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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,822 --> 00:00:07,758 - Oh my God! Peter! - Sweetest. 2 00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:10,444 What?! Who is this? 3 00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:12,427 I'm sorry, I should have grabbed a bigger towel. 4 00:00:13,385 --> 00:00:15,949 My wife slept with somebody else today. 5 00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:19,269 Oh boy, go write some jokes. 6 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:20,621 Great live comedy tonight. 7 00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:21,788 I'm going through a divorce, 8 00:00:21,812 --> 00:00:22,913 I'm kind of floating around. 9 00:00:22,937 --> 00:00:24,103 - Oh, you're homeless. - No... 10 00:00:24,187 --> 00:00:25,562 - Do you have a home? - No... 11 00:00:25,646 --> 00:00:27,121 Don't put your face in this pillow, 12 00:00:27,145 --> 00:00:28,622 bad shit happened to this pillow. 13 00:00:28,646 --> 00:00:30,812 So much of my life, I was afraid of God. 14 00:00:30,896 --> 00:00:32,729 - Maybe I missed out. - Really? You? 15 00:00:32,812 --> 00:00:34,228 I could use a drink, yeah! 16 00:00:34,687 --> 00:00:36,312 I think you should take me home. 17 00:00:39,562 --> 00:00:42,312 - Mmm! - You're the second person in my entire life 18 00:00:42,395 --> 00:00:44,812 - I've ever made love to. - Oh my God. 19 00:00:45,228 --> 00:00:46,228 I feel like I sinned. 20 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:49,270 Ooh, sounds to me like you are expanding your mind. 21 00:00:49,354 --> 00:00:50,520 The whole point of New York 22 00:00:50,604 --> 00:00:52,524 is you can like bounce around to different spots. 23 00:00:52,604 --> 00:00:55,187 - He's funny, right? - He'll be funny in three years. 24 00:00:55,937 --> 00:00:57,455 I'm trying to get into the college market. 25 00:00:57,479 --> 00:00:59,020 I just submitted a tape to NACA. 26 00:00:59,103 --> 00:01:01,896 NACA changed my life. I book 80 colleges, 27 00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:03,038 I haven't had a real job since. 28 00:01:03,062 --> 00:01:05,395 Aah! 29 00:01:05,479 --> 00:01:07,319 You've got six so far, and I'm working on more. 30 00:01:07,354 --> 00:01:08,354 You're my new show pony. 31 00:01:08,437 --> 00:01:10,187 Roast! Roast! Roast! 32 00:01:10,646 --> 00:01:13,062 News flash, Pete. Jesus isn't coming back, 33 00:01:13,270 --> 00:01:15,562 - and neither is your wife. - Ooh! 34 00:01:15,646 --> 00:01:17,228 I don't know how I walk away from that 35 00:01:17,312 --> 00:01:18,312 and just forget it. 36 00:01:18,354 --> 00:01:20,228 What kind of comedian can't take a joke? 37 00:01:20,312 --> 00:01:23,187 - I don't want to date. - Nice. 38 00:01:23,812 --> 00:01:26,312 I packed up my stuff, I can't go back to Artie. 39 00:01:26,395 --> 00:01:28,062 I can't go back to my roommate. 40 00:01:28,145 --> 00:01:30,371 You know what you need to do. You gotta go back to your life. 41 00:01:30,395 --> 00:01:32,312 Seriously, dude. You gotta get outta here. 42 00:01:32,771 --> 00:01:34,354 - It's time. - Yeah. 43 00:01:49,562 --> 00:01:52,437 I'm Al Pacino here to tell you 44 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:56,771 to take exit 5-0-0. 45 00:01:56,854 --> 00:01:58,354 5-0. 46 00:02:07,854 --> 00:02:09,520 I, uh, I'm not a big ladies man. 47 00:02:09,604 --> 00:02:12,062 I don't even have sex in my dreams... that's true. 48 00:02:12,145 --> 00:02:15,187 I can't seal the deal in my dreams. 49 00:02:15,270 --> 00:02:16,978 I hit on women in real life, they're like, 50 00:02:17,062 --> 00:02:19,145 "In your dreams," I'm like, "No." 51 00:02:20,437 --> 00:02:22,187 "Not even there." 52 00:02:26,937 --> 00:02:28,228 Eh! 53 00:02:33,062 --> 00:02:35,978 You ever just been in your dorm room, watching a movie alone? 54 00:02:36,062 --> 00:02:38,246 It gets really funny, and you're kind of locked in the movie 55 00:02:38,270 --> 00:02:39,812 and you forget that you're by yourself 56 00:02:39,896 --> 00:02:41,562 and you have that first little laugh... 57 00:02:41,646 --> 00:02:43,145 just you, just like... 58 00:02:43,228 --> 00:02:46,978 And then you turn to the friend that should be there. 59 00:02:47,062 --> 00:02:50,062 And you're just... 60 00:02:51,145 --> 00:02:52,729 "I'm so alone." 61 00:02:52,812 --> 00:02:54,145 Hi. Miss Tyree. 62 00:02:54,228 --> 00:02:55,896 - Oh, hi! - I'm one of the administrators. 63 00:02:55,978 --> 00:02:58,646 - So nice to meet you. - You were funny, really funny. 64 00:02:58,729 --> 00:03:00,103 Well, thank you. 65 00:03:00,187 --> 00:03:01,646 What do you do now? 66 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:07,270 ♪ My milkshake brings all the girls to the yard ♪ 67 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,520 ♪ And they're like, "Hey! It's better than yours" ♪ 68 00:03:09,604 --> 00:03:11,103 ♪ They're like, "Whoo-ah!" ♪ 69 00:03:15,312 --> 00:03:17,228 When you bring me up, would you just make sure 70 00:03:17,312 --> 00:03:19,228 "Pete Holmes" is the last thing you say? 71 00:03:19,312 --> 00:03:20,580 Just like, "Yadda, yadda, yadda, 72 00:03:20,604 --> 00:03:22,062 clubs and colleges... Pete Holmes." 73 00:03:22,145 --> 00:03:23,646 Then I'll come out. That's important. 74 00:03:23,729 --> 00:03:25,788 - Okay, but I'm not introducing you. - What? What do you mean? 75 00:03:25,812 --> 00:03:28,312 Last month, we had a student comedy competition 76 00:03:28,395 --> 00:03:30,646 and first prize was opening for you. 77 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,187 I have an opener? 78 00:03:40,771 --> 00:03:42,479 What's up, man? 79 00:03:42,562 --> 00:03:44,187 - Hey. Pete. - Hey, what's up? 80 00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:46,520 Yeah. Jaboukie. I saw your YouTube stuff. 