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1
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:08,467
You know how a computer is this big?
2
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,679
What if a computer was this big?
3
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:14,806
The size of a man's hand.
4
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:19,353
And it had a camera in it
and you could take self-pictures,
5
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:21,313
and it also had a phone?
6
00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,315
So you could store it easily...
7
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,652
It's kind of a good idea. (CHUCKLES)
8
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,820
-Draw it up by noon.
-Quit bossing me around.
9
00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:33,200
This makes me impatient
and it makes me also so furious...
10
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:35,869
I need 45 minutes away from you,
11
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,746
and then we can be best friends again.
12
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,373
Don't follow me out.
13
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:42,543
(SCHMIDT GRUNTS)
14
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,758
So, as you guys know,
Schmidt and I are business partners.
15
00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:52,135
We've been working on an idea
we're very excited about.
16
00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:56,265
We e-mailed our plans to a guy in China,
and the prototype is here.
17
00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:58,475
And, we've got a pitch meeting set up
18
00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:00,602
-with Lori Greiner.
-From QVC?
19
00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,271
-That the one.
-That's right.
20
00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:04,940
You know, Fawn and I were paired with her
in a charity golf tournament.
21
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,568
You know, they laughed at me
for playing the ladies' tees,
22
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:08,735
but it paid off.
23
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:09,945
She's a shark.
24
00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,281
Ha! A shark golfing.
25
00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,157
(WHOOPS) Now I'd buy that T-shirt.
26
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:17,286
Friends, imagine yourself
in this scenario.
27
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:20,122
-(SOFTLY) Okay.
-You're at the local gymnasia.
28
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:21,707
-Oh...
-You're schvitzing up a storm.
29
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,334
Suddenly, you get a text message.
30
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,628
There's an emergency wedding
down at the town hall.
31
00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,463
But what'll I wear?
I mean, I'm sweating at the gym.
32
00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:30,757
Huh, I don't know what's going on.
I love this.
33
00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:32,009
Ladies and gentlemen,
34
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:33,969
-may I present to you...
-Game time.
35
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,680
BOTH: The Swuit!
36
00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:41,977
-Ugh.
-The Swuit. The Swuit.
37
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,313
It's a suit made entirely
of sweat suit material.
38
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:46,398
-Well?
-This is it?
39
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,233
-What do you guys think?
-It looks like garbage.
40
00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:50,152
-I don't think it looks like... Relax.
-Nick, it looks like garb...
41
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:52,446
-It's embarrassing. Put it away.
-The bottoms aren't great, but the top...
42
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:53,906
Well, I like it.
43
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:55,866
I mean, I like you guys.
44
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,243
-All right, I'm gonna go throw this out.
-No, don't throw it away!
45
00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:01,663
-Why, you want to wear it?
-(LAUGHING) No. No, no, no, no.
46
00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,040
No.
47
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,583
(COACH AND JESS LAUGHING)
48
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,460
He said, "Do you want to wear it?"
49
00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:08,670
No, I just... I think...
50
00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:11,173
I was gonna put it in
the Goodwill bin at school.
51
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:12,799
As lining for the bottom.
52
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,635
-Get rid of it. It's a piece of crap.
-We're screwed.
53
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,763
Guys, you're starting a business.
There are gonna be some setbacks.
54
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,557
We don't have enough time, okay?
I'm running out of vacation days,
55
00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:23,727
and our pitch meeting with Lori
is on Friday.
56
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:25,479
Friday? (LAUGHS)
57
00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:28,690
-You never told me Friday. He never...
-Guys...
58
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,984
I told you a hundred times
it was on Friday.
59
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:34,863
That sounds like it could be right, yeah.
Could be Friday. Yeah.
60
00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:37,574
Now we need another good idea
in four days.
61
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,452
Ah, I can't work under pressure like this.
You know that I get nervous.
62
00:02:40,536 --> 00:02:42,955
I am just a man. I am not a god.
63
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,457
Uh, I think we're all aware of that.
64
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,084
Why you talking like that?
65
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:48,836
Like what?
66
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,629
(IMITATING SCHMIDT)
Well, we're all aware of that.
67
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:53,173
Guys, stop fighting!
You're upsetting Winston.
