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1
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SurrealEstate.
2
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-Thank you for making my world
so much bigger.
3
00:00:12,305 --> 00:00:13,855
-Hey! Luke.
4
00:00:14,724 --> 00:00:16,104
I got my license today.
5
00:00:16,226 --> 00:00:17,856
-Well, that’s great!
Congratulations.
6
00:00:17,978 --> 00:00:19,858
-House, unlock the door!
7
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House!
8
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[scream]
9
00:00:23,817 --> 00:00:25,737
Luke, if you could still do
what you used to do,
10
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:27,440
we wouldn’t be here.
11
00:00:27,571 --> 00:00:29,191
-I’m always telling you to find
a better work-life balance.
12
00:00:29,322 --> 00:00:30,782
-This isn’t about balance.
This is about
13
00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:32,917
getting out of here
and reassessing my life.
14
00:00:34,244 --> 00:00:35,784
[opening theme fades out]
15
00:00:37,581 --> 00:00:39,041
[creepy score]
16
00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:40,625
[animal hooting]
17
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:42,420
[laughs]
18
00:00:42,544 --> 00:00:45,794
-You have to relax.
I’m just taking the shortcut.
19
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:48,550
[dramatic boom]
20
00:00:48,675 --> 00:00:50,725
Nah, it’s perfectly fine.
21
00:00:51,553 --> 00:00:53,723
The biggest thing in these woods
is a raccoon.
22
00:00:56,516 --> 00:00:58,396
There’s no bears or wolves.
23
00:00:59,978 --> 00:01:03,358
No, all the chainsaw murderers
are still at camp.
24
00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:07,775
What’re you even--
Hang on.
25
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,240
Nothing.
26
00:01:12,365 --> 00:01:14,115
[branches breaking]
27
00:01:18,663 --> 00:01:21,793
Look, I’ll be home in ten or so.
Okay, bye.
28
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,458
[indistinct woman’s voice
echoing]
29
00:01:27,672 --> 00:01:29,132
Hello?
30
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:30,807
[indistinct woman’s voice
echoing]
31
00:01:36,765 --> 00:01:38,395
[indistinct woman’s voice
echoing]
32
00:01:51,571 --> 00:01:53,111
[opening theme]
33
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-[dramatic boom]
-[grunt]
34
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:58,835
[screaming]
35
00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:07,500
[man screaming]
36
00:02:08,630 --> 00:02:10,170
[gentle piano music playing]
37
00:02:11,508 --> 00:02:13,098
[sighing]
38
00:02:13,218 --> 00:02:14,768
-Mm...
39
00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:21,265
House, call the condescending,
unappreciative jerk.
40
00:02:21,393 --> 00:02:22,973
-Calling Luke Roman.
-[line trilling]
41
00:02:23,103 --> 00:02:25,233
-Don’t pick up.
Voicemail, voicemail, voicemail.
42
00:02:25,355 --> 00:02:27,025
[piano music fades out]
43
00:02:28,817 --> 00:02:29,157
-You’ve reached Luke Roman.
I’m sorry I missed your call.
44
00:02:30,777 --> 00:02:30,827
-Please leave a message.
-[answering machine tone]
45
00:02:32,028 --> 00:02:33,988
-Luke! Oh, darn.
I was hoping to talk to you.
46
00:02:34,114 --> 00:02:36,324
I just wanted to let you know
that I’m going to need
47
00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:38,239
a few more days
away from the office.
48
00:02:38,368 --> 00:02:39,958
I’ll be sending you
the contracts
49
00:02:40,078 --> 00:02:41,788
on Bouvier, Santos
and Padgett.
50
00:02:41,913 --> 00:02:44,373
They’re easy closings,
clean titles, approved loans,
51
00:02:44,499 --> 00:02:46,079
you won’t have any problems.
52
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:47,789
The Dunn-Herberts
are doing their usual dance.
53
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:50,169
It’s probably a good
teaching moment for Zooey.
54
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:53,466
I’m dealing with some
personal business,
55
00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:56,471
so I’m not sure
when I’ll be back in the office,
56
00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:58,764
but seeing as
nothing ever changes
57
00:02:58,888 --> 00:03:00,638
at the perfect Roman Agency,
58
00:03:00,765 --> 00:03:02,975
I’m sure you have everything
well in hand.
59
00:03:03,101 --> 00:03:04,561
-Toodles.
-[call disconnecting beeps]
60
00:03:04,686 --> 00:03:06,236
[giggling]
61
00:03:07,063 --> 00:03:08,523
Hm.
62
00:03:08,648 --> 00:03:10,228
The "toodles" was a bit much.
63
00:03:11,943 --> 00:03:13,523
-[House] It was a nice touch.
Cordial, yet dismissive.
64
00:03:13,653 --> 00:03:15,443
-Yeah. That’s what
I was going for.
65
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,570
-Would you like some tea?
66
00:03:18,116 --> 00:03:19,746
-Yes.
67
00:03:19,868 --> 00:03:21,498
-Yes, I would.
-[device chimes]
68
00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,079
[piano music playing]
69
00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:24,744
[contented sigh]
70
00:03:25,999 --> 00:03:27,539
[leaves rustling]
71
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,884
-Toodles?
-[gentle score]
72
00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:33,465
-It’s a hell of a house.
73
00:03:33,590 --> 00:03:36,300
-Yeah, built in 1893,
historic, solid.
74
00:03:36,426 --> 00:03:39,056
-Can’t wait to bulldoze it.
-Well, you need to buy it first.
75
00:03:39,179 --> 00:03:40,719
It’s only polite.
76
00:03:41,765 --> 00:03:44,515
As you can see,
the property line starts here.
77
00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:46,312
The creek is on your side.
Plenty of room to--
78
00:03:46,436 --> 00:03:47,896
-What’s that?
-Well, that is the lot
79
00:03:48,021 --> 00:03:50,101
next to yours. It’s just
a small place, barely a cottage.
80
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,771
-How much?
-I...
81
00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:54,148
I don’t know
if it’s listed for sale.
82
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:55,947
-If I own that lot,
83
00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:57,900
I don’t need to worry about
the easements.
84
00:03:58,031 --> 00:04:00,281
I could build the pool area
over here
85
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:01,858
and put the tennis court
over here.
86
00:04:01,993 --> 00:04:03,703
And the guest house
could be way over here,
87
00:04:03,828 --> 00:04:05,288
so I’d hardly ever
need to interact
88
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:06,953
with visiting relatives.
89
00:04:07,582 --> 00:04:09,042
-I don’t even know
if you’d see them.
90
00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:10,717
-Oh, yeah!
91
00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:15,882
-We’ll reach out
and get a price.
92
00:04:16,007 --> 00:04:18,847
-Don’t worry
about the price. Buy it.
93
00:04:19,385 --> 00:04:21,055
-Maybe we should close
on this property first,
94
00:04:21,179 --> 00:04:22,509
you know,
get the ball rolling.
95
00:04:22,639 --> 00:04:25,259
-We’re going to do
both deals at once.
96
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:26,891
I could never enjoy this lot
97
00:04:27,018 --> 00:04:28,558
knowing that
I can’t have that lot.
98
00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:30,276
That’s just me.
99
00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:32,316
All or nothing.
100
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,860
I’m gonna call my architect.
101
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,523
[birds chirping]
102
00:04:38,613 --> 00:04:40,153
[gentle score continues]
103
00:04:51,793 --> 00:04:53,333
[darker score]
104
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:45,937
[high-pitched eerie tone]
105
00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:53,768
[eerie score]
106
00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:58,116
[knocking on door]
107
00:06:35,605 --> 00:06:37,155
[dramatic boom]
108
00:06:38,024 --> 00:06:39,484
-The house and underlying dirt
109
00:06:39,609 --> 00:06:41,189
are owned by
an offshore holding company.
