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1
00:00:00,540 --> 00:00:02,189
Mm-mm, no, I understand.
2
00:00:02,325 --> 00:00:05,159
No, I'm resending the whole
packet in a ZIP file.
3
00:00:05,244 --> 00:00:06,360
Hello?
4
00:00:06,495 --> 00:00:08,946
Oh-- okay.
5
00:00:09,031 --> 00:00:11,198
I am so overwhelmed by my job.
6
00:00:11,284 --> 00:00:13,250
(high heeled footsteps
approaching)
7
00:00:16,923 --> 00:00:19,707
(80's music playing)
8
00:00:19,842 --> 00:00:23,043
Sounds like someone
needs the 80's ladies.
9
00:00:23,179 --> 00:00:26,130
They're 80's ladies
walking with purpose
10
00:00:26,215 --> 00:00:27,882
They're sexy
and professional
11
00:00:27,967 --> 00:00:29,266
80's ladies
12
00:00:29,385 --> 00:00:32,136
They work in an office
and date Michael Douglas
13
00:00:32,221 --> 00:00:33,971
Can women really
have it all?
14
00:00:34,056 --> 00:00:35,055
80's ladies
15
00:00:35,191 --> 00:00:36,690
Feathered hair and leaving
16
00:00:36,776 --> 00:00:39,560
Your baby with
three strange men
17
00:00:39,695 --> 00:00:41,896
80's ladies!
18
00:00:45,518 --> 00:00:47,234
No wonder you aren't
getting any work done.
19
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:51,322
You don't have a proper phone.
Here, try this.
20
00:00:51,407 --> 00:00:54,792
You can use it while you're
sitting here at the desk, or...
21
00:00:56,329 --> 00:00:57,745
walk over to the window.
22
00:00:57,880 --> 00:00:59,246
Better, right?
23
00:00:59,332 --> 00:01:00,915
Want a smoke?
You'll feel better.
24
00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:03,417
Oh, no th...
Yeah, why not?
25
00:01:03,502 --> 00:01:05,052
Here's the number
for my analyst.
26
00:01:05,137 --> 00:01:06,470
He's very good.
27
00:01:06,589 --> 00:01:08,138
And a total stud, too.
28
00:01:08,257 --> 00:01:09,423
(women laugh)
29
00:01:09,558 --> 00:01:11,258
Thanks, 80's ladies!
30
00:01:11,344 --> 00:01:13,628
Oh, there's no area code.
31
00:01:14,313 --> 00:01:16,347
Screw it.
(all laugh)
32
00:01:16,432 --> 00:01:17,932
My diaphragm itches.
33
00:01:18,067 --> 00:01:21,235
They're 80's ladies
walking with purpose
34
00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:24,271
They only ever
wear lingerie
35
00:01:24,407 --> 00:01:26,106
Even when they're home alone
36
00:01:26,192 --> 00:01:29,493
Sigourney Weaver!
37
00:01:29,612 --> 00:01:31,695
38
00:01:33,119 --> 00:01:39,119
Sync & corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
39
00:01:41,340 --> 00:01:43,791
(Bill Nye)
The universe: for centuries,
40
00:01:43,926 --> 00:01:46,093
humankind has strived
to understand
41
00:01:46,178 --> 00:01:50,514
this vast expanse of
energy, gas, and dust.
42
00:01:50,633 --> 00:01:53,801
In recent years, a stunning
breakthrough has been made
43
00:01:53,936 --> 00:01:57,588
in our concept of
what the universe is for.
44
00:02:00,893 --> 00:02:03,227
So, I was texting
while I was driving,
45
00:02:03,312 --> 00:02:05,362
and I ended up taking
a wrong turn
46
00:02:05,481 --> 00:02:08,232
that took me directly
past a vitamin shop.
47
00:02:08,317 --> 00:02:11,568
And I was just, like,
this is totally the universe
48
00:02:11,654 --> 00:02:13,570
telling me I should be
taking calcium.
49
00:02:13,656 --> 00:02:15,823
- Oh, my God.
- Right?
50
00:02:15,958 --> 00:02:17,491
Universe.
51
00:02:19,912 --> 00:02:21,662
Scientists once believed
the universe
52
00:02:21,797 --> 00:02:24,415
was a chaotic
collection of matter.
53
00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:27,918
We now know the universe
is essentially a force
54
00:02:28,004 --> 00:02:31,989
sending cosmic guidance
to white women in their 20s.
55
00:02:33,809 --> 00:02:35,309
So, you know how I've been
(bleep) my married boss
56
00:02:35,394 --> 00:02:36,727
- for, like, six months?
- Uh-huh.
57
00:02:36,846 --> 00:02:38,486
Well, I was starting
to get really worried
58
00:02:38,514 --> 00:02:40,014
he was never gonna
leave his wife.
59
00:02:40,099 --> 00:02:41,932
But then, yesterday in yoga,
60
00:02:42,018 --> 00:02:43,851
the girl in front of me
was wearing a shirt
61
00:02:43,936 --> 00:02:45,686
that just said, "Chill".
62
00:02:45,821 --> 00:02:48,022
And I was just, like,
this is so the universe
63
00:02:48,157 --> 00:02:50,908
telling me, "Girl, just, like,
keep (bleep) your married boss."
64
00:02:51,027 --> 00:02:52,443
(laughs)
Right?