68
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,141
It's so early.
69
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:04,810
You made me swallow my night guard.
70
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,312
Oh, please, it's a paperclip
with gum wrapped around it.
71
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,314
-We're in a crunch.
-Good morning!
72
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,526
-Made you guys some brain food.
-NICK: Ah, thank you.
73
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,362
I'm supposed to hang out with Kai later
and do nothing. This'll help.
74
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,406
-No time. The pitch is on Friday.
-(GROANS)
75
00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,783
I'm gonna need one good idea
every 20 seconds.
76
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,034
Ugh.
77
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:24,371
-Oh, you're gonna time me now?
-Yes. It'll help you concentrate.
78
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,666
(RETRO-ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)
79
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,334
It's too beepy-boppy.
80
00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:30,669
Well, it's brain music.
81
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,337
Go.
82
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:34,381
Look away.
83
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,216
(WHISPERING) This is exciting.
84
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,803
I feel like I'm in the garage
at Cupertino.
85
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,305
This sounds like the video
in middle school
86
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,764
that taught me about periods.
87
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,099
And time!
88
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,601
All right.
89
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,437
Let's see what you got.
90
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,732
"I am the Karduthian champion
of... of dance."
91
00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:55,402
-"Beer bread."
-Beard bread.
92
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,238
Bread that is in your beard.
93
00:03:58,322 --> 00:03:59,990
That's an... That's an invention?
94
00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:01,992
Or is that just something
that happens to you?
95
00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:04,494
You think Hewlett
had to put up with this crap
96
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,538
from Packard? Again.
97
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,165
Oh, now I'm Packard? Enough!
98
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,542
You can't come up with
a good idea being all loosey-goosey.
99
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,462
Why don't you tell that to Howard Hughes,
the inventor of the Loose Goose?
100
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,797
That was the Spruce Goose,
and it didn't work!
101
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:19,384
It did work! It flew for over a mile
at an altitude of 72 feet!
102
00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:22,721
How on Earth do you know that information
and not know the name of it?
103
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,182
I don't want to stick my nose
in someone else's rose,
104
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,769
but what I'm hearing
is two very passionate partners
105
00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:30,521
with two totally different approaches.
106
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,481
-You hit the nail right on the head!
-That is a correct assessment
107
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,441
-of what is going on right now.
-And thank you for breakfast!
108
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:37,152
I'm gonna shove this bacon
right in my mouth and savor it for life.
109
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,904
That omelette was so delicious!
110
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,614
You know what, you guys are saying
really nice things to me,
111
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,242
-but you're both shouting...
-Such a delicious omelette!
112
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:44,368
The presentation's fantastic!
113
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,745
One of the most delicious things
I've ever had. You've outdone yourself.
114
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:48,163
Definitely appreciated!
115
00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:50,958
-Don't follow me.
-Don't follow me!
116
00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:53,043
All they care about is who's the boss.
117
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,795
Of course that's all
they care about, Jess.
118
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,713
It's a guy thing. It's in our DNA.
119
00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,508
Look, Nick's not gonna let Schmidt
boss him around, and vice versa.
120
00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:01,844
Don't get me started on
the male power dynamic.
121
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,303
I will talk your ear off.
122
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,180
They're being such dudes right now.
123
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:08,183
It's, like, all about who's got
the bigger you-know-what.
124
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,726
-Oh, I do know what.
-(BOTH LAUGH)
125
00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:10,978
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
126
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:12,813
What can we do to make them collaborate?
127
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:15,023
You can eliminate
their you-know-whats. (CHUCKLES)
128
00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:18,694
That was a joke.
129
00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:26,493
You want to hang out tonight
and have ninja turtle sex?
130
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,870
What's ninja turtle sex?
131
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:31,123
-Sex with backpacks on.
-(LAUGHS) Oh, sex with backpacks on!
132
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,000
Yes, I would love to, but I can't.
133
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:34,501
I got to do some work,
134
00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:37,045
or Schmidt will put me
in the "Think Harder" box,
135
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:41,466
which is basically just a refrigerator box
that he hits with a baseball bat.
136
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:44,011
Gets me to think harder. Talk later?
137
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,179
-Yeah.
-Great.
