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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,213 --> 00:00:07,132 -Ten bucks says that lady clears it, no problem. 2 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:08,967 -What? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm in. 3 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,427 Because she's got courthouse sushi. 4 00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:13,346 She's not playing with a full deck. 5 00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,348 -What are you guys doing? -They just cleaned the door. 6 00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,058 We're betting on who can tell the difference 7 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,269 between glass and air. You want in? 8 00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,312 -Hey! None of that. It's the new clerk's first night. 9 00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:22,814 I want to make a good impression. 10 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,733 Wyatt is just what we're looking for. 11 00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:27,360 He's a law student. He has a lot of life experience, 12 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:29,362 And I'm just gonna say it -- the guy is cool. 13 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:31,031 -You don't get to say what's cool. 14 00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:34,284 I've heard you say "yikes," "yoinks," and "yowzers" 15 00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:37,162 while dropping the same cookie. 16 00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:40,248 -Well, tonight I am a human chill pill. 17 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,625 Aah! That's him! Okay! Everybody make him feel welcome. 18 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,836 Dan, smile! But maybe don't show teeth! 19 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,838 It's too late! He can hear everything! Just follow your heart! 20 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,798 -As someone who took chill pills in the '80s, 21 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,384 you need a new dealer. 22 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:53,345 -Nice to see you again, judge Stone. 23 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,555 Thanks for the incredibly detailed directions, 24 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:56,890 down to the step. 25 00:00:56,931 --> 00:01:00,518 Now I see why shoe size came up in our interview. 26 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,395 -Do I know you from somewhere? 27 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,690 -Oh, yeah. Trader Joe's, 14th Street. 28 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,233 I used to work the sample station. 29 00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:09,152 You're the lady who loops around like six times 30 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:10,737 for salsa shots then leaves. 31 00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:12,989 -Nope. Never mind. Never seen you. 32 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,742 -I've probably run into all of you at some point. 33 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,077 I've had a million jobs. 34 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,245 Spin instructor, hotel bellhop. 35 00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:22,332 For a while, I fixed granddaughter clocks. 36 00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:24,250 There wasn't much of a market. 37 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,462 But I'm really excited to be here. 38 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,381 -Who wouldn't be? You know, on the one hand, 39 00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:31,091 I mean, the money's not very good, 40 00:01:31,132 --> 00:01:32,425 but then on the other hand, 41 00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:35,470 this will do nothing for your career. 42 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:38,014 -Don't listen to him. You're gonna love it here. 43 00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:41,434 It's just a breezy, fun, totally normal place to work. 44 00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:44,270 -We've been hacked! I repeat! We've been hacked! 45 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:45,689 Hand off your devices! 46 00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,357 Don't worry! I have my whistle! [ Whistle blows ] 47 00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,275 -No, a whistle is the cue for the -- 48 00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,820 [ Marching band playing ] 49 00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:59,285 ** 50 00:01:59,327 --> 00:02:00,704 -Very chill. 51 00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:06,584 ** 52 00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,670 -We're locked out of the server and our e-mails. 53 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:11,506 Well, every time I refresh, I just get that "bonk" sound. 54 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,049 -Bonk. -[ Computer bonking ] 55 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,844 Bonk. Bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk! 56 00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:17,804 -You know, it's sad how helpless you all are 57 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,515 without your beep-boops and porn cubes. 58 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:23,935 Oh! What ever shall we do without our precious computers? 59 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,771 We might actually have to have a conversation. 60 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,481 -I would love to have a conversation. 61 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:29,941 -Ugh. Abby, not now! 62 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:33,570 We've got to figure out this computer thing! 63 00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:35,488 -Isn't there an I.T. guy who can fix this? 64 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,407 -The I.T. department isn't open at night. 65 00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:39,784 We do have an "It" department, but it's just a clown 66 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,704 who smells like a sewer and says our fear makes him stronger. 67 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:45,123 [ Telephone rings, printer whirring ] 68 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,666 -What's that sound? 69 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,752 -It can't be. What -- It -- 70 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,172 [ Gasps ] 71 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:53,840 It is! 72 00:02:53,882 --> 00:02:56,051 -Is that a fax machine? -Oh, yeah. 73 00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:59,220 They put them in 10 years ago to modernize the place. 