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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:04,781 To an awesome night 2 00:00:04,806 --> 00:00:05,835 at Cooper's concert. 3 00:00:05,860 --> 00:00:07,330 Yay. Cheers. 4 00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:08,573 Mm. 5 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:16,390 Oh, that takes me back. 6 00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:19,100 To what? 7 00:00:19,125 --> 00:00:21,421 Uh, our last HOA meeting. 8 00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,601 Oh, I can already tell I'm gonna get into a fight tonight. 9 00:00:28,306 --> 00:00:29,698 Ooh, I'm so excited. 10 00:00:29,723 --> 00:00:31,054 We get full VIP treatment, 11 00:00:31,079 --> 00:00:33,007 - which means free drinks. - Yeah. 12 00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:34,773 And... Oh, my God. 13 00:00:34,798 --> 00:00:36,576 How is it already 8:40? 14 00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:37,585 8:40? 15 00:00:37,610 --> 00:00:40,171 That's practically 9:15! 16 00:00:40,478 --> 00:00:42,122 - Crazy. - No. No. 17 00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:45,226 Not tonight. 18 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:47,054 We won't let you do that thing where you get tired 19 00:00:47,079 --> 00:00:48,863 and talk yourselves out of going out. 20 00:00:48,888 --> 00:00:50,890 You're right, you're right. I'm sorry. 21 00:00:51,046 --> 00:00:52,830 Okay. Full VIP treatment. 22 00:00:52,855 --> 00:00:54,595 - Backstage. Sold-out concert. - Yeah. Yep! 23 00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:56,490 Yeah, it sounds great! 24 00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:58,212 Yeah. 25 00:00:58,237 --> 00:01:00,382 - But I did just get a new pillow. - Mm-hmm. 26 00:01:01,006 --> 00:01:03,428 And we're going grocery shopping tomorrow, you know? 27 00:01:03,453 --> 00:01:06,500 With all the driving and the parking 28 00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,562 and then you forget to validate 29 00:01:07,587 --> 00:01:09,445 and then you got to go back inside. 30 00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:10,781 And they're all like, 31 00:01:10,806 --> 00:01:12,417 "Validation's for customers only." 32 00:01:12,455 --> 00:01:14,762 And you're like, "I was just in here, Janine!" 33 00:01:15,181 --> 00:01:16,565 Yeah, plus, 34 00:01:16,590 --> 00:01:17,937 we got to be fresh tomorrow, 35 00:01:17,962 --> 00:01:20,079 'cause we're meeting with a life insurance agent. 36 00:01:21,642 --> 00:01:23,522 Why do you guys need life insurance? 37 00:01:23,555 --> 00:01:25,417 You're zero risk. 38 00:01:27,064 --> 00:01:28,564 Well, actually, 39 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:31,209 we have been talking about... 40 00:01:31,234 --> 00:01:33,710 starting a family soon. 41 00:01:35,383 --> 00:01:36,800 Uh... 42 00:01:36,825 --> 00:01:38,218 you're not excited? 43 00:01:38,407 --> 00:01:41,013 We're just tired of getting our hopes up. 44 00:01:41,057 --> 00:01:42,541 You two have been dangling that carrot 45 00:01:42,566 --> 00:01:43,803 in front of us for so long 46 00:01:43,828 --> 00:01:46,423 we've got baby blue balls. 47 00:01:51,264 --> 00:01:53,263 No, I-I mean, we'd love to have kids. 48 00:01:53,288 --> 00:01:55,944 It's just, you know, it's been really crazy at work, you know? 49 00:01:55,969 --> 00:01:58,755 Um, but after tax season, it's gonna be, uh, 50 00:01:58,780 --> 00:02:01,002 "tax that ass" season. 51 00:02:03,352 --> 00:02:05,710 Well, trust us, it's good to get your party days in 52 00:02:05,735 --> 00:02:07,256 before you have kids. 53 00:02:07,639 --> 00:02:10,460 Or someday you will find yourself retired early 54 00:02:10,485 --> 00:02:12,921 and sneaking so much rosé into your cornflakes 55 00:02:12,946 --> 00:02:15,043 you end up hitting on the mailman. 56 00:02:16,633 --> 00:02:18,809 All I said is Jeff has nice calves. 57 00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:21,288 What, now I can't say facts? 58 00:02:21,313 --> 00:02:22,864 I don't want to fight about it. 59 00:02:22,889 --> 00:02:24,208 Hey, guys. 60 00:02:24,233 --> 00:02:25,311 Who's ready to party? 61 00:02:25,336 --> 00:02:26,788 All right. 