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1
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:12,013
I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time.
2
00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,889
Friendly faces everywhere.
3
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,683
Humble folks
without temptation.
4
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:18,602
Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind.
5
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,688
Ample parking day or night.
6
00:00:20,813 --> 00:00:22,173
People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!"
7
00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:25,401
Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind.
8
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,194
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.
9
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,571
Timmy, Timmy,
liv-a-la, Timmy!
10
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,450
Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine.
11
00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:39,623
Oh! Hello, there, kids.
Welcome to Lolly's candy shop.
12
00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:41,560
We're the kids whose names
you called on your commercial.
13
00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:42,811
We're here to do
the shopping spree.
14
00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:44,045
Oh, that's great!
15
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:46,005
You bet your fat clown ass
it is.
16
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,924
Okay. Well, I'll just need
your ticket stub.
17
00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:50,968
Ticket stub?
18
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,803
You know...
When you entered the contest,
19
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,555
you got the other half
of this ticket.
20
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,000
Oh, shit!
Who has the ticket stub?
21
00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:57,308
It was such a long time ago!
22
00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,226
We don't really need
the ticket stub, do we?
23
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,520
Don't need the ticket stub?
Are you high?
24
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,314
How else do I know
you're the winners?
25
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,417
Because our names were called
on the commercial last night.
26
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:08,486
Sorry, boys. No ticket stub,
no candy shopping spree.
27
00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:10,362
If you find it,
you can come back.
28
00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:12,698
But you only have one week
to claim the prize.
29
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:15,451
That's called a ticking clock.
Works great in the movies.
30
00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:21,415
God damn it!
31
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:23,393
- We've got to find that ticket.
- Which one of us took it?
32
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,937
It was so long ago.
I-I can't remember.
33
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,838
We've got to focus.
We've got to focus and remember.
34
00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:30,674
All right!
There you go.
35
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,009
Hold on
to that ticket stub.
36
00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:33,844
You'll need it
to claim your prize.
37
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,763
Sign up for the five-minute
shopping spree!
38
00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:37,848
You hold on to this, Cartman.
I might lose it.
39
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:40,601
No. I'll lose it for sure.
You keep track of it, Kyle.
40
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,394
Okay.
41
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,355
N-No. I don't want
that much responsibility.
42
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,190
Here.
You hold on to it, Kenny.
43
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:47,817
Mrph rm.
44
00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:51,236
Kenny!
45
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,451
Yes?
46
00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:58,661
Where's Kenny?
47
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,541
Uh, boys...
Kenny died last December.
48
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,042
Don't you remember?
49
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,503
We know he's dead.
We mean where is his body?
50
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,839
His body?
But why?
51
00:02:09,964 --> 00:02:11,684
Because he has
the goddamn ticket for the...
52
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,384
Look, we just really miss
our friend,
53
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:16,095
and, uh, and we need to see
his remains for closure.
54
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:18,389
- Yeah. Closure.
- What the fuck is closure?
55
00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:20,224
Oh, all right, boys.
Come on in.
56
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,352
We haven't seen you boys
for so long.
57
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,771
W-We thought you'd forgotten
all about him.
58
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:29,066
Here he is, boys.
Our dear little Kenny.
59
00:02:29,191 --> 00:02:32,695
You turned him into a teapot?
60
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,572
No.
That's an urn, boys.
61
00:02:34,697 --> 00:02:35,823
Kenny's inside it.
62
00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,825
Your friends are here
to see you, Kenny.
63
00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:40,452
They miss you an awful lot,
like we all do.
64
00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:44,832
T-Thanks for coming by, boys.
It... It means a lot to us.
65
00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:47,501
Oh, now, honey.
66
00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:08,665
- Did you get it?
- Hold on.
67
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,108
I'm checking for robot guards.
68
00:03:11,233 --> 00:03:12,919
There's not gonna be
any robot guards, retard.
69
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,403
Just get Kenny.
70
00:03:16,113 --> 00:03:17,948
You guys piss me off.
71
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:24,205
All right!
We made it.
72
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,141
Kenny better have the
ticket stub with him in there.
73
00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:27,666
Let him out, Cartman.
74
00:03:29,752 --> 00:03:31,921
Kenny?
