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♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
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00:00:06,023 --> 00:00:09,068
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
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00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,169
♪ A hero who sneezed ♪
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00:00:10,193 --> 00:00:11,521
♪ Abruptly seized ♪
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00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:14,663
♪ Retreat and
reversed it To victory ♪
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00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,144
♪ His Medal of Honor ♪
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00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:19,345
♪ Pleased and thrilled ♪
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♪ His proud little
Family group ♪
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00:00:22,039 --> 00:00:24,868
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
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♪ And so it was planned ♪
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♪ He'd command ♪
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♪ F Troop! ♪
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00:00:28,728 --> 00:00:30,006
♪ Where Indian fights ♪
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♪ Are colorful sights ♪
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♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
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♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
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♪ Both turn chicken ♪
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00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:42,084
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
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00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:44,854
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
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00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,708
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
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00:00:47,732 --> 00:00:51,111
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
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♪ F Troop! ♪
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Now, until I finish a full
24
00:01:47,424 --> 00:01:49,468
and penetrating investigation
25
00:01:49,492 --> 00:01:52,272
of this shocking
breach of conduct,
26
00:01:52,296 --> 00:01:54,473
and make my report
to the inspector general,
27
00:01:54,497 --> 00:01:58,111
you, sergeant,
wi... You, soldier,
28
00:01:58,135 --> 00:02:00,446
will remain in the guardhouse.
29
00:02:00,470 --> 00:02:02,115
Corporal Agarn,
for the time being,
30
00:02:02,139 --> 00:02:04,884
you'll take over the
ex-sergeant's duties.
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00:02:04,908 --> 00:02:07,053
But, captain, I...
No "buts," corporal.
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00:02:07,077 --> 00:02:10,356
But, sir, I... That's
an order, corporal.
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To think you would
betray the trust I had in you
34
00:02:13,116 --> 00:02:14,882
for a mere $100.
35
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:22,869
Troop, about face.
36
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:27,506
Corporal, take the
prisoner to the guard house.
37
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:52,515
Dear Inspector General,
reluctantly I must report
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00:02:52,539 --> 00:02:56,019
to you a serious infringement
of the articles of war
39
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:57,976
here at Fort Courage.
40
00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:05,495
Therefore, I will outline
the facts as I know them.
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00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,030
On the morning of the 11th,
42
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:08,798
the "Reveille"
formation was being held
43
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:10,500
in the normal manner.
44
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:13,008
All right, look alive.
Here comes your captain.
45
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:18,730
Everything was going smoothly.
46
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,362
F Troop all present
and accounted for, sir.
47
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,706
Very good, sergeant. At ease.
48
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:45,101
I'm going to have a
little talk with the men.
49
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,903
Now, men, hear this.
50
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,438
There have been too many of you
51
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,073
reporting for sick call.
52
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,691
We're running a
military post here
53
00:03:51,715 --> 00:03:54,561
not a clinic for imaginary ills.
54
00:03:54,585 --> 00:03:56,529
Now, If you're
sick, It's all right.
55
00:03:56,553 --> 00:03:59,798
No, well, no... I-I don't
mean it's all right if you're sick.
56
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:03,203
I meant it's all right to,
uh, report for s-sick call.
57
00:04:03,227 --> 00:04:07,273
But not if you're not sick.
58
00:04:11,735 --> 00:04:14,814
Well, in closing... Charge!
59
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:18,501
Who said that?
60
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:27,376
Sergeant, corporal, get
that man out of that uniform
61
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,361
and off this post.
62
00:04:28,385 --> 00:04:29,996
Yeah, right away, sir. Come on.
63
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,697
And when you sober
him up, tell him this,
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00:04:31,721 --> 00:04:33,499
I've been very tolerant
of him in the past,
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00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,402
but if he shows up in
that condition again,
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00:04:35,426 --> 00:04:37,871
town drunk or no town
drunk, he goes to jail.
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00:04:37,895 --> 00:04:39,294
Right, captain. Yes, sir.
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00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,780
Attention.
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00:04:44,935 --> 00:04:46,618
Dismissed.
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00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,504
At the time, I thought
little of the incident.
71
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,972
I considered it to be merely
one of those little annoyances
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00:04:56,996 --> 00:05:00,176
which happen to all commanding
officers from time to time.