81 00:03:46,604 --> 00:03:48,395 - You did? - Yeah, you're super funny. 82 00:03:48,479 --> 00:03:50,622 - Oh, I'm so glad we're doing this. - Yeah, I'm super excited 83 00:03:50,646 --> 00:03:52,270 that this was able to, like, work out. 84 00:03:52,354 --> 00:03:55,079 - I don't know if you had a say in anything. - No, this was a surprise. 85 00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:56,395 But this is a good surprise. 86 00:03:56,479 --> 00:03:58,896 I've been on the road for weeks and weeks. 87 00:03:58,978 --> 00:04:00,354 - Oh. - I'm like just... I mean, 88 00:04:00,437 --> 00:04:02,395 it's great to do a show with another comic. 89 00:04:02,479 --> 00:04:04,729 I'm not, like, a professional comedian or anything. 90 00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:06,062 I'm still kind of new. 91 00:04:06,145 --> 00:04:08,145 - How old are you? - I'm 20. 92 00:04:08,228 --> 00:04:09,303 - Yeah. - Yeah. 93 00:04:09,387 --> 00:04:12,562 Jeez, man... that's awesome 94 00:04:12,646 --> 00:04:14,771 I'm 33. 95 00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,479 Cool. 96 00:04:16,562 --> 00:04:19,937 I feel like more straight people should use Grindr. 97 00:04:22,395 --> 00:04:25,646 If you don't know what that is, that's a gay dating app. 98 00:04:25,729 --> 00:04:28,937 Uh, just because, like, gay people get a lot of, 99 00:04:29,020 --> 00:04:32,978 like, consent talk out of the way, up top, on Grindr, like, 100 00:04:33,062 --> 00:04:34,437 "What are you into? 101 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,163 When was the last time you were gonna get tested? 102 00:04:36,187 --> 00:04:37,913 Are you the top or the bottom? Blah, blah, blah." 103 00:04:37,937 --> 00:04:39,604 We, like, establish a lot up top. 104 00:04:39,687 --> 00:04:42,163 But for straight people on dating apps, it's just sort of like, 105 00:04:42,187 --> 00:04:45,354 "Mmm, I like pizza and memes." 106 00:04:45,437 --> 00:04:47,677 Or like, "Here's a picture of me holding a fish," like... 107 00:04:49,687 --> 00:04:51,437 It took me a while to come out to my family, 108 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:52,978 just because my parents are Jamaican 109 00:04:53,062 --> 00:04:56,437 and homophobia is our second-best Olympic sport, so... 110 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,687 that definitely took a minute, um... 111 00:04:58,771 --> 00:05:02,103 But I feel like parents always kind of know that stuff, though. 112 00:05:02,187 --> 00:05:05,020 And I could tell, because my dad would give my brothers advice, 113 00:05:05,103 --> 00:05:07,103 and my dad would tell my brothers, 114 00:05:07,187 --> 00:05:08,937 "Find a gal that makes you feel 115 00:05:09,020 --> 00:05:12,646 like you don't deserve her," which is beautiful. 116 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,646 He would just tell me, "Don't do cocaine." 117 00:05:16,437 --> 00:05:18,896 And I have, so, like, 118 00:05:18,978 --> 00:05:21,354 what's up, Daddio? You know? Um... 119 00:05:21,437 --> 00:05:23,520 But also, like, me and my brothers were just, like, 120 00:05:23,604 --> 00:05:25,812 so different from each other growing up, like, 121 00:05:25,896 --> 00:05:27,978 both my brothers are, like, taller than me, 122 00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:29,312 they're fitter than me, 123 00:05:29,395 --> 00:05:31,812 they carry themselves with confidence, you know? 124 00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,270 But I'm like small, pale, 125 00:05:33,354 --> 00:05:36,354 I carry myself like an inbred European prince. 126 00:05:38,062 --> 00:05:40,312 But I know I'm not ugly. 127 00:05:41,729 --> 00:05:43,270 I know that. 128 00:05:43,354 --> 00:05:45,705 Like, on a one to ten scale, I don't think I could, like, model, 129 00:05:45,729 --> 00:05:48,479 but I could definitely end a Republican senator's career. 130 00:05:50,771 --> 00:05:52,771 That was a fucking great set. 131 00:05:52,854 --> 00:05:54,854 - Cheers. - Cheers. 132 00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:56,646 Thanks, yeah, I appreciate it. 133 00:05:56,729 --> 00:05:59,270 Dude, what are you doing in Maryland? 134 00:05:59,354 --> 00:06:01,145 Going to college. 135 00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:03,103 Yeah, but... 136 00:06:03,187 --> 00:06:05,896 You're three hours from the greatest comedy scene... 137 00:06:05,978 --> 00:06:07,520 - In the world. - ... in the world. 138 00:06:07,604 --> 00:06:08,687 Orlando, Florida. 139 00:06:08,771 --> 00:06:11,937 No, no! Manhattan! 140 00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:13,830 You're three hours from Manhattan, you should... 141 00:06:13,854 --> 00:06:15,479 How often are you getting up? 142 00:06:15,562 --> 00:06:18,520 - Like once or twice a month. - That... that's what I'm saying. 143 00:06:18,604 --> 00:06:20,812 So you're this good going up that infrequently? 144 00:06:20,896 --> 00:06:24,646 Imagine how good you'll get when you're really doing it. 145 00:06:24,729 --> 00:06:26,437 It's all who you know. 146 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,163 You know, you ever get to the city, look me up. 147 00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:30,604 I... I can save you five years of bullshit, 148 00:06:30,687 --> 00:06:32,228 get you in the right places. 149 00:06:32,312 --> 00:06:36,062 - Anytime, really. - I'm serious. 150 00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:37,604 So am I. 151 00:06:37,687 --> 00:06:39,562 I'm not doing shit here, like, truly. 152 00:06:39,646 --> 00:06:42,604 I'm majoring in Philosophy, like, I don't fucking do anything. 153 00:06:42,687 --> 00:06:47,604 - I made three Pringles bongs this week, alone. - That's kind of impressive. 154 00:06:47,687 --> 00:06:50,312 Thank you, I feel like I'm in prison. 