138
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,932
I really hope that you enjoyed
your service today,
139
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,225
and please come back...
140
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:51,393
Okay.
141
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,061
Thanks a lot, big spender.
142
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:54,563
You should probably show some clavicle.
143
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,899
No. I need bigger tips.
144
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,609
They're raising my college tuition,
145
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,861
and if I don't come up
with the money by Friday,
146
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,112
I got to drop out.
147
00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:04,907
-So I don't know what I'm gonna do.
-Wow, Cece, look.
148
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,575
I mean, we're your friends.
149
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,285
If you want, I can give you money.
150
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,747
COACH: (MUMBLING) You can give her money.
I ain't giving her a damn thing...
151
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,416
I think what Coach is trying to say
is that he will also give you money.
152
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:17,336
Look, that's very sweet, but
the last thing I want is charity, okay?
153
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:21,256
And don't tell Jess, because she just
goes nuts anytime she thinks I need money.
154
00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:23,717
So I don't think I can afford to
go home for my aunt's birthday.
155
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:26,011
You need money? I'm selling my hair!
156
00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:30,724
Oh! Hi. Hello! You're a handsome fella.
157
00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:35,103
Can I interest you in a drink or...
Oh, you suck!
158
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:37,981
We got to do something.
159
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:41,068
Winston, for the first time in my life,
I'm not 100% broke,
160
00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:43,195
and you want me to give my money away?
161
00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,363
No, sir.
162
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:47,157
She said she didn't want charity.
I ain't giving it to her.
163
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:52,162
-Oh, crap.
-(EXHALES)
164
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:54,456
Am I stuck doing another thing
with you again?
165
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,750
It's a classic
Winston and Coach mess-around!
166
00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:59,211
-(BOTH LAUGH)
-All right. But don't say that.
167
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,255
-What if I put your name first?
-Let me hear it.
168
00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,882
It's a classic
Coach and Winston mess-around.
169
00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:06,677
-Regardless, I don't like it.
-Oh, okay.
170
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,097
Hey, Schmidt.
171
00:07:12,558 --> 00:07:14,309
So I noticed you're having trouble
working with Nick.
172
00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:15,853
Well, you know what, he's got a real head
173
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,479
-full of dog dirt.
-Mm.
174
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,398
So I noticed you're having trouble
working with Schmidt.
175
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:20,983
He's a bossy old tuna.
176
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,277
Well, we both know you are the boss.
177
00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:24,903
Thank you.
178
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:27,197
-But we both know he's not the boss.
-Exactly.
179
00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:28,991
Maybe you could back off a little,
180
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:33,245
since Nick's been having,
you know, man problems.
181
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:35,289
"Man problems"?
182
00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:36,540
Man problems.
183
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:37,708
Huh.
184
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,545
Are we talking clog or leak?
185
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,130
He's got the wet Tuesdays?
186
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:45,090
You think it's 'cause of
his tight denim pants?
187
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,468
Did the squirrels get to the tulip bulbs?
188
00:07:49,845 --> 00:07:50,846
Mm-hmm.
189
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:55,851
And that's why you have to make him feel
like he's the boss right now.
190
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,020
Yeah, of course.
It's the least that I could do.
191
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,314
Well, I had no idea
Schmidt had a cranky dank.
192
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:02,149
So, yeah, I'll let him be the boss.
193
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,734
-(WHISPERING) I'm amazing.
-What?
194
00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:04,860
-I'm amazing.
-What?
195
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:05,944
-What?
-Huh?
196
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,321
What? Hmm?
197
00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:15,329
Hmm, this is a bit of
an unprecedented group, the three of us.
198
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,831
This isn't a social call, young lady.
199
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,333
-Oh.
-This is strictly business.
200
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:22,044
Here's the deal.
You need money for college.
201
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,962
No. No, okay?
202
00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,507
-I am not a charity case.
-This isn't charity.
203
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,343
-No. No, we've gone through this.
-This is an investment.
204
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,595
Nick and Schmidt
are looking for investors,
205
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:35,307
so we thought it would be fun
if we got into investing, too.
206
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:36,975
You're smart, you're driven.
207
00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:40,229
We are confident in a very robust ROI.
208
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:44,191
-ROI means "Return On Investment."
