Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:31,567 --> 00:00:34,700
Previously in teen horror films...
2
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:38,400
Hello,
and welcome to moviefone.
3
00:00:38,433 --> 00:00:40,533
If you know the name of
the movie you'd like to see,
4
00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:41,700
press one.
5
00:00:41,733 --> 00:00:43,700
To choose from a list
of current, over-priced
6
00:00:43,733 --> 00:00:45,300
blood-splattered blockbusters,
7
00:00:45,333 --> 00:00:46,533
press 2.
8
00:00:46,567 --> 00:00:48,500
For chick flicks
with a gay best friend,
9
00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:49,867
press 3.
10
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:51,200
For big studio bombs...
11
00:00:52,233 --> 00:00:53,400
Press 4.
12
00:00:53,433 --> 00:00:54,867
For politically correct
buddy movies,
13
00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:56,000
press 5.
14
00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:58,967
Dad?
15
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,900
Hello, Sydney.
16
00:01:00,933 --> 00:01:03,367
This isn't Cindy.
17
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,867
I think you have
the wrong number.
18
00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:07,200
Uh, wait a minute.
What number did I dial?
19
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,200
Who is this?
20
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,167
The killer.
21
00:01:12,733 --> 00:01:14,500
Is that yours or mine?
22
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,567
Ignore it.
I have voice mail.
23
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,700
Do you like movies?
24
00:01:18,733 --> 00:01:20,667
Yeah, sure.
25
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,200
I rented some tonight.
26
00:01:22,233 --> 00:01:24,200
What kind of movies?
27
00:01:24,233 --> 00:01:25,867
Oh, the usual:
Vaseline alley;
28
00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:27,033
Two guys, a girl, and a horse;
29
00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:28,200
A big black...
30
00:01:28,233 --> 00:01:29,367
I get it! I get it!
31
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,900
Anyway, do you like
scary movies?
32
00:01:32,933 --> 00:01:34,533
Oh, you mean like
spike Lee movies?
33
00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:37,533
Look. Lay off the spikester.
He's keepin' it real.
34
00:01:37,567 --> 00:01:39,867
Let's play a game.
Do you like games?
35
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:40,867
I guess.
36
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,033
All right.
37
00:01:42,067 --> 00:01:43,867
A train leaves Chicago
doing 60 miles an hour...
38
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:45,867
Math? How am I
supposed to know that?
39
00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:47,700
I'm a beautiful,
popular rich kid
40
00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,533
with a promising future
in a lightweight sorority
41
00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:50,533
at a state college.
42
00:01:50,567 --> 00:01:51,700
I don't need to know that stuff.
43
00:01:51,733 --> 00:01:52,700
I'm gonna get married.
44
00:01:52,733 --> 00:01:54,200
Shut up!
Shut up, you nitwit.
45
00:01:54,233 --> 00:01:56,033
Do you think this
stalking thing is easy?
46
00:01:56,067 --> 00:01:57,033
Whoa!
47
00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:59,933
Are you in my pool?
48
00:02:14,733 --> 00:02:15,700
Hello?
49
00:02:15,733 --> 00:02:17,000
Collect call from...
50
00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:18,367
The killer.
51
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,200
Will you accept the charges?
52
00:02:20,233 --> 00:02:22,300
Whatever.
Go ahead.
53
00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:24,533
Thanks.
Now, where were we?
54
00:02:24,567 --> 00:02:25,867
Now, look, geek.
55
00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:27,033
No. You look.
56
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:28,867
If you don't get
this next question right,
57
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:30,200
you're dead meat.
58
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,200
Who's buried in Grant's tomb?
59
00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:35,033
Uh, Hugh Grant.
60
00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:37,033
I'm afraid not, genius.
61
00:02:38,067 --> 00:02:39,367
Oh! It was Amy Grant,
wasn't it?
62
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:40,500
I was gonna say that.
63
00:02:40,533 --> 00:02:41,667
It doesn't matter.
64
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:43,733
You didn't answer
in the form of a question.
65
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,300
Hey, you're not Marilyn melons.
66
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,867
Whoa!
67
00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:49,833
Oof!
68
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:18,867
Hello?
69
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:20,200
Yeah, hold on a minute.
70
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:21,533
It's Stacy.
71
00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:24,900
Hi. Do you mind?
72
00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:28,700
Nothing.
What are you doing?
73
00:03:28,733 --> 00:03:34,033
Oh, my god.
What did she say?
74
00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:36,267
She is such a bitch.
75
00:03:37,767 --> 00:03:41,100
Look. I got to go.
I'll call you back.
76
00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:08,867
Ooh! Oh!
Damn that nose.
77
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:12,267
I'm melting!
78
00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:19,833
♪ Don't you know
it's a scream? ♪
79
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,367
♪ Little brown eyes,
she's the first to go ♪
80
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,167
♪ it's a scene ♪
81
00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:30,700
♪ the devil is hungry ♪
82
00:04:30,733 --> 00:04:32,033
♪ he's the star of the show ♪
83
00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:34,033
♪ he's a fiend ♪
84
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:39,000
♪ Just a nightmare
in a ghost mask ♪
85
00:04:39,033 --> 00:04:41,000
♪ mystery ♪
86
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,367
♪ the answer, my friend ♪
87
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:49,000
♪ is blowing in the wind ♪
88
00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:52,667
Yo, what's up?
89
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:53,833
Ugh!
90
00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:01,233
Watch your back.
Coming through.
91
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:04,200
Party beer.
What's up?
92
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:15,700
Good morning,
students.
93
00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:18,167
Cheerleader tryouts
will be held after school
94
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:22,033
today in the gym.
You must be 18
95
00:05:22,067 --> 00:05:25,033
and comfortable
with partial nudity.
96
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:28,167
♪ Don't you know
it's a scream? ♪
97
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:33,233
♪ Little brown eyes,
she's the first to go ♪
98
00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:35,167
♪ it's a scene ♪
99
00:05:39,733 --> 00:05:43,200
♪ it's a scream ♪
100
00:05:43,233 --> 00:05:44,200
Did not!
101
00:05:44,233 --> 00:05:45,200
Did, too.
102
00:05:45,233 --> 00:05:46,200
Did not!
Did, too.
103
00:05:46,233 --> 00:05:47,367
Did not!
Did, too!
104
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,500
Mom!
105
00:05:56,233 --> 00:05:58,667
Uh, whoops.
106
00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:00,867
All right, Dawson.
If you just sign here,
107
00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:02,700
you'll be officially registered
108
00:06:02,733 --> 00:06:04,267
at bulimia falls high school.
109
00:06:16,033 --> 00:06:18,400
Hey, hey, hey, new kid.
110
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,367
Slab, is that the way
we introduce ourselves
111
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:23,367
to the new kid?
112
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,200
Sorry, miss peacock.
113
00:06:26,233 --> 00:06:28,333
Ha ha!
2 for flinchin', new kid.
114
00:06:28,367 --> 00:06:29,667
Oh! Unh!
115
00:06:33,067 --> 00:06:35,300
Hi. I'm Dawson.
116
00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:36,433
That's better.
117
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,300
We have rules
at this school, mister.
118
00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:43,500
No means no.
119
00:06:45,233 --> 00:06:47,900
I'm never gonna get laid.
120
00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:51,067
Oh, Dawson, I'd like
to introduce you
121
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:52,267
to principal interest.
122
00:06:55,733 --> 00:06:56,700
Ahem.
123
00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:57,867
Oh, I'm sorry.
124
00:06:57,900 --> 00:07:00,500
"The administrator formerly
known as principal."
125
00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:09,133
Wannabe.
126
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:11,033
Hey, new kid.
127
00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:13,700
Whoa. Oh, god!
128
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:17,533
Looks like someone's gonna
have to show you the ropes.
129
00:07:18,733 --> 00:07:20,133
Boner!
130
00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:23,133
It's pronounced "bonner," sir.
131
00:07:23,167 --> 00:07:24,700
The "o" is soft.
132
00:07:24,733 --> 00:07:27,033
Not according to resusci-Annie.
133
00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:29,167
Just show him around.
134
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,867
And for god's sakes,
wash your hands first.
135
00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:34,700
Mary, you're next.
136
00:07:38,233 --> 00:07:40,500
Hi. I'm bonner.
137
00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:41,700
It's nice to meet ya.
138
00:07:41,733 --> 00:07:43,567
Uh-huh.
139
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:47,533
Oh, yeah. "Witch?"
Try "rhymes with..."
140
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,367
Charmed my ass.
Call me!
141
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,200
Damn shannen Doherty.
142
00:07:52,233 --> 00:07:55,533
Hey, new kid.
I'm Barbara.
143
00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:57,133
How'd you like a hertz donut?
144
00:07:57,167 --> 00:07:58,833
I'd love one.
Thanks.
145
00:07:58,867 --> 00:08:00,867
Ow!
146
00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:01,867
Hurts, don't it?
147
00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:02,867
Ha ha!
148
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,200
Hey, guys.
149
00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:05,200
Hey, martina.
150
00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:06,367
Hey, Mrs. Peacock.
151
00:08:07,567 --> 00:08:09,533
Hey, new kid.
152
00:08:37,233 --> 00:08:39,067
Wait a minute.
153
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:40,900
Is she...
154
00:08:42,067 --> 00:08:44,033
So, did you guys hear the news?
155
00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:45,200
Wrestling is fake?
156
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,367
I'm not pregnant?
157
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,700
He who smelt it dealt it?
158
00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:52,033
No. About screw.
159
00:08:52,067 --> 00:08:53,300
Slut.
Whore.
160
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,667
Do you have her number?
161
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:55,667
Who?
162
00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:57,533
Screw frombehind.
She was killed,
163
00:08:57,567 --> 00:09:00,367
murdered, gutted,
flayed, sliced,
164
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,367
diced, fried, and hung.
165
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,367
Jesus.
166
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,367
Mm-hmm.
167
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,200
I'm never gonna get laid.
168
00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:07,333
Oh, yeah.
169
00:09:07,367 --> 00:09:09,000
And it's all over
the TV and news.
170
00:09:09,033 --> 00:09:13,100
Oh, great.
Now everybody knows.
171
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:16,133
Do they know who did it?
172
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:17,567
Some guy in a ghost mask.
173
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,700
That doesn't sound scary.
174
00:09:18,733 --> 00:09:19,700
Store-bought?
175
00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,067
Eww.
Eww.
176
00:09:25,233 --> 00:09:27,067
Oh. Ooh.
177
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,900
Attention, students.
178
00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:31,533
The fight between
the bloods and the crips
179
00:09:31,567 --> 00:09:34,200
is postponed until next Friday.
180
00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:37,833
Refreshments and
a lovely dance will follow.
181
00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:40,867
Well, at least I feel safe here.
182
00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:42,233
Hi, Chucky.
183
00:09:42,267 --> 00:09:44,333
Wanna play?
184
00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:45,533
We'll definitely
be ok at school.
185
00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:47,400
Yeah. Nothing can
happen to us here.
186
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,800
This is the kind of
thing you read about.
187
00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:02,967
Books are pretty.
188
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,467
Oh, my god.
He's right.
189
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:05,800
What's the big deal?
190
00:10:05,833 --> 00:10:07,000
Kids get killed every day.
191
00:10:07,033 --> 00:10:08,333
This is high school.
192
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,967
No, Dawson.
This kid was white.
193
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:12,967
So?
194
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,967
And she was popular, like me.
195
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,233
Oh.
196
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:23,367
I hope that's Barbara Walters.
197
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,067
What a rack.
198
00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:28,133
Hi. I'm hagitha utslay
from empty-v news.
199
00:10:28,167 --> 00:10:30,633
Kids, what do you think about...
200
00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:33,467
Wait.
Is that Dawson?
201
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,067
Tape this.
202
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:37,567
Chop-chop, you fat rat bastard!
203
00:10:39,233 --> 00:10:41,800
Hi. I'm hagitha utslay live
from bulimia falls high,
204
00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:42,800
where we're surrounded here
205
00:10:42,833 --> 00:10:44,133
by a group of innocent students,
206
00:10:44,167 --> 00:10:46,133
most importantly,
Dawson deery...
207
00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:47,400
Student, drum major,
208
00:10:47,433 --> 00:10:49,300
and inspiration for
my best-selling book:
209
00:10:49,333 --> 00:10:51,300
Dawson is a murderer.
210
00:10:51,333 --> 00:10:52,367
That book sucked.
211
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,033
Not according to Oprah.
212
00:10:54,067 --> 00:10:55,467
It was her pick of the month.