155 00:06:50,395 --> 00:06:53,187 I'm leaving tomorrow morning. You want a ride, you can... 156 00:06:53,270 --> 00:06:56,354 I have a place. You can crash at my place, we'll do spots. 157 00:06:57,729 --> 00:07:00,270 - Okay. Yeah, I'm down. - Really? Are you serious? 158 00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:02,121 - Yeah, no, I'm serious. - I'm fucking serious. 159 00:07:02,145 --> 00:07:03,705 - I'm down to go. - I could use some fucking company. 160 00:07:03,729 --> 00:07:05,520 You can drive? Can you drive? 161 00:07:07,312 --> 00:07:09,354 - Candy is the best. - It really is. 162 00:07:09,437 --> 00:07:12,103 - It's made by science. - Yeah, to be fucking delicious. 163 00:07:12,187 --> 00:07:16,228 Someone with a PhD was like, "What does the mouth want?" 164 00:07:16,312 --> 00:07:17,812 We've got it. 165 00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:20,103 - Skittles? You ever have a Skittle? - Skittles. 166 00:07:20,187 --> 00:07:22,103 The rainbow kingdom. 167 00:07:22,187 --> 00:07:24,228 Yes. 168 00:07:24,937 --> 00:07:26,437 Can I ask why you got into comedy? 169 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,771 You seem... you seem pretty normal. 170 00:07:29,854 --> 00:07:31,371 - I mean, you know what I mean. - Yeah. 171 00:07:31,395 --> 00:07:34,145 - Like, we're... we're a bruised people. - Yeah. 172 00:07:34,228 --> 00:07:36,270 - What happened to you? - Um... 173 00:07:36,354 --> 00:07:39,562 I feel... It was just, like, a result of my surroundings, kind of? 174 00:07:39,646 --> 00:07:42,103 I grew up in this, like, low-income, black neighborhood. 175 00:07:42,187 --> 00:07:45,103 I went to this, like, rich, white school, 176 00:07:45,187 --> 00:07:48,395 and... I just felt, like, I don't know, growing up, 177 00:07:48,479 --> 00:07:51,562 like, "funny" was a more stable identity 178 00:07:51,646 --> 00:07:55,729 than whatever I had to do to, like, go back and forth between that. 179 00:07:55,812 --> 00:07:58,312 So I just, like, was, like, "Okay if I'm the funny kid, 180 00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:01,103 then I'm the funny kid no matter where I am." 181 00:08:01,187 --> 00:08:03,978 'Cause, you know... And it's also, like, nobody funny-bashes. 182 00:08:04,062 --> 00:08:05,437 You know? 183 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,020 Like, no one is gonna attack you 184 00:08:07,103 --> 00:08:09,270 for doing bits in a conversation. 185 00:08:09,354 --> 00:08:11,270 I wish there wasn't any bashing. 186 00:08:11,354 --> 00:08:14,978 That'd be ideal, but then I might not be a comedian, so... 187 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:16,978 Have you ever been to The Cellar? 188 00:08:17,062 --> 00:08:19,145 Um, no, I've seen, like, videos of it. 189 00:08:19,228 --> 00:08:21,687 That's where, like, Schumer goes up with, like, Madonna. 190 00:08:21,771 --> 00:08:23,437 - Yeah. Right? You never know. - Right. 191 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,978 You never know who's gonna go up. 192 00:08:25,062 --> 00:08:27,103 Sometimes it's Schumer, you might follow Chappelle, 193 00:08:27,187 --> 00:08:28,978 Rock... it's all the best ones. 194 00:08:29,062 --> 00:08:31,437 Like, even getting an audition at the Cellar? 195 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,354 I mean, it's huge. It's a really, really big deal. 196 00:08:34,437 --> 00:08:37,729 - Wow. - So somebody vouched for me, I get to go up... 197 00:08:37,812 --> 00:08:40,812 even that, it's like, it's just an honor to be nominated. 198 00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:43,020 But if I kill, and everybody kills, 199 00:08:43,103 --> 00:08:46,228 you get in... now I'm doing two-to-three spots a night, 200 00:08:46,312 --> 00:08:47,752 instead of two-to-three spots a week. 201 00:08:47,812 --> 00:08:49,437 - Wow. - The right people see me, 202 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,312 I get a late-night spot, maybe I get a half-hour, 203 00:08:52,395 --> 00:08:54,062 maybe I get an hour, maybe I tour, 204 00:08:54,145 --> 00:08:56,646 maybe I open for somebody, I mean... 205 00:08:56,729 --> 00:08:58,520 - Dude, that's awesome! - It's incredible. 206 00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:00,604 - That's really cool. - I mean... 207 00:09:00,687 --> 00:09:02,354 I don't want to say New York's my town, 208 00:09:02,437 --> 00:09:05,187 but it's kind of, you know, it is, it's my town. 209 00:09:07,812 --> 00:09:10,395 - ♪ Can I kick it? ♪ - ♪ Yes, you can ♪ 210 00:09:10,479 --> 00:09:11,937 Okay, come in. 211 00:09:12,729 --> 00:09:14,937 Okay. Pretty nice. 212 00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:17,771 Yeah, I'm never here as you can tell. 213 00:09:17,854 --> 00:09:19,562 It's basically just a crash pad. 214 00:09:24,479 --> 00:09:26,437 Obviously, that's The Cellar. 215 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:27,729 Uh-huh. 216 00:09:27,812 --> 00:09:29,562 - Around the corner is The Boston. - Uh-huh. 217 00:09:29,646 --> 00:09:31,413 It's in New York, but they call it The Boston. 218 00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:32,896 That's where I started out. 219 00:09:32,978 --> 00:09:34,937 That's where a lot of the greats start out. 220 00:09:39,978 --> 00:09:41,562 - Hey! - Ho! Petey! 221 00:09:41,646 --> 00:09:43,354 - What's going on? - Hey, buddy! 222 00:09:43,437 --> 00:09:46,562 - Back from the... back from the college tour, right? - Yeah. Oh my God! 223 00:09:46,646 --> 00:09:49,228 It's so good to be back! How are shows, selling? 224 00:09:49,312 --> 00:09:52,103 Oh, it's great! Yeah! It's, um... It's actually doing well, you know? 225 00:09:52,187 --> 00:09:54,729 - Good! - You know this Comedy Cellar around the corner, 226 00:09:54,812 --> 00:09:56,532 everybody's showing up to see whether or not 227 00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:58,162 one of the disgraced comedians are gonna 228 00:09:58,228 --> 00:09:59,868 come back and make an appearance, and, uh, 229 00:09:59,896 --> 00:10:04,270 they fill up, people find their way over here. Overflow, baby! 230 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:06,794 - That's great! - Yeah, it's cool. We're selling some tickets. 