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1
00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:12,054
I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time.
2
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,848
Friendly faces everywhere.
3
00:00:13,973 --> 00:00:15,725
Humble folks
without temptation.
4
00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,602
Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind.
5
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,187
Ample parking day or night.
6
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,148
People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!"
7
00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:25,317
Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind.
8
00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,111
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.
9
00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:29,071
Timmy, Timmy,
liv-a-la, Timmy!
10
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,575
Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine.
11
00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:37,163
Oh, cool.
A preview!
12
00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,332
Coming this summer,
it's the classic film
13
00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:41,625
that changed America...
14
00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:44,170
"E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial,"
15
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,964
the new redone version
for 2002!
16
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,050
All the E.T. effects
have been digitally upgraded.
17
00:00:49,175 --> 00:00:50,527
All the guns have been
digitally changed
18
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,886
to walkie-talkies.
19
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,012
And the word "terrorist"
20
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,764
has been changed to "hippie."
21
00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,348
Aw, dude,
why would they do that?
22
00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:58,243
Yeah, hippies and terrorists
are the same thing.
23
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,120
No, dude, Spielberg
changed "terrorist" to "hippie"
24
00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:02,480
- to make "E.T." more P.C.
- That's gay.
25
00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:04,065
Coming this summer,
26
00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:07,359
it's the motion picture
that changed America...
27
00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:09,820
"Saving Private Ryan,"
the re-re-release,
28
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,425
where the word "Nazi"
has been changed
29
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,282
to "persons
with political differences"
30
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,527
and all the guns have been
replaced by walkie-talkies.
31
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,454
Oh, my God!
32
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,146
Why the hell do these directors
keep updating their movies?
33
00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,422
And now
for your feature presentation,
34
00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:30,758
the classic re-re-re-release
35
00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:33,511
of "Star Wars:
The Empire Strikes Back."
36
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,687
Aaahhh!
37
00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,481
God damn it, that pisses me off!
38
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:46,982
Yeah, we want our money back!
39
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:49,860
- Sorry, suckers.
- You asshole!
40
00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:51,545
Why don't they leave
those movies alone?
41
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,863
We liked them the way they were.
42
00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:54,698
Don't you see what this means?
43
00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:56,676
All our favorite movies are
going to be changed and updated
44
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,380
until we can't even
recognize them anymore!
45
00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:00,597
Tweek is right. It isn't fair
for those asshole directors
46
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,265
to keep changing their movies
and making them different.
47
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,166
Movies are art, and art
shouldn't be modified.
48
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,561
Yeah, what if they had modified
the Roman Colosseum every year?
49
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,396
It would just be another
big douchey stadium now.
50
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,065
We have to do something.
Let's form a club.
51
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,257
Yeah, we could form a club
52
00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:12,925
that takes food stamps
from poor people
53
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,820
and then sells them back
to the government for a profit.
54
00:02:14,844 --> 00:02:16,595
No, fat ass!
I mean a club to protect films
55
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,573
from their directors
so they can't be messed with.
56
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,575
Yeah, we'll be the "Save Films
from Their Own Directors" club.
57
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:21,892
Yeah!
58
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:23,853
No! No, no!
I don't want to form a club!
59
00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,062
That's too much pressure!
60
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:26,498
Look, I'm supposed
to take it easy.
61
00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:27,398
Just watch the clouds,
sit in the grass.
62
00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:28,858
If we form a club,
63
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:30,377
there'll be responsibilities,
commitments!
64
00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:31,628
Tweek, now, God damn it.
We picked you to be
65
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:32,987
our new friend to replace Kenny
66
00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:34,256
because we thought
you were a team player.
67
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,656
I'm not!
I'm not a team player!
68
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,217
Now, either you stop
with these faggotronics,
69
00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,635
or we'll find someone
to replace you.
70
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,327
Oh!
Oh, Jesus!
71
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,458
Dude, that sign sucks.
Nobody's gonna show up.
72
00:02:46,584 --> 00:02:48,419
- What's wrong with it?
- Look at it, dude.
73
00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,104
You're not offering
any fabulous prizes.
74
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,023
You have to offer fabulous
prizes if you want people
75
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,049
to show up for your stupid crap.
Here.
