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1
00:00:08,441 --> 00:00:10,443
(birds singing)
2
00:00:31,864 --> 00:00:34,067
Mm.
3
00:00:37,136 --> 00:00:38,738
Hey, you.
4
00:00:38,771 --> 00:00:40,774
Hey to you, mister.
5
00:00:42,408 --> 00:00:44,510
(sniffs)
Oh. Is that you?
6
00:00:44,543 --> 00:00:47,480
No, it's definitely you.
7
00:00:47,513 --> 00:00:49,714
Mm, and it's bad, too.
8
00:00:49,748 --> 00:00:52,184
No, it was me
last night.
9
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,820
I mean, you got
to remember that.
10
00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:55,354
It was awful.
11
00:00:55,387 --> 00:00:57,290
Yeah, but it was me
in the middle of the night.
12
00:00:57,323 --> 00:01:00,293
That was as nasty as anything
I've ever experienced.
13
00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:01,828
Yeah, you're right.
14
00:01:01,861 --> 00:01:04,230
Crept into my dreams
through my nostrils.
15
00:01:04,263 --> 00:01:05,631
(laughs)
16
00:01:05,664 --> 00:01:07,133
Okay, my turn.
17
00:01:07,166 --> 00:01:08,568
It's all you.
18
00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:09,735
(baby crying)
19
00:01:09,768 --> 00:01:12,238
Oh, there you go.
20
00:01:12,271 --> 00:01:13,639
(sniffs)
21
00:01:13,672 --> 00:01:16,609
Oh, you're so small.
It makes no sense.
22
00:01:16,642 --> 00:01:18,777
(indistinct chatter on TV)
23
00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:23,515
(laughs)
24
00:01:41,901 --> 00:01:44,737
(gargles)
25
00:01:44,770 --> 00:01:46,773
(laughs)
26
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:50,676
Friendly fire.
27
00:01:50,709 --> 00:01:52,846
(both laugh)
28
00:01:55,247 --> 00:01:57,817
Okay, so I put your latest
milky offerings in the freezer,
29
00:01:57,850 --> 00:01:59,485
older stuff in the fridge,
30
00:01:59,518 --> 00:02:01,687
and then there's a week's
worth of food for Mom.
31
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,457
Uh, I hope you like turkey
chili. It's mostly that
32
00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:06,158
in different sized
Tupperware containers.
33
00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:09,394
Uh, I don't know whether
to be grateful or offended.
34
00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:11,531
Alfie, I can
take care of myself.
35
00:02:11,564 --> 00:02:13,366
I'm sorry. I just...
36
00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:15,568
I guess I'm anxious about,
like, leaving you and Jasmine.
37
00:02:15,601 --> 00:02:17,403
You know, I don't
want to miss anything.
38
00:02:17,436 --> 00:02:19,906
(laughs) You're gonna
be gone for one day.
39
00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:21,307
I know, but, like,
what if I come back,
40
00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:22,508
and she looks
like Uncle Drew?
41
00:02:22,541 --> 00:02:24,710
(laughs)
Just go, okay?
42
00:02:24,743 --> 00:02:27,480
Everything will be just as
you left it when you get back.
43
00:02:27,513 --> 00:02:29,315
Except for one thing.
44
00:02:29,348 --> 00:02:32,919
Um... I think
I might be... ready.
45
00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:37,256
(laughs) Well, like...
like ready, ready?
46
00:02:37,289 --> 00:02:39,257
Yeah, player. (laughs)
47
00:02:39,291 --> 00:02:41,928
Well, uh, how do
you know I'm ready?
48
00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:44,530
Uh, because we haven't
smashed since high school,
49
00:02:44,563 --> 00:02:46,531
and you're tenting your Bonobos.
50
00:02:46,565 --> 00:02:49,368
Oh, yeah. No, I have
a full erection.
51
00:02:49,401 --> 00:02:52,705
Snuck up on me.
I guess I am ready.
52
00:02:52,738 --> 00:02:54,407
(door opens)
53
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,275
Dad?
54
00:02:56,308 --> 00:02:58,945
Dad? You ready?
55
00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:01,547
You bet I am.
56
00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:03,816
-(both laugh)
-ALF: Ooh!
57
00:03:03,849 --> 00:03:05,650
Is that Chris Tucker
I see on that Rascal?
58
00:03:05,684 --> 00:03:07,286
Who would have thought
I'd be able to fit
59
00:03:07,319 --> 00:03:08,787
-in my old triple-XLs?
-Who would have thought
60
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:12,225
the Briggs boys would be going
on a business trip together?
61
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:13,693
(both laughing)
62
00:03:13,726 --> 00:03:16,896
You know, I... I haven't
been back in ten years.
63
00:03:16,929 --> 00:03:18,564
But I should warn you,
64
00:03:18,597 --> 00:03:20,866
these things used to be
a bit of a bacchanal.
65
00:03:20,899 --> 00:03:22,368
What? I'm sorry.
66
00:03:22,401 --> 00:03:23,869
The Midwest Regional
Telemarketing Conference?
67
00:03:23,902 --> 00:03:25,370
Oh, yeah.
68
00:03:25,404 --> 00:03:28,774
It's pretty much an orgy
of food and... orgies.
69
00:03:28,807 --> 00:03:30,309
-Oh.
-I mean, telemarketers
70
00:03:30,342 --> 00:03:31,811
are like house cats.
71
00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:35,281
Once you take 'em outside,
ooh, boy, do they meow.
72
00:03:35,314 --> 00:03:37,650
Um, which means...
73
00:03:37,683 --> 00:03:39,552
that you and me have to
have each other's backs.
74
00:03:39,585 --> 00:03:42,355
Dad, I'm pretty sure
we're out of the woods, right?
75
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,757
-(both laugh)
-We got this.
76
00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:47,260
That's a throw to a smash cut
if I've ever heard one.
77
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,427
Huh?
78
00:03:48,460 --> 00:03:50,496
Ah, never mind.
Don't worry about it.
79
00:03:50,529 --> 00:03:52,665
Breakfast!
80
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,402
(sighs)
81
00:03:57,569 --> 00:03:59,804
(inhales deeply)
82
00:03:59,838 --> 00:04:01,374
Um,
83
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,442
I got to tell ya,
84
00:04:03,475 --> 00:04:08,781
Jamiroquai last night at
Ravinia-- they still got it.
