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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,637 ALONG THE STEVENSON EXPRESSWAY, THE TRAFFIC'S MOVING ALONG NICELY. 4 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:39,673 ANOTHER SHADOW TRAFFIC UPDATE WITH T.J. BURKS IN TEN MINUTES. 5 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,742 YOU ARE LISTENING TO WRIX, 6 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:44,378 CHICAGO'S NUMBER ONE NEWS AND FINANCIAL NETWORK. 7 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:45,813 NOW, BACK TO MONEY MATTERS. 8 00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:48,449 WELCOME BACK. I'M YOUR HOST, GIL STEWART, 9 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:51,419 AND WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF TIME HERE ON MONEY MATTERS, 10 00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,555 BUT HERE'S A QUICK WRAP-UP OF THE DAY'S BIGGEST STORIES. 11 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:58,292 THE DOW CLOSING OUT TODAY AT MINUS 55, 12 00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,461 WHILE THE NASDAQ WAS UP SEVEN POINTS. 13 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,730 THE S&P IS DOWN FOUR. 14 00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:06,567 GOLD TAKES A BIG HIT ON THE FLOOR AS THE INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND... 15 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,337 UNLOADS 10% OF ITS GOLD HOLDINGS, 16 00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,605 CAUSING RIPPLES THROUGHOUT THE BANKING INDUSTRY, 17 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:14,442 CONTINUING THE TREND OF UNLOADING THE BULK OF ITS HOLDINGS... 18 00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,610 IN FAVOR OF BETTER-PERFORMING SECURITIES. 19 00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,579 YOU'VE BEEN LISTENING TO MONEY MATTERS. 20 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,781 I'M GIL STEWART, LOOKING AFTER YOUR MONEY. 21 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:24,652 IT'S NOW 2:00 A.M. AND TIME FOR-- * [ Soul ] 22 00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:30,124 WHAT'S HAPPENING ? AND WELCOME TO THE LADIES MAN, 23 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:34,495 THE LOVE LINE WITH ALL THE RIGHT RESPONSES TO YOUR ROMANTIC QUERIES. 24 00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:39,333 MY NAME IS LEON PHELPS, AND TO THOSE OF YOU THAT ARE UNINITIATED, 25 00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,869 I AM AN EXPERT IN THE WAYS OF LOVE. 26 00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:45,739 UM, I HAVE MADE LOVE TO MANY FINE LADIES, 27 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:48,742 FROM THE LOWLIEST BUS STATION SKANK... 28 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:52,613 TO THE CLASSIEST, MOST SOPHISTICATED, 29 00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:57,618 EDUCATED, DEBUTANTE, HIGH SOCIETY BUS STATION SKANK. 30 00:01:57,651 --> 00:02:00,554 BUT LISTEN. I AM DOING GOOD, IF YOU WERE ASKIN'. 31 00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:02,923 I GOT MY COURVOISIER COGNAC RIGHT HERE, 32 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,892 AND I'M READY TO TAKE YOUR CALLS. 33 00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:09,497 WHILE I AM NOT A PSYCHIATRIST OR A PSYCHOLOGIST OR WHATEVER, 34 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,665 I HAVE DONE IT TO A LOT OF LADIES, 35 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,502 AND THAT MAKES ME SOMEWHAT LIKE AN EXPERT. 36 00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:18,606 I HAVE A Ph.D. IN TANG, AS IT WERE. 37 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:23,511 SO, IF YOU HAVE A ROMANTIC QUERY AND YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 50... 38 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:26,414 AND YOU'RE NOT FREAKY OR DISGUSTIN', PLEASE GIVE US A CALL. 39 00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:29,550 MY LOVELY PRODUCER, JULIE SIMMONS, 40 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:32,320 SHE IS OVER THERE AND SHE IS AWAITING WITH BATED BREATH... 41 00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:33,654 TO HEAR WHAT YOU GOT TO SAY. 42 00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:36,890 OKAY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO HOLD ANYWAY, SIR. YEAH. 43 00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:41,629 SUSAN FROM OAK PARK, YOU HAVE A QUESTION FOR LEON ? 44 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,532 OH, HE LEFT HIS CLOTHES AT YOUR HOUSE. 45 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:47,535 [ Leon ] THE PHONE IS LIGHTING UP, SO LET'S TAKE A CALL. 46 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:51,639 HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING ? THIS IS LEON PHELPS. YOU GOT THE LADIES MAN. 47 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:55,609 [Woman ] HELLO, LADIES MAN. OH, IT'S A LADY. 48 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:58,879 [ Woman Continues ] I'M NEW TO THIS CITY, AND I DON'T KNOW TOO MANY PEOPLE. 49 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,881 AND I AM PAINFULLY SHY. 50 00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:04,352 YEAH, YOU SOUND PAINFULLY SHY. LISTEN, THIS IS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. 51 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:07,521 UH-HUH. GO TO THE BUS STATION OR TO A BOWLING ALLEY... 52 00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,457 AND HANG OUT WITH NO UNDERPANTS. 53 00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:11,659 TRUST ME. IT WORKS. WHAT ? 54 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:16,464 YEAH, YOU'D BE SURPRISED AT HOW MANY MEN WILL APPROACH YOU. I KNOW THAT I WOULD. 55 00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:18,699 NEXT CALLER, GO AHEAD. YOU GOT THE LADIES MAN. 56 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,835 [ Woman Over Telephone ] LADIES MAN, LATELY I'VE BEEN FEELING REALLY CONFUSED. 57 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,904 YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GOOD. 58 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:26,440 NO, IT'S NOT GOOD. 59 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:28,576 I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF HE IS FOR REAL. 60 00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:31,879 HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE REALLY, TRULY IN LOVE ? 61 00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:35,583 DON'T WORRY. WHEN YOU'RE REALLY, TRULY IN LOVE, 62 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:38,786 YOU WILL FEEL IT DEEP DOWN IN YOUR PANTS. 63 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,954 UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY PANTS, 64 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,791 WHICH IS NOT UNCOMMON IN MY CASE. 65 00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:46,560 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ? I ASKED YOU ABOUT FINDING TRUE LOVE. 66 00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:50,431 OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. YOU DID. LISTEN, I HOPE WHATEVER I SAID WAS HELPFUL. 67 00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:52,666 NEXT CALLER. YOU GOT THE LADIES MAN. 68 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:56,337 MA'AM, I'M GONNA HAVE TO PUT YOU ON HOLD, OKAY ? LADIES MAN. [ Telephones Ringing ] 69 00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,872 LISTEN, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY. CHLAMYDIA IS A SOUP. 70 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:02,343 IT'S MY OPINION. I CAN HAVE THAT IF I'D LIKE. 71 00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:05,579 YOU DON'T HAVE TO ARGUE. I'VE SEEN IT ON THE GROCERY STORE SHELVES. 72 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:08,616 YES, I KNOW THAT CLAM CHOWDER IS NOT A VENEREAL DISEASE. 73 00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:12,353 DON'T ARGUE WITH ME ABOUT IT. I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE A DOCTOR. 74 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:15,456 NO, WE PROMISE THERE WON'T BE ANY MORE VULGAR MATERIAL. 75 00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:17,825 YOU GOTTA GET A THUMB AND JUST STICK IT UP IN THERE. 76 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:20,528 ACTUALLY, GET TWO THUMBS UP IN THERE, YOU KNOW, LIKE THE FONZ. 77 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,963 L IKE THIS-- "HEY." [ Chuckles ] 78 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:26,700 THERE MAY BE SOME WEIRD SMELLS AFTERWARDS, BUT DON'T WORRY. JUST TAKE A SHOWER. 79 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,705 HEY, GO AHEAD, CALLER. YOU GOT THE LADIES MAN. 80 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:33,941 [ Man Narrating ] NO ONE KNOWS WHERE LEON CAME FROM EXACTLY, 81 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:38,679 BUT HE STARTED OUT LIFE ON THE STEPS OF A MAJESTIC MANSION. 82 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,781 THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE WAS A GREAT MAN... 83 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:44,652 WHO SURROUNDED HIMSELF WITH THE WORLD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL OBJECTS. 84 00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:48,489 HE HAD EVERYTHING HE WANTED, 85 00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:51,359 EXCEPT A SON. 86 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:56,430 YOUNG LEON WAS TAKEN INTO THIS WORLD... 87 00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:59,367 AND RAISED AS ONE OF THEIR OWN. 88 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,535 AND IN THAT WARM FAMILY ENVIRONMENT, 89 00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:05,373 LEON DEVELOPED INTO QUITE A STYLISH YOUNG MAN. 90 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:08,642 HE LEARNED EVERYTHING A BRIGHT YOUNG KID WOULD WANNA KNOW ABOUT-- 91 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:12,446 STEREO SYSTEMS AND, OF COURSE, LOVE. 92 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,648 IN THIS MAGICAL KINGDOM, 93 00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:17,618 THE KING SHARED EVERYTHING WITH HIM. 94 00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:21,489 ONLY ONE THING WAS OFF-LIMITS. 95 00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:26,560 BUT LEON BEING LEON, 96 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:32,633 THE DAY FINALLY ARRIVED WHEN THE BENEVOLENT PROPRIETOR AND LEON PARTED WAYS. 97 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,936 POOR LITTLE LEON WAS THROWN OUT INTO THE COLD, 98 00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:39,573 MUCH LIKE MOSES IN THE DAYS OF OLD. 99 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:43,844 AFTER THAT IT WASN'T EASY FOR THE LITTLE MAN, BUT HE GOT ALONG. 100 00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,979 HE ALWAYS DID. 101 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:49,783 NOT BECAUSE HE WAS SMART AND NOT BECAUSE HE WAS RICH, 102 00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,652 BUT BECAUSE... 103 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:56,624 THE LADIES LOVED LEON PHELPS. 104 00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:59,159 HOW DID HE DO IT ? [ Bar Patrons In Unison ] HEY, LEON. 105 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,929 WELL, I GUESS YOU'D BETTER ASK THE MAN YOURSELF. 106 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:05,599 LESTER, HOW COME YOU TELL THAT STORY EVERY TIME WE WALK INTO THIS BAR ? 107 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:08,469 I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE THERE'S SOMEBODY OUT THERE WHO DON'T KNOW YOU. 108 00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:11,639 YEAH, RIGHT. IT'S THE SAME FIVE OR SIX PEOPLE IN THIS PLACE. 109 00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,907 HOW'D YOUR SHOW GO TONIGHT ? OH, YEAH, GOOD QUESTION. 110 00:06:13,941 --> 00:06:17,578 UM, SAME OLD, SAME OLD. LEON PHELPS IS A GENIUS. 111 00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:20,481 YEAH, SAME OLD ANGRY CALLS FROM OUR LISTENERS... 112 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,483 AND SAME OLD THREATS FROM THE BOSS. 113 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:24,752 [ Leon ] BUT LISTEN, FOR EVERY HUNDRED ANGRY CALLS WE GET, 114 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:26,687 THERE IS SOMEBODY THAT I HELPED. 115 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,189 AIN'T THAT RIGHT, SCRAP IRON ? 116 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,725 HUH ? YEAH. 117 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,595 LEON SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVED MY SECOND AND FOURTH MARRIAGES. 118 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:37,164 - MM-HMM. - THAT'S RIGHT. AND IT WAS LEON... 119 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:40,768 WHO TAUGHT ME I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE ASHAMED OF MY BODY. 120 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,235 [ Men Hooting ] 121 00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:45,906 THANK YOU, CANDY. YOU SEE, I LIKE TO HELP PEOPLE. THAT IS WHAT I DO. 122 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,542 YOU KNOW, I AM LIKE MOTHER TERESA, 123 00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:51,612 BUT OF "BONING," YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING ? 124 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:55,649 LISTEN, JULIE, YOU ARE NOW IN THE WORLD OF LEON PHELPS, OKAY ? 125 00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:58,519 EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT. TRUST ME. 126 00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:00,454 THANK YOU, SCRAP. 127 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,591 AND BESIDES THAT, JULIE, YOU HAVE TO LEARN... 128 00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:06,727 THAT THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE THAN WORK. 129 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,497 CAN I HELP YOU ? MARTINI WITH LEMON. 