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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,757 --> 00:00:26,757 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:00:26,759 --> 00:00:29,760 (HEAVY BREATHING) 3 00:00:29,762 --> 00:00:35,265 (SOFT DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL) 4 00:00:35,267 --> 00:00:37,768 BLAKE VOICEOVER: When my dad saw my mom for the first time, 5 00:00:37,770 --> 00:00:40,236 there was no witty bio accompanying a flattering 6 00:00:40,238 --> 00:00:42,138 yet candid photo of her. 7 00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:45,308 She was just sitting on the bleachers on campus. 8 00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:46,376 And he knew right there and then 9 00:00:46,378 --> 00:00:49,048 that he was going to marry her. 10 00:00:50,249 --> 00:00:53,282 (UPBEAT NEW WAVE MUSIC) 11 00:00:53,284 --> 00:00:56,320 BLAKE: Because of that story combined with an unhealthy binge 12 00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:59,123 of Nora Ephron movies when I had mono in high school, 13 00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:01,891 I always wondered what my love story would be. 14 00:01:01,893 --> 00:01:03,726 Playing foosball in a shitty diner 15 00:01:03,728 --> 00:01:05,496 with a college bro from Tinder 16 00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:08,001 wasn't exactly what I had in mind. 17 00:01:10,102 --> 00:01:12,169 Do you have any siblings? 18 00:01:12,171 --> 00:01:15,272 BLAKE: I bet you if Harry met Sally in 2018 19 00:01:15,274 --> 00:01:16,341 That was fun. 20 00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:20,146 BLAKE: They'd just end up as fuck buddies. 21 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:22,513 COLLEGE BRO: You wanna come over? 22 00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:23,981 BLAKE: I can't. 23 00:01:23,983 --> 00:01:25,348 COLLEGE BRO: I'm not gonna think you're a slut 24 00:01:25,350 --> 00:01:26,350 or whatever. 25 00:01:26,352 --> 00:01:27,284 I wasn't concerned about that, 26 00:01:27,286 --> 00:01:28,484 but thank you. 27 00:01:28,486 --> 00:01:29,853 Well then, what is it? 28 00:01:29,855 --> 00:01:33,157 BLAKE: I just don't wanna have sex with you right now. 29 00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:34,190 COLLEGE BRO: Okay, but like, 30 00:01:34,192 --> 00:01:35,995 not right now or, like, generally? 31 00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:38,829 Do I wanna have sex with you generally? 32 00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:40,329 COLLEGE BRO: Yeah. 33 00:01:40,331 --> 00:01:41,532 BLAKE: Poor college guys. 34 00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:43,166 God bless them. 35 00:01:43,168 --> 00:01:45,201 But they're so busy trying to catch up on what 36 00:01:45,203 --> 00:01:46,803 misconduct is, 37 00:01:46,805 --> 00:01:49,109 they don't even know how to go on a date. 38 00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:57,281 It's time to say goodbye to grand gestures. 39 00:01:57,283 --> 00:02:00,383 The grandest it gets these days is swiping right 40 00:02:00,385 --> 00:02:01,353 instead of left. 41 00:02:02,188 --> 00:02:04,353 As your local hopeless romantic, 42 00:02:04,355 --> 00:02:05,788 I am sad to report 43 00:02:05,790 --> 00:02:07,560 that romance is dead. 44 00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:15,364 MATT: Romance is dead. 45 00:02:15,366 --> 00:02:16,635 BLAKE: Yup. 46 00:02:17,468 --> 00:02:18,467 (SIGHS) 47 00:02:18,469 --> 00:02:21,405 Okay, um, I'm gonna kill your column. 48 00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:22,471 What? Why? 49 00:02:22,473 --> 00:02:24,274 Because your love life is boring! 50 00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:25,441 BLAKE: That's not my fault! 51 00:02:25,443 --> 00:02:27,077 I am trying really hard out there. 52 00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:29,379 WINNIE: Hey, I personally really like the existential crisis 53 00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:31,048 with the philosophy major. 54 00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:32,448 BLAKE: Thanks, Winnie. 55 00:02:32,450 --> 00:02:33,684 It's a good column! 56 00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:34,917 It's just niche. 57 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:35,918 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 58 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,422 Plus, it gives the paper a female edge. 59 00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:39,923 MATT: Hm. Female, maybe. 60 00:02:39,925 --> 00:02:42,059 Edge, absolutely not. 61 00:02:42,061 --> 00:02:44,094 Your column is about as far away from the edge 62 00:02:44,096 --> 00:02:46,363 as a kid scared of heights. 63 00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:48,431 Good simile, Jacob. 64 00:02:48,433 --> 00:02:49,433 MATT: Alright, guys, stop fighting. 65 00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:51,435 I'm putting you on reviews. 66 00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:52,903 That's what you're doing now. 67 00:02:52,905 --> 00:02:55,272 The Jessers and Naples are playing, uh, at the Cavern, 68 00:02:55,274 --> 00:02:57,274 so go and tell me how it is. 69 00:02:57,276 --> 00:02:58,411 So that's it? 70 00:02:58,943 --> 00:03:00,010 I'm sorry! 71 00:03:00,012 --> 00:03:01,544 I'm sorry that the student body has lost interest 72 00:03:01,546 --> 00:03:02,812 in your love life. 73 00:03:02,814 --> 00:03:04,447 It kinda feels like maybe you've lost interest 74 00:03:04,449 --> 00:03:06,449 in your own love life, to be perfectly frank. 75 00:03:06,451 --> 00:03:07,750 I can make it better. 76 00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:10,722 I am gonna do something really awesome. 77 00:03:11,657 --> 00:03:12,655 Yeah, you are. 78 00:03:12,657 --> 00:03:13,656 In reviews. 79 00:03:13,658 --> 00:03:14,924 Maybe you're a critic! 80 00:03:14,926 --> 00:03:16,326 Maybe that's your thing. Sit down, please. 81 00:03:16,328 --> 00:03:17,327 - Winnie? - WINNIE: Mhm? 82 00:03:17,329 --> 00:03:18,461 Got something for you, LSD. 83 00:03:18,463 --> 00:03:20,930 The mice in our labs are being tested on 84 00:03:20,932 --> 00:03:22,566 by the med students. 85 00:03:22,568 --> 00:03:24,434 Animal rights people are gonna be fucking nuts about this. 86 00:03:24,436 --> 00:03:26,335 So maybe we write something about that. 87 00:03:26,337 --> 00:03:28,471 (SIGHS) Such a waste of LSD. 88 00:03:28,473 --> 00:03:29,572 To me. 89 00:03:29,574 --> 00:03:30,473 MATT: That-that could be something! 90 00:03:30,475 --> 00:03:31,508 That could be something. 91 00:03:31,510 --> 00:03:32,508 Hey, it's not This American Life, 92 00:03:32,510 --> 00:03:33,744 but it's something. 93 00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:35,679 LSD, that's our target. 94 00:03:35,681 --> 00:03:37,748 Monday, see you guys all then. 95 00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,485 I am going to the bar. 96 00:03:40,985 --> 00:03:41,984 BLAKE: Without my column, 97 00:03:41,986 --> 00:03:44,287 I'm just another Humanities major! 98 00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:47,092 I am facing years of rejection from unpaid internships. 99 00:03:47,359 --> 00:03:49,493 NIKKI: Come to Thailand with me! 100 00:03:49,495 --> 00:03:51,661 We need to find ourselves. 101 00:03:51,663 --> 00:03:54,298 I am not going to find myself on a mushroom trip 102 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,865 at a full moon party. 103 00:03:55,867 --> 00:03:57,934 That's literally where you find yourself. 104 00:03:57,936 --> 00:03:59,335 Well, is there a student loan 105 00:03:59,337 --> 00:04:01,338 that can pay for my flight to this party 106 00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:03,343 where I miraculously find myself? 107 00:04:05,510 --> 00:04:06,776 NIKKI: If they said your column was boring 108 00:04:06,778 --> 00:04:08,781 just make your column less boring. 109 00:04:10,014 --> 00:04:11,815 It's not that boring. 110 00:04:11,817 --> 00:04:13,118 It's not. 111 00:04:13,885 --> 00:04:16,990 You write a sex column with no sex. 112 00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:20,959 I do stuff. 113 00:04:23,028 --> 00:04:25,961 You've given, like, one hand-job 114 00:04:25,963 --> 00:04:27,733 in the last year to... 115 00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:29,966 Who was it, again? 116 00:04:29,968 --> 00:04:31,737 The Spanish exchange student. 