you help us

"'cause no one listens
to politicians,

they listen
to you idiots."

And what are you
gonna be like,

"No, I don't want to annoy
people on Reddit."

Welcome to "Chip Chat,"
here on Geekview,"

YouTube Channel
of the tech blog Dorkist--

a division
of Gawker media.

Recently,
Twitter made waves

when they replaced their
"fave" button with a heart.

Here to discuss yet another
addition to their interface

is Twitter's VP of
Communications, Cathy O'Doherty.

Thank you for having me.

So, Cathy, tell me
about this new feature.

Well, Jared, whether it's
"thumbs up" or "LOL,"

people appreciate
having a shortcut

for something they
frequently communicate,

and there is one sentiment that
is constantly expressed online

but has never had
its own button.

Hmm.
That is why we are proud to present this...

Our new "I'm going to rape
and kill you" button.

Interesting,
I love this.

Did you know that over 120%
of tweets directed at women

refer to raping
and/or killing them?

Well, I never really
thought about it,

but it's what
I would guess.

Our new button will allow you
to express that notion,

but still free up
30 precious characters

for other comments
about that woman.

Like what ugly
sluts they are?

Bingo.

Let me show you
how it works.

Okay, so right now we're
looking at basic cable

and clickbait sensation
Amy Schumer.

Yes. Now, before our "I'm gonna
rape and kill you button,"

if you wanted to tell
Amy Schumer that you were

going to rape
and kill her,

you would have to hit "reply"
and then fully type out

"I'm gonna rape
and kill you."

But now,
you can simply click

the "I'm gonna rape
and kill you" button,

and Amy Schumer will
much more instantly know

of your threat to rape
and kill her.

Very cool.

Very cool, but who is
the target user?

Uh, it's typically
a guy whose profile pic

is him in a sports jersey with
his child on his shoulders

and a bio that reads,
"proud Christian..."

Mm-hmm.
But also, everyone.

Oh, everyone.

It's been years
in the making.

The beta version was simply,
"You're fat."

Oh.

But it turns out people
prefer to type that one out.

That way they can spell "You're"
as incorrectly as they want.

Hmm, it is fun to write.

It is the perfect way
to rob a stranger

of all her confidence
because you feel powerless

and invisible.
Exactly.

But what's the point of using
the anonymity of the Internet

to just call someone fat when
you can also make them feel

physically threatened.
Physically threatened, yes.

That is what "I'm gonna rape
and kill you" is for.

Here's a fun example.

If you read this tweet from
a female video game designer

and you break into cold sweats
of fury and you feel like

someone took a shit
in your pool with their period.

You just lightly tap
the button and voila...

"I'm gonna rape
and kill you."

Exactly.

It's so easy.

Now, what's next
for Twitter?

Any other shortcuts
we can look forward to?

Well, nothing that
I can make public yet,

but let's just say there's
a certain racial slur

that's going to be much easier
to sling in the near future.

Oh, I think I know
what it is.

Well, that's all
the time we have

on this week's episode
of "Chip Chat".

You can follow Cathy on Twitter
at the handle below.

Oh.

Someone used the button on me.

That was me.

But I'm not really
going to rape and kill you.

Or am I?

Whoa!

I do feel powerful.

Wow!

Call from agent.

Sorry, I'm going to
have to take this.

This is Amy.

Amy?

Amy...

Oh, we got-- we got a go
for Amy?

Hello?
We got Allan here and also Josh, Guy, Ali and Berk.

Is she on here?
Do we have Amy?

Amy?
Why am I on the phone if we don't have Amy?

What's up, guys?

Oh!

Schumer! Gold!
Every time with you!

Hey, how was
Toronto, girl?

I wasn't in Toronto.

Cool, cool.

Look, we got some
exciting stuff, Amy,

some exciting stuff, Am-ers.
So exciting.

We got you
a killer offer.

Maybe you heard of
a little show called...

"Game of Thrones"!

Shut up!

"Game of Thrones"?

Oh, my God, I'm gonna be on
"Game of Thrones"?

Oh, my God, this is so crazy.

I love that show.

Oh, my God,
am I...

Am I Khaleesi?

Sure, no,
but you're in.

No audition needed.

It's a recurring role.

Yeah, we're talkin' name,
opening creds.

You play this sorceress
who's like a bad-ass warrior.

So fierce.

Blah!

I'm in, I'm so in.

Oh, my God.

Well, so,
what's my character arc?

Allan out.
We out.

Ooh!

Get me more peanuts

And more vodka

Hey, Amy.
Hi.

Welcome to G.O.T.

Thank you.

I can't believe
I'm here.

It's gonna be great.
Thank you.

Listen, the first shot
is pretty straightforward.

Right.

You start your speech here.
Okay.