231 00:10:06,854 --> 00:10:08,771 - Good. It's good to be back. - Yeah. 232 00:10:08,854 --> 00:10:11,020 - This is Jaboukie. - Jaboody? 233 00:10:11,103 --> 00:10:13,395 - Jaboukie, with a "K." - Jaboukie. 234 00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:16,562 - Star Wars? - He opened for me on my coll... 235 00:10:16,646 --> 00:10:18,288 - well, one of the college shows. - Oh yeah? 236 00:10:18,312 --> 00:10:19,913 I just wanted to show him the old haunt, that's all. 237 00:10:19,937 --> 00:10:22,103 "Old haunt." All right, hotshot. 238 00:10:22,187 --> 00:10:24,270 Nah, listen, it's good to see you. Come on in. 239 00:10:24,354 --> 00:10:26,854 I had to call for a cab to the airport and I said, 240 00:10:26,937 --> 00:10:28,854 "Uh, hey, can I get a taxi 241 00:10:28,937 --> 00:10:31,937 to LaGuardia at noon tomorrow?" 242 00:10:32,020 --> 00:10:35,479 And the guy goes, "Okay, bye!" 243 00:10:39,729 --> 00:10:42,103 Hey, maybe don't hang up the phone just yet. 244 00:10:43,937 --> 00:10:47,354 Aren't you supposed to ask me for my address, 245 00:10:47,437 --> 00:10:50,978 tell me how much this is going to cost, or, I don't know, 246 00:10:51,062 --> 00:10:52,479 do anything at all to convince me 247 00:10:52,562 --> 00:10:55,812 a transaction has just been made over the telephone? 248 00:10:57,228 --> 00:11:00,187 Here's the weirdest part: he showed up! 249 00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,228 Pretty popular guy. 250 00:11:04,312 --> 00:11:05,978 I, uh, I gotta say hi to somebody. 251 00:11:06,062 --> 00:11:07,354 Real quick. I'll be right back. 252 00:11:07,437 --> 00:11:08,896 I'm in a relationship now. 253 00:11:08,978 --> 00:11:11,854 I have a girlfriend who is... 254 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:14,646 Hey. 255 00:11:14,729 --> 00:11:15,729 Hey. 256 00:11:17,896 --> 00:11:20,395 Okay. Good to see you. 257 00:11:21,395 --> 00:11:23,312 That was weird, sorry. 258 00:11:23,395 --> 00:11:26,020 I'm, uh, I'm back. I'm back. 259 00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,103 - In the flesh. - Yeah. 260 00:11:29,103 --> 00:11:30,896 It's good to see you. 261 00:11:30,978 --> 00:11:32,187 Mmm-hmm. 262 00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:34,187 How are you? 263 00:11:34,270 --> 00:11:36,937 Well, I'm at The Boston, so... 264 00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:40,354 It's not so bad. I was in Maryland this morning. 265 00:11:40,437 --> 00:11:41,437 Mm. 266 00:11:42,062 --> 00:11:44,437 I bet they didn't pay you in fries. 267 00:11:47,395 --> 00:11:48,771 I'm, uh... 268 00:11:48,854 --> 00:11:51,395 Yeah, I'm done with colleges for the summer. 269 00:11:51,479 --> 00:11:54,187 I'm excited to get back into the New York scene, you know? 270 00:11:54,270 --> 00:11:57,479 I'm nervous, but, I mean, I'm excited, too, I think. 271 00:11:57,562 --> 00:11:59,896 Um, hey, Pete, uh, 272 00:11:59,978 --> 00:12:02,854 I'm not trying to be callous, but... 273 00:12:02,937 --> 00:12:04,812 I don't care. 274 00:12:05,646 --> 00:12:07,354 Hey, what's up, everybody? 275 00:12:07,437 --> 00:12:09,020 Clap your hands, right? 276 00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,604 I'm sorry. 277 00:12:12,020 --> 00:12:13,771 I'm sorry... 278 00:12:13,854 --> 00:12:16,812 about, I... the whole thing, I mean... 279 00:12:16,896 --> 00:12:19,103 it was shitty. 280 00:12:19,187 --> 00:12:20,646 I didn't mean to break up with you 281 00:12:20,729 --> 00:12:23,479 on a street corner, after a show. 282 00:12:24,187 --> 00:12:26,312 Okay. 283 00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:29,520 I really am sorry. 284 00:12:31,395 --> 00:12:34,646 Hmm, I kind of felt it that time. 285 00:12:35,896 --> 00:12:38,312 Congrats on being a human being. 286 00:12:38,395 --> 00:12:40,312 Hey, thanks. 287 00:12:41,771 --> 00:12:43,896 What's happening here? What is this? 288 00:12:43,978 --> 00:12:46,020 What the fuck is that jacket? 289 00:12:46,103 --> 00:12:47,646 I'm trying something new. 290 00:12:47,729 --> 00:12:48,729 It's G-Star. 291 00:12:48,812 --> 00:12:50,937 Are you sure you should be wearing that? 292 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:53,437 You're neither a G nor a star. 293 00:13:04,854 --> 00:13:06,103 Is this it? 294 00:13:06,187 --> 00:13:07,604 - This is it. - Okay. 295 00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:08,937 Crazy, right? 296 00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:11,187 This is my... Uh, Kev! 297 00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:12,854 - Hey! What's up? - What's up, man? 298 00:13:12,937 --> 00:13:14,079 This is, uh, this is Jaboukie. 299 00:13:14,103 --> 00:13:15,413 Jaboukie, this is Kevin, my manager. 300 00:13:15,437 --> 00:13:16,496 - Hey, what's up? - What's up? 301 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:17,646 Nice to meet you. 302 00:13:17,729 --> 00:13:19,413 You want to head in? I'll meet you down there? 303 00:13:19,437 --> 00:13:21,978 - Yeah, just, uh... - Yeah, the white one. 304 00:13:22,771 --> 00:13:24,091 - What's up, man? - How you doing? 305 00:13:24,145 --> 00:13:26,270 - I feel great. Thanks for being here. - Yeah? 306 00:13:26,354 --> 00:13:27,812 - You ready? - Yeah. 307 00:13:27,896 --> 00:13:29,687 Do you have your set list? 308 00:13:30,395 --> 00:13:33,145 - Yeah. - You sure you're ready? 309 00:13:33,228 --> 00:13:34,646 Yeah. 310 00:13:34,729 --> 00:13:37,562 Good, because if you fuck this up, the door closes. 