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1
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:12,013
I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time.
2
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889
Friendly faces everywhere.
3
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683
Humble folks
without temptation.
4
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,602
Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind.
5
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688
Ample parking day or night.
6
00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,173
People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!"
7
00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,401
Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind.
8
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,194
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.
9
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,612
Timmy, Timmy,
liv-a-la, Timmy!
10
00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:32,533
Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine.
11
00:00:35,453 --> 00:00:37,121
Oh, great Wizard of Gregendath,
12
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,331
what quest do you ask
of this ranger and paladin?
13
00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:41,167
Only one thing can save
our kingdom.
14
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,835
You must bring me
a piece of pecan pie
15
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,462
with toffee ice cream
and Magic Shell.
16
00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,296
Hurry, now!
17
00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:47,190
That quest sucks, Cartman.
Think of another one.
18
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,008
Uh, boys, Butters' parents
want to borrow
19
00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,693
the "Lord of the Rings" video
we rented.
20
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,887
Could you take it over to them?
21
00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:54,722
You're sending us on... a quest?
22
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,308
You ask of us to take the one
video to the house of Butters?
23
00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:58,433
Yeah. Whatever.
24
00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,579
It shall be a long journey
with many dangers on the way.
25
00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,789
But if the tape must be brought
to the house of Butters,
26
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:03,999
- who else can do it?
- Very well.
27
00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:05,917
We shall embark on this quest
immediately, Father.
28
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,943
Come, warriors!
29
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,280
That gets rid of them.
30
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,115
Ooh, you're a little frisky,
aren't you?
31
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,867
Well, uh,
"The Lord of the Rings"
32
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,369
wasn't the only thing I rented
from the video store.
33
00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:20,372
I also rented... a porno.
34
00:01:20,498 --> 00:01:22,458
Oh, you little devil!
35
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,251
You want to go watch?
36
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,646
How shall we journey
to the house of Butters...
37
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,990
Through the mines of Vandor
or over the mountains of Grach?
38
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,133
Look out! Here comes
the great dragon of Peringraf!
39
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,018
Don't worry.
I am the great wizard Molortork.
40
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,678
I can shield us
from the dragon's fire.
41
00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:36,430
A-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh!
42
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:37,890
Good job, wizard.
43
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,475
And so the party
journeyed onward...
44
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,143
The great wizard,
the skillful ranger,
45
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,311
and the covetous Jew.
46
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,063
I'm a paladin, Cartman!
47
00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,648
Jews can't be paladins.
48
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,110
Hey, there, cowboy.
49
00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:51,445
You ready for some hot,
steamy fun?
50
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,613
You bet I am.
51
00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:55,449
The guys at the office told me
I had to rent this porno.
52
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,576
They said this is
without a doubt
53
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,703
the hottest porno ever made.
54
00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:01,288
Sounds good.
55
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,916
I love that lingerie.
56
00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,377
Yeah.
You like that?
57
00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:07,628
Yeah, baby.
58
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,088
Yeah.
59
00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:11,173
- All right. You ready?
- Ready.
60
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,298
Oh, yeah.
61
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,303
The story begins in ages past,
62
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,430
in the deep regions
of Middle-earth,
63
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,475
where Skorn first thrived
in the kingdom of Gelgala.
64
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,061
Oh, man, I hate when pornos
try to have a story.
65
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:27,022
Seven rings were cast
and given to the races of men.
66
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,399
Mm, yeah.
67
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,401
Seven to the races of elves,
68
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:33,320
five to the Glundock Viladers
of Gelgendol.
69
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:36,240
Wow. The production values
are really good in this porno.
70
00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,242
Yeah.
It almost looks like...
71
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,952
"The Lord of the..."
72
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,579
Oh, my God!
73
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,916
This is "Lord of the Rings"!
74
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,168
But then, does that mean...
75
00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:51,088
That the boys have
the hottest porno ever made.
76
00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:54,800
Oh, hello, boys.
77
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,736
My father has asked
that we bring you this copy
78
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:57,760
of "Lord of the Rings".
