All language subtitles for Family.Camp.2022.NORDiC.1080p.WEB-DL.H.264.DD5.1-TWA.en

Mr. Kapoor.

Hello, good morning, sir.

Yes, I've got the Garden City proposal
laid out in front of me.

Sir, it is more than just an investment.

What?

Of course I'm at the office.

Precious Jesus...

No, yeah.

Sorry, it just got really loud in here.

I'll call you back tomorrow.

I apologize. Thank you.

O for grace

To trust him more

Amen, amen.

Take your seats.

Before we dismiss,

I have a few announcements for you,
church family. First...

Take off your visor.

And your cleats.

- Why?
- So I can smack you with them.

An appointment with Jesus
while I sweat through my Dockers.

Don't worry, we'll give you
a spray bottle and some sunscreen.

- What was the sermon about today?
- Forgiveness.

Here, you can practice.

Okay, I'm sorry.

And I cannot endorse
this announcement enough.

Family Camp at Lake Katokwah
is the highlight of our year.

You ask our family,
it's the greatest place on earth.

So they've literally never been to Disney?

I'm sorry I was late.

- Again.
- Okay.

What do I gotta do to make it up to you?

The whole nine.
There's lots of things to do.

How about we go to that camp?

- Church camp?
- Yes.

How about we go someplace
that has air-conditioning?

Just look at those cabins.

Ice-cold air-conditioning.

Can I get an amen?

Amen.

Still, Henry would hate it,
and Hannah's too old.

Doesn't matter how old your kids are.

Our daughter's 19

and she is more pumped for camp
this year than ever, right?

Whoop-whoop, sugar bear.

Well, it's just the weird families
who go to camp.

You might think we're a little weird.

Come on.

But if you can honestly say

there's nothing more important
than investing in your family,

then sure, that might look
a little weird to the world.

So camp sign-up starts today.

Let's get out there
and have some fun this summer.

Okay, families?

Hey, hey, hey.

Hold on, hey.

You weren't serious about
that Family Camp thing, right?

Church camp is just so Jesus-y.

Says the man standing in a church.

Yeah, this is where Jesus belongs,

not camping in a tent with me.

Oh, gosh, Tommy.

Grace, Grace, Grace, wait, listen.

If I seal this next deal,
I'm a shoo-in for partner.

Then I'll take you wherever you wanna go.

Hawaii? Paris?

Come on, people.
I need a nap and a buffet, chop-chop.

Oh, so no bingo today, Grandpa?

Tommy, I don't want a vacation.

- I want my husband back.
- What are you talking about?

We barely get to see you,
and when we do, you're not present.

You've got a phone in front of your face,
or you're talking about golf.

Golf closes deals.

No deals, no meals.

Did you just come up with that yourself?
Don't answer that. Listen.

I really appreciate all that you do
to provide for our family.

But I'm getting really tired
of surviving on your emotional leftovers.

Okay, okay.

I'll fix it.

Okay, well, why don't you start
by taking your little clickety-clacketies,

marching back in there
and signing us up for Family Camp?

- What?
- You're so cute.

No, no, seriously, listen.

I love you.

But, babe, let's get one thing straight.

There's absolutely no way
that I am ever going to...

Teenage girl found here
in her natural habitat,

performing one
of many fruitless grooming rituals.

Dad, can you tell Henry
to stop filming me?

Stop filming your sister. It's creepy.

Don't call him creepy.

He's my budding little artist.

Cut it out, Henry.

He's calling him creepy
because it's creepy, Mom.

What's creepy is your selfie face.

Okay, idiot, let's go.

Hey, don't call your kid an idiot.

No, it's Dale Earnhardt Jr. here,
trying to pass us.

That guy's gonna hit us.

Get that spit stick off of me.

Tommy.

"Blessed."

You little...

- That feel good? Had to do that, right?
- Yeah.

Mom, Henry got his nasty candy
all over my face.

Matches your makeup job perfectly.

- I just wanna eat my pistachios in peace.
- Be thankful I'm wearing a seat belt.

Guys, hush, come on.

- No talking.
- You're the annoying one.

Knock it off.

Here we are, guys.

Camp Katokwah.

Dad, I'm sorry.

For what, bud?

I think I'm carsick.

Henry.

Come on, guys.

Hey, family, welcome to camp.

Last name?

We're the Ackermans, with an A.

Ackermans.

I don't seem
to have an Ackerman here on the list.

You made the final payment online?

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.

Happens all the time.

Good news is,
we have yet to turn a family away.

- Yeah?
- So don't worry.

But we're out of cabins. Imagine that.

Oh, I'm imagining that.

Tell you what.
I'm gonna give you one word.

You tell me
the very first thing that you think of.

"Yurt."

- No.
- We'll take it.

Actually, let's go for Round 2.

Buckle up, everybody.

Three words:

"Sharing a yurt."

With another family.

That makes it better.

How? How does that make it better?

It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

It's fine.

I'm telling you guys,
you're gonna love this.

All right, looks like we're here.

You guys,

it's beautiful.

Yeah, if it's a luxury resort for possums.

Guys, this is glamping.
Honey, I've always wanted to go glamping.

Great, let's go home.

Throw the Tempur-Pedic in the backyard.
Glamp all you want.

I second that.

Wait, this is pretty cool.

Last one in sleeps on the floor.

Touch me again, you lose a finger.

- Okay, where do I start?
- Good thing I got nine more.

Hey.

Hello?

Hey, can you do me a favor?

Start the car while you grab the kids?

No, I need you to be here with me.

I'm literally standing in front of you.

I mean, the texting, the sneaking away,
so you can talk to your clients.

I need you to be present.

The whole reason we're doing this is
so we can have time together as a family.

Hannah is 16.

And Henry shot up,
like, a foot this spring.

I have no idea how any of this happened.

Hey, hey, look at me.

I'm here, okay?

My choice would've been Maui.

But look at me.

Wherever you are,

that's my paradise.

I promise.

I am 100-percent...

"Blessed"?

I am so happy to hear you say that.

Okay, kiddos, ten-hut.

That shoulder blade's
healing nicely, Barb.

Get in here, son.

Let me see here.

Bingo, bango, bongo.

That lumbar's popping like a champ.

Now where is my yummy bride?

Here I come, Papi.

Honey, the kids.

How do you think they got here?

Hi, hello, yurt family. I'm Grace...

Stop. Not another word.

- That is...
- The way God meant it to be?

You're welcome.

You must be the man of the house.

Tommy. I see you've met my wife.

I have. Eddie Sanders.

My esposa bonita, Victoria.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Come on. I'm a hugger.
- Oh, my. Hi.

Little ninos are back there.
Say hi, kiddos.

Hi.

- They'll warm up.
- Okay.

You are gonna wanna hot-compress this
and massage this a little later.

