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1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:02,753
Ooh, the female reproductive system.
2
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,546
WINSTON: Kind of looks like
the Chicago Bulls symbol.
3
00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:07,132
-It does.
-Now, this is the only part that matters.
4
00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:09,384
-The money train. Sure.
-Hey, I call it my nine-to-five.
5
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,637
'Cause it's my job to work it.
You know what I'm saying?
6
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,347
(LAUGHTER)
7
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,433
-The large intestine, you degenerates.
-COACH: What?
8
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,519
-Let me see that.
-I told Jess
9
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,187
that I don't want to teach health.
10
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,773
I'm not good at it. Such a hassle.
11
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,151
Studying, planning,
giving weak kids good grades. No.
12
00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:28,987
I heard that.
There are good things, too.
13
00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:32,449
Like you get to come with me to a dope
two-day teaching conference in Palmdale.
14
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,159
I want to stay and hang out
with the guys at Guys' Night.
15
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:35,244
What's Guys' Night?
16
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:37,120
We're celebrating
you being gone. No offense.
17
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,413
Guys' Night!
18
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,415
ALL: Guys' Night!
19
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:41,750
The conference is gonna be really fun.
20
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:44,586
We just have to work from,
like, 9:00 to 7:00.
21
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:46,713
And then after that it's a par-tay.
22
00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:49,383
Until 10:00, when quiet hours
are strictly enforced.
23
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,969
But before then we rage.
For three hours.
24
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,680
Actually, two because there's
the half an hour of setup time
25
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:57,140
and the half an hour of cleanup time
because we have to actually
26
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,600
be in bed at 10:00.
27
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:03,105
Ooh! Are you kidding me?
28
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,731
Ryan is going?
29
00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,484
Ryan-Ryan? The guy you
have a crazy crush on?
30
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,944
I had a crush on him.
31
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:13,115
Principal Foster says that administrators
can't date teachers. It's forbidden.
32
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:14,950
That makes it so much hotter.
33
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,244
It makes it crazy hotter. But, look,
34
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,912
it's not just about Principal Foster.
35
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:20,247
This is about how I worked
36
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:21,832
really hard to get to Vice Principal,
37
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,585
and I'm not gonna let
some British guy get in my way.
38
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,253
Some redcoat bastard.
39
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:27,588
That's why I keep all
40
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:30,340
of our interactions strictly professional.
41
00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:32,342
Hey. How was your weekend?
42
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,594
That's personal.
43
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,556
I can't risk learning
any personal details about him.
44
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:40,058
What if he taught
his dyslexic sister how to read?
45
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,978
I can't know that.
I'll go crazy with lust.
46
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:45,439
-My pants will turn to ash.
-And so exactly
47
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,274
how do you plan to avoid this man
48
00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,568
that you are trapped
in the same hotel with?
49
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:51,778
There are, like, a thousand
porns that start that way.
50
00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:53,363
Yeah, but no porns have teachers.
51
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,448
Every porn has a teacher.
52
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,158
Well, I'm not worried, okay?
53
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,327
'Cause I'll probably never even see him.
54
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:00,537
RYAN: Jess?
55
00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,165
Can you believe we're
right next to each other?
56
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,511
-Hey, you guys want sangria?
-It's Guys' Night!
57
00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:18,263
-Only beer!
-Yeah, what is this, Spain?
58
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,015
Great sangria burn, man.
59
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,391
-Really?
-Never let your guard down!
60
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,352
-WINSTON: Aah!
-Oh, takedown!
61
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:24,770
Never let your guard down.
62
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,898
-Well played.
-All right, first up, we eat meat.
63
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,108
-How much meat?
-Then we take a fart nap.
64
00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:32,694
-Not for me. Pass.
-All right, guys, it's Guys' Night.
65
00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:34,196
-Let's think.
-Okay.
66
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:37,616
Anything else we can't
do when Jess is here.
67
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:38,992
Wow.
68
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,453
WINSTON: Look at that stretching.
NICK: I don't want to...
69
00:02:41,537 --> 00:02:45,374
make this sound too creepy,
but I want to own those girls.
70
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,709
I wouldn't touch them.
They'd want for nothing.
71
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,044
But I would know they were there.
72
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,420
Stretching. For me.
73
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,464
I want to French braid that girl hair.
74
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,216
I want to French braid
that hair so good.
