All language subtitles for New.Girl.S04E12.Shark.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-MiU_track4_[eng]

-(CHUCKLES)
-How do I look? What do you guys think?

Not bad, Winston.
I'll tell you what, man.

You look like the funny guy
from Police Academy

who does the-the voices,
and different sounds.

(IMITATES RADIO BEEPING AND SIREN WAILING)

God, I wish marketers
had a uniform.

-(CONSTRUCTION CLATTER BEGINS OUTSIDE)
-To Winston Bishop,

owner of cats, taker of baths,
graduate of the LAPD.

We are so...

(WORKMAN SHOUTS, CLATTER
AND BANGING CONTINUE OUTSIDE)

I'm so proud of you!

-What?
-I'm so proud of you.

-You're proud of me?
-Oh!

When is this night
construction gonna stop?

I actually don't mind it.

Gets me ready
for all the loud action

on the job,
you know what I mean?

Something has got to change.

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)

(WHIRRING STOPS)

(WHIRRING RESUMES)

Well, don't worry,
'cause I have called the city's

automated help desk
and I've also sent out an e-mail

to information@losangeles.gov,
so action has been taken.

Jess, don't you know
how democracy works?

We need to get out there and
grease palms, blackmail people.

We need to send them an envelope
filled with fake blood

and-and a note that says...

-"I know."
-What?

(WINSTON CLEARS THROAT)

As if...
As if we know what's really going on.

Schmidt, you do realize you're saying this
in front of a police officer.

-I'm so sorry.
-A little respect.

Can I try on your uniform?

No. This uniform is

for official police business.

-(WHOOPS)
-(LAUGHS)

-Looking good, man.
-Yeah.

We got a code Jewish,
code Jewish.

You're under "ch'arrest."

I can't believe
Winston's gonna be a cop.

I mean, he's the gentlest
person I know.

He once broke his arm
wrapping presents.

Remember when
he made this?

He's the sweetest guy
in the world, man.

He's just so nice and... Vulnerable.

-Yeah.
-Although...

Don't know what this is for.

WINSTON: Hey.
What are you guys doing?

Uh, n-nothing, man.

Look, I'm a little
worried about you, okay?

-And so is Coach.
-(CHUCKLES)

Kind of worried about you, man.
Guys, calm down. I understand,

I get it, and I'm...
And I'm flattered that you're

concerned about me, but
I signed up for this, remember?

Also, my training officer
is gonna be with me

the entire time.

He's got a partner.

-I forgot about the partner.
-That's huge.

-We're silly. Yeah.
-Yeah.

It's supposed to be
a real bad-ass, too.

Was in a biker gang
for three years, undercover.

Can't go back
to Arizona no more.

-Is that True Detective?
-Apparently eats bullets as a party trick.

-Great, that's really good.
-That makes sense, what are you, uh...

-Yeah, yeah, definitely.
-What's that?

-What the...
-WINSTON: Uh...

Which... Oh, that?

It's a, uh...
It's a project.

I've had a report of people

acting lame back here.

SCHMIDT:
Ow, Jess!

Also, I tazed Schmidt.

WINSTON:
All right, seriously,

no more playing
with the uniform.

Officer Leslie Biggins.

Okay, Biggins. So Bishop's
gonna be next, okay? Come on.

-All right, here we go.
-Officer Hank Bishop.

-Eh...
-Oh, that one.

Officer Win...

-...field Bishop.
-Ooh.

Well that's gonna cause a lot of
mix-ups over at the station.

Officer Winston Bishop.

(LOUD CHEERING, WHOOPING)

-Winston!
-ALL: (CHANTING) Winston! Winston!

Winston! Winston! Winston!

-Winston! Winston!
-COACH: Yes!

-Winnie!
-(HORN BLARES LOUDLY)

-(GROANS)
-Sorry.

Wow, a lot of city
officials around here.

Maybe somebody can help us
with our noise problem.

