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1
00:00:01,532 --> 00:00:04,320
Pick up!
Tables 12, 4, 11.
2
00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:05,410
Got it.
3
00:00:05,410 --> 00:00:07,640
Hey,
when you get a second,
4
00:00:07,650 --> 00:00:10,310
stop looking at my boobs.
5
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,530
Excuse me.
6
00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:16,590
Waitress?
[Snaps]
7
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,800
Dude?
[Snaps]
8
00:00:20,804 --> 00:00:22,420
Hi, what can I get ya?
9
00:00:22,496 --> 00:00:22,530
- We need some...
- [Snaps]
10
00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:25,590
Is that annoying?
11
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:26,900
[Snaps]
12
00:00:26,972 --> 00:00:28,280
Is that
obnoxious and rude?
13
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:28,800
[Snaps]
14
00:00:29,898 --> 00:00:31,980
Would you find it distracting
if someone did that to you
15
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:32,700
while you were working?
16
00:00:32,707 --> 00:00:35,790
Oh, you don't have a job.
Sorry.
17
00:00:35,790 --> 00:00:37,710
Damn, dude,
she burned you.
18
00:00:37,710 --> 00:00:38,740
- Oh.
[Snaps]
19
00:00:39,284 --> 00:00:41,684
No, hipster.
No
20
00:00:42,071 --> 00:00:44,500
Do not think we're on the same
team. We have nothing in common.
21
00:00:44,509 --> 00:00:46,620
I wear knit hats
when it's cold out.
22
00:00:46,677 --> 00:00:49,220
You wear knit hats
'cause of Coldplay.
23
00:00:50,677 --> 00:00:52,290
You have tattoos
to piss off your dad.
24
00:00:52,294 --> 00:00:53,970
My dad doesn't know
he's my dad.
25
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:57,130
And finally ..., You think...
[Snaps]
26
00:00:57,130 --> 00:00:58,730
This is the sound
that gets you service.
27
00:00:58,730 --> 00:01:00,070
I think...
[Snaps]
28
00:01:00,071 --> 00:01:03,630
This is the sound
that dries up my vagina.
29
00:01:04,380 --> 00:01:06,640
The other waitress
disappeared, the Russian one.
30
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,220
We need horseradish.
31
00:01:08,471 --> 00:01:09,340
Please.
32
00:01:10,349 --> 00:01:12,440
That, ladies,
is how you treat a waitress.
33
00:01:18,092 --> 00:01:19,530
Paulina!
34
00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,250
Oh, so... so good, oh...
35
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:26,690
Oh, sorry, I didn't realize
you were on break.
36
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:28,970
I just need
some horseradish.
37
00:01:28,980 --> 00:01:31,480
- Here.
- Oh, cool.
38
00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:37,600
Excuse me,
where's my waitress?
39
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,020
[Screams from back room]
40
00:01:39,020 --> 00:01:41,470
- [Laughing]
- She's coming.
41
00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:45,220
[Upbeat indie rock]
42
00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:50,000
Synced & corrected by:
GhostedNet
43
00:01:55,675 --> 00:01:58,000
Earl.
44
00:01:59,010 --> 00:01:59,650
Earl!
45
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:01,980
I made your favorite,
red velvet.
46
00:02:01,987 --> 00:02:06,200
My little cupcake
brought me a cupcake.
47
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:07,380
Let me pay you for that.
48
00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:08,880
Oh, no, no.
It's on the house.
49
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,380
It's your birthday.
50
00:02:10,627 --> 00:02:11,550
How old are you gonna be?
51
00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:13,000
75.
52
00:02:13,309 --> 00:02:16,840
Oh, Earl, if you were just
three years younger.
53
00:02:16,989 --> 00:02:18,492
Jo ...
Max, Max, big news.
54
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:21,360
The new boss fired
that Russian waitress, Paulina.
55
00:02:21,515 --> 00:02:25,900
Turns out Chesty Kournikova
was Vladimir puttin' it out.
56
00:02:30,458 --> 00:02:33,540
Hello today.
I have paycheck for you.
57
00:02:33,785 --> 00:02:36,730
I need to talk to you.
You fired Paulina, Han?
58
00:02:36,732 --> 00:02:38,500
I am no longer Han Lee.
