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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,421 --> 00:00:05,666 ♪ The end of the Civil War Was near ♪ 2 00:00:05,690 --> 00:00:09,002 ♪ When quite accidentally ♪ 3 00:00:09,026 --> 00:00:11,270 ♪ A hero who sneezed Abruptly seized ♪ 4 00:00:11,294 --> 00:00:14,329 ♪ Retreat And reversed it to victory ♪ 5 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:19,245 ♪ His Medal of Honor Pleased and thrilled ♪ 6 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:21,781 ♪ His proud little Family group ♪ 7 00:00:21,805 --> 00:00:24,534 ♪ While pinning it on Some blood was spilled ♪ 8 00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:27,237 ♪ And so it was planned He'd command ♪ 9 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:28,638 ♪ F Troop! ♪ 10 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:31,141 ♪ Where Indian fights Are colorful sights ♪ 11 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,643 ♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪ 12 00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:36,947 ♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪ 13 00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:39,616 ♪ Both turn chicken ♪ 14 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,651 ♪ When drilling and fighting Get them down ♪ 15 00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,587 ♪ They know their morale Can't droop ♪ 16 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:47,273 ♪ As long as they all Relax in town ♪ 17 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:51,111 ♪ Before they resume With a bang and a boom ♪ 18 00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,784 ♪ F Troop! ♪ 19 00:01:35,145 --> 00:01:36,723 Shall I clean the table off now, sir? 20 00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:37,824 No, not now, Dobbs. 21 00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,059 Thank you. 22 00:01:39,083 --> 00:01:41,945 Well, I hope the meal was satisfactory, major. 23 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,563 My company cook, Private Smathers, 24 00:01:43,587 --> 00:01:44,965 isn't much, but he's all we have. 25 00:01:44,989 --> 00:01:47,934 Oh, it's passable, captain, passable. 26 00:01:47,958 --> 00:01:49,502 Actually, it's... Well, it's better 27 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,972 than anything I've had in the past few weeks. 28 00:01:51,996 --> 00:01:53,173 Oh, really? 29 00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:54,975 I thought you had a good cook, Major Duncan? 30 00:01:54,999 --> 00:01:56,877 Yes, I did. But, uh... 31 00:01:56,901 --> 00:01:59,980 Colonel Heinz took him from me. 32 00:02:00,004 --> 00:02:03,283 Oh, and, uh, by the way, I'm taking yours. 33 00:02:03,307 --> 00:02:05,307 Oh... 34 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,225 Shall I clean off the floor, sir? 35 00:02:12,249 --> 00:02:14,360 Yes, yes, do that, Dobbs. 36 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,730 Look, major, you can't take another one of my men. 37 00:02:16,754 --> 00:02:18,397 In your last three trips through here, 38 00:02:18,421 --> 00:02:19,665 you took my quartermaster 39 00:02:19,689 --> 00:02:21,801 and my... My clerk and my blacksmith. 40 00:02:21,825 --> 00:02:22,836 Hm, yeah. 41 00:02:22,860 --> 00:02:24,470 And what's to prevent me, captain? 42 00:02:24,494 --> 00:02:25,739 The manual. The manual, sir. 43 00:02:25,763 --> 00:02:27,240 I'll show you. It's... It's right... 44 00:02:27,264 --> 00:02:29,743 Wait, wait, wait. 45 00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:34,547 It's right here in the manual on page... 48. 46 00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:35,915 Ah. 47 00:02:35,939 --> 00:02:40,920 "No company cook may be removed, transferred, commandeered 48 00:02:40,944 --> 00:02:43,123 "or displaced from a fort or base 49 00:02:43,147 --> 00:02:44,824 without a requisition order." 50 00:02:44,848 --> 00:02:45,959 Mm-hm. Yes. 51 00:02:45,983 --> 00:02:48,128 Well, that's very easily solved, captain. 52 00:02:48,152 --> 00:02:50,529 I hereby requisition your cook. 53 00:02:50,553 --> 00:02:52,565 And that's an order. 54 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:53,900 I'll tell Cookie to pack up. 55 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,101 No need, no need. 56 00:02:55,125 --> 00:02:57,336 He's all ready and waiting, mounted outside. 57 00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,161 Bye-bye, captain. 58 00:03:01,698 --> 00:03:03,849 He did it again, Dobbs. 59 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:07,652 And so did I. 60 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,169 Let me get that for you, sir. 61 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,772 Hello there, captain. 62 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,941 Well, I see he snuck up on you again, sir. 63 00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,141 Good afternoon, sergeant. 64 00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,944 Are you sure Chief Wild Eagle sent this over 65 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,078 in the spirit of good will? 66 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,280 Oh, yes. The Indians say that a bearskin rug 67 00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:26,182 in the teepee brings good luck, sir. 68 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,483 Except to the bear, of course. 69 00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:30,387 Oh, Dobbs. 70 00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:31,755 Will you go find Corporal Agarn 71 00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:33,723 and tell him I want him over here on the double. 