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♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
2
00:00:05,690 --> 00:00:09,002
♪ When quite accidentally ♪
3
00:00:09,026 --> 00:00:11,270
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
4
00:00:11,294 --> 00:00:14,329
♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
5
00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:19,245
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
6
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,781
♪ His proud little
Family group ♪
7
00:00:21,805 --> 00:00:24,534
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
8
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:27,237
♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
9
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:28,638
♪ F Troop! ♪
10
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:31,141
♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
11
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,643
♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
12
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:36,947
♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
13
00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:39,616
♪ Both turn chicken ♪
14
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,651
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
15
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,587
♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
16
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:47,273
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
17
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:51,111
♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
18
00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,784
♪ F Troop! ♪
19
00:01:35,145 --> 00:01:36,723
Shall I clean the
table off now, sir?
20
00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:37,824
No, not now, Dobbs.
21
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,059
Thank you.
22
00:01:39,083 --> 00:01:41,945
Well, I hope the meal
was satisfactory, major.
23
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,563
My company cook,
Private Smathers,
24
00:01:43,587 --> 00:01:44,965
isn't much, but
he's all we have.
25
00:01:44,989 --> 00:01:47,934
Oh, it's passable,
captain, passable.
26
00:01:47,958 --> 00:01:49,502
Actually, it's...
Well, it's better
27
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,972
than anything I've had
in the past few weeks.
28
00:01:51,996 --> 00:01:53,173
Oh, really?
29
00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:54,975
I thought you had a
good cook, Major Duncan?
30
00:01:54,999 --> 00:01:56,877
Yes, I did. But, uh...
31
00:01:56,901 --> 00:01:59,980
Colonel Heinz took him from me.
32
00:02:00,004 --> 00:02:03,283
Oh, and, uh, by the
way, I'm taking yours.
33
00:02:03,307 --> 00:02:05,307
Oh...
34
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,225
Shall I clean
off the floor, sir?
35
00:02:12,249 --> 00:02:14,360
Yes, yes, do that, Dobbs.
36
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,730
Look, major, you can't
take another one of my men.
37
00:02:16,754 --> 00:02:18,397
In your last three
trips through here,
38
00:02:18,421 --> 00:02:19,665
you took my quartermaster
39
00:02:19,689 --> 00:02:21,801
and my... My clerk
and my blacksmith.
40
00:02:21,825 --> 00:02:22,836
Hm, yeah.
41
00:02:22,860 --> 00:02:24,470
And what's to
prevent me, captain?
42
00:02:24,494 --> 00:02:25,739
The manual. The manual, sir.
43
00:02:25,763 --> 00:02:27,240
I'll show you.
It's... It's right...
44
00:02:27,264 --> 00:02:29,743
Wait, wait, wait.
45
00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:34,547
It's right here in the
manual on page... 48.
46
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,915
Ah.
47
00:02:35,939 --> 00:02:40,920
"No company cook may be
removed, transferred, commandeered
48
00:02:40,944 --> 00:02:43,123
"or displaced
from a fort or base
49
00:02:43,147 --> 00:02:44,824
without a requisition order."
50
00:02:44,848 --> 00:02:45,959
Mm-hm. Yes.
51
00:02:45,983 --> 00:02:48,128
Well, that's very
easily solved, captain.
52
00:02:48,152 --> 00:02:50,529
I hereby requisition your cook.
53
00:02:50,553 --> 00:02:52,565
And that's an order.
54
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:53,900
I'll tell Cookie to pack up.
55
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,101
No need, no need.
56
00:02:55,125 --> 00:02:57,336
He's all ready and
waiting, mounted outside.
57
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,161
Bye-bye, captain.
58
00:03:01,698 --> 00:03:03,849
He did it again, Dobbs.
59
00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:07,652
And so did I.
60
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,169
Let me get that for you, sir.
61
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,772
Hello there, captain.
62
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,941
Well, I see he snuck
up on you again, sir.
63
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,141
Good afternoon, sergeant.
64
00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,944
Are you sure Chief
Wild Eagle sent this over
65
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,078
in the spirit of good will?
66
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,280
Oh, yes. The Indians
say that a bearskin rug
67
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:26,182
in the teepee
brings good luck, sir.
68
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,483
Except to the bear, of course.
69
00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:30,387
Oh, Dobbs.
70
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:31,755
Will you go find Corporal Agarn
71
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:33,723
and tell him I want him
over here on the double.
72
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,191
Okay, sergeant.
73
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,695
Well, I just saw Major Duncan
riding off with, uh, Cookie.
74
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:39,863
Oh, yes, yes.
75
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,931
Major Duncan pulled rank again.
