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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:15,841 We've got a parallel problem here 2 00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:18,061 with fire suppression and fire culture. 3 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:23,849 We're missing all the different voices and different perspectives. 4 00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:25,982 We're living with this 100-year-old legacy 5 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,419 of absolute fire suppression that was created 6 00:00:28,463 --> 00:00:30,726 by a homogenous group of white dudes 7 00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:33,946 and didn't take into account any indigenous wisdom or experience 8 00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:36,166 of living with fire on the landscape. 9 00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,647 And then we've got this fire culture that's dominated 10 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:42,477 by stereotypically macho, aggressive ways of thinking. 11 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,174 It's not that women are better at this 12 00:00:44,218 --> 00:00:48,352 or should be the only ones here. But I am here. 13 00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:51,442 And not everyone in fire, lots of dudes included, 14 00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:53,531 fits into the framework that we have right now. 15 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:57,448 We can't try to completely suppress fire 16 00:00:57,492 --> 00:01:00,060 and just hope for good outcomes on the landscape. 17 00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:02,497 And we can't be suppressing women in this industry 18 00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,151 and hoping for a healthy culture. 19 00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:07,980 We need more diversity everywhere. 20 00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:26,347 Whoo! Oh, that's hot. 21 00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:28,523 Can you get in there with me? 22 00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:29,959 It's about to climb up. 23 00:01:36,574 --> 00:01:38,837 Okay, you just take care of that one. 24 00:01:38,881 --> 00:01:40,796 I'm gonna make sure it stays out of this one. 25 00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:50,675 Oh, shit. 26 00:01:52,677 --> 00:01:54,723 You have any other aircraft on order at this time? 27 00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:56,594 I think we should walk back south. 28 00:01:56,638 --> 00:01:58,857 No, negative... Meet up with our dudes. 29 00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:00,946 Find an actual anchor point. 30 00:02:02,557 --> 00:02:03,558 This doesn't count. 31 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:11,392 Yeah, uh... Quick. Ooh, it's hot. 32 00:02:11,957 --> 00:02:13,002 Okay. 33 00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:20,401 We need to... Oh, fuck. I'm tired. 34 00:02:22,620 --> 00:02:24,579 Let's grab this, Ed, 35 00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:26,972 before it gets to that tree. 36 00:02:27,016 --> 00:02:29,236 And we'll tie these little patches of rock together. 37 00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:34,110 I'll dig. You spread. 38 00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:40,072 But don't... Don't overextend yourself if you're not comfortable. 39 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,296 Well, now we're into that. 40 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:48,385 Yep. 41 00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:51,693 Which means this is not a useful anchor. 42 00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:56,611 I'm saying, just walk that, start heading north. 43 00:02:56,654 --> 00:03:00,963 Just walk that grass line, stop the... Stop the forward. 44 00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:04,053 Well, yeah, but we got fire running up behind us, 45 00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,186 in juniper. 46 00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:08,449 It's kind of useless stopping the forward spread 47 00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:10,277 if we don't have an anchor point. 48 00:03:18,763 --> 00:03:21,679 That was moving way too fast for two people. 49 00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:23,115 No way we were gonna catch it. 50 00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:26,380 You still feel safe here? 51 00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:30,514 Okay, Just making sure, man. 52 00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:32,951 I mean, I'm responsible for you. 53 00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:37,217 Work at the right flank, along the top of the ridge. 54 00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:39,393 When I first started in fire, I didn't feel like 55 00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:44,528 it was my place to rock the boat, because I wanted to fit in. 56 00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:48,097 Now I'm past the point of, like, giving any shits. 57 00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:51,274 I've never seen anybody suppress a fire with their penis. 58 00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:54,103 It shouldn't hinder me professionally that I don't have one. 59 00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:16,908 Firing, burn boss trainee. 60 00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:43,108 Break holding, burn boss. 61 00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:45,546 Go for holding. 62 00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:48,418 If that heat is hot enough, 63 00:04:48,462 --> 00:04:50,464 it'll pull this flame into the wind. 64 00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:54,206 The primary wind direction is this way. 65 00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:56,034 But there was enough fire there that... 66 00:04:56,078 --> 00:04:57,819 That fire is drawing enough oxygen 67 00:04:57,862 --> 00:05:00,735 that it holds this fire back and pulls it into the wind. 68 00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:02,867 And that's a great way to deal with... 69 00:05:02,911 --> 00:05:04,391 With corners. 70 00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:06,175 - Go ahead. - Thank you. 71 00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:09,396 I'd like to see a hotter fire, ma'am. 72 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:14,488 Whereas, if you let it peter out kind of into this low grass and stuff... 73 00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,630 If you ask somebody, like, close your eyes 74 00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:28,980 and picture a firefighter, a wildland firefighter. 75 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:34,290 Like tall, broad-shouldered, the handsome dude. 76 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:39,077 White dude, you know? Like, there's your mold. 77 00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:42,777 And you say, okay, now think about a female firefighter. 78 00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:45,127 You don't think about all the badass things. 79 00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:47,129 Like, I rappel out of helicopters. 80 00:05:47,172 --> 00:05:51,742 I weigh 135 pounds, but when I pack out from a rappel fire, 81 00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:54,745 my backpack weighs 100 pounds. 82 00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:57,008 So, fire takes a special person. 83 00:05:57,052 --> 00:06:00,577 I think it's important from the learning perspective. 84 00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:01,883 - Okay. - Um... 85 00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:05,190 I'm a little reluctant to, like, break off, uh, 86 00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,584 - firing and holding from the rest of the team. - Yep. 87 00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,151 So, but that would be good for... 88 00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:11,501 Be good for FEMOs. Okay. 89 00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:12,981 For me, fire's never mundane. 90 00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,461 It's like a personality. 91 00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:18,508 Like, every time you go out and put fire on the land, 92 00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:21,685 it has a different personality, every single day. 93 00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:24,906 And you really have to respect that. 94 00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:30,346 There's always been a power imbalance in a patriarchal society, 95 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,913 in a male-dominated environment. 96 00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:35,133 We see it 'cause we feel it. 97 00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:40,487 Women feel like, sometimes, they have to assimilate to that behavior 98 00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:44,404 if they wanna fit into a male-dominated culture and environment. 99 00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:46,493 And I even remember thinking that about myself. 100 00:06:46,536 --> 00:06:49,060 I'm... I'm walking into a man's world. 101 00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:52,803 There's gonna be some things that I can't be oversensitive about. 102 00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:58,113 But, at the same time, I want to at least know you respect me. 103 00:06:58,156 --> 00:07:00,420 Female Forest Service employees, 104 00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:02,378 many of them firefighters, 105 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,468 have complained about mistreatment for decades. 106 00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,949 In the past ten years, the agency has paid out 107 00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:10,517 more than half a million dollars to settle claims 108 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:13,520 involving sexual harassment and assault, 109 00:07:13,563 --> 00:07:18,002 and Congress has held two different hearings to investigate the problem. 110 00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:20,527 There is something rotten 111 00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:24,487 in the US Department of Agriculture and the Forest Service. 112 00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:28,578 Raise your hands on this, how many of you heard sexual comments from colleagues? 113 00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,799 "Whore." "Slut." 114 00:07:31,842 --> 00:07:34,932 "When you're done with him, can you sleep with me?" 115 00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:39,023 "Get the back in the kitchen and bake me some cookies." 116 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:43,114 What did you feel was at stake if you reported it to the Forest Service? 117 00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:44,812 Everything. 118 00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:54,517 There is harassment, assault, intimidation, hostile work environment, 119 00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,084 those are very real things. 120 00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:58,129 And I know people who have experienced... 121 00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:01,176 very awful things. 122 00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:05,006 And that's not the entire story 123 00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:08,313 for every person, everywhere, all the time. 124 00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:14,581 It's not only about the individual, because we've created a culture 125 00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:17,584 where those behaviors are normalized. 126 00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:20,369 And we are all contributing to it, 127 00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:24,199 whether or not we are "obviously" perpetrating that kind of harm. 128 00:08:46,438 --> 00:08:49,485 - That looks pretty good. Mmm-hmm. - Yeah. 129 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,880 During briefing, Jenny was saying that the burn plan 130 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:55,665 for all the Tall Timbers units is the same, 131 00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:57,928 and the objectives match. 132 00:08:57,972 --> 00:09:00,757 And then, once the igniter's out and I get the okay from the burn boss, we're gonna... 133 00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:03,325 We're gonna bring these two together. 134 00:09:03,368 --> 00:09:05,936 When are you gonna hold up? - Point to here... 135 00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:11,289 Ten percent of the fire service, they say, are women, and 90 percent are men, 136 00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,248 and so, right away, Nikole and I were like, 137 00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:15,598 "How cool would it be if we flip-flop the numbers?" 