85
00:04:08,814 --> 00:04:11,284
I assume. I've never
heard of them before.
86
00:04:11,317 --> 00:04:13,519
And next Tuesday,
87
00:04:13,552 --> 00:04:15,421
John Mayer and
the Heartbreakers.
88
00:04:15,454 --> 00:04:16,856
You should come with us.
89
00:04:16,889 --> 00:04:19,325
Uh, I think I have work,
but maybe.
90
00:04:19,358 --> 00:04:22,762
You've really stuck
with this job, kiddo.
91
00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:24,463
I'm so proud of you.
92
00:04:24,496 --> 00:04:26,565
Thanks. I mean, I feel good.
93
00:04:26,598 --> 00:04:28,567
ALANA:
Morning, boys.
94
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:29,935
Ah.
95
00:04:29,968 --> 00:04:32,905
Good morning,
fair lady. And, um,
96
00:04:32,938 --> 00:04:34,807
how did you sleep
last night?
97
00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:36,342
Barely.
98
00:04:36,375 --> 00:04:38,377
(chuckles loudly, moans)
99
00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:40,046
ALANA: Get in there.
All right, get out of there.
100
00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:42,048
(Burt laughs)
101
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,284
Ronnie.
102
00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:47,653
Good morning, Alana.
103
00:04:47,686 --> 00:04:48,988
Good morning, Ronnie.
104
00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:50,723
Come on, Ronnie.
105
00:04:50,756 --> 00:04:52,758
We went to high school together.
It's a little weird for me.
106
00:04:52,791 --> 00:04:54,827
-Ronnala.
-Dad, you've only
107
00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:56,896
-been dating for six weeks.
-I know.
108
00:04:56,929 --> 00:04:58,431
And guess what?
True love.
109
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,067
-Oh.
-So could you please just...
110
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,968
try it once for me?
111
00:05:03,001 --> 00:05:04,736
It would mean
a lot to me.
112
00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:07,840
Good morning, Mom.
113
00:05:07,873 --> 00:05:09,508
(chuckles)
114
00:05:09,541 --> 00:05:12,478
I'm actually okay
with him not calling me that.
115
00:05:15,614 --> 00:05:17,549
Fuego, fuego, fuego
116
00:05:17,583 --> 00:05:19,552
Fuego, fuego,
fuego
117
00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:22,755
Fuego, fuego, fuego
118
00:05:22,788 --> 00:05:25,424
Fuego, fuego,
fuego
119
00:05:25,457 --> 00:05:27,393
Fuego, fuego, fuego
120
00:05:27,426 --> 00:05:29,395
121
00:05:32,898 --> 00:05:35,701
122
00:05:35,734 --> 00:05:40,138
Wow. They really
love you, Dad. (chuckles)
123
00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:42,041
You okay?
124
00:05:42,074 --> 00:05:44,977
I just never thought I'd be
fit enough to get back here.
125
00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:46,679
Yeah. You're
basically wasting away
126
00:05:46,712 --> 00:05:48,381
in telemarketer-itaville.
127
00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:50,416
(chuckles)
128
00:05:50,449 --> 00:05:52,084
Look, don't worry about
that junk food, Dad.
129
00:05:52,117 --> 00:05:54,754
Look, in your trunk, I packed
a temptation emergency kit.
130
00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:56,655
It's got Sabra singles,
kale chips...
131
00:05:56,688 --> 00:05:58,457
LESTER:
I'll be goddamned!
132
00:05:58,490 --> 00:06:02,027
Lafonso. Welcome
back, big man.
133
00:06:02,060 --> 00:06:04,897
-Lester. Long time.
-Yeah.
134
00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:07,666
Don't worry. Not much been
going on for the last decade.
135
00:06:07,699 --> 00:06:10,636
Just my back-to-back,
to back-to-back, to back-to-back
136
00:06:10,669 --> 00:06:13,873
to back, to back surgery,
year off, to back, to back
137
00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:15,941
Telemarketer of the Year awards.
138
00:06:15,974 --> 00:06:17,575
(pops lips)
No biggie, really.
139
00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:19,010
Kudos, Lester.
140
00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:20,979
I read all about it
in the circular,
141
00:06:21,013 --> 00:06:23,048
but I was never in it
for the hardware.
142
00:06:23,081 --> 00:06:25,117
Yeah. Thank God for you.
143
00:06:25,150 --> 00:06:27,453
Aren't you gonna introduce me
to your boy toy?
144
00:06:27,486 --> 00:06:29,555
Actually, I'm just his toy.
145
00:06:29,588 --> 00:06:31,157
His boy. I'm his son.
146
00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:33,626
Look, time's up
on gay jokes, dude.
147
00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:35,461
Meow, young blood.
148
00:06:35,494 --> 00:06:37,496
Come on. Lester Noyce.
149
00:06:37,529 --> 00:06:38,831
Noyceto meet you.
150
00:06:38,864 --> 00:06:40,166
(laughs)
By the way,
151
00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:43,669
this is one sweet
vintage Rascal.
152
00:06:43,702 --> 00:06:45,838
ALF:
Actually, it's not vintage.
153
00:06:45,871 --> 00:06:48,140
It's a 2019 Frontier Sport.
154
00:06:48,173 --> 00:06:50,843
Eight miles per hour.
Top of the line.
155
00:06:50,876 --> 00:06:53,712
'19, huh? You
seen the '20s?
156
00:06:53,745 --> 00:06:55,781
Touch-screen
entertainment system,
157
00:06:55,814 --> 00:06:58,617
completely redesigned
aerodynamic body,
158
00:06:58,650 --> 00:07:00,686
-nine miles an hour.
-(Alf laughs)
159
00:07:00,719 --> 00:07:02,655
Yeah, we might fucks with one
of them when they drop.
160
00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:04,089
Oh. Let me know.
161
00:07:04,122 --> 00:07:06,759
I got a buddy who can hook
you up before they come out.
162
00:07:06,792 --> 00:07:09,027
Come on, son.
We need to check in.
163
00:07:09,061 --> 00:07:10,895
Anyhoo, really nice
to see you boys.
164
00:07:10,929 --> 00:07:12,565
Have fun.
165
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:14,800
Why don't you call
your friend right now?
166
00:07:14,833 --> 00:07:16,469
I don't need
a new scooter.
167
00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:17,870
Yeah.
