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Ladies and gentlemen,
first a message for the housewives.
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00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,960
Any color that seeps out
from the underside of the television
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00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:27,120
is completely harmless
for both man and beast
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00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:30,040
and comes right out
of hair yarn and bedsheets
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00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,840
with a dab of lemon juice.
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00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:37,640
As the artistic color consultant
of German National Television,
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00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:41,360
allow me to introduce you
to our program design.
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00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,400
To prevent any kind of drabness
from developing,
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00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:50,320
on Mondays we'll broadcast
in a very, very delicate sky blue.
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00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,960
For Tuesdays, we came up
with a wonderfully pretty pale green.
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00:00:55,680 --> 00:01:00,200
For Wednesdays, we have a thrilling beige
with a charming eggplant stripe,
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00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,640
suitable for every TV set.
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00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:08,440
Thursdays will be in a fantastic,
and I mean truly fantastic shade of pink.
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00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:13,920
For Fridays we have a very chic,
perfectly iridescent purple.
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00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,560
On Saturdays we'll broadcast in off...
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00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,560
off-white.
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00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,120
And from 11:00 AM on Sunday morni...
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...hings, in a festive warm black
with tasteful pinstripes.
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00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,640
Perfect for full-figured viewers.
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00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:50,200
Pardon me.
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00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,160
Of course...
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00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:56,400
Of course, even with the most refined
appreciation of color psychology,
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00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,920
you can't please everyone.
For...
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00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:03,440
For all color TV viewers
who don't share our taste in color,
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00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,240
on Tuesdays, from 2:30 PM to...
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00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,800
...3:45 PM,
and on Fridays from 4:15 PM to...
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00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,680
...5:00 PM,
on our by-channel,
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00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,760
we'll broadcast
in an utterly atrocious brown.
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00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,120
Good evening.
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00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,160
Ladies and gentlemen,
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00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:27,560
as always, Loriot takes us
on a sweeping tour of animated humor.
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00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:31,000
We hope you enjoy
our presentation of... um...
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00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,160
of... um...
36
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,960
Is it time for our interview yet?
37
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:57,080
I don't know when we're on.
The red light on the camera is broken.
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00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,160
Hello?
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00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,360
Can anybody hear me back there?
40
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,680
Hello?
41
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:08,520
Is there a technical problem?
-Don't ask me.
42
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,120
What was that?
-Don't ask me.
43
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:15,320
Why not?
I didn't understand what you said.
44
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,040
I said, "Don't ask me."
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00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:22,160
Yes, I got that,
but what did you say before?
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00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,320
Nothing, and you?
What did you say?
47
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,080
I just didn't understand what you said.
48
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,720
No, what did you say first,
right at the beginning?
49
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,440
I asked if there was a technical problem.
50
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:38,000
Well, don't ask me.
-Pardon?
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00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,640
Mr. Hippentraut,
you're a bunny hatcher.
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00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,240
That's an unusual occupation, no?
53
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,640
Yes, oh yes.
-And how...
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00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,800
I mean... you hatch bunny eggs?
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00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,000
Yes, oh yes, bunny eggs.
-Uh-huh.
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00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:59,120
Does that require any special training?
57
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,080
Just a uniform body temperature.
58
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:05,120
And a love of eggs, bunny eggs.
-Of course.
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00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:10,920
Small children still think
the Easter Bunny hides his eggs himself.
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00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,880
But that's a lie.
-Really?
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00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,040
The Easter Bunny's eggs
are taken from him at Easter!
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00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,680
Stolen, in secret.
-You're kidding!
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00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,280
Stolen, hidden, and eaten.
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00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:26,000
Young bunny lives
destroyed before they can even hatch!
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00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,200
Bunnies are doomed to extinction.
-Outrageous!
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00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:33,280
And you...
-So we save what's left of the eggs.
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00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,400
And hatch them, my wife and I.
-Of course.
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00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:40,880
Our young Easter bunnies are sent
to bunny lovers around the world.
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00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,520
To Nord-Rhein Westphalia,
Baden-Württemberg...
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00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,560
Do you use...
-Schleswig-Holstein, Lower Saxony...
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00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,000
Do you use...
-... Bremen, Cuba...
72
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,920
Do you use...
-... Brazil, Poland, Chile...
73
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,280
...Mexico...
-Do you use a machine to hatch them?
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00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:00,680
How exactly is it done?
-No, all eggs are hatched by hand.
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00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,280
We sit on them.
-Of course.
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00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,160
What a nice, rewarding occupation!
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00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:11,440
Yes, oh yes, but we're the last
bunny hatchers in Europe.
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00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:16,480
When we're gone, it'll be a catastrophe!
-Of course.
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00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:21,440
In ten years, we'll only have
plastic bunnies and no eggs whatsoever.
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00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:23,560
Mr. Hupentrat?
-Hippentraut.
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00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:28,080
Mr. Hippentraut, you wanted to show us...
-Yes, oh yes.
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00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:32,320
I've just finished hatching a bunny egg.
-Oh!
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00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,680
I think it's time.
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00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,080
The bunny is hatching?
85
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:38,920
Yes, there it is!
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00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:45,280
That's not a bunny, Mr. Hippentraut.
-Yes, oh yes!
87
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,320
How embarrassing, Mr. Rösner!
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00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,760
But shouldn't you...?
-"Shouldn't, shouldn't!"
89
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,680
It happens once in 1000 eggs!
How should I know?
90
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,680
But you should know!
-I'm not the one in the egg!
91
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,880
Are you a bunny hatcher, or am I?
-I am!
92
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,360
Right!
Good evening.
93
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:09,080
May I politely inform you
that my train leaves in an hour?
94
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:13,840
As soon as they give me the sign...
-Well, if you wish to interview me...
95
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:18,880
I'm just waiting for the red light.
Once we get the signal, we'll start.
96
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:22,600
In all my years at this channel,
this has never happened!
97
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,840
Well, I have no intention of sleeping
here at the studio.
98
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,640
Right!
99
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,520
My wife is a Capricorn.
100
00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:39,480
I have a long-haired dachshund.
101
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,800
I'm a Pisces.
102
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,800
Capricorn and Pisces
are a good match.
103
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:49,360
Once I had two long-haired dachshunds.
That was a nightmare.
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00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,200
It depends on the ascendant, of course.
105
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,760
They need to run,
have to be brushed daily,
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00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,600
and have all sorts of ear problems.
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00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,200
Capricorns are actually very stubborn.
108
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,120
Would you like to see
a photo of my wife?
109
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:06,880
No, thank you.
110
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,480
Professor Mutzenberger,
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00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,720
you won the Nobel Prize
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00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:20,760
for the first successful transformation
of a woman into a rabbit.
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00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,840
In 1953, I successfully put
114
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:30,240
the head of a 40-year-old postal worker
onto a 2-year-old rabbit.
115
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,640
She carried on working
at the counter for years,
116
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,720
married an older wild rabbit,
117
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,760
and today, now that she's divorced,
118
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,600
she lives in seclusion
at a Heidelberg pet shop.
119
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,160
Mr... Rösner,
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00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:50,200
women per se, in their current form,
121
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:54,600
have long been considered outdated.
-Of course.
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00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:59,280
Not to mention the menacing surplus
of women, on the one hand,
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00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:04,560
and the tangible lack of
high-quality rabbits on the other hand.
124
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:08,000
Professor...
-And it's a well-known fact
125
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,680
that over 70% of all husbands
126
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:14,120
would prefer living with a rabbit,
don't you know?
127
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,120
Of course.
128
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,360
Is that your wife in your arms?
129
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:24,280
No, this is the companion
of the chairman of the supervisory board
130
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,720
of the Duisburg Steel Corporation.
131
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,320
She's a fine specimen, is she not?
132
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:33,320
Professor,
how can one tell real rabbits
133
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,920
from artificial women...
No, I mean how can you tell
134
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,520
real women from artificial rabbits?
135
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:44,320
I mean, can you tell
an unnatural, female rabbit...
136
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,720
How can you tell a woman
transformed into a rabbit...
137
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:51,280
...from a totally normal rabbit?
138
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,600
...from a real rabbit-rabbit?
139
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:58,440
Is there any way to somehow...
-To physically tell them apart.
140
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,920
So, Professor Mutzenberger
141
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:07,480
as far as I know, your wife
volunteered for the first experiments.
142
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,200
Did she...
I mean, is she...
143
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:14,000
Sadly, the first experiment
was unsatisfactory.
144
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:18,080
It only resulted in her growing
strong incisors, very long ears
145
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,120
and a little, bushy...
146
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,320
...bushy tail.
-I see.
147
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,720
Yes, so for her bushy tail,
148
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:30,000
we cut a little hole...
-Thank you for joining us, Professor.
149
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,080
Good evening.
150
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,840
Are we on yet?
151
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,440
I don't know.
152
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,080
Hello?
153
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,200
No, I don't think so.
