All language subtitles for New Girl S01E15 Injured 1080p DSNP WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-MiU_track4_[eng]

Nick, go out ten yards, cut left.
Winston, go long, post right.

Jess, go down,
out towards the parking lot.

Get in the car.
We'll meet you back at the loft.

Oh, very funny.
You're a comedian, Schmidt.

Hike!

Schmidt! Come on!

(GROANING)

-Oh!
-WINSTON: Did you see that?

-Are you okay?
-Yes, I'm oka…

(GROANING)

-(CONTINUES GROANING)
-JESS: Nick…

NICK: Oh, my God!
JESS: Nick, I'm so sorry.

-This is real!
-JESS: Nick…

-Probably your lateral sizer.
-NICK: Shut up!

JESS: Can you just…
Okay, let's go. (SCREAMS)

Rotator cuff?

JESS: Can I…?
NICK: No!

-What do you need?
-NICK: Nothing from you.

Please go far from me right now.
I can taste my spine.

Three or four down there… Vertebrae.,,

Why is no one helping me?

Not you! Not you!

(SINGING)
Hey, girl, whatcha doing?

Hey, girl, where you going?

Who's that girl?

Who's that girl?

Who's that girl?

Who's that girl?

It's Jess!

-(GROANING)
-Are you sure you're okay?

You're walking like a Disney witch.

Let me drive you to your doctor.

I don't have a doctor.
I don't have insurance.

Nick, you need to see a doctor,

if only to make sure
that your junk is clean.

-I don't go to doctors.
-JESS: I'll take you to my friend Sadie.

She'll just look at you,
she won't charge you.

Okay, I don't go to doctors!

Are you sure you're okay driving?

Yes, I'm fine. I've never been better.

I'm great. Thank you.

(ENGINE STARTING)

I'm feeling better already.
See you guys back at the loft.

-(CRASHING)
-Oh, my God!

Oh!

-What did you just…?
-NICK: I'm okay.

-I'm okay. Don't worry.
-WINSTON: Oh! What did you do?

-(GROANING)
-You hit my car!

-I'm okay.
-(WINSTON GROANS)

Oh, Winston, relax.

Okay? Relax.

That's all I did. I did this.
The rest was already there.

Actually, I think I undid a dent there.

I'm taking you to see my friend.
Get in my car.

-No… Jess, no.
-Oh! Now!

So she's fitting us in between patients.

(NICK GROANS)

Jess?

Is Sadie a gynecologist?

-No, she's an OB/GYN.
-(GROANS)

-I'm gonna go.
-It's a different thing.

I'm gonna get out of here,
actually, I think.

Yeah? I don't think you are.

(GROANING)

Nick, she's a wizard with a speculum.

-Nick!
-I don't have a vagina.

You can take mine. (CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHS) I heard that, sister.

-True dat.
-(NICK GROANING)

Okay, you know what, Nick?

I'm sorry that my only doctor friend
is a gynecologist,

but you're broke,

so you're going to have to shut your mouth
and you're going to tag the things

that you want in this Lucky magazine.

We're gonna have to put this baby to bed.

No. No, no, no, Sherman, look, uh,

I don't think you understand, man.

This car's been with me
through everything,

so… if you could just fix it.

This is not really
officially a car anymore.

You didn't even buy the thing,
it was given to you

as an illegal recruitment gift
from a college you didn't even go to.

-Things happened in this car.
-Like what? Desert Storm?

Oh, things happened.

-Is this your car?
-Yeah.

Cool.

Anytime.

It's time for you to buy a new car, man.

-You buy a new car!
-I bought a new car.

It's what you borrow every morning
when this one makes the weird sound.

(IMITATES MOANING ENGINE)

-That's not a good sound.
-Just give me the keys.

SCHMIDT: You shouldn't call them keys.

It's a paper clip
that you start the car with.

(ENGINE SQUEALING AND MOANING)

See? That was the noise
I was telling you about.

WINSTON: Shut up.

You know you don't have to sit like that.

It's the only way
that it feels okay, Jess.

-Jess!
-Sadie.

-Hey.
-Hey. How are you?

SADIE: Good. How are you?

-Good to see you again, Nick.
-(STRAINING): Hey.

-SADIE: Hi.
-(NICK GROANS)

We were playing football,
and I tackled him.

Well, that's not exactly how I saw it.

Oh, I'm surprised you got hurt.
You're such a big boy.

Jess tackled a girl I was dating once.

Oh, yeah. She tried to steal my overalls.

Okay, so… does that hurt?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes!
-All right.

