All language subtitles for F Troop S01E09 11-09-1965- Me Heap Big Injun_prob3

♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪

♪ When quite accidentally ♪

♪ A hero who sneezed ♪

♪ Abruptly seized ♪

♪ Retreat and
reversed it To victory ♪

♪ His Medal of Honor ♪

♪ Pleased and thrilled ♪

♪ His proud little
Family group ♪

♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪

♪ And so it was planned ♪

♪ He'd command ♪

♪ F Troop! ♪

♪ Where Indian fights ♪

♪ Are colorful sights ♪

♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪

♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪

♪ Both turn chicken ♪

♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪

♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪

♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪

♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪

♪ F Troop! ♪

Men, as your commander,

I've been going over
your service records

to familiarize myself
with your background.

Private Hoffenmueller.

I noticed that you speak Apache,

Sioux, Cherokee and Hekawi.

Now, we can use
you as an interpreter,

just as soon as you
learn to speak English.

Jawohl, mein capitan.

Trooper Duffy, I noticed
something interesting

in your service
record. What's that?

You were killed in action.

I was?

Oh, sir, I'll look into
the men's records

and bring 'em
up-to-date immediately.

Good. Oh, I also noticed
something interesting

in Corporal Agarn's record.

What's that, sir?

Your enlistment is up next week.

Really?

Yes. I thought you
might sign up now,

so I brought along the
reenlistment papers.

D-don't... Don't sign.
Don't sign. What?

Here are the papers.

Attention!

With the captain's permission,
sir, I will now give the men

their weekly exercise.

Which they'll get
for the first time.

Carry on, sergeant.

I'll be in my office

when you wanna turn
in the papers, corporal.

All right, men, get
ready your pieces.

Saddle up! Back in the line.

Running in place.

Ho!

If I don't sign those
papers, I'll be outta the Army.

That's the point.

You want me to be a civilian?

Go back to my old job,

bone testing in a
lady's corset factory?

No, sparrow brain.

You're gonna be the outside
man for O'Rourke Enterprises.

But we are doing all right
with both of us in the Army.

We do better with one man

in town all the time.

Oh, sarge...

I'm willing to make
you vice president.

Vice president? Sure!

It's not every corporal who
gets promoted to vice president.

Troop, halt.

All right, now we'll do
some sit-ups. On your backs.

Hey, not you.

Ready. Ho!

Up, down. Up, down.

Sarge, I don't know if I
wanna leave the Army.

Now, listen. You'll
be living the good life.

All you've got to do was
go over to the Hekawi Camp,

make sure they're getting
those souvenirs out on time.

Go by the saloon, empty
the cash drawer every night.

But I've... And... interview
the dance-hall girls.

Dance-hall girls?

Yeah, I'm thinking of
putting in a line of girls.

If you're a civilian, you
go can over to Dodge City

and pick the girls out.

"Rubbing alcohol, malt barley"?

Oh, that must be for the horses.

Uh, "More copper tubing,
30 wooden barrels."

This Sergeant O'Rourke

certainly orders a lot
of different supplies.

Yes, sir.

But 11 barrels of yeast?

I think the sarge said
that was for the mess hall.

Huh. Well, I guess the
hardtack could be fluffier.

Come in.

Corporal Agarn
reporting as ordered, sir.

At ease, corporal. Oh!

Are you all right, sir?

Yes, yes. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Uh, you may go, Dobbs.

Yes, sir, captain.

Oh.

Now, corporal, the, uh...
The reason I asked you here

was to see if you'd... You'd
given any more thought to, uh,

your re... Are
you all right, sir?

Yeah, yes. I'm fine, I'm fine.

Now, now... Now, where was I?

Oh, yes, yes, the
reenlistment papers.

Uh, now, the pouch is going
to headquarters this afternoon,

and I-I know they'd
be most please to learn

that one of our most
dependable troopers

was signing up
for another hitch.

Corporal Agarn, you are
signing up for another hitch?

I can't believe it.
You, leaving the troop?

Afraid so, sir.

Oh, but, corporal, you'd never
be happy out of the service.

You're just like me,
we're both fighting men.

Are you all right, captain?

Mmm. I'm fine.

Now, where...? Where were we?

Well, you were saying
that we're both fighting men.

Yes, yes. D-did you...? Did you
know that my great-grandfather,

Hannibal Parmenter, was a
major in Washington's Army?

He was, sir?

Yes. He was at Valley
Forge, in charge of business.

Say, then he must have
known my great-grandfather.

He was a deserter.

Even though your
family doesn't have

the glorious Army tradition
the Parmenters have,

you're still cavalry.