74 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,433 -It's a list of demands from the hacker. 75 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,518 He's gonna leak all our personal information 76 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,854 unless the defendant in the sixth case tonight 77 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,147 is found guilty. 78 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,899 -What's the sixth case? 79 00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:14,569 -Oh! That's me. 80 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,530 Criminal Mischief. Code 17-3. 81 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:21,451 Destruction of a hotel room by a non-musician. 82 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:22,869 -I don't care what it is. 83 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,372 Abby Stone does not negotiate with terrorists. 84 00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:28,875 Or the cable company. Nobody wants Starz. 85 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,211 -Oh. Look at her go. 86 00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,962 The curves of the Buick LeSabre, 87 00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,381 the aroma... [ Smells ] 88 00:03:34,422 --> 00:03:36,966 ...of ink that you didn't know could kill you. 89 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,804 -"No police. I'm not messing around." 90 00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:43,098 And then there's a picture of someone dressed 91 00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:45,016 as a high-school mascot. 92 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,060 The "Westview Goblin." 93 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,395 Actually, it kind of looks like... 94 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:49,854 -No! It's not possible! 95 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:53,274 The only known copy is on my...phone. 96 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,236 -So the hacker's in our personal devices. 97 00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:58,071 That means he has all our secrets. 98 00:03:58,113 --> 00:03:59,906 -And our dance mixes! 99 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:05,245 -This is from an online pet store. 100 00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:07,622 There's enough toys here for 100 cats. 101 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,749 -Or one open-minded human who wants to work 102 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,669 on their dexterity while lying in the sun! 103 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,171 -This could get so much worse. 104 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,757 Goblin pictures are really just the tip of the iceberg. 105 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,467 This guy could ruin me. -Not me. 106 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,302 The only thing on my phone is an app that tells me 107 00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,762 when something is hummus. 108 00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:25,098 Heh-heh-heh. I'm not gonna get fooled again. 109 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,767 [ Nails scraping chalkboard ] 110 00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:32,647 -You all know me. You know how I earn my living. 111 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:35,358 I'll catch that hacker for you. But it ain't gonna be easy. 112 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:39,654 Not like going down to holding, chasing drunks and tommycats. 113 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,407 I don't want no volunteers. I don't want no mates. 114 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,825 I just want your trust. 115 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:47,662 And for that, I'll get you the head, the butt, 116 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,706 the whole damn thing. 117 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:53,960 -Great. So we're gonna do Gurgs' thing. 118 00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:56,129 We'll slow things down in court to give her some more time. 119 00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,464 -Yeah, that'll be easy. 120 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,299 Things never move as fast as you want around here. 121 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,301 -Yeah, but tonight it'll be on purpose! 122 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:05,138 ** 123 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,681 -Hey, Wyatt! 124 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,351 Did I interrupt something? 125 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,810 -Just checking out my new workspace. 126 00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:14,439 Making sure the drawer opens and shuts, 127 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,275 which is what you want in a drawer. 128 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,152 -Interesting. 129 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,196 I understand you used to work at a hotel. 130 00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:23,656 Bet it makes you pretty mad to hear about a case 131 00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:26,576 where someone trashed a innocent hotel room. 132 00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:29,746 -Not really. I've seen those rooms under a black light. 133 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,582 They should allbe destroyed. 134 00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,376 -Sounds like a motive. 135 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:38,797 Looks like that drawer isn't the only thing that's open-and-shut. 136 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,509 -Okay. Dan Fielding, saving the day once again. 137 00:05:42,550 --> 00:05:43,927 I got us a tech expert. 138 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:45,887 -That's your expert? Some random kid you found? 139 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,473 -Yeah. He's a teen. They love technology. 140 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,600 Probably taking his laptop to prom. 141 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:52,811 Alright, Shaggy, tell us what to do. 142 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,896 -Have you tried unplugging it then plugging it back in? 143 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:58,525 -That's it?! How did you people ever invent Facebook? 144 00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:01,361 Get outta here! 145 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:02,779 -Gurgs. 146 00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:04,572 [Hushed] Act like I said something funny. 