73
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,512
However, from what
I've since learned,
74
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:06,482
that moment was the beginning
of the entire shocking affair.
75
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:09,319
And ex-sergeant O'Rourke's
statement indicated
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00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:12,221
that the entire idea
was his and his alone,
77
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,325
and that no one
else had any part in it.
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00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,694
Sergeant, would
you do me a favor?
79
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:20,447
Like what? Have
me shot at sunrise.
80
00:05:20,471 --> 00:05:23,416
Shot at sun... What
are you talking about?
81
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,386
Oh, my daughter Cindy.
82
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:29,005
She's been going to
school back in the east.
83
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,341
So your daughter has been
going to school in the east.
84
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,209
You want to be shot at sunrise.
85
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,011
Her grades are that bad?
86
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:38,514
Oh, no. She's on her
way to San Francisco
87
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:42,686
to be a school marm. And
she's passing through here
88
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,104
on tomorrow's stage to see me.
89
00:05:44,128 --> 00:05:45,771
So?
90
00:05:45,795 --> 00:05:48,341
Well, now she's gonna find
out that I've been lyin' to her
91
00:05:48,365 --> 00:05:50,110
in the letter. Lyin'?
92
00:05:50,134 --> 00:05:53,513
Oh, I didn't want her to
know I was the town drunkard.
93
00:05:53,537 --> 00:05:57,049
I wanted her to be proud of me.
94
00:05:57,073 --> 00:05:59,319
So I told her I
was with F Troop.
95
00:05:59,343 --> 00:06:03,389
Charlie, how could you
make up a lie like that?
96
00:06:03,413 --> 00:06:05,257
Oh, when I'm
drinking, it's real easy.
97
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:06,709
Now, wait a minute,
98
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:09,045
your daughter's only gonna
be here for one day, right?
99
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,312
Well, that's...
100
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,682
All right, your worries are
over. Now forget about it.
101
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,250
I'll get you a
private's uniform,
102
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,819
and for one day, you'll
be a member of F Troop.
103
00:06:16,843 --> 00:06:19,889
Oh, no, no, that's not
gonna be as easy as that.
104
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:24,093
I am just not a
private in F Troop.
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00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,429
Corporal?
106
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:28,464
Sergeant?
107
00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:29,488
Ah.
108
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,019
"And, Daddy dear,
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00:06:33,043 --> 00:06:35,054
"I just can't wait to
see you all dressed up
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00:06:35,078 --> 00:06:37,690
"in your c-c-captain's uniform,
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00:06:37,714 --> 00:06:39,943
reviewing your troops."
112
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,412
You told her you were
the commanding officer
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00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:43,779
at Fort Courage?
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00:06:43,803 --> 00:06:47,716
I didn't think she'd
ever be coming out here.
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00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,019
What am I gonna do?
116
00:06:52,062 --> 00:06:54,841
Well, you had the right idea
in the fist place, Charlie Boy.
117
00:06:54,865 --> 00:06:56,431
I'll have you shot at sunrise.
118
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:05,668
Sarge, Charlie may
just be the town drunk,
119
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,136
but he's the only one we got.
120
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,189
And we... We gotta help
him. You wanna dress that
121
00:07:09,213 --> 00:07:11,524
in a captain's uniform
and try to pass it off
122
00:07:11,548 --> 00:07:14,127
for the real thing in front
of his daughter? Ho-ho.
123
00:07:14,151 --> 00:07:15,495
Sarge, that's a wonderful idea.
124
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:16,862
Then he could review the troops
125
00:07:16,886 --> 00:07:18,481
in front of his
dear, little daughter.
126
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:20,549
And what are we
gonna tell the captain?
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00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:21,701
Would you tell me that?
128
00:07:21,725 --> 00:07:24,270
Impersonating an officer,
a very serious charge.
129
00:07:24,294 --> 00:07:25,971
You could do it, sarge.
130
00:07:25,995 --> 00:07:27,991
Sure wouldn't be easy, though.
131
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:30,710
Ah, it would be a cinch
if I put my mind to it.
132
00:07:30,734 --> 00:07:32,328
You're all heart, sarge.
133
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,030
Wait a minute. I said
it would be a cinch,
134
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,431
I didn't say I was gonna do it.
135
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,899
Why not?
