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1
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,846
d Boy, crazy boys d
2
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,882
d Such a crazy boy,
crazy boys d
3
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,751
d So crazy boy, crazy boys d
4
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:22,255
d Such a crazy boy d
5
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,991
d Crazy boys such a crazy boy d
6
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:27,793
d Crazy boys, so crazy boys d
7
00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:28,875
d Crazy boys, such a crazy d
8
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,377
d Stop and I said,
"stop, leave me alone" d
9
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,969
d "Cause I ain't got time
to put up with the tone d
10
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:38,738
d Too busy dreaming
I'm the best d
11
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:41,073
d So sorry, Mr. West,
but my video would have won d
12
00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:43,075
d If it only did exist d
13
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:12,772
Oh, man.
14
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:13,973
Where are my clothes?
15
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,341
d Boy, crazy boys d
16
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,944
d Such a crazy boy,
crazy boys d
17
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,780
d So crazy boy, crazy boys d
18
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,982
d Such a crazy boy d
19
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:25,251
Why do we need clown pants?
20
00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:36,796
d This is about you like
everything nowadays d
21
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,365
d You took my heart
spread it thin like mayonnaise d
22
00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:40,933
d A broken record still plays d
23
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,134
d But all I hear is static d
24
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,336
d You want to try again d
25
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,870
d Girl, you're so emphatic d
26
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,572
d So dramatic d
27
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:48,307
d The queen of the erratic,
breaking me down d
28
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:51,777
d So systematic I can't take
the pressure d
29
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,045
d I don't need the pain d
30
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,146
d It's time to say goodbye d
31
00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:55,348
d Girl, you so insane d
32
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,083
d Boy, crazy boys d
33
00:01:57,084 --> 00:01:59,585
d Such a crazy boy,
crazy boys d
34
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:02,054
d So crazy boy, crazy boys d
35
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:06,292
d Such a crazy boy d
36
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,299
Hey, little dude.
37
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,767
Hi.
38
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:16,168
I'm MF Bob.
39
00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:19,305
I'd shake your hand,
let's hold the bacon.
40
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,206
Bob?
41
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,774
Yeah, mother fucking Bob.
42
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:22,775
Oh.
43
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:24,877
Oh.
44
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:27,780
Oh, are you off of betting me?
45
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,115
No.
You want some bacon?
46
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:31,851
Have you seen
a cell phone anywhere?
47
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,119
Phil.
48
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,286
Bro, what happened last night?
49
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,222
Dude, I have no idea, man.
50
00:02:36,223 --> 00:02:37,890
I can't remember...
You have
an arrow right here.
51
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,959
Yeah, no shit.
52
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,827
I didn't notice.
53
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,663
That looks really bad.
54
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:47,033
Yeah, dude, I'm not as worried
about that as I am about these.
55
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:49,802
These were in my ass
last night, dude.
56
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,170
And I'm talking deep.
57
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,205
I mean, upside down
Grand Canyon deep.
58
00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:55,207
Bro, what the fuck
are you wearing?
59
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:57,777
I couldn't find my clothes
anywhere or my phone.
60
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,145
I need that phone.
61
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,980
I got clothes for you, man.
62
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,181
You mean, you don't remember
63
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,050
how the fuck you got that on?
64
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:05,317
You got to get
that checked out.
65
00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:06,686
You're right.
You know what?
66
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,187
I'm gonna do that
after I talk to my buddy Phil
67
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,255
in another fucking room.
68
00:03:09,256 --> 00:03:10,856
Yes.
Let's go, man.
69
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,992
But who is Phil?
I made bacon.
70
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,827
You're MF Bob, aren't you?
71
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:15,995
Yeah, it's me.
72
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,329
Oh, fuck, bro.
73
00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,965
I had such a great time
last night.
74
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,967
Party of the year,
straight up, man.
75
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:24,570
And MF Bob, I'm a fat man.
76
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:25,905
Who am I kidding?
77
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,606
I fucking love bacon, bro.
78
00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:28,407
Give me that.
79
00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:31,911
Oh, fuck.
Wait, man.
80
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,513
What time is it?
81
00:03:34,514 --> 00:03:35,614
I don't know, dude.
82
00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:38,150
It's like fucking
3 o'clock or something.
83
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:39,652
Oh, fuck that...
that was open.
84
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,787
3 o'clock, dude,
Beth's gonna be here
85
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,122
any fucking minute.
86
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,390
Fuck Beth right
in her butt, bro.
87
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,692
My virgin ass was
fucking tampered
88
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:49,295
with last night, dude,
and I didn't hear the burglar
89
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:50,796
alarm go off.
90
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:51,997
I called Jamie and Beef,
91
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:53,933
they're gonna be
here any minute
92
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:56,068
and we're gonna find out
what the fuck
went down last night, dude.
93
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,270
I already checked
all the websites for
party fucking evidence.
94
00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,592
Nothing,
just titties, still cool.
95
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,643
Shit.
96
00:04:04,644 --> 00:04:07,513
Dude, I didn't tell you
everything.
97
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,816
Okay, what?
98
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,620
When I woke up this morning...
99
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,057
I was in bed naked with Polly.
100
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,063
Oh, damn!
101
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,998
I told you
this would happen, dude.
102
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,267
I told you.
I know pussy.
103
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,668
I don't think
I slept with her, man.
104
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:33,679
All I remember is I was
sitting in my dorm room
105
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:40,880
and I just started
on my homework
106
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:47,586
when I got a incoming call
on my computer for Beth.
107
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,096
Hey, baby.
Hey, babe.
108
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,832
I really, really miss you.
109
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:00,800
Oh, babe.
110
00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:05,243
You know, these
long-distance dealios
just don't usually work out.
111
00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,309
Oh.
112
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,614
Oh, come on, Beth.
113
00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:19,151
You are the one who decided
to pack up and leave
114
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,920
and go to college
115
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,289
when you could have
very well just stayed here
116
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,010
and finished out
community college with me.
117
00:05:25,458 --> 00:05:26,826
I know, babe.
118
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,563
But I've told you
I'm committed and... and...
119
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,635
Are you playing with yourself?
120
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:39,872
No, Beth, no.
Absolutely not.
121
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:43,008
You promised me
that you wouldn't play
122
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,176
with yourself.
123
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,744
What would Jesus do, Phil?
124
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,813
I mean, honestly
what would he do?
125
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,050
Open the door!
126
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,818
One second.
Dude, open the door.
127
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,053
Hold on.
128
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:56,422
I have to take a shit.
129
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,423
Hold on, okay, princess.
130
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,627
The cafeteria food
is destroying me, dude.
131
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,662
It's Dia de Los
Diarrhea out here.
132
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:06,498
Cal, go somewhere else, dude.
133
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:09,134
You know I can only
do in home base.
134
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:10,936
I don't play away games.
135
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:14,039
I need to send a package for
the Philippines right away.
136
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,642
Beth, just hold on, all right?
137
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:17,683
Just... I'll be right back.
138
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,846
Jesus!
139
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,354
Oh! Oh!
140
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,055
I'm sorry about that, babe.
141
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,790
Beth, Beth, listen.
Phil, come on.
142
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:36,567
There's something that I've been
wanting to ask you.
143
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:39,632
What?
144
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,513
I was gonna wait until
you came home from break.
145
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,838
Oh, shit.
146
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,507
For the warmth of
sweet baby mothers,
147
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:50,142
will you please close the door?
148
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:53,012
This one is for you, Beth.
149
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:57,316
Come on, Phil,
I really need to go.
150
00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,184
Beth, Beth, just wait.
151
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:01,820
Just one second,
okay, all right?
152
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:03,222
Oh, it burns.
153
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,863
Beth, my sweet babe,
I know it's not much,
154
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:12,677
but I wanted to show you
that I am committed.
Oh, wait one more fart.
155
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,430
Oh, my God, Phil.
Yes, yes, oh, my God!
156
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:21,840
Sweet baby Jesus, yes!
157
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:22,875
Really, babe?
158
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:24,043
Oh.
159
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,778
You know what?
160
00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,846
I'm gonna come up, tomorrow.
161
00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:30,582
I think that we should
celebrate together,
162
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:33,018
you know, the special way.
163
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,187
Okay, I got to go, baby.
164
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,422
Sweet dreams.
165
00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:39,058
Oh, dude, call Guinness
Book and the Roto-Rooter, bro.
166
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,967
Holy crap, I need
a cigarette after that.
167
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,635
Oh, that burns.
168
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,797
And you just interrupted
the best video chat with Beth.
169
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:54,907
Oh, Beth sucks, bro.
170
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,209
Dude, just layoff, man.
She's my girlfriend.
171
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,344
I just proposed to her.
172
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,347
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah.
173
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:04,183
Dude, we're going to the
biggest party tonight.
174
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,684
Get Beth out of your mind.
175
00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:09,355
Where?
I got us access to the
biggest party of the year.
176
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:13,292
I'm talking college kids,
I'm talking alumni
together for one night.
177
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:16,895
I'm talking hookers,
guns, fire chops,
clowns, MILFs, GILFs.
178
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:19,765
I'm talking about
a campus legend,
179
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:21,667
mother fucking
Bob's party, bro.
180
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,702
No way. Dude, how did you
get us into that?
181
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,137
Because I'm the fucking, man.
182
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:28,407
Please, please, please take us
to the party, Jamie, please.
183
00:08:28,408 --> 00:08:29,908
I already told Phil
we're gonna go.
184
00:08:29,909 --> 00:08:31,410
You know they don't
let freshman guys
185
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,012
and we're gonna
look like douches.
186
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,114
Please, Jamie-wan Kenobi,
you're our only hope.
187
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,081
Honestly, Cal, you think
188
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:37,449
I'm gonna
stroll into this party
189
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,018
with a string bean
and a fat farm animal?
190
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,319
Please, please, please,
please, please...
191
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,854
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
192
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,522
Woo-hoo!
193
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,883
Under one condition
and you're not gonna like it.
What? What?
194
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:50,462
You have to bring the bouncer
a gram of coke,
195
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,997
and mother fucking Bob
an eighth of weed.
196
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,099
I don't know
where to get weed, coke.
197
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:57,503
You're gonna go here,
bring cash and tell them
198
00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:58,937
ping pong girl sent you.
199
00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:02,674
Whatever you do, don't let him
talk about baseball to you.
200
00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:05,611
Meet in the quad here at 7:00
with the stuff and then
201
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:06,879
we'll walk over there together.
202
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,480
It's far.
Are you gonna be okay?
203
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:10,749
Yes.
Woo-hoo, party time!
204
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,885
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
205
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:17,256
Oh, my back.
206
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,057
Oh.
207
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:21,160
Just for you, hotties.
208
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,131
Oh, my God.
209
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,001
He's gonna die.
210
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,204
Hey, out there it's Friday or,
211
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:34,907
as I like to call it,
the real hot day.
212
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:35,408
All right.
213
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,944
Where is the fire, Jewfro?
Pat down.
214
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:45,317
Jeez man, it's nice
you don't have a girlfriend.
215
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,119
That sucks for you, bro.
216
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,621
What's going on down here?
You want to die
by the time you're 30?
217
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,023
Eat your fiber.
218
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,758
Wait.
219
00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:55,060
Where's your wiener?
220
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,341
You're one of them
lesbians, huh?
221
00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,097
No wiener.
Turn around.
222
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:00,165
It just doesn't like you.
223
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:01,700
Hey, watch the mouth.
224
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:03,735
All right, you look
good back here.
225
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:06,705
Drop your pants.
What?
226
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:08,240
Time to search your asshole.
227
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,642
Oh, I don't think so, dude.
228
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:13,312
Is he good?
229
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,279
Yeah, he's good.
230
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,714
Follow me.
231
00:10:19,652 --> 00:10:23,222
Sit down, be quiet
and don't speak
232
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,190
until you're spoken to.
233
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,488
What?
234
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,294
Very funny, Tom.
235
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:02,815
You are so...
236
00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:07,666
Oh, you two may go.
237
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,401
We were so scared.
238
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,936
Thank you so much.
239
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,738
Get the fuck out!
Get the fuck out!
240
00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:15,140
How dare you!
241
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:17,175
Oh.
242
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,177
I didn't get to hear about
Joseph Smith.
243
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,712
Oh, God.
244
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:23,148
What's that?
245
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:25,117
Oh, no, what is that?
246
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:28,420
You're a cop?
I'm not a cop.
I'm not a cop. I'm Cal.
247
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:31,156
He's Cal, Tom.
248
00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:32,758
His name is Cal.
249
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:34,660
Cal? I'm Mr. Tom.
250
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,341
Hi. This is my beautiful
wife Cherry Lu Rou
251
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,966
and this is my place.
252
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:43,669
I bought it,
so she'd stop dancing.
253
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:46,171
And behind you is monkey boy.
254
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:47,739
That's monkey boy.
255
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:49,708
We feed him cocaine
and bananas.
256
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,976
That's his diet, man.
257
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,411
I won him
in a very dangerous game,
258
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,372
Of Huila in Colombia
and he doesn't speak English.
259
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,050
I speak English.
260
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,952
See, look at that...
261
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:03,589
Ping pong girl sent me here.
262
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,759
Oh, ping pong girl.
263
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,561
We love ping pong girl.
264
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,463
We love ping pong girl.
265
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:12,385
Hal, are you my friend?
266
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:16,568
What?
267
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,049
He wants to know
if you're his friend.
268
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,175
Yes, I'm your friend,
Mr. Tom.
269
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,376
Good.
270
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:25,711
I love friends.
271
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:26,712
You want a drink?
272
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:27,946
You want to talk about
baseball?
273
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,414
Let's talk about baseball.
274
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,116
No, I just need
to get, um...
275
00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:33,518
I just need to get
an eighth of coke
276
00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:35,187
and a gram of weed
or an ounce of weed
277
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:36,989
or an eighth of coke...
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa whoa.
278
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,390
I don't remember
what I need right now.
279
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:39,992
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
280
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,027
You're freaking me out, man.
281
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:44,296
Are you getting nervous?
Hold on.
I'm not nervous.
282
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,732
When you get nervous,
I get nervous and I don't like
283
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:47,733
to get nervous.
284
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,768
I'm not nervous.
285
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:50,869
Prove you're not a cop.
286
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,038
I'm not.
Okay, okay,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
287
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:54,706
Bring, bring, bring,
bring me the mirror.
288
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:55,907
Ow right here.
289
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:57,209
No, no, no,
no, no, no.
Let's do it.
290
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,111
We are going
to do cocaine.
Yeah.
291
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,812
Put it right here,
put it right here.
292
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:03,213
I don't think so.
I don't think so,
I've never done it before.
293
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:06,652
Oh, fuck, I'm wearing
wearing flip flops.
294
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:19,398
Whoo!
295
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,265
Whoo!
296
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:23,669
Oh my God, please no,
please no, please no.
297
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:24,836
I really shouldn't do this.
298
00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:26,038
I really don't feel
like I should do this.
299
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,073
I don't feel like...
You're gonna like it.
300
00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:29,274
You're gonna do it.
You're gonna love it.
301
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:30,442
You're gonna love it.
You're gonna love it.
302
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,444
Do it, do it, do it.
303
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:34,513
I got to leave
right after this.
304
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:35,614
Oh!
305
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:39,418
You did it!
306
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:42,554
Oh, my God, you're my friend.
307
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,222
You're my friend.
308
00:13:44,223 --> 00:13:45,824
My friend!
309
00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:07,279
Bring the bouncer
a gram of coke,
310
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,048
and mother fucking Bob
an eighth of weed.
311
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,321
Guys, can I just get
my drugs just so I can...
312
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:17,656
I got to be somewhere.
313
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:18,824
Get him the drugs.
Get him the drugs.
314
00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,058
Where do you have to be?
315
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,294
It's just a college party,
MF Bob's.
316
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:25,030
Oh! I'm going to MF Bob's house
tonight.
317
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,798
Party, there's a party there.
318
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:28,300
I'm meeting a client
there tonight.
319
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,968
Well, I want to go
to that party, Tom.
320
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:32,270
It's crazy.
He's like a...
321
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:34,606
Oh, drugs, here they are,
my friend.
322
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:36,208
Here you go.
That's $600, pal.
323
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:37,442
$600?
600 bucks?
324
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,911
I only have... I don't have
600 bucks. I only...
325
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:42,114
I didn't know drugs
were expensive.
326
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,081
Come on, give me the money.
327
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:44,516
I want to go to the party, Tom.
328
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:45,450
All right, come on.
329
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:46,685
I only have $100.
330
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:49,354
Are you kidding me?
He works for me.
331
00:14:49,355 --> 00:14:52,824
He was over here, he make you
drugs and he came back.
332
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:54,760
I pay him for that.
Shit.
333
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:58,130
I said I want to go
to the party, Tom.
334
00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,171
I want to go to the party.
335
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:02,134
I have an idea.
Give me the $100.
336
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,805
Give me this.
You keep that, all right?
337
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:09,174
Here, honey, you can have that.
338
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:10,575
Here's what you're gonna do.
339
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,043
You're gonna sit right there
340
00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:13,812
and you're gonna
take her to the party,
341
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:16,348
but you're gonna
wait till she gets dressed.
342
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,783
Okay?
You happy?
343
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:20,786
Yes.
344
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,888
I love you.
Okay, good.
345
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:25,056
You watch her
and keep your eyes out
346
00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:26,825
for a Mexican name Cheeba.
347
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,293
He's coming
in from Ridge Crest tonight.
348
00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:29,795
I'm gonna meet him there later.
349
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,396
Yeah, sure.
Okay, good.
350
00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:33,098
I'm gonna say something to you
and I want you to listen.
351
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,066
If anyone touches,
if anyone touches her,
352
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:43,141
I'm going to take clippers
and I am going to cut off
353
00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:46,211
your testicles
and I'll feed them to you.