72 00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,191 Okay, sergeant. 73 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,695 Well, I just saw Major Duncan riding off with, uh, Cookie. 74 00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:39,863 Oh, yes, yes. 75 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,931 Major Duncan pulled rank again. 76 00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,400 Oh. Now I'll have to write 77 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:46,269 the territorial commander's office for a replacement. 78 00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,237 Whoa, no, you won't have to do that, sir. 79 00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:49,606 We have got one of the best cooks 80 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,875 in the cavalry right here at Fort Courage. 81 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,476 Corporal Agarn. 82 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,778 Corporal Agarn? 83 00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:56,780 I don't remember seeing anything in his record 84 00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:58,080 about Agarn being a good cook. 85 00:03:58,104 --> 00:04:00,483 Well, you know how modest he is. 86 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,084 Oh, I don't know, sergeant, I... 87 00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:04,020 But I do know, if it wasn't for Major Duncan, 88 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,844 I wouldn't be in this fix. 89 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:16,766 Sarge! 90 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,234 Don't move, captain. I'll get it. 91 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,035 No, no! Whoa! Don't, Agarn! 92 00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:23,306 This is the bearskin that Wild Eagle sent over. 93 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,041 There's an old Indian saying, sir: 94 00:04:26,065 --> 00:04:29,044 Never kick a gift bear in the mouth. 95 00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:30,313 What you want me for, sarge? 96 00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,148 Oh, yeah. I was just telling the captain 97 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,416 about you being the best cook in the cavalry. 98 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:35,518 I'm what? 99 00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,453 Best cook west of St. Louis, sir. 100 00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:38,788 I'm sure that you'll find him 101 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:40,489 the perfect replacement for Cookie. 102 00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:41,658 For Cookie? 103 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:43,910 Well, we need a cook with experience. 104 00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:45,211 Experience? 105 00:04:45,235 --> 00:04:47,547 Have you ever been in a mess hall at Fort Danger, sir? 106 00:04:47,571 --> 00:04:48,882 No, I don't believe so. 107 00:04:48,906 --> 00:04:50,884 Agarn, here, is the man responsible 108 00:04:50,908 --> 00:04:52,085 for all that good food, sir. 109 00:04:52,109 --> 00:04:53,319 He was very popular, sir. 110 00:04:53,343 --> 00:04:56,089 All the wagon drivers used to stop there. 111 00:04:56,113 --> 00:04:58,624 Everyone loved my General Custer special. 112 00:04:58,648 --> 00:05:00,459 Oh, I don't believe I've ever heard of it. 113 00:05:00,483 --> 00:05:01,627 It was a beauty. 114 00:05:01,651 --> 00:05:04,630 Ham on white, surrounded by Indian nuts. 115 00:05:04,654 --> 00:05:07,350 Oh, I remember that one. 116 00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:10,286 Well, all right, sergeant, we have no choice. 117 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,754 We'll give Corporal Agarn a try. 118 00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:13,122 Thank you, captain. 119 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,491 I hope you'll have a surprise for the men 120 00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:16,792 at the evening meal, Agarn. 121 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:19,384 Oh, they'll be surprised all right, sir. 122 00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:23,532 All right, sarge, what's the big idea? 123 00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:25,001 You know I'm a lousy cook. 124 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,370 It takes me 30 minutes to boil a three-minute egg. 125 00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:29,505 Why do you think they invented cookbooks for? 126 00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:30,506 Come here. 127 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,175 Listen, this is a perfect setup. 128 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,911 With you as Cookie, you'll be in charge of buying the supplies. 129 00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,046 So? So we order more than we need. 130 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,381 We use some at the saloon, 131 00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,316 we sell the rest to the Hekawis. 132 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,185 Beautiful. 133 00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:43,819 Sarge, I gotta hand it to ya. 134 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:47,223 When it comes to being shifty and sneaky and double dealing, 135 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,224 you're the tops. 136 00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,292 Ah, thanks, Agarn, 137 00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:52,028 but there's always room for improvement. 