65
00:02:52,528 --> 00:02:56,113
Try to imagine the universe
as a giant dream board
66
00:02:56,198 --> 00:02:59,333
on which women
pin their wishes.
67
00:02:59,418 --> 00:03:01,285
- I have been looking everywhere...
- Mmm.
68
00:03:01,370 --> 00:03:02,453
- For an apricot puggle...
- Mmm.
69
00:03:02,538 --> 00:03:04,588
And they're, like,
almost impossible to find.
70
00:03:04,707 --> 00:03:07,565
I just decided I'm gonna just
put it out into the universe,
71
00:03:07,590 --> 00:03:10,677
and if it was meant to be,
it will manifest itself, you know?
72
00:03:10,763 --> 00:03:14,681
The universe is totally gonna
bring you an apricot puggle.
73
00:03:14,767 --> 00:03:17,684
Like, last year when I left my
job to start a mitten company,
74
00:03:17,770 --> 00:03:19,720
I put my dream out
into the universe
75
00:03:19,805 --> 00:03:21,472
by making a mitten
Pinterest page.
76
00:03:21,557 --> 00:03:23,891
I am dying to buy
mittens from you.
77
00:03:23,976 --> 00:03:25,392
Yeah, so I haven't
starting making 'em yet,
78
00:03:25,478 --> 00:03:29,396
but I would love to stay with
you until things pick up.
79
00:03:29,482 --> 00:03:31,231
The universe...
80
00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:34,818
I'm-- I'm not think--
Doesn't...
81
00:03:34,904 --> 00:03:36,403
How hard could it be
to make just one mitten?
82
00:03:36,539 --> 00:03:38,288
They don't even have fingers.
83
00:03:40,076 --> 00:03:42,126
Did you know that in
our galaxy alone
84
00:03:42,244 --> 00:03:46,163
there are over 500 million planets
capable of supporting life?
85
00:03:46,248 --> 00:03:48,549
And that sometimes the
universe creates
86
00:03:48,634 --> 00:03:51,802
a coincidence just so a
publicist at Aeropostale
87
00:03:51,921 --> 00:03:53,337
will have a realization?
88
00:03:53,422 --> 00:03:57,007
So, I was, like, totally trying to
watch this episode of "New Girl",
89
00:03:57,093 --> 00:04:00,844
but it was preempted by this news
coverage of this terrible cyclone.
90
00:04:00,930 --> 00:04:03,730
Like, everybody died,
it was so annoying.
91
00:04:03,816 --> 00:04:06,567
Then I just thought, like,
this is the universe's way
92
00:04:06,652 --> 00:04:09,653
of telling me "You watch
'New Girl' on Hulu anyway."
93
00:04:09,772 --> 00:04:13,073
Don't pay for cable, save your
money for in-app purchases.
94
00:04:13,159 --> 00:04:14,775
That just makes no (bleep) sense.
95
00:04:14,860 --> 00:04:16,160
I mean, that's just bullshit.
96
00:04:16,278 --> 00:04:17,694
(bleep).
97
00:04:17,780 --> 00:04:20,080
Oh, my.
My, my, my.
98
00:04:20,166 --> 00:04:21,949
99
00:04:24,737 --> 00:04:26,453
Okay, I know I've said
a lot of horrible things,
100
00:04:26,539 --> 00:04:27,788
but I am a very good person.
101
00:04:27,873 --> 00:04:30,757
I, uh, I just adopted
a rescue pug.
102
00:04:30,843 --> 00:04:32,209
Which-- that's sweet, right?
103
00:04:32,294 --> 00:04:33,877
(applause)
Thank you.
104
00:04:33,963 --> 00:04:36,547
Oh, wait, no, I'm sorry.
I bought a pair of Uggs.
105
00:04:36,632 --> 00:04:39,633
I'm sorry, what did I say?
106
00:04:39,718 --> 00:04:41,468
I knew I was at a store
and I was like,
107
00:04:41,554 --> 00:04:43,234
"You're coming home with me",
but it was...
108
00:04:43,305 --> 00:04:45,355
It was shoes.
109
00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:50,027
(man over P.A.) Yeah, that's
how you do it, folks.
110
00:04:50,146 --> 00:04:53,947
That's how you do it here
at Johnny Utah's, all right!
111
00:04:54,033 --> 00:04:55,699
You two are wearing
color contacts, right?
112
00:04:55,818 --> 00:04:56,733
- No.
- No.
113
00:04:56,819 --> 00:04:57,818
No, why?
114
00:04:57,903 --> 00:04:59,069
Then God is a dick!
115
00:04:59,155 --> 00:05:01,071
- Why would God-- why?
- Why?
116
00:05:01,157 --> 00:05:03,373
Because when he made
your guys' eyes so beautiful,
117
00:05:03,492 --> 00:05:06,827
he was basically saying "F you"
to every other girl in the world.
118
00:05:06,962 --> 00:05:08,545
(women giggle)
Yeah.
119
00:05:08,664 --> 00:05:09,830
So, you guys
gonna ride the bull?
120
00:05:09,915 --> 00:05:11,165
- No.
- Definitely.
121
00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:13,967
Awesome!
Lame.
122
00:05:14,053 --> 00:05:15,636
Hey, Kev, what's up, bro?
123
00:05:15,721 --> 00:05:17,337
Why would anyone ride the bull?
124
00:05:17,423 --> 00:05:19,423
So people can see what you
look like when you (bleep).
125
00:05:19,508 --> 00:05:20,924
That's the point.
