All language subtitles for While.I.Was.Gone.2004.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX] eng

♪♪

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(gasps)

(sound distorting)

(gasps)

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I just, uh...

I drifted off
a second.

You want to go in?

No, I'm fine.
I'm all right.

I've got two fish.

Two trout, one wife,

that's all a man can
reasonably ask of his maker.

(chuckles)

(phone beeping)

Anything for me?

Nope, nothing
work related.

A message
from Cassie.

Oh, where is she now?

"East godforsaken Minnesota"
was how she put it.

(chuckles)

She loves
to tease you.

Well, I don't mind
the teasing.

A little bit more

geographically specific
wouldn't hurt.

Oh, you need to
know more

than the fact
that she lives in a van

with three guys
you've never met?

Singing songs
you can't understand.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, you take everything
in your stride.

Me? I...
I hit every hurdle.

I did my hard time
between 13 and 18.

Those five years when
she was daddy's darling?

Not that she wasn't mine,
you understand.

She was tough on you.

Tough?
She was brutal!

The girl did not want
to be my daughter.

She would have loved it
if she had been found

outside your church
wrapped in brown paper.

Except she still wanted you
to be her father.

To our Cassandra, who couldn't
believe her own identity.

Oh, not for me.

Not having wine?
Nuh-huh.

I have to
go out tonight.

Daniel, this is
our Monday.

I know.

It's Amy Halloran.

Is she at home?

Now they've done
all they can.

It's just awful.

I won't be late.

Okay.

Oh, native trout
with lemon.

Darling,
I can die happy.

(chuckling)

♪♪

(dog whining)

There you are.

Get down.

(dog whining)

Oh, Cassie.

We should've been sisters.

Then you could hate me without
the hard feelings.

(crickets, bird chirping)

(dog barking)

(footsteps approaching)

Mm, hi.

Hi.

Real bad?

Well, pre-real bad.

The family was glad
she was home.

You know Daniel, um...

something funny happened
on the river in the boat.

What?

Well, I was
lying there.

And, um...
I wasn't asleep.

I was conscious,
actually.

And, I don't know...
I was just thinking about

where life takes us,
on its current.

Row, row, row your boat,
gently down the stream.

Anyway, I was inside
and outside at the same time.

I was in and outside
of my life.

Life is but a dream.

It was like
a dream.

But then all of a sudden
I found myself...

I just... I think
I went out of my body,

and I was way above
the river,

and I looked down,
and I could see the boat,

and you in it,
but I wasn't there.

(water running)

I wasn't in the boat.

Don't you think
that's weird?

It was hot.

You were daydreaming.
It happens.

But, you know,
it seemed like...

it was some kind of
a premonition.

A premonition?
Of what?

I don't know.

Well, maybe you were thinking
about death.

And maybe
the boat you were in

was your life, or marriage,
or...

No, it was more like
we had never met,

and I had taken
a different path.

I'm glad you didn't.

Me too.

Why didn't you tell me
this at the time?

Because it was scary,
looking down

and not seeing myself
in the boat.

Well, honey, we're both
in the same boat.

Wow. Where did that
come from?

Honey, I'm sorry,
I can't match it tonight.

I'm just...

It's all right.
There'll be other nights.

Mmm.

Oh.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah.

Cassie used to
like that too...

once upon a time.

(dog yipping)

Take your temp...

(meows)

Oh, it's normal.
You get to go home.

Call Mrs. Truscott
and tell her to pick him up.

Mm-hmm.
Come on, sugar.

Well, I can't believe
you got Evelyn Truscott

to cut off
that cat's marbles.

(both chuckling)
Yep, no more unwanted kittens.

Don Juan is officially
retired.

The preacher's wife performs
yet another miracle.

Yeah, hardly.
What have you got for me?

We got a new patient.

His name is Arthur.
His back legs won't work.

Can you have Jordan
bring him back?

Mmm-hmm.
Sure.

(Jordan)
Right in here, sir.

Okay, thanks.

On the table's fine.

The doctor will be
right with you.

Thanks.

I'm Dr. Beckett.
Joanne.

And this is...
Arthur?

Hello, Arthur.

What seems to be
the problem with Arthur?

Well, he...
he seems to be paralyzed.

I was traveling
for quite a while,

and I finally came home

and found him
like this.

My wi...
My wife wasn't

paying much attention,
I'm afraid.

Excuse me,
Mr. Mayhew.

Is that Eli Mayhew?

Yes.

Alicia Stead.

Oh, my goodness.

Of course you are.
Um...

Well, you've changed.

Yeah, well it's been
almost 30 years, hasn't it?

Yeah.

But, your name's...
your name is Joanne?

Well, it...

I just wasn't quite who
I seemed to be in those days.

So, do you live here now?

We just moved here.

I mean, I work in Boston,
but we live here now.

Well, while we get over
our astonishment,

let's concentrate
on Arthur here.

Yeah.

He's on cortisone.

He's had arthritis for
a number of years,

which is probably why

my wife didn't
think much of him

not moving around.

When I came back
and saw him...

I mean, he can't move
his back legs.

He has no feeling
in them at all

as far as I can tell.

When they've lost
motor response like this,

it's very serious.

I should've brought him
in sooner.

You know I looked
at the X-Rays,

and when there's this much
neurological damage,

we have to
consider surgery,

but I need to tell you
that that is serious,

and invasive, and...

we can never guarantee
the success of it.

What are the odds?

It's a long shot.

Given Arthur's age,

the anesthetic could
even prove too much.

And if we don't
do anything?

If we do nothing, then
you have an invalid dog,

which is similar to
an invalid human.

You just have to
take care of them,

keep them clean, make sure
they get a lot of exercise.

How can he exercise
if he can't walk?

Oh, well we have
prosthetics now.

These little carts
that support

the hind quarters
of the animal.

No, that's not possible.

Well the only other
option is, um...

to put him down.

Put him down?

I know,
pick the word.

None of them are
very pleasant.

You know, I can tell you
this though...

You don't have to
make a rush decision.

Arthur is in no pain.

Could I...

Could I be alone with him
just for a minute?

Of course you can.

I'll just be
in the other room.

Thanks. You could
do this now?