76
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,400
Oh. Now I'll have to write
77
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:46,269
the territorial commander's
office for a replacement.
78
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,237
Whoa, no, you won't
have to do that, sir.
79
00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:49,606
We have got one
of the best cooks
80
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,875
in the cavalry right
here at Fort Courage.
81
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,476
Corporal Agarn.
82
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,778
Corporal Agarn?
83
00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:56,780
I don't remember seeing
anything in his record
84
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:58,080
about Agarn being a good cook.
85
00:03:58,104 --> 00:04:00,483
Well, you know how modest he is.
86
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,084
Oh, I don't know, sergeant, I...
87
00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:04,020
But I do know, if it
wasn't for Major Duncan,
88
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,844
I wouldn't be in this fix.
89
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:16,766
Sarge!
90
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,234
Don't move,
captain. I'll get it.
91
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,035
No, no! Whoa! Don't, Agarn!
92
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:23,306
This is the bearskin
that Wild Eagle sent over.
93
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,041
There's an old
Indian saying, sir:
94
00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:29,044
Never kick a gift
bear in the mouth.
95
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:30,313
What you want me for, sarge?
96
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,148
Oh, yeah. I was just
telling the captain
97
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,416
about you being the
best cook in the cavalry.
98
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:35,518
I'm what?
99
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,453
Best cook west
of St. Louis, sir.
100
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:38,788
I'm sure that you'll find him
101
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,489
the perfect
replacement for Cookie.
102
00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:41,658
For Cookie?
103
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,910
Well, we need a
cook with experience.
104
00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:45,211
Experience?
105
00:04:45,235 --> 00:04:47,547
Have you ever been in a
mess hall at Fort Danger, sir?
106
00:04:47,571 --> 00:04:48,882
No, I don't believe so.
107
00:04:48,906 --> 00:04:50,884
Agarn, here, is the
man responsible
108
00:04:50,908 --> 00:04:52,085
for all that good food, sir.
109
00:04:52,109 --> 00:04:53,319
He was very popular, sir.
110
00:04:53,343 --> 00:04:56,089
All the wagon drivers
used to stop there.
111
00:04:56,113 --> 00:04:58,624
Everyone loved my
General Custer special.
112
00:04:58,648 --> 00:05:00,459
Oh, I don't believe
I've ever heard of it.
113
00:05:00,483 --> 00:05:01,627
It was a beauty.
114
00:05:01,651 --> 00:05:04,630
Ham on white,
surrounded by Indian nuts.
115
00:05:04,654 --> 00:05:07,350
Oh, I remember that one.
116
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:10,286
Well, all right, sergeant,
we have no choice.
117
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,754
We'll give Corporal Agarn a try.
118
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,122
Thank you, captain.
119
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,491
I hope you'll have a
surprise for the men
120
00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:16,792
at the evening meal, Agarn.
121
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:19,384
Oh, they'll be
surprised all right, sir.
122
00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:23,532
All right, sarge,
what's the big idea?
123
00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:25,001
You know I'm a lousy cook.
124
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,370
It takes me 30 minutes
to boil a three-minute egg.
125
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:29,505
Why do you think they
invented cookbooks for?
126
00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:30,506
Come here.
127
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,175
Listen, this is a perfect setup.
128
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,911
With you as Cookie, you'll be
in charge of buying the supplies.
129
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,046
So? So we order
more than we need.
130
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,381
We use some at the saloon,
131
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,316
we sell the rest to the Hekawis.
132
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,185
Beautiful.
133
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,819
Sarge, I gotta hand it to ya.
134
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:47,223
When it comes to being shifty
and sneaky and double dealing,
135
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,224
you're the tops.
136
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,292
Ah, thanks, Agarn,
137
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:52,028
but there's always
room for improvement.
138
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,830
I'm ready for your
meat order, Wild Eagle.
139
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,165
This more important.
140
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,502
Wild Eagle head of Happy
Time Council for powwow.
141
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:02,204
Have to hear one
more funny storyteller.
142
00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:07,210
From far-off Catskill Mountains,
him called Standup Bull.
143
00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,017
How.
144
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,186
Funny thing happened to
me on way to Hekawi camp.
145
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,553
Ran into big buffalo.
146
00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:20,345
Turned out to be
my mother-in-law. Ha!
147
00:06:21,532 --> 00:06:23,142
Uh, speaking of my family,
148
00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:25,316
take my squaw, please.
149
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,466
Uh, but seriously, tribe,
about my brother-in-law.
150
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,467
Him not lazy.
151
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,001
Him too light for heavy work
152
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:35,527
and him too heavy
for light work. Ha!