126
00:05:21,010 --> 00:05:23,978
My cousin got married from that.
Hold this.
127
00:05:24,313 --> 00:05:26,730
- Whoo, she's going for it.
- Yeah, she's gonna...
128
00:05:26,849 --> 00:05:27,848
(man over P.A.)
Uh-oh, looks like we got
129
00:05:27,933 --> 00:05:30,434
ourselves another
cowgirl, boys.
130
00:05:30,519 --> 00:05:33,604
Let her hear it.
Oh, nice mount!
131
00:05:33,689 --> 00:05:34,688
Mmm!
132
00:05:36,158 --> 00:05:39,076
(giggling)
133
00:05:39,195 --> 00:05:40,861
(man over P.A.)
Ooh, ay Chihuahua!
134
00:05:40,946 --> 00:05:43,664
I wouldn't mind coming back
as that saddle.
135
00:05:43,749 --> 00:05:44,998
Eh, boys?
136
00:05:45,084 --> 00:05:47,834
About ready to order
myself a t-bone.
137
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,169
(laughs)
138
00:05:49,255 --> 00:05:51,538
(woman moaning)
Yeah! Oh, yeah!
139
00:05:51,624 --> 00:05:52,756
(moaning)
140
00:05:52,875 --> 00:05:53,874
(man over P.A.)
Let her hear it, boys!
141
00:05:53,959 --> 00:05:55,425
Let her hear it!
142
00:05:55,544 --> 00:05:58,011
Not bad, little lady, not bad.
143
00:05:58,097 --> 00:05:59,546
Can I be honest?
I legitimately
144
00:05:59,632 --> 00:06:00,847
got a boner watching you.
145
00:06:00,933 --> 00:06:01,965
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
146
00:06:02,051 --> 00:06:04,635
Me too. I'm gonna ride
that bull's dick off.
147
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,353
- All right!
- Go girl, yeah!
148
00:06:06,438 --> 00:06:07,387
That's the spirit!
149
00:06:07,473 --> 00:06:09,723
Hey, two cowgirls in a row!
150
00:06:09,808 --> 00:06:13,944
Looks like we got ourselves a
taco party filled with clam meat!
151
00:06:14,063 --> 00:06:15,946
And she's off!
152
00:06:16,065 --> 00:06:17,981
(crowd whistling, cheering)
153
00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:19,483
Here she goes, yeah.
154
00:06:21,203 --> 00:06:23,704
(man over P.A.) Not quite as
gracefully on this one, boys.
155
00:06:23,789 --> 00:06:25,322
(bull clanking)
156
00:06:25,407 --> 00:06:27,374
That was--
That was embarrassing.
157
00:06:27,459 --> 00:06:28,659
(grunts)
(man over P.A.) Oh!
158
00:06:28,744 --> 00:06:30,711
Okay, okay.
(retches)
159
00:06:30,796 --> 00:06:32,079
Oh, God.
160
00:06:32,214 --> 00:06:33,997
(man over P.A.)
Round and round she goes!
161
00:06:34,083 --> 00:06:35,332
(rider shouts)
Sir...
162
00:06:35,417 --> 00:06:37,251
That, uh... whoa.
163
00:06:37,386 --> 00:06:39,836
Sir... sir.
164
00:06:39,922 --> 00:06:42,306
Oh! "None for me",
says the bull.
165
00:06:42,424 --> 00:06:44,057
Was that hot?
166
00:06:44,143 --> 00:06:45,842
(man over P.A.)
That's a hard pass.
167
00:06:45,928 --> 00:06:46,843
- Amy?
- Am I hot?
168
00:06:46,929 --> 00:06:48,345
I can't-- can't
gauge the crowd.
169
00:06:48,430 --> 00:06:49,846
I can't get a feel
for the room.
170
00:06:49,932 --> 00:06:52,099
You have 20 seconds left on
your turn. Make it count.
171
00:06:52,234 --> 00:06:53,317
- But it's hot, right?
- Yeah, so hot.
172
00:06:53,435 --> 00:06:55,018
- Everybody wants to (bleep) me?
- Yeah, everybody.
173
00:06:55,104 --> 00:06:56,019
- You're beautiful.
- It's hot?
174
00:06:56,105 --> 00:06:57,738
Do it!
Come on, girl, get it!
175
00:06:57,823 --> 00:07:00,107
I got this.
I got this.
176
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:02,943
(man over P.A.)
Having a little trouble.
177
00:07:04,947 --> 00:07:06,863
There we-- oh!
178
00:07:06,949 --> 00:07:08,415
There we go, yup!
179
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:11,501
All right, here we go, boys, she's
taking her for another run!
180
00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:12,580
(whistling and applause)
181
00:07:12,621 --> 00:07:13,787
I got this.
182
00:07:14,790 --> 00:07:15,756
Ohh.
183
00:07:15,841 --> 00:07:18,792
184
00:07:21,513 --> 00:07:22,596
(bull clanking)
185
00:07:22,681 --> 00:07:24,348
Is this the same as
when my friend did it?
186
00:07:24,466 --> 00:07:25,706
(man over P.A.)
Always the same!
187
00:07:25,768 --> 00:07:27,884
Ahh!
I got this.
188
00:07:27,970 --> 00:07:29,219
Whoo!
189
00:07:29,305 --> 00:07:31,555
(loud smack) Ah!
(crowd gasps)
190
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,940
Whoo!