130 00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:13,200 SO EXCUSE ME WHILE LEON PHELPS SHOWS YOU... 131 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,470 HOW HE BRINGS HOME THE BACON. 132 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,572 THAT'S MY CUE. I'M OUT OF HERE. 133 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,941 YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S A HEARTBREAK, AIN'T IT, GIRLFRIEND ? 134 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:23,577 I MEAN, WHEN'S IT GONNA BE OUR TURN, RIGHT ? 135 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:26,747 YOU KNOW, YOU AND ME ARE EXACTLY ALIKE. EERIE. 136 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,983 SEE YOU LATER, SCRAP IRON. BYE, BABY. 137 00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,853 BYE, LESTER. SEE YOU TOMORROW, LEON. BYE, SWEETIE. 138 00:07:35,723 --> 00:07:37,991 THERE GOES JULIE SIMMONS. 139 00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:41,762 I BET YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT A NICE GIRL LIKE THAT IS DOING IN A PLACE LIKE THIS. 140 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:45,866 WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS WONDERING ONE NIGHT ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO. 141 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:50,838 * DO ME WRONG 142 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:55,809 * DO ME RIGHT 143 00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:58,579 * DO ME RIGHT, BABY 144 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:02,750 * TELL ME LIES 145 00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,685 BOURBON, UP. * [ Continues ] 146 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:14,261 LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT. THERE YOU GO. 147 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,897 LISTEN, I WAS WONDERING, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION ? 148 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:21,234 WAS YOUR FATHER A MEAT BURGLAR ? 149 00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,904 HERE'S WHY I ASK. BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY... 150 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:27,841 STOLE TWO FINE HAMS AND SHOVED THEM DOWN THE BACK OF YOUR DRESS. 151 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:30,277 [ Lester ] AND THEN IT HAPPENED. SHE STARTED LAUGHING. 152 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:33,280 KEPT ON LAUGHING. I THOUGHT SHE WAS CRAZY. 153 00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,950 THEY TALKED AND LAUGHED ON INTO THE NIGHT. 154 00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:40,888 LEON DIDN'T GO HOME WITH HER, BUT HE TOOK HOME HER BUSINESS CARD. 155 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:45,225 SHE SAID SHE WAS IN RADIO. SAID SHE WANTED TO PUT LEON ON THE RADIO. 156 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,761 THAT WAS TWO YEARS AGO. 157 00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:50,030 I GUESS SHE PACKED HER WEDDING DRESS AWAY... 158 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,600 FOR ANOTHER DAY. 159 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:55,202 LISTEN, SERIOUSLY, LESTER. CAN YOU TAKE A BREAK FOR A SECOND ? 160 00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,671 I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE OVER HERE. 161 00:08:57,705 --> 00:09:01,575 [ Scrap ] LEON, I THINK SHE GONNA BE A TOUGH SHOE TO POLISH. 162 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,577 [ Leon ] AU CONTRAIRE, BON JOUR. 163 00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,946 LET ME GIVE YOU THE PLAY-BY-PLAY. 164 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:15,923 I WILL PROBABLY BEGIN WITH A VERY CLASSY FIRST LINE. 165 00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:17,925 SOMETHING LIKE-- 166 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:21,795 SAY, SWEET THING, CAN I BUY YOU A FISH SANDWICH ? 167 00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:24,632 MM-HMM. 168 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:27,801 AND THEN I WILL COMMENCE TO WHISPER SWEET WORDS IN HER EAR. 169 00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,269 SOMETHING LIKE-- 170 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,939 MAN, I'D LIKE TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF YOUR BUTT. 171 00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:37,945 AND THEN I WILL CLOSE THE DEAL BY GIVING HER A PREVIEW OF... 172 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:41,048 THE GOODS. [ Zipper Unzips ] 173 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:48,656 [ Chorus ] * HALLELUJAH 174 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,724 [ Scrap ] THE DAY YOU PICK UP THAT PRETTY WOMAN, 175 00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:53,994 THAT'S THE DAY I BELIEVE A WET BIRD DON'T FLY AT NIGHT. 176 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:57,364 YEAH ? WELL, GET READY TO SEE A WET BIRD FLY AT NIGHT, MY FRIEND. 177 00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:58,732 [ Chuckling ] 178 00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:11,645 SAY THERE, SWEET THING. 179 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,647 UH, I HAVE A QUESTION. COULD I-- 180 00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:16,684 HEY, SWINGER. I'VE GOT AN IDEA. YEAH ? 181 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:19,252 MY HUSBAND'S AWAY. 182 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,722 LET'S GO BACK TO MY PLACE. 183 00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:26,026 SO YOU DON'T WANT A FISH SANDWICH ? 184 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:30,263 OKAY, THAT'S COOL, I GUESS. BUT LISTEN. 185 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:33,667 MY CAR DOESN'T EXIST, SO-- YES. SHUT UP. 186 00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:35,869 THE BUS IS WHAT WE'LL BE TAKING. 187 00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:37,838 HEY ! HEY, MAN ! HEY ! [ Leon Continues ] 188 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,275 [ Panting, Grunting ] 189 00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:53,787 * [ Soul, Muffled ] 190 00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:04,364 TO THE LEFT. TO THE LEFT. YEAH. JUST LIKE THAT. LIKE THAT ? 191 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:07,334 [ Man ] HONEY, THE FRONT DOOR. 192 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,472 BARNEY, IS THAT YOU ? 193 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,441 WELL, IT ISN'T THE ORKIN MAN. 194 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,877 I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. 195 00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:22,883 YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED. 196 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:25,485 I WAS CLEANING UP THE BROOM CLOSET, 197 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:29,456 AND IT WAS SO STUFFED WITH CRAP. 198 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,792 SO I OPENED THE DOOR... 199 00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,927 AND IT WAS LIKE, "UH-UH-UH-UH. 200 00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:36,730 DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR, McGEE." 201 00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:39,399 'CAUSE ALL THAT STUFF... 202 00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:43,937 JUST CAME TUMBLING DOWN ALL OVER ME. 203 00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:47,775 - DO YOU HAVE A MAN IN THERE WITH YOU ? - OH, YES ! 204 00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:50,277 OH, YES ! OH, YES ! DON'T STOP. 205 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,345 CHERYL ? [ Bedpost Banging ] 206 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,948 OH, DON'T STOP ! OH, DON'T-- 207 00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:00,821 - [ Groans ] - LISTEN, BABY, THAT WAS COOL, BUT I GOTTA GO. 208 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,749 NO ! 209 00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,323 WAKE UP ! 210 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:40,861 IT IS 2:30 IN THE A.M., AND YOU ARE LISTENIN' TO THE LADIES MAN. 211 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:44,331 ALL RIGHT. SO LET'S TAKE SOME MORE CALLS. GO AHEAD, CALLER. 212 00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:48,401 HELLO ? AM I ON ? 213 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,004 YES, YOU ARE. WHAT SEEMS TO BE YOUR QUERY ? 214 00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:53,073 UH-- 215 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,542 WELL, LOOK, I'VE NEVER CALLED A SHOW LIKE THIS BEFORE, 216 00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:59,346 BUT I'M IN-- I'M IN REALLY BAD SHAPE. 217 00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:03,350 I WAS, UH-- I WAS KIND OF HOPING THAT YOU'D HELP ME OUT. 218 00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,919 WELL, WE'LL SEE WHAT WE CAN DO. 219 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:08,255 [ Barney ] SO, I CAME HOME LAST NIGHT, 220 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,858 AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW. 221 00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:14,061 MY WIFE OF SEVEN YEARS WAS IN THE SACK WITH ANOTHER GUY. 222 00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:16,563 YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GOOD. NO, IT'S NOT GOOD. 223 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:19,299 I-I SAW THE GUY. 224 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,502 I SAW HIM RUNNING-- RUNNING DOWN THE STREET. 225 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:25,305 HE HAD THIS, LIKE, SMILEY... 226 00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:28,441 TATTOO THING ON HIS, UH, ON HIS, UH-- 227 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,879 OKAY, SIR, LISTEN. 228 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,281 WE'RE GONNA TAKE A BREAK RIGHT NOW. 229 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,317 WE'LL BE BACK IN A FEW MOMENTS WITH THE ANSWER TO OUR SURVEY, 230 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,820 "WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOLE ?" THANKS FOR CALLING. 231 00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,469 * [ Jazz On Television ] 232 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,843 [ Groaning ] 233 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:11,518 I DON'T WANNA TALK. I JUST CAME TO PICK UP MY-- [ Groaning Continues ] 234 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,922 [ Rubbing Crotch Rapidly ] 235 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,257 BARNEY ! [ Keys Clattering ] 236 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:20,293 * [ Continues ] 237 00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,029 NO ! NO ! 238 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,397 [ Stammering ] 239 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,102 IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. 240 00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:33,373 WAY TO GO, LEON. YOU REALLY ARE A CLASS ACT. 241 00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:36,376 WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY, BABY ? THE LADIES, THEY LOVE LEON PHELPS. 242 00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:39,980 [ Laughing ] WHAT LADIES ? WHO ARE THESE WOMEN ? 243 00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,649 AND WHY DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO SLEEP WITH ALL OF THEM ? 244 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:45,418 UM, LET ME SEE. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SEX ? 245 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:47,921 YES, LEON, I'VE HAD SEX. 246 00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:50,357 YES, WELL, THERE YOU GO. [ Laughing ] 247 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,459 THAT'S DELIGHTFUL. 248 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:55,062 YEAH. IT'S EXACTLY THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE... 249 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,998 THAT'S GONNA GET YOU KICKED OFF THE AIR-- 250 00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,566 MR. KENT. YES ! 251 00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:03,303 YOU CERTAINLY SEEM IN GOOD SPIRITS TODAY. 252 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,538 I DIDN'T THINK IT SHOWED. 253 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:08,375 I JUST GOT A LETTER FROM THE F.C.C. 254 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:12,412 SO I SUPPOSE YOU COULD SAY I'M FULL OF CONTENTMENT AND CHEER. 255 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,647 WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? 256 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:18,952 WELL, I'M SURE YOU'RE AWARE THAT YOUR SMUTTY-MOUTHED LITTLE FRIEND, LEON PHELPS, 257 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,588 HAS ALWAYS BEEN A THORN IN MY SIDE. 258 00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:24,724 HE'S UNPROFESSIONAL. HE DRINKS ON THE AIR. 259 00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,527 HE HAS A LITTLE SIP OF COGNAC NOW AND THEN, BUT-- 260 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:35,102 I WOULD HAVE FIRED HIM YEARS AGO IF HE WASN'T SUCH A-- 261 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:38,671 SUCH A FAVORITE WITH THE OWNER OF THE STATION. 262 00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,573 I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE SEES IN HIM. 263 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:43,743 BUT I FINALLY DECIDED TO GO OVER HER HEAD ABOUT THIS... 264 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,479 AND STRAIGHT TO THE F.C.C. 265 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:50,317 AND IF LEON PHELPS IS RESPONSIBLE FOR EVEN ONE MORE... 266 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,385 TINY LITTLE FINE, 267 00:15:52,419 --> 00:15:54,587 I GET TO FIRE HIM. [ Chuckles ] 268 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,590 WELL, WE HAVEN'T HAD A FINE IN WEEKS. 