138 00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:18,775 Like, let's invite 10% men and 90% women, 139 00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:22,605 and get the male perspective when they're actually the minority of the group. 140 00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:34,312 The women participating here are more than capable... 141 00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:37,489 of every guy I know. 142 00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:41,189 But I needed to better understand the hurdles 143 00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:42,669 that were in front of them. 144 00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,932 The challenges they face on a day-to-day basis. 145 00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:48,196 And you cannot function well as a team 146 00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:51,895 unless all members are treated equally. 147 00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:54,463 You can't be something that you can't see. 148 00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:56,291 And if you're a young woman working up in fire 149 00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:58,249 and all of your supervisors are male, 150 00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:00,774 they may be great leaders, 151 00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:02,993 but if you don't have that vision 152 00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:06,083 of what a woman leader looks like in fire, 153 00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:07,476 how can you aspire to be that? 154 00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:12,655 They don't have to fit the bill of what they're used to, 155 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:17,660 which can sometimes be very macho or very militaristic. 156 00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:21,838 Those are, not necessarily, qualities that everyone wants to have as a leader. 157 00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:27,452 It was the first time that I've ever been 158 00:10:27,496 --> 00:10:30,891 in a operational setting with that many women. 159 00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:33,284 Hanging out in the cabins at night, 160 00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:36,897 talking about, you know, lives, work, everything in between. 161 00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:40,552 - Look at you! Aw! - Oh, you're so cute! 162 00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:42,119 Did we burn your home? 163 00:10:43,425 --> 00:10:44,469 I'm sorry. 164 00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:51,651 Sadie. 165 00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:54,654 I found you something. 166 00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:57,134 - Oh, is it... Is it one of those green tree frogs? - Yeah. 167 00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:58,701 Let me see. 168 00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:05,490 Oh, it's so cute. 169 00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:10,800 Just having that atmosphere 170 00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:13,281 of collective learning and growth, 171 00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:16,676 and having that space to chat with other folks 172 00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:19,504 who may be going through similar experiences as me, 173 00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:21,419 you know, it really sort of lit that spark. 174 00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,642 It's up to personal preference how you wanna run this. 175 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,689 If you wanna lay this here or you wanna have this on your shoulder. 176 00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:31,386 This will give you a little bit more room. 177 00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:32,822 - Okay. - Make sure it's in a way that 178 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:34,302 it doesn't dangle over your neck. 179 00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:41,265 There are so many things I love about doing this work. 180 00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:43,224 I love the way fire smells. 181 00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:45,835 I love going home and being able to smell the smoke in my braids, still. 182 00:11:45,879 --> 00:11:47,141 I love to be outside. 183 00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:50,057 I love that I'm not working indoors. 184 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,233 I love that it's never the same. 185 00:11:52,276 --> 00:11:55,540 You know? I don't walk into the same environment every day. 186 00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:57,325 No two fires are alike. 187 00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:59,501 There's constantly a challenge, 188 00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:02,025 a new solution to come up with, and... 189 00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:03,853 It's dynamic and it's fun. 190 00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:06,900 And I... I honestly do work with a lot of really wonderful people. 191 00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:21,566 If you don't really feel it in your heart and soul to work 192 00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:24,091 in a very, very challenging environment, 193 00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:28,660 it's gonna be a really, really hard career for you, a hard job. 194 00:12:28,704 --> 00:12:31,881 But I do hope that you find friendships here, 195 00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:37,147 that you find a community here that you can count on when you leave here. 196 00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:40,716 Because, for me, the more that I can form 197 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,981 a network outside of my work at Yosemite 198 00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:48,680 is really, truly, um, what gives me strength. 199 00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:03,391 Here he comes again. 200 00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:11,834 Or she... Here she comes again. 201 00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:23,715 This is such a trip. 202 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,851 Get outta here. A hummingbird out here? 203 00:13:31,419 --> 00:13:35,205 Like, hummingbirds are, like, attracted to, like, red, bright flowers and... 204 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:39,079 There's, like, nothing that would attract a hummingbird. 205 00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:42,386 There's some like really cool energy going on here, isn't there? 206 00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:44,301 You just have to kind of let yourself open to it. 207 00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:47,914 And these, like, these magical things happen here in Yosemite. 208 00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:54,921 Every day, every day here, something magic happens 209 00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:58,620 that I'm so grateful for. Just eternally grateful for. 210 00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:09,631 As a kid, I grew up with my grandmother taking us up to 211 00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:13,156 her cabin on a lake. As young kids, we... 212 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:16,116 We had such a love for the outdoors through my grandmother. 213 00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:19,989 The older I got, the more difficult it was for me 214 00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:24,124 to be, like, inside four walls in a school. 215 00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:26,996 Junior high, high school is when it really started becoming very difficult, 216 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,911 'cause it just felt like 217 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:32,697 there was so much incredible energy and beauty in the outdoors 218 00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:36,005 that I just was having a really tough time. 219 00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:42,969 I knew, at that point, I wanted to live in the outdoors. 220 00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:50,541 I graduated high school, transferred to Northland College, 221 00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:52,935 got a four-year degree in outdoor ed. 222 00:14:54,197 --> 00:14:57,461 I met some really great people in college. 223 00:14:57,505 --> 00:15:00,943 I loved the sense of spirit that I was receiving 224 00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:05,034 from Native American students that I was going to school with. 225 00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:09,560 That finally, kind of, started to fit my own ideals of what... 226 00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:11,736 The outdoors, and what's important to me. 227 00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:14,043 Be it the plants and the trees 228 00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:16,959 and the birds and the sky and the air and the water, 229 00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:20,571 so, all the elements, the outdoor elements, was... Is so sacred. 230 00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:26,186 I felt like I had such a strong connection 231 00:15:26,229 --> 00:15:29,929 to the natural environment 232 00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:31,974 that I just wanted to be in it. 233 00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:33,149 I wanted to live in it, 234 00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:35,151 I wanted to try to understand it more. 235 00:15:35,195 --> 00:15:41,157 I don't think we can understand the natural environment without being in it. 236 00:15:42,202 --> 00:15:43,812 You can't read it from a book. 237 00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:48,904 I can't experience it through somebody teaching me about it. 238 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:54,605 That, I think, is what drew me to making the decision to live in a teepee. 239 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,701 I knew it was gonna be cold. 240 00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:05,442 I prepared myself for it. 241 00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:08,619 But throughout the winter, crazy things happened. 242 00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:13,624 Thirty below, by myself... 243 00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:15,496 Most people thought I was completely nuts. 244 00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,628 I'm sure there was bets made on me as to whether or not 245 00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:20,109 I was gonna make it through the winter. 246 00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:31,947 I was sleeping as close to the earth as I could possibly get 247 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:35,733 to try to understand all the changes that go on. 248 00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:38,867 That, unless you're really in it and you're living it day to day, 249 00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:42,740 you don't really notice the little nuances that really change. 250 00:16:42,784 --> 00:16:45,743 And what was really neat for me is just seeing how, 251 00:16:45,787 --> 00:16:48,181 as it got deeper and deeper into winter 252 00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:50,792 and the light just kept getting less and less, 253 00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:55,014 what it meant to keep a fire going, and keep it warm. 254 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,451 Feeling like I had that protection of fire... 255 00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:00,889 in my teepee. 256 00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:05,589 That sacredness of having fire protect me, keep me warm, 257 00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:10,507 I knew I had to rely on it for my own survival. 258 00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:14,772 After the spring started coming in 259 00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:17,558 and things were starting to thaw, 260 00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:21,301 I felt like I made it through a winter, 30 below, 261 00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:25,348 there was such a sense of accomplishment. 262 00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:31,615 I have anchored my entire life and my challenges to that winter. 263 00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:35,271 I can look back on that time in my life and know that... 264 00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:41,364 I came out a much better person and I survived. 