168
00:07:17,903 --> 00:07:19,205
Why don't you listen
to your dad, son?
169
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:20,806
He doesn't want
to spend the money.
170
00:07:20,839 --> 00:07:23,008
(laughs)
But I do.
171
00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:24,877
Why don't you get your
friend on the phone
172
00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:27,213
-right now?
-All right.
173
00:07:27,246 --> 00:07:29,647
I guess you win.
174
00:07:29,681 --> 00:07:32,751
Actually...
(clicks tongue) I win.
175
00:07:32,784 --> 00:07:35,921
Told you I'd get that credit
card within two minutes.
176
00:07:35,954 --> 00:07:37,690
-Noyce!
-That's it, baby!
177
00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:39,625
-(laughter)
-MAN: Pay up!
178
00:07:39,658 --> 00:07:41,961
Welcome to the
show, rook.
179
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:43,563
Drive safe.
180
00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:46,198
Pay up, chumps.
181
00:07:46,231 --> 00:07:47,700
What just happened?
182
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:49,134
I haven't been
this turned around
183
00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:50,835
since my night
with Orlando Bloom.
184
00:07:50,869 --> 00:07:52,204
There's no shame in being taken
185
00:07:52,237 --> 00:07:54,907
by the Moist Voice
Rolls-Royce, Lester Noyce.
186
00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:56,242
My rookie year,
I gave him
187
00:07:56,275 --> 00:07:58,911
$2,500 in traveler's
checks for an Apple
188
00:07:58,944 --> 00:08:00,513
2-GQ.
189
00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,782
There is no Apple 2-GQ.
190
00:08:03,815 --> 00:08:05,184
Well, yeah, I-I knew that.
191
00:08:05,217 --> 00:08:07,019
That seems like
a pretty obvious scam, Dad.
192
00:08:07,052 --> 00:08:09,055
193
00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:13,092
WOMAN:
Thank you.
194
00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:15,595
(indistinct chatter)
195
00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:21,267
You want to give your mom
a happy Mother's Day?
196
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,537
Well, eight ounces of Coconut
Beach will get that job done.
197
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,605
But if you want to give
your mom a Mother's Day
198
00:08:26,638 --> 00:08:29,008
that'll be burned into her
memory and nostrils forever,
199
00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:31,243
and make her forget the time
you called her a bitch,
200
00:08:31,276 --> 00:08:36,081
may I suggest 54 ounces
of Brambleberry Pie?
201
00:08:36,114 --> 00:08:39,318
Forget her birthday?
Steppin' out? Or just 'cause?
202
00:08:39,351 --> 00:08:43,621
Doesn't matter. The answer's
the same: Reclaimed Driftwood.
203
00:08:43,655 --> 00:08:45,324
You only get one chance
to say good-bye, Lydia,
204
00:08:45,357 --> 00:08:48,861
and I'm not gonna let it smell
like shit-- Leather Breeze.
205
00:08:48,894 --> 00:08:50,095
Smokey Lexus.
206
00:08:50,128 --> 00:08:52,731
"Vanilla Sky" sucked.
207
00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:54,066
(sniffs)
208
00:08:54,099 --> 00:08:56,035
Mmm. Loafers.
209
00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:57,202
Back Of The Bar Mitzvah Bus.
210
00:08:57,235 --> 00:09:01,073
A Suit Made Out Of Terra Cotta.
211
00:09:01,106 --> 00:09:03,242
Well. Wow. (laughs)
212
00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:06,078
Well, I'm actually in the
market for one of your
213
00:09:06,111 --> 00:09:08,213
Umbrellas Of
Deauville candles.
214
00:09:08,246 --> 00:09:09,848
Why?
215
00:09:09,881 --> 00:09:13,352
What do you want with an
Umbrellas Of Deauville candle?
216
00:09:13,385 --> 00:09:17,089
Alana and her friends--
they're really into candles.
217
00:09:17,122 --> 00:09:22,060
Dad, do you ever wonder why
Alana is so interested in...?
218
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:24,229
Absolutely not. No.
219
00:09:24,262 --> 00:09:29,034
Son, you never
question true love.
220
00:09:29,067 --> 00:09:31,971
You just do whatever
you can to keep it.
221
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:35,608
Which... brings me
back to this candle.
222
00:09:37,175 --> 00:09:39,011
Oh, come on, Ron.
223
00:09:39,044 --> 00:09:41,246
I know you were selling
these to other people.
224
00:09:41,279 --> 00:09:44,883
I'll look like a real hero
if I show up with one of these.
225
00:09:44,916 --> 00:09:46,885
-Fine.
-Oh.
226
00:09:46,918 --> 00:09:49,355
Great. How much
do I owe you?
227
00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:51,791
Your money's no good here, Dad.
228
00:09:52,958 --> 00:09:55,026
Thanks, son.
229
00:09:59,965 --> 00:10:02,368
You take care, you crazy kids.
230
00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:04,402
Ronnie!
231
00:10:04,436 --> 00:10:07,206
Food court. Now.
232
00:10:09,207 --> 00:10:12,645
Welcome to the 2019
Midwest Regional
233
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:16,749
Telemarketers Convention
Awards Ceremony Luncheon.
234
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,784
(cheering)
235
00:10:21,753 --> 00:10:23,188
Thank you so much.
236
00:10:23,221 --> 00:10:24,389
Let's give a big shout-out...
237
00:10:24,422 --> 00:10:26,892
Listen, kiddo, we had a great
year. Let that be enough.
238
00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:28,359
I mean, these awards
are meaningless.
239
00:10:28,393 --> 00:10:29,795
What do I always say?
240
00:10:29,828 --> 00:10:32,831
"For the love of the call
or not at all."
241
00:10:32,864 --> 00:10:34,299
Now, our first award
of the night
242
00:10:34,332 --> 00:10:37,136
is the one that I know
you're all waiting for,
243
00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:39,071
-so why make you wait?
-LAFONSO: When have you ever seen
244
00:10:39,104 --> 00:10:41,807
an industry that
celebrates itself so much?
245
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,742
Yeah. No wonder
they hate us on the coasts.
246
00:10:43,775 --> 00:10:46,011
It's all so self-important,
self-fellating,
247
00:10:46,044 --> 00:10:48,847
self-aggrandizing and...
248
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:52,117
-and overly politicized.