269 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,759 LEON'S COMPLETELY CLEANED UP HIS ACT. 270 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:03,463 OH, IS THAT A FACT ? ALL RIGHT, CALLER. YOU GOT THE LADIES MAN. 271 00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:06,333 YEAH, YOU SEE, WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS... 272 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:08,068 IS THAT YOU SUFFER FROM, 273 00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:10,570 UM, "HOMO-UN-ERECTUS." 274 00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,740 WHICH MEANS, BASICALLY, THAT YOUR WANG IS "HUGEIFIED"... 275 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:16,676 NOT BY A WOMAN BUT BY A MAN. 276 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:23,516 WELL, YOU NEVER KNOW. I MEAN, SOME NIGHTS THE F.C.C. DOESN'T EVEN LISTEN. 277 00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:27,354 - REALLY ? - NO ! [ Laughing ] 278 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,589 THEY LISTEN ALL THE TIME. PROBABLY LISTENING NOW. 279 00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:33,726 HEY, WHAT'S UP ? BUCKY KENT IS VISITING US IN THE STATION. HOW YOU DOING ? 280 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,500 [ Chuckling ] WELL, I GUESS HE CAN'T STICK AROUND. 281 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,103 BUT YOU STILL GOT LEON PHELPS. I'M STICKING IT OUT HERE. 282 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:45,738 WE GONNA TAKE A BREAK. WE GONNA BE RIGHT BACK. 283 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:51,644 LEON-- LISTEN, DON'T LET BUCKY GET YOU ALL UPSET. 284 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:55,315 HE IS JUST JEALOUS. LEON, I THINK HE'S SERIOUS THIS TIME. 285 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:58,385 HE SAID THAT THE RADIO STATION WON'T PAY FOR ANY MORE OF YOUR FINES. 286 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:04,091 I TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO. WE ONLY GOT THREE MINUTES LEFT FOR THE SHOW. 287 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:08,395 I'M JUST GONNA EASE MY WAY OUT. JUST PLAY A LITTLE MUSIC. NO MORE PHONE CALLS, OKAY ? 288 00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:11,698 AND YOU'LL SEE BY TOMORROW BUCKY KENT WILL BE ALL COOLED DOWN. 289 00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:15,535 YOU PROMISE ? JULIE, COME ON. 290 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,570 THE ONE PERSON YOU CAN TRUST IS LEON PHELPS. 291 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,608 OKAY. KISS ME. KISS ME ! 292 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:23,576 STOP IT. [ Huffs ] 293 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,548 WHAT'S HAPPENING ? YOU GOT THE LADIES MAN, * [ Soul ] 294 00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:32,685 LEON PHELPS HERE, AND I AM LOOKING AT A HALF-EMPTY BOTTLE OF COURVOISIER, 295 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,355 WHICH MEANS THAT WE ARE JUST ABOUT OUT OF TIME. 296 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:39,526 BUT BEFORE I GO, I'D LIKE TO LEAVE YOU WITH JUST ONE MORE THOUGHT. 297 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,329 THIS IS A LITTLE SOMETHING THAT I WROTE. 298 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,497 AND I READ: 299 00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:46,666 "WHAT IS LOVE ? 300 00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:50,437 "WHAT IS THIS LONGING IN OUR HEARTS FOR TOGETHERNESS ? 301 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,739 "IS IT NOT THE SWEETEST FLOWER ? 302 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,807 "DOES NOT THIS FLOWER OF LOVE... 303 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:58,711 "HAVE THE FRAGRANT AROMA OF FINE, FINE DIAMONDS ? 304 00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,748 "DOES NOT THE WIND LOVE THE DIRT ? 305 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:06,586 "IS NOT LOVE NOT UNLIKE THE UNLIKELY NOT IT IS UNLIKING TO ? 306 00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:10,823 "ARE YOU WITH SOMEONE TONIGHT ? 307 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,559 "DO NOT QUESTION YOUR LOVE. 308 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,761 "TAKE YOUR LOVER BY THE HAND. 309 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:17,564 "RELEASE THE POWER WITHIN YOURSELF. 310 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,599 "YOU HEARD ME, RELEASE THE POWER. 311 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:23,870 "TAME THE WILD COSMOS WITH A WHISPER. 312 00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:26,806 "CONQUER HEAVEN WITH ONE INTIMATE CARESS. 313 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,342 "THAT'S RIGHT. DON'T BE SHY. 314 00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:31,678 "WHIP OUT EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT... 315 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:33,780 AND DO IT IN THE BUTT." 316 00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,749 BY LEON PHELPS. 317 00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,853 LET'S GO. COME ON. 318 00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:49,128 GOOD DISTANCE. YEAH, NOT BAD. 319 00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:53,800 [ Leon ] LISTEN, JULIE, I JUST WANNA SAY... 320 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,802 THANK YOU FOR STICKING UP FOR ME. 321 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:59,739 YEAH, OKAY. LEON-- NO, LISTEN. YOU ALWAYS STICK UP FOR ME. 322 00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:03,543 YEAH, BUT LEON-- LISTEN, FACE IT. YOU'RE THE GREATEST, YOU KNOW ? 323 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,678 THANK YOU. AND ANOTHER THING. 324 00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:09,649 NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO TO ME, THEY CAN FIRE ME FROM THEIR RADIO STATION, 325 00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,918 THEY CAN CALL ME ALL KINDS OF NAMES, 326 00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:17,524 THEY CAN MAKE ME GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEG FOR MY JOB, 327 00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:20,393 BUT THE ONE THING THAT THEY CANNOT TAKE AWAY... 328 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:22,395 FROM SWEET LEON... 329 00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,497 IS HIS DIGNITY. 330 00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:34,774 SO THIS IS MY FABULOUS YACHT. 331 00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:38,445 OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, MY PERSONAL "SKANKUARY." 332 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,548 I TOLD YOU BEFORE, LEON, IT'S NOT A YACHT IF YOU GET MAIL THERE. 333 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,916 MM-HMM. IT'S MORE LIKE A TRAILER PARK OF THE SEA. 334 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:46,953 YEAH, WELL, EVEN SO, 335 00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:51,491 THIS IS WHAT I LIKE TO CALL THE L.A. FORUM, 336 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:55,662 BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS. 337 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:59,499 AND THE MAGIC JUST HAPPENED ONCE ON THAT CHAIR THAT YOU'RE TOUCHING. 338 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:03,636 I HAVE PERFORMED THE MAGIC ONCE IN THAT WASTEPAPER BASKET. 339 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:08,408 AND YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY HAD TO GET THE MAGIC CLEANED FROM OUT OF THIS CURTAIN. 340 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:11,611 THAT WAS A LONG SHOT. WORE ME OUT. 341 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:20,587 LET'S GET YOU INTO BED, OKAY ? [ Groans ] 342 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,822 HERE. OFFICER, NO. 343 00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:25,458 COME ON. LET'S SEE IF WE CAN GET YOU INTO BED. 344 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,628 WATCH IT. OW ! 345 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,965 I'M SORRY, JULIE. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. COME ON. 346 00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:35,735 I'M SORRY. IT'S OKAY. 347 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:39,472 LISTEN, I HANDLE MY DRINK BETTER THAN TODAY. 348 00:20:39,506 --> 00:20:42,475 I'VE SEEN YOU. I KNOW. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY ABOUT THE FIRING. 349 00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:44,877 IT'S OKAY. JUST LIE DOWN. YOU DESERVE BETTER. 350 00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,647 IT'S OKAY. WE'RE GONNA BE FINE. YOU SHOULD BE WITH A PROFESSIONAL. 351 00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:54,954 MRS. ROBINSON, ARE YOU TRYING TO SEDUCE ME ? 352 00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:56,889 NO, I'M NOT. 353 00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:02,395 IN FACT, I'M LOOKING AROUND THIS PLACE... 354 00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:06,633 AND I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE WOULD EVER WANT TO SEDUCE YOU. 355 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,375 * TURN OFF THE LIGHTS 356 00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,377 [ Leon ] THAT IS WHY. 357 00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,679 * LIGHT A CANDLE YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING. 358 00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:20,847 MM-MMM. 359 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,850 * [ Continues ] 360 00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:28,621 "PINA COLADA BUTT LOTION" ? MM-HMM. 361 00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:30,890 WHERE DO YOU EVEN FIND THIS STUFF ? 362 00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:34,561 MOSTLY AT K-MART AND WAL-MART. 363 00:21:34,594 --> 00:21:36,829 AND WHY DO YOU HAVE A WATER BED WHEN YOU LIVE ON A BOAT ? 364 00:21:36,863 --> 00:21:38,798 OH, IT'S BECAUSE THERE'S MORE MOTION IN THE OCEAN. 365 00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:44,571 COME ON IN, BABY. THE WATER'S FINE. 366 00:21:47,707 --> 00:21:49,709 SO, JULIE ? HUH ? 367 00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:52,712 ARE WE GOING TO DO IT ? 368 00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:55,748 NO, WE ARE NOT GOING TO DO IT. 369 00:21:57,550 --> 00:22:00,553 I WOULD HATE TO SEE YOU AS AN OLD MAN, LEON. 370 00:22:00,587 --> 00:22:02,955 YOU ARE GONNA BE ONE SORRY SIGHT. 371 00:22:06,526 --> 00:22:09,896 - WHERE YOU GOING ? - I'M GOING HOME. 372 00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:11,931 THE JOB SEARCH STARTS TOMORROW. 373 00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:13,600 [ Door Closes ] 374 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,740 OH, BOY. 375 00:22:23,476 --> 00:22:25,578 SMILEY... [ Keyboard Keys Clacking ] 376 00:22:25,612 --> 00:22:27,814 ASS TATTOO. 377 00:22:31,651 --> 00:22:33,586 [ Groaning ] 378 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,691 "VICTIMS OF THE SMILING ASS." 379 00:22:39,759 --> 00:22:42,495 "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ASS ?" 380 00:22:45,432 --> 00:22:47,767 YEAH. YEAH, YEAH. 381 00:22:49,469 --> 00:22:51,738 "WELCOME TO THE V.S.A. 382 00:22:51,771 --> 00:22:54,641 "VICTIMS OF THE SMILING ASS. 383 00:22:56,008 --> 00:22:58,545 WE WILL HAVE OUR REVENGE." 384 00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:06,586 [ Man ] WELL, LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT WRQE. 385 00:23:06,619 --> 00:23:09,922 WE PLAY ALL THE BIGGEST NAMES IN SOFT ROCK AND LIGHT JAZZ. 386 00:23:09,956 --> 00:23:12,759 FOLKS LIKE ENYA, YANNI, TESH. 387 00:23:12,792 --> 00:23:15,995 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE HEARD OF A LITTLE LADY WHO GOES BY THE NAME OF MISS CELINE DION. 388 00:23:16,028 --> 00:23:19,398 [ Laughing ] NO, WHO IS THAT ? 389 00:23:21,634 --> 00:23:24,437 I HAVE TO SAY I'VE HEARD OF YOU, BUT I'M NOT TOO FAMILIAR WITH YOUR SHOW. 390 00:23:24,471 --> 00:23:26,473 I DON'T STAY UP THAT LATE ANYMORE. 391 00:23:28,975 --> 00:23:31,844 - DO YOU HAVE A TAPE I COULD LISTEN TO ? - I'M AFRAID WE DON'T-- 392 00:23:31,878 --> 00:23:34,481 YEAH, ACTUALLY, WE DO. THIS SHOULD GIVE YOU... 393 00:23:34,514 --> 00:23:36,649 A GOOD IDEA OF WHAT WE CAN BRING TO YOUR STATION. 394 00:23:36,683 --> 00:23:38,785 FANTASTIC. 395 00:23:38,818 --> 00:23:42,188 LET'S SEE WHAT WE'VE GOT HERE. 396 00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:47,193 YOU KNOW, CLINICALLY SPEAKING, DOING IT DOGGY STYLE HAS-- [ Julie Chuckles ] 397 00:23:47,226 --> 00:23:50,530 THERE'S SOME RACY STUFF AT THE BEGINNING THERE, BUT YOU CAN SPEED RIGHT THROUGH IT. 398 00:23:50,563 --> 00:23:52,799 ALL RIGHT. 399 00:23:52,832 --> 00:23:55,001 [ Tape Fast-Forwarding ] YEAH. 400 00:23:55,034 --> 00:23:58,671 SOUNDS LIKE THE ANSWER FOR YOU IS DOING IT DOGGY STYLE. 401 00:23:58,705 --> 00:24:01,908 JUST SPEED THROUGH. SAME STUFF. 402 00:24:03,876 --> 00:24:07,780 [ Coughing ] 403 00:24:07,814 --> 00:24:11,518 BOY, EXCUSE ME. ANYWAYS, DOGGY STYLE-- 404 00:24:11,551 --> 00:24:13,853 YOU CAN SPEED RIGHT THROUGH THAT PART TOO. 405 00:24:13,886 --> 00:24:16,656 YEAH, SEE, YOU WAS KICKED IN THE SCROTUM. 406 00:24:16,689 --> 00:24:20,927 OR AS THEY SAY IN THE MEDICAL PROFESSION, THE BALL SAC. 407 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,530 YOU CAN SKIP THROUGH THAT PART. 408 00:24:23,563 --> 00:24:26,833 WELL, YOU KNOW, THE SCIENTIFIC NAME IS THE "HERSHEY HIGHWAY." 409 00:24:26,866 --> 00:24:29,736 SPEED ON THROUGH. 410 00:24:29,769 --> 00:24:33,840 HEY. BUT THAT IS THE ONLY TAPE. 411 00:24:33,873 --> 00:24:37,577 THE TAPE IS IMPORTANT. THERE'S PEOPLE LOOKING. 412 00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:39,979 THAT'S NOT-- DON'T-- 413 00:24:48,855 --> 00:24:51,791 - MISS, UH, SIMMONS ? - YES. 414 00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,194 UH, LET'S SEE. [ Humming ] 415 00:24:57,730 --> 00:24:59,999 OH, VERY NICE. VERY NICE. 416 00:25:00,032 --> 00:25:02,735 THANK YOU. AND, UH-- 417 00:25:04,771 --> 00:25:06,673 MR. PHELPS. 