75
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,093
The third-hottest one just waved at me.
76
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,469
Hello! Aah!
77
00:02:57,553 --> 00:02:59,304
-Ooh! Oh!
-Oh, no. No!
78
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:00,764
No, no, no!
79
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,266
-Jess is gonna kill you.
-SCHMIDT: Shoot! She's not gonna kill me.
80
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,601
I'm just gonna, I'm gonna have it cleaned,
I'll have it cleaned.
81
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,603
-Schmidt, red wine sets.
-Shut up, Winston! It sets.
82
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,355
-Why don't you just wash it?
-Why don't I just what?
83
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,523
Wash it.
84
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,941
Just wash the blanket.
85
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,861
Unless you can't.
86
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,863
Come on, man. Get out of here.
87
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,239
I've known you for a lot of years
88
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:18,448
and I've never seen you do laundry.
89
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,658
Never seen me do laundry...
Get out of town.
90
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,451
Wait, wait. Is that true?
91
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,412
Come on, you guys, this is so...
Really, this is silly.
92
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:24,705
Then do it.
93
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:25,956
Right now.
94
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,082
We'll watch.
95
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:28,333
Doing the laundry...
96
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,379
It's no problemo.
97
00:03:33,672 --> 00:03:35,257
Little bit of this.
98
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,182
What in the world...
99
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:44,391
Straining the soap.
100
00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,478
Get that in there.
101
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,481
Back in there.
102
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:52,733
Um, okay.
103
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,404
And...
104
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:00,991
That's it. Laundry.
105
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,492
Can't... Oh, so silly.
106
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:03,577
Forgot to put the quarters in.
107
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:04,786
That's right, the quarters.
108
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,504
-Schmidt...
-I don't know how to do laundry!
109
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,713
-I knew it!
-Forget it.
110
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:16,006
-Finally!
-That is insane!
111
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,424
Hope you're happy.
112
00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:19,426
Nerd. Nerd.
113
00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:20,552
Dud.
114
00:04:20,636 --> 00:04:22,930
Lady nerd. Goofus.
115
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,307
-Virgin...
-Hey, Coach, I need you to be my buffer!
116
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,434
Okay, but Nick can never
find out about this.
117
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:28,894
-Wait, what?
-Hmm?
118
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,729
-What?
-What are you talking about?
119
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,064
What are you talking about?
120
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,441
I need you to be my buffer
between Ryan and me.
121
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:35,609
He's so sexy.
122
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,444
-Really? That guy?
-Yeah.
123
00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:38,904
Beautiful. Did you make that?
124
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,405
Looks like a Boys
Department mannequin.
125
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:41,907
Yeah.
126
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:44,368
-Hey, Jess, can I, um...
-JESS: Nope.
127
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:45,452
No time for chatting.
128
00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:46,620
We have to sit down.
129
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:50,791
You can't sit there.
Coach likes to sit in the middle.
130
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,209
Mmm-hmm.
131
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,837
I sit bitch or I don't sit at all.
132
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,797
-(WHISPERING) You're weird.
-(WHISPERING) You're weird.
133
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,632
-COACH: You're a weirdo.
-You're weird.
134
00:04:58,715 --> 00:04:59,716
-You're weird.
-You're weird.
135
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,263
Shh.
136
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,557
I am education guru Brenda Brown.
137
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,809
COACH: Oh, no. Who is this? She looks like
138
00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:10,894
one of those ladies who talks
you into having a baby in a tub.
139
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,521
You. The talker.
140
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:14,022
-Mmm...
-Stand up.
141
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:19,611
-Talk to us.
-There were other people talking,
142
00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,613
-I just want to let you know that.
-Why are you a teacher?
143
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:22,865
Uh, 'cause my...
144
00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:24,533
my roommate made me.
145
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:25,826
Hmm.
146
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,036
What?
147
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,413
I'm worried about you.
148
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,497
You're a worry.
149
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,374
Wor... Why are you worried about me?
150
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:35,419
Teaching is an awesome
151
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:36,712
responsibility.
152
00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,547
You are not prepared for it. Sit down.
153
00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:40,799
Okay.
154
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:44,094
Today, we will learn
about our fellow educators,
155
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,054
their hopes, their dreams,
156
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,973
their bitter regrets.
157
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,767
The things they wish they'd said
to their birth mother...
