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1
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,990
Ladies and gentlemen,
first a message for the housewives.
2
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,955
Any color that seeps out
from the underside of the television
3
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:27,119
is completely harmless
for both man and beast
4
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:30,040
and comes right out
of hair yarn and bedsheets
5
00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,833
with a dab of lemon juice.
6
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:37,640
As the artistic color consultant
of German National Television,
7
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:41,357
allow me to introduce you
to our program design.
8
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,398
To prevent any kind of drabness
from developing,
9
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:50,311
on Mondays we'll broadcast
in a very, very delicate sky blue.
10
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,959
For Tuesdays, we came up
with a wonderfully pretty pale green.
11
00:00:55,680 --> 00:01:00,197
For Wednesdays, we have a thrilling beige
with a charming eggplant stripe,
12
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,631
suitable for every TV set.
13
00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:08,438
Thursdays will be in a fantastic,
and I mean truly fantastic shade of pink.
14
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:13,917
For Fridays we have a very chic,
perfectly iridescent purple.
15
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,560
On Saturdays we'll broadcast in off...
16
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,558
off-white.
17
00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,116
And from 11:00 AM on Sunday morni...
18
00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:44,678
... nings, in a festive warm black
with tasteful pinstripes.
19
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,640
Perfect for full-figured viewers.
20
00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:50,197
Pardon me.
21
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,154
Of course...
22
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:56,400
Of course, even with the most refined
appreciation of color psychology,
23
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,910
you can't please everyone.
For...
24
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:03,433
For all color TV viewers
who don't share our taste in color,
25
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,235
on Tuesdays, from 2:30 PM to...
26
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,799
... 3:45 PM,
and on Fridays from 4:15 PM to...
27
00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:13,676
... 5:00 PM,
on our by-channel,
28
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,759
we'll broadcast
in an utterly atrocious brown.
29
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,111
Good evening.
30
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,152
Ladies and gentlemen,
31
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:27,560
as always, Loriot takes us
on a sweeping tour of animated humor.
32
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,992
We hope you enjoy
our presentation of... um...
33
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,153
of... um...
34
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,949
Is it time for our interview yet?
35
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:57,073
I don't know when we're on.
The red light on the camera is broken.
36
00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,159
Hello?
37
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,352
Can anybody hear me back there?
38
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,680
Hello?
39
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:08,515
Is there a technical problem?
- Don't ask me.
40
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,118
What was that?
- Don't ask me.
41
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:15,313
Why not?
I didn't understand what you said.
42
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,035
I said, "Don't ask me."
43
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:22,154
Yes, I got that,
but what did you say before?
44
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,319
Nothing, and you?
What did you say?
45
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,080
I just didn't understand what you said.
46
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,717
No, what did you say first,
right at the beginning?
47
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,435
I asked if there was a technical problem.
48
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:37,997
Well, don't ask me.
- Pardon?
49
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,630
Mr. Hippentraut,
you're a bunny hatcher.
50
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,236
That's an unusual occupation, no?
51
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:48,636
Yes, oh yes.
- And how...
52
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,799
I mean... you hatch bunny eggs?
53
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,993
Yes, oh yes, bunny eggs.
- Uh-huh.
54
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:59,117
Does that require any special training?
55
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,074
Just a uniform body temperature.
56
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:05,114
And a love of eggs, bunny eggs.
- Of course.
57
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:10,918
Small children still think
the Easter Bunny hides his eggs himself.
58
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,873
But that's a lie.
- Really?
59
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,040
The Easter Bunny's eggs
are taken from him at Easter!
60
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,675
Stolen, in secret.
- You're kidding!
61
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:22,270
Stolen, hidden, and eaten.
62
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,996
Young bunny lives
destroyed before they can even hatch!
63
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,193
Bunnies are doomed to extinction.
- Outrageous!
64
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:33,280
And you...
- So we save what's left of the eggs.
65
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,393
And hatch them, my wife and I.
- Of course.
66
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:40,879
Our young Easter bunnies are sent
to bunny lovers around the world.
67
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,517
To Nord-Rhein Westphalia,
Baden-Württemberg...
68
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,554
Do you use...
- Schleswig-Holstein, Lower Saxony...
69
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,991
Do you use...
- ... Bremen, Cuba...
70
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,920
Do you use...
- ... Brazil, Poland, Chile...
71
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,279
... Mexico...
- Do you use a machine to hatch them?
72
00:04:56,480 --> 00:05:00,679
How exactly is it done?
- No, all eggs are hatched by hand.
73
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,270
We sit on them.
- Of course.
74
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,154
What a nice, rewarding occupation!
75
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:11,429
Yes, oh yes, but we're the last
bunny hatchers in Europe.
76
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:16,472
When we're gone, it'll be a catastrophe!
- Of course.
77
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:21,431
In ten years, we'll only have
plastic bunnies and no eggs whatsoever.
78
00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:23,559
Mr. Hupentrat?
- Hippentraut.
79
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:28,073
Mr. Hippentraut, you wanted to show us...
- Yes, oh yes.
80
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:32,315
I've just finished hatching a bunny egg.
- Oh!
81
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,671
I think it's time.
82
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,076
The bunny is hatching?
83
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:38,919
Yes, there it is!
84
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:45,280
That's not a bunny, Mr. Hippentraut.
- Yes, oh yes!
85
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,315
How embarrassing, Mr. Rösner!
86
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,751
But shouldn't you...?
- "Shouldn't, shouldn't!"
87
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,680
It happens once in 1000 eggs!
How should I know?
88
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,679
But you should know!
- I'm not the one in the egg!
89
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,873
Are you a bunny hatcher, or am I?
- I am!
90
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,356
Right!
Good evening.
91
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:09,072
May I politely inform you
that my train leaves in an hour?
92
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:13,837
As soon as they give me the sign...
- Well, if you wish to interview me...
93
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:18,876
I'm just waiting for the red light.
Once we get the signal, we'll start.
94
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:22,591
In all my years at this channel,
this has never happened!
95
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,840
Well, I have no intention of sleeping
here at the studio.
96
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,639
Right!
97
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,515
My wife is a Capricorn.
98
00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:39,480
I have a long-haired dachshund.
99
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,797
I'm a Pisces.
100
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,800
Capricorn and Pisces
are a good match.
101
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:49,358
Once I had two long-haired dachshunds.
That was a nightmare.
102
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,195
It depends on the ascendant, of course.
103
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,757
They need to run,
have to be brushed daily,
104
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,600
and have all sorts of ear problems.
105
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,191
Capricorns are actually very stubborn.
106
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,120
Would you like to see
a photo of my wife?
107
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:06,879
No, thank you.
108
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,480
Professor Mutzenberger,
109
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,718
you won the Nobel Prize
110
00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:20,756
for the first successful transformation
of a woman into a rabbit.
111
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,835
In 1953, I successfully put
112
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:30,236
the head of a 40-year-old postal worker
onto a 2-year-old rabbit.
113
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,634
She carried on working
at the counter for years,
114
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,719
married an older wild rabbit,
115
00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:39,754
and today, now that she's divorced,
116
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,590
she lives in seclusion
at a Heidelberg pet shop.
117
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,156
Mr... Rösner,
118
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:50,195
women per se, in their current form,
119
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:54,599
have long been considered outdated.
- Of course.
120
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:59,272
Not to mention the menacing surplus
of women, on the one hand,
121
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:04,555
and the tangible lack of
high-quality rabbits on the other hand.
122
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,992
Professor...
- And it's a well-known fact
123
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,669
that over 70% of all husbands
124
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:14,112
would prefer living with a rabbit,
don't you know?
125
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,118
Of course.
126
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,359
Is that your wife in your arms?
127
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:24,273
No, this is the companion
of the chairman of the supervisory board
128
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,711
of the Duisburg Steel Corporation.
129
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,310
She's a fine specimen, is she not?
130
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:33,310
Professor,
how can one tell real rabbits
131
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,911
from artificial women...
No, I mean how can you tell
132
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,510
real women from artificial rabbits?
133
00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:44,318
I mean, can you tell
an unnatural, female rabbit...
134
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,718
How can you tell a woman
transformed into a rabbit...
135
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:51,277
... from a totally normal rabbit?
136
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,597
... from a real rabbit-rabbit?
137
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:58,431
Is there any way to somehow...
- To physically tell them apart.
138
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,918
So, Professor Mutzenberger
139
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:07,479
as far as I know, your wife
volunteered for the first experiments.
140
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,195
Did she...
I mean, is she...
141
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:13,997
Sadly, the first experiment
was unsatisfactory.
142
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:18,080
It only resulted in her growing
strong incisors, very long ears
143
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,112
and a little, bushy...
144
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,312
... bushy tail.
- I see.
145
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,714
Yes, so for her bushy tail,
146
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:29,994
we cut a little hole...
- Thank you for joining us, Professor.
147
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,078
Good evening.
148
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:37,831
Are we on yet?
149
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,440
I don't know.
150
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,074
Hello?
151
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,197
No, I don't think so.