311 00:13:39,562 --> 00:13:41,312 - Yeah, I'm gonna... - Yeah, have fun. 312 00:13:41,395 --> 00:13:43,062 - I want you to have fun. - Okay. 313 00:13:52,145 --> 00:13:54,228 - Oh, hey! - Hey! 314 00:13:54,312 --> 00:13:55,687 What's going on? 315 00:13:56,729 --> 00:13:58,312 Uh, just did a spot. 316 00:13:58,395 --> 00:13:59,395 Here? 317 00:13:59,437 --> 00:14:00,812 - Yes. - Holy shit! 318 00:14:00,896 --> 00:14:02,520 - Yeah! - I didn't know you were passed. 319 00:14:02,604 --> 00:14:04,729 - Oh, I mean... - Wow! 320 00:14:04,812 --> 00:14:08,646 I do, like, one spot every, like, two weeks or something. 321 00:14:08,729 --> 00:14:09,812 That's crazy. 322 00:14:09,896 --> 00:14:12,729 I, uh... it's my audition. 323 00:14:12,812 --> 00:14:14,687 - I'm auditioning tonight. - Cool. 324 00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:17,520 Yeah, I would love it if you could, uh, stay. 325 00:14:18,062 --> 00:14:21,270 Uh, yeah, I'll try to stick around and watch. 326 00:14:21,354 --> 00:14:22,896 - I mean, great! - Yeah! 327 00:14:22,978 --> 00:14:25,455 - I would love that! Yes! - All right, well have fun! Yeah, yeah! 328 00:14:25,479 --> 00:14:27,812 - Right. Bye-bye. - Okay, see you later. 329 00:14:27,896 --> 00:14:30,479 - Peter! How are you, brother? - Pete! 330 00:14:31,145 --> 00:14:32,520 Oh my gosh, you both made it! 331 00:14:32,604 --> 00:14:33,854 - Yeah. - I'm so glad. 332 00:14:33,937 --> 00:14:35,354 It's so good to see you. 333 00:14:35,437 --> 00:14:37,479 We just got back from two weeks in Tulum. 334 00:14:37,562 --> 00:14:39,437 - Tulum? - It was magical. 335 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:40,812 - Tulum? - Yeah. 336 00:14:40,896 --> 00:14:42,854 We swam with baby tortugas. 337 00:14:42,937 --> 00:14:44,646 - Wow! - Oh God, Peter, 338 00:14:44,729 --> 00:14:46,395 it took us to the next level, man. 339 00:14:46,479 --> 00:14:48,479 - Without putting any labels on it. - Yeah. 340 00:14:48,562 --> 00:14:51,228 So you... you guys are, like, together now? 341 00:14:51,312 --> 00:14:53,520 - Oh, I mean... - We are. 342 00:14:53,604 --> 00:14:54,646 We just are. 343 00:14:54,729 --> 00:14:57,312 But are... are you dating other people? 344 00:14:57,771 --> 00:14:59,687 - No, I'm not. - No, me too. 345 00:14:59,771 --> 00:15:02,520 So you guys are... that's great... you're together! 346 00:15:02,604 --> 00:15:04,020 That's how you see it. 347 00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:08,228 Peter, don't put us in one of your boxes. 348 00:15:08,312 --> 00:15:10,937 - But you look good! - Yeah, are you excited? 349 00:15:11,020 --> 00:15:12,354 - I am, yeah. - Okay. 350 00:15:12,437 --> 00:15:14,729 I feel like I've been training for a marathon, so... 351 00:15:14,812 --> 00:15:17,270 Not that I've ever run a marathon, but, you know... 352 00:15:17,354 --> 00:15:20,312 Yeah, I do know. I have run a marathon. 353 00:15:20,395 --> 00:15:23,395 Well, not a marathon, 26 miles. Just because... 354 00:15:23,479 --> 00:15:25,896 that's the road that was in front of me. 355 00:15:25,978 --> 00:15:29,354 - You're gonna do great. - Artie! Hey! 356 00:15:29,437 --> 00:15:32,228 I just saw somebody that I'm very excited to see. 357 00:15:32,312 --> 00:15:34,312 - I'm gonna... Thank you for coming. - Cool. 358 00:15:34,395 --> 00:15:36,479 - I'll see you after. - Yeah. 359 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:38,771 Artie! 360 00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:40,103 Hey, hey, hey! 361 00:15:40,187 --> 00:15:42,520 - What's up, man? - Hey, buddy, good to see you. 362 00:15:42,604 --> 00:15:43,771 Jeez, look at you! 363 00:15:43,854 --> 00:15:45,896 Hey, it's good to see you guys! This is fun! 364 00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:47,771 Yeah, Pete, is that a camouflage jacket? 365 00:15:47,854 --> 00:15:49,145 Yeah, it's G-Star. 366 00:15:49,228 --> 00:15:50,830 What, were you in the Cupcake Wars? 367 00:15:50,854 --> 00:15:53,812 - Thank you for your sacrifice. - Estee, I'm... I'm Pete. 368 00:15:53,896 --> 00:15:55,062 - Who? - Pete Holmes. 369 00:15:55,145 --> 00:15:56,580 - I'm auditioning for you. - Pete Holmes, 370 00:15:56,604 --> 00:15:57,747 the guy I was telling you about. 371 00:15:57,771 --> 00:15:59,131 The tall drink of milk. Funny kid. 372 00:15:59,187 --> 00:16:00,729 - Artie vouched for me. - I did. 373 00:16:00,812 --> 00:16:03,020 - You're going on after Elon. - Okay. 374 00:16:03,103 --> 00:16:06,687 Five minutes, light at four. Don't go over. 375 00:16:06,771 --> 00:16:08,437 - I aim to please. - Just like sex. 376 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,520 Yeah, yeah. It's really great to meet you. 377 00:16:10,604 --> 00:16:12,604 Thank you. Thank you, thank you. 378 00:16:12,687 --> 00:16:15,437 - All right, Pete. We got it. - Thank you again. 379 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:17,562 - Take a walk. - All right. 380 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,228 - Okay, see you. - See ya later, Pete. 381 00:16:40,687 --> 00:16:43,145 I had a stroke, man. I had a stroke. 382 00:16:43,228 --> 00:16:45,312 No, that's not funny. Don't laugh at that shit. 383 00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:47,062 Who's fucking laughing? 384 00:16:47,145 --> 00:16:49,896 And one thing I learned about having a stroke and being in New York: 385 00:16:49,978 --> 00:16:51,687 Nobody gives a fuck about your stroke, 386 00:16:51,771 --> 00:16:53,187 that's for sure. 387 00:16:53,270 --> 00:16:55,455 You walk down the street, they, "Get the fuck out the way!" 388 00:16:55,479 --> 00:16:57,270 "What the fuck, man?" 389 00:16:57,354 --> 00:16:58,538 "Get the hell in the stroke lane!" 390 00:16:58,562 --> 00:17:01,479 "What the fuck is a stroke lane, man?" 391 00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:06,228 And then... and then you gotta cross that street! 392 00:17:06,312 --> 00:17:07,978 That long-ass street with the countdown... 