110
00:06:41,319 --> 00:06:43,229
The only point of contact
is a law firm in Budapest.
111
00:06:43,363 --> 00:06:44,743
-Swell.
112
00:06:44,864 --> 00:06:46,244
-I reached out
and left a message.
113
00:06:46,366 --> 00:06:47,746
-Yeah, we’re not
liking the odds
114
00:06:47,867 --> 00:06:49,577
that we’re going to hear back
anytime soon.
115
00:06:49,702 --> 00:06:51,622
-So, we have one sale
contingent on two properties.
116
00:06:51,746 --> 00:06:53,746
This cabin in the woods
is creating more drama than the
117
00:06:53,873 --> 00:06:56,463
-million dollar property.
-Mm-hm. Life is funny.
118
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:58,544
-You know, I could have sworn
there was something
119
00:06:58,670 --> 00:07:00,750
in that house,
watching me.
120
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,880
-You think maybe
it was your, um...
121
00:07:03,549 --> 00:07:05,009
your mojo coming back?
122
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,724
-Ah! Maybe it’s growing back,
like a starfish leg.
123
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:10,305
-No.
Just old-fashioned paranoia.
124
00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:11,891
You all set for today?
125
00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:13,646
-Mm-hm.
-What’s today?
126
00:07:13,768 --> 00:07:16,568
-I am taking my first couple
to look at houses.
127
00:07:16,688 --> 00:07:18,818
Susan’s taking her personal days
and I am covering.
128
00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:22,320
-Aw. Who’s the victim?
I mean, who’s the client?
129
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,283
-[mocking]
Aw, who’s the victim.
130
00:07:24,404 --> 00:07:26,654
The Dunn-Herberts.
Lara and Freya.
131
00:07:26,781 --> 00:07:28,241
[laughing]
132
00:07:28,366 --> 00:07:29,916
[mischievous score]
133
00:07:31,953 --> 00:07:33,413
What?
134
00:07:34,998 --> 00:07:36,088
-[Luke] The Dunn-Herberts
are our locally sourced
135
00:07:36,207 --> 00:07:37,837
organic vegan lookie-loos.
136
00:07:37,959 --> 00:07:39,459
-[Phil] They shop,
137
00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:42,255
they kvetch
and they never buy.
138
00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:43,840
[score ends]
139
00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:45,515
Have fun.
140
00:07:46,718 --> 00:07:48,558
-Great.
[shuddering sigh]
141
00:07:48,678 --> 00:07:51,348
[dramatic booms]
142
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:54,012
Oh, my God.
You did not do them justice.
143
00:07:54,142 --> 00:07:56,722
This is like an Oscar Wilde play
about mistaken identity.
144
00:07:56,853 --> 00:07:58,563
They’re pretending
to shop for a house
145
00:07:58,688 --> 00:08:01,158
and I’m pretending this isn’t
a complete waste of my time.
146
00:08:01,274 --> 00:08:03,154
-Well, Susan felt the same way.
- When?
147
00:08:03,276 --> 00:08:05,026
-Did you talk to her?
-Naw,
148
00:08:05,153 --> 00:08:06,613
this was the last time
Lara and Freya
149
00:08:06,738 --> 00:08:08,368
took her for a spin.
150
00:08:09,699 --> 00:08:11,489
-Don’t you think maybe
you should check in?
151
00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:13,167
-With Susan?
152
00:08:13,870 --> 00:08:16,330
I’ll see her at the charity
bowling thing this weekend.
153
00:08:16,456 --> 00:08:18,166
-Oh, right?
154
00:08:18,291 --> 00:08:20,041
That’s, like,
mandatory, right?
155
00:08:20,168 --> 00:08:22,178
-You’re an agent now.
It’s part of the deal.
156
00:08:22,295 --> 00:08:24,425
-Yeah, just testing the fence
for weak spots.
157
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:26,467
Like a velociraptor.
158
00:08:26,591 --> 00:08:28,841
-Anything back from
the lawyers in Budapest?
159
00:08:28,968 --> 00:08:31,798
-It’s been, like, half a day.
I don’t want to be a ’pesht’.
160
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:33,929
-Oh, I see what you did there.
-[elevator arriving chime]
161
00:08:34,057 --> 00:08:36,477
-[Zooey laughs, sighs]
-I kill me.
162
00:08:36,601 --> 00:08:38,271
[mischievous score]
163
00:08:38,394 --> 00:08:41,194
-Oops. I gotta go
be a receptionist.
164
00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:43,851
Bye.
165
00:08:45,068 --> 00:08:46,528
-So...
166
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:48,192
how much do we love it?
167
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,911
-May I help you?
168
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,374
-"Please call me.
169
00:09:03,878 --> 00:09:05,928
You’re about to
win the lottery."
170
00:09:06,047 --> 00:09:07,557
-Oh!
171
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,633
You are the
cabin in the woods!
172
00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:12,049
-I live in the house
in the woods.
173
00:09:12,178 --> 00:09:14,808
And I don’t
play the lottery.
174
00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:17,725
-I was being
a little clever.
175
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,600
-Very little.
176
00:09:21,687 --> 00:09:23,777
-Could we, uh,
go in here and talk?
177
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:27,059
-Now, why would we do that?
178
00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:31,444
-Well, if you leave,
you’ll never know.
179
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:36,167
[mischievous score continues]
180
00:09:40,873 --> 00:09:43,043
-[buzzing from speaker]
-[score fades out]
181
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,340
[buzzing]
182
00:09:49,465 --> 00:09:52,215
-This all looks so...
science-y.
183
00:09:52,343 --> 00:09:54,763
-Hm. Vic Tandy,
184
00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:58,219
a British engineer with an
interest in the occult,
185
00:09:58,349 --> 00:10:03,639
experimented with infrasound,
or low frequency sound.
186
00:10:04,397 --> 00:10:07,657
Less than 20hz.
18.5 to be exact.
187
00:10:08,401 --> 00:10:10,691
Some called it
the spirit frequency.
188
00:10:11,904 --> 00:10:13,534
-[gentle score]
-How’s it work?
189
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:16,866
-Well, he theorized that sending
vibrations out at that frequency
190
00:10:16,993 --> 00:10:19,283
might start a dialogue with...
191
00:10:19,412 --> 00:10:21,202
God knows what.
192
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:25,620
So, this disk can be used
like a cochlear implant:
193
00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:27,331
if something extra-normal
reaches out
194
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,341
it should vibrate
your cochlear nerve.
195
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:31,383
-And start a dialogue.
196
00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:33,766
So, if Luke wears this thing,
197
00:10:34,969 --> 00:10:36,589
he’ll have his
Luke tingle back?
198
00:10:37,722 --> 00:10:39,182
-Well, I’m not certain
199
00:10:39,307 --> 00:10:41,607
that it will enable him
to communicate verbally,
200
00:10:41,726 --> 00:10:44,686
but it should enable
a certain... intuition.
201
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:47,102
-Mm.
-The sense of a presence.
202
00:10:48,107 --> 00:10:49,657
[sharp inhale]
203
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:52,534
Can we agree
to never use the term
204
00:10:53,196 --> 00:10:55,286
"Luke tingle" again?
205
00:10:57,074 --> 00:10:59,664
-Yeah, let’s. Mind if I
take it for a test drive?
206
00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,335
-Be my guest.
207
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,424
[high-pitched buzzing]
208
00:11:13,549 --> 00:11:15,129
-Kinda tingly.
209
00:11:17,303 --> 00:11:19,803
-[cacophony]
-Ow! Damn!
210
00:11:19,931 --> 00:11:21,391
-Wait, what’s wrong?
-Oh!
211
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:25,355
It went batshit crazy,
like an explosion of noises.
212
00:11:25,895 --> 00:11:27,775
-Really?
213
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:30,067
-Ohh!