191
00:07:34,026 --> 00:07:35,942
I got it now, girl.
192
00:07:36,028 --> 00:07:37,978
193
00:07:46,125 --> 00:07:49,193
194
00:07:50,122 --> 00:07:53,507
I know, I know it's been a month,
but I'm just not over him yet.
195
00:07:53,592 --> 00:07:55,092
I'm so bummed.
196
00:07:55,177 --> 00:07:57,594
(high heels approaching)
Hold on, Kate.
197
00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,563
I'm hearing a weird noise.
198
00:07:59,648 --> 00:08:02,933
(80's music playing)
199
00:08:03,018 --> 00:08:04,685
Hey, Laura,
sorry to hear about Mark.
200
00:08:04,770 --> 00:08:05,769
What a schmuck.
201
00:08:05,854 --> 00:08:06,987
We've got just the thing.
202
00:08:08,107 --> 00:08:10,273
- Here.
- What's this for?
203
00:08:10,359 --> 00:08:11,775
It's your microphone, silly.
204
00:08:11,860 --> 00:08:14,010
And we're gonna need
to get you some bangs!
205
00:08:16,782 --> 00:08:20,200
Something 'bout you just
feels too good to be true
206
00:08:20,285 --> 00:08:23,203
(To be troo-ooh-ooh)
207
00:08:23,288 --> 00:08:27,124
It seems that you are
perfect for me
208
00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:29,710
But there's some other guy
209
00:08:29,795 --> 00:08:32,629
That's got my heart on hold
210
00:08:32,765 --> 00:08:34,725
(women sing along)
There's something 'bout you
211
00:08:34,767 --> 00:08:36,600
I don't know why,
but I feel so much better.
212
00:08:36,685 --> 00:08:38,385
Thanks, 80's ladies!
213
00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:41,972
(laughter)
214
00:08:42,057 --> 00:08:44,641
Mmm! Mmm!
215
00:08:44,777 --> 00:08:47,144
216
00:08:47,279 --> 00:08:49,980
They're 80's ladies
walking with purpose
217
00:08:50,065 --> 00:08:52,983
They shave their legs
not their bush
218
00:08:53,118 --> 00:08:55,652
-
And they run for Congress
- (laughing) Oh, God.
219
00:08:55,738 --> 00:08:58,205
(laughing)
80's ladies!
220
00:09:01,243 --> 00:09:07,831
I believe it was my mentor,
the great Bill Cosby, who said...
221
00:09:07,966 --> 00:09:09,299
"Drink this."
222
00:09:09,385 --> 00:09:12,886
Now... it really lets you know
where you stand with people.
223
00:09:13,005 --> 00:09:14,554
If someone's like,
well, I don't know.
224
00:09:14,673 --> 00:09:15,839
It's like, oh, okay, just--
225
00:09:15,924 --> 00:09:18,475
I'm going to take you
out of my phone, that's insane.
226
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,177
But the statute of limitations
is pretty much--
227
00:09:20,312 --> 00:09:21,678
It's go-- it's over.
228
00:09:21,814 --> 00:09:24,848
Like, there's not-- but I'm like,
if he gets to 50 women,
229
00:09:24,933 --> 00:09:26,900
can he just, like,
do community service?
230
00:09:27,019 --> 00:09:30,854
Just-- just once have to put on
a vest and pick up litter.
231
00:09:35,894 --> 00:09:37,527
(woman)
In conclusion...
232
00:09:37,663 --> 00:09:41,198
the evidence clearly
points to guilt.
233
00:09:41,283 --> 00:09:43,200
The prosecution rests.
234
00:09:47,206 --> 00:09:50,123
(TV sitcom theme music playing)
235
00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:04,187
Whoo!
(music stops)
236
00:10:04,273 --> 00:10:07,224
That was already fun,
wasn't it? Right?
237
00:10:07,309 --> 00:10:09,776
Did everybody feel
happy just now?
238
00:10:09,895 --> 00:10:11,611
You remember?
239
00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:13,814
I know I did.
240
00:10:13,899 --> 00:10:16,283
We've heard an awful lot
from the prosecution
241
00:10:16,401 --> 00:10:17,901
over the last few weeks,
242
00:10:18,036 --> 00:10:22,956
about stuff that may
or may not have happened.
243
00:10:23,075 --> 00:10:25,792
(scoffs)
All these women.
244
00:10:25,911 --> 00:10:29,663
Same story.
Same facts.
245
00:10:29,748 --> 00:10:32,048
(chuckles)
Repetitive.
246
00:10:32,134 --> 00:10:34,551
And how'd that feel
to listen to?
247
00:10:34,636 --> 00:10:36,753
Bleh, right?
248
00:10:36,839 --> 00:10:40,090
But how do you feel
when I play this?
249
00:10:42,928 --> 00:10:44,968
("Dr. Huxtable") Theo,
did you get your ear pierced?
250
00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:46,096
- ("Theo") Uh, nope.
- So, I guess
251
00:10:46,181 --> 00:10:48,598
you're just doing an amazing
impression of Swiss cheese?
252
00:10:48,684 --> 00:10:50,100
(laughter)
253
00:10:52,905 --> 00:10:56,022
Did anyone feel raped by that?
254
00:10:56,108 --> 00:10:57,240
How 'bout drugged?
255
00:10:57,326 --> 00:10:59,109
No?
Me neither.
256
00:10:59,194 --> 00:11:02,746
I felt comforted by a
familiar father figure.