117 00:04:32,838 --> 00:04:33,836 God, he was really hot. 118 00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,538 No, he wasn't. 119 00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:36,707 He was really intense. 120 00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,341 He was gross. 121 00:04:38,343 --> 00:04:39,709 I feel like there was a lot of potential 122 00:04:39,711 --> 00:04:41,510 with the philosophy major. 123 00:04:41,512 --> 00:04:42,512 No. 124 00:04:42,514 --> 00:04:44,413 He has tiny fingers. 125 00:04:44,415 --> 00:04:45,848 He'd hold a beer like this, 126 00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,351 like a baby holding a bottle. 127 00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:48,353 That's gross. 128 00:04:49,654 --> 00:04:50,922 CASHIER: I.D.? 129 00:04:58,730 --> 00:05:00,397 I need to see your I.D. 130 00:05:00,399 --> 00:05:01,401 Okay. 131 00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:04,735 NIKKI: A knight in shining armour isn't gonna come 132 00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:07,536 galloping into the frat party and ask you to the ball. 133 00:05:07,538 --> 00:05:08,774 He might. 134 00:05:09,574 --> 00:05:11,608 Can I just pay for this now? 135 00:05:11,610 --> 00:05:12,608 Chill. 136 00:05:12,610 --> 00:05:13,610 Excuse me? 137 00:05:13,612 --> 00:05:15,178 We were here first. 138 00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:16,579 What are you twelve? 139 00:05:16,581 --> 00:05:17,546 NIKKI: What are you? 140 00:05:17,548 --> 00:05:18,548 Forty? 141 00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:19,548 I.D.? What? 142 00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:20,550 Thirty? 143 00:05:20,552 --> 00:05:22,385 Oh, I found it! 144 00:05:22,387 --> 00:05:23,786 I like your coat. 145 00:05:23,788 --> 00:05:25,057 Thanks. 146 00:05:25,690 --> 00:05:27,060 BLAKE: Okay, let's go. 147 00:05:29,093 --> 00:05:30,793 Can I get some rolling papers, too, please? 148 00:05:30,795 --> 00:05:32,064 6X? 149 00:05:33,632 --> 00:05:38,635 (LIVELY NEW WAVE MUSIC) 150 00:05:38,637 --> 00:05:42,442 ♪ 151 00:06:24,149 --> 00:06:25,882 NIKKI: So what's the deal with this band? 152 00:06:25,884 --> 00:06:28,351 I heard the lead guitarist is pretty! 153 00:06:28,353 --> 00:06:31,687 Him and his man-bun were in my Intro to Psych class. 154 00:06:31,689 --> 00:06:33,289 I swear, if I'd had a pair of scissors, 155 00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:35,125 I would've cut the thing off. 156 00:06:35,127 --> 00:06:36,692 - BOUNCER: Hi. - NIKKI: How are you? 157 00:06:36,694 --> 00:06:37,694 I.D's. 158 00:06:37,696 --> 00:06:39,198 Of course, obviously. 159 00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:41,701 - It's candy. - BOUNCER: Uh oh. Yeah 160 00:06:43,401 --> 00:06:44,868 Should've saved ya a little lick. 161 00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:45,868 BOUNCER: Bring enough to share around? 162 00:06:45,870 --> 00:06:46,870 I'm kidding. 163 00:06:46,872 --> 00:06:49,206 Depends on how the night goes. 164 00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,210 I'm just kidding, we're not doing that. 165 00:06:55,012 --> 00:06:56,378 Yeah, that isn't you. 166 00:06:56,380 --> 00:06:57,880 (GIGGLES) What're you talking about? 167 00:06:57,882 --> 00:06:58,882 Of course it's me! 168 00:06:58,884 --> 00:06:59,983 BOUNCER: Yeah? What's your name? 169 00:06:59,985 --> 00:07:01,521 Blake Conway Wrong. 170 00:07:02,721 --> 00:07:04,521 BLAKE: Uh, that's weird. 171 00:07:04,523 --> 00:07:05,525 NIKKI: That is weird. 172 00:07:12,396 --> 00:07:13,730 Oh yeah, that's fine! You're okay? 173 00:07:13,732 --> 00:07:14,697 Yeah, that's fine. You go in. 174 00:07:14,699 --> 00:07:15,699 NIKKI: You're sure? 175 00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:16,899 BLAKE: I would be thrilled. 176 00:07:16,901 --> 00:07:19,034 I'll figure out where my I.D. went. 177 00:07:19,036 --> 00:07:20,202 Good luck. 178 00:07:20,204 --> 00:07:22,942 BLAKE: Yeah, I'llI'll find you somehow. 179 00:07:24,742 --> 00:07:25,742 Sorry! 180 00:07:25,744 --> 00:07:27,547 BLAKE: Can you write my review? 181 00:07:31,415 --> 00:07:34,719 (DISTANT POLICE SIRENS) 182 00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:42,928 (BARKING) 183 00:07:50,769 --> 00:07:51,771 (DOORBELL BUZZING) 184 00:07:56,774 --> 00:07:58,043 (DOORBELL BUZZING) 185 00:07:59,745 --> 00:08:00,743 (INTERCOM) MORGAN: Hello? 186 00:08:00,745 --> 00:08:02,548 Hi, um, Morgan? 187 00:08:03,615 --> 00:08:04,613 (INTERCOM) MORGAN: Yeah? 188 00:08:04,615 --> 00:08:06,615 Um, I have your driver's licence. 189 00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:08,485 I think that you have mine. 190 00:08:08,487 --> 00:08:09,652 (INTERCOM) MORGAN: What? 191 00:08:09,654 --> 00:08:11,587 I have your driver's licence. 192 00:08:11,589 --> 00:08:13,391 (DOOR BUZZES OPEN) 193 00:08:24,802 --> 00:08:25,801 MORGAN: Hi. 194 00:08:25,803 --> 00:08:27,739 Hey, uh, this is yours. 195 00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:29,809 Oh! 196 00:08:30,809 --> 00:08:32,142 Weird. 197 00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:34,076 I think they switched them at the liquor store. 198 00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,614 Oh, that's funny. 199 00:08:36,081 --> 00:08:37,316 Come in. 200 00:08:40,118 --> 00:08:41,420 This is Bobby. 201 00:08:42,754 --> 00:08:44,820 He's not a very good dancer. 202 00:08:44,822 --> 00:08:46,022 That's not true. 203 00:08:46,024 --> 00:08:47,190 Hi. 204 00:08:47,192 --> 00:08:48,824 BOBBY: Hi, how's your night? 205 00:08:48,826 --> 00:08:50,026 Uh, good, thank you. 206 00:08:50,028 --> 00:08:51,493 BOBBY: Good. 207 00:08:51,495 --> 00:08:52,764 Good. 208 00:08:57,201 --> 00:08:58,200 Here you go. 209 00:08:58,202 --> 00:08:59,471 Thank you. 210 00:09:00,004 --> 00:09:01,871 You should stay. 211 00:09:01,873 --> 00:09:03,205 For a drink. 212 00:09:03,207 --> 00:09:05,842 The universe brought us all together. 213 00:09:05,844 --> 00:09:07,647 Gotta embrace that, right? 214 00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:10,647 Okay, sure. 215 00:09:10,649 --> 00:09:11,650 I'll have a drink. 216 00:09:12,517 --> 00:09:13,819 - Cheers. - BLAKE: Cheers. 217 00:09:19,024 --> 00:09:20,022 Do you have to pee? 218 00:09:20,024 --> 00:09:21,293 I have to pee. 219 00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:25,163 I could pee. 220 00:09:26,865 --> 00:09:28,067 Yeah, let's pee. 221 00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:31,137 BLAKE: Team sport? 222 00:09:33,705 --> 00:09:34,706 (SIGHS) 223 00:09:43,081 --> 00:09:44,748 You're really pretty. 224 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:46,849 Do you know that? 225 00:09:46,851 --> 00:09:48,853 I feel like you don't know that. 226 00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:50,889 Thanks. 227 00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,493 It's important for a girl to know how pretty she is. 228 00:09:55,693 --> 00:09:56,693 Why? 229 00:09:56,695 --> 00:09:58,497 MORGAN: Because that's how you find them. 230 00:09:59,063 --> 00:10:00,332 Find what? 231 00:10:00,865 --> 00:10:02,367 (TOILET FLUSHING) 232 00:10:06,404 --> 00:10:07,706 Your powers. 233 00:10:12,744 --> 00:10:14,513 He'll pay you to stay. 234 00:10:15,746 --> 00:10:17,280 Oh, I'm 235 00:10:17,282 --> 00:10:18,748 MORGAN: Oh, or you don't have to take money, or anything. 236 00:10:18,750 --> 00:10:20,783 I know some girls are weird with that. 237 00:10:20,785 --> 00:10:22,986 BLAKE: No, um, I'm sorry. 238 00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:23,987 I'm not 239 00:10:23,989 --> 00:10:24,990 Not what? 240 00:10:26,323 --> 00:10:27,759 A prostitute. 241 00:10:29,794 --> 00:10:34,397 (CHUCKLES) I'm not a prostitute, babe. 242 00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:36,402 I'm just trying to cut you into a deal. 243 00:10:37,969 --> 00:10:38,971 It'll be fun. 244 00:10:40,105 --> 00:10:41,740 You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. 245 00:10:43,774 --> 00:10:44,940 I don't think I can. 246 00:10:44,942 --> 00:10:46,745 I have early class in the morning. 247 00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:49,981 I get it! 248 00:10:51,015 --> 00:10:52,784 It's not for everyone. 249 00:10:55,253 --> 00:10:56,489 Come on. 250 00:10:59,957 --> 00:11:01,192 Miss me? 251 00:11:01,993 --> 00:11:03,792 I always miss you, babe. 252 00:11:03,794 --> 00:11:04,796 Okay, thanks! 253 00:11:06,998 --> 00:11:07,997 MORGAN: Yeah, bye! 254 00:11:07,999 --> 00:11:09,999 Bye. 255 00:11:10,802 --> 00:11:12,801 BOBBY: How'd you get so warm? 256 00:11:12,803 --> 00:11:13,805 (DOOR CLICKS SHUT) 257 00:11:32,389 --> 00:11:38,228 (SOFT NEW WAVE MUSIC) 258 00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:39,829 NIKKI: You should've stayed. 