-Does that hurt?
-(GROANING LOUDLY)

All right. He can flip over.

-Okay.
-(NICK SIGHS)

Okay.

So… listen.

This is not an official examination,

and I am not officially telling you
that you bruised your spine,

and I am not officially
giving you these pills

-to manage the pain.
-Okay.

-JESS: Okay.
-So…

Please don't take those pills.

-Take the pills.
-Don't take those pills.

JESS: Take the pills.
SADIE: Nobody prescribed them.

-Why would you take them?
-Take them. Take them.

-No. That's bad.
-That's a code. Take them.

-JESS: That means do it.
-Don't do that. No…

Those are designed
for severe menstrual cramps,

so they should cure your baby backache.

JESS: (CHUCKLING) "Baby backache."

Wait. Stop.

Hey, take another sip of water.

-Yeah, um…
-JESS: What? What's wrong?

No, it's your thyroid. I noticed something

while you were swallowing.
Do you mind if I…?

I mean, I don't know what choice I have.

-JESS: Do it, Nick!
-Okay, Jess. Stop.

Yeah, he has a growth.

Oh, my God.

-A growth.
-Oh, no. I…

-Everything works. I can swallow.
-JESS: Oh, my God.

Everything's fine.
I know what you're talking about.

-You knew about this?
-Yes.

-So you've had it checked out?
-No, no, I didn't.

I don't have that stuff checked out.
I'm fine.

I can set up an ultrasound
tomorrow morning first thing.

I've got a friend.

I can't really afford an ultrasound, but…

-You're going to have to, so…
-JESS: Yeah.

SADIE: All right. So I'll set that up?

-Absolutely.
-Okay. Right.

Make sure he goes, Jess.

(DOOR CLOSES)

-Don't look at me like that, Jess.
-It's probably nothing.

Yeah, it's nothing.

Oh, God.

Put the baby's head at the bottom.

I'm not going to go tomorrow.

I'm really not,
because I don't want to get an ultrasound.

I just don't have time.

No, I've got some writing I got to do.

The truth is, with working out,
I've got some people to see,

so I just can't make it. I lost a stamp.

It sounds worse than it is,
but it's a somewhat expensive stamp

and I had planned on looking for it.

One of the reasons I moved to Los Angeles

was to get closer to whales,
so I can record them.

I haven't gotten around to it
because where we live is actually east.

It's way farther from the ocean
than I expected.

I appreciate your concern.
It is really sweet. It's nice.

But this machine's
still kicking, you know?

You're going.

And I know you're scared,

but you know
what my mom used to do when I got scared?

A Daffy Duck impression.

Please don't do what you're about to do.

(IMITATING DAFFY DUCK) Hey, Nicholas.

I'm sorry you have a lump in your throat.

That's despicable!

Sorry. Too much?

Okay.

-I got to go to work.
-I'll come with you.

Oh, absolutely not.

-I'll just sit by the bar.
-No way.

(LIVELY CONVERSATION, LAUGHTER)

You told them, Jess?
Really, it's not a big deal.

-Don't tell them.
-We're just hanging out.

-With my best friend.
-Come on, Schmidt.

What are you do…?
(SPUTTERS)

You just Fredo-kiss me?
What's your problem?

Go sit down.

-You're going to beat this, man.
-I don't have anything.

What is going on with you guys?
Thanks for telling them.

I take those, too.

When I got a heavy flow.

Good to know.

-Hey.
-Hey.

-So I heard.
-Of course you did.

-Can I get a vodka soda?
-(CHUCKLES)

Thank you. You being normal…

-Vodka soda.
-Okay.

It's because he refuses to wear
a Bluetooth. You know that.

I gave him one for his birthday, too,
but he just laughed in my face.

Gave it back to me for Hanukkah.

Well, according to this Web site,
it could be a colloid nodule.

But that's most common
in golden retrievers.

I thought my lifestyle choices
would rub off on him.

I tried to set a good example.
Treat your body like a temple.

Treat your body like a temple.

But he treats his like a dump.

-Like a dump!
-Let me see this.

-Oh, my God.
-NICK: Hey, hey.

My friends. Can I just say
that these pills are amazing?

I feel, like, really warm in my uterus.

Oh! I feel good.

Feel real good.

What's with the long faces?

Schmidt?

Just looking at you
and your beautiful soul.

Big, strong Nick. He's a champ.

I wish I could trade places with you,
'cause you know what, Nick?

I would do it in a second.

But I'm also glad that I can't.

Okay, what is going on with you three?

-(CRYING) Oh, God.
-Jess?