62 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,225 - Um... - Eh... 63 00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:34,194 So... yeah. 64 00:02:34,219 --> 00:02:36,436 Is it okay if we take a rain check? 65 00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,155 Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. 66 00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:39,085 I'll hit you up the next time 67 00:02:39,110 --> 00:02:40,119 I've sold out the Forum three nights in a row 68 00:02:40,144 --> 00:02:42,335 and convinced Post Malone to open for me. 69 00:02:43,577 --> 00:02:45,884 Great, man. Sounds good. 70 00:02:47,097 --> 00:02:50,057 Any idea what a Post Malone is? 71 00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:51,421 Uh... 72 00:02:52,562 --> 00:02:56,543 I think it's what you do when you're finished Maloning. 73 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:15,304 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 74 00:03:21,981 --> 00:03:23,876 Wow. 75 00:03:23,901 --> 00:03:29,716 All that sleep we got was amaz-z-z-zing. Yeah. 76 00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:32,091 I added a few extra Zs 'cause I caught so many. 77 00:03:32,116 --> 00:03:33,421 Oh. 78 00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:34,622 I know. I tried to wake you up, 79 00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:36,497 and you flipped me off in your sleep. 80 00:03:37,749 --> 00:03:40,167 Oh, my God. 81 00:03:44,309 --> 00:03:45,623 Wow. 82 00:03:45,648 --> 00:03:48,710 I guess Cooper's after-party must've been cray. 83 00:03:49,747 --> 00:03:51,895 Do people still say "cray"? 84 00:03:53,006 --> 00:03:55,955 I think only when they're describing "how a bitch be," 85 00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:57,460 but... 86 00:04:00,022 --> 00:04:01,458 All right, baby. 87 00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:03,286 Let's take out the trash. 88 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,208 Okay. Yeah, I'll try to wake 'em up. 89 00:04:05,233 --> 00:04:06,513 Um... 90 00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:08,419 Okay. Mommy. Dad. 91 00:04:12,415 --> 00:04:14,215 Can I talk to 'em? 92 00:04:16,539 --> 00:04:18,063 'Scuse me, uh, 93 00:04:18,088 --> 00:04:19,497 Bonnie, 94 00:04:19,935 --> 00:04:21,418 Gerald. 95 00:04:22,290 --> 00:04:24,127 Can you, uh... 96 00:04:30,725 --> 00:04:32,509 All right, folks, 97 00:04:32,534 --> 00:04:35,711 time to get up and get goin', please. 98 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,075 Your house is way more comfortable, 99 00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:39,731 and it's also... 100 00:04:39,756 --> 00:04:40,844 a lot quieter. 101 00:04:47,159 --> 00:04:48,247 Soo! 102 00:04:48,272 --> 00:04:49,403 Okay. 103 00:04:49,598 --> 00:04:51,049 All cards on the table... 104 00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:52,720 Either I dreamt about peeing on your couch 105 00:04:52,745 --> 00:04:54,585 or I peed on your couch. 106 00:05:06,826 --> 00:05:07,904 Oh, hey, buddy. 107 00:05:07,929 --> 00:05:08,930 How was the concert? 108 00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:10,667 Well, I thought it went well, but... 109 00:05:10,958 --> 00:05:12,829 according to this L.A. Times review, 110 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,053 "the venue was full, but the songs were empty." 111 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,012 And then he gave it 112 00:05:17,182 --> 00:05:19,418 four out of five poop emojis. 113 00:05:20,556 --> 00:05:23,068 Why do you care what this reviewer says? 114 00:05:23,093 --> 00:05:26,357 Because.... 'cause I kind of agree with him. 115 00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,167 You know, I'm 40 days into my tour, 116 00:05:28,192 --> 00:05:29,961 and I feel like I just sing 117 00:05:29,986 --> 00:05:32,293 the same shallow songs over and over again. 118 00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:33,376 Dude, you're 21. 119 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:34,638 What are you gonna sing about, 120 00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:36,682 opening a Roth IRA? 121 00:05:37,064 --> 00:05:39,920 Why don't you try writing a song that's more meaningful to you? 122 00:05:39,945 --> 00:05:40,946 Well, I have. 123 00:05:40,971 --> 00:05:42,534 Most of my songs start out sincere. 