418 00:25:06,706 --> 00:25:08,775 YEAH, THAT'S ME. 419 00:25:08,808 --> 00:25:13,613 I'M PRESENTLY IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING MY RESUME TYPED UP OVER AT KINKO'S. 420 00:25:13,646 --> 00:25:15,815 - KINKO'S. GOOD PEOPLE. NICE. - YEAH. 421 00:25:15,848 --> 00:25:19,919 I SEE UNDER "INTERESTS," YOU'VE WRITTEN "DEBIT" ? 422 00:25:19,952 --> 00:25:22,021 NO, THAT'S "DA" BUTT. 423 00:25:22,054 --> 00:25:25,592 - "DA" BUTT ? - YEAH. AND ALSO I LIKE TENNIS. 424 00:25:25,625 --> 00:25:28,194 GOOD, GOOD. 425 00:25:28,227 --> 00:25:31,263 WELL, MR. PHELPS, TODAY MIGHT BE YOUR LUCKY DAY. 426 00:25:31,297 --> 00:25:34,233 OUR MORNING ANCHOR QUIT, OUT OF THE BLUE. 427 00:25:34,266 --> 00:25:36,869 AND WE ARE DESPERATE FOR SOMEONE TO FILL HER OLD SLOT. 428 00:25:36,903 --> 00:25:39,005 WELL, THAT'S NO PROBLEM, 429 00:25:39,038 --> 00:25:41,941 'CAUSE I HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE AT FILLING OTHER PEOPLE'S SLOTS. 430 00:25:41,974 --> 00:25:43,710 - REALLY ? - MM-HMM. 431 00:25:43,743 --> 00:25:45,812 YOU MEAN YOU'VE FILLED OTHER PEOPLE'S SLOTS BEFORE ? 432 00:25:45,845 --> 00:25:49,916 - YEAH, THIS MORNING. - FANTASTIC. YOU GOT THE JOB. 433 00:25:49,949 --> 00:25:52,184 [ Together ] REALLY ? 434 00:25:52,218 --> 00:25:54,320 YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. 435 00:25:54,353 --> 00:25:57,323 WELL, WELCOME TO WPJT RADIO. 436 00:25:57,356 --> 00:26:01,327 * [ Angelic Chorus ] 437 00:26:01,360 --> 00:26:03,596 WHAT'S HAPPENING ? AND WELCOME TO THE LADIES-- 438 00:26:03,630 --> 00:26:06,966 UH, THE LORD'S MAN SHOW. 439 00:26:06,999 --> 00:26:11,704 UM-- SO, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE A NUN ? 440 00:26:11,738 --> 00:26:15,341 - YES, THAT'S RIGHT. - YEAH, THAT'S COOL. 441 00:26:15,374 --> 00:26:18,945 AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN, UH, "NUNNING" IT UP ? 442 00:26:18,978 --> 00:26:21,648 FOR ABOUT 30 YEARS NOW. 443 00:26:21,681 --> 00:26:24,383 YEAH. WELL, CONGRATULATIONS. THAT'S GOOD. 444 00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:26,686 NOW, I UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR WORK... 445 00:26:26,719 --> 00:26:28,921 TAKES YOU ALL AROUND THE WORLD, IS THAT RIGHT ? 446 00:26:28,955 --> 00:26:31,958 YES, THAT IS CORRECT. IN FACT, I'LL BE LEAVING THE COUNTRY... 447 00:26:31,991 --> 00:26:34,661 VERY SOON TO ASSUME A MISSIONARY POSITION. 448 00:26:35,995 --> 00:26:38,397 [ Stammering ] I'M SORRY. WHAT WAS THAT ? 449 00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,700 I'M GOING TO ASSUME A MISSIONARY POSITION, 450 00:26:40,733 --> 00:26:44,303 AND I'LL PROBABLY BE HOLDING IT FOR A VERY LONG TIME. 451 00:26:44,336 --> 00:26:47,006 YEAH, WELL, THAT'S-- THAT'S INTERESTING. 452 00:26:47,039 --> 00:26:51,644 UM-- SO, WHERE WILL YOU BE HOLDING THIS-- 453 00:26:51,678 --> 00:26:54,013 MISSIONARY POSITION ? IN BANGKOK. YEAH. 454 00:26:54,046 --> 00:26:58,685 BANGKOK. YEAH. THAT'S, UH, COOL. 455 00:26:58,718 --> 00:27:00,987 SO WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. 456 00:27:01,020 --> 00:27:05,858 BANGKOK IS LOVELY. IN FACT, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO TAKING IT ALL IN. 457 00:27:05,892 --> 00:27:07,026 [ Leon ] HMM. 458 00:27:07,059 --> 00:27:09,361 BUT IT CAN GET A LITTLE STEAMY. 459 00:27:09,395 --> 00:27:11,998 HOT AND STEAMY. [ Swallows ] 460 00:27:12,031 --> 00:27:15,234 HAVE YOU EVER GONE DOWN THE YELLOW RIVER ? 461 00:27:17,770 --> 00:27:20,807 YEAH, ONCE IN THE '80s, BUT I DID NOT ENJOY IT. 462 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:23,242 WHAT ABOUT A MISSIONARY POSITION ? 463 00:27:23,275 --> 00:27:26,012 HAVE YOU EVER KNOWN THE JOYS OF A MISSIONARY POSITION ? 464 00:27:35,788 --> 00:27:37,824 YEAH, OKAY. 465 00:27:37,857 --> 00:27:40,827 HERE'S A STORY I'M GONNA TELL YOU. IT GOES A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS. 466 00:27:40,860 --> 00:27:42,762 I WAS WITH THESE TWO GIRLS, RIGHT ? 467 00:27:42,795 --> 00:27:46,799 AND SO I WAS DOING THE TWIN SISTERS AND THEN HER MOTHER WALKS IN, 468 00:27:46,833 --> 00:27:49,035 AND HER MOTHER HAS A VIDEO CAMERA. 469 00:27:49,068 --> 00:27:52,304 SO SHE PUTS IT ON THE TRIPOD AND SHE STARTS TO RAM IT. 470 00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:54,440 IT WAS SORT OF A MISSIONARY POSITION-- 471 00:27:54,473 --> 00:27:56,375 [ Siren Wailing ] 472 00:28:02,481 --> 00:28:05,918 YEAH ? WELL, UP YOURS TOO. 473 00:28:05,952 --> 00:28:08,487 OH, WELL, ON TO THE NEXT ONE. 474 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:10,790 NEXT ONE ? THERE IS NO NEXT ONE. 475 00:28:10,823 --> 00:28:14,794 THAT'S NONSENSE, JULIE. THERE'S THAT KIDDIE STATION UP IN WILMETTE. 476 00:28:14,827 --> 00:28:19,031 LEON, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT WE MAY NEVER WORK IN RADIO AGAIN. 477 00:28:19,065 --> 00:28:20,967 NO, LISTEN, JULIE. THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE WRONG. 478 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,369 WE'LL GET OUT OF THIS MESS. TRUST ME. 479 00:28:23,402 --> 00:28:26,806 LAST TIME I TRUSTED YOU, YOU TOLD THE CITY OF CHICAGO TO DO IT IN THE BUTT. 480 00:28:26,839 --> 00:28:30,442 YEAH. WELL, THERE WAS NO WAY TO PREDICT THAT THAT WAS GONNA END UP SO BADLY. 481 00:28:30,476 --> 00:28:32,945 BUT LOOK, IT'LL BE DIFFERENT THIS TIME. WHATEVER, LEON. 482 00:28:32,979 --> 00:28:36,783 I NEED TO THINK THIS THROUGH. WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME WHEN YOU COME BACK TO REALITY. 483 00:28:36,816 --> 00:28:40,787 DON'T YOU WORRY, JULIE. I'M A MAN OF ACTION. 484 00:28:40,820 --> 00:28:43,956 I HAVE A PLAN FOR THIS TYPE OF THING. 485 00:28:43,990 --> 00:28:45,958 THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO. 486 00:28:45,992 --> 00:28:47,960 I'M MUST GO AND HAVE SEX... 487 00:28:47,994 --> 00:28:50,229 AND WAIT FOR SOMETHING TO RANDOMLY HAPPEN. 488 00:28:50,262 --> 00:28:52,865 IT'LL WORK OUT, YOU'LL SEE. 489 00:28:52,899 --> 00:28:55,001 IT WILL RANDOMLY WORK OUT ! 490 00:28:55,034 --> 00:28:57,369 SCORE ! SCORE ! SCORE ! 491 00:28:57,403 --> 00:28:59,839 YEAH. WHOO ! 492 00:28:59,872 --> 00:29:02,809 WELL, I JUST HAD SEX, AND-- 493 00:29:02,842 --> 00:29:06,478 [ Man ] U.S. MAIL ! THERE'S THE RANDOM OCCURRENCE. 494 00:29:06,512 --> 00:29:09,048 I HATE THE HOUSEBOAT GUY. 495 00:29:10,883 --> 00:29:13,285 HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENIN' ? 496 00:29:15,287 --> 00:29:17,289 SHH. I WAS BONIN' A LADY INSIDE. 497 00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:23,062 SAY, LOOK AT THIS. IT'S A TELEGRAM FROM JIMMIE WALKER. 498 00:29:23,095 --> 00:29:26,298 REALLY ? OOH, IT SAYS, "URGENT." 499 00:29:26,332 --> 00:29:30,302 "DEAR LEON. STOP. THE '70s ARE OVER. STOP." 500 00:29:31,570 --> 00:29:34,006 LET ME SEE THAT. 501 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:35,975 HERE'S YOUR-- OOPS. 502 00:29:36,008 --> 00:29:38,410 I SEEM TO BE DROPPING ALL YOUR MAIL. 503 00:29:38,444 --> 00:29:42,248 I GUESS I'M A CLUMSY MAILMAN. YOU'RE A BAD MAILMAN. 504 00:29:44,483 --> 00:29:47,786 - AND THIS IS NOT FROM JIMMIE WALKER. - [ Mimicking Leon ] 505 00:29:49,856 --> 00:29:51,824 [ Sighs ] LET'S SEE HERE. 506 00:29:51,858 --> 00:29:54,293 GAS BILL. 507 00:29:54,326 --> 00:29:58,030 HOUSEBOAT BILL. ELECTRICAL BILL. 508 00:29:59,098 --> 00:30:01,533 OOH, WHAT IS THIS ? 509 00:30:01,567 --> 00:30:05,071 OOH. IT'S A LADY. 510 00:30:11,377 --> 00:30:14,280 "DEAREST LEON, I KNOW IT'S BEEN A LONG--" 511 00:30:14,313 --> 00:30:17,316 [ Continues, Inaudible ] 512 00:30:17,349 --> 00:30:19,451 "MY BACK PRESSED AGAINST THE WASHING MACHINE--" 513 00:30:20,486 --> 00:30:22,421 "MONEY--" 514 00:30:24,957 --> 00:30:26,926 THIS IS IT ! 515 00:30:26,959 --> 00:30:29,028 [ Julie ] "DEAREST LEON, 516 00:30:29,061 --> 00:30:32,999 "I KNOW IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE WE PARTED WAYS THAT FATEFUL NIGHT, 517 00:30:33,032 --> 00:30:36,602 "BUT I STILL REMEMBER THE TENDER MOMENTS WE SPENT TOGETHER. 518 00:30:36,635 --> 00:30:40,072 "THE FEELING OF YOUR SKIN PRESSED UP AGAINST MINE. 519 00:30:40,106 --> 00:30:43,609 "THE FEELING OF MY BACK PRESSED UP AGAINST THE WALL OF THE LAUNDROMAT. 520 00:30:43,642 --> 00:30:48,280 MM-HMM. "I REMEMBER HOW YOU SAID I WAS YOUR ONE TRUE LOVE. 521 00:30:48,314 --> 00:30:49,949 "TIME HAS CHANGED NOTHING. 522 00:30:49,982 --> 00:30:51,918 "I WANT YOU EVEN MORE. 523 00:30:51,951 --> 00:30:56,455 "AND I HAVE ALL THE MONEY WE'LL EVER NEED TO MAKE A FRESH START. 524 00:30:56,488 --> 00:30:58,891 MM-HM. "COME BACK TO ME, LEON. I'M WAITING FOR YOU... 525 00:30:58,925 --> 00:31:00,893 "AND I'VE NEVER STOPPED THINKING OF MYSELF... 526 00:31:00,927 --> 00:31:03,095 "THE WAY YOU ALWAYS USED TO DESCRIBE ME... 527 00:31:03,129 --> 00:31:06,432 AS YOUR VERY SPECIAL SWEET THING." 528 00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:10,502 YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME. UH-UH. 529 00:31:10,536 --> 00:31:14,006 THIS IS THE ANSWER TO ALL YOUR UNEMPLOYMENT PROBLEMS ? MM-HMM. 530 00:31:15,541 --> 00:31:17,509 WHO IS SHE ? I DON'T KNOW. 531 00:31:17,543 --> 00:31:20,579 YOU DON'T KNOW ? UH-UH. 532 00:31:20,612 --> 00:31:23,983 AS YOU CAN SEE, SHE DID NOT SIGN HER NAME, 533 00:31:24,016 --> 00:31:26,485 SO I GUESS SHE THOUGHT I KNEW WHO SHE WAS. 534 00:31:26,518 --> 00:31:28,654 CUCKOO, CUCKOO. YEAH. 535 00:31:28,687 --> 00:31:32,491 ALL I KNOW IS THAT ALL MY PROBLEMS, THEY ARE NOW SOLVED. 536 00:31:32,524 --> 00:31:36,595 LEON, ALL YOUR PROBLEMS WILL BE SOLVED WHEN YOU GET A JOB LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. 537 00:31:36,628 --> 00:31:40,532 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT ? WE TRIED EVERY RADIO STATION IN TOWN. 538 00:31:40,566 --> 00:31:44,670 NOT EVERY ONE. I CAN STILL PULL A FAVOR, HOPEFULLY, 539 00:31:44,703 --> 00:31:47,906 OVER AT WAMS FROM CYRUS. 540 00:31:49,375 --> 00:31:53,312 CYRUS CUNNINGHAM ? YOUR EX-FIANCÉ ? 541 00:31:53,345 --> 00:31:55,081 THE ONE THAT DUMPED YOU ? 542 00:31:55,114 --> 00:31:57,616 THE ONE WITH THE THREE-INCH PENIS ? 543 00:31:57,649 --> 00:32:00,419 NO, JULIE, LISTEN. I CAN'T STAND THE IDEA OF YOU... 544 00:32:00,452 --> 00:32:03,555 CRAWLING BACK TO THAT JERK JUST BECAUSE I GOT BOTH OF US FIRED. 545 00:32:03,589 --> 00:32:06,092 LISTEN, BABY, THE ANSWER TO ALL OF OUR TROUBLES... 546 00:32:06,125 --> 00:32:09,295 IS IN THIS RICH LADY'S LETTER AND HER MONEY. 547 00:32:09,328 --> 00:32:12,531 HER MONEY. LEON, THIS IS A LOVE LETTER, NOT A LOTTERY TICKET. 548 00:32:12,564 --> 00:32:14,633 [ Groans ] THIS IS A WOMAN WHO CARED FOR YOU, 549 00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:16,635 WHO YOU CALLED BY A SPECIAL PET NAME. 550 00:32:16,668 --> 00:32:18,570 WHO YOU CALLED-- HEY, SWEET THING. 551 00:32:18,604 --> 00:32:21,707 HI. CAN I GET SOME MORE WAFFLES DOWN HERE ? THANK YOU. 552 00:32:21,740 --> 00:32:24,543 I'M SORRY. WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, SWEET THING ? 553 00:32:43,129 --> 00:32:48,300 I'M, UH-- I'M SORRY ABOUT THE DOOR. 554 00:32:48,334 --> 00:32:51,503 DO I HAVE THE RIGHT PLACE ? I WAS JUST-- 555 00:32:51,537 --> 00:32:54,073 WOW ! YOU'RE HUGE. 556 00:32:54,106 --> 00:32:56,475 WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE, BARNEY. 557 00:32:56,508 --> 00:32:59,345 I THINK YOU'LL BE GLAD THAT YOU DECIDED TO COME. 558 00:32:59,378 --> 00:33:01,480 WHAT-WHAT IS THIS ? 559 00:33:01,513 --> 00:33:06,052 THESE ARE PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU, BARNEY. [ All ] HI, BARNEY. 560 00:33:06,085 --> 00:33:09,788 THEY, TOO, HAVE HAD THEIR LIVES SHATTERED... 561 00:33:09,821 --> 00:33:12,424 BY THE SIGHT OF THAT MAN'S ASS. 562 00:33:15,627 --> 00:33:19,098 I CAUGHT THIS MYSTERIOUS TATTOOED GUY AND MY WIFE GOING AT IT... 563 00:33:19,131 --> 00:33:22,101 IN JULY, 1992. 564 00:33:24,470 --> 00:33:26,372 SPRING OF '89. 565 00:33:28,540 --> 00:33:30,676 DECEMBER, 1994. 566 00:33:31,743 --> 00:33:33,779 NOVEMBER OF '95. 567 00:33:33,812 --> 00:33:35,747 AND THEN APRIL OF '96. 568 00:33:35,781 --> 00:33:37,116 [ Murmuring ] 569 00:33:37,149 --> 00:33:40,519 AND THEN AGAIN IN JUNE OF '96. 570 00:33:40,552 --> 00:33:44,523 AND THEN TWICE MORE ON JANUARY 15, 1997. 571 00:33:45,724 --> 00:33:48,760 AND THREE MORE TIMES IN THE SPRING OF '99-- 572 00:33:48,794 --> 00:33:52,098 ARBOR DAY, CINCO DE MAYO AND FLAG DAY. 573 00:33:52,131 --> 00:33:56,102 THAT'S HAL. DON'T MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVES AROUND HIM. 574 00:33:56,135 --> 00:33:57,569 IT'S ALL RIGHT, MAN. 575 00:33:59,505 --> 00:34:02,508 WHAT ABOUT YOU ? I MEAN, WHAT'S YOUR STORY ? 576 00:34:03,575 --> 00:34:06,678 IT WAS APRIL, 1990. 577 00:34:06,712 --> 00:34:09,381 I WAS IN TRAINING FOR THE U.S. OLYMPIC TEAM. 578 00:34:09,415 --> 00:34:11,450 MY SPORT: 579 00:34:11,483 --> 00:34:13,819 GRECO-ROMAN WRESTLING. 580 00:34:13,852 --> 00:34:16,722 MY WIFE AND I DIDN'T HAVE A PERFECT MARRIAGE. 581 00:34:16,755 --> 00:34:19,725 MAYBE I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND HER NEEDS. 582 00:34:19,758 --> 00:34:22,661 BUT SHE DEFINITELY DIDN'T UNDERSTAND MY PASSION... 583 00:34:22,694 --> 00:34:24,663 FOR WRESTLING. 584 00:34:24,696 --> 00:34:28,434 SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY BRIAN, MY WRESTLING PARTNER, AND I... 585 00:34:28,467 --> 00:34:30,669 TRAINED CONSTANTLY. 586 00:34:30,702 --> 00:34:33,439 SHE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE THRILL ANY MAN WOULD FEEL... 587 00:34:33,472 --> 00:34:36,675 AFTER GRABBING A BIG, HUSKY GUY LIKE BRIAN... 588 00:34:36,708 --> 00:34:39,311 AND PINNING HIM DOWN TO THE GROUND... 589 00:34:39,345 --> 00:34:43,715 UNTIL HE SQUIRMS AND SQUEALS LIKE A LITTLE PIGLET. 590 00:34:43,749 --> 00:34:46,084 [ Men Coughing, Murmuring ] 591 00:34:47,553 --> 00:34:50,589 [ Clears Throat ] 592 00:34:50,622 --> 00:34:52,891 ONE NIGHT, I WENT OUT TO TRAIN... 593 00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:56,395 AT-AT BRIAN'S. 594 00:34:57,896 --> 00:35:01,400 I RETURNED HOME ONLY TO FIND MY WIFE LYING THERE... 595 00:35:01,433 --> 00:35:03,902 WITH A FARAWAY LOOK. 596 00:35:03,935 --> 00:35:06,505 I NOTICED AN OPEN WINDOW, 597 00:35:06,538 --> 00:35:09,808 AND OUT OF IT I SAW OUR MAN RUNNING THROUGH THE PARKING LOT. 598 00:35:09,841 --> 00:35:14,480 I WOULD'VE CHASED AFTER HIM, BUT I WAS TOO SORE. 599 00:35:14,513 --> 00:35:16,482 FROM THE TRAINING. 600 00:35:16,515 --> 00:35:18,884 [ Chattering ] [ Man ] OF COURSE, THE TRAINING. 601 00:35:18,917 --> 00:35:23,322 RIGHT. AFTER THAT, I DISCOVERED THERE WERE OTHERS LIKE ME, 602 00:35:23,355 --> 00:35:25,324 AND I FORMED THIS GROUP. 603 00:35:25,357 --> 00:35:27,393 THE POINT IS, 604 00:35:27,426 --> 00:35:30,729 WE MAY NOT KNOW HIS NAME, BUT WE'RE ONTO HIM. 605 00:35:31,797 --> 00:35:34,633 AND ONE DAY, HE'LL SLIP UP. 606 00:35:34,666 --> 00:35:38,904 AND WHEN HE DOES, WE'RE GONNA BE THERE TO NAIL HIM... 607 00:35:38,937 --> 00:35:41,407 AND CUT HIS BALLS OFF ! 