354
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:50,315
If she gets a splinter-
anything, you know
what I'm gonna do?
355
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:53,585
I will cut your throat open
and then I'm going to pee
356
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,987
in your eyeballs.
And then I'm going
to open your neck,
357
00:15:55,988 --> 00:15:57,948
I am going to take a shit
inside your fucking neck
358
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:02,194
and I will fuck your neck.
359
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,556
I will shit rape
your fucking neck!
360
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,599
Do you understand that?
361
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,034
Yes, Mr. Tom.
362
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:16,274
Oh, sorry, God.
It's the cocaine, man.
363
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:18,376
I'm sorry.
I was out of my mind,
that's all.
364
00:16:18,377 --> 00:16:20,345
I meant it,
but it was out of line.
365
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:22,647
You're my friend.
I love this guy.
366
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,984
I love you, Cal.
367
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:28,587
You're my friend.
368
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:42,067
I can't believe
we're fucking babysitting
369
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:43,668
a drug dealer's wife.
370
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:46,109
I mean, haven't you seen,
I don't know,
Scarface, Pulp Fiction?
371
00:16:47,874 --> 00:16:49,841
This shit always ends badly.
372
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:50,909
Look at her, man.
373
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,110
Dude, these are movies, bro.
374
00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:53,945
I'm talking about real life.
375
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:56,481
In real life Mr. Tom
is a fucking psycho, dude.
376
00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:57,849
He's psychotic.
377
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:58,950
His name is probably
not Mr. Tom.
378
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,752
It's probably Keyser Soze.
379
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,854
You know, fuck it,
we're going to the party,
fuck it.
380
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,824
Yeah, man, okay.
As long as we stay out of
trouble and I promised Beth,
381
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,392
I'd stay out of trouble.
Dude, fuck that.
382
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:09,160
I can't believe you're nuts
are the size of freaking
383
00:17:09,161 --> 00:17:10,328
beach balls of the baby battery
384
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:11,630
you got backed up in there.
385
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,064
You try saying that again.
386
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:14,332
I don't know
what that means, man,
387
00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:15,567
but Beth
is my fiancee, all right.
388
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:16,935
We're getting married.
389
00:17:16,936 --> 00:17:18,036
Yeah, you're way too the fuck
390
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,271
young to get married, bro.
391
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:20,839
Like, way too fucking young.
392
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,841
Yo, what's up, shark stain?
393
00:17:22,842 --> 00:17:23,842
Oh, my God.
394
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:24,976
Hi!
395
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:26,311
I've missed you so much.
396
00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:28,079
Cherry, what are
you doing here?
397
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,016
Well, Jew-baka over here
was nice enough
398
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:32,150
to invite me to the party.
399
00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:34,019
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
400
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:36,254
We're actually just talking
about marriage.
401
00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:38,990
Oh, my God. I think you guys
will make such a cute couple.
402
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:40,926
Like, I'm voting
yes on gay marriage,
403
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,494
so you faggots can like...
404
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,699
No. This dipshit
is getting engaged.
405
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:50,335
He hasn't farted
in front of his girlfriend yet.
406
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,337
Dude, what does that have
to do with anything, man?
407
00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:54,005
You haven't farted
in front of your girlfriend.
408
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,073
You can't take
your relationship
409
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,075
to the next level, dude.
410
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,010
Yeah, I mean, like, Tom and I
are so close that only
411
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,612
has he farted in front of me,
412
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,414
like, I've seen him shit
down some guy's neck.
413
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,317
We should probably
get going, right?
414
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,554
Yeah, it's like a 20 minute
walk to the party, so...
415
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:11,256
20 minutes away?
416
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,377
Oh, my God, Cal, you can
sit down and rest on the way.
417
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:17,829
Come on, dude.
418
00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:21,232
Let's go fuck this pig.
419
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,134
I'm like already tired.
420
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,212
Scribble dibble,
421
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:36,982
it's Meester live
from mother fucking Bob's.
422
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,216
We're looking for Jamie.
423
00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,385
Oh, hey, Jamie, there she is.
424
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:41,853
Jamie!
425
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,054
Oh, I'll be right back.
426
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,823
Dude, are we Eskimo brothers?
427
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,024
Yeah, man.
Come on in, bro.
428
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,025
Good to see you.
429
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:48,626
Yo, lo...
430
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,028
Where the fuck you think
you guys are going?
431
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:51,396
Yo, we're with Jamie, bro.
432
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:53,164
Dude, who the fuck is Jamie?
433
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:55,166
She... she was right here.
434
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,102
Hey, man, you better
check yourself
435
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,170
before you biggety
wreck yourself.
436
00:18:59,171 --> 00:19:00,839
What the fuck did you just say?
437
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,774
Nothing, dude,
I'm just kidding.
438
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,743
Damn straight, man,
and I'm gonna have to kick
your fucking ass.
439
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:05,844
Do you have to?
440
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:06,845
Yeah, I have to.
441
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,246
Here's the thing.
442
00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:10,949
If you let one fatty
freshman fuck with you
443
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,250
the shit's gonna
go on all year.
444
00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:13,852
It's a matter of principle,
man.
445
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,153
Dude, I'm not really fat.
446
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,821
Yeah, and my dick
isn't 2 inches long.
447
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:18,289
Thanks God.
448
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:21,359
So you see, dude,
it's out of my hands, bro.
449
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,628
Hey, hey, hey, I didn't know
you were gonna be here.
450
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,830
Yeah, these two limp dicks
are my friends.
451
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,332
They're cool, right.
452
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,334
Shit, fellas, why didn't you
say you're with her?
453
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,036
I told you
we're with Jamie, bro.
454
00:19:31,037 --> 00:19:32,118
Dude, who the fuck is Jamie?
455
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:34,639
Oh.
456
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,642
You two try not to get
your asses kicked.
457
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,944
Cherry, come with me.
458
00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:41,346
Bye, boys.
459
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,214
But, Cherry, I need
to be watching you.
460
00:19:43,215 --> 00:19:45,183
You got 1000 bucks
to make me wait?
No.
461
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,418
Then see you inside, suckers.
462
00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:50,121
Yo, you two aren't
going anywhere.
463
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:53,858
No freshman, boys.
464
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,160
Hey, King Kong cock.
465
00:19:55,161 --> 00:19:56,761
What about that girl?
466
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:59,364
Dude, the lady show
their titties, man.
467
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,032
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
468
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,434
Hong Kong.
Dude, a clown?
469
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,436
Dude, it's a party.
Who doesn't like clowns?
470
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,175
Dude, the world's
most interesting man, really?
471
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,843
Dude,
that's the school principal.
472
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:13,211
Dean.
473
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,946
I don't give a shit
what his name is.
474
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:15,947
Whoa, step back.
475
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,282
Get the fuck back.
476
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:24,355
Dude, you let those guys in?
477
00:20:24,356 --> 00:20:26,191
Dude, that's the
gay mafia, dude.
478
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:27,926
The gay fucking mafia.
479
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,795
Oh, you got that stuff?
480
00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:32,864
Oh, damn, oh, dude,
I got something for you.
481
00:20:32,865 --> 00:20:33,865
Yeah?
482
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,867
Te-tee.
483
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,368
Oh, shizites.
484
00:20:37,369 --> 00:20:40,105
Well, I'll tell you
what, you're in,
485
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,840
but your boyfriend
stays outside.
486
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:42,841
What?
Come on, dude.
487
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:43,908
Yeah.
488
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,644
Dude, Eskimo brothers.
489
00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:48,646
Oh, dude, you guys
had sex with Jamie?
490
00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:50,682
Yeah, dude, that's makes
us Eskimo brothers.
491
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:52,851
You know, guys that had sex
with the same girl, dude.
492
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:55,186
Eskimo brothers are even
tighter than frat bros, man.
493
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,855
You're good.
Oh, Eskimo.
494
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:57,989
Get in, man, get in.
495
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,298
Oh, oh, oh.
496
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:11,336
Dude, dude, you didn't tell me
you had sex with Jamie.
497
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:15,673
Oh, I didn't, bro.
498
00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:18,276
But you just told everyone
that you did.
499
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,445
Yeah, it's called
saving your ass.
500
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:23,882
Right, but no one's gonna
think that you actually
501
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,250
had sex with Jamie.
502
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:26,784
Oh, you mean,
people are gonna think
503
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:28,553
I've had more sex
than I've actually have.
504
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,329
But, dude, now these people
are gonna actually think
505
00:21:34,426 --> 00:21:36,127
that you slept with
her and, you know,
506
00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:38,363
she might find out and feel...
507
00:21:38,364 --> 00:21:40,899
Dude, talk to me
after you've actually finger
508
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,667
banged a girl, right?
509
00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:44,736
We're at the
best party of the year
510
00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:46,471
and I've only got
two things to do.
511
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:48,552
One, take care of Cherry.
Two, make sure we get laid.
512
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:53,378
Oh, my God,
I see titties. Later.
513
00:21:59,185 --> 00:22:00,919
Here, let me fill that for you.
514
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,887
What?
515
00:22:02,888 --> 00:22:04,155
Unbelievable.
516
00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:05,290
Um...
517
00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:07,892
It's okay, I don't bite.
518
00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:10,361
Hi, I'm Phil.
519
00:22:10,362 --> 00:22:11,896
Loosen up, Phil.
520
00:22:11,897 --> 00:22:13,164
Sorry.
521
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,700
Oh, God,
you probably think I'm...
522
00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:17,421
A nervous freshman
who probably doesn't know
523
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:20,672
anybody here.
524
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,307
Yeah, actually.
525
00:22:22,308 --> 00:22:25,143
Let me be the first
to officially welcome you
526
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:26,911
to the campus party scene.
527
00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:28,446
Well, thank you.
528
00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:30,782
You know, I...
I didn't really think
529
00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:33,685
there'd be anyone
so cool to talk to.
530
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:35,987
Hey, do either one of you want
to buy a white elephant tusk
531
00:22:35,988 --> 00:22:37,288
for really cheap?
532
00:22:37,289 --> 00:22:38,489
Either one of you,
white elephant tusk.
533
00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:40,325
No, nothing?
White elephant tusk.
534
00:22:40,326 --> 00:22:41,687
Hey, would you maybe,
I don't know,
535
00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:44,862
want to head into the kitchen
536
00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:46,364
and talk for a little bit?
537
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:47,832
Bro, what are you still
doing here?
538
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:50,401
It's like boob fest
3000 out there
539
00:22:50,402 --> 00:22:52,170
and I lost Cherry.
540
00:22:52,171 --> 00:22:54,072
If I don't find her,
I'm gonna get
shit on and raped.
541
00:22:54,073 --> 00:22:55,707
Shit raped, man.
542
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:58,076
Dude, I'm kind of right
in the middle of talking
543
00:22:58,077 --> 00:22:59,110
to Polly here.
544
00:22:59,111 --> 00:23:02,113
Dude, I need you now.
545
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:03,354
Okay, 5 minutes,
in the kitchen?
546
00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:07,085
I'll be waiting.
547
00:23:12,691 --> 00:23:16,694
Dude, that was Polly
fucking Wallace.
548
00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:18,696
I'm not saying that just
to emphasize a point.
549
00:23:18,697 --> 00:23:20,737
Her nickname is fucking.
Polly fucking Wallace, bro.
550
00:23:23,235 --> 00:23:24,702
You're getting laid tonight.
551
00:23:24,703 --> 00:23:26,137
Well, what are you
talking about, man?
552
00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:27,839
I'm not trying
to get laid here.
553
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,209
That's what you think, dude.
She's a sure thing. Watch.
554
00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:32,610
Bro, dude,
I just have one question.
555
00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:37,115
Who here
is in my Eskimo network?
556
00:23:37,116 --> 00:23:38,716
Who's had sex
with Polly Wallace?
557
00:23:38,717 --> 00:23:39,984
Yeah, I did.
558
00:23:41,053 --> 00:23:42,987
Absolutely.
559
00:23:42,988 --> 00:23:44,228
Dude,
even the Dean's rocked it.
560
00:23:46,892 --> 00:23:48,293
You're getting laid.
561
00:23:48,294 --> 00:23:51,062
Dude, seriously,
all we're doing is talking.
562
00:23:51,063 --> 00:23:53,898
No way, bro, she's cock crazy.
563
00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:55,199
She gonna get you drunk
564
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,001
and ride you like a rodeo,
brother.
565
00:23:57,002 --> 00:23:58,236
Whoo!
566
00:23:58,237 --> 00:23:59,704
Now we go to go find Cherry.
567
00:23:59,705 --> 00:24:03,308
Uh, but before
that I am going to stick
568
00:24:03,309 --> 00:24:06,711
my penis in that
nice little girl walking by.
569
00:24:06,712 --> 00:24:08,913
Phil, Cal, what's up, guys?
570
00:24:08,914 --> 00:24:10,415
Hey, what's up, Hensen?
571
00:24:10,416 --> 00:24:12,150
Fuck off, Hensen.
We can't be seen with you here.
572
00:24:12,151 --> 00:24:14,719
You're a funny guy.
See you later.
573
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,721
Dude, that was for the best.
574
00:24:16,722 --> 00:24:19,390
Fucking Hensen is a loser, bro.
575
00:24:19,391 --> 00:24:21,793
When chicks see him
they get dry.
576
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,028
Now come on, go fucking
drain your nuts.
577
00:24:24,029 --> 00:24:26,798
Dude, for the last time,
I'm not gonna fuck Polly.
578
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,399
You need to fuck Polly Wallace.
579
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:29,901
Go do some talking
with your dick,
580
00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:30,902
don't be a fag.
581
00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:33,471
What did you say?
582
00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:35,073
Yeah, what did you say?
583
00:24:35,074 --> 00:24:36,708
Yeah, what did you say?
584
00:24:36,709 --> 00:24:38,910
Uh, I was just talking
to my buddy Phil here,
585
00:24:38,911 --> 00:24:40,211
ot you ga... guys.
586
00:24:40,212 --> 00:24:42,447
You think it's okay to say fag?
587
00:24:42,448 --> 00:24:44,315
You better not have been
talking to me.
588
00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:46,150
Look, he didn't mean
anything by it.
589
00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:47,719
What exactly did he mean?
590
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,187
Yeah, what did he mean?
591
00:24:49,188 --> 00:24:50,822
It's just a term of endearment.
592
00:24:50,823 --> 00:24:52,390
Like when black people
call each other the "N" word
593
00:24:52,391 --> 00:24:55,426
And just what "N" word
would that be?
594
00:24:55,427 --> 00:24:56,928
Oh, yes, say it.
595
00:24:56,929 --> 00:24:58,696
I think he's saying
that they're gay.
596
00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:03,701
Yes.
We're gay.
597
00:25:03,702 --> 00:25:05,269
We're gay, gay, gay, gay.
598
00:25:05,270 --> 00:25:06,371
You're gay, honey?
You don't look gay.
599
00:25:06,372 --> 00:25:07,972
I've been gay since '98.
600
00:25:07,973 --> 00:25:10,475
Yeah, trust me, he's gay.
601
00:25:10,476 --> 00:25:13,911
He's, like... like
my girlfriend and I'm the,
602
00:25:13,912 --> 00:25:16,147
you know, like,
the boyfriend.
Tweet-tweet.
603
00:25:16,148 --> 00:25:18,416
Really?
Uh-huh.
604
00:25:18,417 --> 00:25:19,917
Then kiss him.
605
00:25:19,918 --> 00:25:21,119
What?
Well, yeah, kiss
him, kiss him.
606
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:22,186
Yeah, do that.
607
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:23,821
What?
Fuck, no way.
608
00:25:23,822 --> 00:25:26,324
Look, we... we don't do
that in public, you know.
609
00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:28,426
I just had garlic, man.
Yeah.
610
00:25:28,427 --> 00:25:30,294
Kiss him!
611
00:25:30,295 --> 00:25:31,729
Kiss him!
612
00:25:35,134 --> 00:25:36,534
Okay, yeah.
613
00:25:42,741 --> 00:25:45,910
Oh, isn't that sweet?
614
00:25:45,911 --> 00:25:47,145
Works for me.
615
00:25:47,146 --> 00:25:48,346
Oh!
616
00:25:48,347 --> 00:25:50,027
I told you faggots,
you made a cute couple.
617
00:25:52,251 --> 00:25:54,986
I love homosexuals.
618
00:25:58,891 --> 00:26:01,058
Dude, that was
really scary, man.
619
00:26:07,533 --> 00:26:09,834
You put your tongue
in my mouth, dude.
620
00:26:09,835 --> 00:26:11,769
Dude, what the hell
was I supposed to do?
621
00:26:11,770 --> 00:26:14,405
It was the gay mafia.
It had to look realistic.
622
00:26:14,406 --> 00:26:17,041
You'll clean my life out.
623
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,260
Hey.
624
00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:37,695
Hey.
625
00:26:37,696 --> 00:26:39,797
I've been waiting for you.
626
00:26:39,798 --> 00:26:41,032
You okay?
627
00:26:42,034 --> 00:26:43,668
Yeah, no, I'm fine.
628
00:26:43,669 --> 00:26:46,604
It's just I think
I pounded that last drink
629
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:49,340
a little bit too quickly.
630
00:26:49,341 --> 00:26:52,076
I could really stand
to get something in me
right now, actually.
631
00:26:52,077 --> 00:26:54,517
Oh, my God. I would love to get
a little something in me, too.
632
00:26:56,849 --> 00:26:58,450
You know what sounds
really, really good?
633
00:27:01,253 --> 00:27:03,888
Um, what's that?
634
00:27:03,889 --> 00:27:05,523
Bacon.
635
00:27:05,524 --> 00:27:06,290
I love bacon.
636
00:27:07,593 --> 00:27:10,194
After that everything
pretty much went black.
637
00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:17,101
I mean, that's all
I really remember.