213
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:57,133
So was chicken soup
for the butt.
214
00:10:57,167 --> 00:10:59,133
Doesn't mean I killed anyone.
215
00:10:59,167 --> 00:11:00,500
Now stay away from me.
216
00:11:00,533 --> 00:11:01,533
Oh, come on, Dawson.
217
00:11:01,567 --> 00:11:03,133
Isn't it true that
your whole entire family
218
00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:04,967
was murdered under
mysterious circumstances
219
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,733
while you were
supposedly at... "Camp"?
220
00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:10,967
Huh?
221
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,033
Huh.
222
00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,233
Huh?
223
00:11:13,267 --> 00:11:14,867
Ugh.
224
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:17,633
Ooh!
225
00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:19,300
Bitch went down!
226
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:20,533
Just like home.
227
00:11:20,567 --> 00:11:21,867
Damn!
228
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:25,033
Yeah. That, and they didn't
have a boxing team.
229
00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:27,167
Guys, that is no way
to treat a lady.
230
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,367
Unless she burns the toast.
231
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,800
That's no lady.
232
00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:32,800
What are you doing here,
anyway, doughy?
233
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:33,967
You're not a real cop.
234
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,533
Shouldn't you be guarding
the orange Julius?
235
00:11:35,567 --> 00:11:36,900
N.y.p.d. Gap.
236
00:11:36,933 --> 00:11:38,000
Sergeant sears.
237
00:11:38,033 --> 00:11:39,533
Food court police.
238
00:11:39,567 --> 00:11:41,733
How many times
have I told you guys
239
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:43,467
mall security
is just as important
240
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:44,400
as the real police?
241
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:46,967
It is!
242
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,800
Loitering and stealing
pennies from the fountain
243
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:49,867
are serious crimes that carry...
244
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,467
Mom says you're a loser anyway.
245
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,133
Well, mom says
you got a fat ass.
246
00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:54,800
Dad left because he hated you.
247
00:11:54,833 --> 00:11:55,967
No. He left because
he hated you.
248
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,800
Well, he wasn't even
your real dad anyway.
249
00:11:57,833 --> 00:11:58,900
You know, I read your diary,
250
00:11:58,933 --> 00:12:01,467
miss "boo-hoo, my gym
teacher molested me."
251
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:02,500
Dork.
Dyke.
252
00:12:02,533 --> 00:12:04,067
What?
253
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:06,900
Excuse me.
254
00:12:06,933 --> 00:12:09,467
I don't mean to interrupt
this family reunion,
255
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,467
but are you actually
working on this case,
256
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:12,467
officer, uh...
257
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,133
Uh, primessuspekt,
doughy primessuspekt,
258
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,300
and yes, I am.
259
00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:16,800
It technically falls
under my jurisdiction
260
00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:18,633
because the killer's
costume was stolen
261
00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:20,133
from the Spencers at my mall.
262
00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:21,467
That, and, uh, you know,
263
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:23,633
whoopee cushions
and some fake dog shit.
264
00:12:23,667 --> 00:12:26,333
Pardon me... canine shit.
265
00:12:26,367 --> 00:12:27,733
Who cares about that crap?
266
00:12:27,767 --> 00:12:29,567
I do.
267
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,700
A cool kid was
gutted last night.
268
00:12:31,733 --> 00:12:32,800
Come on.
It's probably
269
00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:34,200
some harmless high-school prank.
270
00:12:34,233 --> 00:12:36,200
Look.
This is lame.
271
00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:37,300
Let's get out of here.
272
00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:38,633
Hey, you guys.
I got an idea.
273
00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:40,700
Let's all make a pact
to lose our virginities
274
00:12:40,733 --> 00:12:41,800
before graduation.
275
00:12:41,833 --> 00:12:43,067
I'm in.
276
00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:45,567
We're not.
277
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:48,067
Yeah. Me, neither.
278
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,367
Yeah!
279
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,800
Whoo!
280
00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:52,833
Yeah.
281
00:12:52,867 --> 00:12:54,467
Little bastards.
282
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:55,633
I could just kill 'em.
283
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,533
Yeah, but you didn't, did you?
284
00:12:57,567 --> 00:12:58,900
I'm just kidding you.
No, really.
285
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:00,967
You didn't kill 'em, did you?
286
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,133
So, you're one of those
network reporters, huh?
287
00:13:04,167 --> 00:13:05,800
Actually, cable...
288
00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:07,300
But it's just as important.
289
00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:08,467
Oh, it's more important.
290
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,300
Because on cable, you can
see butts and boobies,
291
00:13:10,333 --> 00:13:11,967
and you can say
"bullshit" and "bastard."
292
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,700
So, do you actually
have any inside dirt?
293
00:13:14,733 --> 00:13:16,900
As a matter of fact, I do.
294
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:25,700
Killer boot.
295
00:13:25,733 --> 00:13:28,700
Thanks.
I like yours, too.
296
00:13:28,733 --> 00:13:30,667
Oh, thanks.
297
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:34,467
So, um, I guess
I'll see you later.
298
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:35,800
I hope so.
299
00:13:35,833 --> 00:13:36,800
Oh. Sorry.
300
00:13:36,833 --> 00:13:37,800
It's ok.
301
00:13:38,833 --> 00:13:40,233
Come on, lard ass!
302
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,467
I'm gonna keep my eye on her.
303
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,667
She's got class.
304
00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:16,200
Attention, students.
305
00:14:16,233 --> 00:14:19,333
The band fund-raiser
will be held next Thursday
306
00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:21,067
in the auditorium.
307
00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:24,733
Liquor in the front,
poker in the rear.
308
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,900
Oh.
309
00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:46,000
I didn't do it.
310
00:14:46,033 --> 00:14:47,133
We didn't say you did it.
311
00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:48,967
Boner, you couldn't
get laid at Lilith fair,
312
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,300
much less kill somebody.
313
00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:51,400
I could, too.
314
00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:53,733
Well, kill somebody, I mean.
315
00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:56,433
I could kill all of you.
316
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,633
But I wouldn't!
317
00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:04,800
That's what I'm saying.
I didn't do it.
318
00:15:04,833 --> 00:15:07,067
Now, slab...
319
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,467
He's a killer.
320
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:12,200
Just look at those earlobes...
321
00:15:12,233 --> 00:15:14,567
Way low.
322
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,733
Really?
323
00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:23,833
Ooh.
324
00:15:23,867 --> 00:15:26,567
Skinny mirror.
325
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:39,300
Man, that guy
looks really familiar.
326
00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:40,800
That's spacey, Dawson.
327
00:15:40,833 --> 00:15:43,200
He's banging the French teacher.
328
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:44,333
Really?
329
00:15:44,367 --> 00:15:46,367
She's from France.
330
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,633
Paris, France.
331
00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:49,633
Madame la tourneau.
332
00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:51,633
Yeah. He says
the sex is awesome.
333
00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:53,800
Lucky dog.
334
00:15:53,833 --> 00:15:56,967
Au revoir, spacey.
335
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,967
Call me later.
336
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,967
Say, "bye-bye, papa.
Bye-bye."
337
00:16:04,933 --> 00:16:06,467
Hey, martina.
338
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:07,800
No, boner.
339
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:09,033
Hey, Dawson.
340
00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:11,233
Do you have any lotion
I can borrow?
341
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:15,233
It's for my rash.
342
00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:18,867
I got to go to class.
343
00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:28,700
Ok. Ok.
Settle down, class.
344
00:16:28,733 --> 00:16:32,500
Settle down. Down.
That's it. That's it.
345
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:35,533
I'm your substitute...
Mrs. Tingle.
346
00:16:37,167 --> 00:16:39,367
Today we're going to be studying
347
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,400
about the persecution
of the Jewish people.
348
00:16:45,833 --> 00:16:47,467
Who can tell me
349
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,033
what the verb is
in this sentence?
350
00:16:50,067 --> 00:16:54,633
Sabrina? Moesha? Daria?
351
00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:57,900
Ooh, eeh? Ooh, ah, ah?
352
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:15,133
Who can tell me
353
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:17,800
if Frankenstein was circumcised?
354
00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:18,967
Martina,
355
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,467
don't forget to give
grandma her laxative.
356
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,067
I won't.
357
00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:42,900
Slab, I think you've had enough.
358
00:17:42,933 --> 00:17:44,133
Why?
359
00:17:44,167 --> 00:17:45,900
Because you won't
have any room for beer.
360
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,700
Whoa! Hey!
361
00:17:49,733 --> 00:17:52,633
Whoo! That was close.
362
00:17:52,667 --> 00:17:55,233
Whoo, man, if I wrecked,
my dad would kill me.
363
00:17:55,267 --> 00:17:58,067
Hand me a beer.
364
00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:00,500
Guys, our senior year
is gonna be the best ever.
365
00:18:00,533 --> 00:18:03,700
I'm the new kielbasa queen.
366
00:18:03,733 --> 00:18:06,633
And I just got accepted
to Harvard law school, baby.
367
00:18:06,667 --> 00:18:07,967
I just got a foreign
exchange student
368
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,833
living in my house.
She's Swedish.
369
00:18:10,867 --> 00:18:12,633
And I just got a "d" in math!
370
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:13,800
Yeah!
371
00:18:13,833 --> 00:18:15,367
Slab, look out!
372
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,400
Aah!
373
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:25,333
I think I hit something.
374
00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:32,533
Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.
375
00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:34,867
Yep, I've got a fever.
376
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:39,033
Slab, you got blood
all over you.
377
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:41,333
Oh, that's no problem.
378
00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:43,200
It comes out with
a little Tequila.
379
00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:46,133
Ha ha.
Old scout trick.
380
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,800
Slab, give me a hand.
381
00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:49,500
Wasn't that trophy enough?
382
00:18:49,533 --> 00:18:51,700
Yes, but we have
to dump this deer.
383
00:18:51,733 --> 00:18:53,567
All right, sweetie.
384
00:18:57,733 --> 00:19:00,400
Can everybody keep a secret?
385
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,133
Martina-aah.
386
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:26,167
Yes. This never happened.
387
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,467
Who can tell me
388
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:38,367
how to conjugate
the verb "expire"?
389
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:51,467
Doughy.
That's an interesting name.
390
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,067
Thanks.
It's my dad's name.
391
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,467
He's a baker.
392
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:56,700
Hagitha...
393
00:19:56,733 --> 00:19:59,133
Now that's a beautiful name.
394
00:19:59,167 --> 00:20:01,567
Thanks.
My friends call me hag.
395
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,967
Oh, do they?
That's so cute.
396
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,033
Damn it.
She's flat!
397
00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:12,900
Actually, they're "c" cups.
398
00:20:12,933 --> 00:20:15,467
I guess I got to
get these things redone.
399
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:16,567
Doughy...
400
00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:25,967
Uh, doughy, I was wondering,
401
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,300
how did you get into
this line of work?
402
00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:30,800
Well, I got too fat
for the ballet,
403
00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:32,500
and I could never
get my bulge right,
404
00:20:32,533 --> 00:20:35,400
you know, so I figured
what the hell.
405
00:20:37,733 --> 00:20:39,067
Hagitha...
406
00:20:40,733 --> 00:20:42,800
Do you have a boyfriend?
407
00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:45,233
Well, not yet.
408
00:20:45,267 --> 00:20:46,633
Oh, mail order, huh?
409
00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:48,467
Yeah. I've tried that
a few times myself.
410
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,533
Listen.
If it doesn't work out,
411
00:20:50,567 --> 00:20:52,967
would you let me know?
412
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,500
I sure will.
413
00:20:54,533 --> 00:20:56,067
Thank you.
Yeah.
414
00:21:00,267 --> 00:21:01,967
Ow!
415
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,700
Ok. Tiffany, Amber,
into the chair.
416
00:21:03,733 --> 00:21:04,900
Come on. Shake it!
417
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,433
Mama.
418
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,800
Ladies.
419
00:21:16,833 --> 00:21:18,800
Now, I need a volunteer.
420
00:21:18,833 --> 00:21:20,067
Boner!
421
00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:22,000
You look like a victim.
You're up.
422
00:21:22,033 --> 00:21:26,133
But, Mr. Hasselhof,
i-i-i can't swim.
423
00:21:26,167 --> 00:21:27,400
Perfect.
No.
424
00:21:27,433 --> 00:21:30,100
Aah!
425
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:32,900
Marco!
426
00:21:35,833 --> 00:21:38,967
Oh!
I want to live.
427
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,900
Oh, yeah.
I want to live.
428
00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:45,267
Yeah. Right now, please.