136
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,301
When O'Rourke goes into action,
137
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:40,703
there has got to be
something in it for O'Rourke.
138
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,827
Hey, that reminds me, I
better check the cash box.
139
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,576
Bet him 100 he can't do it.
140
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,440
Can't do what? Shh-shh-shh!
141
00:07:52,756 --> 00:07:54,400
I'll give you the money.
142
00:07:54,424 --> 00:07:56,068
Bet him he can't
fool the captain
143
00:07:56,092 --> 00:07:59,038
and let Charlie
review the troops.
144
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,523
Hey, uh, sarge.
145
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:02,025
What?
146
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,910
I think you're backing out
147
00:08:03,934 --> 00:08:07,013
on helping Charlie
because, uh, this is one thing
148
00:08:07,037 --> 00:08:09,082
you're afraid you can't
put over on the captain.
149
00:08:09,106 --> 00:08:12,001
There ain't nothing I can't
put over on the captain.
150
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,268
Yeah?
151
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:16,089
I got a $100 says this
is one thing you can't.
152
00:08:16,113 --> 00:08:18,746
All right, you're on.
You got yourself a bet.
153
00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:24,330
Move it.
154
00:08:24,354 --> 00:08:25,331
Wild Eagle?
155
00:08:25,355 --> 00:08:27,066
Welcome, brothers.
156
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,352
Look, chief, we, uh... We
got a little problem here.
157
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,804
Thought maybe your
medicine man could help us out.
158
00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:35,024
Him not help nobody,
lie down in tepee.
159
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,309
What's the matter with him?
160
00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:39,279
He celebrate Festival
of Free Sprit last night.
161
00:08:39,303 --> 00:08:41,197
What's that? Squaw went to visit
162
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,166
relatives for two weeks.
163
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:47,825
He keep whole tribe awake
dancing, dancing, more dancing.
164
00:08:48,979 --> 00:08:51,590
Then drink much fire water.
165
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,743
Better he should
have dance all night.
166
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,045
Lot of help he's gonna be.
167
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,630
You try hair of dog?
168
00:08:57,654 --> 00:08:58,631
Why, I don't mind if I do!
169
00:08:58,655 --> 00:08:59,965
Shut up.
170
00:08:59,989 --> 00:09:01,334
Be quiet back there.
171
00:09:01,358 --> 00:09:03,002
No more booze.
172
00:09:03,026 --> 00:09:06,544
What booze? This
real hair of real dog.
173
00:09:07,497 --> 00:09:10,009
Maybe call on spirit of water.
174
00:09:10,033 --> 00:09:11,344
Now, what good would that be?
175
00:09:11,368 --> 00:09:12,645
Spirit of forest?
176
00:09:12,669 --> 00:09:15,431
Look, Crazy
Cat... Spirit of fire?
177
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:17,766
If that's the best
you gotta suggest...
178
00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:18,768
Wait!
179
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:21,704
For once, Crazy Cat make sense.
180
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:25,174
Spirit of water hold
head under waterfall.
181
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,409
Spirit of forest,
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00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:29,579
walk through woods
until he can stand on feet.
183
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:34,867
Spirit of fire, put fire under
coffee, get hot, go down throat.
184
00:09:34,891 --> 00:09:37,236
Now, why didn't
we think of that?
185
00:09:37,260 --> 00:09:39,238
Yeah, that's make some
kind of sense, don't it?
186
00:09:39,262 --> 00:09:41,124
Have wise, old Indian saying...
187
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:45,161
Him not wise,
but him plenty old.
188
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,868
You stop talk, or
you never get old!
189
00:09:50,306 --> 00:09:52,985
On the afternoon of the
12th, Sergeant O'Rourke,
190
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,843
through flattery, which I
recognized immediately...
191
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:04,697
made a futile
attempt to deceive me.
192
00:10:04,721 --> 00:10:08,501
Naturally, I saw through
the rather childish scheme.
193
00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:11,404
Well, Corporal Agarn
and me here is worried, sir.
194
00:10:11,428 --> 00:10:13,572
I mean, if you was to be
called away on an emergency,
195
00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:15,340
would the men just
crack up, go to pieces,
196
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,482
without the brilliant
leadership of the old man.
197
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:22,531
Oh. Oh, oh, yeah. Well, yes.
198
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:25,001
I don't think they'd do a
thing like that, sergeant.