158
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:53,437
So, partner up.
159
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,980
Will you be my partner?
160
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,648
Mmm, sorry, I'm with Coach.
161
00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:57,858
No, I can't do it.
162
00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,443
-I'm going to the bar.
-What?
163
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,111
-Buffer out. Buffer out.
-No, buffer in.
164
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:03,197
-Buffer in. Buffer in.
-Buffer out.
165
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,531
Everything okay here?
166
00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:05,824
Yeah, sorry.
167
00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,242
My, um... my partner just left.
168
00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:10,412
Or... did your partner just arrive?
169
00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:12,039
Oh. Um... No...
170
00:06:12,581 --> 00:06:14,124
-Wicked.
-BRENDA: Everyone!
171
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:17,377
Look at your partner, really look.
172
00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:21,423
Take his or her hand and say,
"I'm excited!"
173
00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:23,759
-I'm excited.
-Oh, crap.
174
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:27,304
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
175
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,892
We just came to say we're sorry.
176
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:34,019
Guess you think I'm pretty dim, huh?
177
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,063
A man who can't do laundry.
178
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:37,773
You weren't born this way, were you?
179
00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:41,318
Born not knowing how to do laundry?
180
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:42,402
Like everyone else?
181
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:45,113
Yes, Winston, I was.
It wasn't till after birth
182
00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:47,282
-that the trouble really began.
-Here we go.
183
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:50,077
SCHMIDT: Nana wouldn't let me
in the laundry room.
184
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,746
I think it's because my hands
were always covered in butter.
185
00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,332
And so I went to college
unable to do laundry.
186
00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:57,835
-I'm making jean shorts!
-I'm doing laundry!
187
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,962
-Big night for both of us!
-Yeah, it is.
188
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,047
As I pulled out my maternity corduroys,
189
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,675
I spied a six-pack of Pi-Phis.
190
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:06,718
I need... um...
191
00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:08,178
I need them loose to keep...
192
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:09,471
to keep my sperm count up.
193
00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:10,931
You know how it is!
194
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,642
Eventually, the window of time
when it was acceptable
195
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:16,144
to learn something so basic had closed.
196
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:17,688
I was an adult.
197
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,772
It was too late.
198
00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:20,232
Well, I understand.
199
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:24,152
You know, I've never told anyone this,
but, um...
200
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,779
I don't know how to read a ruler.
201
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:27,573
I don't, I mean, how do you start?
202
00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:29,575
At the edge or the first tick?
203
00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:31,201
-It's confusing to me.
-Are you serious?
204
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,911
-Do you know how to count?
-It always gets on top of me,
205
00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:33,996
-and I can't...
-'Cause then you should know
206
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:35,247
how to use a ruler, you idiot!
207
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:36,999
I'm an idiot? You can't even
wash your own underwear,
208
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:38,083
you dumbass.
209
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,127
Hey! They're both super easy!
210
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,962
We're talking about laundry and a ruler!
211
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:44,715
I'm gonna teach you guys right now!
212
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:45,799
Let's go.
213
00:07:45,883 --> 00:07:47,593
Each of you holds a stack of cards
214
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,219
with questions for your partners.
215
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,598
You must uncover the answers. Begin.
216
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,224
What gets you out of bed
in the morning?
217
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:55,517
Let me guess.
218
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,102
Your mother, who you live with, says,
219
00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:59,605
"Ryan, your crumpets are getting cold."
220
00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:01,773
The thought that
any ordinary day could be
221
00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:03,984
the day I look back on
when I'm much older
222
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,360
as being the best day of my life.
223
00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:06,528
You?
224
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:09,489
Same.
225
00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:10,657
Don't look away.
226
00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,201
-Embrace the intimacy...
-I'm good.
227
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:15,037
-Embrace the intimacy.
-Okay.
228
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,830
You know, I think there's
an art to a picnic basket.
229
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:19,374
Apricot jam would never go
with a sesame cracker.
230
00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:21,168
-Of course it wouldn't, it would go
-Yeah, it'd go...
231
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,795
BOTH: ...with a flaky baguette.
232
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,465
Duck, duck. Okay, now
step forward, step forward,
233
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,217
another step forward.
Okay, go to your right, go to your right.
234
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:29,301
Do you scrapbook?
235
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:31,428
On rainy days.
236
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:33,180
Step forward, go to your left.