59
00:02:38,509 --> 00:02:39,660
I have new American name
60
00:02:39,670 --> 00:02:41,080
to go with
changing neighborhood.
61
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,750
To go with
the changing neighborhood.
62
00:02:42,778 --> 00:02:44,970
You need to remember this
for your immigration exam.
63
00:02:44,970 --> 00:02:48,720
Correct. To go with
the changing neighborhood.
64
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,090
[Clears throat]
65
00:02:51,090 --> 00:02:55,780
Bryce?
Your name is Bryce Lee?
66
00:02:58,682 --> 00:03:00,550
Wait, wait,
um, um, um...
67
00:03:01,461 --> 00:03:03,140
Don't hire a new waitress,
okay?
68
00:03:03,170 --> 00:03:04,513
I've been doing
all the work anyway,
69
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,070
and I really could use
the extra money.
70
00:03:06,164 --> 00:03:07,136
You need help.
71
00:03:07,183 --> 00:03:10,190
- No, I don't.
- Everyone need help sometimes.
72
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,652
I don't. I've been waiting
my whole life, okay?
73
00:03:12,661 --> 00:03:15,330
I've waited on tables,
I've waited in bars,
74
00:03:15,385 --> 00:03:17,720
I've waited on
home pregnancy tests.
75
00:03:17,949 --> 00:03:19,633
I already hire new waitress.
76
00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:22,440
She work in all top restaurants
in Manhattan.
77
00:03:22,446 --> 00:03:25,340
I gave her
Paulina's uniform.
78
00:03:27,393 --> 00:03:28,300
Hi.
79
00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:31,153
Mr. Lee,
not to complain,
80
00:03:31,166 --> 00:03:34,520
but I think someone
wore this uniform before me,
81
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,460
like right before me.
82
00:03:36,460 --> 00:03:38,787
Is it possible
that I could get another one?
83
00:03:38,808 --> 00:03:42,780
Maybe one that's
a little less moist.
84
00:03:42,780 --> 00:03:46,200
Also this mustard color doesn't
really go with my skin tone,
85
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,200
neither do
the mustard stains...
86
00:03:49,347 --> 00:03:51,650
And these
various other stains,
87
00:03:51,710 --> 00:03:54,067
and smells.
I hope that's clam chowder.
88
00:03:54,075 --> 00:03:55,915
So...
89
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,110
I think it'd be better
for everyone,
90
00:03:58,110 --> 00:04:00,200
including
my immune system,
91
00:04:00,218 --> 00:04:02,780
if I just keep on wearing
what I'm wearing,
92
00:04:03,056 --> 00:04:05,620
and not the apron,
'cause this is Chanel.
93
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,800
- [Laughs]
- So thank you,
94
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,550
and let's waitress.
95
00:04:14,875 --> 00:04:16,640
Whatever that is,
96
00:04:16,837 --> 00:04:18,310
it does not belong
in this diner.
97
00:04:18,310 --> 00:04:20,400
It belongs
in a show on Bravo.
98
00:04:22,724 --> 00:04:24,970
But she blonde,
hair so shiny,
99
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:26,350
good for business.
100
00:04:26,374 --> 00:04:28,300
Where do you even
find these people?
101
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:31,330
The Russian hooker, the one
before that was a meth addict.
102
00:04:31,334 --> 00:04:33,410
You train her,
I am boss.
103
00:04:33,831 --> 00:04:36,496
- Da boss.
- Oh.
104
00:04:36,517 --> 00:04:38,950
Fine, but make her
wear the uniform.
105
00:04:38,950 --> 00:04:40,000
[Sighs]
106
00:04:40,117 --> 00:04:41,750
Are you sure we can't get
the meth addict back?
107
00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:44,990
She was really good
at cleaning.
108
00:04:45,292 --> 00:04:47,540
But her teeth
fall out.
109
00:04:50,830 --> 00:04:53,960
You are really judgmental,
you know that?
110
00:04:56,623 --> 00:04:58,800
I'm only gonna say this once,
so pay attention.
111
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,705
I'm Caroline, by the way.
And you're Max?
112
00:05:02,349 --> 00:05:05,730
Don't get attached.
So ...
113
00:05:05,734 --> 00:05:08,530
This is the Williamsburg diner,
owned by Han Lee,
114
00:05:08,538 --> 00:05:09,900
who just changed his name
to Bryce Lee,
115
00:05:09,903 --> 00:05:13,750
because I guess he wants people
to take him even less seriously.