265 00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:45,412 I absolutely know, without a doubt, I chose my dream job 266 00:17:45,455 --> 00:17:48,458 to come up to fire management. 267 00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:51,418 But very, very few women choose this as a career, 268 00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:54,029 and very few actually make it to the rank 269 00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:57,293 that... That... That I'm at. 270 00:17:57,337 --> 00:18:00,079 But all along the way, throughout my career, 271 00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:05,562 these types of really difficult situations felt anchored. 272 00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:10,524 Like, look, if you can live in a teepee 273 00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:15,181 for one winter, and in the freezing cold, sub-zero, 274 00:18:16,791 --> 00:18:18,706 You can do just about anything. 275 00:19:54,802 --> 00:19:55,803 Thank you. 276 00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:03,767 I knew I could get through it, 'cause it wasn't strong. 277 00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:06,379 But just had to get it off the... 278 00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:07,858 The first twist. 279 00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:09,904 As you were going down, and then it twisted like... 280 00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:13,516 I know, I was, like, goddamn it! - 281 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,084 Well, that was an interesting rappel, wasn't it? 282 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:34,233 Oh, my God! 283 00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:35,756 This camera does have audio. 284 00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:38,367 You might wanna move. 285 00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:41,544 - That's gonna... - Thank God it was from behind me. - 286 00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:58,300 This is the sound of Yosemite. Honking horns. 287 00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:00,824 Somebody got locked out of their vehicle, 288 00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:02,173 first thing in the morning. 289 00:21:05,438 --> 00:21:06,526 Kinda cracks me up. 290 00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:12,662 You think you're in a really peaceful place, and then, backup alarms and... 291 00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:17,276 ...security alarms on vehicles. 292 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:18,799 Kind of funny. 293 00:21:18,842 --> 00:21:20,801 Then again... 294 00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:24,065 Yosemite Valley really isn't wilderness 295 00:21:24,108 --> 00:21:26,850 when you have, sometimes up to 30,000 people 296 00:21:26,894 --> 00:21:28,939 coming through in a day or a weekend. 297 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,728 But there's always places to go. 298 00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:53,399 Mmm. 299 00:21:53,442 --> 00:21:54,443 Nice day. 300 00:22:03,365 --> 00:22:06,368 I know what I forgot to put in there. Flaxseed and hemp seed. 301 00:22:08,544 --> 00:22:09,545 More protein. 302 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,246 This is my air-conditioning... 303 00:22:16,378 --> 00:22:17,684 today. 304 00:22:21,427 --> 00:22:22,950 And the house stays fairly cool 305 00:22:23,907 --> 00:22:25,300 if the windows are closed. 306 00:22:25,996 --> 00:22:27,737 So, yeah, good check. 307 00:22:28,608 --> 00:22:29,696 Right. 308 00:22:48,018 --> 00:22:49,324 Doesn't get any easier. 309 00:23:07,908 --> 00:23:09,866 All right. 310 00:23:17,961 --> 00:23:19,963 Okay, I'll see you guys a little later. 311 00:23:21,704 --> 00:23:22,705 Bye. 312 00:23:35,239 --> 00:23:37,459 I remember talking to a friend of mine, 313 00:23:37,503 --> 00:23:41,071 and she said, do you ever get tired of this? 314 00:23:41,115 --> 00:23:45,293 And I... No, no, no. 315 00:23:45,336 --> 00:23:51,081 The magnitude is... unbelievable. 316 00:23:51,125 --> 00:23:54,563 And we're gonna see that today when we hike out to this fire 317 00:23:54,607 --> 00:23:57,087 that we had a couple of years ago, 318 00:23:57,131 --> 00:24:00,177 and you see the incredible blooms of wildflowers. 319 00:24:01,831 --> 00:24:05,574 That's just... It's a... It's a piece of magic on the land. 320 00:24:08,142 --> 00:24:11,101 We just have such a long way to go to help people understand 321 00:24:11,145 --> 00:24:16,672 that fire creates incredible diversity and beauty on the landscape. 322 00:24:17,978 --> 00:24:19,806 Right now, we're just... 323 00:24:19,849 --> 00:24:21,851 We see the devastation and the news 324 00:24:21,895 --> 00:24:23,853 and the people that are killed and... 325 00:24:23,897 --> 00:24:25,986 I... I understand that from a... 326 00:24:26,029 --> 00:24:30,077 An absolute tragedy standpoint of view, 327 00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:33,994 but there's so much of it that we really have to kind of think about how... 328 00:24:34,037 --> 00:24:36,518 How we... How that came about. 329 00:24:36,562 --> 00:24:42,306 When we started exterminating fire on the landscape, 330 00:24:43,220 --> 00:24:44,657 and we started persecuting it, 331 00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:45,745 that fire was bad. 332 00:24:45,788 --> 00:24:46,833 It needs to be put out. 333 00:24:46,876 --> 00:24:48,269 It needs to be contained. 334 00:24:48,312 --> 00:24:50,227 It needs to be subdued. 335 00:25:06,809 --> 00:25:10,552 There's so many different kinds of butterflies coming out, 336 00:25:10,596 --> 00:25:12,032 and they're all... They're different colors. 337 00:25:17,820 --> 00:25:18,952 Of course, lots of bees. 338 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,915 Oh, some of my favorites. 339 00:25:25,959 --> 00:25:28,701 When we talk about nutrient flush after a wildfire, 340 00:25:28,744 --> 00:25:31,573 or any kind of prescribed fire, 341 00:25:31,617 --> 00:25:33,401 what we're helping to do is actually take 342 00:25:33,444 --> 00:25:35,708 the dead material on the forest floor, 343 00:25:35,751 --> 00:25:38,972 when it burns, it releases a flush of nutrients into the soil. 344 00:25:39,015 --> 00:25:43,629 And so what that does is make it available for tons, 345 00:25:43,672 --> 00:25:48,895 thousands of wildflowers and grasses and forbs that we're seeing here today. 346 00:25:52,594 --> 00:25:56,424 Normally these are really, really tight and they hold on to their seeds. 347 00:25:56,467 --> 00:25:59,819 Um, but when they get a little bit of heat to 'em, 348 00:25:59,862 --> 00:26:02,691 the cone opens up and they throw their seeds. 349 00:26:02,735 --> 00:26:04,693 So you just start walking through and you're just, like, 350 00:26:04,737 --> 00:26:06,260 "Gosh, they're just everywhere." 351 00:26:06,303 --> 00:26:09,219 There's literally hundreds of 'em. 352 00:26:10,351 --> 00:26:11,526 Initially, when you look out there, 353 00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:13,746 you're like, "Oh, it's another green plant." 354 00:26:13,789 --> 00:26:15,095 But it's actually a new tree. 355 00:26:17,053 --> 00:26:18,098 This is... 356 00:26:18,141 --> 00:26:20,143 This is what we really look at, 357 00:26:20,187 --> 00:26:23,016 from a rich biodiversity perspective, 358 00:26:23,059 --> 00:26:25,584 is when you see something like this come back. 359 00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:28,412 Our interpretation of fire 360 00:26:28,456 --> 00:26:31,154 is that it has killed these trees, 361 00:26:31,198 --> 00:26:34,767 but it also gave birth to all these wildflowers. 362 00:26:45,125 --> 00:26:46,343 Here you go. 363 00:26:47,780 --> 00:26:49,085 Thank you. 364 00:26:49,129 --> 00:26:50,652 Burn boss, go ahead for holding. 365 00:26:52,523 --> 00:26:54,613 Hey, how are things looking? How do you feel? 366 00:26:56,658 --> 00:26:59,835 I think things are looking really, really good and feeling very, very good. 367 00:27:01,663 --> 00:27:04,710 Okay. Good... Good. 368 00:27:04,753 --> 00:27:08,061 That was really good for me to hear that you get told all the time, 369 00:27:08,104 --> 00:27:09,715 "Quit being so sensitive." 370 00:27:09,758 --> 00:27:12,108 If they say, like, two female couplings don't go together. 371 00:27:12,152 --> 00:27:13,457 and I'm like, well, they do in my house. 372 00:27:13,501 --> 00:27:15,634 - And they're, like... - "Oh, she's a joke." 373 00:27:15,677 --> 00:27:17,418 She's setting us up for a lawsuit. 374 00:27:17,461 --> 00:27:18,941 She's totally setting us up. 375 00:27:18,985 --> 00:27:20,813 It's like, I'm not setting you up. 376 00:27:20,856 --> 00:27:22,728 - I was just trying to joke with you. - Setting you up for a high-five. 377 00:27:22,771 --> 00:27:24,251 - That's great. - Exactly. 378 00:27:24,294 --> 00:27:25,948 I was playing with you. 379 00:27:25,992 --> 00:27:28,168 After 14 years... 380 00:27:28,211 --> 00:27:29,473 - Yeah. - It was all good. 381 00:27:29,517 --> 00:27:31,824 Now, all of a sudden, it's not good anymore? 382 00:27:31,867 --> 00:27:33,913 I don't know what the rules are, you changed them on me. 383 00:27:33,956 --> 00:27:36,132 You can't talk about how people make you feel uncomfortable, 384 00:27:36,176 --> 00:27:39,092 'cause, then, they feel uncomfortable for making you feel bad. 385 00:27:39,135 --> 00:27:41,094 - Yeah. - So I was, like, you have to take it. 386 00:27:41,137 --> 00:27:43,183 - I wasn't taught that at all. - Good. 387 00:27:43,226 --> 00:27:46,316 I was actually taught it's perfectly okay 388 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:50,581 to have an open discussion about things as long as you do it in a positive manner 389 00:27:50,625 --> 00:27:52,932 and you're not pointing fingers of blame. 390 00:27:52,975 --> 00:27:56,457 What you're saying is, you said a bad... 391 00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:59,678 You said a hurtful thing, and I would like you to change it. 392 00:27:59,721 --> 00:28:02,942 And what they hear is, I'm a shitty person, 393 00:28:02,985 --> 00:28:05,074 and they don't wanna feel like a shitty person. 394 00:28:05,118 --> 00:28:06,989 But, sometimes, you can't convince them 395 00:28:07,033 --> 00:28:08,687 that that's not what you actually said. 396 00:28:08,730 --> 00:28:11,777 Yep. I'm outnumbered and... Wrong time and place. 397 00:28:11,820 --> 00:28:15,998 Yeah. And I think, what you said, 398 00:28:16,042 --> 00:28:19,132 I don't feel respected on a daily basis. 399 00:28:20,089 --> 00:28:21,700 That's pretty simple. 400 00:28:21,743 --> 00:28:26,269 I need to feel respected, to be effective as a team member. 401 00:28:26,313 --> 00:28:31,100 But explaining why I don't feel respected, 402 00:28:31,144 --> 00:28:34,277 that's compli... That is not simple. 403 00:28:34,321 --> 00:28:38,717 Because you say, like, "Well, my boss called me a girl." 404 00:28:40,675 --> 00:28:44,113 Okay... Brush it off, let it go. 405 00:28:44,157 --> 00:28:48,422 And I said, "Well, my boss called me a girl 48 times this week." 406 00:28:48,465 --> 00:28:52,818 You know? And I let it go 46 of those times, 407 00:28:52,861 --> 00:28:54,515 and then pointed it out twice, 408 00:28:54,558 --> 00:28:57,083 and now I'm difficult. 409 00:28:57,126 --> 00:29:00,086 That's not really simple to explain to someone who hasn't... 410 00:29:00,129 --> 00:29:02,001 experienced that. 411 00:29:02,044 --> 00:29:03,654 And that's just one example. 412 00:29:05,352 --> 00:29:07,920 The amount of energy that I spend 413 00:29:09,573 --> 00:29:13,273 regulating my emotional response 414 00:29:13,316 --> 00:29:18,234 to my work environment is ludicrous. 415 00:29:18,278 --> 00:29:21,803 I mean, I spend a lot of mental energy on the work itself. 416 00:29:21,847 --> 00:29:23,892 It's a dynamic, risky environment 417 00:29:23,936 --> 00:29:26,939 that we're constantly reassessing and evaluating. 418 00:29:26,982 --> 00:29:28,941 That itself is exhausting. 419 00:29:28,984 --> 00:29:33,075 To add on top of that, being constantly aware 420 00:29:33,119 --> 00:29:35,948 of the fact that I'm in an environment 421 00:29:35,991 --> 00:29:38,472 that's... Like, a cultural environment 422 00:29:38,515 --> 00:29:42,128 that doesn't feel totally welcoming 423 00:29:42,171 --> 00:29:45,000 and 100% safe. 424 00:29:45,044 --> 00:29:50,005 That's just an added energy expenditure that I don't... 425 00:29:50,049 --> 00:29:53,226 I don't think I have the capacity to keep doing that 426 00:29:53,269 --> 00:29:55,750 for the rest of my career. 427 00:30:20,383 --> 00:30:26,259 One of my fears is getting to the end of my life 428 00:30:26,302 --> 00:30:30,176 and not thinking I impacted anything. 429 00:30:35,268 --> 00:30:40,751 It scares me to think that I could live for 90 years, 430 00:30:40,795 --> 00:30:43,667 thinking I'm doing cool stuff, helping people, 431 00:30:43,711 --> 00:30:47,758 but in reality, my 90 years could have never existed 432 00:30:47,802 --> 00:30:49,369 and the world would be exactly the same. 433 00:30:51,501 --> 00:30:57,420 I feel some sort of duty to like, leave fire culture better than I found it. 434 00:30:57,464 --> 00:30:59,988 For the people who've come into fire after me. 435 00:31:02,382 --> 00:31:05,385 I mean, given that this is the only grown-up job I've ever had, 436 00:31:05,428 --> 00:31:09,519 a lot of the people I care about in in my life are firefighters, 437 00:31:09,563 --> 00:31:13,045 or involved in fire somehow. So, like, I care about that world, 438 00:31:14,220 --> 00:31:17,571 and I care about that culture, 439 00:31:18,702 --> 00:31:21,183 because I know how damaging it can be. 440 00:31:21,227 --> 00:31:24,056 And, like, if there's something I can do 441 00:31:24,099 --> 00:31:27,494 to help make that better, I want to keep doing that. 442 00:31:42,944 --> 00:31:47,818 So much of culture is reinforced and perpetuated, 443 00:31:47,862 --> 00:31:51,474 not by active praise of the things you're doing, 444 00:31:51,518 --> 00:31:53,694 but just by not getting in trouble for them. 445 00:31:54,956 --> 00:31:57,350 Silent acceptance. 