153
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,241
Laugh up, laugh up,
these are the stories.
154
00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:40,944
What this, audience
or war council?
155
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:43,713
I know you're out there.
Hear you ughing. Ha!
156
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,533
About my squaw, she very neat.
157
00:06:46,557 --> 00:06:48,300
I get up in dark of
night for bowl of water.
158
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:50,336
When I come back,
my buffalo skin is made.
159
00:06:51,361 --> 00:06:52,805
Wa-wa-wa-wa. Wa-wa-wee-wa.
160
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,758
Enough, Standup Bull.
161
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,881
Don't signal us, we signal you.
162
00:06:59,803 --> 00:07:02,014
You were about to give
us your meat order, chief.
163
00:07:02,038 --> 00:07:04,717
I suppose you'll want the
usual antelope, bear, buffalo.
164
00:07:04,741 --> 00:07:05,984
I like side of beef.
165
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,187
How you like side of hand?
166
00:07:08,211 --> 00:07:10,690
Wild Eagle do ordering here.
167
00:07:10,714 --> 00:07:11,775
One side of beef.
168
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:12,776
Right, chief.
169
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,811
How about some nice squab?
170
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,229
Maybe six.
171
00:07:16,253 --> 00:07:18,064
Half a dozen
skinny little chickens.
172
00:07:18,088 --> 00:07:21,317
Agarn good man,
O'Rourke, but have no class.
173
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,052
Yeah, well, if that's
all, Wild Eagle,
174
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,370
I guess we'll settle the bill.
175
00:07:24,394 --> 00:07:28,875
I pay you $24 and
a handful of beads.
176
00:07:28,899 --> 00:07:30,827
Now, wait a minute.
You're out of line.
177
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,228
Seem fair to me.
178
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:35,582
You people buy entire island
of Manhattan for same price.
179
00:07:35,606 --> 00:07:37,183
Oh, it was a lousy deal, chief.
180
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,719
In a hundred years, they
won't get a nickel for that place.
181
00:07:39,743 --> 00:07:42,788
Oh, white man very
smart about real estate.
182
00:07:42,812 --> 00:07:45,379
Remember when
you first come here?
183
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:50,263
This once entire
Hekawi territory.
184
00:07:50,287 --> 00:07:51,663
Then you made treaty.
185
00:07:51,687 --> 00:07:53,654
We divide land.
186
00:07:55,258 --> 00:07:59,071
This part you get,
this part we get.
187
00:07:59,095 --> 00:08:02,981
See? Indian always
get short end of stick.
188
00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:06,045
Well, Wrangler, I
think that's everything.
189
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:09,682
Plus the 50 pounds of flour,
the eight cases of wine...
190
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:12,585
Oh, yeah. I wanna order a
side of beef and six squabs.
191
00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:13,619
Squabs?
192
00:08:13,643 --> 00:08:15,388
You know, them
skinny little chickens.
193
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,822
I know what they are, O'Rourke.
194
00:08:16,846 --> 00:08:18,591
It's just that F Troop
never ordered them
195
00:08:18,615 --> 00:08:19,692
kind of supplies before.
196
00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:21,160
Yeah, well, Agarn's
a great cook.
197
00:08:21,184 --> 00:08:22,995
He makes all them fancy dishes.
198
00:08:23,019 --> 00:08:24,863
Agarn? Since when?
199
00:08:24,887 --> 00:08:26,632
Hey, you finished
over there, Agarn?
200
00:08:26,656 --> 00:08:27,967
Please, sarge, don't rush me.
201
00:08:27,991 --> 00:08:29,769
I've only got two hands.
202
00:08:29,793 --> 00:08:30,936
All right, but hurry it up.
203
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,905
I'll wait for you outside.
204
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,375
Wrangler, you better keep an
eye on these shopping wagons.
205
00:08:35,399 --> 00:08:36,809
I saw one in the Hekawi camp,
206
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:39,312
and a scout reported
two on top of Pike's Peak.
207
00:08:39,336 --> 00:08:41,981
Well, I'll go around later and
pick 'em up in my buckboard.
208
00:08:42,005 --> 00:08:44,317
Muskmelon.
209
00:08:44,341 --> 00:08:46,686
Where ever did you
get these, Janey?
210
00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:48,710
I didn't know they
were in season.
211
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,475
Oh, very good, sergeant. Ah!
212
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,277
You got supplies
for the entire month.
213
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,911
No, no, this is just
for one week, sir.
214
00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:58,013
Oh, yes. Agarn is a great cook.
215
00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,116
Oh-ho, are the men
gonna be surprised
216
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,318
at the dinner he's
fixin' for 'em tonight.