75
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,088
- Kenny?
- Is he in there?
76
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,340
I can't see.
77
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,470
What the hell is this,
chocolate-milk mix?
78
00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:41,222
I knew Kenny couldn't fit
in that teapot.
79
00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:42,347
It was a trick!
80
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,558
God damn it! This isn't even
good chocolate-milk mix!
81
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,578
Kenny's parents must be laughing
pretty hard about now.
82
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:47,621
We were dumb enough to believe.
83
00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:48,955
Kenny's body could be
in a teapot.
84
00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,699
Why would they play
such a cruel joke on us?
85
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,791
Because they're poor, Kyle!
86
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,168
Poor people don't have anything
better to do
87
00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,068
than piss other people off.
88
00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:56,379
- Don't you watch "Springer"?
- We just have to face it.
89
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,422
We're not gonna get Kenny back,
90
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:58,113
and we're not gonna have
our shopping spree.
91
00:03:58,239 --> 00:03:59,740
- It's over.
- God damn it!
92
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:01,492
There has to be a way!
93
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,836
Not bad.
94
00:04:26,392 --> 00:04:28,686
Hurry up, Kenny.
You're gonna be late for school!
95
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,231
I don't think
that chocolate-milk mix
96
00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:33,482
agreed with my stomach.
97
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,027
- Cartman, come on!
- What?! What?!
98
00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,071
Jesus, you butt-holes!
It's 6:00 in the morning!
99
00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:41,636
Kyle figured out a way to get
our ticket stub back from Kenny!
100
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:42,740
How?
101
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,826
A ladder to heaven.
102
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,119
We build it, climb up,
103
00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:47,997
and get our winning ticket back
from that asshole Kenny.
104
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,837
Hey, if you boys are building
a clubhouse,
105
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,380
you should start with the floor.
106
00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:57,339
We're not building a clubhouse.
107
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,650
We're building a ladder
to heaven.
108
00:04:58,674 --> 00:05:00,968
A ladder to heaven?
Why, son?
109
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,636
Because we want to see Kenny
again.
110
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:07,391
Oh.
Oh, that's so sweet.
111
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:09,560
That's the s-saddest thing
I've ever heard.
112
00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,395
Hey, Randy,
can I borrow your, uh...
113
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:13,605
What the hell are they doing?
114
00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,959
The boys want to see their
dead friend Kenny again, Jimbo,
115
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,610
so they're...
building a ladder to heaven.
116
00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:21,989
Kyle, I think you've bothered
the Marshes enough.
117
00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:23,282
No.
It's all right, Sheila.
118
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:24,700
The boys were just...
119
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:27,411
building a ladder to heaven
to see their old friend Kenny.
120
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,455
A ladder to... Oh.
121
00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:30,580
Oh, gosh.
122
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,374
Oh, that's so touching.
123
00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,590
Tom, I'm standing
in South Park, Colorado,
124
00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:40,716
where last December,
125
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,802
8-year-old Kenny McCormick died
of a terminal illness.
126
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:46,138
But now that little boy's
three closest friends
127
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,765
miss their friend so much
128
00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:51,602
that they are building a ladder
to heaven in order to...
129
00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:54,938
a-a ladder to heaven in order
to try to see him again.
130
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,274
It's so sad
and yet so beautiful, Tom.
131
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,109
Here's what some people
had to say.
132
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,944
Well, our son just said to us
133
00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:04,573
that he really needed to see his
little friend Kenny again and...
134
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,451
...and that he thought
it would work if he...
135
00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,411
...built a ladder to heaven.
136
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,056
They just believe
in their little hearts
137
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:11,955
that it will work.
138
00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:14,166
We can't tell them it won't.
We just can't!
139
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:17,086
It shows how beautiful the
innocence of a child really is.
140
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,802
A ladder to heaven?
That's fucking stupid.
141
00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:27,846
These boys symbolize
how we all feel about loss.
142
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,932
Who are we to tell them
it's impossible?
143
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,893
Tom, people from all over the...
Sorry.
144
00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:35,646
People from all over the country
are coming to see the ladder,
145
00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:38,190
feeling a connection
to its symbolism and beauty.