79
00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:00,055
Well, thank you very much,
kind heroes.
80
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:02,975
Perhaps a reward is in order?
Gold? Frankensteincense?
81
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:06,770
Oh, but you are noble heroes.
We know our thanks is enough.
82
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,106
Man, that's crap.
83
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,443
Butters, look what we have
for you to watch.
84
00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:14,111
"The Lord of the Rings."
85
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,280
Oh, boy!
Finally I get to see it!
86
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,948
Now, Daddy and I
have to do our taxes.
87
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,409
So you can watch this
by yourself and not get scared?
88
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,494
I won't get scared, Mom.
Promise.
89
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:25,289
That's our man.
Here you go.
90
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,043
Ooh-da-lolly!
91
00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:31,295
I finally get to see
"Lord of the Rings"!
92
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,258
Spank that ass.
93
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,139
Neato.
94
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:45,351
- Oh, yeah.
- This is good!
95
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,062
Oh, my God. This is gonna be
so embarrassing.
96
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:49,313
"Hi, Chris.
Hi, Linda.
97
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,583
We were just wondering if we
could get our porno back."
98
00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:53,943
Calm down. Maybe the boys
haven't gotten there yet.
99
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,986
And so the party returned home
100
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,571
after completing
their great quest.
101
00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:58,739
The one tape was returned,
102
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,824
and South Park was again
at peace.
103
00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:03,744
Quick!
A monster of Rivendell!
104
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:04,870
Prepare for battle!
105
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,163
The boys!
106
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,875
Boys! Boys!
Where's the videotape?
107
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,544
We gave it to the parents
of Butters, as commanded by you.
108
00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:14,964
Oh. I guess we have to
go talk to them now.
109
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:16,298
Well, wait a minute.
110
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,967
Boys, do you think you can go
111
00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,261
get that tape back
for us really fast?
112
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,390
This sounds like
a really important quest.
113
00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:25,307
Yes, it is.
114
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,832
This is more important
than anything
115
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,185
I have ever asked you to do.
116
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,853
You must retrieve the tape.
117
00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:32,898
But do not look at it,
uh, for it holds an evil power.
118
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,901
Retrieve the tape
and return it to us at home.
119
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,654
Do this, and you will be
greatly rewarded.
120
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,490
This is so cool.
121
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,617
Gentlemen, we are off!
122
00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:46,620
Okay.
Problem solved.
123
00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:54,378
Like that. Just like that.
124
00:04:55,671 --> 00:04:56,880
Oh, golly.
125
00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,426
Hey, what's happenin'
down there?
126
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,886
We have come to reclaim
the one tape.
127
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,849
What are you doing?!
128
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,392
The queen and king
of Stansizhouse
129
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,317
wish "The Lord of the Rings"
returned to them.
130
00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:12,187
But it's the greatest movie
I've ever seen.
131
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,523
You guys were right.
"Lord of the Rings" is awesome.
132
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,459
Y-You're gonna have to let me
finish watching it.
133
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,234
Nay, Butters!
134
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:20,821
The one tape must be brought
back to Stansizhouse.
135
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,950
Butters!
We said you can't watch it.
136
00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:25,951
We have a quest.
137
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,120
Then... Then let me go with you.
138
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,121
Okay.
Fine, Butters.
139
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,473
But if you're gonna hang out
with us,
140
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,137
you have to play
like "Lord of the Rings."
141
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,459
Oh, okay!
142
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,420
Yeah.
143
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,025
Butters!
What the hell are you doing?!
144
00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:39,250
Playing "Lord of the Rings."
145
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:42,259
- Yeah.
- Get the hell off me!
146
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,428
You're a freak, Butters!
You can't play with us!
147
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:47,222
- Let me have the tape!
- No. We have to return it.
148
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:49,308
My movie.
149
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,810
My awesome, cool movie.
150
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:55,189
My... precious.
151
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,359
And so the tape
was again retrieved
152
00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:00,069
to be brought back
to Stansizhouse.