Might I say,
professionally speaking, of course,

your wife has a lovely neck.

Goose-like.

You don't get your hands
on a neck like that every day.

Would you look at that beautiful yurt?

Oh, yes, yes,
and at half the price of the cabins.

Dave Ramsey would be so proud of us.

Here's my card.

"Intergalactic Chiropractic"?

Honey.

My services are free
all week for my camp families.

- Thank you.
- Let me grab these bags for you.

Thank you so much, Eddie.

You can call me Dr. Eddie.

Right, guess I'll get ours
all by myself, then.

- Dear God.
- Thank you, Dr. Eddie.

Please, no.

I know it's there somewhere.

I can't tell you how wonderful it is

to have another family here
who loves the full outdoor experience.

- You know?
- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, I mean, we can't get enough of it.
- Yeah.

- I feel like we should...
- It's good. Just let him.

Look at this guy.

He's here ten minutes
and he already needs a shower.

Honey, you're gonna be
sleeping over there.

What? Why not by you?

Oh, hey, we separated the yurt by gender.

Yeah, no offense,
but we just met you guys.

So instead of doing background checks,
we will just keep things kosher.

Honey, can we talk a second?

Yeah, yeah.

What? No Wi-Fi.

I can't wait until
you realize there's no air-conditioning.

What?

I thought you wanted us
to be all together like a family.

We are together.

Come on, it's more campy this way.

It smells like old cedar.

It smells like an old gerbil cage.

- We're changing yurts right now.
- Tommy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Land of Goshen, that was fun, kids.

Bring it in for a big spiritual hug.

Hey, how about we invite you guys
to a little Sanders family tradition?

Yes.

Every year, we offer up
a humble hymn of praise to the Lord,

and consecrate the yurt as holy ground.

What do you say?

You know, we'd love to,

but we're gonna have to make a change.

Change of key.

I can't sing in A major.

Perfect pitch, I see. My friend...

that makes two of us.

Honey, let's wait a little.
We're still getting settled.

- You mind holding down the alto?
- You got the melody?

Oh, and a-one, and a-two, and a-three.

O Lord my God

When I

Kids, come over here.

In awesome wonder

Consider all the worlds

Thy hands have made

Come on, you know it.

My savior God to thee

How great thou art

How great thou art

How great thou art

How great thou art

- Yeah.
- Yeah, buddy.

- That was fun.
- That was something.

You're welcome.

It's all about the sauce. Want some?

No, thanks.

You guys eat really healthy.

Oh, yeah, we do the WWJE diet
every year at camp.

It's really easy.

You just look at your food and go,
"Would Jesus really eat this?"

I talked them into a discount rate
if we promise not to eat meat.

Well, I'll eat yours then, okay?

It's your funeral, bucko.

Okay.

Let's go sit
at that table with our new friends.

Kapoor Capital.
How may I direct your call?

Yeah, hi, this is Tommy Ackerman,
calling for Mr. Kapoor.

Hi, Mr. Ackerman.

I'm sorry, right now
he's in a meeting with Tommy Ackerman.

That's impossible, I'm Tommy Ackerman.

No, I'm pretty sure you're not.

Okay, hang on a second.

This Tommy Ackerman, is he tall,

dark hair,
above average in the handsome department?

No.

He's, like, way above average
in the bald department.

Bramberger.

You always bring
your cell phone to the dinner table?

Hello? Are you there?

Wait for Daddy, okay?

- Henry, Henry, don't eat yet.
- But I'm starving.

- Mommy, can you cut my carrots?
- Sure, sweetie.

Tommy, mind saying blessing for us?

Tommy?

Tommy, are you choking?

- Dr. Eddie's in the hizzouse. Here we go.
- Tommy.

Stand upward, please.

This is gonna hurt.

No? All right.

Elbows on the table. Here we go.

Friends, this is why
we have chiropractors.

Brace for impact.

One, two, three.

Still nada? Here we go. Up we go.

Chin up. Beautiful.

Eddie.

Just doing the Good Lord's work.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I just love
how food brings people together.

Dr. Eddie.

Dr. Eddie.

Dr. Eddie...

Honey, you've got to take smaller bites.

Dr. Eddie,

Dr. Eddie,

Dr. Eddie...

It's him. Not me. It's him.

Okay, a little bit me, but mostly him.

Thank you. Thanks.

Come on, come on, come on.
Pick up, pick up, pick up.

Tommy Ackerman.

Bramberger.

Mr. Kapoor says hello, by the way.

I don't know what you're scheming,

but Kapoor's my client,
and you're gonna leave him alone.

You mean, he was your client.

Reception's terrible. Where you at?

- None of your business.
- Where you at? Where you at?

Family Camp. It's a church thing.

Hang on a second.

Did you just say, church camp?

All right,
don't get your hopes up, Lucifer.

They don't let in greedy Hamburglars
who freeload off their grandma.

Whatever, Gammy likes it.

Yeah, listen up.

I'll have the Garden City deal wrapped up
with Kapoor long before you get back.

I won't just
have your commission in my pocket.

- Bramberger...
- I'll have your promotion too.

So bye. Click.

Bramberger.

Church camp.

And on that tomb

There was a stone

The cutest little stone

That you ever did see

Well, the stone on the tomb
And the tomb near the cross

Cross on the hill
And the hill in the land

Land by the sea
And the sea in the Earth

And the Earth in his hands

And Jesus' love flowed around and around
Jesus' love flowed around

Hey, we missed you at dinner.

Oh, I wasn't hungry.

Sons and daughters of the Most High,

welcome to the Ceremony of Light.

Carriers of the Light, come forth.

Look, there they are.

This feeling kind of cultish to you?

Stop it.

Carriers, receive your light.

These three torches represent
the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,

the eternal light that shines deep
within the followers of Jesus Christ.

Families, do you know what happens

when you shine
that light deep into the darkness?

The darkness cannot overcome it.

Moms and dads,

I know you get it.

To you, your families
and your marriages are what's important.

And all you kiddos,

the reason you're here
is because your parents value you

more than they do a week on a cruise ship.

More than anything.

Families, we are gonna
have a ton of fun this week.

Let's listen for
what God may wanna say to us.

He wants to lead.

Will you follow him?

All right, kids, brush and floss.

- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

You too, kids. Brush and floss.

Do we even own floss?

Dad of the Year.

Hey, Ackerman. Hey, hey.

Saw you admiring this earlier.

Pretty sure I wasn't.

The Camp Katokwah trophy.

You should see this baby
on my mantel at home.

Had this custom case made for it
after we set three new records,

the first year.

Can you believe they used to let folks
just take this home sitting in their laps?

Okay.

I'll bite.

What's a family gotta do to win it?

They gotta be
in all the family competitions.

They gotta compete.

The family that takes home
the most points at the end of the week

takes the cup,

from my cold dead hands.