124 00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:44,344 But then I'd get scared that my fans won't like them, 125 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:46,346 so I increase the tempo, add a beat, 126 00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,540 and then change the word "heart" to "butt." 127 00:05:48,940 --> 00:05:50,251 Huh. 128 00:05:50,620 --> 00:05:52,439 That does explain... 129 00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,823 ♪ Girl, relax your butt, let my lovin' flow ♪ 130 00:05:54,848 --> 00:05:58,628 ♪ Entwine your butt with mine, let the lovin' grow. ♪ 131 00:06:02,444 --> 00:06:04,402 Claire, I-I knew you could sing, 132 00:06:04,427 --> 00:06:05,870 but you have a really amazing voice. 133 00:06:05,895 --> 00:06:08,277 Oh, come on. I mean, I don't know if that's... 134 00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:10,261 ♪ True... ♪ 135 00:06:10,293 --> 00:06:11,886 ♪ Yeah. ♪ 136 00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:13,657 Claire, I'm serious. 137 00:06:13,682 --> 00:06:14,839 Well, uh, you know, 138 00:06:14,864 --> 00:06:16,213 if you want to sing a more personal song, 139 00:06:16,238 --> 00:06:17,767 why don't you test it out at your next concert? 140 00:06:17,792 --> 00:06:19,837 Because fans hate new music at concerts. 141 00:06:19,862 --> 00:06:21,370 Have you ever been booed by thousands of people? 142 00:06:21,395 --> 00:06:22,604 Yes. 143 00:06:25,269 --> 00:06:27,053 At Dodger Stadium, 144 00:06:27,078 --> 00:06:29,017 when I snagged a foul ball from a small man 145 00:06:29,042 --> 00:06:30,760 who turned out to be a kid. 146 00:06:32,562 --> 00:06:34,558 In a wheelchair. 147 00:06:36,672 --> 00:06:39,448 Well, why don't you try doing a smaller, more intimate show? 148 00:06:39,473 --> 00:06:40,561 What, alone? 149 00:06:40,586 --> 00:06:42,718 No-no backup dancers? No pyrotechnics? 150 00:06:42,743 --> 00:06:45,002 Guys, I'll feel naked without my laser tuxedo. 151 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:47,816 I mean, you could make it a duet, 152 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,712 and then you'll have someone up there with you. 153 00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:52,128 That's actually a great idea. 154 00:06:52,153 --> 00:06:54,120 I can't wait to start changing my lyrics back 155 00:06:54,145 --> 00:06:56,002 from "butt" to "heart." 156 00:06:56,740 --> 00:06:58,011 Oh! 157 00:06:58,036 --> 00:07:01,573 Your latest single was supposed to be "Eat Your HeartOut." 158 00:07:06,223 --> 00:07:08,835 Gosh, I can't believe how healthy and safe you guys are. 159 00:07:08,878 --> 00:07:09,854 You're on track for the lowest 160 00:07:09,879 --> 00:07:11,729 life insurance rate I've ever seen. 161 00:07:13,339 --> 00:07:15,624 So, just a few more questions. 162 00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:18,010 Do you have any pre-existing medical conditions? 163 00:07:18,036 --> 00:07:21,039 Well, I've been told I have too big a heart. 164 00:07:22,152 --> 00:07:23,371 Oh. 165 00:07:23,414 --> 00:07:25,901 You suffer from hypertrophic cardiomyopathy? 166 00:07:26,588 --> 00:07:28,111 No. 167 00:07:28,136 --> 00:07:29,784 No, I was just being cute. 168 00:07:30,978 --> 00:07:32,652 Now, do you have any kids? 169 00:07:32,677 --> 00:07:34,323 Not that I know of. 170 00:07:34,348 --> 00:07:36,628 Wait. 171 00:07:39,061 --> 00:07:41,368 That only works for guys. 172 00:07:41,623 --> 00:07:42,980 Oh. Hey, guys. 173 00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:44,920 Don't mind me. I'm just grabbing a snack. 174 00:07:44,945 --> 00:07:46,468 Which, in this house, are all... 175 00:07:46,493 --> 00:07:49,168 "low in sodium and high in fiber." 176 00:07:50,187 --> 00:07:51,918 How... W... 177 00:07:52,110 --> 00:07:54,168 Was that Cooper James? 178 00:07:54,193 --> 00:07:56,418 Um, does he live here? 179 00:07:56,991 --> 00:08:00,886 Yeah, it's your, uh, standard "millionaire pop star moves in 180 00:08:00,911 --> 00:08:02,128 "with his accountant because he craves 181 00:08:02,153 --> 00:08:03,959 a sense of normalcy" situation. 182 00:08:04,352 --> 00:08:08,459 But-but he could live anywhere. 183 00:08:08,484 --> 00:08:10,026 Why would he choose here? 184 00:08:10,051 --> 00:08:11,792 Is... You're, like... 185 00:08:11,817 --> 00:08:13,863 Well, how do I say this politely? 