146
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,609
Even country singer Alan Jackson
has shown up
147
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,070
with a song he has written
about the ladder.
148
00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:45,256
Alan Jackson is, of course,
the man who wrote the song.
149
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,032
"Where Were You"
150
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,951
about the tragedies
on September 11th.
151
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:52,162
And now he's here once again to
capitalize on people's emotions.
152
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:53,664
Let's listen in.
153
00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:58,669
Where were you when they
built the ladder to heaven?
154
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:01,630
Did it make you feel
like cryin'
155
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,550
Or did you think
it was kinda gay?
156
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,009
What a beautiful song.
157
00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:10,889
Well, I, for one, believe
in the ladder to heaven.
158
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:14,184
Mm, yeah, yeah, yeah
159
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,478
9/11
160
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,814
I said 9/11
161
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,192
9/11, 9/11
162
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:26,196
9, 9, 9
163
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,490
11
164
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,078
Thank you!
I have a new CD out
165
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,706
with all my 9/11 songs for sale
right here.
166
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,728
Oh, good! Cartman's back
from the junkyard.
167
00:07:46,842 --> 00:07:48,886
I found this car seat
in Mr. Garrison's car.
168
00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:50,721
Mr. Garrison threw away his car?
169
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:51,972
No.
170
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:57,728
Hurry up, Kenny.
You're gonna be late for school!
171
00:07:57,853 --> 00:08:02,608
Kenny, do you by chance know
what happened to my Playboys?
172
00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,526
Kenny, answer me!
173
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,195
Cartman? Cartman!
174
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,196
W-What? What?
175
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,801
Dude, what the hell
is wrong with you?
176
00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:09,740
I don't know.
177
00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:12,242
It's like my brain just keeps...
jacking off.
178
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,167
- Maybe you've got brain cancer.
- You think?!
179
00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,555
Don't get cancer on the ladder,
Cartman.
180
00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:16,939
You're gonna fall off
and break it.
181
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:23,253
The nation is rallying behind
three sweet boys in Colorado
182
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:24,738
who are building
a ladder to heaven
183
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,340
to be with their dead friend.
184
00:08:26,465 --> 00:08:29,426
It's making Americans start
to believe in heaven again.
185
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,845
When I see how this ladder
has brought people together,
186
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,722
how... how it has changed
America,
187
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,307
I mean, how can I not believe?
188
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,643
Do you actually believe
in the ladder to heaven?
189
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:41,605
If heaven is an 8-year-old boy
and the ladder is my penis.
190
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,357
And the pearly gates are the...
191
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:46,401
Pshhhht!
192
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,654
Uh, meanwhile,
the American economy cont...
193
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:50,697
Wait. Wait.
Wait a minute.
194
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:51,949
We are getting reports now
195
00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,409
that Japan is building
their own ladder to heaven
196
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,078
to compete with the U.S.'s.
197
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:59,081
Let's go live to SNN
correspondent Nobu Hirosahsubua.
198
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:03,460
This is Nobunaga Hiroichi
reporting live from Tokyo,
199
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:07,339
where Japan has started building
its own ladder to heaven.
200
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:10,759
Already the Japanese ladder
extend far into space
201
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,054
and is growing by 1,000 miles
every day.
202
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,765
As the endeavor continues,
it is becoming clear
203
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:20,519
that Japan will reach heaven
before the United States.
204
00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:22,229
Pbht!
205
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,773
Fah-hu-ra-ha.
206
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,526
- Fah-hu-ra-ha.
- Uh, excuse me.
207
00:09:27,651 --> 00:09:29,695
- Fah-hu-ra-ha.
- Excuse me!
208
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:32,698
- Fah-hu-ra-ha.
- Uh, we ran out of stuff.
209
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,952
We ran out of stuff
to build the ladder with.
210
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,161
Oh, no.
211
00:09:38,287 --> 00:09:39,663
Oh, Jesus, no.
212
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:42,165
Where were you
when they ran out of stuff.
213
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:45,043
To build the ladder
to heaven?
214
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,105
We can keep going, but we need
to start tearing down houses
215
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:48,505
- for wood.
- No!
216
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,008
Uh, look, I think maybe
this has gone far enough.