Natural selection
for keeping the best families

coming back to camp year
after year, if you ask me.

Didn't peg this place
for being evolutionist.

Hey, are you crazy?

You can't mention
the E-word at a Christian camp.

Do you know what could happen to you?

Probably a bunch of monkey business.

Exactly.

The Sanders are fun, right?

I mean, they're different, but fun.

Okay.

Since when is your idea of fun
being stranded on Survivor Island

with a vegan family gospel band?

Come on.

They're not that bad.

I don't even know if they're vegan.

Let's think about it for a second.

We could learn a thing or two from them,
about essential oils and such.

And who knows?

Maybe you spend some time with Dr. Eddie,

and you guys become BFFs.

No, no, no.

- It could happen.
- No, no, okay?

First of all, okay?

Dr. Eddie is a chiropractor.

Means he got his doctorate
from a junior college.

That's not true. You don't know that.

It is true. It's true. I read it, okay?

And second of all...

Listen, I love you.

But if you think
we're gonna be friends with that guy,

you need your head examined.

Okay? No, you do. You know what? Hold on.

I've got a head examiner here.
Ma'am, if you could just be still.

- Get your toothbrush out of my... No.
- No, I'll examine...

- Don't touch my hair with it. Disgusting.
- I'm a professional.

- Did you learn that in junior college?
- Yes, I did.

Lord, thank you for our children.

May their lives be
a sweet fragrance unto you, Lord.

- Yes.
- May the aroma of their love

just waft up
to your throne room, oh, Lord...

Oh, no.
They're sacrificing their children.

Hey, maybe they're on to something.

What smells like corn nuts in here?

That's my feet.

You blessed my children
with a smoking hot mother...

- Our kids aren't sacrificing material.
- Not so much.

Come on, show them how it's done.

- What's done?
- You're gonna bless this mess.

- No.
- Yes.

- I don't...
- Yes, you're doing it.

Kids.

Come on,
we're gonna say a blessing around you.

On... On you.

Why?

It's tradition.

You're only doing it
because you saw the Sanderses doing it.

No, we're not.

Come on, come on. Huddle up. Let's go.

Come on, come on.

Okay, come on. Close your eyes.

Do what he says.

God, we thank you for...

Jesus.

Because he's...

He's great. I mean, you know.

You know that, right?

- I mean, you're great too.
- Honey.

Bless the kids.

Bless them.

We just wanna...

We want you to bless our children.

Just God bless...
Well, you bless them. You bless them.

Yeah, this is our son Henry.

And this is our daughter Hannah.

- Yeah.
- In case I hadn't mentioned that earlier.

I don't think I did.

In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Amen.

- That's it. Amen.
- Go get them, kiddos.

Pretty sure God knows our names, Dad.

- Well, you can't be too sure.
- Okay.

Get... We need to get a good night's rest.

We got some major butt kicking
to do tomorrow.

Next on Texarkana Bigfoot:

- Where's the other footprints?
- What other footprints?

There's lots of mud,
and we only found the one print.

No, we got ourselves a one-legged bigfoot.

It's the epic season finale
of Texarkana Bigfoot Bounty.

For when you need energy.

Thanks, Dalmotrax.

For when you're not feeling like yourself.

Thanks, Dalmotrax.

For when you feel too much like yourself.

Families, welcome to Bubble Ball.

A lot like soccer,

but just a little bit more contact.

That looks a little violent.

- Make way.
- No?

Make way for the returning champions.

Oh, yes!

Yeah!

The winner today will earn 10,000 points
towards the Camp Katokwah Cup.

And up next,
the Ackermans versus the Sanderses.

Two families, now sworn enemies.

Who will draw first blood?

You know no one can hear you, right?

Just the way I like it.

Line it up, families.

First team to score
three points is the winner.

Sanders.

Today we are warriors.

Okay, Sanders.

Let's go.

Are you ready to bubble?

Yeah.

Loose ball, Sanders, loose ball.

I got it, I got it, I got it. Vic, to you.

Nice pass, Papi.
Here we go, coming through.

Okay, Victoria.

No, not my wife.

Sanders coming in hot for the body block.

What demon invented this game?

She's going. She's going.

Score.

Victoria Sanders with the score.

Unbelievable.

That's my trophy wife.

- Sanders, Sanders, Sanders...
- Guys, we can win this.

We should probably stop.
We should probably just stop right now.

Sanderses take an early lead.

- Let's see if the Ackermans can answer.
- Take that, baldy.

Victoria.

I hit her.

Henry Ackerman has the ball.

We'll just call that a dribble
and hope for the best.

Here comes Barb Sanders.

Get away from me, Barb.

Henry, get up.

That boy's got
brilliant survival instincts.

Come on, Barb.

- You got it.
- I'm gonna score.

Toasted and posted.

The Sanderses score again.

Dogpile, my little champions, dogpile.

Come on, Henry.
Look, Barb weighs like 60 pounds.

You can't let her
push you around like that.

Why don't you push her around?

Man down, man down.

Game over, Ackerman.

Looks like the Ackermans
have lost a player.

Unfortunately that means
there's a forfeit. Sanderses win.

We are the champions.

What?

Come on.

Sorry.

Hey, you guys.

Hey.

Wow, those look great.

I know it's kind of cheesy.

But I love it so much.

Are you painting with mayonnaise?

Hey, guys, let's go wash up, okay?

Daddy's about done
with his prayer walk in the woods.

You guys, first year at camp.

You get to do the craft for new families.

Hold on.

Okay, you're gonna love it.

Here we go.

Okay, so first what you do
is you count down the number of days

until Henry and Hannah
graduate from high school.

- Okay.
- Then together,

count the same number of beads.

And you put them in the jar.

Then every day,

you just take one out.

Every day,

take one out.

You know, just every day,

take one out.

Because the days, you know?

Such a great reminder
of how precious your time is together.

Is this some sort of cruel joke?

Grace.

No?

No.

You only have,
what, two years left with them?

This vase,

these beads,

they're gonna make every day count.

Do the beads.

There you go.

- Okay.
- Okay.

There you go.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Come on, let's go.

Hey, bud, what happened out there today?

I really thought
we had a good chance to win Bubble Ball.

I just don't like sports.

I know, but if you put forth some effort,

you might find a sport you like.

Like what, golf?

- Yeah, you and I could go to the course.
- No.

- Okay.
- Can you get me a snow cone?

Yeah.

Here in the Amazon Rainforest,

it's home to a number of species,

such as snakes, tigers,

and what I'm going to soon find, bigfoot.

What do we have here?

It makes me sad that
my parents immigrated here just to have...

Yes, bring your parents into this.

Nothing more fun
than fighting with four people.

What are you doing?

Nothing, I'm just trying
to catch a bigfoot on camera.

Don't be a dummy.