186 00:08:14,255 --> 00:08:16,252 Immensely boring. 187 00:08:17,226 --> 00:08:19,011 - Okay. - Um... 188 00:08:19,036 --> 00:08:21,152 - We are not boring. - Yeah. 189 00:08:21,177 --> 00:08:23,424 I mean, if you really knew how we were, 190 00:08:23,449 --> 00:08:27,175 I mean, you'd be hitting us with a higher rate. 191 00:08:27,556 --> 00:08:29,645 So you're committing insurance fraud? 192 00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:31,972 - No, no, no, no, no, no. - No, no. 193 00:08:31,997 --> 00:08:34,682 All... No, no. All the... all the answers we gave were true. 194 00:08:34,707 --> 00:08:35,511 - Yeah. - You know? 195 00:08:35,536 --> 00:08:36,503 It just... But they don't paint 196 00:08:36,528 --> 00:08:38,443 the full picture of who we are. 197 00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:39,859 - Like, we're cool. Right? - We're cool. 198 00:08:39,885 --> 00:08:41,756 I mean, Claire, tell her one of our awesome stories. 199 00:08:41,781 --> 00:08:43,464 - Hit her, man. - Oh. Awesome. So, 200 00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,904 - yeah, there's, uh, the one ti... um... - Right? 201 00:08:45,929 --> 00:08:48,127 - Get ready. - Oh! Oh. 202 00:08:49,873 --> 00:08:51,284 There was that one time 203 00:08:51,309 --> 00:08:54,877 that we almost committed insurance fraud. 204 00:08:55,721 --> 00:08:57,894 Look, I'm sorry I called you boring. 205 00:08:57,919 --> 00:08:58,823 It's just that 206 00:08:58,848 --> 00:09:00,316 Cooper James is Cooper James. 207 00:09:00,341 --> 00:09:01,917 And, you know, you're... 208 00:09:02,244 --> 00:09:04,459 See, I already forgot your names. 209 00:09:05,244 --> 00:09:06,855 No, but, seriously, 210 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,969 you two don't need life insurance. 211 00:09:08,994 --> 00:09:11,042 You need get-a-life insurance. 212 00:09:13,789 --> 00:09:16,337 You know what, you might want to look into fire insurance, too, 213 00:09:16,362 --> 00:09:18,495 after that sick burn. 214 00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,502 Oh, this is fun! 215 00:09:22,264 --> 00:09:24,048 Man, I guess we don't have to try so hard 216 00:09:24,073 --> 00:09:26,316 at being boring, 'cause we just are. 217 00:09:26,341 --> 00:09:28,050 Relax, Claire. That's just the opinion 218 00:09:28,075 --> 00:09:30,034 of someone who evaluates the relative excitement 219 00:09:30,059 --> 00:09:32,252 of people's lives for a living. 220 00:09:33,716 --> 00:09:35,605 Jake, last night, we got invited to a concert 221 00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:38,102 by the biggest pop star in music. 222 00:09:38,127 --> 00:09:39,385 And, instead, we stayed home 223 00:09:39,409 --> 00:09:41,808 and ranked the months of the year. 224 00:09:42,572 --> 00:09:44,443 Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right. 225 00:09:44,468 --> 00:09:47,346 I, uh, guess we have gotten into a bad habit 226 00:09:47,371 --> 00:09:48,979 of saying no to adventure. 227 00:09:49,140 --> 00:09:50,315 Great news, guys. 228 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,745 I took your advice, and, as of tonight, 229 00:09:51,770 --> 00:09:53,685 I'm doing a small show at the Troubadour. 230 00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:55,363 - Oh, that's awesome, man. - Yeah. 231 00:09:55,388 --> 00:09:57,216 Yeah, I'm doing a duet with Laurel Tyson. 232 00:09:57,411 --> 00:09:59,222 - What? - Huh? 233 00:10:00,195 --> 00:10:01,936 The lead singer of Human Disco. 234 00:10:01,961 --> 00:10:04,058 - Uh... - Come again? 235 00:10:04,873 --> 00:10:06,614 They had that hit song, "Loser Police." 236 00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:08,597 - Uh... - Uh... 237 00:10:09,266 --> 00:10:11,268 That they used in that Nespresso commercial. 