154
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,280
Do you know Belinski?
155
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:52,840
No.
-Gunther Belinski?
156
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:54,400
No.
157
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:58,960
He was in my class, in 1938.
158
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:02,120
Then he moved to Böblingen
and got married.
159
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,040
Aha.
160
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,160
Have you ever been to Böblingen?
-No.
161
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,760
Never?
-No.
162
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,520
Do you know Hartmut Schöttel?
-No.
163
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,480
He's in his early fifties too now.
164
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:23,280
Aha.
-But very amusing. I met him once.
165
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,520
In Krefeld.
166
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,280
Do you know Heinz Riedel?
-No.
167
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,800
Do you know Professor Dumb?
-No.
168
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,440
See?
169
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,920
Ladies and gentlemen,
in wide swaths of the population
170
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,800
a totally unwarranted mistrust
continues to prevail
171
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,760
concerning the so-called "people's drug."
172
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,760
As State Health Department Spokesman,
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00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,840
it is my duty to illustrate
the uses and effects
174
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:59,000
of this beneficial drug.
175
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,200
Welcome, Mr. Eugene Jensch.
-Good evening.
176
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,800
He's been dejected for years
and sees the future,
177
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:10,560
both domestically and politically,
as drab and gloomy.
178
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:14,160
He is relatively useless.
179
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:19,240
As part of our awareness campaign,
180
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:22,000
Mr. Jensch was kind enough to volunteer
181
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:27,320
and will take the people's drug
here before our very eyes.
182
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,960
Here you are, Mr. Jensch.
183
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:53,400
So, Mr. Jensch,
do you feel anything... positive?
184
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:57,120
Of course it takes a certain...
185
00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:03,880
Mr. Jensch would like
to tell us what he's feeling.
186
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,840
Life has meaning for Mr. Jensch again.
187
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,280
His family is doing well,
188
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,760
everything is fine professionally.
189
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,840
He feels differently
about political protest,
190
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,280
about taxes, about the federal election,
191
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,440
about foreign affairs and the Chinese,
192
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,560
about life after death...
193
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,760
As you can see, ladies and gentlemen,
194
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:38,160
through correct use of our new,
affordable people's drug,
195
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:42,280
a modern, well-balanced person
was formed.
196
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:47,280
Healthy, happy, useful, and optimistic.
197
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,360
A man ready to master the future.
198
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:54,400
In short,
the picture of a model citizen.
199
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,800
Just ask your pharmacist.
Good evening.
200
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,880
There's the red light.
-Where?
201
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,520
There.
-Where? Oh, yes.
202
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,160
Professor...
-I'm no longer in the mood.
203
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:13,640
Professor Heubel, you are the chair
of plasmatic pleutology.
204
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,040
Pneumatic plastology.
-Ah.
205
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:18,680
What exactly is plasmatic pleutology?
206
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:23,920
Pneumatic plastology is based on new
findings in the field of psychosomatics.
207
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,880
Mar-vel-ous.
208
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,360
What is that, in a nutshell?
-A breathing technique.
209
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,880
Exactly. And?
-What, and?
210
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,280
And what?
Breathing and what?
211
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,440
I can't be bothered
to explain it to you anymore.
212
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:41,640
We're on the air, and this is
a public broadcasting corporation.
213
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:44,400
So what?
-This is a public building.
214
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:48,080
Great.
-Turn it off! Turn the damn camera off!
215
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:52,720
First you tell me on the phone,
this interview will take five minutes,
216
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,120
then I sit here all evening,
217
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:59,040
and now you harass me
with these impertinent questions?
218
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,880
Others would be glad
to get their nonsense on TV.
219
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,440
Fine.
220
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:08,320
Pneumatic plastology enables us,
using breathing techniques,
221
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,840
to make plastic changes to the body.
Period!
222
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,320
But it requires extreme concentration.
223
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,960
Can you demonstrate?
-Of course.
224
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,360
Then please do.
- I need total silence, please.
225
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,440
Mar-vel-ous!
226
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:31,000
Is that... Does that... um...
227
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,560
Can you do that with any body part?
228
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,680
Of course.
Watch this.
229
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,600
No, no, maybe it's better if...
-Total silence, please.
230
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,320
Yes, yes, yes!
231
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,280
Mar-vel-ous!
232
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,640
But how is that useful?
-Useful?
233
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,480
Mr... um...
-Gilling.
234
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:54,960
Mr. Gilling, scientists work selflessly,
in the service of mankind.
235
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:59,320
Science is not about usefulness,
it's about progress.
236
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,960
Aha.
But it looks so... unaesthetic.
237
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,120
Nature is always aesthetic.
-Professor Heubel,
238
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,240
could I too
239
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,600
use the breathing technique
to alter my body?
240
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,480
Of course.
-Now?
241
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,600
Hold your breath.
-Yes?
242
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:19,840
Lift your diaphragm,
concentrate on a body part.
243
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,760
Yes, yes?
-Push slightly.
244
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,120
Now harder.
245
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:29,400
There you go.
-Mar-vel-ous! Now change it back.
246
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,240
Why?
-Our time is up.
247
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,320
Oh, okay.
248
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,800
What about me?
-Exhale.
249
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,200
Relax the diaphragm.
-Yes?
250
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,200
Relax.
-I am!
251
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:42,960
More.
-I can't!
252
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:44,800
Don't cramp up.
-No, no!
253
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,040
My God, do as I say!
-I am!
254
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,920
You're making a real hash of it.
-I'm doing exactly what you say!
255
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,680
But the thing won't shrink.
-I see that!
256
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,280
Think of something cold.
-I can't.
257
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,000
Come see me in August
during office hours.
258
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,280
Thank you for joining us.
-You're welcome.
259
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,400
Ladies and gentlemen,
260
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,400
are you aware that,
261
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:14,080
within our prosperous society
there is a demographic group in need
262
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:18,560
that not even the reform plans
of a socialist government
263
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,840
managed to address?
264
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:26,600
Vampires are a minority group
in the Federal Republic of Germany.
265
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,040
As voters,
they are thus of no real significance.
266
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:34,440
Not long ago a hot topic of conversation,
267
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:38,840
today vampires have practically
been forgotten altogether.
268
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:44,640
What is being done for aging,
or innocent vampires in need?
269
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,960
Nothing!
On the contrary!
270
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:51,400
In violation of the constitution,
271
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:57,240
we are deliberately prevented
from exercising our way of life.
272
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:04,080
There are known cases
where respectable vampires
273
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:07,440
were publicly persecuted
274
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:11,640
because they removed,
in the nicest way possible,
275
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,240
blood from nocturnal pedestrians.
276
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:19,000
Healthy vampires require
one to two liters
277
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,000
of fresh ladies'
or men's blood each night.
278
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:28,640
In return, they abstain from pastries,
fruit, cheese, and vegetables.
279
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,080
As a result of
the public's hostile stance,
280
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:37,200
an alarming degree of
severe depression and nutritional damage
281
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:42,200
is running rampant,
especially among vampire youth.
282
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:47,560
In the year 1970,
in Rhineland-Palatinate alone,
283
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:53,280
more than 2,000 vampires
between the ages of 200 to 300 years old
284
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,280
became bedridden.
285
00:17:55,480 --> 00:18:01,840
What kind of government
spends billions on defense each year,
286
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:06,200
yet refuses to give even
one drop of blood to its vampires?
287
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,080
Something's just not right!
288
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,480
It's the eleventh hour.
289
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,760
We appeal to the public.
290
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:22,680
Who will donate blood, coffins,
warm blankets, and false teeth?
291
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:27,000
Who will host young vampires
over summer vacation?
292
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,400
To give quickly is to give doubly.
293
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,840
Send monetary donations
to post office account:
294
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,040
I've got a terrific surprise
in store for you.
295
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:54,280
Starting July 1, '93, everyone will
receive an even longer zip code.
296
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:58,760
Five digits! A five-digit zip code!
At no extra cost!
297
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,880
Long sausages cost more than short ones.
298
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,280
But the new, longer zip codes don't.
299
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,200
You get more zip code
for the same money.
300
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:12,280
And every single letter
will usually arrive the very next day.
301
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:16,240
You won't have to wait days
for bills, late fees, and fines.
302
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,960
No!
You'll usually have them within 24 hours,
303
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,040
right on your desk!
304
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,960
Just to let you know, so you have
something to look forward to.
305
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,080
Stop, stop, stop!
306
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,080
Mr. Meckelreiter, you are the most
prominent living whistler...
307
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,000
Artful whistler!
-"Artful whistler," yes.
308
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,920
Where have you...
Where do you currently artfully whistle?
309
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,160
I'm currently on tour in Europe.
310
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,280
Tonight I'm artfully whistling
at the Herkulessaal,
311
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,560
with the Berlin Philharmonic.
-And your whistling...
312
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,840
I mean, you've been whistling
the way you whistle...