116
00:05:13,751 --> 00:05:15,900
Eight months ago he bought it
from the Russian mob.
117
00:05:16,286 --> 00:05:18,648
Clientele used to be
all eastern bloc criminals
118
00:05:18,698 --> 00:05:21,540
and crack whores, but then
he took it over and ruined it.
119
00:05:24,404 --> 00:05:26,880
Hey, sexy woman.
120
00:05:27,334 --> 00:05:28,880
You look so pretty today.
121
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:33,540
You look so beautiful, I forgot
how bad your personality is.
122
00:05:34,294 --> 00:05:36,840
Thanks, Oleg.
123
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,590
Hey, Barbie.
124
00:05:42,753 --> 00:05:46,430
That's Oleg ..., He will hit on you
aggressively and relentlessly.
125
00:05:46,496 --> 00:05:48,000
He doesn't realize
he looks like that,
126
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,362
and I don't have the heart
to tell him.
127
00:05:51,111 --> 00:05:52,740
Miss ...
Could we have some menus?
128
00:05:52,740 --> 00:05:53,990
Oh, sure.
129
00:05:54,433 --> 00:05:56,240
Don't smile.
130
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,870
'Cause it raises the bar,
and then I have to smile,
131
00:05:57,873 --> 00:05:58,890
and I can't be doing that.
132
00:05:58,890 --> 00:06:02,787
It's exhausting
and I have a bad back.
133
00:06:02,909 --> 00:06:05,700
That's Earl,
we're in love.
134
00:06:06,071 --> 00:06:06,800
Do not talk to him,
135
00:06:06,804 --> 00:06:09,370
unless you want to feel whiter
than you already are.
136
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:11,880
Oh ...
-and that stain?
137
00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:14,910
Not clam chowder.
138
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:17,260
Go marry the ketchups.
139
00:06:18,016 --> 00:06:20,930
Marry the ketchups.
I'm on it.
140
00:06:33,751 --> 00:06:37,120
Okay.
Now divorce the ketchups.
141
00:06:40,570 --> 00:06:42,300
Stop.
Just stop.
142
00:06:42,328 --> 00:06:44,000
There's no such thing
as divorcing the ketchups.
143
00:06:44,021 --> 00:06:46,080
You've never waitressed
a day in your life.
144
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:46,909
Yes, I have.
145
00:06:46,972 --> 00:06:47,790
You expect me
to believe you
146
00:06:47,793 --> 00:06:51,000
after watching that whole
Temple Grandin routine?
147
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,480
- I'm telling Lee.
- Okay, okay,
148
00:06:52,484 --> 00:06:54,580
I may have enhanced
my resume.
149
00:06:54,686 --> 00:06:58,420
Enhanced?
What, are we in Paris?
150
00:06:58,538 --> 00:07:00,720
Please,
I really need this job, okay?
151
00:07:00,730 --> 00:07:02,180
We lost all of our money.
152
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:04,730
My trust fund was taken
for legal fees.
153
00:07:04,730 --> 00:07:05,990
My dad is in jail.
154
00:07:05,991 --> 00:07:08,800
What? What are you,
Martin Channing's daughter?
155
00:07:10,425 --> 00:07:13,470
[Gasps]
Where's the paper?
156
00:07:13,730 --> 00:07:15,450
Martin Channing?
157
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:18,020
The guy who ripped off
the entire city is your father.
158
00:07:18,391 --> 00:07:21,470
He told us we were
having a good year.
159
00:07:21,470 --> 00:07:23,580
You're
Caroline Channing.
160
00:07:24,042 --> 00:07:25,400
You're like
a billionaire.
161
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,870
Was.
Was a billionaire.
162
00:07:27,870 --> 00:07:30,120
They froze all our assets,
everything's gone.
163
00:07:30,189 --> 00:07:31,940
I only have
what I could grab,
164
00:07:31,940 --> 00:07:34,370
and I grabbed
all the wrong things.
165
00:07:35,157 --> 00:07:37,130
- So do you know the president?
- I've met him.
166
00:07:37,130 --> 00:07:38,460
- He's hot.
- He's the president.
167
00:07:38,460 --> 00:07:40,080
- Have you been to Switzerland?
- Yes.