-Oh, God.
-Hey, are you okay?

You're gonna freak him out.
You're gonna freak him out.

-You're freaking everybody out.
-Why are you crying?

-Schmidt, are you crying?
-You're not helping.

'Cause you're making me cry
with your emotion.

(WINSTON SOBBING)

Really, Winston? You?

It's just that I love you so much, man.

Stop it. Enough.

Hey, I'm fine. Just stop it.

How do you know you're fine, Nick?

Is that… Would that be where… In my neck?

Hmm.

(TAPS PIANO KEY)

-I'm not going to lie.
-JESS: Mm-hmm.

I think the pills
are on top of me a little bit.

I think you're right.

It's so sad.

Yeah, it's really sad your friend's
getting an ultrasound tomorrow.

It's just so hard.

(SOFTLY MURMURS)

Are you using
your best friend's medical crisis

to feel my boobs with your face?

Why isn't the whole world
making love all at the same time?

How many…

ears does Daniel Boone have?

He's got a… a right ear,

a left ear and a… front ear.

"Frontier." Get it?

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

You don't get to speak at my funeral.

-What?
-For sure. 100%.

What? Why?

-Because of that joke.
-Yeah, but…

Jess, you don't want to talk at a funeral.
I've tried that once.

What kind of dummy
fixes a washing machine using a knife?

This kind of dummy!

It did not go well.

I don't want you talking at my funeral!

-Okay.
-You can go to my funeral,

but you can't talk.

-Why?
-My funeral is my time to shine.

I want the girls to think,
"I wish I brought Nick Miller to orgasm."

And I want the guys to think,
"I wish I bought him more stuff."

And I don't want Daffy Duck voices
and feeling sticks.

You don't… You don't know how to be real.

I can't have you
trying to cheer people up.

I know how to be real.

Question: Am I wearing a hat?

SCHMIDT: Nick Miller.

Almost a lawyer.

(PLAYING PIANO)

This is a sad song…

Oh.

Mm.

This is the saddest song in the world

Yes, it is.

NICK: Mm.
CECE: Ever.

This is the saddest…

-You just keep singing, man.
-Okay.

This is a sad song

Hey, hey

Mm-hmm

Saddest song in the world

Got a nice voice, man.

It is so weird being sober right now.

Can I get some weird rapping?

Nick Miller, Nick Miller
From the streets of Chicago

'Cause players play like they do
Like they did

WINSTON: Mm-hmm

Sad song

'Cause the ballers ball and the…
In the hood

-'Cause he's Chi-town hustle
-In the world

That sounds great.

'Cause the people of the, of Chicago

Represent him

'Cause the players don't play
And the player's in the city

Nick Miller, Nick Miller's
A stone-cold killer

Huh! Sing it, you know, you feel

Likes the taste of vanilla

Nick Miller, Nick Miller
He's the illest of the ill

Cece's rapping!

He pours 100 drinks
And none have ever spilled

Plus he's super-high
On a bunch of pain pills

His favorite movie Is The Big Chill

He's got a hairy chest
'Cause he eats a balanced meal

WINSTON: Hey, hey

Kickin' mad flavor in his ear.

Sad song

Huh, huh

'Cause the ice in my glass represents

The tears from my eyes
I love you, dawg

This is a sad song

Nick Miller, Nick Miller
Yo, streets of Chicago

Rough and tumble, one love
You my heart

Nick Miller, Nick Miller
Never does anything.

(POUNDS KEYS)

What?

You want me to get real

and stop being all cutesy
and whatever, fine.

Let's get real.

-You don't do anything.
-Mm.

What did you want to do?

I mean, isn't there something
you wanted to accomplish?

Hey, I've done things.

I wrote half a book about zombies.

Okay, just tell me.

If you could do anything,
what would you do?

You know, I'm the guy who…

I can't just jump into something
if I don't know what's gonna happen.

I never have been that guy.

Like, I'm the,
I'm the guy that, if I don't know

what's gonna happen, I don't do something.

Ever. I don't care
how bad I want to do it.

I don't do it.

Like, if everybody
were to go out into the ocean

and jumped in the water,

well, I'm the guy on the beach
guarding the wallets.

All right.

-All right, Nick.
-All right.

-Get out there.
-Yeah.

-I'll hold your wallet.
-I don't have a wallet.

All right, well, that's fine.

I have a sandwich bag
with my license and money in it.

Okay, I'll hold your sandwich bag.
Get out there, go.

-It's a little cold.
-(CHUCKLES)

Just in terms of running into the water,
it's a tad on the cold side.