-I know what it stands for.
209
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:46,652
I've been reading a lot of
Schmidt's investment books in the toilet.
210
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,948
Life hack... the toilet paper makes for
a very, very handy bookmark.
211
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,575
Life hack... read your phone
on the toilet like everybody else.
212
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,953
-Ooh.
-The answer is gonna be no, all right?
213
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,789
Because when you borrow money
from friends, things get weird...
214
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:02,417
No, no, no, do not mistake this
for friendship, young lady, all right?
215
00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:04,795
As far as I'm concerned,
you're just a walking treasury bond.
216
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:06,505
Within three years of graduation,
217
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:09,341
you will pay us back in full,
plus 10% of the principal.
218
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,635
I really don't want to do this. At all.
219
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,055
-But...
-There's always a "but," huh?
220
00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,724
But I don't really have any other choice.
221
00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,434
-Yes!
-You were right, man.
222
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,854
So I guess we're in business, boys.
223
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,021
Yes.
224
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,773
We wrote the check out to Cece.
225
00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:26,483
We do not know your full name.
226
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:30,362
-This is looking really good.
-It's absolutely stunning.
227
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,447
This is... this is your vision
from start to finish.
228
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:34,116
I might be the seed,
but you're the farmer.
229
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:37,077
Hey, you two look like
you're really getting along.
230
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,245
Yeah, well, you know what,
who wouldn't get along
231
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:41,039
with this brave, masculine,
healthy cowboy?
232
00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:43,417
-What you got there?
-It's a camera attachment.
233
00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:45,252
That keeps the attention of your dog
234
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:46,712
-while you're taking its picture.
-Oh.
235
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:49,173
Schmidt came up with a great title for it.
It's called "Perfect Pet Pic."
236
00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:51,508
This is just a prototype
that dumb-old me came up with.
237
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:53,969
If he put it together,
it'd be a lot better, I promise you that.
238
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:57,264
Now, of course, could you just hold
some pet food in your other hand? Sure.
239
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,641
-But this is a lifestyle product.
-That's actually really impressive.
240
00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,268
I think Lori's gonna like that.
241
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,604
You know, I had a vision
of what this product would look like.
242
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,274
And you carried it out and exceeded
my expectations in a way that...
243
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:10,027
I don't know. It... It's touching.
244
00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:12,988
Sometimes I feel like you're my arms.
245
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,449
I'm really proud of the way that
you're handling this.
246
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:17,242
I'm proud of the way that
you've handled this.
247
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,411
What have I handled?
248
00:10:21,872 --> 00:10:22,998
Your... Your man problems.
249
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,210
No, honey, you're the one
with the man problems.
250
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:27,836
I don't have the man problems.
I'm being so nice to you
251
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:28,921
because you're the one
who has the man problems.
252
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:32,883
No, I'm only being nice to you 'cause
you have man problems, and I feel sorry...
253
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,010
SCHMIDT: You have man problems
and that's why I'm being nice to you.
254
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,763
-What man problems did you think I had?
-Something hangy.
255
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,806
Hang... You think I had something
hanging off...
256
00:10:39,932 --> 00:10:42,392
-What'd you think I had?
-I don't want to get too graphic, but I...
257
00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:46,730
-I was picturing something gooey.
-Gooey's not the worst. I've had gooey.
258
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,357
Oh, good God, what?
259
00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:49,525
Simply ignore it.
260
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:51,735
Who told you about my man problems?
261
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,153
Who told you about my man...
262
00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:58,784
Look, the only reason why I did this
was to get you guys to stop arguing
263
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,577
-about who's the boss...
-Don't you be sorry!
264
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,788
-Jess, you did nothing wrong!
-You're nothing but an angel!
265
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:05,582
-You tried to help, which is a sweet move!
-You tried to help a situation...
266
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,543
-You're yelling nice things at me again!
-...which was at a boiling point.
267
00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:08,961
-It's very confusing!
-NICK: This is his fault!
268
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:10,254
He's been bossing me around for 10 years!
269
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,005
If I hadn't been bossing you around,
270
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:13,882
you would just be a bartender
with a lot of ideas
271
00:11:13,966 --> 00:11:15,133
and the ambition of a dead person.