You'll go over to this rock,

about halfway through your
speech, we'll bring the horse in

and then you pop up
on the horse

and we'll finish the speech
on horseback, okay?

Wait, I'm so sorry.

Did you say you're adding
a horse beat or...

Did I catch that or...?

Oh, no, no, we didn't
add anything,

it's always been
in the script.

Did you not, did you not
read the script?

Um, yeah,
oh, of course.

Not, you know, not word for
word, but I read my stuff.

Right.
Isn't this like an improvy type of a set?

Like kind of a
"Curb Your Enthusiasm"?

Well, no, it's,
it's based on a novel,

so it's very much
scripted.

Okay, cool.

Um, I'm not gonna get on
the horse, though.

Uh, 'cause they're
tall monsters and...

and so that's not gonna
happen but...

Okay, well, it says on your
resume you ride horses.

It also says
I weigh 110 pounds

and like giving
blowjobs.

It's, it's lies,
it's a resume, so, just...

Um, okay, we got to do
something, Amy.

It's too late for a rewrite,
so just do your best.

Thank you.

All right, let's go,
guys, back to one.

Okay, rolling.

Action!

I am Queen Labia
of House Majora.

And Winter
is still coming.

There are precious
few remaining

who are brave enough
to defend the realm.

Come, ride with me.

No, (bleep) that.

No, not happening.

Okay, hold, hold!

Keep rolling.

Amy.

Nope.

Why don't you get
on the horse?

Sorry, I can't, I,
I feel like my character

would just remain firmly
planted on the ground,

just grounded, you know?

But you do say,
"Come ride with me."

Yeah, but that's just
like an expression

that people don't
even say anymore.

I just, like...
it's...

disgusting.

It's, it's
a hair dinosaur.

They sleep standing up.

Did you know that?

Like a vampire.

Well, we're going again,
all right?

Ed's going to help you when
you need that time to lift up,

all right?

All right, come on, guys.

We're gonna pick it up right
before you get on the horse,

come on.

And action!

Come ride with me!

Ugh, I'm gonna die,
I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die.

Okay.

If you follow me,
your spirit...

Amy, the mic's not
gonna pick that up.

You need to speak up.

You're making a speech,
Amy, a speech, okay?

Your bravery and your spirit
will be sung about

for years to come.

Oh, my God, he just
put a spell on me.

Did anyone just see that?

Great!

The horse didn't put
a spell on you, Amy.

It can't see you.

Then why did he
piss myself?

Oh, boy, listen, we are
losing the light,

so can we continue?

Volume up, let's go,
we are still rolling.

Bravery...

that will allow you to say
to our enemies, "No more!"

I can't.

No more.

Ooh!

We...

We are not afraid.

Oh, my God.

Say your lines confidently.

If the horse senses any fear,
he's going to throw you off

and trample you
to death, okay?

As long as you're not
on your period...

I am.

...and you've only had sex
with guys you're in love with,

you'll be fine.

What?
Action.

We will ride like the wind

into the night

which will bring forth
a thousand suns.

I can't, I can't,
I can't, I'm sorry.

Help, help, help,
help, help!

Cut.

Just... cut.

I'm sorry, I am scared
shitless of this horse

and I can't do it.

So I have to just decline
this role, respectfully,

thank you.

If there's another role, I would
be very interested in that,

but there's just some lines
as an actress you can't cross.

The only other role is a,
a miller's daughter

who is sexually disfigured
by her brother in a bathtub

while the villagers
point and laugh.

It requires full frontal
nudity and partial

internal nudity.

And also full penetration.

Who's playing the role
of the brother?

Coincidentally,
it's your actual brother.

I'll do it.

All right, resetting for
the bathtub scene!

I'm going to be on
"Game of Thrones"!

Thank you for helping plan
my brother's funeral.

How did he pass?

It was a car crash.

Let's plan his funeral.

Nonsense.

Why didn't he just
unbuckle the seatbelt

then roll out of the car
moments before impact?

Hi, I'm Don Cheadle,

and at my funeral parlor,
I Don't Bury Cowards.

But don't take my
truthful words for it.

Just watch how much these actual
customers, who are not actors,

love I Don't Bury
Cowards Funeral Parlor.

I just can't
believe he's gone.

How did he,
uh... pass?

He was on a boat, uh,
that capsized.

He drowned.
What?

He drowned.

Why did he die?

Why didn't he just fashion
a makeshift floatation device

with his pants?

A what with his what?

He death was
avoidable.

I don't bury cowards.

Get out.

If I deem your death valid,

I will consent to burying you,
or your loved one.

If not,
you can get out.

It was an armed robbery
and, uh...

Michael, he--

Took the gun out of
the assailant's hand,

swiftly and expertly
removed the firing pin,

and pistol whipped
the would-be gunman

and dropped his hogtied
and unconscious body

off at the nearest precinct
with a note that said,

"You're welcome."