Left, left.
237
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:34,473
Big step, that's it, big step.
Now come to me,
238
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:35,724
another big step, come to me.
239
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,184
Do you own yarn?
240
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,268
Spools of it.
241
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:42,314
I craft so much.
242
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,441
It's a left, and again
come to me, come to me.
243
00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:45,526
-Yes.
-RYAN: Come to me.
244
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,611
-Oh! (SHOUTS)
-Oh!
245
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,699
It's okay, I've got you.
246
00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:53,867
We have a new record.
247
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,037
He's amazing.
248
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,664
I think he might be an angel
249
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,082
sent down to Earth
like Denzel Washington
250
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,250
in The Preacher's Wife.
251
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:02,960
Oh, honey, okay, what can I do?
252
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:06,839
In your purse,
you will find a white envelope.
253
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:08,632
Okay, you, you wrote a letter to yourself,
254
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:09,842
and stuck it in my purse?
255
00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:11,510
Read it, I need to hear it.
256
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:12,761
"Dear Jess,
257
00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:14,179
"If you are reading this,
258
00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:15,973
"it's because you're being an idiot
259
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,684
"and developing feelings
for your employee,
260
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,854
"you ballet-flat-wearing
piece of Oregon trash."
261
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:22,980
You are so right.
262
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,439
You are so right.
263
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:26,024
"To have intercourse with the first man
264
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,776
"hired under your reign
265
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,945
"would be an insult
to yourself and also..."
266
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,405
This part's in caps.
267
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,448
-"...all women everywhere."
-All women everywhere.
268
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:36,034
"Did you learn nothing
from the movie Elizabeth,
269
00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:38,078
"you stupid little bitch?"
270
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,831
No one respects a queen
who sleeps with her subjects.
271
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,541
I will paint my face white.
272
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:43,750
No man may have me.
273
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:45,752
-Thank you, Cece.
-You're welcome?
274
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:49,548
Teaching is such a pain in the ass.
275
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:50,674
Isn't it?
276
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:51,842
I'll tell you what,
277
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,677
I wouldn't give it up for anything.
278
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,554
You get to really impact
those kids' lives.
279
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,807
I'm not gonna impact them,
I'm just teaching health.
280
00:09:58,891 --> 00:10:00,100
"Just health"?
281
00:10:00,184 --> 00:10:01,643
-Hey, Carol.
-Hey, Ned.
282
00:10:01,727 --> 00:10:03,520
-Oh, it's Carol.
-Oh, hey, Carol.
283
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,147
Health is the most important subject.
284
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:07,024
Screw up, and they "just" get pregnant.
285
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,276
What's your safe sex lesson plan?
286
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,861
I don't know!
287
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,322
Uh, lie to them
and say condoms feel good?
288
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,365
Uh, maybe tell them about my buddy
289
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,117
who's got bumps on his thing?
290
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:18,660
Maybe bring up Magic Johnson.
291
00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:20,245
Maybe bring up Kobe Bryant.
292
00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:22,039
You're my best friend in the whole world,
293
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,291
but I'm really worried about you.
294
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,298
You think the line is a suggestion?
295
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:33,592
-I don't know what it is...
-It isn't!
296
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,678
-Do it again.
-It's too hard!
297
00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:37,763
Do it again!
298
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,473
Okay, so you start with the first tick.
299
00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:41,350
Oh...
300
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,893
That's it, really.
301
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,436
Stop!
302
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,106
-That was at the line!
-That was perfect.
303
00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:49,566
Now do it 10 more times.
304
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:52,069
So in the beginning,
you never mind the edge.
305
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,779
-Yeah.
-Man.
306
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,948
You got to hold on to it.
307
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,324
-What about bleach?
-Let's walk
308
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,784
before we can run, huh, pal?
309
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,745
Hey, Winston,
he's asking about bleach!
310
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,122
(LAUGHS) Man, that is way too soon.
311
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:06,416
-Warm-warm, warm-cold...
-You got this, don't get flustered!
312
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,585
Cold-cold, hot-cold, hot-hot?
It's hot-hot!
313
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,963
-It's always warm-cold.
-Well, what's "permanent press"?
314
00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:12,589
-Fake button, nobody uses it.
-Yeah, don't press that one.
315
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,007
-(BUZZING)
-NICK: The machine is buzzing,
316
00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:16,134
-you didn't close it!