153
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,338
This copy of "Lord of the Rings"
154
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:02,922
made the young Butters behave
quite oddly.
155
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,883
And mine parents were acting
strange about it, too.
156
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,618
Perhaps the one videotape has
some power we have not foreseen.
157
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,497
Well, well, well.
158
00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,749
If it isn't Robin Hood
and his merry men.
159
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,334
Oh, crap.
The sixth graders.
160
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,378
- What you got there?
- Nothing.
161
00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,004
Hey, kid.
162
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,590
"Lord of the Rings." Ha!
That movie's gay.
163
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,717
- You're gay.
- What the...
164
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,678
Check it out, you guys!
165
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,575
Give it back. We're on a quest
to return it to my parents.
166
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,435
No way. We're keeping this
and watching it ourselves.
167
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,311
You can't keep it.
168
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:37,189
What are three little fourth
graders gonna do about it, huh?
169
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:38,315
There's four of us.
170
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,210
Kenny's soul is still trapped
in Cartman's body.
171
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:40,943
Yeah!
172
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,529
Oh, man.
I can't wait to see this.
173
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,382
Dude, that video is making
people act strange.
174
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,741
The one tape must be returned!
175
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:48,742
Run!
176
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:49,993
Get 'em!
177
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,459
Oh, hello, Randy, Sharon.
178
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,878
Uh, Chris,
are the boys over here?
179
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,004
No, just Butters.
180
00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:03,382
He's been watching "The Lord
of the Rings" downstairs.
181
00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:04,383
Oh, dear.
182
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:05,508
What's the matter?
183
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,387
We... Well, this is really
sort of funny,
184
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:11,265
but, uh, we...
We accidentally put a porno
185
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,225
in the "Lord of the Rings"
box.
186
00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:16,186
Oh, God!
187
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,813
Butters?
188
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,356
Butters?
189
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:21,482
Butters!
190
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:23,235
The precious.
191
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,487
Did you bring back my precious?
192
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,531
Butters, where is the movie
you were watching?
193
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:29,032
They took his precious.
194
00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:30,951
Took it away to watch
without him.
195
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,078
He was really enjoying
that movie, too.
196
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,122
My p-precious.
197
00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:37,791
The boys must have come
and saw what it was
198
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,668
and then taken it away
somewhere.
199
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,044
Oh, no.
200
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,427
We can't let those sixth graders
201
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:49,872
get their hands
on this videotape.
202
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:50,804
I must say I agree.
203
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,824
If this copy of "The Lord
of the Rings" is hainted,
204
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,408
it would not be safe
in the wrong hands.
205
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,268
I smell fourth graders!
206
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,479
- Oh, crap, dude!
- Hide!
207
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,326
Hey! I think I see something
down the hill.
208
00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:16,330
The one videotape
is sought after indeed.
209
00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,499
Yeah. Butters, my parents,
now the sixth graders.
210
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:19,500
Come, guys.
211
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:20,810
We must bring this
to the attention
212
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,252
of the high elf of Farragon.
213
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:25,380
Yeah! The high elf.
He'll know what to do.
214
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,008
And so that's the situation.
215
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,177
All the boys are out there
somewhere with a...
216
00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:31,678
pornographic videotape.
217
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,722
Oh, God!
This... This is horrible!
218
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,057
All right.
Calm down.
219
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,893
Now, just how bad of a porno
tape are we talking here?
220
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,896
I mean, was it like
"Crotch Capers 3"?
221
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,024
I'm afraid it was...
"Back Door Sluts 9".
222
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,710
- "Back Door Sluts 9"?!
- "Back Door Sluts 9"?!
223
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:46,735
Is that bad?
224
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,737
"Back Door Sluts 9"
makes "Crotch Capers 3"
225
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,322
look like "Naughty Nurses 2"!
226
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,116
I-It is the single most vile,
twisted,
227
00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:55,118
dark piece of porn ever made.
228
00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:56,370
How the hell do you know?
229
00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:59,081
I, uh...
I-I read about it in People.
230
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,374
Oh, this is just great!