168
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,280
- Do you have a horse?
- Yes.
169
00:07:41,284 --> 00:07:45,280
- Do you know Paris Hilton?
- No, she's a hundred.
170
00:07:45,288 --> 00:07:48,050
Excuse me, uh,
two hot chocolate, please.
171
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:49,220
- Comin' up.
- It...
172
00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:50,760
let me do that, please.
173
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,890
I'm a really
fast learner.
174
00:07:51,894 --> 00:07:53,560
I went to
Wharton business school.
175
00:07:53,696 --> 00:07:56,010
I got 2,300 on my SAT's
176
00:07:56,757 --> 00:07:58,630
Can you make a hot chocolate,
or not?
177
00:08:03,772 --> 00:08:04,900
Nailed it.
178
00:08:10,214 --> 00:08:12,910
We split the tips.
Give me yours.
179
00:08:17,861 --> 00:08:19,870
You did better
than I thought you would.
180
00:08:20,185 --> 00:08:21,490
Listen, tonight
I thought of a way
181
00:08:21,494 --> 00:08:22,840
we could make
some extra money.
182
00:08:23,098 --> 00:08:24,300
They've totally
underestimated
183
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:26,265
the price point
on those red velvet cupcakes.
184
00:08:26,307 --> 00:08:28,760
In Manhattan the asking price
is at least seven,
185
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:33,270
so we could sell them for seven,
and then pocket the difference.
186
00:08:33,490 --> 00:08:35,690
Nothing about that
sounds wrong to you?
187
00:08:35,835 --> 00:08:38,020
It's not our fault that
the idiot who makes the cupcakes
188
00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:40,010
doesn't know their worth.
189
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,080
I'm the idiot
who makes the cupcakes.
190
00:08:44,261 --> 00:08:46,230
New information.
191
00:08:46,496 --> 00:08:47,220
Oh, that's stupid.
192
00:08:47,221 --> 00:08:49,950
No one would pay $7
for one of my cupcakes.
193
00:08:50,176 --> 00:08:52,950
Really?
'Cause...
194
00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:59,710
Well, at least we know
you're not adopted.
195
00:09:02,656 --> 00:09:04,830
So how'd you even
end up in Brooklyn?
196
00:09:04,830 --> 00:09:06,850
Oh,
I went on monster.com.
197
00:09:06,858 --> 00:09:08,340
Typed in
"place where nobody
198
00:09:08,345 --> 00:09:10,700
from the Upper East Side
would ever go, ever,"
199
00:09:11,065 --> 00:09:13,720
and this diner came up.
200
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:15,604
You can't wear
a fancy leather jacket
201
00:09:15,612 --> 00:09:16,730
outside in this neighborhood.
202
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:17,880
You have to turn it
inside out.
203
00:09:18,273 --> 00:09:19,364
Oh.
204
00:09:19,557 --> 00:09:22,150
Fur. Cool.
Turn it back.
205
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,100
[Sighs]
206
00:09:25,094 --> 00:09:26,190
So where do you live?
207
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:29,270
Our townhouse was taken
and bolted up by the bank, so...
208
00:09:29,924 --> 00:09:31,560
Is this where I'm supposed to
feel sorry for you?
209
00:09:31,869 --> 00:09:34,160
I mean,
I don't want you to,
210
00:09:34,244 --> 00:09:38,400
but just so you know,
a well-adjusted person would.
211
00:09:38,501 --> 00:09:40,900
I'm dead inside.
212
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:44,690
You make that
pretty obvious.
213
00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:47,500
Anyway, I'm just gonna stay
in the city with a friend.
214
00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:49,990
I live a couple of blocks
that way.
215
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:54,610
I'd walk you to the subway,
it's just that I don't want to.
216
00:09:54,620 --> 00:09:57,970
- Got it.
- Okay.
217
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,880
[Indie rock]
218
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:10,300
♪ ♪
219
00:10:10,408 --> 00:10:13,000
Why is the music so loud?
220
00:10:13,006 --> 00:10:14,640
All: Whoa!
221
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:15,600
It's 3:00
in the morning.
222
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,390
I'm sorry.
223
00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:21,990
It's cool.
So what are you doin'?
224
00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:24,390
- The band's practicing.
225
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,080
But you're not
playing any instruments.
226
00:10:26,442 --> 00:10:27,610
Yeah,
that's how we practice.