638
00:27:20,706 --> 00:27:23,441
Yeah, that's mostly right,
639
00:27:23,442 --> 00:27:25,710
but I remember it
more like this.
640
00:27:44,263 --> 00:27:46,430
No, dude, I'm gonna
stop you right there
641
00:27:46,431 --> 00:27:48,199
'cause that is not
how shit went down.
642
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,636
Fine. Dude, I remember
as much as you remember.
643
00:27:51,637 --> 00:27:54,071
I mean, someone slipped
something in our drinks
644
00:27:54,072 --> 00:27:55,706
or some shit.
645
00:27:55,707 --> 00:27:57,008
Well, dude, we got
to figure it out, all right,
646
00:27:57,009 --> 00:27:58,876
because Beth's gonna be
here any minute
647
00:27:58,877 --> 00:28:01,846
and I need to know if I slept
with Polly or not.
648
00:28:01,847 --> 00:28:03,114
We know what happened, dude.
649
00:28:03,115 --> 00:28:04,749
You laid the lumber.
650
00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:07,385
I don't think so, man.
I think I'd remember sex.
651
00:28:07,386 --> 00:28:08,886
We got dosed, man.
652
00:28:08,887 --> 00:28:10,988
I don't even know
where Cherry is.
653
00:28:10,989 --> 00:28:14,158
I'm probably moments away
from getting shit raped
654
00:28:14,159 --> 00:28:15,726
and murdered by Mr. Tom.
655
00:28:15,727 --> 00:28:17,607
I just... I need to know
what happened last night
656
00:28:19,565 --> 00:28:21,098
for sure.
657
00:28:21,099 --> 00:28:22,900
Oh, I get it, dude.
658
00:28:22,901 --> 00:28:25,169
You don't want to
give her the syphilo,
659
00:28:25,170 --> 00:28:26,337
the syphilitis.
660
00:28:26,338 --> 00:28:27,338
No.
661
00:28:27,339 --> 00:28:28,339
Yo, Cal!
662
00:28:28,340 --> 00:28:30,341
Yo, Eskimo.
663
00:28:30,342 --> 00:28:33,411
Uh, yo.
664
00:28:33,412 --> 00:28:34,812
Yo.
665
00:28:34,813 --> 00:28:36,581
Hey, I heard you needed
some help, man.
666
00:28:36,582 --> 00:28:37,915
I brought Georgia here.
667
00:28:37,916 --> 00:28:41,152
She's got like
a pornographic memory.
668
00:28:41,153 --> 00:28:43,788
Photographic memory
and there's no such thing.
669
00:28:43,789 --> 00:28:45,489
See, pretty and smart, huh.
670
00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:48,759
Yeah, she is hot.
671
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:52,496
Hey, have you
guys seen a phone?
No.
672
00:28:52,497 --> 00:28:53,965
Jesus, what happened
to your shoulder?
673
00:28:53,966 --> 00:28:56,834
Look, don't worry about
my shoulder, George.
674
00:28:56,835 --> 00:28:58,636
Okay, here's the fucking scoop.
675
00:28:58,637 --> 00:29:00,771
Phil, his girlfriend's coming.
676
00:29:00,772 --> 00:29:03,441
He woke up naked with
no clothes in bed with Polly
677
00:29:03,442 --> 00:29:04,775
fucking Wallace.
678
00:29:04,776 --> 00:29:06,711
Dude, you need a shot.
How is your dick?
679
00:29:06,712 --> 00:29:08,412
A little bit of itching,
a little burning?
680
00:29:08,413 --> 00:29:09,447
Can I see it?
681
00:29:09,448 --> 00:29:11,916
No.
No, ma'am.
682
00:29:11,917 --> 00:29:13,637
I don't feel comfortable
discussing my penis
683
00:29:15,654 --> 00:29:17,555
with someone I just met.
684
00:29:17,556 --> 00:29:18,990
I told you, bro,
you don't need an expert.
685
00:29:18,991 --> 00:29:20,591
You're already
scratch-a-thon.
686
00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:22,093
Dude, I don't need to scratch.
687
00:29:22,094 --> 00:29:25,329
It's just 'cause you keep
putting that in my head.
688
00:29:25,330 --> 00:29:27,665
Let's just get back to
what happened, all right.
689
00:29:27,666 --> 00:29:29,467
Do you have any idea?
690
00:29:29,468 --> 00:29:32,603
Oh, man, I don't remember much
because I was pretty trashed,
691
00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:35,072
but here's what I remember.
692
00:29:35,073 --> 00:29:36,914
It was me at the door
and wall to wall bitches,
693
00:29:39,511 --> 00:29:40,911
every single one of them.
694
00:29:40,912 --> 00:29:42,346
I love you, Beef.
695
00:29:44,349 --> 00:29:45,816
Well, a lot of ladies do.
696
00:29:45,817 --> 00:29:48,352
Just go ahead and wait
inside and stand in line
697
00:29:48,353 --> 00:29:49,654
with the rest of them.
698
00:29:49,655 --> 00:29:51,522
I'd wait all night if I had to.
699
00:29:51,523 --> 00:29:52,657
I'm sure you would.
700
00:29:52,658 --> 00:29:54,191
You sexy beast.
701
00:29:54,192 --> 00:29:55,660
Yo, you two can't come in.
702
00:29:57,963 --> 00:29:59,063
Oh.
703
00:29:59,064 --> 00:30:01,232
Sorry, these two ass
monkeys are with me.
704
00:30:04,369 --> 00:30:06,370
Hey, who is that hottie?
705
00:30:06,371 --> 00:30:08,406
Oh, thanks, handsome.
706
00:30:08,407 --> 00:30:09,440
Bye, boys.
707
00:30:11,376 --> 00:30:14,378
But I thought she was...
708
00:30:14,379 --> 00:30:15,579
What?
709
00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:17,181
You thought she was with you?
710
00:30:17,182 --> 00:30:19,917
Well, you know, once,
like, a long time ago.
711
00:30:19,918 --> 00:30:22,853
No, dude, it just means that
you're in my Eskimo network,
712
00:30:22,854 --> 00:30:24,355
you know, two guys
that are banging
713
00:30:24,356 --> 00:30:25,523
the same girl, man.
714
00:30:25,524 --> 00:30:27,358
It's all good.
Yeah, dude.
715
00:30:27,359 --> 00:30:28,392
Whoo!
716
00:30:28,393 --> 00:30:29,360
Glenn.
717
00:30:31,196 --> 00:30:32,463
Glenn.
718
00:30:32,464 --> 00:30:34,365
He tastes like beef jerky.
719
00:30:34,366 --> 00:30:36,367
I do.
720
00:30:36,368 --> 00:30:37,501
Glenn.
721
00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:39,537
What?
Wait, I love you.
722
00:30:39,538 --> 00:30:41,439
I love you.
723
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:42,840
Okay.
724
00:30:42,841 --> 00:30:44,608
Glenn, come here, man.
725
00:30:46,044 --> 00:30:47,211
Hmm?
726
00:30:52,384 --> 00:30:54,018
Bye.
Who's that?
727
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:55,886
I don't know who that was.
728
00:30:55,887 --> 00:30:57,888
Oh, man. Well, dude,
you up for a game
of assketball?
729
00:30:57,889 --> 00:30:59,156
You know it, brosef.
730
00:30:59,157 --> 00:31:01,292
Hells yeah.
Hey, Derek.
Yo.
731
00:31:01,293 --> 00:31:03,360
Come watch the door,
man, I'll be back in ten.
732
00:31:03,361 --> 00:31:04,395
Oh, yeah.
733
00:31:04,396 --> 00:31:05,362
Pussy central.
734
00:31:06,932 --> 00:31:09,900
You're cute.
735
00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:13,504
And you're just the
right amount of drunk.
736
00:31:19,678 --> 00:31:21,846
Hey, Glenn,
give those M&Ms, man.
737
00:31:40,632 --> 00:31:42,199
Hey, I got this for you.
738
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:43,200
What?
739
00:31:43,201 --> 00:31:44,735
Just drink it.
740
00:31:44,736 --> 00:31:46,604
I bet Meester here
can chug the whole thing
741
00:31:46,605 --> 00:31:47,671
in under 5 seconds.
742
00:31:47,672 --> 00:31:49,607
Don't make me pay him.
743
00:31:49,608 --> 00:31:51,375
Chug it, Beef.
744
00:31:51,376 --> 00:31:52,476
Oh, wow.
745
00:31:57,182 --> 00:32:00,384
Hope you got
that for your stupid movie.
746
00:32:00,385 --> 00:32:01,585
I did.
747
00:32:06,491 --> 00:32:07,625
Oh, my God.
748
00:32:07,626 --> 00:32:09,693
You have such amazing eyes.
749
00:32:09,694 --> 00:32:10,894
My tits are down here, asshole.
750
00:32:12,164 --> 00:32:13,798
Mother...
751
00:32:15,033 --> 00:32:16,600
Hey, babe, it's me.
752
00:32:18,370 --> 00:32:21,138
So I got the wedding
colors picked out already.
753
00:32:21,139 --> 00:32:24,475
I think I'm gonna pick lavender
and white because,
754
00:32:24,476 --> 00:32:26,677
you know, those are
my favorite colors.
755
00:32:26,678 --> 00:32:28,379
Let me know what you think.
Bye.
756
00:32:34,085 --> 00:32:35,753
Hey, man, what's up, Beef?
757
00:32:35,754 --> 00:32:37,922
Hey, give us
some of that candy, man.
758
00:32:37,923 --> 00:32:39,790
I can't, man, I got to use it
for something.
759
00:32:39,791 --> 00:32:41,058
Use it?
What the fuck?
760
00:32:41,059 --> 00:32:44,862
Hey, man, share some
of that candy.
761
00:32:44,863 --> 00:32:46,597
Dude, this isn't
Casablanca babes,
762
00:32:46,598 --> 00:32:49,767
Stop bogartin'
the goddamn candy
and pass it out, man.
763
00:32:49,768 --> 00:32:53,137
Hey, you want to get high?
764
00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,606
Hell, man, there's a priest
molesting little boys,
765
00:32:55,607 --> 00:32:56,740
hell yeah!
766
00:32:56,741 --> 00:32:57,775
Hey, give them some candy.
767
00:32:57,776 --> 00:33:00,010
Yeah, candy.
768
00:33:15,794 --> 00:33:17,595
You know about stereotypes?
769
00:33:17,596 --> 00:33:21,432
You know how that black guys
only like that white chicks?
770
00:33:21,433 --> 00:33:24,435
What if black guys don't
really like fat white chicks
771
00:33:24,436 --> 00:33:26,237
but they like frozen
Snickers bars,
772
00:33:26,238 --> 00:33:29,340
and fat white chicks always
has frozen Snickers bars?
773
00:33:30,075 --> 00:33:32,877
That shit is racist, man.
774
00:33:34,446 --> 00:33:36,247
Hey, man, you're fucking
racist, mother fucker.
775
00:33:36,248 --> 00:33:39,016
Hey, Jamal, what did
you get on your SATs?
776
00:33:39,017 --> 00:33:41,719
I don't know, man,
barbeque sauce.
777
00:33:45,790 --> 00:33:47,258
Oh, there she is.
778
00:33:47,259 --> 00:33:48,759
Fuck you asshole face.
779
00:33:50,795 --> 00:33:53,797
And I want my abortion
money tonight.
780
00:33:53,798 --> 00:33:55,432
Yeah, asshole face.
781
00:33:55,433 --> 00:33:57,701
Yo, man, I never
went inside her, man.
782
00:33:57,702 --> 00:33:59,036
I went in her eyes.
783
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:00,437
She probably didn't see
that coming.
784
00:34:05,644 --> 00:34:07,144
What happened?
785
00:34:07,145 --> 00:34:09,113
Hey, man, who listens
to music in a party, dude?
786
00:34:09,114 --> 00:34:10,948
Hey, man, give me more candy.
787
00:34:10,949 --> 00:34:12,483
I can't, man, I need it
for something, man.
788
00:34:12,484 --> 00:34:13,851
Come on, Glenn,
let's get out of here
789
00:34:13,852 --> 00:34:14,952
and get that little pudwacker.
790
00:34:14,953 --> 00:34:16,453
Thanks for the weed, guys.
791
00:34:16,454 --> 00:34:18,122
All right stereotypical
white dude.
792
00:34:21,693 --> 00:34:23,227
Hold on, man, hold on, hold on.
793
00:34:23,228 --> 00:34:25,729
All jokes aside, man,
where the fuck is our bong?
794
00:34:25,730 --> 00:34:28,632
Oh, shit,
where is our bong, man?
795
00:34:28,633 --> 00:34:29,667
It disappeared.
796
00:34:33,204 --> 00:34:35,806
Do you guys want
to buy this bong for $50?
797
00:34:35,807 --> 00:34:37,708
Oh, yeah, yeah,
we'll buy it, ma'am.
798
00:34:37,709 --> 00:34:39,443
Awesome.
799
00:34:39,444 --> 00:34:41,712
I got $60 right here.
Good.
800
00:34:41,713 --> 00:34:43,647
Thank you.
801
00:34:43,648 --> 00:34:44,949
Can I get my change please?
802
00:34:44,950 --> 00:34:46,650
I don't do change.
I'm so sorry.
803
00:34:46,651 --> 00:34:47,732
It's just like our old one.
804
00:34:48,720 --> 00:34:50,955
Oh, my God, Tiffany.
805
00:34:52,657 --> 00:34:54,658
My name is not Tiffany.
806
00:34:54,659 --> 00:34:56,660
It's Cherry, you bitch.
807
00:34:56,661 --> 00:34:57,161
Oh!
808
00:34:58,196 --> 00:35:00,197
Look at your face.
809
00:35:01,766 --> 00:35:03,801
Die, dog, die.
810
00:35:06,838 --> 00:35:07,639
I think it's broken.
811
00:35:08,206 --> 00:35:10,808
This is a decimal right here.
812
00:35:17,983 --> 00:35:20,884
Hey, Phil, it's me again.
813
00:35:20,885 --> 00:35:23,053
So I was thinking
we should go out
814
00:35:23,054 --> 00:35:24,989
to a really
nice restaurant tomorrow
815
00:35:24,990 --> 00:35:26,256
and I think
it'll be really cool
816
00:35:26,257 --> 00:35:28,959
if you propose to me again
in front of everyone.
817
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:30,661
Doesn't that sound awesome?
818
00:35:30,662 --> 00:35:32,296
Okay, call me back, babe.
819
00:35:34,399 --> 00:35:36,700
So my doctor strongly advised
820
00:35:36,701 --> 00:35:38,902
that I should get my penis
reduction sooner,
821
00:35:38,903 --> 00:35:39,937
rather than later.
822
00:35:39,938 --> 00:35:41,205
Yeah.
823
00:35:41,206 --> 00:35:43,507
What's your name?
824
00:35:43,508 --> 00:35:44,875
Pilar.
825
00:35:44,876 --> 00:35:47,711
Pilar, I'm Cal.
826
00:35:47,712 --> 00:35:49,513
Hi.
827
00:35:53,885 --> 00:35:55,119
Guess what?
828
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,688
We should really get you
out of these wet clothes.
829
00:36:04,229 --> 00:36:07,264
You know what,
I bet your dad was a thief
830
00:36:07,265 --> 00:36:09,299
because he stole
the stars in the skies
831
00:36:09,300 --> 00:36:11,001
and put them in your eyes.
832
00:36:11,002 --> 00:36:14,438
My daddy was shot
and killed while stealing
833
00:36:14,439 --> 00:36:17,241
from a jewelry store,
you asshole.
834
00:36:18,443 --> 00:36:20,511
What the...
835
00:36:25,050 --> 00:36:26,417
Is everyone okay up there?
836
00:36:26,418 --> 00:36:28,185
Yeah, but you shot a dog.
837
00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:29,887
Oh, it's not my first.
Is it still alive?
838
00:36:29,888 --> 00:36:33,057
Yeah, it's still moving.
839
00:36:33,058 --> 00:36:34,391
How about now?
840
00:36:34,392 --> 00:36:36,894
Yeah, that did it, it's dead.
841
00:36:36,895 --> 00:36:38,896
Just put the bottle down, man.
842
00:36:40,899 --> 00:36:43,100
Hey, why don't
we go do a tarot reading.
I'll charge you, but...
843
00:36:43,101 --> 00:36:45,836
Do you know how degrading
it is to come to a party
844
00:36:45,837 --> 00:36:48,078
where you're hired as a clown
and find your ex girlfriend
845
00:36:49,908 --> 00:36:51,141
here with someone?
846
00:36:51,142 --> 00:36:53,310
You cheated
on me multiple times
847
00:36:53,311 --> 00:36:55,031
with the moms
from your birthday party gigs.
848
00:36:56,915 --> 00:36:57,748
You back off, man.
849
00:36:58,616 --> 00:37:01,051
Oh, my God.
850
00:37:03,722 --> 00:37:05,456
My hero.
851
00:37:05,457 --> 00:37:07,291
I am gonna take
such good care of you.
Rawr!
852
00:37:11,296 --> 00:37:14,465
Now somebody get that
clown the hell out of here.
853
00:37:18,036 --> 00:37:19,703
So that was weird.
854
00:37:19,704 --> 00:37:21,872
I thought it was
pretty cool what he did.
855
00:37:21,873 --> 00:37:24,141
Well, I mean, I totally
could have kicked that
856
00:37:24,142 --> 00:37:25,342
clown's ass, but, you know,
857
00:37:25,343 --> 00:37:26,910
Phil had the sitch
under control.
858
00:37:26,911 --> 00:37:28,312
Mm.
859
00:37:28,313 --> 00:37:29,913
My sorority sisters are
waiting for me upstairs,
860
00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:31,915
let's go.
Oh, hell yeah.
