All language subtitles for Extended.Family.S01E04.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL[EZTVx.to]

.

[whirring]

- [groaning]

[groaning]

[whirring stops]

You're early.

- * It's true *

* The marriage that we once
had now is through *

* And now we're doing
all that we can do *

* To keep us all together
as a crew *

* Trust, do as we say,
not as we do *

* We really thought
that we were done *

* But we've just begun *

- Sorry you had to see that.

- So are we.

- Jim, this is the living room.

Why were your pants down?

- Because the pain
isn't in my pants.

It's in my glute.

- Jim has always had
glute issues,

and, oh, how I've missed them.

- Glute issues
come from tension.

I don't have tension.

- You don't have tension yet.

But you're marrying Julia,

so keep one of those
in every room.

- I don't have tension.

- You're asymptomatic,

but you give it
to other people.

- Where are the kids,
by the way?

- I left them in the woods
with some bread.

That was three days ago.

Jimmy's playing video games,
and Grace is on TikTok

watching hamsters get married.

- And our children's futures
grow brighter by the moment.

- Yeah, item one,
Jimmy's school

gave the kids
a career aptitude test,

and it said he should be
an evangelist.

- Jesus.
- Exactly.

He seems excited about it,
so that's good.

Although personally, I think
those tests are deeply flawed.

- I remember my test.

It said I should run
for governor someday.

- Mine said I should map
the human genome.

- What about yours, Jim?

What'd it say?

- Doesn't matter.

- Come on.

- It doesn't--

cranberry farmer.

- [laughs]

- Oh, come on.

I was an 11-year-old boy.

I just happened to have
a bladder infection.

- No.
- Hey.

Yes, boys can get them.

Boys have bladders,
and they get infected.

Whatever. It's fine.

It's fine.

OK, item number two.

As you know, it is Grace's
14th birthday tomorrow,

so I booked our special booth
at Stornelli's.

Trey, you're gonna love
this place.

Family style,
spaghetti and meatballs,

big portions,
bottomless bread basket.

And it is my treat.

No arguments, OK?

So come hungry and leave
that big wallet at home.

- Actually, this year,
we have an upgrade.

- An upgrade?
- Tell him.

- I got us into Takane.

- Isn't that fantastic?

- Oh, my God, that is so fa--
what is Takane?

- A new sushi place
that no one can get into.

- No one?
How are they in business?

- Well, no one but Trey.

He made a call.

- I was happy to do it for you.

And for you,
but most of all, for Grace.

And of course,
it'll be my treat.

- Thank you, my love.

- Yes, thank you, her love.

But, Trey--

and I don't blame you for this,
because clearly,

Julia did not tell you.

She's very busy.

The Kearney family always has
birthdays at Stornelli's.

Our pictures are on the wall,
for God's sakes.

- Jim, this is Takane.

- I "understand-ay."

- Grace will love it.

She's always been a foodie.

Even all the way back
in her nursing days,

she strictly preferred
the left breast to the right.

- I go back and forth.

- Yes, you do.

- Hey, hey, I'm right here.

OK, so did Grace
actually tell you

she doesn't want to go
to Stornelli's anymore?

- She didn't have to tell me.
I know.

- You don't know
what Grace knows,

and you know you don't know.

And I know you know
you don't know.

We're going to Stornelli's.
- Takane.

- Stornelli's.
- Jim.

- Julia.
- Trey.

[whirring]

.

- Now, when Julia and I
carefully and painstakingly

mapped out
our post-divorce life,

we may have failed to consider
a few tiny things.

- Like birthdays, graduations,
vacations, first communions,

baptisms, Mother's Day,
Father's Day,

Labor Day, Arbor Day.

- OK, now you're just
naming days.

So there we were,
on our first major occasion,

at an unpredictable impasse.

- It was completely
predictable.

People have birthdays
every year.

- Or like Julia,
every three years.

- That's true.

- So smart people
would have said,

"Hey, let's take a breath."
- "Let's think it through."

- "Let's figure this out
like mature adults."

- But that's not who we are.

- We are the Kearneys.

How could you say yes to Takane
without even consulting me?

- Because I thought
you'd be thrilled.

Every time we go
to Stornelli's,

the meatballs give you
diarrhea.

- Yes, but it's diarrhea
by choice.

A personal sacrifice I make
in the name of parenthood.

A hill I both create
and die on.

You're welcome.

- Can you imagine a woman
would ever tire of this man?

- [groaning]

[voice warbling]
Jim, I am sorry.

I should have consulted you.

- No!
You didn't do anything wrong.