227
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:29,130
We, like,
listen to other good music
228
00:10:29,132 --> 00:10:32,040
and play it in our head.
229
00:10:32,572 --> 00:10:34,700
- It's like The Secret.
230
00:10:35,444 --> 00:10:37,540
Well, I have a secret
for you guys.
231
00:10:37,658 --> 00:10:39,590
- Get out!
- Whoa!
232
00:10:41,023 --> 00:10:42,880
- Uh, you guys better go.
All: We should go.
233
00:10:43,452 --> 00:10:45,350
Sorry, guys, I still
have to make the cupcakes.
234
00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:48,700
Cupcakes? For why? You can
just buy 'em at the store.
235
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,920
[Tambourine shake]
236
00:10:51,263 --> 00:10:53,570
You can do that in
the morning, babe, come to bed.
237
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,390
No, I can't. I have to
be in the city by 10:00.
238
00:10:58,660 --> 00:11:01,750
Fine.
You can have three minutes.
239
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:07,700
Fine, you can have eight,
one for each ab.
240
00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:10,260
Boom!
241
00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:14,960
[Over intercom] Stand clear
of the closing doors.
242
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:17,710
[Smooch]
243
00:11:21,844 --> 00:11:24,720
Well, I can cross that
off my bucket list.
244
00:11:34,454 --> 00:11:34,920
Hey.
245
00:11:34,926 --> 00:11:36,270
I have a taser!
246
00:11:36,270 --> 00:11:39,290
Oh!
247
00:11:39,494 --> 00:11:42,320
Oh, my God.
248
00:11:46,282 --> 00:11:48,500
[Gasps] I am so sorry.
249
00:11:48,648 --> 00:11:51,520
I didn't think it would hurt
so much. It's pink.
250
00:11:52,172 --> 00:11:53,670
It didn't feel pink.
251
00:11:54,766 --> 00:11:57,220
I didn't know it was you.
I thought I was being raped.
252
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:02,160
That's not
what rape feels like.
253
00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:04,580
Did you...
254
00:12:04,589 --> 00:12:06,720
did you
sleep on the subway?
255
00:12:06,728 --> 00:12:07,890
I had nowhere else to go,
256
00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:10,200
and I'm too afraid
to sleep outside on the street.
257
00:12:10,926 --> 00:12:13,120
[Chuckles]
God, you're spoiled.
258
00:12:13,642 --> 00:12:16,240
[Over intercom]
Next stop, Greenpoint.
259
00:12:17,246 --> 00:12:19,080
Ugh! Get your stuff. Come on,
I'll take you to my place,
260
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:20,000
- but hurry.
- [Gasps]
261
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,900
'Cause I have to be
in the city in 30 minutes.
262
00:12:25,557 --> 00:12:27,540
Call me.
263
00:12:30,890 --> 00:12:34,090
Oh, my God,
you've been robbed!
264
00:12:36,484 --> 00:12:38,040
This is
how it always looks.
265
00:12:38,042 --> 00:12:41,220
Oh, my God,
totally cute!
266
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:42,790
All right,
I'll be back at 4:00,
267
00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:45,240
and we can go to work together.
Bathroom, bedroom,
268
00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:47,360
boyfriend sleeps till 4:00,
yard.
269
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,600
Oh, you have a yard.
270
00:12:52,774 --> 00:12:53,625
Looks like a really nice place
to relax and do crack.
271
00:12:55,966 --> 00:12:57,650
It is.
272
00:12:58,901 --> 00:13:01,100
I gotta go, I'm gonna be late
for my other job in the city.
273
00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:02,440
You have two jobs?
274
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,200
Yes, I babysit
for a Manhattan socialite diva.
275
00:13:05,225 --> 00:13:06,680
Now I have a set.
276
00:13:11,018 --> 00:13:12,010
Sorry I'm late.
277
00:13:12,252 --> 00:13:13,150
Oh, thank God
you're here,
278
00:13:13,166 --> 00:13:14,420
there is
a bridge and tunnel smell
279
00:13:14,421 --> 00:13:18,490
over by the babies
that's stressing me out.
280
00:13:18,572 --> 00:13:20,290
Their diapers
probably need to be changed.
281
00:13:20,572 --> 00:13:23,630
Again? I swear,
the morning nanny just did that.