214
00:11:30,191 --> 00:11:31,651
Oh, whoa.
215
00:11:31,776 --> 00:11:34,236
-So, that is what
we are looking at.
216
00:11:34,362 --> 00:11:35,942
-Hm.
-[score fades out]
217
00:11:36,072 --> 00:11:38,032
Your running dog
capitalist lackey
218
00:11:38,157 --> 00:11:41,327
wants to buy my idyllic cottage
in the pastoral woods
219
00:11:41,452 --> 00:11:45,122
and tear it down
for his tennis courts.
220
00:11:45,248 --> 00:11:47,878
-Well, don’t forget about
the pool and the guest house.
221
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,920
-Yes. His desire to avoid
his relatives is so far
222
00:11:51,045 --> 00:11:53,255
the only endearing
thing about him.
223
00:11:53,381 --> 00:11:54,921
[both laugh]
224
00:11:55,925 --> 00:11:57,635
-Um, so, uh...
225
00:11:58,219 --> 00:11:59,679
[intriguing score]
226
00:11:59,804 --> 00:12:01,344
what do you say?
227
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,310
-No.
228
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:08,565
-Kay. Kay?
229
00:12:08,688 --> 00:12:10,238
Kay.
[clears throat]
230
00:12:11,816 --> 00:12:14,066
I’m going to go way out here
on a limb ethically
231
00:12:14,193 --> 00:12:16,283
and confide in you that
my client has way more
232
00:12:16,404 --> 00:12:19,114
money than sense. He will
overpay for your property
233
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,240
to an alarming degree.
234
00:12:21,367 --> 00:12:23,077
-Oh.
235
00:12:23,202 --> 00:12:24,742
Lucky, lucky me.
236
00:12:33,087 --> 00:12:34,887
-You didn’t have to come here.
237
00:12:36,048 --> 00:12:38,708
All I did was drop off
a not-so-clever business card.
238
00:12:38,843 --> 00:12:40,673
You could have let it go,
but you didn’t.
239
00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:43,139
-Fair enough.
240
00:12:43,264 --> 00:12:44,894
-Well, we could
talk about this over...
241
00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:47,856
I don’t know...
dinner?
242
00:12:49,562 --> 00:12:52,982
-I do have to eat.
Occasionally.
243
00:12:53,107 --> 00:12:55,697
-How about tonight? I could--
-I have plans tonight.
244
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,398
-Tomorrow?
245
00:12:57,528 --> 00:12:59,068
[both chuckle]
246
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,864
-My nights are full and rich,
247
00:13:03,993 --> 00:13:05,743
so I like to eat early.
248
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:08,369
Maybe Friday?
249
00:13:09,749 --> 00:13:12,369
Pick me up at my priceless house
around seven.
250
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:15,129
-Okay.
251
00:13:15,254 --> 00:13:16,884
-[elevator arriving chime]
-[doors open]
252
00:13:19,675 --> 00:13:21,225
-Hm.
-[August] Who was that?
253
00:13:24,555 --> 00:13:26,105
Luke?
254
00:13:27,308 --> 00:13:28,768
-Oh, just a homeowner.
255
00:13:32,605 --> 00:13:34,145
-I think
you need to watch her.
256
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:36,527
Closely.
257
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,110
-That’s my plan.
258
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:39,825
[score crescendos,
fades out]
259
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,409
[coyotes howling]
260
00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:47,584
-I think
you’re being a hamster.
261
00:13:47,703 --> 00:13:49,333
-Just because
I won’t lie for you?
262
00:13:49,455 --> 00:13:51,755
-It’s hardly even a lie!
If my mom calls,
263
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,664
just tell her
I’m staying with you that night!
264
00:13:53,793 --> 00:13:55,503
I’ve stayed at your place
lots of times!
265
00:13:55,628 --> 00:13:57,258
-And what if she
wants to speak to you?
266
00:13:57,380 --> 00:14:00,380
-Then tell her I’m...
I’m in the shower!
267
00:14:00,508 --> 00:14:03,268
Or I’m out by the pool
giving cardiac massage
268
00:14:03,386 --> 00:14:04,846
to a drowning nun!
269
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:08,180
-Dude, work with me!
-[ominous score]
270
00:14:08,307 --> 00:14:10,267
-If my parents find out,
there’s gonna be trouble.
271
00:14:10,393 --> 00:14:11,933
They already don’t like--
272
00:14:13,229 --> 00:14:15,019
Bruno?
273
00:14:19,485 --> 00:14:21,035
Bruno?
274
00:14:25,074 --> 00:14:26,954
Come on, Bru,
quit screwing around!
275
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:38,503
Very funny.
C’mon, let’s--
276
00:14:39,171 --> 00:14:40,751
[unintelligible talking]
277
00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:46,268
[screaming]
278
00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:51,857
Bruno!
279
00:14:57,189 --> 00:14:58,769
[elevator arriving chime]
280
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,609
-[ominous score fades out]
-[mischievous score fads in]
281
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,484
-Well, she said no.
But in real estate,
282
00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:04,901
"no" is where we start
not where we end.
283
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,660
-I’m sure that looks great
on a motivational poster
284
00:15:07,783 --> 00:15:09,623
but it only pisses me off.
285
00:15:10,286 --> 00:15:11,836
-Listen, I’m having dinner
286
00:15:11,954 --> 00:15:13,414
with the homeowner
on Friday night, so...
287
00:15:13,539 --> 00:15:15,039
-Well, that’s great, Luke.
288
00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:17,296
Take her out to dinner,
order some wine.
289
00:15:17,418 --> 00:15:18,968
Hell, sleep with her
if you have to,
290
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,676
but get me
that property.
291
00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:22,386
-I’ll do my best.
292
00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:24,176
[mischievous score fades out]
293
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:25,970
-[news announcer]
...and the recent disappearance
294
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:28,633
to a tragic incident
two and half years ago
295
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:31,052
when the bodies of four teens
were found
296
00:15:31,182 --> 00:15:32,932
-completely drained of blood.
-[door opening]
297
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,558
Police sources have neither--
298
00:15:34,685 --> 00:15:36,315
-[mischievous score]
-Ladies!
299
00:15:36,437 --> 00:15:37,987
-Hi!
300
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,565
-Tantalize me, Zooey.
What are we going to see today?
301
00:15:40,691 --> 00:15:42,361
-Tantalize me, Freya.
302
00:15:42,485 --> 00:15:44,695
Is there a world in which
you two actually buy something?
303
00:15:46,906 --> 00:15:48,366
You do know
that real estate agents
304
00:15:48,491 --> 00:15:49,951
only make money
off of sales
305
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:52,285
and wasting an agent’s time
if you have
306
00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:55,291
zero intention of buying
is the moral equivalent of --
307
00:15:55,414 --> 00:15:57,964
I don’t know --
robbing a liquor store?
308
00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:01,383
-I hope we find something...
perfect.
309
00:16:01,504 --> 00:16:03,174
-Something to die for.
310
00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,677
-I hope we fall in love
at first sight.
311
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:09,050
-I hope we find something
so perfect
312
00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:11,398
that my checkbook
leaps out of my purse
313
00:16:11,514 --> 00:16:13,264
and writes
an earnest money deposit
314
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,310
before I can stop it!
315
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:16,974
-But probably not.
316
00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:19,815
-No.
317
00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:24,978
-[exhales] It’s okay.
318
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,730
[score fades out]
319
00:16:28,489 --> 00:16:28,779
-[Luke] Miranda, our client
is willing to drop 15 grand
320
00:16:29,782 --> 00:16:30,362
off the price
to repair the roof
321
00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:32,205
but there’s nothing wrong
with the floors.
322
00:16:32,326 --> 00:16:33,956
Of course!
323
00:16:34,078 --> 00:16:36,748
And your people are welcome to
carpet over it when it’s theirs!