76
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:58,345
- Free hat?
- Yeah, if you offer free hats,
77
00:02:58,470 --> 00:02:59,722
maybe people will show up.
78
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,056
But we don't have hats!
79
00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:02,492
We can just make them
out of paper.
80
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:03,642
- Aah!
- It's not hard.
81
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:04,643
Just stupid little paper hats.
82
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:05,787
People just need free stuff.
83
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,188
Don't you guys know anything?
84
00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:08,748
You see? First, we were
just forming a club.
85
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,458
Now we have to make hats!
Where does it end?!
86
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,877
All right, let's go get
the gymnasium ready.
87
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:12,961
Tweek, you go make 50 hats.
88
00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:15,571
50 hats?
Oh, Jesus!
89
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,574
Aah! I'll never make it!
I'll never make it!
90
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:19,700
Tweek!
91
00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:20,993
Calm down, son.
92
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,536
Remember what Dr. Norris
told you...
93
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:24,330
Find your center.
94
00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:26,916
My center?
My... center.
95
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,584
Calm.
96
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,127
Puppies.
97
00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:37,259
Tweek! Tweek!
98
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,969
Twee-e-e-k!!
99
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,763
- How many hats have you made?
- Oh, God!
100
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,991
We only have until 10:00 a.m.
tomorrow. Get the lead out.
101
00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,934
Aaah! Oh, God!
102
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,939
You guys, we have a big problem!
103
00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,815
- What?
- I was up all night making hats.
104
00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:54,485
I only slept for an hour and
then I dreamt about making hats!
105
00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:55,778
But I only made 15!
106
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,780
Calm down, Tweek.
15 might be enough.
107
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,032
Yeah, let's see
if anyone's even shown up yet.
108
00:04:05,329 --> 00:04:07,098
Dude, there's like
a thousand people in there.
109
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:08,415
A thousand?
Oh, Jesus, man!
110
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:09,893
I don't have nearly
a thousand hats!
111
00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,269
They're gonna kick
your ass, Tweek.
112
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,836
- Aah!
- Tweek, it's okay!
113
00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,272
Look, maybe these people
all turned out
114
00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,881
because they believe
in saving films.
115
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,841
Maybe they don't even care
about the free hat.
116
00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:19,969
Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!
117
00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,637
- Oh, God!
- I told you guys.
118
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,482
Never underestimate
the power of a free hat.
119
00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:27,577
- I got to move away, you guys!
- Relax, Tweek.
120
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,454
We're just gonna have to go in
there and explain what happened.
121
00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,718
There are more important things
right now than free hats.
122
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,694
Okay, uh, we want to thank
you all for coming.
123
00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:39,321
We're really happy to see
such enthusiasm for our cause.
124
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,449
One thing before I continue...
125
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,760
Unfortunately,
we don't have enough
126
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,494
of the free hats for everyone.
127
00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:49,415
E-Excuse me?
128
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,042
Yes, we apologize,
but our friend Tweek here
129
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,603
- didn't make enough of them.
- Oh, Jesus!
130
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,878
Don't tell them it was me!
131
00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,964
- We don't care about that.
- You don't?
132
00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,984
You mean you just came because
you believe in our cause?
133
00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:01,176
- Yeah, free Hat!
- What?!
134
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:04,013
Hat McCullough!
He was sent to prison in '82,
135
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,532
and we believe
he should be released!
136
00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:06,890
Yeah!
137
00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:08,392
Free Hat! Free Hat!
138
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:11,562
Free Hat! Free Hat!
Free Hat! Free Hat!
139
00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:14,398
Okay, apparently, there's been
a bit of a misunderstanding.
140
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:17,776
This is a rally to save films
from their directors.
141
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,446
To do what?
142
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,841
We believe that films are pieces
of art that must be preserved
143
00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:24,825
from the perverse hands
of their aging filmmakers.
144
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:26,618
Oh... sorry.
145
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,871
Come on, everyone.
Guess we're in the wrong place.
146
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,706
Free Hat! Free Hat!
147
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,416
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
148
00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,251
Don't you see
what's happening out there?
149
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,438
The films that you all grew up
with, that touched your lives
150
00:05:36,462 --> 00:05:39,131
and are a part of your soul, are
now being updated and changed.