-Mm-hmm.
249
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:55,353
The 2019 Telemarketer
of the Year goes to...
250
00:10:55,387 --> 00:10:58,257
-Well, ah, this is me.
-Honestly, kid,
251
00:10:58,290 --> 00:10:59,391
let's just go.
252
00:10:59,424 --> 00:11:01,260
I mean, this is so gross.
253
00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:02,961
...Lafonso Briggs!
254
00:11:02,994 --> 00:11:05,364
-(cheering)
-Oh, my God!
255
00:11:05,397 --> 00:11:07,900
Oh, my God! (laughs)
256
00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:11,969
This is all I ever wanted.
257
00:11:12,003 --> 00:11:15,808
I did it. I did it!
258
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,343
I did it!
(laughing)
259
00:11:18,376 --> 00:11:20,746
Oh...
(laughs)
260
00:11:20,779 --> 00:11:23,415
I did it. I did it!
(laughing)
261
00:11:23,448 --> 00:11:24,817
PRESENTER: We've got something
for you right over here.
262
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:26,452
Look at that.
263
00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:28,688
Oh!
264
00:11:30,388 --> 00:11:33,125
(laughs)
265
00:11:33,158 --> 00:11:34,993
PRESENTER:
Say a few words.
266
00:11:35,026 --> 00:11:37,228
Oh. Oh, apologies
if I go long,
267
00:11:37,262 --> 00:11:40,332
but this-this has been
30 years in the making.
268
00:11:40,365 --> 00:11:42,367
Telemarketing.
269
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,837
is for trust.
270
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:46,772
Now, if you don't
trust the product,
271
00:11:46,805 --> 00:11:48,406
how is the client
gonna trust you?
272
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:49,808
(soft laughter)
273
00:11:49,841 --> 00:11:52,845
-is for excuses.
-Uh, sir?
274
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,379
Make 'em,
275
00:11:54,412 --> 00:11:55,981
and you won't make
it up here. (laughs)
276
00:11:57,382 --> 00:11:58,816
Are you trying
to interrupt me?
277
00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:01,820
is for love.
278
00:12:01,853 --> 00:12:03,387
I...
279
00:12:03,421 --> 00:12:07,493
Like the love I have
for my son, Alfonso.
280
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:10,795
Without his unconditional love,
I wouldn't be standing here,
281
00:12:10,829 --> 00:12:12,765
or at all.
282
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:13,932
I love you, Alfie!
283
00:12:13,965 --> 00:12:15,367
I'm proud of you, Pop!
284
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,102
Now,is for excellence!
285
00:12:17,135 --> 00:12:19,104
No, I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, sir.
286
00:12:19,137 --> 00:12:20,271
There has been a mistake.
287
00:12:20,305 --> 00:12:22,241
-LAFONSO: What?
-I knew it.
288
00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:24,843
PRESENTER:
Alfonso Briggs.
289
00:12:24,876 --> 00:12:26,978
You won
Telemarketer of the Year.
290
00:12:27,012 --> 00:12:29,147
(people gasping)
291
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:30,849
It's not a joke.
This is not a joke.
292
00:12:30,882 --> 00:12:33,452
I'm-I'm sorry,
I read the wrong thing.
293
00:12:33,485 --> 00:12:36,355
Alfonso Briggs
won Telemarketer of the Year.
294
00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:38,357
295
00:12:47,232 --> 00:12:51,103
FEMALE PRESENTER: And the award
for Best Newcomer goes to...
296
00:12:51,136 --> 00:12:55,274
Yes! Lafonso's baby boy,
Alfonso Briggs. Whoo!
297
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:57,276
The award for Best Call
goes to...
298
00:12:57,309 --> 00:13:00,245
Here we go again.
Alfonso Briggs.
299
00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:04,216
And the award for Best Actor As
Their Own Supervisor goes to...
300
00:13:04,249 --> 00:13:06,285
(gasps) I've heard all
of his calls,
301
00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:08,020
and I cannot wait
to work with him.
302
00:13:08,053 --> 00:13:09,888
Mr. Alfonso Briggs!
303
00:13:09,921 --> 00:13:11,924
(cheering)
304
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:20,299
Yes!
(chuckles): Hey.
305
00:13:26,404 --> 00:13:28,006
Wow. (chuckles)
306
00:13:28,039 --> 00:13:29,875
I mean,
I don't know what to say.
307
00:13:29,908 --> 00:13:32,110
I guess, wow.
308
00:13:32,143 --> 00:13:35,180
Uh, I guess
the only thing I can say
309
00:13:35,213 --> 00:13:37,983
is I promise to keep on
rockin' and rollin'
310
00:13:38,016 --> 00:13:39,251
and making better calls.
311
00:13:39,284 --> 00:13:41,253
(cheering)
312
00:13:41,286 --> 00:13:43,121
You know, these calls we make,
313
00:13:43,154 --> 00:13:45,557
sometimes they can be
considered, you know,
314
00:13:45,590 --> 00:13:49,094
like, annoying or something
by some people.
315
00:13:49,127 --> 00:13:51,396
But I don't think that's true.
316
00:13:51,429 --> 00:13:56,034
You know, these calls we make,
they can be better.
317
00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:58,570
They can help.
They really can. I mean that.
318
00:13:58,603 --> 00:14:00,305
We can always be better.
319
00:14:00,338 --> 00:14:02,608
So I promise to keep on trying
if you keep trying.
320
00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:04,209
Let's keep on rockin'
and rollin', man.
321
00:14:04,242 --> 00:14:05,577
(cheers and applause)
322
00:14:05,610 --> 00:14:09,381
With you I'm not shy
323
00:14:09,414 --> 00:14:11,550
To show the way I feel
324
00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:13,285
With you I might try
325
00:14:13,318 --> 00:14:15,420
Yeah!
326
00:14:15,453 --> 00:14:18,957
My secrets to reveal
327
00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:21,260
For you are a magnet
328
00:14:21,293 --> 00:14:23,161
Yeah!
329
00:14:23,194 --> 00:14:27,199
Look, Shayna, I'm really sorry
I gave Dad that candle for free.
330
00:14:27,232 --> 00:14:29,568
Just take it out of my
paycheck, whatever.
331
00:14:29,601 --> 00:14:33,005
Ronnie, I just have one
simple question for you.
332
00:14:33,038 --> 00:14:36,008
Who are you, and what have you
done with my brother?