217
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:52,009
Yeah.
218
00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:54,011
I-It's time we told the boys
the truth...
219
00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:55,976
That they aren't really
going to get to heaven.
220
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,806
Wait!
Look!
221
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,020
We've come to help you beat
those Japs, boys.
222
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,396
There won't be anyone stopping
223
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,481
this great ladder
from being built today!
224
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,486
Alpha team,
get that support structure up!
225
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,822
Surveillance team,
get us photos and recon!
226
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,157
Yes, sir!
227
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,283
Where were you.
228
00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:19,953
When they saved
that ladder to heaven?
229
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,180
Man, I can't believe how much
230
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,684
people want us
to get our ticket back.
231
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:25,459
Candy shopping sprees have
that effect on people, Kyle.
232
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:36,261
You see anything?
233
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:37,429
No.
234
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:40,474
Hello?
Kenny?
235
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,435
God?
236
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,645
Grandma?
237
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,816
Oh, don't tell me we haven't
even reached the cloud city yet.
238
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,261
No cloud city.
Not even the giant.
239
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,819
Heaven must still be
a long way off.
240
00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:54,881
All right. Look. I didn't
want to have to say this.
241
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,573
But I think maybe
we're not seeing heaven
242
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,742
because one of us
doesn't believe in it enough.
243
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,929
Heaven could be like the pixie
fairies of Bubble Yum forest.
244
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:03,872
You only see them
if you really believe in them.
245
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:04,873
- What?
- You know.
246
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,835
Maybe we're not seeing heaven
because one of us is a J-O-O.
247
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,047
What does me being a Jew
have to do with anything?!
248
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,612
Because Jews don't believe
in heaven!
249
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,550
Yes, we do!
Just not the Christian heaven!
250
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:16,176
Right!
251
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,595
Your idea of heaven is getting
$5 off your matzo ball soup
252
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,600
at Barney's Beanery
by lying about a hair in it.
253
00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:25,602
- Hey, Kenny.
- Hey, Kenny.
254
00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,062
Mrph rmhmhm rm.
255
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,980
In the ghetto,
in the ghetto.
256
00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:30,875
He's a boy wearing orange
who's losing his pride.
257
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,377
'Cause Kenny
and his whole family reside.
258
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,444
In the ghetto,
in the ghetto.
259
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,071
Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rm!
260
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,072
What did you say?!
261
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,949
Mrph mrph rm
rmhmhm rm mrph rm!
262
00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,242
What did you say?!
263
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,328
I said, "Shut up, Cartman,
you blood-belching vagina!"
264
00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,624
Did I just call myself
a blood-belching vagina?
265
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,229
Dude, what the hell
is wrong with you?
266
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,334
I don't know.
I just...
267
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,920
I keep feeling like I'm Kenny,
268
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,922
seeing memories
through his eyes.
269
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:55,757
You're too fat to be Kenny.
270
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:58,802
- You're a... stupid Jew.
- Let's just keep building.
271
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,007
We only have five more days
until the shopping spree.
272
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,450
All right.
How's the ladder going, General?
273
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:05,642
Are we beating the Japanese?
274
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,395
Not quite. But we have
a new problem, Mr. President.
275
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,231
Our recon team on the ladder
just found new evidence
276
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,734
of threats from Saddam Hussein.
277
00:12:13,859 --> 00:12:16,570
Saddam Hussein?
But... we killed him!
278
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,321
We secretly took him out
months ago.
279
00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:21,116
Yes, sir, and now we believe
that he's building weapons
280
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,453
of mass destruction... in heaven.
281
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:27,080
Dear Christ. That son of a bitch
just doesn't stop.
282
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,374
These surveillance photos
were taken atop the ladder
283
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,126
of what appears to be heaven.
284
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,754
Here we see what we believe
to be a missile silo.
285
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:36,590
And here we see what looks like
a laboratory of some sort
286
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,133
for making chemical weapons.
287
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,802
That kind of looks like
a sea gull.
288
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,972
Yes. It could be a laboratory
disguised as a sea gull.
289
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,557
That tricky bastard.
290
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:46,951
Sir, you must understand
our fears.
291
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,477
We must take out
those facilities.