393 00:17:08,062 --> 00:17:09,462 the light with the countdown on it. 394 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,854 It starts counting down, and my heart starts racing. 395 00:17:11,937 --> 00:17:15,020 Oh, shit! What the fuck! 396 00:17:15,103 --> 00:17:18,395 17... 16... 397 00:17:18,479 --> 00:17:21,395 All of a sudden, I'm in a race with an old bitch in a walker. 398 00:17:21,479 --> 00:17:23,854 15... 399 00:17:25,604 --> 00:17:27,978 All right, man. Y'all ready to keep this show going, man? 400 00:17:28,062 --> 00:17:29,479 Let's hear this shit, man! 401 00:17:29,562 --> 00:17:32,520 Come on, man, we got more show. 402 00:17:32,604 --> 00:17:35,437 Got a special guest spot coming... stopping past. 403 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:36,646 Very funny guy. 404 00:17:36,729 --> 00:17:38,812 Clubs and colleges all around the country. 405 00:17:38,896 --> 00:17:42,896 Give it up for Pete Holmes! Come on, man! Pete Holmes! 406 00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:44,937 Pete! 407 00:17:47,854 --> 00:17:49,270 Thank you! 408 00:17:49,978 --> 00:17:52,103 Wow, Keith Robinson! Keep it going for Keith. 409 00:17:55,145 --> 00:17:58,020 Wow, look at this. Look at that. 410 00:17:58,103 --> 00:17:59,978 I don't know. I don't know Comedy Cellar, 411 00:18:00,062 --> 00:18:01,687 you know, if I'm gonna... 412 00:18:01,771 --> 00:18:03,771 You might have to put in a skylight for me. 413 00:18:03,854 --> 00:18:06,187 This isn't right. 414 00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:07,646 You guys pee in the pool? 415 00:18:07,729 --> 00:18:09,288 Clap your hands if you pee in the pool. 416 00:18:09,312 --> 00:18:11,187 Don't be afraid. 417 00:18:11,270 --> 00:18:14,562 Pee. No pee. Pee. Pee. No pee. 418 00:18:14,646 --> 00:18:17,520 All the no pee-ers, you gotta pee in the pool. 419 00:18:17,604 --> 00:18:19,729 It is one of the truest acts of freedom 420 00:18:19,812 --> 00:18:21,479 you can do as a human adult. 421 00:18:21,562 --> 00:18:24,937 To stand up to here in water, three feet away from a stranger, 422 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,771 just like, "What's going on?" 423 00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:37,020 "Let's get closer." 424 00:18:37,103 --> 00:18:39,354 We used to pee so much in the pool when I was a kid, 425 00:18:39,437 --> 00:18:42,687 they actually went so far as to put a chemical in the water 426 00:18:42,771 --> 00:18:45,270 that would make the water turn red if you peed in it. 427 00:18:45,354 --> 00:18:47,520 Anybody else have a pool that did this? 428 00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:49,228 We used to try and frame kids. 429 00:18:49,312 --> 00:18:52,312 We'd swim up to them real close, pee, then swim away. 430 00:18:52,395 --> 00:18:54,646 They'd get kicked out. 431 00:18:54,729 --> 00:18:56,854 But the best thing to do was to go on the high-dive, 432 00:18:56,937 --> 00:18:58,729 the highest diving board they had, 433 00:18:58,812 --> 00:19:02,187 run off, pee your pants in mid-air. 434 00:19:02,270 --> 00:19:04,604 When you hit the water, do the dead-man's float. 435 00:19:04,687 --> 00:19:07,312 The water turned red. 436 00:19:07,395 --> 00:19:09,604 Everyone thought you exploded. 437 00:19:09,687 --> 00:19:12,978 Thank you, guys, very much! What a thrill! 438 00:19:13,062 --> 00:19:15,312 Comedy Cellar! Woo! Thank you! 439 00:19:20,854 --> 00:19:23,270 All right. Give it up for Pete Holmes, man! 440 00:19:23,354 --> 00:19:26,312 - Woo! - Woo! 441 00:19:26,395 --> 00:19:29,228 - Jaboukie! - Dude, that's so good! 442 00:19:29,312 --> 00:19:30,832 - Man! - Like, for real, you killed it. 443 00:19:30,896 --> 00:19:33,145 I fucking... They're right there, they're right there. 444 00:19:33,228 --> 00:19:36,978 - They're so good! That was amazing! - Yeah. Yeah, great job! 445 00:19:37,062 --> 00:19:38,395 Thank you! 446 00:19:40,187 --> 00:19:43,228 What's going on? What are you... What's going on? 447 00:19:43,312 --> 00:19:44,812 Oh! Uh, um... 448 00:19:44,896 --> 00:19:47,562 I actually hit up the person that I knew in New York, 449 00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:49,604 and they ended up getting me a spot. 450 00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:52,103 You... here? Here? 451 00:19:52,187 --> 00:19:54,978 Yeah, I'm shocked, too. Yeah. 452 00:19:55,062 --> 00:19:57,145 Oh my God! Dude, who? 453 00:19:57,228 --> 00:19:58,646 Michelle Wolf. 454 00:19:59,187 --> 00:20:02,854 She's, like, college friends with my sister, and I saw her. 455 00:20:02,937 --> 00:20:04,562 You hit up Michelle Wolf? 456 00:20:04,646 --> 00:20:05,812 Yeah, uh, she... 457 00:20:05,896 --> 00:20:08,187 I, like, saw her last Christmas or whatever. 458 00:20:08,270 --> 00:20:12,520 Dude, that's amazing. You should have told me. 459 00:20:12,604 --> 00:20:14,854 I want to meet Michelle Wolf. 460 00:20:14,937 --> 00:20:16,228 - Yeah, she's cool. - Right? 461 00:20:16,312 --> 00:20:18,103 - Yeah, she's cool. - She's cool! 462 00:20:18,187 --> 00:20:20,354 It's just a guest set, but they're amazing. 463 00:20:20,437 --> 00:20:21,479 You're gonna fucking kill. 464 00:20:21,562 --> 00:20:23,228 - Yeah? They're good? - It's amazing! 465 00:20:23,312 --> 00:20:25,604 Yes! Look at us, man! 466 00:20:26,729 --> 00:20:28,455 Yesterday morning, we were at Goucher College. 467 00:20:28,479 --> 00:20:29,896 Now, big-time. 468 00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:33,228 - This is what I said we'd do... lighting it up! - Right. Yeah. 469 00:20:33,312 --> 00:20:35,062 I'm proud of you. I'm happy for you. 470 00:20:35,145 --> 00:20:39,520 Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Jaboukie Young-White! 471 00:20:42,729 --> 00:20:45,479 Come on, man! Jaboukie! 