152
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,276
Do you know Belinski?
153
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:52,836
No.
- Günther Belinski?
154
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:54,394
No.
155
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:58,953
He was in my class, in 1938.
156
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:02,119
Then he moved to Böblingen
and got married.
157
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,040
Aha.
158
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,160
Have you ever been to Böblingen?
- No.
159
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,750
Never?
- No.
160
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,518
Do you know Hartmut Schöttel?
- No.
161
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,474
He's in his early fifties too now.
162
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:23,276
Aha.
- But very amusing. I met him once.
163
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,513
In Krefeld.
164
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,275
Do you know Heinz Riedel?
- No.
165
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,790
Do you know Professor Dumb?
- No.
166
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,434
See?
167
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,911
Ladies and gentlemen,
in wide swaths of the population
168
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:45,796
a totally unwarranted mistrust
continues to prevail
169
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,754
concerning the so-called "people's drug."
170
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,759
As State Health Department Spokesman,
171
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,840
it is my duty to illustrate
the uses and effects
172
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,999
of this beneficial drug.
173
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,194
Welcome, Mr. Eugene Jensch.
- Good evening.
174
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,791
He's been dejected for years
and sees the future,
175
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:10,552
both domestically and politically,
as drab and gloomy.
176
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:14,158
He is relatively useless.
177
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:19,235
As part of our awareness campaign,
178
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:22,000
Mr. Jensch was kind enough to volunteer
179
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:27,315
and will take the people's drug
here before our very eyes.
180
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:29,956
Here you are, Mr. Jensch.
181
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:53,396
So, Mr. Jensch,
do you feel anything... positive?
182
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:57,114
Of course it takes a certain...
183
00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:03,871
Mr. Jensch would like
to tell us what he's feeling.
184
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,830
Life has meaning for Mr. Jensch again.
185
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,270
His family is doing well,
186
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,752
everything is fine professionally.
187
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,839
He feels differently
about political protest,
188
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,272
about taxes, about the federal election,
189
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,439
about foreign affairs and the Chinese,
190
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,552
about life after death...
191
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,759
As you can see, ladies and gentlemen,
192
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:38,160
through correct use of our new,
affordable people's drug,
193
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:42,280
a modern, well-balanced person
was formed.
194
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:47,271
Healthy, happy, useful, and optimistic.
195
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,359
A man ready to master the future.
196
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:54,395
In short,
the picture of a model citizen.
197
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:57,798
Just ask your pharmacist.
Good evening.
198
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,875
There's the red light.
- Where?
199
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,510
There.
- Where? Oh, yes.
200
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,155
Professor...
- I'm no longer in the mood.
201
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:13,639
Professor Heubel, you are the chair
of plasmatic pleutology.
202
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,036
Pneumatic plastology.
- Ah.
203
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:18,675
What exactly is plasmatic pleutology?
204
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:23,909
Pneumatic plastology is based on new
findings in the field of psychosomatics.
205
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,873
Mar-vel-ous.
206
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,357
What is that, in a nutshell?
- A breathing technique.
207
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:31,870
Exactly. And?
- What, and?
208
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,276
And what?
Breathing and what?
209
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,439
I can't be bothered
to explain it to you anymore.
210
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:41,634
We're on the air, and this is
a public broadcasting corporation.
211
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:44,400
So what?
- This is a public building.
212
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:48,071
Great.
- Turn it off! Turn the damn camera off!
213
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:52,718
First you tell me on the phone,
this interview will take five minutes,
214
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:55,116
then I sit here all evening,
215
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:59,030
and now you harass me
with these impertinent questions?
216
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,878
Others would be glad
to get their nonsense on TV.
217
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,434
Fine.
218
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:08,316
Pneumatic plastology enables us,
using breathing techniques,
219
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,831
to make plastic changes to the body.
Period!
220
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,314
But it requires extreme concentration.
221
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,955
Can you demonstrate?
- Of course.
222
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,358
Then please do.
- I need total silence, please.
223
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,431
Mar-vel-ous!
224
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,996
Is that...
Does that... um...
225
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,556
Can you do that with any body part?
226
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,672
Of course.
Watch this.
227
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,590
No, no, maybe it's better if...
- Total silence, please.
228
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,310
Yes, yes, yes!
229
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,273
Mar-vel-ous!
230
00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,631
But how is that useful?
- Useful?
231
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,479
Mr... um...
- Gilling.
232
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:54,960
Mr. Gilling, scientists work selflessly,
in the service of mankind.
233
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:59,320
Science is not about usefulness,
it's about progress.
234
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,957
Aha.
But it looks so... unaesthetic.
235
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,119
Nature is always aesthetic.
- Professor Heubel,
236
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,232
could I too
237
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,592
use the breathing technique
to alter my body?
238
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,473
Of course.
- Now?
239
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,592
Hold your breath.
- Yes?
240
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:19,840
Lift your diaphragm,
concentrate on a body part.
241
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,760
Yes, yes?
- Push slightly.
242
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,117
Now harder.
243
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:29,396
There you go.
- Mar-vel-ous! Now change it back.
244
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,239
Why?
- Our time is up.
245
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,318
Oh, okay.
246
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,789
What about me?
- Exhale.
247
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,196
Relax the diaphragm.
- Yes?
248
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,198
Relax.
- I am!
249
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:42,959
More.
- I can't!
250
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:44,799
Don't cramp up.
- No, no!
251
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,037
My God, do as I say!
- I am!
252
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,916
You're making a real hash of it.
- I'm doing exactly what you say!
253
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,680
But the thing won't shrink.
- I see that!
254
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,270
Think of something cold.
- I can't.
255
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,995
Come see me in August
during office hours.
256
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,272
Thank you for joining us.
- You're welcome.
257
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,397
Ladies and gentlemen,
258
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,399
are you aware that,
259
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:14,073
within our prosperous society
there is a demographic group in need
260
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:18,559
that not even the reform plans
of a socialist government
261
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,831
managed to address?
262
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:26,596
Vampires are a minority group
in the Federal Republic of Germany.
263
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,032
As voters,
they are thus of no real significance.
264
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:34,438
Not long ago a hot topic of conversation,
265
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:38,839
today vampires have practically
been forgotten altogether.
266
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:44,638
What is being done for aging,
or innocent vampires in need?
267
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,950
Nothing!
On the contrary!
268
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:51,392
In violation of the constitution,
269
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:57,232
we are deliberately prevented
from exercising our way of life.
270
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:04,071
There are known cases
where respectable vampires
271
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:07,432
were publicly persecuted
272
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:11,634
because they removed,
in the nicest way possible,
273
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,230
blood from nocturnal pedestrians.
274
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:18,992
Healthy vampires require
one to two liters
275
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,999
of fresh ladies'
or men's blood each night.
276
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:28,640
In return, they abstain from pastries,
fruit, cheese, and vegetables.
277
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,073
As a result of
the public's hostile stance,
278
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:37,194
an alarming degree of
severe depression and nutritional damage
279
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:42,191
is running rampant,
especially among vampire youth.
280
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:47,552
In the year 1970,
in Rhineland-Palatinate alone,
281
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:53,274
more than 2,000 vampires
between the ages of 200 to 300 years old
282
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:55,273
became bedridden.
283
00:17:55,480 --> 00:18:01,829
What kind of government
spends billions on defense each year,
284
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:06,193
yet refuses to give even
one drop of blood to its vampires?
285
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,074
Something's just not right!
286
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,479
It's the eleventh hour.
287
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,759
We appeal to the public.
288
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:22,672
Who will donate blood, coffins,
warm blankets, and false teeth?
289
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:26,990
Who will host young vampires
over summer vacation?
290
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,393
To give quickly is to give doubly.
291
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,830
Send monetary donations
to post office account:
292
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,034
I've got a terrific surprise
in store for you.
293
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:54,269
Starting July 1, '93, everyone will
receive an even longer zip code.
294
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:58,759
Five digits! A five-digit zip code!
At no extra cost!
295
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,873
Long sausages cost more than short ones.
296
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,278
But the new, longer zip codes don't.
297
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,200
You get more zip code
for the same money.
298
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:12,280
And every single letter
will usually arrive the very next day.
299
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:16,235
You won't have to wait days
for bills, late fees, and fines.
300
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,956
No!
You'll usually have them within 24 hours,
301
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,038
right on your desk!
302
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,950
Just to let you know, so you have
something to look forward to.
303
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,072
Stop, stop, stop!
304
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,074
Mr. Meckelreiter, you are the most
prominent living whistler...
305
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,000
Artful whistler!
- "Artful whistler," yes.
306
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,910
Where have you...
Where do you currently artfully whistle?
307
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,157
I'm currently on tour in Europe.
308
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,273
Tonight I'm artfully whistling
at the Herkulessaal,
309
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,552
with the Berlin Philharmonic.
- And your whistling...
310
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,832
I mean, you've been whistling
the way you whistle...
311
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,431
I mean, you've always whistled
the way you whistle now?
