All language subtitles for South Park Season 6 Episode 13 The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:12,013 I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time. 2 00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889 Friendly faces everywhere. 3 00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683 Humble folks without temptation. 4 00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,602 Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind. 5 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688 Ample parking day or night. 6 00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,173 People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor!" 7 00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,401 Heading on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind. 8 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,194 Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. 9 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,612 Timmy, Timmy, liv-a-la, Timmy! 10 00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:32,533 Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine. 11 00:00:35,453 --> 00:00:37,121 Oh, great Wizard of Gregendath, 12 00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,331 what quest do you ask of this ranger and paladin? 13 00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:41,167 Only one thing can save our kingdom. 14 00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,835 You must bring me a piece of pecan pie 15 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,462 with toffee ice cream and Magic Shell. 16 00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,296 Hurry, now! 17 00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:47,190 That quest sucks, Cartman. Think of another one. 18 00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,008 Uh, boys, Butters' parents want to borrow 19 00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:50,693 the "Lord of the Rings" video we rented. 20 00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,887 Could you take it over to them? 21 00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:54,722 You're sending us on... a quest? 22 00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,308 You ask of us to take the one video to the house of Butters? 23 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:58,433 Yeah. Whatever. 24 00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:00,579 It shall be a long journey with many dangers on the way. 25 00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,789 But if the tape must be brought to the house of Butters, 26 00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:03,999 - who else can do it? - Very well. 27 00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:05,917 We shall embark on this quest immediately, Father. 28 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,943 Come, warriors! 29 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,280 That gets rid of them. 30 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,115 Ooh, you're a little frisky, aren't you? 31 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,867 Well, uh, "The Lord of the Rings" 32 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,369 wasn't the only thing I rented from the video store. 33 00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:20,372 I also rented... a porno. 34 00:01:20,498 --> 00:01:22,458 Oh, you little devil! 35 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,251 You want to go watch? 36 00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,646 How shall we journey to the house of Butters... 37 00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,990 Through the mines of Vandor or over the mountains of Grach? 38 00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,133 Look out! Here comes the great dragon of Peringraf! 39 00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,018 Don't worry. I am the great wizard Molortork. 40 00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:34,678 I can shield us from the dragon's fire. 41 00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:36,430 A-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh-beh! 42 00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:37,890 Good job, wizard. 43 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,475 And so the party journeyed onward... 44 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,143 The great wizard, the skillful ranger, 45 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:42,311 and the covetous Jew. 46 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,063 I'm a paladin, Cartman! 47 00:01:44,188 --> 00:01:45,648 Jews can't be paladins. 48 00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,110 Hey, there, cowboy. 49 00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:51,445 You ready for some hot, steamy fun? 50 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,613 You bet I am. 51 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:55,449 The guys at the office told me I had to rent this porno. 52 00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,576 They said this is without a doubt 53 00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,703 the hottest porno ever made. 54 00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:01,288 Sounds good. 55 00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,916 I love that lingerie. 56 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,377 Yeah. You like that? 57 00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:07,628 Yeah, baby. 58 00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,088 Yeah. 59 00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:11,173 - All right. You ready? - Ready. 60 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,298 Oh, yeah. 61 00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,303 The story begins in ages past, 62 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,430 in the deep regions of Middle-earth, 63 00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,475 where Skorn first thrived in the kingdom of Gelgala. 64 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,061 Oh, man, I hate when pornos try to have a story. 65 00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:27,022 Seven rings were cast and given to the races of men. 66 00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,399 Mm, yeah. 67 00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,401 Seven to the races of elves, 68 00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:33,320 five to the Glundock Viladers of Gelgendol. 69 00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:36,240 Wow. The production values are really good in this porno. 70 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,242 Yeah. It almost looks like... 71 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,952 "The Lord of the..." 72 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,579 Oh, my God! 73 00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,916 This is "Lord of the Rings"! 74 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,168 But then, does that mean... 75 00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:51,088 That the boys have the hottest porno ever made. 76 00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:54,800 Oh, hello, boys. 77 00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,736 My father has asked that we bring you this copy 78 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:57,760 of "Lord of the Rings". 