446 00:32:01,571 --> 00:32:04,618 It's really hard to make a fish recognize water. 447 00:32:13,496 --> 00:32:15,716 - You're here! - Hi, Lacey! 448 00:32:15,759 --> 00:32:17,413 Oh, so glad to see you. 449 00:32:17,457 --> 00:32:18,719 Thanks for having me. 450 00:32:18,762 --> 00:32:21,678 Yeah. Come on, let's eat. 451 00:32:21,722 --> 00:32:25,247 If you can pull it away from sexual harassment 452 00:32:25,291 --> 00:32:30,165 and make the point that it's about people in charge 453 00:32:30,209 --> 00:32:32,341 dominating people that aren't in charge... 454 00:32:32,385 --> 00:32:35,475 Right. It's not a gender thing. It's a power thing. 455 00:32:35,518 --> 00:32:40,480 Yes, and you can get every man in the room to come back. 456 00:32:40,523 --> 00:32:43,004 Because the minute you stand up there and say sexual harassment, 457 00:32:43,048 --> 00:32:46,965 the men that aren't inflicting it or don't see it happening, 458 00:32:47,008 --> 00:32:50,055 - just tune out. They're like, "Well, that's not..." - "That doesn't apply to me." 459 00:32:50,098 --> 00:32:52,927 If you can be like, "Well, the same guy that's patting you on the ass, 460 00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:54,146 and calling you cupcake, 461 00:32:54,189 --> 00:32:57,497 is also bullying some soft-spoken dude," 462 00:32:57,540 --> 00:32:59,455 he's not just picking on you and me. 463 00:32:59,499 --> 00:33:02,806 He's picking on anybody he thinks he can get the upper hand on. 464 00:33:02,850 --> 00:33:06,462 Did I tell you? I was heavy equipment processing, 465 00:33:06,506 --> 00:33:10,379 and I had, like, nine pieces of equipment, 466 00:33:10,423 --> 00:33:13,817 and I was finishing up my side and I misspoke. 467 00:33:13,861 --> 00:33:15,689 I said 800 ton instead of 80 ton. 468 00:33:15,732 --> 00:33:17,038 Mmm-hmm. 469 00:33:17,082 --> 00:33:18,866 And the dude from the Southeast took my mistake, 470 00:33:18,909 --> 00:33:20,085 and he just magnified it. 471 00:33:20,128 --> 00:33:22,435 - Can't just move on. - No. 472 00:33:22,478 --> 00:33:26,265 And, um, he was like, "Whoa, that's like so and so many pounds." 473 00:33:27,570 --> 00:33:29,355 And I looked right at him, and like, 474 00:33:29,398 --> 00:33:31,574 "That's some good math. You're really good at math-ing, aren't you? 475 00:33:31,618 --> 00:33:33,228 "Your mom must be proud." 476 00:33:33,272 --> 00:33:36,362 As soon as I left, he said to that group of dudes, 477 00:33:36,405 --> 00:33:38,320 he was like, "Well, she could be a handful." 478 00:33:40,235 --> 00:33:42,063 What does that translate to? 479 00:33:42,107 --> 00:33:43,804 - "What a bitch!" - Yeah. 480 00:33:43,847 --> 00:33:45,066 God, I hate it. 481 00:33:45,110 --> 00:33:47,112 - I hate that so much. - And my buddy... 482 00:33:47,155 --> 00:33:48,809 My buddy stood there and he's like, 483 00:33:48,852 --> 00:33:50,637 "No way. She takes care of her own. 484 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:52,204 "You should have seen her in Alaska. 485 00:33:52,247 --> 00:33:54,423 "She threatened to kick a bus driver in the balls." 486 00:33:55,555 --> 00:33:57,122 And he basically said to that dude, 487 00:33:57,165 --> 00:33:59,907 and to every other dude in the group that, 488 00:34:00,647 --> 00:34:02,823 "No, she... She's cool." 489 00:34:02,866 --> 00:34:04,477 Mmm-hmm. 490 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,479 "That was an appropriate response for your shitty comment." 491 00:34:06,522 --> 00:34:08,089 Pretty much is what he said. 492 00:34:08,133 --> 00:34:10,961 And then every dude in the group, he said, "She's cool." 493 00:34:11,005 --> 00:34:14,269 And... And that's the way I feel at work. 494 00:34:14,313 --> 00:34:16,837 - I feel so supported and... - That's awesome. 495 00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:18,708 I'm just another person. 496 00:34:18,752 --> 00:34:21,059 It kind of started for me, I was talking to one of my supervisors, 497 00:34:21,102 --> 00:34:23,409 and he said he wouldn't want his daughter 498 00:34:23,452 --> 00:34:26,499 to go into this line of work, and I was like, "Why? It's been... 499 00:34:26,542 --> 00:34:29,067 "As a woman, it's been the best thing that's ever happened to me." 500 00:34:29,110 --> 00:34:31,939 - Mmm-hmm. - It's made me strong and confident. 501 00:34:31,982 --> 00:34:35,943 And best thing that's ever happened to me, this job. 502 00:34:35,986 --> 00:34:38,989 And it was sad that he said he didn't want his little girl doing it. 503 00:34:39,033 --> 00:34:41,557 Yeah. I've had men that I worked with say that too, like, 504 00:34:41,601 --> 00:34:44,430 "If I had a daughter, I'd never let her be a firefighter." 505 00:34:44,473 --> 00:34:46,475 But what I wonder is like... 506 00:34:46,519 --> 00:34:48,260 How can they... 507 00:34:48,303 --> 00:34:50,871 How can they acknowledge that on one hand, 508 00:34:50,914 --> 00:34:54,179 that my work environment is so shitty and toxic 509 00:34:54,222 --> 00:34:55,963 that I don't want my family in it, 510 00:34:56,006 --> 00:34:59,140 but on the other hand, not do anything about that? 511 00:34:59,184 --> 00:35:01,795 Like, how can they recognize that it's awful, 512 00:35:02,665 --> 00:35:06,016 and also not try to change it? 513 00:35:06,060 --> 00:35:08,845 - Yeah, just sit back... - Just sit back and go, 514 00:35:08,889 --> 00:35:10,630 "Oh, yeah. I just won't let my daughter in." 515 00:35:10,673 --> 00:35:12,893 Because everybody wants to fit in. 516 00:35:12,936 --> 00:35:17,202 And they don't want to be "that dude" that stands up and causes a scene. 517 00:35:17,245 --> 00:35:18,377 - You know? - I know. 518 00:35:20,683 --> 00:35:23,164 That's why I've just resorted to being "that woman." 519 00:35:29,214 --> 00:35:31,216 What you reading there? 520 00:35:31,259 --> 00:35:32,521 It's called Trust Exercise. 521 00:35:34,001 --> 00:35:35,220 I'm almost done with it. 522 00:35:35,263 --> 00:35:37,657 I'm still not quite sure what it's about. 523 00:35:41,269 --> 00:35:43,184 It's fiction, like, 524 00:35:43,228 --> 00:35:46,318 then the narrator becomes somebody who is in the first half of the story. 525 00:35:46,361 --> 00:35:48,929 - Mmm-hmm. - Mmm-hmm. 526 00:35:48,972 --> 00:35:52,454 One of them, just, like, wakes up, and turns out she was just, like, 527 00:35:52,498 --> 00:35:54,021 bitten by a bat, and had... 528 00:35:54,064 --> 00:35:55,588 ...been in a coma. 529 00:35:57,067 --> 00:35:58,591 A bat, huh? 530 00:35:58,634 --> 00:36:01,681 That's how I see this ending. And she's like, "Whoa!" 531 00:36:15,825 --> 00:36:17,740 All right, babe. I got ten minutes left. 532 00:36:19,916 --> 00:36:21,179 I don't want to go to work. 533 00:36:22,005 --> 00:36:23,485 Don't. That's what they do. 534 00:36:27,228 --> 00:36:30,623 But then how are we gonna afford a new battery for Karen? 535 00:36:30,666 --> 00:36:31,711 That's true. 536 00:36:34,540 --> 00:36:36,150 We can't deprive her. 537 00:36:38,718 --> 00:36:39,719 Okay. 538 00:36:52,253 --> 00:36:54,429 If I was born as a man, 539 00:36:54,473 --> 00:36:57,389 I think it just would have been smoother. 540 00:36:59,869 --> 00:37:03,003 I grew up outside, doing outdoor things. 541 00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:05,962 I enjoy manual labor. 542 00:37:06,006 --> 00:37:07,486 Otherwise, I match the demographic. 543 00:37:07,529 --> 00:37:10,097 I'm young, I'm white. 544 00:37:10,140 --> 00:37:14,101 I check a lot of the boxes for, like, standard firefighter, 545 00:37:14,144 --> 00:37:17,974 but my being a woman, like, puts me in this whole other category. 546 00:37:19,324 --> 00:37:21,543 I see men around me in fire world 547 00:37:21,587 --> 00:37:24,198 just trash it out and screw it up all the time 548 00:37:24,242 --> 00:37:29,203 and everyone's like, "Eh, didn't work. Try it again in a different way." 549 00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:32,554 But if I do the same thing, if I don't, like, calculate exactly 550 00:37:32,598 --> 00:37:34,643 how I'm going to play this game, 551 00:37:34,687 --> 00:37:36,863 and I just try stuff and then it doesn't work, 552 00:37:36,906 --> 00:37:39,648 then they're like, "Hmm, see, women just, 553 00:37:39,692 --> 00:37:41,389 "like, aren't really cut out for this." 554 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:45,959 I just... 555 00:37:46,002 --> 00:37:52,618 I don't think I would be at this level of tired after only ten seasons. 556 00:38:14,509 --> 00:38:17,382 I can't tell you how many times I wanted to back out. 557 00:38:19,035 --> 00:38:20,515 You just don't wake up one day and just go, 558 00:38:20,559 --> 00:38:23,344 "I think I want to go testify in front of Congress 559 00:38:23,388 --> 00:38:26,216 "about these egregious acts that have happened to me in the past." 560 00:38:30,873 --> 00:38:35,095 I was just having, you know, huge reservations, and really consternating 561 00:38:35,138 --> 00:38:38,751 over whether or not this was something that I should do. 562 00:38:40,492 --> 00:38:44,452 I felt like the mere fact that I was watching this happen 563 00:38:44,496 --> 00:38:47,847 to, uh, more and more women, 564 00:38:47,890 --> 00:38:49,979 and even to some degree, some men, 565 00:38:50,023 --> 00:38:53,113 then I think you have to ask yourself, "Do we all stay silent?" 566 00:38:55,071 --> 00:38:57,030 That, I think, was the tipping point. 567 00:38:59,293 --> 00:39:01,513 But the day that I got on the plane, 568 00:39:01,556 --> 00:39:07,780 I sat up close to where the door was, and I kept thinking, 569 00:39:07,823 --> 00:39:09,695 "I still have a chance to get off the plane. 570 00:39:09,738 --> 00:39:11,523 "I still have a chance. Still have a chance." 571 00:39:16,266 --> 00:39:19,879 And as soon as the door shut, I just kind of closed my eyes 572 00:39:19,922 --> 00:39:22,142 and just had to take a deep breath, 573 00:39:22,185 --> 00:39:24,753 and as the plane started pulling back from the gate, 574 00:39:24,797 --> 00:39:30,150 that's when I think this irreversible journey really began. 575 00:39:32,935 --> 00:39:37,984 Every state I flew over, you know, was just this flood of memories 576 00:39:38,027 --> 00:39:40,682 about all these people that have supported me. 577 00:39:40,726 --> 00:39:44,599 The men that have been super supportive of me over the years 578 00:39:44,643 --> 00:39:48,081 and several women who continued to support me. 579 00:39:50,736 --> 00:39:54,348 I felt like, "Am I putting all of this at risk?" 580 00:39:57,482 --> 00:40:01,660 Female Forest Service employees, many of them firefighters, 581 00:40:01,703 --> 00:40:04,445 have complained about mistreatment for decades. 582 00:40:04,489 --> 00:40:06,404 Numerous park employees from multiple parks 583 00:40:06,447 --> 00:40:09,058 have contacted the committee to describe patterns 584 00:40:09,102 --> 00:40:11,104 of misconduct at the Park Service. 585 00:40:11,147 --> 00:40:13,323 It was a similar report 16 years ago. 586 00:40:13,367 --> 00:40:15,456 The task force concluded, and I quote, 587 00:40:15,500 --> 00:40:20,200 "It is critical for the National Park Service to show a sense of urgency 588 00:40:20,243 --> 00:40:24,204 "in ensuring that all employees are working in an environment 589 00:40:24,247 --> 00:40:26,685 "free from unlawful harassment." 590 00:40:26,728 --> 00:40:29,818 Were any of its recommendations implemented? 591 00:40:29,862 --> 00:40:33,866 Uh, no, they were not, as far as I can ever figure out. 592 00:40:33,909 --> 00:40:36,738 So... So we're back here again 16 years later. 593 00:40:36,782 --> 00:40:40,133 Yeah, it's a very regrettable action that did not occur. 594 00:40:40,176 --> 00:40:42,701 I felt it was really, really important, 595 00:40:42,744 --> 00:40:45,138 because I've been involved in this for so long 596 00:40:45,181 --> 00:40:51,013 that, somehow, I... I had to have not just my voice heard, 597 00:40:51,057 --> 00:40:55,365 but there were so many other people that were also feeling the same way, 598 00:40:55,409 --> 00:41:00,414 and they flat out said, "There's just no way I can come forward and say anything." 599 00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:02,764 And so, a lot of people will continue to ask, 600 00:41:02,808 --> 00:41:04,549 you know, why didn't you come forward? 601 00:41:04,592 --> 00:41:06,246 How come now you're reporting? 602 00:41:06,289 --> 00:41:09,771 Those are questions that people constantly ask, 603 00:41:09,815 --> 00:41:14,820 because they don't understand how difficult it is to speak up, 604 00:41:14,863 --> 00:41:18,171 and speak the truth about these things that have happened, 605 00:41:18,214 --> 00:41:22,131 because of the dire consequences most women face 606 00:41:22,175 --> 00:41:26,135 when you do speak up and are honest about the things 607 00:41:26,179 --> 00:41:28,094 that have happened to you in the past. 608 00:41:28,137 --> 00:41:29,878 My name is Kelly Martin, and I am the Chief 609 00:41:29,922 --> 00:41:32,881 of Fire and Aviation Management at Yosemite National Park. 610 00:41:32,925 --> 00:41:35,797 I've been in my current position for over ten years. 611 00:41:35,841 --> 00:41:38,408 I am here before you today to tell you my story, 612 00:41:38,452 --> 00:41:40,106 but more importantly, to provide testimony 613 00:41:40,149 --> 00:41:42,543 regarding the dark clouds of misconduct 614 00:41:42,587 --> 00:41:45,111 that remains elusive from public view. 615 00:41:45,154 --> 00:41:49,202 I felt like I have a voice. I can use my voice. 