138 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,830 I'm ready for your meat order, Wild Eagle. 139 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,165 This more important. 140 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,502 Wild Eagle head of Happy Time Council for powwow. 141 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:02,204 Have to hear one more funny storyteller. 142 00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:07,210 From far-off Catskill Mountains, him called Standup Bull. 143 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:14,017 How. 144 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,186 Funny thing happened to me on way to Hekawi camp. 145 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,553 Ran into big buffalo. 146 00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:20,345 Turned out to be my mother-in-law. Ha! 147 00:06:21,532 --> 00:06:23,142 Uh, speaking of my family, 148 00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:25,316 take my squaw, please. 149 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,466 Uh, but seriously, tribe, about my brother-in-law. 150 00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,467 Him not lazy. 151 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,001 Him too light for heavy work 152 00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:35,527 and him too heavy for light work. Ha! 153 00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:39,241 Laugh up, laugh up, these are the stories. 154 00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:40,944 What this, audience or war council? 155 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:43,713 I know you're out there. Hear you ughing. Ha! 156 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,533 About my squaw, she very neat. 157 00:06:46,557 --> 00:06:48,300 I get up in dark of night for bowl of water. 158 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:50,336 When I come back, my buffalo skin is made. 159 00:06:51,361 --> 00:06:52,805 Wa-wa-wa-wa. Wa-wa-wee-wa. 160 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,758 Enough, Standup Bull. 161 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,881 Don't signal us, we signal you. 162 00:06:59,803 --> 00:07:02,014 You were about to give us your meat order, chief. 163 00:07:02,038 --> 00:07:04,717 I suppose you'll want the usual antelope, bear, buffalo. 164 00:07:04,741 --> 00:07:05,984 I like side of beef. 165 00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,187 How you like side of hand? 166 00:07:08,211 --> 00:07:10,690 Wild Eagle do ordering here. 167 00:07:10,714 --> 00:07:11,775 One side of beef. 168 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:12,776 Right, chief. 169 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,811 How about some nice squab? 170 00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,229 Maybe six. 171 00:07:16,253 --> 00:07:18,064 Half a dozen skinny little chickens. 172 00:07:18,088 --> 00:07:21,317 Agarn good man, O'Rourke, but have no class. 173 00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:23,052 Yeah, well, if that's all, Wild Eagle, 174 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,370 I guess we'll settle the bill. 175 00:07:24,394 --> 00:07:28,875 I pay you $24 and a handful of beads. 176 00:07:28,899 --> 00:07:30,827 Now, wait a minute. You're out of line. 177 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,228 Seem fair to me. 178 00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:35,582 You people buy entire island of Manhattan for same price. 179 00:07:35,606 --> 00:07:37,183 Oh, it was a lousy deal, chief. 180 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,719 In a hundred years, they won't get a nickel for that place. 181 00:07:39,743 --> 00:07:42,788 Oh, white man very smart about real estate. 182 00:07:42,812 --> 00:07:45,379 Remember when you first come here? 183 00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:50,263 This once entire Hekawi territory. 184 00:07:50,287 --> 00:07:51,663 Then you made treaty. 185 00:07:51,687 --> 00:07:53,654 We divide land. 186 00:07:55,258 --> 00:07:59,071 This part you get, this part we get. 187 00:07:59,095 --> 00:08:02,981 See? Indian always get short end of stick. 188 00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:06,045 Well, Wrangler, I think that's everything. 189 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:09,682 Plus the 50 pounds of flour, the eight cases of wine... 190 00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:12,585 Oh, yeah. I wanna order a side of beef and six squabs. 191 00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:13,619 Squabs? 192 00:08:13,643 --> 00:08:15,388 You know, them skinny little chickens. 193 00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,822 I know what they are, O'Rourke. 194 00:08:16,846 --> 00:08:18,591 It's just that F Troop never ordered them 195 00:08:18,615 --> 00:08:19,692 kind of supplies before. 196 00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:21,160 Yeah, well, Agarn's a great cook. 197 00:08:21,184 --> 00:08:22,995 He makes all them fancy dishes. 198 00:08:23,019 --> 00:08:24,863 Agarn? Since when? 199 00:08:24,887 --> 00:08:26,632 Hey, you finished over there, Agarn? 200 00:08:26,656 --> 00:08:27,967 Please, sarge, don't rush me. 201 00:08:27,991 --> 00:08:29,769 I've only got two hands. 202 00:08:29,793 --> 00:08:30,936 All right, but hurry it up. 203 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,905 I'll wait for you outside. 