861
00:37:31,916 --> 00:37:34,918
I really want
to screw that guy.
862
00:37:34,919 --> 00:37:36,453
Me too.
863
00:37:42,727 --> 00:37:44,728
Okay, well,
your lifeline is very short,
864
00:37:44,729 --> 00:37:47,231
but there's nothing I can
really do about that, all right?
865
00:37:47,232 --> 00:37:49,066
Do you have
any other questions?
866
00:37:49,067 --> 00:37:51,902
Um, what about my love life?
867
00:37:51,903 --> 00:37:53,137
Your love life?
Okay.
868
00:37:53,138 --> 00:37:55,072
Well, I hate to tell you this,
869
00:37:55,073 --> 00:37:56,473
but your boyfriend
is fucking everybody.
870
00:37:56,474 --> 00:37:59,143
Everybody, he fucks
everything with vagina.
871
00:37:59,144 --> 00:38:00,911
I know.
It's terrible.
872
00:38:00,912 --> 00:38:02,212
Are you kidding me?
873
00:38:02,213 --> 00:38:03,747
He's supposed to be
at bible study.
874
00:38:03,748 --> 00:38:06,283
Bible study? No.
He is not at bible study.
875
00:38:06,284 --> 00:38:08,318
No, no. You know what
I would do if I were you?
876
00:38:08,319 --> 00:38:11,255
I would find the ugliest,
most repulsive
877
00:38:11,256 --> 00:38:12,936
looking person at this party
and screw him.
878
00:38:15,193 --> 00:38:17,394
Thank you.
I will.
879
00:38:21,099 --> 00:38:24,067
Is this marijuana
you're smoking?
880
00:38:24,068 --> 00:38:26,603
Is this marijuana, you're...
881
00:38:26,604 --> 00:38:28,272
yes.
Why?
882
00:38:28,273 --> 00:38:30,353
I'm not comfortable with you
smoking drugs around us.
883
00:38:32,010 --> 00:38:33,911
Okay, come here.
884
00:38:33,912 --> 00:38:35,913
Closer.
885
00:38:35,914 --> 00:38:37,381
Say please.
886
00:38:37,382 --> 00:38:40,050
Please.
887
00:38:44,455 --> 00:38:46,456
All right, why don't
we all move on
888
00:38:46,457 --> 00:38:47,658
to the Ouija board?
889
00:38:47,659 --> 00:38:49,092
Okay?
890
00:38:49,093 --> 00:38:50,527
This is not
what I was expecting.
891
00:38:50,528 --> 00:38:51,995
Oh! Ooh.
892
00:38:54,165 --> 00:38:55,866
Rusty coke pipes,
893
00:38:55,867 --> 00:38:58,135
that means it's time to switch
to heroin everybody.
894
00:38:58,136 --> 00:38:59,403
Take over.
895
00:38:59,404 --> 00:39:00,704
I'm gonna go find a bathroom.
896
00:39:00,705 --> 00:39:02,039
Jamie, hi.
897
00:39:06,077 --> 00:39:07,311
Hello, Jamie.
898
00:39:07,312 --> 00:39:08,745
So Cherry's got you guys
899
00:39:08,746 --> 00:39:10,747
playing with the dark hearts,
huh?
900
00:39:10,748 --> 00:39:12,916
We're gonna Ouija.
901
00:39:12,917 --> 00:39:14,251
Actually I have a question.
902
00:39:14,252 --> 00:39:15,492
Um, will I have sex
with Elaine?
903
00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:19,923
Yes, I will.
904
00:39:19,924 --> 00:39:21,558
You did that, totally.
905
00:39:21,559 --> 00:39:23,160
No, no, that wasn't me.
906
00:39:23,161 --> 00:39:24,728
Um, here let me try again.
907
00:39:24,729 --> 00:39:27,931
Will I have sex with Marilyn?
908
00:39:27,932 --> 00:39:29,933
Yes, I will.
909
00:39:29,934 --> 00:39:31,034
You did that.
910
00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:32,336
No, I swear it wasn't me.
911
00:39:32,337 --> 00:39:33,570
Will I have sex with Jamie?
912
00:39:36,841 --> 00:39:38,041
No.
913
00:39:39,711 --> 00:39:41,591
Will I have a threesome
with Elaine and Marilyn?
914
00:39:44,449 --> 00:39:46,617
Yes, I will.
Wow.
915
00:39:46,618 --> 00:39:48,785
Oh, my God, I think
it actually moved that time.
916
00:39:48,786 --> 00:39:51,622
You guys know that
whatever the Ouija board says
917
00:39:51,623 --> 00:39:53,784
you have to do, no matter
how freaky or kinky or gross,
918
00:39:55,493 --> 00:39:56,760
you have to do it.
919
00:39:56,761 --> 00:39:58,962
It's like a thing, like a law.
920
00:39:58,963 --> 00:40:00,063
It's true.
921
00:40:00,064 --> 00:40:01,231
Oh, my God, really?
922
00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:02,466
Yeah.
923
00:40:02,467 --> 00:40:03,767
I guess we have to do it then.
924
00:40:03,768 --> 00:40:04,968
Sounds like
we should get a room.
925
00:40:04,969 --> 00:40:05,969
Mm.
926
00:40:05,970 --> 00:40:07,104
Let's go.
927
00:40:21,686 --> 00:40:23,086
All right, I'm gonna
find us a room.
928
00:40:23,087 --> 00:40:25,722
Sex, sex, sex, sex,
sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.
929
00:40:29,460 --> 00:40:33,230
Do you know,
my boyfriend thinks that
930
00:40:33,231 --> 00:40:34,792
he is the only one
whom he gets to play.
931
00:40:37,235 --> 00:40:38,835
Well, I'll show him.
932
00:40:38,836 --> 00:40:40,704
Yes!
933
00:40:44,042 --> 00:40:46,243
Oh, I can't believe
this is actually happening.
934
00:40:46,244 --> 00:40:47,344
No, it sure is, Peter!
935
00:40:47,345 --> 00:40:49,012
It's Cal.
936
00:40:49,013 --> 00:40:50,414
Ow.
937
00:40:50,415 --> 00:40:52,249
Oh!
This isn't working.
938
00:40:52,250 --> 00:40:53,583
Move over.
939
00:40:53,584 --> 00:40:55,852
Yes.
Get up you fat phone!
940
00:40:55,853 --> 00:40:58,855
Right, so wiggle a little so
I can pull your pants off.
941
00:40:58,856 --> 00:41:00,056
Oh, shit.
Red alert! Red alert!
942
00:41:03,061 --> 00:41:05,228
Oh, shit. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
943
00:41:05,229 --> 00:41:08,265
Let me get a condom
and a towel, we'll
try over again.
944
00:41:08,266 --> 00:41:09,933
Oh, fuck.
945
00:41:09,934 --> 00:41:11,501
Please give me a condom.
946
00:41:13,738 --> 00:41:15,372
There's a drunk chick in there.
947
00:41:15,373 --> 00:41:17,507
I'm going to testify
that she was sober.
948
00:41:17,508 --> 00:41:19,343
Dude, I don't use condoms, man.
949
00:41:19,344 --> 00:41:20,510
Go, go check the bathroom.
950
00:41:20,511 --> 00:41:21,878
Okay, okay.
951
00:41:21,879 --> 00:41:23,580
Uh, I will find us
a room, let's go.
952
00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:33,790
Oh, this so works.
Hold on.
953
00:41:34,726 --> 00:41:37,260
Oh, bro.
954
00:41:40,865 --> 00:41:43,066
Ladies, hold on.
Dude.
955
00:41:45,737 --> 00:41:48,271
Hey, what the fuck?
I was taking
a shit, man.
956
00:41:48,272 --> 00:41:49,573
Come on.
957
00:41:49,574 --> 00:41:50,874
Who shits with the door open?
958
00:41:50,875 --> 00:41:52,876
Okay, ladies, hold on, hold on.
959
00:41:53,778 --> 00:41:56,713
Oh, my God I swear
I will find us a room.
960
00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:01,785
I will.
961
00:42:01,786 --> 00:42:04,254
Please I need you you in there
like fucking stat.
962
00:42:04,255 --> 00:42:05,856
Oh, wait.
963
00:42:09,494 --> 00:42:10,861
Come on, get in here.
964
00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:11,962
What?
965
00:42:11,963 --> 00:42:13,463
Where?
What?
966
00:42:13,464 --> 00:42:15,665
Oh, dude,
thanks for sharing, man.
Sharing?
967
00:42:15,666 --> 00:42:17,334
Don't you know
who the fuck this is?
968
00:42:17,335 --> 00:42:19,503
This is Mr. Tom's wife.
969
00:42:19,504 --> 00:42:21,171
Oh, fuck, dude.
970
00:42:21,172 --> 00:42:23,273
I don't want anything to do
with this shit, man.
971
00:42:23,274 --> 00:42:24,574
It's too late, bro.
972
00:42:24,575 --> 00:42:25,842
I'm supposed to be
watching her.
973
00:42:25,843 --> 00:42:27,277
Mr. Tom's gonna be
here any minute.
974
00:42:27,278 --> 00:42:28,745
If she dies, I die
975
00:42:28,746 --> 00:42:31,014
and then bonus,
I get shit raped.
976
00:42:31,015 --> 00:42:32,482
Oh, fuck you, dude.
977
00:42:32,483 --> 00:42:33,817
You keep this bitch alive.
978
00:42:33,818 --> 00:42:36,353
If I see Mr. Tom
I'll distract him.
979
00:42:36,354 --> 00:42:38,255
Fake ass Eskimo brother.
980
00:42:38,256 --> 00:42:40,257
Fuck.
981
00:42:40,258 --> 00:42:41,858
Oh, man.
Goddamn it.
982
00:42:43,728 --> 00:42:45,262
Mr. B is on move.
983
00:42:47,265 --> 00:42:48,498
What?
984
00:42:48,499 --> 00:42:49,900
Later with that.
985
00:42:49,901 --> 00:42:51,981
Oh, my God, you're Mr. Belding
from Saved by the Bell.
986
00:42:54,072 --> 00:42:55,739
Well, actually
my name is Dennis Haskins
987
00:42:55,740 --> 00:42:57,474
but I did play
Mr. Belding.
988
00:42:57,475 --> 00:42:59,276
Yeah, I know, I know.
You're like my hero.
989
00:42:59,277 --> 00:43:00,477
I got this.
990
00:43:00,478 --> 00:43:01,945
I need some advice.
991
00:43:01,946 --> 00:43:03,080
Okay, shoot.
992
00:43:03,081 --> 00:43:04,514
All right.
993
00:43:04,515 --> 00:43:06,183
I'm really drunk right now
994
00:43:06,184 --> 00:43:08,351
and inside the bathroom
is a drug dealer's wife.
995
00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:09,786
Mr. Tom's wife
is in there.
996
00:43:09,787 --> 00:43:11,288
She may have overdosed
and she may be dead.
997
00:43:11,289 --> 00:43:13,423
What do I do?
998
00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:14,891
You got a beeper?
999
00:43:14,892 --> 00:43:16,293
No.
1000
00:43:16,294 --> 00:43:17,894
Rotary dial phone?
1001
00:43:17,895 --> 00:43:19,029
No.
1002
00:43:19,030 --> 00:43:20,664
VCR, VHS,
1003
00:43:20,665 --> 00:43:22,766
maybe a floppy disk,
eight track.
1004
00:43:22,767 --> 00:43:25,402
Zack phone, pencil, paper clip.
Help me out here.
1005
00:43:25,403 --> 00:43:27,270
No, this isn't the '90s, bro.
1006
00:43:27,271 --> 00:43:28,772
I don't have any of that stuff.
1007
00:43:28,773 --> 00:43:31,608
Well, looks like
you're in quite a predicament
1008
00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:33,276
and I'm not gonna be
able to help you.
1009
00:43:33,277 --> 00:43:35,078
But, you know what though?
1010
00:43:38,583 --> 00:43:40,184
I suggest
that you drink this really fast
1011
00:43:42,286 --> 00:43:43,653
and then pass out.
1012
00:43:43,654 --> 00:43:45,455
Yeah.
1013
00:43:47,358 --> 00:43:48,692
Uh.
1014
00:43:48,693 --> 00:43:51,328
Thanks, Mr. Belding...
I mean, Dennis.
1015
00:44:05,443 --> 00:44:07,277
And...
1016
00:44:07,278 --> 00:44:09,613
that's all I remember.
1017
00:44:09,614 --> 00:44:12,349
Dude,
Mr. Belding was not there.
1018
00:44:12,350 --> 00:44:14,417
No, Mr. Belding,
no Zack Morris,
1019
00:44:14,418 --> 00:44:16,386
o Jessy Spano, bro.
1020
00:44:16,387 --> 00:44:17,687
Dude, that's all
I remember, man,
1021
00:44:17,688 --> 00:44:20,524
except waking up
next to this angel.
1022
00:44:20,525 --> 00:44:22,292
You know,
I prefer Tinkerbell, baby.
1023
00:44:22,293 --> 00:44:23,527
All right, guys, listen.
1024
00:44:23,528 --> 00:44:24,368
Me, Polly, no memory.
1025
00:44:27,298 --> 00:44:28,598
Girlfriend coming to town.
1026
00:44:28,599 --> 00:44:30,367
Can we please
just stay on track?
1027
00:44:31,736 --> 00:44:33,803
d Hey-ho,
pick up your phone d
1028
00:44:33,804 --> 00:44:34,804
Oh.
1029
00:44:34,805 --> 00:44:36,406
Dude, Brah Man.
1030
00:44:37,408 --> 00:44:38,775
What's up, dude?
1031
00:44:38,776 --> 00:44:40,710
Hey, dude, I'm here
with Cal and Phil, man.
1032
00:44:40,711 --> 00:44:43,647
You remember Mexican Jonah Hill
and Neil Patrick Harris?
1033
00:44:43,648 --> 00:44:45,288
No, dude, he looks like
walking HIV, dude.
1034
00:44:47,385 --> 00:44:48,752
I was thinking, man...
1035
00:44:48,753 --> 00:44:50,554
Man, he's either in the movie
Philadelphia
1036
00:44:50,555 --> 00:44:52,222
or we need to go
to the hospital right now,
1037
00:44:52,223 --> 00:44:53,390
you know.
1038
00:44:53,391 --> 00:44:56,026
Yeah, dude, you remember me,
right, Brah Man.
1039
00:44:56,027 --> 00:44:58,595
I'm the one you
kept calling Chia Pet.
1040
00:44:58,596 --> 00:45:00,916
Wait, no, you're the one that
looks like a gigantic frijole
1041
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:03,767
with an afro bro, right?
1042
00:45:03,768 --> 00:45:04,768
Well, that's me.
1043
00:45:04,769 --> 00:45:06,236
Holy fucking shit.
1044
00:45:06,237 --> 00:45:08,872
Oh, man, I totally
remember those guys, man.
1045
00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:10,974
We were at the party,
dude and it's like...
1046
00:45:10,975 --> 00:45:14,211
it was a complete tit fest,
dude, and we were getting high...
1047
00:45:14,212 --> 00:45:16,813
And these extreme
astrophysical effects
1048
00:45:16,814 --> 00:45:19,182
can lead to short
bursts of fusion
1049
00:45:19,183 --> 00:45:20,943
and that's my first lesson
in fusion science.
1050
00:45:22,186 --> 00:45:24,254
Oh, my God.
You are the smartest man ever.
1051
00:45:27,725 --> 00:45:28,725
Thank you.
1052
00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:30,093
And the sexiest.
1053
00:45:30,094 --> 00:45:31,928
Yeah, I am.
1054
00:45:31,929 --> 00:45:35,198
Hey, you're
my greatest customer ever.
I never do this.
1055
00:45:35,199 --> 00:45:38,735
But here's a rebate check
for $20,000
1056
00:45:38,736 --> 00:45:41,338
and I also want to give you
these beautiful ladies.
1057
00:45:42,974 --> 00:45:44,641
Oh, my God.
1058
00:45:47,945 --> 00:45:51,114
Brah Man, you're the coolest man
in our solar system.
1059
00:45:51,115 --> 00:45:52,995
Yeah, Brah Man,
you're beautiful inside and out.
1060
00:45:54,986 --> 00:45:56,353
I sure am.
1061
00:46:07,932 --> 00:46:10,667
Yes, um,
that's all I remember, man.
1062
00:46:10,668 --> 00:46:13,637
Dude, that is not
how anything happened.
1063
00:46:13,638 --> 00:46:15,105
Are you fucking kidding me?
1064
00:46:15,106 --> 00:46:17,040
This guy probably
can't even drive straight.
1065
00:46:17,041 --> 00:46:18,942
Fuck you, man,
I'm not an idiot.
1066
00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:21,011
I'm Asian, dude.
I'm smarter than you, man.
1067
00:46:21,012 --> 00:46:23,213
Fuck you and your fucking
lumber cut Beatle's haircut.
1068
00:46:23,214 --> 00:46:26,316
Hey, man, fuck you, you
walking big brown
piece of shit, man.
1069
00:46:26,317 --> 00:46:28,018
I know Yakuza, bro.
1070
00:46:28,019 --> 00:46:29,719
Oh, shit.
1071
00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:32,656
Mother fucker, fuck.
1072
00:46:32,657 --> 00:46:34,224
Talk to me like that...
1073
00:46:34,225 --> 00:46:36,960
Well, it sounds like
you're fucked.
1074
00:46:36,961 --> 00:46:38,828
Or at least
you were last night.
1075
00:46:38,829 --> 00:46:40,869
Get thee to a healer
before the burning starts, man.
1076
00:46:42,667 --> 00:46:43,700
Jamie.
1077
00:46:43,701 --> 00:46:45,402
Meester, cute outfit.
1078
00:46:45,403 --> 00:46:46,204
Oh, scribble dibble.