199
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,136
Ah, but there is
the possibility, sir.
200
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,472
And we think it's important
enough to give it a test.
201
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,257
Well, what kind of a test?
202
00:10:31,281 --> 00:10:33,721
Yeah, sarge, what kind of test?
203
00:10:35,118 --> 00:10:37,496
Well, uh, sir, I was thinking
of telling the men tomorrow
204
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,398
that you're, uh, off on
a special assignment
205
00:10:39,422 --> 00:10:40,666
for the whole day,
206
00:10:40,690 --> 00:10:43,669
when, on actual fact,
you will be fishing.
207
00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:47,657
If I may say so, sir,
enjoying a well-deserved rest.
208
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:49,458
That's an excellent
idea, sergeant.
209
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,943
We will do it the
first of next week.
210
00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:52,862
Sir, what's wrong with tomorrow?
211
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:55,130
Well, I have my schedule
all filled out for tomorrow.
212
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:57,433
A good officer sets his
schedule and then sticks to it.
213
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:58,901
Yeah, yeah,
but... But... But, sir.
214
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,803
We'll do it the first of
next week, sergeant.
215
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,027
But... But, captain...
The first of next week.
216
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:07,677
Oh, uh, sergeant, as a reward
for your wonderful suggestion,
217
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:10,635
you and the corporal
are invited to the fish fry.
218
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:14,617
Fish fry nothing.
219
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,552
It'll be a kettle of
fish, and we'll be in it.
220
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,053
Oh, stop worrying, will ya?
221
00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:20,490
Charlie's daughter don't
get here 'till noon tomorrow.
222
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:21,657
Yeah, I can see her now.
223
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,827
Pretty little thing,
blonde hair, red eyes.
224
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:25,862
Red eyes?
225
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,096
From crying.
226
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,231
When she finds out
her beloved, lying father
227
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:31,501
ain't a captain,
just a town drunk.
228
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,335
Agarn? What?
229
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,837
Say that to me again.
230
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,573
What? That her father ain't
a captain, just a town drunk.
231
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:41,277
That's it. You have just
given me a great idea.
232
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,367
Come on.
233
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:52,621
According to our company
bugler, Private Dobbs,
234
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:55,791
the sergeant, through a
misrepresentation of the truth,
235
00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:58,194
induced him to become
an unwilling accomplice
236
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,661
in this scheme.
237
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:02,231
Dobbs, I might add,
is confined to the post
238
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,366
for a period of one month.
239
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,769
According to Dobbs, I
was quoted as having said:
240
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:10,172
He said if Dobbs blows one
clinker on that bugle tomorrow,
241
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:11,174
he is through.
242
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:12,341
Captain said that?
243
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,009
Eh, well, don't
worry about it, Dobbs.
244
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:16,511
I mean, it's not the end.
245
00:12:16,535 --> 00:12:19,148
Just probably get
transferred to another post.
246
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:21,117
But, sarge, I like it here.
247
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:23,152
I found me a home
at Fort Courage.
248
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,688
Ah, never work.
249
00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,189
Ah! But it might.
250
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:29,909
It's too big a risk
for Dobbs to take.
251
00:12:29,933 --> 00:12:32,745
Well, come on, sergeant,
what have I got to lose anyways?
252
00:12:32,769 --> 00:12:36,482
Brave lad. What risks, sarge?
253
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:37,783
Well, now, of course,
254
00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:39,818
if the captain didn't
show up for retreat,
255
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,671
then everything
would be all right...
256
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:45,174
Yeah. But how you gonna
fix up a thing like that?
257
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,093
Son...
258
00:12:47,117 --> 00:12:49,995
are you sure you want
to go through with this?
259
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:53,087
Sergeant, you just tell me
what you got on your mind.
260
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:58,437
I learned later that the
sergeant actually was a witness
261
00:12:58,461 --> 00:13:00,861
to the entire
distressing episode.
262
00:13:03,099 --> 00:13:04,610
Now that we got
his lunch on court,
263
00:13:04,634 --> 00:13:06,700
let's go find somebody
to pour his dinner.
264
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:11,383
There is also some evidence
that the sergeant enlisted
265
00:13:11,407 --> 00:13:14,242
the help of a civilian
female to carry out his plans.