608 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:45,444 - [ All Groaning ] - OKAY, SORRY. SORRY, EVERYONE. 609 00:35:45,477 --> 00:35:47,879 MAYBE WE WON'T ACTUALLY GO THAT FAR. 610 00:35:47,913 --> 00:35:50,449 THAT'S YUCKY. 611 00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:53,585 WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT FOR HIM TO SLIP UP. 612 00:35:53,619 --> 00:35:55,621 HE ALREADY HAS. 613 00:35:55,654 --> 00:35:57,823 'CAUSE WHEN HE RAN OUT OF MY APARTMENT-- 614 00:35:59,558 --> 00:36:03,562 LOOK ! HE'S A CIRCUS CLOWN ! 615 00:36:03,595 --> 00:36:07,399 YEAH, WE ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THE CLOTHES. 616 00:36:07,433 --> 00:36:09,801 HE RUNS OUT OF ALL OF OUR HOUSES BARE-ASSED, YOU KNOW. 617 00:36:09,835 --> 00:36:11,937 THE CLOTHES REALLY HAVEN'T GIVEN US ANYTHING. 618 00:36:11,970 --> 00:36:13,872 [ Sobbing ] WHAT ? 619 00:36:18,644 --> 00:36:20,546 DAMN IT ! 620 00:36:20,579 --> 00:36:24,783 I MEAN, THERE MUST BE SOME WAY TO CATCH THIS WOMAN'S DUDE. 621 00:36:35,494 --> 00:36:37,696 GENTLEMEN, 622 00:36:37,729 --> 00:36:41,500 PREPARE FOR BATTLE. [ All Cheering ] 623 00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:44,536 LISTEN UP, EVERYBODY. THIS WILL BE... 624 00:36:44,570 --> 00:36:47,873 OUR GENERAL AREA OF OUR SEARCH, OKAY ? 625 00:36:47,906 --> 00:36:50,809 NOW, YEARS AGO I WAS IN THE ARMY, 626 00:36:50,842 --> 00:36:53,612 AND WE SPENT A LOT OF TIME IN THIS AREA HERE. 627 00:36:53,645 --> 00:36:55,781 THE ARMY, THEY CALLED IT ASIA, 628 00:36:55,814 --> 00:36:57,783 BUT I LIKE TO CALL IT FREAKY-DEEKY SEX WORLD. 629 00:36:58,950 --> 00:37:02,621 SCRAP IRON, YOU'RE MY MAN. 630 00:37:02,654 --> 00:37:05,591 THIS WILL BE YOUR AREA. I SUGGEST THAT... 631 00:37:05,624 --> 00:37:08,427 YOU STICK TO THE BACK STREETS AND THE WHOREHOUSES. 632 00:37:08,460 --> 00:37:10,462 I'M RIGHT ON IT. GOOD. 633 00:37:10,496 --> 00:37:13,765 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. SCRAP, WAIT A MINUTE. LEON. NOW-- 634 00:37:15,434 --> 00:37:17,969 THIS POSTMARK IS FROM CHICAGO. 635 00:37:18,003 --> 00:37:21,673 [ Candy ] HEY. LET ME SEE THAT, LESTER. 636 00:37:21,707 --> 00:37:25,444 IF THE LADY LIVES RIGHT HERE IN CHICAGO, THAT OUGHT TO BE EASY. 637 00:37:25,477 --> 00:37:28,580 I MEAN, YOU COULD FIND ALL THE WOMEN YOU BEEN WITH IN TOWN, RIGHT ? 638 00:37:28,614 --> 00:37:31,483 THAT'S A VERY GOOD QUESTION, CANDY. YES, I CAN, 639 00:37:31,517 --> 00:37:36,588 BECAUSE I HAVE WRITTEN THE NAMES OF ALL OF MY VERY SPECIAL SWEET LADIES DOWN... 640 00:37:36,622 --> 00:37:39,358 IN THIS, MY BLACK BOOK. 641 00:37:39,391 --> 00:37:42,961 - LOOK AT THAT THING. - AND IN ADDITION TO THAT, 642 00:37:42,994 --> 00:37:47,599 I HAVE MADE THESE PHOTOCOPIES FOR YOU ALL TO TAKE A LOOK AT. 643 00:37:47,633 --> 00:37:51,470 - THAT'S FOR YOU, LESTER. - DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO THIS WOMAN IS ? 644 00:37:51,503 --> 00:37:53,939 YES, I DO, BECAUSE WHEN I READ THIS LETTER... 645 00:37:53,972 --> 00:37:56,808 I HEAR A VOICE THAT I CONNECT TO A FACE. 646 00:37:56,842 --> 00:37:59,745 AND BECAUSE I HAVE WHAT IS CALLED 20-20 MEMORY, 647 00:37:59,778 --> 00:38:03,715 THAT TELLS ME THAT THIS IS MY VERY SPECIAL SWEET THING. 648 00:38:09,888 --> 00:38:11,790 LEON PHELPS. 649 00:38:11,823 --> 00:38:15,894 - YOU MISERABLE, FATHEADED JACKASS. - THERESA ! 650 00:38:15,927 --> 00:38:18,830 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE ? I HOPED YOU WERE DEAD. 651 00:38:18,864 --> 00:38:20,966 NO, I'M NOT DEAD. SURPRISE. 652 00:38:20,999 --> 00:38:23,502 EW. WHAT ? 653 00:38:23,535 --> 00:38:26,572 YOU EXPECT ME TO LET YOU STICK YOUR TONGUE IN MY MOUTH AFTER TWO YEARS ? 654 00:38:26,605 --> 00:38:28,640 YES, I DO. OOH, COURVOISIER. 655 00:38:28,674 --> 00:38:30,642 LET'S HAVE A DRINK. COME ON IN, BABY. 656 00:38:31,777 --> 00:38:33,845 THIS IS NICE. 657 00:38:35,947 --> 00:38:38,450 LEON, WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED ME ? 658 00:38:38,484 --> 00:38:41,820 THIS IS THE THING. THEY KEPT CHANGING ALL THOSE COLLECT CALL PHONE NUMBERS, 659 00:38:41,853 --> 00:38:44,856 SO IT BECAME REALLY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO USE THE TELEPHONE. 660 00:38:44,890 --> 00:38:47,959 SHUT IT UP. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. OKAY. 661 00:38:47,993 --> 00:38:52,664 I MEET YOU UNDER THE STANDS AT A DOG TRACK. YOU SWEET-TALK ME INTO LEAVING. 662 00:38:52,698 --> 00:38:55,901 NEXT THING, I'M BUSTING SLOBS WITH YOU IN A BATHROOM OF A CHUCK E. CHEESE. 663 00:38:55,934 --> 00:38:58,870 YOU CALLED ME YOUR SWEET THING. 664 00:38:58,904 --> 00:39:02,441 WAIT A SECOND. IT SAYS HERE WE DID IT IN A LAUNDROMAT. 665 00:39:02,474 --> 00:39:04,743 WHAT ? YEAH. 666 00:39:04,776 --> 00:39:08,447 DIDN'T YOU SEND ME THIS LETTER ABOUT GETTING TOGETHER AND SHARING YOUR MONEY, LOVE ? 667 00:39:14,686 --> 00:39:16,722 MISTAKES ARE SOMETIMES FUNNY. 668 00:39:16,755 --> 00:39:19,525 LISTEN, I COULD REALLY USE THAT DRINK NOW. 669 00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:25,864 ALL RIGHT, THAT'S NICE. I GOT EVERYTHING BUT THE GLASS. 670 00:39:25,897 --> 00:39:28,767 ROT IN HELL, LEON. YES, I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME. 671 00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:31,169 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL. 672 00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:33,739 YES, DULY NOTED. ROTTING AND BURNING. 673 00:39:33,772 --> 00:39:38,577 - YES, IN HELL. I GOT YOU. - YOUR MOTHER LOOKS LIKE FLORIDA EVANS, YOU SCRUB ! 674 00:39:38,610 --> 00:39:40,712 LISTEN, THERE'S NO REASON TO GO THERE. 675 00:39:40,746 --> 00:39:43,749 YOU MUD DUCK ! QUACK ON. 676 00:39:46,585 --> 00:39:49,421 * [ Soul, Indistinct ] 677 00:39:59,565 --> 00:40:02,934 HEY, SANDRA, IT'S ME, LEON. WHAT'S HAPPENING ? 678 00:40:02,968 --> 00:40:05,804 * [ Soul ] 679 00:40:18,684 --> 00:40:20,919 HEY, MARGIE. WHAT'S UP ? IT'S LEON. HI. 680 00:40:20,952 --> 00:40:22,654 HOW YOU DOING ? GOOD TO SEE YOU. 681 00:40:22,688 --> 00:40:24,723 I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU. YEAH, I KNOW YOU GOTTA GO. 682 00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:26,592 LISTEN, DID YOU WRITE THIS LETTER ? WHAT ? 683 00:40:26,625 --> 00:40:29,761 NO ? OKAY. GO ON UP THERE. HAVE A GOOD TIME TONIGHT. 684 00:40:29,795 --> 00:40:32,731 PLAY SOME AL GREEN AND SMACK HER ON THE ASS. SHE LIKES THAT. 685 00:40:32,764 --> 00:40:34,800 HEY. HOW YOU DOIN' ? 686 00:40:36,735 --> 00:40:38,937 HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING, EVELYN ? I REMEMBER-- 687 00:40:52,518 --> 00:40:55,687 THAT WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA. 688 00:40:55,721 --> 00:40:57,823 [ Over P.A. ] WHAT'S HAPPENING, CHICAGO ? 689 00:40:57,856 --> 00:41:01,226 LADIES, IF YOU ARE RICH AND I BONED YOU, 690 00:41:01,259 --> 00:41:04,596 COULD YOU PLEASE MEET ME AT THE NACHO CART ? 691 00:41:04,630 --> 00:41:08,233 ALSO, IF YOU ARE RICH AND YOU WANT TO BE BONED, 692 00:41:08,266 --> 00:41:11,469 WOULD YOU PLEASE MEET ME AT THE NACHO CART ? 693 00:41:19,945 --> 00:41:22,581 HEY, LESTER. I STEPPED IN A TIME MACHINE. 694 00:41:22,614 --> 00:41:24,850 OH. LOOK AT THIS PLACE. THIS PLACE IS DISGUSTING. 695 00:41:24,883 --> 00:41:27,519 YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY LONG. JUST LONG ENOUGH TO MEET LEON. 696 00:41:27,553 --> 00:41:29,555 I'M TELLING YOU, HE'S JUST WHAT YOUR STATION NEEDS. 697 00:41:29,588 --> 00:41:33,759 LEON, THIS IS CYRUS. CYRUS CUNNINGHAM. 698 00:41:33,792 --> 00:41:35,994 YEAH, THIS IS THE GUY THAT DUMPED YOU. 699 00:41:36,027 --> 00:41:39,230 YOU'RE A LOT SHORTER THAN I EXPECTED. BUT THE HAIR AND THE SHOES, THEY HELP OUT. 700 00:41:39,264 --> 00:41:43,569 WELL, JULIE, SWEETHEART, I SAID I WOULD MEET YOUR FRIEND AND I HAVE. 701 00:41:43,602 --> 00:41:45,270 I WASTED A LOT OF MY TIME IN THE PROCESS. 702 00:41:45,303 --> 00:41:48,607 OBVIOUSLY, YOU HAVEN'T GROWN UP MUCH SINCE OUR LITTLE MISTAKE. 703 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:50,642 LOOK, CYRUS, WHY DON'T YOU JUST LISTEN FOR A SECOND ? 704 00:41:50,676 --> 00:41:53,011 WAMS HAS DONE QUITE WELL WITHOUT THE HELP OF REJECTS... 705 00:41:53,044 --> 00:41:56,615 AND WINOS AND DITSY WOMEN WHO THINK THEY CAN RUN WITH THE BIG BOYS. 706 00:41:56,648 --> 00:41:59,751 LISTEN, IF YOU NEED A TEMP JOB, LET ME KNOW, OKAY ? GOTTA GO. LOVE YOUR PLACE. 707 00:41:59,785 --> 00:42:02,287 LISTEN, DON'T TALK TO JULIE LIKE THAT. 708 00:42:05,591 --> 00:42:08,594 EXCUSE ME. WHAT WAS THAT, LITTLE MAN ? 709 00:42:08,627 --> 00:42:11,196 I SAID THAT YOU DON'T TALK TO JULIE LIKE THAT. 710 00:42:11,229 --> 00:42:13,331 [ Cyrus Chuckles ] 711 00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:18,203 DON'T PUSH UP ON ME IN FRONT OF YOUR PEEPS, OKAY ? 712 00:42:18,236 --> 00:42:19,905 DON'T LET THE SMOOTH TASTE FOOL YOU. 713 00:42:19,938 --> 00:42:21,773 I'M FROM THE STREETS. 714 00:42:21,807 --> 00:42:24,776 OH, YEAH ? WELL, I STILL LIVE IN THE STREETS... 715 00:42:24,810 --> 00:42:27,846 AND WILL OCCASIONALLY FIND MYSELF WAKING UP IN THE STREETS. 716 00:42:27,879 --> 00:42:29,648 THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT. 717 00:42:29,681 --> 00:42:31,917 GENTLEMEN, THERE WILL BE NO FIGHTING IN THIS BAR. 718 00:42:31,950 --> 00:42:35,687 ALL RIGHT, FINE. WE CAN TAKE IT OUTSIDE. 719 00:42:45,831 --> 00:42:48,934 LISTEN, I'M SORRY. WE-WE GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT HERE. 720 00:42:48,967 --> 00:42:51,670 UM, WHY DON'T WE JUST LET BYGONES BE BYGONES ? 721 00:42:51,703 --> 00:42:53,839 WHATEVER YOU SAY, SUGAR. THAT'S FINE WITH ME. 722 00:42:53,872 --> 00:42:57,876 LISTEN, HOW ABOUT YOU HAVE A-- I'D LIKE TO OFFER YOU A PICKLED PIG'S FEET. 723 00:42:57,909 --> 00:43:00,278 I DON'T THINK SO. 724 00:43:00,311 --> 00:43:02,347 [ Scrap ] COME ON, JOHNNY MATHIS. 725 00:43:02,380 --> 00:43:05,951 - YOU SAID YOU FROM THE STREETS, "BROTHER." - YEAH. 726 00:43:05,984 --> 00:43:08,854 YEAH, WELL, JULIE TOLD ME THAT WHILE THEY WERE DATIN', 727 00:43:08,887 --> 00:43:12,290 THERE WERE SOME THINGS THAT CYRUS DIDN'T HAVE A TASTE FOR. 728 00:43:12,323 --> 00:43:15,026 [ Bar Patrons Laughing ] 729 00:43:15,060 --> 00:43:16,928 [ Leon ] INTERESTING. [ Cyrus ] HEY, HEY, HEY. 730 00:43:16,962 --> 00:43:19,297 IT AIN'T NO THING, ALL RIGHT ? IT AIN'T NO THING. 731 00:43:19,330 --> 00:43:21,633 I WAS RAISED ON PIG'S FEET. 732 00:43:21,667 --> 00:43:25,771 I CAN EAT THIS. FINE. I CAN EAT IT. IF THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, FINE. 733 00:43:25,804 --> 00:43:27,873 THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO ? MM-HMM. 734 00:43:27,906 --> 00:43:30,809 JUST TO IMPRESS YOU AND THE REST OF THE SUNSHINE BAND, I'LL EAT IT. 735 00:43:30,842 --> 00:43:32,911 THAT'S FINE. 736 00:43:32,944 --> 00:43:37,248 SEE ? I'LL EAT IT HERE. CUT IT UP A LITTLE BIT AND EAT IT LIKE THAT. SEE ? 737 00:43:37,282 --> 00:43:39,718 THERE. 738 00:43:39,751 --> 00:43:43,922 PERHAPS YOU THOUGHT I'D RECOIL FROM YOUR BAR FOOD, BUT-- 739 00:43:43,955 --> 00:43:47,826 - YOU WANT SOME PICKLED EGGS ? - I'D LOVE SOME PICKLED EGGS. THAT'D BE NICE. 740 00:43:47,859 --> 00:43:50,428 ONE PICKLED DISH AT A TIME. WHY ARE WE GONNA-- 741 00:43:50,461 --> 00:43:52,731 OKAY, I'LL STAY FOR ONE PICKLED EGG. 742 00:43:52,764 --> 00:43:56,301 LOOK, EVERYBODY. PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY EATING THE BAR FOOD. 743 00:43:56,334 --> 00:43:59,337 [ Scrap ] ALL RIGHT, BOYS, EAT UP. THE FOOD IS FREE. 744 00:43:59,370 --> 00:44:02,407 IT DISAPPEARS. PICKLED EGG YOU WANT, PICKLED EGG YOU GOT. 745 00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:04,743 [ Scrap ] THIS AIN'T THE WELFARE. THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF. 746 00:44:04,776 --> 00:44:07,278 - MMM. - MMM, MMM, MMM ! 747 00:44:07,312 --> 00:44:11,850 - HEY, HOW ABOUT SOME PRAIRIE OYSTERS ? - OOH, PRAIRIE OYSTERS ! 748 00:44:11,883 --> 00:44:14,720 - THEY ARE REALLY GOOD. - COME ON. BRING IT ON. LET'S GO. 749 00:44:14,753 --> 00:44:17,956 LOOK LIKE A CHITLIN TO ME. PRAIRIE OYSTERS. MMM ! 750 00:44:17,989 --> 00:44:21,693 OH, YEAH, LOOK AT THAT. OH, YEAH, IT'S FRESH. 751 00:44:21,727 --> 00:44:26,031 THIS IS GONNA BE SO GOOD. I HAVEN'T HAD THESE SINCE YESTERDAY. 752 00:44:26,064 --> 00:44:27,799 - MMM ! - [ Woman ] IT'S AN ACQUIRED TASTE. 753 00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:30,736 [ Scrap ] TAKE YOUR TIME. 754 00:44:32,470 --> 00:44:34,740 [ Bar Patrons Groaning, Chattering ] 755 00:44:34,773 --> 00:44:37,876 HMM ? GOOD, HUH ? 756 00:44:37,909 --> 00:44:40,946 - SPICY HOG BALLS. - [ All Groaning ] 757 00:44:40,979 --> 00:44:43,248 [ Man ] NOT THE HOG BALLS. 758 00:44:45,516 --> 00:44:48,453 SPICY HOG BALLS. WHERE'D YOU FIND THESE ? 759 00:44:48,486 --> 00:44:50,922 OOH, LOOK AT THAT. THEY GOT TWO BALLS. 760 00:44:50,956 --> 00:44:55,060 AND THEY GOING RIGHT DOWN HERE. MMM ! MMM ! 761 00:44:55,093 --> 00:44:58,730 OH ! YES, INDEED. LOOK AT THEM. 762 00:45:02,968 --> 00:45:05,370 EAT ALL YOU WANT, BOYS. EAT ALL YOU WANT. 763 00:45:09,307 --> 00:45:12,077 [ Man ] SHOW HIM HOW TO DO IT, LEON. 764 00:45:12,110 --> 00:45:14,813 MMM ! MMM, MMM, MMM ! 765 00:45:16,447 --> 00:45:17,749 HOW YOU BOYS DOING ? 766 00:45:18,984 --> 00:45:21,419 SO, IS THAT IT ? 767 00:45:21,452 --> 00:45:24,255 I'VE EATEN MORE EXOTIC FOODS THAN THAT. 768 00:45:24,289 --> 00:45:26,758 - HOW ABOUT A PIECE DE RESISTANCE ? - HMM. 769 00:45:26,792 --> 00:45:30,061 - BACK-BOTTOM GRISTLE LUMPS. - [ Candy ] SPECIAL OF THE HOUSE. 770 00:45:30,095 --> 00:45:32,798 PRACTICALLY NOBODY EATS THESE. 771 00:45:32,831 --> 00:45:36,234 - I DON'T REMEMBER SEEING THOSE ON THE MENU EITHER. - OH, THESE ARE GOOD. 772 00:45:36,267 --> 00:45:39,838 THESE ARE NEW. THE BEST ! 773 00:45:39,871 --> 00:45:43,241 - THESE ARE MINE. - NO, NO, NO. NO WAY. NO WAY ! 774 00:45:43,274 --> 00:45:45,443 - THEY'RE MINE. - GET THE HELL OFF OF THEM ! 775 00:45:45,476 --> 00:45:47,378 JEEZ ! 776 00:45:47,412 --> 00:45:49,815 [ Scrap ] DON'T BE FIGHTING OVER GRISTLE LUMPS. COME ON, NOW. 777 00:45:49,848 --> 00:45:52,317 THERE YOU GO, NOW. THAT'S A NICE ONE. THAT'S A NICE ONE. 778 00:45:52,350 --> 00:45:56,321 - JUST SOME GRISTLE LUMPS. - GRISTLE LUMP YOU WANT, GRISTLE LUMP YOU GOT. 779 00:45:56,354 --> 00:45:59,791 I GOT YOUR GRISTLE LUMP. [ All Groaning ] 780 00:45:59,825 --> 00:46:02,293 - SAVOR THE FLAVOR. - MM-HMM. 781 00:46:02,327 --> 00:46:05,396 [ Scrap ] GOT SOME HOT SAUCE TO GO WITH THAT TOO. 782 00:46:05,430 --> 00:46:09,400 - MMM. I DID IT. - THAT'S RIGHT. YOU SURE DID. 783 00:46:09,434 --> 00:46:12,838 - I DID IT. - YOU DID IT ALL RIGHT. I'M PROUD OF YOU. 784 00:46:12,871 --> 00:46:15,306 I DID IT. I DID IT ! [ Laughing ] 785 00:46:15,340 --> 00:46:18,276 I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE. 786 00:46:18,309 --> 00:46:22,280 - BOY, YOU JUST DONE ATE SOME SHIT. - [ All Laughing ] 787 00:46:22,313 --> 00:46:25,516 - SOME WHAT ? - YOU JUST ATE SOME HUMAN SHIT. 788 00:46:27,919 --> 00:46:30,521 HUMAN SHIT ? HUMAN SHIT ? 