1079
00:46:48,205 --> 00:46:49,706
You guys see a video camera?
1080
00:46:51,676 --> 00:46:52,742
I can't find it.
1081
00:46:52,743 --> 00:46:53,977
No, I haven't seen it
1082
00:46:53,978 --> 00:46:56,046
but have you seen a phone
by chance?
1083
00:46:56,047 --> 00:46:59,449
You shit stains, I told you
to stay out of trouble.
1084
00:46:59,450 --> 00:47:02,419
One party and you need
your momma to come here
1085
00:47:02,420 --> 00:47:04,054
and wipe your asses?
Me-me-me!
1086
00:47:04,055 --> 00:47:05,656
Jamie, just please
tell us what happened.
1087
00:47:07,491 --> 00:47:08,892
Okay.
1088
00:47:08,893 --> 00:47:10,293
I'll tell you what happened.
1089
00:47:10,294 --> 00:47:12,195
First your daddy
forgot to pull out.
1090
00:47:12,196 --> 00:47:13,963
Then he dropped
in your fucking head
1091
00:47:13,964 --> 00:47:15,432
a couple of times.
1092
00:47:15,433 --> 00:47:16,866
And then he forgot to teach you
1093
00:47:16,867 --> 00:47:18,668
how to man up and drink a beer.
1094
00:47:18,669 --> 00:47:20,804
And now I have to come here
and clean up this entire mess.
1095
00:47:20,805 --> 00:47:22,138
So Phil's girlfriend
will leave everyone
1096
00:47:22,139 --> 00:47:23,907
on campus the fuck alone.
1097
00:47:23,908 --> 00:47:26,209
Oh, Beth, is she here?
1098
00:47:26,210 --> 00:47:29,412
Apparently, she's already
torn up the entire dorms
1099
00:47:29,413 --> 00:47:30,413
looking for you.
1100
00:47:30,414 --> 00:47:32,682
Now I'm fucked.
1101
00:47:32,683 --> 00:47:33,683
Fucked.
1102
00:47:33,684 --> 00:47:35,085
What's the problem?
1103
00:47:35,086 --> 00:47:37,053
Well, according
to Beef over there,
1104
00:47:37,054 --> 00:47:38,934
Phil stuck his dick
in a VD cocktail last night.
1105
00:47:41,025 --> 00:47:42,659
Beef?
1106
00:47:42,660 --> 00:47:43,860
Beef?
1107
00:47:43,861 --> 00:47:45,295
Needledick the bug fucker
1108
00:47:45,296 --> 00:47:48,431
was completely fucking
trash last night.
1109
00:47:48,432 --> 00:47:50,233
Hey, so were you.
1110
00:47:50,234 --> 00:47:52,202
I was with Meester all night
and we were only half trashed.
1111
00:47:52,203 --> 00:47:55,338
So together we can totally
piece together the real deal.
1112
00:47:55,339 --> 00:47:56,873
It's true.
1113
00:47:56,874 --> 00:47:58,675
So, Helen Keller.
Need a braille book?
1114
00:47:58,676 --> 00:48:00,677
What the fuck happened?
Yeah!
1115
00:48:00,678 --> 00:48:02,245
This is how shit went down.
1116
00:48:02,246 --> 00:48:05,749
I showed up at the party
looking insanely gorgeous.
1117
00:48:05,750 --> 00:48:08,685
I mean, seriously amazing.
1118
00:48:08,686 --> 00:48:10,086
Jamie, Jamie.
1119
00:48:10,087 --> 00:48:12,222
You two pricks wait here
for one second.
1120
00:48:16,727 --> 00:48:17,827
Did you get the stuff?
1121
00:48:17,828 --> 00:48:19,162
Yeah, sure.
1122
00:48:19,163 --> 00:48:20,797
Not that, you fuck,
with the money.
1123
00:48:20,798 --> 00:48:22,832
Oh. Yeah, yeah,
sure thing, yeah.
1124
00:48:22,833 --> 00:48:24,067
Oh, we're with Jamie, bro.
1125
00:48:24,068 --> 00:48:25,668
Pricks.
I'll be right back.
1126
00:48:25,669 --> 00:48:26,669
Okay, see you inside.
1127
00:48:26,670 --> 00:48:28,004
Okay.
1128
00:48:28,005 --> 00:48:30,140
Beef, they're my friends.
1129
00:48:32,042 --> 00:48:34,978
Oh, Jamie,
these guys are with you?
1130
00:48:34,979 --> 00:48:36,780
I didn't know that.
Of course, they're welcome.
1131
00:48:36,781 --> 00:48:38,548
Of course, they're welcome.
You're the best.
1132
00:48:38,549 --> 00:48:42,185
Aww. You guys try not to get
your asses kicked, just try.
1133
00:48:43,921 --> 00:48:45,989
I thought you knew
we were with Jamie.
1134
00:48:48,692 --> 00:48:49,692
Ow!
1135
00:48:49,693 --> 00:48:51,327
Jamie.
1136
00:49:01,772 --> 00:49:03,173
Hey.
1137
00:49:59,697 --> 00:50:01,030
Be sure that door is locked.
1138
00:50:01,031 --> 00:50:02,699
If somebody walks in,
the price doubles.
1139
00:50:02,700 --> 00:50:04,701
Okay.
1140
00:50:04,702 --> 00:50:05,768
Locked.
1141
00:50:05,769 --> 00:50:07,403
Oh, my God.
Wow.
1142
00:50:13,010 --> 00:50:15,512
Ladies and gentlemen...
who am I kidding?
1143
00:50:15,513 --> 00:50:17,847
The only people watching
this are frat guys.
1144
00:50:17,848 --> 00:50:19,516
All right, let's get it moving,
Seacrest.
1145
00:50:19,517 --> 00:50:22,552
You've seen the rest,
now check out the best.
1146
00:50:22,553 --> 00:50:24,593
The most insane thing
you've ever seen in your life.
1147
00:50:27,024 --> 00:50:28,525
Okay, are you ready,
we're rolling?
1148
00:50:28,526 --> 00:50:29,726
Yeah, we're rolling.
All right, perfect.
1149
00:50:29,727 --> 00:50:30,727
Bring me a beer.
1150
00:50:30,728 --> 00:50:31,995
All right.
1151
00:50:31,996 --> 00:50:33,229
Meester.
1152
00:50:35,466 --> 00:50:36,799
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
1153
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:40,003
Holy shit, I had no idea.
1154
00:50:40,004 --> 00:50:43,106
I just thought
you wanted more beer.
1155
00:50:43,107 --> 00:50:44,841
Oh, give me a hug,
girl, this is amazing.
1156
00:50:44,842 --> 00:50:46,309
Hold on a sec, cowboy,
1157
00:50:46,310 --> 00:50:47,944
o hugging till the talent
gets her pants on.
1158
00:50:47,945 --> 00:50:49,612
Oh, you know I'm gay, right?
1159
00:50:49,613 --> 00:50:52,515
Yeah, I just didn't want you
to get all perioded on.
1160
00:50:52,516 --> 00:50:54,150
All right.
1161
00:50:54,151 --> 00:50:55,871
Oh, my there's some of
your junk in the cup.
1162
00:50:58,322 --> 00:50:59,722
Oh.
1163
00:50:59,723 --> 00:51:00,723
Oh, my God.
1164
00:51:00,724 --> 00:51:02,058
Let's go a two-fer
1165
00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:04,727
on the YouTube delights
for tonight.
1166
00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:05,695
Yeah.
1167
00:51:05,696 --> 00:51:07,697
Let's go.
1168
00:51:07,698 --> 00:51:09,032
Come on.
1169
00:51:18,275 --> 00:51:20,395
Okay, so let's see who
we can get to drink the menses?
1170
00:51:22,179 --> 00:51:24,781
Who the fuck calls it menses?
1171
00:51:24,782 --> 00:51:26,716
It's called...
1172
00:51:26,717 --> 00:51:27,917
Oh, shit.
1173
00:51:27,918 --> 00:51:29,719
There he is.
1174
00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:32,288
I'm gonna teach this jizz-bucket
to tell people he fucked me.
1175
00:51:33,424 --> 00:51:35,491
What?
1176
00:51:36,527 --> 00:51:37,894
Hey, I got you this.
1177
00:51:37,895 --> 00:51:39,128
What?
1178
00:51:39,129 --> 00:51:40,330
I was playing beer pong
and I won
1179
00:51:40,331 --> 00:51:41,798
and I wanted you to drink it.
1180
00:51:41,799 --> 00:51:43,600
I wasn't even in the game.
1181
00:51:43,601 --> 00:51:46,769
I told you he'd be too chicken
shit just to drink one beer.
1182
00:51:46,770 --> 00:51:48,237
Show you.
1183
00:51:48,238 --> 00:51:50,106
Oh, oh-ho, this shot.
1184
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:58,281
Wet balls in the face.
1185
00:51:58,282 --> 00:52:00,116
Yeah, well, you got
that for your stupid video.
1186
00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:01,784
Oh, we did.
1187
00:52:01,785 --> 00:52:03,519
It so worked.
1188
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:05,822
Oh, my God,
I just cut this girl's hair off.
1189
00:52:18,802 --> 00:52:20,436
Nobody's phone?
1190
00:52:52,970 --> 00:52:54,971
It's a pretty crazy night, huh?
1191
00:52:54,972 --> 00:52:57,173
Yeah, right.
1192
00:52:57,174 --> 00:52:58,741
Um, I should probably, like,
1193
00:52:58,742 --> 00:53:01,044
go find Cherry
before she shoots somebody
1194
00:53:01,045 --> 00:53:02,445
or something crazy like that.
1195
00:53:02,446 --> 00:53:05,081
I've known Cherry a long time.
1196
00:53:05,082 --> 00:53:06,749
She'll be okay.
1197
00:53:06,750 --> 00:53:08,317
You know, I want
to tell you something.
1198
00:53:11,422 --> 00:53:14,490
This is like
the coolest night of my life.
1199
00:53:14,491 --> 00:53:16,526
No, you're actually
a pretty cool guy
1200
00:53:16,527 --> 00:53:19,162
when you're not running around
trying impress everybody.
1201
00:53:19,163 --> 00:53:21,964
Or make everybody
think you're a stud.
1202
00:53:21,965 --> 00:53:23,399
Oh, my God.
1203
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:24,840
Come here,
you have to see this.
Okay.
1204
00:53:25,469 --> 00:53:27,003
Phew!
1205
00:53:39,917 --> 00:53:42,885
Phil, every single time
you don't pick up the phone
1206
00:53:42,886 --> 00:53:45,655
that's another year that
you're waiting to have sex.
1207
00:53:45,656 --> 00:53:47,557
Are you prepared
to wait that long?
1208
00:53:47,558 --> 00:53:49,559
Because it's been
about 20 calls now.
1209
00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:52,095
Better call me back,
sweet cheeks.
1210
00:53:52,096 --> 00:53:53,563
Ugh!
1211
00:53:57,334 --> 00:53:59,168
Please have sex with me.
1212
00:53:59,169 --> 00:54:01,404
Um, have you seen us?
1213
00:54:01,405 --> 00:54:04,073
Yeah, we wouldn't let you
videotape us making out.
1214
00:54:04,074 --> 00:54:06,175
Okay, what about...
what about...
1215
00:54:06,176 --> 00:54:07,877
Let me just see one nipple.
1216
00:54:07,878 --> 00:54:10,079
Can I suck your elbow
skin with my eyes closed?
1217
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,415
It'll feel the same.
1218
00:54:12,416 --> 00:54:14,150
Okay, can I feel your foot?
1219
00:54:14,151 --> 00:54:15,752
Um, yeah, sure.
1220
00:54:15,753 --> 00:54:16,886
Oh!
1221
00:54:24,094 --> 00:54:25,628
Oh...
1222
00:54:29,566 --> 00:54:32,101
Yo, anybody know
a bitch named Beth?
1223
00:54:32,102 --> 00:54:33,636
Philip, what the fuck?
1224
00:54:33,637 --> 00:54:35,238
Pick up your phone right now.
1225
00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:37,073
I'm so goddamn angry.
1226
00:54:37,074 --> 00:54:38,007
Oh!
1227
00:54:38,408 --> 00:54:41,210
Jamie.
1228
00:54:44,248 --> 00:54:46,716
Don't forget
to pull out there, buddy.
1229
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:57,860
Yeah!
1230
00:54:57,861 --> 00:54:59,395
Hey, look out!
1231
00:55:02,766 --> 00:55:04,100
Jamie.
1232
00:55:04,101 --> 00:55:05,735
Hello, Cheeba.
1233
00:55:05,736 --> 00:55:07,236
Jamie.
1234
00:55:08,705 --> 00:55:09,772
Cheeba.
1235
00:55:09,773 --> 00:55:11,307
Jamie.
1236
00:55:11,308 --> 00:55:13,242
Where's Mr. Tom?
1237
00:55:13,243 --> 00:55:14,710
I'm right here, Cheeba.
1238
00:55:14,711 --> 00:55:18,114
Look what I found
which is a fucking crossbow.
1239
00:55:18,115 --> 00:55:19,248
Mr. Tom, oh, shit.
1240
00:55:19,249 --> 00:55:21,350
Cal, my friend.
1241
00:55:21,351 --> 00:55:22,351
Where's my wife?
1242
00:55:22,352 --> 00:55:25,087
She's dead... tired.
1243
00:55:25,088 --> 00:55:26,889
She's fine, man.
1244
00:55:26,890 --> 00:55:28,391
She was talking about
how much she loves you.
1245
00:55:28,392 --> 00:55:30,092
You guys are like
the best couple.
1246
00:55:30,093 --> 00:55:31,327
You're a good man.
1247
00:55:31,328 --> 00:55:32,628
How are you, Cheeba?
1248
00:55:32,629 --> 00:55:34,330
I'm good, man.
1249
00:55:34,331 --> 00:55:36,098
I see you still got monkey boy.
1250
00:55:36,099 --> 00:55:37,099
I do.
1251
00:55:37,100 --> 00:55:38,334
Hi, Cheeba.
1252
00:55:38,335 --> 00:55:39,669
You didn't teach him English?
1253
00:55:39,670 --> 00:55:41,437
Who has time
to teach English, right?
1254
00:55:41,438 --> 00:55:42,705
You got my stuff?
1255
00:55:42,706 --> 00:55:44,540
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
You got my money?
1256
00:55:44,541 --> 00:55:47,109
Yes. I'd like to see
the stuff first.
1257
00:55:47,110 --> 00:55:48,177
Eh.
1258
00:55:48,178 --> 00:55:49,378
I want to see the money.
1259
00:55:51,915 --> 00:55:54,250
Where the fuck am I?
1260
00:55:54,251 --> 00:55:55,718
Tom...
1261
00:55:55,719 --> 00:55:57,253
Ah!
1262
00:55:57,254 --> 00:56:00,556
I'm dead for a minute
and now I'm alive.
1263
00:56:00,557 --> 00:56:03,693
Hey, Cheeba,
why you pointing a gun at Tom?
1264
00:56:03,694 --> 00:56:05,094
No, bad boy.
1265
00:56:05,095 --> 00:56:06,128
Cherry, back off.
1266
00:56:06,129 --> 00:56:07,330
I will fucking kill you.
1267
00:56:07,331 --> 00:56:08,397
Yeah, Mr. Cheeba.
1268
00:56:08,398 --> 00:56:09,866
Mr. Tom is my friend.
1269
00:56:09,867 --> 00:56:11,100
Put it down or else...
1270
00:56:11,101 --> 00:56:12,335
Or else what?
1271
00:56:12,336 --> 00:56:13,469
Shoot me with a bow and arrow?
1272
00:56:13,470 --> 00:56:15,338
It's a compound crossbow.
1273
00:56:15,339 --> 00:56:16,672
I got this, Cal.
1274
00:56:16,673 --> 00:56:18,507
No, just put down
the crossbow, Cal,
1275
00:56:18,508 --> 00:56:21,110
the arrow's just gonna
piss him off even more.
1276
00:56:21,111 --> 00:56:23,512
Drop that gun, Cheeba.
1277
00:56:23,513 --> 00:56:25,448
Yeah, Miss Cal's one of us.
1278
00:56:25,449 --> 00:56:27,917
He's gay?
I almost had sex with him.
1279
00:56:27,918 --> 00:56:31,354
Cal is gay?
All right, back up,
everybody, right now!
1280
00:56:31,355 --> 00:56:33,122
Put it down, Cheeba!
1281
00:56:33,123 --> 00:56:34,257
I'm in love with her.
1282
00:56:34,258 --> 00:56:35,725
You're in love with me?
1283
00:56:35,726 --> 00:56:38,261
Oh, my God, that is
so fucking sweet, baby.
1284
00:56:38,262 --> 00:56:39,262
He's bisexual?
1285
00:56:39,263 --> 00:56:40,763
Shut up! Shut up!
1286
00:56:40,764 --> 00:56:42,231
Shut up! Shut up!
1287
00:56:42,232 --> 00:56:43,633
Put it down or I will shot you.
1288
00:56:43,634 --> 00:56:46,102
I'll shit rape your body, dude.
1289
00:56:46,103 --> 00:56:47,103
On the count of three.
1290
00:56:47,104 --> 00:56:48,738
Ooh, shit rape.
1291
00:56:48,739 --> 00:56:50,239
One!
I got this, Cal.
1292
00:56:52,242 --> 00:56:53,576
I got this.
1293
00:56:53,577 --> 00:56:54,677
Two.
1294
00:56:54,678 --> 00:56:56,913
No, no, no, nobody
shit raping anybody.
1295
00:56:56,914 --> 00:56:58,447
Three.
1296
00:57:02,219 --> 00:57:03,319
Come on.
1297
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:04,453
Come on, are we good?
1298
00:57:04,454 --> 00:57:06,322
Are you kidding me?