-What? Yeah, I closed it!
317
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:17,427
Who you gonna believe,
me or the machine?
318
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:18,512
I'm gonna believe the machine!
319
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,763
(GRUNTS)
320
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,682
This is bull!
321
00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:23,767
(BUZZING STOPS)
322
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:24,935
Damn it, you!
323
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:27,771
We're so close.
324
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,314
Take 10 and relax.
325
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:30,816
Nine-inch bottle.
326
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,401
Rappers be lying.
327
00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:33,735
You told me to relax, so...
328
00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:35,320
Self-pleasure is the only thing
that relaxes me.
329
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,155
-Ugh. Seriously, Schmidt?
-That is crass.
330
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:40,158
I don't want to hear it,
I don't want to hear it.
331
00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:41,827
So stupid.
332
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:46,164
Hey, you did it!
333
00:11:46,248 --> 00:11:47,583
-You did it!
-Yes!
334
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:49,751
-Yes... yeah!
-All right!
335
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:51,253
That's what I'm talking about!
336
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:53,046
Guys' Night!
337
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,883
-Hey.
-Oh, hey.
338
00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:58,635
-I saved you a seat.
-Oh! No.
339
00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:02,848
I've been offered a seat
at the higher-ups' table.
340
00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:04,600
The tastemakers.
341
00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:08,645
-You're not invited.
-Oh, I see. You're back to avoiding me.
342
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,397
I'm not... I don't know
what you're talking about.
343
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,482
Yes, you do. You've been
avoiding me for weeks at school.
344
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:15,194
That's why I was so happy
that we were finally getting a chance to,
345
00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:16,486
I don't know,
maybe get to know each other.
346
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,906
What, is this summer camp?
We don't need to get to know each other.
347
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:20,532
What's your problem with me?
Did I do something to offend you?
348
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:22,659
Why do... I... I don't have a problem.
349
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,744
You have a problem with me.
350
00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:24,828
(MIMICKING) I don't have
a problem with you.
351
00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:26,455
-Yes, you do, you have a problem.
-Do you have a problem?
352
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,790
-No, I don't have a problem.
-Great, then we both don't have a problem.
353
00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:29,875
We have a problem.
354
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,294
COACH: Hey, Jess!
355
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:34,838
Buffer on the roof!
356
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:37,216
(LAUGHS) I'm freaking out.
357
00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:39,718
Freakin', freakin' out.
358
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,844
-Freak, freak, freak.
-(DOG BARKS)
359
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:43,805
Is that a baby?
I feel like I hear a baby.
360
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,644
All right, gentlemen, bar crawl.
361
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:50,729
Man, look at this,
I know how to do laundry!
362
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:52,689
-I feel like a new man.
-Good, good, good.
363
00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:54,525
There is no way for me
to express my joy.
364
00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:56,735
Except by telling you
the width of my smile.
365
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:57,819
(GIGGLES)
366
00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,112
(CHUCKLES)
367
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,406
I can't read it,
somebody else read it.
368
00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:03,909
No, I want to do it,
I want to do it, hold on.
369
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:06,119
But I can't see, let me turn it... uh...
370
00:13:06,203 --> 00:13:08,372
You know what? To Nick.
371
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:11,291
-What can't you do?
-A lot, you know, I can't say "Frebuary."
372
00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:13,085
(LAUGHS) No one can!
373
00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:14,920
Frebuar... Febuar-ar...
374
00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,922
Feb... I... (BABBLES) Whatever.
375
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,465
-Feb... February.
-Yeah, it's February.
376
00:13:18,549 --> 00:13:20,217
I can't say the alphabet
unless I'm singing the song.
377
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,301
And I never learned how to love.
378
00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:25,556
But enough about me...
Guys' Night! Let's go, gentlemen.
379
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:27,474
-Man, that is... that is heavy.
-Hey, Nick,
380
00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:28,725
that's something we should talk about.
381
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:32,312
I mean, what are we gonna do,
sit around all night and talk about love?
382
00:13:32,396 --> 00:13:33,605
(LAUGHS)
383
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:38,026
WINSTON AND SCHMIDT: (SINGING)
I want to know what love is
384
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:44,283
I want you to show me
385
00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:46,368
Ooh...
386
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:49,538
I want to know what love is
387
00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:51,331
Oh...