259 00:11:39,831 --> 00:11:41,030 BLAKE: Yeah, I totally should've stayed 260 00:11:41,032 --> 00:11:42,802 and had sex with two strangers for some cash. 261 00:11:43,301 --> 00:11:45,033 CONRAD: Was she a sugar baby? 262 00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:47,536 They're fucking everywhere these days. 263 00:11:47,538 --> 00:11:48,537 Really? 264 00:11:48,539 --> 00:11:50,039 CONRAD: Mm. 265 00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:52,041 School's so fucking expensive, that's why. 266 00:11:52,043 --> 00:11:52,908 NIKKI: Makes sense. 267 00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:54,844 That's really sad. 268 00:11:54,846 --> 00:11:55,847 (TIMER DINGS) 269 00:11:56,847 --> 00:11:57,980 Anyone want coffee? 270 00:11:57,982 --> 00:11:58,982 BLAKE: I wanna dance. 271 00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:00,349 CONRAD: Hey, you got scissors? 272 00:12:00,351 --> 00:12:01,886 NIKKI: Yeah, somewhere. 273 00:12:02,553 --> 00:12:04,052 Young girls are prostituting themselves 274 00:12:04,054 --> 00:12:05,088 to pay for school. 275 00:12:05,090 --> 00:12:06,689 You're so dramatic. 276 00:12:06,691 --> 00:12:08,060 It is dramatic! 277 00:12:10,261 --> 00:12:12,328 I think hookers are kinda badass. 278 00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:14,333 Yeah, hookers are super badass, Nikki. 279 00:12:15,066 --> 00:12:16,166 They're in charge of their own bodies! 280 00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:18,368 Their pimps are in charge of their bodies. 281 00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:19,868 Oh, yeah. 282 00:12:19,870 --> 00:12:22,070 I totally forgot about the pimps. 283 00:12:22,072 --> 00:12:23,071 Well, if there were no pimps, 284 00:12:23,073 --> 00:12:24,541 then hookers would be badass. 285 00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:25,908 Sugar babies don't have pimps. 286 00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,946 Well, then sugar babies are badass. 287 00:12:29,346 --> 00:12:31,350 Something interesting happened to me! 288 00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:33,348 Oh, really? Good. 289 00:12:33,350 --> 00:12:34,883 I want my column back. 290 00:12:34,885 --> 00:12:36,084 Oh, you want your column back? 291 00:12:36,086 --> 00:12:38,387 Uh, did you even go to the concert? 292 00:12:38,389 --> 00:12:39,388 Your review? 293 00:12:39,390 --> 00:12:40,890 You didn't even mention the music. 294 00:12:40,892 --> 00:12:43,696 You just described people in line for two paragraphs. 295 00:12:44,361 --> 00:12:45,361 I was totally there. 296 00:12:45,363 --> 00:12:46,362 Oh, yeah. 297 00:12:46,364 --> 00:12:48,131 Well, look, it looks like you got their facts 298 00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,531 off of Instagram. 299 00:12:49,533 --> 00:12:52,901 The last two lines were just hashtags and gibberish. 300 00:12:52,903 --> 00:12:54,903 You are so out of touch. 301 00:12:54,905 --> 00:12:56,908 All we really care about are hashtags. 302 00:12:58,109 --> 00:12:59,142 Oh, I'm out of touch? 303 00:12:59,144 --> 00:13:00,142 Am I like a fossil? 304 00:13:00,144 --> 00:13:01,143 I'm 23 years old! 305 00:13:01,145 --> 00:13:02,411 By the way, 23 306 00:13:02,413 --> 00:13:04,414 is perfectly fine age to still be in college. 307 00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:05,915 Winnie! 308 00:13:05,917 --> 00:13:06,916 There you go! Oh my god! 309 00:13:06,918 --> 00:13:08,117 - Is this for me? - Yeah! 310 00:13:08,119 --> 00:13:09,118 Look at that! 311 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,118 She's so good. 312 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,119 You made him that? 313 00:13:11,121 --> 00:13:13,122 Yeah! 314 00:13:13,124 --> 00:13:14,123 BLAKE: We are not your interns! 315 00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:15,123 MATT: Aren't you? 316 00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:16,124 WINNIE: I am not an intern! 317 00:13:16,126 --> 00:13:17,128 I'm a foam artist. 318 00:13:17,928 --> 00:13:19,762 Hey, man, I just wanted to say to you, 319 00:13:19,764 --> 00:13:23,166 I really, really loved what you did with the Plan B article. 320 00:13:23,168 --> 00:13:24,499 Oh, yeah! It's so refreshing 321 00:13:24,501 --> 00:13:25,234 to have a male perspective on birth control. 322 00:13:25,236 --> 00:13:26,236 JACOB: Oh, thank you! 323 00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:27,570 Thank you, man, I appreciate that! 324 00:13:27,572 --> 00:13:29,137 I'm totally down to write your reference letter 325 00:13:29,139 --> 00:13:30,138 for the Thompson Award. Oh, really? 326 00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:31,943 - JACOB: Thank you! - MATT: No problem. 327 00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:35,143 Wait, you're applying to that award? 328 00:13:35,145 --> 00:13:36,147 Yeah. 329 00:13:37,148 --> 00:13:38,414 You don't write gonzo. 330 00:13:38,416 --> 00:13:41,416 You write pretentious political satire. 331 00:13:41,418 --> 00:13:44,119 (ROBOTIC) Actually, I write both. 332 00:13:44,121 --> 00:13:45,121 Stephen Hawking. 333 00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:46,122 - MATT: Good! - JACOB: Thank you. 334 00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:47,757 Since when? 335 00:13:47,759 --> 00:13:49,961 JACOB: Since I don't only write for the school paper, so. 336 00:13:51,162 --> 00:13:53,161 You can't write him a reference letter. 337 00:13:53,163 --> 00:13:54,162 You're not a faculty member. 338 00:13:54,164 --> 00:13:55,433 JACOB: He's TA, it counts. 339 00:13:56,268 --> 00:13:58,166 Well, can you write me a reference letter? 340 00:13:58,168 --> 00:13:59,437 (MATT STAMMERS) 341 00:14:02,173 --> 00:14:04,607 This looks like a conflict of interest. 342 00:14:04,609 --> 00:14:06,110 Hard pass, thanks. 343 00:14:07,144 --> 00:14:09,177 The Thompson Award is for gonzo journalism? 344 00:14:09,179 --> 00:14:10,512 BLAKE: Yeah, and? 345 00:14:10,514 --> 00:14:12,248 JACOB: And you don't write gonzo, 346 00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:14,383 so you just want it for the prize money? 347 00:14:14,385 --> 00:14:16,486 BLAKE: Oh, right, and you don't want the prize money at all? 348 00:14:16,488 --> 00:14:17,487 JACOB: No, I do. 349 00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:18,488 It's fifty thousand dollars. 350 00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:20,256 That's the only reason why I'm applying. 351 00:14:20,258 --> 00:14:21,259 MATT: Story ideas! 352 00:14:22,059 --> 00:14:23,228 His, thank you! 353 00:14:24,195 --> 00:14:26,061 If the writer is a part of the story, 354 00:14:26,063 --> 00:14:27,430 then it is gonzo. 355 00:14:27,432 --> 00:14:29,098 The writer can't be a part of the story. 356 00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:30,903 The writer has to become the story! 357 00:14:31,235 --> 00:14:33,268 WINNIE: Well, it's like those vice journalists 358 00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:34,903 who did ayahuasca in Peru. 359 00:14:34,905 --> 00:14:35,939 - MATT: Oh! - JACOB: Yeah! 360 00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:36,940 MATT: I loved that writing! 361 00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,273 That was so sick! 362 00:14:38,275 --> 00:14:40,910 My stories are about me! 363 00:14:40,912 --> 00:14:42,844 So you're the type of writer that writes about people 364 00:14:42,846 --> 00:14:44,680 describing doing ayahuasca? 365 00:14:44,682 --> 00:14:46,081 Like, you wouldn't actually do it yourself? 366 00:14:46,083 --> 00:14:47,886 I would totally do ayahuasca. 367 00:14:50,054 --> 00:14:51,753 If there wasn't so much puking. 368 00:14:51,755 --> 00:14:54,290 See, you're an omniscient narrator in denial. 369 00:14:54,292 --> 00:14:55,525 BLAKE: That doesn't even mean anything. 370 00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:57,859 You just like the way that that sounds. 371 00:14:57,861 --> 00:14:59,295 I have a story, 372 00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:01,531 and-and it is a sexy story, 373 00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,733 so all of those horny college kids 374 00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:04,733 are really gonna like it. 375 00:15:04,735 --> 00:15:06,069 And when you read it, 376 00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,204 you're gonna wanna give me my column back. 377 00:15:08,206 --> 00:15:10,209 So, get ready because... 