217
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,120
My mouth watered
just to think about it.
218
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:05,121
Yes, sir.
219
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:06,489
Do you mind if I
sneak an orange?
220
00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:08,358
No, they just cost... I mean...
221
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:10,482
Help yourself, sir.
222
00:09:17,541 --> 00:09:19,251
Anything else you need?
223
00:09:19,275 --> 00:09:21,142
Cookbook.
224
00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:22,889
There you go.
225
00:09:22,913 --> 00:09:24,646
Thank you, Janey.
226
00:09:25,415 --> 00:09:26,826
Corporal.
227
00:09:26,850 --> 00:09:29,996
Don't spoil your
appetite, captain.
228
00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:31,430
Hi, Jane. Hi, Wilton.
229
00:09:31,454 --> 00:09:33,032
I see you've got
some sliced peaches.
230
00:09:33,056 --> 00:09:34,033
I'll take a can.
231
00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:35,200
Careful, Wilton.
232
00:09:35,224 --> 00:09:37,725
Oh! Yeah, of course.
233
00:10:12,328 --> 00:10:14,306
Well, how's it going, Agarn?
234
00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:16,141
Oh, I'm tryin',
sarge, I'm tryin'.
235
00:10:16,165 --> 00:10:18,044
But there's one
thing I can't figure out.
236
00:10:18,068 --> 00:10:19,679
Hey, what's this you're making?
237
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,346
That's what I can't figure out.
238
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,916
The cookbook
says it's oxtail soup.
239
00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:26,085
Yeah, well, it looks to
me like it's too much oxtail
240
00:10:26,109 --> 00:10:27,541
and not enough soup.
241
00:10:29,445 --> 00:10:32,091
Oh. Sergeant O'Rourke,
I'm glad you're here.
242
00:10:32,115 --> 00:10:34,627
I've just been going
over this list of supplies
243
00:10:34,651 --> 00:10:36,161
you bought from Wrangler Jane.
244
00:10:36,185 --> 00:10:38,163
There are some
awfully fancy items.
245
00:10:38,187 --> 00:10:40,633
Oh, for a great cook
like Agarn here, he...
246
00:10:40,657 --> 00:10:42,902
He needs special supplies, sir.
247
00:10:42,926 --> 00:10:45,504
Well... No, if Corporal
Agarn is such a great cook,
248
00:10:45,528 --> 00:10:47,239
why does he need a cookbook?
249
00:10:47,263 --> 00:10:48,674
Uh... Cook...
250
00:10:48,698 --> 00:10:50,576
It's not for me,
captain. It's...
251
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,100
It's for the fire.
252
00:10:53,837 --> 00:10:55,681
There's an old saying
among the great cooks
253
00:10:55,705 --> 00:10:56,916
that a cookbook in the fire
254
00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:58,383
adds a certain something special
255
00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,384
to the meal.
256
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,287
Beautifully put.
257
00:11:01,311 --> 00:11:04,190
W-well, maybe you can
explain this item to me.
258
00:11:04,214 --> 00:11:05,842
Thirty geese?
259
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,476
Oh, yes. Well,
that's for a new dish
260
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,178
that he's preparing
in your honor, sir.
261
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:12,915
It's called, uh, Stuffed
Goose Parmenter.
262
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:15,551
Oh... that sounds very nice.
263
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,186
What do you stuff
the goose with?
264
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,254
What do I stuff it wi...
Another goose, sir.
265
00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:20,473
That's why we need so many.
266
00:11:20,497 --> 00:11:22,508
Please, please,
please, everybody out.
267
00:11:22,532 --> 00:11:24,309
Too many people
poking around my kitchen.
268
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:26,779
Everybody out, out, out!
He's very temperamental, sir.
269
00:11:26,803 --> 00:11:28,848
Yes, I suppose that goes
with being a great chef.
270
00:11:28,872 --> 00:11:30,983
Yes. Well, I-I'll...
I'm leaving now,
271
00:11:31,007 --> 00:11:33,151
but I'll be back later to
join the men for chow.
272
00:11:33,175 --> 00:11:34,887
Wha...? Did you hear that?
273
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:37,407
He's going to have
dinner with us tonight.
274
00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:38,508
What an honor.
275
00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:42,412
The captain's
stomach... in my hands.
276
00:11:42,436 --> 00:11:47,204
He's looking forward to it, sir,
but we'd better leave him alone.
277
00:11:52,061 --> 00:11:53,061
Yech!
278
00:11:55,532 --> 00:11:57,042
Hey, Agarn.
279
00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:58,428
What is this?
280
00:11:58,452 --> 00:11:59,851
What does it look like, Duffy?