147 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,199 [Normal voice] Where are we on the investigation? 148 00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,618 -[Laughing] I think it's someone on the inside. 149 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:11,037 I don't know who to trust, Judge! 150 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:14,040 -So now we're just laughing to hide our fear? 151 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,209 -No. It's real now. [ Laughs ] 152 00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:18,253 I thought of something funny to get myself started, 153 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:20,171 and now I can't stop! 154 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,715 -Well, take all the time you need 155 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:24,092 because no one can slow things down like Abby Stone. 156 00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,761 See how I just referred to myself in the third person? 157 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,431 That took a little more time than saying "me." 158 00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,433 And notice how now I'm explaining it? 159 00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,852 Also more time. 160 00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,229 -You know, there is another way we could stall. 161 00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:38,356 We could use...The Box. 162 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,984 -We're not using...The Box. 163 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:44,070 -What's...The Box? 164 00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,196 -Don't ask about The Box. 165 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,906 God willing, you'll never need to know! 166 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,325 Alright. Let's call the first case. 167 00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:51,619 The People versus Kyle Eh. 168 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,288 -Eh? -Eh. 169 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,248 -Ugh! 170 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:58,001 Where's a meaty five-syllable last name when you need it?! 171 00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,753 Alright, Counselor, please tell me 172 00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:02,922 in excruciating detail what Mr. Eh is charged with. 173 00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:05,050 -Unfortunately, the defendant has decided 174 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,301 to defend himself. 175 00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,428 -Why is that unfortunate? -He's an auctioneer. 176 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:11,264 -Up to the counter. I said, "Can I get seven scones?" 177 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:12,766 "No." "Can I get six? 178 00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:14,559 Bid a little five. Do I hear four? Three...two..." 179 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,770 Can't get two, can't get one. Do I hear there are no scones? 180 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,730 I do! Out comes the knife! 181 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,148 Plunged into the chest of the man behind the counter! 182 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,567 And I'm guilty. Going once, going twice. 183 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:26,196 Last and final call! I'm guilty! 184 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,533 -Do I hear we're screwed? Screwed going once. 185 00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:33,536 Screwed going twice. We're screwed! 186 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,752 -Court is moving a little faster than I planned. 187 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,545 Is there any intel you can give me on the case? 188 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:45,298 Like maybe the guy is guilty and I'm worried over nothing? 189 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,634 -He's actually a new legal classification 190 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,719 known as "Super Innocent." 191 00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:52,347 There's proof that he wasn't in the hotel room 192 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,974 when it was trashed, we have time-stamped footage 193 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:57,936 of him at a bodega buying grape soda for his son. 194 00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:01,022 -Grape soda? Can't you at least find him guilty 195 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,400 of slowly poisoning his kid? 196 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:04,984 -You know that's not an option. 197 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,028 And I have as much to hide as anyone else. 198 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:11,199 I have a Guns N' Roses tattoo in a very Guns N' Roses place. 199 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,450 [ Telephone rings ] 200 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,536 -Ah, the high-pitched siren song 201 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:17,205 when it receives its mating call. 202 00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:20,208 -Stop romanticizing the machine that's destroying us! 203 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,878 -Whoa. What was that? -Nothing. 204 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,548 -It was one of yoursecrets, wasn't it? 205 00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,675 Why are you being weird? Is it about me?! 206 00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:31,052 -That's a crazy thing to think. 207 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:33,221 Unless it's because you have a bunch of secrets about me. 208 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,390 -You know what? Let's just be clear for a second here 209 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,351 that I have zero thoughts about either of you. 210 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,647 But -- But -- 211 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,149 Okay. This has gotten out of hand. 212 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,443 We're two grown adults. I'm just gonna eat it. 213 00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:50,321 -Don't you dare! Fax ink? It's like liquid asbestos! 214 00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:57,954 -Daughter of a magician. 215 00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,123 -Co-worker of lunatics. You know what? 216 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,417 I'm just gonna have to solve this myself. 