292
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:51,730
We must... bomb heaven.
293
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,648
SNN question of the day...
294
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:56,151
Now that Americans believe
in heaven, should we bomb it?
295
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,612
The polls right now show
that 51% of Americans
296
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,047
think Saddam has to be
dealt with,
297
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,407
while 49% are wimpy,
tree-hugging pussies.
298
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,159
War is not my voice.
299
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:07,579
This country's run by rednecks
and bumpkins with their guns!
300
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,665
We have to take Saddam out
to protect ourselves.
301
00:13:10,791 --> 00:13:11,792
I, for one, believe
302
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,794
that if Saddam Hussein
were an 8-year-old boy
303
00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:17,422
and my penis were the United
States, then there would...
304
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:18,632
Hard nipples!
305
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,258
God damn it.
306
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:21,927
Pshhhht!
307
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:25,722
Tom, it's been five days
since three sweet boys
308
00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:27,432
set out to build a ladder
to heaven
309
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,392
and captured
the nation's hearts.
310
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:32,354
They've made a nation believe
heaven might be up there...
311
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,190
And it could prove to be
a threat to our country.
312
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,443
President Bush will seek U.N.
approval for military action.
313
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,446
Boys, it's really neat
314
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:45,200
that you want to see your
old pal Kenny so much, but...
315
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,702
But it's time for you
to get back to school
316
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:48,912
and on with your lives.
317
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,163
No.
We have to see Kenny.
318
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,540
You have to understand
319
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:53,542
that Kenny's body
isn't up in the clouds.
320
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,043
He was cremated.
321
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,168
Cremated?
What's that?
322
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:58,839
When you die, your body is put
into a broiling oven
323
00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:01,007
and cooked
until you're nothing but ashes.
324
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,552
What?!
For God's sakes, why?!
325
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,346
- It's just what some people do.
- Are you gonna burn me?
326
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,014
Kyle, that's not the issue
right now.
327
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,182
Jesus Christ!
328
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,268
A person's ashes
are put into an urn,
329
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:13,103
and that's where
Kenny's body is.
330
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,897
You see, boys, Kenny is in here.
331
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,608
What the...
332
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:22,112
W-Wait a minute!
This is kitty litter!
333
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:23,363
All right. All right.
334
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,865
I drank the chocolate-milk mix
335
00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:26,825
and replaced it
with kitty litter.
336
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:27,826
You what?!
337
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:29,494
Dude, don't you know
what this means?
338
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,413
You drank Kenny!
339
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,538
Shut up.
340
00:14:32,622 --> 00:14:35,166
You did, dude.
You drank his whole body!
341
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,543
Shut up.
342
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:39,462
Oh, my God! This is awful!
343
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:41,381
And disgusting.
344
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,426
Bad, Eric. Bad.
345
00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:46,303
That explains it...
346
00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:48,221
Why I'm having Kenny's memories
all the time.
347
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,890
His soul is inside me!
348
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,255
So much for our winning ticket.
349
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,119
Cartman probably drank that
with the rest of Kenny.
350
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,477
Yeah.
Good job, fat-ass.
351
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,272
I can't live like this.
352
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,565
I-I have to find a place
353
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:01,109
where they remove living souls
from your body.
354
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,989
Looks like I've come
to the right place.
355
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,866
- Can I help you?
- Yes. Hello.
356
00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:09,659
I have a living thing
inside of me
357
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,161
that I need sucked out, please.
358
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:12,829
You'll have to make
an appointment.
359
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,706
The charge is $230.
360
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,832
$230?!
361
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,517
I just want you to vacuum him
out of me,
362
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,044
not put him up in a condominium!
363
00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:21,171
It's gonna be okay, babe.
364
00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:23,256
Listen, lady! You got to get
this crap out of me!
365
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:24,257
I don't want him in me anymore!
366
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:26,468
Just suck him up
and throw him out!
367
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,762
Oh, Steven,
I can't go through with this.
368
00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,931
I have to keep it!
369
00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:33,224
Damn it!
Damn it!
370
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:36,061
Thanks a lot, kid!
371
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,399
Kenny... Kenny... Kenny...
372
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:44,069
Kenny, Lolly's Candy Land is
giving away a shopping spree!