281
00:12:01,437 --> 00:12:04,350
Looks like a recipe for
corned beef and cabbage.
282
00:12:04,374 --> 00:12:06,069
You'll be getting it tomorrow.
283
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,570
If I live that long.
284
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,272
Hey, Agarn,
285
00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:11,190
I don't think I can
get through this.
286
00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:13,860
Now, don't bug me, Vanderbilt.
This is a balanced meal.
287
00:12:13,884 --> 00:12:16,600
Yes, it is. These biscuits weigh
as much as the main course.
288
00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:19,816
We can't eat this stuff, Agarn.
289
00:12:21,558 --> 00:12:23,235
Agarn, you are no cook.
290
00:12:23,259 --> 00:12:24,770
How about some good chow?
291
00:12:24,794 --> 00:12:26,505
Yeah, we want a
cook around here.
292
00:12:26,529 --> 00:12:27,673
You want us to lose weight?
293
00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:29,208
They're gettin' restless, sarge.
294
00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:31,310
I'll handle this. Now, listen.
295
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,679
Captain Parmenter is comin'
here to have dinner with us,
296
00:12:33,703 --> 00:12:35,848
and you're going to enjoy
that food if it kills you.
297
00:12:35,872 --> 00:12:38,050
It probably will.
Oh, I'll say, I...
298
00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:39,936
And I'll tell you another thing.
299
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,770
The next one of ya
that opens his mouth
300
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:43,172
without puttin' food in it,
301
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,541
is gonna get a very
fast transfer to G Troop,
302
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:48,110
in the heart of
Apache territory.
303
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:50,101
Ten-hut!
304
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,415
Carry on, men.
305
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,582
Carry on.
306
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,084
I'm just here for dinner.
307
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,518
If you don't mind, corporal,
308
00:12:56,542 --> 00:13:00,111
I'd like to sample a little
bit of your great cooking.
309
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:13,202
It's a little rich
for me, I guess.
310
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,904
It almost... tastes as if
there's an old boot in there.
311
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,429
Sarge, I only took 'em off
312
00:13:23,453 --> 00:13:26,270
'cause I've been
on my feet all day.
313
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,803
And the men like this, sergeant?
314
00:13:30,827 --> 00:13:32,537
Oh, yes, sir. They
love it. Ha-ha.
315
00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:35,081
All right, men,
time for seconds.
316
00:13:39,553 --> 00:13:41,913
I said, time for seconds.
317
00:13:46,710 --> 00:13:47,987
They do seem to enjoy it.
318
00:13:48,011 --> 00:13:48,988
Oh, yes, sir.
319
00:13:49,012 --> 00:13:49,989
Oh, by the way,
320
00:13:50,013 --> 00:13:51,490
I was checking
through the manual,
321
00:13:51,514 --> 00:13:52,992
and I assume the
meals will conform
322
00:13:53,016 --> 00:13:55,376
to these military standards.
323
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:56,963
What are the standards, captain?
324
00:13:56,987 --> 00:13:59,015
One, the meal
should be nourishing.
325
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,600
Oh, they're
nourishing, all right.
326
00:14:00,624 --> 00:14:03,135
Two, they should contain
the proper vitamins.
327
00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:05,054
Oh, plenty of vitamins, captain.
328
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:08,162
Uh, three, they
should taste good.
329
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:14,351
Two out of three ain't bad.
330
00:14:25,749 --> 00:14:29,161
Kill the cook! Kill the cook!
331
00:14:29,185 --> 00:14:32,497
Kill the cook! Kill the cook!
332
00:14:32,521 --> 00:14:35,050
Kill the cook! Kill the cook!
333
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:37,403
It's only been a week.
Give a guy a chance.
334
00:14:37,427 --> 00:14:38,404
Kill the cook!
335
00:14:38,428 --> 00:14:40,506
All right, simmer
down, you guys.
336
00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:43,709
I said, simmer down!
337
00:14:43,733 --> 00:14:46,279
Want the captain to hear ya?
338
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:47,880
What's up, Agarn?
339
00:14:47,904 --> 00:14:49,882
Sarge, I'm about
ready to turn in my ladle.
340
00:14:49,906 --> 00:14:51,316
I... I can't take it anymore.
341
00:14:51,340 --> 00:14:54,253
They hate my cooking.
342
00:14:54,277 --> 00:14:56,756
Maybe you'd all like to
transfer to G Troop, huh?
343
00:14:56,780 --> 00:14:59,340
Share your lunch
with the Apaches.
344
00:14:59,549 --> 00:15:01,093
Oh, yes, and there
are some openings
345
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,262
up at H Troop in
the Dakota territory.