333
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,343
-(laughs)
-What?
334
00:14:38,376 --> 00:14:41,045
It's like, nice to meet you.
My name is Shayna.
335
00:14:41,079 --> 00:14:42,381
What's your name?
336
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,348
'Cause you look a lot
like my twin brother,
337
00:14:44,382 --> 00:14:46,617
except you're really great.
338
00:14:46,651 --> 00:14:50,389
You're kind, thoughtful.
339
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:53,125
You've even managed to take
our most foul candle,
340
00:14:53,158 --> 00:14:54,626
Umbrellas Of Deauville,
341
00:14:54,659 --> 00:14:57,629
and somehow turn it into
a bestseller.
342
00:14:57,662 --> 00:14:59,231
Who are you?
343
00:14:59,264 --> 00:15:03,001
I mean, I, uh, I guess I
have to answer that question
344
00:15:03,034 --> 00:15:05,137
with a question:
who are you?
345
00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:07,572
And where is
my sister Shayna?
346
00:15:07,605 --> 00:15:10,575
Because whoever I'm talking to
is actually very cool.
347
00:15:10,608 --> 00:15:13,712
Well, Shayna's always been
pretty cool, too.
348
00:15:13,745 --> 00:15:16,348
It's more Ronnie, her brother,
who was the difficult one.
349
00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:17,582
(laughs)
350
00:15:17,615 --> 00:15:20,252
Yeah, I have no dog
in this fight.
351
00:15:20,285 --> 00:15:24,122
As we've established, I'm not
Ronnie, Shayna's not here.
352
00:15:24,155 --> 00:15:25,589
Mm-mmm.
353
00:15:25,623 --> 00:15:27,326
But I do remember
Shayna being
354
00:15:27,359 --> 00:15:29,528
a little bit of a total
bitch all the time.
355
00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:32,230
Well, that was in reaction
to Ronnie's behavior,
356
00:15:32,263 --> 00:15:35,600
which was aggressively shitty
since the day they were born.
357
00:15:35,633 --> 00:15:38,003
Probably because he has
body issues,
358
00:15:38,036 --> 00:15:39,537
specifically with his dick.
359
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:42,307
(laughs)
Body issues.
360
00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:43,608
Yeah.
361
00:15:43,641 --> 00:15:44,642
Are you having a laugh?
362
00:15:44,676 --> 00:15:47,079
-Yeah.
-Is she having a laugh?
363
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:50,082
Because I seem
to remember Shayna
364
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,351
pulling the trigger to make
weight for figure skating.
365
00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:53,652
Only it didn't matter.
366
00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:55,353
She just didn't
have the talent.
367
00:15:55,387 --> 00:15:59,123
Shayna had the talent, okay?!
She just blew out her knee.
368
00:15:59,157 --> 00:16:02,327
I heard she blew way more
than just, out her knee.
369
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,262
(clicks tongue)
370
00:16:04,295 --> 00:16:06,531
This coming from the guy
whose entire cabin
371
00:16:06,564 --> 00:16:08,467
jacked each other off
at Ojibwa.
372
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,402
We didn't jack
each other off!
373
00:16:10,435 --> 00:16:12,137
We showed each other
our own come.
374
00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:13,472
How many times?
375
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:15,574
Look, this is not why
I called this meeting.
376
00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:17,209
Then why am I here?
377
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:22,046
As hard as this is
for me to admit...
378
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,648
you coming home
was the best thing
379
00:16:23,681 --> 00:16:25,083
that has happened
to this family.
380
00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:28,252
Mom and Dad are so much
happier apart,
381
00:16:28,286 --> 00:16:31,189
and us working together
has been really great.
382
00:16:31,222 --> 00:16:32,524
Thanks.
383
00:16:32,557 --> 00:16:35,227
And I hate to admit this,
384
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:39,097
but I actually really like
working here with you.
385
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:41,665
Well, unfortunately, you won't
be working here anymore.
386
00:16:41,699 --> 00:16:44,435
Wow.
387
00:16:44,469 --> 00:16:47,039
This has been a roller coaster
of a meeting.
388
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:48,707
I'm not firing you, Ronnie.
389
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:51,043
I'm selling the Candle Wagon.
390
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:53,078
For the last few months,
I've been negotiating
391
00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:55,080
with Yankee Candle!
(laughs)
392
00:16:55,113 --> 00:16:57,783
And it's kind of
a ton of money.
393
00:16:57,816 --> 00:17:01,420
They're coming tomorrow morning
to just sign some papers,
394
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:05,490
and take all the inventory,
and take the reins.
395
00:17:05,522 --> 00:17:08,092
Well, mazel tov.
For real, mazel tov.
396
00:17:08,126 --> 00:17:09,761
Well, mazel tov back at you.
397
00:17:09,794 --> 00:17:13,231
Because I'm making you
a minority shareholder.
398
00:17:13,263 --> 00:17:16,133
After everything's
said and done, it'll be
399
00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:17,668
more than enough money
to cover
400
00:17:17,702 --> 00:17:20,739
all your credit card debt
and then some.
401
00:17:25,109 --> 00:17:27,411
Wow.
402
00:17:27,444 --> 00:17:31,183
Shayna, I-I... I don't
really know what to say.
403
00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:33,752
Say you'll join me
for a celebratory drink?
404
00:17:33,785 --> 00:17:36,088
Mudslides on this guy.
405
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:39,124
You know what?
Uh, you go,
406
00:17:39,157 --> 00:17:41,760
and I'll stay and
clean up the wagon.
407
00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:43,594
Make sure the inventory
in the stock room
408
00:17:43,628 --> 00:17:45,197
is perfect for tomorrow.
409
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:49,301
-Really?
-Yeah.
410
00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:52,137
Okay. I guess
I'll knock off early?
411
00:17:52,170 --> 00:17:53,505
Wow.
(laughs)
412
00:17:53,538 --> 00:17:54,840
Go spend some of that
Yankee Candle money.
413
00:17:54,873 --> 00:17:56,341
You know, there is
a Marshalls over there,
414
00:17:56,374 --> 00:17:58,376
and I have had my eye
on this Kipling luggage.
415
00:17:58,409 --> 00:17:59,811
I hope it's the one
with the monkeys on it.
416
00:17:59,844 --> 00:18:02,181
-Oh, they all have
the monkeys on it. -Good.