313
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,440
I mean, you've always whistled
the way you whistle now?
314
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,680
My first public whistling was in 1954
315
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,280
at the Hanover Stud Bull Auction,
316
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,800
and then at the 1956 Salzburg Festival.
317
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,520
I whistled at the coronation
of Queen Elizabeth,
318
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,200
at the German parliament's first session,
319
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,920
several times at the UN,
and for the Supreme Soviet.
320
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:39,440
Fantastic.
Could you give us a little sample
321
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,400
of your... art?
-Gladly, gladly.
322
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:00,320
Aha.
323
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,680
But that... um...
That... um...
324
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,880
That's not...
I mean, don't get me wrong.
325
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,680
But that's not art.
-How dare you!
326
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,640
My first public whistling was in 1954...
-Yes, yes...
327
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,800
at the Hanover Stud Bull Auction...
-Yes, yes...
328
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,840
In 1956 at the Salzburg Festival...
-Yes, yes.
329
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:24,120
At the coronation of Queen Elizabeth
and the first session of parliament.
330
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,240
And for
the President of the United States.
331
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:31,800
Yes, but surely you didn't
whistle like that for President Nixon!
332
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,160
Apparently artistic matters
elude your judgement, Mr. Rösner.
333
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,240
Can you even whistle?
-Of course.
334
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,600
I'm listening.
335
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,600
What a crude tone!
336
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,800
Listen to this.
337
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:54,520
I don't know, Mr. Meckelreiter...
- I admit, I didn't hit the note perfectly.
338
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,240
But the overall artistic concept
is what matters.
339
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,800
Modern compositions
call for intellectual collaboration.
340
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:11,440
What's more, contemporary music
takes some getting used to.
341
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,200
Of course it's not easy listening
like Peter Alexander.
342
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,080
Thank you very much, Mr. Meckelreiter.
343
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,360
There you have it!
344
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,600
Give me an A.
-A.
345
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,040
A.
-A...
346
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,720
We will now sing "Rose on the Heath."
Go ahead.
347
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,000
Stop, stop, stop!
-What is it?
348
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:04,960
Nothing.
-Give me an A.
349
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:06,160
A
350
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,080
We will now sing "Rose on the Heath."
Go ahead.
351
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:41,520
Stop, stop, stop!
I thought this song was different!
352
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,600
Even more different?
-How?
353
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,880
No complaining. We're here to sing.
-Where? -What?
354
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,720
What will we sing?
-How would I know?
355
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,320
Then we'll sing the national anthem.
-Which one?
356
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,600
None of your business.
357
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:58,720
Three, four...
358
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,080
No, no, no!
359
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,720
It's my first time at a racetrack.
360
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:21,880
But since you're so knowledgeable,
perhaps you can teach me a few things.
361
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,640
Okay, listen!
Number one's coming up!
362
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,280
Olejnik on Daisy!
363
00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,720
He's riding on a flower?
364
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,320
It's not a flower.
365
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,560
It's a horse.
Just like you're not a man, but a twit!
366
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,480
Gosh, that's mean!
367
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:52,800
Here we go!
Number 4: Otto Schmidt on Electrola!
368
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,600
Ah, so he's singing?
369
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,920
Wait, let me tell you something.
He's the one to bet on!
370
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:04,000
I've got it on good authority.
If he wants to, he does it.
371
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,640
If he doesn't, then he didn't want to.
372
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,640
So he doesn't want to?
373
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,600
No, if he doesn't,
then he didn't want to or he couldn't.
374
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,960
He couldn't?
375
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,280
Oh, how embarrassing!
376
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:23,400
Oh well.
Oh well, horses are just people, too.
377
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:29,320
Quiet, quiet!
They're going to the starting boxes.
378
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,120
They're going?
-To the starting boxes.
379
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:36,000
Do they walk around all year like that,
or what?
380
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:40,920
Not here, but in France
in places like Auteuil, Biarritz, or Ars.
381
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,040
In the Ars, as well?
382
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,000
Oh, aren't you common!
383
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:03,880
Oh, here we go!
They're off! One, two, three!
384
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,320
Now they're going to finish!
385
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:08,440
They're going to finish?
386
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,360
Right there on the grass?
387
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:14,800
Where are they running?
Where are they running to?
388
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,560
My God!
Where are they running?
389
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:21,280
Wait, wait!
He's still up front! He's still up front!
390
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,200
Where are they running?
Who's going to win?
391
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,920
The one who comes in first, of course.
-I'll definitely know when he comes.
392
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,200
Where are they running?
Where are they running to?
393
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,640
Hopefully they won't get lost, right?
394
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,560
Where are they running?
-Use your binoculars, for God's sake!
395
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,440
Why didn't you say so?
396
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:53,200
Where are they running?
All I see is black.
397
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,440
What's that about?
398
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:59,240
Ah, I was looking in the wrong end.
That happens.
399
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,360
Where are they running?
400
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:05,880
Where are they running, for God's sake?
401
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,040
Where are they running?
402
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:10,800
Where are...
403
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,280
Oh, did I get a shock!
404
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,560
I can only see your silly face.
405
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,960
Look that way!
406
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,000
Don't stare at me!
The horses are that way!
407
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,520
The horses are over there?
408
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,440
Oh!
409
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,800
Oh, how beautiful!
410
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,240
Oh, how beautiful!
411
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,560
What beautiful green grass!
412
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:43,880
No offense, but I can't say
I've ever met a dumber fellow.
413
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:49,800
Who? -You!
-Me? -Yes!
414
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,520
Could you maybe take that back?
-Who?
415
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:54,880
You. -Me?
-Yes. -No.
416
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,600
Then we're done here.
417
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:00,640
Three, four...
418
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,360
Oh a kiss comes naturally
419
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:14,240
Love is all there needs to be
420
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,840
If you're poor or if you're rich
421
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,480
If you're
a 1st, or a 2nd, or a 3rd class passenger
422
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,840
Can't be discerned from a kiss
423
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,960
Though it's something not to miss
424
00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:31,720
'Cause it's critical,
awfully critical
425
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:35,160
When it means "I love you"
426
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,000
Oh a kiss comes naturally
427
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,280
Love is all there needs to be
428
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,040
If you're poor or if you're rich
429
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:52,600
If you're
a 1st, or a 2nd, or a 3rd class passenger
430
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,320
Can't be discerned from a kiss
431
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,600
Though it's something not to miss
432
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,880
'Cause it's critical,
awfully critical
433
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,040
When it means "I love you"
434
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,640
'Cause it's critical,
awfully critical
435
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,400
When it means, "I love you"
436
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:17,000
What am I to do?
I don't have a clue
437
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,600
How a kiss is born
438
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,680
Don't worry for hours
Just go buy her flowers
439
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,400
Till it's obvious
440
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,720
I'll bring you flowers
Kiss your hand so gallantly
441
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,840
All the rest comes naturally
442
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,960
I know where this is headed
I think I finally get it
443
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:39,760
How a kiss is born
444
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,880
A kiss comes naturally
445
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,200
Love is all there needs to be
446
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:49,760
If you're poor or if you're rich
447
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:53,480
If you're
a 1st, or 2nd, or a 3rd class passenger
448
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,680
Can't be discerned from a kiss
449
00:29:56,880 --> 00:30:00,080
Though it's something not to miss
450
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:03,560
'Cause it's critical,
awfully critical
451
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:07,000
When it means "I love you"
452
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,400
'Cause it's critical,
awfully critical
453
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:15,480
When it means "I love you"
454
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,080
Ladies and gentlemen,
455
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:26,320
it may dismay the nation to know
that German humor,
456
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:29,960
once a leading, quality product
on the world market,
457
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:34,720
now only makes up 0.02%
of the export rate.
458
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,680
But is it the Chederal Fancellor ...
Excuse me.
459
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,400
Is the Federal Chancellor alone to blame?
460
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:45,040
How can we guarantee
the steady growth of the humor product
461
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,720
if, statistically speaking,
1 in 9 northern German housewives
462
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:53,320
giggle at second-rate, often lewd jokes
several times a day?
463
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:58,120
In Baden-Württemberg, humor consumption
has increased by 18.6%,
464
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:03,280
and by 21.2% in Rhineland-Palatinate
compared to 1928 levels.
465
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:09,360
By the way, these numbers don't include
jokes about sex or the Berlin Wall.
466
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,760
What's more,
the United States government insists,
467
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,760
for the current economic year,
468
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:21,600
on the purchase
of about 3,800 outdated American jokes.
469
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,600
The burden lies with the taxpayer.
470
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,080
So, ladies and gentlemen...
471
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:29,240
Pardon me.
472
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:32,320
It cannot and must not go on like this.
473
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:37,080
There's nothing wrong
with an occasional laugh among friends,
474
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:41,720
but if, at a leading manufacturer
of women's overgarments in Stuttgart,
475
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:46,440
in January alone,
a confirmed 286 jokes are told,
476
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,400
of which it is unclear if,
and to what extent,
477
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:55,040
the board of directors...
and perhaps in turn the union...