Our dad said that
Noah wouldn't let bigfoots get on the ark,

because they smelled like feet.

Yeah, dummy,
why else do you think there's no bigfoot

in any of
Noah's ark's coloring books, huh?

Touché. Clearly I'm the real dummy.

What does that look even mean?

Getting pretty close to the flame, bucko.

Unless you prefer charred mallows.

I wasn't gonna say anything,

but I'm pretty sure s'mores
aren't on the What Would Jesus Eat diet.

Hey, we're not monsters, okay?

This is a very important
camp experience for our kids.

Even though we do make sugar-free,
organic, vegan, non-dairy marshmallows.

I'd expect nothing
but perfection from you, Eddie.

Somebody call the fire department.
Look at that.

Hey, Dad, will you film me
tearing this big old s'more down?

Yeah, let's do that. Let's go over here.

Way over here, by the boats.

Okay, let me see.

All right, how does this work?

Okay.

Bon appétit, kiddos.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Here I go.

It makes me sad
that my parents immigrated here...

Yes, bring your parents into this.

It's more fun to argue with four people.

Hey, bud, let's do it again, okay?

What do you mean? I just did it.

No, I know,
I just think you got a better one in you.

Why is nothing I do
ever good enough for you?

No, no,
let's just give it another shot, okay?

Henry.

I can't believe that the prettiest girl
at camp has never been kissed.

What? Why is that so hard to believe?

I mean, it's cool.

I'm sure you'll find the right guy.

Okay.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Tommy Ackerman.

Did you know you are the only one who
hasn't signed up for the Daddy Day Hike?

You should go.

I would, but you know what?

The only reason I came to camp was
to spend more time with my family.

That's exactly why you need to do it.

All the dads hike up to Mount Burrell.

They gather by themselves, and...

listen to God.

Sign him up.

Excellent. It's the best thing
you'll do for your family all week.

You're awesome. All right.

Johnsons.

Hey, what's up?

I really don't know about that guy.

I know.

I think he's spent
way too much time at camp.

What?

Oh, no, no, no. Not him.

I mean Justin Bieber over there.

- That?
- Yeah.

That's just a camp fling.
She'll be over him in a week.

Maybe you should go on this hike,
spend more time with Eddie.

What?

He just puts a lot into his family, and...

Oh, come on.

You minimize things.

You know, "Oh, she'll be fine."

You're gonna do this, right?
This is why I came over here?

So you could compare me to Eddie Sanders?

Oh, yeah, he's just the perfect man.

- He's a much better dad than me.
- No, no. Tommy, no. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Honey, that was just
an awful thing to say.

It's fine.

It's fine.

I don't think everything's so perfect
in the Sanders camp, anyway.

Families, welcome to Day 2
of the Camp Katokwah Challenge.

It's still anyone's game,
so come to compete.

Let's go!

Eddie.

Come on, guys, let's go!

Tommy.

Yeah!

Hey, Eddie,
why don't you let me take this one?

I didn't hire a private archery coach
just to let you take this from me.

Honey, it's your weakest event.

You said so yourself.
You always pull the shot to the left.

Not another word.

I got this.
This is my year. I can feel it.

Maiden voyage for my new bow.
She'll give you nightmares.

All right, easy, Rambo.

Rules of the game are simple.
Hit the bull's-eye, get ten points.

It all goes down from there.

Gentlemen, ready your arrows.

One point.

Six points.

Yeah.

- Both get four points.
- That's great, honey.

You're doing great.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie,
you're still pulling it to the left.

One point.

It's okay. That's great.
You're on it. It's okay.

- Zero points.
- That didn't count.

That counts.

Four points.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

Come on, Papi.

Okay, okay.

You got this, Papi.

Stay to the right. Just stay to the right.

Stay to the right, Eddie.

Bull's-eye.

Yeah!

You want that? You want that?

Who's your daddy?

Yes.

Everyone, looks like now we're tied at 15.

The highest-scoring arrow
is gonna win the game.

Hey, let me know
if you're gonna choke again.

- Tommy, you got this.
- You got this, Dad.

- Four points.
- Yes.

Yes.

Let's see what you're made of, Sanders.

Zero points.

Ackerman family takes archery.

- Yes.
- No, no, no.

This isn't right.

No, no, no.

Yes, yes!

Yes, in your face.

My stroke was off. That's not fair.

Eddie.

No!

Hey, babe.

Oh, gosh, sorry.

Where'd you get binoculars?

What?

You okay?

Yeah, why?

Nothing. You're kind of murdering
that ice cream cone is all.

I'm stress eating, okay?

This is Family Camp,
not Find-Dumb-Boyfriend Camp.

Last year, we would share an ice cream,
and we'd talk about our favorite flavors.

But this year, nuh-uh.

Instead, she's with some guy
whose intentions are God only knows what,

and I'm stuck here
with a vase full of beads,

counting all the days
that she should be spending with us,

but is instead spending with him.

Brain freeze.

Hey, hey.

Come here.

Come here.

What's that?

Nothing.

Nothing is buzzing in your back pocket.

Okay.

Don't answer it.

It's about the promotion.

- Just don't answer it.
- Two seconds.

Two, promise.

- Hello?
- Tommy.

Quick update.

Just had the most delicious
club sandwich with Mr. Kapoor.

Well, I'm sorry you didn't choke on it.

Jeez Louise, Mr. Kapoor.

You are cruising this path like a pro.

Easy there, Danica Patrick.

I'll text you later when I seal the...

Steal the deal.

You get out of that golf cart right now.
Do you hear me?

Bramberger?

Bramberger.

Grace.

Grace, hold up.

No, no, I will not hold up.

I have held up for the past five years.

I'm sorry.

Listen.

When we get home, I...

I think that we should
go to marriage counseling.

Come on.

We don't need counseling.

I knew that's what you'd say.

I mean, I knew it.

Grace.

Heads up. Watch out.

Girl's got a good arm.

This was clearly a terrible idea.

You have reached
the voicemail box of Alex Kapoor.

Dad?

I'm scared. I wanna come down.

That's what he repelling gear's for.
You're not gonna fall.

No, I don't wanna do this anymore.

I'm freaking out up here
and you don't even care.

No...

Need a little slack in your line?

Oh, more than you know.

Hey, buddy, mind if I holler
at your dad for a minute?

Yeah, thanks. I'm coming down.

Thank God.

He's a good kid.

Yeah, yeah.

Remind me your name again.

Tommy. We go to your church.

Yes.

Golfer, right?

Yeah, yeah, sorry.
Think I've been showing up a little late.

No, it's all good.

Seeing you come in reminds me
I only have a minute left in the sermon.

I deserve that.

Hey, can I be honest with you?

Sure.

I think God and I are good.

Like, he and I are okay.

It's just...

I'm busy. There's a lot going on.