429
00:21:51,333 --> 00:21:52,800
Yeah.
430
00:21:52,833 --> 00:21:55,867
Not so much tongue, Amber.
431
00:21:58,333 --> 00:22:00,467
Now, this is a textbook example
432
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:02,467
of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
433
00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:04,133
Some of you may want to
practice this at home
434
00:22:04,167 --> 00:22:06,467
or, if you'd like
to stay after class,
435
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:07,533
I'd be more than
happy to point out...
436
00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:09,300
Eww!
437
00:22:09,333 --> 00:22:10,367
Boner!
438
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,633
It's bonner, sir.
439
00:22:12,667 --> 00:22:13,567
Not at the moment.
440
00:22:45,667 --> 00:22:47,967
You have to make sure
this gets to the governor
441
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,300
as soon as possible.
442
00:22:49,333 --> 00:22:50,567
It's my last chance,
little brother.
443
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,367
Otherwise, I'll fry.
444
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,133
Don't worry, Jimmy.
445
00:22:55,167 --> 00:22:57,733
You can count on me.
446
00:22:57,767 --> 00:22:59,567
Time's up, boner!
447
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,533
It's bonner, ma'am.
448
00:23:01,567 --> 00:23:04,133
Not for long.
Dead boner walkin'!
449
00:23:16,233 --> 00:23:18,800
I hope you guys don't mind,
450
00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:20,467
I may have to get home early.
451
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:23,967
Me and Millie,
my Swedish exchange student,
452
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,800
are about halfway
through the Kama Sutra.
453
00:23:26,833 --> 00:23:30,567
Oh, bonner, I don't
want to share you.
454
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,633
Yeah. What's she got
that we don't have?
455
00:23:33,667 --> 00:23:35,733
A twin sister.
456
00:23:38,533 --> 00:23:39,800
Slab, look out!
457
00:23:39,833 --> 00:23:41,867
Aah!
458
00:23:41,900 --> 00:23:44,567
Can everybody keep a secret?
459
00:23:54,833 --> 00:23:56,733
I'll fry.
460
00:23:57,833 --> 00:23:59,400
Fry...
461
00:24:01,167 --> 00:24:05,667
Yes.
This never happened.
462
00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:13,567
I'm never gonna get laid.
463
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,533
"I kan... kanow...
464
00:24:38,567 --> 00:24:41,167
"Kanow. I k-now wh..."
465
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,700
"Wh-what...
466
00:24:43,733 --> 00:24:46,800
"I k-now what yeh...
467
00:24:46,833 --> 00:24:47,800
"Yeow..."
468
00:24:47,833 --> 00:24:49,900
"I k-now what you..."
469
00:24:54,033 --> 00:24:55,967
Slab, I think
you've had enough.
470
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,667
Really, darling?
471
00:24:58,700 --> 00:25:00,467
Your concern is admirable
472
00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:02,300
but completely without merit.
473
00:25:02,333 --> 00:25:04,033
I'm doing splendidly!
474
00:25:04,067 --> 00:25:05,467
Anyone read that article
475
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,300
in the times science
section last week?
476
00:25:07,333 --> 00:25:10,667
It seems gene splicing
is all the rage.
477
00:25:10,700 --> 00:25:11,800
Slab, look out!
478
00:25:11,833 --> 00:25:13,467
Aah!
479
00:25:13,500 --> 00:25:15,833
Can everybody keep a secret?
480
00:25:15,867 --> 00:25:17,233
Uh-huh.
481
00:25:21,700 --> 00:25:24,733
Slab, I'm looking
for your uncle Lou's urn.
482
00:25:24,767 --> 00:25:26,300
We're scattering
his ashes today.
483
00:25:26,333 --> 00:25:28,300
Have you seen it?
484
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,633
No!
485
00:25:38,167 --> 00:25:43,067
Yes.
This never happened.
486
00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:51,633
"Shan... shanu... chanak..."
487
00:25:52,667 --> 00:25:57,267
"Chan... chanaka...
Chana... Khan... chachi..."
488
00:26:11,367 --> 00:26:12,333
Barbara,
489
00:26:12,367 --> 00:26:15,133
I'm afraid it's
worse than we feared.
490
00:26:15,167 --> 00:26:16,567
Nurse Kevorkian, you mean...?
491
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,700
Yes, Barbara, you have chlamydia
492
00:26:19,733 --> 00:26:21,367
And gonorrhea
493
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:22,667
And syphilis
494
00:26:22,700 --> 00:26:23,800
And crabs.
495
00:26:25,033 --> 00:26:28,067
Whew. I thought you
were gonna say I had herpes.
496
00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:30,500
Oh, yes, and herpes.
497
00:26:30,533 --> 00:26:33,633
Damn those Starbucks'
toilet seats.
498
00:26:33,667 --> 00:26:34,867
Now, young lady,
499
00:26:34,900 --> 00:26:37,233
isn't there somebody special
500
00:26:37,267 --> 00:26:39,467
you wish to make aware
of your condition?
501
00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:42,167
You mean like a teacher
or my dad?
502
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,333
Well, I was thinking
more like a boyfriend.
503
00:26:45,367 --> 00:26:48,067
Oh. Do you
have a yearbook?
504
00:26:50,833 --> 00:26:52,300
Barbara, Barbara,
505
00:26:52,333 --> 00:26:54,800
please take some
advice from a woman
506
00:26:54,833 --> 00:26:57,367
who's had some
experience in this area.
507
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:58,733
I wish to explain something
508
00:26:58,767 --> 00:27:00,833
that we in the health profession
509
00:27:00,867 --> 00:27:03,100
refer to as
"hitting skins."
510
00:27:04,900 --> 00:27:07,767
"Knocking boots..."
511
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,733
"Doing the nasty..."
512
00:27:12,767 --> 00:27:15,233
"Bumping uglies?"
513
00:27:18,533 --> 00:27:21,367
I'm talking about sex, dear.
514
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,033
Oh.
515
00:27:23,067 --> 00:27:25,967
Sex can be a beautiful,
sensual experience
516
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,633
between a man and a woman
517
00:27:27,667 --> 00:27:29,067
who truly love each other
518
00:27:29,100 --> 00:27:31,067
and want to share eternity
519
00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:34,733
laying in each other's
gentle embrace...
520
00:27:36,167 --> 00:27:39,800
Or it can be a dirty,
filthy spankfest
521
00:27:39,833 --> 00:27:42,133
in a bus station bathroom
522
00:27:42,167 --> 00:27:44,467
shared by 2 anonymous
consenting adults
523
00:27:44,500 --> 00:27:45,967
on a layover in Detroit,
524
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,233
and nobody ever need know.
525
00:27:50,167 --> 00:27:52,467
Well, I think you got my point.
526
00:27:52,500 --> 00:27:55,067
Now, uh, should we go
and look at your x-rays?
527
00:27:55,100 --> 00:27:57,133
X-rays with a pap smear?
528
00:27:57,167 --> 00:27:59,733
Oh, we're very thorough here.
529
00:27:59,767 --> 00:28:02,767
I just can't figure out
what this white spot is.
530
00:28:06,167 --> 00:28:07,333
You know,
531
00:28:07,367 --> 00:28:10,367
a pair of tube socks
works ever so much better.
532
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,800
Why, when I was your age,
533
00:28:12,833 --> 00:28:16,833
I had this experience
I'll never forget.
534
00:28:16,867 --> 00:28:19,300
There were 3 of us,
3 of us in one bed.
535
00:28:24,167 --> 00:28:25,633
Barbara, honey!
536
00:28:25,667 --> 00:28:28,033
I'm expecting
the reverend Johnson today.
537
00:28:28,067 --> 00:28:29,700
Did he come yet?
538
00:28:29,733 --> 00:28:30,700
Almost!
539
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,967
Barbara, I could never
be as beautiful as you.
540
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:46,800
Or swallow as much sausage.
541
00:28:46,833 --> 00:28:48,133
Can I have your autograph?
542
00:28:48,167 --> 00:28:49,133
Will you marry me?
543
00:28:49,167 --> 00:28:50,300
No. Me!
No. Me!
544
00:28:50,333 --> 00:28:53,300
Relax. There's plenty
of Barbara to go around.
545
00:28:53,333 --> 00:28:56,867
Today miss kielbasa queen.
Tomorrow the world.
546
00:28:56,900 --> 00:28:59,133
Carmen electra, watch your back.
547
00:28:59,167 --> 00:29:00,400
Slab, look out!
548
00:29:00,433 --> 00:29:02,133
Aah!
549
00:29:02,167 --> 00:29:04,400
Can everybody keep a secret?
550
00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:16,067
Yes. This never happened.
551
00:29:21,833 --> 00:29:25,167
...and that's how I knew
I wasn't a lesbian.
552
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:26,967
Now, Barbara, I think you need
553
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,567
to take this
safe-sex kit with you.
554
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,300
You never know
when you may need it.
555
00:29:31,333 --> 00:29:32,300
I got to go.
556
00:29:32,333 --> 00:29:33,467
All right,
557
00:29:33,500 --> 00:29:36,067
but it may not be here
when you come back.
558
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:41,833
Oh-ho.
559
00:29:44,167 --> 00:29:45,133
Hey, doughy.
560
00:29:45,167 --> 00:29:46,133
Hey, baby.
561
00:29:46,167 --> 00:29:47,133
Chicken?
562
00:29:47,167 --> 00:29:48,233
A little, but it's my job.
563
00:29:50,500 --> 00:29:52,300
Do you have
any new suspects yet?
564
00:29:52,333 --> 00:29:53,833
Well, we're checking out
everyone in town.
565
00:29:53,867 --> 00:29:55,533
Any new developments?
566
00:29:55,567 --> 00:29:57,133
Yeah, my vacation pictures.
567
00:29:57,167 --> 00:29:58,633
Oh.
568
00:29:58,667 --> 00:30:00,633
Who's that, your grandmother?
569
00:30:00,667 --> 00:30:01,867
With the bong? Yeah.
570
00:30:01,900 --> 00:30:02,900
Glaucoma?
571
00:30:02,933 --> 00:30:03,967
Spring break.
572
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:05,300
That's me.
573
00:30:05,333 --> 00:30:07,300
Ooh. No tan lines.
574
00:30:07,333 --> 00:30:08,633
I feel like a hot dog.
575
00:30:08,667 --> 00:30:09,633
Foot long?
576
00:30:09,667 --> 00:30:10,633
At least.
577
00:30:10,667 --> 00:30:11,633
I'm buying.
578
00:30:11,667 --> 00:30:12,567
Whoa!
579
00:30:17,667 --> 00:30:19,467
I've got a weird
feeling, Dawson.
580
00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:21,467
Wait till you eat
the tuna tacos.
581
00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:23,867
No. I mean,
screw being killed.
582
00:30:23,900 --> 00:30:25,400
Oh, that.
583
00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:29,467
There's a crazed killer
on the loose, Dawson.
584
00:30:29,500 --> 00:30:30,800
That dead popular kid
585
00:30:30,833 --> 00:30:32,133
could've been any one of us.
586
00:30:32,167 --> 00:30:33,633
But it wasn't.
So what do you care?
587
00:30:33,667 --> 00:30:34,800
What about next time he attacks?
588
00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:35,800
And you know he will.
589
00:30:35,833 --> 00:30:36,800
Do you have a reservation, sir?
590
00:30:36,833 --> 00:30:37,800
Dawson.
591
00:30:37,833 --> 00:30:38,800
Party of five?
592
00:30:38,833 --> 00:30:39,800
Wrong network.
593
00:30:39,833 --> 00:30:41,133
Yes, of course, sir.
594
00:30:41,167 --> 00:30:42,800
Right this way, sir.
595
00:30:42,833 --> 00:30:44,800
I wouldn't worry about it
so much if I were you.
596
00:30:44,833 --> 00:30:45,800
Why?
597
00:30:45,833 --> 00:30:48,467
Because you're with me.
598
00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:50,633
Didn't your whole family
get chopped up
599
00:30:50,667 --> 00:30:52,467
and fed to a fish farm?
600
00:30:52,500 --> 00:30:54,567
Allegedly.
601
00:30:56,333 --> 00:30:58,200
And what makes you think
you're so special
602
00:30:58,233 --> 00:31:00,300
he'd want to kill you, anyway?
603
00:31:00,333 --> 00:31:03,700
Well, because I got this.
604
00:31:03,733 --> 00:31:05,967
And how do you know it's a he?
605
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,867
Because...
606
00:31:08,900 --> 00:31:12,067
Serial killers and
dentists are always men.
607
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,567
I say roofies are bullshit.