616 00:41:49,245 --> 00:41:50,638 This is the United States. 617 00:41:50,682 --> 00:41:54,773 We do have the ability to use our voice 618 00:41:54,816 --> 00:41:59,081 for the betterment of this generation and the next generation. 619 00:41:59,125 --> 00:42:02,302 Imagine for one minute, being 20-something again. 620 00:42:02,345 --> 00:42:06,088 We have an idealistic view of the world that is equitable and just. 621 00:42:06,132 --> 00:42:08,482 My idealist view was soon shattered 622 00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:13,922 when I became victim of sexual harassment not once, but three times. 623 00:42:13,966 --> 00:42:18,492 One of my perpetrators was repeatedly caught engaging in voyeuristic behavior, 624 00:42:18,536 --> 00:42:21,364 all the while receiving promotions within the National Park Service 625 00:42:21,408 --> 00:42:24,542 until his recent retirement as Deputy Superintendent. 626 00:42:26,195 --> 00:42:28,633 This is very difficult to sit before you today. 627 00:42:28,676 --> 00:42:32,201 I'm not boastful of the history of my sexual harassment experiences. 628 00:42:32,245 --> 00:42:35,378 As a matter of fact, this is the first time I have come out publicly 629 00:42:35,422 --> 00:42:38,294 to describe the painful scars of my past 630 00:42:38,338 --> 00:42:40,949 in a hopeful effort to eliminate these kinds of experiences 631 00:42:40,993 --> 00:42:44,431 from happening to young women entering our workforce today. 632 00:42:44,474 --> 00:42:47,695 It's almost as it's accepted that men can be given 633 00:42:47,739 --> 00:42:51,003 the benefit of the doubt, and women are doubted. 634 00:42:51,046 --> 00:42:53,309 As I walk through my 32 years of service, 635 00:42:53,353 --> 00:42:57,400 I want to leave here today with a strong conviction of hope. 636 00:42:57,444 --> 00:43:00,490 Hope for the future generation of the Park Service conservation leaders 637 00:43:00,534 --> 00:43:04,233 that will not know what it is like to experience sexual harassment, 638 00:43:04,277 --> 00:43:06,409 gender and racial discrimination, 639 00:43:06,453 --> 00:43:09,499 sexism and hostile work environments. 640 00:43:09,543 --> 00:43:11,632 We're going to be watching the National Park Service, 641 00:43:11,676 --> 00:43:13,634 and the way Ms. Martin is treated, 642 00:43:13,678 --> 00:43:16,419 and other whistleblowers are treated 643 00:43:16,463 --> 00:43:20,859 as a consequence of their bringing these allegations forward. 644 00:43:20,902 --> 00:43:23,992 Uh, it should not be unaddressed, 645 00:43:24,036 --> 00:43:29,084 and, uh, it has been inadequately addressed. 646 00:43:29,128 --> 00:43:30,782 We all long for a day 647 00:43:30,825 --> 00:43:34,176 that we don't have to take these extreme measures 648 00:43:34,220 --> 00:43:35,700 to be heard and believed. 649 00:43:58,679 --> 00:44:03,466 A hell of a job for just two people in a few hours, 650 00:44:03,510 --> 00:44:06,556 having to drag trees quite a ways. 651 00:44:07,819 --> 00:44:08,950 But, 652 00:44:09,734 --> 00:44:10,691 got it done. 653 00:44:11,866 --> 00:44:13,868 We're making a log deck 654 00:44:13,912 --> 00:44:15,565 for the helicopter to land on. 655 00:44:16,741 --> 00:44:17,959 Might not be the prettiest. 656 00:44:19,047 --> 00:44:20,048 But it's a log deck. 657 00:44:26,011 --> 00:44:29,405 The only wildlife we've seen while we were down here, 658 00:44:30,450 --> 00:44:32,234 are all the mosquitoes. 659 00:44:33,105 --> 00:44:35,585 And other flying pests. 660 00:44:35,629 --> 00:44:38,676 Hopefully pilot doesn't have a problem with it, 661 00:44:40,852 --> 00:44:43,506 and we won't have to come back and fix it later. 662 00:44:51,950 --> 00:44:58,086 Some people can't imagine using the bathroom anywhere but inside a building, 663 00:44:58,957 --> 00:45:00,654 on porcelain. 664 00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:03,483 But come on, it's way better out here. 665 00:45:15,713 --> 00:45:18,672 So we were on our way to Helena. 666 00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:23,372 And got diverted to a fire up in the Bridgers. A lightning strike. 667 00:45:23,416 --> 00:45:27,289 As you can see, there's the part of the tree that got struck. 668 00:45:28,595 --> 00:45:29,727 You can see it... 669 00:45:30,684 --> 00:45:32,033 kind of exploded into bits. 670 00:45:33,469 --> 00:45:34,644 Not tall anymore. 671 00:45:36,298 --> 00:45:37,691 And there's pieces of it hanging 672 00:45:38,823 --> 00:45:39,954 up in that other tree. 673 00:45:48,093 --> 00:45:52,532 It's these kind of fires that really split my mind 674 00:45:52,575 --> 00:45:58,756 about loving my job and not make me feel conflicted. 675 00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:03,151 On the one hand, 676 00:46:03,195 --> 00:46:05,240 what an awesome place to hang out. 677 00:46:07,460 --> 00:46:09,897 No people, just hanging out in the woods. 678 00:46:09,941 --> 00:46:11,638 Super pretty. 679 00:46:11,681 --> 00:46:13,901 Gonna camp for a night or two. 680 00:46:13,945 --> 00:46:15,381 Can't complain about that. 681 00:46:17,035 --> 00:46:20,734 On the other hand, this was a naturally ignited fire, 682 00:46:20,778 --> 00:46:21,953 it's a lightning strike. 683 00:46:23,606 --> 00:46:28,307 And it wasn't really doing much, skunking around. 684 00:46:30,352 --> 00:46:31,919 Hard to tell how steep it is. 685 00:46:33,355 --> 00:46:36,489 Uh, this is basically a 45-degree angle here. 686 00:46:37,403 --> 00:46:38,926 So it's not a very big spot, 687 00:46:38,970 --> 00:46:41,276 should be pretty easy to put out, 688 00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:45,454 except that the duff is super thick, 689 00:46:45,498 --> 00:46:48,109 and even digging down, like, 690 00:46:48,153 --> 00:46:52,505 couldn't get to dirt yet, this is still mostly duff... 691 00:46:52,548 --> 00:46:57,597 So this is going to be a slow mop-up show. 692 00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:00,687 Basically... picking everything up by hand. 693 00:47:02,471 --> 00:47:03,821 Making sure it's cold. 694 00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:08,608 Should I be out here putting this fire out? 695 00:47:09,783 --> 00:47:11,785 You know, um... 696 00:47:13,961 --> 00:47:19,140 As I learn more about fire and fire science and fire ecology, 697 00:47:19,184 --> 00:47:24,580 and how important fire is to, you know, the well being of an ecosystem. 698 00:47:24,624 --> 00:47:29,150 I feel less like I'm taking appropriate actions 699 00:47:29,194 --> 00:47:30,325 as a steward of the land. 700 00:47:33,851 --> 00:47:36,549 Sometimes, I feel like I'm getting paid to do things 701 00:47:36,592 --> 00:47:40,335 that aren't in the best interest of the ecosystem in question. 702 00:47:45,514 --> 00:47:47,647 I don't know. 703 00:47:47,690 --> 00:47:51,216 So I just sit here and eat my Snickers and think about it. 704 00:47:59,311 --> 00:48:01,748 Nothing better than a Snickers 705 00:48:01,791 --> 00:48:04,142 that has melted 706 00:48:04,185 --> 00:48:07,406 and resolidified a handful of times in your backpack. 707 00:48:31,952 --> 00:48:33,998 Do you guys, uh, do you guys want a pancake? 708 00:48:34,999 --> 00:48:36,348 Ready for a pancake? 709 00:48:45,357 --> 00:48:48,099 David, do you want one? Are you sure? 710 00:48:48,142 --> 00:48:49,970 - No, no. Yeah, I'm done. - Okay. 711 00:48:51,363 --> 00:48:53,060 You're anti-pancake? 712 00:48:53,104 --> 00:48:55,280 You a huge fan of pancakes? - Yeah. 713 00:48:55,323 --> 00:48:58,283 So you're not biased. You don't have any implicit bias 714 00:48:58,326 --> 00:48:59,675 - against pancakes. - No implicit bias. 715 00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:00,938 Copy that. 716 00:49:02,287 --> 00:49:03,984 We've been talking a lot about implicit bias. 717 00:49:05,159 --> 00:49:06,334 Just want to make sure. 718 00:49:10,382 --> 00:49:12,166 There's one thing, you know, that we can do 719 00:49:12,210 --> 00:49:14,690 is kind of, you know, there's a little bit of humor here. 720 00:49:14,734 --> 00:49:16,475 We can laugh about ourselves. 721 00:49:18,390 --> 00:49:20,348 Yosemite conditions for today. 722 00:49:20,392 --> 00:49:25,266 Sunny, maximum 64 to 69, 8,000 feet, 53 to 58. 723 00:49:25,310 --> 00:49:27,094 The thing for me was, um, 724 00:49:27,138 --> 00:49:29,401 with you getting here this weekend was 725 00:49:29,444 --> 00:49:33,971 thinking about the success that we've had for the last three events. 726 00:49:34,014 --> 00:49:37,539 That third WTREX really felt like... 727 00:49:37,583 --> 00:49:40,760 - It really solidified a lot of things. - Yeah. 728 00:49:40,803 --> 00:49:43,763 And there was new people there from 729 00:49:43,806 --> 00:49:47,071 reaches of the Nature Conservancy, 730 00:49:47,114 --> 00:49:49,464 National Park Service, Forest Service, 731 00:49:49,508 --> 00:49:51,684 uh, NGOs that are like, 732 00:49:51,727 --> 00:49:54,992 "I'm kind of really interested in attending and helping." 733 00:49:55,035 --> 00:49:58,430 And then, like I think, for me, that was, like, the tipping point for... 734 00:49:58,473 --> 00:50:01,520 We're on to something that that I don't believe 735 00:50:01,563 --> 00:50:03,348 anybody else is really doing. 736 00:50:03,391 --> 00:50:04,740 - Mmm-hmm. - And so... 737 00:50:04,784 --> 00:50:06,351 Now what does that look like? 738 00:50:06,394 --> 00:50:09,310 You know, for the next three years or the next five years. 739 00:50:09,354 --> 00:50:11,747 And this could go any... Any number of places. 740 00:50:11,791 --> 00:50:13,488 That's really exciting. 741 00:50:13,532 --> 00:50:17,710 Like, it feels like we've taken kind of a slow road with WTREX 742 00:50:17,753 --> 00:50:20,060 and just doing one event per year... 743 00:50:20,104 --> 00:50:22,410 I think our pace has been perfect actually, 744 00:50:22,454 --> 00:50:25,022 because we kind of needed to have that success. 745 00:50:25,065 --> 00:50:27,198 - Mmm-hmm. - And to show that we could do it, 746 00:50:27,241 --> 00:50:31,071 and to build out our team and feel smooth, 747 00:50:31,115 --> 00:50:32,899 like a smooth machine together. 748 00:50:32,942 --> 00:50:34,727 And now we're at a perfect point 749 00:50:34,770 --> 00:50:38,600 to broaden it out, and... 750 00:50:38,644 --> 00:50:42,343 I think any of us coming up through the ranks, 751 00:50:42,387 --> 00:50:45,172 think about, like, what kind of opportunities 752 00:50:45,216 --> 00:50:48,436 - do we really have to build our competency? - Yeah. 753 00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:52,962 Right, there's confidence in what we love and what we wanna do, 754 00:50:53,006 --> 00:50:56,705 but where are the opportunities to actually really build 755 00:50:56,749 --> 00:50:59,404 - our physical skill set? - Yeah. 756 00:50:59,447 --> 00:51:03,234 Yeah, the way I think about WTREX moving forward 757 00:51:03,277 --> 00:51:05,627 is that we do diversify and think about 758 00:51:05,671 --> 00:51:09,109 where are those bottlenecks for women in fire, 759 00:51:09,153 --> 00:51:11,068 and how can we create those opportunities. 760 00:51:11,111 --> 00:51:16,421 Leadership training, um, you know, the diversity and inclusion training... 761 00:51:17,770 --> 00:51:21,121 We could even do short modules on burn planning, 762 00:51:21,165 --> 00:51:23,776 and, you know, some of the ecological concepts. 763 00:51:23,819 --> 00:51:27,258 I don't know. I think the sky is the limit, kind of... 764 00:51:27,301 --> 00:51:30,522 We think about women in their 20s, their 30s, their 40s, 765 00:51:30,565 --> 00:51:32,176 as they're moving through their career, 766 00:51:32,219 --> 00:51:34,003 we're not interested in just getting more women in fire, 767 00:51:34,047 --> 00:51:36,832 but we're interested in what does it take to... 768 00:51:36,876 --> 00:51:39,661 To keep them in fire, if that's where they want to be, 769 00:51:39,705 --> 00:51:43,274 and to advance them and give them power 770 00:51:43,317 --> 00:51:45,493 and leadership capabilities and stuff. 771 00:51:45,537 --> 00:51:47,321 We really need to... 772 00:51:47,365 --> 00:51:51,282 You know, we understand what some of those obstacles are in WTREX, 773 00:51:51,325 --> 00:51:55,242 but as federal agencies, we really, we've got a lot of work to do still. 774 00:51:55,286 --> 00:51:57,505 You know, both from scaling up the good fire 775 00:51:57,549 --> 00:52:00,595 as well as how do we empower women 776 00:52:00,639 --> 00:52:03,207 in leadership positions in wildland fire? 777 00:52:03,250 --> 00:52:06,862 And there's just... There's nothing else, like, out there like this. 778 00:52:06,906 --> 00:52:10,518 And so that, for me, is really exciting to think about, 779 00:52:10,562 --> 00:52:14,087 how I can put my two loves and passion 780 00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:16,263 about gender equity 781 00:52:16,307 --> 00:52:18,613 and more good fire on the landscape. 782 00:52:18,657 --> 00:52:20,659 - This is just like the perfect combination. - Yeah. 783 00:52:21,442 --> 00:52:23,009 I'm grateful that we met. 784 00:52:23,052 --> 00:52:25,359 - Yeah, well... - I'm glad you came up. 785 00:52:25,403 --> 00:52:26,752 I'm so glad. 786 00:52:26,795 --> 00:52:29,102 I think we have a really strong future ahead of us. 787 00:52:29,146 --> 00:52:32,061 Oh, yeah, with a tremendous amount of, you know, work. 788 00:52:32,105 --> 00:52:34,499 And so I think... Thinking about that, too, 789 00:52:34,542 --> 00:52:38,372 is, it's like, "Ooh, I'm sort of kind of retired." - 790 00:52:38,416 --> 00:52:41,680 So I'm excited about that type of work on the outside 791 00:52:41,723 --> 00:52:43,072 in retirement as well. 792 00:52:44,639 --> 00:52:46,511 You're good. Don't worry. 