All you did was make
a birthday plan

for his daughter,
your soon-to-be stepdaughter,

without asking him.

- You didn't say
I had to ask him.

- I didn't think
we had to ask him.

- Well, you had to ask him.

- OK, Jim, can we
take Grace to Takane?

- No.

- This is ridiculous.

This man,
this generous man,

calls in a giant favor
for our Grace,

and all you can do
is swat it away?

How do you sleep at night?

- I close my eyes.

Sometimes I--

- You know what I mean.

Ah! Ah! Give me that thing.

Ah!

- Look, I'm sure
Takane is great,

and I'm not saying
I enjoy the diarrhea.

- It would worry me if you did.

- But we are talking
about tradition here.

And in this family,
our birthday tradition

is we dine at Stornelli's,

and then I go home
and uncork my bowels.

- The hell kind
of tradition is that?

That's the worst thing
I've ever heard.

I don't even know
what to say anymore.

What kind of conversation
is this?

- The kind of conversation
you can only have

with Jim Kearney.

- I overstepped.
We should go with Jim's plan.

- Well, I think
Jim's overstepped,

and we should go
with your plan.

- Well, I think
you overstepped,

and we should go with my plan.

And that makes
one vote for Takane

and two votes for Stornelli's.

Stornelli's it is.

Prepare the toilets!

- Oh, oh, oh, no, no,
not so fast, big guy.

I think we should let
Grace decide.

- Mm. Great idea.

We'll force our daughter
to choose between her parents,

and then for her
birthday present,

we'll get her
a big box of therapy.

- This is bad.

- Can I just ask,

how do they never notice
the phone?

- Shh!

- If my career test was right,

these people are my flock.

But goodness gracious,
do they need help.

- [voice warbling]
Whatever Grace decides,

we will all accept it
with a smile.

- Why is Mom vibrating?

- Trey, you have hijacked
my daughter's birthday.

You are a daughter's
birthday hijacker.

- I thought I was doing
a nice thing.

- Do you have any idea
how many tragic stories

have started with
those seven words?

- Eight words.

- Ugh, fine.
It'll be all up to Grace.

- No matter what I choose,
I'll be disappointing somebody.

- Well, it's your own fault
for having a birthday

so soon after the divorce.

- That's a stupid thing to say.

- What do you want?

My dad was a cranberry farmer.

- I wish I knew what to do.

- Pray with me.
- Stop it.

Oh, Takane has a website.

- Stornelli's doesn't.

- Well, if it did,
it would redirect

to Poison Control.

Oh, but Takane looks
incredible.

OK, decision made.

We're going to Takane.

- Dad's gonna be crushed.

- Uh, don't worry.

I have a plan.

- The Lord does too.

What's yours?

- I'm not telling you,
in case it doesn't work.

- Well, that's not
very reassuring.

- You know, for a preacher,
you don't have much faith.

I had to break the news to Dad.

He took it pretty well,
considering.

- Yeah.

Takane.

Great, Grace.

- Well, anyway, he took it.

That was the easy part.

.

[upbeat music]

- You know what?

This place feels right.
- Mm.

- Even the fish in the tank
look happy to be here.

And they're gonna be dead
in 20 minutes.

- Oh, not those bad boys.

Those are koi,
the jewel of the water.

$20,000 each.

- To be worth $20,000,

a fish would have to play
the banjo.

- [laughs]

- Dad, are you sure
you're happy we came here?

- Does the Pope crap
in the woods?

- Don't talk about
my boss like that.

- No, I'm happy.
[chuckles]

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- 'Cause you're tapping
your lips like

you want to say something,

but you can't let it out.

- Oh, no, I'm simply

preparing my lips
to receive fish.

Summon the waiter.
My lips are ready.

- Oh, there'll be no ordering.

The chef decides the whole
meal, start to finish.

- Wait, what if
I don't like it?

- Then the Lord will smite you.

- Ooh.
- Oh.

- [gasps]
Oh, my God.

This is the uni with dandelion.

- Oh.

A little on the petite side.

- The better to be delectable.

- Uh-huh.

Does uni have a big brother?

- You're gonna love it, Jim.

- OK.

Come here there, little tyke.

Let's see what all
the fuss is about

and if the mortgage-like
prices are justified

by the flavor of this
itty-bitty, little--

oh, dear glory.

That is the best thing
I've ever tasted.

[laughter]

- And now we know
why Jesus multiplied the fish.

- [laughs]

- Why don't we go look
at the koi?

- I need more food first,
or I won't survive the journey.