608
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:17,300
I take them before every date,
609
00:31:17,333 --> 00:31:18,967
and I never get laid.
610
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,067
Maybe you're not taking enough.
611
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,133
You got one, too?
612
00:31:24,167 --> 00:31:25,400
If that's
what I think it is,
613
00:31:25,433 --> 00:31:26,967
I got one.
614
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,233
Prescription for gyne-lotrimin?
615
00:31:29,267 --> 00:31:32,867
Oh, wrong paper.
616
00:31:32,900 --> 00:31:35,133
What does this mean?
617
00:31:35,167 --> 00:31:37,200
I think I got one, too.
618
00:31:37,233 --> 00:31:38,867
What does yours say, slab?
619
00:31:38,900 --> 00:31:41,033
"Shanu-sha-sha..."
620
00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:43,133
Give me that.
621
00:31:43,167 --> 00:31:45,633
That's it.
We're all targets.
622
00:31:45,667 --> 00:31:46,633
Oh, god.
623
00:31:46,667 --> 00:31:48,467
I knew my beauty
would be a curse.
624
00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:50,800
The bottom line is
everybody got a note.
625
00:31:50,833 --> 00:31:52,200
We're all in danger.
626
00:31:52,233 --> 00:31:53,667
Not everybody.
627
00:31:55,167 --> 00:31:56,567
Unh.
628
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,067
Fine. Happy now?
629
00:32:06,333 --> 00:32:08,200
"You may already
be a victim."
630
00:32:13,167 --> 00:32:15,333
Bad! Bad deer!
631
00:32:15,367 --> 00:32:18,733
Bad, bad, bad, bad!
632
00:32:20,667 --> 00:32:23,233
No more salt lick.
633
00:32:23,267 --> 00:32:25,900
Deers don't talk!
634
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:48,700
What's that?
635
00:32:48,733 --> 00:32:51,333
Slab, look out!
636
00:32:51,367 --> 00:32:53,233
Aah!
637
00:32:54,700 --> 00:32:56,567
No! I just ate!
638
00:32:58,933 --> 00:33:01,900
Yes.
This never happened.
639
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:05,467
Wow!
What did you win?
640
00:33:05,500 --> 00:33:07,300
Duh, Einstein.
It means Dawson's
641
00:33:07,333 --> 00:33:08,967
the first one on
the chopping block.
642
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,033
What a relief.
643
00:33:10,067 --> 00:33:12,333
Big deal... notes.
644
00:33:12,367 --> 00:33:14,700
It's probably just
some kid playing a joke.
645
00:33:14,733 --> 00:33:17,533
I mean, after all,
it is Halloween.
646
00:33:17,567 --> 00:33:20,300
And Friday the 13th.
647
00:33:20,333 --> 00:33:23,667
On the same day?
Impossible.
648
00:33:23,700 --> 00:33:25,167
Slab's dyslexic.
649
00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:28,800
Besides, a kid
couldn't write that.
650
00:33:28,833 --> 00:33:30,467
At least not a kid
in public school.
651
00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:32,000
Unless he was Japanese.
652
00:33:32,033 --> 00:33:33,000
But they're not historically
653
00:33:33,033 --> 00:33:34,000
serial killers.
654
00:33:34,033 --> 00:33:35,633
Uh-uh-uh.
What about Godzilla?
655
00:33:35,667 --> 00:33:37,133
Not technically Japanese.
656
00:33:37,167 --> 00:33:39,233
He was born
in international waters.
657
00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:40,633
Ahh, so...
658
00:33:40,667 --> 00:33:41,833
What are we gonna do?
659
00:33:41,867 --> 00:33:43,200
We? Nothing,
dipshit.
660
00:33:43,233 --> 00:33:45,133
And how do I know
it's not one of you guys?
661
00:33:45,167 --> 00:33:47,200
Well, we could make
handwriting samples.
662
00:33:47,233 --> 00:33:48,300
Slab's out.
663
00:33:48,333 --> 00:33:49,467
Whoo-hoo!
Not a killer!
664
00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:50,967
Right here!
Not a killer!
665
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:52,133
Wait a second.
666
00:33:52,167 --> 00:33:53,800
Just because he can't read
667
00:33:53,833 --> 00:33:55,533
doesn't mean
he's not the killer.
668
00:33:55,567 --> 00:33:57,133
Yeah. Look
at the Clintons.
669
00:33:57,167 --> 00:33:58,133
What?
670
00:33:58,167 --> 00:34:00,633
No. This is stupid,
and you're stupid.
671
00:34:00,667 --> 00:34:02,567
Why would we want
to kill each other?
672
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,533
Yeah. So what if slab
lost my term paper
673
00:34:04,567 --> 00:34:06,633
after he copied it and
turned it in as his own
674
00:34:06,667 --> 00:34:08,033
and got an "a."
675
00:34:08,067 --> 00:34:10,733
Yeah. And so what
if Barbara told everyone
676
00:34:10,767 --> 00:34:12,367
I got a small "shwontz."
677
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,400
Even though I don't.
678
00:34:15,433 --> 00:34:16,967
Exactly. And so what
679
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,967
if boner's dad was
cheating with my mom,
680
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,867
leading to her downward
spiral into alcoholism.
681
00:34:21,900 --> 00:34:23,800
My dad is what?
682
00:34:23,833 --> 00:34:25,800
And you know what's
really strange,
683
00:34:25,833 --> 00:34:26,800
is somehow,
684
00:34:26,833 --> 00:34:29,133
the killer always
knows where we are.
685
00:34:29,167 --> 00:34:30,867
Ooh. Oof.
686
00:34:30,900 --> 00:34:32,133
Yeah.
687
00:34:32,167 --> 00:34:33,700
You know what we've got to do?
688
00:34:33,733 --> 00:34:35,300
We've got to get out of here.
689
00:34:35,333 --> 00:34:36,500
To some place safe.
690
00:34:36,533 --> 00:34:37,833
Yeah, in the middle
of nowhere...
691
00:34:37,867 --> 00:34:40,033
In the dark woods
and pouring rain...
692
00:34:40,067 --> 00:34:41,300
Without any adult supervision
693
00:34:41,333 --> 00:34:43,333
or police protection
anywhere in the near vicinity.
694
00:34:43,367 --> 00:34:45,700
And I know just the place.
It's totally deserted
695
00:34:45,733 --> 00:34:48,033
ever since those dorky kids
were dismembered.
696
00:34:48,067 --> 00:34:50,133
Are you talking about band camp?
697
00:34:50,167 --> 00:34:51,633
Wait a second.
This is stupid.
698
00:34:51,667 --> 00:34:53,300
Let's just all go
to one of your houses.
699
00:34:53,333 --> 00:34:54,300
Hey, that's cool.
700
00:34:54,333 --> 00:34:55,367
My parents are out of town.
701
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,033
They won't bother us.
702
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:00,967
No.
Let's go to my house.
703
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,800
My parents are
locked in the basement.
704
00:35:02,833 --> 00:35:04,900
They'll totally leave us alone.
705
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,300
No, my house.
706
00:35:08,333 --> 00:35:09,300
My parents are divorced,
707
00:35:09,333 --> 00:35:10,533
and I spend the weekends
with my dad,
708
00:35:10,567 --> 00:35:11,800
but he tries to make up
for lost time
709
00:35:11,833 --> 00:35:13,200
by letting me get away
with murder.
710
00:35:14,233 --> 00:35:16,367
Well, you know what I mean.
711
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:17,467
All right.
Let's go to my house.
712
00:35:17,500 --> 00:35:18,467
My parents are dead.
713
00:35:18,500 --> 00:35:20,833
All right!
Cool.
714
00:35:20,867 --> 00:35:22,200
All right, so we'll
stay there the night,
715
00:35:22,233 --> 00:35:23,633
and we'll be safe.
716
00:35:23,667 --> 00:35:24,700
Ok, so it's settled, then.
717
00:35:24,733 --> 00:35:26,233
We'll all meet up
at slab's house.
718
00:35:26,267 --> 00:35:28,600
Until then, watch your backs.
719
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:38,833
Will the following
students
720
00:35:38,867 --> 00:35:40,800
please report
to the principal's office.
721
00:35:40,833 --> 00:35:46,533
Jack meoff, Mike cunt, lose her,
and Heywood youbump.
722
00:35:46,567 --> 00:35:48,500
Ah, well, your
um, reading scores
723
00:35:48,533 --> 00:35:49,700
are average, Jimmy,
724
00:35:49,733 --> 00:35:52,400
but, uh, but you're killing
on a 12th-grade level.
725
00:35:52,433 --> 00:35:53,533
Congratulations.
726
00:35:53,567 --> 00:35:55,833
You're gonna do just fine
at the seminary.
727
00:36:27,500 --> 00:36:28,633
How about
that Michael dunne?
728
00:36:28,667 --> 00:36:30,533
Now there's an ass
that won't quit.
729
00:36:30,567 --> 00:36:31,700
You're telling me.
730
00:36:31,733 --> 00:36:33,133
He's in my third period class.
731
00:36:33,167 --> 00:36:34,533
I'd like to jump his bones.
732
00:36:39,067 --> 00:36:40,533
Hey, did you finish
grading your term papers?
733
00:36:40,567 --> 00:36:41,800
No, I was too hung over.
734
00:36:41,833 --> 00:36:42,900
Did you read any of yours?
735
00:36:42,933 --> 00:36:44,867
Never read them.
Who does?
736
00:36:44,900 --> 00:36:46,167
Hey, do you know where I can get
737
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:47,633
an unregistered handgun?
738
00:36:47,667 --> 00:36:49,033
You got 50 bucks?
739
00:36:49,067 --> 00:36:50,033
Um...
740
00:36:50,067 --> 00:36:51,033
I can get it by Friday.
741
00:36:51,067 --> 00:36:52,433
I'll see what I can do.
742
00:37:41,533 --> 00:37:43,033
♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do ♪
743
00:37:43,067 --> 00:37:46,233
♪ do waaa ♪
744
00:37:47,567 --> 00:37:49,333
♪ you're never fresh
out of tune ♪
745
00:37:49,367 --> 00:37:51,300
♪ when you're holding
the knife ♪
746
00:37:51,333 --> 00:37:54,567
♪ with mentals this
will be your night ♪
747
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,967
♪ lady luck will
lift you up ♪
748
00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,733
♪ when you're sporting
fresh breath ♪
749
00:37:58,767 --> 00:38:00,500
♪ before you strike ♪
750
00:38:00,533 --> 00:38:04,033
♪ 'cause your death goes
better with mentals freshness ♪
751
00:38:04,067 --> 00:38:07,467
♪ death goes better
with mentals freshness ♪
752
00:38:07,500 --> 00:38:09,500
♪ death goes better
with you ♪
753
00:38:09,533 --> 00:38:12,133
♪ what are you
doing tonight? ♪
754
00:38:12,167 --> 00:38:13,067
Jeez.
755
00:38:16,100 --> 00:38:19,033
Attention, students.
Tonight's p.T.A. Meeting
756
00:38:19,067 --> 00:38:21,333
will be held at
the Hooters restaurant
757
00:38:21,367 --> 00:38:22,533
in glendale.
758
00:38:22,567 --> 00:38:24,667
Please remind your parents.
759
00:38:24,700 --> 00:38:28,667
Also, whoever put real meat
in today's lunch,
760
00:38:28,700 --> 00:38:31,067
please remove it.
761
00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:34,967
Man, this car sucks.
762
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,700
What a piece of shit.
763
00:38:38,367 --> 00:38:41,167
Hey, guys, what are you
talking about?
764
00:38:42,267 --> 00:38:44,533
Don't you see what I see?
765
00:38:44,567 --> 00:38:46,167
Why, this car's automatic.
766
00:38:48,233 --> 00:38:50,000
Systematic.
767
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:52,767
It's hydromatic.
768
00:38:53,900 --> 00:38:55,333
Why, it's grease frightning.
769
00:39:19,533 --> 00:39:22,367
What a fag.
770
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,667
Let's go pin it
on his locker. Fag.
771
00:39:25,700 --> 00:39:29,900
Of course it's stupid
if no one else sings.
772
00:39:29,933 --> 00:39:31,067
Dicks.
773
00:39:37,433 --> 00:39:38,400
Whatever.
774
00:39:49,567 --> 00:39:52,500
Huh.
775
00:40:00,067 --> 00:40:03,200
Huh? Mr. Andretti?
776
00:40:21,833 --> 00:40:29,500
Aaaaaaaahhhh!
777
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:37,900
Aaaaaaaahhhh!