282
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,880
Motherhood is for reals.
283
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:30,380
Max, remind me,
what's my Twitter password?
284
00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:32,030
Twitter password.
285
00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,750
Yes!
286
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,710
Hi, Brad.
Hi, Angelina.
287
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,903
Max, I need to tell you
something because we're family.
288
00:13:42,058 --> 00:13:45,060
Now get me room temperature
water and come over here.
289
00:13:49,402 --> 00:13:52,020
We are victims
of the Channing Ponzi scheme.
290
00:13:53,115 --> 00:13:56,110
Me, David,
and Brangelina.
291
00:13:57,322 --> 00:13:58,690
How much money
did you lose?
292
00:13:59,852 --> 00:14:02,280
Hold my hands.
293
00:14:03,284 --> 00:14:05,530
Nothing.
294
00:14:05,692 --> 00:14:07,550
But it really scared me.
295
00:14:09,591 --> 00:14:12,400
Open that?
296
00:14:12,429 --> 00:14:14,680
So do you know
Caroline Channing?
297
00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:17,250
No,
but she lost everything.
298
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,145
She has no money.
299
00:14:19,216 --> 00:14:20,850
Can you imagine
having no money?
300
00:14:20,976 --> 00:14:25,720
I mean, you wouldn't even
have any money.
301
00:14:26,425 --> 00:14:28,560
You should twit that.
302
00:14:29,073 --> 00:14:31,250
And no one
will even talk to her.
303
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:33,410
I heard she went
to six different friends' houses
304
00:14:33,410 --> 00:14:34,602
for a place to stay,
305
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,620
and they all had to pretend
they weren't home.
306
00:14:37,827 --> 00:14:39,440
- That's not cool.
- Yeah.
307
00:14:39,541 --> 00:14:41,600
- That's really sad.
- So sad.
308
00:14:41,776 --> 00:14:43,460
Breaks my heart.
309
00:14:43,524 --> 00:14:46,010
I guess motherhood has really
opened me up emotionally.
310
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,330
Max, I need to hold
one of the babies,
311
00:14:48,330 --> 00:14:51,750
bring me one.
312
00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:54,120
[Quietly babbles]
313
00:14:54,741 --> 00:14:57,170
No, the other one.
That's not the good one.
314
00:15:02,138 --> 00:15:03,290
Hello.
315
00:15:03,578 --> 00:15:07,060
Oh, hi. Oh, I'm so sorry
if I woke you up.
316
00:15:07,309 --> 00:15:10,350
[Chuckles]
Who are you?
317
00:15:10,437 --> 00:15:13,500
I'm Max's friend.
Uh, don't tell her I said that.
318
00:15:13,528 --> 00:15:15,160
I have a feeling if she heard me
call her my friend,
319
00:15:15,166 --> 00:15:17,410
- she'd stab me.
- [Laughs]
320
00:15:17,528 --> 00:15:18,820
What are you doin'
over there?
321
00:15:18,968 --> 00:15:20,310
Just washing my uniform,
322
00:15:20,404 --> 00:15:21,740
trying to make it
a little more cute
323
00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:23,530
and a little less crusty.
324
00:15:23,776 --> 00:15:24,780
Oh, watch out!
325
00:15:24,780 --> 00:15:26,620
Oh!
Sorry, oh, my...
326
00:15:26,770 --> 00:15:30,490
- Do you have a towel or a rag?
- No, I... I got it.
327
00:15:30,850 --> 00:15:31,840
Oh, okay.
328
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:39,710
I'm Robbie.
329
00:15:39,831 --> 00:15:42,100
I'm uncomfortable.
330
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,180
You're getting me wet.
331
00:15:43,701 --> 00:15:45,720
That's the point.
332
00:15:45,890 --> 00:15:47,340
You're Max's boyfriend.
333
00:15:47,340 --> 00:15:48,370
It's cool.
334
00:15:48,450 --> 00:15:51,310
No, it's not.
Back up, Jersey shore.
335
00:15:54,673 --> 00:15:56,180
You're pathetic,
336
00:15:56,180 --> 00:15:58,230
and that's coming from someone
who's homeless
337
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:01,200
and wearing white
after labor day.
338
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,031
And I've seen better.
339
00:16:11,848 --> 00:16:13,760
No, you haven't.
340
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,090
Hey.