312
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,678
My first public whistling was in 1954
313
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,270
at the Hanover Stud Bull Auction,
314
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:25,791
and then at the 1956 Salzburg Festival.
315
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,514
I whistled at the coronation
of Queen Elizabeth,
316
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,189
at the German parliament's first session,
317
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,916
several times at the UN,
and for the Supreme Soviet.
318
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:39,431
Fantastic.
Could you give us a little sample
319
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,394
of your... art?
- Gladly, gladly.
320
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:00,316
Aha.
321
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,672
But that... um...
That... um...
322
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,873
That's not...
I mean, don't get me wrong.
323
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,675
But that's not art.
- How dare you!
324
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,635
My first public whistling was in 1954...
- Yes, yes...
325
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,799
at the Hanover Stud Bull Auction...
- Yes, yes...
326
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,834
In 1956 at the Salzburg Festival...
- Yes, yes.
327
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:24,114
At the coronation of Queen Elizabeth
and the first session of parliament.
328
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,233
And for
the President of the United States.
329
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:31,798
Yes, but surely you didn't
whistle like that for President Nixon!
330
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,153
Apparently artistic matters
elude your judgement, Mr. Rösner.
331
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,238
Can you even whistle?
- Of course.
332
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,590
I'm listening.
333
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,597
What a crude tone!
334
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,792
Listen to this.
335
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:54,516
I don't know, Mr. Meckelreiter...
- I admit, I didn't hit the note perfectly.
336
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,236
But the overall artistic concept
is what matters.
337
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,790
Modern compositions
call for intellectual collaboration.
338
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:11,432
What's more, contemporary music
takes some getting used to.
339
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,190
Of course it's not easy listening
like Peter Alexander.
340
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,074
Thank you very much, Mr. Meckelreiter.
341
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,356
There you have it!
342
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,598
Give me an A.
- A.
343
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,031
A.
- A...
344
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,712
We will now sing "Rose on the Heath."
Go ahead.
345
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,995
Stop, stop, stop!
- What is it?
346
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:04,953
Nothing.
- Give me an A.
347
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:06,157
A.
348
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,079
We will now sing "Rose on the Heath."
Go ahead.
349
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:41,519
Stop, stop, stop!
I thought this song was different!
350
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,598
Even more different?
- How?
351
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,872
No complaining. We're here to sing.
- Where? -What?
352
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,720
What will we sing?
- How would I know?
353
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,311
Then we'll sing the national anthem.
- Which one?
354
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,591
None of your business.
355
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:58,709
Three, four...
356
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,074
No, no, no!
357
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,711
It's my first time at a racetrack.
358
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:21,870
But since you're so knowledgeable,
perhaps you can teach me a few things.
359
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,640
Okay, listen!
Number one's coming up!
360
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,275
Olejnik on Daisy!
361
00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,715
He's riding on a flower?
362
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,317
It's not a flower.
363
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,558
It's a horse.
Just like you're not a man, but a twit!
364
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,480
Gosh, that's mean!
365
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:52,794
Here we go!
Number 4: Otto Schmidt on Electrola!
366
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,595
Ah, so he's singing?
367
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:59,916
Wait, let me tell you something.
He's the one to bet on!
368
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:04,000
I've got it on good authority.
If he wants to, he does it.
369
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,635
If he doesn't, then he didn't want to.
370
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,638
So he doesn't want to?
371
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,595
No, if he doesn't,
then he didn't want to or he couldn't.
372
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,951
He couldn't?
373
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,277
Oh, how embarrassing!
374
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:23,399
Oh well.
Oh well, horses are just people, too.
375
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:29,315
Quiet, quiet!
They're going to the starting boxes.
376
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,115
They're going?
- To the starting boxes.
377
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:35,996
Do they walk around all year like that,
or what?
378
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:40,911
Not here, but in France
in places like Auteuil, Biarritz, or Ars.
379
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,034
In the Ars, as well?
380
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:57,998
Oh, aren't you common!
381
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:03,874
Oh, here we go!
They're off! One, two, three!
382
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,311
Now they're going to finish!
383
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:08,432
They're going to finish?
384
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,355
Right there on the grass?
385
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:14,792
Where are they running?
Where are they running to?
386
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,560
My God!
Where are they running?
387
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:21,276
Wait, wait!
He's still up front! He's still up front!
388
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,200
Where are they running?
Who's going to win?
389
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,917
The one who comes in first, of course.
- I'll definitely know when he comes.
390
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,196
Where are they running?
Where are they running to?
391
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,633
Hopefully they won't get lost, right?
392
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,550
Where are they running?
- Use your binoculars, for God's sake!
393
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,434
Why didn't you say so?
394
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:53,198
Where are they running?
All I see is black.
395
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,437
What's that about?
396
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:59,236
Ah, I was looking in the wrong end.
That happens.
397
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,353
Where are they running?
398
00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:05,871
Where are they running, for God's sake?
399
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,036
Where are they running?
400
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:10,799
Where are...
401
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,277
Oh, did I get a shock!
402
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,551
I can only see your silly face.
403
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,956
Look that way!
404
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,994
Don't stare at me!
The horses are that way!
405
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,511
The horses are over there?
406
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,433
Oh!
407
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,796
Oh, how beautiful!
408
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:34,233
Oh, how beautiful!
409
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,558
What beautiful green grass!
410
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:43,879
No offense, but I can't say
I've ever met a dumber fellow.
411
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:49,796
Who? -You!
- Me? -Yes!
412
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,515
Could you maybe take that back?
- Who?
413
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:54,871
You. -Me?
- Yes. -No.
414
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,595
Then we're done here.
415
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:00,636
Three, four...
416
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,354
Oh a kiss comes naturally
417
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:14,236
Love is all there needs to be
418
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,832
If you're poor or if you're rich
419
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,477
If you'rea 1st, or a 2nd, or a 3rd class passenger
420
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,832
Can't be discerned from a kiss
421
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,953
Though it's something not to miss
422
00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:31,717
'Cause it's critical,awfully critical
423
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:35,152
When it means "I love you"
424
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,997
Oh a kiss comes naturally
425
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,273
Love is all there needs to be
426
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,032
If you're poor or if you're rich
427
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:52,597
If you'rea 1st, or a 2nd, or a 3rd class passenger
428
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,315
Can't be discerned from a kiss
429
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,590
Though it's something not to miss
430
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,877
'Cause it's critical,awfully critical
431
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:06,039
When it means "I love you"
432
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,632
'Cause it's critical,awfully critical
433
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,390
When it means, "I love you"
434
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:16,992
What am I to do?I don't have a clue
435
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,590
How a kiss is born
436
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,672
Don't worry for hoursJust go buy her flowers
437
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,395
Till it's obvious
438
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,713
I'll bring you flowersKiss your hand so gallantly
439
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,834
All the rest comes naturally
440
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,954
I know where this is headedI think I finally get it
441
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:39,755
How a kiss is born
442
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,874
A kiss comes naturally
443
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,199
Love is all there needs to be
444
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:49,752
If you're poor or if you're rich
445
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:53,477
If you'rea 1st, or 2nd, or a 3rd class passenger
446
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,673
Can't be discerned from a kiss
447
00:29:56,880 --> 00:30:00,078
Though it's something not to miss
448
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:03,558
'Cause it's critical,awfully critical
449
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:06,992
When it means "I love you"
450
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,398
'Cause it's critical,awfully critical
451
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:15,470
When it means "I love you"
452
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,069
Ladies and gentlemen,
453
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:26,320
it may dismay the nation to know
that German humor,
454
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:29,957
once a leading, quality product
on the world market,
455
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:34,717
now only makes up 0.02%
of the export rate.
456
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,674
But is it the Chederal Fancellor...
Excuse me.
457
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,389
Is the Federal Chancellor alone to blame?
458
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:45,038
How can we guarantee
the steady growth of the humor product
459
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,711
if, statistically speaking,
1 in 9 northern German housewives
460
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:53,312
giggle at second-rate, often lewd jokes
several times a day?
461
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:58,117
In Baden-Württemberg, humor consumption
has increased by 18.6%,
462
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:03,270
and by 21.2% in Rhineland-Palatinate
compared to 1928 levels.
463
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:09,351
By the way, these numbers don't include
jokes about sex or the Berlin Wall.
464
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,755
What's more,
the United States government insists,
465
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,759
for the current economic year,
466
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:21,591
on the purchase
of about 3,800 outdated American jokes.
467
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,599
The burden lies with the taxpayer.
468
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,077
So, ladies and gentlemen...
469
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:29,230
Pardon me.
470
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:32,319
It cannot and must not go on like this.
471
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:37,074
There's nothing wrong
with an occasional laugh among friends,
472
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:41,718
but if, at a leading manufacturer
of women's overgarments in Stuttgart,
473
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:46,437
in January alone,
a confirmed 286 jokes are told,
474
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,395
of which it is unclear if,
and to what extent,
475
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:55,038
the board of directors...
and perhaps in turn the union...