793 00:52:48,077 --> 00:52:49,296 Oh, okay, okay. 794 00:52:49,340 --> 00:52:50,993 - That's just the beginning. - Got you there. 795 00:52:51,037 --> 00:52:52,908 Gotcha, gotcha. 796 00:52:52,952 --> 00:52:54,345 Yeah, yeah. 797 00:53:02,527 --> 00:53:04,137 Coffee, friends. 798 00:53:05,921 --> 00:53:07,358 What else could you ask for? 799 00:53:08,185 --> 00:53:09,708 My hubby. 800 00:53:15,583 --> 00:53:17,106 This'll last about one hour. 801 00:53:20,414 --> 00:53:22,068 I was telling her, this is really... 802 00:53:23,591 --> 00:53:25,506 Nobody waters the grass around here. 803 00:53:25,550 --> 00:53:28,248 This place is really dusty and dirty... 804 00:53:28,292 --> 00:53:30,163 It kind of goes back to the "opposites attract." 805 00:53:30,772 --> 00:53:32,209 I'm Mr. Clean. 806 00:53:34,298 --> 00:53:37,475 I met Kelly in Moab, Utah. 807 00:53:37,518 --> 00:53:39,825 She knew one of the people on the team, 808 00:53:39,868 --> 00:53:43,568 and he called her up and said, "Hey, we're gonna go down and have a beer." 809 00:53:43,611 --> 00:53:44,917 So that's where I first met her. 810 00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,789 From then on, teams that went together, 811 00:53:47,833 --> 00:53:50,096 and we became part of a fire team, 812 00:53:50,139 --> 00:53:53,142 and from there on, it's just kind of like, 813 00:53:53,186 --> 00:53:56,320 you know, good people attract good people. 814 00:53:56,363 --> 00:53:59,801 I just remember this one time we were on a fire out at Battle Mountain, 815 00:53:59,845 --> 00:54:01,847 and this was before we were together, 816 00:54:02,848 --> 00:54:04,980 and we... She had a broken arm. 817 00:54:05,764 --> 00:54:06,982 Fell off a horse. 818 00:54:07,026 --> 00:54:08,506 A Forest Service horse. 819 00:54:08,549 --> 00:54:11,900 She... She says, "You sure you want me on team? 820 00:54:11,944 --> 00:54:13,467 "I've got... My arm's in a cast." 821 00:54:13,511 --> 00:54:17,384 I go, "Well, can you push the mic on a radio? 822 00:54:17,428 --> 00:54:21,823 "And can you walk up a hill and look at what's going on and keep track of stuff?" 823 00:54:21,867 --> 00:54:24,391 And she goes, "Yeah." I says, "Well, come to the fire." 824 00:54:25,740 --> 00:54:27,829 She's a tough woman. 825 00:54:27,873 --> 00:54:30,354 In the agencies, all of them, 826 00:54:30,397 --> 00:54:32,660 the tough women tend to survive it, 827 00:54:32,704 --> 00:54:36,360 um, because it's not an easy road. 828 00:54:36,403 --> 00:54:39,580 One of the worst things that ever happened was, um... 829 00:54:39,624 --> 00:54:41,843 And I didn't hear about this for like two months... 830 00:54:41,887 --> 00:54:43,323 One of the women on the fire crew, 831 00:54:43,367 --> 00:54:45,760 she used one of the BLM bathrooms 832 00:54:45,804 --> 00:54:49,938 and the fire crew decided they were gonna tape her in there with duct tape. 833 00:54:51,723 --> 00:54:55,683 And so, Kelly told me one day she's going to go to Congress 834 00:54:55,727 --> 00:54:58,860 and she was working with staffers from both sides. 835 00:54:58,904 --> 00:55:01,298 You know, she's always the hero. 836 00:55:01,341 --> 00:55:04,344 When she decided to retire early, 837 00:55:04,388 --> 00:55:10,437 an individual sent a note that said that, "Thank God she's gone, 838 00:55:10,481 --> 00:55:15,355 "and now we can get to a higher level of management for that agency." 839 00:55:15,399 --> 00:55:18,097 And I'm going, "You got to be kidding me." 840 00:55:18,140 --> 00:55:21,361 You can't believe what she went through. 841 00:55:21,405 --> 00:55:25,887 It would take three hours to tell you all the crap that she had to go through. 842 00:55:25,931 --> 00:55:28,194 Drugs on the crew, 843 00:55:28,237 --> 00:55:30,805 fights and people getting hurt, and they're covering it up 844 00:55:30,849 --> 00:55:32,807 and car wrecks and smoking dope 845 00:55:32,851 --> 00:55:34,374 and driving government vehicles. 846 00:55:34,418 --> 00:55:36,594 You cannot believe what she went through. 847 00:55:36,637 --> 00:55:38,987 So, tonight is a celebration. 848 00:55:39,031 --> 00:55:42,513 We've got lots and lots of food, So let's go ahead and eat, 849 00:55:42,556 --> 00:55:45,646 but there are a couple of people I really want to introduce. 850 00:55:45,690 --> 00:55:47,169 My mom, Mickey Martin. 851 00:55:49,955 --> 00:55:51,609 - Mom! - From Illinois. 852 00:55:51,652 --> 00:55:53,959 Yep, she flew in from... from Illinois. 853 00:55:54,002 --> 00:55:57,876 It's just really a neat opportunity to be with all of you here tonight. 854 00:55:57,919 --> 00:55:59,878 - So... - Whoo-hoo! 855 00:55:59,921 --> 00:56:02,489 And I bet you there's gonna be people kind of showing up from time to time. 856 00:56:02,533 --> 00:56:07,015 So please introduce yourself to each other, and let's eat. 857 00:56:07,059 --> 00:56:08,234 - Okay! - Let's do it! 858 00:56:09,714 --> 00:56:14,545 I met Kelly at the first WTREX, 2016. 859 00:56:14,588 --> 00:56:17,548 And I had no idea who she was before that. 860 00:56:17,591 --> 00:56:20,333 But I read through her testimony and watched the video. 861 00:56:20,377 --> 00:56:22,422 And then I was like, "Hoy shit, I'm gonna meet this woman. 862 00:56:22,466 --> 00:56:23,641 "That's pretty cool." 863 00:56:23,684 --> 00:56:26,383 You know... Here she is, 864 00:56:26,426 --> 00:56:29,473 talking about the hard things in front of a huge audience, 865 00:56:29,516 --> 00:56:33,128 then met her at WTREX. And... And it was awesome. 866 00:56:33,172 --> 00:56:34,478 You know, and she's been... 867 00:56:34,521 --> 00:56:36,741 She's been great to work with. 868 00:56:36,784 --> 00:56:38,873 Branches over there can help build. 869 00:56:38,917 --> 00:56:43,269 And it was... You know, she's just so passionate 870 00:56:43,312 --> 00:56:47,099 about fire and what it means 871 00:56:47,142 --> 00:56:49,362 and how we should be treating it 872 00:56:49,406 --> 00:56:51,408 and how it should be used on the land. 873 00:56:51,451 --> 00:56:55,324 And you know, it feels... 874 00:56:55,368 --> 00:56:59,633 It feels good to be around somebody who is so... 875 00:56:59,677 --> 00:57:02,680 sure of what they believe. 876 00:57:02,723 --> 00:57:04,551 You know, like... 877 00:57:04,595 --> 00:57:08,381 She's had people telling her not to believe what she believes 878 00:57:08,425 --> 00:57:10,688 for the past 35 years, and she's like, 879 00:57:10,731 --> 00:57:13,473 "Well, fuck it. This is still what I believe, because it's that important to me." 880 00:57:13,517 --> 00:57:15,649 And, like, that feels good to know 881 00:57:15,693 --> 00:57:18,609 that there are people like that. 882 00:57:18,652 --> 00:57:23,091 Um... Yeah, I think she's awesome. She's really wonderful. 883 00:57:29,184 --> 00:57:31,491 She gave her life and her heart to that place. 884 00:57:31,535 --> 00:57:33,232 And I'll never support that program again 885 00:57:33,275 --> 00:57:36,148 just because I know exactly the depths of that. 886 00:57:37,628 --> 00:57:40,457 She was working at 10:30 at night. 887 00:57:40,500 --> 00:57:42,850 Sometimes she'd work till 2:00 in the morning, 888 00:57:42,894 --> 00:57:44,809 to get the fire plans done. 889 00:57:44,852 --> 00:57:49,683 And, um, she was, I would say, 90% successful. 890 00:57:49,727 --> 00:57:52,469 But there was a lot of people that didn't like her 891 00:57:52,512 --> 00:57:54,949 because she tried to clean up the shop. 892 00:57:56,821 --> 00:58:00,912 Yeah. I have to tell you that seeing her testify 893 00:58:00,955 --> 00:58:02,957 was the most awesome experience, 894 00:58:03,001 --> 00:58:09,486 and to know that she did that in September '16, 2016. 895 00:58:09,529 --> 00:58:12,793 She led the pack and wound up onTime magazine 896 00:58:12,837 --> 00:58:16,754 as one of the silence breakers, which was just absolutely amazing. 897 00:58:16,797 --> 00:58:18,625 I must have run to every gas station, 898 00:58:18,669 --> 00:58:21,193 every grocery store, and bought every Timemagazine 899 00:58:21,236 --> 00:58:23,717 I could get my hands on that night, because I thought 900 00:58:23,761 --> 00:58:25,980 "They're gonna be gone if I wait till tomorrow." 901 00:58:27,155 --> 00:58:28,896 - Thanks, Mom. - Thank you, honey. 902 00:58:31,595 --> 00:58:33,901 Somebody... Somebody had to speak up. 903 00:58:33,945 --> 00:58:36,991 And I think our agency, the National Park Service, 904 00:58:37,035 --> 00:58:41,387 is a better agency because some of the things that we've been able to address. 905 00:58:41,430 --> 00:58:43,476 I feel like things are starting to change. 906 00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:47,393 I know a lot of you don't... Some people really, uh, 907 00:58:47,436 --> 00:58:49,308 have really resented what I've done. 908 00:58:49,351 --> 00:58:52,398 Um, I would have never chosen to do anything like this, 909 00:58:52,441 --> 00:58:56,924 but I really, honestly felt like our agency deserves way better. 910 00:58:56,968 --> 00:58:59,274 And I know we have really, really good people here. 911 00:58:59,318 --> 00:59:03,148 So, for all of you that are here with me tonight, 912 00:59:03,191 --> 00:59:06,194 I do know that I've done the right thing, I hope, 913 00:59:06,238 --> 00:59:07,631 and that I'm still... 914 00:59:13,419 --> 00:59:14,725 She was never respected. 915 00:59:16,248 --> 00:59:18,032 Because she was an outsider, 916 00:59:18,076 --> 00:59:19,817 and I feel because she was a woman. 917 00:59:19,860 --> 00:59:21,558 Because they'd never had a woman FMO. 918 00:59:24,822 --> 00:59:27,520 I see a lot. So, I love it. It was Kelly that... 919 00:59:27,564 --> 00:59:30,001 We were sitting here at Christmas time... 920 00:59:31,089 --> 00:59:32,786 Oh, boy, 2013, 921 00:59:32,830 --> 00:59:34,701 and she just said to me, she goes, 922 00:59:34,745 --> 00:59:37,225 "What are you waiting for?" And I said, like, "You're right, you know." 923 00:59:37,269 --> 00:59:38,879 - "Let's do it." - And in the next month, 924 00:59:38,923 --> 00:59:41,926 - I was enrolled in TREX, so, yeah. - Yeah, awesome. 925 00:59:41,969 --> 00:59:45,712 Love Kelly. She's a little special person to me. I love her to death. 926 01:00:05,819 --> 01:00:07,647 And you... You started this. 927 01:00:07,691 --> 01:00:09,997 No, you're the one with the stick. You started it. 928 01:00:10,041 --> 01:00:12,826 - I was fixing it and then you undid my work. - Ah! Ah! 929 01:00:12,870 --> 01:00:14,436 No, I was working with you. 930 01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:15,742 No, you undid it. 931 01:00:15,786 --> 01:00:17,701 You need to learn to work with other people. 932 01:00:17,744 --> 01:00:20,225 You need to learn to mind your own business. 933 01:00:20,268 --> 01:00:22,531 The fire is my business, I split all that wood. 934 01:00:22,575 --> 01:00:24,403 Only after you messed up whatever... 935 01:00:24,446 --> 01:00:25,752 Nah, I split the wood. 936 01:00:30,409 --> 01:00:32,324 Do you have this look on camera? 937 01:00:32,367 --> 01:00:33,368 I do. 938 01:00:35,501 --> 01:00:37,808 Oh, and there's ice in his whiskey. That's why. 939 01:00:37,851 --> 01:00:40,158 No, it's not me. 940 01:00:40,201 --> 01:00:42,769 I'm sure you can find more things to dislike about me. 941 01:00:42,813 --> 01:00:44,684 I can. How long do we have? 942 01:00:44,728 --> 01:00:46,904 - Probably a couple of hours. - Okay, great. 943 01:00:46,947 --> 01:00:48,166 - We'll work on it. - Yeah. No rush. 944 01:00:48,209 --> 01:00:49,689 We'll work on... No, I'm... 945 01:00:49,733 --> 01:00:51,560 - Take your time. - I'll let it marinate. 946 01:00:51,604 --> 01:00:52,649 Take your time. 947 01:01:18,413 --> 01:01:21,199 I could turn on my light, but there's enough around... 948 01:01:25,856 --> 01:01:29,120 There's no one out. So, we're it. 949 01:01:29,163 --> 01:01:34,212 There's no one here and it's incredibly powerful. 950 01:01:34,255 --> 01:01:36,214 Uh, there's just nothing like it. 951 01:01:36,257 --> 01:01:38,825 There's very, very few people that actually experience the park like this. 952 01:01:38,869 --> 01:01:42,960 So, to me, it's a lot more intense and a lot more fulfilling 953 01:01:43,003 --> 01:01:47,094 than to be out here when there's a thousand people on this trail. 954 01:01:47,138 --> 01:01:48,879 So, let's go have a good time, 955 01:01:48,922 --> 01:01:51,142 and we will drink some whiskey when we get to the beach. 956 01:01:53,405 --> 01:01:55,537 Okay, whiskey over here. 957 01:01:55,581 --> 01:01:57,670 Whiskey over here. 958 01:01:57,714 --> 01:02:02,196 And there's tobacco here if anybody wants to start with their own little offering. 959 01:02:03,502 --> 01:02:05,286 I actually want to throw it in the river. 960 01:02:05,330 --> 01:02:07,201 I'm gonna honor my dad tonight. 961 01:02:10,117 --> 01:02:14,905 Do you remember... You remember when I was reading your son 962 01:02:14,948 --> 01:02:17,777 - Goodnight Moon? - Yes. Oh, my gosh! 963 01:02:17,821 --> 01:02:19,866 I know, huh? 964 01:02:19,910 --> 01:02:21,650 Goodnight Moon. 965 01:02:21,694 --> 01:02:24,262 Goodnight Moon. He was just, like, a little kid, little shaver. 966 01:02:24,305 --> 01:02:25,742 Yeah. Yeah. 967 01:02:25,785 --> 01:02:28,048 And you were like, "Yes, you can read to my son." 968 01:02:28,092 --> 01:02:30,050 Moon in my room. 969 01:02:30,094 --> 01:02:32,096 Anybody else want some tobacco? 970 01:02:50,331 --> 01:02:51,898 Here we go. 971 01:02:51,942 --> 01:02:54,292 Wow, this is a bonding experience. 972 01:02:56,294 --> 01:02:58,339 - How are you feeling? - Great. 973 01:02:58,383 --> 01:02:59,776 Connections, and... 974 01:02:59,819 --> 01:03:01,821 This is half the fun of having a big party like this. 975 01:03:01,865 --> 01:03:03,475 - It's like... - Yeah, bringing together everyone. 