378 00:15:12,309 --> 00:15:15,046 Of all of the things that I just said! 379 00:15:18,149 --> 00:15:19,147 (DOOR SLAMS SHUT) 380 00:15:19,149 --> 00:15:21,283 Oh, well that's over. 381 00:15:21,285 --> 00:15:22,285 What is love? 382 00:15:22,287 --> 00:15:23,788 What is it good for? 383 00:15:25,990 --> 00:15:30,993 (UPBEAT NEW WAVE MUSIC) 384 00:15:30,995 --> 00:15:35,333 ♪ 385 00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:43,341 (DOORBELL BUZZES) 386 00:15:44,609 --> 00:15:46,108 BLAKE: I can change your name for the piece, 387 00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:47,310 if you want me to. 388 00:15:47,312 --> 00:15:49,315 Why would I want you to change my name? 389 00:15:50,181 --> 00:15:53,252 Well, my column is anonymous anyway, so. 390 00:15:54,318 --> 00:15:55,318 Why? 391 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,122 BLAKE: It gives me more freedom. 392 00:15:58,822 --> 00:16:00,422 Doesn't sound like freedom. 393 00:16:00,424 --> 00:16:04,262 It just makes it easier to write sometimes. 394 00:16:07,831 --> 00:16:09,134 Okay. 395 00:16:10,168 --> 00:16:14,337 I have made sixty-seven thousand dollars in gifts. 396 00:16:14,339 --> 00:16:16,339 I've gotten a Gucci bag, 397 00:16:16,341 --> 00:16:18,174 a Balenciaga bag, 398 00:16:18,176 --> 00:16:19,541 a Louis Vuitton bag. 399 00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,547 I've gone to Paris twice this year. 400 00:16:23,014 --> 00:16:24,147 Whoa. 401 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:25,982 MORGAN: Am I a prostitute? 402 00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:27,219 No. 403 00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:29,388 Am I a gold digger? 404 00:16:30,154 --> 00:16:31,521 Maybe. 405 00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:34,456 Am I having a better time than all these girls 406 00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:36,658 stuck in mountains of debt? 407 00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,460 Who get nothing more than a pregnancy scare 408 00:16:38,462 --> 00:16:39,462 from their one night stands? 409 00:16:39,464 --> 00:16:41,000 Most definitely. 410 00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:43,366 Oh, here. 411 00:16:43,368 --> 00:16:44,636 - Oh, thank you. - Yeah. 412 00:16:52,644 --> 00:16:54,645 Do you ever feel taken advantage of? 413 00:16:58,383 --> 00:17:00,185 MORGAN: Not really, it's business. 414 00:17:01,385 --> 00:17:02,887 Business can be messy. 415 00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,057 MORGAN: Yeah, but 416 00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:06,658 I'm really good at it. 417 00:17:08,226 --> 00:17:09,225 How? 418 00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:11,030 MORGAN: I know what they want. 419 00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:12,898 BLAKE: And what is that? 420 00:17:14,398 --> 00:17:15,363 Their ego stroked. 421 00:17:15,365 --> 00:17:20,369 (SOFT PIANO INSTRUMENTAL) 422 00:17:20,371 --> 00:17:23,206 ♪ 423 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,841 MORGAN: You just have to figure out 424 00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:26,676 how they work. 425 00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:30,412 And once you do, you can get whatever you want. 426 00:17:30,414 --> 00:17:31,916 And what do you want? 427 00:17:34,251 --> 00:17:36,288 Everything, I guess. 428 00:17:38,455 --> 00:17:39,889 You know, I'm actually going to meet Bobby 429 00:17:39,891 --> 00:17:42,225 at his friend's lake house. 430 00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,459 You wanna come? 431 00:17:43,461 --> 00:17:45,230 Sounds like the beginning of a horror movie. 432 00:17:50,234 --> 00:17:54,437 ("FLOAT" BY JUDE SHUMA) 433 00:17:54,439 --> 00:17:56,072 ♪ 434 00:17:56,074 --> 00:17:57,940 ♪ There's something in the way 435 00:17:57,942 --> 00:17:59,941 ♪ Can we float on by? 436 00:17:59,943 --> 00:18:01,878 ♪ Can we float on by? 437 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,645 ♪ I don't want you to try 438 00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:05,748 ♪ There's something in my blood 439 00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,850 ♪ Want to call it love 440 00:18:07,852 --> 00:18:09,485 ♪ Want to call it love 441 00:18:09,487 --> 00:18:13,492 ♪ Gonna get me high ♪ 442 00:18:15,993 --> 00:18:17,795 So how do you know Bobby? 443 00:18:18,496 --> 00:18:20,997 Oh, he was one of my MBA students. 444 00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:22,698 BLAKE: You're a professor? 445 00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,503 IAN: Yeah, is that surprising? 446 00:18:25,502 --> 00:18:26,568 No. 447 00:18:26,570 --> 00:18:28,304 I guess I've just never seen a prof 448 00:18:28,306 --> 00:18:29,771 in a bathing suit before. 449 00:18:29,773 --> 00:18:30,773 IAN: Here you go. 450 00:18:30,775 --> 00:18:32,007 Thanks. 451 00:18:32,009 --> 00:18:33,311 IAN: What's your major? 452 00:18:34,511 --> 00:18:35,780 BLAKE: Useless. 453 00:18:40,351 --> 00:18:41,620 So are you gonna get in? 454 00:18:42,319 --> 00:18:44,123 Uh, I didn't bring a bathing suit. 455 00:18:45,490 --> 00:18:47,390 Well, I don't wanna leave you 456 00:18:47,392 --> 00:18:49,324 on dry land all by yourself. 457 00:18:49,326 --> 00:18:50,328 Why? 458 00:18:51,028 --> 00:18:53,528 I can rate your handstands out of ten. 459 00:18:53,530 --> 00:18:55,163 Yeah. 460 00:18:55,165 --> 00:18:56,565 BLAKE VOICEOVER: I think you can tell a lot about a person 461 00:18:56,567 --> 00:18:59,371 by the way they get into a pool. 462 00:19:00,538 --> 00:19:01,804 He didn't dive, 463 00:19:01,806 --> 00:19:03,538 so not a show off. 464 00:19:03,540 --> 00:19:05,309 I guess the view and the house did that for him. 465 00:19:06,344 --> 00:19:08,044 IAN: You should come in! 466 00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:10,046 BLAKE VOICEOVER: I'm not usually one to be tempted by houses, 467 00:19:10,048 --> 00:19:11,546 or views, or pools. 468 00:19:11,548 --> 00:19:14,217 He was hot and I was stoned. 469 00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,552 Uh, I don't know. 470 00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:16,553 BLAKE VOICEOVER: And there was something about him 471 00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:18,187 that I couldn't put my finger on. 472 00:19:18,189 --> 00:19:20,555 So, what the hell? 473 00:19:20,557 --> 00:19:21,826 I went in. 474 00:19:35,573 --> 00:19:37,573 IAN: So what's your story? 475 00:19:37,575 --> 00:19:38,576 (GIGGLES) 476 00:19:46,584 --> 00:19:47,586 (DOOR CLOSING) 477 00:19:50,387 --> 00:19:51,389 (CLEARING THROAT) 478 00:19:52,589 --> 00:19:55,091 Uh, I'd like to see you again. 479 00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:56,394 Oh. 480 00:19:57,528 --> 00:19:59,530 If that's something that you wanted. 481 00:20:00,298 --> 00:20:01,599 Here's my card. 482 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:03,565 I didn't know people actually 483 00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:04,967 carried around business cards. 484 00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:07,103 IAN: I mean, I didn't have it on me 485 00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,638 in the pool or anything. 486 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,640 I have a stack and I just 487 00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:12,607 I like this font. 488 00:20:12,609 --> 00:20:14,543 Yeah it's DIN Condensed. 489 00:20:14,545 --> 00:20:15,644 BLAKE: Nice. 490 00:20:15,646 --> 00:20:16,711 Yeah. 491 00:20:16,713 --> 00:20:18,447 Thanks. 492 00:20:18,449 --> 00:20:19,448 This is pretty 493 00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:20,449 (TAPPING) 494 00:20:20,451 --> 00:20:21,987 Pretty sweet too. 495 00:20:23,654 --> 00:20:24,655 (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) 496 00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:29,458 MORGAN: He's into arrangements. 497 00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:30,996 I could say something. 498 00:20:32,596 --> 00:20:33,828 Please don't. 499 00:20:33,830 --> 00:20:35,634 He's written like five books. 500 00:20:36,433 --> 00:20:37,435 Really? 501 00:20:38,236 --> 00:20:39,471 What about? 502 00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,307 I don't know. I haven't read them. 503 00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:48,443 (SOFT GUITAR MUSIC) 504 00:20:48,445 --> 00:20:52,280 ♪ 505 00:20:52,282 --> 00:20:53,582 MATT: Yeah. 506 00:20:53,584 --> 00:20:54,917 Yeah Blake, I like it. 507 00:20:54,919 --> 00:20:56,651 I like it. It's very Zeitgeisty. 