Sir, I... I think it's best
that I leave the service.

Oh, but think a moment, Agarn.

No more comrades in arms,
one for all and all for one.

No more thrill to the
pounding hooves.

And then, the cry of "Charge!"

And then... And then... Then
lying unto the stars at night

next to the campfire,
listening to the bugler.

Please don't, sir.

Give me the papers, I'll sign.

I knew you wouldn't
leave us, Agarn.

Begging the
captain's pardon, sir.

I've changed my mind.

But you're gonna
sign the papers!

Let him go, sir.

B-but he was about to reenlist,

and he suddenly
changed his mind.

I don't believe
it myself, I've...

I was up with
him all night, sir.

I thought I had him convinced.

Oh, I think he's a
very confused man.

We've got to keep
him in the troop.

He's my buddy.

Oh, I know how much this
must mean to you, sergeant.

I'll go have another
talk with him.

No, I-I-I wouldn't do that, sir.

I think I'd give
him a week's leave.

But his enlistment
is up in a week.

Ah, but a week
away from the troop.

He'll miss getting up
at 6:00 for "Reveille."

Yes.

And he'll miss the
Sunday dinners

of chipped beef and hardtack.

Yes.

And of course, he'll
miss the old man.

What old man?

You, sir.

Oh! Oh, yes, of
course, I'm the old man.

A week's leave for Agarn,

and I guarantee you, sir...

He'll reenlist like that.

I think you're right, sergeant.

I'll make out the
furlough papers right way.

I'll go tell him, sir.

If I hadn't walked in there,
you would have reenlisted.

Oh, I'm sorry, sarge, but
when he started with that:

Enough, enough
of that. Now, listen!

I got Captain Parmenter
to give you a week's leave.

For what?

To clear up your confused mind.

All you gotta do is
walk to the Hekawi camp

and make sure that those Indians
step up our souvenir production.

Well, if it's all the
same to you, sarge,

I'd rather go to Dodge City

and step up our
dance-hall girl production.

Agarn!

Right, sarge. Up to the Hekawis.

Mmm.

Captain? Oh, Sergeant O'Rourke,

have you talked to
Corporal Agarn, yet?

Well, as a matter of fact,

he said he was gonna
spend a few days

over at Dodge City. I'm
on my way over there now.

Oh, good, good.

I have his enlistment
papers right here, sir.

Do you think you
can get him to sign?

Why, of course I can.

Why, when I tell him what
it means to the old man.

Wh-what old man? Why, you, sir.

Oh, yeah.

Of course, I keep
forgetting I'm the old man.

You drink this down, chief,
soon you feel much better.

Why we have medicine
man with medicine?

You supposed to dance.

Chief, I've not cured patient
by dancing in 25 years.

First thing that goes in
medicine man... is legs.

What is in bowl?

Juice of gooseberries.

Fermented sap of oak
tree, six raw turtle eggs,

ground-up tooth of beaver.

Good roughage.

Hi, Roaring Chicken. Hi, chief.

Hello, sarge.

What's the matter?
Don't you feel good?

Chief very sick man.

Well, then, don't
just sit there, dance.

Chief not suffering
from disease.

Case of exhaustion,
him under terrible strain.

Like old Indian saying,

"Cannot make fur coat
from feather of goose."

What does that mean? Who knows,

show you what strain I under.

Is the old squaw in the
tepee giving you a hard time?

Not old squaw. Young brave.

Well, which one?

All right, you men,
put your backs into it.

How long does it
take to make a canoe?

And you, get off
your sitting bull

and get more feathers
for the bonnets.

Come on, girls. Come on,

you didn't meet
your quota yesterday.

Flying fingers, flying fingers.

Keep an eye on 'em, Tondaleo.

See what I mean, sergeant?

We not have one minute
peace since he come live with us.

He's gone Indian.

Paleface!

Long time no see.

Well, you certainly seem
to be enjoying yourself.

This is the only life.

And to think I was
gonna reenlist in the Army.

Look alive over there!

Take it easy, Agarn.

Pushin' 'em a little too
hard looks to me like.

Are you kidding? They love
me. They think I'm a God.

Chief has nothing but
complaints, Leaping Lizard.

Leaping Lizard? My
friends call me Liz.

Hekawis not used
to such hard work.

Listen, chief, you
gotta meet your quota.

I got him working on items
for the Christmas rush.

Wait until you hear
what we come up with.

Santa Claus with a tomahawk.

Agarn, our orders are
in good shape right now.

I think you ought to
ease off of them a little bit.

Oh, no. And by the
way, we want a new deal.

New deal?

No more fifty-fifty.