231
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:01,917
How could you two be
so careless?
232
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:02,918
We're sorry.
233
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,212
Well, Sheila, we can't shelter
our boys forever
234
00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,213
from these things.
235
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,382
Maybe it's okay for them to see
an adult film.
236
00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:10,884
Not without their parents
to put it in a proper context.
237
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,649
They won't understand
what they're seeing!
238
00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,930
It... It can't hurt them
that much, can it?
239
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,725
Precious.
Let me see my p-precious.
240
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,602
Please!
241
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,819
Open!
242
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,238
Bell-lock.
243
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,156
What do you guys want?
244
00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:35,002
We must speak
with the high elf of Farragon.
245
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:37,327
Oh. Okay.
Hang on a second.
246
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,959
What troubles you?
247
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,795
We have in our possession
something of great power.
248
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,339
It is "The Lord of the Rings."
249
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:50,340
So?
250
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:53,677
I have three copies and the DVD
with 12 hours of extra footage.
251
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,138
Yes, but this is not...
Wow. Twelve hours?
252
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,806
Yes, but this is not
a normal copy.
253
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,725
It's making people act
really strange.
254
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,935
We're seriously, high elf.
255
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,021
Something very evil lurks
in this tape.
256
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,906
Very well. I shall call
the council together.
257
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:07,261
Meet me
in the Woods of Gathering
258
00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:08,734
behind Talangar the Black's
house.
259
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,712
Don't let my mom see you,
'cause I'll get in trouble.
260
00:10:10,736 --> 00:10:12,279
Thank you,
high elf of Parragon.
261
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,072
Farragon!
Asshole.
262
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,533
Clyde's a dick.
263
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,329
All right.
Everybody listen up.
264
00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,831
There's three snot-nosed
little fourth graders out there
265
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,334
who have a porno
called "Back Door Sluts 9."
266
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,337
I checked it out
on the Internet,
267
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,297
and it said
that "Back Door Sluts 9"
268
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:33,508
is the most hard-core porno
ever made.
269
00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,678
I have amassed this army
of sixth graders
270
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,847
to get the tape
by any means necessary.
271
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,224
Now, let's go get that porno!
272
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,814
And so that is the situation.
273
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,025
The videotape may
or may not have evil powers.
274
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,027
Kyle, would you bring it
up here, please?
275
00:10:56,907 --> 00:11:00,202
That video could have been made
by Sauron's evil f-f-forces.
276
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,120
It could hold a mental spell
of some kind.
277
00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:05,165
Perhaps we could use it
to strengthen our star cruisers.
278
00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:10,462
Kevin, God damn it.
279
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,883
Look, until we see
this tape's power for ourselves,
280
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,468
we cannot risk
giving it to anybody.
281
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,529
But if we watch it, we could
fall under its spell, too.
282
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,553
That is true.
283
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,181
Only a paladin
with a high constitution
284
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,306
should watch the tape.
285
00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:25,936
Therefore, I think it is a job
for you, Talangar the Black.
286
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,105
I'm not scared.
287
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,630
I'll go inside
and watch the tape...
288
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,024
Just for a few seconds.
289
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,943
If I do not return
in two minutes,
290
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,277
send a party in after me.
291
00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,697
The fate of Middle-earth
is in my hands.
292
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,912
Fourth graders!
293
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,165
Give us that porno!
294
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,751
Boys?
295
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,920
Boys, we're not mad at you!
296
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,464
We just want to talk to you!
297
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,677
Talangar the Black returns
from watching the video.
298
00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:01,138
What sights did you see
on the videotape, Talangar?
299
00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:03,473
Is it the work
of Sauron's magic?
300
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:05,350
I'm not playing anymore.
301
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,561
Whoa. Wait.
What'd you see?
302
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,896
I don't know.
I don't want to know.
303
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,857
I'm out.
304
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,655
My God. This thing
must really be powerful.
305
00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,717
This tape makes people freak out
wherever it goes.
306
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,301
- What do we do with it?
- One thing's for sure.