373
00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:46,154
We're all gonna pitch in
on an entry... entry...
374
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,572
All right!
There you go.
375
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:50,009
Hold on to that ticket stub...
ticket stub... ticket stub...
376
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,243
Hold on to this, Cartman.
I might lose it... lose it...
377
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,578
No.
I'll lose it for sure.
378
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,932
You keep track of it, Kyle...
of it, Kyle... of it, Kyle.
379
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:56,956
Okay. No.
380
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,851
I don't want that much
responsibility... sibility...
381
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,394
Here. You hold on to it,
Kenny... Kenny...
382
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:01,836
Mrph rm! Mrph rm... mrph rm...
383
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:04,422
You better not lose
that ticket, Kenny,
384
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,091
or else I'll kick you
in the nuts!
385
00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:08,009
The nuts... the nuts...
386
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,978
The ticket!
387
00:16:18,103 --> 00:16:19,664
Kenny didn't have it on him
when he died!
388
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:21,439
He put it away somewhere!
Don't you see?!
389
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,733
I can still have
my candy shopping spree!
390
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,402
Oh, my God!
You guys!
391
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,362
You guys!
392
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,198
Ladies and gentlemen
of the U.N.,
393
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,575
we have evidence
that Saddam Hussein is up there
394
00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:34,911
building weapons
of mass destruction.
395
00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:37,747
We have tried to communicate
with Saddam through a psychic
396
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:40,417
to ask him to let us see
his warehouses in heaven,
397
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:43,378
but he has not responded.
398
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,090
Of course he has not responded,
because he's dead!
399
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,217
Right.
Dead and in heaven.
400
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,218
This is preposterous!
401
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,303
Even if there was a heaven,
what makes you think.
402
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,069
Saddam Hussein's soul
would be sent there?
403
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,808
Our intelligence tells us when
Saddam was originally killed,
404
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,768
his soul actually went to hell.
405
00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:01,479
But while in hell, he began
a homosexual relationship
406
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,231
with Satan,
the prince of darkness.
407
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,357
Satan, however, decided
408
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:05,918
he didn't want to be
with Hussein anymore
409
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,610
and broke up with him
around August.
410
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:08,987
When Saddam became jealous
411
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,322
and tried to kill
Satan's new lover, Chris,
412
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:12,991
Satan had Saddam sent to heaven
413
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,952
to live with Mormons
as a punishment.
414
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,540
Questions?
415
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,376
Yes?
416
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:26,629
Are you high
or just incredibly stupid?
417
00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:30,341
I assure you I am not high.
418
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:35,638
You guys! You guys!
I saw the ticket!
419
00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:36,806
What do you mean, fat-ass?
420
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,451
I just had another vision,
you butt-holes.
421
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,785
Kenny didn't keep
the ticket with him.
422
00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:40,977
He put it away somewhere!
423
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:42,145
- Where?!
- I don't know.
424
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,331
I got conked in the head
down at the abortion clinic,
425
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:45,916
and I clearly saw Kenny
putting the ticket
426
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,067
in a little red box.
427
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,836
I just have to wait
for another vision to come.
428
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,987
I could clearly see
through Kenny's... Ahh!
429
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,827
You see anything?
430
00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,162
Yes, Kyle.
431
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,288
I see a dead Jew!
432
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,539
Maybe Kyle's right.
433
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,024
We got to spark the vision
somehow.
434
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,667
Not by giving me brain damage!
435
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:07,879
Do you want
a candy shopping spree or not?
436
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,049
All right.
Go ahead.
437
00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:13,467
No.
438
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,263
Randy, Gerald, we...
We were wrong about heaven!
439
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:19,682
The Japanese just reached it
with their ladder!
440
00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:21,101
What?
441
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:22,477
See for yourself.
442
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:27,190
This is Nobunaga Hiroichi
reporting live from heaven.
443
00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,901
The great nation of Japan
reached heaven today
444
00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,028
about 8:00
Pacific Standard Time.
445
00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:36,533
Therefore,
heaven is now declared
446
00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:39,702
an official part of Japan
because we got here first.
447
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,830
And now for the weather
in heaven,
448
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,498
let's go to Natsako Sen.