789 00:46:32,023 --> 00:46:34,425 WHY WOULD YOU BOTTLE HUMAN SHIT ? 790 00:46:34,459 --> 00:46:36,862 WHAT POSSIBLE HOLIDAY WOULD YOU BOTTLE HUMAN SHIT FOR ? 791 00:46:36,895 --> 00:46:39,931 - [ Scrap ] THAT'S THE FUNNIEST IDEA YET ! - YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK ! 792 00:46:39,965 --> 00:46:42,300 THAT'S THE FIRST TIME IT'S EVER WORKED. 793 00:46:42,333 --> 00:46:44,402 WE SCORED SO BIG. 794 00:46:47,605 --> 00:46:50,842 YOU KNOW THAT THAT WAS OUR LAST CHANCE AT A STEADY PAYCHECK. 795 00:46:50,876 --> 00:46:55,847 MM-HMM. BUT I FEEL GOOD. I FEEL REAL GOOD. 796 00:46:55,881 --> 00:46:58,016 WELL, THAT'S GOOD, BECAUSE LISTEN, THERE'S NO WAY... 797 00:46:58,049 --> 00:47:01,419 THAT I WAS GONNA LET THAT DUDE DISRESPECT MY JULIE TWICE. 798 00:47:04,389 --> 00:47:07,425 SO, LISTEN, EXCUSE ME. 799 00:47:07,458 --> 00:47:11,462 I WILL BE GOING TO THE BATHROOM TO PUKE UP A HOG BALL. 800 00:47:25,610 --> 00:47:28,914 GENTLEMEN, WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR A LONG TIME. 801 00:47:28,947 --> 00:47:33,618 - [ Murmuring ] - THIS MAN, THIS "LADIES MAN," 802 00:47:33,651 --> 00:47:36,922 THOUGHT HE COULD TAKE SOMETHING FROM US, SOMETHING WE HOLD SACRED. 803 00:47:36,955 --> 00:47:40,358 - HE TRIED TO TAKE OUR MANHOOD. WAS HE SUCCESSFUL ? - [ All ] NO ! 804 00:47:40,391 --> 00:47:43,929 NO, HE WAS NOT. WHY ? BECAUSE WE'RE MEN AMONG MEN. 805 00:47:43,962 --> 00:47:46,531 THAT'S RIGHT ! YEAH ! SUPER MEN ! 806 00:47:46,564 --> 00:47:50,368 AND FROM THIS MOMENT ON, I DECLARE OUR SUPREME MANLINESS ! 807 00:47:50,401 --> 00:47:52,403 [ Cheering ] 808 00:47:58,576 --> 00:48:01,980 * I FEEL LIKE THIS IS SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL * 809 00:48:02,013 --> 00:48:05,550 * SOMETHING TELLS ME THIS IS TRULY GRAND * 810 00:48:05,583 --> 00:48:08,386 * I'VE GOT A BRAND-NEW LEASE ON LIFE NOW * 811 00:48:08,419 --> 00:48:11,322 * AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA GET THE LADIES MAN * 812 00:48:11,356 --> 00:48:14,025 [ All ] THAT'S RIGHT ! 813 00:48:14,059 --> 00:48:17,528 * ALL AT ONCE THE SEARCH IS TRULY OVER * 814 00:48:17,562 --> 00:48:20,665 * EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING AS PLANNED * 815 00:48:20,698 --> 00:48:23,634 * I HOPE HE'S NAKED AND GOOD-LOOKING * 816 00:48:23,668 --> 00:48:26,371 * AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA GET THIS LADIES MAN * 817 00:48:26,404 --> 00:48:28,573 THAT'S RIGHT ! 818 00:48:28,606 --> 00:48:33,011 - WHEN WE CATCH HIM, WE'RE GONNA CUT HIS BALLS OFF. - [ All ] YOU BET ! 819 00:48:33,044 --> 00:48:35,446 * I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M FEELING * 820 00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:38,549 * I NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE * 821 00:48:38,583 --> 00:48:41,119 * I WANT TO SING FROM A MOUNTAINTOP * 822 00:48:41,152 --> 00:48:46,557 * AND LET MY TRUE HEART SOAR 823 00:49:16,621 --> 00:49:18,523 GOING UP. 824 00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:22,994 [ Elevator Bell Dings ] 825 00:49:23,028 --> 00:49:26,364 * I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S FINALLY OVER * 826 00:49:26,397 --> 00:49:29,467 * ALL OF MY DREAMS ARE NEAR AT HAND * 827 00:49:29,500 --> 00:49:33,071 * I'M GONNA KILL THAT DIRTY BASTARD * 828 00:49:33,104 --> 00:49:36,507 * THE TIME HAS COME TO KILL THE LADIES MAN * 829 00:49:36,541 --> 00:49:40,311 * THE TIME HAS COME TO KILL THE LADIES MAN * THAT'S RIGHT ! 830 00:49:40,345 --> 00:49:44,082 HIS NAME IS LEON PHELPS. I FIRED HIM A WEEK AGO. 831 00:49:45,750 --> 00:49:48,619 SAY, IS THAT A PICTURE OF HIM OVER THERE ? 832 00:49:48,653 --> 00:49:51,722 YES. YES, IT IS. THAT'S YOUR MAN. 833 00:49:51,756 --> 00:49:53,758 THAT'S, UH-- THAT'S LEON PHELPS. 834 00:49:53,791 --> 00:49:56,494 [ Lance ] LEON PHELPS. 835 00:49:56,527 --> 00:49:59,330 WHERE MIGHT WE FIND THIS LEON PHELPS ? 836 00:50:00,531 --> 00:50:03,301 OH, YOU MIGHT TRY HIS HOUSEBOAT, 837 00:50:03,334 --> 00:50:06,604 OR THAT GIN TANK CALLED LESTER'S LOUNGE. 838 00:50:06,637 --> 00:50:11,042 AND WHEN YOU FIND HIM, TELL HIM TO COME IN AND PICK UP THIS CRAP. 839 00:50:11,076 --> 00:50:13,711 WHAT'S THIS ? FAN MAIL... 840 00:50:13,744 --> 00:50:16,781 FROM ALL THE SLUTS HE'S BEEN BANGING FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS. 841 00:50:16,814 --> 00:50:19,617 A LOT OF THESE ARE FROM MY WIFE. 842 00:50:22,553 --> 00:50:25,790 [ Woman ] YOU THOUGHT I WROTE THIS ? [ Leon ] YEAH, I DID. 843 00:50:25,823 --> 00:50:30,361 SORRY, LEON. I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN SETTLING DOWN RIGHT NOW. 844 00:50:30,395 --> 00:50:35,400 [ Knocking On Door ] YOU'RE ON IN TEN MINUTES. 845 00:50:35,433 --> 00:50:38,436 EXCUSE ME. I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE CHANGING. 846 00:50:41,172 --> 00:50:45,110 THIS IS A NICE PLACE. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE FINALLY MADE THE BIG-TIME. 847 00:50:45,143 --> 00:50:48,646 YEAH, MY WORK IS EVERYTHING TO ME RIGHT NOW. 848 00:50:48,679 --> 00:50:50,815 THAT'S WHY I COULDN'T DREAM OF SETTLING DOWN. 849 00:50:50,848 --> 00:50:54,552 IN FACT, THE ONLY THING THAT EVER COMPARED... 850 00:50:54,585 --> 00:50:56,554 TO THE THRILL OF MY PERFORMANCES... 851 00:50:56,587 --> 00:50:59,690 WERE THOSE WILD NIGHTS WE HAD TOGETHER IN BED. 852 00:50:59,724 --> 00:51:02,393 YEAH, WE DID SOME PRETTY MESSED-UP JUNK. 853 00:51:03,861 --> 00:51:06,831 - HEY, LEON. - YES ? 854 00:51:06,864 --> 00:51:09,300 I'VE GOT A CRAZY IDEA. 855 00:51:09,334 --> 00:51:11,736 I'VE GOT A FEW MINUTES BEFORE I GO ON. 856 00:51:11,769 --> 00:51:15,440 LET'S HAVE A QUICKIE FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE. 857 00:51:15,473 --> 00:51:19,710 THAT'S NOT A CRAZY IDEA. I LIKE THAT IDEA AND I WILL SUPPORT IT. 858 00:51:19,744 --> 00:51:23,848 LET'S DO IT LIKE WE USED TO-- REAL NASTY ! 859 00:51:23,881 --> 00:51:26,417 [ Honking Horn ] 860 00:51:26,451 --> 00:51:30,455 LISTEN, MAYBE IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA. WE DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO DO THIS. 861 00:51:30,488 --> 00:51:34,859 WE'LL DO IT REAL QUICK. COME ON, BABY. YOU KNOW WHAT BLOOPY LIKES. 862 00:51:34,892 --> 00:51:37,795 [ Honking ] OKAY, LISTEN, BLOOPY ? 863 00:51:37,828 --> 00:51:40,431 I'M ABOUT TO GO ON. I HAVE TO STAY IN CHARACTER. 864 00:51:40,465 --> 00:51:42,500 NOW, GIVE IT TO ME, YOU STUD. 865 00:51:42,533 --> 00:51:46,804 TAKE IT EASY THERE, BLOOPY. BLOOPY'S GONNA LICK YOU ALL OVER YOUR BODY. 866 00:51:46,837 --> 00:51:50,808 OKAY, LISTEN. I DON'T KNOW. 867 00:51:52,377 --> 00:51:55,380 OH, WHAT THE HELL. 868 00:51:55,413 --> 00:51:58,549 * I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S FINALLY OVER * 869 00:51:58,583 --> 00:52:01,786 * ALL OF MY DREAMS ARE NEAR AT HAND * 870 00:52:01,819 --> 00:52:05,356 * I'M GONNA KILL THAT DIRTY BASTARD * 871 00:52:05,390 --> 00:52:08,693 * THE TIME HAS COME TO KILL THE LADIES MAN * 872 00:52:08,726 --> 00:52:11,462 * THE TIME HAS COME TO KILL THE LADIES MAN * 873 00:52:11,496 --> 00:52:13,398 THAT'S RIGHT ! 874 00:52:27,978 --> 00:52:30,781 HAL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST-- YEAH. 875 00:52:32,817 --> 00:52:34,919 [ All Shouting ] 876 00:52:38,423 --> 00:52:39,724 [ Man ] HE'S NOT HERE, GUYS. 877 00:52:40,925 --> 00:52:42,893 THIS STINKS. 878 00:52:42,927 --> 00:52:45,430 * THIS STINKS, HE'S NOT HERE AND THIS STINKS * 879 00:52:45,463 --> 00:52:48,433 * AND WE KNOW WHY HE'S NOT HERE BECAUSE HE'S NOT * 880 00:52:48,466 --> 00:52:49,700 * HE'S GONE 881 00:52:49,734 --> 00:52:53,738 [ Barney ] SO, THIS IS WHERE HE LIVES. 882 00:52:56,674 --> 00:52:58,443 WELL, TASTEFUL. 883 00:53:02,447 --> 00:53:05,950 GENTLEMEN, LET'S TORCH IT. 884 00:53:12,857 --> 00:53:15,826 - HEY. - LET'S GO ! 885 00:53:15,860 --> 00:53:18,729 [ All Screaming ] 886 00:53:25,803 --> 00:53:28,939 WE REALLY DIDN'T THINK THAT THROUGH. 887 00:53:28,973 --> 00:53:31,709 THAT PLACE WAS FULL OF PLEATHER AND COLOGNE. 888 00:53:31,742 --> 00:53:35,613 [ Lance ] IT WAS QUITE A THRILL, THOUGH, WHEN IT WENT UP IN FLAMES. 889 00:53:48,859 --> 00:53:51,496 AH, GENTLEMEN, CAN I HELP YOU ? 890 00:53:51,529 --> 00:53:54,965 A ROUND OF BEERS FOR MY MEN. [ All ] YEAH ! 891 00:53:54,999 --> 00:53:59,737 IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE I CAN HELP WITH ? I THINK THERE IS. MY CARD. 892 00:54:02,473 --> 00:54:03,641 WE'RE ALSO LOOKING FOR THIS MAN. 893 00:54:04,842 --> 00:54:07,612 HIS NAME IS LEON PHELPS. 894 00:54:07,645 --> 00:54:11,349 HE ALSO GOES BY "THE LADIES MAN." [ All ] YEAH ! 895 00:54:11,382 --> 00:54:14,485 - YOU GUYS FRIENDS OF HIS ? - YOU MIGHT SAY THAT. 896 00:54:14,519 --> 00:54:17,388 [ All Chuckling ] WE WANT TO KILL HIM. 897 00:54:17,422 --> 00:54:20,425 WELL, HE DOESN'T HANG OUT HERE. [ Chuckles ] 898 00:54:20,458 --> 00:54:23,961 WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO KILL A GUY LIKE THAT FOR ANYWAY ? 899 00:54:23,994 --> 00:54:26,631 HE'S A DANGEROUS THIEF OF HEARTS. 900 00:54:26,664 --> 00:54:30,435 HE SEDUCED MY WIFE. HE SCREWED ALL OUR WOMEN ! 901 00:54:30,468 --> 00:54:32,503 [ All ] YEAH ! 902 00:54:32,537 --> 00:54:36,407 - SO THAT'S WHY YOU WANT TO KILL LEON PHELPS. - OH, YEAH. 903 00:54:36,441 --> 00:54:39,744 YEAH, THAT'S WHY WE WANNA KILL HIM. AND WE'RE GOING TO. 904 00:54:39,777 --> 00:54:43,481 WE'RE GOING TO CATCH HIM AND CUT OFF HIS TINY LITTLE PECKER. 905 00:54:43,514 --> 00:54:46,851 - "TINY LITTLE PECKER" ? YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT-- - THAT'S HIM ! 906 00:54:48,419 --> 00:54:49,920 [ All Shouting ] 907 00:54:58,963 --> 00:55:01,399 GET HIM ! 908 00:55:01,432 --> 00:55:04,802 SEE YOU LATER ! [ Barney ] HOW DOES HE DO IT ? 909 00:55:04,835 --> 00:55:08,539 - HE'S OUTSMARTED US AGAIN. - LANCE, HIS LITTLE BLACK BOOK. 910 00:55:09,607 --> 00:55:11,576 OH, YES. 911 00:55:11,609 --> 00:55:13,578 OH, YES, THIS IS GOOD. 912 00:55:13,611 --> 00:55:15,646 THIS IS VERY GOOD ! 913 00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:18,416 [ All Laughing ] 914 00:55:18,449 --> 00:55:22,587 WHY IS IT VERY GOOD ? IT'S THE BOOK OF ALL OF HIS NUMBERS. 915 00:55:27,758 --> 00:55:31,429 THIS IS NOT COOL. THIS IS UNFAIR. 916 00:55:31,462 --> 00:55:35,566 I DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE THIS. [ Crying ] 917 00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:38,869 MY HOUSEBOAT. IT'S MY HOUSEBOAT ! 918 00:55:40,004 --> 00:55:42,373 [ Screaming ] WHY ? 919 00:55:53,017 --> 00:55:54,952 [ Conversation, Indistinct ] 920 00:56:10,735 --> 00:56:12,503 MM. 921 00:56:37,895 --> 00:56:40,865 [ Leon ] THIS IS HOW MY UNCLE TAUGHT US TO DRINK TEA. 922 00:56:40,898 --> 00:56:45,169 YOU PUT YOUR PINKIE UP. THEN TAKE IT TO YOUR LIPS, LIKE THIS. 923 00:56:45,202 --> 00:56:47,705 JULIE. COME ON IN. 924 00:56:47,738 --> 00:56:50,508 YOUR FRIEND LEON HAS MADE SOME SUGGESTIONS... 925 00:56:50,541 --> 00:56:53,544 PERTAINING TO US AND OUR LOVE LIFE. 926 00:56:53,578 --> 00:56:56,847 I'M SO GLAD YOU INVITED LEON HERE TO SPEND THIS TIME WITH US. 927 00:56:56,881 --> 00:56:58,983 I DIDN'T INVITE LEON-- 928 00:56:59,016 --> 00:57:01,919 AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, HE CAN STAY AS LONG AS HE WANTS. 929 00:57:01,952 --> 00:57:04,489 [ Edna ] I'LL DRINK TO THAT. [ Leon ] I DO TOO. 930 00:57:04,522 --> 00:57:08,826 IF YOU GOT SOME COURVOISIER, WE COULD POUR SOME OF THAT IN HERE TOO. 931 00:57:08,859 --> 00:57:10,928 JULIE, WHEN AM I GONNA SEE YOUR ROOM ? 932 00:57:10,961 --> 00:57:15,232 * I AM JULIE'S PIANO 933 00:57:15,265 --> 00:57:17,768 * I AM JULIE'S PIANO 934 00:57:17,802 --> 00:57:19,804 THAT'S A SONG I WROTE FOR YOU. 935 00:57:19,837 --> 00:57:23,974 LOOK, YOU GOT YOUR NICE LITTLE STUFFED ANIMALS THERE. 936 00:57:24,008 --> 00:57:26,811 AND LOOK AT THAT NICE POSTER OF RICK ASTLEY. 937 00:57:26,844 --> 00:57:29,013 OKAY, I TOLD YOU THIS WAS TEMPORARY. 938 00:57:29,046 --> 00:57:30,948 YOU DON'T HAVE TO TEASE ME. YES, I DO. 939 00:57:30,981 --> 00:57:32,983 I'D LIKE TO REMIND YOU, YOUNG LADY, 940 00:57:33,017 --> 00:57:37,755 ABOUT THE "TRAILER PARK OF THE SEA" LINE, MY HOUSEBOAT... [ Laughs ] 941 00:57:37,788 --> 00:57:40,190 WHICH I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE. 942 00:57:41,258 --> 00:57:43,694 OH, MAN. 943 00:57:43,728 --> 00:57:47,898 YOU KNOW SOMETHING, JULIE ? I'M REALIZING THAT MY LIFE REALLY SUCKS. 944 00:57:52,970 --> 00:57:56,006 YOU KNOW WHOSE FAULT IT IS, DON'T YOU ? 945 00:57:56,040 --> 00:58:00,778 IT IS THE FAULT OF THE WANG. I SHOULD CUT THIS THING OFF. 946 00:58:00,811 --> 00:58:02,647 YOU'RE NOT GONNA CUT IT OFF. I KNOW. 947 00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:05,950 THAT'S THE CRAZIEST THING I'VE EVER THOUGHT OF. 948 00:58:05,983 --> 00:58:08,719 BUT I JUST CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE. 949 00:58:08,753 --> 00:58:12,590 I'M SO TIRED OF BEING "THE LADIES MAN." 950 00:58:14,659 --> 00:58:19,229 YOU KNOW, YOU WERE NEVER "THE LADIES MAN" TO ME. 951 00:58:19,263 --> 00:58:21,231 REALLY ? REALLY. 952 00:58:21,265 --> 00:58:25,636 NO, TO ME YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN JUST PLAIN OLD LEON PHELPS. 953 00:58:26,704 --> 00:58:29,907 A LONELY, MISGUIDED... 954 00:58:29,940 --> 00:58:31,742 IDIOT. 955 00:58:31,776 --> 00:58:34,745 [ Chuckles ] YOU KNOW SOMETHING, JULIE ? HMM ? 956 00:58:34,779 --> 00:58:39,016 I THINK THAT YOU WROTE THE MYSTERY LETTER. 957 00:58:39,049 --> 00:58:40,851 [ Incredulous Laugh ] 958 00:58:42,753 --> 00:58:46,290 YEAH ! LEON, I'VE NEVER HAD SEX WITH YOU, 959 00:58:46,323 --> 00:58:48,593 ESPECIALLY NOT IN A LAUNDROMAT. 960 00:58:48,626 --> 00:58:51,528 YEAH, THAT IS TRUE. 961 00:58:53,363 --> 00:58:55,633 YOU KNOW WHAT ? 962 00:58:55,666 --> 00:58:58,803 IT WOULD'VE BEEN REALLY NICE IF YOU HAD WRITTEN THIS LETTER. 963 00:59:00,237 --> 00:59:01,739 OH, YEAH ? YEAH. 964 00:59:01,772 --> 00:59:05,309 YOU KNOW, A GIRL LIKE YOU, THAT'S WHAT I NEED. 965 00:59:05,342 --> 00:59:08,212 I DON'T NEED SOME CRAZY MYSTERY LADY. 966 00:59:09,947 --> 00:59:14,619 WELL, HOW COULD YOU FIND A GIRL LIKE ME ? 967 00:59:14,652 --> 00:59:17,021 YEAH, HOW CAN I FIND A GIRL LIKE YOU ? 968 00:59:17,054 --> 00:59:19,023 SHE'D HAVE TO BE SINGLE. 