272
00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:17,386
I will never let you boss me around again.
273
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:20,597
Not even if the lives of
100,000 children depended on it.
274
00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:24,810
Fine, if... I take that part back.
If a bunch of kids' lives depended on it,
275
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,228
-I'd let you boss me around.
-You went way too far in that moment.
276
00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:27,604
Fine, but you understand my point.
277
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,940
If there were five kids whose life
depended on it, I wouldn't...
278
00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:32,234
-Not even five kids.
-Okay, I... No kids, I don't...
279
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,903
Just take the kids out. I understand
the point you're trying to make!
280
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,864
The company is dead! That's the point.
281
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:40,075
I'm going to that pitch meeting tomorrow
with Lori Greiner without you.
282
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:43,245
You know why?
Because a boss never breaks appointments.
283
00:11:43,328 --> 00:11:44,955
You think I was born
in the middle of the afternoon?
284
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,332
You're gonna go into that pitch
and take all the credit?
285
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:50,794
Fine, go to that pitch together,
and then, me and you, we're done.
286
00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:52,796
-Fine, I'm done with you.
-Don't speak to me until bedtime.
287
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,965
If you think we're gonna have
a bedtime chat, you're out of your mind.
288
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,466
We'll lay in beds, and we'll just
go over the day together
289
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:57,718
-like we usually do and that's it!
-No.
290
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,386
Fine, we'll do that
for a little bit. That's it.
291
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:00,512
That's it.
292
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:02,389
Here, take it.
I don't even need it anymore.
293
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,349
Bedtime chat's gonna be so short,
you won't believe it.
294
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,143
SCHMIDT: Oh, I'll believe it.
You won't believe it.
295
00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:10,022
(NICK SCOFFS)
296
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,067
Thought you might not show.
297
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,362
I drove you here, Nicholas.
298
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:21,617
Let's just get through this, and then
we can be done with each other, okay?
299
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,702
And, by the way,
stay out of my way in there.
300
00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,454
I'm about to blow the roof
off of this thing
301
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:27,497
with a little something
I like to call the "Seven S's."
302
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:29,041
I bet you don't have any more than four.
303
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,667
-Yeah? Watch me.
-Go ahead.
304
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:33,962
-Strategy, sizzle, Schmidt, sex...
-Go on.
305
00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:36,089
Stop interrupting me. I got... I got more.
306
00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:38,091
Salesmanship.
307
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:41,345
Something.
308
00:12:42,513 --> 00:12:44,723
-Synergy. Boom. Nailed it.
-Damn it.
309
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:45,974
That's seven. How you like me now?
310
00:12:46,058 --> 00:12:48,477
All right, that's really good,
but it's not gonna matter,
311
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:52,147
'cause the only thing that matters
is what I have. A prototype.
312
00:12:52,231 --> 00:12:53,982
So stay out of my way in there,
313
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:56,693
and let me just show her the prototype,
because that's all we need.
314
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:06,620
(CHUCKLES) We don't need a prototype.
315
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,413
-Did you forget the prototype?
-No.
316
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:10,874
-Did you forget the prototype?
-(LAUGHS) No.
317
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,544
-Did you forget the prototype?
-Yeah.
318
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:16,755
Where'd you leave it, Nick?
319
00:13:16,839 --> 00:13:18,423
I still believe in them though.
320
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:20,926
Part of me thinks that even though
they're mad at each other,
321
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,719
they'll get in there
and they'll figure it out.
322
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,930
-I don't think that's the case.
-Why are you being so negative?
323
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,849
-'Cause they left their stupid thing.
-What?
324
00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:29,226
Oh, crap.
325
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:33,397
♪ I'm delivering a prototype
326
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,900
♪ And drinking a big coffee... ♪
327
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,902
-(TIRES SCREECH)
-(HORNS HONKING)
328
00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:45,742
Oh, crap.
329
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,370
-Nick, what is the matter with you?
-I wouldn't have forgot it
330
00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,330
if you didn't bully me
to get out of the house an hour early!
331
00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:52,457
-It was too fast! I needed time!
-You lay on the ground...
332
00:13:52,583 --> 00:13:54,668
-You guys ready?
-Yes, of course.