449
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:47,293
Today weather in heaven...
Partly cloudy.
450
00:18:47,418 --> 00:18:49,963
That's the news from heaven.
451
00:18:52,257 --> 00:18:55,009
Dame! Dame da!
Bakayarou da!
452
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:58,138
Oh, God. And we told our boys
they'd never reach heaven.
453
00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,347
Kids!
454
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,642
Good.
455
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:05,079
As soon as the boys finish
their ladder,
456
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,855
we'll be ready
to take Saddam out.
457
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:09,107
Do you really think
this is a good idea, Randy?
458
00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:12,235
If Saddam is building weapons,
we have to stop him...
459
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:13,611
With our weapons.
460
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:14,988
Uh, excuse me, everyone.
461
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,673
We're not working
on the ladder anymore.
462
00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:18,074
Thank you.
We're done.
463
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,702
Dude.
464
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,036
Not working on the ladder?
465
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,164
But the Japanese
won't let us use theirs.
466
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,374
Kenny didn't have the ticket.
It was in his room.
467
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,626
So we got all our candy,
and you can all go home.
468
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:29,627
Wait.
469
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,922
Are you saying you only wanted
to build a ladder to heaven
470
00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:35,383
so you could get some candy?
471
00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:37,987
I've never heard the words
"only" and "candy"
472
00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:39,131
in the same sentence before.
473
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,555
But what about your lost friend?
474
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,056
What about
your fragile innocence
475
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,892
and believing
we could all get to heaven?
476
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:45,310
Well, people make
us kids believe
477
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:47,937
that heaven is this white place
with fluffy clouds and angels.
478
00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:50,732
But now we think maybe heaven
isn't a place you can get to.
479
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:52,525
Maybe heaven is just an idea,
480
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,944
a frame of mind, or...
Or something gay like that.
481
00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:58,281
Maybe heaven is this moment
right now.
482
00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:02,327
So you're saying we should bomb
this moment right now?
483
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:03,661
- Right. Johnson!
- Sir!
484
00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,122
No. No.
We shouldn't bomb anybody.
485
00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:07,415
These boys are right.
486
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,501
The only heaven we can hope for
is one here on earth... now.
487
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:12,921
We should stop waiting
to get into heaven
488
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,881
and start trying to create it.
489
00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,347
And I was dumb enough to believe.
490
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:25,016
Saddam could actually be
up there building bombs.
491
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:26,267
Where were you.
492
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:29,729
When they decided heaven
was a more intangible idea.
493
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:33,107
And couldn't...
You couldn't really get there?
494
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,818
You little bastards ruined
my latest song!
495
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,751
Well, I'm sure glad
this is all over with.
496
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:39,906
Let's go count our candy.
497
00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,199
Yeah.
But what about Kenny?
498
00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:42,724
His soul is still
in Cartman's body.
499
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,452
No, no.
I just drank his memories.
500
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,657
I'm not sharing my body
with that poor piece of crap.
501
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,207
Stop calling me poor,
you fat dick!
502
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,667
Oh, Jesus Christ.
503
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:52,502
- Whoa. Kenny, you in there?
- Stop it!
504
00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:54,337
Where am I, you guys?
Oh, God!
505
00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,422
- Dude, come back here!
- Stop him, Kenny!
506
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,597
Keep those nitrogen capsules
over there by the warheads.
507
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,599
Right. Chop-chop.
Come on!
508
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:09,269
Saddam, I've been hearing rumors
509
00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:10,554
that you're secretly building
510
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,689
weapons of mass destruction
up here.
511
00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:14,774
Weapons of mass destruction?!
512
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:15,899
No!
513
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,486
This is a chocolate-chip
factory. See?
514
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,364
It looks like
a chemical-weapons plant.
515
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,489
Look, God.
516
00:21:22,573 --> 00:21:24,826
If I was gonna secretly build
a chemical-weapons plant,
517
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,704
I wouldn't make it look like a
chemical-weapons plant, would I?
518
00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:28,829
I'd make it look like
519
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:31,958
a chocolate-chip factory
or something.
520
00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,459
All right. Just checking.
521
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:37,714
Stupid asshole.
39080
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