Okay, enough of this
by-the-book nonsense.

It's time to play hardball.

-Be a shark, Jess. Not a dolphin.
-Right.

So I shouldn't be the
smartest and friendliest

creature in the ocean?
That makes sense, bro.

Sharks eat whatever they want.
Dolphins... They jump

through hoops, so, yeah,
I think it does make sense.

No, it's awesome, bro.

Okay, stop mockingly
saying "bro."

My uncle was arrested for
having sex with a dolphin.

-What?
-What?

Carry on.

I'm having a lot of difficulty
nailing you down, Ryan.

Oh, there's councilwoman
Fawn Moscato.

She's from our district.

Yummo.

-Where do I place my ballot?
-She better get ready,

'cause she's about to have a
very friendly conversation

with a concerned citizen... Bro.

Okay, Jess, it's not
gonna do anything.

Won't make a difference.
Like what I did there

with the ballot thing?
It was a good joke, right?

Didn't get
the reaction I thought

-it was gonna get from you guys.
-No, we got it.

-We got it, bro.
-Oh, I get it.

You know what,
I've seen the Bollywood movies,

I've seen the UK Office.

Not a fan, not a fan.

Congratulations.
These are from all of us,

but I'm the one
that got them for you.

-Wow, they're big.
-So, Winnie,

where's your
bad-ass training officer?

Oh, guys, I would like
for you to meet the person

who will be training me
as I brave the mean

streets of L.A.,
Officer Aly Nelson.

She's so small.

-What?
-Excuse me?

You're so small, you're...

-What is happening, Bishop?
-I think what he was

-trying to say was that, um...
-Yeah?

We were expecting
someone who looks

a little more like a cop
in the traditional sense.

-That's what I meant.
-No, no, no.

-Wow.
-I'm not trying to

offend you, we were just
expecting, like, uh,

either a really strong man or kind of like
a guy with, like, a mustache.

Got it. And flowers are a...

That's a normal thing
to give to a grown man?

Or are they trees?

I can't tell, I'm so small.

-Cool friends, Bishop.
-No, wait.

Officer Nelson, just...

Thank you.
Thank you very much, you guys.

Oh, also, thank you
for the flowers.

And just so we're clear, the
first thank you was sarcastic,

because you embarrassed me,
but the second thank you

was sincere as hell, because
these flowers are glorious!

You're welcome.

I'm sorry about
the construction noise.

It's an issue
close to my heart.

I do charity work
with deaf children.

Of course, they would
welcome the noise,

because it would mean
they could hear.

Let me let you in
on a little secret.

Just go to the
public works Web site

and download this form.

-You're a dear, Fawn.
-(LAUGHS)

I made a pun and
I didn't know it.

You're too much.

-Oh.
-Hi.

JESS:
Schmidt,

this is Fawn Moscato.

She was just giving me
a shortcut to file

some complaints
about the noise.

(WHISPERS) Looks like
someone brought a shark

to the dolphin show.

(SQUEAKS)

That's a dolphin noise.

Ah. Very good.

Councilwoman Moscato,
excuse my trembling,

but it's an honor.

-Your head is enormous.
-Why, thank you.

JESS:
So you're taking her

out to dinner? That's your plan?

I'm intoxicating a single,
overworked public official

with the pleasure
of my company.

Which I will then parlay

into getting her
to fix our problem.

Are my sleeves even?
This is ridiculous.

You know, my new tailor
sews like an army medic.

I'm not being overdramatic
when I say that I would rather

sit naked on a hot grill

than wear something
off the rack.

Schmidt, just don't
screw this up.

She's a decent woman.

Oh, excuse me.

At some point in the evening,
can you let me know

that I have a call
from Karl Lagerfeld?

Schmidt.

Bob, how are you?

Tony, love you in a chino.

Guillermo, fire up that grill.
Fawn's hungry.

-GUILLERMO: Sí, señora.
-I'm Fawn Moscato.