238 00:10:11,293 --> 00:10:12,120 - Oh! - Oh! 239 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,538 Yeah! 240 00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:15,362 - I love that song. - That is such a good s... 241 00:10:15,387 --> 00:10:17,151 - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So good. I would get it. 242 00:10:17,177 --> 00:10:19,377 You know, as usual, you guys are welcome to come. 243 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,126 But you probably have an excuse as to why you can't. 244 00:10:23,151 --> 00:10:24,549 - Nope. Not this time. - No, I'm pretty sure 245 00:10:24,574 --> 00:10:26,184 - we can think of something. - No, I mean... 246 00:10:26,924 --> 00:10:28,260 I mean we should go. 247 00:10:28,285 --> 00:10:29,128 - We're gonna go. - Oh. 248 00:10:29,153 --> 00:10:30,391 - Right. We're gonna go. Yeah. - We're in! 249 00:10:30,423 --> 00:10:31,385 - Really? - Yeah! 250 00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:32,976 Amazing. All right, well, my driver will be here soon, 251 00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:35,198 - if you want to come with me. - Okay. Yay! 252 00:10:35,223 --> 00:10:36,579 I guess we should change. 253 00:10:36,604 --> 00:10:37,839 No way. You guys are amazing. 254 00:10:37,864 --> 00:10:39,940 Oh. You mean clothes. 255 00:10:43,161 --> 00:10:45,377 Uh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. 256 00:10:51,070 --> 00:10:53,261 I've got to say, Jake, you look pretty sexy 257 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,651 in Cooper's skinny jeans. 258 00:10:54,676 --> 00:10:56,230 Yeah, Claire, too sexy. 259 00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:59,355 Feels like I'm smuggling grapes. 260 00:11:00,270 --> 00:11:01,605 Hey, there she is. 261 00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:03,456 Guys, this is my duet partner, Laurel. 262 00:11:03,481 --> 00:11:05,628 So, are you excited to sing with Cooper tonight? 263 00:11:05,653 --> 00:11:07,002 His new song is so good. 264 00:11:07,396 --> 00:11:09,152 Ah... 265 00:11:09,177 --> 00:11:10,386 Do you have, like, a whole bunch of signs 266 00:11:10,411 --> 00:11:12,752 for different situations, or just the one sign? 267 00:11:13,702 --> 00:11:16,065 - Oh. - It's just the one sign, okay. 268 00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:17,613 We're gonna go warm up. You guys have fun. 269 00:11:17,638 --> 00:11:18,726 Those VIP bracelets 270 00:11:18,751 --> 00:11:20,579 give you access to everything. 271 00:11:20,604 --> 00:11:22,823 - Ooh. - Oh... 272 00:11:24,045 --> 00:11:25,722 Hello. 273 00:11:31,075 --> 00:11:32,686 Oh... 274 00:11:32,711 --> 00:11:34,017 Jake, this is, like, one of those parties 275 00:11:34,042 --> 00:11:35,392 where the prostitutes are so fancy 276 00:11:35,417 --> 00:11:37,730 you can't tell them apart from just a regular skank. 277 00:11:38,912 --> 00:11:40,784 Oh, God, this is so fun. 278 00:11:40,809 --> 00:11:42,245 Yeah, this was just such a great call 279 00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:43,894 to come out tonight. 280 00:11:44,199 --> 00:11:46,020 No, Jake. You lock it up. 281 00:11:46,045 --> 00:11:47,019 Come on. 282 00:11:47,044 --> 00:11:48,393 Cool people don't yawn. 283 00:11:48,418 --> 00:11:50,808 They do awesome things, like walk into a party 284 00:11:50,833 --> 00:11:52,347 and say, "I'm bored." 285 00:11:52,372 --> 00:11:53,547 You're right. You're right. 286 00:11:53,572 --> 00:11:55,531 Time to go huge. Tonight we say good-bye 287 00:11:55,556 --> 00:11:58,198 to the old Jake and Claire who get excited over simple things. 288 00:11:58,223 --> 00:11:59,745 Oh, jumbo shrimp. 289 00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:01,886 Look at all these jumbo shrimp. 290 00:12:01,911 --> 00:12:03,495 Oh. Oh. 291 00:12:03,625 --> 00:12:05,409 Hey, man. 292 00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:06,994 Don't sleep on that garlic shrimp. 293 00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,721 You know what I'm saying? Ha-ha! 294 00:12:08,746 --> 00:12:11,026 - I'm cool. - Hey, you guys want to hit 295 00:12:11,059 --> 00:12:12,234 one of these? 296 00:12:12,259 --> 00:12:13,739 Oh? 297 00:12:13,764 --> 00:12:15,495 Oh, my God, these are real live drugs. 298 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,706 What do we do? Drug people hate it when you don't take their drugs. 299 00:12:19,385 --> 00:12:21,987 Okay, obviously, there's only one thing to do here. 300 00:12:22,385 --> 00:12:24,011 - Ah. - Mm-hmm. 301 00:12:24,036 --> 00:12:26,081 Let me get one of them things, man. 302 00:12:26,106 --> 00:12:28,128 I don't care if it's a weekday. 303 00:12:28,153 --> 00:12:30,487 You know what I'm saying? 304 00:12:30,512 --> 00:12:32,471 See you on the other side, girl. 305 00:12:32,496 --> 00:12:34,917 Mmm. 306 00:12:35,740 --> 00:12:37,402 Okay, you can spit yours out. 307 00:12:37,427 --> 00:12:38,732 What? I swallowed mine. 308 00:12:38,764 --> 00:12:40,066 What? Why? 309 00:12:40,091 --> 00:12:41,940 Because we said we were gonna go huge tonight. 