476
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,438
or the works council within the company
477
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,712
must've, should've,
could've been informed.
478
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,240
Good evening.
479
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,190
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
480
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:11,394
Our guest tonight is Dr. Sommer
481
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:15,116
the founder and director
of the Animal College
482
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:19,269
in Cuxhaven,
and his best friend and student.
483
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,318
Ladies and gentlemen,
484
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:29,436
more and more cases are being reported
of dogs watching hours of evening TV,
485
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:33,680
then having trouble sleeping,
having nightmares or stuttering.
486
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:37,715
These undeniably
serious emotional disturbances
487
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:41,072
can no longer be carelessly ignored.
488
00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:46,636
Television network programs
tend to be better suited
489
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:51,551
to mid-sized, long-haired dogs
than to tiny, short-haired dogs.
490
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:57,757
Fat dogs are more inclined to watch
political and educational programs,
491
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:02,113
whereas entertainment programming
appeals more to thin dogs.
492
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:08,557
That's not to say that
some big, fat, short-haired dogs
493
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:11,798
or tiny, fat, long-haired dogs
494
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:15,516
can't enjoy programs
for tiny, long, short-haired dogs
495
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,440
and short, fat, long-haired dogs.
496
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:22,429
Sadly, TV guides
fail to clearly label programs
497
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:28,750
when it comes to their suitability
for our four-legged friends.
498
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:35,878
Crime movies with brutal or offensive
material should be avoided altogether.
499
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:39,152
Robust dogs react with headaches,
500
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:43,400
while more delicate dogs
may react with deafness and constipation.
501
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,718
Political programs
are often unsuitable as well.
502
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:50,311
One Saint Bernard in Düsseldorf
503
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,718
watched a session
of the German parliament,
504
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:57,630
then suffered dizzy spells
and hick-ups for two weeks.
505
00:33:58,160 --> 00:33:59,719
In summary,
506
00:33:59,920 --> 00:34:02,355
small, fat dogs
or big, long dogs
507
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:06,440
and small, thin, long-haired
or fat, short-haired dogs
508
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,916
shouldn't watch TV after 9:00 PM.
509
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:14,195
Fat long-ears and thin short-ears,
and dogs between two and eight years old
510
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,869
should consult a doctor
before watching.
511
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:18,560
Good evening.
512
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:24,879
Dr. Sommer, you've been giving this dog
speech training for years.
513
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,992
Yes, sir.
- In German?
514
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,795
Correct.
- And you were successful?
515
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,515
That's right.
- So, the dog can speak?
516
00:34:32,720 --> 00:34:34,791
Yes, sir.
- Speak like a person?
517
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:37,560
Yes.
- That's sen-sational!
518
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,592
What's its name?
- Bello.
519
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,871
What can he say?
- Anything.
520
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,437
Like what, for example?
- Say something.
521
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:48,156
You want me to say something?
- Yes.
522
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,912
I can speak, for God's sake.
The dog should say something!
523
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,840
Yes, but tell him what to say.
524
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:03,075
How about the name of some famous actor?
525
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:06,239
Doesn't matter which one.
Who's that blond one?
526
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:09,155
Heinz Rühmann?
- No, the other one.
527
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,672
Curd Jürgens?
- No, it starts with "F".
528
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:15,270
With "F"?
- Or "P".
529
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:18,075
Marlene Dietrich?
- That's close.
530
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,840
Wasn't he in that movie?
- Which one?
531
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,920
The one by that Italian director.
The name escapes me.
532
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:29,114
Starting with "I"?
- It sounds like a car manufacturer.
533
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,232
BMW?
- No, no.
534
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,876
That soccer player comes to mind.
- Which soccer player?
535
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:39,710
The one who shot the goal at the final.
- Where? In Hamburg?
536
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:41,639
No.
- In Bremen?
537
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:43,832
No! Um...
538
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:48,671
Ladies and gentlemen,
539
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:51,270
it's high time we speak out.
540
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:55,076
The lifestyle
of the German domestic pig is becoming,
541
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,398
both intellectually and morally,
542
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:00,239
scandalous.
543
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:04,879
Not even a Grade A pig
can serve as a role model
544
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,675
if it swaps its mate several times a year
545
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,590
and is generally only interested
in carnal matters.
546
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,873
Of course, inside every sow
lies a swine.
547
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:19,437
But is that any reason
to sit back and do nothing?
548
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:23,077
Hoggishly speaking,
a swine may be beastly
549
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:25,875
if a piggish...
550
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:28,512
... piggish...
551
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,594
... pig-gish...
552
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,957
Because a swine is more apt than a sow
553
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:40,995
to meet mental-animal demands.
554
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:46,716
This development is due to
the extreme caution of responsible parties
555
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,311
when dealing with unknown, young swines.
556
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,595
Therefore we demand living conditions
557
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:58,111
which enable even young swines
to entertain the desire
558
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:03,156
to enter into the bond of marriage
with just one other swine.
559
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:08,154
Because only
a boaring, close-nit family life
560
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:13,560
has the potential to one day become
a truly monumental pigsty.
561
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,399
Good evening.
562
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:20,920
Dr. Sommer, what method did you use
to teach the dog to talk,
563
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:22,759
and how long did it take?
564
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:26,715
I taught this dog for over four years
eight hours a day,
565
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:32,314
using speech repetition, tongue exercises
and an intensive breathing technique.
566
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:34,999
Sen-sational.
567
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:38,877
Dr. Sommer,
could the dog say something now?
568
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:40,036
Sure.
569
00:37:40,240 --> 00:37:42,880
Bello, say: "Paw."
570
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:46,120
I see.
571
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,950
Now, perhaps, something longer.
572
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:52,597
What topic would you like?
- It doesn't matter.
573
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,156
Perhaps something political?
- No, no.
574
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,955
Something church-related?
- Please, no.
575
00:37:58,160 --> 00:37:59,389
What then?
576
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,718
Something nice and normal.
- All right.
577
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:08,200
Bello, say:
"Otto walks tall along the garden wall."
578
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:18,275
You do have to listen very carefully.
- Botanical topics aren't really his thing.
579
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:21,632
All right, then something church-related.
580
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:22,796
Sure.
581
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:24,798
Bello, say:
582
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:29,838
"Nine nuns haul balls to the ball hall."
583
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:35,639
I don't know, sir.
584
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:37,274
I don't know
585
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:39,995
if this dog is up to handling that topic.
586
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,999
Maybe we should avoid
church-related issues.
587
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:44,350
As you wish.
588
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,235
Then something political after all?
589
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,352
No, no.
- An economic topic?
590
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:51,472
Yes, please.
- Nuclear power?
591
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:53,752
No. Absolutely not.
592
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:58,319
Political statements from dogs
are not welcome on TV.
593
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,192
But I assure you...
- No, no.
594
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:04,552
I assure you the dog
is expressing his own opinion,
595
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:06,433
with no political angle.
596
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,075
Nuclear power is a political angle.
597
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:13,433
So what if it is?
- Politicians, not dogs should address it.
598
00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:17,350
Bello has the right to address it,
just like a politician.
599
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,792
He doesn't know what he's saying.
- Like a politician.
600
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,959
Well, fine. But no more than a minute.
601
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:25,640
Bello, say:
602
00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:31,199
"Otto Maul is feeling small in the squall
without nuclear power."
603
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:40,910
Such remarks needlessly
heat up the debate.
604
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:42,156
Fine.
605
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:43,874
Bello, say:
606
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:48,552
"Otto Kohl bought a shawl
from the stall in the shopping mall."
607
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:57,471
Now that has
no topical relevance whatsoever.
608
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:01,310
Can't he say anything
about TV-related issues?
609
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:04,479
Bello, say: "Talk show."
610
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:08,036
Dr. Sommer, may I be frank?
- Well, what?
611
00:40:08,240 --> 00:40:10,277
This dog can't talk at all.
612
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:12,358
How dare you!
613
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,359
He has command of just a single letter.
614
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,313
Something similar to "O."
615
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:20,998
What did he say now?
616
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:24,034
Peter Piper picked
a peck of pickled peppers.
617
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,072
Bertha.
- Yes?
618
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:34,839
This egg is hard.
619
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,359
This egg is hard.
620
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,074
I heard you.
621
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:44,871
How long did the egg boil for?
622
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,397
Too many eggs aren't healthy.
623
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,474
I'm asking how long this egg boiled.
624
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,832
You always want it to boil
for four and a half minutes.
625
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,158
I know that.
- Then why are you asking?
626
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:00,990
Because this egg can't have boiled
for four and a half minutes.
627
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:04,591
But I boil it for four and a half minutes
every morning.
628
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,634
So why is it
sometimes too hard or too soft?
629
00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,639
I don't know. I'm not a chicken.
630
00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:12,435
Oh.
631
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,560
Then how do you know when the egg's done?
632
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:19,470
Good Lord! I take it out
after four and a half minutes.
633
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,273
According to the timer?
634
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,678
According to my gut.
A housewife feels it in her gut.
635
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:26,200
In your gut?