778
00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:45,900
Aaaaaahhh!
779
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:51,333
Great.
780
00:40:53,067 --> 00:40:56,400
Mother-scratcher.
781
00:41:05,733 --> 00:41:07,733
License and active warrants?
782
00:41:15,767 --> 00:41:18,200
May I have
your attention
783
00:41:18,233 --> 00:41:21,700
for the results of
yesterday's pregnancy tests.
784
00:41:21,733 --> 00:41:26,533
Susan savinsky, negative.
Melissa Blake, positive.
785
00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:28,900
Jonathan winer, negative.
786
00:41:33,733 --> 00:41:35,367
Did you know that
most serial killers
787
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:36,700
have an extra chromosome?
788
00:41:36,733 --> 00:41:37,700
Oh, really?
789
00:41:37,733 --> 00:41:40,333
Yeah, trust me.
I'm from Wisconsin.
790
00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:43,367
That's a really nice gun.
791
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,633
Thanks. My mom
bought it for me.
792
00:41:45,667 --> 00:41:47,067
Now I'm saving up for bullets.
793
00:41:47,100 --> 00:41:48,700
Hmm. 9 millimeter?
794
00:41:48,733 --> 00:41:50,133
When it's cold.
795
00:41:50,167 --> 00:41:51,467
You know a lot about this stuff.
796
00:41:51,500 --> 00:41:52,533
Well, I have to.
797
00:41:52,567 --> 00:41:54,133
My demo showed that
I'm most popular
798
00:41:54,167 --> 00:41:55,500
with felons and bedwetters.
799
00:41:55,533 --> 00:41:59,067
Hmm. Perfect.
Then, I'm your man.
800
00:41:59,100 --> 00:42:01,700
You do like to watch.
801
00:42:08,167 --> 00:42:09,333
Who doesn't?
802
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:25,867
Seig heil! Seig heil!
Seig heil!
803
00:42:25,900 --> 00:42:29,333
Attention, students.
Flight 916 for Tuscany
804
00:42:29,367 --> 00:42:32,467
will be boarding at gate 14a.
805
00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:34,133
The white zone is for loading
806
00:42:34,167 --> 00:42:36,867
and unloading
of passengers only.
807
00:42:36,900 --> 00:42:39,200
No parking.
808
00:42:39,233 --> 00:42:41,367
Also, today's happy hour
809
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,700
will be held in the biology lab.
810
00:42:43,733 --> 00:42:48,000
Remember, wings are free
when you buy a pitcher.
811
00:42:54,567 --> 00:42:56,300
♪ She's gonna take ♪
812
00:42:56,333 --> 00:42:58,000
♪ the blink of an eye ♪
813
00:42:58,033 --> 00:42:59,833
♪ I don't wanna
sound defeating ♪
814
00:42:59,867 --> 00:43:02,533
♪ but you know that she's
everything to me ♪
815
00:43:02,567 --> 00:43:04,367
♪ she's everything ♪
816
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:06,033
♪ she's goin' out ♪
817
00:43:06,067 --> 00:43:08,900
♪ she's goin' to do my thing ♪
818
00:43:14,833 --> 00:43:16,867
♪ We talk about this ♪
819
00:43:16,900 --> 00:43:18,000
♪ she makes it ok ♪
820
00:43:18,033 --> 00:43:19,933
♪ we go for our... ♪
821
00:43:38,833 --> 00:43:40,233
We're in
the final turn.
822
00:43:40,267 --> 00:43:42,533
It's martina and the killer.
823
00:43:42,567 --> 00:43:44,367
The killer making his move.
824
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:47,400
Now it's the killer and martina.
825
00:43:47,433 --> 00:43:49,967
Martina now making her move.
826
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,833
Now it's martina and the killer.
827
00:44:24,100 --> 00:44:26,367
The killer with the face gear!
828
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:27,367
Yeah!
829
00:44:35,100 --> 00:44:36,733
Yeah, yeah!
830
00:44:40,700 --> 00:44:42,900
Yeah! Hey...
831
00:44:46,567 --> 00:44:49,000
Attention, students.
832
00:44:49,033 --> 00:44:52,533
There will be a fire drill
at 3:05 today.
833
00:44:52,567 --> 00:44:56,367
Please bring your own matches
and lighter fluid.
834
00:45:15,500 --> 00:45:16,400
Yaah!
835
00:45:20,067 --> 00:45:22,233
Oh.
836
00:45:25,167 --> 00:45:27,867
2 minutes to showtime...
837
00:45:27,900 --> 00:45:31,233
Or should I say shower time?
838
00:45:34,233 --> 00:45:36,733
Oh, yeah.
839
00:45:36,767 --> 00:45:38,167
Come to papa.
840
00:45:42,500 --> 00:45:46,200
Slab? Dawson?
841
00:45:46,233 --> 00:45:48,000
Martina?
842
00:46:01,100 --> 00:46:02,500
Eureka.
843
00:46:05,733 --> 00:46:09,733
All right.
844
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:15,667
Wait a minute.
845
00:46:15,700 --> 00:46:17,533
What the?
846
00:46:36,533 --> 00:46:39,800
Ok, ok, ok.
Faculty coming through.
847
00:46:39,833 --> 00:46:41,733
Hello? Hello? Christ.
848
00:46:41,767 --> 00:46:43,400
Aren't any of you
on the Internet?
849
00:46:43,433 --> 00:46:45,600
Put a leash on it, Tarzan.
850
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,833
Hello, gang.
Welcome to sex education.
851
00:46:51,867 --> 00:46:53,700
If you aren't registered
for this course
852
00:46:53,733 --> 00:46:55,633
or are a southern baptist,
853
00:46:55,667 --> 00:46:57,333
you're in the wrong room.
854
00:47:02,567 --> 00:47:03,500
Ta-ta.
855
00:47:04,733 --> 00:47:07,800
A-churching we go.
Ok, let's get started
856
00:47:07,833 --> 00:47:10,000
by reviewing the basics,
shall we?
857
00:47:10,033 --> 00:47:12,300
Who remembers my 2 friends
858
00:47:12,333 --> 00:47:16,300
Peter longfellow
and Virginia tulips?
859
00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:17,867
Oh, baby.
860
00:47:17,900 --> 00:47:20,233
You smell like beer.
861
00:47:20,267 --> 00:47:22,133
Oh, oh, Peyton place,
862
00:47:22,167 --> 00:47:24,500
I've always relied on
the kindness of strangers.
863
00:47:24,533 --> 00:47:26,067
Eat my stranger.
864
00:47:26,100 --> 00:47:29,367
Ow! Ow! Daddy, daddy!
865
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:30,567
Ugh! Ah!
866
00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:31,700
I'm gonna get it!
867
00:47:33,733 --> 00:47:35,833
Ow! Ow!
868
00:47:37,333 --> 00:47:38,300
Yes?
869
00:47:38,333 --> 00:47:39,733
Mr. Buchanan,
870
00:47:39,767 --> 00:47:41,700
may I please be excused?
871
00:47:41,733 --> 00:47:44,200
Couldn't wait till prom,
Ms. Delgado?
872
00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:48,367
Go. Go, go, go, go, go.
873
00:47:50,767 --> 00:47:54,133
All right. Let's move on
to our film, shall we?
874
00:47:54,167 --> 00:47:55,367
I just need a volunteer
875
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,433
to put some fueler
in the projector.
876
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,367
Anyone.
877
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,633
Fueler.
878
00:48:02,667 --> 00:48:03,833
Fueler.
879
00:48:05,667 --> 00:48:07,133
Yes.
880
00:48:07,167 --> 00:48:08,233
I'll do it.
881
00:48:08,267 --> 00:48:10,233
Sugar booger.
Here you go.
882
00:48:10,267 --> 00:48:13,033
Knock yourself out.
There you go, killer.
883
00:48:13,067 --> 00:48:17,700
You won't have any trouble
with those deltoids. Ha.
884
00:48:17,733 --> 00:48:19,533
All right, um, where was I?
885
00:48:19,567 --> 00:48:22,233
Uh...
886
00:48:52,500 --> 00:48:53,867
The following
motion picture
887
00:48:53,900 --> 00:48:55,067
has been rated x.
888
00:48:55,100 --> 00:48:56,800
It contains adult situations,
889
00:48:56,833 --> 00:48:59,000
adult language, and nudity.
890
00:48:59,033 --> 00:49:00,967
Lots of nudity.
891
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:02,567
Extensive pausing or rewinding
892
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:03,700
will damage film.
893
00:49:03,733 --> 00:49:05,867
Parental absence is suggested.
894
00:49:08,500 --> 00:49:09,467
And now,
895
00:49:09,500 --> 00:49:11,067
for our feature presentation.
896
00:49:11,100 --> 00:49:13,667
Holomark hall of fame
proudly presents...
897
00:49:13,700 --> 00:49:16,900
The Pam and Tommy story.
898
00:49:19,767 --> 00:49:21,967
Look,
I'm driving the boat.
899
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,133
Look, I'm measuring the couch.
900
00:49:24,167 --> 00:49:27,067
You look like
a tripod.
901
00:49:27,100 --> 00:49:30,300
Oh. Will you look
at that choice of wallpaper?
902
00:49:30,333 --> 00:49:33,533
Who is your decorator?
Mussolini?
903
00:49:33,567 --> 00:49:35,200
Mmm...
904
00:49:35,233 --> 00:49:36,667
Hey, no one's gonna see this,
905
00:49:36,700 --> 00:49:37,700
right, baby?
906
00:49:37,733 --> 00:49:39,500
Oh...
907
00:50:04,100 --> 00:50:06,533
Do you mind practicing
somewhere else?
908
00:50:06,567 --> 00:50:10,533
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
909
00:50:10,567 --> 00:50:12,067
Ow! Ow!
910
00:50:12,100 --> 00:50:13,867
Hey, this isn't gonna
help my sore throat any,
911
00:50:13,900 --> 00:50:16,300
is it? Ow! Oh, oh!
912
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:38,533
Ha ha ha.
Scissors cut paper.
913
00:50:38,567 --> 00:50:40,600
You lose.
914
00:51:18,333 --> 00:51:21,567
Hey, look.
I'm pole-vaulting.
915
00:51:30,700 --> 00:51:33,633
Aha. That's why
I don't wear underwear.
916
00:51:33,667 --> 00:51:39,033
Mmm. That was amazing,
wasn't it, baby?
917
00:51:39,067 --> 00:51:40,733
I just love playing
naughty killer
918
00:51:40,767 --> 00:51:42,500
and prison psychiatrist
with you.
919
00:51:43,533 --> 00:51:45,400
But next time,
don't pull it so tight.
920
00:51:45,433 --> 00:51:47,733
That's my good scarf.
Ha ha ha.
921
00:51:49,233 --> 00:51:51,833
Let's see what the kids
is up to.
922
00:52:01,767 --> 00:52:04,067
That's what I'm talking about.
923
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,867
Oh, I'm sorry, lover.
924
00:52:14,900 --> 00:52:16,567
Did I leave you hanging?
925
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,233
I know what we need.
926
00:52:18,267 --> 00:52:21,500
♪ Margaritas ♪
927
00:52:21,533 --> 00:52:23,033
That's what I'm talking about.
928
00:52:23,067 --> 00:52:24,667
See? It's me and you, girl.
929
00:52:24,700 --> 00:52:26,800
All right.
930
00:52:26,833 --> 00:52:29,200
Me and you.
931
00:52:29,233 --> 00:52:33,200
Hey, you kids,
knock off the grab-ass!
932
00:52:33,233 --> 00:52:35,067
It's a good thing
principal winkler
933
00:52:35,100 --> 00:52:36,867
left that futon behind.
934
00:52:36,900 --> 00:52:39,067
Come on. I want
to show you a trick.
935
00:52:41,933 --> 00:52:45,300
Hey! What did I
just tell you?
936
00:52:45,333 --> 00:52:47,300
Let's go, man.
937
00:52:47,333 --> 00:52:49,467
I... I didn't see you
come in.
938
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:52,133
Well, what do we have here?
939
00:52:52,167 --> 00:52:54,800
Uh, I was just boning up
on my... on my c.P.R.,
940
00:52:54,833 --> 00:52:58,367
a-a-and I got a sore hip,
so we was in...
941
00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:00,200
What the?
942
00:53:00,233 --> 00:53:02,500
Hey, don't make me
come down there.
943
00:53:02,533 --> 00:53:03,933
Hey. All right.
944
00:53:06,367 --> 00:53:09,533
Ha-ya!
945
00:53:09,567 --> 00:53:13,533
All right.