Yes, if that's what
you've decided,

but like I said,
he's not in pain.

Um, just push
this buzzer

when you're ready
and I'll come back.

Okay.

Hey, buddy...

Oh, my goodness.

(indistinct chatter)

So what happened to
the big guy?

Did he go out
the back door?

No, he's still here.
What?

He could be
back there

snapping up stuff,
for all you know.

I don't think so.

I've known him for
a long time,

well before
I was Mrs. Beckett.

Oh. So...

he's an old flame,
then?

No.

We just lived in the same house
in Boston in the 70's.

So you were hippies
together?

Yeah!
(both chuckling)

I can't imagine anyone calling
Eli Mayhew a "hippie."

Hippie.
(laughing)

Hey, Beatty.
Uh-huh.

You believe
in premonitions?

Girl, please.
No.

I believe that
some things happen

'cause they were
meant to happen,

but premonitions?
No.

That's just
superstition.

Or voodoo?

(buzzing)

Don't let me work
no roots on you.

Gotta go.

Watch it.

Does it take long?

No, it's quick.

I should warn you,
it's shockingly quick.

But it'll be painless.

Okay.
You sure?

Yeah. As sure as
I'm ever gonna be.

All right,
so you just...

What?

Just hold his head.

Come here, buddy.
Come here, buddy.

That's perfect.

You know,
I was telling him

that at any
given time...

There are only seven
great dogs in the world,

and he's one of 'em.

And I've been really lucky
to know him...

Did you know that,
about the seven great dogs?

Yes, I'd heard that.

Oh, God...
that was quick.

Yeah, it is.

Thank you.
Okay.

Would you like me
to make arrangements...

No, that's okay.
Is there...

Is there
a back way out?

Yes, just turn left there.
Okay.

Let me get him.
I got him.

There you go.

Thanks Alicia...
I mean, Jo.

We'll talk later.

Of course we will.

Hey!
Hey!

Did you know that,
Boomer, huh?

About the seven great dogs?

Stay Boomer.
Stay right here.

♪♪

(laughing)
Oh...

(camera shutter clicks)

(laughter and whooping)

Welcome, Alicia.

Oh...

♪♪

♪ Sunshine go away today ♪

♪ I don't feel much
like dancing ♪

♪ Some man's gone
he's tried to run my life ♪

♪ Don't know what
he's asking ♪

♪ He tells me
I'd better get in line ♪

(Dana)
Come on Eli!

All right.
♪ Can't hear what he's saying ♪

♪ When I grow up
I'm gonna make it mine ♪

I got brownies heating.

♪ But these ain't dues
I been paying ♪

♪ How much does it cost?
I'll buy it ♪

♪ The time
is all we've lost... ♪♪

(Joanne)
You know, for the first
few seconds,

he was a total stranger,
and then it hit me,

and I just... It was...
I was dizzy.

The past
just became so alive.

But you were pleasantly
surprised, right?

When I got
over the shock, yes.

Well, I'll have to
meet this man.

It'd be interesting
to talk to someone

who knew you
when you were

a young,
idealistic radical.

As opposed to a middle-aged,
chubby veterinarian?

You know, I don't think of you
as a veterinarian.

You are such an ass.
(laughing)

This Eli Mayhew,
what does he do now?

Well, I'm not
exactly sure.

He was a chemistry student.

He used to spend all day
in the lab

and come home
very late at night.

Kept a very tidy room.
Yeah.

He was the guy
you went to for a loan.

(laughing)

And then this,
this is Duncan.

Duncan was a musician.
Ah.

He was actually a bit of
a jerk,

but he played the guitar
like Eric Clapton.
Mm.

And then Larry.
Larry was the radical.

He used to
call himself a...

anarchist insurgent,
whatever that means.

And then,
there was Dana.

Dana was Dana.
Mother Courage meets Madonna.

We all loved Dana.

(beeper)

Oh, I have to go out again.

It's coming fast.
What?

She's in
God's hands now.

Oh, Amy.

I'll leave you with
your happy memories.

They weren't all happy.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot.

No. No, no, no.
They were happy.

Right up
until they weren't.

Bye.
Bye.

(car engine starting)

(echoing screams)

♪♪

(choir singing)

(Daniel)
We are gathered here this
glorious Sunday morning

in God's house, to give thanks
for our blessings,

and to receive comfort
for our sorrows.

And we do have
some sorrows this morning.

Most of you know our friend
and neighbor Amy Halloran,

who has been
an active member

of our parish
her whole life,

has come home to
be with her family,

to be sustained and nourished
by those she loves most,

for as long as
the good Lord grants.

And I know that we pray
for Amy

and her family
during this difficult time.

(door opens)

The question of suffering,
human suffering,

is the single most asked

and unanswered question
in all religious debate.

Why does God allow
this interminable pain

that afflicts the sick
and the wounded among us?

♪♪

Got it!

Cool.

I can help.

You've slept
with them all?

Yep.

It was nothing heavy.

I mean we're all
still friends.

Do you think that
makes me a slut?

No.

I mean if it's all cool,
then that's great.

Yeah.

You know, I kind of just look
at it like dancing.

You have different partners
for different dances.

Some like to waltz, and some
like to do the tango,

and some like to foxtrot.
(laughing)

Let me guess...

Duncan tangos?
Yeah.

And the dance
of narcissism.

And Larry,
he does rock and roll?

Yeah that's just like...

"Cut to the chase,
let's get it on."

(both laughing)

Well, that leaves...

Waltzing Mayhew.
(laughing)

You know, Eli, he was
really sweet though.

He's never had
oral sex before,

so he just thought
I was doing him

the greatest favor
in the world.

You like him, don't you?

I think he's got a thing
for you.

No, he was
over that months ago.

(knocking on door)

Oh, hey Eli.

(Eli)
Hey.

Um, I'm going to
the store

for tonight's dinner,
but the bank's empty.

Uh, Alicia, can you
put in five for me?

I'll owe you.

Oh, thanks.

What do you think?

Um...
It's pretty pink.

I don't know,
it's like...

being in somebody's mouth
or something.

(women chuckling)

What's...?

Nothing.

(both laughing)

Thanks.