257
00:11:02,831 --> 00:11:04,831
Nostalgia.
258
00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:08,451
Happiness.
Laughter. Not guilty!
259
00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,253
Let's break this
down logically.
260
00:11:10,339 --> 00:11:13,507
I am a good person.
I like this good show.
261
00:11:13,625 --> 00:11:16,176
Like, last time I checked,
good plus good
262
00:11:16,295 --> 00:11:17,761
did not equal guilty.
263
00:11:17,846 --> 00:11:19,963
Objection, what did
she even check?
264
00:11:20,048 --> 00:11:21,848
I just checked!
265
00:11:21,967 --> 00:11:24,851
Defense is talking about
a TV show she likes.
266
00:11:24,970 --> 00:11:28,271
I'm talking about a
beloved show that we love.
267
00:11:28,357 --> 00:11:30,140
Overruled.
268
00:11:30,225 --> 00:11:33,143
I mean, I'm basically talking
about Dr. Huxtable, right?
269
00:11:33,278 --> 00:11:34,194
We are not!
270
00:11:34,313 --> 00:11:35,562
I said "basically".
271
00:11:35,647 --> 00:11:36,813
Overruled.
272
00:11:36,949 --> 00:11:38,315
(scoffs)
273
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:42,786
Seems like we're gonna be here a
while with all these objections.
274
00:11:42,871 --> 00:11:45,038
Would anybody like...
275
00:11:45,157 --> 00:11:46,206
a pudding pop?
276
00:11:46,325 --> 00:11:47,407
(jurors gasp)
Oh, wow.
277
00:11:47,492 --> 00:11:50,377
Would you look at that?
It's unanimous.
278
00:11:50,495 --> 00:11:53,663
How could the face of such a yummy
treat even do anything bad?
279
00:11:53,799 --> 00:11:55,582
I mean, how would
that even work?
280
00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:57,000
Objection!
281
00:11:57,085 --> 00:11:59,085
Overruled.
282
00:11:59,171 --> 00:12:02,172
(sighs)
Delicious treat, right?
283
00:12:02,307 --> 00:12:03,256
Cold though.
284
00:12:03,342 --> 00:12:05,759
Look under your seats.
285
00:12:05,844 --> 00:12:08,762
What a fun snack.
What a fun sweater.
286
00:12:08,847 --> 00:12:10,597
Ladies and gentlemen,
at this point,
287
00:12:10,682 --> 00:12:13,350
Bill Cosby probably can't
get in any legal trouble.
288
00:12:13,485 --> 00:12:14,985
That's not what this is about.
289
00:12:15,070 --> 00:12:21,441
This is about us not punishing
ourselves for loving great comedy.
290
00:12:21,526 --> 00:12:25,245
This is a court of
public opinion, right?
291
00:12:25,364 --> 00:12:27,364
Let's remind ourselves
what's at stake here.
292
00:12:27,499 --> 00:12:30,333
If convicted, the next time
you put on a rerun
293
00:12:30,419 --> 00:12:33,920
of "The Cosby Show",
you may wince a little.
294
00:12:34,039 --> 00:12:36,256
You might feel a little pang.
295
00:12:36,375 --> 00:12:38,041
And none of us deserve that.
296
00:12:38,176 --> 00:12:39,709
We don't deserve
to feel that pang.
297
00:12:39,795 --> 00:12:43,430
We deserve to dance like
no one's watching.
298
00:12:43,548 --> 00:12:48,318
And watch like
no one's raping.
299
00:12:50,722 --> 00:12:53,023
The defense rests.
300
00:12:53,358 --> 00:12:55,642
(Judge) All right, I think,
um, before we adjourn--
301
00:12:55,727 --> 00:12:58,528
Uh, excuse me, I got
a delivery for the jury.
302
00:12:58,614 --> 00:13:00,196
- Oh!
- It's from a B. Cosby.
303
00:13:00,282 --> 00:13:02,399
You can put it right here.
Nobody minds.
304
00:13:02,534 --> 00:13:06,069
Oh, my God.
It's chocolate cake.
305
00:13:06,204 --> 00:13:08,238
Huh, do we all feel like
going a little nuts right now?
306
00:13:08,323 --> 00:13:09,906
I know I do.
307
00:13:09,992 --> 00:13:13,710
(singing)
Cos is great
give us chocolate cake, oh!
308
00:13:13,795 --> 00:13:15,962
(jurors sing along)
Cos is great
309
00:13:16,081 --> 00:13:18,248
We want chocolate cake
310
00:13:18,383 --> 00:13:22,419
Cos is great
give us some chocolate cake
311
00:13:22,504 --> 00:13:24,754
Cos is great...
312
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,925
Miss Schumer, Cosby wanted to
thank you for defending him.
313
00:13:42,358 --> 00:13:44,124
(woman) How long are you
gonna be back here?
314
00:13:44,210 --> 00:13:46,611
I don't know, a month or two?
315
00:13:46,996 --> 00:13:49,997
Oh, my God, if you
told me at 33
316
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:53,667
I'd be divorced six times
after seven abortions,
317
00:13:53,803 --> 00:13:55,636
living back with my mom?
318
00:13:55,722 --> 00:13:57,671
(sobbing)
319
00:13:58,841 --> 00:14:01,175
Seven seems like a lot.
320
00:14:01,260 --> 00:14:03,010
Yeah, they really
sneak up on you.