1299
00:57:06,323 --> 00:57:07,690
Shit rape, really?
1300
00:57:07,691 --> 00:57:10,226
I know. What the fuck...
Get over here.
1301
00:57:10,227 --> 00:57:10,727
Oh, God.
1302
00:57:11,929 --> 00:57:14,297
I'm glad you didn't shoot me.
1303
00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:18,234
I know.
Me too, right?
1304
00:57:18,235 --> 00:57:19,402
And fucking Dean.
1305
00:57:19,403 --> 00:57:20,803
Hey, bro.
1306
00:57:20,804 --> 00:57:22,271
I left you
at the Statue of Liberty, man.
1307
00:57:22,272 --> 00:57:23,439
How did you get down here?
1308
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:24,807
I used a balloon.
1309
00:57:24,808 --> 00:57:26,776
Did you?
I fucking love you,
bitch.
1310
00:57:26,777 --> 00:57:27,858
Fucking love you too, bitch.
1311
00:57:28,712 --> 00:57:31,247
Hey, are we good?
1312
00:57:33,283 --> 00:57:34,617
Yeah, we're good.
1313
00:57:34,618 --> 00:57:36,953
This,
it's filled with appletini.
1314
00:57:36,954 --> 00:57:38,634
Hey, you guys,
who here wants to be my fan?
1315
00:57:47,030 --> 00:57:48,965
You want to go
make out sometime?
Sure.
1316
00:57:54,237 --> 00:57:56,372
Then Cal, you tried to kiss me
1317
00:57:56,373 --> 00:57:58,708
and then you passed out.
1318
00:57:58,709 --> 00:58:01,243
So I made sure
you weren't bleeding
1319
00:58:01,244 --> 00:58:02,712
and then I went home.
1320
00:58:02,713 --> 00:58:05,247
I can't believe it.
I'm just so embarrassed.
1321
00:58:07,250 --> 00:58:08,517
Oh.
1322
00:58:08,518 --> 00:58:10,319
This shit is wrong.
1323
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,254
You made me drink your period.
1324
00:58:12,255 --> 00:58:14,523
Scribble dibble.
1325
00:58:14,524 --> 00:58:16,225
No, not scribble dibble, man.
1326
00:58:16,226 --> 00:58:17,293
What the fuck
is scribble dibble?
1327
00:58:17,294 --> 00:58:19,228
Did anyone see my dog?
1328
00:58:19,229 --> 00:58:21,998
Oh, no, bro.
1329
00:58:21,999 --> 00:58:22,499
It's weird.
1330
00:58:23,567 --> 00:58:26,135
And then I went home to google,
1331
00:58:27,704 --> 00:58:29,739
to see if there was a way
that you could live
1332
00:58:29,740 --> 00:58:32,708
with an arrow in your shoulder
or if we had to put you down.
1333
00:58:32,709 --> 00:58:35,478
Well, what did you
find out, doctor?
1334
00:58:35,479 --> 00:58:36,999
Well, I found out
that all I have to do
1335
00:58:40,484 --> 00:58:43,152
is take it nice
and hard and rip it out.
1336
00:58:43,153 --> 00:58:44,720
Ow!
1337
00:58:44,721 --> 00:58:47,189
Oh, God.
That smarts.
1338
00:58:47,190 --> 00:58:50,760
That was like some
American Indian type shit.
Oh...
1339
00:58:50,761 --> 00:58:52,795
That was like
one with the earth, like...
1340
00:58:52,796 --> 00:58:55,564
You fucking made me
drink your menses.
1341
00:58:55,565 --> 00:58:57,700
Seriously, what is
with the all this menses talk?
1342
00:58:57,701 --> 00:59:01,437
Is this like a 1950s
paper doll sex ed class?
1343
00:59:01,438 --> 00:59:04,006
And, honestly, Beef,
you deserve it.
1344
00:59:04,007 --> 00:59:05,541
That's what you get
for telling everybody
1345
00:59:05,542 --> 00:59:07,176
that we fucked.
1346
00:59:07,177 --> 00:59:08,844
Okay, so somebody
Scooby-doo me.
1347
00:59:10,781 --> 00:59:13,382
Who the hell
fricking juiced us?
1348
00:59:13,383 --> 00:59:14,884
It was Cherry.
1349
00:59:14,885 --> 00:59:16,952
She said she doesn't
like to be baby-sat.
1350
00:59:16,953 --> 00:59:19,188
Listen, guys, we're getting off
point here, all right.
1351
00:59:19,189 --> 00:59:22,391
We've figured out everything
except for whether or not
1352
00:59:22,392 --> 00:59:23,926
I slept with Polly.
1353
00:59:23,927 --> 00:59:26,929
So what... what are you...
what are you worried about?
1354
00:59:26,930 --> 00:59:29,932
I don't know how to find out
whether or not
1355
00:59:29,933 --> 00:59:31,767
I actually slept
with her, okay.
1356
00:59:31,768 --> 00:59:34,403
And I need to figure it out
before my girlfriend,
1357
00:59:34,404 --> 00:59:35,771
soon-to-be fiance
gets here.
1358
00:59:35,772 --> 00:59:38,641
You couldn't...
Why don't you just ask her?
1359
00:59:38,642 --> 00:59:41,544
Uh, uh, I don't know.
1360
00:59:41,545 --> 00:59:43,479
That's weird.
You can't just
do that, Bob.
1361
00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:44,680
You want me to ask her?
1362
00:59:44,681 --> 00:59:46,682
No, no, no, thank you, man.
1363
00:59:46,683 --> 00:59:48,084
All right, I respect you.
1364
00:59:48,085 --> 00:59:49,185
Yeah. Yeah.
1365
00:59:49,953 --> 00:59:52,388
Polly?
1366
00:59:53,657 --> 00:59:55,124
- What are you doing?
- Yeah?
1367
00:59:55,125 --> 00:59:56,625
No, no, no.
1368
00:59:56,626 --> 00:59:57,793
Can you come in here?
1369
00:59:57,794 --> 00:59:59,929
- Oh, fuck.
- Yeah.
1370
01:00:04,935 --> 01:00:06,402
Hey...
1371
01:00:06,403 --> 01:00:08,704
everybody.
1372
01:00:08,705 --> 01:00:10,585
What is this, some kind
of extended after party?
1373
01:00:12,409 --> 01:00:14,643
Phil here...
1374
01:00:14,644 --> 01:00:17,646
partied hard last night
and he's wondering
1375
01:00:17,647 --> 01:00:18,927
if he partied hard
inside of you.
1376
01:00:21,485 --> 01:00:22,818
Phil?
1377
01:00:22,819 --> 01:00:24,887
Polly, I'm sorry, okay.
1378
01:00:24,888 --> 01:00:28,090
I just... I wanted to know
what happened.
1379
01:00:28,091 --> 01:00:31,660
Well, first off,
1380
01:00:31,661 --> 01:00:34,730
Bob, your dog Molly is dead.
1381
01:00:34,731 --> 01:00:35,412
I'm really sorry.
1382
01:00:36,633 --> 01:00:38,400
Oh, thank God.
1383
01:00:39,469 --> 01:00:41,036
Oh, thank God.
1384
01:00:41,037 --> 01:00:43,973
I got to tell you, I mean,
she had cancer really bad.
1385
01:00:43,974 --> 01:00:46,742
Cancer of her ovaries.
Oh.
1386
01:00:46,743 --> 01:00:49,178
I didn't even know
dog had ovaries.
1387
01:00:49,179 --> 01:00:50,546
Me neither.
1388
01:00:50,547 --> 01:00:53,749
So I'm glad
she went peacefully.
1389
01:00:53,750 --> 01:00:56,886
Well, here's what happened.
1390
01:00:56,887 --> 01:00:59,421
We were all standing
around the beer pong table
1391
01:00:59,422 --> 01:01:00,823
in the living room
1392
01:01:00,824 --> 01:01:03,893
and my ex Dave
just showed up...
1393
01:01:08,165 --> 01:01:09,665
Whoa!
1394
01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:11,667
Why, why would you
mess with a girl?
1395
01:01:14,104 --> 01:01:15,571
Polly.
1396
01:01:15,572 --> 01:01:18,407
Polly, you broke my heart.
1397
01:01:18,408 --> 01:01:19,675
We need to talk.
1398
01:01:19,676 --> 01:01:21,177
Back off, Clown.
1399
01:01:21,178 --> 01:01:22,478
They're with me.
1400
01:01:22,479 --> 01:01:24,580
This is between me and her.
1401
01:01:24,581 --> 01:01:25,081
Oh, yeah?
1402
01:01:26,016 --> 01:01:28,417
Is everyone okay up there?
1403
01:01:29,753 --> 01:01:32,087
Yeah, but you shot a dog.
1404
01:01:32,088 --> 01:01:33,422
Oh, my God.
1405
01:01:33,423 --> 01:01:34,890
I love dogs.
1406
01:01:38,495 --> 01:01:40,062
Oh, fuck.
1407
01:01:44,301 --> 01:01:47,570
Bro, dude, you really whacked
the shit out of that guy.
1408
01:01:47,571 --> 01:01:49,505
Oh, dude, I didn't mean to.
1409
01:01:49,506 --> 01:01:51,440
Can you do me a favor, man?
1410
01:01:51,441 --> 01:01:52,841
Take him back to the dorm
1411
01:01:52,842 --> 01:01:54,743
and make sure
he finds his pants.
1412
01:01:54,744 --> 01:01:56,512
Yeah, absolutely.
Hey, Glenn.
1413
01:01:56,513 --> 01:01:58,047
Yeah.
1414
01:02:02,986 --> 01:02:04,653
He smells amazing, doesn't he?
1415
01:02:04,654 --> 01:02:06,288
Yeah, his face
smells like crayons.
1416
01:02:06,289 --> 01:02:07,656
You okay, bro?
1417
01:02:08,858 --> 01:02:10,659
Yeah, I'm okay, Hensen, thanks.
1418
01:02:10,660 --> 01:02:12,428
Hey, could you
do me a favor, man,
1419
01:02:12,429 --> 01:02:14,897
and make sure they actually
get him back to the dorms?
1420
01:02:14,898 --> 01:02:16,699
By the way, I want
to introduce you to Rachel.
1421
01:02:18,435 --> 01:02:19,501
She is my...
1422
01:02:19,502 --> 01:02:21,203
I'm his new girlfriend.
1423
01:02:21,204 --> 01:02:22,438
Oh.
1424
01:02:22,439 --> 01:02:24,440
She's a contortionist.
1425
01:02:24,441 --> 01:02:25,908
I'm a contortionist.
1426
01:02:25,909 --> 01:02:27,509
You want to see me
do the puzzle?
1427
01:02:27,510 --> 01:02:29,578
I do.
1428
01:02:29,579 --> 01:02:31,447
I do, I do.
1429
01:02:31,448 --> 01:02:33,449
Oh, are you okay?
1430
01:02:33,450 --> 01:02:36,452
Oh, I just feel...
1431
01:02:36,453 --> 01:02:37,686
I feel a little, oh.
1432
01:02:37,687 --> 01:02:40,689
Oh. Oh, my gosh.
1433
01:02:40,690 --> 01:02:42,524
Okay, come with me.
1434
01:02:42,525 --> 01:02:44,193
I'm gonna
take care of you, okay?
1435
01:02:44,194 --> 01:02:45,828
Thanks.
1436
01:02:45,829 --> 01:02:47,663
Why is it going straight
to voicemail, Phil?
1437
01:02:47,664 --> 01:02:49,431
Call me back now.
1438
01:02:49,432 --> 01:02:51,600
Look, Dave is an okay guy.
1439
01:02:51,601 --> 01:02:54,603
He's just a little confused.
1440
01:02:54,604 --> 01:02:55,564
Yeah.
I think we all are.
1441
01:02:57,140 --> 01:02:58,674
Yeah, I think you're right.
1442
01:03:09,452 --> 01:03:11,186
I'm so...
1443
01:03:11,187 --> 01:03:12,454
I'm sorry.
1444
01:03:12,455 --> 01:03:14,256
No. It's okay.
1445
01:03:14,257 --> 01:03:17,693
It's just, you know,
I thought you got a girlfriend.
1446
01:03:17,694 --> 01:03:20,429
Oh God, Beth.
1447
01:03:20,430 --> 01:03:22,231
I'm just...
1448
01:03:22,232 --> 01:03:24,967
I proposed to her
and she's coming here tomorrow.
1449
01:03:28,438 --> 01:03:30,839
So why aren't you sure?
1450
01:03:30,840 --> 01:03:32,541
It seems like
it's the only thing
1451
01:03:32,542 --> 01:03:34,743
that's really gonna
make her happy.
1452
01:03:34,744 --> 01:03:37,446
Does it make you happy?
1453
01:03:37,447 --> 01:03:39,915
I don't think it does.
1454
01:03:39,916 --> 01:03:41,996
You know, you should
never settle in your life, Phil.
1455
01:03:46,456 --> 01:03:48,023
Oh, God.
1456
01:03:48,024 --> 01:03:49,825
Look, if you ever want
to talk about anything,
1457
01:03:52,595 --> 01:03:54,596
you know...
1458
01:03:54,597 --> 01:03:56,031
Oh!
1459
01:03:56,032 --> 01:03:57,066
Oh.
1460
01:03:57,067 --> 01:03:58,500
Oh.
1461
01:03:58,501 --> 01:04:00,069
Oh.
1462
01:04:04,207 --> 01:04:05,607
You done?
1463
01:04:05,608 --> 01:04:06,108
I think so.
1464
01:04:12,449 --> 01:04:15,451
Oh God, I'm devastated.
1465
01:04:15,452 --> 01:04:16,752
Oh, God.
1466
01:04:16,753 --> 01:04:19,455
Why, because you farted
in front of me?
1467
01:04:19,456 --> 01:04:20,377
Hey, look, look, ready?
1468
01:04:24,461 --> 01:04:26,061
See?
1469
01:04:26,062 --> 01:04:29,465
I did it, too, it's no biggie.
1470
01:04:29,466 --> 01:04:30,933
Oh, okay, mister.
1471
01:04:30,934 --> 01:04:32,868
It's time to get you
cleaned up and into bed.
1472
01:04:32,869 --> 01:04:35,270
Oh, you are not in good shape.
1473
01:04:35,271 --> 01:04:36,605
Okay.
1474
01:04:36,606 --> 01:04:38,474
Up, up, up.
1475
01:04:38,475 --> 01:04:41,009
All right.
Oh, God.
1476
01:04:49,052 --> 01:04:50,519
Bro.
1477
01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:52,921
Come on.
1478
01:04:52,922 --> 01:04:54,857
Okay, yep.
Oh, God.
1479
01:04:54,858 --> 01:04:57,526
All right.
All right.
1480
01:04:57,527 --> 01:04:58,827
Oh. Phil.
1481
01:04:58,828 --> 01:05:00,462
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
You know what?
1482
01:05:00,463 --> 01:05:02,598
Why don't we just do it
under the covers instead?
1483
01:05:02,599 --> 01:05:04,166
Okay.
Okay.
1484
01:05:11,875 --> 01:05:13,475
Thank you.
1485
01:05:13,476 --> 01:05:15,043
Kind of gross.
Okay.
1486
01:05:15,044 --> 01:05:17,084
Um, listen, I'm gonna be
right back, just stay here.
1487
01:05:18,848 --> 01:05:21,016
Okay?
All right.
1488
01:05:21,017 --> 01:05:23,719
Philip, you're supposed
to be worshiping me.
1489
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:25,587
I'm supposed to be your god.
1490
01:05:25,588 --> 01:05:27,256
The only above me is Jesus.
1491
01:05:27,257 --> 01:05:30,993
You need to call your
future wife back right now.
1492
01:05:30,994 --> 01:05:32,234
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
1493
01:05:33,096 --> 01:05:35,230
Hey.
1494
01:05:36,299 --> 01:05:37,466
Hey.
1495
01:05:37,467 --> 01:05:38,767
I've got a shirt, pants
1496
01:05:38,768 --> 01:05:40,569
and underwear
with vomit on them.
1497
01:05:40,570 --> 01:05:42,471
You want to help me out?
1498
01:05:42,472 --> 01:05:43,472
You're gonna wash them?
1499
01:05:43,473 --> 01:05:45,007
Yeah.
1500
01:05:45,008 --> 01:05:46,708
I don't know
where the laundry room is.
1501
01:05:46,709 --> 01:05:49,478
You're in it.
1502
01:05:49,479 --> 01:05:51,480
Oh, fuck.
1503
01:05:51,481 --> 01:05:52,881
I thought that was a robot.
1504
01:05:52,882 --> 01:05:54,483
Doesn't it look like a robot?
1505
01:05:54,484 --> 01:05:55,717
A little bit.
1506
01:05:55,718 --> 01:05:57,352
All right.
Well, cool.
1507
01:05:57,353 --> 01:05:59,221
I'm about to do
a load of pukey pants myself.
1508
01:05:59,222 --> 01:06:01,290
Thank you.
1509
01:06:01,291 --> 01:06:05,961
Now if you don't mind,
I'm gonna go to Jupiter.
1510
01:06:09,866 --> 01:06:11,967
Oh, what the fuck, man.
1511
01:06:11,968 --> 01:06:13,089
It's like fucking skunk shit.
1512
01:06:16,573 --> 01:06:17,973
All right, look,
I'll see you later.
1513
01:06:19,108 --> 01:06:22,644
Oh, I don't know why
that's funny.
1514
01:06:22,645 --> 01:06:23,685
What the fuck is this, man?
1515
01:06:26,483 --> 01:06:28,951
This is fucking crack.
1516
01:06:28,952 --> 01:06:30,352
Fuck! I'm gonna be
fucking paranoid.
1517
01:06:31,688 --> 01:06:33,489
Hi.