- OK, well, why don't we go
look at the koi,

and we can give the adults
a chance to talk?

- I can see them from here.

You done with your dandelion?

- Why don't we go look at--

- Look at the koi.

Oh, I get it now.

Ow, ow!

- Grace, Grace,
easy on his ear.

- Jim, I gotta say,
I am so happy

that you're enjoying this meal.

- Anybody with a mouth
would enjoy the meal.

That was never the issue.

- I know.

The issue was about
not being consulted,

and I am sorry about that.

- No, that wasn't the issue.

- That wasn't the issue?
- Oh, I know.

The issue was about
changing tradition.

- Yeah, that wasn't
the issue, either.

- Oh. It wasn't?

- Well, it was part
of the issue,

but it wasn't the issue.

- OK, Jim,
well, what was the issue?

Because the restaurant
closes at midnight.

- Ah.
No need to talk about it.

I gotta go to the men's room.

This place seems like
the kind of place

that would have
a large tip jar in there.

What's the standard
gratuity, Trey?

About 4 grand?

- Like many of us, Jim has
issues discussing his issues.

- Oh, no, I have no such
issues, or issue issues.

- I'm so glad, because we
are all a family now.

- That's right, and families
rely on communication.

- And communication relies
on emotional exhibitionism.

- Yes, so, Jim,

if you need to take off
your emotional pants,

I want you to know
I'm here for you.

- It is spectacularly
clear to me

that you two were
meant for each other.

Uh, can I write a check
in the men's room?

Do you know? Or Venmo?

- You seem agitated, Jim.

You shouldn't pee agitated.

That's how mistakes are made.

Bad for the shoes.

- Look, the issue was

that we didn't know
what Grace wanted,

and then we found out.

Grace wanted Takane,
and so we are here.

Grace is happy,
and therefore I am happy.

My heart is full,
and as it happens,

so is my bladder.

Excuse me.

- Babe, I know
I don't speak fluent Jim yet,

but that does not seem
like a happy man.

- Yeah.
Did--did I miss something?

I didn't, did I? No.

Did I? No.

- Repeat after me.

Tartar sauce.

- Hey, um, Reverend?

- Yes, child?

- I think one
of your flock needs you.

- Look, I'm not gonna deny it,
you know?

Trey's money allows him
to do things for the kids

that I could never do.

When he's around, it's hard
not to feel less than.

But am I supposed
to just capitulate?

You know, stick out
a limp, supplicant paw

and say, "Thank you, Trey,

how do we ever have
a happy day without you?"

Fatherhood, man.

What a ride.

I mean, birthdays
and youth soccer

and, well, violin recitals.

You ever listen to
a five-year-old play violin?

It's horrible.

Horrible.

You can feel it in your teeth.

But you suck it up.

You take video.
Later, you watch the video.

Your teeth hurt again.

But it doesn't matter
because it's your daughter,

and you're her dad.

[sighs]

And then one day, the owner
of your favorite sports team

falls in love
with your ex-wife,

and your daughter forgets
all about you.

It hurts.

It really hurts.

Any advice?

- Yeah, I got some advice.

Don't talk to strangers
in the men's room.

- You said, "How's it going?"

- And you're supposed
to say, "Good,"

and that's the end of it.

Did I tell you that
this is not my real leg?

Or how I lost my real leg?

How much I miss my real leg?

- No, you did not.

- Did I tell you about
my future son-in-law,

the love of my daughter's life,

who has a spider tattoo
on his face?

Not on his neck.

On his face.

Right here.

Daddy long legs.

I did not say that to you.

You know why?

Because you don't do it.

Not in a men's room.

We've been in here so long,
I almost have to go again,

but I am leaving because
this has been so unpleasant.

- Wow.

Whatever happened
to the kindness of strangers?

- We're not strangers anymore.

I wish we were strangers.

We were meant to be strangers.

I know more about your kids
than I do my own!

- It smells like
dandelions in here.

- Jimmy, never enter
a men's room

and say anything
like that again.

- Copy that.

- How you feeling about
your career aptitude test?

Do you know what you'll be
when you grow up?

- Hopefully at the big urinal.

This one's humiliating.

- Hmm.

Well, if the preaching thing
doesn't work out,

you should give
the finance business a shot.

- What's the finance business?

- It's what Trey did before
he bought the Celtics.

Now he can buy
whatever he wants--

basketball teams,
people's affections,

teeny-tiny pieces
of inarguably sublime fish.

Yeah, if I could do it
all over again,

I'd have majored in finance
instead of beer pong.