417
00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:09,154
418
00:18:09,187 --> 00:18:11,189
(singers scatting )
419
00:18:16,694 --> 00:18:19,563
You've got to start
at the bottom
420
00:18:19,597 --> 00:18:21,399
If you're ever gonna
reach the top
421
00:18:21,432 --> 00:18:24,369
You've gotta watch
your facetious soul
422
00:18:24,402 --> 00:18:26,471
Don't let 'em go to pot,
you've gotta
423
00:18:26,504 --> 00:18:28,473
Live by the golden rule
424
00:18:28,506 --> 00:18:31,176
Heed what they teach
in the Sunday school
425
00:18:31,209 --> 00:18:33,378
Start at the bottom
426
00:18:33,411 --> 00:18:35,280
If you're ever gonna
reach the top
427
00:18:35,313 --> 00:18:37,149
When Jacob climbed
his ladder
428
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:40,352
He started at the bottom
429
00:18:40,385 --> 00:18:42,154
He climbed and he climbed,
and, Lord, he prayed
430
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:44,656
The devil never got him
431
00:18:44,689 --> 00:18:46,491
Start at the bottom
432
00:18:46,524 --> 00:18:48,360
If you're ever gonna
reach the top
433
00:18:48,393 --> 00:18:50,462
You've gotta start
at the bottom
434
00:18:50,495 --> 00:18:52,898
If you're ever gonna
reach the top.
435
00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:56,368
(laughing)
436
00:18:58,436 --> 00:19:00,205
That speech you made was,
like, straight out of a movie.
437
00:19:00,238 --> 00:19:01,940
It was.
438
00:19:01,973 --> 00:19:04,609
I ripped it off word-for-word
from Boogie Nights. (laughs)
439
00:19:04,642 --> 00:19:07,679
-We did, too!
-We did, too!
440
00:19:07,712 --> 00:19:09,614
-Yes!
-LAFONSO: Well, uh, I-I... I'm-I'm gonna
441
00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:13,351
head up, son.
Um, time to call it a night.
442
00:19:13,384 --> 00:19:15,220
-Oh, boo.
-GIRLS: Boo.
443
00:19:15,253 --> 00:19:16,487
Come on, Dad, one more.
444
00:19:16,521 --> 00:19:17,822
(clears throat)
445
00:19:17,855 --> 00:19:20,325
Excuse me.
446
00:19:23,628 --> 00:19:24,963
Look, son,
447
00:19:24,996 --> 00:19:27,632
there's a lot
of triggers here...
448
00:19:27,665 --> 00:19:29,234
for the both of us.
449
00:19:29,267 --> 00:19:31,570
Who, them?
450
00:19:31,603 --> 00:19:34,706
I mean, they're fine,
but I'll be fine, too.
451
00:19:34,739 --> 00:19:35,740
But what if you're not?
Why risk it?
452
00:19:35,773 --> 00:19:37,309
I'm sorry, Dad,
453
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,710
but it sort of feels like
454
00:19:38,743 --> 00:19:41,245
you're trying
to end my celebration,
455
00:19:41,279 --> 00:19:42,847
not because of our triggers,
456
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,250
but because this has been
really hard on you.
457
00:19:45,283 --> 00:19:47,651
And I get that, and I understand
and I'm sorry.
458
00:19:47,685 --> 00:19:50,355
Look, I'll be fine, okay?
I promise.
459
00:19:50,388 --> 00:19:52,256
Enjoy yourself.
460
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,459
Thanks, Dad.
461
00:19:57,528 --> 00:19:59,598
Hey, dead man rolling!
462
00:19:59,631 --> 00:20:01,700
-The movie?
-Yeah.
463
00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:04,336
Yeah. Here you go. That cost
an arm and a leg. Ouch.
464
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:05,937
Yeah. All right, guys,
so where was I?
465
00:20:05,970 --> 00:20:07,606
(clears throat)
Oh, that's right.
466
00:20:07,639 --> 00:20:10,274
-Celebrity impersonations.
Mm-hmm. -Ooh.
467
00:20:10,308 --> 00:20:11,810
I don't know any.
468
00:20:16,581 --> 00:20:18,716
(whoops)
Whoo-wee!
469
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:21,253
That is
a strong Mudslide.
470
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:23,388
I better pump
the brakes.
471
00:20:23,421 --> 00:20:25,423
FEMALE PRESENTER: I can't wait
for you to see our room.
472
00:20:25,456 --> 00:20:27,759
They upgraded us
to a parking lot view king.
473
00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:29,293
It's really, really sick.
474
00:20:29,327 --> 00:20:31,463
ALF:
Dad.
475
00:20:31,496 --> 00:20:34,332
I thought you went to bed.
What are you doing here?
476
00:20:34,365 --> 00:20:35,934
Uh...
477
00:20:35,967 --> 00:20:39,471
I came down to keep you
from making a huge mistake.
478
00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:43,375
Courtney. Jasmine.
479
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:45,310
(exhales)
480
00:20:47,045 --> 00:20:48,613
Wow.
481
00:20:48,646 --> 00:20:50,447
I, uh...
482
00:20:50,481 --> 00:20:53,451
I didn't realize how much
I needed that. Thank you.
483
00:20:53,484 --> 00:20:55,587
-Ladies, uh,
-Um...
484
00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:59,323
thank you, but I must bid you
a fine morrow.
485
00:20:59,357 --> 00:21:00,992
-Lester. (grunts)
-Yeah.
486
00:21:01,025 --> 00:21:02,794
Come on, Dad.
487
00:21:02,827 --> 00:21:04,396
-(sighs)
-Yeah.
488
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,431
F-Full disclosure, ladies,
I'm married.
489
00:21:06,464 --> 00:21:08,300
I'm sorry.
490
00:21:10,101 --> 00:21:12,871
Man, that was
such a close call.
491
00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:14,939
Dad, how'd you know
to come back down for me?
492
00:21:14,972 --> 00:21:17,475
Addicts recognize
other addicts.
493
00:21:17,508 --> 00:21:20,345
I'm sorry
about the awards.
494
00:21:20,378 --> 00:21:24,049
Oh, nonsense.
495
00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:26,351
I'm proud of you.
496
00:21:26,384 --> 00:21:28,420
I'm proud of you.
497
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:31,356
Dad, you had a really tough day,
and you didn't break.