321
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:04,762
They're like Pringles.
322
00:14:04,847 --> 00:14:06,514
Why can't I meet
the right guy?
323
00:14:06,599 --> 00:14:07,848
Because they're not out there.
324
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:10,818
I just want a nice guy,
no more sex addicts or narcissists.
325
00:14:10,903 --> 00:14:14,105
It's never a good idea to date
somebody who's just like you.
326
00:14:14,190 --> 00:14:17,358
I just want a smart funny
guy who loves me for me.
327
00:14:17,493 --> 00:14:19,744
A sweet guy who's gentle.
328
00:14:19,862 --> 00:14:21,195
Really strong too, right?
329
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,030
Oh, yeah,
with Herculean strength.
330
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:25,249
But not jacked.
Just cut.
331
00:14:25,368 --> 00:14:26,700
Yeah, cut like poor people.
332
00:14:26,836 --> 00:14:27,952
But, I mean, he has money.
333
00:14:28,037 --> 00:14:29,370
- Mmm.
- He has money.
334
00:14:29,455 --> 00:14:31,756
But he's like self-made,
it's from his own thing.
335
00:14:31,874 --> 00:14:33,124
Do-- get up
for one second.
336
00:14:33,209 --> 00:14:35,376
I wanna make a list
on this strange
337
00:14:35,511 --> 00:14:37,545
80's computer that's been
on all these years.
338
00:14:37,630 --> 00:14:39,013
Just, keep describing.
339
00:14:39,098 --> 00:14:41,048
Okay, uh, like, an artist type?
340
00:14:41,134 --> 00:14:42,266
(thunder cracking,
80's music begins playing)
341
00:14:42,385 --> 00:14:45,970
But not actually an artist.
Like Bono's chiropractor.
342
00:14:46,055 --> 00:14:49,557
In that world,
but not of that world.
343
00:14:49,642 --> 00:14:50,975
Respects my independence,
344
00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:52,893
but doesn't let me
pay for anything.
345
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:53,840
Right, evolved.
346
00:14:53,865 --> 00:14:55,579
But if someone looks at
me even slightly wrong,
347
00:14:55,665 --> 00:14:57,731
he just, like, flies
into a violent rage.
348
00:14:57,817 --> 00:15:00,284
Huge hands like the BFG.
349
00:15:00,403 --> 00:15:02,486
Huge (bleep), no balls.
350
00:15:02,572 --> 00:15:05,956
Yeah, but a good listener.
351
00:15:06,075 --> 00:15:07,958
(both)
Yes, oh, my God!
352
00:15:09,412 --> 00:15:11,045
Huge dick.
353
00:15:11,130 --> 00:15:12,079
I got it.
354
00:15:12,215 --> 00:15:14,915
Well, maybe put it
all in caps.
355
00:15:15,051 --> 00:15:17,468
Why can't I have guy
who'll just listen to my dreams
356
00:15:17,587 --> 00:15:19,053
and (bleep) me like an ex con?
357
00:15:19,138 --> 00:15:20,554
- Rough hands.
- Mmm.
358
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,256
- Strong tongue.
- Pssh.
359
00:15:22,391 --> 00:15:23,591
- Weak eyelids.
- Mmm.
360
00:15:23,676 --> 00:15:26,310
- No family.
- Mmm.
361
00:15:26,429 --> 00:15:27,829
What's so wrong with
wanting someone
362
00:15:27,930 --> 00:15:30,231
who's got a
Pope Francis-like soul
363
00:15:30,316 --> 00:15:33,601
and Hugh Jackman arms
and a dong that causes heartburn?
364
00:15:33,736 --> 00:15:37,422
Heart of gold, horse of (bleep).
What's the big deal here?
365
00:15:37,940 --> 00:15:39,273
He loves his mom.
366
00:15:39,358 --> 00:15:42,409
- But she's dead.
- And he's so over it.
367
00:15:42,495 --> 00:15:44,812
Huge dick.
368
00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:47,198
I wrote "big dick",
do you wanna come see it?
369
00:15:47,283 --> 00:15:49,783
It's just one relationship
after another.
370
00:15:49,869 --> 00:15:52,002
I am so sick of this!
371
00:15:52,121 --> 00:15:55,039
(electricity buzzing,
thunder cracking)
372
00:15:58,344 --> 00:15:59,460
What's going on here?
373
00:16:02,348 --> 00:16:03,380
(girls gasp)
374
00:16:03,466 --> 00:16:04,431
Oh, my God!
375
00:16:04,517 --> 00:16:05,716
- Amy!
- Oh, my God!
376
00:16:05,801 --> 00:16:07,017
- What did you do?!
- I don't know!
377
00:16:07,136 --> 00:16:08,496
I must have hit a
couple wrong keys
378
00:16:08,521 --> 00:16:10,804
and "Weird Scienced" it when
I hacked into the "Pentagom"!
379
00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:12,106
I'm scared!
380
00:16:12,391 --> 00:16:13,474
(girls shriek)
381
00:16:13,559 --> 00:16:15,276
Oh, my God!
382
00:16:15,361 --> 00:16:16,560
I can't believe it.
383
00:16:18,481 --> 00:16:20,481
(man grunting, gasping)
384
00:16:23,402 --> 00:16:25,986
(all)
He's perfect!
385
00:16:26,122 --> 00:16:28,155
Is that a wedding ring?
386
00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:30,491
We can't win!