And I approve this scotch.

Oh, goodness.

Okay, so I'm almost finished
with form 7D42,

but I'm not sure what to put
down for landlord's birth city.

Hey.

Ooh. What you doing, hot shot?

I was feeling saucy.
I've had a glass of red wine.

Red wine makes you
bonkers horny.

I'll make you a deal.
When I finish a form,

you can take off an article
of clothing, and that way,

when I'm done, then we can
just go nuts on each other.

-Deal.
-Hey, I'm not finished yet.

-(SIGHS)
-Oh!

-This is America! Wear pants!
-JESS: Red wine. Sorry!

-Sorry. Sorry. Very sorry.
-Sorry. Sorry. Geez. Yeah.

COACH: So, tomorrow's
your first shift, huh?

You gonna play
the name game,

-do something fun and safe like that?
-(PHONE CHIMES)

Dude, I'm gonna be
in a patrol car the entire time.

(LAUGHS)

I just got a text
from my buddy Reynolds.

Working his first shift,

he got stabbed in the
leg by a little girl.

(LAUGHS)

I love Reynolds, man.
He makes me laugh.

-That's funny.
-You think that's funny?

-To be stabbed by a little kid, yeah.
-On the job.

-Right. 'Cause you get paid.
-That you're about to do.

Right, 'cause it's a child,
and it's hilarious.

You don't like
getting cut.

You're very
physically sensitive.

I am. Paper cuts
give me headaches.

-I can't wait to meet him.
-Yeah.

-Maybe he'll stab me.
-Guys, chill out, okay?

I told you, I got my partner

-to protect me, remember?
-The little one?

The one would could take a nap
in a match box?

Which reminds me... I'm gonna
make her a sandwich tomorrow.

I might even throw in
a crossword puzzle

with Winston-related clues

so she can get
to know me better.

"Who likes cats?"
Winston, across.

-I don't like this.
-Mm-mm.

-His training officer can't protect him!
-She's too tiny.

She looks like
she won the silver medal

in Athens for the balance beam.

Girl could drown in a raindrop.

I mean, that's girl's...

I mean, she...

I can't think of one 'cause
I'm so worried about Winston!

I'm worried about him, too,
but I can still think of 'em.

Uh, girl's so, uh... Ugh!

She looks like
a Persian Webster.

Ah...

Girl's like a pepperoni.

-Why are you here?
-We brought you a gift.

Assorted candies.
Please enjoy.

They are delicious.

Now, I'm sure you have
friends and family of officers

coming in here all the
time to check on them.

No. No, this would be a first.

-Really? This is the first?
-What do you guys need?

Well, we are here because, uh,

Winston is our best friend,
as you know, and, um...

-(CLEARS THROAT) We're worried about him.
-Yeah.

And I'm not saying
that you're bad

at your job
as a training officer.

But I'm not saying
you're good at your job.

And that's why we're here...
To kind of see where you're at,

to see if you're ready

to protect our asset,
our dear friend.

Let's-let's be diplomatic.

Did Bishop put you up to this?
Does he have some sort of

problem with me being
his training officer?

Not at all.

Oh, he is going to pay for this.
He is going to pay.

He shouldn't pay for this.
This has nothing to do with him.

-This is about us.
-Okay.

First of all, you shouldn't
get mad at him. Get mad at us.

-Get out!
-It's good to see you.

-Get out.
-Okay.

Yo. Ry-guy.
(CHUCKLES)

I finished
printing out the forms.

-Let's get goofy.
-Mm.

-Come on!
-Aah. Mm-mm.

You got a real
Dudley Moore thing

-going on right now, and I like it.
-(GROANS)

Jessica Day,
I think I'm in love.

Sorry. Did you just say
you were in love?

That woman is a dynamo.

So let's talk about the whole
construction noise thing.

Has anyone ever told you you
look like a Jewish Kennedy?

I hope not, because
that would be offensive.