266
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,326
However, after a
careful study of the facts,
267
00:13:20,350 --> 00:13:21,727
I tend to believe she was merely
268
00:13:21,751 --> 00:13:24,096
the sergeant's innocent dupe.
269
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,499
I tell you Wrangler, we're
gonna lose Captain Parmenter
270
00:13:26,523 --> 00:13:28,100
if we don't all
three stick together.
271
00:13:28,124 --> 00:13:30,836
If he meets that stage
tomorrow, he's a goner. Right!
272
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:32,004
But who is she?
273
00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:34,523
His childhood
sweetheart, that's who.
274
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:36,726
And her letters are
perfumed, all 50 of them.
275
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:38,927
Yeah, I wish I had a
dollar for every time
276
00:13:38,951 --> 00:13:40,696
I've heard the captain
mention her name.
277
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,981
"Hyacinth, Hyacinth."
278
00:13:43,005 --> 00:13:45,251
I tell you, if they get together
even for a few minutes,
279
00:13:45,275 --> 00:13:47,586
He's a goner, Wrangler.
She has got everything.
280
00:13:47,610 --> 00:13:49,288
She's beautiful,
she's intelligent.
281
00:13:49,312 --> 00:13:52,441
She's a society girl. I mean,
they're made for each other.
282
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:55,177
I don't care if they was cut
from the same slab of hogback.
283
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:57,046
Wilton likes it here.
284
00:13:57,070 --> 00:14:00,166
Ah, but you forget the
bond of childhood love.
285
00:14:00,190 --> 00:14:01,567
Their first kiss.
286
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,085
Ah, but not their last.
287
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,955
I'll reckon it's gonna be.
288
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:09,280
All right, sergeant, you just
tell me what you got in mind.
289
00:14:11,201 --> 00:14:14,980
Here's my real treat,
this is juniper berry juice.
290
00:14:15,004 --> 00:14:16,036
Oh!
291
00:14:21,727 --> 00:14:26,575
I know, that's very strange,
It tastes just like this, uh, uh...
292
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,567
Well, whatever it was that
Dobbs served for lunch.
293
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,065
I have not been able
to determine what it was
294
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:34,633
that induced the illness,
295
00:14:34,657 --> 00:14:37,153
But one could assume that it
was some little known liquid.
296
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:40,088
Perhaps of Indian origin.
297
00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:42,158
It caused the blurring of vision
298
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:44,342
and the noticeable
unsteadiness of the hand.
299
00:14:50,956 --> 00:14:52,334
Good work, Wrangler.
300
00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:54,703
Don't worry about a thing,
we're gonna take care of him.
301
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,071
Well, where you gonna take him?
302
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:57,939
Don't worry, Wrangler.
We'll keep him sick
303
00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:59,441
until Charlie's daughter... Hey!
304
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:01,410
Until Hyacinth is miles
and miles out of town.
305
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,879
Hyacinth, Hyacinth.
All right, let's go.
306
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,836
All right, that's it.
307
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:10,085
Well, this time old Jim
boy turns to me and says,
308
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,621
"Duffy," he says, "you're
the only mortal soul
309
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:13,622
who can save him."
310
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,023
Duffy, shut up
and pin, will you?
311
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:16,826
That stage is due here
in less than an hour.
312
00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:19,094
Ouch!
313
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:21,630
You stabbed me.
314
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,199
That hurt.
315
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:24,633
You think that hurt, huh?
316
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:27,102
Well, I'm gonna tell you
something, you're gonna get hurt
317
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:29,589
if I catch you taking a drink
before your daughter gets here.
318
00:15:29,613 --> 00:15:33,876
Can I have just one,
O'Rourke? To sort of settle me.
319
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:36,379
No. Agarn, you
stick right with him
320
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:37,880
and make sure he
don't get no booze.
321
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:38,952
Right, sarge.
322
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:42,473
I'll go see how our patient is.
323
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:48,891
No, no, it's all right, nurse,
324
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:51,115
I-I assure you I
won't tire the patient.
325
00:15:53,652 --> 00:15:56,065
Oh, well. Nurse?
326
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,433
Nurse!
327
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,469
Oh, nurse?
328
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:04,323
Sergeant, where am I?
329
00:16:04,347 --> 00:16:05,524
I knew you'd want to know.