324
00:16:37,289 --> 00:16:39,199
It’s unreasonable to expect us
to pay for them.
325
00:16:40,084 --> 00:16:42,214
No, no, no, no, no.
Those maple floors are gorgeous.
326
00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:44,176
Carpeting over them
would be an act of vandalism.
327
00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:46,466
We’re not going to subsidize
their bad choices.
328
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:48,420
Tell them about the 15 grand
for the roof and then
329
00:16:48,551 --> 00:16:51,301
tell them horror stories
about dust mites and mold.
330
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,638
Scare their children
and then call me back.
331
00:16:53,764 --> 00:16:55,304
Okay, bye.
332
00:16:56,267 --> 00:16:59,277
-When there was only one set
of footprints in the carpet,
333
00:16:59,395 --> 00:17:01,445
that’s when
you were carrying me.
334
00:17:02,273 --> 00:17:03,983
-What’s up?
335
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,440
-Tell me about that client
who was in yesterday.
336
00:17:07,570 --> 00:17:09,400
-Not really a client.
She owns one of the properties
337
00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:10,990
Erik Toft wants to buy.
338
00:17:11,115 --> 00:17:13,415
-What do you know about her?
-Not much.
339
00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:15,624
Kay Bozer.
She got an edge to her.
340
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:17,663
No bullshit.
341
00:17:17,788 --> 00:17:19,448
Kind of refreshing.
342
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:21,757
-When she was in the office,
she...
343
00:17:22,293 --> 00:17:24,673
affected
one of my devices.
344
00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,255
[gentle score]
345
00:17:26,380 --> 00:17:27,840
-What do you mean?
346
00:17:27,965 --> 00:17:29,885
-It operates
at a certain frequency
347
00:17:30,009 --> 00:17:33,089
that is sensitive
to certain phenomena.
348
00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:35,187
It could be a coincidence,
but...
349
00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:38,684
the device operated properly
again the moment she left.
350
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,527
Will you be, uh,
seeing the lady again?
351
00:17:43,856 --> 00:17:46,236
-We’re having dinner Friday,
as a matter of fact.
352
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:49,364
Kinda hit it off.
[chuckles]
353
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:50,946
-So it’s, uh...
354
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:54,281
not an insidious plan
to get her to sell?
355
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:56,788
-No, my insidious plan
was to have a nice dinner
356
00:17:56,910 --> 00:17:58,370
with an interesting lady.
357
00:17:58,495 --> 00:18:00,665
My first since Megan,
in fact.
358
00:18:02,041 --> 00:18:06,041
-Would you, uh, be open
to trying a sort of experiment?
359
00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:10,839
This device
is really quite subtle.
360
00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:12,716
You wear it behind your ear.
361
00:18:12,843 --> 00:18:14,683
-She won’t even see that--
-I don’t think so...
362
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,303
-Luke, it’s science.
363
00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,350
-No! It’s a dinner date
with a nice lady.
364
00:18:18,474 --> 00:18:19,934
-A nice lady
365
00:18:20,059 --> 00:18:23,269
who might just vibrate
at 18.5 hertz.
366
00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:27,563
[sucks teeth]
-Let me see it.
367
00:18:39,370 --> 00:18:41,450
-See? No big thing.
368
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:43,874
-I don’t know. Feels creepy
wearing a
369
00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:46,419
metaphysical nicotine patch
on our first date.
370
00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:48,793
-Science is often creepy.
371
00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:52,173
But, if it isn’t activated,
she’ll never know.
372
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,919
-And if it is?
-Run away.
373
00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:57,551
Run like hell.
374
00:18:58,138 --> 00:18:59,598
As fast as you can.
375
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,263
[score crescendos, fades out]
376
00:19:06,814 --> 00:19:08,404
[Zooey sighs]
377
00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:10,736
Ah! You’re back.
378
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:13,029
-Oh-ho.
[chuckles]
379
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:16,073
They are killing me,
Augie.
380
00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:19,068
Not only are they draining me
of my will to sell real estate,
381
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:21,121
they are draining me
of my will to live.
382
00:19:21,245 --> 00:19:22,745
[August chuckles]
383
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:26,291
-You should talk to Luke.
Just, uh, not right now.
384
00:19:26,417 --> 00:19:27,967
-Why?
385
00:19:28,085 --> 00:19:30,755
-It seems that, uh,
one of Susan’s clients
386
00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:34,759
is involved in a transaction
with one of Rita’s clients
387
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:38,473
and Rita is unhappy about
Susan’s extended sabbatical.
388
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:41,765
-Rita Weiss: America’s
real estate sweetheart.
389
00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:43,760
So, what else is happening
in the real world?
390
00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:45,392
-Well, let’s see...
391
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:49,389
Uh, Luke is still trying
to close the Toft deals.
392
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:53,113
He has developed a
post-professional interest
393
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:55,575
in the woman who owns
the adjacent property.
394
00:19:55,696 --> 00:19:57,116
My spirit frequency
device was--
395
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:58,739
-Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!
396
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:01,166
Did you just say
post-professional?
397
00:20:01,285 --> 00:20:02,785
He’s hot for her?
398
00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:05,581
-Your words,
not mine.
399
00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:10,086
-Oh, my God! That’ll teach me
to leave the office, like, ever!
400
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,630
Who is she?
What is she like?
401
00:20:11,754 --> 00:20:13,254
-We haven’t met.
402
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:14,960
But she, uh...
403
00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:16,590
set off my device.
404
00:20:16,717 --> 00:20:18,307
[giggles]
405
00:20:18,427 --> 00:20:20,307
-Apparently
she did the same for Luke.
406
00:20:22,556 --> 00:20:25,106
[laughs]
[sighs at her own cleverness]
407
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,469
[sighs]
408
00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:29,143
[score fades out]
409
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:35,695
-So, Luke tells me
you’re a licensed agent now.
410
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:37,359
Congratulations.
411
00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:39,446
-Thank you.
412
00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:41,113
-Hm.
-[mischievous score]
413
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,660
You know,
I always liked you, Zooey.
414
00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:47,338
You strike me
as an oasis of pragmatism
415
00:20:48,081 --> 00:20:50,001
in a place
obsessed with fantasy,
416
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:53,385
like the last
personal injury attorney in a
417
00:20:53,504 --> 00:20:55,384
hastily assembled
amusement park.
418
00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,634
May I give you
a piece of advice?
419
00:20:58,759 --> 00:21:00,299
-I guess so.
420
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,687
-Always give the client
421
00:21:02,805 --> 00:21:04,225
what they need.
422
00:21:04,348 --> 00:21:06,358
Not what they want.
423
00:21:06,475 --> 00:21:08,025
-Yeah? Hm.
424
00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:09,683
-Do you know
what I used to be?
425
00:21:10,562 --> 00:21:12,522
I got my masters
in philosophy.
426
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,860
Oh, yes.
I focused on Kierkegaard.
427
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:18,864
The aesthetic, the ethical
and the religious.
428
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:20,747
Well, you can imagine how
429
00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:23,744
gracefully that interacted
with a career in real estate.
430
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:25,871
Zero sales.
431
00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:28,994
-So, what did you do?
-So I shifted gears.
432
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,582
I focused on the primacy
of the individual
433
00:21:31,708 --> 00:21:34,748
and of individual concerns
above any abstract reality
434
00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:36,748
or grand metaphysical system.
435
00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:40,549
Still couldn’t sell a salmon
to a grizzly bear.
436
00:21:40,676 --> 00:21:42,346
-This is all great stuff,
437
00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:44,219
but what am I supposed to do
with any of it?
438
00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:47,896
-I realized that I was vastly
overthinking the whole thing
439
00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:51,566
and that my clients were
ignorant doorknobs
440
00:21:51,687 --> 00:21:54,567
incapable of articulating
their own desires.
441
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,065
So, I looked at
their lifestyles
442
00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:59,942
and I showed them
corresponding inventory.