204 00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:35,375 Wrangler, you better keep an eye on these shopping wagons. 205 00:08:35,399 --> 00:08:36,809 I saw one in the Hekawi camp, 206 00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:39,312 and a scout reported two on top of Pike's Peak. 207 00:08:39,336 --> 00:08:41,981 Well, I'll go around later and pick 'em up in my buckboard. 208 00:08:42,005 --> 00:08:44,317 Muskmelon. 209 00:08:44,341 --> 00:08:46,686 Where ever did you get these, Janey? 210 00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:48,710 I didn't know they were in season. 211 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,475 Oh, very good, sergeant. Ah! 212 00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,277 You got supplies for the entire month. 213 00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,911 No, no, this is just for one week, sir. 214 00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:58,013 Oh, yes. Agarn is a great cook. 215 00:08:58,037 --> 00:09:00,116 Oh-ho, are the men gonna be surprised 216 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,318 at the dinner he's fixin' for 'em tonight. 217 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,120 My mouth watered just to think about it. 218 00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:05,121 Yes, sir. 219 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:06,489 Do you mind if I sneak an orange? 220 00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:08,358 No, they just cost... I mean... 221 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:10,482 Help yourself, sir. 222 00:09:17,541 --> 00:09:19,251 Anything else you need? 223 00:09:19,275 --> 00:09:21,142 Cookbook. 224 00:09:21,912 --> 00:09:22,889 There you go. 225 00:09:22,913 --> 00:09:24,646 Thank you, Janey. 226 00:09:25,415 --> 00:09:26,826 Corporal. 227 00:09:26,850 --> 00:09:29,996 Don't spoil your appetite, captain. 228 00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:31,430 Hi, Jane. Hi, Wilton. 229 00:09:31,454 --> 00:09:33,032 I see you've got some sliced peaches. 230 00:09:33,056 --> 00:09:34,033 I'll take a can. 231 00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:35,200 Careful, Wilton. 232 00:09:35,224 --> 00:09:37,725 Oh! Yeah, of course. 233 00:10:12,328 --> 00:10:14,306 Well, how's it going, Agarn? 234 00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:16,141 Oh, I'm tryin', sarge, I'm tryin'. 235 00:10:16,165 --> 00:10:18,044 But there's one thing I can't figure out. 236 00:10:18,068 --> 00:10:19,679 Hey, what's this you're making? 237 00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,346 That's what I can't figure out. 238 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,916 The cookbook says it's oxtail soup. 239 00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:26,085 Yeah, well, it looks to me like it's too much oxtail 240 00:10:26,109 --> 00:10:27,541 and not enough soup. 241 00:10:29,445 --> 00:10:32,091 Oh. Sergeant O'Rourke, I'm glad you're here. 242 00:10:32,115 --> 00:10:34,627 I've just been going over this list of supplies 243 00:10:34,651 --> 00:10:36,161 you bought from Wrangler Jane. 244 00:10:36,185 --> 00:10:38,163 There are some awfully fancy items. 245 00:10:38,187 --> 00:10:40,633 Oh, for a great cook like Agarn here, he... 246 00:10:40,657 --> 00:10:42,902 He needs special supplies, sir. 247 00:10:42,926 --> 00:10:45,504 Well... No, if Corporal Agarn is such a great cook, 248 00:10:45,528 --> 00:10:47,239 why does he need a cookbook? 249 00:10:47,263 --> 00:10:48,674 Uh... Cook... 250 00:10:48,698 --> 00:10:50,576 It's not for me, captain. It's... 251 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,100 It's for the fire. 252 00:10:53,837 --> 00:10:55,681 There's an old saying among the great cooks 253 00:10:55,705 --> 00:10:56,916 that a cookbook in the fire 254 00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:58,383 adds a certain something special 255 00:10:58,407 --> 00:10:59,384 to the meal. 256 00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,287 Beautifully put. 257 00:11:01,311 --> 00:11:04,190 W-well, maybe you can explain this item to me. 258 00:11:04,214 --> 00:11:05,842 Thirty geese? 259 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,476 Oh, yes. Well, that's for a new dish 260 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,178 that he's preparing in your honor, sir. 261 00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:12,915 It's called, uh, Stuffed Goose Parmenter. 262 00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:15,551 Oh... that sounds very nice. 263 00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,186 What do you stuff the goose with? 264 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,254 What do I stuff it wi... Another goose, sir. 265 00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:20,473 That's why we need so many. 266 00:11:20,497 --> 00:11:22,508 Please, please, please, everybody out. 267 00:11:22,532 --> 00:11:24,309 Too many people poking around my kitchen. 268 00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:26,779 Everybody out, out, out! He's very temperamental, sir. 269 00:11:26,803 --> 00:11:28,848 Yes, I suppose that goes with being a great chef. 270 00:11:28,872 --> 00:11:30,983 Yes. Well, I-I'll... I'm leaving now, 271 00:11:31,007 --> 00:11:33,151 but I'll be back later to join the men for chow. 272 00:11:33,175 --> 00:11:34,887 Wha...? Did you hear that? 273 00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:37,407 He's going to have dinner with us tonight. 274 00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:38,508 What an honor. 275 00:11:38,532 --> 00:11:42,412 The captain's stomach... in my hands. 