(Daniel)
...it has been said

in the face of this
awful mystery

that God is the answer
for which there is no question.

And while that paradox
may embody

the very heart
of Christian faith,

it is a bleak response

to souls suffering,
and souls grieving.

(officer)
We got a forced entry
over here.

(Daniel)
It would be
presumptuous of me,

and futile, to explain
such a vast puzzle.

(indistinct chatter,
helicopter hovering)

(officer)
Looks like a random killing,
Captain.

Indeed, our capacity
to love while suffering

is perhaps
more important

than at any other time
in our lives.

It's good to see you
again, Helen.

Yes, thank you.
Thank you.

See you at home.
Bye.

Good sermon.
Thank you, darling.

Tom.
Thank you.

Eli!

Hi.

Hey.
I didn't...

I didn't, uh...

Uh, Sylvia,
this is...

this is Joanne,
uh...

Beckett.
Beckett.

Oh, hi!
Eli told me

about running across you.
Small world, huh?

Well, to me it feels
pretty large right now.

We haven't seen each other
in what, over 25 years?

Well, small Adams Mills.

So, how long
have you lived here?

Oh, a long time.
My husband has been

the minister here
for 15 years.

Your husband
is Reverend Beckett?

That's right.

Wow. We're here because
we heard

he was the star of
the township.

He's very handsome
up there on the pulpit.

And very impressive.

Well, I think Daniel's
found his calling.

How about you Eli,
are you still a chemist?

You were always
so good at that.

Eli's in medical
research.

Yes, well I guess
I found my calling too:

to end human suffering
through pharmaceuticals.

Not quite as comprehensive
as your husband's solution.

Well, I'm sure there are
different kinds of suffering.

So, did Eli tell you
I neglected Arthur?

No, not at all.
Well, I did.

I didn't notice
he hadn't moved.

You know, I don't think
noticing sooner

would've made
much difference.

You know what?
You guys should come

to our house
for dinner.

Well, you should come
have dinner with us.

Eli's a fabulous cook.
Still?

Yeah.
Still.

So you and the reverend
must come.

I'd love to meet him
up close and personal.

All right,
then we'll do that.
Great!

It's a date.
I'll call you.

You'll have to tell me
all about him

when he was young.

Okay.

See you later.

Bye.

Cassie?

Hi.
Mrs. Beckett.

I'm your daughter's
guitar player.

Oh, so nice to meet you.
Hi.

This is Jesus Martinez
on drumsticks.

How do you do?
How's it going?

Doin' great.
And Byron Hall, bass.

Hi, how are you?

No need to stand.
Cass is upstairs.

She got first dibs
on the bathroom.
All right.

Well, listen,
you guys help yourself

to whatever you want,
and her dad's

gonna be home
in a few minutes,

and if you don't mind,
I wanna

go say "hi" to Cassie,
so please excuse me.

No problem.

Hey, thanks again.
Sure.

(Joanne)
Cassie?

Cassie?

(water running)

Cassie?
(Cassie)
Yeah, just a sec.

(water stops)

Oh!

I am so glad
to see you.

Oh, my God,
what a surprise.

Hope you don't mind me turning
the boys loose on your food.

Oh, no, no, not at all.

Oh, honey, your dad is gonna be
so excited to see you.

He still playing
to full houses?

Yeah, packs 'em in.

You know, Mom,
I was thinking,

maybe that's where I get
my love of the spotlight.

I never thought about that,
but I think you're right.

Say Cassie,
are you gonna stay over?

You know, we gotta
keep heading west.

Cassie, couldn't you just spend
one night here?

We have
firm dates Mom.

And by the way,
if you could...

if you could you not
call me Cassie,

I mean,
if you can remember.

Oh, okay.

It's good to see you...
Cass.

And the Black Sheep.

(laughter, dog barking)

(Malky)
So there was no one,
I kid you not,

not a single person
in the place

when we went on
for our second show.

And Cass goes to
the owner and says...

"There's nobody
out there."

And of course he says,
"You're paid for two shows,

you do two shows.
(Malky)
Right, right.

So we give it
all we got.
(Byron) Yeah.

I mean we really
laid it down.

We laid it down.
The whole set.

And when we finished,
we all took a bow.

(laughter)
That's right, we did!

And then,
we did an encore.

(laughter)

Hey Cass, do you still sing
that Britney song?

What was it called?
Um...

"Baby, Baby Give Me
Another Chance," what is it?

Mom, please.

Oh, come on, honey.
You sing that so pretty.

(Malky)
Cass could sing "The Lord's
Prayer" in Braille.

Your daughter's got a great set
of pipes, Reverend Beckett.

Like Annie Lennox
meets Janis Joplin.

The best fusion
of a laser

and a blowtorch
you will ever hear.

Oh, that is so outrageously
over the top, McDowell,

and you know it.

Yeah, you should
come hear her.

No, they should not,
guys, okay?

I mean, at least not
until I'm famous.

You're famous with me
already, honey.

Thanks, Daddy.

(imitates gagging)
Blah!

(band members groaning)

Hey, hey, I'm allowed.

Boomer likes it.
Boomer likes the love.

Daddy does too.

You don't really think
she's sleeping with, uh...

With the Black Sheep?
No, I don't.

But I think they're all
in love with her.

Hey, who can blame them?

I just see her searching,
looking for a path.

I see myself in her
so clearly

it makes me want to wave
and go "Hey!

Remember me when
I was your age?"

You mean when you ran off
to your commune?

(chuckles)
It was a co-operative.

Oh.

Oh, by the way, I saw
Eli Mayhew in church today.

Yeah, I thought I saw
two new faces.

His wife's
pretty glamorous.

She's a looker.

Was that his type back then
in the, uh, co-operative?

He didn't have so much a type
as... an archetype.

♪♪

Keep going.

Go on.
Shh.

(whispering)
Come here.

Hi.

I don't like
to disturb her.

I don't think
you'd disturb her.

No, maybe not.

Good night.

(Daniel)
We should invite the Mayhews
over for dinner.

I think they're planning
on inviting us.

Oh, that's good.
Save you from cooking.

Daniel...
Hmm?

(whispering)
Make love to me.