443
00:22:00,070 --> 00:22:03,280
I focused on
what they deeply needed,
444
00:22:03,407 --> 00:22:05,577
not what they said they wanted
445
00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:07,451
because seldom are they
the same thing.
446
00:22:07,578 --> 00:22:09,418
-Preach!
-Mm.
447
00:22:09,538 --> 00:22:13,758
The moment I fully embraced
my intellectual authority
448
00:22:13,876 --> 00:22:15,376
and saw my clients
449
00:22:15,502 --> 00:22:17,962
as the low-level primates
that they are
450
00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:21,052
my business tripled overnight.
451
00:22:21,174 --> 00:22:23,474
I was able to pay off
my student loans,
452
00:22:23,594 --> 00:22:26,134
buy a Cadillac Escalade...
453
00:22:26,889 --> 00:22:28,429
and divorce my husband.
454
00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:30,477
-So sad.
455
00:22:31,852 --> 00:22:33,562
Yet inspiring.
456
00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:35,777
-Well, that’s the big secret.
457
00:22:35,898 --> 00:22:38,448
You are smarter
than your clients.
458
00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:42,784
-I totally am!
459
00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:47,114
-Oh, you might want to pass it
along to Captain Goodhair.
460
00:22:47,242 --> 00:22:50,782
He still seems to think that
clients deserve our respect.
461
00:22:50,913 --> 00:22:53,163
-[both laughing]
-That’s adorable.
462
00:22:53,290 --> 00:22:54,830
[both laughing]
463
00:22:55,709 --> 00:22:57,289
Oh.
464
00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:59,129
[sighs]
465
00:23:00,923 --> 00:23:02,423
Still crazy.
466
00:23:02,549 --> 00:23:04,089
[score fades out]
467
00:23:04,217 --> 00:23:06,097
-How’d it go?
468
00:23:06,845 --> 00:23:08,345
-Well, he took the device.
469
00:23:08,472 --> 00:23:10,102
We’ll see
if he actually deploys it.
470
00:23:10,223 --> 00:23:11,813
-There is something
creepy about it,
471
00:23:11,934 --> 00:23:13,644
-you know?
-Yeah.
472
00:23:13,769 --> 00:23:16,019
-On the subject of creepy,
you know those missing kids?
473
00:23:16,146 --> 00:23:18,026
-Yeah, I’ve heard
something about them.
474
00:23:18,732 --> 00:23:20,152
-Something rings a bell.
475
00:23:20,275 --> 00:23:21,775
[creepy score]
476
00:23:21,902 --> 00:23:23,442
-[burbling water]
477
00:23:25,072 --> 00:23:26,612
[crow cawing]
478
00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:38,830
[crow cawing]
479
00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:43,805
[unintelligible female voice]
480
00:23:44,925 --> 00:23:47,135
-Hey! Are you okay?
481
00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:01,313
[creepy score intensifies]
482
00:24:06,571 --> 00:24:08,071
[high-pitched ringing]
483
00:24:14,121 --> 00:24:15,701
What’s the matter?
484
00:24:24,423 --> 00:24:25,923
[shushing]
485
00:24:27,968 --> 00:24:29,678
Hey!
486
00:24:29,803 --> 00:24:31,343
You shouldn’t be here.
487
00:24:32,305 --> 00:24:34,435
This is where those--
[screaming]
488
00:24:34,933 --> 00:24:36,433
[woman laughing]
489
00:24:38,979 --> 00:24:40,389
[creepy score fades out]
490
00:24:40,522 --> 00:24:42,062
[rap music;
man vocalizing]
491
00:24:44,443 --> 00:24:46,113
-Ladies, how was your day?
492
00:24:46,236 --> 00:24:48,616
’Cause it’s about to get
a whole lot better.
493
00:24:48,739 --> 00:24:50,279
[rap music intensifies,
gets louder]
494
00:24:52,325 --> 00:24:54,575
[engine revving,
tires squealing]
495
00:24:55,704 --> 00:24:57,874
So, there are two houses
left on the list
496
00:24:57,998 --> 00:24:59,458
Susan made up for you.
497
00:24:59,583 --> 00:25:01,253
We’re coming up
to the first one...
498
00:25:01,376 --> 00:25:02,756
and...
499
00:25:02,878 --> 00:25:04,588
-we’re driving away!
-What?!
500
00:25:04,713 --> 00:25:06,883
-It’s not right.
Tiny rooms, no natural lighting
501
00:25:07,007 --> 00:25:08,807
and the raccoons in the yard?
Yeah, they’re not
502
00:25:08,925 --> 00:25:10,555
the helpful Disney kind.
They’ll cut a bitch.
503
00:25:10,677 --> 00:25:12,477
-I still wouldn’t mind--
-Nah, you hate it already.
504
00:25:12,596 --> 00:25:16,056
So, moving on to
bachelorette number two.
505
00:25:16,183 --> 00:25:19,393
Here she comes, and...
506
00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:21,059
-there she goes.
-Wait! Slow down.
507
00:25:21,188 --> 00:25:22,948
-Bye!
508
00:25:23,065 --> 00:25:24,565
Two bedrooms, two baths,
509
00:25:24,691 --> 00:25:26,611
fully finished basement
and a home office.
510
00:25:26,735 --> 00:25:28,905
All the stuff you wanted
and none of the shit you need.
511
00:25:29,029 --> 00:25:30,439
-Zooey, can’t we just--?
512
00:25:30,572 --> 00:25:32,572
-Price is on the high side
of your range.
513
00:25:32,699 --> 00:25:35,319
Add in the HOA fees and to
make PITI you’re gonna need
514
00:25:35,452 --> 00:25:37,452
a bake sale every month, which
is going to be impossible. Why?
515
00:25:37,579 --> 00:25:39,619
Because your kitchen
is too frickin’ small!
516
00:25:39,748 --> 00:25:42,338
So, that’s it
for Susan’s houses.
517
00:25:42,459 --> 00:25:45,789
Now it’s time for me
to rock your world.
518
00:25:45,921 --> 00:25:47,961
-[tires screech]
-[laughing]
519
00:25:49,549 --> 00:25:51,009
[music fades out]
520
00:25:51,134 --> 00:25:52,674
[creepy score]
521
00:26:03,063 --> 00:26:04,643
[loud cacophony]
522
00:26:08,110 --> 00:26:09,610
-[cacophony fades out]
-[creepy score continues]
523
00:26:09,736 --> 00:26:11,486
-Right on time.
524
00:26:11,613 --> 00:26:13,153
-Hi.
525
00:26:16,618 --> 00:26:18,118
-Look.
526
00:26:18,245 --> 00:26:19,785
It’s a blood moon tonight.
527
00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:22,003
-Pardon me?
528
00:26:22,124 --> 00:26:23,664
-A blood moon.
529
00:26:24,251 --> 00:26:26,711
The direct sunlight on earth
passes through the atmosphere
530
00:26:26,837 --> 00:26:28,507
and is projected
onto the moon;
531
00:26:29,422 --> 00:26:31,342
makes it all red
and spooky.
532
00:26:32,467 --> 00:26:34,347
Hasn’t happened
for two and a half years.
533
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,680
-So this is
a special night.
534
00:26:39,975 --> 00:26:41,515
-Very.
535
00:26:47,983 --> 00:26:49,523
[woman vocalizing]
536
00:26:55,448 --> 00:26:57,028
[dramatic boom]
537
00:26:57,450 --> 00:26:58,990
[dramatic score]
538
00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:19,010
[energetic violins playing]
539
00:27:28,648 --> 00:27:30,188
[dramatic boom]
540
00:27:37,699 --> 00:27:39,239
[score fades out]
541
00:27:43,288 --> 00:27:44,748
-[Kay] I like your eyes.