636
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:28,232
What do you have in your gut?
637
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:31,478
I feel it in my gut
when the egg is soft.
638
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:33,273
But it's hard.
639
00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:36,474
Maybe your gut feeling's off.
640
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:39,115
My gut feeling is off?
641
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:42,518
I stand in the kitchen all day,
do the laundry,
642
00:41:42,720 --> 00:41:47,272
pick up your things, make the place cozy,
struggle with the kids,
643
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:50,120
and you say my gut feeling is off?
644
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:53,870
When you do it according to your gut,
it only boils
645
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,914
for four and a half minutes by chance.
646
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:02,115
What does it matter to you
if the egg boils that long by chance
647
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:05,199
as long as it boils
for four and a half minutes?
648
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,551
I'd just like an egg that's soft
649
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,195
and not an egg that's soft by chance.
650
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,471
I don't care how long it boils.
651
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,353
Aha! You don't care.
652
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:18,793
So you don't care if I slave away
at the stove for four and a half minutes?
653
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,515
No, no.
- Well, you should care.
654
00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:24,554
The egg has to boil
for four and a half minutes.
655
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,274
That's what I said!
656
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:28,995
But you just said you didn't care.
657
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:32,079
I'd just like to have a soft-boiled egg.
658
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,590
God! Men are so unsophisticated.
659
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:38,353
I'm going to kill her!
660
00:42:38,720 --> 00:42:40,916
Tomorrow I'm going to kill her!
661
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,953
I don't have to work in television.
662
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,959
I mean, I'm not dependent on it.
663
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,078
Hermann?
- Yes?
664
00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:47,999
What are you doing in there?
665
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:49,839
Nothing.
- Nothing?
666
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:51,554
Why nothing?
667
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:53,353
I'm doing nothing.
668
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:56,430
Not a thing?
669
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:57,835
No.
670
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:01,759
Nothing at all?
671
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,031
No, I'm sitting here.
672
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:07,033
You're sitting there?
673
00:45:07,240 --> 00:45:08,435
Yes.
674
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:11,196
But you must be doing something!
675
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:12,470
No.
676
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:17,797
Are you thinking about anything?
677
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:19,753
Nothing in particular.
678
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:26,353
It wouldn't do you any harm
if you went for a little walk.
679
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:29,155
No, no.
- I'll get you your coat.
680
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:33,240
No, thank you.
- But it's too cold without a coat.
681
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:35,511
But I'm not going for a walk.
682
00:45:35,720 --> 00:45:37,871
But just now you wanted to.
683
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,959
No, you wanted me to go for a walk.
684
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:45,677
Me? I don't care a jot
whether you go for a walk or not.
685
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:47,075
Good.
686
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,915
I just said it wouldn't do you any harm
687
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,555
if you went for a little walk.
688
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,036
No, it wouldn't do me any harm.
689
00:45:56,240 --> 00:45:58,357
So what is it you want then?
690
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:00,392
I want to sit here.
691
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:04,672
You sure can drive a person crazy!
692
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:06,030
Oh?
693
00:46:06,240 --> 00:46:09,278
First you want to go for a walk,
then you don't.
694
00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:12,632
Then you want me to get your coat,
then you don't.
695
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,594
Well, what'll it be?
- I want to sit here.
696
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,269
Now, suddenly, you want to sit there.
697
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:20,233
Not suddenly at all.
698
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:22,955
I've wanted to sit here the whole time.
699
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:24,435
To sit?
700
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:27,553
I want to sit here and relax.
701
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:30,871
If you really wanted to relax,
702
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:33,595
you'd stop yapping at me the whole time.
703
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:36,235
I'm not saying anything anymore.
704
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:40,233
Right now you have time
705
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,080
to do something that you enjoy.
706
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:44,350
Yes.
707
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,758
Are you reading something?
- Not at the moment.
708
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:54,792
Then read something!
709
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:57,435
Later. Maybe later.
710
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,912
Just go get your magazines.
711
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,272
I'd like to sit here
a while longer first.
712
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,199
Should I get them for you?
713
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:09,153
No, no. Thanks though.
714
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:13,511
So the gentleman wants
to be waited on too, hm?
715
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:18,314
I'm on my feet all day long.
716
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:22,355
You could get up
and get your magazines for once.
717
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:24,916
I don't want to read right now.
718
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,956
First you want to read, then you don't.
719
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:30,675
I simply want to sit here.
720
00:47:31,720 --> 00:47:33,632
Just do whatever you enjoy.
721
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:35,433
That's what I'm doing!
722
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:38,712
Then stop your constant bellyaching.
723
00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:42,560
Hermann?
724
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:46,874
Are you deaf?
725
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:50,915
No, no.
- But you're not doing what you enjoy.
726
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:53,316
You're just sitting there instead.
727
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:56,354
I'm sitting here because I enjoy it.
728
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:59,075
Don't get so aggressive all of a sudden!
729
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:01,590
I'm not being aggressive.
730
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,554
Then why are you yelling at me like that?
731
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,674
I'm not yelling at you!
732
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:52,152
Why did the TV have to break
today of all days?
733
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:57,071
They deliberately design television sets
so they break after a little while.
734
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:02,756
I don't really need to watch television.
735
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:04,394
Neither do I.
736
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:08,674
Not just because the set's broken today,
but anyhow.
737
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:11,349
I don't like watching TV anyhow.
738
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:15,998
There really isn't anything on TV
that one really wants to watch.
739
00:49:18,240 --> 00:49:23,156
Thank God we don't need to bother
looking at the idiot box today.
740
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:25,155
No.
741
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:29,075
But it looks like you're looking at it.
742
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:30,680
Me?
- Yes.
743
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:34,430
No, I'm just looking
in that general direction.
744
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:37,878
But you're looking at it.
You keep looking at it.
745
00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:39,992
Me? I'm looking at it?
746
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:43,238
What makes you say that?
- It looks that way.
747
00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:45,238
It can't look that way.
748
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,079
I'm looking past it,
749
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:49,317
intentionally looking past it.
750
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:52,479
And if you'd pay
a little bit more attention to me
751
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:55,718
you'd notice me
intentionally looking past it.
752
00:49:55,920 --> 00:50:00,119
But you're not interested in me at all.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes...
753
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:05,310
We could look
somewhere totally different for once.
754
00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:07,910
Somewhere different? Like where?
755
00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:10,430
To the side, or behind us.
756
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:12,994
Behind us?
757
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:15,391
You want me to look behind me?
758
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,310
You want me to look behind me
just because the TV's broken?
759
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:24,470
I'm not going to let a television set
dictate where I look.
760
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:32,640
What would've been on today anyway?
761
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:34,752
An entertainment program.
762
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,349
It sure is outrageous
763
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:42,236
what they show on television
night in and night out.
764
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:46,195
I don't know
why we even watch it anymore.
765
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:50,835
We could read, play cards
or go to the movies.
766
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:52,633
Or go to the theater.
767
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:55,077
Instead we all sit around
768
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:58,990
and stare at the stupid shows on TV.
769
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:01,597
Well, today the set is broken.
770
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:03,029
Thank God.
771
00:51:03,240 --> 00:51:05,675
We can at least have a chat for once.
772
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:07,678
Or go to bed early.
773
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:13,036
I go to bed
after the eleven o'clock news.
774
00:51:13,240 --> 00:51:15,357
But the television is broken!
775
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:18,594
I'm not going to let a broken television
776
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:22,350
dictate when it's time for me
to go to bed!
777
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:32,237
Professor Schleppenbach,
778
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:37,959
humanity has you to thank for a discovery
of immeasurable importance.
779
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:40,679
Huh? What? Oh, yeah.
780
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:44,794
As head of the Lunar Biology Institute
in Husum
781
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:50,359
you analyzed samples of lunar rock
collected by Armstrong and Aldrin.
782
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:54,710
You were the first
to discover life on it.
783
00:51:55,240 --> 00:51:57,118
Uh... Yeah.
- And?
784
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:59,516
And what?
- What did you observe?
785
00:51:59,720 --> 00:52:04,317
While using an electron microscope
I came across living organisms.
786
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:09,276
First, I found footprints,
cigarette butts, food scraps, etc.,
787
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:11,836
then the moon inhabitants themselves.
788
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:13,394
Food scraps?
789
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:15,034
Uh-huh.
790
00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:18,074
And what do they look like, these...
791
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:20,474
these...
- What?
792
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:22,114
Moon inhabitants?
793
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:24,551
They look like, uh... people.
794
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:26,797
Uh-huh.
- Smaller, of course.
795
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:28,593
Smaller, much smaller.
796
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:33,079
Uh-huh.
- They can't be seen with the naked eye.
797
00:52:33,280 --> 00:52:37,240
Roughly 44,000 of them live on this rock,
798
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:40,956
in two small cities
and 16 village communities.
799
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:44,599
The coexistence
of earth and moon inhabitants
800
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:49,113
does not present a serious problem
from a scientific standpoint.
801
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:50,310
No, no.