From now on, you get 25 percent
and my people get 75 percent.

Seventy-five percent?

They're a reasonable
bunch of Indians.

Seventy-five percent?

That's the way it goes, sarge.

And now, if you'll excuse
me, I'll join the other braves.

You're not gonna get
away with this, Wild Eagle.

We made a deal, fifty-fifty.

Sergeant, Chief not asking
for bigger percentage.

That's idea of Leaping Liz.

I tell you now, sergeant,
if you not get that Indian

back into Army,
whole deal is off.

Yeah, well, don't worry.

I've brought his
reenlistment papers with me.

Here we go. Ha!

One, two, three, four!

I need rain, rain.

Draw.

Almost had you that time.

Wanna make it two out of three?

You're gettin' a
lot faster, Wilton.

Oh, I've been practicing.

Oh, excuse me,
sir. I didn't, uh...

No, no. That's all right,
sergeant. Come on.

Oh.

How are you, Sergeant O'Rourke?

I'm terrible, thank you.

Oh, what's the matter?

It's Corporal Agarn, sir.

Oh, did you talk to
him in Dodge City?

He's not in Dodge, captain.
He is living with the Hekawis.

The Hekawis?

Yes. He's turned Injun.

Are you sure?

Well, the last time I saw him,
he was doing a... A rain dance.

A rain dance?

There isn't a cloud in the sky.

I know.

Just a little shower.

Captain, this could be serious.

A man in confused state
of mind could go renegade.

Oh, I don't think Agarn
would ever do that.

Listen, Wrangler, you get a
man to chewin' on birchbark

there ain't no telling
what he might do.

I think the sergeant's right.

You bet I'm right. With him
up there stirring them up,

why those Hekawis could
become hostile Injuns just like that.

Do you really think the Hekawis

would attack the Fort?

Well, I'd say there's
a fifty-fifty chance.

More like a... 75-25.

Can you think of anything
we should do, sergeant?

Sir, I think we should
send a detail up there

and arrest him for treason.

That's a good idea.

We'll court martial him,
sir, and give him his choice:

the firing squad
or reenlistment.

You get a four-man
squad together,

and I'll lead them up
to the Hekawi camp.

Never mind, captain, we'll...

We'll clean it up later.

Wait a minute, if you go
up to the Hekawi Camp

and grab a gun, your
liable to really struck trouble.

But the man's a renegade.

I think there's a
much easier way.

What's that?

Before the Indians
take you into a tribe,

they always give an initiation.

That's right, sir.

Knowing Agarn, I really
don't think he's gonna be

a blood brother.

Initiation?

What is initiation?

Well, you know, a ceremony
like when somebody

wants to get into your tribe.

That crazy friend of yours

first man who want
to get into tribe.

Everybody try to get out.

Well, now, you must have
some kind of a test of bravery

that you give your young men.

Used to have, but
nobody passed tests,

so have to drop it.

Sergeant knows Hekawi
is proud descendants

of long line of cowards.

So we gotta figure some way
to get Agarn back into the Army.

I have way.

Oh, what's that?

Tonight, when he sleep,
whole tribe sneak off to Mexico.

Bull's-eye!

Agarn, what are you doing?

I think I'm ready, Chief.

When do we go hunting?

Never. But I handle
a bow and arrow

better than any
brave you've got.

No, no. What the Chief means
is that you can't go hunting

until you've been, um,
formally initiated into the tribe.

Right, chief?

Right.

Right. After initiation,

you full blood
brother, if you live.

If I live?

Now, don't be frightened,
Agarn. There's nothing to it.

All you gotta do is, uh,
roll off a 500 foot cliff

into the river and catch
a fish in your bare hands.

Then paddle canoe up 50
mile rapids, pick up water snake.

Also, you will kill buffalo

with bare hands and
bring back buffalo head.

Now, let me get this
straight. A fish, a snake.

Chief, instead of
killing one buffalo,

how about a couple of goats?

Not like goats.

Wild Eagle, you're
just trying to make it

too tough on my buddy.

Agarn, I won't let
'em do this to you.

You don't know the
Indian mind, sarge.

You're not one of us.

When do we start, my chief?

Let us start now.

You'll walk over hot coals.

Hold my bow.

Scrappy little devil.

I think I'll change into
some fresh feathers.

I don't believe this.

Well, chief, now
am I in the tribe?

Mmm. You very brave brave.

Roaring Chicken. Chief?

Make Leaping
Lizard blood brother.

Give me thumb of
your right hand, Liz.

We now mix your
blood with blood of Chief.

Ah!

Plan not work, sergeant.

You better find other way
to get him back into Army.