217 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,461 I'll open up a line of communication with the hacker 218 00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,129 and then simply outwit him -- 219 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,340 like the mental game of chess that I delivered 220 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,550 to that poor sucker from the cable company. 221 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:14,721 You will never believethe deal that I got on Starz. 222 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:16,973 -Dan's right. We just have to focus. 223 00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:18,892 We'll just keep stalling so Gurgs 224 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,102 can follow up on her lead, and I wouldn't be surprised 225 00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:23,897 if she has the culprit in her crosshairs as we speak. 226 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:26,816 -Sandy, I'm only gonna ask you one more time! 227 00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:29,819 What is your nighttime skin routine?! 228 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,781 -We started this. We have to finish it. 229 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,407 No one will know I was involved. 230 00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:37,619 Oh. Hey, Gurgs. Found the hacker yet? 231 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,454 -As a matter of fact, I have a suspect. 232 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,665 Uh, maybe we could talk about it over lunch. 233 00:09:42,707 --> 00:09:44,042 [ Clang] 234 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,671 -So...what's good here? 235 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:49,089 -I know you're the hacker, Wyatt. 236 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,882 So you're just gonna claim it's a coincidence 237 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,509 all this happened on your first night... 238 00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,761 andyou happen to know your way around a fax machine? 239 00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:56,930 -Only because I once worked at a Fax Bistro, 240 00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,974 a short-lived rival to Internet cafés. 241 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,935 -I bet you think you're a pretty cool customer. 242 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,229 Well, you're not the only cool one around here! 243 00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:07,399 Ooh. 244 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:11,820 -You don't look comfortable. -Well, I am. 245 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,238 I know you're hiding something. 246 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,408 We can do this the easy way or the orange way! 247 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,992 [ Thud ] Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! 248 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,661 Can you grab those? 249 00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,079 [ Cellphone rings ] 250 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,748 -I have to take this. We're good, right? 251 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,458 Do you need anything? -No. I'm fine. 252 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,585 But if you see Sandy, send him my way 253 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,921 and tell him "it happened again." 254 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,384 -The altercation started when the subway performer 255 00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:37,137 Emcee Scruggs accused Mr. Beats-Fresh 256 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,932 of stealing his iconic loco loco-motive dance move 257 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:44,102 with the pale imitation choo-choo crazy train. 258 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,187 -In order for me to settle this, I'm gonna need to see 259 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:49,107 the full routine -- probably a couple times. 260 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,278 [ Hip-hop music plays] 261 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,655 -* I got the flava to make 'em jump* 262 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,866 ** 263 00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,701 * I got the flava...* 264 00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:04,539 ** 265 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,583 -Oh, no. Blood? 266 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:07,751 [ Body thuds ] 267 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,044 [ Music stops ] 268 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,421 -You know, it's times like this 269 00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:13,548 I think we should reflect on how lucky we are 270 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:16,634 that weweren't kicked in the head. 271 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,845 Let's take a short recess. 272 00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,850 -Dan! I figured it out. 273 00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,894 The only way our secrets don't go public 274 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,146 is if you convince number six to plead guilty. 275 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,731 -You know what? I don't say this to make you feel better, 276 00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:31,358 but whatever you're trying to hide 277 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:34,778 can't be any more embarrassing than what we already know. 278 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:39,908 -Well, did you know that I once tried to get Gurgs fired? 279 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,618 Well, in my defense, she made me take 280 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,745 a "Which 'Sex and the City' Character Are You?" quiz. 281 00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:45,163 And I got "Steve." 282 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,749 -You tried to get Gurgs fired? She's an angel! 283 00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:49,501 I once saw her blow on a cocoon, 284 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:53,129 and I swear to God a butterfly was born just then! 285 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,382 Lucky for you, I've almost ended this. 286 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,425 I buttered up the hacker with this line -- 287 00:11:57,467 --> 00:12:00,095 "You know, we're not so different, you and I." 288 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,055 Huh? And his response? 289 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,016 He sent me this picture of his middle finger. 290 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,728 Now it's a dialogue. 