79 00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:00,055 Well, thank you very much, kind heroes. 80 00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:02,975 Perhaps a reward is in order? Gold? Frankensteincense? 81 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:06,770 Oh, but you are noble heroes. We know our thanks is enough. 82 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,106 Man, that's crap. 83 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,443 Butters, look what we have for you to watch. 84 00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:14,111 "The Lord of the Rings." 85 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,280 Oh, boy! Finally I get to see it! 86 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,948 Now, Daddy and I have to do our taxes. 87 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:20,409 So you can watch this by yourself and not get scared? 88 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,494 I won't get scared, Mom. Promise. 89 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:25,289 That's our man. Here you go. 90 00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,043 Ooh-da-lolly! 91 00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:31,295 I finally get to see "Lord of the Rings"! 92 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,258 Spank that ass. 93 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,139 Neato. 94 00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:45,351 - Oh, yeah. - This is good! 95 00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,062 Oh, my God. This is gonna be so embarrassing. 96 00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:49,313 "Hi, Chris. Hi, Linda. 97 00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,583 We were just wondering if we could get our porno back." 98 00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:53,943 Calm down. Maybe the boys haven't gotten there yet. 99 00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,986 And so the party returned home 100 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,571 after completing their great quest. 101 00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:58,739 The one tape was returned, 102 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,824 and South Park was again at peace. 103 00:04:02,201 --> 00:04:03,744 Quick! A monster of Rivendell! 104 00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:04,870 Prepare for battle! 105 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,163 The boys! 106 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,875 Boys! Boys! Where's the videotape? 107 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,544 We gave it to the parents of Butters, as commanded by you. 108 00:04:12,670 --> 00:04:14,964 Oh. I guess we have to go talk to them now. 109 00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:16,298 Well, wait a minute. 110 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,967 Boys, do you think you can go 111 00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:20,261 get that tape back for us really fast? 112 00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,390 This sounds like a really important quest. 113 00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:25,307 Yes, it is. 114 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,832 This is more important than anything 115 00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,185 I have ever asked you to do. 116 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,853 You must retrieve the tape. 117 00:04:29,979 --> 00:04:32,898 But do not look at it, uh, for it holds an evil power. 118 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:35,901 Retrieve the tape and return it to us at home. 119 00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,654 Do this, and you will be greatly rewarded. 120 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,490 This is so cool. 121 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,617 Gentlemen, we are off! 122 00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:46,620 Okay. Problem solved. 123 00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:54,378 Like that. Just like that. 124 00:04:55,671 --> 00:04:56,880 Oh, golly. 125 00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,426 Hey, what's happenin' down there? 126 00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,886 We have come to reclaim the one tape. 127 00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,849 What are you doing?! 128 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,392 The queen and king of Stansizhouse 129 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,317 wish "The Lord of the Rings" returned to them. 130 00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:12,187 But it's the greatest movie I've ever seen. 131 00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:14,523 You guys were right. "Lord of the Rings" is awesome. 132 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,459 Y-You're gonna have to let me finish watching it. 133 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,234 Nay, Butters! 134 00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:20,821 The one tape must be brought back to Stansizhouse. 135 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,950 Butters! We said you can't watch it. 136 00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:25,951 We have a quest. 137 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,120 Then... Then let me go with you. 138 00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,121 Okay. Fine, Butters. 139 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,473 But if you're gonna hang out with us, 140 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,137 you have to play like "Lord of the Rings." 141 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,459 Oh, okay! 142 00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,420 Yeah. 143 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,025 Butters! What the hell are you doing?! 144 00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:39,250 Playing "Lord of the Rings." 145 00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:42,259 - Yeah. - Get the hell off me! 146 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,428 You're a freak, Butters! You can't play with us! 147 00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:47,222 - Let me have the tape! - No. We have to return it. 148 00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:49,308 My movie. 149 00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:51,810 My awesome, cool movie. 150 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:55,189 My... precious. 151 00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:58,359 And so the tape was again retrieved 152 00:05:58,484 --> 00:06:00,069 to be brought back to Stansizhouse. 153 00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,338 This copy of "Lord of the Rings" 154 00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:02,922 made the young Butters behave quite oddly. 