478
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,440
or the works council within the company
479
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,720
must've, should've,
could've been informed.
480
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,240
Good evening.
481
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,200
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
482
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:11,400
Our guest tonight is Dr. Sommer
483
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:15,120
the founder and director
of the Animal College
484
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:19,280
in Cuxhaven,
and his best friend and student.
485
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,320
Ladies and gentlemen,
486
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:29,440
more and more cases are being reported
of dogs watching hours of evening TV,
487
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:33,680
then having trouble sleeping,
having nightmares or stuttering.
488
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:37,720
These undeniably
serious emotional disturbances
489
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:41,080
can no longer be carelessly ignored.
490
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:46,640
Television network programs
tend to be better suited
491
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:51,560
to mid-sized, long-haired dogs
than to tiny, short-haired dogs.
492
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:57,760
Fat dogs are more inclined to watch
political and educational programs,
493
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:02,120
whereas entertainment programming
appeals more to thin dogs.
494
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:08,560
That's not to say that
some big, fat, short-haired dogs
495
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,800
or tiny, fat, long-haired dogs
496
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:15,520
can't enjoy programs
for tiny, long, short-haired dogs
497
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,440
and short, fat, long-haired dogs.
498
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:22,440
Sadly, TV guides
fail to clearly label programs
499
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:28,760
when it comes to their suitability
for our four-legged friends.
500
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:35,880
Crime movies with brutal or offensive
material should be avoided altogether.
501
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:39,160
Robust dogs react with headaches,
502
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:43,400
while more delicate dogs
may react with deafness and constipation.
503
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,720
Political programs
are often unsuitable as well.
504
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:50,320
One Saint Bernard in Dusseldorf
505
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,720
watched a session
of the German parliament,
506
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:57,640
then suffered dizzy spells
and hick-ups for two weeks.
507
00:33:58,160 --> 00:33:59,720
In summary,
508
00:33:59,920 --> 00:34:02,360
small, fat dogs
or big, long dogs
509
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:06,440
and small, thin, long-haired
or fat, short-haired dogs
510
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,920
shouldn't watch TV after 9:00 PM.
511
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:14,200
Fat long-ears and thin short-ears,
and dogs between two and eight years old
512
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,880
should consult a doctor
before watching.
513
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,560
Good evening.
514
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:24,880
Dr. Sommer, you've been giving this dog
speech training for years.
515
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,000
Yes, sir.
-In German?
516
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,800
Correct.
-And you were successful?
517
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,520
That's right.
-So, the dog can speak?
518
00:34:32,720 --> 00:34:34,800
Yes, sir.
-Speak like a person?
519
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,560
Yes.
-That's sen-sational!
520
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,600
What's its name?
-Bello.
521
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,880
What can he say?
-Anything.
522
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,440
Like what, for example?
-Say something.
523
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,160
You want me to say something?
-Yes.
524
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,920
I can speak, for God's sake.
The dog should say something!
525
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,840
Yes, but tell him what to say.
526
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:03,080
How about the name of some famous actor?
527
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,240
Doesn't matter which one.
Who's that blond one?
528
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,160
Heinz Rühmann?
-No, the other one.
529
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,680
Curd Jürgens?
-No, it starts with "F".
530
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:15,280
With "F"?
-Or "P".
531
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,080
Marlene Dietrich?
-That's close.
532
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,840
Wasn't he in that movie?
-Which one?
533
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,920
The one by that Italian director.
The name escapes me.
534
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:29,120
Starting with "1"?
-It sounds like a car manufacturer.
535
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,240
BMW?
-No, no.
536
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,880
That soccer player comes to mind.
-Which soccer player?
537
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:39,720
The one who shot the goal at the final.
-Where? In Hamburg?
538
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:41,640
No.
-In Bremen?
539
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:43,840
No! Um...
540
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:48,680
Ladies and gentlemen,
541
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,280
it's high time we speak out.
542
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:55,080
The lifestyle
of the German domestic pig is becoming,
543
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,400
both intellectually and morally,
544
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:00,240
scandalous.
545
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:04,880
Not even a Grade A pig
can serve as a role model
546
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,680
if it swaps its mate several times a year
547
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,600
and is generally only interested
in carnal matters.
548
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,880
Of course, inside every sow
lies a swine.
549
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:19,440
But is that any reason
to sit back and do nothing?
550
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:23,080
Hoggishly speaking,
a swine may be beastly
551
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,880
if a piggish...
552
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:28,520
...piggish...
553
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,600
...pig-gish...
554
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,960
Because a swine is more apt than a sow
555
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:41,000
to meet mental-animal demands.
556
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:46,720
This development is due to
the extreme caution of responsible parties
557
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,320
when dealing with unknown, young swines.
558
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,600
Therefore we demand living conditions
559
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:58,120
which enable even young swines
to entertain the desire
560
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:03,160
to enter into the bond of marriage
with just one other swine.
561
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:08,160
Because only
a boaring, close-nit family life
562
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:13,560
has the potential to one day become
a truly monumental pigsty.
563
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,400
Good evening.
564
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:20,920
Dr. Sommer, what method did you use
to teach the dog to talk,
565
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:22,760
and how long did it take?
566
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:26,720
I taught this dog for over four years
eight hours a day,
567
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:32,320
using speech repetition, tongue exercises
and an intensive breathing technique.
568
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,000
Sen-sational.
569
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:38,880
Dr. Sommer,
could the dog say something now?
570
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:40,040
Sure.
571
00:37:40,240 --> 00:37:42,880
Bello, say: "Paw."
572
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:46,120
I see.
573
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,960
Now, perhaps, something longer.
574
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,600
What topic would you like?
-It doesn't matter.
575
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,160
Perhaps something political?
-No, no.
576
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,960
Something church-related?
-Please, no.
577
00:37:58,160 --> 00:37:59,400
What then?
578
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,720
Something nice and normal.
-All right.
579
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:08,200
Bello, say:
"Otto walks tall along the garden wall."
580
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:18,280
You do have to listen very carefully.
-Botanical topics aren't really his thing.
581
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:21,640
All right, then something church-related.
582
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:22,800
Sure.
583
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:24,800
Bello, say:
584
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:29,840
"Nine nuns haul balls to the ball hall."
585
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:35,640
I don't know, sir.
586
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:37,280
I don't know
587
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:40,000
if this dog is up to handling that topic.
588
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,000
Maybe we should avoid
church-related issues.
589
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:44,360
As you wish.
590
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,240
Then something political after all?
591
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,360
No, no.
-An economic topic?
592
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,480
Yes, please.
-Nuclear power?
593
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:53,760
No. Absolutely not.
594
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:58,320
Political statements from dogs
are not welcome on TV.
595
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,200
But I assure you...
-No, no.
596
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:04,560
I assure you the dog
is expressing his own opinion,
597
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:06,440
with no political angle.
598
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,080
Nuclear power is a political angle.
599
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:13,440
So what if it is?
-Politicians, not dogs should address it.
600
00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:17,360
Bello has the right to address it,
just like a politician.
601
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,800
He doesn't know what he's saying.
-Like a politician.
602
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,960
Well, fine. But no more than a minute.
603
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:25,640
Bello, say:
604
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:31,200
"Otto Maul is feeling small in the squall
without nuclear power."
605
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:40,920
Such remarks needlessly
heat up the debate.
606
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:42,160
Fine.
607
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:43,880
Bello, say:
608
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:48,560
"Otto Kohl bought a shawl
from the stall in the shopping mall."
609
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:57,480
Now that has
no topical relevance whatsoever.
610
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:01,320
Can't he say anything
about TV-related issues?
611
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:04,480
Bello, say: "Talk show."
612
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:08,040
Dr. Sommer, may I be frank?
-Well, what?
613
00:40:08,240 --> 00:40:10,280
This dog can't talk at all.
614
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:12,360
How dare you!
615
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,360
He has command of just a single letter.
616
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,320
Something similar to "O."
617
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,000
What did he say now?
618
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:24,040
Peter Piper picked
a peck of pickled peppers.
619
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,080
Bertha.
-Yes?
620
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:34,840
This egg is hard.
621
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,360
This egg is hard.
622
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,080
I heard you.
623
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:44,880
How long did the egg boil for?
624
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,400
Too many eggs aren't healthy.
625
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,480
I'm asking how long this egg boiled.
626
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,840
You always want it to boil
for four and a half minutes.
627
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,160
I know that.
-Then why are you asking?
628
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:01,000
Because this egg can't have boiled
for four and a half minutes.
629
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:04,600
But I boil it for four and a half minutes
every morning.
630
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,640
So why is it
sometimes too hard or too soft?
631
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,640
I don't know. I'm not a chicken.
632
00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:12,440
Oh.
633
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,560
Then how do you know when the egg's done?