291 00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:11,773 -Well, at least we got three more cases to try and drag out. 292 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,608 -The People versus Rosemary Smith, 293 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,193 Evie Brown, and Ellyn Daniel. 294 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,862 -What? Aren't these supposed to be three separate cases? 295 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:20,407 -The decision was made to combine them. 296 00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:21,449 -Why? 297 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:22,826 [ Woman groaning ] 298 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,452 -Okay. Now I see why. 299 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,121 -Your Honor, the three defendants 300 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:29,040 got into a prenatal brawl at Osteria Pucillo when -- 301 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,417 -[ Woman moaning ] -Your Honor, 302 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,794 the fight broke over Osteria's pregnancy salad, 303 00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:35,422 which has been known to induce labor! 304 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:36,881 -It's the dressing. 305 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:40,093 We took turns chugging it in the squad car, and n--ohh! 306 00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:42,178 -I know that you want to slow things down, but 307 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,931 unless you hurry up, we're gonna have three more defendants. 308 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:48,643 -Fine. Go to the hospital. Time served. 309 00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:51,604 -Wait. If this is case three, four, and five, then... 310 00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,981 -That means we're out of time. 311 00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,900 -Case six. The People versus Ryan Umansky. 312 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:59,154 -Okay. Guess we have no choice. 313 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,865 Gurgs, get The Box. 314 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:04,492 [ Whimsical music plays ] 315 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:07,037 -Yo! Where did that box of bees come from?! 316 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,788 -I counted 10, 20, 25, 30! 317 00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,248 Do I hear 40? 40 bees! [ Bees buzzing ] 318 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,251 -I should've asked more questions about The Box! 319 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,634 -[ Gasps ] 320 00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:24,721 -Oh, Gurgs. Glad you're here. Had a thought. 321 00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:28,350 Next time you call it "The Box," maybe add "of Bees" -- 322 00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,728 because some of us are pretty allergic. 323 00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,105 -Those were circus bees who gave up their stingers 324 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,024 for a life in the theater. 325 00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:38,568 What kind of courthouse do you think I run? 326 00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:41,738 -Well, that explains why they were making fun shapes and -- 327 00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,448 But that's all it explains. 328 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,534 -We don't have time for this game of fax and mouse. 329 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:47,952 Either you come clean, 330 00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,205 or I sign you up for Kohl's Cash Rewards. 331 00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:52,248 It's so many e-mails, 332 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,250 and the unsubscribe is a three-step process. 333 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,586 You'll never do it! So what are you hiding, Wyatt?! 334 00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,421 What are you hidin'?! 335 00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:01,299 -This isn't worth it! It's Jupiter, okay?! 336 00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,760 I've been sneaking off to paint Jupiter. 337 00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:05,929 My daughter has a solar system due tomorrow, 338 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,389 and if she doesn't get a good grade, 339 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,099 she loses her screen time. 340 00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:13,019 And I need her to have her screen time. 341 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,312 -Well, I didn't know you had kids. 342 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,772 -With all this stuff going on, 343 00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,816 it didn't leave a lot of time for small talk. 344 00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:21,820 And then you thought I hacked the server, which is hilarious. 345 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,446 With what time? 346 00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:26,449 I'm a divorced law student with two little girls 347 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:30,412 and a goldfish I'm pretty sure is romantically in love with me. 348 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:31,913 I'm spinning so many plates, 349 00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:36,251 the mom text chain just voted me "Messiest Bitch"! 350 00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:39,129 And that's saying something because Julie's on there! 351 00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:40,714 [ Cellphone rings ] 352 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:43,133 You've got to be kidding me. 353 00:14:43,174 --> 00:14:45,427 -Okay. Uh... 354 00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:49,514 I've got an investigation... to start. 355 00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:55,145 -What, Julie? 356 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:58,606 No, I don'tknow where your kids are. 357 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,484 -So the bright side of the random bee attack 358 00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:03,653 is that we could chat, Mr. Umansky. 359 00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:05,530 Was just wondering, is there anyone 360 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,949 who you think might want to see you thrown in jail? 361 00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:12,162 -No. Everyone loves me. My wife says I'm tooloved. 