307
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,925
This tape cannot be trusted
with anybody.
308
00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,371
It must be returned to the
video store from whence it came.
309
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,331
Where is the videotape
rented from?
310
00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,584
Two Towers Video Store
i-in Conifer.
311
00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,586
Conifer?!
Walking there would take hours!
312
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:33,879
There's no alternative.
313
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,214
We have to return the tape
before it causes more damage.
314
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,466
- I'll go.
- Ha!
315
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:39,926
We cannot trust something
of that much power to a dwarf!
316
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,428
Especially
a kindergartner dwarf.
317
00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:44,866
Stop acting like
a bunch of assholes.
318
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,975
I will take it.
319
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,769
I will walk to the video store.
320
00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:50,854
It is too far and too dangerous
to go alone.
321
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,315
Take with you the wizard,
the dwarf, the warrior,
322
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,816
the cleric, and the Jew.
323
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,651
- Paladin!
- Very well.
324
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,112
You shall be the fellowship
of "The Lord of the Rings."
325
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,489
Good luck.
326
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,300
I have to go home now
before I get in trouble.
327
00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,367
Me too!
328
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:05,702
Only the six of us
are to go?
329
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,037
No, no.
There's seven of us.
330
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,182
Kenny's soul is still trapped
in Cartman's body, remember?
331
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,206
Yeah, stupid.
332
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,226
Yeah, luckily Cartman's
big enough for the both of us.
333
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,627
Shut up, Kenny!
334
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,215
And so it was that
the heroes traveled many miles
335
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:21,718
to return "The Lord of
the Rings" to the video store.
336
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,846
We have reached
the great pass of Mount Uruloch.
337
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,598
Look out!
338
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,058
We were almost killed!
339
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,310
A dark wizard must be
trying to stop us!
340
00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,646
Someone or something doesn't
want this video returned
341
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,272
to the video store.
342
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,944
Hello, everybody.
343
00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:40,695
Steve, we heard
that a bunch of the kids
344
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,239
were over here
a little while ago.
345
00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,449
Well, yes, I believe they were,
but they've gone.
346
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:45,700
What's the matter?
347
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:49,913
We think our boys might be
showing other children a, uh...
348
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,456
pornographic tape.
349
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,290
What?
350
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,417
But Token's never seen
a porno before.
351
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,169
He wouldn't know what to...
Oh, God!
352
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:57,294
Token!
353
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,802
Token?
354
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:07,597
Did the boys come over and...
show you a movie?
355
00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:10,642
Token?
356
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:12,769
All right, Token.
357
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,856
We know you must be very
confused about what you saw.
358
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:18,942
Yes.
359
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:22,612
You see, Token, that was called
a pornographic film.
360
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,031
It shows adult men
and adult women
361
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,367
having sexual intercourse.
362
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,081
Well, y-you see, when a... when
a man and a woman fall in love,
363
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,251
the... the man puts his penis
in the woman's vagina.
364
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:39,588
It's called lovemaking,
and it's part of being in love.
365
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,009
And when the woman has four
penises in her at the same time,
366
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:45,802
then stands over the men
and pees on them,
367
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,721
is that part of being in love,
too?
368
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,766
Five midgets spanking a man
369
00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,476
covered with
Thousand Island dressing...
370
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:55,103
Is that making love?
371
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,022
Jesus.
What kind of porno was that?
372
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,815
It was "Back Door Sluts 9".
373
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:01,568
Oh, Jesus!
Not that one!
374
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,737
Oh, Gerald, poor Kyle
must be just as confused
375
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:05,196
and scared as this poor kid.
376
00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,407
Token, this is very important.
377
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:10,493
Do you know where the boys went
with the naughty tape?
378
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,497
We're entering
the limits of Bailey.
379
00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:15,665
Everyone stay close.
380
00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,518
Perhaps the great ringworm
of Bailey is about.
381
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,711
Ringworms are no match
for a dwarf.
382
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,464
Yes, we shall slay the ringworm
and take its bounty of treasure.
383
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,757
For that is the way of the...