And church is
just another thing on my list.

No judgments here.

See, doesn't matter
if you're old, or if you're young.

We are all in different spots
in our journey with God.

Yeah.

Hey, Tommy, you...?

You know what a compass does?

It tells you where to go?

Not exactly.

Turns out it only has one basic function.

A compass points you to true north.

And once you got true north,
you can never get lost.

Since we're being honest...

I'm your pastor.

But it's not my job,
or the church's job, to lead your family.

It's yours.

See, life can pull you in
many different directions if you let it.

But real talk...

it's pretty easy to get lost
if you don't have a guide.

Have fun out here.

Yeah.

Sanders family, I'm proud of you,
and all the hustle today.

We destroyed so many families
on the field of battle,

including the Ackermans in most events.

I know the Good Lord
is so pleased with us.

Eddie.

We can hear you.

Oh, no. Little Billy Graham is gone.

Who's Little Billy Graham?

Nobody panic.
He's just the smaller gerbil.

What?

Gentlemen,
welcome to the Ouachita National Forest,

1.8 million acres across two states.

So in light of that,
today we are gonna do the buddy system.

That means no one goes anywhere
without their buddy.

Go ahead and pair up.

Now, Eddie Sanders has volunteered
to be the caboose,

so that we can keep
the entire group together.

Eddie, who's your lucky buddy?

That would be
my yurt-mate, Tommy Ackerman.

Oh, no, sorry, Pastor Dave and I were...

not on the same page

All right, let's head out.

Let's go, bucko.

Yeah, did you pack enough for a day hike?

It's a little light for an Eagle Scout,

but if we get lost,
the Good Lord always provides.

Am I right? I'm right.

I have an offer for you, free of charge.

It's gonna sound too good to be true,
but I can't help it, I like you.

It's starting to smell
like a pyramid scheme.

Oh, heavens, no.

The essential oils
are my wife's department.

Nay, nay, nay,
what the Good Lord laid upon my heart

is for you
to have some mentorship in parenting,

with me.

It'll be the best five years of your life.

People don't call me
the Mentoring Miyagi for nothing.

Name one person who calls you Miyagi.

Alto, you stay right here
and think about it.

I'm gonna hop off the trail
to the little boy's room.

Okay. Hey.

Hurry up. I don't wanna get left behind.

I don't wanna get bit by any bugs.

That's poison ivy.

Come on, come on.

Sweet manna from heaven.

Daddy's bringing home the honey.

Run!

Run!

Get that thing away from me.

My skin is on fire.

Throw it away.

It's free.

Get rid of it.

It's free organic honey.

That's a co-pay.

Man, my face stings so bad.

Do you see anything?

No, no.

I don't...

No, you look...
You look good, you look good.

Praise God.

I prayed for a hedge of protection.

The Good Lord
always comes through every time.

Yeah, if you stop breathing,
just say something.

- Okay?
- Ten-four.

Great, great, great. Hey.

That fork back there,
I have a sneaking feeling...

Eddie.

Eddie, Eddie?

Quick, give me a shot
of epinephrine in my pouch.

Jeez, how much stuff you got...? Found it.

Okay, hold on.

Okay, now what?

Before you stab me,
you need to massage my thigh.

Nope.

- Do you want me to die?
- Well...

You have to massage my leg
in the spot where you're gonna stab me

for ten seconds, or it does not work.

Okay.

That feels kind of nice.

Please, stop talking.

Okay, you might wanna
say a prayer or something.

Okay, all right.

Let me grab my keys.

My hand.

You put it there.

- Do it again.
- Again?

You have to stab me in the legs
or the buttocks, or it does not work.

The legs it is.

Let me dust this off real quick.

No, I have a second pen in here.

Of course you do.

- Oh, hey.
- Okay, okay.

- I'm starting to see heaven.
- No.

Hey, hey, Uncle Roy, is that you?

You still make those flapjacks?

I want some flapjacks, Uncle Roy.

- No, tell Roy to go away.
- Make it big flapjacks, Uncle Roy.

- Don't take those.
- Melt that butter, Uncle Roy.

Don't. You tell Roy to get away.
Roy, get away.

The kitchen's closed.

That thing works fast.

Yeah, that is pure adrenalin, my friend.

Hey, I wanna go for a run.

You wanna go for a run?
I wanna go for one. Let's go for a run.

- Okay, hot pants.
- Come on.

- Finally, some mother-daughter time.
- Okay, careful, Mom.

That is slippery.

All right.

Okay, Mom. Okay, Mom.

- Just whatever you do, don't let go.
- Okay.

- Hey, there.
- Oh, hey.

- Wanna toss the bee around?
- Yeah, sure.

Hey, Mom? Mom?

Oh, okay.
Is it cool if I go hang with Corbin?

Thanks.

- After you.
- Thank you.

So how have you been?

Yeah, pretty good.

Come on, come on.

I'm good.

Hey.

- Were you tickling my face?
- Yeah, I was.

I tried shaking you violently,
but all that did was make me feel good.

That's the way.

That is not a trail.

The trail winds
to the left up there quite a bit.

I'm 100-percent positive
that if we cut through these woods,

we will find ourselves back on the trail,
and probably ahead of the group.

Hey, buddy, come on.

This is our story to tell our wives,

how we braved the wilderness
and fought our way back home.

Come on.

Come on.

Come, come.

Okay, but quit talking to me
like I'm a dog.

- Good boy, Tommy.
- Stop it.

Eight, ten, 12, 14, 16, 18...

Has anyone seen Tommy or Eddie?

Tommy, Eddie.

Oh, no.

Should've known better than to trust you.

You have no idea where we are.

Good luck crossing that.

I've crossed it a dozen times.

That?

You've crossed that?

Things like it.

Mentorship tip número uno:

Never ask your kids to do something
that you aren't willing to do yourself.

In this illustration,
I'll play the brave father

that's conquered the river.

You'll play the scared little boy.
Picture yourself as Henry.

Yeah, please don't talk about my son.

Your son, he's the quiet, reclusive type.

If I've seen it once,
I've seen it 100,000 times.

If you do not get a handle on this,
you're gonna have a hoarder for a son.

Shut your mouth before I shut it for you.

Today he is a quiet little bookworm.

Tomorrow he is stuck in an apartment
with a bunch of junk

that he bought at Home Shopping Channel
with your credit card, bucko.

- Hey, Eddie.
- Yeah?

No, no.

Wait, wait, wait.

My glasses.

No, not my mustache.

I am...

a chiropractor.

- You're so dead.
- You don't know me.

No, who consecrates a yurt
with a harmonica song?

I do.

I do with pleasure.

With pleasure.

Well, it's not pleasurable to anyone else.

You don't know anything.
Anything, anything, anything...

Mind if I join you?

Sure.

Do you wanna talk about it, or...?

No, no, I don't.