346
00:15:03,286 --> 00:15:05,231
'Course, they're not
eating much up there
347
00:15:05,255 --> 00:15:07,735
because the snow
is over their heads!
348
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,319
Now... if any of you have got
349
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,104
a legitimate
complaint, sound off.
350
00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:14,940
This steak is tougher
than my saddlebag.
351
00:15:14,964 --> 00:15:17,360
I've see mud that'll pour
easier than this coffee.
352
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:20,012
I had to soften these
potatoes with my rifle butt.
353
00:15:20,036 --> 00:15:22,031
Sarge, we gotta
have a decent meal.
354
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:23,965
And we're just wasting
away to nothing.
355
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,600
That does it, sarge!
356
00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:27,769
Slaving over a
hot stove all week,
357
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:30,005
working my fingers
to the bone, and...
358
00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:32,274
this is the thanks I get? I...
359
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:33,808
I could just cry.
360
00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:38,447
All right, all right. I'll
make a deal with you.
361
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,150
I'll get somebody
to cook for Agarn.
362
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,217
How's that?
363
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:43,618
That's fine.
364
00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:45,987
But if you can't, get
somebody to eat for us.
365
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:53,962
Not bad.
366
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:54,963
Halt!
367
00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:56,598
Do not throw on ground.
368
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,023
Hey, Sparrow Eye.
369
00:16:01,678 --> 00:16:03,244
Throw in there.
370
00:16:05,982 --> 00:16:09,383
Sparrow Eye, you missed
pieces of cloth and bark.
371
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,500
Hekawi try to keep
America clean.
372
00:16:14,524 --> 00:16:15,801
Oh, whose idea was that?
373
00:16:15,825 --> 00:16:16,840
Squaw Bird.
374
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,939
Crazy Cat's a pretty good cook.
375
00:16:19,963 --> 00:16:21,674
Even though he
does cook Indian style.
376
00:16:21,698 --> 00:16:23,714
Why not? Crazy Cat is Indian.
377
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,228
Well, you're right.
378
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:27,662
All right, it's settled, then.
379
00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:29,265
Crazy Cat'll cook at the fort.
380
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:30,683
Not interested.
381
00:16:30,707 --> 00:16:33,218
Maybe you interested in fat lip.
382
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:37,106
Only chief make decisions,
and that job not open yet.
383
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,330
Can't blame brave for trying.
384
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,944
I'll pay you $10 a week for him.
385
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:45,485
Make it $11. Add 10
percent for bad treaty.
386
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,089
Come on, Crazy Cat.
387
00:16:50,393 --> 00:16:51,871
Hey, Crazy Cat.
388
00:16:51,895 --> 00:16:54,306
I'll have some more of that
chicken hawk with wine sauce.
389
00:16:54,330 --> 00:16:55,774
Pretty good meal, huh, Duffy?
390
00:16:55,798 --> 00:16:58,243
After choking down that
stuff Agarn dished out,
391
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,745
anything would taste good.
392
00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,469
Kick a man when
he's down, eh, Duffy?
393
00:17:07,010 --> 00:17:07,987
Easy, Cat.
394
00:17:08,011 --> 00:17:09,187
Take it easy on that wine.
395
00:17:09,211 --> 00:17:10,923
You never cooked with it before.
396
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,613
Why? Troopers like it.
397
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,499
Cheers.
398
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,183
Agarn, pluck two
more chicken hawks,
399
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,518
look at cornbread in stove
400
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,520
and clear the plates from table.
401
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,455
Don't push me
too far, Crazy Cat.
402
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:29,113
This kitchen ain't big
enough for both of us.
403
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:35,031
Hey, Crazy Cat, how about
some more of that hot meat?
404
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,954
Comin' up!
405
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,087
Watch where you serve that food!
406
00:17:41,111 --> 00:17:43,551
Excuse me, corporal, would
you pass the arrow, please?
407
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,316
Um, I guess you didn't expect
408
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:56,618
to see me back this way
so soon, eh, Parmenter?
409
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:57,819
No, sir.
410
00:17:57,843 --> 00:17:59,622
What do you think of
the meal, Major Duncan?
411
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,423
Good. Good, very good.
412
00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:04,360
I've always been fond of
this Indian style of cooking.
413
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,428
Oh, so that's what it was.
414
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:08,230
I thought the food
had a different flavor.
415
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,165
I'll tell you one
thing, Parmenter.
416
00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:12,200
This chow is better
than anything Cookie
417
00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:13,357
used to make for me.
418
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,638
Used to make?
419
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:17,706
What happened to Cookie?
420
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:18,974
Colonel Heinz took him.