802
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:53,672
Nothing speaks against
marriage-like relationships
803
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:56,918
between earth
and moon inhabitants either.
804
00:52:57,120 --> 00:52:58,270
No, no.
- Yes.
805
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:01,712
However, the difference
in body sizes does require
806
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:04,355
a degree of quantitative adjustment.
807
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:05,835
Of course.
- Yes.
808
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:09,920
For example, in my view, it's legitimate
for a healthy woman to insist
809
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:13,716
that her life partner can be made out
without a microscope.
810
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:15,274
Right.
- Yes.
811
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:20,271
According to my conservative estimate
she would have a right to... Hold on...
812
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:26,432
100,000 to 120,000
813
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:28,871
male lunar spouses.
814
00:53:29,320 --> 00:53:33,872
They would cover an area the size of a pea
when arranged closely together.
815
00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:37,073
Her husband would be visible
to the naked eye,
816
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:40,398
yet is unlikely
to be considered an annoyance.
817
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:43,479
An eminently satisfactory result.
818
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:45,320
Thank you, professor.
819
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:47,839
Good evening.
820
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:50,829
President,
821
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:53,350
ladies and gentlemen.
822
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:57,119
The German noodle...
823
00:53:59,760 --> 00:54:04,039
The German noodle has become
a point of interest on the world stage
824
00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:07,950
since West Germany
began noodling more noodle dough
825
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:10,755
than Britain and France combined.
826
00:54:12,240 --> 00:54:13,674
At the upcoming
827
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:17,271
European Economic Community
Council of Ministers meeting
828
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:22,509
German broad noodles
must prove to be of superiority quality
829
00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:25,910
or we will face a noodle crisis...
830
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:33,757
or we will face a noodle crisis
of unimaginable proportions.
831
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:41,390
On a related note, I would like express
my regret regarding a press release.
832
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:47,759
In my last conversation
with the president of France,
833
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:49,838
I did not say anything
834
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:53,590
about a broad range
of inadequate noodles.
835
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:59,236
I did, rather, speak of
an inadequate range of broad noodles.
836
00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:04,920
It is shameful
837
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:09,115
that left-wing intellectual students,
of all people,
838
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,960
miss the mark on the noodle issue.
839
00:55:12,160 --> 00:55:15,836
Are those who come together in communes
even aware of
840
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:18,874
the crucial role
the curly broad noodle plays
841
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:22,869
in the political consciousness
of the German people?
842
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:28,354
Left-wing intellectuals' discomfort
with the tumultuous development
843
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:30,870
of the German pasta industry...
844
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:41,437
cannot prevent us
from continuing our work.
845
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:44,716
Unwavering, businesslike
846
00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:47,317
and noodle conscious.
847
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:51,875
In the coming days we will find out
848
00:55:52,320 --> 00:55:55,916
if the noodle will be the undoing
of the grand coalition
849
00:55:56,120 --> 00:56:00,034
or if it will spark
newfound shared inspiration.
850
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:05,070
I don't know of
any left-wing or right...
851
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:07,913
right-wing noodle.
852
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:10,353
There is only a single
853
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:12,119
German noodle!
854
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:20,560
I now welcome to the studio Dr...
855
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:22,194
Borst.
- Borst.
856
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:24,710
And Mr. Hans-Friedrich Claassen.
857
00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:27,515
Perhaps you should start, Dr. Borst.
858
00:56:27,720 --> 00:56:30,235
Back then in the German parliament
859
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:35,151
it was you who broached the broad...
the green bean topic and claimed.
860
00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:36,919
I claimed nothing.
861
00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:38,759
Now listen here, you...
862
00:56:38,960 --> 00:56:40,679
Let me finish.
- I...
863
00:56:40,880 --> 00:56:42,314
In the German parliament
864
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:46,912
you went on about the fromage frais
import ban for two hours without...
865
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:49,351
Not here!
- Well, I didn't claim...
866
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:51,313
But you can't deny...
- Ah!
867
00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:53,796
You can't deny...
- What are you implying?
868
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:56,674
Am I being unclear?
- I can't follow you.
869
00:56:56,880 --> 00:56:58,234
Admit it.
- I will...
870
00:56:58,440 --> 00:56:59,760
Admit it.
- I will...
871
00:56:59,960 --> 00:57:01,235
Admit it.
- What?
872
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:03,875
Yes! Yes... That the... that...
873
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:06,037
That you... the... uh...
- Well?
874
00:57:06,240 --> 00:57:08,880
Thank you. That's enough.
- Not for me.
875
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:12,079
The green bean transcends all party...
- Oh!
876
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:14,590
Don't interrupt me.
- Now I'd like...
877
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:18,794
I didn't interrupt you! I'm repeating
what I repeated in the parliament.
878
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:19,990
Uh-huh.
- Right?
879
00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:21,316
Now I'd...
- Right?
880
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:23,910
You don't get...
- You said that! Right?
881
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:27,796
Yes, sir. And you'll be interested...
- Now I'd like...
882
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:31,357
But I don't want to interrupt.
- What will interest whom?
883
00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:34,997
The public will be interested
in how you and your faction
884
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:39,638
interpreted Council of Ministers'
Communiqué IV-2 Item 394-398
885
00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:41,638
of September 28, 1967
886
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:44,912
regarding the "fresh vegetable"
supplementary clause.
887
00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:49,194
Where were you during the debate
on standardizing the general terms
888
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,756
for tax breaks on minor proceeds
889
00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:54,998
from medium-sized agricultural waste,
Mr. Borst?
890
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:57,590
You didn't answer my question.
- Where were you?
891
00:57:57,800 --> 00:58:00,520
You didn't answer my question.
- Where were you?
892
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:03,997
Ladies and gentlemen,
we are running out of time.
893
00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:06,112
Let us summarize.
894
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:08,391
Has the green bean issue
895
00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:12,913
undermined the belief in parliamentarism
in West Germany or not?
896
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:15,396
Yes or no? Or how or what?
897
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:19,799
I note that you have failed to...
- Your spurious arguments damage the...
898
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:23,311
That is indicative of the dubious...
- I once again point to
899
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:27,480
your messed-up manipulation
of the "fresh vegetable" clause.
900
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:28,750
Thank you.
901
00:58:28,960 --> 00:58:34,194
This debate hasn't conclusively answered
the questions that have been raised.
902
00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:37,313
However, we can say with some...
903
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:39,318
with some certitude...
904
00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:42,714
good evening.
905
00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:51,240
Ladies and gentlemen,
906
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:57,152
the state
of foreign and domestic affairs in...
907
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:01,072
in West Germany
908
00:59:01,560 --> 00:59:05,395
must currently be described as ideal.
909
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:07,759
In particular,
910
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:11,032
the issue of the relationship
with East Germany
911
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:16,077
can now be resolved to the satisfaction
912
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:18,234
of all parties.
913
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:22,920
The approach
914
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:25,279
is astoundingly simple.
915
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:27,874
An att...
916
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:34,910
The West German foreign minister
917
00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:39,592
and the chairman
of the East German Council of Ministers
918
00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:42,554
are in complete agreement that...
919
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:52,795
After all, it isn't all that difficult
for the West German government...
920
01:00:01,560 --> 01:00:03,233
That means... That means
921
01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:06,035
we establish a very natural link...
922
01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:18,836
That automatically creates...
923
01:00:33,960 --> 01:00:35,713
Every individual can...
924
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:50,071
Please... Please, please...
925
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:53,634
So it is...
926
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:09,434
Mr. Bollmann,
927
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:12,070
your trip is of vital importance
928
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:15,114
in solving all of the world's problems.
929
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:18,154
Where will you be having your first talk?
930
01:01:18,360 --> 01:01:19,999
Yes, indeed.
- I see.
931
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:22,157
Where will you be flying first?
932
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:24,556
First I will be flying to...
933
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:26,433
to... to thingamajig.
934
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:29,599
I see.
You'll be speaking to important...
935
01:01:31,080 --> 01:01:34,118
You'll be speaking to
important people there.
936
01:01:34,320 --> 01:01:38,473
I'll be conferring with
the president of the United States.
937
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:40,114
With President...
938
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:42,798
With... Well...
- With...
939
01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:44,673
Don't say it. With...
940
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,958
I know it. With...
941
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:51,110
And the topic?
I mean, what will you talk about?
942
01:01:51,320 --> 01:01:53,915
What, as it were.
- It starts with N.
943
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:55,156
Why?
944
01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:57,670
Nixon. Nixon's his name. I know it!
945
01:01:57,880 --> 01:01:59,599
I see.
- Nixon, Nixon.
946
01:01:59,960 --> 01:02:01,838
Nixon, Nixon, Nixon!
- Yes.
947
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:03,633
And what will you...
948
01:02:04,640 --> 01:02:06,950
And what will you confer about?
949
01:02:07,200 --> 01:02:10,238
About the key issues in world politics.
950
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:14,150
I see. I see.
- I'm to give Mr. Nixon a real...
951
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:16,591
Courteously, of course
- Of course.