498
00:21:31,389 --> 00:21:33,625
-Can I tell you something?
-What?
499
00:21:33,658 --> 00:21:35,827
You're my hero.
500
00:21:35,860 --> 00:21:39,430
-Bring it in.
-(grunting)
501
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:41,433
All right.
Good night, Dad.
502
00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:43,935
-Love you.
-Good night.
503
00:21:47,605 --> 00:21:49,941
504
00:22:02,086 --> 00:22:04,089
505
00:22:20,738 --> 00:22:22,073
MAN (over P.A.):
Attention, employees.
506
00:22:22,106 --> 00:22:23,775
The time is 6:00 a.m.
and the mall
507
00:22:23,808 --> 00:22:25,777
will be opening in two hours.
508
00:22:25,810 --> 00:22:28,647
(yawns)
509
00:22:31,482 --> 00:22:34,119
-I am seriously
shaking right now. -(laughs): I see.
510
00:22:34,152 --> 00:22:37,522
I feel like Bridget Fonda
in "It Could Happen to You."
511
00:22:37,555 --> 00:22:38,857
-Pinch me!
-Really?
512
00:22:38,890 --> 00:22:40,825
-Yes. Do it. Ah!
-Okay.
513
00:22:40,858 --> 00:22:42,827
-Too much?
-SHAYNA: Not enough.
514
00:22:42,860 --> 00:22:44,562
WOMAN: We are so excited
that we finally landed
515
00:22:44,595 --> 00:22:45,897
on a number
that works for everyone.
516
00:22:45,930 --> 00:22:47,432
SHAYNA:
I would've done it for less,
517
00:22:47,465 --> 00:22:49,501
-but... oh.
-Oh, well, really?
518
00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:52,637
Wow, Ron, did you stay here
all night to make sure
519
00:22:52,670 --> 00:22:54,873
everything was set
for the handoff?
520
00:22:54,906 --> 00:22:56,741
Made a promise.
521
00:22:56,774 --> 00:22:59,077
Claire, I would like you to meet
522
00:22:59,110 --> 00:23:03,481
not only my MVP employee,
but my bro.
523
00:23:03,514 --> 00:23:06,484
Looks like he was really burning
the candle at both ends, huh?
524
00:23:06,517 --> 00:23:08,586
-(both laugh)
-Candle humor.
525
00:23:08,619 --> 00:23:10,455
-I love it.
-Okay, well,
526
00:23:10,488 --> 00:23:12,757
I guess all we have left to do
here is sign on the dotted line.
527
00:23:12,790 --> 00:23:14,926
-Yes, please.
-BURT: Oh!
528
00:23:14,959 --> 00:23:16,961
There you kids are.
529
00:23:16,994 --> 00:23:18,629
Wouldn't you know it,
530
00:23:18,663 --> 00:23:22,500
no one is manning the Wagon,
and I really need a candle.
531
00:23:22,533 --> 00:23:24,202
-Oh.
-So, uh, could I have
532
00:23:24,235 --> 00:23:26,870
an Umbrellas of Deauville,
please?
533
00:23:26,904 --> 00:23:29,507
Uh, Daddy, we're kind of
in the middle of something.
534
00:23:29,540 --> 00:23:32,010
Actually, I wanted it
to be a surprise, but I...
535
00:23:32,043 --> 00:23:33,911
Oh, good,
k-keep it that way.
536
00:23:33,945 --> 00:23:35,179
I love surprises.
537
00:23:35,213 --> 00:23:37,514
Um, but where would
that candle be?
538
00:23:37,548 --> 00:23:39,050
-Dad, let's go for a walk.
-Uh, no.
539
00:23:39,083 --> 00:23:40,785
I don't want
to go for a walk.
540
00:23:40,818 --> 00:23:43,955
I gave you
a fresh candle yesterday.
541
00:23:43,988 --> 00:23:47,559
(whispers): But Alana and her
friends burned through it faster
542
00:23:47,592 --> 00:23:49,093
than I was expecting.
543
00:23:49,126 --> 00:23:51,830
Look, son,
I'm not an idiot, okay?
544
00:23:51,863 --> 00:23:54,165
I know Alana's
a lot younger than me,
545
00:23:54,198 --> 00:23:57,702
and she really shouldn't be
with me at all, but right now,
546
00:23:57,735 --> 00:24:00,237
I am happier
than I've been in decades.
547
00:24:00,271 --> 00:24:02,040
So give me
548
00:24:02,073 --> 00:24:04,142
a goddamn
Umbrellas of Deauville.
549
00:24:04,175 --> 00:24:09,147
Dad, I am actually really,
really happy for you.
550
00:24:09,180 --> 00:24:11,149
It's just, we don't
have any of those
551
00:24:11,182 --> 00:24:13,184
specific candles right now.
552
00:24:13,217 --> 00:24:14,786
Uh, Ron, there's
one in your hand.
553
00:24:14,819 --> 00:24:18,089
Perfect. There's the money!
554
00:24:18,122 --> 00:24:20,091
DEA! Put your hands
where I can see them.
555
00:24:20,124 --> 00:24:21,826
-Dad!
-BURT: I'm sorry, son.
556
00:24:21,859 --> 00:24:23,194
-But Alana was busted
with your pills. -Ow.
557
00:24:23,227 --> 00:24:24,195
Oh, God.
558
00:24:24,228 --> 00:24:25,230
I've lost everything.
559
00:24:25,263 --> 00:24:26,865
I-I can't lose her, too.
560
00:24:26,898 --> 00:24:28,733
Alana Feinerman is not worth it.
561
00:24:28,766 --> 00:24:31,002
She jerked me off in the back
of a Jeep Liberty
562
00:24:31,035 --> 00:24:32,471
my sophomore year.
563
00:24:34,672 --> 00:24:36,541
I'm sorry, Ronnie.
I'm sorry.
564
00:24:36,574 --> 00:24:38,543
Ow! That's tight.
565
00:24:38,576 --> 00:24:40,879
You sold drugs in my candles?
566
00:24:40,912 --> 00:24:42,146
I just needed
to make enough money
567
00:24:42,179 --> 00:24:43,615
to give myself a fresh start.
568
00:24:43,648 --> 00:24:45,116
You don't deserve
a fresh start.
569
00:24:45,149 --> 00:24:48,151
You deserve consequences,
for all the shit you fucked up.