♪♪

(Eli)
So the problem with a lot
of the developments

in modern
neurological medicine

isn't so much that
we haven't found cures

or ameliorants for a lot
of the diseases.

It's that we haven't devised
an efficient delivery system

to get the medicines past
the blood-brain barrier.

And this is the field
you specialize in?

Yep, that's me.
Delivery man.

(Sylvia)
I mean, they think
that death

is such a high,
these guys.

(Joanne)
Oh, dear.
I picked up this piece

in the artisans' village
in Manzanillo, Mexico.

It's interesting.

Oh, is this Arthur?

Oh, yeah, when
he was younger, I guess.

I certainly never saw him
jump like that.

Really?
Well...

how long have you
and Eli been married?

About a year.
Little longer I guess.

(chuckling)
Yeah.

When I first came along,
the dog was on his last legs.

But, Eli refused
to accept it.

He used to
talk to him at night.

I mean, really talk
to him.

To tell you the truth,

I thought he was
a little weird.

Oh?

I've never thought of Eli
as weird.

Yeah, well, when I first
met him, he was.

Living on his own,
talking to his dog,

working all those
long hours.

You know, at first
I thought he was gay.

But he wasn't.

That works out better
for you.

Yeah.
(laughing)

(Eli)
Come and get it!

Shall we?

Sure.
(laughter)

(Daniel)
Well, I'm stuffed.

I've never had
better shrimp.

Well, it helps that
they were recently alive.

Mmm, that's right.
That's the secret:

fresh out of the water.
Yes, you're right.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

You're a fine cook.

Thank you.

(Joanne)
He always was.

(chuckles)
You were, you were.

We used to take turns
cooking every night,

and yet the only night
anyone would show up

was the night
Eli cooked.

Only because I couldn't
convince them

that cooking was
a matter of literacy.

If you can read a cookbook,
you can cook.

Very erudite of you.
Yeah, yeah.

But then you were dealing
with Larry,

whose specialty
was tuna casserole.

Ugh!

Ugh, yeah, that was...

Nasty.
That was nasty.

And mine was meatloaf.
I hate meatloaf.

(laughter)

And then Duncan
was good at...

Duncan, Duncan...
Duncan.

Duncan, Mr. Pizza Man.
Yeah.

He was a master
at ordering.

Well done, that is.

And then Dana...
Dana.

Dana was into leftovers.

She was a reheater.
A reheater.

Wow, it's amazing
that the two of you

should meet up again.

Have you ever run into
any of the others?

No.
No, no.

Um, to tell you
the truth,

Alicia's the only one

I would've wanted to
run into again.

I used to call myself
Alicia, then.

You know.
Don't ask.

(Sylvia)
So...

Alicia?
(Eli)
Alicia.

So, what?
Were you two an item?

No.
(Joanne)
Oh, God no.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
Don't say it like that.

Thanks a lot.
I didn't mean "God, no, ick."

I... "No,"
I just meant "no."

Thank you, I appreciate it.
Right, okay I remember now.

It was, um, it was
the other one, Donna?

Don...
Dana.

Dana! Dana.
The femme fatale.

Well,
changing the subject...

Your research, Eli,

it's primarily concerned
with getting the body

to accept the cures
that you have developed.

Yeah, that's right,
the blood-brain barrier.

(chuckles)
It's the new frontier.

Eli is going where no man
has gone before.

(Daniel)
Mm.

(Daniel)
You know, I sometimes wonder,

if in our pursuit
of longer lives,

that we're not projecting
the idea

of transcending
mortality itself.

You afraid that's gonna
cut into your market?

Well, I wouldn't quite
put it that way, but...

You know, I've always
wanted to know this:

Why is it that every
major religion forbids suicide?

Now what, are they afraid
that if it's okay

to off yourself,
that a lot of people

living disease-ridden,
miserable lives will opt

for heaven direct and miss out
on the painful part?

Oh, I can't believe
that if, uh,

the injunction against
suicide was removed

that a great many of us
would take the plunge.

The survival instinct
is pretty core...

Oh, don't be so sure.

I mean, especially if you
could get someone like Jo here

to deliver
the sympathetic needle.

(awkward chuckles)

(Sylvia)
Eli... That's awful.
What?

It's true.
What?

No, no, no.
Jo has a similar opinion.

But the bottom line is,
our lives are not ours to end.

God gave us life.

And we have a responsibility
to Him to honor that gift.

But what if in the end,
it is just suddenly dark?

Oh, thee of little faith.
(Eli chuckling)

Oh, you have no doubts
on that score?

I have some uncertainties,
but no doubts.

And the difference between
uncertainty and doubt?

Uncertainties have to do
with comprehension.

Doubt has to do
with faith.

I'm just as confused
as the next guy

as to what the Kingdom
of Heaven consists of,

but I have no doubt that
it will be revealed to me.

That's what I want to hear
from my minister.

There you go, Daniel.
Another worshipper.

Well my cup runneth over.

(distant dog barking)

(owl hooting)

You didn't tell me you used
another name back then.

Alicia's dead.

Changed my life,
changed my name.

I told you when I left
my first husband

that I dropped
out of sight.

Ah, yes,
the first husband.

I always forget
I'm number two.

(chuckles)

Always number one
in my heart.

How's that?
(chuckles)

(distant dogs barking)

(Joanne)
All right,

the retriever is good
for another 50,000 miles.

Well I'll alert all
the ducks in the area.

You should be home.

Come on, leave.
Are you sure?

Yes, I can take it
from here.

You know,
you have a home, too.

I know, but Daniel's with
the Hallorans.

Oh, that poor woman
wasting away like that.

It's draining.

Yeah, hard on everyone.

Those were fine words
the reverend spoke on Sunday.

Went right to my heart.

Daniel's a great speaker.

He is much more
than that.

He's a man of God,

more than any man that
I've ever known,

and believe me,
I have known plenty.

I believe you.

(chuckles)
(telephone ringing)

I'll get that.
You go.

Don't even think
about getting it.

Vet clinic.

(Eli)
Uh, Jo?

It's, uh, it's me.

Eli? Oh, I was
just leaving.

Um, okay.
Do you...

do you have
a couple of minutes?