634
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:19,480
Good Lord! I take it out
after four and a half minutes.
635
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,280
According to the timer?
636
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,680
According to my gut.
A housewife feels it in her gut.
637
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:26,200
In your gut?
638
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,240
What do you have in your gut?
639
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:31,480
I feel it in my gut
when the egg is soft.
640
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:33,280
But it's hard.
641
00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:36,480
Maybe your gut feeling's off.
642
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:39,120
My gut feeling is off ?
643
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:42,520
I stand in the kitchen all day,
do the laundry,
644
00:41:42,720 --> 00:41:47,280
pick up your things, make the place cozy,
struggle with the kids,
645
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:50,120
and you say my gut feeling is off?
646
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:53,880
When you do it according to your gut,
it only boils
647
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,920
for four and a half minutes by chance.
648
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:02,120
What does it matter to you
if the egg boils that long by chance
649
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:05,200
as long as it boils
for four and a half minutes?
650
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,560
I'd just like an egg that's soft
651
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,200
and not an egg that's soft by chance.
652
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,480
I don't care how long it boils.
653
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,360
Aha! You don't care.
654
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:18,800
So you don't care if I slave away
at the stove for four and a half minutes?
655
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,520
No, no.
-Well, you should care.
656
00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:24,560
The egg has to boil
for four and a half minutes.
657
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,280
That's what I said!
658
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:29,000
But you just said you didn't care.
659
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:32,080
I'd just like to have a soft-boiled egg.
660
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,600
God! Men are so unsophisticated.
661
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:38,360
I'm going to kill her!
662
00:42:38,720 --> 00:42:40,920
Tomorrow I'm going to kill her!
663
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,960
I don't have to work in television.
664
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,960
I mean, I'm not dependent on it.
665
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,080
Hermann?
-Yes?
666
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:48,000
What are you doing in there?
667
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:49,840
Nothing.
-Nothing?
668
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:51,560
Why nothing?
669
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:53,360
I'm doing nothing.
670
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:56,440
Not a thing?
671
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:57,840
No.
672
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:01,760
Nothing at all?
673
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,040
No, I'm sitting here.
674
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:07,040
You're sitting there?
675
00:45:07,240 --> 00:45:08,440
Yes.
676
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:11,200
But you must be doing something!
677
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:12,480
No.
678
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:17,800
Are you thinking about anything?
679
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:19,760
Nothing in particular.
680
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:26,360
It wouldn't do you any harm
if you went for a little walk.
681
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:29,160
No, no.
-I'll get you your coat.
682
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:33,240
No, thank you.
-But it's too cold without a coat.
683
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:35,520
But I'm not going for a walk.
684
00:45:35,720 --> 00:45:37,880
But just now you wanted to.
685
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,960
No, you wanted me to go for a walk.
686
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:45,680
Me? I don't care a jot
whether you go for a walk or not.
687
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:47,080
Good.
688
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,920
I just said it wouldn't do you any harm
689
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,560
if you went for a little walk.
690
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,040
No, it wouldn't do me any harm.
691
00:45:56,240 --> 00:45:58,360
So what is it you want then?
692
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:00,400
I want to sit here.
693
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:04,680
You sure can drive a person crazy!
694
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:06,040
Oh?
695
00:46:06,240 --> 00:46:09,280
First you want to go for a walk,
then you don't.
696
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:12,640
Then you want me to get your coat,
then you don't.
697
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,600
Well, what'll it be?
-I want to sit here.
698
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,280
Now, suddenly, you want to sit there.
699
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:20,240
Not suddenly at all.
700
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:22,960
I've wanted to sit here the whole time.
701
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:24,440
To sit?
702
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:27,560
I want to sit here and relax.
703
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:30,880
If you really wanted to relax,
704
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:33,600
you'd stop yapping at me the whole time.
705
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:36,240
I'm not saying anything anymore.
706
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:40,240
Right now you have time
707
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,080
to do something that you enjoy.
708
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:44,360
Yes.
709
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,760
Are you reading something?
-Not at the moment.
710
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:54,800
Then read something!
711
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:57,440
Later. Maybe later.
712
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,920
Just go get your magazines.
713
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,280
I'd like to sit here
a while longer first.
714
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,200
Should I get them for you?
715
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:09,160
No, no. Thanks though.
716
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:13,520
So the gentleman wants
to be waited on too, hm?
717
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:18,320
I'm on my feet all day long.
718
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:22,360
You could get up
and get your magazines for once.
719
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:24,920
I don't want to read right now.
720
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,960
First you want to read, then you don't.
721
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:30,680
I simply want to sit here.
722
00:47:31,720 --> 00:47:33,640
Just do whatever you enjoy.
723
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:35,440
That's what I'm doing!
724
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:38,720
Then stop your constant bellyaching.
725
00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:42,560
Hermann?
726
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:46,880
Are you deaf?
727
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:50,920
No, no.
-But you're not doing what you enjoy.
728
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,320
You're just sitting there instead.
729
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:56,360
I'm sitting here because l enjoy it.
730
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:59,080
Don't get so aggressive all of a sudden!
731
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:01,600
I'm not being aggressive.
732
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,560
Then why are you yelling at me like that?
733
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,680
I'm not yelling at you!
734
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:52,160
Why did the TV have to break
today of all days?
735
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:57,080
They deliberately design television sets
so they break after a little while.
736
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:02,760
I don't really need to watch television.
737
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:04,400
Neither do I.
738
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:08,680
Not just because the set's broken today,
but anyhow.
739
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:11,360
I don't like watching TV anyhow.
740
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:16,000
There really isn't anything on TV
that one really wants to watch.
741
00:49:18,240 --> 00:49:23,160
Thank God we don't need to bother
looking at the idiot box today.
742
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:25,160
No.
743
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:29,080
But it looks like you're looking at it.
744
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:30,680
Me?
-Yes.
745
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:34,440
No, I'm just looking
in that general direction.
746
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:37,880
But you're looking at it.
You keep looking at it.
747
00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:40,000
Me? I'm looking at it?
748
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:43,240
What makes you say that?
-It looks that way.
749
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:45,240
It can't look that way.
750
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,080
I'm looking past it,
751
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:49,320
intentionally looking past it.
752
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:52,480
And if you'd pay
a little bit more attention to me
753
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:55,720
you'd notice me
intentionally looking past it.
754
00:49:55,920 --> 00:50:00,120
But you're not interested in me at all.
-Yes, yes, yes, yes...
755
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:05,320
We could look
somewhere totally different for once.
756
00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:07,920
Somewhere different? Like where?
757
00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:10,440
To the side, or behind us.
758
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:13,000
Behind us?
759
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:15,400
You want me to look behind me?
760
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,320
You want me to look behind me
just because the TV's broken?
761
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:24,480
I'm not going to let a television set
dictate where I look.
762
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:32,640
What would've been on today anyway?
763
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:34,760
An entertainment program.
764
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,360
It sure is outrageous
765
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:42,240
what they show on television
night in and night out.
766
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:46,200
I don't know
why we even watch it anymore.
767
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:50,840
We could read, play cards
or go to the movies.
768
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:52,640
Or go to the theater.
769
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:55,080
Instead we all sit around
770
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:59,000
and stare at the stupid shows on TV.
771
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:01,600
Well, today the set is broken.
772
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:03,040
Thank God.
773
00:51:03,240 --> 00:51:05,680
We can at least have a chat for once.
774
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:07,680
Or go to bed early.
775
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:13,040
I go to bed
after the eleven o'clock news.
776
00:51:13,240 --> 00:51:15,360
But the television is broken!
777
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:18,600
I'm not going to let a broken television
778
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:22,360
dictate when it's time for me
to go to bed!
779
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:32,240
Professor Schleppenbach,
780
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:37,960
humanity has you to thank for a discovery
of immeasurable importance.
781
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:40,680
Huh? What? Oh, yeah.
782
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:44,800
As head of the Lunar Biology Institute
in Husum
783
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:50,360
you analyzed samples of lunar rock
collected by Armstrong and Aldrin.
784
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:54,720
You were the first
to discover life on it.
785
00:51:55,240 --> 00:51:57,120
Uh... Yeah.
-And?
786
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:59,520
And what?
-What did you observe?
787
00:51:59,720 --> 00:52:04,320
While using an electron microscope
I came across living organisms.
788
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:09,280
First, I found footprints,
cigarette butts, food scraps, etc.,
789
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:11,840
then the moon inhabitants themselves.
790
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:13,400
Food scraps?
791
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:15,040
Uh-huh.
792
00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:18,080
And what do they look like, these...
793
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:20,480
these...
-What?
794
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:22,120
Moon inhabitants?
795
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:24,560
They look like, uh... people.
796
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:26,800
Uh-huh.
-Smaller, of course.
797
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:28,600
Smaller, much smaller.
798
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:33,080
Uh-huh.
-They can't be seen with the naked eye.