570
00:24:48,185 --> 00:24:50,154
I'm sorry.
571
00:24:50,187 --> 00:24:54,024
We'll be in touch, ma'am.
572
00:24:57,128 --> 00:25:00,799
Claire.
(chuckles)
573
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,703
(mouthing)
574
00:25:05,736 --> 00:25:09,574
Do you have any family members
that you'd like to call?
575
00:25:09,607 --> 00:25:12,176
No.
576
00:25:12,209 --> 00:25:15,780
Any friends?
577
00:25:15,813 --> 00:25:17,816
No.
578
00:25:21,018 --> 00:25:23,021
(lock clicks)
579
00:25:28,693 --> 00:25:29,994
Hey, baby.
580
00:25:30,027 --> 00:25:31,629
Whoa.
581
00:25:31,662 --> 00:25:33,565
-Did you rob a trophy store?
-Ha.
582
00:25:33,598 --> 00:25:36,901
(chuckles): Oh, no, uh,
just got very lucky.
583
00:25:36,934 --> 00:25:38,735
Or I'm a natural.
584
00:25:38,769 --> 00:25:40,171
You know, or the expectations
585
00:25:40,204 --> 00:25:41,873
in this profession
aren't very high.
586
00:25:41,906 --> 00:25:44,775
Don't sell yourself short.
You worked hard.
587
00:25:44,809 --> 00:25:46,578
So, listen,
588
00:25:46,611 --> 00:25:48,279
the baby's gonna be asleep
for the next 30 minutes,
589
00:25:48,312 --> 00:25:52,149
so, uh, you ready to put in
some real work?
590
00:25:52,183 --> 00:25:55,987
Oh, yeah, I mean, I guess, uh, I
could puree some sweet potatoes,
591
00:25:56,020 --> 00:25:58,557
maybe do a load of laundry.
592
00:26:00,124 --> 00:26:03,628
Oh, shit. Uh...
593
00:26:03,661 --> 00:26:06,230
Yes. Yes, I am.
594
00:26:06,263 --> 00:26:08,265
Ooh.
595
00:26:09,300 --> 00:26:11,269
(knocking)
596
00:26:11,302 --> 00:26:12,803
(sighs)
597
00:26:12,837 --> 00:26:14,305
Okay.
598
00:26:14,338 --> 00:26:17,675
Ha, ha, ha!
599
00:26:17,708 --> 00:26:18,877
(knocking)
600
00:26:21,078 --> 00:26:23,648
What the fuck
are you doing here?
601
00:26:23,681 --> 00:26:25,950
I need you to come with me
right now. It's an emergency.
602
00:26:25,983 --> 00:26:28,052
(scoffs) What?
Hell fucking no.
603
00:26:28,085 --> 00:26:31,055
I know that everything
that comes out of my mouth
604
00:26:31,088 --> 00:26:33,391
sounds like a joke,
and that's a gift and a burden,
605
00:26:33,424 --> 00:26:35,860
but I-I need you
to come with me right now.
606
00:26:35,893 --> 00:26:37,295
Bro...
607
00:26:37,328 --> 00:26:40,031
I don't see you
for six fucking months,
608
00:26:40,064 --> 00:26:42,033
and all of a sudden you just
show up here, expecting me
609
00:26:42,066 --> 00:26:44,336
-to drop everything?
-Jacksonville.
610
00:26:49,740 --> 00:26:50,942
What did you just say?
611
00:26:50,975 --> 00:26:53,844
Jacksonville.
612
00:26:53,878 --> 00:26:55,847
Fuck.
613
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:57,849
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
614
00:26:57,882 --> 00:26:59,717
-Fine.
-What's going on?
615
00:26:59,750 --> 00:27:01,886
Hey, Courtney.
616
00:27:01,919 --> 00:27:03,921
Ooh.
617
00:27:03,954 --> 00:27:05,657
Uh...
618
00:27:05,690 --> 00:27:09,093
I'm sorry, but I have to go.
619
00:27:09,126 --> 00:27:10,962
Wait, right now?
620
00:27:10,995 --> 00:27:12,964
Is this a joke?
621
00:27:12,997 --> 00:27:16,868
No. I mean, I wish it was.
622
00:27:16,901 --> 00:27:19,704
But I made, like, a...
I made this promise.
623
00:27:21,072 --> 00:27:22,907
But I'm sorry.
624
00:27:22,940 --> 00:27:26,778
Okay, so... Wai... I mean,
w-when are you gonna be back?
625
00:27:31,115 --> 00:27:33,685
Oh, hell no.
626
00:27:57,875 --> 00:27:59,343
(inhales sharply)
627
00:27:59,376 --> 00:28:01,112
The top of a match.
628
00:28:01,145 --> 00:28:02,879
Mm. Don't tell Daddy.
629
00:28:02,913 --> 00:28:04,348
An old nickel.
630
00:28:04,381 --> 00:28:07,018
Don't tell Mommy.
An airport restroom.
631
00:28:07,051 --> 00:28:10,053
I don't know why they'd make
this, but Grandpa's breasts.
632
00:28:10,087 --> 00:28:11,456
A timeshare.
633
00:28:11,489 --> 00:28:13,324
A weighted blanket.
634
00:28:13,357 --> 00:28:15,359
Non-alcoholic sake.
635
00:28:15,392 --> 00:28:16,494
Gayle King.
636
00:28:16,527 --> 00:28:17,995
Loose meat.
637
00:28:18,028 --> 00:28:19,363
Phantom limb.
638
00:28:19,396 --> 00:28:21,165
Mayor David Dinkins.
639
00:28:21,198 --> 00:28:22,433
New house.
640
00:28:22,466 --> 00:28:24,034
Crootchkies and cream.
641
00:28:24,068 --> 00:28:25,737
The smell
when you rip the plastic
642
00:28:25,770 --> 00:28:27,205
off a brand-new iPhone.
643
00:28:27,238 --> 00:28:28,740
Clean diaper.
644
00:28:28,773 --> 00:28:30,073
(inhales sharply)
645
00:28:30,107 --> 00:28:31,375
Dirty diaper.
646
00:28:31,408 --> 00:28:33,343
The whole buffalo.
647
00:28:33,377 --> 00:28:36,313
Kevin Hart's size.
648
00:28:36,363 --> 00:28:40,913
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