151
00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,925
Join us, and we can be a group
that makes a difference!
152
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,763
Can we also work towards
freeing Hat?
153
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,557
Uh, sure, and we'll
also try to free Hat.
154
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:50,851
Free Hat!
155
00:05:50,976 --> 00:05:52,478
Free Hat! Free Hat!
156
00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:57,649
212... 213... 214 members!
157
00:05:57,775 --> 00:05:58,942
You guys, you guys!
158
00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:00,652
Oh, God!
I've got terrible news!
159
00:06:00,778 --> 00:06:02,154
- What?
- Ted Koppel wants us
160
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,174
to appear on "Nightline"
to talk about our cause!
161
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,657
- Really? That's great!
- Yeah.
162
00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,951
No, it isn't, man!
That is way too much pressure!
163
00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,554
If we go on "Nightline,"
the whole country can hear
164
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,972
about what's happening
to our classic films.
165
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,998
But just remember
that I do all the talking.
166
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,333
You? Why?
167
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:15,876
Because I'm
the official spokesman.
168
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,001
I got dibs on it.
169
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,170
When did we do dibs for it?
170
00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,606
Just now.
One, two, three... dibs!
171
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,048
Knee.
172
00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:23,175
All right, fine.
You're the spokesman, Cartman.
173
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:24,593
But you better not screw it up!
174
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,637
What could possibly go wrong?
175
00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:29,056
A new movement
is sweeping the country,
176
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:32,059
led by four determined boys
from South Park, Colorado.
177
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,520
The organization was created
to protect Hollywood's
178
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:37,022
classic films from the hands
of their directors
179
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,774
and also to free Hat McCullough.
180
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,609
So, boys, I'll ask you
the question
181
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,986
that's on everyone's minds...
Why does your organization
182
00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:44,655
want to free Hat McCullough,
183
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:48,534
the convicted, confessed
serial murderer of 23 babies?
184
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:52,021
I believe
that can best be answered
185
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,705
by our official spokesman,
Tweek.
186
00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:55,707
- Aah!
- Well, Hat McCullough
187
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,018
admitted he killed
those toddlers.
188
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:58,377
Why do you want him free?
189
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:01,296
Oh, Jesus, man!
190
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:02,923
Just answer me this, Tweek...
191
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,676
What do you see as positive
about toddler murder?
192
00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:09,847
Uh, uh, it's... it's easy?
193
00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:13,392
Yes, it is easy.
194
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,185
All right, then,
on to your other cause...
195
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,728
Saving films
from their directors.
196
00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,294
What got you boys
interested in this?
197
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,399
Especially given
your pro-toddler murder status.
198
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,168
We believe that films
have to be taken away
199
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,472
from people
like Steven Spielberg
200
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,237
and George Lucas
because they're insane.
201
00:07:25,362 --> 00:07:27,006
I'm glad you said that,
boys, because joining us now
202
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,866
are Steven Spielberg
and George Lucas!
203
00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,409
Oh, Christ. Aah!
204
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,286
- Hello, Ted.
- Hi, Ted.
205
00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,597
Gentlemen, these toddler-murder
fans think that you're insane
206
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,182
and shouldn't be allowed
to alter your films.
207
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,559
- Your response?
- Well, first of all,
208
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:39,835
both George and I
are very firmly against
209
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,670
- the murdering of toddlers.
- Hear, hear.
210
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,523
Dude, that's Steven Spielberg
and George Lucas.
211
00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,525
Get me out of here! Please!
Somebody get me out of here!
212
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,318
And as for altering our films,
all we're doing
213
00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:49,636
is trying to reach
a new audience with our movies.
214
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:53,140
As the makers of dreams, we like
to speak for the children.
215
00:07:53,265 --> 00:07:55,392
Uh, we thought we were
speaking for the children.
216
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,227
Yeah, we're children.
217
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,539
Look, if the Beatles went back
and updated "The White Album"
218
00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:00,999
every few years,
what would we have now?
219
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,025
Yeah, these guys are only
motivated by money, Ted.
220
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,270
- How so?
- Think about it...
221
00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,611
Spielberg... Jew.
222
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,821
Lucas... Jew.
Kyle... Jew.