799
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:37,240
Roughly 44,000 of them live on this rock,
800
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:40,960
in two small cities
and 16 village communities.
801
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:44,600
The coexistence
of earth and moon inhabitants
802
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:49,120
does not present a serious problem
from a scientific standpoint.
803
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:50,320
No, no.
804
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:53,680
Nothing speaks against
marriage-like relationships
805
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:56,920
between earth
and moon inhabitants either.
806
00:52:57,120 --> 00:52:58,280
No, no.
-Yes.
807
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:01,720
However, the difference
in body sizes does require
808
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:04,360
a degree of quantitative adjustment.
809
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:05,840
Of course.
-Yes.
810
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:09,920
For example, in my view, it's legitimate
for a healthy woman to insist
811
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:13,720
that her life partner can be made out
without a microscope.
812
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:15,280
Right.
-Yes.
813
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:20,280
According to my conservative estimate
she would have a right to... Hold on...
814
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:26,440
100,000 to 120,000
815
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:28,880
male lunar spouses.
816
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:33,880
They would cover an area the size of a pea
when arranged closely together.
817
00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:37,080
Her husband would be visible
to the naked eye,
818
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:40,400
yet is unlikely
to be considered an annoyance.
819
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:43,480
An eminently satisfactory result.
820
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:45,320
Thank you, professor.
821
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:47,840
Good evening.
822
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:50,840
President,
823
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:53,360
ladies and gentlemen.
824
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:57,120
The German noodle...
825
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:04,040
The German noodle has become
a point of interest on the world stage
826
00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:07,960
since West Germany
began noodling more noodle dough
827
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:10,760
than Britain and France combined.
828
00:54:12,240 --> 00:54:13,680
At the upcoming
829
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:17,280
European Economic Community
Council of Ministers meeting
830
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:22,520
German broad noodles
must prove to be of superiority quality
831
00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:25,920
or we will face a noodle crisis...
832
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:33,760
or we will face a noodle crisis
of unimaginable proportions.
833
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:41,400
On a related note, I would like express
my regret regarding a press release.
834
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:47,760
In my last conversation
with the president of France,
835
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:49,840
I did not say anything
836
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:53,600
about a broad range
of inadequate noodles.
837
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:59,240
I did, rather, speak of
an inadequate range of broad noodles.
838
00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:04,920
It is shameful
839
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:09,120
that left-wing intellectual students,
of all people,
840
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,960
miss the mark on the noodle issue.
841
00:55:12,160 --> 00:55:15,840
Are those who come together in communes
even aware of
842
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:18,880
the crucial role
the curly broad noodle plays
843
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:22,880
in the political consciousness
of the German people?
844
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:28,360
Left-wing intellectuals' discomfort
with the tumultuous development
845
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:30,880
of the German pasta industry...
846
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:41,440
cannot prevent us
from continuing our work.
847
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:44,720
Unwavering, businesslike
848
00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:47,320
and noodle conscious.
849
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:51,880
In the coming days we will find out
850
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:55,920
if the noodle will be the undoing
of the grand coalition
851
00:55:56,120 --> 00:56:00,040
or if it will spark
newfound shared inspiration.
852
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:05,080
I don't know of
any left-wing or right...
853
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:07,920
right-wing noodle.
854
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:10,360
There is only a single
855
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:12,120
German noodle!
856
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:20,560
I now welcome to the studio Dr...
857
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:22,200
Borst.
-Borst.
858
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:24,720
And Mr. Hans-Friedrich Claassen.
859
00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:27,520
Perhaps you should start, Dr. Borst.
860
00:56:27,720 --> 00:56:30,240
Back then in the German parliament
861
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:35,160
it was you who broached the broad...
the green bean topic and claimed.
862
00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:36,920
I claimed nothing.
863
00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:38,760
Now listen here, you...
864
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:40,680
Let me finish.
-I...
865
00:56:40,880 --> 00:56:42,320
In the German parliament
866
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:46,920
you went on about the fromage frais
import ban for two hours without...
867
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:49,360
Not here!
-Well, I didn't claim...
868
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:51,320
But you can't deny...
-Ah!
869
00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:53,800
You can't deny...
-What are you implying?
870
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:56,680
Am I being unclear?
-I can't follow you.
871
00:56:56,880 --> 00:56:58,240
Admit it.
- I will...
872
00:56:58,440 --> 00:56:59,760
Admit it.
- I will...
873
00:56:59,960 --> 00:57:01,240
Admit it.
-What?
874
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:03,880
Yes! Yes... That the... that...
875
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:06,040
That you... the... uh...
-Well?
876
00:57:06,240 --> 00:57:08,880
Thank you. That's enough.
-Not for me.
877
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:12,080
The green bean transcends all party...
-Oh!
878
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:14,600
Don't interrupt me.
-Now I'd like...
879
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:18,800
I didn't interrupt you! I'm repeating
what I repeated in the parliament.
880
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:20,000
Uh-huh.
-Right?
881
00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:21,320
Now I'd...
-Right?
882
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:23,920
You don't get...
-You said that! Right?
883
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:27,800
Yes, sir. And you'll be interested...
-Now I'd like...
884
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:31,360
But I don't want to interrupt.
-What will interest whom?
885
00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:35,000
The public will be interested
in how you and your faction
886
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:39,640
interpreted Council of Ministers'
Communiqué IV-2 Item 394-398
887
00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:41,640
of September 28, 1967
888
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:44,920
regarding the "fresh vegetable”
supplementary clause.
889
00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:49,200
Where were you during the debate
on standardizing the general terms
890
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,760
for tax breaks on minor proceeds
891
00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:55,000
from medium-sized agricultural waste,
Mr. Borst?
892
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:57,600
You didn't answer my question.
-Where were you?
893
00:57:57,800 --> 00:58:00,520
You didn't answer my question.
-Where were you?
894
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:04,000
Ladies and gentlemen,
we are running out of time.
895
00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:06,120
Let us summarize.
896
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:08,400
Has the green bean issue
897
00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:12,920
undermined the belief in parliamentarism
in West Germany or not?
898
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:15,400
Yes or no? Or how or what?
899
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:19,800
I note that you have failed to...
-Your spurious arguments damage the...
900
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:23,320
That is indicative of the dubious...
-I once again point to
901
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:27,480
your messed-up manipulation
of the "fresh vegetable" clause.
902
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:28,760
Thank you.
903
00:58:28,960 --> 00:58:34,200
This debate hasn't conclusively answered
the questions that have been raised.
904
00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:37,320
However, we can say with some...
905
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:39,320
with some certitude...
906
00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:42,720
good evening.
907
00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:51,240
Ladies and gentlemen,
908
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:57,160
the state
of foreign and domestic affairs in...
909
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:01,080
in West Germany
910
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:05,400
must currently be described as ideal.
911
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:07,760
In particular,
912
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:11,040
the issue of the relationship
with East Germany
913
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:16,080
can now be resolved to the satisfaction
914
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:18,240
of all parties.
915
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:22,920
The approach
916
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:25,280
is astoundingly simple.
917
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:27,880
An att...
918
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:34,920
The West German foreign minister
919
00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:39,600
and the chairman
of the East German Council of Ministers
920
00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:42,560
are in complete agreement that...
921
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:52,800
After all, it isn't all that difficult
for the West German government...
922
01:00:01,560 --> 01:00:03,240
That means... That means
923
01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:06,040
we establish a very natural link...
924
01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:18,840
That automatically creates...
925
01:00:33,960 --> 01:00:35,720
Every individual can...
926
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:50,080
Please... Please, please...
927
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:53,640
So it is...
928
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:09,440
Mr. Bollmann,
929
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:12,080
your trip is of vital importance
930
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:15,120
in solving all of the world's problems.
931
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:18,160
Where will you be having your first talk?
932
01:01:18,360 --> 01:01:20,000
Yes, indeed.
-I see.
933
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:22,160
Where will you be flying first?
934
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:24,560
First I will be flying to...
935
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:26,440
to... to thingamajig.
936
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:29,600
I see.
You'll be speaking to important...
937
01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:34,120
You'll be speaking to
important people there.
938
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:38,480
I'll be conferring with
the president of the United States.
939
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:40,120
With President...
940
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:42,800
With... Well...
-With...
941
01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:44,680
Don't say it. With...
942
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,960
I know it. With...
943
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:51,120
And the topic?
I mean, what will you talk about?
944
01:01:51,320 --> 01:01:53,920
What, as it were.
-It starts with N.
945
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:55,160
Why?
946
01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:57,680
Nixon. Nixon's his name. I know it!
947
01:01:57,880 --> 01:01:59,600
I see.
-Nixon, Nixon.
948
01:01:59,960 --> 01:02:01,840
Nixon, Nixon, Nixon!
-Yes.
949
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:03,640
And what will you...
950
01:02:04,640 --> 01:02:06,960
And what will you confer about?
951
01:02:07,200 --> 01:02:10,240
About the key issues in world politics.