333
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:55,794
Absolutely.
334
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:59,715
I'm talking about postwar.
That's after the war.
335
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,342
Prewar would be something
different completely.
336
00:14:02,426 --> 00:14:07,139
I was in London postwar...
post-postwar, in '77,
337
00:14:07,306 --> 00:14:09,057
and, uh, I caught a few shows.
338
00:14:09,141 --> 00:14:10,309
The flights were...
339
00:14:11,310 --> 00:14:15,189
Well, I think I spent two...
maybe $250 to get to...
340
00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:17,316
-(SOFTLY) Guess who?
-What are you doing here?
341
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,735
-I'm just checking in on my investment.
-Oh, my...
342
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:22,154
Hey, check it out. I'm a campus cutie.
343
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:23,822
-No, you are not.
-What are we learning?
344
00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:25,115
Shh!
345
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,452
I am studying Postwar British Art History.
346
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,746
-What?
-Post British who? What's that?
347
00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:33,040
That's just a bunch of words that mean
"Screw you, investors."
348
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,626
-What else you taking?
-Intro to Afrikaans.
349
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:38,504
-What else? Astronomy 101? (CHUCKLES)
-That's next semester.
350
00:14:38,629 --> 00:14:42,466
Wow. What you gonna do, Cece,
join the South African space program
351
00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:45,636
and be the first woman to put
a David Hockney painting on the moon?
352
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:48,347
-Who is David Hockney?
-Excuse me, can I help you?
353
00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:50,349
-No, no, we're okay, sorry.
-Yes, can you please, um,
354
00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:52,267
-tell my investment here...
-We're okay.
355
00:14:52,351 --> 00:14:54,895
...that she can't make any money
with art history.
356
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:58,607
That's not true.
Last year I made almost $22,000,
357
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,317
and my life is very hard.
358
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,694
You see that?
You should be studying to become a doctor.
359
00:15:02,778 --> 00:15:04,696
They make good money, they get respect.
360
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:07,699
Paging Dr. Cece.
361
00:15:07,783 --> 00:15:10,536
A doctor? We wouldn't see a penny
for at least 12 years.
362
00:15:10,786 --> 00:15:12,371
Here's what you should be
focused on, okay?
363
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:15,457
Something with a low risk,
high reward, and that thing...
364
00:15:15,541 --> 00:15:16,959
Do not say hotel management.
365
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,919
-Hotel management.
-Oh, my gosh.
366
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:21,964
Look, man, it is a secure living
and it's great way to meet people.
367
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:23,674
Do you mind
368
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,469
telling me where I might find
more information on hotel management?
369
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:32,516
Uh, the dog, uh... the dog...
370
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:34,518
You put the food in the thing.
371
00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:38,730
Uh, and then the dog sees it,
and the food's dangle-dang...
372
00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:39,940
Uh, it's dangling.
373
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:43,318
(STUTTERING) To, uh...
374
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:45,070
Dog...
375
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,405
Looks at dang-dang.
376
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,574
Tail wag-wag, uh, rev...
377
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,784
Dog wagging the tail...
378
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,412
Um, whatever dog's name is.
379
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:55,747
Dog's name is Claire. Claire come in.
380
00:15:55,873 --> 00:15:57,165
-Who... who's Claire?
-Shh.
381
00:15:57,249 --> 00:15:59,376
Uh, Claire sees dog food.
382
00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:01,587
Pic, Facebook, like, like, like...
383
00:16:01,712 --> 00:16:02,880
-Sizzle...
-Pet Pic...
384
00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:05,966
-...strategy, sex, something.
-Strategy, sex, something.
385
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:07,634
-Something.
-Something.
386
00:16:07,718 --> 00:16:10,429
This is the worst pitch I have ever seen.
387
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:13,265
(PANTING) Sorry. Sorry to interrupt.
388
00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:16,185
Gentlemen, your prototype.
389
00:16:16,435 --> 00:16:17,895
Wait, what are you wearing?
390
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,397
This? (CHUCKLES)
391
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:22,733
This is the Swuit!
392
00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:27,654
It's a suit made entirely
of sweat suit material.
393
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,115
It was invented by Nick and Schmidt,
394
00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:32,534
and like them,
it's the perfect combination.