155 00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,883 And mine parents were acting strange about it, too. 156 00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:07,618 Perhaps the one videotape has some power we have not foreseen. 157 00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,497 Well, well, well. 158 00:06:11,622 --> 00:06:13,749 If it isn't Robin Hood and his merry men. 159 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,334 Oh, crap. The sixth graders. 160 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,378 - What you got there? - Nothing. 161 00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,004 Hey, kid. 162 00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,590 "Lord of the Rings." Ha! That movie's gay. 163 00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,717 - You're gay. - What the... 164 00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,678 Check it out, you guys! 165 00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,575 Give it back. We're on a quest to return it to my parents. 166 00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:33,435 No way. We're keeping this and watching it ourselves. 167 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,311 You can't keep it. 168 00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:37,189 What are three little fourth graders gonna do about it, huh? 169 00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:38,315 There's four of us. 170 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,210 Kenny's soul is still trapped in Cartman's body. 171 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:40,943 Yeah! 172 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,529 Oh, man. I can't wait to see this. 173 00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,382 Dude, that video is making people act strange. 174 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,741 The one tape must be returned! 175 00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:48,742 Run! 176 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:49,993 Get 'em! 177 00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,459 Oh, hello, Randy, Sharon. 178 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,878 Uh, Chris, are the boys over here? 179 00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:01,004 No, just Butters. 180 00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:03,382 He's been watching "The Lord of the Rings" downstairs. 181 00:07:03,507 --> 00:07:04,383 Oh, dear. 182 00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:05,508 What's the matter? 183 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,387 We... Well, this is really sort of funny, 184 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:11,265 but, uh, we... We accidentally put a porno 185 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:13,225 in the "Lord of the Rings" box. 186 00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:16,186 Oh, God! 187 00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,813 Butters? 188 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,356 Butters? 189 00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:21,482 Butters! 190 00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:23,235 The precious. 191 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,487 Did you bring back my precious? 192 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,531 Butters, where is the movie you were watching? 193 00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:29,032 They took his precious. 194 00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:30,951 Took it away to watch without him. 195 00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,078 He was really enjoying that movie, too. 196 00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,122 My p-precious. 197 00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:37,791 The boys must have come and saw what it was 198 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,668 and then taken it away somewhere. 199 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,044 Oh, no. 200 00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,427 We can't let those sixth graders 201 00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:49,872 get their hands on this videotape. 202 00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:50,804 I must say I agree. 203 00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,824 If this copy of "The Lord of the Rings" is hainted, 204 00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,408 it would not be safe in the wrong hands. 205 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:56,268 I smell fourth graders! 206 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,479 - Oh, crap, dude! - Hide! 207 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,326 Hey! I think I see something down the hill. 208 00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:16,330 The one videotape is sought after indeed. 209 00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,499 Yeah. Butters, my parents, now the sixth graders. 210 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:19,500 Come, guys. 211 00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:20,810 We must bring this to the attention 212 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,252 of the high elf of Farragon. 213 00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:25,380 Yeah! The high elf. He'll know what to do. 214 00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:28,008 And so that's the situation. 215 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,177 All the boys are out there somewhere with a... 216 00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:31,678 pornographic videotape. 217 00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,722 Oh, God! This... This is horrible! 218 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,057 All right. Calm down. 219 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,893 Now, just how bad of a porno tape are we talking here? 220 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:40,896 I mean, was it like "Crotch Capers 3"? 221 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,024 I'm afraid it was... "Back Door Sluts 9". 222 00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,710 - "Back Door Sluts 9"?! - "Back Door Sluts 9"?! 223 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:46,735 Is that bad? 224 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,737 "Back Door Sluts 9" makes "Crotch Capers 3" 225 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,322 look like "Naughty Nurses 2"! 226 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,116 I-It is the single most vile, twisted, 227 00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:55,118 dark piece of porn ever made. 228 00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:56,370 How the hell do you know? 229 00:08:56,495 --> 00:08:59,081 I, uh... I-I read about it in People. 230 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,374 Oh, this is just great! 231 00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:01,917 How could you two be so careless? 232 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:02,918 We're sorry. 