Yeah, sure.
What is it?

Well, if you were
just leaving,

I'm outside in your lot.

I'm at the far end,
by the tree.

Um, okay.
Well, it's gonna

take me a few minutes.
Can you wait?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.
I can wait.

Okay, good.

Bye.

Hi.
Hey.

Nice car.

Better be
for the price.

Look, I just wanted to say
I hope I wasn't...

offensive last night.

Offensive?
No, you weren't offensive.

Or confrontational.

I know Sylvia thought
maybe I went too far.

No, no, no.

Daniel likes to spar
with the best of them.

I got the impression
he was...

a little surprised by
you being called Alicia.

Oh, yeah, I sort of, um,
forgot to mention that.

Who does...
(chuckles)

Yeah.

Why did you change
your name?

Because I married
my high school sweetheart

when I was 19.

I don't know, one day
I had this, sort of...

I don't... I don't know
what you call it, anyway...

Saw my life, sort of like
this forward road

straight out in front,
going on, and on, and on,

and I could see what
he would become

and what I would be
and what our children,

all 2.5 of them, would be
and I don't know,

I just got scared
and I ran.

You had a premonition.

Yeah.

You know,
I wouldn't have thought

that you were the kind of guy
who believed in premonitions.

I mean, the scientist
that you are.

I'm a scientist by day.

But at night...

Yeah, by night?

Look, um...
could we meet sometime?

I mean some other time
when we could talk?

Yeah, sure.

Um, I have to be
in Boston all this week.

I could do Boston.

Okay.
What, I mean,

what, it's 30 miles
from here.

Okay, I'm staying
at The Ambassador.

Whoa.
That's very upscale.

Well, I'm a big-time
pharmaceutical guy now.

Yeah, by day.

Right.

Okay, um...
Friday lunch?

Friday is good.
Lunch is good.

Great.
Okay.

Then I'll see you Friday.

Okay.

Bye.
Bye-bye.

(sighs)

It's like there's nothing
left of her.

It's just a membrane

holding the essence
of Amy Halloran.

It's, uh...
It's awful for the family,

but it's beautiful
in a strange way.

We're reminded
once again

that the body is just
a housing, a shell.

Lovely woman, though.

Beautiful family.

It's a shame, really.

(gasps)
I'm sorry.

Oh, um...

Don't worry about it.

Okay.

(echoing laughter)

(man)
Hurry up!

Cheese!

Cheese!

(camera shutter clicking)

(echoing screams)

(creaking)

Anybody home?

Hello?

Dana!

Oh, my... Dana!

It's okay.
Dana.

Oh, God!
(crying)

Aah!

Dana!

Larry! Duncan!
Somebody!

No!

Aah!

Oh, God.
Shh, Jo.

Eli, what's happening?

Shh.

Shh, it's okay.
What's happening?

Are you okay?
I don't know.
I don't know.

You okay?
I don't know.
I don't know.

Why are you here?

How did you know
I would be here?

I didn't, I didn't know.
It was a coincidence.

I just came back
to see the house.

I've... I've never
been back.

Shh.
Shh, shh, shh.

Could we just please
just go back to your room?

Yeah.

♪♪

That's good.
(chuckles)

Daniel believes
in free will.

He says
it's God's gift to us.

Some gift.

You know, um,
something happened

just the day before
you came into my office.

I had this
sort of a...

Well, it was
a premonition.

And, um, I was in a boat,
and I went...

What's wrong?

I think, um...

I think this was
supposed to happen.

Yeah.

And even if
it wasn't, it did.

Listen, Alicia...

I like Alicia.

That's who I was
around you and Dana.

You know, I haven't
been able to talk

to anybody about Dana
or those times.

Dana once said that
I should tell you.

Tell me what?

That I was attracted
to you.

Yeah, she told me
the same thing.

Now, of course
I didn't because I...

didn't know if you,
you know,

felt that way
about me,

but you were always
so wonderful

to talk to, that...
Oh, I was so crazy
about her.

About Dana.

Crazy about her?

You know,
I couldn't understand

why she would say something
like that to me

when she knew
how I felt.

I mean, I knew
she'd had relationships

with Duncan and Larry
at some point.

Even...

I thought maybe she had
something going on with you.

(scoffs)
Nothing like that.

I mean, I loved her, but...
But it didn't matter.

I couldn't see past
how I felt.

Have you ever had that?

Where somebody else
just becomes your whole world?

Everything?

I think it's the one thing
I missed.

Or avoided.

You don't even see the world
through your own eyes,

but through theirs.

I had no idea that you were
that obsessed with Dana.

Well, Dana warned me,

said I couldn't
go around brooding.

Alicia, she was...

(clock chiming)

She was my first.

For everything.
For sex. For love.

She gave me that, you know,
she gave both of those.

Together.
She was incredible.

I mean,
I know I didn't have

much to compare it
to then, but...

Losing that
was like being...

kicked out of Eden.

Hmm.

I didn't know scientists
believed in Eden.

Oh, I believed in a lot of
things before I killed Dana.

♪♪

What is that, a bad joke?
It wasn't funny Eli.

Why would you say
something like that?

Some druggie came in
off the street.

That's what
the police said.

And you were
at the lab all day.

No, no, no.
You said you were
at the lab all day.

I was at the lab,
but I came back.

She stopped sleeping with me.
I begged her not to.

I begged her not to
end it, and she said...

Give it time, it'll pass.
No, no, I don't need time.

Oh, God.

She bet me on it.

Made an actual bet.

Do you wanna bet?
Six months.

I'm telling you,
six months is all you need.

Get over it, go out,
meet some people,

live a little bit.
I don't need six months.

She said come back
in six months

you'll be over it,
and I said that's impossible.

She said, oh, well,
you come back on that date

if you remember it.
What date?
What date?

And, it was the date!
That was that night.

That night,
the ninth of September!

It was a Tuesday.

God!

Okay, fine, I had been
at the lab all day.

I came back
so we could be alone.

I thought when
she saw, you know,

that six months hadn't
made any difference...

But Dana had forgotten
all about it.

I had to wake her up.

What's this all about,
Eli?

This is the day.
What day?