223
00:08:07,946 --> 00:08:09,781
- Coincidence?
- I'm not a Jew!
224
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:12,242
You little brats!
I-I mean, you darling children
225
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,119
don't know what
you're talking about.
226
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,580
Changing "E.T." was
the best thing I ever did.
227
00:08:16,705 --> 00:08:18,165
Dude, don't you see
that it's not?
228
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,250
It'd be like changing
"Raiders of the Lost Ark"!
229
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:23,545
Wait a minute.
What did you say?
230
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,422
- That's brilliant!
- Yes.
231
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:26,924
Change
"Raiders of the Lost Ark."
232
00:08:27,049 --> 00:08:28,329
Why didn't we think
of it before?
233
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,427
No! No!
234
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,183
Members,
this is our darkest hour.
235
00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:37,768
We've just learned
that George Lucas
236
00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,520
and Steven Spielberg
now intend to update
237
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:41,480
and change
"Raiders of the Lost Ark."
238
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,400
There's only one way
we can stop this important,
239
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,128
historical piece of art
from being harmed.
240
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:49,029
- Mr. Secretary?
- Thank you.
241
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,090
Our intelligence tells us
that the original negative
242
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,533
to "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
243
00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,302
is currently somewhere
in George Lucas' house.
244
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,620
We need to find
and usurp that negative.
245
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:57,972
And if we get ahold
of the negative,
246
00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,122
they can't change the movie?
247
00:08:59,248 --> 00:09:00,499
That is our understanding.
248
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,209
Sounds like a good idea to me!
249
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:03,978
I don't want them to change
"Raiders of the Lost Ark"!
250
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,212
Yeah!
251
00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,737
Yeah, we should
go get that negative
252
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:08,799
- as soon as we get Hat free!
- Yeah!
253
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,968
Free Hat! Free Hat! Free Hat!
254
00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,533
No, no, no.
We need to do this first.
255
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,388
But we have to free Hat.
256
00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:17,516
It's just that, you know,
he killed 23 babies.
257
00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:19,351
Yeah, but it was
in self-defense!
258
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,186
Yeah!
259
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,564
He killed 23 babies
in self-defense?
260
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:26,316
Hat was attacked maliciously
and unprovoked
261
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,360
by a gang of babies
in West Town Park.
262
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:29,845
When that many babies
get together,
263
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,363
they can be like piranha.
264
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,282
Three eyewitnesses testified
265
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,033
that if Hat hadn't killed
those babies,
266
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,868
- they'd have killed him!
- Yeah!
267
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:38,495
Free Hat! Free Hat!
268
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,515
All right, all right,
but right now we've got to focus
269
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,339
on getting those original prints
of "Raiders."
270
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:43,959
He's right.
We better split up.
271
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,937
Some of you go with the boys
and get those film prints.
272
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,337
The rest of us come with me
273
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:49,222
to go talk to the governor
about freeing Hat!
274
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,424
Yeah!
275
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:51,967
Free Hat! Free Hat!
276
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,885
Free Hat! Free Hat!
277
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,220
Free Hat! Free Hat!
278
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,930
Free Hat! Free Hat!
279
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,908
Well, looks like we're gonna
have to do this ourselves.
280
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,225
No, that's it!
I'm out!
281
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,144
I can't deal with the stress
you guys create!
282
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,538
We're just gonna fly
to California
283
00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:04,872
and break into
George Lucas' house.
284
00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,481
What's stressful about that?
285
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:08,127
Okay, Tweek, let me
tell you something.
286
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:09,502
You've been our new friend now
for two weeks, okay?
287
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,670
And I've got to be honest
with you...
288
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,404
It isn't going well.
289
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,007
People aren't that into you.
They find you kind of annoying.
290
00:10:14,031 --> 00:10:15,383
Now, I'd say you've got
one last shot here,
291
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,718
and I don't want you
to blow it, okay?
292
00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:18,102
Does that help take
the stress off?
293
00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:26,209
Okay, go.
294
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:27,975
I'm not breaking into
George Lucas' house.
295
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:29,480
I'm not breaking into
George Lucas' house.
296
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,465
- I'm in a green field.
- Shut up, Tweek.
297
00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,008
This is not the time
for faggocity!
298
00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:36,125
This looks like the right room.