233 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,212 Well, Sheila, we can't shelter our boys forever 234 00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:06,213 from these things. 235 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,382 Maybe it's okay for them to see an adult film. 236 00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:10,884 Not without their parents to put it in a proper context. 237 00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:12,649 They won't understand what they're seeing! 238 00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,930 It... It can't hurt them that much, can it? 239 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,725 Precious. Let me see my p-precious. 240 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,602 Please! 241 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,819 Open! 242 00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,238 Bell-lock. 243 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,156 What do you guys want? 244 00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:35,002 We must speak with the high elf of Farragon. 245 00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:37,327 Oh. Okay. Hang on a second. 246 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,959 What troubles you? 247 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,795 We have in our possession something of great power. 248 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,339 It is "The Lord of the Rings." 249 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:50,340 So? 250 00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:53,677 I have three copies and the DVD with 12 hours of extra footage. 251 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,138 Yes, but this is not... Wow. Twelve hours? 252 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,806 Yes, but this is not a normal copy. 253 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,725 It's making people act really strange. 254 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,935 We're seriously, high elf. 255 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,021 Something very evil lurks in this tape. 256 00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,906 Very well. I shall call the council together. 257 00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:07,261 Meet me in the Woods of Gathering 258 00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:08,734 behind Talangar the Black's house. 259 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,712 Don't let my mom see you, 'cause I'll get in trouble. 260 00:10:10,736 --> 00:10:12,279 Thank you, high elf of Parragon. 261 00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,072 Farragon! Asshole. 262 00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,533 Clyde's a dick. 263 00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,329 All right. Everybody listen up. 264 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:22,831 There's three snot-nosed little fourth graders out there 265 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,334 who have a porno called "Back Door Sluts 9." 266 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:28,337 I checked it out on the Internet, 267 00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,297 and it said that "Back Door Sluts 9" 268 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:33,508 is the most hard-core porno ever made. 269 00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,678 I have amassed this army of sixth graders 270 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,847 to get the tape by any means necessary. 271 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,224 Now, let's go get that porno! 272 00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,814 And so that is the situation. 273 00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:50,025 The videotape may or may not have evil powers. 274 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,027 Kyle, would you bring it up here, please? 275 00:10:56,907 --> 00:11:00,202 That video could have been made by Sauron's evil f-f-forces. 276 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,120 It could hold a mental spell of some kind. 277 00:11:02,245 --> 00:11:05,165 Perhaps we could use it to strengthen our star cruisers. 278 00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:10,462 Kevin, God damn it. 279 00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,883 Look, until we see this tape's power for ourselves, 280 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,468 we cannot risk giving it to anybody. 281 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,529 But if we watch it, we could fall under its spell, too. 282 00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,553 That is true. 283 00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,181 Only a paladin with a high constitution 284 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:22,306 should watch the tape. 285 00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:25,936 Therefore, I think it is a job for you, Talangar the Black. 286 00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,105 I'm not scared. 287 00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,630 I'll go inside and watch the tape... 288 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,024 Just for a few seconds. 289 00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,943 If I do not return in two minutes, 290 00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:34,277 send a party in after me. 291 00:11:34,403 --> 00:11:36,697 The fate of Middle-earth is in my hands. 292 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,912 Fourth graders! 293 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,165 Give us that porno! 294 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,751 Boys? 295 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,920 Boys, we're not mad at you! 296 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,464 We just want to talk to you! 297 00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,677 Talangar the Black returns from watching the video. 298 00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:01,138 What sights did you see on the videotape, Talangar? 299 00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:03,473 Is it the work of Sauron's magic? 300 00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:05,350 I'm not playing anymore. 301 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,561 Whoa. Wait. What'd you see? 302 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,896 I don't know. I don't want to know. 303 00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,857 I'm out. 304 00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,655 My God. This thing must really be powerful. 305 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,717 This tape makes people freak out wherever it goes. 306 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,301 - What do we do with it? - One thing's for sure. 307 00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,925 This tape cannot be trusted with anybody. 308 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,371 It must be returned to the video store from whence it came. 309 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,331 Where is the videotape rented from? 310 00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,584 Two Towers Video Store i-in Conifer. 