952
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:14,160
I see. I see.
-I'm to give Mr. Nixon a real...
953
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:16,600
Courteously, of course
-Of course.
954
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:19,960
Of course.
Then I'll go see Queen Elizabeth.
955
01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:23,760
Unbelievable!
-And to her husband, Mr. Wilson.
956
01:02:23,960 --> 01:02:25,360
Fantastic!
957
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:28,160
Who...
-For example, my wife hoped...
958
01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:29,920
Who gave you...
-My wife...
959
01:02:30,120 --> 01:02:32,280
...this mission...
- I said my wife...
960
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:35,240
...this wife... No, I mean...
-My mission...
961
01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:37,840
My wife...
-Who gave you this weighty wife...
962
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:39,600
What?
-Right!
963
01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:44,480
I mean, who entrusted you
with this weighty global mission?
964
01:02:44,680 --> 01:02:47,640
The United Nations,
the West German Chancellor
965
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:50,680
and the head
of the CDU/CSU parliamentary group,
966
01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:53,360
my dear friend Reinhard Brazel.
967
01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:55,600
Barzel?
-Brazel or Barzel.
968
01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:58,400
I'll find that out.
-But if he's a friend...
969
01:02:58,600 --> 01:03:03,560
Mr. Rösner, I have more than 12,000
very close friends across the globe
970
01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:06,080
and I can't remember every name,
you know?
971
01:03:06,280 --> 01:03:08,320
That's your problem, Mr...
972
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:10,360
Bollmann.
973
01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:16,360
I don't want to seem impolite,
but I'd really like to be alone now.
974
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:18,080
Who are you?
975
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:20,080
My name's Miller-Lüdenscheidt.
976
01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:22,120
Klöbner, Dr. Kiöbner.
977
01:03:22,400 --> 01:03:23,800
Pleasure.
-Pleasure.
978
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:26,640
Can you tell me
why you're sitting in my tub?
979
01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:30,320
I came up from the ping-pong room
and got the wrong room.
980
01:03:30,520 --> 01:03:32,360
This hotel is confusing.
981
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:36,480
You're still bathing although you know
you're in someone else's tub.
982
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:39,960
You can't call this bathing.
There's no water.
983
01:03:40,240 --> 01:03:42,800
When I got in the tub
you were in hot water.
984
01:03:43,080 --> 01:03:44,960
But you let it out.
985
01:03:45,240 --> 01:03:47,600
Because you drew the bath, Dr. Klöbner.
986
01:03:47,800 --> 01:03:50,920
I draw my own bathwater in my bathtub.
987
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:52,480
Then draw it.
988
01:03:52,760 --> 01:03:56,000
I draw my bathwater
when I see fit to do so.
989
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:57,720
Of course.
990
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:10,040
Pretty chilly,
just sitting in the tub like this.
991
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:12,920
I sometimes like
sitting in the tub without water.
992
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:15,000
Oh.
-What do you mean "oh"?
993
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:20,320
Oh, you said you like sitting in the tub
without water, and I said, "Oh."
994
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:23,240
Uh-huh.
-I could have said "uh-huh" instead.
995
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:27,400
But I wanted to express my astonishment
at the fact that you prefer
996
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:29,720
sitting in the tub without water.
997
01:04:30,280 --> 01:04:34,520
Dr. Klöbner, I head a very important
heavy industry company
998
01:04:34,720 --> 01:04:37,360
and am not accountable to you
in my tub.
999
01:04:37,560 --> 01:04:38,480
No, no.
1000
01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:41,640
I decide myself
if I bathe with or without water.
1001
01:04:41,840 --> 01:04:43,760
Yes.
-And I only said...
1002
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:46,440
Mr. Muller-Lüdenscheidt...
-Let me finish.
1003
01:04:46,640 --> 01:04:49,440
I said, when the situation requires it
1004
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:53,160
I am more than capable of
taking a bath without water.
1005
01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:54,320
Of course.
1006
01:04:54,520 --> 01:05:00,120
And I will not be forced by anyone
to have my bath with or without water.
1007
01:05:00,400 --> 01:05:02,720
Of course not.
-Including you, Dr. Klöbner.
1008
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:06,000
Miller-Lüdenscheidt, it is conceivable
1009
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:11,440
that certain arguments exist in favor of
filling the tub with water now.
1010
01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:15,320
How can you be the judge of that?
-This isn't my first bath.
1011
01:05:15,520 --> 01:05:17,720
Oh!
-I speak from experience.
1012
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:21,920
A warm bath with water is more useful
than one without.
1013
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:25,360
That is your own personal opinion,
Dr. Kiöbner.
1014
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:28,320
But one can be of a different opinion.
-Oh, yeah?
1015
01:05:28,520 --> 01:05:32,240
You don't have the luxury
of having your own opinion in my tub.
1016
01:05:32,520 --> 01:05:34,840
Mr. Miller-Lüdenscheidt!
-Dr. Klöbner!
1017
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:38,360
I will draw the bathwater
when you ask me politely.
1018
01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:40,160
Please.
-Politely.
1019
01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:41,440
Politely.
1020
01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:44,120
There we go.
1021
01:05:56,680 --> 01:05:59,080
Director Bartels, you are...
1022
01:05:59,280 --> 01:06:02,560
I head the giftware sector's
leading company,
1023
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:07,920
and wondered if anyone at all knows
what they should gift their loved ones.
1024
01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:11,880
No one knows that, hm?
-Mm-hmm. And so you...
1025
01:06:12,080 --> 01:06:16,720
So I released
the Original Bartels' Family User, hm?
1026
01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:19,760
For the gent, the lady and the child, hm?
1027
01:06:21,120 --> 01:06:24,280
I see. Splendid.
Absolutely fabulous, ma'am.
1028
01:06:24,480 --> 01:06:27,960
And what can you...
How should you... I mean, what do...
1029
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:32,320
Pardon?
-How do you use the Family Employer?
1030
01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:34,320
Family User, Mr. Rösner.
1031
01:06:34,520 --> 01:06:36,880
Original Family User, hm?
1032
01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:40,320
I see. Family Original...
1033
01:06:40,520 --> 01:06:44,480
It is a product that draws you in
with its pleasing form.
1034
01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:48,320
It is shapely, weather-resistant,
silent, skin-friendly,
1035
01:06:48,520 --> 01:06:50,880
low-maintenance, totally pointless
1036
01:06:51,080 --> 01:06:54,040
and can be pulled out,
for an extra charge.
1037
01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:59,160
It is a gift that brings joy
to the gent, the lady and the child, hm?
1038
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:00,400
I see.
1039
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:03,560
So it is, in the broadest sense,
a Family Utilizer...
1040
01:07:03,760 --> 01:07:07,200
User! Family User.
I already told you that, hm?
1041
01:07:07,400 --> 01:07:09,240
I was just about to say
1042
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:13,120
you use the Family Employer
less as a practical...
1043
01:07:13,320 --> 01:07:16,040
You should utilize
the Family User as a user.
1044
01:07:16,240 --> 01:07:18,440
Good Lord, am I being that unclear?
1045
01:07:18,640 --> 01:07:21,640
I was just asking
if the use of the Family...
1046
01:07:21,840 --> 01:07:26,040
the employment of the Family User
is just for family utilization or...
1047
01:07:26,240 --> 01:07:27,600
What?
1048
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:36,320
Whether you use the Original Family User
only as a family user
1049
01:07:36,520 --> 01:07:39,440
or if you can utilize it,
say, with friends...
1050
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:43,280
Mr. Rösner, I am
at a public broadcasting corporation
1051
01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:47,240
and will not allow you
to push my buttons like this, hm?
1052
01:07:49,240 --> 01:07:52,280
I'll say it again
to make it perfectly clear:
1053
01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:57,160
anyone with a modicum of education
can userize the Original Family Empluser
1054
01:07:57,360 --> 01:07:59,720
but not empluse it as a userizer, hm?
1055
01:07:59,920 --> 01:08:01,280
I see.
1056
01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:03,400
Thank you, Director Bartels.
1057
01:08:03,600 --> 01:08:05,160
You're very welcome.
1058
01:08:16,640 --> 01:08:19,600
What are you doing?
-Adding some colder water.
1059
01:08:19,800 --> 01:08:21,200
Very attentive,
1060
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:24,600
but I would like a smidgen more hot water.
1061
01:08:26,760 --> 01:08:30,320
Now, if I could just add
a dash of cold water...
1062
01:08:33,040 --> 01:08:35,400
That was a fraction too much.
-Huh!
1063
01:08:35,600 --> 01:08:39,480
A few drops of hot
and I think we can come to an agreement.
1064
01:08:42,720 --> 01:08:44,720
Does that work?
-Oh, yes. Thanks.
1065
01:08:44,920 --> 01:08:47,800
You're most welcome.
The duck stays put!
1066
01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:50,840
Mr. Miller-Lüdenscheidt!