Well, he's gotta sign
the papers himself.

Have idea.

Why not let him be Indian,
and we all enlist in Army?

What? Wake up 6:00 at morning,

march round, eat bad chow?

Well, now, wait a minute, chief.

Roaring Chicken just
might have an idea here.

We can't get Agarn
back in the Army,

we'll bring the
Army back to Agarn.

Draw.

Uh, you wanna
make it 42 out of 43?

You just let me win
to make me feel good.

You're so much
stronger than I am

with those bulgy muscles.

Feel how weak I am.

Oh, excuse me,
Captain Parmenter.

I didn't realize
you were that busy.

No, no, we were just
feeling each other's muscles.

How did everything
go with initiation?

Ah. Well, he went through
it better than Geronimo.

Well, that's terrible. His
enlistment is up tomorrow.

Oh, he's never gonna
come back into the Army now.

Ah, well, we still got a chance

although it calls for
desperate measures.

I'll order an attack
on the Hekawis.

Well, I'm afraid
we can't do that, sir.

You see, I've, uh, well,
negotiated a temporary truce.

Oh? Yes, we wouldn't
want to go back

on our word, now, would we, sir?

Uh, no, no. We couldn't that.

But there must be
something we can do.

Yes, well, there is, sir but it
calls for a change of strategy.

I mean, if you can't
beat 'em, join 'em.

You're crazy to do
that. Are you crazy?

You'll wake up the whole camp.

That's my new job, Liz.

What are you talking about?

I been made bugler.

Like to hear me blow "Taps"?

Where'd you get this bugle?

From the new brave
we have in tribe.

New brave?

Yes. He just
check in last night.

Well, you take orders from me.

Not anymore.

Leaping Lizard, meet new brave.

Sergeant O'Rourke,
you're out of uniform.

Not sergeant, Grizzly Bear.

Grizzly Bear?

You were right, Agarn,
this is the only life.

Morning, Liz. Morning, Griz.

Morning, Roaring Chicken.

Thanks to new brave, we
have surprise breakfast.

What's that?

Chipped beef and hardtack.

I brought along a supply.

If we run out, one of us
can sneak back to the Fort

and get some
more. Look, sarge...

Ah. "Griz."

You're gonna get
in a lot of trouble.

You're still in the Army.

If Captain Parmenter
hears about this,

he'll have you for desertion.

Oh, no, he won't.

Captain Parmenter.

Oh, no, no, no.

Him our new Chief, Busy Beaver.

We now have Liz, Griz, Biz.

Ah-ah. "Busy Beaver."

Busy Beaver, who's
watching the Fort?

I couldn't care
less. This is the life.

And we've got you
to thank for it, Liz.

Just think, we could have spent

the rest of our
lives in the Army.

Roaring Chicken,
as my medicine man,

every morning at 0800,

you'll have sick
call. Yes, chief.

As soon as chow is over,
I'll inspect the tepees.

Right, chief. We don't
have no inspections

around here, sir.

We do now.

And if your tepee doesn't pass,

you'll be confined to quarters.

Wrangler Jane, what are
you doing in that outfit?

Now she one of us.

Yep, blood sister.

Her name, Misty Morn.

You can call me "Miz," Liz.

Hi, Griz. Hi, Biz.

You can't stay here.
This ain't no life for a girl.

Wherever Biz goes,
that's where Miz goes.

Well, we can't all
stand around all day.

Grizzly, make sure
the area is policed.

Right, chief.

Leaping Lizard, start leaping.

Wait a minute. I don't have
to take no orders from you,

I'm an Indian.
We're all Indians.

Many changes around here, Liz.

Well, not for me. This
outfit's for the birds.

I'm turning in my moccasins.
And going back where I belong.

To a man's Army.

You really mean it, Agarn?

Absolutely.

Your, uh, reenlistment papers.

Really, sarge. I promise
it won't happen again.

All right, all right. Just stay
away from the Hekawi camp

for a few days and
concentrate on our inventory.

Count on me.

Oh, good morning,
gentlemen. Captain.

Nice to have you back, Agarn.

Nice to be back, sir.

I never knew how
much you could miss

chipped beef on hardtack, sir.

You're a real trooper, corporal.

Uh, what are you
doing with that, sir?

This? Oh, this is a souvenir.

Chief Wild Eagle gave me this.

$1.95, we mail anywhere.

What's that, corporal?

Nothing, sir.

Yeah. You can have a lot of fun

with a bow and arrow, sir.

Oh, really, I've
never fired one.

Simple Captain.

Just put the arrow in the
bow and you draw back,

and let it fly.

Mmm. Like this?