The day we talked about.

(Eli)
You promised, and nothing
has changed for me.

Well, things have
kind of changed for me.

Are you hungry?

I've waited six months
for you.

She just put her hand
on my face.

Poor, sweet Eli.

And then, sympathetic...

You are so sweet
and faithful.

The way she had with things,
dogs, cats, people.

You know.

Do you wanna go upstairs,

and we can be sweet
to one another?

Poor Eli.

You deserve a medal
for fidelity.

"You wanna come upstairs?
Be sweet with one another?"

It's like you said about
being outside yourself.

I could see me...

(screaming)
No! No!

Aah!
(screaming)

Hitting her.
(screaming)

Again and again,
and I had a knife in my hand.

I mean, I don't even know
where I got it.

I guess off the counter.
And I was...

No! No!
(screaming)

No!
(grunting)

Why are you telling me
this crazy story?

Because you're the only person
I can tell.

Listen, I've...

I've thought about
this terrible,

terrible thing I did
every day of my life.

Every single day.

Then why didn't you
tell the police when...

Because I didn't mean
to kill her.

I told you that.

I thought you'd understand.

No, no, no.
Come on, wait a second.

No, just stop it!

Why would you think
I would understand?

You had no right to tell me
something like this.

You hear me, no right.

Not something like this.

♪♪

(valet)
Thank you, ma'am.

(distant dog barking)

Hey, you got
your hair cut.

Oh, God!
Daniel.

What?
What, honey?

Oh, God.
What?

Oh, God, Daniel.

What, honey?

Jo. Tell me.
Please, tell me.

Oh God, Daniel.

I made
a terrible mistake.

I went to see Eli Mayhew

in Boston
and he told me that...

What did he tell you?

That he killed Dana.

Your friend, Dana?

Why did you go
see him in Boston?

Just to have lunch.

You know,
talk about old times.

But I thought you said
you were going in to shop?

Nothing happened.

I didn't say it did.

But you should know
I didn't do anything wrong.

Except go into Boston
to see Eli Mayhew.

For what reason, Jo?

For the reason of being...
unfaithful in your marriage?

Am I wrong, Jo?

But nothing happened.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry,
I kissed him.

Just once. I just got
caught up in the moment.

I'm so sorry, but that's all
that happened, I promise you.

Because he confessed
to a murder

before you could
commit adultery?
Oh my God, Daniel.

You make that seem like
that was beside the point.

Well, my wife just tried
to sleep with another man.

Forgive me if I have trouble
staying on point.

God, Daniel,
you know what?

Sometimes you can be such
a self-righteous ass!

I may be, Jo.

I get that way when my wife
decides something on the side

is worth throwing away
our marriage.

Don't you walk away
from me!

Think of me as one of your
damn flock, Reverend Beckett!

Tell me what I should do!

Under the circumstances,
I don't think I can.

Consult your own conscience.

I'd say it could use
the exercise.

Daniel, I'm sorry!

I'm sorry.
(crying)

(birds chirping)

I need your help.

No, I think
this is something

you need to help
yourself with.

This was your doing,
not mine.

What, about
a crime he committed?

A crime that he confessed
to committing?

Why would he do that?

Because he loved her
and she rejected him.

No, no. Why would he
admit it to you?

After all these years?

I don't know.
I don't know.

Maybe he thought
that I would understand.

Maybe he thought I was
the only person

who could understand.

Maybe he had been
tormented all those years

and he just wanted
to get it out.

I don't know.

Tell me, was this, uh,
intended affair mutual?

What does that mean?
Eli Mayhew invited you

to Boston to some motel,
I assume.

The Ambassador.
Oh, upmarket adultery.

Did he invite you there

with the intention
of having sex?

Or was it you
who had that intention?

I've told you...

Oh, I know, I know.
"Nothing happened."

And what if Mr. Mayhew's
confession was a way

of extricating himself from
a very embarrassing situation?

(sighs)

That's crazy.

Not any crazier than
a man telling someone

he hardly knows
he's committed murder.

What did he think
you would do once he told?

I don't know.
I don't know Daniel.

I don't know what he thinks,
or what he thought.

I know that
what I did was wrong,

and I can't change it.

I did want to
sleep with him,

and let myself believe
he wanted to sleep with me.

And he wanted to confess,

and I guess
he convinced himself

that I wanted to hear it.

Too bad.
You were both delusional.

Daniel...

It's harder being a Christian
than you thought, huh?

♪♪

(Cassie)
♪ ...From dark till dawn ♪

♪ Instead I woke baby
and you were gone ♪

♪ I reached for you
but baby you were gone ♪

♪ You cursed soul ♪

♪ I only break
but nothing comes back ♪

♪ If love was no good
for you ♪

♪ You could have said so ♪

♪ If you didn't want
to be true ♪

♪ You could have said so ♪

♪ If you wanted to
wander free ♪

♪ You could have said so ♪

♪ If you didn't want to stay ♪

♪ Stay with me ♪♪

(cheers and applause)

Thank you.

Don't go away.
We'll be right back.

Malky, Byron, and Jesus,
The Black Sheep.

(cheers and applause)

♪♪

Hey, lady.

What're you doing
in a place like this?

You are really,
really good.

Thanks.

Could've told you that.
Could've saved you the drive.

I need to talk to you.

Do you have just
a few minutes?

Yeah.

Hey, Cass.
Ten minutes tops.

Gotta keep the vibe going.
She's great, huh?

Oh, yeah, she's great.

Well, what's going on?
I know something's wrong.

Mm.

Yeah, something's wrong.

You and Dad breaking up?

We're just having
some problems.

I'm...
I'm having problems.

So?

Come on, out with it.

I mean, what could be
so bad

that you're on the outs
with Reverend Beckett?

I almost had an affair
and your father found out.

You almost had
an affair?

What kind of crisis
is that?

Oh, God Cassie, you try
so hard not to give a damn.

Yeah, well I'm just not
used to being your confidante.

Yeah, well,
I wouldn't be here

if you weren't
the only one I...

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Let's just...
let's not go there.

Why don't you just
tell me what happened?

This man came into my clinic
a couple of weeks back.