969 00:59:19,056 --> 00:59:22,627 THAT WOULD BE REALLY NICE THIS TIME. YEAH. 970 00:59:22,660 --> 00:59:24,629 AND SHE'D HAVE TO BE ATTRACTIVE. 971 00:59:24,662 --> 00:59:28,633 YEAH, WELL, YOU HAVE THAT. [ Laughs ] 972 00:59:28,666 --> 00:59:32,369 SHE'D HAVE TO HAVE PARENTS THAT WOULDN'T THROW YOU OFF THE PORCH. 973 00:59:32,402 --> 00:59:34,739 YEAH, THAT WOULD BE REALLY NICE. 974 00:59:36,707 --> 00:59:40,010 AND SHE'D HAVE TO HAVE KNOWN YOU LONG ENOUGH... 975 00:59:40,044 --> 00:59:44,749 TO FINALLY REALIZE WHAT A WONDERFUL PERSON YOU'RE CAPABLE OF BEING. 976 01:00:02,299 --> 01:00:04,368 JULIE, CAN YOU DO THAT AGAIN ? 977 01:00:04,401 --> 01:00:06,771 * ALL THIS TIME 978 01:00:06,804 --> 01:00:10,641 * LIKE THE STORMY SEA 979 01:00:10,675 --> 01:00:16,781 * REACHING FOR THE SKY 980 01:00:16,814 --> 01:00:19,316 * ALL THIS TIME 981 01:00:23,287 --> 01:00:24,689 THAT'S IT. 982 01:00:25,756 --> 01:00:28,258 THAT IS IT. WHAT ? WHAT ? 983 01:00:30,027 --> 01:00:31,996 DeLUNE. 984 01:00:32,029 --> 01:00:34,331 DeLUNE ! 985 01:00:34,364 --> 01:00:36,366 DeLUNE, DeLUNE. 986 01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:39,003 HONEY DeLUNE ! 987 01:00:39,036 --> 01:00:42,272 SWEET THING IS HONEY DeLUNE ! 988 01:00:42,306 --> 01:00:45,309 THAT IS IT ! 989 01:00:45,342 --> 01:00:47,311 OH, MY GOD ! 990 01:00:47,344 --> 01:00:50,280 I AM RICH ! 991 01:00:50,314 --> 01:00:54,952 LOOK OUT, CHICAGO ! THE LADIES MAN IS BACK ! 992 01:00:54,985 --> 01:00:57,321 YES ! 993 01:01:00,057 --> 01:01:03,393 [ Lester Narrating ] WELL, THERE GOES LEON PHELPS, CHASING HIS DREAM. 994 01:01:03,427 --> 01:01:06,697 BUT HERE'S A FUNNY THING ABOUT RUNNING AFTER A DREAM-- 995 01:01:06,731 --> 01:01:10,300 SOMETIMES YOU FIND WHAT YOU WERE DREAMING ABOUT WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU ALL ALONG. 996 01:01:10,334 --> 01:01:13,871 LESTER, COULD YOU JUST SHUT UP AND GIVE ME THE NUMBER FOR HONEY DeLUNE ? 997 01:01:13,904 --> 01:01:17,241 RIGHT. 998 01:01:17,274 --> 01:01:20,377 JUST THOUGHT YOU COULD USE A LITTLE ADVICE. 999 01:01:22,079 --> 01:01:23,347 OKAY. 1000 01:01:25,983 --> 01:01:27,885 5, 9-- 1001 01:01:27,918 --> 01:01:29,920 [ Ringing ] 1002 01:01:31,488 --> 01:01:36,326 - HELLO ? - GUESS WHO, SWEET THING ! 1003 01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:39,229 LEON ? LEON PHELPS ? [ Chuckles ] 1004 01:01:39,263 --> 01:01:42,332 THAT'S RIGHT, BABY. IT'S YOUR LAUNDROMAT LOVE MACHINE. 1005 01:01:42,366 --> 01:01:44,334 OH, MY GOD ! IT IS ! 1006 01:01:44,368 --> 01:01:46,871 SO YOU GOT MY LETTER, RIGHT ? MM-HMM. 1007 01:01:46,904 --> 01:01:49,940 OH, WHEN SO MUCH TIME WENT BY, I THOUGHT... 1008 01:01:49,974 --> 01:01:52,810 MAYBE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME. 1009 01:01:52,843 --> 01:01:55,880 I GUESS THAT WAS SILLY, HUH ? YES, IT WAS. 1010 01:01:55,913 --> 01:01:58,883 - [ Laughs ] - IT WAS DOWNRIGHT STUPID, BABY. 1011 01:01:58,916 --> 01:02:01,018 EVER SINCE WE LAST SAW EACH OTHER, 1012 01:02:01,051 --> 01:02:05,255 - I HAVE HAD THIS ACHING IN MY SOUL. - OH, YOU DID ? 1013 01:02:05,289 --> 01:02:09,026 YEAH. SO HOW ABOUT I COME OVER THERE AND GO TO TOWN ON YOUR MONEY AND YOUR ASS ? 1014 01:02:09,059 --> 01:02:10,995 OH ! HEH-HEH ! 1015 01:02:11,028 --> 01:02:14,731 OH, UH, LEON, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT OF TIME. 1016 01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:20,270 - WHAT THE HELL FOR ? - TO TIE UP SOME LOOSE ENDS. 1017 01:02:20,304 --> 01:02:24,474 BABY, I WANT TO LEAVE MY WHOLE LIFE BEHIND AND RUN AWAY WITH YOU. 1018 01:02:24,508 --> 01:02:27,044 HOW DOES A TRIP AROUND THE WORLD SOUND FOR STARTERS ? 1019 01:02:27,077 --> 01:02:29,980 - ARE YOU PAYING FOR IT ? - OF COURSE. 1020 01:02:30,014 --> 01:02:32,983 - WELL, THAT SOUNDS GOOD. - WONDERFUL. 1021 01:02:33,017 --> 01:02:35,285 UM, COME BY AND PICK ME UP TOMORROW NIGHT. OKAY ? 1022 01:02:35,319 --> 01:02:38,522 ALL RIGHT. SURE, SWEET THING. HA HA ! 1023 01:02:38,555 --> 01:02:40,791 [ Beeps Off ] 1024 01:02:40,825 --> 01:02:44,028 WERE YOU TALKING ON THE PHONE JUST NOW ? NO, SWEETHEART. 1025 01:02:44,061 --> 01:02:46,263 GOOD. 1026 01:02:46,296 --> 01:02:49,466 NICE TRY, MY FRIEND. HELLO, MRS. DeLUNE. 1027 01:02:51,035 --> 01:02:53,337 HI, BRIAN. 1028 01:02:53,370 --> 01:02:56,273 HERE COMES THE PTERODACTYL. HOPE YOU LIKE IT. 1029 01:02:56,306 --> 01:02:59,409 [ Grunting, Groaning ] 1030 01:02:59,443 --> 01:03:02,913 * WHO'S THAT LADY * WHO'S THAT LADY 1031 01:03:02,947 --> 01:03:07,017 * BEAUTIFUL LADY HEY ! 1032 01:03:07,051 --> 01:03:09,019 YO ! WHAT'S UP, ALOYSIUS ? 1033 01:03:09,053 --> 01:03:11,889 MY MAIN MAN ! I NEED SOME NEW STUFF. 1034 01:03:11,922 --> 01:03:15,492 - MAN, I GOT YOU COVERED, BABY. - THIS IS ALL RIGHT. 1035 01:03:15,525 --> 01:03:18,595 - THIS IS THE DARKEST BROWN YOU GOT ? - YEAH. 1036 01:03:18,628 --> 01:03:24,368 - THAT'S GERMAN CHOCOLATE. CAN'T GET NO DEEPER THAN THAT. - YEAH. ALOYSIUS... 1037 01:03:25,870 --> 01:03:29,539 - I THINK YOU GOT A DEAL. - YEAH. MM ! 1038 01:03:29,573 --> 01:03:30,975 MM ! 1039 01:03:31,008 --> 01:03:33,577 * GET UP ON THE DOWNSTROKE * 1040 01:03:33,610 --> 01:03:36,313 - * EVERYBODY GET UP - YEAH. 1041 01:03:36,346 --> 01:03:39,917 - * GET UP ON THE DOWNSTROKE - THAT'S RIGHT. 1042 01:03:39,950 --> 01:03:42,519 Mm-hm. * GET UP ON THE DOWNSTROKE 1043 01:03:42,552 --> 01:03:44,421 PLAYER OF THE YEAR. 1044 01:03:44,454 --> 01:03:49,359 - YOU THE MAN NOW. - * GET UP ON THE DOWNSTROKE 1045 01:03:49,393 --> 01:03:52,362 * EVERYBODY GET UP CLEANER THAN A BROKE-DICK DOG. 1046 01:03:54,498 --> 01:03:56,433 * EVERYBODY GET UP 1047 01:04:02,472 --> 01:04:05,409 [ Men ] HEY, LEON ! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S ME. 1048 01:04:05,442 --> 01:04:07,411 HEY, THERE, LEON ! 1049 01:04:07,444 --> 01:04:09,346 [ All Exclaiming ] 1050 01:04:10,981 --> 01:04:12,449 YOU LIKE THAT ? I DON'T BELIEVE THIS. 1051 01:04:12,482 --> 01:04:14,484 CUSTOM-MADE, $100. 1052 01:04:14,518 --> 01:04:18,055 YOU LOOK LIKE MONKEY D. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1053 01:04:18,088 --> 01:04:23,493 I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH MY SWEET THING. SHE IS GONNA TAKE ME ON A TRIP AROUND THE WORLD. 1054 01:04:23,527 --> 01:04:26,396 [ Candy ] WOW ! WHERE YOU GONNA GO, LEON ? 1055 01:04:26,430 --> 01:04:29,066 WELL, BASICALLY, AROUND THE WORLD, YOU KNOW. 1056 01:04:29,099 --> 01:04:32,636 WE'LL GO TO PARIS, OF COURSE. WE MIGHT GO TO FRANCE. 1057 01:04:32,669 --> 01:04:37,041 ACAPULCO, SWEDEN, MAYBE THE SOLOMON ISLANDS. 1058 01:04:37,074 --> 01:04:41,378 YOU KNOW. WELL, LEON, YOU FINALLY MADE GOOD. 1059 01:04:41,411 --> 01:04:44,949 THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE TO LOOK AT IT, YOU KNOW. 1060 01:04:44,982 --> 01:04:47,417 WHEN A MAN WORKS HARD ALL HIS LIFE... 1061 01:04:47,451 --> 01:04:51,021 AND DORKS HUNDREDS OF LADIES, MANY OF WHOM HE DON'T EVEN REMEMBER, 1062 01:04:51,055 --> 01:04:53,523 YOU'D LIKE TO THINK THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY... 1063 01:04:53,557 --> 01:04:56,060 HE'LL BE GIVEN A LOT OF MONEY WITHOUT HAVING TO EARN IT. 1064 01:04:56,093 --> 01:04:58,295 [ Scrap ] I BELIEVE THAT, YES. 1065 01:04:58,328 --> 01:05:02,466 SO, YES, I THINK I HAVE FOUND TRUE HAPPINESS. AND I RAISE MY GLASS. 1066 01:05:02,499 --> 01:05:05,569 - TO HAPPINESS. - [ Leon ] TO HAPPINESS. 1067 01:05:05,602 --> 01:05:08,973 [ Scrap ] HAPPINESS ! THANK YOU. 1068 01:05:09,006 --> 01:05:10,440 MMM ! 1069 01:05:12,309 --> 01:05:14,278 THAT IS GOOD COURVOISIER. 1070 01:05:14,311 --> 01:05:17,414 I WOULD LOVE TO STAY AND HAVE ANOTHER ONE, LIKE I USUALLY DO, 1071 01:05:17,447 --> 01:05:20,684 BUT I CANNOT KEEP THE FUTURE MRS. LEON PHELPS WAITING. 1072 01:05:20,717 --> 01:05:24,554 SO I BID YOU ADIEU. SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TRACKS. 1073 01:05:24,588 --> 01:05:27,024 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. ALL RIGHT, SCRAP. 1074 01:05:27,057 --> 01:05:29,526 JULIE, YOU MADE IT JUST IN TIME. 1075 01:05:29,559 --> 01:05:32,562 I'M ON MY WAY TO SEE THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS. 1076 01:06:17,141 --> 01:06:20,077 YEAH. NOW, THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT. 1077 01:06:25,049 --> 01:06:28,652 [ Sighs ] LEON PHELPS. 1078 01:06:28,685 --> 01:06:32,589 - DAMN ! - BABY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE ? 1079 01:06:32,622 --> 01:06:37,794 THIS IS NOTHIN'. IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE BIORÉ PATCHES, THAT'S ALL. 1080 01:06:37,827 --> 01:06:41,498 SORRY ABOUT THAT. I BROUGHT YOU SOME FLOWERS. [ Chuckles ] 1081 01:06:41,531 --> 01:06:45,502 THEY LOOK AND FEEL PLASTIC, BUT THEY SMELL REAL. 1082 01:06:45,535 --> 01:06:50,674 AND ALSO I BOUGHT YOU A BOX OF MY FAVORITE MEXICAN WINE. OH. OH, WOW ! 1083 01:06:50,707 --> 01:06:53,377 - IT'S A LITTLE HEAVY. - [ Laughs ] 1084 01:06:53,410 --> 01:06:56,680 WELL, YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SO...GIVING. 1085 01:06:56,713 --> 01:07:00,484 - MM. - WHY DON'T YOU COME ON IN ? 1086 01:07:00,517 --> 01:07:02,819 I WILL. THIS IS MY HOUSE, AFTER ALL. RIGHT ? 1087 01:07:02,852 --> 01:07:06,823 I MEAN, THIS IS MY STATUE, AND THIS IS MY CARPET. [ Delighted Squeal ] 1088 01:07:06,856 --> 01:07:09,093 THIS IS MY MIRROR. 1089 01:07:09,126 --> 01:07:11,395 THAT'S MY URN. 1090 01:07:11,428 --> 01:07:13,563 AND THAT IS MY FRIEZE. 1091 01:07:13,597 --> 01:07:17,501 WHY DON'T YOU GO HAVE A SEAT IN THE LIVING ROOM, AND I'LL FIX YOU A DRINK. 1092 01:07:17,534 --> 01:07:19,503 YEAH, THAT SOUNDS GOOD. 1093 01:07:19,536 --> 01:07:22,072 LET ME SEE IF I REMEMBER-- COUR-- 1094 01:07:22,106 --> 01:07:25,442 COURVOISIER, YES. THAT IS THE DRINK. 1095 01:07:25,475 --> 01:07:28,812 YEAH. THIS IS A NICE PLACE YOU GOT HERE. 1096 01:07:28,845 --> 01:07:31,415 IT'S NO HOUSEBOAT, BUT IT'S NICE. 1097 01:07:31,448 --> 01:07:34,484 CAN WE SELL IT ? [ Laughs ] JUST KIDDIN'. 1098 01:07:34,518 --> 01:07:37,654 MY GOD, THIS IS A BUTT-LOAD OF CASH YOU GOT HERE. 1099 01:07:37,687 --> 01:07:41,491 IS THIS OURS ? WELL, IT'S OURS NOW. 1100 01:07:41,525 --> 01:07:45,562 WELL, THAT'S NICE, BUT YOU SHOULD PUT THAT IN A SAFER PLACE, 1101 01:07:45,595 --> 01:07:47,564 LIKE A BANK OR SOMETHIN'. 1102 01:07:47,597 --> 01:07:50,534 STOP TALKING. 1103 01:07:50,567 --> 01:07:52,736 I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME, WILD MAN. NOW ? 1104 01:07:52,769 --> 01:07:57,541 YES, NOW. MY HUSBAND WON'T BE BACK FOR HOURS. YOUR HUSBAND ? 1105 01:07:57,574 --> 01:08:01,077 YEAH. YOU MIGHT HAVE TO KILL HIM, BUT I DON'T THINK IT'LL COME TO THAT. 1106 01:08:11,555 --> 01:08:15,592 YOU BETTER BE SURE IT'S SAFE, BECAUSE I CAN GUARANTEE IF IT WAS NOT SAFE... 1107 01:08:15,625 --> 01:08:17,827 I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING OF THIS NATURE. 1108 01:08:17,861 --> 01:08:21,598 BECAUSE OVER THE YEARS I HAVE LEARNED TO NOT DO... 1109 01:08:21,631 --> 01:08:23,433 UNSAFE THINGS, YOU UNDERSTAND. [ Sniffs ] 1110 01:08:23,467 --> 01:08:25,502 BECAUSE-- SHUT UP AND KISS ME. 1111 01:08:28,505 --> 01:08:30,807 OKAY, LISTEN, THIS IS VERY NICE, BUT-- 1112 01:08:30,840 --> 01:08:33,377 OKAY-- * HEY, MACARENA 1113 01:08:33,410 --> 01:08:35,345 LISTEN, THIS IS NOT COOL. 1114 01:08:35,379 --> 01:08:38,715 WHY DON'T WE TALK FIRST ? WE NEVER GET TO REALLY-- WHOA ! 1115 01:08:38,748 --> 01:08:42,419 WE'RE NEVER GONNA CATCH THIS GUY. CALM DOWN, BARNEY. 1116 01:08:42,452 --> 01:08:45,689 YOU'VE GOTTA TAKE THAT DEFEATIST ATTITUDE AND SUBDUE IT. 1117 01:08:45,722 --> 01:08:49,359 WRESTLE IT TO THE GROUND. 1118 01:08:49,393 --> 01:08:53,563 PIN ITS-ITS WELL-OILED AND... 1119 01:08:53,597 --> 01:08:55,632 MUSKY FORM DOWN HARD. 1120 01:08:56,733 --> 01:08:59,769 LET IT FEEL YOUR-YOUR... 1121 01:08:59,803 --> 01:09:03,473 SOFT BREATH ON-- ON THE BACK OF ITS NECK. 1122 01:09:03,507 --> 01:09:05,742 [ Murmurings ] 1123 01:09:07,411 --> 01:09:10,447 [ Clears Throat ] 1124 01:09:10,480 --> 01:09:13,783 I MEAN-- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M... 1125 01:09:13,817 --> 01:09:15,619 TRYING TO GET AT. 1126 01:09:15,652 --> 01:09:18,322 OH, YEAH. OH, SURE. YOU BET. 1127 01:09:18,355 --> 01:09:21,825 [ Honey ] YES ! YES ! YES ! [ Leon ] NO, NO. NO. 1128 01:09:21,858 --> 01:09:25,695 LISTEN, I CAN'T DO IT. WHAT ? 1129 01:09:25,729 --> 01:09:28,732 I CAN'T DO IT. IT'S NOT WORKIN'. IT LOOKS FINE. 1130 01:09:28,765 --> 01:09:30,867 OH, NO, THAT IS WORKIN'. YEAH. 1131 01:09:30,900 --> 01:09:33,537 BUT I CAN'T DO IT. SOMETHIN' IS WRONG. 1132 01:09:33,570 --> 01:09:35,539 YOU SEE, I-- 1133 01:09:35,572 --> 01:09:39,709 I KNOW I'M IN CONTROL OF MY PERSONAL WORLD. 1134 01:09:39,743 --> 01:09:42,479 [ Murmurings ] NOTHING WILL EVER VIOLATE MY-- 1135 01:09:42,512 --> 01:09:44,514 MY PERSONAL SPACE. 1136 01:09:44,548 --> 01:09:47,817 THAT'S FOR SURE. WHOOPS. BUTTERFINGERS. 1137 01:09:47,851 --> 01:09:49,819 [ All Chuckle ] 1138 01:09:49,853 --> 01:09:53,557 LET ME JUST GRAB THESE KEYS, AND WE'LL BE RIGHT INSIDE. 1139 01:09:53,590 --> 01:09:55,825 SOMETHING IS WRONG. I CAN'T DO THIS. 1140 01:09:55,859 --> 01:09:59,863 YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT I'M IN LOVE. WHAT ? 1141 01:09:59,896 --> 01:10:03,867 YEAH. WHEN YOU SENT THAT LETTER, ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS THE MONEY. 1142 01:10:03,900 --> 01:10:08,705 BUT THEN WHEN WE STARTED TO DO IT, ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS JULIE'S FACE. 1143 01:10:08,738 --> 01:10:12,742 I DON'T MEAN LIKE THINKIN' ABOUT SOME HOT CHICK WHEN YOU'RE BONIN' A SKANK. 1144 01:10:12,776 --> 01:10:15,812 THIS WAS SENSITIVE. [ Exasperated Sigh ] 1145 01:10:15,845 --> 01:10:18,582 GENTLEMEN, PLEASE STEP INTO THE SERENITY... 1146 01:10:18,615 --> 01:10:21,685 OF MY BEAUTIFUL FOYER. 1147 01:10:21,718 --> 01:10:23,653 ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 1148 01:10:23,687 --> 01:10:26,956 LISTEN-- LISTEN, HONEY, I DON'T THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA. 1149 01:10:26,990 --> 01:10:29,693 I'M TELLING YOU-- [ Kissing ] REMEMBER HOW-- 1150 01:10:29,726 --> 01:10:32,429 YEAH, I KNOW-- GETTIN' IT TOGETHER. 1151 01:10:34,998 --> 01:10:39,403 [ Nervous Chuckle ] HI, SWEETHEART. HAVE YOU MET LEON PHELPS ? 1152 01:10:39,436 --> 01:10:42,506 - YEAH, WHAT'S HAPPENIN' ? - [ Murmuring, Wailing ] 1153 01:10:42,539 --> 01:10:46,543 [ Lance ] SON OF A BITCH ! DON'T SAY "SON OF A BITCH." THAT'S NOT NICE. 1154 01:10:46,576 --> 01:10:48,445 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU FELLAS ? 1155 01:10:50,514 --> 01:10:52,816 OH, MY GOD ! [ All Murmur ] 1156 01:10:52,849 --> 01:10:56,586 [ Man ] MY WIFE HAD THAT ? YEAH, SHE DID. 1157 01:10:56,620 --> 01:10:59,856 - [ Groans ] - FELLAS, I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU BEIN' ANGRY, 1158 01:10:59,889 --> 01:11:02,626 BUT YOU CAN'T BLAME THE WANG. 1159 01:11:02,659 --> 01:11:04,461 WELL, HE'S GOT A POINT. 