388
00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:52,749
And I want you to ...
389
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:54,960
Sad song.
390
00:13:55,544 --> 00:13:56,879
Hey, buddy.
391
00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:59,131
COACH: Hey!
JESS: What's happening?
392
00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:01,049
I freaked out about the
whole teaching health thing,
393
00:14:01,133 --> 00:14:04,845
and then I went and I...,
I got drunk with Ned...
394
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:05,929
Neddy!
395
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:08,599
And then I bet everybody in the bar
396
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,517
that I could do a backflip off the roof,
397
00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:12,728
and that's what I came to do.
398
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:13,937
So...
399
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:15,689
-Hey, look, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
-(ALL GASP)
400
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,733
I totally understand how you're feeling.
401
00:14:17,816 --> 00:14:20,652
Yeah? Does, uh, teaching
scare the crap out of you, Jess?
402
00:14:20,736 --> 00:14:23,530
-Well, it is my life's calling, so, no.
-Exactly.
403
00:14:23,614 --> 00:14:26,325
-You don't get it.
-I do.
404
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,702
What's up, player?
It's the British dude.
405
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:31,121
This is my first time teaching,
and I'm scared, too.
406
00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:33,123
-It's a terribly important job.
-Yeah, but health
407
00:14:33,207 --> 00:14:34,333
-is the most...
-(ALL GASPING)
408
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:35,417
I'm good.
409
00:14:35,501 --> 00:14:38,629
Health is the most important
subject on Earth.
410
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:39,838
Yes, it is important.
411
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:41,590
'Cause you know kids, they're always
wanting to have sex with each other.
412
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:44,301
They don't know that it
just feels good for a second
413
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:45,802
and then you're sad.
414
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:48,430
And that's why we need someone great,
415
00:14:48,514 --> 00:14:50,516
someone strong, who the kids trust.
416
00:14:50,682 --> 00:14:52,226
-Okay.
-Someone who can yell at them
417
00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:53,310
about chlamydia.
418
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:56,563
That does... that sounds like...
419
00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:58,023
like something Coach would do.
420
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,359
-You can teach.
-I can teach, guys!
421
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:01,860
NED: That's mostly what I
was trying to tell you.
422
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:04,029
No one needs to worry
about me anymore!
423
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:06,990
-No!
-(ALL SCREAMING)
424
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,659
-Oh, my God.
-I'll get him.
425
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:11,203
-No. Don't do anything heroic right now.
-RYAN: Yes.
426
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,622
-WOMAN: Oh!
-(ALL GASP, EXCLAIM)
427
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:23,841
(GASPING FOR AIR)
428
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,927
(CHEERING)
429
00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:30,222
This guy's amazing.
430
00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:34,601
NICK, WINSTON AND SCHMIDT: (SINGING)
Hello
431
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:39,231
Is it me you're looking for?
432
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,692
I can see it in your...
433
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:43,443
I want to be the someone
434
00:15:43,527 --> 00:15:45,654
that somebody is looking for.
435
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,990
-In your smile...
-But what do I have to offer?
436
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,825
Do not talk about yourself like that.
437
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:51,368
Come on, guys,
what do I bring to the table?
438
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,536
That's easy, man.
439
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:53,620
You're the cute one.
440
00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:54,746
-What?
-SCHMIDT: That's right.
441
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:57,291
Look, I'm the smart one,
Winston's the silly one,
442
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,459
Coach is the sports one,
and you're the cute one.
443
00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:00,544
Well, if I were so cute,
444
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,421
then how come I can't find
anyone to love?
445
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:03,964
'Cause you're aiming too low.
446
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:06,842
Nick, my man, you don't
find diamonds underground.
447
00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:09,303
That's exactly where
you find diamonds, Winston.
448
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:10,596
Let's... can we not...
449
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,931
This is not about gems, okay?
450
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:15,392
This is about Nick valuing himself
451
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,019
enough to aim for the top.
452
00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:19,605
Now, I... I've been to the top
of the mountain, with Cece,
453
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:20,981
and it was glorious up there.
454
00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:23,442
And you know, one of these days,
could be tomorrow,
455
00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:24,651
I'm gonna be a millionaire.
456
00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:27,070
If I don't have Cece,
457
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:28,447
then what do I have?
458
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:29,823
You got a million dollars.
459
00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:32,117
If I'm being honest, you guys, uh...