472 00:20:47,562 --> 00:20:49,562 What's up? What's up? 473 00:20:49,646 --> 00:20:52,062 Michelle fucking Wolf. 474 00:20:52,145 --> 00:20:56,145 What's up? I'm multiracial. Anybody multiracial? 475 00:20:56,228 --> 00:21:00,103 Anybody? Yeah, yeah! Awesome! 476 00:21:00,187 --> 00:21:03,395 Um, I am, and it's kind of weird, though, 477 00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:06,270 'cause, like, I've noticed that my race changes from city to city 478 00:21:06,354 --> 00:21:08,604 in, like, a weird way. Like, when I'm in Chicago, 479 00:21:08,687 --> 00:21:10,647 people just think that I'm half black, half white. 480 00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:13,896 When I'm in New York, people think that I'm Puerto Rican. 481 00:21:13,978 --> 00:21:17,145 But when I'm in CVS, everyone thinks I'm stealing. 482 00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:23,312 Which is, like, really frustrating, 'cause I am. 483 00:21:23,854 --> 00:21:26,771 I don't know how to drive. I can't drive, 484 00:21:26,854 --> 00:21:29,937 so I just gotta, like, Uber everywhere, like, if I need to drive. 485 00:21:30,020 --> 00:21:32,854 And for the first time, the other day, I had an Uber driver 486 00:21:32,937 --> 00:21:36,604 that had a 3.8 rating. 487 00:21:36,687 --> 00:21:39,062 Like, are you murdering people? 488 00:21:41,228 --> 00:21:42,687 What's going on? 489 00:21:42,771 --> 00:21:45,270 I, like, got out the car, like, zig-zagged into my apartment, 490 00:21:45,354 --> 00:21:47,687 just in case he, like... 491 00:21:47,771 --> 00:21:50,854 Just like, "Aah!" 492 00:21:50,978 --> 00:21:53,103 Just, like, blow-darts me, takes my phone, 493 00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:54,812 gives himself five stars. 494 00:21:56,687 --> 00:21:58,479 These drivers be thirsty. 495 00:22:23,562 --> 00:22:25,395 Hello. Pete. 496 00:22:26,687 --> 00:22:28,187 Thank you. 497 00:22:34,937 --> 00:22:36,771 - Thank you. - Sure. 498 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,729 Pellegrino. 499 00:22:46,395 --> 00:22:47,646 So... 500 00:22:48,771 --> 00:22:49,771 So. 501 00:22:51,937 --> 00:22:53,896 You're not ready. 502 00:22:54,937 --> 00:22:58,562 Really? I... I thought I killed. 503 00:22:58,646 --> 00:23:01,562 I mean, they... I killed. 504 00:23:01,646 --> 00:23:03,228 No. 505 00:23:03,312 --> 00:23:07,771 A strong bomb is better than a weak kill. 506 00:23:08,312 --> 00:23:13,562 Is there... Sorry. What? What? 507 00:23:13,646 --> 00:23:17,646 Who are you, why are you, and why now? 508 00:23:18,187 --> 00:23:21,103 I have plenty of white guys talking about nothing. 509 00:23:21,187 --> 00:23:25,687 Is it... is there something, I mean... 510 00:23:25,771 --> 00:23:29,270 Look, it didn't do anything for me. 511 00:23:29,937 --> 00:23:32,896 - Estee! - Oh hi, Greer! 512 00:23:32,978 --> 00:23:36,187 - How are you? Sit down, sit down. - Good. Good. 513 00:23:36,270 --> 00:23:38,062 - How was it? - Oh, it was fantastic. 514 00:23:38,145 --> 00:23:39,854 - Wanda Sykes stopped in. - Really? 515 00:23:39,937 --> 00:23:44,604 - Yeah, she did well. - I don't expect anything less from her. 516 00:23:57,978 --> 00:23:59,913 My go-to. The only thing that stays the same 517 00:23:59,937 --> 00:24:03,395 is the fact that I get followed in like every CVS, basically. 518 00:24:03,479 --> 00:24:05,020 And every city has a CVS. 519 00:24:05,103 --> 00:24:07,771 - Exactly! So it works. - Hey, man. 520 00:24:07,854 --> 00:24:11,479 - Uh, what's going on? What's up? - Hey, what's up? 521 00:24:12,103 --> 00:24:15,978 - Uh, Estee, this is, uh, this is Jaboukie. - I know. 522 00:24:16,062 --> 00:24:19,687 He, um, he's my opener. I mean, one time. 523 00:24:20,270 --> 00:24:23,937 So, um, send me your avails. You can e-mail them, 524 00:24:24,020 --> 00:24:26,604 - or you can text me, okay? - Okay. 525 00:24:26,687 --> 00:24:30,771 - My number is 917... - 917. 526 00:24:30,854 --> 00:24:32,729 - 439... - 439. 527 00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:45,103 Okay, you're gonna... Okay. 528 00:24:50,562 --> 00:24:53,187 Actually, it's pretty good pizza... 529 00:24:53,270 --> 00:24:55,437 Oh, hey! Pete! 530 00:24:56,562 --> 00:24:57,771 Hey! 531 00:24:57,854 --> 00:25:00,145 ♪ That was a good set! ♪ 532 00:25:00,228 --> 00:25:02,395 Are you fucking with me? 533 00:25:03,771 --> 00:25:06,646 No, it was really good. Why? What'd she say? 534 00:25:06,729 --> 00:25:09,145 She said no! 535 00:25:09,228 --> 00:25:11,354 She said a bunch of fucking riddles, 536 00:25:11,437 --> 00:25:13,395 and then she said no. It's a no. 537 00:25:13,479 --> 00:25:15,228 Oh, I'm really sorry. 538 00:25:15,896 --> 00:25:17,812 - What? - This must be a big moment for you. 539 00:25:17,896 --> 00:25:19,896 This is your I-told-you-so, right? 540 00:25:19,978 --> 00:25:22,520 - What? - Everything you said: I'm fucking corny, 541 00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:24,937 I'm not an artist, I'm not one of the cool kids, right? 542 00:25:25,020 --> 00:25:26,978 What the fuck are you talking about? 543 00:25:27,062 --> 00:25:30,145 I'm not rooting against you, okay? 544 00:25:30,228 --> 00:25:33,604 I hate to break it to you, but I'm not invested in you on that level. 545 00:25:33,687 --> 00:25:34,920 I just wanted to tell you 546 00:25:34,921 --> 00:25:37,354 that you had a good set, because you fucking did. 547 00:25:37,437 --> 00:25:40,187 So relax, and quit being a fucking little bitch. 548 00:25:40,270 --> 00:25:43,123 - Well, clearly I didn't have a fucking good set. - You did! 549 00:25:43,124 --> 00:25:44,884 - I didn't. - I watched you! So what, you didn't get passed, 550 00:25:44,885 --> 00:25:48,771 - it's fine! - This has been six months, do you understand? 551 00:25:48,854 --> 00:25:51,187 - It kept me fucking... - Oh my God! Six months! Ha! 552 00:25:51,270 --> 00:25:52,872 You don't know what it's like. I'm on the fucking... 