508 00:20:56,653 --> 00:20:58,286 So can I have my column back? 509 00:20:58,288 --> 00:21:01,093 So, uh, you gonna date this guy? 510 00:21:02,292 --> 00:21:03,292 No. 511 00:21:03,294 --> 00:21:04,660 MATT: So-so, I'm sorry, 512 00:21:04,662 --> 00:21:06,161 where is this story going? 513 00:21:06,163 --> 00:21:07,496 BLAKE: I don't know how my life is going to evolve 514 00:21:07,498 --> 00:21:08,631 between now and my next entry. 515 00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:09,664 That's not how a column works. 516 00:21:09,666 --> 00:21:11,633 MATT: Well how journalism works is 517 00:21:11,635 --> 00:21:13,302 you-you follow the story, 518 00:21:13,304 --> 00:21:14,503 not your feelings. 519 00:21:14,505 --> 00:21:16,037 I followed her to a stranger's lake house. 520 00:21:16,039 --> 00:21:17,038 I could have been murdered. 521 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,507 MATT: I'm sorry. 522 00:21:18,509 --> 00:21:20,508 'Cause it sort of read like you went to a pool party. 523 00:21:20,510 --> 00:21:21,876 Where I was solicited! 524 00:21:21,878 --> 00:21:23,679 You got hit on. (CHUCKLES) 525 00:21:23,681 --> 00:21:26,282 Uh, being solicited is not the story. 526 00:21:26,284 --> 00:21:27,519 'Kay? It's just the first part. 527 00:21:28,385 --> 00:21:30,186 What happens afterwards, that's the story. 528 00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:31,990 Are you trying to pimp me out? 529 00:21:33,490 --> 00:21:35,123 Um, am I? No. 530 00:21:35,125 --> 00:21:37,392 No, III wanted to kill your column. 531 00:21:37,394 --> 00:21:39,061 You're the-you're the one who wanted to make it interesting. 532 00:21:39,063 --> 00:21:41,130 It's going to be more interesting. 533 00:21:41,132 --> 00:21:43,899 Whether or not you force me to date the guy. 534 00:21:43,901 --> 00:21:45,401 Oh, ho ho, no, I forced 535 00:21:45,403 --> 00:21:47,702 I'm not forcing you to date anyone, okay? 536 00:21:47,704 --> 00:21:49,572 But you are saying you'll give me back my column 537 00:21:49,574 --> 00:21:50,573 if I date him. 538 00:21:50,575 --> 00:21:51,841 No! No, no, no. 539 00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:53,542 You can not, no, have the column back, please. 540 00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:54,910 This is not a, not a 541 00:21:54,912 --> 00:21:55,911 This is not a thing, 542 00:21:55,913 --> 00:21:57,278 you can just take it. 543 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,849 I am too close to graduating for this shit. 544 00:21:59,851 --> 00:22:02,054 I'm not going out like that. 545 00:22:06,590 --> 00:22:08,790 The hopeless romantic is back baby! 546 00:22:08,792 --> 00:22:11,227 More hopeful, less romantic. 547 00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:12,561 That's awesome, dude. 548 00:22:12,563 --> 00:22:13,629 Yeah, thanks. 549 00:22:13,631 --> 00:22:15,434 I feel like I've grown from this already. 550 00:22:16,634 --> 00:22:17,767 Your professor sounds hot. 551 00:22:17,769 --> 00:22:21,136 Hmm, he's not hot hot, 552 00:22:21,138 --> 00:22:22,805 but he is kinda charming. 553 00:22:22,807 --> 00:22:24,076 NIKKI: So, he's fat? 554 00:22:24,942 --> 00:22:26,211 BLAKE: He's not fat. 555 00:22:27,444 --> 00:22:28,978 He's basically famous. 556 00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:32,148 He's written a bunch of books 557 00:22:32,150 --> 00:22:35,584 for like technology and business. 558 00:22:35,586 --> 00:22:36,786 So he's boring? 559 00:22:36,788 --> 00:22:37,788 BLAKE: He's rich. 560 00:22:38,256 --> 00:22:39,889 He invested in Facebook and Uber 561 00:22:39,891 --> 00:22:41,891 when they were just starting. 562 00:22:41,893 --> 00:22:43,793 NIKKI: So why aren't you going to call him again? 563 00:22:43,795 --> 00:22:45,827 BLAKE: So why aren't you more focused on your costume? 564 00:22:45,829 --> 00:22:47,832 The options here are pretty limitless. 565 00:22:49,066 --> 00:22:50,302 Tadah! 566 00:22:50,768 --> 00:22:51,767 What is that? 567 00:22:51,769 --> 00:22:54,236 It's Sassy Red Riding Hood! 568 00:22:54,238 --> 00:22:55,671 You look like a used tampon. 569 00:22:55,673 --> 00:22:56,671 What? 570 00:22:56,673 --> 00:22:58,477 Your legs are the string. 571 00:22:58,809 --> 00:23:00,776 I'm not lowering myself to your level. 572 00:23:00,778 --> 00:23:02,780 You're lowering it to my crotch level. 573 00:23:05,650 --> 00:23:08,083 Sexy gothic Red Riding Hood? 574 00:23:08,085 --> 00:23:09,818 What's wrong with the shoulders? 575 00:23:09,820 --> 00:23:11,589 You look like you're storing snacks in there. 576 00:23:12,990 --> 00:23:15,794 Red Riding From The Hood. 577 00:23:17,862 --> 00:23:18,864 No. 578 00:23:19,663 --> 00:23:21,029 Well what are you supposed to be? 579 00:23:21,031 --> 00:23:23,466 A manic pixie dream girl? 580 00:23:23,468 --> 00:23:24,467 Yeah. 581 00:23:24,469 --> 00:23:25,468 Sure. 582 00:23:25,470 --> 00:23:26,701 BLAKE: I still don't understand 583 00:23:26,703 --> 00:23:28,136 why there's a Halloween party in April. 584 00:23:28,138 --> 00:23:29,440 Oh! 585 00:23:30,106 --> 00:23:32,540 Why didn't they just call it a costume party? 586 00:23:32,542 --> 00:23:34,346 'Cause then it's not Halloween. 587 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,682 I'm gonna get these glasses. 588 00:23:38,715 --> 00:23:40,017 NIKKI: Eh. 589 00:23:40,651 --> 00:23:45,653 (SLOW RAP MUSIC) 590 00:23:45,655 --> 00:23:51,059 ♪ 591 00:23:51,061 --> 00:23:52,329 EMILY: Hey Blake! 592 00:23:52,730 --> 00:23:53,731 Hey Emily! 593 00:23:54,298 --> 00:23:56,030 Cool costume. 594 00:23:56,032 --> 00:23:57,799 Are you a ballerina? 595 00:23:57,801 --> 00:23:58,836 A loofah. 596 00:23:59,871 --> 00:24:01,673 You look like my dad on vacation. 597 00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:04,375 I'm Raoul Duke. 598 00:24:04,741 --> 00:24:06,475 From Fear and Loathing. 599 00:24:06,477 --> 00:24:07,476 Oh! 600 00:24:07,478 --> 00:24:08,712 Oh, yeah, um 601 00:24:09,713 --> 00:24:11,680 I loved your last column. 602 00:24:11,682 --> 00:24:13,582 I don't write a column. 603 00:24:13,584 --> 00:24:14,850 So, whatever. 604 00:24:14,852 --> 00:24:16,086 Okay. 605 00:24:17,521 --> 00:24:19,523 Dr. Phil did an episode on sugar babies. 606 00:24:20,924 --> 00:24:23,392 Was it a hard hitting expose? 607 00:24:23,394 --> 00:24:24,893 EMILY: Oh yeah. I love Dr. Phil. 608 00:24:24,895 --> 00:24:27,699 I feel like I have so many things to tell him. 609 00:24:29,767 --> 00:24:31,199 Yeah. 610 00:24:31,201 --> 00:24:35,207 ♪ Put your heart in the hands of the city 611 00:24:38,174 --> 00:24:42,180 ♪ Working hard when you're not around 612 00:24:45,516 --> 00:24:49,521 ♪ But oh, you sure look pretty 613 00:24:52,289 --> 00:24:55,891 ♪ When your feet were moving on the ground ♪ 614 00:24:55,893 --> 00:24:57,927 It appears we have yet another common interest. 615 00:24:57,929 --> 00:24:58,930 Oh god. 616 00:24:59,596 --> 00:25:01,529 Want to take a shot? 617 00:25:01,531 --> 00:25:02,766 Yes. 618 00:25:05,635 --> 00:25:07,638 I didn't touch my lips to it. 619 00:25:12,309 --> 00:25:14,742 I didn't take you as a Hunter Thompson fan. 620 00:25:14,744 --> 00:25:17,779 He's the very godfather of Gonzo journalism. 621 00:25:17,781 --> 00:25:19,213 Did you just say fairy godfather? 622 00:25:19,215 --> 00:25:21,316 No. I said very godfather! 623 00:25:21,318 --> 00:25:22,317 JACOB: No, you said fairy. 624 00:25:22,319 --> 00:25:23,821 Very. Fairy. 625 00:25:25,455 --> 00:25:27,259 Want to take another shot? 626 00:25:27,924 --> 00:25:29,123 Yeah. 627 00:25:29,125 --> 00:25:31,128 Do you want to go somewhere private? 628 00:25:34,131 --> 00:25:35,634 You're so dumb. 629 00:25:39,804 --> 00:25:41,603 You know you're way off about me? 630 00:25:41,605 --> 00:25:42,671 Okay. 631 00:25:42,673 --> 00:25:43,972 I like Hunter Thompson. 632 00:25:43,974 --> 00:25:45,173 Mmm. 633 00:25:45,175 --> 00:25:46,174 He's not my favourite writer though. 634 00:25:46,176 --> 00:25:47,676 Who's your favourite writer? 635 00:25:47,678 --> 00:25:48,747 Don't tell me! 636 00:25:49,980 --> 00:25:51,113 Jane Austen. 637 00:25:51,115 --> 00:25:52,851 Maybe when I was 15. 638 00:25:53,851 --> 00:25:56,051 It's Nora Ephron. 639 00:25:56,053 --> 00:25:57,856 What is that, Zac Efron's mom? 640 00:25:58,888 --> 00:26:00,891 She's the queen of the romantic comedy. 641 00:26:01,625 --> 00:26:03,025 "When Harry Met Sally", 642 00:26:03,027 --> 00:26:04,026 "Sleepless in Seattle" 643 00:26:04,028 --> 00:26:05,827 Okay. I liked those. Those are good. 644 00:26:05,829 --> 00:26:06,828 BLAKE: I know yours. 645 00:26:06,830 --> 00:26:07,997 I don't have a favourite writer. Witkowski. 