330
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,460
You were unconscious
when we brought you in.
331
00:16:07,484 --> 00:16:08,711
I was?
332
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:09,978
Yes.
333
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:12,781
Oh, something
strange is going on here.
334
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,084
I was a having a bite
of supper with Janey.
335
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:16,118
Yes, I know, sir,
336
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,337
it's called the
sagebrush shakes, sir.
337
00:16:18,361 --> 00:16:20,806
You... You passed
out, and Agarn and I
338
00:16:20,830 --> 00:16:23,575
have to drive the buckboard
all night to get you here.
339
00:16:23,599 --> 00:16:26,812
Here? Here is wh-where exactly?
340
00:16:26,836 --> 00:16:28,514
Here... Well, it's
the hospital, sir.
341
00:16:28,538 --> 00:16:32,018
Yes, I can see that,
sergeant, but where is it?
342
00:16:32,042 --> 00:16:33,235
Dodge City, sir.
343
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:35,938
Oh, did the doctor
leave your medicine?
344
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:38,607
Oh, here we are, yes, yes. Uh...
345
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,676
"One large glass,
morning, noon and night."
346
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,079
Wh... S-sergeant, I-I
didn't see any doctor.
347
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:46,749
Well, that's because you
were delirious at the time, sir.
348
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:48,316
Yes, here we are.
349
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,740
There we go.
350
00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:54,623
Ugh!
351
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,058
That's strange,
352
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:59,095
that tastes just like that
juniper berry juice of Janey's.
353
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,163
Yeah, well, that's
part of the illness, sir.
354
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:04,133
I mean, your senses
can't always be relied upon.
355
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:06,185
What is it called? The what?
356
00:17:06,209 --> 00:17:08,821
Sagebrush shakes, sir.
But don't worry about a thing.
357
00:17:08,845 --> 00:17:10,422
We're out of the worst of it.
358
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,558
Yes, we'll have you
outta here in no time at all.
359
00:17:12,582 --> 00:17:13,702
Just drink your medicine.
360
00:17:27,763 --> 00:17:28,958
Sergeant,
361
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:32,194
I think I'm beginning
to have a relapse.
362
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:37,199
That's fine, fine.
363
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,969
Yes.
364
00:17:39,993 --> 00:17:43,361
Oh, sometimes, I think I
could learn to hate myself.
365
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:55,817
Ah.
366
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:57,886
Captain like his
little white room?
367
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,421
Ah, sleeping like a baby.
368
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:01,323
You got that $100 ready?
369
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:02,324
The day ain't over yet.
370
00:18:02,348 --> 00:18:05,427
Oh, well.
371
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:06,462
Hey!
372
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:10,332
Sarge, he got away.
373
00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:11,700
He found the captain's bay rum.
374
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,936
What're we gonna do?
375
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,355
I'll tell you what
we're gonna do.
376
00:18:16,379 --> 00:18:18,157
We're gonna put him
to the spirit of water,
377
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:21,393
the spirit of fire and the
spirit of forest all over again,
378
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:23,295
and then we're
gonna meet the stage.
379
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:26,899
Now, come on.
Shoot, give me a hand.
380
00:18:26,923 --> 00:18:30,035
Confident in the outcome,
the sergeant actually met
381
00:18:30,059 --> 00:18:32,537
the impostor's daughter
and lead her to believe
382
00:18:32,561 --> 00:18:35,897
that her father was the
dear inspector general...
383
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:39,378
Oh.
384
00:18:39,402 --> 00:18:41,613
That her father was
the commanding officer
385
00:18:41,637 --> 00:18:43,570
of Fort Courage.
386
00:18:49,678 --> 00:18:51,623
Whoa.
387
00:18:51,647 --> 00:18:53,225
Miss Charles? Yes.
388
00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:55,928
Well, Captain Charles, he
couldn't meet stage, ma'am.
389
00:18:55,952 --> 00:18:58,764
I'm, uh... I'm Sergeant O'Rourke,
and this here is Corporal Agarn,
390
00:18:58,788 --> 00:18:59,965
and he sent us, well,
391
00:18:59,989 --> 00:19:02,368
to kind of be his
representatives, as it were.
392
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:03,769
Well, my father's all right?
393
00:19:03,793 --> 00:19:05,070
Oh, just right as rain, ma'am.