Okay.

I mean, no offense, but, like,
your marriage is just a little too perfect

for me to, you know,
talk to you about my marriage.

So I'm just... I'm not even gonna go there.

You know, like, here's the thing, okay?

I thought that we would come here,

and that my family
would just magically become the family

that I've always wanted them to be.

Whatever you think
about me and my family...

Things get a lot more complicated
when you get a peek behind the curtain.

Oh, please.

You're like the perfect Christian family.

You even eat
like Jesus would eat, for crying out loud.

We're kind of falling apart.

I just said that out loud.

We're falling apart.

Okay.

Go on.

I'm really good at keeping our secret.
I put a smile on at church.

And I pray, and I pray, and I pray, Grace.

I pray, and I have no voice.
I have no voice in my marriage.

Eddie controls everything, everything.

And I give my opinions,
but it's like he doesn't even care.

He doesn't even listen.

And I don't even have
the strength to make him care, you know?

I don't know how much longer
I can go on feeling like...

I don't matter.

I did not see that coming.

Sorry, that was like...

Oh, no.

It's okay.

Ladies, I don't mean to interrupt,

but we have a problem.

Get in line.

Oh, you're serious.

I can't find my lunch anywhere.

So let me get this straight.

You've got these anti-hypothermia
space-age blankets in your backpack,

you've got an epinephrine shot,
a backup epinephrine shot,

but you got no map, no compass, nothing?

Correctamundo.

Oh, my stomach just ate itself.

I forgot to mention,
my blood sugar was low,

so I ate your lunch.

Come again?

I was addressing a medical need.

Hey, it's okay, mi amigo.

When God closes a door,
he opens a Chick-fil-A.

So you stole my lunch?

This is amazing.
You realize we could die out here, right?

Whoa, bucko,
we don't need to look at it that way.

We need to look at this
as an opportunity to grow our faith.

You know, the only reason I came
on this stupid hike was to grow my faith.

Let it out.

Okay, I will.

You know, I thought maybe
I'd come out here,

he'd say something,
he'd show me something.

Instead I'm stuck here
with Dr. Phil's demented twin brother,

when I should be back at camp,

singing "Kumbaya" with my family.

How's that make you feel?

I'll tell you
how it makes me feel, all right?

I feel like
if God is in control of all this,

then I don't know
if I'm interested in faith.

Please, stop that.

Stop what?

That.

Stop this?

Yes, that.

Can't.

Can I see that?

Can I see that?

Thanks.

What you gonna do now, little bald man?

You've reached Tommy Ackerman,

senior investment strategist
for Wiley and Edmond.

I'm not available right now.

So we've got the sheriff's office,
Park Services,

and a great team of volunteers searching
for your husbands right now.

They're gonna be out there for two hours,

but they're gonna hit it again,
first light.

And then what?

These guys are really good
at what they do.

The best thing
for right now is if y'all stay put.

We stay put, sure.

We sit still, stay put.
Thank you for that.

We'll stay put
while our husbands are out there.

They've never been out there before.

Joel?

Hey, Grace?

They're coming back.

You hear me?

I really believe that.

I know that.

I'm gonna pray for us, okay?

Okay.

I like to pray in my prayer language.
Is that all right?

You mean, like in tongues?

Like in Spanish.

Oh, yeah. That's good, that's good.

My dad plays the harmonica.

Sounds like a good man.

He never really came around much.

Still doesn't.

And if I'm honest,

I'm just living out my greatest fear
of becoming just like him.

And the older my kids get...

I realize...

I don't know them.

This may surprise you to hear this,
but I was afraid to have kids.

My parents did the best they could,
but they didn't leave me

with the best blueprint
to raise my own kids with.

And then I saw the twins
in the delivery room,

holding each other.

And this...

extra valve in my heart opened up,
one I didn't even know I had.

I love them so much.

Yet I'm still afraid
I'm gonna mess them up somehow.

My grandmother always said, it's...

family...

it's God's plan, and our responsibility.

- I like that.
- Yeah.

Don't worry, mi amigo, we are gonna find
our way back home to our families.

I promise.

That's a roaring fire.

Quick, get them off.

I'm trying.

- Hot.
- Stomp them out.

- Hot.
- My leg hairs.

Not today, Satan.

No, no.

They look good.

- Do they?
- Yeah.

Okay, Rescue Alpha.

We're gonna call it a night.
We'll be back at 0500.

Okay.

Look, I know I don't ask for much, God.

Because...

you know, I...

like to do everything myself.

But it turns out...

that I really love him, and...

And I need him, so...

please, bring him home.

Good morning.

Hey, morning. Hope I didn't wake you.

No.

How do I look?

Fantastic.

That's right, fantastic.

Mom, Mom.

- What?
- Henry's gone.

It says he went to go find Dad.

We believe the boy
is most likely in this area here.

The chances of survival in this forest
are falling by the hour

for all three of them, so we gotta move.

Wait, Grace.

Grace.

- Grace.
- What?

I can't let you go in there.

You say that like you can stop me.
My son is out there.

- We're doubling our efforts.
- That's great, it's just not good enough.

Grace, that's not just
some city park you're walking into there.

It's the Ouachita National Forest.

Some of the roughest terrain
you'll ever encounter.

God knows every square inch of it.

He knows where they are.

So when is he gonna tell us?

- Cookie, I need to borrow your truck.
- What for?

- It's an emergency.
- Oh, sounds like my kind of party.

So where are we going?

We've got a little boy to go rescue.

Mentorship lesson número dos:

Tell me about this cell phone
that you always seem to be on.

This is amazing.
We're in the middle of the woods.

Yet I still have a nagging wife.

At least you have a wife
that cares enough to nag.

It's my job, right?

Some people work in construction.
Some people work in a classroom.

I do most of my work on the phone.

How do you set boundaries?

For what?

Well, I mean,
if you work in a construction yard,

you wouldn't be driving the bulldozer
to the dinner table.

Would you? No.

Try using the sharp side.

Yeah, it's not that easy, okay?

I'm up for a promotion.
If I get it, it changes everything.

Who doesn't want
to not have to worry about money?

Get a new house, new car,
don't have to worry about retirement.

- ATVs.
- ATVs.

What, ATVs?

Help, somebody!

- Please, help!
- Hey, hey, hey, come on, let's go.

No, no, this has "thou shalt not steal"
written all over it.

We can cover
ten times the area with these.

We'll be back by dinner.

Four-wheelers just don't appear
in the middle of nowhere.

They belong to somebody.

Okay, okay.

I'm sorry, I just...

I miss my family, and I'm so hungry.

Tonight is taco night.

No, it's stealing.

I forgot about the guacamole.

No, no, it's wrong.

Dad?

Dad.

Hello?

Okay, I'm done waiting.
We're losing daylight.

It's now or never.