He had been my roommate
in a co-op in Cambridge

like a million years ago.

Anyway, one of
the other roommates,

her name was Dana,
got murdered in that house.

Right. I remember you
telling me about that once.

And this guy,

his name was Eli Mayhew,
he was her lover.

What'd he do, kill her?

Yeah.

Oh, my God!

I just said that.
I...

How do you know?

He told me.

He told me
when I went

to his hotel room to be
unfaithful to your father.

This is just all
so weird!

Yes, it is...
weird.

Anyway, I ran out
of there and I went home

and I immediately told
your father what I had done.

It seems that the thing
that upset him most

is that his wife
almost cheated on him.

Poor Dad.

Poor Mom.

And Eli? I mean...
Eli? What...

Well, think about it.

30 years is a long time
to want to confess.

I mean, he must've
really thought

that you weren't
gonna turn him in.

I haven't.

You haven't?
Why not?

Because he'll deny it.

He will.
He'll deny it.

And your dad thinks that he
made up the whole story anyway

just so he could
get rid of me.

Dad said that?
Yeah.

Well, Dad's nuts,
because that's exactly

what you have to
do, Mom.

Why?
Because if you don't,

then it sucks
from every direction.

I mean,
Daddy gets betrayed,

you get humiliated,
and Eli gets away with murder.

Oh, my God,
it's such a small town.

Everyone will know
about it.

So you go to the cops
in Cambridge.

I mean, that's where
it happened, right?

Yeah.

Well, then, they'll listen.

It's not like
you're some weirdo.

I mean, hell,
you're the...

you're the preacher's wife.
(knocking on door)

Cassie, it's showtime.

Yeah, in a minute!

Come on, we gotta rock.

And don't call me Cassie!

Only my mother
gets to call me Cassie.

Sorry.

And not often.

♪♪

And Mr. Mayhew volunteered
this information to you?

Without any prompting?

Completely, and I never
would have suspected him.

Well, what about at
the time of the murder?

Oh, not for a second.
We were all great friends.

You never wondered, ever?

I mean, the crime
being unsolved.

Well, I believed what
the police believed.

You know, that somebody
had come in, and...

Off the street
for drugs or something,

and then they murdered her.
Mm-hmm.

But now you're convinced
it was Mr. Mayhew?

Well, I'm convinced

because he confessed
to me that he did it,

and he told me why
he did it.

So, you go by his hotel
to schmooze about old times,

and he just up and says

"By the way,
I killed Dana Jablonski"?

Yes.

You have to wonder why
he would say a thing like that.

Did he think his secret
was safe with you?

I would have to assume
that he did.

Did he say
"What I'm gonna tell you,

you have to promise
not to..."

No, no, no.

He didn't say anything
like that.

He... In fact,
when he told me, I thought

he was kidding
and I commented

that that wasn't funny.

Sure.

He didn't threaten you
afterwards

or ask you
not to say anything?

No, he didn't.

So this visit to
Mr. Mayhew's hotel room,

it took place, what,
three, four days ago?

Friday. Friday.
Three days ago.

Friday.

Did your husband know

you were going to see
Mr. Mayhew at his hotel?

I mean, before the fact.
Before you actually went.

Of course he did.

All right.

Well, thanks
for coming in.

♪♪

(door closes)

You've been to see Cass?

How'd you know?

She called,
to see how you were.

She told me she advised you
to go to the police.

I took her advice.

You've been already?

You don't think you should've
talked to me first?

Why? Would you have
advised against it?

No, but I would've liked
to have known.

And I certainly would
have liked to have known

you were going to talk
to Cass before you went.

Why? Would you have advised
against that too?

I don't think
she deserved

to hear such a story
from her mother.

Frankly, I didn't think
your relationship

was up to those kinds
of revelations.

Oh, right.

Unlike yours.

Well, there you go.

Just shows you
how desperate I was.

But you know what?
It was the first time

I felt as close to Cass
as she's always been to you.

Does that bother you,
Daniel?

Daniel, I have apologized.

I know what I did
was wrong,

and it was hurtful,
and it caused you pain...

Yes!
Yes, it was, Jo.

And why?
That's what I can't answer.

What was wrong between us
that caused such betrayal?

You know what, sometimes
it isn't about "us," or "we."

Sometimes it's actually
about "me." Me.

I'm a separate person.

And that day in the rowboat
when I had that premonition...

Oh, come on, you're just
trying to justify...

I am not trying to
justify anything!

If you could
just stop judging me

just long enough so you could
hear what I have to say

before you make up
your mind.

Daniel...

When I had that
premonition or daydream

or whatever you call it,
it was real.

It happened.
The next day, Eli Mayhew

walks into my office
with his dog.

He loved that dog and I do
know about things like that.

He loved that dog
and he had to kill it,

and that touched something
in me.

And along with
all those good feelings

that I had from the past,

there was a connection
to the rowboat.

Can you not see
there was a connection?

You know what?
You're always saying

that God works in
mysterious ways.

Maybe this was God's way

of bringing this murder
to light.

You don't believe
in God, Jo.

Well maybe with a little luck,
he'll believe in me!

God, it's just...

Hi.

Hi.

Listen, I wanted to ask
your advice about something.

Sure.

Eli's been really,
I don't know, down.

I mean, he has
his moods, but...

well, this is more
like depression.

And I thought,

maybe he's brooding
over Arthur.

Oh, Arthur.
Yes.

Yeah, and I wondered
about getting him a puppy.

You know,
Arthur the Second, and...

and I wanted to ask you
what you thought about that.

I mean, do I get him
a look-alike?

What kind of dog
was Arthur again?

A Smooth Fox Terrier.
Oh, right.

Yeah, I knew
it was a dumb name.

Or do I go
the other way?

Do I get a Rottweiler?
Or maybe a Great Dane?

These things are pretty hard
to know.

Yeah, but do you think
it's a good idea?

I mean, another dog.

Yeah, yeah.
I think it is a good idea.

Maybe it isn't Arthur,
though,

you know,
that he's worried about.

What else could it be?

I mean, he's successful,
he loves his job.

He lives in a nice house
in a beautiful town.

He's married to me
and he has his health.

Yeah, you're right.