542
00:27:44,873 --> 00:27:47,123
-[light jazz music playing]
-[Kay laughs]
543
00:27:48,084 --> 00:27:49,624
No, I do.
544
00:27:50,629 --> 00:27:52,339
They’ve seen a lot.
545
00:27:56,551 --> 00:27:59,471
Most men your age--
our age--
546
00:27:59,596 --> 00:28:02,106
still have the eyes
of adolescent boys.
547
00:28:03,266 --> 00:28:06,066
-Too many Saturday open houses
will do that to a person.
548
00:28:06,186 --> 00:28:07,736
[Kay chuckles]
549
00:28:09,731 --> 00:28:11,601
So, you’re not
seeing anyone?
550
00:28:13,652 --> 00:28:15,192
-Nobody special.
551
00:28:15,862 --> 00:28:17,322
You?
552
00:28:17,447 --> 00:28:18,997
-Mm-mm.
553
00:28:19,491 --> 00:28:21,991
-Well, that’s
about to change.
554
00:28:24,579 --> 00:28:26,409
-You’re somebody special?
555
00:28:28,041 --> 00:28:30,501
-You have no idea.
556
00:28:31,628 --> 00:28:33,848
-So, here we are.
The steak tartare.
557
00:28:34,839 --> 00:28:36,709
And the roasted Cornish hen
for the gentleman.
558
00:28:38,927 --> 00:28:40,557
[creepy tinkling]
559
00:28:41,179 --> 00:28:42,719
Anything else?
560
00:28:45,392 --> 00:28:46,932
Anything at all?
561
00:28:49,646 --> 00:28:51,396
Please?
562
00:28:52,482 --> 00:28:54,982
-We’re good.
Thanks.
563
00:28:57,904 --> 00:28:59,904
-Everything looks delicious.
564
00:29:00,031 --> 00:29:01,701
-You look delicious.
565
00:29:14,337 --> 00:29:15,887
[car engine turns off]
566
00:29:18,008 --> 00:29:19,558
[dog barking in distance]
567
00:29:22,262 --> 00:29:23,802
-Ta-da!
568
00:29:24,389 --> 00:29:27,679
Two bedrooms; two baths;
gorgeous sunroom.
569
00:29:27,809 --> 00:29:30,979
All living space on one level,
no finished basement.
570
00:29:31,104 --> 00:29:32,944
-Finished basement
was on the list.
571
00:29:33,064 --> 00:29:36,234
-You don’t need one.
There’s tons of storage.
572
00:29:36,359 --> 00:29:38,979
Just picture yourself
in the space.
573
00:29:39,112 --> 00:29:41,742
Your couch, your photos
on the wall,
574
00:29:41,865 --> 00:29:43,955
your favorite meal cooking
in the fully functional,
575
00:29:44,075 --> 00:29:45,535
spacious kitchen.
576
00:29:45,660 --> 00:29:47,950
Just picture the house
for what it could be
577
00:29:48,079 --> 00:29:50,119
with your undies
in the drawer.
578
00:29:50,957 --> 00:29:52,417
-Is the neighborhood safe?
579
00:29:52,542 --> 00:29:55,462
-Of course.
You need to be safe.
580
00:29:55,587 --> 00:29:57,927
You need to be happy.
You need sunshine.
581
00:29:58,048 --> 00:30:00,598
But most of all, you need
to come home every night
582
00:30:00,717 --> 00:30:02,767
and close the door
against the world
583
00:30:03,553 --> 00:30:05,763
in a house
that loves you back.
584
00:30:06,806 --> 00:30:08,476
-We can afford
something fancier.
585
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:10,600
-This point in your lives,
you don’t need to be house poor.
586
00:30:10,727 --> 00:30:12,397
You need to be life rich.
587
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,310
I mean, with this house
you can still afford fancy wines
588
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:17,020
and concert tickets;
589
00:30:17,150 --> 00:30:20,020
vacations somewhere warm and
impractical anniversary gifts.
590
00:30:20,153 --> 00:30:21,613
[chuckling]
591
00:30:21,738 --> 00:30:24,328
And all in a place
that feels like home.
592
00:30:26,493 --> 00:30:28,163
-I do kinda love it.
593
00:30:28,286 --> 00:30:30,586
-[sighs]
It’s such a big decision.
594
00:30:30,705 --> 00:30:34,085
-Hey, I can only find you the
house you were born to live in.
595
00:30:34,209 --> 00:30:35,999
Can’t give you
the cojones to buy it.
596
00:30:38,421 --> 00:30:40,131
[light jazz music playing]
597
00:30:41,966 --> 00:30:42,016
-Well, and the place has been
in my family for generations.
598
00:30:42,634 --> 00:30:43,594
It’s just simpler
599
00:30:44,844 --> 00:30:45,304
to keep the title
with the firm in Budapest.
600
00:30:46,304 --> 00:30:47,304
You know,
tax purposes and all.
601
00:30:48,681 --> 00:30:50,971
-And just like that
we’re back to talking business.
602
00:30:52,685 --> 00:30:54,235
-Okay.
603
00:30:54,771 --> 00:30:56,311
Let’s stop fighting it.
604
00:30:57,399 --> 00:30:58,939
Let’s give in.
605
00:31:00,610 --> 00:31:02,780
-Well, I’m not going to give you
a hard sell here.
606
00:31:03,405 --> 00:31:04,945
-What a relief.
607
00:31:05,698 --> 00:31:08,568
I bet you can be
terribly persuasive.
608
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,200
-To the point
of irresistibility.
609
00:31:12,664 --> 00:31:14,204
I’m just going to
tell you one thing:
610
00:31:15,166 --> 00:31:16,926
You will never get
nearly as much
611
00:31:17,043 --> 00:31:20,083
as my client is willing to pay
for your property right now.
612
00:31:20,964 --> 00:31:22,504
Ever.
613
00:31:23,383 --> 00:31:24,923
-Ooh.
614
00:31:25,343 --> 00:31:26,883
Never.
615
00:31:27,470 --> 00:31:30,680
That’s such a long time.
616
00:31:30,807 --> 00:31:32,437
[creepy tinkling]
617
00:31:33,351 --> 00:31:34,891
-Long...
618
00:31:35,437 --> 00:31:36,987
time.
619
00:31:38,731 --> 00:31:40,481
-Hey, Luke. So, I’ve got
-[mischievous score]
620
00:31:40,608 --> 00:31:42,148
good news
and bad news.
621
00:31:42,527 --> 00:31:44,287
Uh, good news
is that the Dunn-Herberts
622
00:31:44,404 --> 00:31:45,904
are no longer lookie-loos --
623
00:31:46,030 --> 00:31:47,820
they’re buyers!
624
00:31:47,949 --> 00:31:50,319
Bad news is, uh...
625
00:31:50,452 --> 00:31:53,582
Yeah. It’s a Rita Weiss listing.
626
00:31:53,705 --> 00:31:55,955
Hope we can still be friends!
’Kay, bye!
627
00:31:58,042 --> 00:31:59,832
Ooh.
628
00:31:59,961 --> 00:32:01,501
[mischievous score fades out]
629
00:32:02,380 --> 00:32:03,920
[gentle score]
630
00:32:04,799 --> 00:32:06,509
-August!
631
00:32:06,634 --> 00:32:08,594
So, I’ve been reading up
on Hungarian legends.
632
00:32:10,096 --> 00:32:12,056
-Ah. The Budapest lawyer.
633
00:32:12,182 --> 00:32:13,512
-Exactly. What’s her name?
634
00:32:13,641 --> 00:32:15,311
The-the lady that Luke’s
going out with?
635
00:32:15,435 --> 00:32:17,065
-Bozer. Kay Bozer.
636
00:32:17,187 --> 00:32:18,737
-Look at this.