299
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:38,430
I'm in a field
surrounded by deer.
300
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,182
Over here!
301
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,650
That's it!
302
00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:51,401
- All right, get it, Tweek!
- Nuh-unh!
303
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,171
Get it, you piece of crap,
before I grab your nutsac
304
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,363
and twist it!
305
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,868
What are you doing?!
306
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,704
Oh, God!
Oh, Jesus!
307
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,373
You're the boys
from that stupid club!
308
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,749
Gimme that!
309
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,376
Do with us
what you will, Mr. Lucas,
310
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,670
but please don't change
"Raiders of the Lost Ark."
311
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,171
We're gonna make it better.
312
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,173
The movie's gonna be changed,
and that is that!
313
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,591
All right, you asked for it.
314
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,176
I'm afraid you leave us
no choice.
315
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,511
It's time for plan "B."
316
00:11:17,636 --> 00:11:18,512
Aw, really?
317
00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:19,930
Oh, God.
No, not plan "B"!
318
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,659
You have a heart
made of ice, Mr. Lucas,
319
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,518
and so we're going to
melt your icy heart
320
00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:25,936
with a cool island song.
321
00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,771
Gentlemen.
322
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,108
What?
323
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:33,694
Hit it, Tweek.
324
00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:36,613
In the tropical isles
with the coconut trees...
325
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,073
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
326
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,550
I thought we were gonna
cool his hot heart
327
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:40,575
with a cool island song.
328
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,202
No, he has a icy heart.
329
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,454
But you can't melt ice
with a cool song, "R" -tard!
330
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,915
So we have to warm his icy heart
with a hot island song.
331
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,709
It's a cool island song!
332
00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,228
Well, then we're gonna end up
freezing his hellish heart
333
00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,128
with a cool island song.
334
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:52,379
Aw, do we want to do that?
335
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,839
All right, that does it!
336
00:11:55,257 --> 00:11:57,342
Yes, thank you, Officer.
337
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,052
The police are
on their way, boys.
338
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,220
Soon you'll be in jail
339
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:01,972
- getting rammed!
- Aah!
340
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,950
Those rams can do to us
what they will, Mr. Lucas,
341
00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:05,809
but we'll never stop
trying to protect films!
342
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,769
It's not too late
to do what's right.
343
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,229
Give us the print.
344
00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:10,707
There's still some good
in you, Mr. Lucas.
345
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:11,732
We know there is!
346
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:16,278
It is... too late for me, boys.
347
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,904
You yourself led the campaign
348
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,406
against the colorization
of films.
349
00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:21,658
You understand why films
shouldn't be changed.
350
00:12:21,783 --> 00:12:23,076
That's different.
351
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,537
These are my movies.
I made them.
352
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:28,415
And I have the right to do
whatever I want with them.
353
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:29,708
You're wrong, Mr. Lucas.
354
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:30,959
They're not your movies.
355
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,586
They're ours... all of ours.
356
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:34,591
We paid to go see them,
and they're just as much
357
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,229
a part of our lives
as they are of yours.
358
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,632
When an artist creates,
359
00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,051
whatever they create
belongs to society.
360
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,514
Have I... become so old
361
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,725
that I've forgotten what
being an artist is about?
362
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,245
Give the print to us so that
we can protect it from Spielberg
363
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,749
and anyone else
who wants to alter it.
364
00:12:52,189 --> 00:12:54,608
Perhaps... you are right.
365
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:56,651
Stop!
366
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,570
What are you doing, George?
367
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,113
Steven, I-I...
368
00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:01,615
Give me that print, George.
369
00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:04,451
We need to make the alterations.
370
00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:06,745
Steven, these boys had a point.
371
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,122
I don't remember what it was,
but it was good.
372
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,957
You haven't let
these doe-eyed children
373
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:13,084
affect your judgment,
have you, George?
374
00:13:13,210 --> 00:13:16,463
Don't forget...
You belong to me.
375
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,006
Don't listen to him!
376
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,383
You still have a chance
to preserve your film!
377
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:28,058
I'm... I'm sorry, boys.
378
00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,189
Now take the children prisoner!
379
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,690
What?!