976 01:03:03,518 --> 01:03:04,998 Absolutely. Absolutely. 977 01:03:05,042 --> 01:03:06,695 This park's going to be so different without you. 978 01:03:06,739 --> 01:03:08,523 - Oh, stop. - No. 979 01:03:08,567 --> 01:03:10,612 This woman was like, "Do you know that Kelly has changed the park 980 01:03:10,656 --> 01:03:14,138 "and she really speaks up for what's right even if people don't want her to?" 981 01:03:14,181 --> 01:03:15,530 And I was like, "Yes." 982 01:03:16,880 --> 01:03:18,795 You just never know. 983 01:03:18,838 --> 01:03:22,189 I mean, you're all gonna find yourself in a position someday to just go, 984 01:03:22,233 --> 01:03:25,627 "This is my moment. I don't know if it's right or wrong." 985 01:03:25,671 --> 01:03:28,282 You're gonna step into it and you just... 986 01:03:30,589 --> 01:03:31,633 You can change the world. 987 01:03:33,505 --> 01:03:35,028 We are gonna miss you though. 988 01:03:35,072 --> 01:03:37,770 I'm gonna miss you guys very, very much. 989 01:03:37,814 --> 01:03:40,120 We're like, yeah, we know you're amazing 990 01:03:40,164 --> 01:03:42,731 and a rockstar and also, never leave us. 991 01:03:44,255 --> 01:03:47,301 We know you have bigger and better things to move on to, 992 01:03:47,345 --> 01:03:48,868 but we're gonna miss you. 993 01:03:48,912 --> 01:03:50,565 You know, the fun thing is just knowing that... 994 01:03:50,609 --> 01:03:54,265 "Okay, so I'm in my 50s and you guys are in your 30s and 20s." 995 01:03:54,308 --> 01:03:59,096 And so it's just this cross-generational, like, empowerment. 996 01:03:59,139 --> 01:04:01,011 Women empowerment is, like, really cool. 997 01:04:01,054 --> 01:04:03,840 Just, like, embrace it, take it on, 998 01:04:03,883 --> 01:04:05,624 and, you know, just, like, own it. 999 01:04:05,667 --> 01:04:08,322 I wanna live in a matriarchal society. 1000 01:04:08,366 --> 01:04:11,804 - I'm serious. - I mean, the United States is gonna be that soon. 1001 01:04:11,848 --> 01:04:16,417 - Soon. - Well, it's all gonna be up to all of you, right? And me. 1002 01:04:16,461 --> 01:04:19,159 I mean, we're all part of it, right? 1003 01:04:50,756 --> 01:04:53,106 I haven't seen that before. - Me either. 1004 01:06:21,716 --> 01:06:23,066 I made a friend. 1005 01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:35,469 Here we are in my last operational shift as a firefighter. 1006 01:06:35,513 --> 01:06:41,475 We've been here on the Horsefly Fire for couple of weeks. 1007 01:06:41,519 --> 01:06:44,565 For sure, I will be hiking again and backpacking 1008 01:06:44,609 --> 01:06:47,916 and doing the kinds of things that I've done in this job, 1009 01:06:49,092 --> 01:06:51,790 but not for this job. 1010 01:06:51,833 --> 01:06:58,101 Not as a firefighter and that will be strange and exciting. 1011 01:07:00,103 --> 01:07:03,367 It only took about a week into this season 1012 01:07:03,410 --> 01:07:07,458 for me to feel affirmed in my decision to leave. 1013 01:07:07,501 --> 01:07:13,072 It was very clear very early that it's a good decision 1014 01:07:13,116 --> 01:07:16,771 for me to make this my last season, so that felt good. 1015 01:07:16,815 --> 01:07:20,384 Knowing that I was making the right choice for me. 1016 01:07:23,126 --> 01:07:27,869 But because it's been so slow, there's been lots of time for me 1017 01:07:27,913 --> 01:07:29,567 to keep thinking about that 1018 01:07:29,610 --> 01:07:32,961 and wondering what would it look like and what could I do? 1019 01:07:33,005 --> 01:07:35,181 Is it worth staying in it so I can keep 1020 01:07:35,225 --> 01:07:36,530 trying to make the culture better 1021 01:07:36,574 --> 01:07:39,925 and keep influencing people's perspectives 1022 01:07:39,968 --> 01:07:44,103 and maybe changing their mind and helping them learn, 1023 01:07:44,147 --> 01:07:46,105 and there's been some back and forth. 1024 01:07:46,149 --> 01:07:49,282 But it's definitely... It's time to go, it's time to move on. 1025 01:08:23,316 --> 01:08:27,625 Crazy how much stuff you accumulate over the years. 1026 01:09:27,685 --> 01:09:30,427 I think the one thing I really didn't expect 1027 01:09:30,470 --> 01:09:33,908 in retirement, when you leave, it really is a hard stop. 1028 01:09:34,822 --> 01:09:36,433 You're done with phone calls, 1029 01:09:36,476 --> 01:09:39,349 you're done with your computer, you're done with your keys. 1030 01:09:39,392 --> 01:09:44,441 Everything gets turned in on a Friday afternoon. 1031 01:09:44,484 --> 01:09:47,748 And Sunday, I find myself going over Tioga Pass 1032 01:09:47,792 --> 01:09:50,098 really early in the morning. 1033 01:09:50,142 --> 01:09:54,494 Watching the full moon set and the sun rise. 1034 01:09:54,538 --> 01:09:59,195 And that's a moment I am never gonna forget. 1035 01:09:59,238 --> 01:10:05,288 'Cause that was another huge transition in my life. 1036 01:10:05,331 --> 01:10:10,467 I think there's some kind of endorphins that keep firefighters going, 1037 01:10:10,510 --> 01:10:12,077 because that's what we do. 1038 01:10:12,120 --> 01:10:16,473 And then when you come to the abrupt stop of a retirement, 1039 01:10:16,516 --> 01:10:19,606 you feel both elated, relieved, 1040 01:10:19,650 --> 01:10:26,178 but you really begin to feel the exhaustion has really caught up to you. 1041 01:10:31,444 --> 01:10:36,667 This little tarragon is a cutting from a friend of mine. 1042 01:10:36,710 --> 01:10:42,803 She's got goats and a cute little garden and... 1043 01:10:42,847 --> 01:10:46,372 I just like plants that are given to me. 1044 01:10:48,766 --> 01:10:50,681 It reminds me of them, of friends. 1045 01:11:08,176 --> 01:11:12,964 It's hard to explain the subtle 1046 01:11:13,007 --> 01:11:17,925 and sometimes blatant way that the agency was treating women. 1047 01:11:17,969 --> 01:11:21,364 And not just in fire and not just in law enforcement, 1048 01:11:21,407 --> 01:11:26,107 but in the whole area. And when you see an indicator, 1049 01:11:26,151 --> 01:11:28,936 you know, in fire, the indicator is low humidity 1050 01:11:28,980 --> 01:11:31,199 and high temperature and some wind. 1051 01:11:31,243 --> 01:11:35,334 Well, when you see a lot of people leaving the agency 1052 01:11:35,378 --> 01:11:37,467 and most of them are women, 1053 01:11:37,510 --> 01:11:40,731 there's a big indicator there's something not right. 1054 01:11:40,774 --> 01:11:44,691 So this is kinda sour, but it complements the maple syrup. 1055 01:11:45,170 --> 01:11:46,563 Oops! 1056 01:11:46,606 --> 01:11:52,699 The trigger point in '16 happened when 1057 01:11:52,743 --> 01:11:57,225 reading the story about the sexual harassment at Grand Canyon. 1058 01:11:57,269 --> 01:11:59,576 And to be honest with you, it was that trigger point 1059 01:12:00,925 --> 01:12:03,144 that I immediately just closed my eyes 1060 01:12:03,188 --> 01:12:05,146 and threw my head in my hands and I'm like, 1061 01:12:05,190 --> 01:12:07,453 I can't believe this is still going on. 1062 01:12:07,497 --> 01:12:11,327 I just can't believe that women are asking 1063 01:12:11,370 --> 01:12:17,550 and describing situations, horrific situations. 1064 01:12:17,594 --> 01:12:19,247 And nobody did anything. 1065 01:12:19,291 --> 01:12:21,511 And I thought to myself, 1066 01:12:21,554 --> 01:12:24,514 these are young women just like I was at their age 1067 01:12:24,557 --> 01:12:27,343 at Grand Canyon just starting their careers. 1068 01:12:27,386 --> 01:12:31,869 And they've had this horrific thing that's happening to them. 1069 01:12:31,912 --> 01:12:35,220 And they're reporting to senior level officials 1070 01:12:35,263 --> 01:12:40,704 who are basically sweeping it under the rug. 1071 01:12:40,747 --> 01:12:46,100 And it was that moment that through remembering 1072 01:12:46,144 --> 01:12:50,409 my own experience with the peeping Tom, 1073 01:12:50,453 --> 01:12:55,196 who continued to promote for another 25 years within the Park service, 1074 01:12:55,240 --> 01:12:58,896 uh, arrested several times by the way. 1075 01:12:58,939 --> 01:13:05,293 And still kept promoting, so there's this... How can this be? 1076 01:13:05,337 --> 01:13:11,561 So this lifetime of experiences of things that, you know, have happened to me, 1077 01:13:11,604 --> 01:13:15,739 and now I'm in a position at Yosemite, a very powerful position, 1078 01:13:15,782 --> 01:13:17,610 and a very high level position, 1079 01:13:17,654 --> 01:13:21,832 where I just never felt validated. 1080 01:13:21,875 --> 01:13:25,966 After 30-some odd years of working very, very hard 1081 01:13:26,010 --> 01:13:29,100 to some of these assignments being given away 1082 01:13:29,143 --> 01:13:34,018 to subordinate men or being oppressed and dismissed. 1083 01:13:34,061 --> 01:13:38,022 I just felt like this can't continue to happen. 1084 01:13:38,065 --> 01:13:41,939 So, in my testimony, I do talk about creating 1085 01:13:41,982 --> 01:13:44,898 gender parity at the highest levels. 1086 01:13:44,942 --> 01:13:50,469 You can't just relegate women to non-authoritative type of positions. 1087 01:13:50,513 --> 01:13:55,648 They need to be responsible in positions of authority, in positions of power. 1088 01:13:55,692 --> 01:13:57,868 And we just have not gotten there. 1089 01:13:57,911 --> 01:14:01,872 So, knowing that that power disparity exists, 1090 01:14:01,915 --> 01:14:06,180 that's a place where we should recognize 1091 01:14:06,224 --> 01:14:10,271 that there's still work to be done to try to reduce that disparity. 1092 01:14:13,536 --> 01:14:15,102 And on my way home. 1093 01:14:16,669 --> 01:14:22,588 And I'm going to take the not very direct route home. 1094 01:14:22,632 --> 01:14:24,677 Um, but while I'm on the road, 1095 01:14:24,721 --> 01:14:28,289 figured it'd be a great time to stop by and see Kelly. 1096 01:14:28,333 --> 01:14:30,248 Talk about fire. 1097 01:14:30,291 --> 01:14:34,078 Catch up on things, see how retirement is going for her. 1098 01:14:34,121 --> 01:14:39,083 Talk about my next chapter, you know, it'll be good. 1099 01:14:43,566 --> 01:14:44,741 Hi! 1100 01:14:44,784 --> 01:14:49,049 - Hello! - It's so good to see you. 1101 01:14:49,093 --> 01:14:52,096 Aw, look at you. Oh, you look so good. 1102 01:14:54,185 --> 01:14:56,883 I'll be on campus starting August 17th. 1103 01:14:56,927 --> 01:15:00,147 Well, it'll be like three days a week on campus 1104 01:15:00,191 --> 01:15:05,152 and two days a week doing rotations in the hospital. 1105 01:15:05,196 --> 01:15:10,506 We won't be working with patients that require, like... 1106 01:15:10,549 --> 01:15:14,771 More involved precautions than just standard gloves. 1107 01:15:14,814 --> 01:15:16,860 So, they really try to limit that then? 1108 01:15:16,903 --> 01:15:19,689 Yeah, you know, I don't. 1109 01:15:19,732 --> 01:15:24,258 I don't know what it usually looks like outside of a pandemic situation, 1110 01:15:24,302 --> 01:15:27,435 but that's what they've told us to expect 1111 01:15:27,479 --> 01:15:29,655 going into this semester. 1112 01:15:29,699 --> 01:15:34,878 And other than that, I don't have a whole lot of information. 1113 01:15:34,921 --> 01:15:36,706 Obviously, I'm not a nurse yet. 1114 01:15:38,011 --> 01:15:39,578 But it's kind of like fire, everything... 1115 01:15:39,622 --> 01:15:41,972 Everything that's worth learning, you learn on the job. 1116 01:15:48,544 --> 01:15:52,156 I... I hope, I'm pretty sure 1117 01:15:52,199 --> 01:15:54,680 that I changed some people's minds over the past ten years 1118 01:15:54,724 --> 01:15:56,856 when it comes to attitudes about 1119 01:15:56,900 --> 01:16:00,425 who's supposed to be in fire, who's good at fire. 1120 01:16:00,468 --> 01:16:03,863 And I don't think I would have been successful changing their minds 1121 01:16:03,907 --> 01:16:09,260 if I had picked every single fight with them that I could have. 1122 01:16:09,303 --> 01:16:11,741 You know, if fire is something that you really wanna do, 1123 01:16:11,784 --> 01:16:15,571 which is a legit choice, a valid choice, 1124 01:16:15,614 --> 01:16:21,664 you gotta pick your battles so that you can move towards the final goal. 1125 01:16:22,490 --> 01:16:24,928 And you know... 1126 01:16:24,971 --> 01:16:26,451 I fucking hate saying this, 1127 01:16:27,539 --> 01:16:30,281 but shit's gonna happen, you know. 1128 01:16:30,324 --> 01:16:32,718 You're gonna work with assholes. 1129 01:16:32,762 --> 01:16:35,895 There's gonna be some sexist shit going down. 1130 01:16:35,939 --> 01:16:38,289 Some misogynistic stuff. 1131 01:16:38,332 --> 01:16:42,510 And no one else is gonna say anything about it. 1132 01:16:42,554 --> 01:16:46,906 Eventually I got to the point where I didn't feel like I had a choice anymore. 1133 01:16:46,950 --> 01:16:52,172 It was, like, leave or this is going to destroy you kind of thing. 1134 01:16:52,216 --> 01:16:54,305 And if fire culture was not what it was, 1135 01:16:54,348 --> 01:16:58,875 maybe it would have felt more like a choice. 1136 01:16:58,918 --> 01:17:03,880 I read something recently about kind of the trauma that communities go through 1137 01:17:03,923 --> 01:17:07,274 of having to evacuate all the time and I'm thinking to myself, 1138 01:17:07,318 --> 01:17:10,626 imagine what that's like as a career firefighter. 1139 01:17:10,669 --> 01:17:12,453 You know, year after year after year 1140 01:17:12,497 --> 01:17:16,762 that they're being exposed to hundreds of houses being destroyed 1141 01:17:16,806 --> 01:17:19,635 and people's lives being lost. 1142 01:17:19,678 --> 01:17:21,811 We know that that's the business that we're in, 1143 01:17:21,854 --> 01:17:25,728 but I don't think we've really elevated it to the status of... 1144 01:17:25,771 --> 01:17:28,339 - Well, in knowing... - This is trauma. 