952
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:19,952
Of course.
Then I'll go see Queen Elizabeth.
953
01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:23,756
Unbelievable!
- And to her husband, Mr. Wilson.
954
01:02:23,960 --> 01:02:25,360
Fantastic!
955
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:28,155
Who...
- For example, my wife hoped...
956
01:02:28,360 --> 01:02:29,919
Who gave you...
- My wife...
957
01:02:30,120 --> 01:02:32,271
... this mission...
- I said my wife...
958
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:35,234
... this wife... No, I mean...
- My mission...
959
01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:37,830
My wife...
- Who gave you this weighty wife...
960
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:39,599
What?
- Right!
961
01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:44,472
I mean, who entrusted you
with this weighty global mission?
962
01:02:44,680 --> 01:02:47,639
The United Nations,
the West German Chancellor
963
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:50,674
and the head
of the CDU/CSU parliamentary group,
964
01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:53,349
my dear friend Reinhard Brazel.
965
01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:55,597
Barzel?
- Brazel or Barzel.
966
01:02:55,800 --> 01:02:58,395
I'll find that out.
- But if he's a friend...
967
01:02:58,600 --> 01:03:03,550
Mr. Rösner, I have more than 12,000
very close friends across the globe
968
01:03:03,760 --> 01:03:06,070
and I can't remember every name,
you know?
969
01:03:06,280 --> 01:03:08,317
That's your problem, Mr...
970
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:10,360
Bollmann.
971
01:03:12,480 --> 01:03:16,360
I don't want to seem impolite,
but I'd really like to be alone now.
972
01:03:16,640 --> 01:03:18,074
Who are you?
973
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:20,079
My name's Müller-Lüdenscheidt.
974
01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:22,113
Klöbner, Dr. Klöbner.
975
01:03:22,400 --> 01:03:23,800
Pleasure.
- Pleasure.
976
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:26,640
Can you tell me
why you're sitting in my tub?
977
01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:30,311
I came up from the ping-pong room
and got the wrong room.
978
01:03:30,520 --> 01:03:32,352
This hotel is confusing.
979
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:36,474
You're still bathing although you know
you're in someone else's tub.
980
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:39,958
You can't call this bathing.
There's no water.
981
01:03:40,240 --> 01:03:42,800
When I got in the tub
you were in hot water.
982
01:03:43,080 --> 01:03:44,958
But you let it out.
983
01:03:45,240 --> 01:03:47,596
Because you drew the bath, Dr. Klöbner.
984
01:03:47,800 --> 01:03:50,918
I draw my own bathwater in my bathtub.
985
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:52,475
Then draw it.
986
01:03:52,760 --> 01:03:55,992
I draw my bathwater
when I see fit to do so.
987
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:57,714
Of course.
988
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:10,039
Pretty chilly,
just sitting in the tub like this.
989
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:12,914
I sometimes like
sitting in the tub without water.
990
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:14,998
Oh.
- What do you mean "oh"?
991
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:20,320
Oh, you said you like sitting in the tub
without water, and I said, "Oh."
992
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:23,240
Uh-huh.
- I could have said "uh-huh" instead.
993
01:04:23,440 --> 01:04:27,400
But I wanted to express my astonishment
at the fact that you prefer
994
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:29,717
sitting in the tub without water.
995
01:04:30,280 --> 01:04:34,513
Dr. Klöbner, I head a very important
heavy industry company
996
01:04:34,720 --> 01:04:37,360
and am not accountable to you
in my tub.
997
01:04:37,560 --> 01:04:38,471
No, no.
998
01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:41,639
I decide myself
if I bathe with or without water.
999
01:04:41,840 --> 01:04:43,752
Yes.
- And I only said...
1000
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:46,429
Mr. Müller-Lüdenscheidt...
- Let me finish.
1001
01:04:46,640 --> 01:04:49,439
I said, when the situation requires it
1002
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:53,156
I am more than capable of
taking a bath without water.
1003
01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:54,316
Of course.
1004
01:04:54,520 --> 01:05:00,118
And I will not be forced by anyone
to have my bath with or without water.
1005
01:05:00,400 --> 01:05:02,710
Of course not.
- Including you, Dr. Klöbner.
1006
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:05,992
Müller-Lüdenscheidt, it is conceivable
1007
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:11,434
that certain arguments exist in favor of
filling the tub with water now.
1008
01:05:11,640 --> 01:05:15,316
How can you be the judge of that?
- This isn't my first bath.
1009
01:05:15,520 --> 01:05:17,716
Oh!
- I speak from experience.
1010
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:21,914
A warm bath with water is more useful
than one without.
1011
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:25,352
That is your own personal opinion,
Dr. Klöbner.
1012
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:28,314
But one can be of a different opinion.
- Oh, yeah?
1013
01:05:28,520 --> 01:05:32,230
You don't have the luxury
of having your own opinion in my tub.
1014
01:05:32,520 --> 01:05:34,830
Mr. Müller-Lüdenscheidt!
- Dr. Klöbner!
1015
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:38,351
I will draw the bathwater
when you ask me politely.
1016
01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:40,153
Please.
- Politely.
1017
01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:41,430
Politely.
1018
01:05:42,560 --> 01:05:44,119
There we go.
1019
01:05:56,680 --> 01:05:59,070
Director Bartels, you are...
1020
01:05:59,280 --> 01:06:02,557
I head the giftware sector's
leading company,
1021
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:07,915
and wondered if anyone at all knows
what they should gift their loved ones.
1022
01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:11,875
No one knows that, hm?
- Mm-hmm. And so you...
1023
01:06:12,080 --> 01:06:16,711
So I released
the Original Bartels' Family User, hm?
1024
01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:19,754
For the gent, the lady and the child, hm?
1025
01:06:21,120 --> 01:06:24,272
I see. Splendid.
Absolutely fabulous, ma'am.
1026
01:06:24,480 --> 01:06:27,951
And what can you...
How should you... I mean, what do...
1027
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:32,313
Pardon?
- How do you use the Family Employer?
1028
01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:34,318
Family User, Mr. Rösner.
1029
01:06:34,520 --> 01:06:36,876
Original Family User, hm?
1030
01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:40,315
I see. Family Original...
1031
01:06:40,520 --> 01:06:44,480
It is a product that draws you in
with its pleasing form.
1032
01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:48,310
It is shapely, weather-resistant,
silent, skin-friendly,
1033
01:06:48,520 --> 01:06:50,876
low-maintenance, totally pointless
1034
01:06:51,080 --> 01:06:54,039
and can be pulled out,
for an extra charge.
1035
01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:59,156
It is a gift that brings joy
to the gent, the lady and the child, hm?
1036
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:00,396
I see.
1037
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:03,559
So it is, in the broadest sense,
a Family Utilizer...
1038
01:07:03,760 --> 01:07:07,197
User! Family User.
I already told you that, hm?
1039
01:07:07,400 --> 01:07:09,232
I was just about to say
1040
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:13,113
you use the Family Employer
less as a practical...
1041
01:07:13,320 --> 01:07:16,040
You should utilize
the Family User as a user.
1042
01:07:16,240 --> 01:07:18,436
Good Lord, am I being that unclear?
1043
01:07:18,640 --> 01:07:21,633
I was just asking
if the use of the Family...
1044
01:07:21,840 --> 01:07:26,039
the employment of the Family User
is just for family utilization or...
1045
01:07:26,240 --> 01:07:27,594
What?
1046
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:36,312
Whether you use the Original Family User
only as a family user
1047
01:07:36,520 --> 01:07:39,433
or if you can utilize it,
say, with friends...
1048
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:43,270
Mr. Rösner, I am
at a public broadcasting corporation
1049
01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:47,235
and will not allow you
to push my buttons like this, hm?
1050
01:07:49,240 --> 01:07:52,278
I'll say it again
to make it perfectly clear:
1051
01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:57,157
anyone with a modicum of education
can userize the Original Family Empluser
1052
01:07:57,360 --> 01:07:59,716
but not empluse it as a userizer, hm?
1053
01:07:59,920 --> 01:08:01,274
I see.
1054
01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:03,392
Thank you, Director Bartels.
1055
01:08:03,600 --> 01:08:05,159
You're very welcome.
1056
01:08:16,640 --> 01:08:19,599
What are you doing?
- Adding some colder water.
1057
01:08:19,800 --> 01:08:21,200
Very attentive,
1058
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:24,598
but I would like a smidgen more hot water.
1059
01:08:26,760 --> 01:08:30,310
Now, if I could just add
a dash of cold water...
1060
01:08:33,040 --> 01:08:35,396
That was a fraction too much.
- Huh!
1061
01:08:35,600 --> 01:08:39,480
A few drops of hot
and I think we can come to an agreement.
1062
01:08:42,720 --> 01:08:44,712
Does that work?
- Oh, yes. Thanks.
1063
01:08:44,920 --> 01:08:47,799
You're most welcome.
The duck stays put!
1064
01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:50,834
Mr. Müller-Lüdenscheidt!