Hi.
1518
01:06:35,291 --> 01:06:37,359
Listen, your clothes
are in the wash, all right?
1519
01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:38,927
They'll be ready
in the morning.
1520
01:06:38,928 --> 01:06:41,997
Thank you.
1521
01:06:41,998 --> 01:06:43,232
What are you doing?
1522
01:06:43,233 --> 01:06:44,967
I'm gonna lay down next to you,
1523
01:06:44,968 --> 01:06:46,235
so you don't choke
on your own vomit
1524
01:06:46,236 --> 01:06:48,570
in the middle of the night.
1525
01:06:48,571 --> 01:06:50,372
Why are you...
1526
01:06:50,373 --> 01:06:52,307
You think I'm gonna let you blow
chunks on my clothes, too?
1527
01:06:52,308 --> 01:06:55,744
But, listen, no funny business.
1528
01:06:55,745 --> 01:06:57,145
If you try anything,
1529
01:06:57,146 --> 01:06:59,348
I'm going to punch you
square in the nuts
1530
01:06:59,349 --> 01:07:01,550
and then I'm not gonna be
your friend anymore.
1531
01:07:01,551 --> 01:07:03,752
Okay?
1532
01:07:03,753 --> 01:07:04,987
Can you move?
1533
01:07:07,490 --> 01:07:09,224
Okay.
1534
01:07:12,896 --> 01:07:15,130
Hey, could you
turn off the light?
1535
01:07:26,276 --> 01:07:28,143
That's pretty much
what happened.
1536
01:07:28,144 --> 01:07:30,012
See, dude, I told you.
1537
01:07:30,013 --> 01:07:31,513
I knew I did not have sex.
1538
01:07:31,514 --> 01:07:34,349
Okay, you don't have to sound
so excited about it.
1539
01:07:34,350 --> 01:07:36,018
Well, he was just concerned
1540
01:07:36,019 --> 01:07:37,553
that he'd get
a case of the crotch rot
1541
01:07:37,554 --> 01:07:38,687
because, you know.
1542
01:07:38,688 --> 01:07:40,155
Because of what?
1543
01:07:40,156 --> 01:07:42,791
Oh, you know
what the kids call it today,
1544
01:07:42,792 --> 01:07:45,460
you know, a trollop.
1545
01:07:45,461 --> 01:07:47,029
You know, a hussy.
1546
01:07:47,030 --> 01:07:48,797
You're a slut.
1547
01:07:48,798 --> 01:07:50,832
You know,
all the guys on this campus
1548
01:07:50,833 --> 01:07:54,102
just love to talk about
how much sex you've all had.
1549
01:07:54,103 --> 01:07:57,472
Guilty, guilty for sure.
Indeed.
1550
01:07:57,473 --> 01:07:59,041
Wait, so, Polly,
do you mean that...
1551
01:08:02,211 --> 01:08:03,478
No.
1552
01:08:03,479 --> 01:08:05,514
Not that it's any of
your goddamn business,
1553
01:08:05,515 --> 01:08:07,555
but no I haven't had sex
with anyone on this campus.
1554
01:08:09,085 --> 01:08:10,965
A couple of years ago,
I went off to a band camp
1555
01:08:14,257 --> 01:08:17,025
and this guy there liked me,
1556
01:08:17,026 --> 01:08:19,895
but this girl liked him.
1557
01:08:19,896 --> 01:08:22,097
So she started a rumor saying
that I was a big old slut.
1558
01:08:24,434 --> 01:08:25,914
Polly is the cleanest chick
on campus,
1559
01:08:28,037 --> 01:08:30,339
spick and span.
1560
01:08:30,340 --> 01:08:32,441
You can eat off her vagina.
1561
01:08:32,442 --> 01:08:33,809
Thank you, Bob.
1562
01:08:33,810 --> 01:08:36,511
Polly, I'm sorry.
1563
01:08:36,512 --> 01:08:37,779
Um...
1564
01:08:37,780 --> 01:08:40,048
listen, I...
1565
01:08:41,284 --> 01:08:42,517
Oh, I'll get it.
I'll get it.
1566
01:08:42,518 --> 01:08:45,621
I need to ask you if,
I don't know,
1567
01:08:45,622 --> 01:08:47,623
maybe we can start over.
1568
01:08:47,624 --> 01:08:49,324
Oh-ew!
1569
01:08:49,325 --> 01:08:50,359
Oh.
1570
01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:52,794
I've been looking
all over for you.
1571
01:08:52,795 --> 01:08:54,162
Beth. You?
1572
01:08:54,163 --> 01:08:56,765
You?
Polly fucking Wallace.
1573
01:08:56,766 --> 01:09:00,035
Bitch-breath
backdoor Beth.
1574
01:09:00,036 --> 01:09:02,104
Oh, wait a second.
You two know each other?
1575
01:09:02,105 --> 01:09:03,572
I cannot believe, Phil,
1576
01:09:03,573 --> 01:09:05,841
that your girlfriend
is backdoor Beth.
1577
01:09:05,842 --> 01:09:08,343
Phil, she just doesn't want us
to be here, let's go.
1578
01:09:08,344 --> 01:09:11,513
This is the bitch
from band camp.
1579
01:09:11,514 --> 01:09:15,050
We all called her
backdoor Beth.
1580
01:09:15,051 --> 01:09:16,385
You want to know why?
1581
01:09:16,386 --> 01:09:18,053
Why?
1582
01:09:18,054 --> 01:09:21,456
She didn't even wait
for orientation to end
1583
01:09:21,457 --> 01:09:25,160
before her backend
was open for business.
1584
01:09:25,161 --> 01:09:26,762
No, I said in my butt only.
1585
01:09:27,563 --> 01:09:30,032
What's up?
1586
01:09:32,201 --> 01:09:33,835
Oh, yeah, keep going.
1587
01:09:33,836 --> 01:09:36,338
Oh, it's my first time
in the butt with a black guy.
1588
01:09:36,339 --> 01:09:38,140
It's great.
Excuse me, hold on.
1589
01:09:38,141 --> 01:09:40,042
Do you need something?
1590
01:09:40,043 --> 01:09:41,610
Hurry up, bro.
1591
01:09:41,611 --> 01:09:43,111
Polly, what the fuck.
1592
01:09:44,380 --> 01:09:45,620
You never knock,
you dumb bitch.
1593
01:09:48,051 --> 01:09:49,184
Your friend gonna join us?
1594
01:09:49,185 --> 01:09:51,053
No.
Get the fuck out.
1595
01:09:51,054 --> 01:09:53,255
What's wrong with you?
I said leave.
1596
01:09:53,256 --> 01:09:55,090
So were you like
born with a penis?
1597
01:09:55,091 --> 01:09:57,059
No, it's just
a really big clit.
1598
01:09:57,060 --> 01:09:58,794
You get the fuck out!
1599
01:09:58,795 --> 01:10:01,129
Was crazy.
1600
01:10:01,130 --> 01:10:02,731
That summer she had
more dongs in her ass
1601
01:10:05,134 --> 01:10:06,768
than a Chinese phonebook.
1602
01:10:06,769 --> 01:10:08,470
Oh.
1603
01:10:08,471 --> 01:10:10,038
Oh, damn.
1604
01:10:10,039 --> 01:10:12,207
It was just one summer
1605
01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:15,277
and technically
I'm still a virgin.
1606
01:10:15,278 --> 01:10:17,238
I mean, I saved my front end
engines just for you.
1607
01:10:19,048 --> 01:10:20,148
I call foul there.
1608
01:10:20,149 --> 01:10:21,283
Shut up, Cal!
1609
01:10:21,284 --> 01:10:22,951
Nobody asked you.
1610
01:10:22,952 --> 01:10:24,952
Beth, we were together
when you left for band camp.
1611
01:10:27,056 --> 01:10:29,124
Let's, um,
let's just get out of here
1612
01:10:29,125 --> 01:10:31,860
and go talk about of it,
shall we?
1613
01:10:31,861 --> 01:10:33,861
I don't care how many guys
you've had in your butt.
1614
01:10:36,132 --> 01:10:37,232
You don't?
1615
01:10:37,233 --> 01:10:38,500
You don't?
1616
01:10:38,501 --> 01:10:39,781
He may not,
but Jesus does, Beth.
1617
01:10:40,536 --> 01:10:42,070
No, I don't,
1618
01:10:44,140 --> 01:10:45,380
because I've realized
something.
1619
01:10:46,375 --> 01:10:48,043
I know what I want now.
1620
01:10:51,214 --> 01:10:53,048
And it's not you.
1621
01:10:53,049 --> 01:10:54,316
What?
1622
01:10:54,317 --> 01:10:56,418
If I were to stay with you,
1623
01:10:56,419 --> 01:11:00,055
then I'd just be settling
1624
01:11:00,056 --> 01:11:02,057
and I don't want to settle.
1625
01:11:02,058 --> 01:11:03,291
But, Phil...
1626
01:11:03,292 --> 01:11:04,826
No, Beth, I'm sorry but no.
1627
01:11:07,463 --> 01:11:08,743
But look,
no hard feelings, okay?
1628
01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:13,368
Let's try
and stay friends, okay?
1629
01:11:13,369 --> 01:11:17,072
And actually I know
how much you love sweets,
1630
01:11:17,073 --> 01:11:18,513
so I got you
some special chocolates.
1631
01:11:21,377 --> 01:11:24,212
Do you have those special
chocolates I got for Beth?
1632
01:11:24,213 --> 01:11:25,413
Yeah, yeah, they're right here.
1633
01:11:26,849 --> 01:11:29,217
You know how much
you like sweets, babe.
1634
01:11:31,020 --> 01:11:34,322
And I had
these special chocolates
imported just for you.
1635
01:11:34,323 --> 01:11:37,058
So why don't you
just head back home
1636
01:11:37,059 --> 01:11:39,060
and we'll just talk
when we talk.
1637
01:11:39,061 --> 01:11:40,061
Okay?
1638
01:11:40,062 --> 01:11:41,696
Um, well...
1639
01:11:41,697 --> 01:11:43,298
Wow, these are great, thanks.
1640
01:11:45,535 --> 01:11:47,096
And this will...
this will all blow over.
1641
01:11:49,405 --> 01:11:51,673
And I'll pray for us.
Okay?
1642
01:11:52,675 --> 01:11:54,843
Bye.
1643
01:11:57,146 --> 01:11:58,513
Good-bye, Beth.
1644
01:11:58,514 --> 01:12:00,849
Peace be with you, Beth.
Enjoy the wafers.
1645
01:12:00,850 --> 01:12:02,517
Bye, Beth.
1646
01:12:02,518 --> 01:12:04,478
Oh, dude, that was
so instant revenge. Oh, my God.
1647
01:12:06,689 --> 01:12:10,158
She better not get ass
cancer from those candies, bro.
1648
01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:12,594
Dude, no.
It was petty, it was mean,
1649
01:12:12,595 --> 01:12:14,555
it was stupid and it felt
really fucking good.
Yes!
1650
01:12:16,566 --> 01:12:18,466
I mean this doesn't
answer about Phil's nuts.
1651
01:12:20,903 --> 01:12:22,637
What about them?
1652
01:12:22,638 --> 01:12:24,873
Well, I mean, if he didn't
the hoochie coochie from you
1653
01:12:24,874 --> 01:12:27,175
then why has he been scratching
like there's no tomorrow?
1654
01:12:27,176 --> 01:12:29,845
Last night
after we went to bed,
1655
01:12:29,846 --> 01:12:31,446
we heard gunshots
1656
01:12:31,447 --> 01:12:33,548
and then Mr. Tom and Cherry
came running up
1657
01:12:33,549 --> 01:12:35,650
into the room
and you told Mr. Tom
1658
01:12:35,651 --> 01:12:37,519
that you guys were BFF for life
1659
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:40,388
and started talking
to him about baseball.
1660
01:12:40,389 --> 01:12:42,257
And then he asked you
1661
01:12:42,258 --> 01:12:44,092
if you wanted
a baseball tattoo on your pubes
1662
01:12:44,093 --> 01:12:46,094
and you were like,
"Fuck, yeah."
1663
01:12:46,095 --> 01:12:48,864
So you have a new tattoo.
1664
01:12:54,170 --> 01:12:56,238
It's actually
pretty fucking cool.
1665
01:12:56,239 --> 01:12:59,140
Well, this is getting
a little weird.
1666
01:12:59,141 --> 01:13:00,609
Come on, Georgia.
1667
01:13:00,610 --> 01:13:02,210
Meester, let's go talk
about our friendship.
1668
01:13:02,211 --> 01:13:03,912
I've never
had a gay friend before.
1669
01:13:03,913 --> 01:13:06,314
Yeah, yeah, I don't know
if you've official met Georgia.
1670
01:13:06,315 --> 01:13:08,083
She's my...
1671
01:13:08,084 --> 01:13:09,084
I'm his girlfriend.
1672
01:13:09,085 --> 01:13:10,418
Girlfriend.
1673
01:13:10,419 --> 01:13:11,299
Oh, nice Adam's apple.
1674
01:13:14,323 --> 01:13:16,157
All right, ass clowns,
I'm out of here.
1675
01:13:16,158 --> 01:13:17,492
Jamie, wait.
1676
01:13:17,493 --> 01:13:20,262
I just want to talk to you
for a second.
1677
01:13:20,263 --> 01:13:21,529
I feel like a douche
1678
01:13:21,530 --> 01:13:23,565
because last night in the party
1679
01:13:23,566 --> 01:13:24,887
I told everybody
that I loved you.
1680
01:13:27,103 --> 01:13:28,637
And I know now
1681
01:13:28,638 --> 01:13:32,240
that what I should've done
is taken you aside like this
1682
01:13:32,241 --> 01:13:34,342
and told you that
you're the first girl
1683
01:13:34,343 --> 01:13:36,344
I've ever really liked.
1684
01:13:36,345 --> 01:13:38,013
And ever since I first saw you,
1685
01:13:38,014 --> 01:13:40,248
I haven't been able
to stop thinking about you.
1686
01:13:40,249 --> 01:13:43,485
And I know
1687
01:13:43,486 --> 01:13:45,086
that you would never feel
that way about some...
1688
01:13:45,087 --> 01:13:48,223
about somebody like me.
1689
01:13:48,224 --> 01:13:50,325
Well, first of all,
1690
01:13:50,326 --> 01:13:52,427
don't tell me how I feel.
1691
01:13:52,428 --> 01:13:55,096
And second, why don't you
take me out to breakfast
1692
01:13:55,097 --> 01:13:57,866
so we can talk about it?
1693
01:13:57,867 --> 01:13:59,534
Yes.
1694
01:14:06,208 --> 01:14:08,528
Thank you again for taking
such good care of me last night.
1695
01:14:11,113 --> 01:14:13,248
Hey, it's okay.
1696
01:14:13,249 --> 01:14:15,317
I actually kind of liked it.
1697
01:14:15,318 --> 01:14:16,584
I really took to heart
1698
01:14:16,585 --> 01:14:19,087
what you said
about not settling.
1699
01:14:19,088 --> 01:14:21,556
I don't want to settle.
1700
01:14:21,557 --> 01:14:23,237
I want to find someone
who loves me for me,
1701
01:14:26,095 --> 01:14:28,430
someone who respects me,
1702
01:14:28,431 --> 01:14:30,899
someone...
someone who doesn't
1703
01:14:30,900 --> 01:14:32,834
tell me what to do,
asks me what to do.
1704
01:14:34,203 --> 01:14:36,171
We all do, Phil.
1705
01:14:53,122 --> 01:14:55,123
Oh, oh.
1706
01:14:55,124 --> 01:14:56,925
Wow.
1707
01:14:56,926 --> 01:14:59,486
I think that might have been the
greatest kiss of my entire life.
1708
01:15:01,831 --> 01:15:03,164
Me too.
1709
01:15:03,165 --> 01:15:04,265
Oh.
There you go, man.
1710
01:15:04,266 --> 01:15:05,500
Coffee and duds.
1711
01:15:05,501 --> 01:15:07,102
Perfect.
That's my finger.
1712
01:15:07,103 --> 01:15:08,103
All right.
Sorry.
1713
01:15:08,104 --> 01:15:09,637
I need it.
1714
01:15:09,638 --> 01:15:11,199
Well, well, Phil, now
that we've kissed,
1715
01:15:13,909 --> 01:15:16,111
I think it's time
for you to meet my dad.
1716
01:15:16,112 --> 01:15:17,445
Oh, whoa.
1717
01:15:17,446 --> 01:15:19,781
Let's slow down
there right, man?
1718
01:15:19,782 --> 01:15:21,349
Phil,
1719
01:15:21,350 --> 01:15:22,911
I would like you
to meet my father, Bob.
1720
01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:26,521
Hey, little guy.
1721
01:15:41,504 --> 01:15:44,339
Her nickname is fucking.
1722
01:15:44,340 --> 01:15:45,874
Polly fucking Wallace, bro.
1723
01:15:45,875 --> 01:15:47,675
As in mother fucking Bob.
1724
01:15:47,676 --> 01:15:49,077
His name's
probably not Mr. Tom.
1725
01:15:49,078 --> 01:15:50,412
It's probably Keyser Soze.
1726
01:15:50,413 --> 01:15:51,880
It's just a college party.
1727
01:15:51,881 --> 01:15:53,882
MF Bob, just...
it's like a campus legend.
1728
01:15:53,883 --> 01:15:56,317
Let me be the first
then to officially welcome
1729
01:15:56,318 --> 01:15:57,652
you to the campus.
1730
01:15:57,653 --> 01:15:59,487
You want some bacon?
1731
01:15:59,488 --> 01:16:02,824
Polly, I'm talking
about a campus legend.
1732
01:16:02,825 --> 01:16:05,493
Oh, I'm going
to MF Bob's house tonight.