421
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,442
Pulled rank on me again.
422
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:21,977
I thought he took
your last cook.
423
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,779
Yes, he did, but...
424
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,682
You see, General Grizby
took him from the colonel.
425
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:29,651
And then the secretary of war
took him from General Grizby,
426
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,920
and the president took him
from the secretary of war.
427
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,322
Right now he's back
cooking at the White House.
428
00:18:34,346 --> 00:18:36,692
You know, I... understand
they're quite partial
429
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,676
to Western-style
cooking, back there.
430
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:41,752
Who's your cook now?
431
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,255
Who's your cook now?
432
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:46,701
I asked you first.
433
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:48,225
Captain.
434
00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:50,538
Corporal Agarn.
435
00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:53,659
Ah. He's my cook now.
436
00:18:53,683 --> 00:18:56,350
Oh, now, just a minute, here.
437
00:19:05,294 --> 00:19:07,394
He did it again.
438
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:15,797
Take me, sir?
439
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,433
You heard me, corporal.
440
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,602
We're moving out
against Geronimo.
441
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,804
It'll be at least a six
month's campaign.
442
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:25,473
Now, saddle up,
we're leavin' tonight.
443
00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:27,609
Sarge, you can't
let him take me.
444
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,511
I'll be gone for six
months in Apa-pa-pa...
445
00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:30,979
Apache territory.
446
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,147
Now, don't worry, Agarn,
447
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,849
just let me think for a minute.
448
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:36,852
There's got to be some
nice, logical, dishonest way
449
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:39,071
to get you out of this mess.
450
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,606
Now, what this about Agarn?
451
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,507
Major Duncan is taking
him with him tonight.
452
00:19:42,531 --> 00:19:43,809
We can't let him do that.
453
00:19:43,833 --> 00:19:44,910
Agarn is our partner.
454
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,311
We're all in business together.
455
00:19:46,335 --> 00:19:47,512
You're right, O'Rourke.
456
00:19:47,536 --> 00:19:50,248
Also, I lose $11 deal
for loan of Crazy Cat.
457
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,717
Ah-ha.
458
00:19:51,741 --> 00:19:52,851
What you want me to do?
459
00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:54,341
Well, I'll tell you.
460
00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:58,891
But the major is a very
high-ranking officer, sir.
461
00:19:58,915 --> 00:20:01,126
Now, he really should
stop by the Hekawi camp,
462
00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:03,228
so that they can give him,
um, an Indian headdress
463
00:20:03,252 --> 00:20:04,763
and make him an honorary chief.
464
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,364
Hey, it's in the manual, sir.
465
00:20:06,388 --> 00:20:07,733
It is? Hm.
466
00:20:07,757 --> 00:20:10,202
I don't remember seeing
anything in the manual about that.
467
00:20:10,226 --> 00:20:12,337
Well, it's in the
Hekawi manual, sir.
468
00:20:12,361 --> 00:20:14,372
Oh, really? Yes.
469
00:20:14,396 --> 00:20:15,741
All right, I'll tell the major.
470
00:20:15,765 --> 00:20:17,197
Yes, sir.
471
00:20:21,271 --> 00:20:24,650
Hekawi proud to have
high officer of cavalry
472
00:20:24,674 --> 00:20:28,721
honorary chief of tribe.
473
00:20:28,745 --> 00:20:31,823
Now, Captain Parmenter told
me this is one your customs,
474
00:20:31,847 --> 00:20:33,125
but I... Heh-heh.
475
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,750
I didn't think I'd
have to eat with you.
476
00:20:36,619 --> 00:20:37,996
Part of ceremony.
477
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:40,098
Anyway, this good
chance for you to see
478
00:20:40,122 --> 00:20:43,669
how your new cook,
Agarn, cook away from fort.
479
00:20:44,894 --> 00:20:45,960
Begin meal.
480
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,160
Here you are, major.
481
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,480
Mushrooms.
482
00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:55,652
I picked them tonight.
483
00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:57,793
Tonight?
484
00:20:58,675 --> 00:20:59,915
In the dark?
485
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:02,821
These could be poisonous.
486
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:05,562
Those are the chances
you take, Indian style.
487
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:10,496
No, I don't think I...
care for any mushrooms.
488
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,763
Oh, too bad.
489
00:21:11,787 --> 00:21:13,866
I serve them every night.
490
00:21:13,890 --> 00:21:15,050
Next course.
491
00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:16,652
I know you'll like this, major.
492
00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:19,109
It's one of my specialties.
493
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,928
It's... It's raw fish?
494
00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:28,063
We always serve it
this way, Indian style.
495
00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:29,598
Cooking ruins the flavor.