395
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:36,288
That one over there,
he's all creativity and ideas.
396
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:37,581
Thoughts and notions.
397
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:39,875
And this one's all data and numbers.
398
00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:41,335
Six.
399
00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:43,212
(CHUCKLES) He can just keep going.
400
00:16:43,295 --> 00:16:46,840
The Swuit goes from day to night
and night to play.
401
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,509
SCHMIDT: Take my friend Nick here
for example.
402
00:16:48,634 --> 00:16:51,178
I mean, this is a man
who would wear sweatpants to his wedding.
403
00:16:51,345 --> 00:16:54,223
-I now pronounce me comfortable.
-(SCHMIDT CHUCKLES)
404
00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:55,891
-Look, Lori, you get it.
-Look, Lori, you get it.
405
00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:57,976
-Lori, you get it.
-Do it together.
406
00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:02,314
BOTH: No one doesn't love the Swuit.
407
00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:05,567
Don't settle for substitutes.
408
00:17:05,776 --> 00:17:07,611
Swettle for swub-si-swuits.
409
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,697
No?
410
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,158
I've got to stop drinking
on the golf course.
411
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:18,205
-To the Swuit!
-ALL: The Swuit!
412
00:17:18,539 --> 00:17:20,123
Hey, how'd it go?
413
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:24,086
-She like the Perfect Pet Pic?
-Even better. She hated the Swuit.
414
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:27,589
Yeah, she's got a similar product on QVC
called the Scruit.
415
00:17:28,382 --> 00:17:31,593
It's a suit made of scrubs.
It was developed for prison weddings.
416
00:17:31,802 --> 00:17:33,679
Yeah, paid us $10,000 to kill the Swuit.
417
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:35,305
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
418
00:17:35,389 --> 00:17:38,058
So, Nick, are you finally free
to do nothing?
419
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:39,434
Not so fast there, lady.
420
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:43,355
Uh, old Schmidty-bangs and I
have to get working on our next idea.
421
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:48,151
That is, if you'll still have me, buddy.
422
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:51,864
Come on, man. Of course I'll have you.
423
00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:58,912
Look at me. Look at me.
424
00:17:58,996 --> 00:18:00,122
-I was looking at you the whole time.
-Don't say anything.
425
00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:02,124
When I say that, just let me say that
426
00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:04,459
and take a moment where you're like,
"Wow, he's about to say something."
427
00:18:04,543 --> 00:18:06,420
You kept saying it
as if I wasn't looking at you.
428
00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:09,047
NICK: But what I'm clearly doing
is saying, "Look at me."
429
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:11,633
And what you're supposed to do
is be like, "Ah."
430
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:12,843
And then I'm gonna say something.
431
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,180
-Ah.
-Look at... Let me say it first.
432
00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:18,515
All right, guess what?
(CLICKS TONGUE) Gone.
433
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:20,058
-Now.
-We back?
434
00:18:20,184 --> 00:18:21,685
-Of course, man.
-(CHUCKLES)
435
00:18:22,186 --> 00:18:23,395
-Come here.
-Ah, come on.
436
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,230
-Come on.
-Come on, come here.
437
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:28,108
Come on.
438
00:18:28,192 --> 00:18:29,526
-Come here.
-Come here.
439
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:31,028
-Just meet in the middle.
-Dynamic duo.
440
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:33,405
-Dynamic duo.
-Batman and Robin.
441
00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:35,866
-Yeah, I'm Batman.
-I'm Batman, for sure.
442
00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:37,242
JESS: You guys just made 10 grand.
443
00:18:37,326 --> 00:18:39,661
What are we doing drinking booze
that you didn't buy?
444
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:41,246
-Let's go.
-Yeah!
445
00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:42,748
-Let's do it, all right!
-Yeah!
446
00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:45,417
Hey, can we talk for a minute?
447
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:47,419
Yeah, sure.
448
00:18:52,216 --> 00:18:53,217
(GROANS)
449
00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:55,719
Wow, that is some serious shade.
450
00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:58,597
-I guess we deserve that.
-Yep.
451
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,350
Cece, look, I know I got carried away
with the whole investing thing.
452
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,019
So, I'm sorry.