362 00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:16,124 -Okay, well, what were you doing in the hotel room 363 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:18,001 before the destruction occurred? 364 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,420 -I was making love to my mistress. 365 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:23,340 -I believe it's what the French call... 366 00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:25,675 [French accent] ...Le Noonér. 367 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,763 -So when your wife says you're too loved... 368 00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,807 -She means by many women who aren't her. That's right. 369 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,352 -So glad my reputation is gonna be ruined 370 00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,520 just so that this guy can sleaze it up 371 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,439 with a woman I assume is named Trish. 372 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:42,442 -I wishI could land a Trish. 373 00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:45,236 -Seems to me that an affair might lead to some grudges. 374 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,322 -My wife, I guess. 375 00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:48,948 My mistress's husband. 376 00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,034 My othermistress. 377 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,036 But not my other mistress's husband 378 00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:56,206 because, weirdly, he's rooting for us. 379 00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:59,417 -Court's clear, Your Honor. -That was fast. 380 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,629 I knewwe should've used The Big Box. 381 00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:07,467 -Patricia Guberman? you're looking good. 382 00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,886 You know, I'm on trial for the next couple hours, 383 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,221 but afterwards... 384 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,139 -You know, I go by "Trish" now. 385 00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,599 -Oh. 386 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,688 -Well, I guess all the secrets are gonna come out now. 387 00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:23,066 It's been really nice not knowing you. 388 00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,567 -You'll never guess what Wyatt found. 389 00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,569 -I was sorting through garbage, looking for things 390 00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:29,072 to make into Venus, and I stumbled on this. 391 00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:31,658 -That's my secret! -That's your secret? 392 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:32,951 -Run! 393 00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:36,371 -How do you have that? I threw it out a window! 394 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:37,914 I mean, made it disappear. 395 00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:41,167 A magician's daughter never reveals her secrets. 396 00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:42,752 -Because this isn't the one you received. 397 00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:45,922 It's the original the hacker faxed you. No timestamp. 398 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:48,466 -If you found that in the garbage here, that means... 399 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,428 -That the hacker's been in the courthouse the whole time. 400 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:54,889 -And thanks to Dan's uncanny ability to irritate strangers, 401 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:57,600 we know what the guy's middle finger looks like. 402 00:16:57,642 --> 00:17:00,854 So we can catch him, but it's gonna take all of us 403 00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:04,315 working as a team together. 404 00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,444 Yoinks! 405 00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:15,994 -So we know this middle finger is somewhere in this courtroom. 406 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:19,164 We just have to find it. 407 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:20,623 -I know my way around a pair of hands. 408 00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,335 I used to work for Kate Cavanaugh. 409 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,170 She's the Meryl Streep of shadow puppets. 410 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,588 -You go, new guy, and I swear -- 411 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:29,758 if you find that finger, I'll learn your name. 412 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,763 -Okay, before we begin, I'd like to invite the gallery 413 00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,806 to enjoy complimentary hand massages 414 00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:40,268 courtesy of our clerk and bailiff. 415 00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,395 -Your Honor, can we scoot this along? 416 00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:44,356 I got a date with the beekeeper after this, 417 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,566 and she's a real smokeshow. 418 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:50,945 [Hushed] That's how she gets the bees back in the box. 419 00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,947 -Everything okay in the gallery there, Bailiff? 420 00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:54,908 -Someone doesn't want his hands touched. 421 00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:57,118 -Well, there's nothing we can do if people 422 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,661 don't want their hands touched. 423 00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,872 Except have them arrested! 424 00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:04,793 That was a middle finger, but not the one we were looking for. 425 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,504 -Okay. This is an extensive list of property damage. 426 00:18:07,545 --> 00:18:10,340 Would it be possible to hear it out loud? 427 00:18:10,382 --> 00:18:12,550 I get nauseous reading 428 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,512 while thinking about driving. 429 00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,555 -I got you, Your Honor. 430 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,891 Damage includes... 431 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:23,269 one smashed door, brown... 432 00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:26,189 one torn pillow, down... 433 00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:29,609 one destroyed painting, clown. 