384
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,162
I shall put a magic spell
on you!
385
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:27,010
I have blocked your spell,
wizard!
386
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,470
Hey, what are you guys doing?
387
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,805
We're playing Harry Potter.
388
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,725
Fags!
389
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,022
You guys,
somebody's following us.
390
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,523
- It's Butters.
- Butters?
391
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:42,609
Yes. He's been following us
for like two hours.
392
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,113
The precious videotape.
393
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,615
L-Let the Butters see it.
394
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,784
Just ignore him.
Maybe he'll go away.
395
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:53,036
Hey, fellas,
mind if we take a little r-rest?
396
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:55,121
There is no time for rest,
sorcerer. Keep up.
397
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,545
They are coming.
398
00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,298
You guys go on ahead.
399
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,801
- Jimmy, are you sure?
- Go!
400
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,138
You shall not p-pa...
401
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:16,017
You shall not pa... pa...
402
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,604
You shall not pa...
403
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,735
You shall not p...
404
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,070
You shall not p-pa...
405
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:29,489
P-p-p... pa...
406
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,491
You shall... p...
407
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:36,371
You shall not p-pass.
408
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,664
Jimmy didn't stop them!
409
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,600
They're going to take
"The Lord of the Rings" from us!
410
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:40,667
Quick!
Cross the river!
411
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,335
Sixth graders can't stand water.
412
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:43,545
What?
That's stupid.
413
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,147
I am a high-ranking
white wizard, Craig,
414
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,931
and I say sixth graders
are opposed to water!
415
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:49,325
Whatever. I'm going back to play
with the Harry Potter kids.
416
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,844
Me too.
417
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,848
Go ahead and play
Harry butt-hole pussy Potter!
418
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,183
Just get across the river!
They're coming!
419
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:05,191
What the hell is wrong
with you guys?! Get the tape!
420
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,693
Dude, I don't want to get wet.
421
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,319
Yeah.
I don't really like the water.
422
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,739
Besides, if our bikes get wet,
the chains will rust.
423
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:13,491
Oh, God damn it. All right.
Come on. We'll find a bridge.
424
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,329
The quest continued to return.
425
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,790
"The Lord of the Rings"
to the video store.
426
00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,955
Man, we should have never
crossed that stupid river.
427
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,587
Yeah. Good job, wizard fat-ass.
Now we're totally lost.
428
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,152
We're not lost,
Jewgar of Jewlingrad.
429
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:28,524
We just don't know where we are.
430
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,841
That's what lost means, stupid.
431
00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,926
- Kenny, shut your Goddamn mouth!
- This is great.
432
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,112
We're in the middle of nowhere
433
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:35,430
and nobody knows what direction
the video store is in.
434
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,265
The Butters knowses.
435
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,517
- Oh, brother.
- The video store. Yes.
436
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,353
Not far from here.
W-We can show you wheres it is.
437
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:43,188
Where?
438
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:46,441
First just let Butters s-see
the precious.
439
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,401
No, Butters.
Look what it's done to you.
440
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:50,153
It's made you even lamer
than before.
441
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:51,279
If that was possible.
442
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,132
Tell us how to get
to the video store, Butters,
443
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:54,467
or else we're gonna kick
your ass!
444
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:57,118
No hurtses the Butters.
We will show you the way.
445
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,121
Yes.
This way it is.
446
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:01,539
This is awful!
447
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,144
I just know
with every passing minute,
448
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,877
little Kyle is seeing more
and more depraved sex acts!
449
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,002
We'll find them.
450
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,297
And then we'll try to put
what they saw into context.
451
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,799
Look!
There's one of the boys now.
452
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,135
- Jimmy!
- Jimmy! Jimmy!
453
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,346
Where did the boys go
with the porno tape?
454
00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,348
They were taking it to the v...
455
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:21,226
the v... the v...
456
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,228
Come on, Jimmy.
We don't have a lot of time.
457
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,938
They took it back
to the video s...
458
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,731
the video s...
459
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,650
The video sandwich?
460
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,026
The video stockyard?
