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1
00:00:00,134 --> 00:00:02,134
iously on "Wrecked"...
I'm going to break you
2
00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:03,802
and watch you hunt
each other to the death.
3
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:05,203
[ Electricity crackles ]
Aah!
4
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:07,872
Errol's bracelets
can deliver up to 1,000 volts
5
00:00:07,874 --> 00:00:10,008
of just the touch
of a single button.
6
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,611
[ Electricity crackling ]
[ All screaming ]
7
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,012
Must be
a short circuit.
8
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,581
Jess!
9
00:00:16,751 --> 00:00:19,484
[ Ominous music plays ]
10
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:22,554
♪♪
11
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:23,888
Ahh! [ Laughs ]
12
00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:25,557
♪ We comin' to paint the town ♪
13
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,760
[ Girls squealing, laughter ]
What up, hookers?
14
00:00:27,762 --> 00:00:29,227
This is my sister Caitlin L.,
15
00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:31,229
and this is my sister
Caitlynn with two N's.
16
00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:35,099
If you're here, it's because we
think you've got what it takes
17
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:38,170
to roll with Phi Gamma Phi.
[ Girls squealing ]
18
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:41,239
But we've got
one more test for you
19
00:00:41,241 --> 00:00:43,241
before you're officially in.
20
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:46,044
Hope you bitches are ready
to ride the lightning.
21
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,380
[ Electricity crackling ]
Who's up first?
22
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:51,049
[ Exhales sharply ]
Oh, my God, Alison.
23
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,185
I can't believe
we got into Gamma Phi.
24
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:55,654
This is literally
the best day of my life.
25
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:58,323
[ Liquid swishes ]
I mean, it's, like, I can just
see the next four years...
26
00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:00,925
[ Electricity crackles ]
...Gamma Phi, captain
of the color guard team,
27
00:01:00,927 --> 00:01:03,462
graduation,
and then, L.A., here I come.
28
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:06,731
Oh, my God. Do you think
you'll meet Nicole Richie?
[ Electricity crackles ]
Girl: Ow!
29
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:09,267
Probably.
I mean, I will be a publicist.
30
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:10,803
But the most
important thing...
[ Electricity crackles ]
31
00:01:10,805 --> 00:01:12,537
...is getting
out of Arizona.
32
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:14,673
And it looks so good having
Gamma Phi on your résumé.
33
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:17,409
Mm-hmm.
It's like the most prestigious
sorority in the whole country.
34
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:20,212
You're up, donkey slut.
♪ We gon' own the night ♪
35
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:23,682
Phi Gamma Phi sister
till I die!
36
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,351
♪ We gon' own the night ♪
37
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,687
[ Electricity crackles ]
38
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:32,557
[ Dramatic music plays ]
39
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:33,758
[ Groans ]
40
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,927
[ Body thuds ]
41
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,764
Todd: Babe?
Time to wake up.
42
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,700
Hey, buddy, I think
you've slapped her enough.
43
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,635
What if you just
let her rest for a bit
44
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,370
and maybe she'll wake up
on her own?
45
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,105
Oh, I'm sorry, Owen.
46
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,973
Are you a doctor?
Okay.
47
00:01:48,975 --> 00:01:51,010
Are you a doctor?
48
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:53,912
How about you three numbnuts?
49
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,580
Did you go to med school
together?
50
00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:57,516
Todd, you know none of us
are doctors.
51
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:58,583
You're damn right I do!
52
00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:01,186
So shut your non-doctor yaps
53
00:02:01,188 --> 00:02:04,122
and let me
slap my wife awake!
54
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:07,926
Good morning,
my little caged beasties.
55
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:09,594
You son of a bitch.
56
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:11,796
You're lucky my arms are too
jacked to fit through this cage,
57
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,932
or I'd be choking you out
right now!
58
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:16,334
Oh, yes. Your wife.
59
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:18,803
Has she recovered
from her little shock?
60
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,605
Well, for your information,
she's --
61
00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:22,474
Pbht! Kidding.
62
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:25,343
I really don't give a goose's
queef about you or your wife.
63
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:27,880
I'm here because I wish to speak
with your leader.
64
00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:31,550
All right. Don't worry, guys.
He's not gonna break me.
65
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,485
I'm just glad I'm the one
that's gonna have to --
66
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,287
Oh, God, no, not you.
67
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,022
I wish to speak
with your leader.
68
00:02:38,024 --> 00:02:39,291
[ Ominous music plays ]
69
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:42,361
Him, with the mustache.
70
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:44,229
[ Birds chirping ]
71
00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:46,030
Steve?!
72
00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:47,699
You think that Steve
is the leader?
73
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,768
And why is that so hard
to believe?
74
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,103
I don't know.
75
00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:52,771
'Cause you got your pants
on backwards?!
76
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,507
What?
Oh, no, not again.
77
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,376
Okay. Well done.
One to you.
78
00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,913
But to be fair, they look
the same no matter how you --
79
00:03:00,915 --> 00:03:03,181
Oh, no,
yours are gray on the --
80
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,116
All right, well...
81
00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:06,118
-Oh! My God!
-Oh, my God!
82
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,120
-Jesus, man.
-You see, Owen,
83
00:03:08,122 --> 00:03:09,922
one quality
of a great leader
84
00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:12,324
is being able to admit
when one makes a mistake.
85
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:15,060
[ Pants zip ]
How can I help you,
Declan...
86
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:18,330
other than kill you
for murdering my best friend?!
87
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:20,198
There it is.
88
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,201
That's why I want to speak
with you.
89
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:25,003
Take him upstairs.
90
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:28,340
Well, don't worry about me,
gang. Worry about him.
91
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,208
Or what's left of him
after I've done "unh"!
92
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,077
Aah! That's actually
hurting my arm!
93
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:33,878
That's a little tight
on the side there!
94
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,213
What the hell
am I supposed to do now,
95
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:40,018
just sit back and watch my wife
be all...floppy?
96
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,287
I mean...look at her.
97
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,889
Yeah, it's too bad we don't have
any smelling salts.
98
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,691
♪♪
99
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:49,094
We might not have
smelling salts,
100
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,696
but we've got one better --
101
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:53,298
toots!
102
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:56,301
I wake Jess up like every night
by beefing in bed.
103
00:03:56,303 --> 00:04:00,038
Are you saying that you're gonna
wake her up with a fart?
104
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,439
That's exactly
what I'm saying,
105
00:04:01,441 --> 00:04:03,241
unless one of you doctors
disapproves.
106
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,510
Hmm? You? Tall doctor?
Blondie?
107
00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:06,911
Dr. Quinn?
108
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:09,247
Scraggle hair? Beard?
No? No?
109
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,783
Great!
110
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:14,586
Then let's
fart my wife awake.
111
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,990
[ Dramatic music plays ]
112
00:04:17,992 --> 00:04:20,392
Declan: Normally,
this is the part of the story
113
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:23,061
where the villain removes
the hero's restraints
114
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:25,397
to show that
he's not afraid of him.
115
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,332
I'd like to see you try.
116
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:28,733
[ Electricity crackles ]
Aah!
117
00:04:28,735 --> 00:04:29,934
[ Body thuds ]
118
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,069
[ Groans ]
119
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:35,540
But that's the thing...
Steve.
120
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:38,677
I am afraid of you...
121
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,879
because you're
the only person here
122
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:44,216
that I think
could actually kill me.
123
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:47,886
And, frankly,
I'm intrigued.
124
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:50,823
Well, let's see just how
intrigued you are now.
125
00:04:50,825 --> 00:04:52,891
[ Electricity crackles ]
Aah!
126
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:55,427
You get how this works,
right?
127
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,629
I mean, I'm just
gonna keep shocking you
128
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,031
every time you do that.
129
00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:00,699
I mean, you're --
you're just illustrating
130
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:02,167
why I didn't take the bracelet
off you in the first place.
131
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,768
Illustrate this,
you rich bastard.
132
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,704
[ Electricity crackles ]
Aah!
133
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:08,240
[ Groans ]
Are we good?
134
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:10,642
Okay.
I get how it works.
135
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:14,179
I have a proposal for you,
Steve.
136
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:19,317
But first how about we play
a little gentleman's game...
137
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,853
of chess?
138
00:05:20,855 --> 00:05:23,722
♪♪
139
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,657
Everybody, zip it!
I'm almost ready.
140
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,326
All right, we got to make it
like we usually sleep.
141
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,995
Danny,
put her arm around me.
142
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:34,133
Put the blanket over us.
Come on. Hurry.
143
00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:38,170
All right, shut up!
Everybody, shut up!
144
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,340
[ Grunting ]
145
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:46,879
♪♪
146
00:05:46,881 --> 00:05:49,548
[ Farts ]
[ Exhales slowly ]
147
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,083
-Ohh!
-[ Gags ]
148
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:53,886
-Come back to me.
-[ Whimpers ]
149
00:05:53,888 --> 00:05:57,422
Come on, babe.
Come on, baby.
150
00:05:57,424 --> 00:06:00,625
[ Dramatic music plays ]
151
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:04,629
[ Gasping ]
152
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:05,764
[ Indistinct shouting ]
153
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,031
Owen: Oh, my God!
154
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:08,567
Hell, yeah, babe!
155
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:10,235
Come on!
[ Whimpers ]
156
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:12,905
Where -- Where am I?
157
00:06:12,907 --> 00:06:15,240
Where are the Caitlins?
158
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,775
Why does it smell
like corned beef?
159
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:17,976
Babe, calm down --
160
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,177
Hey,
back away from me!
161
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,979
Relax.
It's us -- your friends.
162
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,380
My friends?
163
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:24,449
My friends are Alison,
Tiffany, Tall Tiffany,
164
00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:27,185
and sometimes Kylie,
when she's not being a bitch.
165
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,387
I've never seen any of you
freaks in my life!
166
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:33,125
Oh, my God.
167
00:06:33,127 --> 00:06:36,195
Her brains are scrambled!
168
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:40,566
Allie?
169
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:42,700
Tiff? Tall Tiff?
170
00:06:42,702 --> 00:06:44,102
Where are you?
171
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,637
Seriously, this isn't funny.
172
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:49,307
Hey, hon, why don't you tell us
the last thing you remember?
173
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:52,310
Uh, duh. I was standing in
the grand hall of Gamma Phi,
174
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:55,047
I did a lightning shot,
and then I woke up here.
175
00:06:55,049 --> 00:06:56,648
Is this off-campus?
176
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:59,317
Now, could someone please
let me out of here?
177
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,319
I have to get ready for
the Cowboys and Indians party.
178
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:04,823
That's the night
we first met.
179
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:07,459
Oh, God bless.
180
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:09,928
She thinks
she's in college.
181
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,663
That's why
she doesn't remember me.
182
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:12,998
She's gone completely...
183
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:16,868
...pre-Todd.
184
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,404
Let me handle this.
185
00:07:18,406 --> 00:07:20,205
[ Whimpers ]
186
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:24,742
Jess, buck up
'cause here's the hard truth.
187
00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:26,411
You were in a plane crash.
188
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,413
We landed
on a deserted island
189
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:31,283
where we were captured
by sexually frustrated pirates.
190
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,685
We stole their cruise ship,
but it sank,
191
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:36,955
and now we're being held captive
by a deranged billionaire
192
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,556
who wants us
to hunt each other
193
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:40,626
so he can watch
and presumably masturbate.
194
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,961
Wait.
Karen, no. Karen, come --
You're upsetting her.
195
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:43,962
Get --
-Okay.
196
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,297
[ Whimpers ]
197
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:47,165
-Hi.
-Hi.
198
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,034
-I'm Owen.
-Hi, Owen.
199
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,235
I'm kinda the leader
of the group.
200
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:53,305
Here's the deal.
You're not 19.
201
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:56,041
You are actually...
202
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:57,509
30.
203
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:01,713
[ Laughs ]
204
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:06,184
Okay, I see what this is --
part of the initiation.
205
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:09,054
Hey, Caitlin L., come out now,
you stupid bitch!
206
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,922
Get me away from
these weird townies!
207
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,190
[ Laughs ]
208
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:15,961
Jess, it's true.
See for yourself.
209
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:18,596
I'm sorry.
210
00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:21,533
[ Dramatic music plays ]
211
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,935
♪♪
212
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,203
Aah!
213
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:26,938
I'm so old!
214
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,607
Ah, chess.
215
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:32,878
It truly is a magnificent game,
isn't it?
216
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,213
A thousand strategies
of attack and defense,
217
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,749
all with
the same simple goal --
218
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:40,486
to kill the king.
[ Chess piece thuds ]
219
00:08:40,488 --> 00:08:44,890
I'm sure you can relate to that,
can't you, Steve?
220
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,758
But the thing with chess
221
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,162
is you always have to think
five steps ahead to ca--
222
00:08:50,164 --> 00:08:52,430
What does the horsey man do
again?
What?
223
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:55,501
He's faster than the others,
but I can't remember whether --
224
00:08:55,503 --> 00:08:57,969
Does he move forwards and
backwards whenever he likes?
225
00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,104
No, that's the rook.
226
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:00,506
Oh, you mean the castle.
227
00:09:00,508 --> 00:09:03,509
Yeah, no, they don't move.
They're made of brick.
228
00:09:03,511 --> 00:09:05,377
Do you not know
how to play chess?
229
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:06,912
Of course I know
how to play chest.
230
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:09,915
It's not "chest."
It's "chess," with an "s."
231
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:12,250
I'm pretty sure
it's "chest."
232
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,785
Why would it
be called "chest"?
233
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,454
Because you get a chest
of treasure when you win!
234
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,789
What?!
I'm sick of --
235
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:20,258
Let's stop mucking around!
I'm making my move.
236
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:24,596
I pick up and levitate
my priest character.
237
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:29,467
He then swims through all
the prawns into your castle.
238
00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:30,802
Now, he's
an undercover priest,
239
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,671
so he seduces your queen
in the middle of the night,
240
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:35,473
after a dinner.
241
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:36,474
Okay.
242
00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:38,577
[ Chess piece thuds ]
King me.
243
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,348
Why don't we do
a little refresher?
244
00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:44,816
[ Ominous music plays ]
And then we can get back
245
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:47,152
to our game of chest.
246
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:48,686
Chess!
247
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:49,888
Chess!
248
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:53,024
So, you're telling me
that I live in a condo...
249
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,160
in Scottsdale...
250
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:57,028
with him?
251
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,297
Hell, yeah, you do.
'Sup?
252
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,632
What about L.A.?
253
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,568
Do I at least do P.R.
in Scottsdale?
254
00:10:02,570 --> 00:10:03,769
Kinda.
255
00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:05,370
You were a Red Bull girl
256
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,906
till I drove your car
into a Dumpster.
257
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,641
I blew that big old can
258
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:12,044
right off the top.
[ Chuckles ]
259
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:16,114
So, I basically graduated
college, and I did nothing?
260
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,315
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
261
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,917
You didn't graduate.
262
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:21,119
You dropped out
and moved to the 'Dale with me.
263
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,588
What?!
Yeah.
264
00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:25,924
I got that sick job offer from
my dad's real-estate company,
265
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,525
and you don't have to work,
266
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:31,930
so you basically sit around
all day doing nothing.
267
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,865
Oh, my God.
268
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,467
I need to be alone.
269
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:37,669
No. Wait. Jess!
270
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,671
Oh, my God.
She has lost it!
271
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,807
She can't even remember
her kick-ass life!
272
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:44,676
I just want
the old Jess back.
273
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,612
[ Sighs ]
274
00:10:46,614 --> 00:10:47,946
[ Chuckles ]
275
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,416
Oh, my God. I can't believe
I didn't see this.
276
00:10:50,418 --> 00:10:53,084
You have to
"Notebook" her.
277
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,420
♪♪
278
00:10:54,422 --> 00:10:56,288
What, like...
slap her with one?
279
00:10:56,290 --> 00:10:58,423
-Oh, no.
-What? No. What?
280
00:10:58,425 --> 00:10:59,825
-No!
-The movie.
281
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:02,560
When old Rachel McAdams
loses her memory
282
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:05,230
and so then old Ryan Gosling
tells her the story
283
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:07,365
of how they fell in love
to get it back.
284
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:08,834
Maybe if you tell her
a story like that,
285
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,502
she'll get her memory back.
286
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:14,172
That could work. All college
girls love them some "Notebook."
287
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,841
So, think, man.
288
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:19,778
What's, like, the most romantic
memory you got?
289
00:11:20,648 --> 00:11:22,247
Easy.
290
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:24,382
My buddy Tug Nut's
bachelor party.
291
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,251
He had a Slip 'N Slide
on the roof,
292
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,585
landed in a baby pool
293
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:30,055
full of some
naughty little Jell-O shots.
294
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:31,256
-What?!
-Yeah.
295
00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:32,458
Was Jess even there?
296
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:33,992
Well, you didn't say
she had to be there.
297
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,793
-Unh!
-Oh, wow!
298
00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:38,063
Ugh! Of course
she has to be there, Todd!
What do you want?
299
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:39,597
You want to know about
the first time
300
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:40,932
that I knew
that I loved her?
301
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:43,068
Yes!
Yes! That's literally
what we're saying!
302
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,470
-Yes!
-Okay!
303
00:11:44,472 --> 00:11:46,672
Stop shitting yourselves!
Okay!
304
00:11:46,674 --> 00:11:48,940
I'll tell you!
[ Soft music plays ]
305
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:53,011
It was the first time that
I took her to a golf course.
306
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,680
It was a Sunday.
307
00:11:54,682 --> 00:11:58,750
She looked so beautiful
in that morning light.
308
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,486
Wait.
309
00:12:00,488 --> 00:12:03,355
Don't tell me.
310
00:12:03,357 --> 00:12:05,491
Tell her.
311
00:12:05,493 --> 00:12:07,693
I told you I don't know
a "Bennifer."
312
00:12:07,695 --> 00:12:09,961
Well, is Britney
still with K-Fed?
313
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,497
'Sup, Jess?
314
00:12:11,499 --> 00:12:14,032
I was wondering
if I could tell you a story,
315
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:17,235
the story...
316
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,504
of us.
317
00:12:18,506 --> 00:12:22,240
Uh, are you trying
to "Notebook" me right now?
318
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,442
[ Dramatic music plays ]
319
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,644
Because
I love that movie!
320
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,046
[ All exhale heavily ]
Told you.
321
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,447
Sick.
322
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,517
It was the summer
of 2006...
323
00:12:31,519 --> 00:12:34,052
[ Seal's "Kiss From A Rose"
plays ]
...two weeks before
we moved to Scottsdale.
324
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:37,389
I'd never taken a girl with me
to the golf course before.
325
00:12:37,391 --> 00:12:42,060
♪ There used to be a greying
tower alone on the sea ♪
Todd: Babe.
326
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:44,196
Babe!
327
00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:45,463
♪ And you... ♪
328
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,399
Sorry.
I said club me.
329
00:12:47,401 --> 00:12:49,067
Just listening to our song.
330
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,869
One --
that's not our song.
331
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:53,271
Our song is "Blurry"
by Puddle Of Mudd.
332
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:57,142
Two -- if you want to hang out
with me on the links,
333
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:59,277
you have to pay attention
to the -- Wait.
334
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:04,750
A muscle-back wedge
with the grooved clubface?
335
00:13:04,752 --> 00:13:06,485
That's...
336
00:13:09,423 --> 00:13:11,757
...the perfect club
for this shot.
337
00:13:11,759 --> 00:13:13,491
Well, yeah, you're gonna
want to get some spin
338
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,027
if you want to
get over the lake, right?
339
00:13:15,029 --> 00:13:18,696
It's not like I'm gonna hand you
a cavity-back like some idiot.
340
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:25,237
Babe, you find a new way to
amazing me every single day.
341
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,038
[ Soft music plays ]
342
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,174
Oh, that is so cute!
343
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:33,278
Flo, shut up. I haven't even
gotten to the good part.
344
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:37,048
Now watch me
crush this shot.
345
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,451
[ Chuckles ]
346
00:13:39,453 --> 00:13:41,119
[ Exhales sharply ]
347
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,721
♪♪
348
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,523
I love you.
[ Grunts ]
349
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:47,525
Oh! God damn it!
[ Water splashes ]
350
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:48,927
What are you doing?!
351
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,729
I told you not to talk
while I'm swinging it!
352
00:13:50,731 --> 00:13:53,131
I literally just told you
I loved you, Todd.
353
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,800
Well, maybe you could have
waited until --
354
00:13:54,802 --> 00:13:57,002
Oh, I don't know --
after the shot!
355
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,805
After the shot?!
Are you kidding me?!
I was having
an incredible game!
356
00:13:59,807 --> 00:14:00,873
Oh, my God!
357
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:04,142
Oh, no.
358
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:06,412
You just think you can do
whatever you want.
359
00:14:06,414 --> 00:14:08,680
What I want is for you
to hand me a dang club.
360
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:09,881
Oh, one of these clubs?
Yes.
361
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,350
Huh? Yeah.
How about this one, huh?
362
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,752
You're going
the wrong way.
363
00:14:13,754 --> 00:14:15,553
Say goodbye to your iron,
bitch!
364
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,089
What are you doing?!
Aah!
365
00:14:17,091 --> 00:14:18,290
No!
366
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:19,625
[ Laughs ]
367
00:14:19,627 --> 00:14:20,959
No! Wait. Hey!
368
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,694
I bought these for you,
you asshole!
369
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:24,696
God damn it!
Unh! Get off me!
370
00:14:24,698 --> 00:14:25,964
Aah!
371
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:27,633
[ Both shout indistinctly ]
Sir, sir...
372
00:14:27,635 --> 00:14:28,900
What?!
...maybe you should
just calm down.
373
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,035
What are you doing?
374
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:31,970
Step off, you old [bleep]
Don't touch him.
375
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,771
I-I thought
he was bothering you.
376
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,441
You're bothering me.
Scram, you old sack of potatoes,
377
00:14:35,443 --> 00:14:37,175
you nasty,
wrinkly old...
378
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:43,449
♪ Baby, I compare you to a kiss
from a rose on the -- ♪
379
00:14:43,451 --> 00:14:45,583
That was when you knew
you loved me?
380
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:48,987
Hell, yeah. When you swept
that old fart's legs,
381
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,188
I knew you were the one.
382
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:53,591
Oh, my God. You literally
turned me into a monster.
383
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,193
Oh, yeah?
384
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:56,928
Well, you married me.
385
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,798
We're married?
386
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:01,599
[ Gasps ]
Yeah.
A couple days ago,
387
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,801
on a Red Hot Chili Peppers
cruise ship --
388
00:15:03,803 --> 00:15:05,203
my dream wedding.
389
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:08,006
You.
You ruined my life.
390
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,942
I never want to see you again,
so just go!
391
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:12,744
Get out of here!
Get out of where?
392
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,346
We're locked in a cage!
393
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:15,681
Then go hide in that toilet,
you turd!
394
00:15:15,683 --> 00:15:17,749
The only turd here
is you!
395
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,385
[ Both scream ]
396
00:15:27,628 --> 00:15:30,963
[ Soft music plays ]
397
00:15:30,965 --> 00:15:33,698
[ Sighs ]
398
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,634
Sorry you're going
through this.
399
00:15:35,636 --> 00:15:37,302
It's a lot to take in.
400
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:38,971
Shhyeah.
401
00:15:38,973 --> 00:15:42,106
I just had this dream
of how my life would turn out.
402
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,109
I'd be
a successful publicist.
403
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,244
I'd be married to Mark Hoppus
from blink-182
404
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:48,913
and have two kids
named Buffy and Angel.
405
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:51,784
None of it turned out
the way I thought it would.
406
00:15:51,786 --> 00:15:54,787
I had dreams, too.
407
00:15:54,789 --> 00:15:56,321
I figured
this would be the year
408
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:59,391
I'd make Variety's
Top 35 Agents Under 35
409
00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:02,327
Without a Sexual Harassment
Lawsuit.
410
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:03,862
[ Sighs ]
411
00:16:03,864 --> 00:16:05,864
What's Variety?
412
00:16:05,866 --> 00:16:09,134
It's just, like, the
most important show-biz
magazine in Hollywood.
413
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,804
Everyone who's anyone
reads it.
414
00:16:11,806 --> 00:16:14,206
It's, like,
really big in L.A.
415
00:16:14,208 --> 00:16:15,607
[ Gasps ]
416
00:16:15,609 --> 00:16:17,009
You live in L.A.?
417
00:16:17,011 --> 00:16:20,345
Hey, Danny, quick question
about "The Notebook."
418
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:23,015
Does Ryan Gosling
end up killing himself
419
00:16:23,017 --> 00:16:26,018
because
he's lost everything?!
420
00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:28,220
I don't know how you got her
in the first place, man.
421
00:16:28,222 --> 00:16:29,554
That story was awful.
422
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,956
Not for me.
It friggin' ruled.
423
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,359
Exactly.
It ruled for you.
424
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:35,694
All of your stories
are about you.
425
00:16:35,696 --> 00:16:37,696
Your entire relationship
is about you.
426
00:16:37,698 --> 00:16:39,564
[ Scoffs ]
So, what?
427
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:42,034
You're saying I should...
428
00:16:44,705 --> 00:16:48,106
Do something nice for her,
you moron!
429
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,476
How am I getting this
before you?
430
00:16:51,645 --> 00:16:55,914
I know one stupid-ass thing
she'll friggin' love.
431
00:16:55,916 --> 00:16:58,116
But I'm gonna need
your help.
432
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,718
Jumba...
Hmm?
433
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,253
...can you sing baritone?
434
00:17:01,255 --> 00:17:03,522
I don't know.
435
00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:10,629
[ Deeply ]
♪ Can I? ♪
436
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,600
Okay, so -- so -- so,
you've -- you've got it now?
437
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:16,735
You --
You know all the pieces?
438
00:17:16,737 --> 00:17:18,070
I'm with you 100%.
439
00:17:18,072 --> 00:17:20,004
Good. All right.
So, where was I?
440
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:23,275
[ Muttering ] You have to think
five steps ahead and...
441
00:17:23,277 --> 00:17:27,412
[ Ominous music plays ]
So, tell me, Steve.
442
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,948
What will you do
with your next move?
443
00:17:29,950 --> 00:17:31,950
Capture one of my pawns?
444
00:17:31,952 --> 00:17:35,820
Or will you keep your eye
on the main prize?
445
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:38,223
Easy.
I will move my king.
446
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:39,692
Nope. Nope.
That's your queen.
447
00:17:39,694 --> 00:17:41,159
It can't be.
It doesn't have boobs.
448
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:43,962
No, it doesn't have boobs!
None of them have boobs!
449
00:17:43,964 --> 00:17:45,497
None of them have boobs!
450
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:48,300
How many times
do I have to tell you that?!
451
00:17:48,302 --> 00:17:50,235
Jesus Christ!
452
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,771
I was trying to use chess
as a metaphor!
453
00:17:52,773 --> 00:17:54,172
A metaphor for what?
454
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,841
To tell you that
I have placed a sizable bet
455
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,110
on you winning The Hunt.
456
00:17:58,112 --> 00:18:00,312
I was trying to give you
an edge.
457
00:18:00,314 --> 00:18:01,914
[ Sighs ]
458
00:18:01,916 --> 00:18:03,248
What makes you think
I want to help you?
459
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,516
Because you want
to kill me,
460
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:07,319
and the only way you're ever
gonna get close enough
461
00:18:07,321 --> 00:18:08,853
is if you win The Hunt.
462
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:10,856
We hunt the winner.
463
00:18:12,593 --> 00:18:16,194
Guard! Could you please
take him away?
464
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:18,130
You have, like,
the perfect life.
465
00:18:18,132 --> 00:18:21,199
Hey, Jess, I want to say
something to you.
466
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,535
Ugh.
What is it now?
467
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:24,937
Hit it, Danny.
468
00:18:24,939 --> 00:18:27,872
One, two, three,
one, two.
469
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:31,944
♪ Ba-da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da ♪
470
00:18:31,946 --> 00:18:33,545
♪ Ba-ya-ya ♪
471
00:18:33,547 --> 00:18:37,816
[ Off-key ] ♪ There used to be
a greying tower ♪
472
00:18:37,818 --> 00:18:40,552
♪ Alone on the sea ♪
473
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:47,359
♪ You became the light
to the dark side of me ♪
474
00:18:47,361 --> 00:18:54,032
♪ Love remains a drug
that's the high, not the pill ♪
475
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:55,567
♪ But did you know ♪
-♪ Know ♪
476
00:18:55,569 --> 00:18:57,101
-♪ That when it snows ♪
-♪ Snows ♪
477
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,237
♪ My eyes become wide ♪
478
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:05,510
♪ And the light that you shine
can be see-ee-n? ♪
479
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,979
♪ Baby! ♪
480
00:19:06,981 --> 00:19:08,313
♪ I compare you to a kiss -- ♪
481
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:09,848
Okay. Thank you.
Yeah? What?
482
00:19:09,850 --> 00:19:11,316
You can stop now.
Oh. Nice.
483
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:13,718
Did it work?
Do you remember me?
484
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:14,987
No.
485
00:19:14,989 --> 00:19:16,889
But this is really sweet.
486
00:19:17,858 --> 00:19:20,124
But I still don't know
who you are.
487
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:22,727
I don't even know
who I am.
488
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:26,130
I just know that...
489
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:28,000
I can't be your wife.
490
00:19:28,002 --> 00:19:30,869
[ Soft music plays ]
491
00:19:30,871 --> 00:19:34,873
♪♪
492
00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:36,809
I'm sorry.
493
00:19:36,811 --> 00:19:39,011
I guess today's
the first day
494
00:19:39,013 --> 00:19:41,613
of me trying
to win you back.
495
00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,948
Cool.
496
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,550
It's the coolest.
497
00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:47,085
See ya.
498
00:19:47,087 --> 00:19:50,288
Hey, man,
you did everything you could.
499
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,991
[ Laughs ]
500
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:56,094
♪♪
501
00:19:56,096 --> 00:19:59,097
Oh! You don't deserve
that cool hat!
502
00:19:59,099 --> 00:20:00,432
Steve, what happened?
503
00:20:00,434 --> 00:20:02,367
[ Sighs ]
Well, nothing much.
504
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,769
He just wanted me to play this
stupid game that he made up.
505
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:09,041
It's about a king and a boobless
queen and some horse people.
506
00:20:09,043 --> 00:20:12,377
Do you mean chess?
Oh, my God.
507
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:13,645
Guys,
did you even know
508
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:15,848
that I was the chess state
champion in high school?
509
00:20:15,850 --> 00:20:17,382
It should have been me
in there.
510
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:20,118
But would you have been able
to swipe this?
511
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:21,319
What is that?
512
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:23,321
It's a priest character
from the game.
513
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,390
-You mean a bishop?
-Well, yeah, whatever.
514
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:28,527
My point is,
I risked my life to steal this.
515
00:20:28,529 --> 00:20:30,562
What the hell
are we supposed to do with it?
516
00:20:33,467 --> 00:20:35,534
I don't know.
Pick a lock with it or...
517
00:20:35,536 --> 00:20:36,601
-What?!
-Come on!
518
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:37,870
-Ohh.
-Steve!
519
00:20:37,872 --> 00:20:40,472
Okay. You had no plan?
You just grabbed whatever?
520
00:20:40,474 --> 00:20:42,207
This could be our ticket
out of here.
521
00:20:42,209 --> 00:20:45,144
There wasn't anything else
you could have taken?
522
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:47,946
Yeah.
523
00:20:47,948 --> 00:20:51,083
No, it was a room
full of objects, so...
524
00:20:51,085 --> 00:20:52,217
There was a knife.
525
00:20:52,219 --> 00:20:53,351
-[Bleep]
-What?!
526
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:54,553
There was a radio
in the corner.
527
00:20:54,555 --> 00:20:55,820
-Steve!
-A radio?!
528
00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:56,955
-Yeah.
-Oh, my God!
529
00:20:56,957 --> 00:20:58,156
And there's the remote
530
00:20:58,158 --> 00:20:59,824
for these buzzy bracelets.
531
00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:01,093
-Come on!
-Oh. Steve.
532
00:21:01,095 --> 00:21:02,261
You're the dumbest person!
44674
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