380
00:13:35,816 --> 00:13:37,818
You troublemakers shall be
my guests of honor
381
00:13:37,943 --> 00:13:40,403
at the premiere of the new
"Raiders of the Lost Ark."
382
00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:43,448
Your gay little club is over!
383
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,076
Fuck you, Steven Spielberg!
Come on, you guys!
384
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:47,619
Oh, my God,
they're gonna kill us!
385
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,120
Don't even think about it, kid!
386
00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:51,957
I'm not afraid to use
this walkie-talkie.
387
00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:54,793
The one with the cocaine
problem escaped, mein director!
388
00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:57,671
Leave him!
Let him run back to his mommy.
389
00:13:57,796 --> 00:13:59,840
We must get the film ready
for the premiere.
390
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,591
Lucas! Come!
391
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,222
Coming this summer,
392
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,099
it's the digitally
re-enhanced re-release
393
00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,518
of the very first pilot episode
of "South Park"!
394
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,562
Yes, the classic, rough,
handmade first episode
395
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:16,022
is getting a makeover for 2002!
396
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:19,276
The simple, funny aliens
are now super bad-ass and cool!
397
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:20,735
The flying saucer?
398
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:22,487
No longer cheap
construction paper...
399
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,048
But a 4.0 megapixel
nondrop digital masterpiece
400
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:25,448
of technology!
401
00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:27,868
Yes, everything's new.
New is better!
402
00:14:27,993 --> 00:14:29,327
When we first made "South Park,"
403
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,888
we didn't want to use
construction paper.
404
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,873
We just had to
because it was cheap.
405
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,750
Now with new technology, we can
finally remaster "South Park"
406
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,836
to make it look sharp,
clean, and focused.
407
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:39,546
And expensive.
408
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,482
Yes, all the charm
of the simple little cartoon
409
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,341
will melt before your eyes
410
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:46,094
as it is replaced by newer and
more standardized animation!
411
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,822
For instance, in the scene
at the bus stop,
412
00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,890
we always meant
to have Imperial walkers
413
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,850
and giant dewback lizards
in the background,
414
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,894
but simply couldn't afford it.
415
00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,645
Get this special enhanced
version quick
416
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,147
because another
enhanced version
417
00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,899
will likely be coming out
for 2003.
418
00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:04,154
Members!
U-Uh...
419
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,072
Oh, Jesus.
We have to do something!
420
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,450
Our club's president,
treasurer, and secretary
421
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,119
have all been taken hostage
by Steven Spielberg! Aah!
422
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,038
Prisoner?
You mean like Hat?
423
00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,664
Yes, just like Hat!
424
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,333
But the governor
won't pardon Hat,
425
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,335
so how can we get him
out of prison?
426
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,170
Yeah!
427
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,796
No, listen to me!
428
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,424
We're not talking
about Hat right now, okay?
429
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,759
Get it?!
430
00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:27,677
Look, we went
to George Lucas' house
431
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:30,180
and tried to melt his icy heart
with a warm island song,
432
00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:31,473
but then Spielberg showed up
433
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,308
and took three
of our members prisoner.
434
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,286
They're going to premiere the
new "Raiders of the Lost Ark,"
435
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,270
and we have to rescue them,
do you understand?!
436
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,523
Hey, he's got a point there.
437
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:44,569
Yeah, maybe we could melt
the governor's icy heart
438
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:45,987
with a cool island song!
439
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,112
- Yeah!
- Let's go!
440
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,531
- No!
- No?
441
00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:50,200
No, he's right.
442
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:53,119
We have to freeze his hot heart
with a cool island song.
443
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:56,206
Or is it freshen his hot temper
with a cool island song?
444
00:15:56,331 --> 00:16:00,043
Let's cool his hot temper
with a fresh island song!
445
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:02,170
That's it!
446
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,174
Oh, God, I'm gonna have
to do this myself!
447
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,299
Oh, God!
448
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,510
Well, the print is finished,
449
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:09,761
and the day has come.
450
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,554
Tonight Steven Spielberg
and George Lucas
451
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,765
will be at the premiere
of the new special edition
452
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,308
of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
453
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,519
Lots of celebrity guests
and other rich people
454
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,604
will be on hand to witness
all the updated effects
455
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,231
and modernized technology.
456
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:41,291
The kid?