311 00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:32,586 Conifer?! Walking there would take hours! 312 00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:33,879 There's no alternative. 313 00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,214 We have to return the tape before it causes more damage. 314 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,466 - I'll go. - Ha! 315 00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:39,926 We cannot trust something of that much power to a dwarf! 316 00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,428 Especially a kindergartner dwarf. 317 00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:44,866 Stop acting like a bunch of assholes. 318 00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,975 I will take it. 319 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,769 I will walk to the video store. 320 00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:50,854 It is too far and too dangerous to go alone. 321 00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:53,315 Take with you the wizard, the dwarf, the warrior, 322 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,816 the cleric, and the Jew. 323 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,651 - Paladin! - Very well. 324 00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,112 You shall be the fellowship of "The Lord of the Rings." 325 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,489 Good luck. 326 00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:02,300 I have to go home now before I get in trouble. 327 00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:04,367 Me too! 328 00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:05,702 Only the six of us are to go? 329 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,037 No, no. There's seven of us. 330 00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,182 Kenny's soul is still trapped in Cartman's body, remember? 331 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,206 Yeah, stupid. 332 00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,226 Yeah, luckily Cartman's big enough for the both of us. 333 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,627 Shut up, Kenny! 334 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,215 And so it was that the heroes traveled many miles 335 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:21,718 to return "The Lord of the Rings" to the video store. 336 00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,846 We have reached the great pass of Mount Uruloch. 337 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,598 Look out! 338 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,058 We were almost killed! 339 00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,310 A dark wizard must be trying to stop us! 340 00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:32,646 Someone or something doesn't want this video returned 341 00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,272 to the video store. 342 00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,944 Hello, everybody. 343 00:13:39,069 --> 00:13:40,695 Steve, we heard that a bunch of the kids 344 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,239 were over here a little while ago. 345 00:13:42,364 --> 00:13:44,449 Well, yes, I believe they were, but they've gone. 346 00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:45,700 What's the matter? 347 00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:49,913 We think our boys might be showing other children a, uh... 348 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,456 pornographic tape. 349 00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,290 What? 350 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,417 But Token's never seen a porno before. 351 00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,169 He wouldn't know what to... Oh, God! 352 00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:57,294 Token! 353 00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,802 Token? 354 00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:07,597 Did the boys come over and... show you a movie? 355 00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:10,642 Token? 356 00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:12,769 All right, Token. 357 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,856 We know you must be very confused about what you saw. 358 00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:18,942 Yes. 359 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:22,612 You see, Token, that was called a pornographic film. 360 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:25,031 It shows adult men and adult women 361 00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,367 having sexual intercourse. 362 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,081 Well, y-you see, when a... when a man and a woman fall in love, 363 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,251 the... the man puts his penis in the woman's vagina. 364 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:39,588 It's called lovemaking, and it's part of being in love. 365 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,009 And when the woman has four penises in her at the same time, 366 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:45,802 then stands over the men and pees on them, 367 00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,721 is that part of being in love, too? 368 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,766 Five midgets spanking a man 369 00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:53,476 covered with Thousand Island dressing... 370 00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:55,103 Is that making love? 371 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,022 Jesus. What kind of porno was that? 372 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,815 It was "Back Door Sluts 9". 373 00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:01,568 Oh, Jesus! Not that one! 374 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:03,737 Oh, Gerald, poor Kyle must be just as confused 375 00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:05,196 and scared as this poor kid. 376 00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,407 Token, this is very important. 377 00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:10,493 Do you know where the boys went with the naughty tape? 378 00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,497 We're entering the limits of Bailey. 379 00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:15,665 Everyone stay close. 380 00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:17,518 Perhaps the great ringworm of Bailey is about. 381 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,711 Ringworms are no match for a dwarf. 382 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:22,464 Yes, we shall slay the ringworm and take its bounty of treasure. 383 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,757 For that is the way of the... 384 00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,162 I shall put a magic spell on you! 385 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:27,010 I have blocked your spell, wizard! 