646 00:26:07,999 --> 00:26:09,530 (WHISTLES) How'd you do that? 647 00:26:09,532 --> 00:26:10,966 BLAKE: You want to take another shot? 648 00:26:10,968 --> 00:26:12,003 Yep. 649 00:26:13,037 --> 00:26:14,003 (DOOR CLOSING) 650 00:26:14,005 --> 00:26:15,004 JACOB: You okay? 651 00:26:15,006 --> 00:26:16,872 BLAKE: Yeah. 652 00:26:16,874 --> 00:26:17,873 (DOOR JAM BUZZING) 653 00:26:17,875 --> 00:26:19,007 (JACOB MIMICS BUZZING) 654 00:26:19,009 --> 00:26:23,013 (GIGGLING) 655 00:26:25,682 --> 00:26:27,919 (KISSING) 656 00:26:33,156 --> 00:26:35,159 I like your room. I like it. 657 00:26:36,059 --> 00:26:37,660 That means a lot to me. 658 00:26:37,662 --> 00:26:38,896 Is that weird? 659 00:26:48,071 --> 00:26:49,270 JACOB (WHISPERING): You okay? 660 00:26:49,272 --> 00:26:51,373 Yeah. I'm okay. Are you okay? 661 00:26:51,375 --> 00:26:52,373 JACOB: Yeah, no, I'm good. 662 00:26:52,375 --> 00:26:54,179 Okay. You look good. 663 00:27:02,686 --> 00:27:04,254 Do you have a condom? 664 00:27:05,189 --> 00:27:06,458 I think so. 665 00:27:15,598 --> 00:27:16,900 Um 666 00:27:25,142 --> 00:27:27,910 I thought it was in my pencil case. 667 00:27:27,912 --> 00:27:29,143 BLAKE: Why do you have a pencil case? 668 00:27:29,145 --> 00:27:30,714 JACOB: For pencils. 669 00:27:31,414 --> 00:27:32,951 In case. 670 00:27:40,490 --> 00:27:41,957 Okay. 671 00:27:41,959 --> 00:27:43,961 I don't have a condom. 672 00:27:53,570 --> 00:27:54,805 (SIGHS) 673 00:28:02,011 --> 00:28:03,013 (SIGHS) 674 00:28:06,450 --> 00:28:08,253 (WHISPERING) I should go. 675 00:28:08,986 --> 00:28:11,620 (WHISPERING) But this is your room. 676 00:28:11,622 --> 00:28:13,020 Oh. 677 00:28:13,022 --> 00:28:15,524 Well should I go? Want me to go? 678 00:28:15,526 --> 00:28:16,525 I mean, should I go? 679 00:28:16,527 --> 00:28:18,192 Uh yeah, I think so. 680 00:28:18,194 --> 00:28:19,463 Okay. 681 00:28:21,999 --> 00:28:23,934 (SIGHS) 682 00:28:29,539 --> 00:28:31,542 Are you wearing my pants? 683 00:28:35,179 --> 00:28:38,447 (LAUGHING) 684 00:28:38,449 --> 00:28:39,448 JACOB: You can't print it. 685 00:28:39,450 --> 00:28:41,115 You can't not print it. Can't. 686 00:28:41,117 --> 00:28:43,184 MATT: Okay, usually I'm totally against, uh, 687 00:28:43,186 --> 00:28:45,888 these sort of workplace romances, 688 00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:47,823 but this is hilarious, Blake. 689 00:28:47,825 --> 00:28:48,990 It's not funny to me man, alright? 690 00:28:48,992 --> 00:28:50,191 BLAKE: I changed your name! 691 00:28:50,193 --> 00:28:52,227 Nobody is gonna know that it's you! 692 00:28:52,229 --> 00:28:53,228 - I don't care. - WINNIE: I do! 693 00:28:53,230 --> 00:28:54,496 MATT: You two were the only people 694 00:28:54,498 --> 00:28:56,698 that dressed like Raoul Duke at the party so. 695 00:28:56,700 --> 00:28:57,699 You were there? 696 00:28:57,701 --> 00:28:59,504 Yeah, I have Snapchat. 697 00:29:00,203 --> 00:29:02,571 You were the one who told me to become the story. 698 00:29:02,573 --> 00:29:03,639 I became the story. 699 00:29:03,641 --> 00:29:04,672 I'm sorry! 700 00:29:04,674 --> 00:29:06,475 I didn't realize you were so sensitive. 701 00:29:06,477 --> 00:29:09,076 I'm not, sensitive. 702 00:29:09,078 --> 00:29:10,077 I'm private. 703 00:29:10,079 --> 00:29:11,078 I'm not 704 00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:12,046 not like a sensitive dude. 705 00:29:12,048 --> 00:29:13,047 MATT: Hey man, I'm sorry, 706 00:29:13,049 --> 00:29:14,315 I'm gonna have to post it. 707 00:29:14,317 --> 00:29:15,651 JACOB: Why? 708 00:29:15,653 --> 00:29:17,318 MATT: Because, uh, for better or for worse, 709 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:22,024 the hopeless romantic is dragging in all the hits. 710 00:29:22,026 --> 00:29:23,491 Really? 711 00:29:23,493 --> 00:29:24,860 MATT: Keep your shirt on. You're not winning a Pulitzer. 712 00:29:24,862 --> 00:29:26,929 It's-it's not moving papers. 713 00:29:26,931 --> 00:29:28,697 It's just, it's doing well on the website, 714 00:29:28,699 --> 00:29:32,500 and I have to do what's best for the paper and or website. 715 00:29:32,502 --> 00:29:35,437 I hope this isn't awkward between us. 716 00:29:35,439 --> 00:29:38,539 MATT: It most certainly is going to be. 717 00:29:38,541 --> 00:29:40,542 Do you want my advice? 718 00:29:40,544 --> 00:29:43,077 Don't make out with journalists. 719 00:29:43,079 --> 00:29:44,848 Or Instagram models. 720 00:29:48,285 --> 00:29:50,151 BLAKE: He's arrogant. 721 00:29:50,153 --> 00:29:53,287 He can't stand that I'm thriving. 722 00:29:53,289 --> 00:29:55,489 It's man problem. That's what they do. 723 00:29:55,491 --> 00:29:56,592 Can't handle the strong woman. 724 00:29:56,594 --> 00:29:58,727 He's kinda tall, so I don't get it. 725 00:29:58,729 --> 00:30:00,461 Is he tall? 726 00:30:00,463 --> 00:30:01,496 Yeah. 727 00:30:01,498 --> 00:30:03,231 Usually short guys are really insecure. 728 00:30:03,233 --> 00:30:04,498 Little man syndrome? Yeah! 729 00:30:04,500 --> 00:30:05,769 Yeah. 730 00:30:06,903 --> 00:30:09,304 BLAKE: Oh my god, oh my god. 731 00:30:09,306 --> 00:30:10,671 Oh my god, just keep walking. 732 00:30:10,673 --> 00:30:12,274 Keep walking. 733 00:30:12,276 --> 00:30:13,674 The guy, Ian. 734 00:30:13,676 --> 00:30:15,110 He's over there. Where? Where? 735 00:30:15,112 --> 00:30:16,745 Oh, no, no, no. Look to there. 736 00:30:16,747 --> 00:30:17,746 Can you see him? 737 00:30:17,748 --> 00:30:19,284 Do I look cute? 738 00:30:22,586 --> 00:30:24,018 Do I wave, or is that weird? 739 00:30:24,020 --> 00:30:26,023 I don't know. Oh my god, we waved. 740 00:30:26,423 --> 00:30:28,123 No, don't wave again. 741 00:30:28,125 --> 00:30:29,123 NIKKI: Flash your tit. 742 00:30:29,125 --> 00:30:31,325 BLAKE: No. (GIGGLES) 743 00:30:31,327 --> 00:30:36,331 (SOFT INSTRUMENTAL) 744 00:30:36,333 --> 00:30:41,702 ♪ 745 00:30:41,704 --> 00:30:43,508 BLAKE: Screw it. 746 00:30:46,977 --> 00:30:48,142 If I want to win the award, 747 00:30:48,144 --> 00:30:49,311 I have to do ayahuasca. 748 00:30:49,313 --> 00:30:51,546 NIKKI: Wait, when are you doing ayahuasca? 749 00:30:51,548 --> 00:30:52,546 I'm not, it's a metaphor. 750 00:30:52,548 --> 00:30:53,715 Because if you do it without me, 751 00:30:53,717 --> 00:30:56,218 I'm gonna be really pissed. 752 00:30:56,220 --> 00:30:57,221 And surprised. 753 00:30:58,321 --> 00:30:59,823 And hurt. 754 00:31:01,392 --> 00:31:03,025 Eventually I'd be happy for you. 755 00:31:03,027 --> 00:31:04,660 Again, I'm not gonna do ayahuasca without you. 756 00:31:04,662 --> 00:31:05,963 Just 757 00:31:07,298 --> 00:31:09,197 make sure he doesn't 758 00:31:09,199 --> 00:31:11,065 take advantage of you or anything. 759 00:31:11,067 --> 00:31:12,334 Yeah, of course. 760 00:31:12,336 --> 00:31:15,871 If anything, I am the one taking advantage of him. 761 00:31:15,873 --> 00:31:16,872 How? 762 00:31:16,874 --> 00:31:18,373 Because I'm not really a sugar baby. 763 00:31:18,375 --> 00:31:21,343 You're actually kinda like pretty woman. 764 00:31:21,345 --> 00:31:22,846 But in reverse. 765 00:31:23,646 --> 00:31:26,815 Just make me look classy. 766 00:31:26,817 --> 00:31:29,017 Like Michelle Obama. 767 00:31:29,019 --> 00:31:34,021 (LOUNGE MUSIC) 768 00:31:34,023 --> 00:31:36,224 ♪ 769 00:31:36,226 --> 00:31:37,495 IAN: Hi. 770 00:31:38,228 --> 00:31:40,031 Should we go in? 771 00:31:43,267 --> 00:31:45,834 BLAKE: Why don't you have a girlfriend? 772 00:31:45,836 --> 00:31:47,235 They're free. 773 00:31:47,237 --> 00:31:49,237 IAN: Not really. And, 774 00:31:49,239 --> 00:31:50,439 I don't know what she wants. 775 00:31:50,441 --> 00:31:52,407 She probably doesn't even know what she wants. 776 00:31:52,409 --> 00:31:53,441 And I don't want to spend my time 777 00:31:53,443 --> 00:31:55,445 texting or fighting 778 00:31:56,846 --> 00:31:58,615 or compromising. 779 00:32:00,718 --> 00:32:02,019 So. 780 00:32:03,921 --> 00:32:06,287 How do you want this to work? 781 00:32:06,289 --> 00:32:09,123 IAN: I don't want to write cheques 782 00:32:09,125 --> 00:32:10,124 or anything like that. 783 00:32:10,126 --> 00:32:12,294 I kinda wanna give gifts. 784 00:32:12,296 --> 00:32:13,594 Gifts. 785 00:32:13,596 --> 00:32:14,865 IAN: Yeah. 786 00:32:16,299 --> 00:32:17,399 Like purses? 787 00:32:17,401 --> 00:32:18,933 IAN: Sure. 788 00:32:18,935 --> 00:32:20,938 If that's what you want. Yeah. 789 00:32:22,638 --> 00:32:24,541 It's not what I want. 790 00:32:26,376 --> 00:32:28,145 IAN: I didn't think so. 791 00:32:29,613 --> 00:32:32,383 So, what do you want? 792 00:32:36,487 --> 00:32:37,755 Romance. 793 00:32:41,090 --> 00:32:42,657 BLAKE VOICEOVER: Wealthy older people 794 00:32:42,659 --> 00:32:44,625 supporting struggling younger ones 795 00:32:44,627 --> 00:32:46,094 is nothing revolutionary. 796 00:32:46,096 --> 00:32:48,330 Read any Jane Austen novel. 