1160 01:11:04,494 --> 01:11:05,629 I MEAN, THAT'S A BEAUTY. 1161 01:11:05,662 --> 01:11:07,631 KILL HIM ! 1162 01:11:07,664 --> 01:11:09,699 YEAH ! YEAH ! NO ! 1163 01:11:09,733 --> 01:11:12,636 YEAH, YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID. NO ! 1164 01:11:12,669 --> 01:11:15,505 I'VE WAITED LONGER FOR THIS THAN ANYONE. 1165 01:11:15,539 --> 01:11:19,543 GENTLEMEN... HE'S MINE. 1166 01:11:21,010 --> 01:11:23,713 AND HE'S DEAD. YEAH ! YEAH ! 1167 01:11:23,747 --> 01:11:26,450 [ Scrap ] * DON'T DRINK SO MUCH WHISKEY, GIRL * 1168 01:11:26,483 --> 01:11:30,820 * IT AIN'T NO GOOD FOR YOU YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO PRETTY, GIRL * 1169 01:11:30,854 --> 01:11:32,789 * YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WHISKEY CAN DO TO YOU * 1170 01:11:32,822 --> 01:11:35,859 TALK TO HER, LORD. PLEASE TALK TO HER. 1171 01:11:35,892 --> 01:11:38,428 I TOLD YOU WE WERE A LOT ALIKE. 1172 01:11:41,531 --> 01:11:44,834 IT'S ALL RIGHT, BABY. MEN ARE PIGS. 1173 01:11:44,868 --> 01:11:49,673 THE ONLY WAY TO DEAL WITH THEM IS BOOZE. 1174 01:11:49,706 --> 01:11:54,911 BOOZE... AND PENICILLIN. 1175 01:11:54,944 --> 01:11:58,682 I SWEAR, I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE TAKEN IN AGAIN... 1176 01:11:58,715 --> 01:12:03,387 BY ANOTHER INSINCERE MAN. 1177 01:12:03,420 --> 01:12:07,424 EASY. EASY, GIRL. THAT'S ONE RAMBUNCTIOUS GUZZLE YOU GOT THERE. 1178 01:12:07,457 --> 01:12:12,529 I DRANK THAT ONE FOR LEON'S ONE TRUE LOVE. 1179 01:12:13,897 --> 01:12:15,965 ROT IN HELL, HONEY DeLUNE. 1180 01:12:15,999 --> 01:12:18,402 IN HELL ! 1181 01:12:18,435 --> 01:12:20,804 DID YOU SAY THAT WOMAN'S NAME WAS HONEY DeLUNE ? 1182 01:12:20,837 --> 01:12:26,376 - THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. - IF THAT'S HER NAME, LEON IS IN A WHOLE LOT OF TROUBLE. 1183 01:12:26,410 --> 01:12:30,780 - WHY IS THAT ? - THAT'S THE WIFE OF THE DUDE WHO WANTS TO KILL LEON. 1184 01:12:32,582 --> 01:12:35,452 SOMEBODY WANTS TO KILL LEON ? MM-HMM. 1185 01:12:35,485 --> 01:12:37,587 - MY LEON ? - YUP. 1186 01:12:37,621 --> 01:12:40,424 [ Men Chanting ] LANCE ! LANCE ! LANCE ! LANCE ! 1187 01:12:40,457 --> 01:12:42,859 LANCE ! LANCE ! LANCE ! LANCE ! 1188 01:12:42,892 --> 01:12:45,562 LANCE ! LANCE ! LANCE ! LANCE ! 1189 01:12:45,595 --> 01:12:47,764 LANCE ! LANCE ! LANCE ! LANCE ! 1190 01:12:47,797 --> 01:12:51,835 LANCE ! LANCE ! LANCE ! LANCE ! I AM GOING TO WRESTLE YOU. 1191 01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:53,903 YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS. 1192 01:12:53,937 --> 01:12:57,707 I WAS JUST SAYING TO YOUR WIFE HONEY THAT I'M A CHANGED MAN. 1193 01:12:57,741 --> 01:13:02,812 AND IF I CAN HAVE THE SELF-CONTROL TO NOT BONE A LADY AS FINE AS SHE IS-- 1194 01:13:02,846 --> 01:13:07,183 SHE CAN DO THAT AMAZING THING WITH HER TONGUE-- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT-- 1195 01:13:07,216 --> 01:13:09,185 THAT SHOULD BE REASON ENOUGH TO LET ME GO. 1196 01:13:09,218 --> 01:13:11,721 [ All Groaning ] 1197 01:13:11,755 --> 01:13:14,991 [ Chanting ] KILL ! KILL ! KILL ! KILL ! 1198 01:13:15,024 --> 01:13:19,162 OH, YES. I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS. 1199 01:13:19,195 --> 01:13:21,665 [ Chanting Dies Down ] OIL ? 1200 01:13:21,698 --> 01:13:25,635 - NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. - OH. 1201 01:13:25,669 --> 01:13:30,907 WELL, I-- I'M STILL GOING TO ENJOY THIS. 1202 01:13:30,940 --> 01:13:34,911 BUT DEFINITELY NOT AS MUCH. AND THAT MAKES ME ANGRY. 1203 01:13:34,944 --> 01:13:38,515 I AM A MASTER OF GRECO-ROMAN WRESTLING. [ All ] YEAH ! 1204 01:13:38,548 --> 01:13:40,717 I WILL CRUSH YOU, 1205 01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:43,787 AND YOU WILL LEARN A NEW DEFINITION OF PAIN ! 1206 01:13:43,820 --> 01:13:44,921 TOTALLY ! YEAH ! 1207 01:13:44,954 --> 01:13:47,524 ALL RIGHT ! 1208 01:13:47,557 --> 01:13:50,860 ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT JUST A DAB ? IT'S A LEMON ESSENCE, AND IT IS DELIGHTFUL. 1209 01:13:50,894 --> 01:13:53,530 MM. [ Honey ] AH-- 1210 01:13:53,563 --> 01:13:57,534 YOU'D BETTER TAKE THE OIL, LEON. IT'S PRETTY ROUGH WITHOUT THE OIL. 1211 01:13:57,567 --> 01:14:01,505 - NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. I'M GOOD. - OKAY. SUIT YOURSELF. 1212 01:14:01,538 --> 01:14:05,775 AND LANCE, DEAR, CAN YOU KICK ASS QUIETLY ? 1213 01:14:05,809 --> 01:14:08,645 10-4, APRICOT. 1214 01:14:08,678 --> 01:14:12,816 NOW, LEON PHELPS, PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM. 1215 01:14:12,849 --> 01:14:14,718 YEAH ! YEAH ! 1216 01:14:14,751 --> 01:14:16,986 CRY HAVOC, AND SET FREE THE DOGS OF WAR ! 1217 01:14:17,020 --> 01:14:18,622 YEAH ! YEAH ! 1218 01:14:18,655 --> 01:14:21,190 VENGEANCE IS MINE ! AA-AAH ! 1219 01:14:21,224 --> 01:14:24,528 [ All Groaning ] OOH ! OOH ! OOH ! 1220 01:14:24,561 --> 01:14:26,496 OOH ! 1221 01:14:26,530 --> 01:14:28,665 - [ Whimpers ] - [ All ] O-O-OHH ! 1222 01:14:30,867 --> 01:14:34,738 - OW ! YOU PUNCHED ME. - YEAH. 1223 01:14:34,771 --> 01:14:37,473 THAT IS NOT WRESTLING ! HELLO ! 1224 01:14:39,976 --> 01:14:42,846 - [ Grunts ] - [ Weeping ] 1225 01:14:42,879 --> 01:14:45,649 BOSS, YOU WANT US TO LET HIM GO NOW, OR-- 1226 01:14:45,682 --> 01:14:49,853 - HE'S GOT A GUN ! - WHAT, ARE YOU CRAZY, ROUND BOY ? 1227 01:14:49,886 --> 01:14:53,857 NO, WE DON'T LET HIM GO ! GET BACK IN THERE ! 1228 01:14:54,991 --> 01:14:57,260 THIS GUY'S RUINED MY LIFE ! 1229 01:15:00,764 --> 01:15:02,799 GET ME THE BOLT CUTTERS. 1230 01:15:02,832 --> 01:15:05,635 THIS MAN HAS STOLEN OUR MANHOOD. CUCKOO ! 1231 01:15:05,669 --> 01:15:09,272 IT'S TIME TO TAKE IT BACK. 1232 01:15:09,305 --> 01:15:13,276 - CUT HIS BALLS OFF ! - WAIT A SECOND ! 1233 01:15:13,309 --> 01:15:16,279 - AARRGH ! - BEFORE YOU DO WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO, 1234 01:15:16,312 --> 01:15:18,648 THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY, ALL RIGHT ? 1235 01:15:18,682 --> 01:15:22,218 NOW LISTEN. ALL YOU MEN HERE WITH WIVES OR GIRLFRIENDS... 1236 01:15:22,251 --> 01:15:24,721 OR SISTERS OR MOTHERS, 1237 01:15:24,754 --> 01:15:27,256 YES, I DID SEX THEM UP A LITTLE BIT. 1238 01:15:27,290 --> 01:15:30,894 - KILL HIM ! - WAIT A SECOND. THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE I WANNA SAY. 1239 01:15:30,927 --> 01:15:32,896 IN MOST CASES, IT WAS REALLY GOOD. 1240 01:15:32,929 --> 01:15:35,565 [ All ] KILL ! NO, HOLD ON ! 1241 01:15:35,599 --> 01:15:38,568 I DIDN'T FORCE MYSELF ONTO YOUR WOMEN. 1242 01:15:38,602 --> 01:15:42,706 I SIMPLY GAVE THEM SOMETHIN' THAT YOU ALL WASN'T GIVIN' THEM. 1243 01:15:42,739 --> 01:15:44,941 LIKE FRANK. YOU, FOR INSTANCE. YEAH ? 1244 01:15:44,974 --> 01:15:47,844 - YOUR WIFE, SHE LOVES YOU, MAN. - SHE DOES ? 1245 01:15:47,877 --> 01:15:51,915 YES. SHE ALWAYS USED TO CALL OUT YOUR NAME WHEN I WAS ROCKIN' ON TOP OF HER. 1246 01:15:51,948 --> 01:15:55,685 - SHE DID ? - YEAH. AND HAL. 1247 01:15:55,719 --> 01:15:58,755 - ME ? - HAL, HAL, HAL. 1248 01:15:58,788 --> 01:16:03,860 ALL YOUR OLD LADY EVER WANTED WAS YOU TO SPEND TIME GETTIN' HER IN THE MOOD. 1249 01:16:03,893 --> 01:16:06,930 - REALLY ? - YEAH. AND YOU NEVER DID, DID YOU ? 1250 01:16:08,331 --> 01:16:10,333 - SAY IT LOUD. - NO. 1251 01:16:10,366 --> 01:16:12,335 YOU SEE ? 1252 01:16:12,368 --> 01:16:16,640 AND LANCE. WELL, LANCE, YOU'RE CLEARLY GAY. 1253 01:16:16,673 --> 01:16:20,877 THERE'S NOTHING REALLY ELSE TO SAY ABOUT THAT. I THINK YOU ALL KNOW THAT. 1254 01:16:20,910 --> 01:16:26,850 THAT'S COOL. BUT YOU WERE TRYIN' TO OIL ME UP, AND THAT'S NOT REALLY COOL. 1255 01:16:26,883 --> 01:16:29,753 YOU ALL NEED TO LISTEN TO YOUR LADIES. 1256 01:16:29,786 --> 01:16:33,289 YOU NEED TO SAY TO HER, "BABY, WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT ?" 1257 01:16:33,322 --> 01:16:36,292 OR, "DO YOU WANT TO DO IT IN THE BUTT ? 1258 01:16:36,325 --> 01:16:41,330 NO ? OKAY, WELL, LET'S MOVE ON TO SOMETHIN' ELSE." YOU JUST NEED TO LISTEN. 1259 01:16:41,364 --> 01:16:46,369 I KNOW THAT NOW, BECAUSE I, TOO, HAVE A WOMAN THAT I LOVE. 1260 01:16:46,402 --> 01:16:50,306 HER NAME IS JULIE, AND I NEVER LISTENED TO HER. 1261 01:16:50,339 --> 01:16:54,410 I WAS TOO BUSY TRYING TO BE "LEON PHELPS, THE LADIES MAN," 1262 01:16:54,443 --> 01:16:57,881 INSTEAD OF LEON PHELPS, THE MAN. 1263 01:16:59,749 --> 01:17:03,787 - LEON-- - JUST A SECOND, JULIE, I GOT-- JULIE ! 1264 01:17:03,820 --> 01:17:06,222 THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. 1265 01:17:06,255 --> 01:17:08,424 YOU'RE NOT GETTING OFF THE HOOK THIS TIME. 1266 01:17:08,457 --> 01:17:11,728 - NO, LANCE, NO ! - [ Barney ] LANCE, LANCE. 1267 01:17:11,761 --> 01:17:14,731 NUTS ! AL'S RIGHT. 1268 01:17:14,764 --> 01:17:18,267 - [ Voices Overlapping ] HEY, HEY ! WATCH IT ! - HE'S NOT THE PROBLEM. 1269 01:17:18,301 --> 01:17:20,937 I-I'M THE PROBLEM. 1270 01:17:20,970 --> 01:17:24,240 LOOK WHAT IT'S DONE TO US. 1271 01:17:24,273 --> 01:17:26,642 IT'S TURNED US CRAZY ! [ All ] WHOA ! WHOA ! 1272 01:17:29,813 --> 01:17:32,782 I'M SORRY, LANCE. I'M GOING HOME. 1273 01:17:34,851 --> 01:17:36,652 [ Gun Thuds ] 1274 01:17:46,062 --> 01:17:47,831 NO-O-O ! 1275 01:17:52,001 --> 01:17:53,937 NO ! 1276 01:17:53,970 --> 01:17:55,271 [ All ] LANCE ! 1277 01:17:56,439 --> 01:17:58,007 LANCE ! 1278 01:17:58,041 --> 01:17:59,976 LANCE ! 1279 01:18:02,912 --> 01:18:06,282 - I'M SORRY. THAT WAS WAY TOO DRAMATIC. - [ Relieved Laughter ] 1280 01:18:06,315 --> 01:18:09,786 I'M ACTUALLY WITH THESE GUYS. YOU'RE ALL RIGHT IN MY BOOK. 1281 01:18:09,819 --> 01:18:13,356 - SEE YOU LATER. - TAKE CARE. 1282 01:18:21,064 --> 01:18:23,432 * [ Chorus Vocalizing ] 1283 01:18:31,040 --> 01:18:32,942 [ Lester ] WELL, THERE GOES LEON PHELPS. 1284 01:18:32,976 --> 01:18:38,247 HIS DAYS AS THE FASTEST AND LOOSEST WANG IN TOWN MAY BE OVER, 1285 01:18:38,281 --> 01:18:41,250 BUT IT'S NOT THE END OF HIS STORY BY A LONG SHOT. 1286 01:18:41,284 --> 01:18:45,021 IN FACT, HE GOT-- 1287 01:18:45,054 --> 01:18:47,323 HI. HI. 1288 01:18:47,356 --> 01:18:51,961 [ Laughs ] LET'S GO. YES. LET'S. 1289 01:18:51,995 --> 01:18:54,864 [ Lester Narrating ] IN FACT, LEON GOT HIS SHOW BACK. 1290 01:18:54,898 --> 01:18:59,769 HIS POPULARITY GREW AND GREW UNTIL HE WAS ONE OF THE BIGGEST DEEJAYS IN TOWN. 1291 01:18:59,803 --> 01:19:04,507 HIS FACE APPEARED ON THE NATION'S MOST POPULAR BRAND OF HOG BALLS. 1292 01:19:04,540 --> 01:19:09,378 LADIES MAN BECAME AMERICA'S NUMBER-ONE RADIO TALK SHOW. [ Leon ] NO, IT'S NOT YOU. 1293 01:19:09,412 --> 01:19:13,382 YOUR HUSBAND IS A LITTLE INSECURE BECAUSE HE'S RETIRIN', THAT'S ALL. 1294 01:19:13,416 --> 01:19:16,319 DON'T WORRY. IT'S A PASSING THING. OKAY, HILLARY ? 1295 01:19:16,352 --> 01:19:19,789 NOW, I WILL SEE YOU AND BILL THIS WEEKEND. OKAY ? BYE-BYE. 1296 01:19:19,823 --> 01:19:24,060 ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE LISTENING TO THE LADIES MAN, THE COAST-TO-COAST LOVE LINE... 1297 01:19:24,093 --> 01:19:27,330 WITH ALL THE RIGHT RESPONSES TO YOUR ROMANTIC QUERIES. 1298 01:19:27,363 --> 01:19:30,399 AND I THINK WE GOT TIME FOR ONE MORE CALL. 1299 01:19:30,433 --> 01:19:33,302 [ Woman ] HELLO ? LADIES MAN ? HEY, IT'S A LADY. 1300 01:19:33,336 --> 01:19:36,405 HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE REALLY, TRULY IN LOVE ? 1301 01:19:36,439 --> 01:19:39,008 THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. 1302 01:19:39,042 --> 01:19:43,012 I CAN TELL YOU HOW I FELT WHEN I KNEW I WAS TRULY IN LOVE. 1303 01:19:43,046 --> 01:19:45,281 IT HAPPENED WHEN I MET SOMEONE... 1304 01:19:45,314 --> 01:19:48,484 THAT MADE EVERYTHING THAT I ENJOY IN LIFE... 1305 01:19:48,517 --> 01:19:50,453 A LITTLE BIT MORE SPECIAL. 1306 01:19:51,554 --> 01:19:53,389 PLUS, I FELT IT IN MY PANTS. 1307 01:19:54,924 --> 01:19:58,561 WELL, THAT IS ALL THE TIME WE HAVE. 1308 01:19:58,594 --> 01:20:02,398 UNTIL NEXT TIME, THIS HAS BEEN THE LADIES MAN. 1309 01:20:03,599 --> 01:20:06,903 * GET UP ON THE DOWNSTROKE 1310 01:20:06,936 --> 01:20:08,905 * EVERYBODY, GET UP 1311 01:20:08,938 --> 01:20:11,908 * GET UP ON THE DOWNSTROKE 1312 01:20:11,941 --> 01:20:13,977 * EVERYBODY GET UP 1313 01:20:19,048 --> 01:20:21,317 * YEAH, YEAH 1314 01:20:23,052 --> 01:20:26,355 * O-O-OH, BABY 1315 01:20:27,523 --> 01:20:32,261 * OH, BABY 1316 01:20:32,295 --> 01:20:34,063 * BABY 1317 01:20:36,432 --> 01:20:40,303 * SEXY SITUATION 1318 01:20:40,336 --> 01:20:45,374 * GIVIN' YOU OLD-SCHOOL LOVE 1319 01:20:45,408 --> 01:20:47,443 * OOH, YEAH 1320 01:20:47,476 --> 01:20:50,613 * ANYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF 1321 01:20:50,646 --> 01:20:54,450 * YEAH, OH 1322 01:21:12,535 --> 01:21:16,405 * ALL RIGHT 1323 01:21:25,982 --> 01:21:28,017 * YEAH, YEAH 1324 01:21:28,051 --> 01:21:29,953 * YEAH 1325 01:21:56,012 --> 01:21:58,681 * YEAH, BABY 1326 01:21:58,714 --> 01:22:00,283 * OH 1327 01:22:06,022 --> 01:22:09,058 * YEAH, BABY 1328 01:22:15,364 --> 01:22:18,467 * OO-OO-OOH 1329 01:22:21,704 --> 01:22:25,441 * RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME 1330 01:22:25,474 --> 01:22:31,714 * RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES 1331 01:22:31,747 --> 01:22:34,483 * ALL THIS TIME 1332 01:22:34,517 --> 01:22:37,720 * LIKE THE STORMY SEA 1333 01:22:37,753 --> 01:22:44,393 * REACHING FOR THE SKY 1334 01:22:44,427 --> 01:22:48,564 * ALL THIS TIME 1335 01:22:48,597 --> 01:22:51,067 * AFTER ALL THIS TIME 1336 01:22:51,100 --> 01:22:55,038 * I LOOKED INTO YOUR EYES 1337 01:22:55,071 --> 01:22:59,375 * AND I FELL SO IN LOVE WITH YOU * 1338 01:22:59,408 --> 01:23:03,679 * HEY, HEY, HEY * YOU KNOW IT TOOK SOME TIME TO SEE * 1339 01:23:03,712 --> 01:23:05,714 * THAT YOU WERE MEANT FOR ME 1340 01:23:05,748 --> 01:23:09,752 * OH, OH, OH, OH * AND I WAS MADE FOR YOU 1341 01:23:09,785 --> 01:23:12,488 * ALL THIS TIME 1342 01:23:12,521 --> 01:23:15,758 * RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME 1343 01:23:15,791 --> 01:23:19,595 * RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES 1344 01:23:19,628 --> 01:23:22,365 * HEY, YEAH 1345 01:23:22,398 --> 01:23:24,800 * ALL THIS TIME 1346 01:23:24,833 --> 01:23:28,537 * LIKE THE STORMY SEA 1347 01:23:28,571 --> 01:23:33,776 * REACHING FOR THE SKY 1348 01:23:34,843 --> 01:23:39,648 * ALL THIS TIME 1349 01:23:44,153 --> 01:23:47,756 * RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES 1350 01:23:47,790 --> 01:23:50,659 * HEY, YEAH 1351 01:23:50,693 --> 01:23:53,329 * ALL THIS TIME 1352 01:23:53,362 --> 01:23:56,699 * LIKE THE STORMY SEA 1353 01:23:56,732 --> 01:24:02,805 * REACHING FOR THE SKY 1354 01:24:02,838 --> 01:24:07,643 * ALL THIS TIME 102105