460
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,494
I'm worried about being a cop.
461
00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:35,996
-Sure.
-WINSTON: What if I see something
462
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,956
really bad and then it...
463
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,208
it changes me?
464
00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:41,335
You know, it makes me lose my faith
465
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,003
and then I become really bad?
466
00:16:45,506 --> 00:16:47,090
You guys really think I'm the cute one?
467
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,675
You know what's not cute?
468
00:16:48,759 --> 00:16:50,302
Pretending that you don't
know that you are.
469
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:52,638
Schmidt, this sangria is just delicious.
470
00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:54,515
-Thanks, man.
-I'm jealous of that little orange
471
00:16:54,598 --> 00:16:55,599
in there.
472
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,602
It gets to just drink
all the sangria it wants.
473
00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:00,312
Yeah. I'm probably gonna...
474
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,690
I'm gonna eat the orange, too.
475
00:17:03,774 --> 00:17:06,151
-Guys' Night.
-SCHMIDT: Guys' Night!
476
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:08,111
-(BLOWING)
-(WHISTLES)
477
00:17:08,529 --> 00:17:09,530
(WHISTLES)
478
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:11,240
It's like instant world music.
479
00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:12,699
(TONES HARMONIZING)
480
00:17:12,783 --> 00:17:14,952
(LAUGHING)
481
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,745
-Wait, shh.
-Why "shh"?
482
00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:18,205
I think he's finally...
483
00:17:18,372 --> 00:17:20,290
(COACH SNORES)
484
00:17:20,374 --> 00:17:21,708
-...asleep.
-Asleep.
485
00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:23,460
(GIGGLES)
486
00:17:24,545 --> 00:17:27,005
-Cheers.
-Chin-chin. (GIGGLES)
487
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:28,799
Um...
488
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,133
Hey...
489
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,344
I'm sorry.
490
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,721
I was a little bit of a jerk
to you earlier.
491
00:17:34,847 --> 00:17:36,098
No, it's fine.
492
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,516
I'm used to jerks.
493
00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:39,184
I used to work in finance.
494
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:40,853
Oh! Finance!
495
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,145
-Mmm-hmm.
-Really?
496
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:43,230
Why did you leave?
497
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,609
I know this sounds silly,
but I realized
498
00:17:47,693 --> 00:17:50,028
that the only time
I'd been really happy in my life
499
00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:52,614
was teaching my little sister
how to read.
500
00:17:52,698 --> 00:17:54,908
She suffers from crippling dyslexia.
501
00:17:54,992 --> 00:17:56,368
-Oh, God!
-What?
502
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:58,620
You're just... so perfect.
503
00:17:58,704 --> 00:17:59,913
Well, it's more common
than you might think.
504
00:17:59,997 --> 00:18:01,832
No, you're like the most
perfect person I've ever met.
505
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:04,626
And it's like you're an angel who's been
506
00:18:04,710 --> 00:18:06,086
sent down to the Earth, like...
507
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,880
have you ever seen the movie
The Preacher's Wife?
508
00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:11,550
Anyway, I just have this
big, stupid crush on you.
509
00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:17,681
I...
510
00:18:19,725 --> 00:18:20,893
didn't say that.
511
00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:22,477
-No, it's fine. It's... no.
-Shouldn't have said... No.
512
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:23,562
I shouldn't have said that.
I'm sorry, um...
513
00:18:23,645 --> 00:18:25,147
I need a bucket.
514
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:26,231
Now!
515
00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:27,649
-Um, you should go.
-I need a bucket!
516
00:18:27,733 --> 00:18:28,859
-(GAGS)
-JESS: Just go.
517
00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:29,943
No, let me help, please. Let me help.
518
00:18:30,027 --> 00:18:31,278
No, just go, just go, just go.
519
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:33,363
COACH: Ugh, gettin' the mouth sweats.
520
00:18:33,447 --> 00:18:35,115
-Oh, I need a bucket!
-Just go.
521
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:36,909
-Just go. Just go.
-Okay.
522
00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:39,745
Why is there ice in here?
523
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,788
-More room...
-(SIGHS)
524
00:18:41,872 --> 00:18:43,040
...for what's about to happen.
525
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,752
-Oh, God.
-Oh, my God!
526
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:52,299
When I get home I'm hitting the books.
527
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:53,509
I am going to crush health.