Did you say something?

Well, hey, little fella.

Who's Daddy's big boy?

I'm Daddy's big boy.

Tommy?

Tommy!

Tommy!

Tommy!

Please, stop screaming.

My head's killing me.

My legs feel like jelly.

That's the tranquilizer.

It's rated for a 700-pound primate.

You'll feel weak in the knees for a spell.

Wait, I know you guys.

Yeah, yeah, you're on that...

You're on that TV show,
The Bigfoot Hunters.

Always nice to meet a fan.

They tried to steal our ATVs,
you cornball joker.

I retract my statement.

We're not thieves.
We're trying to get back to our families.

- But I got one little teensy tiny problem.
- One.

You see, I ain't never met a thief

who weren't a liar.

- I could sew that on a pillow.
- Thank you.

I'm sorry. Were you calling him a liar?

I did.

That man is my friend, and he is no liar,
and if you're calling him a liar,

you're calling me a liar,
and nobody calls me a liar.

- Stop talking.
- You know what? We're fine.

You can go on your way.
Just skedaddle. Good day, sirs.

I said, good day.

All right.

- Goodbye now.
- No, no, no. He's just kidding, okay?

We love your show. We do.

I'm not kidding,
fame has gone to your head.

No one watches your TV show. Now scram.

Come on.

Please, tell them you're kidding.

Give me your honey pot.

But you said you wasn't hungry.

Honey pot ain't for me,
you Doofus McSpazatron.

- Come on, hand it over.
- Okay.

Now...

Now, these woods,

this is home to a lot more
than just deer and coyote.

We'll come back
and untie you in a day or two,

when we're done squatching, that is...

if you ain't already been tooked.

Please, don't go.

That was scary.

Please.

Don't leave us.

Look on the bright side.
We got our honey, huh?

You don't understand.
They were our last hope.

I'm starting to think
you don't wanna be rescued.

Clearly I was using reverse psychology.

Clearly I still need some practice at it.

The only thing that is clear to me
is how clueless you actually are.

I mean, you can't be normal
for one minute, can you?

Everything that comes out of your mouth
causes every bit of me to cringe.

It's like...

It's like your head
is just a giant cheese grater,

and I'm lactose intolerant.

When you open up your mouth,
grade-A cheddar just starts coming out.

It's just...

And in the midst of all of that,
I have to ask this question:

Who, who greets people
by giving them back adjustments?

Who in the world does that?

- Well, I do.
- Listen, do me a favor.

The next time you have something
that you just have to say, don't,

because nobody wants to hear you.

I get it.

I get it.

You're the guy
that always gets picked, right?

Never left standing there,

the third wheel
in a bunch of two-man buddy systems.

Always invited to lunch.

Always invited to the parties.

And then there's me.

Clueless, cringey...

not-normal Eddie Sanders.

I've got news for you.

God doesn't make junk.

And that includes me.

No matter what you may think of me,

I'm not junk.

I just don't know what I would do

if it was just me and Mom.

Look, they're gonna find them.
Everything will be okay.

I'm sure of it.

What are you doing?

Come on, don't be a tease.

Excuse me?

Okay, cool.

I'll catch you around, I guess.

Yeah, see you around, I guess.

Henry!

Henry!

Henry!

Headquarters here. Go ahead, Rescue Alpha.

We're setting it down for the night.

Trail ran cold over an hour ago
and the dogs are getting tired.

Hello?

Dad?

Is that you?

Come on, come on, come on.

I got you on camera,
so you can just come out.

Please?

Wolves?

Wolves, wolves! Help!

Help, there's wolves!

Henry?

Hey, I'm really sorry
about what I said earlier.

It's fine, whatever.

I just don't wanna die out here.

It may be happening sooner than you think.

Well, hello, little fella.

Who's a good boy?

I need one more chance.

I get it now.

Grace, Hannah, Henry.

They need me.

And I think for the first time in my life,

I'm ready.

I'm ready, God.

I've been going in so many directions.

I need to find true north.

So if you'll have me...

I'll give you everything.

Just please give me one more chance.

Eddie.

Eddie.

The ropes, they just broke.

It's a miracle.

Well, well, yeah, it's a miracle.

I mean, been like a nonstop prayer service

on this side of the tree.

Have you been crying?

You've been crying.

Little help?

Mom, Mom.

Henry.

I'm so sorry. I looked for him all night.

I tried so hard.

I couldn't find him.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Me and you are gonna have
kids like that one day.

I don't feel good about this.

It's our only chance. Come on.

They've got cheddar wieners.

Get over here.

Do you want one?

See, Mr. Beef?

I told you them was thieves.

Beef.

Beef.

Morning.

Put him in a choker, will you?

Thought you could pull one over on us.
No, look ahead.

- Oh, hello again.
- Hi.

You wouldn't wanna leave
your friend behind now, would you?

Come on, now.

Step away from it nice and slow-like.

Yeah, nice and slow-like.

Well, well, well.

What we gonna do with these two now?

Don't do anything crazy, okay?

Just...

Think about your TV show.

Oh, show's over.

- Yeah, network canceled it.
- Because you couldn't find bigfoot?

You watch it too?

Let me ask you something.

You know what it's like to have your
dream-come-true reality TV show canceled?

Do you?

Do you?

It's just a really specific question.

No, no.

Well, it's very difficult.

It's very difficult.

Now I think I'm gonna have to cancel you.

Wait, that was unloaded the whole time?

Bigfoot!

- What?
- Where? Where?

- Eddie, run.
- I don't see...

I'll never walk again.

Sir, please, don't go.

No, you don't. L2.

L4. And sleep.

Eddie, you're a murderer.

No, Tommy.

I'm a chiropractor.

Come on.

You are not Rambo.

Pull to the left, baby.

Drive.

Come on, it's gonna blow.

I got you, little Squatchie.

That was amazing. Eddie, you did it.

No, we did it.

Stop, stop.

Stop. Watch out.

Bees. I hate you. I hate you, bees.

I hate them. I hate the bees.

Hey, hey. Hold on, hold on.

If that's the bees...

this is the trail.

We found the trail?

- We found the trail.
- We found the trail. We found the trail.

We found the trail. We found the trail.

We found the trail...

- That just happened.
- Yeah.

Let me gather this stuff here.

- I'll help.
- We'll get going. You don't need to.

- It's okay.
- You don't need to help. I just need to...

I got it.

What is this?

I didn't know it was in there.

Hey.

Hey, look me in the eyes and say that.

I didn't know...

Okay, okay.

We were never really lost.

I...

I knew where we were the whole time.

Of course you did.

- You see, the truth is...
- No.

Don't.

I don't wanna hear it.

Victoria doesn't love me anymore.

- What are you talking about?
- She...

She doesn't love me anymore.

We're just roommates,

just raising our kids.