Why didn't you wait for me?
341
00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:22,890
I thought we were
coming over together.
342
00:16:22,890 --> 00:16:27,230
Oh. Um, I wanted to get here
early to marry the ketchups.
343
00:16:28,310 --> 00:16:29,550
Listen,
I heard something
344
00:16:29,550 --> 00:16:31,150
really upsetting
about you today.
345
00:16:31,150 --> 00:16:33,230
What did he say,
that I came on to him?
346
00:16:34,391 --> 00:16:35,220
Him who?
347
00:16:35,751 --> 00:16:36,890
Nothing.
348
00:16:43,242 --> 00:16:44,610
Him, Robbie?
349
00:16:45,343 --> 00:16:46,660
It's none of my business,
350
00:16:46,660 --> 00:16:49,570
but you deserve better
than that guy.
351
00:16:49,570 --> 00:16:52,250
[Sighs] Yeah,
it is none of your business.
352
00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:54,870
Ooh, I was just starting
to feel sorry for you.
353
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,420
I'm just saying,
you're worth more than that.
354
00:16:58,623 --> 00:17:00,510
What, I'm supposed to
believe you about this?
355
00:17:01,006 --> 00:17:02,550
The person who lied
on their resume,
356
00:17:02,550 --> 00:17:04,250
and lied about the cupcakes...
you're a liar.
357
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,700
- I'm just trying to help.
- You know what?
358
00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:09,940
Since you seem to know
so much about everything,
359
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,640
why don't you
take your Wharton degree,
360
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,260
and your ridiculous coat, and
figure this all out yourself.
361
00:17:14,260 --> 00:17:15,390
Max.
362
00:17:15,390 --> 00:17:17,190
- Max, wait.
- Oh, look,
363
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,450
the arcade fire concert
just let out across the street,
364
00:17:19,450 --> 00:17:21,180
good luck with that.
365
00:17:21,180 --> 00:17:23,100
She's coming back,
right?
366
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,330
She's not gonna
leave me here alone
367
00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:26,800
with a restaurant
full of people?
368
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:28,770
Let me put it to you
this way.
369
00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:29,860
You might as well be
370
00:17:29,860 --> 00:17:33,690
a night maid
at the Schwarzenegger house.
371
00:17:34,126 --> 00:17:36,680
You got screwed.
372
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,270
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah.
373
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,110
[Tambourine hits]
That feels so good.
374
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,570
Now put your tambourine
around it.
375
00:17:49,580 --> 00:17:50,610
[Tambourine shakes]
376
00:17:50,610 --> 00:17:52,880
[Sighs]
377
00:17:53,166 --> 00:17:54,660
Hi, honey, I'm home.
378
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:56,080
[Thump]
379
00:17:57,583 --> 00:18:00,090
I want you gone
by the time I get back.
380
00:18:00,517 --> 00:18:02,450
Babe!
Babe, I can explain.
381
00:18:03,418 --> 00:18:06,780
You weren't
supposed to be home.
382
00:18:06,901 --> 00:18:08,700
People say
I deserve better than you.
383
00:18:08,730 --> 00:18:09,667
Who?
384
00:18:09,709 --> 00:18:12,430
That blonde girl? She doesn't
know what she's talkin' about.
385
00:18:13,149 --> 00:18:15,130
She went to Wharton
386
00:18:15,444 --> 00:18:16,630
and Switzerland.
387
00:18:26,985 --> 00:18:28,610
Yo, yo.
Look at that.
388
00:18:29,090 --> 00:18:30,300
That girl is
workin' harder
389
00:18:30,303 --> 00:18:34,750
than Stephen Hawking tryin'
to put in a pair of cufflinks.
390
00:18:37,448 --> 00:18:38,710
Here, let me help you
with that.
391
00:18:38,710 --> 00:18:40,193
I don't need any help.
392
00:18:40,757 --> 00:18:42,430
Everyone needs help
sometimes.
393
00:18:48,084 --> 00:18:51,044
This isn't
what I ordered.
394
00:18:51,852 --> 00:18:53,044
This is Caroline.
395
00:18:53,056 --> 00:18:54,470
She may have gotten
your order wrong,
396
00:18:54,470 --> 00:18:56,440
but she does
get some things right.
397
00:19:02,829 --> 00:19:03,680
Thank you.