528
00:18:53,592 --> 00:18:55,636
-Yeah, you are.
-Yeah.
529
00:18:55,886 --> 00:18:56,970
Ned!
530
00:18:57,054 --> 00:18:58,222
Let me get his contact before we leave.
531
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,599
JESS: What?
COACH: Ned! I need details, bro!
532
00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:03,310
Hey, man. Am I gonna get your e-mail?
533
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:05,103
-What's gonna happen here?
-Yeah, let's do it, let's do it.
534
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,688
-Let's do it, let's do it.
-Yeah.
535
00:19:06,772 --> 00:19:09,441
It's therealned8@guhmail.com.
536
00:19:09,525 --> 00:19:11,193
At guhmail... you mean Gmail?
537
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:12,486
Oh, is that how you say it?
538
00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:15,447
Um... (CHUCKLES)
539
00:19:17,241 --> 00:19:18,784
-Good morning.
-RYAN: Good morning.
540
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:21,286
Can I, um...
talk to you about last night?
541
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:23,288
No, I want to talk
to you about last night,
542
00:19:23,372 --> 00:19:25,457
because I said some things, um,
543
00:19:25,541 --> 00:19:28,919
that don't reflect how
I really feel about you.
544
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:31,880
Um... so I'd really appreciate it
545
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:33,966
if you could strike them from the record.
546
00:19:35,092 --> 00:19:37,302
It was the conference talking, not me.
547
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,139
-Consider them struck.
-Thank you.
548
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:43,267
Enjoy your Thanksgiving vacation.
549
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,935
It's, uh, an American holiday
550
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,145
where we celebrate the fact that we...
551
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:49,815
didn't know how to farm by ourselves.
552
00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:53,819
Are you curious to know
how I really feel about you?
553
00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:55,863
-No.
-Because if you were
554
00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:58,240
interested, I'd tell you that
555
00:19:58,323 --> 00:19:59,658
I won't enjoy my Thanksgiving
556
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:01,493
because I won't get to see you every day.
557
00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:04,288
I think you're beautiful
558
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:06,707
and totally insane,
559
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:08,292
and when I'm at work, I can't focus,
560
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,544
because I can't get you out of my head.
561
00:20:18,719 --> 00:20:19,720
COACH:
Hey.
562
00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:21,930
Hey, uh, you guys want to stop
563
00:20:22,014 --> 00:20:23,640
on the way home
and get some pancakes?
564
00:20:23,724 --> 00:20:26,268
-Hey, what do you call them in England?
-Roundy-yums.
565
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,353
-Really?
-No.
566
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:30,397
See you after the holidays.
567
00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,653
-Oh, boy.
-You didn't see anything!
568
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,659
Where'd your lipstick go?
569
00:20:42,868 --> 00:20:44,286
-Hit 'em! Hit 'em!
-From the back.
570
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:45,537
-NICK: Hit 'em!
-Ugh!
571
00:20:45,871 --> 00:20:47,748
It smells terrible in here!
572
00:20:47,831 --> 00:20:49,958
How many beers did you guys drink?
573
00:20:50,042 --> 00:20:51,877
-So much.
-Beer, beer!
574
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,170
SCHMIDT: Lots of beer. Just a lot of beer.
575
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:54,338
-That's how beer smells.
-So many beers.
576
00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:56,215
(SNIFFS) Smells like sangria.
577
00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:57,674
SCHMIDT: That must be the perfume
578
00:20:57,758 --> 00:20:59,384
from all the ladies
we hooked up with. Yeah.
579
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:00,636
They were all Spaniards.
580
00:21:00,719 --> 00:21:03,263
Mine was named
SeƱorita Lucinda Madrid.
581
00:21:03,347 --> 00:21:04,389
Say, how was the conference?
582
00:21:04,598 --> 00:21:06,850
It was just... a stupid...
583
00:21:06,934 --> 00:21:08,268
conference...
584
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:12,564
So she finally hooked up with Ryan.
585
00:21:12,648 --> 00:21:14,900
He put his teeth behind her teeth.
586
00:21:16,235 --> 00:21:17,819
Aah!
587
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:20,781
(SIGHS)
588
00:21:21,073 --> 00:21:24,701
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God...
589
00:21:36,922 --> 00:21:38,924
What the hell did you guys
do to my blanket?
42482
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