310 00:12:41,965 --> 00:12:44,768 That doesn't include taking random drugs from a stranger. 311 00:12:44,793 --> 00:12:47,402 And we just shared the "we'd fake it" look. 312 00:12:47,744 --> 00:12:49,854 That wasn't a "fake it" look, that was a "take it" look. 313 00:12:49,879 --> 00:12:52,464 - Okay, this is a "fake it" look. - Right. 314 00:12:52,489 --> 00:12:54,667 This is a "take it" look. 315 00:12:55,593 --> 00:12:57,722 That's the exact same look. 316 00:12:57,747 --> 00:12:59,831 My God, Claire, I'm gonna die. 317 00:12:59,856 --> 00:13:01,466 It's already burning my throat. 318 00:13:01,491 --> 00:13:02,792 Okay, okay, you know what? 319 00:13:02,817 --> 00:13:04,745 Relax. 320 00:13:05,030 --> 00:13:06,945 It's a small pill. You're a big guy. 321 00:13:06,970 --> 00:13:09,728 I'm sure that you can handle whatever drug it is. 322 00:13:09,753 --> 00:13:11,675 Oh. Did you not want that? 323 00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:13,311 I guess they're a little strong. 324 00:13:13,545 --> 00:13:15,605 Wha... Who, me? 325 00:13:15,630 --> 00:13:17,299 I already took mine, girl. 326 00:13:17,324 --> 00:13:19,237 This is his. 327 00:13:19,262 --> 00:13:21,090 He's mine. 328 00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:26,180 - Mmm. - Okay, you can spit that out now. 329 00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:28,355 - I swallowed that one, too. - Why?! 330 00:13:28,387 --> 00:13:30,041 I panicked. Oh, my God, Claire, what did I... 331 00:13:30,066 --> 00:13:31,355 what did I take? 332 00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:33,792 What if it's one of those drugs where I end up eating someone's face? 333 00:13:33,817 --> 00:13:35,917 Okay, you know what? Just-just try to stay calm. 334 00:13:35,942 --> 00:13:37,726 I'm gonna go ask him what you took. 335 00:13:37,751 --> 00:13:40,729 It's probably bath salts. 336 00:13:41,748 --> 00:13:45,042 Oh, no. I've become addicted to my favorite way to relax. 337 00:13:50,874 --> 00:13:53,331 Guys, I'll be straight with you. 338 00:13:53,356 --> 00:13:55,409 I took a narcotic tablet, and, uh, 339 00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,392 I'm dealing with the real-world consequences right now. 340 00:13:57,417 --> 00:13:59,183 You, uh, seem fine. 341 00:13:59,208 --> 00:14:01,917 And even if I'm not, it's okay, it's okay. 342 00:14:02,247 --> 00:14:05,480 Okay, Jake, I asked the dude what drug he gave you. 343 00:14:05,505 --> 00:14:07,511 What was it? Yayo? Smack? 344 00:14:07,536 --> 00:14:10,168 Fleck? Nurp-nurp? Quam? 345 00:14:10,364 --> 00:14:11,365 It was a mint. 346 00:14:11,390 --> 00:14:12,292 A mint! 347 00:14:12,317 --> 00:14:13,318 Oh, I've never even heard of that! 348 00:14:14,761 --> 00:14:16,327 Is this, like, a Class A narcotic? 349 00:14:16,352 --> 00:14:17,875 Yeah, "A" for Altoids. 350 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,605 - "A" for... - He gave you a mint 351 00:14:20,630 --> 00:14:23,917 because your breath was so bad from eating the garlic shrimp. 352 00:14:25,455 --> 00:14:27,252 I see. 353 00:14:28,310 --> 00:14:31,667 Ha! Yeah, man, I knew that. 354 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,937 I assume the patient-paramedic confidentiality agreement 355 00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,073 will be honored? 356 00:14:37,511 --> 00:14:38,964 Well, that's not a thing. 357 00:14:38,989 --> 00:14:41,268 And I'm definitely telling all my friends. 358 00:14:41,729 --> 00:14:43,340 Okay. 359 00:14:47,163 --> 00:14:48,382 Uh... 360 00:14:48,407 --> 00:14:49,844 Sorry, you need a wristband. 361 00:14:49,869 --> 00:14:51,784 Um, uh, the medic just ripped mine off. 362 00:14:51,809 --> 00:14:54,472 I was just in here, man. It's me. 363 00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:56,585 Come on, man, I know Coop. 364 00:14:56,610 --> 00:14:58,917 That's my guy. Like, we're best friends. 365 00:14:59,060 --> 00:15:00,566 He's gonna sleep in my attic tonight. 366 00:15:00,591 --> 00:15:03,019 I'm wearing his pants. Come on, let me in. 367 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,511 - We got a live one here. - Oh... 368 00:15:05,536 --> 00:15:08,245 Hi, guys. Will you watch from the side stage? 