That's it. Ugh.
946
00:53:13,567 --> 00:53:18,033
Damn. Wannabe.
947
00:53:18,067 --> 00:53:21,000
Cherry Van, man.
948
00:53:21,033 --> 00:53:22,900
Thanks. I bought it
from Jewel.
949
00:53:22,933 --> 00:53:24,633
It still smells
like peanut butter.
950
00:53:24,667 --> 00:53:25,867
Yeah.
951
00:53:25,900 --> 00:53:27,867
Oh, my god.
We saw him.
952
00:53:27,900 --> 00:53:29,867
We all did.
Dawson's being interviewed
953
00:53:29,900 --> 00:53:31,233
by the cops right now.
954
00:53:33,500 --> 00:53:34,833
Yeah, but working
with William kevinson
955
00:53:34,867 --> 00:53:36,400
was a really great
experience for me.
956
00:53:36,433 --> 00:53:39,500
You know, he's a brilliant guy.
957
00:53:39,533 --> 00:53:40,733
Got it?
958
00:53:44,900 --> 00:53:47,633
You're a very attractive man.
959
00:53:47,667 --> 00:53:50,533
Now, scram!
960
00:53:50,567 --> 00:53:53,733
I want to take that home.
961
00:53:53,767 --> 00:53:57,900
♪ School's out for summer ♪
962
00:53:58,933 --> 00:54:01,333
2... 1... and...
963
00:54:01,367 --> 00:54:03,800
Welcome back
to bulimia falls high,
964
00:54:03,833 --> 00:54:06,467
home of empty-v's
spring break massacre,
965
00:54:06,500 --> 00:54:07,867
where we have live coverage
966
00:54:07,900 --> 00:54:09,367
of the coolest murders
in the country
967
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:11,533
and hot new videos from
the backstreet boys.
968
00:54:11,567 --> 00:54:12,800
So, doughy.
969
00:54:12,833 --> 00:54:14,133
Hey, baby.
970
00:54:14,167 --> 00:54:15,700
Um, officer primessuspekt?
971
00:54:15,733 --> 00:54:17,667
Is it true that all the students
972
00:54:17,700 --> 00:54:19,333
got notes from the killer?
973
00:54:19,367 --> 00:54:21,833
Uh-huh.
974
00:54:21,867 --> 00:54:24,800
Well, what does it mean?
Are they in danger?
975
00:54:24,833 --> 00:54:26,300
Well, I don't want
to scare anybody,
976
00:54:26,333 --> 00:54:28,067
but I'd say they're all
strong candidates
977
00:54:28,100 --> 00:54:29,067
for a good, old-fashioned
978
00:54:29,100 --> 00:54:31,900
ax in the head.
Are we on live?
979
00:54:31,933 --> 00:54:33,967
Hey, dickhead.
Shot of them! Shot of them!
980
00:54:39,733 --> 00:54:41,300
Ok, officer primessuspekt,
981
00:54:41,333 --> 00:54:43,633
are you taking
any extra precautions?
982
00:54:43,667 --> 00:54:45,033
Well, I'm wearing
2 pairs of underpants.
983
00:54:45,067 --> 00:54:46,200
Don't touch me!
984
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:49,200
And also, we sent a unit out
985
00:54:49,233 --> 00:54:50,400
to whatever deserted location
986
00:54:50,433 --> 00:54:51,467
these kids are going out to.
987
00:54:51,500 --> 00:54:52,700
Where is that place, kids?
988
00:54:52,733 --> 00:54:55,067
Whoo!
Rock 'n' roll!
989
00:55:02,767 --> 00:55:05,400
Has anybody
seen my cats?
990
00:55:07,067 --> 00:55:11,067
Hey. Hey, girlfriend.
Come on up here.
991
00:55:21,733 --> 00:55:23,167
Hey, hey. Watch
that ceiling fan.
992
00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:26,033
Oh.
993
00:55:30,167 --> 00:55:32,700
So I grabbed the bastard
by his cheap costume,
994
00:55:32,733 --> 00:55:34,233
and I threw him
up against the wall,
995
00:55:34,267 --> 00:55:36,233
and I said to him,
"you want the truth?"
996
00:55:38,767 --> 00:55:41,700
Ahh. "You can't handle
the truth."
997
00:55:46,900 --> 00:55:49,000
So, do you want to go upstairs?
998
00:56:06,567 --> 00:56:08,300
Ha. Hey, doughy.
999
00:56:08,333 --> 00:56:09,300
Hey, baby.
1000
00:56:09,333 --> 00:56:11,133
So, you all ready for tonight?
1001
00:56:11,167 --> 00:56:13,233
Let's just say I got
an itchy trigger finger.
1002
00:56:13,267 --> 00:56:14,700
Poison Ivy?
1003
00:56:14,733 --> 00:56:16,033
No, I showered
at the "y."
1004
00:56:16,067 --> 00:56:17,533
Oh. Bad soap?
1005
00:56:17,567 --> 00:56:18,633
Yeah. I guess it's only
1006
00:56:18,667 --> 00:56:20,333
supposed to be used externally.
1007
00:56:20,367 --> 00:56:23,367
So, how come you have
a rash on your finger, then?
1008
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:25,333
Well, I had to get it out.
1009
00:56:27,100 --> 00:56:29,733
So, uh, you think
the killer's gonna show up?
1010
00:56:29,767 --> 00:56:32,233
It's Halloween, isn't it?
1011
00:56:47,567 --> 00:56:50,367
Collecting for the unlucky
fisherman's association.
1012
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:53,100
Oh, sorry, dude.
I... I gave at the pier.
1013
00:56:55,267 --> 00:56:58,067
Ok, so, what do you guys
want to watch?
1014
00:56:58,100 --> 00:56:59,000
Oh, how about teletubbies?
1015
00:56:59,033 --> 00:57:00,533
Nah. We don't have any pot.
1016
00:57:00,567 --> 00:57:01,867
All right.
We've got hot shots,
1017
00:57:01,900 --> 00:57:04,400
the naked gun, ooh, airplane.
1018
00:57:04,433 --> 00:57:05,867
Yeah. I hear if you
pause it just right,
1019
00:57:05,900 --> 00:57:07,700
you can see
Leslie neilsen's penis.
1020
00:57:07,733 --> 00:57:09,000
Eww!
1021
00:57:11,067 --> 00:57:12,700
Parodies are lame.
1022
00:57:12,733 --> 00:57:13,700
I'm gonna get some more beer.
1023
00:57:13,733 --> 00:57:15,000
I'll be back.
1024
00:57:15,033 --> 00:57:16,000
What are you, crazy?
1025
00:57:16,033 --> 00:57:17,400
You can't talk
like that, Barbara.
1026
00:57:17,433 --> 00:57:19,400
I mean, we are in
a parody situation.
1027
00:57:19,433 --> 00:57:20,833
What are you talking about?
1028
00:57:20,867 --> 00:57:24,500
A parody. A killer in
a "the killer" costume
1029
00:57:24,533 --> 00:57:25,867
slaughtering
a bunch of good-looking,
1030
00:57:25,900 --> 00:57:27,233
horny students at, like,
1031
00:57:27,267 --> 00:57:29,233
a ridiculously named
high school.
1032
00:57:31,900 --> 00:57:34,000
Ok, has anybody seen scream?
1033
00:57:34,033 --> 00:57:35,533
Yeah. Great flick.
1034
00:57:35,567 --> 00:57:37,400
Ok, for Christ's sakes, guys,
1035
00:57:37,433 --> 00:57:39,667
empty v? That's
like the worst pun
1036
00:57:39,700 --> 00:57:41,967
I ever heard.
It's so easy.
1037
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:44,467
I mean, hello?
We all got notes.
1038
00:57:44,500 --> 00:57:46,233
I know what you did last summer?
1039
00:57:46,267 --> 00:57:48,200
Oh, oh. That's not
what mine said.
1040
00:57:49,733 --> 00:57:51,233
Chan-han. Chan...
1041
00:57:51,267 --> 00:57:53,200
Give me that.
1042
00:57:53,233 --> 00:57:54,533
God, I haven't been this scared
1043
00:57:54,567 --> 00:57:56,600
since I tried out for the wnba.
1044
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:01,300
Whatever.
I'm not scared.
1045
00:58:04,333 --> 00:58:06,367
Oh, cheapshot.
There you are.
1046
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:08,400
Oh, cheapshot.
1047
00:58:09,533 --> 00:58:12,400
Now I really need more beer.
1048
00:58:12,433 --> 00:58:14,567
I mean, come on, guys.
Look around you.
1049
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:15,600
I mean, Dawson.
1050
00:58:18,067 --> 00:58:19,333
What? It's a family name.
1051
00:58:19,367 --> 00:58:22,400
Are we gonna be tested on this?
1052
00:58:28,333 --> 00:58:29,633
24-hour pizza.
1053
00:58:29,667 --> 00:58:31,700
If we're not here in 24 hours,
we're not coming.
1054
00:58:31,733 --> 00:58:32,833
Who ordered the large?
1055
00:58:32,867 --> 00:58:33,833
I got it.
1056
00:58:33,867 --> 00:58:36,233
No, no, no, no.
I got that. Allow me.
1057
00:58:36,267 --> 00:58:37,233
No, really. I got it.
1058
00:58:37,267 --> 00:58:38,833
No, I got it.
I got it.
1059
00:58:38,867 --> 00:58:39,867
Hagitha, allow me.
1060
00:58:39,900 --> 00:58:41,333
I'll flip you.
You're on.
1061
00:58:41,367 --> 00:58:42,333
Ooh!
Oh!
1062
00:58:45,500 --> 00:58:47,233
Best 2 out of 3?
1063
00:58:47,267 --> 00:58:49,500
Ok.
Ok.
1064
00:58:50,667 --> 00:58:52,733
Jeez.
1065
00:58:52,767 --> 00:58:54,000
All right, listen.
1066
00:58:54,033 --> 00:58:55,467
There are certain rules
you have to follow
1067
00:58:55,500 --> 00:58:57,867
in a parody situation
if you want to survive, ok?
1068
00:58:57,900 --> 00:58:59,800
Exaggerate everything.
1069
00:59:01,100 --> 00:59:04,167
Accept
the ridiculous as logical.
1070
00:59:06,933 --> 00:59:10,033
Don't worry. I know
how to please a woman.
1071
00:59:10,067 --> 00:59:12,833
Sexual sight gags, always funny.
1072
00:59:12,867 --> 00:59:15,000
We're almost there.
Almost there.
1073
00:59:15,033 --> 00:59:18,467
Come on, baby, yeah!
Yeah! Yes!
1074
00:59:18,500 --> 00:59:22,533
Yes! I got it!
Oh, yeah. Oh.
1075
00:59:22,567 --> 00:59:25,033
And along with
wacky sound effects...
1076
00:59:25,067 --> 00:59:27,533
Here's boner.
1077
00:59:30,500 --> 00:59:32,567
And unlimited absurdity.
1078
00:59:34,367 --> 00:59:35,433
Aah!
1079
00:59:41,567 --> 00:59:42,633
Aah!
1080
00:59:42,667 --> 00:59:43,867
Aah!
1081
00:59:43,900 --> 00:59:45,600
Aah!
1082
01:00:03,267 --> 01:00:05,867
Remember.
Nothing is sacred.
1083
01:00:05,900 --> 01:00:07,200
Damn it!
1084
01:00:11,767 --> 01:00:13,733
Perfect.
1085
01:00:13,767 --> 01:00:16,400
Just perfect.
1086
01:00:16,433 --> 01:00:19,333
You're forgetting.
Point out the obvious.
1087
01:00:19,367 --> 01:00:21,033
Mm-hmm.
1088
01:00:21,067 --> 01:00:25,200
And finally, perpetuate
painful stereotypes.
1089
01:00:25,233 --> 01:00:28,733
That's ridiculous.
1090
01:00:31,333 --> 01:00:32,867
See, now that's Orion...
1091
01:00:32,900 --> 01:00:35,733
And that's his penis.
1092
01:00:35,767 --> 01:00:37,700
No, that's the big Dipper.
1093
01:00:37,733 --> 01:00:39,733
Really? I call mine
"Thor's hammer."
1094
01:00:43,233 --> 01:00:45,233
I can't see shit.
Oof!
1095
01:00:45,267 --> 01:00:47,800
The bottom line is,
parodies come from truth.
1096
01:00:47,833 --> 01:00:49,133
It's observational,
1097
01:00:49,167 --> 01:00:51,533
so if something
looks familiar, heads up.