(LAUGHS)

What? I thought you were
supposed to be some kind

of big shark,
and you were playing her.

About the noise.

Given the many considerations...
Traffic, budget...

Okay, what is happening?

What are you doing
with your thumb?

We feel it best to proceed
with the given strategy.

She played you!

I know, and it was
wildly arousing!

But let me tell you
something, Jess.

She played you, too.

-No, she didn't. No, she didn't.
-Mm-hmm.

I filled out the form,
I submitted it.

Here's the confirmation,
right here.

"Thank you for your inquiry.

-"We will respond in 360 to 500 days"!
-Isn't she great?

She can't just walk all over
the people of the city

like the Jolly Green Giant.

Jolly Green Giant...

He doesn't stomp on people.

He encourages them to
eat their vegetables.

You can't let her do this!
We have to keep fighting!

She's taking me to a
ribbon-cutting ceremony

at a carniceria tomorrow.

You know, Jess, I really think

that she may be grooming
me to be her arm candy.

This could be a real Bill
and Hillary situation.

You, sir, are no Bill Clinton.

I know. I'm Hillary.

Well, you're not Hillary, either!

I am, too, Hillary!

Hey, man, can you be
the one to walk away?

'Cause I just, like...

My little sleeping British
bulldog here is gonna wake up,

and he's gonna get
scared if I'm not there.

-Yeah, I got you.
-Yeah.

JESS: A bunch of neighbors
have joined the fight.

See, if you put out
an honest message,

you get good, honest people
to help you.

Per municipal code 2B,

construction is prohibited
at night.

However, this project's
been issued a waiver

that we are trying
to revoke.

Now, I'm going to mash a muffin
into the phone.

You tell me
if it makes its way through.

You're doing
a great job, Dave.

It's important
to keep it positive.

-So, what happened to Schmidt?
-I don't need him. I got this on lockdown.

Yes, it is banana-walnut.

Now I'm gonna tell you the story

of how my daddy spawned
with a pony

and made the mud boy...
That's me.

"Chapter One...
Mama's House."

Make sure they're sharp.

It's political suicide to not
cut the ribbon on the first try.

Of course.
Look, if there's anyone

who understands the
importance of a sharp knife,

it's a Jewish man.

Hey, listen,
about the construction issue...

We've discussed that.

Look, changing that schedule's
a logistical nightmare,

not to mention the people
it'll piss off.

The sewage lobby's involved
in that project, and trust me,

you don't want to cross them.

Did they shoot poopy everywhere?

How old are you?
No. No, they just...

They contribute money
to my opponent.

Of course. No, I-I knew that.

They... Why would they shoot
poopy everywhere?

Got it.

Hey, listen, I wanted
to warn you.

My roommates have recruited
a gang of derelicts

to-to protest the
council meeting.

If only there was someone
who could oppose them.

Of course, I can't, because it's
technically a citizens' forum.

-Are you saying that I should?
-I'm not saying anything.

Okay.

You're trying
to manipulate me again.

You must think
that I'm a real shmendrick.

-Well, I love it.
-When we're in public...

Yeah.

...let's just tone down
the Jewish thing, okay?

-Let's tone down the Jewish thing.
-Yeah.

I can do that. 100%.
Let's tone down the Jewish...

Hey, by the way, sir,

thank you so much for keeping
the councilwoman safe.

-MAN: Five stars for Arman!
-He's an Uber driver.

-I'm a councilwoman, not a senator.
-Okay, I felt like that...

(GAGS)

(COUGHING)

First day on the job.
Is this where

you tell me to forget everything
I learned in training?

N-No!

Remember everything.

Bishop, if you have a problem

with me being
your training officer,

put down your ice cream cone,

take your frickin' thumbs
out of your mouth,

and say it to my face!

What? I don't have
a problem with you.

Did you or did you not

tell your roommates
to come check up on me?

-What? They did that?
-Yeah.