Well, you know what, just…

It's just… (LAUGHS)

(YELLING)

We all taking our shoes off?
What's going on?

I'm a little drunk,

and I can't be too sure,

but I think you're finally about to see
your best friend's penis.

-(NICK YELLING)
-Nick… He's gonna sh…

He's gonna show his penis
to the ocean and not me?

Nick, wait!

(LAUGHS)

I'm alive!

I… am… alive!

(CHUCKLING)

I'm alive!

(YELLING)

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

This is stupid!

No, it's cold!

My testicles are in my abdomen!

(SHOUTING)

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

That is so cold! That is so cold!

-Words cannot describe how cold that is!
-Oh, oh, okay.

-Nick, are you okay?
-No, I'm not okay, Jess!

I'm not okay!

All right, I woke up today

and I wanted to play
a friendly game of touch football,

then I hurt my back,
and I went to your gynecologist,

and now I might have cancer!

So, no, Jess!

I'm not okay!

(SIGHS)

SCHMIDT: I don't think
this is the right time

to bring this up, you guys…

but does anyone else think
Nick could stand to lose

five to seven pounds?

(NICK SIGHS)

You know what I'm thinking about, Ceec?

What, Schmidt?

That when you stand up,

there's gonna be, like, a perfect imprint
of your butt in the sand.

That is what you're
thinking about right now

with your best friend down the beach

-going through what he's going through?
-I know, I know.

-Then why would you say that?
-I don't know why I would say that.

Why would anyone say that?

I've never gone through
anything like this.

Yeah, well, I have.

What happened?

My dad died when I was 12.

That's, um…

The only way to get through it
is to get through it.

You know, I had a cat that died…

Don't compare my dad to your cat.

It was a big cat. I mean, human size.

(CHUCKLES)

Hey.

Oh, hey.

Is this seat taken?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, please.

Here, will you help me up?

(GRUNTS)

I know that you're right.

You're right,
I have to start doing things.

I can't just…

You know.

Jess…

I like you a lot.

I really do. I'm glad you're around.

I'm not gonna remember
any of this in the morning, am I?

(IMITATES DAFFY DUCK) Most certainly not.

Oh, no. (LAUGHS)

Yes. Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, we should go home.

Yes.

Let's go home.

Hey. We gotta wake up.

-It's morning.
-What?

Hey, Schmidty!

(WHISTLES) Wake up, wake up!
Everybody, up!

I got that ultrasound thing. We're late.

CECE: What?

Oh.

Hey, Winston. We're late, man.

SCHMIDT: Ah, fresh air.
Back to the fume chamber.

NICK: Couldn't even sell it for metal.

Hope you didn't get sand in my car.

SCHMIDT: Yeah, that's this car's problem,
too much sand.

Oh, my God,
there's soot coming in from the floor.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(YAWNS)

Hi. Uh, my name is Nick Miller.

I-I have a 9:00 a.m. today.

Fill these out.

I'm gonna need a copy
of your health insurance.

Oh. I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be
paying with cash, actually.

It's a mixture of, uh,
paper money and change.

I do have a check that's postdated.

There's a 60/40 shot that's gonna clear.

I hope that's good.

Jess, will you…

Do I have to do this now?

How long does it take
to tell if someone has cancer?

-NICK: Guys.
-Hey.

I'm okay. I'm fine.

I'm fine. It's nothing. Yeah.

-What was it? What did they say it was?
-I don't know.

I didn't hear anything after they said,
"You don't have cancer."

I blanked out.
I think it's like a cyst or something.

Ugh.

Stop Fredo-kissing me, Schmidt.

All right, so what do I owe you?

Let's figure this out.

-I've got, uh…
-It's already taken care of.

What do you mean
it's already taken care of?

Oh, we split it.

All right, well, I'll pay you guys back.
I just…

-And can you please get a wallet?
-I do have a wallet.

A wallet.

I have tons of wallet chains
that you can borrow.

Deep inside the ever-spinning…

-Hey, Jess?
-Hmm?

-What happened last night?
-Nothing.

(IGNITION SPUTTERING)

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Come on, come on, come on, come on…

(SPUTTERING STOPS)

-NICK: Let it go, bud.
-Wait, wait, wait, wait.

-Just gotta give it a second. You gotta…
-Bye.

SCHMIDT: It's cruel at this point.
NICK: The car's dead, bud.

(IGNITION CONTINUES SPUTTERING)

I'll take care of you

If you ask me to

In a year or two…

Oh…

Don't walk so damn fast. I'm coming.

Can't a man say goodbye to his car?