453
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:06,438
-Ooh, an Afrikaans dictionary.
-Yeah, it was not easy to find.
454
00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:08,148
Read the inside cover.
455
00:19:11,485 --> 00:19:14,905
"Whatever drawings you talk about,
always shoot for the stars.
456
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,865
"Winston and Coach."
457
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:18,659
It's very sweet, guys. Thank you.
458
00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:21,203
-That makes zero sense.
-I know, it makes no sense.
459
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:23,622
-ALL: Hey!
-WINSTON: Huzzah!
460
00:19:25,374 --> 00:19:27,960
Nick Miller, friend, businessman.
461
00:19:28,085 --> 00:19:29,753
This one's for you.
462
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,715
(TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS BEGINS)
463
00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:42,140
-What is she doing now?
-I think she's making herself some tea.
464
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:46,186
-JESS: Hey.
-Hey.
465
00:19:46,645 --> 00:19:47,896
What's up? Are you okay?
466
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,942
-Kai broke up with me.
-No.
467
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:53,151
I'm sorry, dude.
468
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:56,446
-I'm sorry. What happened?
-She said she wants to be with somebody
469
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,115
who can just sit on the couch all day.
470
00:19:58,532 --> 00:20:01,326
She said I'm too ambitious,
she said I work too hard.
471
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:02,578
(STIFLED LAUGHTER)
472
00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:06,456
Nah, it was the... It's not funny.
473
00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:08,667
It's just that when you said that
out loud, it made me laugh.
474
00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:10,377
I'm really sorry about Kai.
475
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:13,505
She seemed like a great girl,
but on the bright side,
476
00:20:14,131 --> 00:20:15,632
in all your years on this planet,
477
00:20:15,716 --> 00:20:17,759
has anyone ever dumped you
for working too hard?
478
00:20:17,843 --> 00:20:19,219
-No.
-(CHUCKLES)
479
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:22,598
No, it's mostly 'cause
I'm either too poor or too sticky.
480
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,017
-So this is a big day then.
-For the first time in my life,
481
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,144
I really want to do something
with this, you know?
482
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,146
I really want to make this business work.
483
00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:32,691
Schmidt, tomorrow, let's start
bright and early, 7:00 a.m.
484
00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:35,277
No, no, no, Nick, I want to do it
your way. Let's wake up at 12:00 noon.
485
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,196
Just said your way.
486
00:20:37,321 --> 00:20:39,364
-Hey, guys, how about 9:30?
-Now that's a genius right there.
487
00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:41,450
-9:30, let's say 9:30.
-Let's meet in the middle.
488
00:20:41,825 --> 00:20:42,951
What's that book?
489
00:20:43,035 --> 00:20:44,953
-Oh, nothing, it's not even a...
-General artifact.
490
00:20:45,037 --> 00:20:47,331
They're giving out books
at the bar now for kids.
491
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:49,499
-What is it, seriously?
-It's mine.
492
00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:51,418
Winston and Coach gave it to me.
493
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,546
They're helping me with money
for my tuition.
494
00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,215
-You need money?
-No, it's gonna be fine. Jess...
495
00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:59,259
-Oh, my God, I'm selling my car.
-No, no, look, it's gonna be...
496
00:20:59,343 --> 00:21:00,594
It's gonna be fine, okay?
497
00:21:02,638 --> 00:21:04,348
I guess we have to listen
to this whole song.
498
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,641
(GROANING)
499
00:21:06,058 --> 00:21:07,059
Not a fan.
500
00:21:07,226 --> 00:21:09,353
Kill me, please.
501
00:21:10,229 --> 00:21:11,480
The worst.
502
00:21:11,939 --> 00:21:13,106
(HUMMING ALONG)
503
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:16,318
ALL: ♪ Taking care of business
504
00:21:17,528 --> 00:21:20,322
♪ Taking care of business
505
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,909
(LOUDLY) ♪ Taking care of business
506
00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:26,703
♪ Taking care of business
507
00:21:26,787 --> 00:21:29,206
♪ And working overtime, work out! ♪
508
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:31,166
NICK: Hey, guys, we're in a bar.
We're not in the loft!
509
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:32,251
SCHMIDT: You're right,
you're right, calm down.
41097
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