398
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,370
No, thank you.
399
00:19:06,686 --> 00:19:08,620
What'd you see in that guy,
anyway?
400
00:19:09,010 --> 00:19:10,597
He had these
muscle thingies.
401
00:19:10,606 --> 00:19:13,660
- Oh, those things?
- Yeah.
402
00:19:13,781 --> 00:19:14,830
I don't know
what those are called,
403
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:17,600
but they make smart girls
stupid.
404
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:18,740
Max!
405
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:21,220
I thought your tight ass
wasn't coming in tonight,
406
00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:24,590
and my heart
broke in half.
407
00:19:25,103 --> 00:19:27,370
You know what, Oleg?
408
00:19:27,370 --> 00:19:29,210
I needed that.
409
00:19:34,980 --> 00:19:37,880
So, um...
410
00:19:38,088 --> 00:19:40,900
I need a roommate,
if you want to crash.
411
00:19:40,989 --> 00:19:41,490
Hmm.
412
00:19:41,941 --> 00:19:46,270
Not gonna lie, the subway's
cleaner than your couch.
413
00:19:47,002 --> 00:19:48,440
[Laughs] Wow.
414
00:19:48,547 --> 00:19:50,530
I just felt myself
starting to like you.
415
00:19:50,812 --> 00:19:52,250
Really? Because I really feel
like we could...
416
00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:55,200
[giggles]
I knew that wouldn't last.
417
00:19:55,545 --> 00:19:57,149
Come on.
418
00:19:57,574 --> 00:19:58,730
Tomorrow we can
go into the city
419
00:19:58,732 --> 00:20:00,510
and get
the rest of your stuff.
420
00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:02,760
Everything's locked up.
421
00:20:02,985 --> 00:20:05,960
What, you have nothing that
you care about that we can get?
422
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,510
Well,
there is one thing.
423
00:20:09,844 --> 00:20:12,770
The weirdest thing
is that nobody stopped us.
424
00:20:14,741 --> 00:20:15,940
I'm gonna save
a fortune,
425
00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:18,360
keeping him here
instead of in the stables.
426
00:20:19,157 --> 00:20:22,810
When did you put this whole
horse-in-my-yard thing together?
427
00:20:23,107 --> 00:20:23,980
I can't help it.
428
00:20:23,980 --> 00:20:25,930
I see an opportunity,
and I make it happen,
429
00:20:25,930 --> 00:20:28,070
like with your cupcakes.
430
00:20:28,433 --> 00:20:30,150
Like what
with my cupcakes?
431
00:20:30,488 --> 00:20:32,620
Ready?
To open a bake shop,
432
00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:34,720
all we need is
250 grand start-up money,
433
00:20:34,724 --> 00:20:36,467
for the real estate,
and the basic equipment...
434
00:20:36,602 --> 00:20:38,460
Yeah. Oh.
435
00:20:38,460 --> 00:20:40,690
- 250 grand, that's all?
- Yeah.
436
00:20:40,694 --> 00:20:42,660
Did freakin' Chestnut here
kick you in the head
437
00:20:42,670 --> 00:20:44,300
while I was in Starbucks?
438
00:20:44,774 --> 00:20:45,550
Hear me out.
439
00:20:45,550 --> 00:20:48,250
If we both worked two jobs
and made $2,000 a week,
440
00:20:48,260 --> 00:20:50,720
we could open a cupcake business
in a little over a year.
441
00:20:51,267 --> 00:20:53,500
In the past two days,
we've made $387,
442
00:20:53,549 --> 00:20:54,850
and that's a good start.
443
00:20:54,896 --> 00:20:56,180
We can make extra money
at other jobs,
444
00:20:56,180 --> 00:20:58,680
like publicists,
advertising executives...
445
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:02,130
Janitors, drug mules.
446
00:21:03,270 --> 00:21:05,990
We really need to
work on your self-esteem.
447
00:21:06,530 --> 00:21:07,292
So...
448
00:21:07,364 --> 00:21:10,100
You, cupcakes,
me, business background,
449
00:21:10,101 --> 00:21:13,460
us, success.
What do you think?
450
00:21:14,896 --> 00:21:16,500
I think
you have a horse.
451
00:21:17,136 --> 00:21:19,500
I think we have a horse.
452
00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:22,420
[Whinnies]
453
00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:28,000
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