Divorce isn't an option, so...

we just exist.

She doesn't even wanna be
around me, so I just...

I just thought
if they think that I was hurt,

or even dead
and then miraculously returned,

- things would be...
- No, no, whoa, whoa.

Let me make sure I understand this.

So you're stuck in a passionless marriage.

So you drag me,

a complete stranger,

into this twisted,
manipulated, made-up story.

You almost get us both killed.

At the least,
you wreck our wives and children.

For what?

So you can come in
and sweep her off her feet?

I don't know about that,
but I thought if we...

Your wife was right.

- No, we have to finish this together.
- We're finished.

I can't go back by myself.

You stay away from me.

Oh, God, no.

Hey, here you go.

Thank you.

Hey, come on, it's Dad.

There he is.

Tommy?

Tommy.

- Tommy, Tommy.
- Grace, Grace.

- Tommy?
- Grace?

- I thought you were...
- I'm never leaving you again.

Never.

Dad.

Oh, come here.

I was looking for you
in the woods all night by myself.

What?

I'm sorry.

I just wanted you to be proud of me.

I couldn't be more proud of you.

You're perfect just the way you are.

- Hi.
- I love you, sweetheart.

I love you.

Where is he?

Where's Eddie?

- Papi.
- Dad.

Let's go.

I thought you weren't coming back.

What you got there?

I was thinking about
that jar with all of those beads in it,

and I think
it's just a really terrible idea.

Me too.

How about instead of taking beads out,

we put beads in for every day

that we have with each other
from this moment on?

Mom, I'm gonna need you
my first day of college.

I'm gonna need you for my first real job.

For my first serious boyfriend.

Mom, I'm gonna need you for everything.

So...

You see the kids?

I told them to get us a seat
next to Tommy and Grace.

Bad idea.

Let them have their own personal space
for the last night of camp.

- Because that's a big deal.
- Hey, Eddie.

I need to talk.

And I just...

I need you to just listen, okay?

I've been praying for God
to change some things in our marriage.

But what I realized is
that the change starts with me.

God calls husbands to love their wives
like Christ loves the Church.

- Vic, let's be real clear...
- Eddie.

God doesn't control us.

He doesn't make all the decisions for us.

He doesn't take away our voice.

And he loves...

what I have to say.

That is what I need.

I need my voice back.

Let's hear it for the Brewers.

Sugar bear.

Look at that.

Now, our next award
is the Badge of Courage.

Now, this comes as no surprise.

You've all heard the story of heroism,
and the conquering of nature.

Well, this award is being given to...

Eddie Sanders for saving Tommy
from choking to death

the first night of camp.

Thank you, Cookie.

Don't go anywhere, Eddie.

You see, that Badge of Courage
has earned you...

an extra 10,000 points,

making the Sanderses the winners
of the Camp Katokwah Cup

for the third year in a row.

Mind if I say something?

Friends.

Thank you for this great honor, but...

I can't accept it.

I'm...

I'm a fake.

I've made my wife miserable.

Vic, you're right.

I have not loved you
like Christ loved the church.

And I am so sorry.

That's on me.

That's on me.

I'm gonna go down there, okay?

The perception I've made of my family...

Well, it's a trophy.

It's a golden idol, which...

Well, it makes me a...

A liar?

Yeah.

The truth is I...

I got the two of us lost in the woods.

And I did it on purpose.

An ill-conceived attempt to try
to win the affections back from my wife.

I'm sorry.

Hey, hey, here.

I got it, I got it.

I think...

When we were in the forest...

I think we both learned a lot.

About life.

Faith.

And family.

That wouldn't have happened
if we didn't get lost in the woods.

See, I told you God had a plan.

Shut it.

- Okay.
- Seriously.

Yeah.

What I'm trying to say is...

I've been forgiven a lot.

So how can I not forgive?

Yeah.

Hey.

I forgive you.

- Me?
- Yeah, you.

You deserve this.

Oh, I know.

Come on, guys.

You were terrible at Bubble Ball,
but you are great at everything else.

Thank you for hearing me.

You're worth listening to.

So you'd better get used to it.

I love you.

I love you too, Eddie Sanders.

Hey, you wanna play us out?

I'd love to.

I...

Yeah.

Lean on me

And, brother, I will lean on you

There's nothing in the world
That we can't get through

I've got a shoulder

You can laugh or you can cry

There's never a moment
That it's not true

It ain't quiet

But we like it

It ain't perfect

But it's worth it

It goes like this

We show up We love big

We pray hard We forgive

Family is family

We might bend But we won't break

We grow up But it won't change

Family is family

Oh, family is family

We got problems

But the grace will never change

There's one truth
That holds it all together

Thank you, Jesus

We all share the family name

We're all sons and daughters
Of the Father, yeah

We show up We love big

We pray hard We forgive

Family is family

We might bend But we won't break

We grow up But it won't change

Family is family

Oh, family is family

Follow along with me right here.

It ain't quiet -Quiet

But we like it -Like it

It ain't perfect -Perfect

But it's worth it

Oh, it ain't quiet -Quiet

But we like it -Like it

No, it ain't perfect -Perfect

But it's worth it

We show up We love big

We pray hard We forgive

Family is family

We might bend But we won't break

We grow up But it won't change

Family is family, yeah

Family is family

One more time now

Family is family, yeah

Family is family

All right.

Here we are.

Oh, snap.

You guys, I nailed the chair.

Family Camp.

Drive.

Reset.

I'm sorry, Pastor Dave.

No, no, don't. Don't bee me.

Mom, Mom.

My mic fell.

You're a mess right now.

- We found the trail...
- We found the trail...

- We found the mic...
- We found the mic...

We found the mic. There it is.

Boom, there it is

Boom, there it is

Family Camp -Family Camp

-He's really gonna go to Family Camp
-Family Camp

This here is Tommy
He is such a scamp

Family Camp

And thank you
that my kiddos love you, Lord.

Oh, dear, let them spread that love,

because it is like
holy water to a vampire.

Hey, somebody call
the fire department.

- Somebody call the...
- Watch out.

Whoa, somebody call the fire department.

Got it.

Mom, Henry's gone.

Oh, well.

I'm a big boy.

- Copy, copy?
- Copy, copy.

- Copy the big boy.
- You're a big boy, copy.

I don't want a vacation.

It's her, it's not me.

I'm so sorry.
I haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately.

Sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I tried so hard.

We have to do that again.
That was hilarious.

Hey, I just broke...

Sorry, let's do that again. Right here.

When God shuts a door,
he always opens a win...

No, I will not hold up. I have...

Hold, yeah, yeah. Let's do that again.

Sorry, I swallowed a popcorn kernel.

And cut.

Last one?

Last one.

You take it.

No, I couldn't.

I insist.

You're a true friend, Mr. Beef.

Trickedy-wickedy.