457
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:43,086
The tweeked-out kid?
458
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,731
I'm gonna blow up the print,
Spielberg!
459
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,720
Your persistence
surprises even me.
460
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:55,348
Surely you don't think you can
escape from this premiere?
461
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,633
That depends on how reasonable
we're all willing to be.
462
00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,185
All I want are my friends.
463
00:17:00,603 --> 00:17:02,043
Except for Cartman.
You can keep him.
464
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:04,399
- Hey!
- And if we refuse?
465
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,317
Then your premiere has no movie!
466
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,653
- He's definitely lost it.
- Yep.
467
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:09,904
Okay, okay, s-stand back.
468
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,156
Stand back, back!
469
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:13,992
Okay, kid, you win.
Blow it up.
470
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,871
Zuroch!
Zuroch!
471
00:17:17,996 --> 00:17:20,290
Blow it back to God.
472
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:24,127
All your life has been the
pursuit of seeing a great film.
473
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,504
This new version of "Raiders"
has digital effects
474
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,465
beyond your wildest dreams.
475
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:31,426
You want to see it screened
just as much as I.
476
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,262
Come on, Tweek.
Blow it up!
477
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,390
Son, we are simply passing
through history.
478
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:41,186
This... is improved history.
479
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:47,400
Do as you will.
480
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:57,494
In the tropical isles
with the coconut trees.
481
00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:00,663
The air is fresh,
and the people are free.
482
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:01,873
But here in the mountains.
483
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,583
There's no freedom like that.
484
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:07,087
There's a man in prison,
and his name is Hat.
485
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,437
Haffaaa mali fi!
486
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,272
Thanks for coming, everyone!
487
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,404
This is the birth
of the new version
488
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,739
of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
489
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:37,325
We shall screen it here
and then destroy
490
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,410
all the old prints
in celebration!
491
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:40,620
Hooray!
492
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,205
Begin the film!
493
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,629
You guys!
Close your eyes.
494
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,005
- Don't look at it!
- What?!
495
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,316
Don't watch the movie, you guys!
496
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,700
It'll be terrible.
Close your eyes!
497
00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,346
It's beautiful!
498
00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:06,104
Wait a minute.
499
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,897
This version is awful!
500
00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:09,440
Yeah, they ruined it!
501
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,568
Oh, my God, it's terrible!
502
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:12,944
Aaaahhhhh!
503
00:19:13,069 --> 00:19:14,946
Aaaaaahhhhh!
504
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,284
Aaahhhhhh!
505
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,430
Aaaahhhhhh!
506
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:01,492
You... you guys okay?
507
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,536
Yeah, I-I think so.
508
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:08,791
Man, that new version
must have sucked balls.
509
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:17,050
Today is a day of celebration.
510
00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:20,470
And we owe it all to these
four brave young boys.
511
00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:26,142
And thanks to the bravery
of this young man in particular,
512
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:29,354
Hat McCullough
is finally free from prison!
513
00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:32,523
What?
514
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,359
Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat!
515
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,028
Hat! Hat! Hat! Hat!
Hat! Hat!
516
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,530
Thank you, everyone.
Kill... Kill the innocent!
517
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,450
I'm so thankful for all your
support... Rape the virgin!
518
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,578
And, uh, I just wonder if
I could get a baby real quick?
519
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:48,539
Sure, give that man a baby!
520
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:53,962
Come on, you guys,
let's get out of here.
521
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,713
Oh, my God!
522
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,384
Do you think we did
a good thing, Stan?
523
00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:01,010
I mean, no one even
seemed to notice.
524
00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:02,615
Yeah, well, sometimes
the things we do
525
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,720
don't matter right now.
526
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,348
Sometimes they matter later.
527
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:07,326
We have to care more about
later sometimes, you know?
528
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:09,411
I think that's what separates us
from the Steven Spielbergs
529
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,715
and George Lucases of the world.
530
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,122
That and youth.
Those guys are old.
531
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,332
But what about
the original prints
532
00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:14,857
of "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?
533
00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:16,710
What if somebody else takes them
and tries to change them?
534
00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,444
Don't worry, Tweek.
It's somewhere safe...
535
00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:20,655
somewhere where nobody
will ever find it.
40060
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