434 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:34,989 And now a list of items that were missing from the mini-bar. 435 00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:37,075 Grape soda. 436 00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,077 And that's the whole list. 437 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:43,415 So the only thing missing from the mini-bar was grape soda. 438 00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,874 -His alibi. 439 00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,876 -Mr. Umansky, do you drink grape soda? 440 00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:49,462 -My client has already stated that he's not a fan. 441 00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,172 It's his son who likes it. 442 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,925 -Was your son with you at the hotel on the night in question? 443 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,094 -Clearly, you've never had an affair. 444 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:59,097 Kids totallykill the vibe. 445 00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:02,308 -Is it possible that he snuck into the hotel room 446 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,686 and trashed it to frame you? 447 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:09,274 Perhaps as revenge for sleeping with half of Manhattan? 448 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:12,444 -If only the boy himself could tell us. 449 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,571 Because if he was acting out of anger 450 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:15,947 over his father's infidelities, 451 00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,158 the court would be very sympathetic! 452 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,909 And he's just crawling away! 453 00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:23,413 -Beau?! 454 00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:25,040 -The "just unplug it" kid is -- -The hacker! 455 00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:28,460 Ha ha! I said it first! I solved it! 456 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,004 -Kids really do kill the vibe, don't they? 457 00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:36,468 -I can't believe how crazy today was, 458 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,386 but I have an idea to make sure 459 00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,055 that nothing like that ever happens again. 460 00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,974 -Change the Wi-Fi password from nothing? 461 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:46,269 -We tell all of our secrets to each other -- right now. 462 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:47,854 -I'm good. 463 00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:50,106 -[ Rattling ] -Oh, God. The door's locked! 464 00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:53,151 -Abracadabra, open the door! 465 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:56,321 Her name is -- I wasn't trying to use magic to open -- 466 00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,782 Why am I explaining myself to you?! 467 00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:01,993 -No one leaves this room until it's all out on the table. 468 00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,578 I'll go first. 469 00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,330 This fax was a print-out from my Notes app, 470 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:08,208 where I complain about all of you to let off steam. 471 00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:10,043 "Olivia is very quick 472 00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:12,879 to cross her arms and blame other people." 473 00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:15,382 -What?! Who told you that?! Carol?! 474 00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:17,092 Whatever. 475 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,427 Now I don't have to feel so bad about trying to get you fired. 476 00:20:19,469 --> 00:20:20,762 -You said you tried to get Gurgs fired. 477 00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:21,971 -Oh, I tried to get you all fired. 478 00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,515 There. That's my secret. I shared it. 479 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:26,309 Feels amazing! Now let me out! 480 00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:27,727 -Well, I'll go next. 481 00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:29,729 The secret ingredient in my world-famous stew 482 00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,398 is two bottles of gin. 483 00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:32,774 You're so drunk after the first bite, 484 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,943 you don't realize how bad it is! [ Laughs ] 485 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,278 -See? This is great. Now Wyatt knows everything, 486 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,698 and we don't have to worry about making a good impression. 487 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:42,117 -That was you trying to make a good impression? 488 00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:45,036 Gurgs threatened to beat me with a sack of oranges. 489 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:47,038 -Oh, you know what? Since you're all sharing, 490 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:52,627 I wasn't completely honest about not having any secrets. 491 00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,549 -"Mr. Monk and the Bayou Blues"? 492 00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,718 -It's my "Monk" fan fiction. 493 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,386 You know what? Now that it's out, 494 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:05,140 I would humbly have the pleasure of sharing it all with you. 495 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,433 -No. -Ah... 496 00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:08,351 One thing to note -- in my version, 497 00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,562 Monk doesn't have OCD. 498 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:13,398 I never saw the point of that. Uh... 499 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,109 "Monk climbed out of the Atchafalaya Basin, 500 00:21:16,151 --> 00:21:17,527 his body covered in mud -- 501 00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:19,738 or as he liked to call it, 'Louisiana Gold.'" 502 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:23,658 Also, one more note -- in my version, Monk's a Cajun. 503 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,076 -Abby, please let us out! 504 00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:28,204 -This is why I always carry a flask of stew. 505 00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:32,500 It's funny! 37125

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