369 00:15:08,270 --> 00:15:10,533 Knowing you're here will help ease my nerves. 370 00:15:10,558 --> 00:15:12,511 Yeah, of course we'll be there, Cooper. 371 00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:13,752 These guys are with me. 372 00:15:15,070 --> 00:15:16,419 Yeah. 373 00:15:16,444 --> 00:15:17,573 Uh-huh-huh. 374 00:15:17,598 --> 00:15:20,573 Look who's in the VIP area. 375 00:15:20,598 --> 00:15:22,339 Ha-ha-ha-ha. 376 00:15:22,364 --> 00:15:25,193 "We got a live one here." Shut your ass up, man. 377 00:15:25,218 --> 00:15:26,793 I'm up in your space! 378 00:15:36,426 --> 00:15:38,428 Can I have my microphone? 379 00:15:38,453 --> 00:15:40,194 Oh, yeah. Sorry. 380 00:15:40,499 --> 00:15:43,362 - Warmed it up for you. A little wet. - Yeah. 381 00:15:43,387 --> 00:15:44,799 Thank you. 382 00:15:45,073 --> 00:15:46,355 Guys. 383 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,556 I'm nervous. What if my fans hate it? 384 00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:49,980 What if they love it? 385 00:15:50,005 --> 00:15:51,292 You'll never know if you don't try. 386 00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:53,472 Thanks, guys. 387 00:15:55,585 --> 00:15:57,282 Hey. 388 00:15:58,018 --> 00:15:59,807 People said I was crazy when I told them 389 00:15:59,832 --> 00:16:02,052 I was moving in with my accountant, but... 390 00:16:02,077 --> 00:16:04,210 it's the best decision I've ever made. 391 00:16:05,063 --> 00:16:07,252 Except for when I was 12 and I posted a video 392 00:16:07,277 --> 00:16:09,752 of me singing on YouTube that got a billion views. 393 00:16:09,777 --> 00:16:11,252 Yeah. 394 00:16:11,452 --> 00:16:13,367 That was a good decision. 395 00:16:13,392 --> 00:16:14,956 Well, the feeling's mutual. 396 00:16:14,981 --> 00:16:16,761 Kill it, buddy. 397 00:16:16,786 --> 00:16:18,510 Cooper! Cooper! 398 00:16:18,535 --> 00:16:19,979 What's up, Los Angeles!? 399 00:16:27,192 --> 00:16:28,862 All right, tonight I'd like to try 400 00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:30,042 something a little bit different. 401 00:16:30,067 --> 00:16:31,815 I'd actually like to bring out a special guest. 402 00:16:34,973 --> 00:16:36,214 I... 403 00:16:36,239 --> 00:16:37,245 I can't... breathe. 404 00:16:37,270 --> 00:16:39,405 Did someone... have shellfish? 405 00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:41,362 I did. And it was breathtaking. 406 00:16:41,387 --> 00:16:43,635 You must have gotten it on... the mike. 407 00:16:43,660 --> 00:16:45,271 I-I'm super allergic. 408 00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:48,277 Well, why didn't you put that on a card? 409 00:16:49,338 --> 00:16:51,235 Okay? 410 00:16:51,799 --> 00:16:56,084 ♪ I could never write a love song ♪ 411 00:16:56,670 --> 00:17:00,085 ♪ Till I met you... ♪ 412 00:17:02,096 --> 00:17:03,707 Let me try that again. 413 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,007 ♪ I could never write a love song... ♪ 414 00:17:07,032 --> 00:17:08,591 Claire, you got to get out there. Cooper needs you. 415 00:17:08,616 --> 00:17:10,052 ♪ Till I met you... ♪ 416 00:17:10,077 --> 00:17:12,435 No, I couldn't. It's crazy. 417 00:17:12,725 --> 00:17:14,248 ♪ And I couldn't ♪ 418 00:17:14,273 --> 00:17:17,390 ♪ Sing a love song ♪ 419 00:17:17,415 --> 00:17:21,667 ♪ Till I loved you ♪ 420 00:17:24,539 --> 00:17:27,589 ♪ Well, our hearts are beatin' faster ♪ 421 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:30,567 ♪ 'Cause we found something true ♪ 422 00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:34,552 ♪ I have never loved someone ♪ 423 00:17:34,865 --> 00:17:38,668 ♪ The way that I love you ♪ 424 00:17:38,693 --> 00:17:40,334 That's my wife. 425 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,067 Not anymore. 426 00:17:42,386 --> 00:17:46,817 ♪ I have never loved someone ♪ 427 00:17:46,842 --> 00:17:51,085 ♪ The way that I love you ♪ 428 00:17:52,062 --> 00:17:54,880 ♪ Well, our hearts are beatin' faster ♪ 429 00:17:54,905 --> 00:17:57,865 ♪ 'Cause we found something true ♪ 430 00:17:57,890 --> 00:18:01,942 ♪ I have never loved someone ♪ 431 00:18:02,438 --> 00:18:06,880 ♪ The way that I love you... ♪ 432 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,576 Goodness. 