276 00:11:42,436 --> 00:11:47,204 He's looking forward to it, sir, but we'd better leave him alone. 277 00:11:52,061 --> 00:11:53,061 Yech! 278 00:11:55,532 --> 00:11:57,042 Hey, Agarn. 279 00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:58,428 What is this? 280 00:11:58,452 --> 00:11:59,851 What does it look like, Duffy? 281 00:12:01,437 --> 00:12:04,350 Looks like a recipe for corned beef and cabbage. 282 00:12:04,374 --> 00:12:06,069 You'll be getting it tomorrow. 283 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,570 If I live that long. 284 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,272 Hey, Agarn, 285 00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:11,190 I don't think I can get through this. 286 00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:13,860 Now, don't bug me, Vanderbilt. This is a balanced meal. 287 00:12:13,884 --> 00:12:16,600 Yes, it is. These biscuits weigh as much as the main course. 288 00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:19,816 We can't eat this stuff, Agarn. 289 00:12:21,558 --> 00:12:23,235 Agarn, you are no cook. 290 00:12:23,259 --> 00:12:24,770 How about some good chow? 291 00:12:24,794 --> 00:12:26,505 Yeah, we want a cook around here. 292 00:12:26,529 --> 00:12:27,673 You want us to lose weight? 293 00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:29,208 They're gettin' restless, sarge. 294 00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:31,310 I'll handle this. Now, listen. 295 00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,679 Captain Parmenter is comin' here to have dinner with us, 296 00:12:33,703 --> 00:12:35,848 and you're going to enjoy that food if it kills you. 297 00:12:35,872 --> 00:12:38,050 It probably will. Oh, I'll say, I... 298 00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:39,936 And I'll tell you another thing. 299 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:41,770 The next one of ya that opens his mouth 300 00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:43,172 without puttin' food in it, 301 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,541 is gonna get a very fast transfer to G Troop, 302 00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:48,110 in the heart of Apache territory. 303 00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:50,101 Ten-hut! 304 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,415 Carry on, men. 305 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,582 Carry on. 306 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,084 I'm just here for dinner. 307 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,518 If you don't mind, corporal, 308 00:12:56,542 --> 00:13:00,111 I'd like to sample a little bit of your great cooking. 309 00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:13,202 It's a little rich for me, I guess. 310 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,904 It almost... tastes as if there's an old boot in there. 311 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,429 Sarge, I only took 'em off 312 00:13:23,453 --> 00:13:26,270 'cause I've been on my feet all day. 313 00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,803 And the men like this, sergeant? 314 00:13:30,827 --> 00:13:32,537 Oh, yes, sir. They love it. Ha-ha. 315 00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:35,081 All right, men, time for seconds. 316 00:13:39,553 --> 00:13:41,913 I said, time for seconds. 317 00:13:46,710 --> 00:13:47,987 They do seem to enjoy it. 318 00:13:48,011 --> 00:13:48,988 Oh, yes, sir. 319 00:13:49,012 --> 00:13:49,989 Oh, by the way, 320 00:13:50,013 --> 00:13:51,490 I was checking through the manual, 321 00:13:51,514 --> 00:13:52,992 and I assume the meals will conform 322 00:13:53,016 --> 00:13:55,376 to these military standards. 323 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:56,963 What are the standards, captain? 324 00:13:56,987 --> 00:13:59,015 One, the meal should be nourishing. 325 00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,600 Oh, they're nourishing, all right. 326 00:14:00,624 --> 00:14:03,135 Two, they should contain the proper vitamins. 327 00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:05,054 Oh, plenty of vitamins, captain. 328 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:08,162 Uh, three, they should taste good. 329 00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:14,351 Two out of three ain't bad. 330 00:14:25,749 --> 00:14:29,161 Kill the cook! Kill the cook! 331 00:14:29,185 --> 00:14:32,497 Kill the cook! Kill the cook! 332 00:14:32,521 --> 00:14:35,050 Kill the cook! Kill the cook! 333 00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:37,403 It's only been a week. Give a guy a chance. 334 00:14:37,427 --> 00:14:38,404 Kill the cook! 335 00:14:38,428 --> 00:14:40,506 All right, simmer down, you guys. 336 00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:43,709 I said, simmer down! 337 00:14:43,733 --> 00:14:46,279 Want the captain to hear ya? 338 00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:47,880 What's up, Agarn? 339 00:14:47,904 --> 00:14:49,882 Sarge, I'm about ready to turn in my ladle. 340 00:14:49,906 --> 00:14:51,316 I... I can't take it anymore. 341 00:14:51,340 --> 00:14:54,253 They hate my cooking. 342 00:14:54,277 --> 00:14:56,756 Maybe you'd all like to transfer to G Troop, huh? 343 00:14:56,780 --> 00:14:59,340 Share your lunch with the Apaches. 344 00:14:59,549 --> 00:15:01,093 Oh, yes, and there are some openings 345 00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,262 up at H Troop in the Dakota territory. 346 00:15:03,286 --> 00:15:05,231 'Course, they're not eating much up there 347 00:15:05,255 --> 00:15:07,735 because the snow is over their heads! 