797 00:32:48,332 --> 00:32:50,332 Granted Austen's heroines always rebelled 798 00:32:50,334 --> 00:32:53,334 against this concept in search for romantic love, 799 00:32:53,336 --> 00:32:57,171 but financially beneficial relationships were the norm. 800 00:32:57,173 --> 00:32:59,908 A female's attraction to a male's display of resources 801 00:32:59,910 --> 00:33:02,510 is ingrained in many species, 802 00:33:02,512 --> 00:33:05,316 from humans to apes to cats. 803 00:33:06,083 --> 00:33:07,748 Female leopards can actually tell whether or not a male 804 00:33:07,750 --> 00:33:10,518 is capable of providing her with what she needs. 805 00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:11,920 If she determines that he isn't capable 806 00:33:11,922 --> 00:33:14,355 of taking care of her, 807 00:33:14,357 --> 00:33:16,190 she has the ability to make herself less fertile. 808 00:33:16,192 --> 00:33:17,959 So the question is, 809 00:33:17,961 --> 00:33:20,996 why does our society hate gold diggers? 810 00:33:20,998 --> 00:33:23,765 Are we repulsed by our own natural instincts? 811 00:33:23,767 --> 00:33:26,535 Maybe relationships aren't supposed to be for love, 812 00:33:26,537 --> 00:33:28,338 but for survival. 813 00:33:39,549 --> 00:33:41,016 IAN: There's a sound quality to records 814 00:33:41,018 --> 00:33:44,986 that is completely lost with CDs or MP3s 815 00:33:44,988 --> 00:33:49,059 or whatever the kids are listening to these days. 816 00:33:50,059 --> 00:33:52,227 Sometimes I just like the sound 817 00:33:52,229 --> 00:33:54,930 in between the songs, you know? 818 00:33:54,932 --> 00:33:56,933 BLAKE: I like the way that the covers look. 819 00:34:01,571 --> 00:34:02,572 Yeah. 820 00:34:05,776 --> 00:34:08,579 BLAKE: Should have known you'd be a record guy. 821 00:34:09,947 --> 00:34:12,414 Well, I was born in the 70s, 822 00:34:12,416 --> 00:34:15,617 so I hope it's not so obnoxious, right? 823 00:34:15,619 --> 00:34:16,621 Right. 824 00:34:21,625 --> 00:34:23,191 What's with the piano? 825 00:34:23,193 --> 00:34:24,429 Do you play? 826 00:34:25,295 --> 00:34:28,099 Uh. It's my ex. 827 00:34:30,534 --> 00:34:32,534 Your ex is a piano? 828 00:34:32,536 --> 00:34:35,539 No. She's a human. Bitch. 829 00:34:36,639 --> 00:34:39,710 She's really good at playing the piano. 830 00:34:49,119 --> 00:34:51,119 Do you wanna listen to this one next? 831 00:34:51,121 --> 00:34:52,423 Sure. 832 00:34:53,489 --> 00:34:56,224 I don't think I've ever listened to this one. 833 00:34:56,226 --> 00:35:01,231 ♪ Birds climb slow ♪ 834 00:35:01,831 --> 00:35:02,898 ♪ Weather's cold ♪ 835 00:35:02,900 --> 00:35:06,003 ♪ And I think of you ♪ 836 00:35:26,489 --> 00:35:31,492 (SOFT INSTRUMENTAL) 837 00:35:31,494 --> 00:35:36,032 ♪ 838 00:35:40,036 --> 00:35:41,304 (PIANO CHORD) 839 00:35:54,117 --> 00:35:57,688 (DOG PAWS CLICKING ON FLOOR) 840 00:36:09,733 --> 00:36:10,735 (DOOR CLICKING SHUT) 841 00:36:24,914 --> 00:36:26,717 Where is my bike? 842 00:36:32,556 --> 00:36:39,561 (REFLECTIVE INSTRUMENTAL) 843 00:36:39,563 --> 00:36:40,831 (DOOR CLICKING SHUT) 844 00:36:49,606 --> 00:36:51,509 NIKKI: You had sex! 845 00:36:55,378 --> 00:36:56,614 What? 846 00:36:57,581 --> 00:36:59,581 You had sex. 847 00:36:59,583 --> 00:37:01,749 - What are you talking about? - Come on! 848 00:37:01,751 --> 00:37:03,554 BLAKE: How did you know? 849 00:37:04,855 --> 00:37:06,623 I felt the energy change. (GIGGLES) 850 00:37:08,025 --> 00:37:09,260 So? 851 00:37:10,427 --> 00:37:11,425 How was it? 852 00:37:11,427 --> 00:37:12,963 BLAKE: It was 853 00:37:13,764 --> 00:37:15,032 Nice. 854 00:37:15,766 --> 00:37:17,465 It was nice? 855 00:37:17,467 --> 00:37:19,269 Yeah it was nice. 856 00:37:20,070 --> 00:37:22,936 So? What did you get for the romp sesh? 857 00:37:22,938 --> 00:37:24,472 Earrings? 858 00:37:24,474 --> 00:37:25,472 Purse? 859 00:37:25,474 --> 00:37:26,474 An iPod? 860 00:37:26,476 --> 00:37:27,474 A gift card? 861 00:37:27,476 --> 00:37:28,776 Got nothing. A Starbucks's gift card? 862 00:37:28,778 --> 00:37:30,979 BLAKE: Oh, I got Gatorade. 863 00:37:30,981 --> 00:37:32,414 That's it? 864 00:37:32,416 --> 00:37:34,652 BLAKE: Oh and my bike got stolen. 865 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,686 Wait, doesn't he live in that 866 00:37:38,688 --> 00:37:39,854 nice neighbourhood by the water? 867 00:37:39,856 --> 00:37:40,854 Yeah. 868 00:37:40,856 --> 00:37:42,626 Crime knows no bounds. 869 00:37:44,293 --> 00:37:45,528 (KNOCKING) 870 00:37:47,697 --> 00:37:49,831 This is for you, 871 00:37:49,833 --> 00:37:51,601 and this is also for you. 872 00:37:52,869 --> 00:37:54,836 And the last thing 873 00:37:54,838 --> 00:37:56,606 is too big to bring up. 874 00:37:57,673 --> 00:37:59,777 I'll just get my shoes. 875 00:38:04,514 --> 00:38:05,813 Is that? 876 00:38:05,815 --> 00:38:07,882 BLAKE: A sex moped. 877 00:38:07,884 --> 00:38:09,316 NIKKI: A hoeped. 878 00:38:09,318 --> 00:38:10,621 Oh my god! 879 00:38:18,027 --> 00:38:19,829 NIKKI: What does it say? 880 00:38:21,498 --> 00:38:23,733 Sorry I stole your bike. 881 00:38:26,702 --> 00:38:29,737 Hey, Conrad here and today, 882 00:38:29,739 --> 00:38:32,874 I'm gonna show you how to ride a moped! 883 00:38:32,876 --> 00:38:34,378 Conrad's kinda cute. 884 00:38:35,579 --> 00:38:37,144 Kinda. 885 00:38:37,146 --> 00:38:38,146 Hold this. 886 00:38:38,148 --> 00:38:39,146 CONRAD: To be honest. 887 00:38:39,148 --> 00:38:41,384 I mean, you just turn the key. 888 00:38:44,054 --> 00:38:45,822 Check your mirror. 889 00:38:48,724 --> 00:38:49,923 Looking good. 890 00:38:49,925 --> 00:38:51,226 BLAKE: Pass me my helmet. 891 00:38:51,228 --> 00:38:52,927 CONRAD: You gotta kick up the kickstand. 892 00:38:52,929 --> 00:38:55,095 Hold on, Conrad's bike won't start. 893 00:38:55,097 --> 00:38:57,398 CONRAD: And you know, um, 894 00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,532 you know, hopefully 895 00:38:58,534 --> 00:38:59,700 Conrad, why did you post this? 896 00:38:59,702 --> 00:39:01,603 (ENGINE RUMBLES) 897 00:39:01,605 --> 00:39:02,673 Get on! 898 00:39:08,577 --> 00:39:10,114 I feel dangerous. 899 00:39:11,547 --> 00:39:13,550 Cartilage piercing dangerous. 900 00:39:13,916 --> 00:39:16,083 It's not that dangerous. 901 00:39:16,085 --> 00:39:17,084 You ready? 902 00:39:17,086 --> 00:39:18,952 Take that bow off! 903 00:39:18,954 --> 00:39:20,287 ♪ You live in a man's world 904 00:39:20,289 --> 00:39:22,023 ♪ Man, man, man's world 905 00:39:22,025 --> 00:39:25,025 ♪ I tell you I don't want to anymore 906 00:39:25,027 --> 00:39:28,762 ♪ Let's sing na na na na na 907 00:39:28,764 --> 00:39:31,900 ♪ Kick you out the door ♪ 908 00:39:31,902 --> 00:39:33,967 ♪ Money hey ♪ 909 00:39:33,969 --> 00:39:34,969 ♪ Money woo ♪ 910 00:39:34,971 --> 00:39:35,970 ♪ Money hey ♪ 911 00:39:35,972 --> 00:39:37,771 Ah! Oh my god! 912 00:39:37,773 --> 00:39:39,541 Take my picture! 913 00:39:39,543 --> 00:39:40,775 Oh my god! 914 00:39:40,777 --> 00:39:42,443 Ow! Why?! 915 00:39:42,445 --> 00:39:43,912 Ow! 916 00:39:43,914 --> 00:39:45,112 Does it look cool? 917 00:39:45,114 --> 00:39:46,616 NIKKI: Uh, yeah. 918 00:39:46,916 --> 00:39:47,916 There's a little bit of 919 00:39:47,918 --> 00:39:49,416 - of blood. - What? 920 00:39:49,418 --> 00:39:50,584 But don't touch it, don't touch it. 921 00:39:50,586 --> 00:39:52,119 How am I going to wear my bike helmet? 922 00:39:52,121 --> 00:39:57,124 (FUN UPBEAT MUSIC) 923 00:39:57,126 --> 00:40:04,134 ♪ 924 00:40:06,969 --> 00:40:08,772 What happened to your ear? 925 00:40:09,271 --> 00:40:11,074 I got my cartilage pierced. 926 00:40:12,007 --> 00:40:13,407 JACOB: Looks like it hurt. 927 00:40:13,409 --> 00:40:14,644 It doesn't. 928 00:40:33,864 --> 00:40:35,095 Are you still pissed off with me 929 00:40:35,097 --> 00:40:37,034 because you fit in my pants? 930 00:40:37,867 --> 00:40:39,936 That's not why I'm pissed off. 931 00:40:40,503 --> 00:40:41,806 So you are mad. 932 00:40:42,271 --> 00:40:44,040 So now you're applying? 933 00:40:46,175 --> 00:40:47,978 I was always applying. 934 00:40:57,019 --> 00:40:58,052 Hold on. 935 00:40:58,054 --> 00:41:04,057 (SOFT INSTRUMENTAL) 936 00:41:04,059 --> 00:41:05,994 ♪ 937 00:41:05,996 --> 00:41:07,498 Does he know? 938 00:41:08,063 --> 00:41:09,863 That I'm applying for an award? 939 00:41:09,865 --> 00:41:12,202 That you're writing about him to win an award. 940 00:41:14,403 --> 00:41:15,905 BLAKE: I changed his name. 941 00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:17,740 So no. 942 00:41:21,878 --> 00:41:23,146 Nice ride. 943 00:41:23,847 --> 00:41:24,845 Thanks. 