- The duck stays put!
1065
01:08:51,040 --> 01:08:53,430
Sir, I always bathe with that duck!
1066
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:54,994
Not with me.
1067
01:08:55,280 --> 01:08:59,752
But I only met you today.
- Let the duck in, I'll let the water out.
1068
01:09:00,040 --> 01:09:02,509
These are your company's gangster tactics!
1069
01:09:02,800 --> 01:09:05,599
Dr. Klöbner!
- Mr. Müller-Lüdenscheidt!
1070
01:09:06,520 --> 01:09:09,672
Call yourself an academic? Hah!
- So what now?
1071
01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:12,953
I'll let the water out
if you let the duck in.
1072
01:09:13,240 --> 01:09:14,833
I'm putting my duck in.
1073
01:09:15,120 --> 01:09:17,680
Where's the plug?
- You're sitting on it.
1074
01:09:20,680 --> 01:09:24,151
Do you know that lots of people
don't even have a tub?
1075
01:09:24,440 --> 01:09:26,432
Ah, you're a lefty too, are you?
1076
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:29,116
Mr. Müller-Lüdenscheidt
- Dr. Klöbner!
1077
01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:33,914
Good heavens, let the duck in.
1078
01:09:34,840 --> 01:09:38,550
No. My duck is not sharing
the same water as you.
1079
01:09:38,840 --> 01:09:40,399
Put the duck in now!
1080
01:09:40,600 --> 01:09:44,480
Out of the question!
- Then I'll go under until you do.
1081
01:09:44,760 --> 01:09:47,958
Please do.
- I mean it. I'll count to three.
1082
01:09:48,400 --> 01:09:49,595
One,
1083
01:09:49,800 --> 01:09:51,029
two,
1084
01:09:51,240 --> 01:09:52,435
three.
1085
01:10:01,920 --> 01:10:03,354
"Advent."
1086
01:10:03,800 --> 01:10:05,837
Blue nurns the tight
1087
01:10:06,240 --> 01:10:07,674
Pardon me.
1088
01:10:09,480 --> 01:10:10,834
"Advent."
1089
01:10:11,560 --> 01:10:13,392
Blue turns the night
1090
01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:15,712
The little stars shimmer
1091
01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:19,197
As little snowflakes quietly fall hither
1092
01:10:19,400 --> 01:10:22,438
On a noble fir's green treetop
1093
01:10:22,640 --> 01:10:25,872
A little white tip does pile up
1094
01:10:26,080 --> 01:10:29,517
There, at the windowA light breaks through
1095
01:10:29,720 --> 01:10:32,633
Piercing the dark fir, warm and new
1096
01:10:33,280 --> 01:10:36,796
A candle flickers in the forester's house
1097
01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:39,640
In the study kneels the forester's spouse
1098
01:10:39,840 --> 01:10:42,639
On this most lovely of nights
1099
01:10:42,840 --> 01:10:45,878
She's killed the forester out of spite
1100
01:10:46,280 --> 01:10:48,954
For in her efforts to keep the house tidy
1101
01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:52,278
He'd long hindered her something mighty
1102
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:55,479
So she decided one fine day
1103
01:10:55,680 --> 01:10:58,639
That on St. Nick's night he would pay
1104
01:10:59,120 --> 01:11:02,158
As the little reindeer lay down in bed
1105
01:11:02,600 --> 01:11:06,071
And the bunny went to rest its head
1106
01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:09,478
She aimed between her husband's eyes
1107
01:11:09,680 --> 01:11:12,434
And shot him there despite his cries
1108
01:11:13,160 --> 01:11:16,756
Only the bunny, awoken by the blast
1109
01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:20,078
Twitched its nose four times fast
1110
01:11:20,480 --> 01:11:23,917
Then in darkness slept sweetly on
1111
01:11:24,120 --> 01:11:27,557
Stars gleaming cozily in the sky beyond
1112
01:11:28,760 --> 01:11:31,150
In the warm parlor below
1113
01:11:31,360 --> 01:11:34,876
The forester's bloodOnto the floor did flow
1114
01:11:35,080 --> 01:11:37,549
His wife must now make haste
1115
01:11:37,760 --> 01:11:40,639
To chop up her husband and leave no waste
1116
01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:43,958
Like a hunter she strips him to the bone
1117
01:11:44,160 --> 01:11:47,471
Skinning and gutting him all alone
1118
01:11:47,680 --> 01:11:51,674
She carefully puts member upon member
1119
01:11:51,880 --> 01:11:54,315
An act to which he did not endeavor
1120
01:11:54,520 --> 01:11:57,035
She puts a piece of sirloin aside
1121
01:11:57,240 --> 01:11:59,800
For her Christmas feast at eventide
1122
01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:02,834
At the end, it is nearly four
1123
01:12:03,040 --> 01:12:06,078
She wraps the rest and cleans the floor
1124
01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:09,432
Then, from afar, silver bells ring
1125
01:12:09,640 --> 01:12:11,916
From the village one hears dogs barking
1126
01:12:12,120 --> 01:12:14,874
Who on earth is out so late at night
1127
01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:17,754
Making his rounds as snow alights?
1128
01:12:17,960 --> 01:12:21,636
It's Santa's helper with a golden sleigh
1129
01:12:21,840 --> 01:12:24,480
He rides a stag as he comes her way
1130
01:12:24,680 --> 01:12:27,559
Hey, dear lady, have you anything spare
1131
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:30,594
To bring joy to poor people out there?
1132
01:12:31,520 --> 01:12:35,275
The forester's house is buried in snow
1133
01:12:35,640 --> 01:12:38,519
But his wife is ready to go
1134
01:12:38,720 --> 01:12:41,394
These six bundles, holy man
1135
01:12:41,760 --> 01:12:44,594
Are all that I have here at hand
1136
01:12:45,680 --> 01:12:48,400
The silver bells quietly ring
1137
01:12:48,840 --> 01:12:52,390
Santa's helper sets off to do his thing
1138
01:12:52,880 --> 01:12:56,078
Inside the candle burns, not yet spent
1139
01:12:56,680 --> 01:12:58,911
A little star shimmers
1140
01:12:59,120 --> 01:13:01,237
It is Advent
1141
01:13:09,400 --> 01:13:11,039
There you are again.
1142
01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:13,072
Yes, indeed.
- Watch this.
1143
01:13:20,120 --> 01:13:21,554
Dr. Klöbner?
1144
01:13:22,080 --> 01:13:23,434
Listen here.
1145
01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:26,912
If you don't resurface now,
I'm leaving the tub.
1146
01:13:27,120 --> 01:13:29,316
Anyone can hold their breath.
1147
01:13:31,160 --> 01:13:33,231
What do you say to that?
- You bore me.
1148
01:13:33,440 --> 01:13:36,592
I can do it longer than you.
- There are more important things.
1149
01:13:36,800 --> 01:13:38,712
Like what?
- Honesty, tolerance.
1150
01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:42,118
Yes, yes.
- Courage, decency, helpfulness.
1151
01:13:42,320 --> 01:13:44,676
Proficiency, tenacity.
- Yes.
1152
01:13:44,880 --> 01:13:47,076
Cleanliness.
- But I can do it longer.
1153
01:13:47,280 --> 01:13:50,159
Character is what counts.
- But I can do it longer.
1154
01:13:50,440 --> 01:13:53,353
I don't believe you.
- Then let's both go under now.
1155
01:13:53,560 --> 01:13:55,392
As you wish.
- Then we'll see.
1156
01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:58,035
We will.
- My fingers have gone all wrinkly.
1157
01:13:58,240 --> 01:14:00,038
So have mine.
- Right.
1158
01:14:00,240 --> 01:14:01,833
One, two...
1159
01:14:02,320 --> 01:14:03,674
three.
1160
01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:10,719
Is anybody here?
1161
01:14:10,920 --> 01:14:12,195
Hello?
1162
01:14:14,080 --> 01:14:17,517
Excuse me, is this Room 107?
1163
01:14:20,760 --> 01:14:24,879
I don't understand my water bill,
although every time it comes
1164
01:14:25,080 --> 01:14:28,391
I try hard to understand
that computer gibberish.
1165
01:14:28,600 --> 01:14:31,672
I don't understand
my own pay stub either.
1166
01:14:32,120 --> 01:14:33,759
There are probably...
1167
01:14:34,320 --> 01:14:37,757
millions of people
who can't comprehend their pay stub.
1168
01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:42,751
That has nothing to do with general
cultural pessimism, but rather...
1169
01:14:43,520 --> 01:14:47,753
It's because the people who produce them
can't put themselves in others' shoes.
1170
01:14:47,960 --> 01:14:52,000
They can't put themselves
in the shoes of their consumers.
1171
01:14:53,320 --> 01:14:56,279
Every one of us
has something more to learn.
1172
01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:00,998
What a load of nonsense.
1173
01:16:39,800 --> 01:16:42,793
Annie Grossjohann, Nathan Fritz
BABELFISCH TRANSLATIONS
92149
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