348 00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,319 Now... if any of you have got 349 00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,104 a legitimate complaint, sound off. 350 00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:14,940 This steak is tougher than my saddlebag. 351 00:15:14,964 --> 00:15:17,360 I've see mud that'll pour easier than this coffee. 352 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:20,012 I had to soften these potatoes with my rifle butt. 353 00:15:20,036 --> 00:15:22,031 Sarge, we gotta have a decent meal. 354 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:23,965 And we're just wasting away to nothing. 355 00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,600 That does it, sarge! 356 00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:27,769 Slaving over a hot stove all week, 357 00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:30,005 working my fingers to the bone, and... 358 00:15:30,029 --> 00:15:32,274 this is the thanks I get? I... 359 00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:33,808 I could just cry. 360 00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:38,447 All right, all right. I'll make a deal with you. 361 00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,150 I'll get somebody to cook for Agarn. 362 00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:42,217 How's that? 363 00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:43,618 That's fine. 364 00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:45,987 But if you can't, get somebody to eat for us. 365 00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:53,962 Not bad. 366 00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:54,963 Halt! 367 00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:56,598 Do not throw on ground. 368 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,023 Hey, Sparrow Eye. 369 00:16:01,678 --> 00:16:03,244 Throw in there. 370 00:16:05,982 --> 00:16:09,383 Sparrow Eye, you missed pieces of cloth and bark. 371 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,500 Hekawi try to keep America clean. 372 00:16:14,524 --> 00:16:15,801 Oh, whose idea was that? 373 00:16:15,825 --> 00:16:16,840 Squaw Bird. 374 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,939 Crazy Cat's a pretty good cook. 375 00:16:19,963 --> 00:16:21,674 Even though he does cook Indian style. 376 00:16:21,698 --> 00:16:23,714 Why not? Crazy Cat is Indian. 377 00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,228 Well, you're right. 378 00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:27,662 All right, it's settled, then. 379 00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:29,265 Crazy Cat'll cook at the fort. 380 00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:30,683 Not interested. 381 00:16:30,707 --> 00:16:33,218 Maybe you interested in fat lip. 382 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:37,106 Only chief make decisions, and that job not open yet. 383 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,330 Can't blame brave for trying. 384 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,944 I'll pay you $10 a week for him. 385 00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:45,485 Make it $11. Add 10 percent for bad treaty. 386 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,089 Come on, Crazy Cat. 387 00:16:50,393 --> 00:16:51,871 Hey, Crazy Cat. 388 00:16:51,895 --> 00:16:54,306 I'll have some more of that chicken hawk with wine sauce. 389 00:16:54,330 --> 00:16:55,774 Pretty good meal, huh, Duffy? 390 00:16:55,798 --> 00:16:58,243 After choking down that stuff Agarn dished out, 391 00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,745 anything would taste good. 392 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,469 Kick a man when he's down, eh, Duffy? 393 00:17:07,010 --> 00:17:07,987 Easy, Cat. 394 00:17:08,011 --> 00:17:09,187 Take it easy on that wine. 395 00:17:09,211 --> 00:17:10,923 You never cooked with it before. 396 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,613 Why? Troopers like it. 397 00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,499 Cheers. 398 00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,183 Agarn, pluck two more chicken hawks, 399 00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,518 look at cornbread in stove 400 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,520 and clear the plates from table. 401 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,455 Don't push me too far, Crazy Cat. 402 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:29,113 This kitchen ain't big enough for both of us. 403 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:35,031 Hey, Crazy Cat, how about some more of that hot meat? 404 00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,954 Comin' up! 405 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:41,087 Watch where you serve that food! 406 00:17:41,111 --> 00:17:43,551 Excuse me, corporal, would you pass the arrow, please? 407 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,316 Um, I guess you didn't expect 408 00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:56,618 to see me back this way so soon, eh, Parmenter? 409 00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:57,819 No, sir. 410 00:17:57,843 --> 00:17:59,622 What do you think of the meal, Major Duncan? 411 00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,423 Good. Good, very good. 412 00:18:01,447 --> 00:18:04,360 I've always been fond of this Indian style of cooking. 413 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,428 Oh, so that's what it was. 414 00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:08,230 I thought the food had a different flavor. 415 00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,165 I'll tell you one thing, Parmenter. 