433 00:18:15,138 --> 00:18:17,156 Ah, there's my sexy little rock star. 434 00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:20,223 Yeah, last night was totally nuts. 435 00:18:20,248 --> 00:18:21,544 Oh, yeah. 436 00:18:21,569 --> 00:18:24,267 Woke up to a million texts about you singing with Cooper. 437 00:18:24,677 --> 00:18:28,146 One text from my bank asking me if I spent $104 at Taco Bell. 438 00:18:30,505 --> 00:18:33,396 Man, my head is killing me. 439 00:18:33,958 --> 00:18:35,971 How are you not hungover? 440 00:18:35,996 --> 00:18:38,357 'Cause I was fake drinking all night. 441 00:18:38,382 --> 00:18:41,005 Cool, coo... Wait, what? 442 00:18:41,325 --> 00:18:43,789 Okay, Jake, here goes. 443 00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:45,888 So, one of the reasons that I wanted us 444 00:18:45,913 --> 00:18:49,286 to go out and have a big night was, um... 445 00:18:49,981 --> 00:18:52,113 I might have... 446 00:18:52,375 --> 00:18:53,998 huge news. 447 00:18:54,023 --> 00:18:56,504 Wait. What's that? 448 00:18:57,060 --> 00:18:59,177 Are we... are we pregnant? 449 00:18:59,202 --> 00:19:01,819 Okay, I-I'm not sure. Um, but I've been feeling weird 450 00:19:01,844 --> 00:19:03,442 and nauseous all week, so I just, I went out 451 00:19:03,467 --> 00:19:05,169 and I bought the test and I just took it, 452 00:19:05,194 --> 00:19:06,263 but I haven't checked the results yet. 453 00:19:06,288 --> 00:19:08,421 This is so exciting. I just can't... 454 00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,013 Okay, can you just please check, 455 00:19:12,038 --> 00:19:13,200 - because I'm freaking out. - Oh, right, right, right, right. 456 00:19:13,225 --> 00:19:14,183 Okay. 457 00:19:21,282 --> 00:19:22,849 We're gonna have a baby. 458 00:19:23,957 --> 00:19:25,919 We're having a baby. 459 00:19:25,944 --> 00:19:27,161 We're gonna have a baby. 460 00:19:27,186 --> 00:19:31,341 We're gonna have a baby! 461 00:19:33,489 --> 00:19:35,143 Oh, my God! 462 00:19:35,168 --> 00:19:37,412 Claire? What-what's going on? I heard you guys screaming. 463 00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:38,974 I'm pregnant. 464 00:19:38,999 --> 00:19:41,466 What?! Oh, my God! 465 00:19:41,491 --> 00:19:42,626 That's incredible. 466 00:19:43,651 --> 00:19:45,218 Claire! 467 00:19:45,243 --> 00:19:46,853 You're in the newspaper again. 468 00:19:48,122 --> 00:19:49,567 This is amazing! I can't believe 469 00:19:49,592 --> 00:19:50,985 our baby girl's a rock star! 470 00:19:51,010 --> 00:19:53,247 Oh, okay, whoa, okay, calm down. 471 00:19:53,272 --> 00:19:55,505 You're spilling your breakfast margs. 472 00:19:55,707 --> 00:19:56,969 You're all over the Internet. 473 00:19:56,994 --> 00:19:58,904 In Touch, Us Weekly, 474 00:19:58,929 --> 00:20:00,474 - everywhere. - Oh. 475 00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,591 "Cooper James reunites with mystery cougar 476 00:20:02,616 --> 00:20:03,849 to sing beautiful duet." 477 00:20:03,874 --> 00:20:05,398 Mm. 478 00:20:07,015 --> 00:20:09,654 - Yeah, last night was truly amazing. - Well... 479 00:20:09,679 --> 00:20:12,614 we actually have something even cooler to share with you. 480 00:20:13,397 --> 00:20:15,399 Oh, yeah. 481 00:20:15,443 --> 00:20:16,716 Oh, my God. 482 00:20:16,741 --> 00:20:18,771 Gerald! We did it! 483 00:20:18,796 --> 00:20:21,451 We've been trying for years! 484 00:20:22,356 --> 00:20:24,619 Honey, I'm so happy. We're gonna have a baby! 485 00:20:24,644 --> 00:20:26,490 I know! I love you! 486 00:20:26,515 --> 00:20:29,193 - I'll drink to this. - Oh. 487 00:20:31,269 --> 00:20:34,306 No, honey. Our drinking days are over. 488 00:20:34,331 --> 00:20:36,412 We are gonna be grandparents. 489 00:20:38,943 --> 00:20:40,728 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 490 00:20:40,753 --> 00:20:42,973 Do I have to move out of the attic? 491 00:20:42,998 --> 00:20:45,349 No. Cooper, the baby will get the guest room. 492 00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:47,763 Yay! 493 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,951 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 494 00:20:49,976 --> 00:20:51,804 You guys have a guest room? 495 00:20:52,461 --> 00:20:53,982 Get in here! 496 00:20:54,023 --> 00:20:56,724 ♪ Baby, I ♪ 497 00:20:56,749 --> 00:20:58,864 ♪ Love you. ♪ 498 00:20:58,889 --> 00:21:04,911 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 34766

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