387
00:16:32,044 --> 00:16:33,994
Great dick though.
388
00:16:36,949 --> 00:16:38,299
Describe your perfect guy.
389
00:16:38,384 --> 00:16:40,417
Stands up for pregnant
women on the subway?
390
00:16:40,503 --> 00:16:42,791
Someone thought I was pregnant
on the subway the other day.
391
00:16:42,805 --> 00:16:44,805
And I, like, sat down confused.
392
00:16:44,891 --> 00:16:46,840
And then I was, like,
oh, my God, maybe I am!
393
00:16:46,926 --> 00:16:48,342
(laughing)
394
00:16:48,427 --> 00:16:51,178
Can you describe
your perfect woman?
395
00:16:51,564 --> 00:16:53,898
Large "titas".
(laughs)
396
00:16:54,016 --> 00:16:57,067
Makes me food any
hour of the day.
397
00:16:57,186 --> 00:16:59,226
And, I don't know, that's it,
that's pretty much it.
398
00:16:59,238 --> 00:17:01,438
Is that also how you
would describe your mom?
399
00:17:01,524 --> 00:17:02,907
Oh!
400
00:17:08,579 --> 00:17:10,779
Excuse me, do you have
this in a medium?
401
00:17:10,865 --> 00:17:11,830
No.
402
00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:12,781
(high heeled footsteps
approaching)
403
00:17:12,917 --> 00:17:16,118
(80's music playing)
404
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,337
Big mistake! Huge!
405
00:17:18,456 --> 00:17:21,457
You can't treat her like that
just 'cause she's a hooker!
406
00:17:21,542 --> 00:17:23,709
Oh, I'm-- I'm actually
not a hooker.
407
00:17:23,794 --> 00:17:25,761
Filthy whores
have feelings too.
408
00:17:25,846 --> 00:17:27,546
Really, I think they just
don't have a medium.
409
00:17:27,632 --> 00:17:29,798
We'll pay for whatever
you want, Tanya.
410
00:17:29,934 --> 00:17:32,384
It's time for you to go on
a little shopping spree.
411
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:34,803
How do you have
Richard Gere's credit card?
412
00:17:34,889 --> 00:17:36,355
He's our boyfriend!
413
00:17:36,474 --> 00:17:38,107
And we stole it!
414
00:17:38,192 --> 00:17:41,110
(80's music playing)
415
00:17:41,195 --> 00:17:44,313
They're 80's ladies
walking with purpose
416
00:17:44,398 --> 00:17:46,982
They think hookers
(80's ladies!)
417
00:17:47,118 --> 00:17:50,319
Should be treated
the same as everyone else
418
00:17:50,454 --> 00:17:53,822
They walk down the street
and run into Seinfeld
419
00:17:53,958 --> 00:17:57,459
They're gonna
steal his credit card
420
00:17:57,545 --> 00:17:59,662
80's ladies
421
00:18:04,218 --> 00:18:07,252
Did you have an 80's crush?
What about Molly Ringwald?
422
00:18:07,338 --> 00:18:09,338
No, I'm not quite old
enough for Molly Ringwald.
423
00:18:09,473 --> 00:18:13,642
Um, I'm 33, and I would (bleep) her
out like it was my (bleep) job.
424
00:18:13,728 --> 00:18:15,561
(bleep), marry, kill:
Steve Guttenberg,
425
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,412
Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, go.
426
00:18:17,498 --> 00:18:18,997
Ted Danson.
427
00:18:19,016 --> 00:18:21,066
No, you have to...
428
00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:22,601
(laughs)
You gotta pick...
429
00:18:22,687 --> 00:18:24,520
(laughs)
430
00:18:24,655 --> 00:18:28,023
You're gonna (bleep), marry,
and then kill Ted Danson?
431
00:18:28,109 --> 00:18:29,842
We're gonna do all
that in one night.
432
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:32,060
Be careful, Ted Danson,
she's coming for you.
433
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,118
- So, Michelle, you are a psychic.
- Yes, I am.
434
00:18:39,203 --> 00:18:40,919
We're shooting in
a bar in Red Hook.
435
00:18:41,038 --> 00:18:43,338
- Yeah.
- Are there dead people here?
436
00:18:43,424 --> 00:18:46,375
Yes, this is an old, old place.
437
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:47,760
Who's here?
438
00:18:47,878 --> 00:18:50,629
Are any of them, like,
checking me out?
439
00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:52,347
(laughs)
440
00:18:52,433 --> 00:18:53,899
Always-- isn't everyone
always checking you out?
441
00:18:53,984 --> 00:18:55,634
I hope so!
442
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,554
Why do people want
this woman on Long Island
443
00:18:58,689 --> 00:19:00,889
to talk to dead people so much?
444
00:19:00,975 --> 00:19:03,192
Death is kind of the great
mystery still, right?
445
00:19:03,277 --> 00:19:04,393
- Mm-hmm.
- And I think that it's something
446
00:19:04,528 --> 00:19:06,228
that touches us all
in a personal way.
447
00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:10,032
So, the work that mediums do
around death and dying
448
00:19:10,117 --> 00:19:11,734
I think is very
healing for people.
449
00:19:11,869 --> 00:19:13,969
What if it's someone that
you don't wanna hear from?
450
00:19:14,054 --> 00:19:16,705
Like, my grandma and I
never really hit it off.
451
00:19:16,791 --> 00:19:19,241
- Mmm.
- Um, narcissist.