416 00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:12,200 This chow is better than anything Cookie 417 00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:13,357 used to make for me. 418 00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,638 Used to make? 419 00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:17,706 What happened to Cookie? 420 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:18,974 Colonel Heinz took him. 421 00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,442 Pulled rank on me again. 422 00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:21,977 I thought he took your last cook. 423 00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,779 Yes, he did, but... 424 00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,682 You see, General Grizby took him from the colonel. 425 00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:29,651 And then the secretary of war took him from General Grizby, 426 00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,920 and the president took him from the secretary of war. 427 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,322 Right now he's back cooking at the White House. 428 00:18:34,346 --> 00:18:36,692 You know, I... understand they're quite partial 429 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,676 to Western-style cooking, back there. 430 00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:41,752 Who's your cook now? 431 00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,255 Who's your cook now? 432 00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:46,701 I asked you first. 433 00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:48,225 Captain. 434 00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:50,538 Corporal Agarn. 435 00:18:50,562 --> 00:18:53,659 Ah. He's my cook now. 436 00:18:53,683 --> 00:18:56,350 Oh, now, just a minute, here. 437 00:19:05,294 --> 00:19:07,394 He did it again. 438 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:15,797 Take me, sir? 439 00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:17,433 You heard me, corporal. 440 00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,602 We're moving out against Geronimo. 441 00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,804 It'll be at least a six month's campaign. 442 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:25,473 Now, saddle up, we're leavin' tonight. 443 00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:27,609 Sarge, you can't let him take me. 444 00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,511 I'll be gone for six months in Apa-pa-pa... 445 00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:30,979 Apache territory. 446 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,147 Now, don't worry, Agarn, 447 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,849 just let me think for a minute. 448 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:36,852 There's got to be some nice, logical, dishonest way 449 00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:39,071 to get you out of this mess. 450 00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,606 Now, what this about Agarn? 451 00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,507 Major Duncan is taking him with him tonight. 452 00:19:42,531 --> 00:19:43,809 We can't let him do that. 453 00:19:43,833 --> 00:19:44,910 Agarn is our partner. 454 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,311 We're all in business together. 455 00:19:46,335 --> 00:19:47,512 You're right, O'Rourke. 456 00:19:47,536 --> 00:19:50,248 Also, I lose $11 deal for loan of Crazy Cat. 457 00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,717 Ah-ha. 458 00:19:51,741 --> 00:19:52,851 What you want me to do? 459 00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:54,341 Well, I'll tell you. 460 00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:58,891 But the major is a very high-ranking officer, sir. 461 00:19:58,915 --> 00:20:01,126 Now, he really should stop by the Hekawi camp, 462 00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:03,228 so that they can give him, um, an Indian headdress 463 00:20:03,252 --> 00:20:04,763 and make him an honorary chief. 464 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,364 Hey, it's in the manual, sir. 465 00:20:06,388 --> 00:20:07,733 It is? Hm. 466 00:20:07,757 --> 00:20:10,202 I don't remember seeing anything in the manual about that. 467 00:20:10,226 --> 00:20:12,337 Well, it's in the Hekawi manual, sir. 468 00:20:12,361 --> 00:20:14,372 Oh, really? Yes. 469 00:20:14,396 --> 00:20:15,741 All right, I'll tell the major. 470 00:20:15,765 --> 00:20:17,197 Yes, sir. 471 00:20:21,271 --> 00:20:24,650 Hekawi proud to have high officer of cavalry 472 00:20:24,674 --> 00:20:28,721 honorary chief of tribe. 473 00:20:28,745 --> 00:20:31,823 Now, Captain Parmenter told me this is one your customs, 474 00:20:31,847 --> 00:20:33,125 but I... Heh-heh. 475 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,750 I didn't think I'd have to eat with you. 476 00:20:36,619 --> 00:20:37,996 Part of ceremony. 477 00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:40,098 Anyway, this good chance for you to see 478 00:20:40,122 --> 00:20:43,669 how your new cook, Agarn, cook away from fort. 479 00:20:44,894 --> 00:20:45,960 Begin meal. 480 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,160 Here you are, major. 481 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,480 Mushrooms. 482 00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:55,652 I picked them tonight. 483 00:20:56,673 --> 00:20:57,793 Tonight? 484 00:20:58,675 --> 00:20:59,915 In the dark? 485 00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:02,821 These could be poisonous. 