1145 01:17:28,382 --> 01:17:34,954 Knowing that it's part of your job doesn't make it easier. 1146 01:17:34,998 --> 01:17:37,304 You know, that's a "routine" part of your job. 1147 01:17:37,348 --> 01:17:41,091 Like, it's still a thing you're going through. 1148 01:17:41,134 --> 01:17:45,138 It's still, you know, they can still be a traumatic event. 1149 01:17:45,182 --> 01:17:48,968 But I think the conversations are starting to happen. 1150 01:17:49,012 --> 01:17:52,189 But I'm really hoping that... I would like to see that expand 1151 01:17:52,232 --> 01:17:59,022 to a more holistic understanding of who we are as people, you know? 1152 01:17:59,065 --> 01:18:04,941 The fighting fire, the putting fire out part is one aspect. 1153 01:18:04,984 --> 01:18:07,247 You know, and then there's the mental health thing. 1154 01:18:07,291 --> 01:18:09,989 And then there's the leadership development 1155 01:18:10,033 --> 01:18:13,384 and the interpersonal communication and the relationship building. 1156 01:18:13,427 --> 01:18:16,822 You know, those are all separate things and it seems like, 1157 01:18:16,866 --> 01:18:22,001 most of those just get sidelined 1158 01:18:22,045 --> 01:18:27,137 to focus on the putting fire out part, you know. 1159 01:18:31,881 --> 01:18:35,972 I would love to know 1160 01:18:36,015 --> 01:18:37,974 from some of the men I've worked with in the past, like, 1161 01:18:38,017 --> 01:18:39,976 "What do you remember me saying to you?" 1162 01:18:40,019 --> 01:18:42,326 You know, maybe it's a conversation I don't even remember, 1163 01:18:42,369 --> 01:18:44,545 but I said something that took that person back 1164 01:18:44,589 --> 01:18:46,983 and they were, like, "Holy shit." 1165 01:18:47,026 --> 01:18:51,988 There is one experience that stands out very strong in my memory. 1166 01:18:52,031 --> 01:18:54,425 There was a person I was working with 1167 01:18:54,468 --> 01:19:00,213 who was new to the crew, a crew that I had previously been on. 1168 01:19:01,040 --> 01:19:02,650 And this person came in 1169 01:19:02,694 --> 01:19:06,393 and decided that 1170 01:19:06,437 --> 01:19:10,223 I was not going to be a good firefighter. 1171 01:19:10,267 --> 01:19:12,922 This person who had never worked with me before. 1172 01:19:12,965 --> 01:19:15,968 You know, I was too small. 1173 01:19:16,012 --> 01:19:18,188 I wasn't strong enough, 1174 01:19:18,231 --> 01:19:22,061 you know, obviously, I wasn't going to be able to pull my own weight or whatever. 1175 01:19:22,105 --> 01:19:25,064 Whether he was trying to or not, it was clear to me. 1176 01:19:25,108 --> 01:19:30,026 And it got to the point where the rest of the crew 1177 01:19:30,069 --> 01:19:34,726 was being impacted by, like, us not getting along. 1178 01:19:34,770 --> 01:19:37,773 The crew boss pulled us aside and said, 1179 01:19:37,816 --> 01:19:41,559 "Give me your version of events. Give me your version of events." 1180 01:19:41,602 --> 01:19:48,784 You hear it from each other, so we can figure out where the mismatch is, you know? 1181 01:19:48,827 --> 01:19:53,963 It all boiled down to, at the very end, I was like, "Okay, look, 1182 01:19:54,006 --> 01:19:58,054 "there's one thing I need from you that would help me 1183 01:19:59,185 --> 01:20:01,971 "feel like the situation is resolved." 1184 01:20:02,014 --> 01:20:04,538 I said, "I don't need you to be my friend 1185 01:20:04,582 --> 01:20:06,627 "or to want to work with me, 1186 01:20:06,671 --> 01:20:11,589 "or to even think that, you know, like, I'm a great firefighter. 1187 01:20:11,632 --> 01:20:16,550 "I simply need you to say that I'm competent, you know. 1188 01:20:16,594 --> 01:20:21,164 "Not great, not the best, not you wanna work with me all the time. 1189 01:20:21,207 --> 01:20:25,211 "Simply, I am competent at my job." 1190 01:20:25,255 --> 01:20:29,781 Pretty low bar, pretty low bar, what I thought. 1191 01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:32,218 And he looked at me and said, 1192 01:20:32,262 --> 01:20:34,220 "Well, I'd be lying if I said that." 1193 01:20:37,441 --> 01:20:39,312 I didn't know what the fuck to say. 1194 01:20:39,356 --> 01:20:42,838 My crew boss was standing right there and he didn't say a fucking thing. 1195 01:20:42,881 --> 01:20:46,276 Here's the man who hired me in the first place, 1196 01:20:46,319 --> 01:20:52,195 then hired me back because apparently he thought I could do the job, 1197 01:20:52,238 --> 01:20:53,718 and was competent. 1198 01:20:53,761 --> 01:20:56,982 And here's this other person, new to the crew, 1199 01:20:57,026 --> 01:20:59,898 who's barely worked with me for a season 1200 01:20:59,942 --> 01:21:04,729 saying, "I don't even think you are baseline competent," 1201 01:21:04,772 --> 01:21:07,123 and nobody else fucking said anything. 1202 01:21:09,212 --> 01:21:13,825 And I was like, "Okay, well, I... This is it." 1203 01:21:13,869 --> 01:21:17,220 And then the conversation was over and nobody ever fucking addressed it again. 1204 01:21:21,964 --> 01:21:26,707 I was like, "Okay, well, I guess, I guess I'm on my own." 1205 01:21:30,015 --> 01:21:31,364 You know, I didn't... 1206 01:21:33,105 --> 01:21:37,805 Goddamn it, that happened... 1207 01:21:37,849 --> 01:21:41,200 Happened a long time ago and it still makes me... 1208 01:21:41,244 --> 01:21:45,639 Still makes me cry. Oh, and it made me so mad. 1209 01:21:45,683 --> 01:21:48,251 I think I probably cried then, too. 1210 01:21:48,294 --> 01:21:54,300 And it's that like, I'm so mad I don't know what else to do but cry. 1211 01:21:54,344 --> 01:21:56,302 But that very often gets interpreted 1212 01:21:56,346 --> 01:21:59,523 as like, "Oh, my God. Look at her. She's crying again. She's so emotional." 1213 01:21:59,566 --> 01:22:00,916 But it's like, you don't understand. 1214 01:22:00,959 --> 01:22:03,614 I'm crying because I wanna rip your head off. 1215 01:22:03,657 --> 01:22:06,095 Not because I am sad, you know. 1216 01:22:06,138 --> 01:22:10,882 And after that, I was like, well, I guess it doesn't fucking matter. 1217 01:22:10,926 --> 01:22:13,841 That situation I had tried to talk to people, 1218 01:22:13,885 --> 01:22:20,761 I had tried to say, this is happening. I need support. 1219 01:22:20,805 --> 01:22:24,417 And it didn't matter. The situation didn't change for better or for worse. 1220 01:22:25,766 --> 01:22:28,813 I don't regret leaving at all. 1221 01:22:30,336 --> 01:22:32,730 I'm so glad I did not... 1222 01:22:32,773 --> 01:22:35,211 It was just time. 1223 01:22:35,254 --> 01:22:38,431 You know, and I don't... 1224 01:22:38,475 --> 01:22:44,611 I don't say that to, like, shit on anyone who's still doing it and loving it, 1225 01:22:44,655 --> 01:22:48,876 or doing it and not loving it and they're just choosing to keep doing it, like... 1226 01:22:48,920 --> 01:22:52,793 You do you, but for me, it was just... 1227 01:22:52,837 --> 01:22:56,406 It was time to be done, move on. 1228 01:22:56,449 --> 01:22:59,235 And I don't regret it at all. 1229 01:22:59,278 --> 01:23:02,716 I don't regret spending ten years doing it. 1230 01:23:02,760 --> 01:23:09,114 But I'm very happy to have made the decision to not do it anymore. 1231 01:23:11,029 --> 01:23:12,030 It was time. 1232 01:23:22,475 --> 01:23:25,957 Kelly's cafe, Kelly's car wash. 1233 01:23:26,001 --> 01:23:27,350 Kelly's BnB. 1234 01:23:29,091 --> 01:23:30,614 Yeah, that's all good. 1235 01:23:30,657 --> 01:23:32,094 Thank you so much for hosting. 1236 01:23:32,137 --> 01:23:35,227 Thank you for coming by and putting me on your path. 1237 01:23:35,271 --> 01:23:37,621 And thanks for the time that you spent in fire. 1238 01:23:37,664 --> 01:23:38,709 You made a difference 1239 01:23:38,752 --> 01:23:40,015 Yeah, I hope so. 1240 01:23:40,058 --> 01:23:42,060 You did. You absolutely did. 1241 01:23:42,104 --> 01:23:46,325 I changed at least one person's mind maybe somewhere along the road. 1242 01:23:46,369 --> 01:23:49,198 I think you should put your standards a little higher than that. 1243 01:23:49,241 --> 01:23:52,331 I think you had a big impact on a lot of young women. 1244 01:23:52,375 --> 01:23:54,377 So, myself personally, I appreciate that. 1245 01:23:54,420 --> 01:23:56,379 Aw, thanks. 1246 01:23:56,422 --> 01:23:59,947 Well, I'll definitely... Whenever we're allowed to have a WTREX in person again, 1247 01:23:59,991 --> 01:24:01,558 - I'll see you there. - Please. 1248 01:24:01,601 --> 01:24:03,516 Okay, good. So you're not giving up on that? 1249 01:24:03,560 --> 01:24:06,824 - No, I think WTREX is the one thing I'll stay. - Good, good. 1250 01:24:06,867 --> 01:24:08,826 You know, 'cause that's the part I care about. 1251 01:24:08,869 --> 01:24:13,787 Making fire better for the next firefighters 1252 01:24:13,831 --> 01:24:16,660 and I can do that without being a firefighter. 1253 01:24:16,703 --> 01:24:18,792 You know? So I can still be a part of that. 1254 01:24:18,836 --> 01:24:20,794 Good. Well, I'm glad to know that. 1255 01:24:20,838 --> 01:24:22,753 - Good. - I'll be around. 1256 01:24:22,796 --> 01:24:25,669 Okay, dear. Oh, take care. I love you. 1257 01:24:25,712 --> 01:24:28,889 - I love you, too. - All right. Best wishes. 1258 01:24:28,933 --> 01:24:31,762 - Gotta hit the road. - Text me when you... 1259 01:24:31,805 --> 01:24:33,677 - When I make it? - When you make it. 1260 01:24:33,720 --> 01:24:36,462 - Nine hours is a long time. - Okay. Yeah, it's gonna be a long drive. 1261 01:24:36,506 --> 01:24:37,768 I got snacks. 1262 01:24:39,161 --> 01:24:41,380 - Good. Cookies? - All right. 1263 01:24:41,424 --> 01:24:42,642 I got cookies. 1264 01:24:45,602 --> 01:24:46,603 Yay! 1265 01:25:02,053 --> 01:25:03,098 Good woman. 1266 01:25:05,230 --> 01:25:07,276 I wish she was still working with us. 1267 01:25:10,888 --> 01:25:14,500 I feel so empowered by people that are so different 1268 01:25:14,544 --> 01:25:17,155 from one another and I think that's probably the key. 1269 01:25:17,199 --> 01:25:20,593 Everybody has a different journey and a different path. 1270 01:25:20,637 --> 01:25:23,118 You know, the time that I spent working 1271 01:25:23,161 --> 01:25:25,555 in the fire environment, I would never give up. 1272 01:25:25,598 --> 01:25:30,821 I just knew as a young kid even that this was what I wanted to do. 1273 01:25:30,864 --> 01:25:33,867 I learned a lot, but made a lot of mistakes. 1274 01:25:33,911 --> 01:25:37,175 But I also, I think it was an incredible journey. 1275 01:25:40,091 --> 01:25:43,138 The only reason I could have a career in fire 1276 01:25:43,181 --> 01:25:50,101 that went as well as it did is because of the women 40 years ago who fixed stuff. 1277 01:25:50,145 --> 01:25:57,064 You know, Kelly put up with a lot of bullshit over her 35 years. 1278 01:25:58,979 --> 01:26:03,375 I have no doubt that if I had met her earlier in my fire career, 1279 01:26:04,637 --> 01:26:07,423 you know, things might have been different. 1280 01:26:07,466 --> 01:26:10,339 Yeah, I know things would have been different for sure. 1281 01:26:48,115 --> 01:26:50,335 As the new Deputy Director, I'm personally committed 1282 01:26:50,379 --> 01:26:52,816 to providing a culture of transparency, 1283 01:26:52,859 --> 01:26:56,602 inclusion, respect, and accountability 1284 01:26:56,646 --> 01:26:59,866 and making this a safe place for employees to work. 1285 01:26:59,910 --> 01:27:02,478 We want to become a model agency. 1286 01:27:02,521 --> 01:27:04,697 We will become a model agency. 1287 01:27:20,409 --> 01:27:23,020 ♪ You can hold my hand 1288 01:27:23,934 --> 01:27:26,589 ♪ When you need to let go 1289 01:27:27,677 --> 01:27:31,333 ♪ I can be your mountain 1290 01:27:31,376 --> 01:27:34,031 ♪ When you're feeling Valley-low 1291 01:27:35,119 --> 01:27:38,470 ♪ I can be your streetlight 1292 01:27:38,514 --> 01:27:41,386 ♪ Showing you the way home 1293 01:27:42,431 --> 01:27:45,260 ♪ You can hold my hand 1294 01:27:46,130 --> 01:27:48,654 ♪ When you need to let go 1295 01:27:50,656 --> 01:27:57,315 ♪ I want a house With a crowded table 1296 01:27:57,359 --> 01:28:04,540 ♪ And a place by the fire For everyone 1297 01:28:04,583 --> 01:28:11,982 ♪ Let us take on the world While we're young and able 1298 01:28:12,025 --> 01:28:18,205 ♪ And bring us back together When the day is done 1299 01:28:20,599 --> 01:28:23,994 ♪ If we want a garden 1300 01:28:24,037 --> 01:28:26,866 ♪ We're gonna have to sow The seed 1301 01:28:27,824 --> 01:28:30,479 ♪ Plant a little happiness 1302 01:28:31,393 --> 01:28:34,134 ♪ Let the roots run deep 1303 01:28:35,092 --> 01:28:38,661 ♪ If it's love that we give 1304 01:28:38,704 --> 01:28:42,317 ♪ Then it's love that we reap 1305 01:28:42,360 --> 01:28:45,494 ♪ If we want a garden 1306 01:28:45,537 --> 01:28:48,540 ♪ We're gonna have to sow The seed 1307 01:28:49,889 --> 01:28:56,983 ♪ Yeah, I want a house With a crowded table 1308 01:28:57,027 --> 01:29:04,295 ♪ And a place by the fire For everyone 1309 01:29:04,339 --> 01:29:11,737 ♪ Let us take on the world While we're young and able 1310 01:29:11,781 --> 01:29:18,004 ♪ And bring us back together When the day is done 1311 01:29:19,310 --> 01:29:22,487 ♪ The door is always open 1312 01:29:22,531 --> 01:29:26,143 ♪ Your picture's on my wall 1313 01:29:26,186 --> 01:29:29,712 ♪ Everyone's a little broken 1314 01:29:29,755 --> 01:29:33,368 ♪ And everyone belongs 1315 01:29:33,411 --> 01:29:37,459 ♪ Yeah, everyone belongs 1316 01:29:37,502 --> 01:29:43,943 ♪ I want a house With a crowded table 1317 01:29:43,987 --> 01:29:51,168 ♪ And a place by the fire For everyone 1318 01:29:51,211 --> 01:29:58,654 ♪ Let us take on the world While we're young and able 1319 01:29:58,697 --> 01:30:05,661 ♪ And bring us back together When the day is done 1320 01:30:05,704 --> 01:30:12,668 ♪ And bring us back together When the day is done ♪ 109776

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