394
00:19:05,094 --> 00:19:06,405
Yes, ma'am.
395
00:19:06,429 --> 00:19:08,407
He's checking up on a
couple of Indian matters.
396
00:19:08,431 --> 00:19:09,808
Well, I hope he'll be back soon.
397
00:19:09,832 --> 00:19:12,578
You see, I have to take the next
stage out of town, this evening.
398
00:19:12,602 --> 00:19:14,479
Well, don't you worry
about a thing, ma'am.
399
00:19:14,503 --> 00:19:16,448
The captain will be at
retreat no matter what.
400
00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:22,304
I rose from bed, and walked
briskly out into the street
401
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,290
determined to get to
the bottom of the mess.
402
00:19:24,314 --> 00:19:26,675
Oh, my goodness,
sergeant. Who's that?
403
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:29,845
Yeah, well, tha-that's
our town drunk, ma'am.
404
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:32,113
I hope someone
will take care of him.
405
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:33,549
Yeah, me too.
406
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:34,750
Agarn, why don't you show
407
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,519
Miss Charles
around the fort, huh?
408
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:38,308
Right. Ma'am.
409
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:42,758
Oh, oh!
410
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:45,027
Hey. Sir.
411
00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:46,228
Your hat, sir.
412
00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:48,730
S-s-sergeant,
what's going on here?
413
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:50,732
And why did you tell
me I was in Dodge City
414
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:52,434
when all the time I
was right here in town
415
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:53,535
in the back of the saloon.
416
00:19:53,559 --> 00:19:55,037
Well, now, the...
The fact is, sir...
417
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:58,774
The fact is, sergeant, that
you told a lie, and I can prove it.
418
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:01,977
That saloon isn't in Dodge
City. Anybody can see that.
419
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:04,346
Yeah, well, I can see that.
Now that you mention it, sir.
420
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:08,417
Sergeant, I want the truth.
The plain, unvarnished truth.
421
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:09,919
Well, the truth is, sir,
422
00:20:09,943 --> 00:20:12,410
that Charlie the
town drunk, you see...
423
00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:18,060
And that's the whole story, sir.
424
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:22,064
That is the most incredible
thing I've ever heard of.
425
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:24,400
Sergeant, I'm
returning to the fort.
426
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,235
Report to me in my
quarters immediately.
427
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:28,292
Yes, sir.
428
00:20:44,543 --> 00:20:46,777
Present arms!
429
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,675
Captain.
430
00:20:49,699 --> 00:20:53,812
Now, fully aware of this
attempt to deceive me,
431
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,413
I took the proper steps
432
00:20:55,437 --> 00:20:57,938
to protect the reputation
of the fort and of the troop.
433
00:21:04,780 --> 00:21:06,609
You got a button
missing there, private.
434
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:08,110
Sorry, sir.
435
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:11,246
Get it back on there,
soldier. That is an order.
436
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,369
Yes, sir.
437
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:17,786
Corporal.
438
00:21:17,810 --> 00:21:20,772
Sir. Dismiss the troop.
439
00:21:20,796 --> 00:21:23,097
Order, arms!
440
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:27,101
Troop dismissed!
441
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:30,299
I confess a certain gladness
442
00:21:30,323 --> 00:21:32,967
that Miss Charles never
learned of the deception.
443
00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:36,204
But more important to
me was the knowledge
444
00:21:36,228 --> 00:21:39,930
that Fort Courage was
back to normal again.
445
00:21:42,335 --> 00:21:43,896
Something wrong, corporal?
446
00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,064
Oh, sir, bust me,
take my stripes.
447
00:21:46,088 --> 00:21:47,316
I'm as guilty as he is.
448
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:48,984
I find that hard to
believe, corporal.
449
00:21:49,008 --> 00:21:51,487
Oh, captain, I can't stand
it. I demand to be punished.
450
00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:54,422
Sergeant O'Rourke's own
confession specifically states
451
00:21:54,446 --> 00:21:56,592
that he and he alone
conceived this entire plot
452
00:21:56,616 --> 00:21:58,026
in an effort to win a $100 bet.
453
00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:00,195
Now, that sort of, leaves
you out of it, doesn't it?
454
00:22:00,219 --> 00:22:02,130
But, captain, I
put him up to it.
455
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,631
I loaned the bartender the $100.