553 00:25:52,896 --> 00:25:55,020 - I don't know what it's like? - Yes, you don't! 554 00:25:55,103 --> 00:25:59,771 I fucking wasted, like, half the year for this! I... 555 00:26:00,604 --> 00:26:03,103 - I'm sorry. Thank you for coming. - I'm... I really am sorry! 556 00:26:03,187 --> 00:26:06,437 You were great. I think you got screwed. 557 00:26:08,896 --> 00:26:12,646 I appreciate... I appreciate the support. 558 00:26:13,354 --> 00:26:16,562 I haven't seen that type of look in her eyes 559 00:26:16,646 --> 00:26:19,187 since '92 when Chappelle went on stage. 560 00:26:19,270 --> 00:26:22,479 - Yo! - Yeah, no bullshit, man. 561 00:26:22,562 --> 00:26:25,270 And she had that look like, "Oh!" 562 00:26:25,354 --> 00:26:26,562 You know what I mean? 563 00:26:26,646 --> 00:26:29,062 And it pissed me off, to be honest with you. 564 00:26:29,145 --> 00:26:31,354 Jaboukie. Jaboukie! 565 00:26:31,437 --> 00:26:33,103 Let's go, man, I called the Uber. 566 00:26:33,687 --> 00:26:37,312 - All right. No problem, man. - Yeah, thanks, man. 567 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,437 You definitely should've gotten a spot, too. 568 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,103 Like, I don't know what 569 00:26:49,187 --> 00:26:52,187 was going on with that lady or whatever, but... 570 00:26:52,604 --> 00:26:55,687 No, man, you were great. That was a great set. 571 00:26:55,771 --> 00:27:00,103 - You're really fucking funny. - Um, thanks, but like, I mean, 572 00:27:00,187 --> 00:27:02,437 that was, like, a fluke, you know, I probably couldn't 573 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,145 - do that again if I had to. - Don't. 574 00:27:05,228 --> 00:27:09,354 Don't downplay it. You'll kill next time. 575 00:27:09,437 --> 00:27:10,729 I'll be fine. You did... 576 00:27:10,812 --> 00:27:13,395 I just want to get the fuck out of here. 577 00:27:15,937 --> 00:27:20,103 - Come on. - I'm actually gonna hang back if that's cool? 578 00:27:20,187 --> 00:27:22,854 It's just, like, I'm never really in New York, so like... 579 00:27:24,771 --> 00:27:26,062 - Yeah. No, okay. - Yeah. 580 00:27:26,145 --> 00:27:29,604 - I really appreciate it. - Have fun. 581 00:27:38,228 --> 00:27:39,479 Fuck. 582 00:27:44,896 --> 00:27:46,646 - Artie... - I saw the set. 583 00:27:46,729 --> 00:27:50,145 Motherfucker, don't fuck with me right now. I'm serious! 584 00:27:50,228 --> 00:27:52,479 I can't fucking take this right now, okay? 585 00:27:52,562 --> 00:27:56,270 Okay, you're clearly upset. Let's work through this. 586 00:28:09,854 --> 00:28:11,937 Ooh! 587 00:28:12,729 --> 00:28:14,103 So what'd she say? 588 00:28:14,187 --> 00:28:16,687 She said I don't do anything for her. 589 00:28:16,771 --> 00:28:18,937 The kid's done it, like, five times! 590 00:28:19,020 --> 00:28:20,896 It's aggravating, but just get over it. 591 00:28:20,978 --> 00:28:22,978 He fucking jumped the line, okay? 592 00:28:23,062 --> 00:28:25,604 I've been grinding it out, it was my turn! 593 00:28:25,687 --> 00:28:27,437 He can't just swoop around me! 594 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:28,520 This is the game. 595 00:28:28,562 --> 00:28:29,937 You gotta get over this mountain, 596 00:28:30,020 --> 00:28:31,900 and especially in New York City, it's important. 597 00:28:31,937 --> 00:28:35,020 I mean, look, the booker thinks you're a hack, I'm sorry. 598 00:28:35,103 --> 00:28:36,354 You vouched for me! 599 00:28:36,437 --> 00:28:38,520 I've been know to make a lot of bad decisions. 600 00:28:38,604 --> 00:28:40,878 - Look at these goggles. - Artie, I thought I was helping him, 601 00:28:40,879 --> 00:28:42,827 - he didn't need me at all. - Welcome to life, man. 602 00:28:42,837 --> 00:28:44,687 You picked the wrong kid to mentor, dude. 603 00:28:44,771 --> 00:28:46,562 You mentor somebody who stinks, 604 00:28:46,646 --> 00:28:48,062 and you let him sleep on the couch. 605 00:28:48,145 --> 00:28:50,228 - Thanks. That's... that's nice. - Is that all right? 606 00:28:50,312 --> 00:28:53,228 Ah, I know it's bullshit, but, honestly, I'm sorry buddy. 607 00:28:53,312 --> 00:28:56,395 There's ups and downs. And look at me. 608 00:28:56,479 --> 00:28:59,896 Is there any more proof that things can get better? 609 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:02,896 Ha! 610 00:29:09,020 --> 00:29:11,854 ♪ All I am is all I need ♪ 611 00:29:11,937 --> 00:29:14,937 ♪ These city boy blues and these suicide queens ♪ 612 00:29:15,020 --> 00:29:17,896 ♪ And I said what I said 'cause I love you so much ♪ 613 00:29:17,978 --> 00:29:21,354 ♪ Now I'm pulling these wires on the cross city bus ♪ 614 00:29:21,437 --> 00:29:24,896 ♪ 'Cause tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight ♪ 615 00:29:24,978 --> 00:29:27,978 ♪ Yeah, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight ♪ 616 00:29:28,062 --> 00:29:30,937 ♪ All I want is what I can't take ♪ 617 00:29:31,020 --> 00:29:34,978 ♪ But tonight, tonight tonight, tonight ♪ 618 00:29:41,145 --> 00:29:43,687 ♪ All I am is all I know ♪ 619 00:29:43,771 --> 00:29:47,062 ♪ And it's drugstore love for these drugstore girls ♪ 620 00:29:47,145 --> 00:29:48,604 ♪ And I just want to feel ♪ 621 00:29:48,687 --> 00:29:50,103 ♪ What can never be sold ♪ 622 00:29:50,187 --> 00:29:53,437 ♪ And I don't wanna die in a nuclear war ♪ 623 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:56,937 ♪ Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight ♪ 624 00:29:57,020 --> 00:30:00,228 ♪ Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight ♪ 625 00:30:00,312 --> 00:30:02,771 ♪ Every fire, the fires inside ♪ 626 00:30:02,854 --> 00:30:06,270 ♪ But tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight ♪ 627 00:30:06,354 --> 00:30:09,062 ♪ Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight ♪ 628 00:30:09,063 --> 00:30:14,063 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 48036

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