Oh, my goodness,
I am so "furiated" right now!

I am very lucky to have you
as my training officer.

My roommates
don't speak for me.

I promise you will never
have to see them again.

They're right there.
They're literally right there.

-Oh, yeah, yeah, they see.
-They got us.

-Hey.
-Yeah. Hey.

(SIGHS)

When you step to the badge,
the badge step back.

Don't ever say that
in my car again.

What the hell are
you two doing here?

And why are you talking
to Aly behind my back?

She said that you guys gave
her weird unwrapped candy

and then you stole toilet paper
from the station bathroom.

We need that
toilet paper.

Because we're worried
about you!

We're trying
to protect you.

-What?
-She's so small, Winston.

You guys should
have faith in me.

I got a badge, I got a diploma,
and I got a special

plastic thing that goes
over my hat for when it rains.

DISPATCHER: We got a 339
in progress at 62 Sage Brush.

That sounds dangerous. Stop him!

Hey, what are you doing?
What are you doing?

-We can't let you do this!
-We're trying to protect you!

-What the hell is your problem?
-We're not letting you go on the street!

This an obstruction of justice.

-You won't die on my watch!
-That is an obstruction of...

Hey! Hey, Nick. Nick.

Oh! I can't give you these
'cause I care about you.

-Nick, give me the keys.
-Don't give 'em back!

We love you, man!
We love you!

WINSTON: Coach, you know
I can't jump that high!

-Don't test me.
-COACH: We're protecting you.

Give me those
damn keys right...

Ooh, no, no, no, no!

That's what you get!
(CHUCKLES)

-BOTH: Ow!
-I can't go to jail.

I'm too sarcastic
for the white gangs.

Yeah, man, I'll get passed
around in there like a bong.

-Shut up.
-Ow!

You're not going
to prison.

The dangers of noise
pollution are real.

According to the World Wide Web,

it can cause lack of concentration,
nervousness,

and misunderstandings.

(BANGING)

Sir! Sir...

Clearly, manual labor has sculpted

your body perfectly,
but could you please be quiet?

(NEW YORK ACCENT) Sorry, lady,
I gotta work all night.

But, sir, people live
and work here.

Babies sleep,
dogs nap by the window.

Immigrants share noodles

and dance to records
with abandon.

You're right! We should be
looking out for each other.

You said it, handsome guy.

But you know who else
should be looking out for us?

The city.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Would you stop clapping?
This is an abomination.

By the way, he... The only
reason he got that role

is because he's sleeping
with her.

You want to get a
cheeseburger sandwich?

My nights just freed up.

Of course.

That sounds great
now that I can hear you.

-Mm. Nothing.
-What? What are you doing?

The cuffs on your jacket
just look a little short.

-What?
-They just look a little short.

Why are you telling me this now?
I got a new tailor.

I'm really insecure about it.

-My God.
-I'm Jessica Day.

Thank you for listening.

(CROWD CHEERING)

MAN: Tone it down!
Stop the noise!

(CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY)

Ah. N-Noise.

N... Noise.

Where would...
Where would we be without you?

-I don't know.
-A tree falls,

a cabin is made, uh...

(SCHMIDT MUTTERING)

It just...

This doesn't-doesn't look right.

A woman screams,

a b... A baby is b...
A baby is born.

Maybe if the speaker would stop
fiddling with his jacket...

It just doesn't feel
like these are...

He's saying
all the right things.

That son-of-a-bitch tailor
ruined my jacket.

(SIGHS)
That-that baby

that screamed becomes a man

and that-that was the story
of Abra-Abraham Lincoln.

How dare you evoke Lincoln!

He was our quietest president!

I feel... I'm just so...

I'm so uncomfortable right now,
because of my sleeves.

I feel like an idiot
up here in this jacket!

Nobody's telling me my-my...

The tailoring is off!
I'm going...

I'm seeing... I'm seeing
a new tailor, everyone.

Sir?