486 00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:05,562 Those are the chances you take, Indian style. 487 00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:10,496 No, I don't think I... care for any mushrooms. 488 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,763 Oh, too bad. 489 00:21:11,787 --> 00:21:13,866 I serve them every night. 490 00:21:13,890 --> 00:21:15,050 Next course. 491 00:21:15,074 --> 00:21:16,652 I know you'll like this, major. 492 00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:19,109 It's one of my specialties. 493 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,928 It's... It's raw fish? 494 00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:28,063 We always serve it this way, Indian style. 495 00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:29,598 Cooking ruins the flavor. 496 00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,700 Chief, you're... not eating? 497 00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:34,269 That not part of ceremony. 498 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,739 I'll... I'll pass on the fish too. 499 00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:39,208 Oh. Then try the potatoes. 500 00:21:39,232 --> 00:21:43,033 Ah, well... They look all right. 501 00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:52,705 There's a rock in here. 502 00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:54,239 Of course. A heated rock. 503 00:21:54,263 --> 00:21:56,108 I always bake them from the inside. 504 00:21:56,132 --> 00:21:57,593 Excuse me, major. 505 00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:58,927 Agarn very good. 506 00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:00,929 Learn much from Indian. 507 00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:04,032 You like next course, major. 508 00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:07,186 Ready for hot meat. 509 00:22:07,210 --> 00:22:09,710 Hot meat comin' up! 510 00:22:13,416 --> 00:22:14,826 You're lucky. 511 00:22:14,850 --> 00:22:18,897 Agarn serve with full Indian-style ceremony. 512 00:22:18,921 --> 00:22:23,089 Chief, I, uh... I think I'm on fire. 513 00:22:25,895 --> 00:22:28,440 We prepare teepee for you to stay tonight. 514 00:22:28,464 --> 00:22:30,998 It all ready for you. 515 00:22:49,719 --> 00:22:51,062 Oh. 516 00:22:51,086 --> 00:22:52,931 Wh-what did I fall into? 517 00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:54,266 A hole! 518 00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,967 That's just the way we bury our trash, 519 00:22:55,991 --> 00:22:57,402 Indian style. 520 00:22:57,426 --> 00:22:59,994 Oh, there'll be lots of 'em around your tent area. 521 00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:05,227 Sergeant O'Rourke, what are you doing here? 522 00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:06,528 Well, sir, I, uh... 523 00:23:06,552 --> 00:23:08,997 I just came to say goodbye to Corporal Agarn. 524 00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:10,565 Well, I've come to tell Major Duncan 525 00:23:10,589 --> 00:23:11,833 that he can't take Agarn. 526 00:23:11,857 --> 00:23:13,468 I've made up my mind to be firm. 527 00:23:13,492 --> 00:23:14,536 Oh. Yes, sir. 528 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,320 Uh... Wait. 529 00:23:21,366 --> 00:23:23,067 Major. 530 00:23:24,136 --> 00:23:25,513 I've been checking the manual, 531 00:23:25,537 --> 00:23:29,651 and I found a footnote under "Requisition of Personnel." 532 00:23:29,675 --> 00:23:32,520 "No personnel essential to the welfare of a fort 533 00:23:32,544 --> 00:23:34,956 "may be transferred until a suitable replacement 534 00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:36,091 can be found." 535 00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:39,260 So... you can't take Corporal Agarn. 536 00:23:39,284 --> 00:23:40,395 Captain Parmenter, 537 00:23:40,419 --> 00:23:42,998 you can take Corporal Agarn, and... 538 00:23:43,022 --> 00:23:44,900 And you can keep him. 539 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,468 I'm heading for the Apache territory, 540 00:23:47,492 --> 00:23:50,627 where I stand half a chance of survival. 541 00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:57,145 I should have spoken up sooner, Agarn. 542 00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:59,280 All I had to do is be firm. 543 00:23:59,304 --> 00:24:01,983 Chief, thank you for your hospitality to the major. 544 00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:03,919 Not think much of major. 545 00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:07,745 Indian not like man who eat and run. 546 00:24:10,566 --> 00:24:12,861 Ah. Well, Cookie's back, 547 00:24:12,885 --> 00:24:15,164 and we lose our nice little setup. 548 00:24:15,188 --> 00:24:18,167 How come Colonel Heinz let him go? 549 00:24:18,191 --> 00:24:20,101 Colonel Heinz's cook got sent back to him, 550 00:24:20,125 --> 00:24:21,970 the one that was cooking for the president. 551 00:24:21,994 --> 00:24:24,039 He got sent back for writing his memoirs, 552 00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:26,308 My Ten Days in the White House. 553 00:24:26,332 --> 00:24:28,243 Well, something good came out of it anyway. 554 00:24:28,267 --> 00:24:29,811 Yeah. I know. 555 00:24:29,835 --> 00:24:32,080 We don't have to eat your cookin' anymore. 556 00:24:32,104 --> 00:24:33,215 No, sarge. 557 00:24:33,239 --> 00:24:35,817 I gave him the benefit of my experience. 558 00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:37,852 Hey, Cookie, how about the hot meat? 559 00:24:40,513 --> 00:24:42,779 Thanks, Cookie! 37601

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