456
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,934
But that doesn't alter the
fact that Sergeant O'Rourke
457
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:08,570
committed this... This...
458
00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:11,807
Oh, words just can't
describe how I feel, corporal.
459
00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:14,042
To lie and to cheat
like that, and for what?
460
00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:16,511
For a mere $100,
which I might add,
461
00:22:16,535 --> 00:22:18,514
I am confiscating for
the enlisted men's fund.
462
00:22:18,538 --> 00:22:19,848
But, sir, you can't do that.
463
00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:20,949
I can and I will.
464
00:22:20,973 --> 00:22:23,385
Oh, but, captain...
No "buts," corporal.
465
00:22:23,409 --> 00:22:25,787
I will not permit Private
O'Rourke to profit
466
00:22:25,811 --> 00:22:28,190
in any way from this
underhanded scheme.
467
00:22:28,214 --> 00:22:30,025
Captain, he ain't got it.
468
00:22:30,049 --> 00:22:32,111
Oh, didn't the
bartender pay him?
469
00:22:32,135 --> 00:22:34,279
Well, sure, but the sarge
gave the money to Charlie
470
00:22:34,303 --> 00:22:35,647
so his daughter would have money
471
00:22:35,671 --> 00:22:37,048
to buy school
books for the kids.
472
00:22:37,072 --> 00:22:39,485
Are you sure about that?
473
00:22:39,509 --> 00:22:42,654
Yes, captain, and he also told
Charlie not one cent for booze,
474
00:22:42,678 --> 00:22:43,878
or he'd run him out of town.
475
00:22:52,488 --> 00:22:54,917
Well, corporal,
don't just stand there.
476
00:22:54,941 --> 00:22:56,518
The sergeant's paid his penalty.
477
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:59,443
Captain, you're all heart, sir.
478
00:23:15,327 --> 00:23:21,298
Dear Inspector General,
all is well at Fort Courage.
479
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,118
Wilton?
480
00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:31,452
Howdy, ready for our picnic?
481
00:23:31,476 --> 00:23:33,722
Well, now only if you'll
give me your word
482
00:23:33,746 --> 00:23:36,524
that there won't be any of that
juniper berry juice in anything.
483
00:23:36,548 --> 00:23:38,393
Oh, no, I'm plenty
sorry about that...
484
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,762
Oh, no, no, no. I understand,
and you're forgiven.
485
00:23:40,786 --> 00:23:42,497
Only don't let it happen again.
486
00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:44,166
Well, you know at
least one good thing
487
00:23:44,190 --> 00:23:45,633
came out of this entire affair.
488
00:23:45,657 --> 00:23:47,302
I understand Charlie
hasn't been seen
489
00:23:47,326 --> 00:23:48,892
in the saloon for weeks.
490
00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:53,408
I'd be obliged to you for
some of that spirit of fire
491
00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:54,776
I've been drinking lately.
492
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,511
One coffee coming up.
493
00:23:56,535 --> 00:23:58,980
Hey, that's the ticket, Charlie.
494
00:23:59,004 --> 00:24:01,250
You stick with that, and
you won't be tangling
495
00:24:01,274 --> 00:24:03,017
with them swingin'
doors no more.
496
00:24:03,041 --> 00:24:05,121
I aim too. Thank you.
497
00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:08,307
And I want to thank
you two gentlemen
498
00:24:08,331 --> 00:24:10,709
for all the good
you done for me.
499
00:24:10,733 --> 00:24:12,143
Ah, forget it.
500
00:24:12,167 --> 00:24:14,078
I can't, and I won't.
501
00:24:14,102 --> 00:24:16,014
It was plum wondrous.
502
00:24:16,038 --> 00:24:19,651
Oh, come on, Charlie,
you're embarrassing the sarge.
503
00:24:19,675 --> 00:24:22,654
Anyway, I thank
you. And so long.
504
00:24:22,678 --> 00:24:25,023
Just mark that down
with the rest of it.
505
00:24:25,047 --> 00:24:26,167
Gentlemen.
506
00:24:37,793 --> 00:24:39,805
Sarge, he fell down anyway.
507
00:24:39,829 --> 00:24:42,273
Well, of course, he ain't had
enough practice being sober.
508
00:24:42,297 --> 00:24:43,337
Come on.
36288
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