452
00:19:19,376 --> 00:19:20,793
- Right.
- I'm talking about myself.
453
00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:22,244
- Oh. (laughs)
- And, uh-- no.
454
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,629
She was, like, the worst.
455
00:19:23,748 --> 00:19:27,082
And so, if she came and
wanted to talk to me,
456
00:19:27,218 --> 00:19:29,051
I'd be like,
"Uh, like, I'm busy".
457
00:19:29,136 --> 00:19:31,336
Do people-- are people
ever getting in touch
458
00:19:31,422 --> 00:19:33,922
where they're like,
"I don't wanna talk to him?"
459
00:19:34,008 --> 00:19:35,474
Yes, actually,
those are the people
460
00:19:35,593 --> 00:19:37,509
that wanna come through
the most.
461
00:19:37,595 --> 00:19:39,678
Because anybody who has
unfinished business,
462
00:19:39,764 --> 00:19:40,779
those are the people
that are like,
463
00:19:40,865 --> 00:19:43,146
"You know, I'm really sorry
about that one time that I..."
464
00:19:43,184 --> 00:19:44,733
- I get people that--
- "Came on your foot."
465
00:19:44,819 --> 00:19:47,236
- Yeah, or-- or like abusers, right?
- Yeah.
466
00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:48,737
Where did the whole
crystal ball thing come from?
467
00:19:48,823 --> 00:19:50,489
- Gypsies-- real gypsies.
- Oh.
468
00:19:50,608 --> 00:19:53,108
And crystal ball, um, is used--
469
00:19:53,194 --> 00:19:54,610
It's a technique
called scrying.
470
00:19:54,745 --> 00:19:57,529
- And it's been used--
- A guy did that to me in college.
471
00:19:57,615 --> 00:19:59,698
- (laughing)
- Still can't walk right.
472
00:19:59,784 --> 00:20:01,416
- Wait, "scrying" it's called?
- It's called scrying, right.
473
00:20:01,502 --> 00:20:03,252
Like, Nostradamus was a scryer.
474
00:20:03,337 --> 00:20:06,955
Do you know, um,
Nastradamus, the rapper?
475
00:20:07,091 --> 00:20:08,874
I-- not personally.
I would like too though.
476
00:20:08,959 --> 00:20:10,676
Me too.
(laughs)
477
00:20:10,795 --> 00:20:12,845
Who is this in "Ghost", okay?
478
00:20:12,963 --> 00:20:14,179
Mm-hmm.
479
00:20:14,298 --> 00:20:17,800
"Leon, do you like it?
It's Autumn Sunrise."
480
00:20:17,885 --> 00:20:19,268
(laughs)
Yes, that woman.
481
00:20:19,353 --> 00:20:21,603
She-- he was like, "Damn, baby,
what'd you do to your hair?"
482
00:20:21,689 --> 00:20:23,722
Yes!
(laughs)
483
00:20:23,808 --> 00:20:26,308
- Best part of "Ghost".
- Best part.
484
00:20:26,443 --> 00:20:29,027
What am I thinking
about right now?
485
00:20:29,146 --> 00:20:30,279
Mmm.
486
00:20:30,364 --> 00:20:33,148
I'm sending it to you.
(laughs)
487
00:20:33,284 --> 00:20:34,650
Do people ever do this
to you at parties?
488
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:37,486
Yes!
(laughs)
489
00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:38,821
Ready?
490
00:20:42,660 --> 00:20:43,659
Your drink that
you haven't touched?
491
00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:44,877
My sandwich I ate for lunch.
492
00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:46,912
Oh, I'm not-- I'm not good
with the telepathy with you.
493
00:20:46,997 --> 00:20:50,582
I drank so much last night that
there's probably nothing to get.
494
00:20:50,668 --> 00:20:54,169
Can you tell me, like,
a thing about myself?
495
00:20:54,305 --> 00:20:56,421
You keep making jokes about,
like, your love life.
496
00:20:56,507 --> 00:20:58,173
I feel like you
have to be patient.
497
00:20:58,259 --> 00:21:01,243
Sometimes we end up getting
things that we deserve
498
00:21:01,345 --> 00:21:02,678
when we wait and
hold out, right?
499
00:21:02,763 --> 00:21:05,314
- I mean, you're a bit--
- "Hold out", what is that?
500
00:21:05,399 --> 00:21:06,815
Be patient and be open.
501
00:21:06,901 --> 00:21:08,150
I'm too open.
502
00:21:08,235 --> 00:21:09,518
(laughing)
503
00:21:12,523 --> 00:21:13,939
(gasps)
Oh, my God!
504
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,324
- Amy!
- Oh, my God!
505
00:21:15,409 --> 00:21:16,441
Oh, my God!
506
00:21:16,527 --> 00:21:17,526
- Amy!
- Oh, my God!
507
00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:19,945
- Amy, what did you do?
- I don't know, I--
508
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,864
(shrieks)
Oh, my God!
509
00:21:21,949 --> 00:21:23,031
Amy!
510
00:21:23,117 --> 00:21:24,032
(man)
Cut!
511
00:21:24,118 --> 00:21:25,751
(laughter)
512
00:21:25,870 --> 00:21:26,919
(Amy)
So easy.
513
00:21:27,037 --> 00:21:28,437
(man)
Mmm, magic.
514
00:21:30,361 --> 00:21:36,361
Sync & corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com
515
00:21:36,411 --> 00:21:40,961
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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