1733
01:16:05,494 --> 01:16:07,162
I love bacon.
1734
01:16:09,131 --> 01:16:10,331
Bob?
1735
01:16:11,467 --> 01:16:14,335
Bob is your dad?
1736
01:16:14,336 --> 01:16:17,338
And this is your house?
Yes.
1737
01:16:17,339 --> 01:16:19,507
Oh, God.
1738
01:16:19,508 --> 01:16:20,668
I'm sorry about your mug, sir.
1739
01:16:23,512 --> 01:16:24,579
We are family.
1740
01:16:24,580 --> 01:16:26,081
He's a good one, daddy.
1741
01:16:26,082 --> 01:16:27,415
Oh, I see that, babe.
1742
01:16:36,325 --> 01:16:38,493
Hey, Bob.
1743
01:16:38,494 --> 01:16:40,128
Uh...
1744
01:16:40,129 --> 01:16:42,964
Cherry has something
she wants to say to you, man.
1745
01:16:42,965 --> 01:16:44,445
Hey, I'm really sorry
I shot your dog.
1746
01:16:47,136 --> 01:16:49,176
I got this little guy
from the shelter this morning.
1747
01:16:51,073 --> 01:16:53,341
He's so cute.
1748
01:16:53,342 --> 01:16:54,342
I know.
1749
01:16:54,343 --> 01:16:56,144
I'm so sorry.
1750
01:16:56,145 --> 01:16:58,346
I love dogs so much.
1751
01:16:58,347 --> 01:16:59,514
It's all right.
1752
01:16:59,515 --> 01:17:00,949
I know you killed my dog,
1753
01:17:00,950 --> 01:17:03,785
but she was going to be
put down today anyway.
1754
01:17:03,786 --> 01:17:05,787
I wasn't going to shoot her.
1755
01:17:05,788 --> 01:17:07,655
I would've had her put down
professionally with a needle.
1756
01:17:07,656 --> 01:17:10,358
But, hey,
you saved me in the trouble.
1757
01:17:10,359 --> 01:17:11,493
Really?
Yeah.
1758
01:17:11,494 --> 01:17:12,794
So what now?
1759
01:17:12,795 --> 01:17:14,462
What do we do now,
is we just see
1760
01:17:14,463 --> 01:17:16,364
if this little puppy
likes bacon.
1761
01:17:19,602 --> 01:17:21,836
Who doesn't like bacon?
1762
01:17:21,837 --> 01:17:24,572
d Crazy boys, such crazy boys d
1763
01:17:24,573 --> 01:17:26,908
d Crazy boys, so crazy boys d
1764
01:17:26,909 --> 01:17:28,743
d Crazy boys, such crazy boys d
1765
01:17:32,148 --> 01:17:33,815
d Crazy boys d
1766
01:17:33,816 --> 01:17:35,884
d Such crazy boys, crazy boys d
1767
01:17:35,885 --> 01:17:38,586
d So crazy boys, so crazy d
1768
01:17:38,587 --> 01:17:41,890
d Such crazy d
1769
01:17:41,891 --> 01:17:44,159
d I said,
"stop, leave me alone" d
1770
01:17:44,160 --> 01:17:47,162
d "Cause I ain't got time
to put up with the tone d
1771
01:17:47,163 --> 01:17:49,230
d Too busy dreaming
I'm the best d
1772
01:17:49,231 --> 01:17:51,199
d So sorry, Mr. West,
but my video would have won d
1773
01:17:51,200 --> 01:17:54,202
d If it only did exist
Boy, boy you're crazy d
1774
01:17:54,203 --> 01:17:56,204
d Girl, girl, I know
I keep battling your demon d
1775
01:18:23,365 --> 01:18:25,033
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
1776
01:18:25,034 --> 01:18:26,067
All right.
1777
01:18:30,172 --> 01:18:32,974
Wait, no, no.
Tell me, what is it?
1778
01:18:32,975 --> 01:18:34,215
Well, there's
something in here.
1779
01:18:35,844 --> 01:18:37,284
Oh, my God,
this is Meester's camera.
1780
01:18:40,616 --> 01:18:42,350
No, it isn't.
Yes.
1781
01:18:42,351 --> 01:18:43,618
Oh, my God, put it on.
1782
01:18:43,619 --> 01:18:44,986
All right, all right, yes.
1783
01:18:49,358 --> 01:18:50,458
Oh.
1784
01:18:50,459 --> 01:18:50,959
Oh, my God.
1785
01:18:52,127 --> 01:18:54,596
So Georgia, you just
cut the aorta right here
1786
01:18:57,600 --> 01:18:58,401
and there his heart.
1787
01:19:01,036 --> 01:19:02,604
Yeah!
1788
01:19:02,605 --> 01:19:04,339
You see it.
1789
01:19:04,340 --> 01:19:05,974
I'm kidding, I'm not actually
gonna eat your heart.
1790
01:19:05,975 --> 01:19:07,508
I'll put it back.
I'll put it back.
1791
01:19:07,509 --> 01:19:08,843
Don't you worry.
1792
01:19:18,954 --> 01:19:21,256
Oh!
1793
01:19:21,257 --> 01:19:23,891
I just made another mistake,
I'm really sorry.
1794
01:19:24,727 --> 01:19:27,362
You see, I told you
1795
01:19:28,931 --> 01:19:31,966
if you drain it fast,
you will pack up.
1796
01:19:31,967 --> 01:19:34,469
Yeah.
1797
01:19:34,470 --> 01:19:35,837
Cheers, boys.
1798
01:19:42,845 --> 01:19:44,379
Now do yours.
1799
01:19:44,380 --> 01:19:45,413
Georgia!
1800
01:19:45,414 --> 01:19:46,848
Georgia!
1801
01:19:50,619 --> 01:19:53,087
Come here.
Dog is so cute.
1802
01:19:57,926 --> 01:19:59,160
Is everyone okay up there?
1803
01:20:00,095 --> 01:20:02,363
Hey.
1804
01:20:03,899 --> 01:20:06,367
Is that Kevin Smith?
1805
01:20:07,770 --> 01:20:09,370
Got me.
I don't know.
1806
01:20:09,371 --> 01:20:10,371
Good party though.
1807
01:20:10,372 --> 01:20:11,906
Great party.
1808
01:20:11,907 --> 01:20:13,675
You know the problem is,
Bob's gonna be pissed,
1809
01:20:13,676 --> 01:20:15,443
because Cherry messed up
his whole house.
1810
01:20:18,714 --> 01:20:19,914
Really?
Yeah.
1811
01:20:19,915 --> 01:20:21,382
Are you serious?
Yeah.
1812
01:20:21,383 --> 01:20:22,517
Let's get on.
1813
01:20:22,518 --> 01:20:25,119
Hey, are you filming us?
1814
01:20:25,120 --> 01:20:26,788
Oh. Yeah.
1815
01:20:26,789 --> 01:20:28,289
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
1816
01:20:31,460 --> 01:20:34,395
Now!
1817
01:20:34,396 --> 01:20:35,463
Now!
1818
01:20:39,401 --> 01:20:40,601
Hey, give me the money.
1819
01:20:40,602 --> 01:20:42,036
Give me the money.
1820
01:20:42,037 --> 01:20:43,705
Give me the money.
1821
01:20:45,374 --> 01:20:47,241
Give me the money.
Give me the money.
Oh!
1822
01:20:47,242 --> 01:20:50,545
All right, do it, do it,
do it, do it, do it, do it.
1823
01:20:50,546 --> 01:20:52,480
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
1824
01:20:57,353 --> 01:20:58,686
Oh, my God.
1825
01:21:04,159 --> 01:21:05,480
Phil here
partied hard last night.
1826
01:21:07,863 --> 01:21:10,365
You know how we all party.
1827
01:21:10,366 --> 01:21:12,500
He partied hard.
1828
01:21:12,501 --> 01:21:13,768
And he's wondering
1829
01:21:13,769 --> 01:21:18,573
if he partied
hard inside of you.
1830
01:21:22,711 --> 01:21:24,412
God, I mean,
am I ever gonna figure out
1831
01:21:24,413 --> 01:21:26,293
how I got this freaking
wooden arrow in my neck?
1832
01:21:28,550 --> 01:21:30,551
Wait, wait, wait.
1833
01:21:30,552 --> 01:21:33,688
Well, how do I know?
1834
01:21:33,689 --> 01:21:36,691
Like when they stand up
they look like the letter ten...
1835
01:21:36,692 --> 01:21:38,493
Well, letter ten.
1836
01:21:38,494 --> 01:21:39,861
- Number ten.
- Quiet.
1837
01:21:39,862 --> 01:21:41,302
Now what the fuck
is the noise about?
1838
01:21:41,330 --> 01:21:43,498
Oh!
1839
01:21:44,800 --> 01:21:47,902
Goddamn it, why is there noise?
1840
01:21:47,903 --> 01:21:49,504
I'm not really that bad.
1841
01:21:49,505 --> 01:21:51,506
That's a baby pig,
1842
01:21:51,507 --> 01:21:52,807
Oh. Oh.
1843
01:21:52,808 --> 01:21:54,642
That makes me sad.
1844
01:21:54,643 --> 01:21:56,811
No, man, because,
1845
01:21:56,812 --> 01:22:00,181
it's like a little pig and...
1846
01:22:00,182 --> 01:22:02,483
Take two.
1847
01:22:02,484 --> 01:22:04,018
He's making me laugh.
1848
01:22:04,019 --> 01:22:05,979
I thought you were
at the Britney Spear's concert.
1849
01:22:07,956 --> 01:22:09,357
How the fuck
did you get out of there?
1850
01:22:09,358 --> 01:22:11,318
I was supposed to take her
to the vet this morning
1851
01:22:13,495 --> 01:22:14,695
to put her down.
1852
01:22:14,696 --> 01:22:15,576
Now you don't have to.
1853
01:22:18,500 --> 01:22:19,967
Yeah, I guess you're right.
1854
01:22:19,968 --> 01:22:23,704
I was about...
I guess it saved me the trip.
1855
01:22:23,705 --> 01:22:25,145
She had...
she had sickle cell anemia.
1856
01:22:27,509 --> 01:22:28,810
Ooh.
1857
01:22:28,811 --> 01:22:30,077
Yeah, it's weird.
That's rough.
1858
01:22:30,078 --> 01:22:32,213
She was a black lab.
1859
01:22:32,214 --> 01:22:33,614
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Mexican Jonah Hill
1860
01:22:35,250 --> 01:22:36,784
and the guy
that looks like the dude
1861
01:22:36,785 --> 01:22:38,586
from the eating out movies.
1862
01:22:41,790 --> 01:22:43,858
Okay.
1863
01:22:43,859 --> 01:22:45,059
Oh!
1864
01:22:45,060 --> 01:22:46,141
Phil, Carl, what's up, bros?
1865
01:22:47,362 --> 01:22:49,564
Cal...
How you doing, bro?
1866
01:22:51,600 --> 01:22:54,769
Dude, I left you 50 foot
under by that sunken treasure.
1867
01:22:54,770 --> 01:22:58,105
How the fuck did you get up
without another tank of oxygen?
1868
01:22:58,106 --> 01:22:59,941
Dude, I can hold
my breath forever.
1869
01:22:59,942 --> 01:23:01,375
No, shit.
Oh, yeah.
1870
01:23:01,376 --> 01:23:04,111
Let me practice
that right now, goddamn it.
1871
01:23:04,112 --> 01:23:06,013
I've just woke up...
1872
01:23:06,014 --> 01:23:08,783
Just say you want to know
who you fucked.
1873
01:23:08,784 --> 01:23:10,785
Get it out.
1874
01:23:10,786 --> 01:23:12,787
He totally put his pig
in your blanket.
1875
01:23:12,788 --> 01:23:14,255
That's enough.
Polly?
1876
01:23:14,256 --> 01:23:16,624
Why don't you just ask me?
1877
01:23:16,625 --> 01:23:19,026
I would.
1878
01:23:19,027 --> 01:23:20,394
I should cut.
1879
01:23:20,395 --> 01:23:22,029
I will cut next time,
that's your job.
1880
01:23:22,030 --> 01:23:23,831
I apologize.
I'll go all the way through.
1881
01:23:23,832 --> 01:23:25,233
I'll go all the way through.
I'm so sorry, Dante, I love you.
1882
01:23:25,234 --> 01:23:26,000
It's okay.
1883
01:23:26,001 --> 01:23:27,401
Fuck, man.
1884
01:23:27,402 --> 01:23:29,070
I thought you were
doing America's race.
1885
01:23:29,071 --> 01:23:30,872
You're in the
fucking catamaran.
1886
01:23:30,873 --> 01:23:32,273
I thought you were in Tahiti.
1887
01:23:32,274 --> 01:23:36,077
Well, hold on. You think
it was anal or vaginal?
1888
01:23:36,078 --> 01:23:38,312
Excuse me?
It's definitely
anal with this guy.
1889
01:23:38,313 --> 01:23:39,347
Hey.
1890
01:23:39,348 --> 01:23:41,048
Last time I saw you,
1891
01:23:42,818 --> 01:23:45,219
you were giving
Miley Cyrus a buzz cut.
1892
01:23:45,220 --> 01:23:48,189
So were you like
born with a penis?
1893
01:23:48,190 --> 01:23:49,590
You get the fuck out!
1894
01:23:50,192 --> 01:23:52,793
Fuck.
1895
01:23:54,930 --> 01:23:58,199
25 fucking years, I still
burn my fucking thumb.
1896
01:23:58,200 --> 01:23:59,800
You're gonna...
you're gonna get.
1897
01:23:59,801 --> 01:24:01,969
This is why I like fruit.
1898
01:24:01,970 --> 01:24:04,138
I hate this shit.
1899
01:24:04,139 --> 01:24:07,208
Bitch, take your lunch break.
1900
01:24:07,209 --> 01:24:10,478
Chop, chop, let's go.
1901
01:24:10,479 --> 01:24:12,547
What's up, man?
1902
01:24:12,548 --> 01:24:13,814
How you guys been?
1903
01:24:13,815 --> 01:24:15,116
What's up, Hensen?
1904
01:24:15,117 --> 01:24:16,817
Fuck off, Hensen,
1905
01:24:16,818 --> 01:24:18,119
and my name's Cal
for Christ's sake.
1906
01:24:18,120 --> 01:24:19,954
Get the fuck out of here.
1907
01:24:19,955 --> 01:24:22,189
Was her tail,
still connected when she died?
1908
01:24:23,592 --> 01:24:25,960
Because there's people
that steal tail,
1909
01:24:28,196 --> 01:24:30,236
they're called tail thieves,
off a dead dog carcass.
1910
01:24:31,833 --> 01:24:33,200
Last time I saw you,
1911
01:24:33,201 --> 01:24:34,969
you were on top
of the Arc d'Triumph,
1912
01:24:34,970 --> 01:24:36,637
How the fuck did you get...
1913
01:24:36,638 --> 01:24:38,172
Is that, I'm sorry,
1914
01:24:38,173 --> 01:24:39,540
was that a fuck one
or a regular one?
1915
01:24:39,541 --> 01:24:40,808
You can say fuck.
1916
01:24:40,809 --> 01:24:42,977
You kill me every time.
1917
01:24:42,978 --> 01:24:44,045
Step in, step out.
1918
01:24:44,046 --> 01:24:45,313
I don't want to talk to you.
1919
01:24:45,314 --> 01:24:46,981
Well, I'm sure
you don't, but...
1920
01:24:46,982 --> 01:24:48,416
I don't want to talk
to no dog killer.
1921
01:24:48,417 --> 01:24:51,619
I know I killed your dog
but I feel really bad
1922
01:24:51,620 --> 01:24:54,221
and that's why I got this dog
from the shelter this morning.
1923
01:24:54,222 --> 01:24:56,057
It's like a peace offering.
1924
01:24:56,058 --> 01:24:57,892
It's not even
the same kind of dog.
1925
01:24:57,893 --> 01:24:59,360
Look how cute it is. Don't you
want to hold it for a second?
1926
01:24:59,361 --> 01:25:02,630
Yeah, but you made my dog Alpo.
1927
01:25:02,631 --> 01:25:05,299
But I feel bad, that's why
I'm bringing you this one.
1928
01:25:05,300 --> 01:25:07,435
Maybe we should take
this one and kill it.
1929
01:25:07,436 --> 01:25:08,469
See how you feel.
1930
01:25:08,470 --> 01:25:09,904
Whatever you want to do,
I don't care.
1931
01:25:09,905 --> 01:25:10,905
I'm just trying to be nice.
1932
01:25:10,906 --> 01:25:12,006
You disgust us.
1933
01:25:12,007 --> 01:25:13,140
What?
Let's go.
1934
01:25:13,141 --> 01:25:14,342
You know what,
fuck them, let's go.
1935
01:25:14,343 --> 01:25:15,843
You know what, fuck you people.
1936
01:25:15,844 --> 01:25:16,844
Fuck you.
Fuck off.
1937
01:25:16,845 --> 01:25:18,145
The dog looks like you.
1938
01:25:18,146 --> 01:25:20,414
These mother fuckers.
1939
01:25:20,415 --> 01:25:21,575
And Daniel here
is wondering...
1940
01:25:23,819 --> 01:25:25,286
Phil.
1941
01:25:29,057 --> 01:25:30,057
Phil.
1942
01:25:30,058 --> 01:25:31,158
Here we go again.
1943
01:25:31,159 --> 01:25:33,227
Ten baby rabbits.
1944
01:25:33,228 --> 01:25:35,129
Whole family
is dying in a fire.
1945
01:25:35,130 --> 01:25:36,597
That's hilarious.
1946
01:25:38,000 --> 01:25:39,066
Now it's gonna make me laugh.
1947
01:25:39,067 --> 01:25:40,534
That's good.
Oh.
134403
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