386 00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,470 Hey, what are you guys doing? 387 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,805 We're playing Harry Potter. 388 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,725 Fags! 389 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,022 You guys, somebody's following us. 390 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,523 - It's Butters. - Butters? 391 00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:42,609 Yes. He's been following us for like two hours. 392 00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,113 The precious videotape. 393 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,615 L-Let the Butters see it. 394 00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,784 Just ignore him. Maybe he'll go away. 395 00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:53,036 Hey, fellas, mind if we take a little r-rest? 396 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:55,121 There is no time for rest, sorcerer. Keep up. 397 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,545 They are coming. 398 00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,298 You guys go on ahead. 399 00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,801 - Jimmy, are you sure? - Go! 400 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,138 You shall not p-pa... 401 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:16,017 You shall not pa... pa... 402 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,604 You shall not pa... 403 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,735 You shall not p... 404 00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:27,070 You shall not p-pa... 405 00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:29,489 P-p-p... pa... 406 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,491 You shall... p... 407 00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:36,371 You shall not p-pass. 408 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,664 Jimmy didn't stop them! 409 00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:39,600 They're going to take "The Lord of the Rings" from us! 410 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:40,667 Quick! Cross the river! 411 00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:42,335 Sixth graders can't stand water. 412 00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:43,545 What? That's stupid. 413 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,147 I am a high-ranking white wizard, Craig, 414 00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:46,931 and I say sixth graders are opposed to water! 415 00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:49,325 Whatever. I'm going back to play with the Harry Potter kids. 416 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:50,844 Me too. 417 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,848 Go ahead and play Harry butt-hole pussy Potter! 418 00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,183 Just get across the river! They're coming! 419 00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:05,191 What the hell is wrong with you guys?! Get the tape! 420 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:06,693 Dude, I don't want to get wet. 421 00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,319 Yeah. I don't really like the water. 422 00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,739 Besides, if our bikes get wet, the chains will rust. 423 00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:13,491 Oh, God damn it. All right. Come on. We'll find a bridge. 424 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,329 The quest continued to return. 425 00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,790 "The Lord of the Rings" to the video store. 426 00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,955 Man, we should have never crossed that stupid river. 427 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,587 Yeah. Good job, wizard fat-ass. Now we're totally lost. 428 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,152 We're not lost, Jewgar of Jewlingrad. 429 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:28,524 We just don't know where we are. 430 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,841 That's what lost means, stupid. 431 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,926 - Kenny, shut your Goddamn mouth! - This is great. 432 00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,112 We're in the middle of nowhere 433 00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:35,430 and nobody knows what direction the video store is in. 434 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,265 The Butters knowses. 435 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,517 - Oh, brother. - The video store. Yes. 436 00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,353 Not far from here. W-We can show you wheres it is. 437 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:43,188 Where? 438 00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:46,441 First just let Butters s-see the precious. 439 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,401 No, Butters. Look what it's done to you. 440 00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:50,153 It's made you even lamer than before. 441 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:51,279 If that was possible. 442 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,132 Tell us how to get to the video store, Butters, 443 00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:54,467 or else we're gonna kick your ass! 444 00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:57,118 No hurtses the Butters. We will show you the way. 445 00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,121 Yes. This way it is. 446 00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:01,539 This is awful! 447 00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,144 I just know with every passing minute, 448 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,877 little Kyle is seeing more and more depraved sex acts! 449 00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,002 We'll find them. 450 00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,297 And then we'll try to put what they saw into context. 451 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,799 Look! There's one of the boys now. 452 00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,135 - Jimmy! - Jimmy! Jimmy! 453 00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,346 Where did the boys go with the porno tape? 454 00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,348 They were taking it to the v... 455 00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:21,226 the v... the v... 456 00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,228 Come on, Jimmy. We don't have a lot of time. 457 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,938 They took it back to the video s... 458 00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,731 the video s... 459 00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,650 The video sandwich? 460 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,026 The video stockyard? 461 00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:31,569 What's a video stockyard, Jimmy? 