No, he... was shot
and killed.

Get out.

Get out.

Died in a fire.

No, no, no--
it was not a fire.

It was--
I wish it was a fire.

It was so much worse.

It was a bear...

Shark, cancer...

Mur... mur...

Suici...

The Russians...

The Russians?

Yeah, oh, God.

Really?

The Russians got him.

Then why is he burnt
to a cowardly crisp?

I'll just...

get out.
Get out.

I'll get out.

So, come on down to

I Don't Bury Cowards
Funeral Parlor,

but only if your deceased
loved one wasn't a coward.

So, Brina, you're an
advocate for gun safety.

Yeah.

Let's talk about it.

I'm the Chief Strategy Officer
at Everytown For Gun Safety.

We're the nation's largest
gun violence prevention

advocacy organization.

Can you explain to me as if
I'm a nine-year-old...

Mm-hmm.

...what Everytown does.

Everytown is helping create
this really exciting movement

of Americans who are
joining together to help

save lives in this
country from

really sad and scary
gun violence.

What are the biggest
misconceptions

that people have
about what you do?

That we're trying to take
all your guns away.

Yeah, why would anyone think
that you're just trying

to take their guns away?

You know, I think there were
different points in history

where there
were conversations

about banning certain
types of guns.

What we're really just trying
to do is improve public safety.

So, we're not talking about
law abiding citizens'

access to guns and go
hunting and shooting

and protect their
families, right?

We're talking about
terrorists and rapists.

How can you not get
burned out and just go,

"(Bleep) it.

"Everyone's insane.

They don't want
to save lives"?

Actually, my colleagues
and I are so inspired

by our work because I've been
in conversations like this

all over the country with
people who you would not think

would be with us, um...

Like who?
...from Maine to Montana.

Sheriffs and hunters and
conservative elected officials.

Yeah.
But we're able to find common ground

because we can all agree that
we should just be doing more

to keep guns away from
dangerous people,

so that part's
really inspiring.

So I'm a guy at a bar...
Mm-hmm.

...and I'm (bleep) so hot,
and I'm gonna give you my card

and it says,
"I'm an NRA member."

What do you-- like, what does
that do to you and your vagina?

What's kind of amazing
is that most NRA members

are completely
reasonable Americans

like the rest of Americans
who overwhelmingly agree

with the policies
that we're pushing.

Okay.
But the leadership is crazytown.

Is crazy bad shit.

Totally crazy.
Nuts.

There's this great myth

that they are untouchable
and unbeatable,

but the fact of the matter is,
they're way too extremist

for the American public.

Give me-- what is the most
disturbing statistic?

I think it's that Americans
are 25 times more likely

to be murdered with
guns than people

in other
developed nations.

Not developing,
not third world, like...

Yeah, similar economies,
similar lifestyles.

They watch the same
Hollywood movies,

they also struggle with mental
illness but we've got...

Do you think they liked
"Trainwreck"?

Probably, yeah.

Um, so, a lot of people
don't know that

gun violence really is
heavily a woman's problem.

Mm-hmm.
Can you talk about that a little bit?

American women are 11 times more
likely to be murdered with guns

than women in other
countries.

Um, I mean, the majority
of mass shootings

are actually incidents
of family or domestic violence

where an abuser gets a gun
and kills his family

or his ex
and her friends.

So, what American women
are really at risk of

is being shot
to death and so...

By their spouse.
Right, or...

Or boyfriends.
...boyfriends.

Ex-boyfriends.
Or like, a casual hookup.

Yeah.

Do you want to
say anything?

You guys should go to
Everytown.org,

you can sign up
to join our email list

and learn how to get involved
in your community,

and you need to vote.

It's an election year,
it's really important

that more Americans
get out there and vote

for candidates who are gonna
stand up for this issue

and fight to end
gun violence.

Right, 'cause it's like...

Don't wait 'til it happens
to you or your kid.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

You know.
Mm-hmm.

You guys are not looking
to take away everybody's guns,

you're just trying to keep guns
away from dangerous people.

Exactly.

So, guns.

Yeah.

What do you think?

I, I wear one.

Do you think people
should be able to get a gun

if they're severely
mentally ill?

No.
Absolutely not.

Well, then are you willing
to turn in your gun?

No, I'm, I'm
a responsible person.

Who do you think should not
be allowed to get a gun?

Anybody?

No, there are rules and
regulations in this country...

Right.
...and they should be followed.

Do you think a good solution
is to give everybody guns?

No.

What do you think
a good solution is?

I'll get back to you.

Why didn't you get on the horse?

Because I feel like
my character...

Sorry, you just
made me laugh.

28 second wave, yeah.

28 second wave.

Oh, yeah.

We got that
on camera, guys.

Thank you,
cut and roll.

So easy!

Mmm, magic.

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