-[book sliding on desk]
637
00:32:19,939 --> 00:32:21,399
[score turns darker]
638
00:32:21,524 --> 00:32:23,364
-Mm. Lovely.
639
00:32:23,485 --> 00:32:25,155
-This is a Hungarian witch.
640
00:32:25,278 --> 00:32:27,248
Legend has it
that she has the power to fly,
641
00:32:27,363 --> 00:32:30,153
or to transform herself
into a girl or woman of any age.
642
00:32:30,283 --> 00:32:32,413
Men and boys
are helpless against her.
643
00:32:33,286 --> 00:32:34,956
Men and boys.
644
00:32:35,079 --> 00:32:37,619
-Yeah, I’ve seen that legend
in several cultures.
645
00:32:37,749 --> 00:32:39,329
-But the thing is,
she can only survive
646
00:32:39,459 --> 00:32:40,919
by soaking in the blood
of a living male
647
00:32:41,044 --> 00:32:42,634
in the light
of a blood moon.
648
00:32:42,754 --> 00:32:46,004
The blood moon recharges her
until the next one comes along.
649
00:32:47,008 --> 00:32:49,668
-Oh, dear.
Those missing teenagers.
650
00:32:50,303 --> 00:32:53,433
-Tonight is a blood moon.
The first in years.
651
00:32:54,891 --> 00:32:56,431
-We need to warn Luke.
652
00:32:57,810 --> 00:32:59,810
-Guess what they call her
in Hungary?
653
00:33:00,772 --> 00:33:02,562
Boszorkány.
654
00:33:02,690 --> 00:33:04,360
-Bozer.
655
00:33:04,484 --> 00:33:06,324
-Close enough.
656
00:33:07,111 --> 00:33:08,651
[score crescendos, fades out]
657
00:33:12,492 --> 00:33:13,992
-[dramatic boom]
-[urgent score]
658
00:33:15,161 --> 00:33:16,621
They really shouldn’t play
Walking On Sunshine
659
00:33:16,746 --> 00:33:17,996
when you’re on hold
with 9-1-1.
660
00:33:18,122 --> 00:33:19,662
-Try Luke again.
661
00:33:21,251 --> 00:33:22,751
[dramatic boom]
662
00:33:22,877 --> 00:33:24,427
[score turns sinister]
663
00:33:29,551 --> 00:33:31,091
[turns car off]
664
00:33:32,845 --> 00:33:34,265
[phone buzzing]
665
00:33:37,392 --> 00:33:38,932
-Come in for a nightcap.
666
00:33:39,060 --> 00:33:40,600
[clicks off phone]
667
00:33:41,854 --> 00:33:43,774
-I’d love to.
668
00:33:45,733 --> 00:33:47,273
[seatbelt clicks]
669
00:34:01,916 --> 00:34:03,666
[glasses clinking]
670
00:34:05,712 --> 00:34:07,292
[liquid pouring]
671
00:34:14,387 --> 00:34:15,897
-It’s Kékfrankos .
672
00:34:16,723 --> 00:34:18,223
From Hungary.
673
00:34:18,725 --> 00:34:20,315
-[dramatic boom]
-[glasses clink]
674
00:34:27,775 --> 00:34:29,575
[dramatic boom]
675
00:34:29,694 --> 00:34:31,234
-Mm.
676
00:34:32,071 --> 00:34:33,691
Spicy.
677
00:34:33,823 --> 00:34:35,363
-(in Hungarian)
You have no idea.
678
00:34:38,911 --> 00:34:40,741
You know,
679
00:34:40,872 --> 00:34:43,702
I’m very choosy
about men, Luke.
680
00:34:45,793 --> 00:34:47,383
Boys, on the other hand.
681
00:34:47,503 --> 00:34:49,093
On the other hand.
682
00:34:49,672 --> 00:34:51,502
-Boys are a dime a dozen.
[echoing]
683
00:34:51,633 --> 00:34:53,173
Dime a dozen.
684
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:55,170
Boys are like wine
685
00:34:55,303 --> 00:34:57,183
that just went into
the barrel.
686
00:34:57,305 --> 00:34:58,895
Just went into
the barrel.
687
00:34:59,015 --> 00:35:00,725
They haven’t become complex...
688
00:35:00,850 --> 00:35:03,430
complex, or interesting.
689
00:35:03,561 --> 00:35:06,851
They’re just
an amalgam of chemicals...
690
00:35:06,981 --> 00:35:08,521
[kiss]
691
00:35:09,442 --> 00:35:11,022
Hormones...
692
00:35:12,362 --> 00:35:13,902
testosterone.
693
00:35:14,781 --> 00:35:18,611
Boys are only good
for two things:
694
00:35:19,952 --> 00:35:21,532
Keeping me young...
695
00:35:22,789 --> 00:35:25,369
and becoming men
like you.
696
00:35:26,292 --> 00:35:28,752
-[high-pitched tone]
-Come.
697
00:35:52,860 --> 00:35:54,480
-You know breaking and entering
is a crime.
698
00:35:54,612 --> 00:35:56,322
-Heavens, yes!
A very serious crime.
699
00:35:56,447 --> 00:35:57,997
-Glad that’s
on your radar.
700
00:35:58,491 --> 00:36:00,411
[door opens, closes]
701
00:36:00,827 --> 00:36:02,417
[Kay speaking indistinctly]
702
00:36:03,162 --> 00:36:04,662
[dramatic score continues]
703
00:36:13,047 --> 00:36:14,597
[Kay speaking Hungarian]
704
00:36:18,261 --> 00:36:19,801
[Kay speaking Hungarian]
705
00:36:25,226 --> 00:36:26,606
[Kay speaking Hungarian]
706
00:36:30,940 --> 00:36:32,940
-Luke!?
707
00:36:34,444 --> 00:36:36,114
[dramatic boom]
708
00:36:36,863 --> 00:36:38,363
[creepy tinkling]
709
00:36:39,031 --> 00:36:40,861
-Luke?
-[Luke] Hm...
710
00:36:41,701 --> 00:36:43,281
She needs the moonlight.
711
00:36:43,411 --> 00:36:45,491
Block the moonlight
712
00:36:49,208 --> 00:36:51,458
[Kay speaking Hungarian]
713
00:36:53,212 --> 00:36:56,132
-Auggie! Snap out of it.
Luke! Help Luke!
714
00:36:58,217 --> 00:36:59,807
[Phil yells]
715
00:37:01,888 --> 00:37:03,478
[grunt]
716
00:37:04,891 --> 00:37:06,811
[Kay speaking Hungarian]
717
00:37:11,230 --> 00:37:12,730
[operatic choral singing]
718
00:37:14,567 --> 00:37:16,367
-[in Hungarian]
I’m waiting for you.
719
00:37:17,236 --> 00:37:18,906
-[in Hungarian]
Keep waiting, Boszorkány.
720
00:37:20,072 --> 00:37:22,322
[shrieking]
721
00:37:27,830 --> 00:37:29,700
[whooshing breath]
722
00:37:29,832 --> 00:37:31,412
-[August]
Let’s get you out of here.
723
00:37:32,168 --> 00:37:33,678
-[Kay] Where am I?
724
00:37:33,795 --> 00:37:35,425
[wind blowing]
725
00:37:35,546 --> 00:37:37,096
What’s-what’s going on?
726
00:37:38,424 --> 00:37:40,674
-Oh.
-[dramatic score]
727
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:54,020
[burbling]
728
00:37:58,653 --> 00:38:00,193
[burbling echoes]
729
00:38:06,869 --> 00:38:08,369
-Yeah.
730
00:38:09,497 --> 00:38:11,047
-I gotta be honest,
big guy...
731
00:38:11,707 --> 00:38:13,257
she’s kinda old for you.
732
00:38:14,210 --> 00:38:15,750
-Redheads.