1098
01:00:51,567 --> 01:00:53,200
Huh?
1099
01:01:16,033 --> 01:01:17,367
Ha ha, boner.
1100
01:01:20,667 --> 01:01:21,633
Boner?
1101
01:01:22,767 --> 01:01:24,700
Yeah.
1102
01:01:30,367 --> 01:01:31,400
Stay back, asshole.
1103
01:02:21,767 --> 01:02:23,500
Yeah.
1104
01:02:23,533 --> 01:02:27,567
♪ We've got a right to be lovers ♪
1105
01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:29,867
♪ ooh, we were made
for each oth... ♪
1106
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:35,533
Yeah.
1107
01:02:35,567 --> 01:02:36,733
Yeah!
1108
01:02:43,567 --> 01:02:45,333
Help!
1109
01:03:28,767 --> 01:03:30,867
Damn these fake tits.
1110
01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:45,567
Oh, no.
1111
01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:47,200
Ohh.
1112
01:03:47,233 --> 01:03:50,400
Well, this surveillance work
is really interesting.
1113
01:03:50,433 --> 01:03:51,400
Yeah.
1114
01:03:51,433 --> 01:03:52,500
Must be really hard
1115
01:03:52,533 --> 01:03:55,033
trying to be so
inconspicuous and quiet.
1116
01:03:55,067 --> 01:03:56,167
Right, well, not everybody's
1117
01:03:56,200 --> 01:03:57,300
cut out for it, you know.
1118
01:03:57,333 --> 01:03:58,733
Hey, have you ever
heard me play the drums?
1119
01:03:58,767 --> 01:03:59,667
Come here!
1120
01:04:24,833 --> 01:04:25,867
Aah!
1121
01:04:33,833 --> 01:04:35,367
Aah!
1122
01:05:00,867 --> 01:05:03,233
Oh, damn.
1123
01:05:11,733 --> 01:05:13,167
Whoo!
1124
01:05:17,567 --> 01:05:19,900
Hey, not bad.
1125
01:05:21,700 --> 01:05:22,667
All right, here it comes.
1126
01:05:22,700 --> 01:05:24,667
And don't
call me Shirley!
1127
01:05:24,700 --> 01:05:25,700
Whoo!
1128
01:05:25,733 --> 01:05:27,367
Hey, hey, guys.
1129
01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:29,067
They just found
the administrator
1130
01:05:29,100 --> 01:05:31,800
formerly known as principal
bound and gagged. Dead.
1131
01:05:32,900 --> 01:05:34,700
Let's get down there
before the coroner does
1132
01:05:34,733 --> 01:05:36,167
and play weekend
at Bernie's with him.
1133
01:05:40,333 --> 01:05:41,567
And I never got
a chance to know him.
1134
01:05:42,700 --> 01:05:44,233
Um, I'll get it.
It could be my accountant.
1135
01:05:45,867 --> 01:05:47,800
What?
1136
01:05:51,733 --> 01:05:54,700
So, here we are, all alone.
1137
01:05:54,733 --> 01:05:57,633
Right.
1138
01:05:57,667 --> 01:06:00,633
I have something
for you, Dawson.
1139
01:06:00,667 --> 01:06:04,067
Oh, yeah?
1140
01:06:04,100 --> 01:06:06,533
I want you, Dawson.
1141
01:06:06,567 --> 01:06:08,367
You want me to wear that?
1142
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:10,700
No. This is for me,
1143
01:06:10,733 --> 01:06:13,067
but this...
1144
01:06:13,100 --> 01:06:15,400
Is for you.
1145
01:06:15,433 --> 01:06:18,800
Oh.
1146
01:06:18,833 --> 01:06:21,700
Wait... wait...
Wait a second.
1147
01:06:21,733 --> 01:06:23,300
I thought you were a lesbian?
1148
01:06:23,333 --> 01:06:25,533
A lesbian?
1149
01:06:25,567 --> 01:06:26,700
Why?
1150
01:06:26,733 --> 01:06:28,367
Hello.
1151
01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:30,700
You play softball.
1152
01:06:30,733 --> 01:06:32,867
You watch ally mcbeal.
1153
01:06:32,900 --> 01:06:35,067
The wnba.
1154
01:06:35,100 --> 01:06:37,300
No, Dawson, I'm not gay.
1155
01:06:37,333 --> 01:06:39,367
Barbara's gay.
1156
01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:42,200
Barbara?
1157
01:06:42,233 --> 01:06:45,033
Big Rosie fan.
1158
01:06:45,067 --> 01:06:47,967
But... but you are
a witch, right?
1159
01:06:48,000 --> 01:06:49,133
Oh, yeah, yeah.
1160
01:06:49,167 --> 01:06:50,900
Whoa!
1161
01:06:56,933 --> 01:06:59,167
Lamegag, you scared
the crap out of us.
1162
01:07:00,267 --> 01:07:01,233
What is it, boy?
1163
01:07:02,500 --> 01:07:04,200
I'm sorry.
1164
01:07:04,233 --> 01:07:05,700
What is it, girl?
1165
01:07:07,267 --> 01:07:09,067
Slab's in trouble?
1166
01:07:09,100 --> 01:07:10,300
Steroids?
1167
01:07:10,333 --> 01:07:12,067
In the bathroom?
1168
01:07:12,100 --> 01:07:13,833
Burt Reynolds wears a rug?
1169
01:07:15,067 --> 01:07:16,400
O.j. Was framed?
1170
01:07:16,433 --> 01:07:18,967
Khakis aren't cool?
1171
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:20,000
No, I have to disagree with you.
1172
01:07:20,033 --> 01:07:21,000
I think you're completely...
1173
01:07:21,033 --> 01:07:22,033
Well, fuck you, too!
1174
01:07:23,067 --> 01:07:24,367
Come on. Let's go.
1175
01:07:29,367 --> 01:07:30,333
Slab!
1176
01:07:30,367 --> 01:07:31,533
Oh, my god.
1177
01:07:34,767 --> 01:07:38,400
I... I think I used
too much.
1178
01:07:41,167 --> 01:07:42,533
Oh.
1179
01:08:02,700 --> 01:08:05,967
Oh, this is horrible.
1180
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:07,367
I know.
1181
01:08:07,400 --> 01:08:09,767
Who is gonna clean all this up?
1182
01:08:15,767 --> 01:08:17,200
Dawson, no!
1183
01:08:17,233 --> 01:08:19,567
There's no point
in beating dead horse.
1184
01:08:28,733 --> 01:08:30,533
Ok...
1185
01:08:30,567 --> 01:08:33,733
Dawson, I'm going to...
1186
01:08:33,767 --> 01:08:35,367
Dawson?
1187
01:08:35,400 --> 01:08:36,567
Dawson!
1188
01:08:36,600 --> 01:08:39,133
I was just checking for clues.
1189
01:08:39,167 --> 01:08:40,567
Could you...
1190
01:08:49,367 --> 01:08:52,400
Mmm, beefy!
1191
01:08:56,933 --> 01:08:57,900
You're too late.
1192
01:09:12,033 --> 01:09:14,700
♪ Caroline laughs,
and it's raining all day ♪
1193
01:09:14,733 --> 01:09:18,200
♪ she loves to be
one of the girls ♪
1194
01:09:18,233 --> 01:09:20,700
♪ lives in the place
inside of our lives ♪
1195
01:09:20,733 --> 01:09:24,033
♪ where nothing
is ever put straight ♪
1196
01:09:24,067 --> 01:09:27,367
♪ she turns herself around,
and she says ♪
1197
01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:30,033
♪ "this is it,
that's the end of the joke," ♪
1198
01:09:30,067 --> 01:09:33,367
♪ loses herself
in her dreaming and sleep ♪
1199
01:09:33,400 --> 01:09:36,067
♪ and her lovers walk through
in their coats ♪
1200
01:09:36,100 --> 01:09:37,100
♪ she's ♪
1201
01:09:38,733 --> 01:09:41,133
♪ pretty in pink ♪
1202
01:09:41,167 --> 01:09:44,833
♪ isn't she ♪
1203
01:09:44,867 --> 01:09:47,900
♪ pretty in pink? ♪
1204
01:09:47,933 --> 01:09:49,700
♪ Isn't she? ♪
1205
01:09:49,733 --> 01:09:52,167
♪ All of her lovers
all talk of her notes ♪
1206
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:55,533
♪ and the flowers
that they never sent ♪
1207
01:09:55,567 --> 01:09:58,933
♪ and wasn't she easy? ♪
1208
01:10:00,433 --> 01:10:03,567
♪ Isn't she
pretty in pink? ♪
1209
01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:06,300
♪ The one who insists
he was first in the line ♪
1210
01:10:06,333 --> 01:10:09,700
♪ is the last
to remember her name... ♪
1211
01:10:09,733 --> 01:10:12,200
Whoa!
1212
01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:16,033
♪ She's gone,
but the joke's the same ♪
1213
01:10:16,067 --> 01:10:19,067
♪ pretty in pink ♪
1214
01:10:19,100 --> 01:10:21,533
♪ isn't he? ♪
1215
01:10:21,567 --> 01:10:25,367
♪ Pretty in pink ♪
1216
01:10:25,400 --> 01:10:27,167
♪ isn't he? ♪
1217
01:10:33,233 --> 01:10:35,833
♪ Caroline talks
to you softly sometimes ♪
1218
01:10:35,867 --> 01:10:38,533
♪ she says "I love you"
and "too much" ♪
1219
01:10:38,567 --> 01:10:42,800
♪ she doesn't have anything
you want to steal ♪
1220
01:10:42,833 --> 01:10:45,900
♪ well, nothing
you can touch ♪
1221
01:10:47,000 --> 01:10:48,967
♪ she waves ♪
1222
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:50,067
♪ she buttons your shirt ♪
1223
01:10:50,100 --> 01:10:52,700
♪ the traffic is waiting outside ♪
1224
01:10:52,733 --> 01:10:54,067
♪ she hands you this coat ♪
1225
01:10:54,100 --> 01:10:58,400
♪ she gives you her clothes,
the cars collide ♪
1226
01:11:25,500 --> 01:11:27,333
All right.
1227
01:11:29,900 --> 01:11:31,833
All right, pepperoni boy,
let's see 'em.
1228
01:11:42,900 --> 01:11:44,167
We made it.
1229
01:11:46,267 --> 01:11:47,467
Oh!
1230
01:11:49,333 --> 01:11:50,700
Oh!
Oh!
1231
01:11:56,433 --> 01:11:59,333
No, hold on.
I'll take care of this.
1232
01:11:59,367 --> 01:12:01,633
You mean, big bully.
1233
01:12:01,667 --> 01:12:03,300
Bad, bad, bad killer.
1234
01:12:03,333 --> 01:12:04,733
I'm gonna scratch your eyes out,
1235
01:12:04,767 --> 01:12:06,867
you bad bully...
Oh, boy!
1236
01:12:10,367 --> 01:12:11,533
Whoa.
1237
01:12:11,567 --> 01:12:13,067
Hahh!
1238
01:12:18,933 --> 01:12:21,167
Yeah.
1239
01:12:31,333 --> 01:12:33,400
All right! Yeah!
1240
01:12:33,433 --> 01:12:34,833
Kick his ass!
1241
01:12:34,867 --> 01:12:36,733
Oh!
1242
01:12:36,767 --> 01:12:37,900
Oh!
1243
01:12:37,933 --> 01:12:38,900
Oh!
1244
01:12:38,933 --> 01:12:41,833
Jerry! Jerry!
Jerry! Jerry!
1245
01:12:47,600 --> 01:12:50,067
Are you sure
you're not a lesbian?
1246
01:12:50,100 --> 01:12:52,867
Well, once at camp.
1247
01:12:52,900 --> 01:12:54,533
Cool.
1248
01:12:54,567 --> 01:12:56,833
Let's find out
who this asshole is.
1249
01:13:08,533 --> 01:13:10,067
Who is that?
1250
01:13:10,100 --> 01:13:11,700
Abe Lincoln.
1251
01:13:11,733 --> 01:13:12,933
Ohh. Abe!
1252
01:13:18,700 --> 01:13:20,567
Ok, come on, now.
Take 'em off.
1253
01:13:20,600 --> 01:13:22,833
But they're company property.
1254
01:13:32,067 --> 01:13:33,100
Nice.
1255
01:13:42,900 --> 01:13:45,567
Shh. Did you
hear that?
1256
01:13:45,600 --> 01:13:46,900
Oh, excuse me.
1257
01:13:46,933 --> 01:13:49,400
No, not that.