My tailor's great.

I'll give you his number, eight.

I look like a freaking matador
in this thing!

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

-Sir, we've heard enough.
-(SCHMIDT JABBERING)

Stand down! You look weak!

Considering the incoherent and,
frankly, disturbing argument

from the pro-noise lobby,
I have no choice

but to recommend a switch
to the day schedule,

effective immediately.

(CROWD CHEERING)

-New York!
-What?

I'm Fawn Moscato,
the people's warrior.

You're welcome, Los Angeles!

Tomorrow is a new America!
Good night!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Hello again.

I would like
to once more revisit

the bottomless clause
of the public nudity ordinance.

Oh, my God, I almost
hired that guy as a sub.

So that was a huge failure.
I feel like a Democrat.

Why'd you have to say that
about my jacket?

All right.
Okay, look, Jess told me to.

I mean, I thought your sleeves
were fine. And by "fine,"

I mean I could not care less.

Oh, hello, shark.

I am woman,

the smartest species
of them all.

I didn't realize
I'd finished that.

I've been waiting here a while.

You underhanded pig woman.

You know, there are certain
things that you don't do,

and exploiting a man's love
of tailoring is one of them.

Which makes what you did
all the more impressive.

Well, I felt dirty.

I felt like Evil Winston.

Remember when Winston was evil
for that week?

I can't believe
I blew it with Fawn.

You know,
she said that we could have sex

in the room
where O.J. tried on the glove.

Schmidt, it doesn't matter
what happened at the meeting.

She doesn't care about you.

She's a power-hungry,

self-obsessed woman
who just wants a man to shut up

and look pretty.
That's not what you want,

is it?

Please take me back.

Look, I was duped
by a doe-eyed pixie

-and her Indian henchwoman. Forgive me.
-It's fine.

It actually worked out.
You were such a jackass

up there that no one
who supported the construction

will be able to hold it
against me.

Plus, I picked up
a ton of votes.

Or as I like to call them...

Tiny orgasms.

So let me get this straight.

You let me humiliate myself,

in public,
for your own political gain?

Hmm.

Yes.

You're the sexiest woman
that I've ever met.

-Ah...
-Ms. Moscato, wherever you're going,

-take me with you.
-Please.

It's "Councilwoman."

And I'll call you
when I need you.

That is gonna be...

So frustrating.

But I love it.

-Why are we in a church?
-I once saw a priest

drop his keys and bend
over and pick it up,

and it was just so human that
it ruined religion for me.

It's a support group
for families.

Pack it down.
And you pack it down.

And now weird friends.

...until one day,
what happens?

And I know that his training
officer is scary strong.

But, um, he's still my friend,

and the bad guys
are still bad,

and I just wish I could put him
in a giant envelope and just...

Just mail him away from all
the bad guys... (CRYING)

There's no shame in this.

Do not judge this man.

We won't. This is
a support group.

I know what you're thinking,
he looks like a little punk.

He looks like a little boy.

We-we try not
to call names here.

-NICK: Everybody look down. Don't look!
-Good first day, Bishop.

-NICK: Never look at a man when he cries!
-Thanks.

NICK: Back me up, man.

You ever let your friends
try on your uniform?

-What? No.
-Oh, yeah. Me either.

Don't do it. I'm serious.

-Don't do that.
-I won't. I won't.

MAN:
I'm telling you,

-you gotta keep clear!
-What?

I'm-I'm not driving you
to the E.R. this time!

-It's your problem!
-Get out of the way!

Don't look at me like that!

MAN 2:
All right, all right!

Morning, Jerry!

-Hey, how you doing?
-How are you doing?

Eh, different day,
same bucket, right?

Is that today's Times?

Kristof's got a piece
on net neutrality.

It's very complex.

-I don't know where I stand.
-What kind of bagel

you want this morning...
Uh, poppy seed or sesame?

I'm going sesame today.

-All right.
-Get me a little schmear, would you?