461
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:31,569
What's a video stockyard, Jimmy?
462
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,571
No. The video st...
463
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:34,739
The video st...
464
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:35,990
- Stinger?
- Staples!
465
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,326
They went to the video staples.
Where's that, Jimmy?
466
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,953
N-No, you retards!
467
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,996
The video s-store.
468
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,289
The video store!
469
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:44,582
Hurry! Hurry!
470
00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,084
I know where it is.
471
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,178
- Oh, no! They're closed!
- Closed?!
472
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,305
There they are!
473
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,766
Don't let 'em turn it back in
to the video store!
474
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:02,934
We're screwed.
475
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,352
Wait!
A drop box!
476
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,147
Quick, Kyle!
Drop the movie in!
477
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,440
Finally, it's over.
478
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:12,110
Precious.
Must have our precious.
479
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:13,903
- Aah!
- Butters! No!
480
00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,530
Nows wes hasses it.
481
00:19:17,031 --> 00:19:18,032
They're coming!
482
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:20,618
It has to go back!
483
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,287
It wantses to stay
with the Butterses.
484
00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,164
There it is.
Give me that tape.
485
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,793
- Let go of the tape, Butters!
- I'm never letting go!
486
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:29,918
Fine!
487
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,546
Precious!
488
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,339
No!
489
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:34,883
No! No!
490
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,050
Damn it!
491
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,470
Aw, man, now we'll never see
the hot action.
492
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,723
You stupid little
fourth graders!
493
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,328
The tape is returned
to which it came.
494
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,226
Its power over you
shall fade as well.
495
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,603
Middle-earth is again safe.
496
00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:49,731
Yeah? Well, that's not gonna
stop us from kicking your asses.
497
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:57,655
Boys! Boys!
498
00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,115
Crap!
Parents.
499
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,617
Come on, guys.
500
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:03,411
We'll see you next time,
fourthies.
501
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,122
And perhaps they would.
502
00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:08,416
But for now, the sixth-grader
army was defeated.
503
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:09,541
There you are.
504
00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:11,127
Oh, Kyle!
You're safe!
505
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,092
Oh, hey, guys.
We were just about to come home.
506
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,297
We had to return the video.
507
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,822
All right.
Now... Now, listen, kids.
508
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:18,301
There are some things we need
to put into context for you.
509
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:21,304
You see, a man puts his penis
into a woman's vagina
510
00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,181
for both love and pleasure.
511
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,433
But sometimes the woman lays
on top of the man,
512
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,268
facing the other way
so that they can put
513
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,229
each other's genitals
in their mouths.
514
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,940
This is called sixty-nining,
and it's normal.
515
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,359
See, boys, a woman is sensitive
in her vagina,
516
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,111
and it feels good to have
a man's penis inside of it.
517
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,112
That's right.
518
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:40,865
But sometimes a woman chooses
to use other things...
519
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,825
Telephones, staplers, magazines.
520
00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:46,204
It's because the nerve endings
in the vagina are so sensitive.
521
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:47,914
It's like a fun tickle.
522
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,832
Now, on to double
penetration, boys.
523
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:52,961
You see, sometimes when a woman
has sex with more than one man,
524
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,879
each man makes love
to a different orifice.
525
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:55,880
That's right.
526
00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,173
It's something adults can do
527
00:20:57,298 --> 00:20:59,425
with really good friends
in a comfortable setting.
528
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,219
It's also important
that you understand
529
00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:03,805
why some people choose
to urinate on each other.
530
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,099
Going number one
or number two on your lover
531
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,184
is something people might do,
532
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,770
but you must make sure
your partner is okay with it
533
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,313
before you start doing it.
534
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:15,400
Okay, boys.
Do you have any questions?
535
00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:25,118
Well, let's all get going.
536
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,287
Yeah. Come on, boys.
Time to get home.
537
00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:32,208
Wait a minute.
Where's Butters?
538
00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:35,128
W-Wes hasses our preciouses.
539
00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:36,963
Hasses it.
Hasses it.
39370
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