733
00:38:18,714 --> 00:38:22,344
[dramatic score fades out]
734
00:38:22,385 --> 00:38:23,975
-[lively music]
-[lively conversations]
735
00:38:30,226 --> 00:38:32,226
[cheering]
736
00:38:32,353 --> 00:38:34,143
[hooting, applause]
737
00:38:39,151 --> 00:38:42,281
-Foot spray, spilt beer.
738
00:38:42,405 --> 00:38:43,945
Smells like...
739
00:38:45,324 --> 00:38:47,164
victory.
740
00:38:50,997 --> 00:38:53,337
-Uh, let me know
when Susan gets here.
741
00:38:54,959 --> 00:38:57,999
-Ha-ha, hi.
-There she is!
742
00:38:58,129 --> 00:38:59,629
My only very slightly younger
743
00:38:59,755 --> 00:39:03,135
but not even a little
more attractive sister.
744
00:39:03,259 --> 00:39:05,219
-Uh-huh.
-Get her a drink!
745
00:39:06,512 --> 00:39:08,592
-I will tell you
when to stop pouring.
746
00:39:08,723 --> 00:39:10,933
-[others laughing]
-[Zooey] Thank you.
747
00:39:15,062 --> 00:39:16,942
[coughing]
Um...
748
00:39:17,064 --> 00:39:19,234
Uh, what is this?
749
00:39:19,358 --> 00:39:20,978
-White wine shandy.
750
00:39:21,110 --> 00:39:22,610
[group laughing]
751
00:39:22,737 --> 00:39:25,407
We add
elderflower liqueur to it.
752
00:39:25,531 --> 00:39:28,201
It’s the official drink
of the "Listed Sisters"!
753
00:39:28,951 --> 00:39:30,451
It’s our organized group
754
00:39:30,578 --> 00:39:33,168
of powerful female
real estate agents
755
00:39:33,289 --> 00:39:36,409
that aren’t at all sad,
or trying too hard.
756
00:39:36,542 --> 00:39:37,872
[others laughing]
757
00:39:38,002 --> 00:39:39,752
-Sign me up.
-Ah.
758
00:39:39,879 --> 00:39:43,169
-Zooey, I love your nails!
Where do you get them done?
759
00:39:43,299 --> 00:39:45,669
-I, uh...
do them myself. Um...
760
00:39:45,801 --> 00:39:48,131
-I’ve always wanted
to get my helix pierced
761
00:39:48,262 --> 00:39:50,302
but I’m too scared.
762
00:39:50,932 --> 00:39:53,432
-Ladies, ladies, relax.
You’ll all have
763
00:39:53,559 --> 00:39:55,019
your "Zooey time."
764
00:39:55,144 --> 00:39:57,944
After all,
she’s one of us.
765
00:39:58,064 --> 00:40:01,734
-[others chanting]
One of us. One of us. One of us.
766
00:40:01,859 --> 00:40:03,519
[echoing] One of us.
767
00:40:03,653 --> 00:40:05,113
One of us.
768
00:40:05,237 --> 00:40:07,497
One of us.
One of us.
769
00:40:07,615 --> 00:40:10,665
-One of us. One of us.
-[distressed vocalizing]
770
00:40:10,785 --> 00:40:14,295
-No!
Nooooo!
771
00:40:14,413 --> 00:40:16,043
[crying]
772
00:40:18,709 --> 00:40:20,539
-[spaghetti western music]
-Huh.
773
00:40:21,921 --> 00:40:23,591
-Oh-ho-ho...
774
00:40:25,883 --> 00:40:27,843
Luke.
775
00:40:27,969 --> 00:40:29,509
-[sucks teeth]
-Greg.
776
00:40:34,976 --> 00:40:37,106
-Nice to see you again.
-You as well.
777
00:40:37,228 --> 00:40:39,108
[country and western music]
778
00:40:39,230 --> 00:40:40,850
[bowling ball
scattering pins]
779
00:40:40,982 --> 00:40:42,652
-Wah, wah.
780
00:40:42,775 --> 00:40:44,325
-Anywho...
781
00:40:47,613 --> 00:40:49,863
-Are you okay?
-You get my messages?
782
00:40:49,991 --> 00:40:51,491
-I did! That’s great!
You took a client
783
00:40:51,617 --> 00:40:53,327
that I never thought
would amount to anything
784
00:40:53,452 --> 00:40:54,832
and you sold ’em a house!
785
00:40:54,954 --> 00:40:56,584
-A Rita house.
-A Rita house
786
00:40:56,706 --> 00:40:58,376
that we’re still going to make
half commission on!
787
00:40:58,499 --> 00:41:01,459
From zero to payday.
I am so proud of you.
788
00:41:02,044 --> 00:41:03,794
-And all it cost
was my soul.
789
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:08,510
-It is a sale that us grownups
make every day.
790
00:41:08,926 --> 00:41:10,386
You did good.
791
00:41:10,511 --> 00:41:11,971
-Oh, and hey...
-[gentle score]
792
00:41:12,096 --> 00:41:13,726
you are going to love this.
793
00:41:14,515 --> 00:41:16,765
I told Erik Toft that
the property he wanted to buy
794
00:41:16,892 --> 00:41:19,312
was the site of horrific murders
and bloodletting.
795
00:41:19,437 --> 00:41:21,237
Full disclosure,
you know.
796
00:41:21,355 --> 00:41:22,815
And guess what he says...
797
00:41:22,940 --> 00:41:24,650
-[laughing] No.
798
00:41:24,775 --> 00:41:27,865
-He says
an ITF regulation tennis court
799
00:41:27,987 --> 00:41:30,577
is the only proper way
to honor their memory.
800
00:41:30,698 --> 00:41:32,918
So that sale
is gonna happen, too.
801
00:41:33,034 --> 00:41:34,704
-Wow.
-Oh.
802
00:41:36,203 --> 00:41:38,913
-Life is funny.
-You got that right.
803
00:41:44,336 --> 00:41:45,886
You seen Susan?
804
00:41:46,505 --> 00:41:48,175
This is her event!
805
00:41:49,383 --> 00:41:51,093
-Uh...
806
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:53,259
No, actually.
807
00:41:58,768 --> 00:42:00,318
-I have to go.
808
00:42:00,895 --> 00:42:03,985
I planned the event.
People are counting on me.
809
00:42:04,106 --> 00:42:07,156
-I’ve enjoyed having you here
these past few days.
810
00:42:07,276 --> 00:42:08,696
We’ve bonded.
811
00:42:08,819 --> 00:42:10,279
[door locks engaging]
812
00:42:10,404 --> 00:42:11,864
-[dramatic boom]
-[lock engages]
813
00:42:11,989 --> 00:42:13,449
-Unlock the door!
814
00:42:13,574 --> 00:42:15,244
[descending tones
from smart home device]
815
00:42:15,367 --> 00:42:16,917
Shut down security system.
816
00:42:17,578 --> 00:42:19,738
-We’ve bonded, Susan.
817
00:42:19,872 --> 00:42:22,292
-Unlock the door!
-Don’t go.
818
00:42:22,416 --> 00:42:23,916
-House! Shut down--
819
00:42:24,043 --> 00:42:26,083
[scraping, rumbling]
820
00:42:27,671 --> 00:42:29,341
House! Let me out!
821
00:42:31,634 --> 00:42:33,174
[screaming]
822
00:42:34,970 --> 00:42:36,510
[dramatic boom]
823
00:42:41,227 --> 00:42:42,777
[dramatic score fades out]
824
00:42:43,187 --> 00:42:44,647
-[smart home device chimes]
825
00:42:44,772 --> 00:42:46,312
-[gentle piano
playing in distance]
826
00:42:49,401 --> 00:42:50,941
[gentle surf
in distance]
827
00:42:54,907 --> 00:42:56,367
[piano playing fades out]
828
00:42:56,492 --> 00:42:58,032
[fast, staccato piano music]
57956
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