-The duck stays put!
1067
01:08:51,040 --> 01:08:53,440
Sir, I always bathe with that duck!
1068
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:55,000
Not with me.
1069
01:08:55,280 --> 01:08:59,760
But I only met you today.
-Let the duck in, I'll let the water out.
1070
01:09:00,040 --> 01:09:02,520
These are your company's gangster tactics!
1071
01:09:02,800 --> 01:09:05,600
Dr. Klöbner!
-Mr. Muller-Lüdenscheidt!
1072
01:09:06,520 --> 01:09:09,680
Call yourself an academic? Hah!
-So what now?
1073
01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:12,960
I'll let the water out
if you let the duck in.
1074
01:09:13,240 --> 01:09:14,840
I'm putting my duck in.
1075
01:09:15,120 --> 01:09:17,680
Where's the plug?
-You're sitting on it.
1076
01:09:20,680 --> 01:09:24,160
Do you know that lots of people
don't even have a tub?
1077
01:09:24,440 --> 01:09:26,440
Ah, you're a lefty too, are you?
1078
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:29,120
Mr. Müller-Lüdenscheidt
-Dr. Klöbner!
1079
01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:33,920
Good heavens, let the duck in.
1080
01:09:34,840 --> 01:09:38,560
No. My duck is not sharing
the same water as you.
1081
01:09:38,840 --> 01:09:40,400
Put the duck in now!
1082
01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:44,480
Out of the question!
-Then I'll go under until you do.
1083
01:09:44,760 --> 01:09:47,960
Please do.
-I mean it. I'll count to three.
1084
01:09:48,400 --> 01:09:49,600
One,
1085
01:09:49,800 --> 01:09:51,040
two,
1086
01:09:51,240 --> 01:09:52,440
three.
1087
01:10:01,920 --> 01:10:03,360
"Advent."
1088
01:10:03,800 --> 01:10:05,840
Blue nurns the tight
1089
01:10:06,240 --> 01:10:07,680
Pardon me.
1090
01:10:09,480 --> 01:10:10,840
"Advent."
1091
01:10:11,560 --> 01:10:13,400
Blue turns the night
1092
01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:15,720
The little stars shimmer
1093
01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:19,200
As little snowflakes quietly fall hither
1094
01:10:19,400 --> 01:10:22,440
On a noble fir's green treetop
1095
01:10:22,640 --> 01:10:25,880
A little white tip does pile up
1096
01:10:26,080 --> 01:10:29,520
There, at the window
A light breaks through
1097
01:10:29,720 --> 01:10:32,640
Piercing the dark fir, warm and new
1098
01:10:33,280 --> 01:10:36,800
A candle flickers in the forester's house
1099
01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:39,640
In the study kneels the forester's spouse
1100
01:10:39,840 --> 01:10:42,640
On this most lovely of nights
1101
01:10:42,840 --> 01:10:45,880
She's killed the forester out of spite
1102
01:10:46,280 --> 01:10:48,960
For in her efforts to keep the house tidy
1103
01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:52,280
He'd long hindered her something mighty
1104
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:55,480
So she decided one fine day
1105
01:10:55,680 --> 01:10:58,640
That on St. Nick's night he would pay
1106
01:10:59,120 --> 01:11:02,160
As the little reindeer lay down in bed
1107
01:11:02,600 --> 01:11:06,080
And the bunny went to rest its head
1108
01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:09,480
She aimed between her husband's eyes
1109
01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:12,440
And shot him there despite his cries
1110
01:11:13,160 --> 01:11:16,760
Only the bunny, awoken by the blast
1111
01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:20,080
Twitched its nose four times fast
1112
01:11:20,480 --> 01:11:23,920
Then in darkness slept sweetly on
1113
01:11:24,120 --> 01:11:27,560
Stars gleaming cozily in the sky beyond
1114
01:11:28,760 --> 01:11:31,160
In the warm parlor below
1115
01:11:31,360 --> 01:11:34,880
The forester's blood
Onto the floor did flow
1116
01:11:35,080 --> 01:11:37,560
His wife must now make haste
1117
01:11:37,760 --> 01:11:40,640
To chop up her husband and leave no waste
1118
01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:43,960
Like a hunter she strips him to the bone
1119
01:11:44,160 --> 01:11:47,480
Skinning and gutting him all alone
1120
01:11:47,680 --> 01:11:51,680
She carefully puts member upon member
1121
01:11:51,880 --> 01:11:54,320
An act to which he did not endeavor
1122
01:11:54,520 --> 01:11:57,040
She puts a piece of sirloin aside
1123
01:11:57,240 --> 01:11:59,800
For her Christmas feast at eventide
1124
01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:02,840
At the end, it is nearly four
1125
01:12:03,040 --> 01:12:06,080
She wraps the rest and cleans the floor
1126
01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:09,440
Then, from afar, silver bells ring
1127
01:12:09,640 --> 01:12:11,920
From the village one hears dogs barking
1128
01:12:12,120 --> 01:12:14,880
Who on earth is out so late at night
1129
01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:17,760
Making his rounds as snow alights?
1130
01:12:17,960 --> 01:12:21,640
It's Santa's helper with a golden sleigh
1131
01:12:21,840 --> 01:12:24,480
He rides a stag as he comes her way
1132
01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:27,560
Hey, dear lady, have you anything spare
1133
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:30,600
To bring joy to poor people out there?
1134
01:12:31,520 --> 01:12:35,280
The forester's house is buried in snow
1135
01:12:35,640 --> 01:12:38,520
But his wife is ready to go
1136
01:12:38,720 --> 01:12:41,400
These six bundles, holy man
1137
01:12:41,760 --> 01:12:44,600
Are all that I have here at hand
1138
01:12:45,680 --> 01:12:48,400
The silver bells quietly ring
1139
01:12:48,840 --> 01:12:52,400
Santa's helper sets off to do his thing
1140
01:12:52,880 --> 01:12:56,080
Inside the candle burns, not yet spent
1141
01:12:56,680 --> 01:12:58,920
A little star shimmers
1142
01:12:59,120 --> 01:13:01,240
It is Advent
1143
01:13:09,400 --> 01:13:11,040
There you are again.
1144
01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:13,080
Yes, indeed.
-Watch this.
1145
01:13:20,120 --> 01:13:21,560
Dr. Klöbner?
1146
01:13:22,080 --> 01:13:23,440
Listen here.
1147
01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:26,920
If you don't resurface now,
I'm leaving the tub.
1148
01:13:27,120 --> 01:13:29,320
Anyone can hold their breath.
1149
01:13:31,160 --> 01:13:33,240
What do you say to that?
-You bore me.
1150
01:13:33,440 --> 01:13:36,600
I can do it longer than you.
-There are more important things.
1151
01:13:36,800 --> 01:13:38,720
Like what?
-Honesty, tolerance.
1152
01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:42,120
Yes, yes.
-Courage, decency, helpfulness.
1153
01:13:42,320 --> 01:13:44,680
Proficiency, tenacity.
-Yes.
1154
01:13:44,880 --> 01:13:47,080
Cleanliness.
-But I can do it longer.
1155
01:13:47,280 --> 01:13:50,160
Character is what counts.
-But I can do it longer.
1156
01:13:50,440 --> 01:13:53,360
I don't believe you.
-Then let's both go under now.
1157
01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:55,400
As you wish.
-Then we'll see.
1158
01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:58,040
We will.
-My fingers have gone all wrinkly.
1159
01:13:58,240 --> 01:14:00,040
So have mine.
-Right.
1160
01:14:00,240 --> 01:14:01,840
One, two...
1161
01:14:02,320 --> 01:14:03,680
three.
1162
01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:10,720
Is anybody here?
1163
01:14:10,920 --> 01:14:12,200
Hello?
1164
01:14:14,080 --> 01:14:17,520
Excuse me, is this Room 1077
1165
01:14:20,760 --> 01:14:24,880
I don't understand my water bill,
although every time it comes
1166
01:14:25,080 --> 01:14:28,400
I try hard to understand
that computer gibberish.
1167
01:14:28,600 --> 01:14:31,680
I don't understand
my own pay stub either.
1168
01:14:32,120 --> 01:14:33,760
There are probably...
1169
01:14:34,320 --> 01:14:37,760
millions of people
who can't comprehend their pay stub.
1170
01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:42,760
That has nothing to do with general
cultural pessimism, but rather...
1171
01:14:43,520 --> 01:14:47,760
It's because the people who produce them
can't put themselves in others' shoes.
1172
01:14:47,960 --> 01:14:52,000
They can't put themselves
in the shoes of their consumers.
1173
01:14:53,320 --> 01:14:56,280
Every one of us
has something more to learn.
1174
01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:01,000
What a load of nonsense.
1175
01:16:39,800 --> 01:16:42,800
Annie Grossjohann, Nathan Fritz
BABELFISCH TRANSLATIONS
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