1258
01:13:50,567 --> 01:13:52,167
Let's roll.
1259
01:14:02,933 --> 01:14:04,533
Hey, wideload,
1260
01:14:04,567 --> 01:14:07,200
you and pizza dork
gotta hoof it.
1261
01:14:07,233 --> 01:14:09,033
Get off!
1262
01:14:12,267 --> 01:14:13,267
We're going in.
1263
01:14:14,733 --> 01:14:15,700
Come on.
1264
01:14:26,900 --> 01:14:30,033
Hey, I think
this is the last one.
1265
01:14:32,567 --> 01:14:34,333
Huh? You!
1266
01:14:34,367 --> 01:14:35,533
Who were you expecting,
1267
01:14:35,567 --> 01:14:36,867
Billy loomis' mother?
1268
01:14:36,900 --> 01:14:38,967
Of course.
Rule number 101,
1269
01:14:39,000 --> 01:14:41,200
you can't have
a successful parody
1270
01:14:41,233 --> 01:14:43,033
without mocking contrived,
1271
01:14:43,067 --> 01:14:44,967
confusing endings.
1272
01:14:45,000 --> 01:14:47,067
But why, doughy?
1273
01:14:47,100 --> 01:14:49,200
I'm not doughy, dumb-ass.
1274
01:14:49,233 --> 01:14:51,633
Ok, that's not even real.
1275
01:14:51,667 --> 01:14:53,333
But it is dastardly.
1276
01:14:53,367 --> 01:14:54,867
So if you're not doughy,
1277
01:14:54,900 --> 01:14:57,033
that makes you...
1278
01:14:57,067 --> 01:14:58,767
Yes.
1279
01:14:58,800 --> 01:15:02,167
Doughy's evil twin,
cousin Harding.
1280
01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:04,833
Wow, good twist.
1281
01:15:04,867 --> 01:15:07,800
So what's your motive?
1282
01:15:07,833 --> 01:15:10,500
In the millennium,
motives are accidental.
1283
01:15:10,533 --> 01:15:12,500
Um, do you mean incidental?
1284
01:15:12,533 --> 01:15:14,800
I should have killed you first.
1285
01:15:14,833 --> 01:15:16,867
Hey... don't... hey... now!
1286
01:15:16,900 --> 01:15:19,067
So I suppose this
is what you use
1287
01:15:19,100 --> 01:15:20,200
to disguise your voice?
1288
01:15:20,233 --> 01:15:22,567
Hello, Sydney!
1289
01:15:22,600 --> 01:15:24,400
No, I mean this.
1290
01:15:29,333 --> 01:15:31,300
Hello, martina.
1291
01:15:31,333 --> 01:15:33,667
What's your favorite movie?
1292
01:15:33,700 --> 01:15:35,833
I am your father, Luke.
1293
01:15:35,867 --> 01:15:37,667
Freeze!
1294
01:15:37,700 --> 01:15:39,400
Don't shoot.
I give up.
1295
01:15:41,033 --> 01:15:42,000
Harding?
1296
01:15:42,033 --> 01:15:43,800
Yo, dough.
1297
01:15:43,833 --> 01:15:46,800
Doughy, what's...
What's going on?
1298
01:15:46,833 --> 01:15:47,800
They're identical.
1299
01:15:47,833 --> 01:15:50,467
Yeah, one good, one evil.
1300
01:15:50,500 --> 01:15:51,533
Wow.
1301
01:15:51,567 --> 01:15:53,167
Just like the olsens, huh?
1302
01:15:53,200 --> 01:15:55,867
Except where as Harding
enjoys a minuet,
1303
01:15:55,900 --> 01:15:58,200
the ballet russes
and crepe suzette...
1304
01:15:58,233 --> 01:15:59,567
Doughy likes to rock and roll.
1305
01:15:59,600 --> 01:16:01,200
A hot dog makes him
lose control.
1306
01:16:01,233 --> 01:16:02,367
What a wild duet.
1307
01:16:02,400 --> 01:16:03,700
Still they're cousins...
1308
01:16:03,733 --> 01:16:04,700
Identical cousins.
1309
01:16:04,733 --> 01:16:05,700
They laugh alike.
1310
01:16:05,733 --> 01:16:06,700
They walk alike.
1311
01:16:06,733 --> 01:16:07,700
At times they even talk alike.
1312
01:16:07,733 --> 01:16:08,833
And you could lose your mind.
1313
01:16:08,867 --> 01:16:10,133
Shut up, everybody!
1314
01:16:10,167 --> 01:16:11,700
For god's sakes, how many times
1315
01:16:11,733 --> 01:16:13,533
do you think we've heard
that in our lives, huh?
1316
01:16:13,567 --> 01:16:15,033
A little respect!
1317
01:16:15,067 --> 01:16:16,400
Harding! You're a disgrace
1318
01:16:16,433 --> 01:16:18,300
and an embarrassment
to our family.
1319
01:16:18,333 --> 01:16:21,533
Because of the stain
on grandma's dress?
1320
01:16:21,567 --> 01:16:23,067
No.
1321
01:16:25,233 --> 01:16:28,000
Oh, that. Yeah.
1322
01:16:28,033 --> 01:16:30,167
Listen, um...
1323
01:16:30,200 --> 01:16:31,667
I'm really sorry.
1324
01:16:31,700 --> 01:16:33,733
Is there any way I can
make it up to you, doughy?
1325
01:16:33,767 --> 01:16:34,967
Well, first of all,
1326
01:16:35,000 --> 01:16:36,400
you can take that costume back
1327
01:16:36,433 --> 01:16:38,000
to its rightful owners
at the mall.
1328
01:16:38,033 --> 01:16:40,333
I... I don't have
the receipt.
1329
01:16:40,367 --> 01:16:42,533
I'll make some calls,
1330
01:16:42,567 --> 01:16:46,033
but don't forget about
that fake dog shit.
1331
01:16:46,067 --> 01:16:47,500
I didn't take any dog shit.
1332
01:16:47,533 --> 01:16:49,067
Huh?
1333
01:16:52,233 --> 01:16:53,600
Hmm.
1334
01:17:03,100 --> 01:17:04,067
All right, you knucklehead,
1335
01:17:04,100 --> 01:17:05,067
give me a hug.
1336
01:17:08,333 --> 01:17:10,233
Ow.
1337
01:17:12,100 --> 01:17:14,033
Nice shot.
1338
01:17:14,067 --> 01:17:15,233
Huh?
1339
01:17:15,267 --> 01:17:16,233
Ooh!
1340
01:17:19,267 --> 01:17:20,867
Oops!
1341
01:17:20,900 --> 01:17:22,867
You guys all saw that.
1342
01:17:22,900 --> 01:17:24,567
I mean, that was
just an accident.
1343
01:17:24,600 --> 01:17:26,533
Yeah, yeah, it happens.
1344
01:17:26,567 --> 01:17:27,800
Ugh,
1345
01:17:27,833 --> 01:17:30,633
I really need
to get a new shade.
1346
01:17:30,667 --> 01:17:32,067
Here, try mine.
1347
01:17:32,100 --> 01:17:33,533
Oh!
1348
01:17:33,567 --> 01:17:35,033
Perfect.
1349
01:17:35,067 --> 01:17:36,200
Well, I've got my scoop.
1350
01:17:36,233 --> 01:17:37,200
See you, doughy.
1351
01:17:37,233 --> 01:17:39,200
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a minute.
1352
01:17:39,233 --> 01:17:41,033
What about dinner
at the wiener pup?
1353
01:17:41,067 --> 01:17:43,067
Or maybe a snack
at the pretzel shack?
1354
01:17:43,100 --> 01:17:44,067
Did you bring your bike?
1355
01:17:44,100 --> 01:17:45,567
Mm-hmm.
Ok.
1356
01:17:47,933 --> 01:17:49,500
What about us?!
1357
01:17:56,567 --> 01:17:59,133
Pizza guys get all the pussy.
1358
01:18:02,267 --> 01:18:03,233
Don't worry, doughy.
1359
01:18:03,267 --> 01:18:04,733
We got it all under control.
1360
01:18:04,767 --> 01:18:07,533
Yeah, except for
all those dead people.
1361
01:18:08,667 --> 01:18:10,433
Yeah, well...
1362
01:18:12,567 --> 01:18:14,867
Let's go, kids.
1363
01:18:16,867 --> 01:18:17,833
All right, guys.
1364
01:18:17,867 --> 01:18:19,533
Bag 'em. Tag 'em.
We'll wrap this up.
1365
01:18:19,567 --> 01:18:20,700
We'll take it from here.
1366
01:18:20,733 --> 01:18:21,700
Get in there.
1367
01:18:21,733 --> 01:18:22,700
Cover me.
1368
01:18:22,733 --> 01:18:23,833
All right.
I've got your back.
1369
01:18:26,900 --> 01:18:28,233
Here we go.
1370
01:18:28,267 --> 01:18:29,567
Hey, nice buns.
1371
01:18:31,900 --> 01:18:33,567
Whoa!
1372
01:18:33,600 --> 01:18:36,067
Wow, doughy, twin cousins.
1373
01:18:36,100 --> 01:18:38,033
Yeah, the resemblance
was remarkable.
1374
01:18:38,067 --> 01:18:39,867
I know. People say
we look like Tom Cruise.
1375
01:18:39,900 --> 01:18:42,233
Hey, catering.
1376
01:18:48,200 --> 01:18:51,033
Martina. Dawson.
1377
01:18:51,067 --> 01:18:53,067
Boner, you're alive!
1378
01:18:53,100 --> 01:18:55,400
God bless Viagra.
1379
01:18:55,433 --> 01:18:57,467
It saved my life.
1380
01:18:57,500 --> 01:18:58,700
I ate a whole bottle,
1381
01:18:58,733 --> 01:18:59,933
and when I had my heart attack,
1382
01:18:59,967 --> 01:19:03,333
the blood kept pumping anyway.
1383
01:19:03,367 --> 01:19:06,533
I can take this from here.
1384
01:19:09,900 --> 01:19:11,900
Yes!
1385
01:19:17,933 --> 01:19:21,300
We are so lucky we survived.
1386
01:19:21,333 --> 01:19:23,500
Now we can be together forever.
1387
01:19:23,533 --> 01:19:25,767
Well, at least until the sequel.
1388
01:19:29,900 --> 01:19:31,233
Aren't you gay?
1389
01:19:41,033 --> 01:19:42,200
Coffee!
1390
01:19:43,900 --> 01:19:45,867
Not on my watch, punk.
1391
01:19:53,767 --> 01:19:55,500
Well, that about does it.
1392
01:19:55,533 --> 01:19:56,867
I killed my cousin...
1393
01:19:56,900 --> 01:19:57,867
My heart's broken...
1394
01:19:57,900 --> 01:20:00,300
My sister's dead.
1395
01:20:00,333 --> 01:20:03,467
Damn it, I love this job.
1396
01:20:03,500 --> 01:20:06,733
Oh, well, now
we're safe, thank god.
1397
01:20:06,767 --> 01:20:07,967
Yeah.
1398
01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:09,700
Do you want to go for a walk
1399
01:20:09,733 --> 01:20:11,867
in the dark, scary woods?
1400
01:20:11,900 --> 01:20:13,000
Sure.
1401
01:20:23,767 --> 01:20:25,300
Hey, Dawson!
1402
01:20:25,333 --> 01:20:26,867
Everybody, I did it!
1403
01:20:26,900 --> 01:20:29,233
I'm not a virgin anymore!
1404
01:20:36,900 --> 01:20:37,867
Hello, Sydney.
1405
01:20:37,900 --> 01:20:39,200
What?
I said...
1406
01:20:39,233 --> 01:20:40,667
I'm sorry, I'm losing you.
1407
01:20:40,700 --> 01:20:43,533
I said, hello, Sydney.
1408
01:20:43,567 --> 01:20:44,833
You're breaking up.
1409
01:20:44,867 --> 01:20:46,000
Hello?
1410
01:20:47,400 --> 01:20:48,367
Who was it?
1411
01:20:48,400 --> 01:20:49,667
I don't know,
1412
01:20:49,700 --> 01:20:50,900
but if it's important,
1413
01:20:50,933 --> 01:20:52,733
they'll call back.
1414
01:20:54,233 --> 01:20:55,867
Darn cell phones!
1415
01:20:55,900 --> 01:20:58,500
Rich, know-it-all teenagers.
1416
01:21:01,233 --> 01:21:02,533
I've been up all night,
1417
01:21:02,567 --> 01:21:04,700
my back hurts,
and I've got to pee.
91566
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof