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1
00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:07,132
-Ten bucks says that lady
clears it, no problem.
2
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:08,967
-What? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm in.
3
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,427
Because she's got
courthouse sushi.
4
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:13,346
She's not playing
with a full deck.
5
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,348
-What are you guys doing?
-They just cleaned the door.
6
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,058
We're betting on
who can tell the difference
7
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,269
between glass and air.
You want in?
8
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,312
-Hey! None of that. It's
the new clerk's first night.
9
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:22,814
I want to make
a good impression.
10
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,733
Wyatt is just
what we're looking for.
11
00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:27,360
He's a law student.
He has a lot of life experience,
12
00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:29,362
And I'm just gonna say it --
the guy is cool.
13
00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:31,031
-You don't get to say
what's cool.
14
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:34,284
I've heard you say "yikes,"
"yoinks," and "yowzers"
15
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:37,162
while dropping the same cookie.
16
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:40,248
-Well, tonight
I am a human chill pill.
17
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,625
Aah! That's him! Okay!
Everybody make him feel welcome.
18
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,836
Dan, smile!
But maybe don't show teeth!
19
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,838
It's too late!
He can hear everything!
Just follow your heart!
20
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,798
-As someone who took chill pills
in the '80s,
21
00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,384
you need a new dealer.
22
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,345
-Nice to see you again,
judge Stone.
23
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,555
Thanks for the incredibly
detailed directions,
24
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,890
down to the step.
25
00:00:56,931 --> 00:01:00,518
Now I see why shoe size
came up in our interview.
26
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,395
-Do I know you from somewhere?
27
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,690
-Oh, yeah.
Trader Joe's, 14th Street.
28
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,233
I used to work
the sample station.
29
00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:09,152
You're the lady who loops around
like six times
30
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:10,737
for salsa shots then leaves.
31
00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:12,989
-Nope. Never mind.
Never seen you.
32
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,742
-I've probably run into
all of you at some point.
33
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,077
I've had a million jobs.
34
00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,245
Spin instructor, hotel bellhop.
35
00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:22,332
For a while,
I fixed granddaughter clocks.
36
00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:24,250
There wasn't much of a market.
37
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,462
But I'm really excited
to be here.
38
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,381
-Who wouldn't be?
You know, on the one hand,
39
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:31,091
I mean,
the money's not very good,
40
00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,425
but then on the other hand,
41
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,470
this will do nothing
for your career.
42
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:38,014
-Don't listen to him.
You're gonna love it here.
43
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:41,434
It's just a breezy, fun,
totally normal place to work.
44
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:44,270
-We've been hacked!
I repeat! We've been hacked!
45
00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:45,689
Hand off your devices!
46
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,357
Don't worry! I have my whistle!
[ Whistle blows ]
47
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,275
-No, a whistle
is the cue for the --
48
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,820
[ Marching band playing ]
49
00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:59,285
**
50
00:01:59,327 --> 00:02:00,704
-Very chill.
51
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:06,584
**
52
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,670
-We're locked out of the server
and our e-mails.
53
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:11,506
Well, every time I refresh,
I just get that "bonk" sound.
54
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,049
-Bonk.
-[ Computer bonking ]
55
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,844
Bonk. Bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk!
56
00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:17,804
-You know, it's sad
how helpless you all are
57
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,515
without your beep-boops
and porn cubes.
58
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:23,935
Oh! What ever shall we do
without our precious computers?
59
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,771
We might actually
have to have a conversation.
60
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,481
-I would love to have
a conversation.
61
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:29,941
-Ugh. Abby, not now!
62
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:33,570
We've got to figure out
this computer thing!
63
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:35,488
-Isn't there an I.T. guy
who can fix this?
64
00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,407
-The I.T. department
isn't open at night.
65
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:39,784
We do have an "It" department,
but it's just a clown
66
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,704
who smells like a sewer and says
our fear makes him stronger.
67
00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:45,123
[ Telephone rings,
printer whirring ]
68
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,666
-What's that sound?
69
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,752
-It can't be. What -- It --
70
00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,172
[ Gasps ]
71
00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:53,840
It is!
72
00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,051
-Is that a fax machine?
-Oh, yeah.
73
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:59,220
They put them in 10 years ago
to modernize the place.
74
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,433
-It's a list of demands
from the hacker.
75
00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,518
He's gonna leak
all our personal information
76
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,854
unless the defendant
in the sixth case tonight
77
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,147
is found guilty.
78
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,899
-What's the sixth case?
79
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:14,569
-Oh! That's me.
80
00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,530
Criminal Mischief. Code 17-3.
81
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:21,451
Destruction of a hotel room
by a non-musician.
82
00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:22,869
-I don't care what it is.
83
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,372
Abby Stone does not negotiate
with terrorists.
84
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:28,875
Or the cable company.
Nobody wants Starz.
85
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,211
-Oh. Look at her go.
86
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,962
The curves of the Buick LeSabre,
87
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,381
the aroma...
[ Smells ]
88
00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,966
...of ink that you didn't know
could kill you.
89
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,804
-"No police.
I'm not messing around."
90
00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:43,098
And then there's a picture
of someone dressed
91
00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,016
as a high-school mascot.
92
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,060
The "Westview Goblin."
93
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,395
Actually,
it kind of looks like...
94
00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:49,854
-No! It's not possible!
95
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:53,274
The only known copy
is on my...phone.
96
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,236
-So the hacker's
in our personal devices.
97
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:58,071
That means
he has all our secrets.
98
00:03:58,113 --> 00:03:59,906
-And our dance mixes!
99
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:05,245
-This is from
an online pet store.
100
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:07,622
There's enough toys here
for 100 cats.
101
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,749
-Or one open-minded human
who wants to work
102
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,669
on their dexterity
while lying in the sun!
103
00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,171
-This could get so much worse.
104
00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,757
Goblin pictures are really
just the tip of the iceberg.
105
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,467
This guy could ruin me.
-Not me.
106
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,302
The only thing on my phone
is an app that tells me
107
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,762
when something is hummus.
108
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:25,098
Heh-heh-heh. I'm not
gonna get fooled again.
109
00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,767
[ Nails scraping chalkboard ]
110
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:32,647
-You all know me.
You know how I earn my living.
111
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:35,358
I'll catch that hacker for you.
But it ain't gonna be easy.
112
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:39,654
Not like going down to holding,
chasing drunks and tommycats.
113
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,407
I don't want no volunteers.
I don't want no mates.
114
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,825
I just want your trust.
115
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:47,662
And for that, I'll get you
the head, the butt,
116
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,706
the whole damn thing.
117
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,960
-Great. So we're gonna
do Gurgs' thing.
118
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:56,129
We'll slow things down in court
to give her some more time.
119
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,464
-Yeah, that'll be easy.
120
00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,299
Things never move as fast
as you want around here.
121
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,301
-Yeah, but tonight
it'll be on purpose!
122
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:05,138
**
123
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,681
-Hey, Wyatt!
124
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,351
Did I interrupt something?
125
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,810
-Just checking out
my new workspace.
126
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:14,439
Making sure the drawer
opens and shuts,
127
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,275
which is what you want
in a drawer.
128
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,152
-Interesting.
129
00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,196
I understand you used to work
at a hotel.
130
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:23,656
Bet it makes you pretty mad
to hear about a case
131
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:26,576
where someone trashed
a innocent hotel room.
132
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:29,746
-Not really. I've seen
those rooms under a black light.
133
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,582
They should allbe destroyed.
134
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,376
-Sounds like a motive.
135
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:38,797
Looks like that drawer isn't the
only thing that's open-and-shut.
136
00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,509
-Okay. Dan Fielding,
saving the day once again.
137
00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:43,927
I got us a tech expert.
138
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:45,887
-That's your expert?
Some random kid you found?
139
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,473
-Yeah. He's a teen.
They love technology.
140
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,600
Probably taking his laptop
to prom.
141
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,811
Alright, Shaggy,
tell us what to do.
142
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,896
-Have you tried unplugging it
then plugging it back in?
143
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:58,525
-That's it?! How did you people
ever invent Facebook?
144
00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:01,361
Get outta here!
145
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:02,779
-Gurgs.
146
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:04,572
[Hushed] Act like
I said something funny.
147
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,199
[Normal voice] Where are we
on the investigation?
148
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,618
-[Laughing] I think
it's someone on the inside.
149
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:11,037
I don't know
who to trust, Judge!
150
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:14,040
-So now we're just laughing
to hide our fear?
151
00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,209
-No. It's real now.
[ Laughs ]
152
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:18,253
I thought of something funny
to get myself started,
153
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:20,171
and now I can't stop!
154
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,715
-Well, take all the time
you need
155
00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,092
because no one can slow things
down like Abby Stone.
156
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,761
See how I just referred
to myself in the third person?
157
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,431
That took a little more time
than saying "me."
158
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,433
And notice how now
I'm explaining it?
159
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,852
Also more time.
160
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,229
-You know, there is
another way we could stall.
161
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:38,356
We could use...The Box.
162
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,984
-We're not using...The Box.
163
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:44,070
-What's...The Box?
164
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,196
-Don't ask about The Box.
165
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,906
God willing,
you'll never need to know!
166
00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,325
Alright.
Let's call the first case.
167
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,619
The People versus Kyle Eh.
168
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,288
-Eh?
-Eh.
169
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,248
-Ugh!
170
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:58,001
Where's a meaty five-syllable
last name when you need it?!
171
00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,753
Alright, Counselor,
please tell me
172
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:02,922
in excruciating detail
what Mr. Eh is charged with.
173
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:05,050
-Unfortunately,
the defendant has decided
174
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,301
to defend himself.
175
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,428
-Why is that unfortunate?
-He's an auctioneer.
176
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:11,264
-Up to the counter. I said,
"Can I get seven scones?"
177
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:12,766
"No."
"Can I get six?
178
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,559
Bid a little five.
Do I hear four? Three...two..."
179
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,770
Can't get two, can't get one.
Do I hear there are no scones?
180
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,730
I do! Out comes the knife!
181
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,148
Plunged into the chest
of the man behind the counter!
182
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,567
And I'm guilty.
Going once, going twice.
183
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:26,196
Last and final call! I'm guilty!
184
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,533
-Do I hear we're screwed?
Screwed going once.
185
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,536
Screwed going twice.
We're screwed!
186
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,752
-Court is moving a little faster
than I planned.
187
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,545
Is there any intel
you can give me on the case?
188
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:45,298
Like maybe the guy is guilty
and I'm worried over nothing?
189
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,634
-He's actually
a new legal classification
190
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,719
known as "Super Innocent."
191
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,347
There's proof that he wasn't
in the hotel room
192
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,974
when it was trashed,
we have time-stamped footage
193
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:57,936
of him at a bodega
buying grape soda for his son.
194
00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:01,022
-Grape soda? Can't you
at least find him guilty
195
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,400
of slowly poisoning his kid?
196
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,984
-You know that's not an option.
197
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,028
And I have as much to hide
as anyone else.
198
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:11,199
I have a Guns N' Roses tattoo
in a very Guns N' Roses place.
199
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,450
[ Telephone rings ]
200
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,536
-Ah, the high-pitched siren song
201
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:17,205
when it receives
its mating call.
202
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:20,208
-Stop romanticizing the machine
that's destroying us!
203
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,878
-Whoa. What was that?
-Nothing.
204
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,548
-It was one of yoursecrets,
wasn't it?
205
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,675
Why are you being weird?
Is it about me?!
206
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:31,052
-That's a crazy thing to think.
207
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:33,221
Unless it's because you have
a bunch of secrets about me.
208
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,390
-You know what? Let's just
be clear for a second here
209
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,351
that I have zero thoughts
about either of you.
210
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,647
But -- But --
211
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,149
Okay.
This has gotten out of hand.
212
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,443
We're two grown adults.
I'm just gonna eat it.
213
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:50,321
-Don't you dare! Fax ink?
It's like liquid asbestos!
214
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,954
-Daughter of a magician.
215
00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,123
-Co-worker of lunatics.
You know what?
216
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,417
I'm just gonna
have to solve this myself.
217
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,461
I'll open up a line
of communication with the hacker
218
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,129
and then simply outwit him --
219
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,340
like the mental game of chess
that I delivered
220
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,550
to that poor sucker
from the cable company.
221
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:14,721
You will never believethe deal
that I got on Starz.
222
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:16,973
-Dan's right.
We just have to focus.
223
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:18,892
We'll just keep stalling
so Gurgs
224
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,102
can follow up on her lead,
and I wouldn't be surprised
225
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:23,897
if she has the culprit
in her crosshairs as we speak.
226
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:26,816
-Sandy, I'm only gonna
ask you one more time!
227
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:29,819
What is your nighttime
skin routine?!
228
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,781
-We started this.
We have to finish it.
229
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,407
No one will know I was involved.
230
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:37,619
Oh. Hey, Gurgs.
Found the hacker yet?
231
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,454
-As a matter of fact,
I have a suspect.
232
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,665
Uh, maybe we could talk
about it over lunch.
233
00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,042
[ Clang]
234
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,671
-So...what's good here?
235
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,089
-I know you're the hacker,
Wyatt.
236
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,882
So you're just gonna claim
it's a coincidence
237
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,509
all this happened
on your first night...
238
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,761
andyou happen to know your way
around a fax machine?
239
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,930
-Only because I once worked
at a Fax Bistro,
240
00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,974
a short-lived rival
to Internet cafés.
241
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,935
-I bet you think
you're a pretty cool customer.
242
00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,229
Well, you're not the only
cool one around here!
243
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:07,399
Ooh.
244
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:11,820
-You don't look comfortable.
-Well, I am.
245
00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,238
I know you're hiding something.
246
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,408
We can do this the easy way
or the orange way!
247
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,992
[ Thud ]
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
248
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,661
Can you grab those?
249
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,079
[ Cellphone rings ]
250
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,748
-I have to take this.
We're good, right?
251
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,458
Do you need anything?
-No. I'm fine.
252
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,585
But if you see Sandy,
send him my way
253
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,921
and tell him
"it happened again."
254
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,384
-The altercation started
when the subway performer
255
00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:37,137
Emcee Scruggs
accused Mr. Beats-Fresh
256
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,932
of stealing his iconic
loco loco-motive dance move
257
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:44,102
with the pale imitation
choo-choo crazy train.
258
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,187
-In order for me to settle this,
I'm gonna need to see
259
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:49,107
the full routine --
probably a couple times.
260
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,278
[ Hip-hop music plays]
261
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,655
-* I got the flava
to make 'em jump*
262
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,866
**
263
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,701
* I got the flava...*
264
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:04,539
**
265
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,583
-Oh, no. Blood?
266
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:07,751
[ Body thuds ]
267
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,044
[ Music stops ]
268
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,421
-You know, it's times like this
269
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:13,548
I think we should reflect
on how lucky we are
270
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:16,634
that weweren't
kicked in the head.
271
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,845
Let's take a short recess.
272
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,850
-Dan! I figured it out.
273
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,894
The only way our secrets
don't go public
274
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,146
is if you convince
number six to plead guilty.
275
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,731
-You know what? I don't say
this to make you feel better,
276
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,358
but whatever
you're trying to hide
277
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:34,778
can't be any more embarrassing
than what we already know.
278
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:39,908
-Well, did you know that
I once tried to get Gurgs fired?
279
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,618
Well, in my defense,
she made me take
280
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,745
a "Which 'Sex and the City'
Character Are You?" quiz.
281
00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:45,163
And I got "Steve."
282
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,749
-You tried to get Gurgs fired?
She's an angel!
283
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,501
I once saw her blow on a cocoon,
284
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:53,129
and I swear to God
a butterfly was born just then!
285
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,382
Lucky for you,
I've almost ended this.
286
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,425
I buttered up the hacker
with this line --
287
00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,095
"You know, we're not
so different, you and I."
288
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,055
Huh? And his response?
289
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,016
He sent me this picture
of his middle finger.
290
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,728
Now it's a dialogue.
291
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:11,773
-Well, at least we got three
more cases to try and drag out.
292
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,608
-The People versus
Rosemary Smith,
293
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,193
Evie Brown, and Ellyn Daniel.
294
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,862
-What? Aren't these supposed
to be three separate cases?
295
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:20,407
-The decision was made
to combine them.
296
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:21,449
-Why?
297
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:22,826
[ Woman groaning ]
298
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,452
-Okay. Now I see why.
299
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,121
-Your Honor,
the three defendants
300
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:29,040
got into a prenatal brawl
at Osteria Pucillo when --
301
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,417
-[ Woman moaning ]
-Your Honor,
302
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,794
the fight broke over Osteria's
pregnancy salad,
303
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:35,422
which has been known
to induce labor!
304
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,881
-It's the dressing.
305
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:40,093
We took turns chugging it
in the squad car, and n--ohh!
306
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:42,178
-I know that you want
to slow things down, but
307
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,931
unless you hurry up, we're gonna
have three more defendants.
308
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:48,643
-Fine. Go to the hospital.
Time served.
309
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:51,604
-Wait. If this is case
three, four, and five, then...
310
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,981
-That means we're out of time.
311
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,900
-Case six.
The People versus Ryan Umansky.
312
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:59,154
-Okay. Guess we have no choice.
313
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,865
Gurgs, get The Box.
314
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:04,492
[ Whimsical music plays ]
315
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:07,037
-Yo! Where did
that box of bees come from?!
316
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,788
-I counted 10, 20, 25, 30!
317
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,248
Do I hear 40? 40 bees!
[ Bees buzzing ]
318
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,251
-I should've asked
more questions about The Box!
319
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,634
-[ Gasps ]
320
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:24,721
-Oh, Gurgs. Glad you're here.
Had a thought.
321
00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:28,350
Next time you call it "The Box,"
maybe add "of Bees" --
322
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,728
because some of us
are pretty allergic.
323
00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,105
-Those were circus bees
who gave up their stingers
324
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,024
for a life in the theater.
325
00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:38,568
What kind of courthouse
do you think I run?
326
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:41,738
-Well, that explains why they
were making fun shapes and --
327
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,448
But that's all it explains.
328
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,534
-We don't have time for
this game of fax and mouse.
329
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:47,952
Either you come clean,
330
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,205
or I sign you up
for Kohl's Cash Rewards.
331
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,248
It's so many e-mails,
332
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,250
and the unsubscribe
is a three-step process.
333
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,586
You'll never do it!
So what are you hiding, Wyatt?!
334
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,421
What are you hidin'?!
335
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:01,299
-This isn't worth it!
It's Jupiter, okay?!
336
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,760
I've been sneaking off
to paint Jupiter.
337
00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:05,929
My daughter has a solar system
due tomorrow,
338
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,389
and if she doesn't
get a good grade,
339
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,099
she loses her screen time.
340
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:13,019
And I need her
to have her screen time.
341
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,312
-Well, I didn't know
you had kids.
342
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,772
-With all this stuff going on,
343
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,816
it didn't leave a lot of time
for small talk.
344
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:21,820
And then you thought I hacked
the server, which is hilarious.
345
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,446
With what time?
346
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:26,449
I'm a divorced law student
with two little girls
347
00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:30,412
and a goldfish I'm pretty sure
is romantically in love with me.
348
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,913
I'm spinning so many plates,
349
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:36,251
the mom text chain
just voted me "Messiest Bitch"!
350
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:39,129
And that's saying something
because Julie's on there!
351
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:40,714
[ Cellphone rings ]
352
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:43,133
You've got to be kidding me.
353
00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:45,427
-Okay. Uh...
354
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:49,514
I've got an investigation...
to start.
355
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,145
-What, Julie?
356
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:58,606
No, I don'tknow
where your kids are.
357
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,484
-So the bright side
of the random bee attack
358
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,653
is that we could chat,
Mr. Umansky.
359
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:05,530
Was just wondering,
is there anyone
360
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,949
who you think might want
to see you thrown in jail?
361
00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:12,162
-No. Everyone loves me.
My wife says I'm tooloved.
362
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:16,124
-Okay, well, what were you
doing in the hotel room
363
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,001
before the destruction occurred?
364
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,420
-I was making love
to my mistress.
365
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:23,340
-I believe it's what
the French call...
366
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:25,675
[French accent]
...Le Noonér.
367
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,763
-So when your wife says
you're too loved...
368
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,807
-She means by many women
who aren't her. That's right.
369
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,352
-So glad my reputation
is gonna be ruined
370
00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,520
just so that this guy
can sleaze it up
371
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,439
with a woman
I assume is named Trish.
372
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:42,442
-I wishI could land a Trish.
373
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:45,236
-Seems to me that an affair
might lead to some grudges.
374
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,322
-My wife, I guess.
375
00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:48,948
My mistress's husband.
376
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,034
My othermistress.
377
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,036
But not my other
mistress's husband
378
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:56,206
because, weirdly,
he's rooting for us.
379
00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:59,417
-Court's clear, Your Honor.
-That was fast.
380
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,629
I knewwe should've used
The Big Box.
381
00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:07,467
-Patricia Guberman?
you're looking good.
382
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,886
You know, I'm on trial
for the next couple hours,
383
00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,221
but afterwards...
384
00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,139
-You know, I go by "Trish" now.
385
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,599
-Oh.
386
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,688
-Well, I guess all the secrets
are gonna come out now.
387
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:23,066
It's been really nice
not knowing you.
388
00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,567
-You'll never guess
what Wyatt found.
389
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,569
-I was sorting through garbage,
looking for things
390
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:29,072
to make into Venus,
and I stumbled on this.
391
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:31,658
-That's my secret!
-That's your secret?
392
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:32,951
-Run!
393
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:36,371
-How do you have that?
I threw it out a window!
394
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:37,914
I mean, made it disappear.
395
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:41,167
A magician's daughter
never reveals her secrets.
396
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:42,752
-Because this isn't the one
you received.
397
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:45,922
It's the original the hacker
faxed you. No timestamp.
398
00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:48,466
-If you found that in
the garbage here, that means...
399
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,428
-That the hacker's been in
the courthouse the whole time.
400
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:54,889
-And thanks to Dan's uncanny
ability to irritate strangers,
401
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:57,600
we know what the guy's
middle finger looks like.
402
00:16:57,642 --> 00:17:00,854
So we can catch him,
but it's gonna take all of us
403
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:04,315
working as a team together.
404
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,444
Yoinks!
405
00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:15,994
-So we know this middle finger
is somewhere in this courtroom.
406
00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,164
We just have to find it.
407
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,623
-I know my way
around a pair of hands.
408
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,335
I used to work
for Kate Cavanaugh.
409
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,170
She's the Meryl Streep
of shadow puppets.
410
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,588
-You go, new guy, and I swear --
411
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:29,758
if you find that finger,
I'll learn your name.
412
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,763
-Okay, before we begin,
I'd like to invite the gallery
413
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,806
to enjoy complimentary
hand massages
414
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:40,268
courtesy of
our clerk and bailiff.
415
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,395
-Your Honor,
can we scoot this along?
416
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:44,356
I got a date with
the beekeeper after this,
417
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,566
and she's a real smokeshow.
418
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:50,945
[Hushed] That's how she gets
the bees back in the box.
419
00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,947
-Everything okay
in the gallery there, Bailiff?
420
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:54,908
-Someone doesn't want
his hands touched.
421
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:57,118
-Well, there's nothing
we can do if people
422
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,661
don't want their hands touched.
423
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,872
Except have them arrested!
424
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:04,793
That was a middle finger, but
not the one we were looking for.
425
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,504
-Okay. This is an extensive list
of property damage.
426
00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:10,340
Would it be possible
to hear it out loud?
427
00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:12,550
I get nauseous reading
428
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,512
while thinking about driving.
429
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,555
-I got you, Your Honor.
430
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,891
Damage includes...
431
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:23,269
one smashed door, brown...
432
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:26,189
one torn pillow, down...
433
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:29,609
one destroyed painting, clown.
434
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:34,989
And now a list of items that
were missing from the mini-bar.