But let me tell you, if beer
pong ever goes professional,

I'm buying the Red Sox,
and a cranberry farm.

- But if you'd done
anything differently,

then you wouldn't have
been you.

You wouldn't have married Mom,
and I wouldn't exist.

You'd be peeing next to some
other kid right now.

- That's--
you make a good point.

Maybe you should be a preacher.

You done?

- I've been done
for a while, Dad.

I just like talking to you.

[upbeat music]

- For the first time
in history,

my brother did
what I wanted him to,

and I didn't even have to
threaten physical violence.

So we were back on track.

But the most important part
of the plan was still ahead.

I know my family, and I knew
what was about to happen.

.

all: * Happy birthday to you *

- * Ooh *

- Grace, blow out
the birthday candle.

- Go easy, though.

The whole thing could sail
across the room.

- Hey!

[cheers and applause]

- Mmm.
- Oh, my God.

- Oh, wow.
- Wow.

- Even the birthday cake
is incredible.

- Mmm.

More like a birthday nibble,
but yeah.

Oh.

At least let me get the tip.

Service wasn't that great.

- Wait a second.

That was the whole meal?
- Mm-hmm.

- I thought those were
just appetizers.

- Reverend, polite.

- Reverend starving.

This is a restaurant.

They have a responsibility.

- It's their style.
- Yes.

Famine.

- [sighs]

Can I have some French fries?

- Nothing here is fried.

- What?

Boo! Boo!

- Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy,
what would Jesus do?

- Beats me, but there's
about to be one less koi.

- Oh, ooh, ooh, ooh.

- So, um, let me ask,

who besides me
would really love

some spaghetti and meatballs
right now?

- I'm not gonna lie.

I could eat my entire arm.

- Dad, can you save the day?

- Oh, well,
it's a little last-minute,

but um, I think
I can make a call.

- Let's hope
Stornelli's has a phone.

- I didn't realize how much
I had asked of Jim, you know,

what it--what it means
to a man like him

to be a good dad, the dad,

no matter who else
had come along.

- You were less than sensitive.

- Yes.

Thank you.

Uh, but fortunately,
our daughter,

despite her demeanor sometimes,

is actually
the most sensitive of us all.

- I knew what
the best outcome was,

so I manipulated everyone
around me to get it.

- I'm so proud.

[chuckles]

[upbeat music]

Mmm.

[laughs]

- You know what I'm thinking?

- That you've been eating
for 45 minutes,

so how come your plate's
still full?

- It's like
the spaghetti is giving birth

to more spaghetti.
- Mm.

- Should we be dreading
the aftermath,

little Stornelli's
all over the place?

- Nope. Live for the moment.
- OK.

- Actually, I was thinking

that our children
will teach us.

- Jim, Grace is learning
to embrace Trey

because he is a person
very much worth embracing,

and he should be welcomed
into the family

with tenderness and warmth.

- Thank you.
- Still talking.

- Sorry.

- But she knows that
she'll only ever have one dad.

And now you know she knows.

And she knows
you know she knows.

And I know you know
she knows she knows.

And that is worth
a billion dandelions.

[sobbing]
- I will keep that in mind.

- I sure hope so,
because this was exhausting.

- And I promise that next time,

I will be much more considerate
of your feelings

before I dismiss them.

- That's all I ask,
a pause of kindness

before being completely
disregarded.

- Hmm.

Oh, it's me now?

Because I thought
I handled things pretty well.

OK.

Um, I went to MIT.

- Ladies and gentlemen,
the 9:17 MIT mention.

Right on time.

- But my real education started
when I joined this family.

- What have you learned?

- Well, I've learned that

I'd rather be full of pasta
and love at Stornelli's

than hungry and unloved
at Takane.

- Hallelujah.

- Oh.

When was the last time

somebody picked up a check
for you, Trey?

- 2002.

- Then it's my pleasure.

- Thank you.

- It's nice having
our picture on the wall.

- Well, we're the only ones
who've ever come back.

- But maybe it's time
for a new picture.

- You know what?

You're absolutely right.

Can I borrow that?
- What?

- Your phone.
- Seriously?

- Just for a second.
- Where are you going?

- I'm not leaving.
- Don't break it.

- I won't.
- Where's yours?

- In my pocket.
- Just use that.

- Yours is newer.

- Fine.

- What's your password?
- Never.

- How about I get up
and take a picture

of the four of you guys?
- No, no, no, no.

You stay right where you are.

Smile, everybody.

[upbeat music]

* *

[toilet flushing]

[grunts]

[door slams]

OK, OK.

I was wrong!