He has a lot going for him.
You're right.

Well, maybe you should
talk to him.

Me?

Yeah.
He likes you.

He told me he did,
the night you came over

for dinner with
the reverend.

He said he was really glad
he ran into you again.

You know, if you were
ten years younger,

I might be jealous.

Oh.

There's no need
to ever be jealous of me.

Yeah, well I know.

But I think maybe
you should talk to him.

You know, I don't
want to be rude,

but could you excuse
me, because I need

to get ready for work
and I think I'm running late.

Sure.
No problem.

Um, listen,
thanks for the advice.

Okay.
Okay.

Bye.

(car engine starting)

(knocking on door)

Reverend Beckett?
Mm-hmm.

I'm Detective Geary.
This is Sergeant Eberhart.

We've come to talk
to Mrs. Beckett.

Come in.

Can I get you anything?
Coffee or soda?

We're fine, thank you.

I'll be in my den,
if I can be of any help.

Sure.

Please, have a seat.

(distant dog barking)

We've spoken to Mr. Mayhew
about your allegation.

You mean
about his confession?

Mr. Mayhew denies having made
any such confession.

Well, then,
he's lying to you.

You see Mrs. Beckett,
what you say

Mr. Mayhew told you doesn't
fill in any of the blanks.

We knew he was doing
a number with the victim.

It seems
like you all were.

But his alibi was checked
back then and it held up.

There was
no murder weapon found

and the feeling was
at the time

that some drug addict
came in off the street

looking to steal
something.

Your friend surprised him
and got killed.

Now nothing
you've told us casts

any particular doubt
on that story.

But if he didn't admit it,
why would I make that up?

You tell us.

Do you think
I'm the kind of person

who would make up something
like that?

We don't know what kind of
person you are, Mrs. Beckett.

She would never make up
a story like that.

That's not my wife.

You sound pretty sure
about that, Reverend.

I am.
It's all right, Daniel.
If they don't believe me...

Mr. Mayhew says that
your wife was pursuing him.

He thinks
she made all this up

because he wouldn't
play along.

Then he's a liar.
As well as a murderer.

Is that because
she wasn't chasing him,

or because he's denying
what she said?

Both.

You'd be willing to make
a statement to that effect?

Yes.
Stop it.

I was at Mr. Mayhew's hotel
because I was attracted...

interested, whatever the hell
you want to call it, in him.

He mistook that
for something else.

Sympathy, maybe.
I don't know.

He was not focused on me.

He was intent
on confessing something

that had been
on his conscience

for all those years.

My husband did not know
I went to see him.

He found out about that
afterwards at home

when I told him
about it.

And that's when
he learned that I had...

intended
to betray him.

Us.

I lied to you, Detective,

when I said Daniel
knew otherwise,

but I am not lying to you now
about what Eli Mayhew

said to me
in that hotel room.

That how it was,
Reverend Beckett?

Absolutely.

That's how I know
she's been telling the truth.

Because she's being
more than honest

about her reasons
for going to that hotel.

All right, Mrs. Beckett.

You're gonna have to
make a statement.

We'll set it up at
the prosecutor's office.

It will be under oath,
you understand?

I do.

You don't remember me,
do you?

I was on that case,
just a patrolman then.

You folks were asking
for trouble.

Didn't even lock your doors,
as I recall.

Actually,
I do remember you.

As I recall, you thought
Dana had it coming to her.

I wouldn't go that far.

But you all lived a very
risky lifestyle back then.

You remember?

I remember a girl
who was full of life,

and had that brutally
taken from her.

That's what I remember.

(Geary)
We'll be in touch
about the statement.

Thank you.

Thank you, Reverend.

♪♪

I'm sorry, Daniel.

(car engine starting)
I am so very sorry.

Don't be sorry for telling
the truth, Jo.

I had to tell you.

I couldn't
not have told you.

Maybe he couldn't
not tell you.

He's gonna get away
with it, isn't he?

You've done
all you can do, Jo.

Have I?

♪♪

(birds chirping)

(doorbell rings)

Alicia?

You know, Sylvia and I were
just about to go for a jog.

You saved me.
Uh, come on in.

Please.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have involved you.

That is the least of it.
I know.

I know what I did was
a terrible, terrible thing.

And it was a long time ago.

And I've tried to live
a life that counts.

Eli, you loved her.

Of course I did.

You loved her.
Of course I did, but I...

And I loved her.
I...

You need to do this,
for her.
I can't... I can't...

I can't undo the past.

But you can take responsibility
for it right now.

I do.
I do.

I do.

Look, I'm sorry
if I had to tell them

that you were mistaken.
Mistaken?

No, they didn't think
I was mistaken.

They thought I was lying.

Alicia, I'm sorry...

My name is Jo!
Jo is my name.

And we are way
past sorry.

All I can do is try
and be better.

But you're never
gonna be better.

Don't you get that?

You have
this horrible secret

and you need to
tell it.

Do you want to spend the rest
of your life in hell?

Just tell them, Eli.
No, I won't.

I won't do it.
I don't deserve that.

You don't deserve it?

And by the way, by the way,
look around you.

Hell's pretty well decorated,
wouldn't you say?

Oh...

(Sylvia)
What is this?

(dog whimpering)

Nothing, sweetheart.

I wouldn't say that.

Not at all.

What the hell
is going on here?

Eli, is there something
going on between you two?

There was.

What does that mean?
What does that mean?
I don't know.

What is she talking about?
I don't know.

Don't walk away!
I don't know what
she's talking about.

What's this about
"tell them"?
I don't know!

Amy Halloran was
a wonderful mother,

wife, and friend
who died too young.

And we are left
to ponder why.

Why are the good among us
taken before their time?

Whatever the circumstance,
we are left

with an abiding sense
of injustice, of anger.

How can this have happened,
this tragedy, for so many?

And God has no
ready answer for us,

but he does have a profound
sense of compassion,

and a path to light.

If we grasp
all that was good

and noble about Amy,

and we hold
onto that,

and open our hearts
to God's love,

it is there.

A peace that
will conquer rage,

hope that will eclipse
the emptiness.

And most of all,

to wash our wounded soul,

the tender mercy
of forgiveness.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