435
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:37,075
Grape soda.
436
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,077
And that's the whole list.
437
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:43,415
So the only thing missing from
the mini-bar was grape soda.
438
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,874
-His alibi.
439
00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,876
-Mr. Umansky,
do you drink grape soda?
440
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:49,462
-My client has already stated
that he's not a fan.
441
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,172
It's his son who likes it.
442
00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,925
-Was your son with you at the
hotel on the night in question?
443
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,094
-Clearly,
you've never had an affair.
444
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:59,097
Kids totallykill the vibe.
445
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:02,308
-Is it possible that
he snuck into the hotel room
446
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,686
and trashed it to frame you?
447
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:09,274
Perhaps as revenge for sleeping
with half of Manhattan?
448
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:12,444
-If only the boy himself
could tell us.
449
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,571
Because if he was acting
out of anger
450
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:15,947
over his father's infidelities,
451
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,158
the court would be
very sympathetic!
452
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,909
And he's just crawling away!
453
00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:23,413
-Beau?!
454
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:25,040
-The "just unplug it" kid is --
-The hacker!
455
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:28,460
Ha ha! I said it first!
I solved it!
456
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,004
-Kids really do kill the vibe,
don't they?
457
00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:36,468
-I can't believe
how crazy today was,
458
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,386
but I have an idea to make sure
459
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,055
that nothing like that
ever happens again.
460
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,974
-Change the Wi-Fi password
from nothing?
461
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:46,269
-We tell all of our secrets
to each other -- right now.
462
00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:47,854
-I'm good.
463
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:50,106
-[ Rattling ]
-Oh, God. The door's locked!
464
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:53,151
-Abracadabra, open the door!
465
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:56,321
Her name is -- I wasn't
trying to use magic to open --
466
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,782
Why am I explaining myself
to you?!
467
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,993
-No one leaves this room
until it's all out on the table.
468
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,578
I'll go first.
469
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,330
This fax was a print-out
from my Notes app,
470
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:08,208
where I complain about
all of you to let off steam.
471
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:10,043
"Olivia is very quick
472
00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:12,879
to cross her arms
and blame other people."
473
00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:15,382
-What?! Who told you that?!
Carol?!
474
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:17,092
Whatever.
475
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,427
Now I don't have to feel so bad
about trying to get you fired.
476
00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:20,762
-You said you tried
to get Gurgs fired.
477
00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:21,971
-Oh, I tried to
get you all fired.
478
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,515
There. That's my secret.
I shared it.
479
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:26,309
Feels amazing! Now let me out!
480
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:27,727
-Well, I'll go next.
481
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:29,729
The secret ingredient
in my world-famous stew
482
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,398
is two bottles of gin.
483
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:32,774
You're so drunk
after the first bite,
484
00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,943
you don't realize how bad it is!
[ Laughs ]
485
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,278
-See? This is great.
Now Wyatt knows everything,
486
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,698
and we don't have to worry
about making a good impression.
487
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:42,117
-That was you trying
to make a good impression?
488
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:45,036
Gurgs threatened to beat me
with a sack of oranges.
489
00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:47,038
-Oh, you know what?
Since you're all sharing,
490
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:52,627
I wasn't completely honest
about not having any secrets.
491
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,549
-"Mr. Monk
and the Bayou Blues"?
492
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,718
-It's my "Monk" fan fiction.
493
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,386
You know what?
Now that it's out,
494
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:05,140
I would humbly have the pleasure
of sharing it all with you.
495
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,433
-No.
-Ah...
496
00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:08,351
One thing to note --
in my version,
497
00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,562
Monk doesn't have OCD.
498
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:13,398
I never saw the point of that.
Uh...
499
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,109
"Monk climbed out
of the Atchafalaya Basin,
500
00:21:16,151 --> 00:21:17,527
his body covered in mud --
501
00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:19,738
or as he liked to call it,
'Louisiana Gold.'"
502
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:23,658
Also, one more note --
in my version, Monk's a Cajun.
503
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,076
-Abby, please let us out!
504
00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:28,204
-This is why I always
carry a flask of stew.
505
00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:32,500
It's funny!
37125
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