462 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,571 No. The video st... 463 00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:34,739 The video st... 464 00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:35,990 - Stinger? - Staples! 465 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,326 They went to the video staples. Where's that, Jimmy? 466 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,953 N-No, you retards! 467 00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,996 The video s-store. 468 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,289 The video store! 469 00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:44,582 Hurry! Hurry! 470 00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:46,084 I know where it is. 471 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,178 - Oh, no! They're closed! - Closed?! 472 00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,305 There they are! 473 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,766 Don't let 'em turn it back in to the video store! 474 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:02,934 We're screwed. 475 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,352 Wait! A drop box! 476 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,147 Quick, Kyle! Drop the movie in! 477 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,440 Finally, it's over. 478 00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:12,110 Precious. Must have our precious. 479 00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:13,903 - Aah! - Butters! No! 480 00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,530 Nows wes hasses it. 481 00:19:17,031 --> 00:19:18,032 They're coming! 482 00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:20,618 It has to go back! 483 00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,287 It wantses to stay with the Butterses. 484 00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:24,164 There it is. Give me that tape. 485 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,793 - Let go of the tape, Butters! - I'm never letting go! 486 00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:29,918 Fine! 487 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,546 Precious! 488 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,339 No! 489 00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:34,883 No! No! 490 00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,050 Damn it! 491 00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,470 Aw, man, now we'll never see the hot action. 492 00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,723 You stupid little fourth graders! 493 00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,328 The tape is returned to which it came. 494 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,226 Its power over you shall fade as well. 495 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,603 Middle-earth is again safe. 496 00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:49,731 Yeah? Well, that's not gonna stop us from kicking your asses. 497 00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:57,655 Boys! Boys! 498 00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,115 Crap! Parents. 499 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,617 Come on, guys. 500 00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:03,411 We'll see you next time, fourthies. 501 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,122 And perhaps they would. 502 00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:08,416 But for now, the sixth-grader army was defeated. 503 00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:09,541 There you are. 504 00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:11,127 Oh, Kyle! You're safe! 505 00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,092 Oh, hey, guys. We were just about to come home. 506 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,297 We had to return the video. 507 00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:15,822 All right. Now... Now, listen, kids. 508 00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:18,301 There are some things we need to put into context for you. 509 00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:21,304 You see, a man puts his penis into a woman's vagina 510 00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,181 for both love and pleasure. 511 00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,433 But sometimes the woman lays on top of the man, 512 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,268 facing the other way so that they can put 513 00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:29,229 each other's genitals in their mouths. 514 00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,940 This is called sixty-nining, and it's normal. 515 00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:34,359 See, boys, a woman is sensitive in her vagina, 516 00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:37,111 and it feels good to have a man's penis inside of it. 517 00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,112 That's right. 518 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:40,865 But sometimes a woman chooses to use other things... 519 00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:42,825 Telephones, staplers, magazines. 520 00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:46,204 It's because the nerve endings in the vagina are so sensitive. 521 00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:47,914 It's like a fun tickle. 522 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,832 Now, on to double penetration, boys. 523 00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:52,961 You see, sometimes when a woman has sex with more than one man, 524 00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:54,879 each man makes love to a different orifice. 525 00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:55,880 That's right. 526 00:20:56,005 --> 00:20:57,173 It's something adults can do 527 00:20:57,298 --> 00:20:59,425 with really good friends in a comfortable setting. 528 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,219 It's also important that you understand 529 00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:03,805 why some people choose to urinate on each other. 530 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,099 Going number one or number two on your lover 531 00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,184 is something people might do, 532 00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,770 but you must make sure your partner is okay with it 533 00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,313 before you start doing it. 534 00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:15,400 Okay, boys. Do you have any questions? 535 00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:25,118 Well, let's all get going. 536 00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:27,287 Yeah. Come on, boys. Time to get home. 537 00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:32,208 Wait a minute. Where's Butters? 538 00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:35,128 W-Wes hasses our preciouses. 539 00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:36,963 Hasses it. Hasses it. 39370

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