496
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,700
Chief, you're... not eating?
497
00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:34,269
That not part of ceremony.
498
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,739
I'll... I'll pass
on the fish too.
499
00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:39,208
Oh. Then try the potatoes.
500
00:21:39,232 --> 00:21:43,033
Ah, well... They look all right.
501
00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:52,705
There's a rock in here.
502
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:54,239
Of course. A heated rock.
503
00:21:54,263 --> 00:21:56,108
I always bake
them from the inside.
504
00:21:56,132 --> 00:21:57,593
Excuse me, major.
505
00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:58,927
Agarn very good.
506
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:00,929
Learn much from Indian.
507
00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:04,032
You like next course, major.
508
00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:07,186
Ready for hot meat.
509
00:22:07,210 --> 00:22:09,710
Hot meat comin' up!
510
00:22:13,416 --> 00:22:14,826
You're lucky.
511
00:22:14,850 --> 00:22:18,897
Agarn serve with full
Indian-style ceremony.
512
00:22:18,921 --> 00:22:23,089
Chief, I, uh... I
think I'm on fire.
513
00:22:25,895 --> 00:22:28,440
We prepare teepee
for you to stay tonight.
514
00:22:28,464 --> 00:22:30,998
It all ready for you.
515
00:22:49,719 --> 00:22:51,062
Oh.
516
00:22:51,086 --> 00:22:52,931
Wh-what did I fall into?
517
00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:54,266
A hole!
518
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,967
That's just the way
we bury our trash,
519
00:22:55,991 --> 00:22:57,402
Indian style.
520
00:22:57,426 --> 00:22:59,994
Oh, there'll be lots of
'em around your tent area.
521
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:05,227
Sergeant O'Rourke,
what are you doing here?
522
00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:06,528
Well, sir, I, uh...
523
00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:08,997
I just came to say
goodbye to Corporal Agarn.
524
00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:10,565
Well, I've come to
tell Major Duncan
525
00:23:10,589 --> 00:23:11,833
that he can't take Agarn.
526
00:23:11,857 --> 00:23:13,468
I've made up my mind to be firm.
527
00:23:13,492 --> 00:23:14,536
Oh. Yes, sir.
528
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,320
Uh... Wait.
529
00:23:21,366 --> 00:23:23,067
Major.
530
00:23:24,136 --> 00:23:25,513
I've been checking the manual,
531
00:23:25,537 --> 00:23:29,651
and I found a footnote under
"Requisition of Personnel."
532
00:23:29,675 --> 00:23:32,520
"No personnel essential
to the welfare of a fort
533
00:23:32,544 --> 00:23:34,956
"may be transferred until
a suitable replacement
534
00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:36,091
can be found."
535
00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:39,260
So... you can't
take Corporal Agarn.
536
00:23:39,284 --> 00:23:40,395
Captain Parmenter,
537
00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:42,998
you can take
Corporal Agarn, and...
538
00:23:43,022 --> 00:23:44,900
And you can keep him.
539
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,468
I'm heading for
the Apache territory,
540
00:23:47,492 --> 00:23:50,627
where I stand half
a chance of survival.
541
00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:57,145
I should have spoken
up sooner, Agarn.
542
00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:59,280
All I had to do is be firm.
543
00:23:59,304 --> 00:24:01,983
Chief, thank you for your
hospitality to the major.
544
00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:03,919
Not think much of major.
545
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:07,745
Indian not like man
who eat and run.
546
00:24:10,566 --> 00:24:12,861
Ah. Well, Cookie's back,
547
00:24:12,885 --> 00:24:15,164
and we lose our
nice little setup.
548
00:24:15,188 --> 00:24:18,167
How come Colonel
Heinz let him go?
549
00:24:18,191 --> 00:24:20,101
Colonel Heinz's cook
got sent back to him,
550
00:24:20,125 --> 00:24:21,970
the one that was
cooking for the president.
551
00:24:21,994 --> 00:24:24,039
He got sent back for
writing his memoirs,
552
00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:26,308
My Ten Days in the White House.
553
00:24:26,332 --> 00:24:28,243
Well, something good
came out of it anyway.
554
00:24:28,267 --> 00:24:29,811
Yeah. I know.
555
00:24:29,835 --> 00:24:32,080
We don't have to eat
your cookin' anymore.
556
00:24:32,104 --> 00:24:33,215
No, sarge.
557
00:24:33,239 --> 00:24:35,817
I gave him the benefit
of my experience.
558
00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:37,852
Hey, Cookie, how
about the hot meat?
559
00:24:40,513 --> 00:24:42,779
Thanks, Cookie!
37601
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