944 00:41:24,847 --> 00:41:26,650 How'd you pay for it? 945 00:41:29,885 --> 00:41:30,887 'Kay, bye. 946 00:41:34,257 --> 00:41:39,260 (PENSIVE INSTRUMENTAL) 947 00:41:39,262 --> 00:41:46,269 ♪ 948 00:42:16,766 --> 00:42:19,936 I thought of something that I want. 949 00:42:20,436 --> 00:42:21,739 IAN: Oh yeah? 950 00:42:22,938 --> 00:42:24,741 What do you want? 951 00:42:25,942 --> 00:42:28,945 I'm applying for an award and I need a reference letter. 952 00:42:32,081 --> 00:42:33,349 What's the award for? 953 00:42:35,184 --> 00:42:36,186 Journalism. 954 00:42:38,153 --> 00:42:39,923 You're in it-you're in it for the money, aren't you? 955 00:42:44,193 --> 00:42:45,760 But if I win, 956 00:42:45,762 --> 00:42:47,998 I get a bunch of cash and I can pay off my debt. 957 00:42:50,599 --> 00:42:53,266 You know, I could help you with that, 958 00:42:53,268 --> 00:42:55,038 if that's something that you wanted. 959 00:42:55,438 --> 00:42:56,974 Thought you didn't write checks. 960 00:42:58,608 --> 00:43:01,010 IAN: Well, I'd consider it an investment. 961 00:43:03,679 --> 00:43:07,481 You're the only person that would invest in journalism. 962 00:43:07,483 --> 00:43:09,987 Well, I wouldn't be investing in journalism, 963 00:43:11,186 --> 00:43:12,455 I'd be investing in you. 964 00:43:18,193 --> 00:43:20,029 What's in it for you? 965 00:43:21,898 --> 00:43:22,967 This. 966 00:43:27,369 --> 00:43:29,172 You can think about it. 967 00:43:32,708 --> 00:43:34,010 And the letter? 968 00:43:36,646 --> 00:43:38,479 Why don't you write it out 969 00:43:38,481 --> 00:43:40,017 and then I'll sign it. 970 00:43:42,217 --> 00:43:45,521 Okay, so do you wanna read a writing sample or something? 971 00:43:48,891 --> 00:43:50,258 Sure. 972 00:43:50,260 --> 00:43:51,592 So I'll email it. 973 00:43:51,594 --> 00:43:54,228 Yeah, you can email it, great. 974 00:43:54,230 --> 00:43:55,599 Or I can print it. 975 00:43:57,032 --> 00:43:58,032 Whatever's easier. 976 00:43:58,034 --> 00:43:59,032 I'llI'll email it. 977 00:43:59,034 --> 00:44:00,034 I'll PDF it. 978 00:44:00,036 --> 00:44:02,438 Yeah, PDF it, for sure. 979 00:44:04,173 --> 00:44:06,541 BLAKE VOICEOVER: A mutually beneficial relationship. 980 00:44:06,543 --> 00:44:07,945 I was a sugar baby. 981 00:44:09,179 --> 00:44:10,945 If you just saw us drinking in some park 982 00:44:10,947 --> 00:44:13,246 like we were in some frigging French film, 983 00:44:13,248 --> 00:44:18,052 or eating tiny, fancy food in some tiny, fancy restaurant, 984 00:44:18,054 --> 00:44:21,289 or holding hands and coffees in sweater weather, 985 00:44:21,291 --> 00:44:22,856 and some upbeat love song played 986 00:44:22,858 --> 00:44:25,258 over what we were actually saying, 987 00:44:25,260 --> 00:44:28,262 it would appear that we were falling in love. 988 00:44:28,264 --> 00:44:30,130 He didn't play games. 989 00:44:30,132 --> 00:44:32,300 He called when he said he would, 990 00:44:32,302 --> 00:44:34,635 and made concrete plans in advance. 991 00:44:34,637 --> 00:44:37,271 It was chivalry at its finest. 992 00:44:37,273 --> 00:44:39,106 Perhaps romance wasn't dead, 993 00:44:39,108 --> 00:44:41,641 it was just hiding out in another dimension, 994 00:44:41,643 --> 00:44:43,244 a world where social interaction 995 00:44:43,246 --> 00:44:45,479 was actually a transaction, 996 00:44:45,481 --> 00:44:47,115 and going to the theatre was something 997 00:44:47,117 --> 00:44:48,919 I did on a Saturday night. 998 00:44:49,318 --> 00:44:50,385 The truth is, 999 00:44:50,387 --> 00:44:52,385 while I ate my overpriced Gummi Bears 1000 00:44:52,387 --> 00:44:54,588 he brought me during intermission, 1001 00:44:54,590 --> 00:44:56,393 I felt like a goddamn lady. 1002 00:44:57,159 --> 00:45:01,164 (APPLAUSE) 1003 00:45:12,175 --> 00:45:14,307 WOMAN: I bet you she doesn't even like him. 1004 00:45:14,309 --> 00:45:16,079 CLAIRE: Do you like every guy you've hooked up with? 1005 00:45:16,813 --> 00:45:18,412 I stayed with Tom because we were in the middle 1006 00:45:18,414 --> 00:45:20,818 of Stranger Things and I don't have Netflix. 1007 00:45:22,684 --> 00:45:24,552 WOMAN: It's not really the same thing. 1008 00:45:24,554 --> 00:45:27,191 He bought her a scooter for having sex with him. 1009 00:45:29,559 --> 00:45:32,526 (TOILET FLUSHING) 1010 00:45:32,528 --> 00:45:33,797 Hey. 1011 00:45:34,530 --> 00:45:35,798 Hey. 1012 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,536 (WATER RUNNING) 1013 00:45:51,213 --> 00:45:52,750 NIKKI: You're not a hooker. 1014 00:45:53,416 --> 00:45:56,349 But I don't know what being a hooker feels like. 1015 00:45:56,351 --> 00:45:58,586 What if it feels just like this? 1016 00:45:58,588 --> 00:45:59,586 How do you feel? 1017 00:45:59,588 --> 00:46:00,857 BLAKE: I feel fine. 1018 00:46:01,490 --> 00:46:04,191 Good, like, really good. 1019 00:46:04,193 --> 00:46:05,392 That might just be the cupcakes. 1020 00:46:05,394 --> 00:46:07,228 BLAKE: Can't believe you made these. 1021 00:46:07,230 --> 00:46:08,595 Since when do you bake? 1022 00:46:08,597 --> 00:46:09,866 NIKKI: I got bored. 1023 00:46:11,067 --> 00:46:12,568 Then I got bored when I was baking, 1024 00:46:13,369 --> 00:46:15,372 so I sprinkled in a bunch of Molly! 1025 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:18,708 Ha ha. 1026 00:46:19,576 --> 00:46:21,077 No, I did, for real. 1027 00:46:21,677 --> 00:46:22,913 No. 1028 00:46:23,713 --> 00:46:25,412 No, Nikki! 1029 00:46:25,414 --> 00:46:26,916 I can't have drugs! 1030 00:46:27,382 --> 00:46:29,285 I'm emotionally unstable! 1031 00:46:30,420 --> 00:46:31,418 Take it back. 1032 00:46:31,420 --> 00:46:32,354 NIKKI: No. 1033 00:46:32,356 --> 00:46:33,287 BLAKE: I have to make myself puke. 1034 00:46:33,289 --> 00:46:34,621 No, no, no, no, don't throw it up. 1035 00:46:34,623 --> 00:46:35,856 BLAKE: I hate puking. 1036 00:46:35,858 --> 00:46:37,224 NIKKI: I should have got Jimmy as the roommate, 1037 00:46:37,226 --> 00:46:38,394 Jimmy would have loved this. 1038 00:46:42,431 --> 00:46:43,699 (KNOCKING) 1039 00:46:46,268 --> 00:46:47,267 NIKKI: Hello. 1040 00:46:47,269 --> 00:46:48,269 Hi. 1041 00:46:48,271 --> 00:46:51,438 Uh, Bla, hey you, in the bathroom! 1042 00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:53,039 Your Uber Eats is here. 1043 00:46:53,041 --> 00:46:54,441 BLAKE: What are you talking about? 1044 00:46:54,443 --> 00:46:56,413 I can't afford Uber Eats. 1045 00:46:59,148 --> 00:47:01,249 Hey, oh, you look really nice. 1046 00:47:01,251 --> 00:47:02,717 What are you doing here? 1047 00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:05,452 IAN: Um, do you wanna go to a wedding with me? 1048 00:47:05,454 --> 00:47:06,456 (CHUCKLES) 1049 00:47:07,289 --> 00:47:08,289 I've never been to a wedding. 1050 00:47:08,291 --> 00:47:09,824 - Me neither. - IAN: Really? 1051 00:47:09,826 --> 00:47:11,157 Yeah, when is it? 1052 00:47:11,159 --> 00:47:12,425 Now. 1053 00:47:12,427 --> 00:47:13,561 Like, now now? 1054 00:47:13,563 --> 00:47:14,561 Yeah. 1055 00:47:14,563 --> 00:47:15,662 Sorry for the short notice, 1056 00:47:15,664 --> 00:47:18,465 um I just hate going to these things alone. 1057 00:47:18,467 --> 00:47:20,501 But I did get you this. 1058 00:47:20,503 --> 00:47:21,568 NIKKI: Oh my god. 1059 00:47:21,570 --> 00:47:23,304 (GASPING) 1060 00:47:23,306 --> 00:47:24,304 NIKKI: Oh my god. 1061 00:47:24,306 --> 00:47:25,907 BLAKE: Yeah, it's pretty sparkly. 1062 00:47:25,909 --> 00:47:27,677 Oh! (LAUGHTER) 1063 00:47:28,478 --> 00:47:29,476 It's dangerous. 1064 00:47:29,478 --> 00:47:31,278 IAN: It's stupid, sorry. 1065 00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:34,447 Um, it's sparkly because the stones are so clear. 1066 00:47:34,449 --> 00:47:37,253 I think they're only found in one place in the world. 1067 00:47:38,954 --> 00:47:40,757 Are you gonna say your heart? 1068 00:47:41,657 --> 00:47:43,293 No, South Africa. 1069 00:47:44,427 --> 00:47:45,659 Close enough. 1070 00:47:45,661 --> 00:47:47,762 So, are-are they blood diamonds? 1071 00:47:47,764 --> 00:47:48,762 No. 1072 00:47:48,764 --> 00:47:49,764 BLAKE: Are you sure? 1073 00:47:49,766 --> 00:47:50,764 Yes. 1074 00:47:50,766 --> 00:47:51,766 So no one died for them? 1075 00:47:51,768 --> 00:47:54,601 No. Those are 100% organic, 1076 00:47:54,603 --> 00:47:56,470 farm fresh, vegan diamonds. 1077 00:47:56,472 --> 00:47:58,505 BLAKE: Okay, I'm gonna go get ready. 1078 00:47:58,507 --> 00:47:59,441 Okay. 1079 00:47:59,443 --> 00:48:00,340 NIKKI: Uh, uh, wear the pink dress. 1080 00:48:00,342 --> 00:48:01,541 BLAKE: I don't have a pink dress. 1081 00:48:01,543 --> 00:48:04,945 NIKKI: Yeah, the long one, pink, low. 1082 00:48:04,947 --> 00:48:06,313 I had a blue one. 1083 00:48:06,315 --> 00:48:07,315 It's mine, 1084 00:48:07,317 --> 00:48:08,516 I'm trying to make you look good. 1085 00:48:08,518 --> 00:48:10,150 - Oh, thank you so much. - You ruined it. 1086 00:48:10,152 --> 00:48:11,519 Okay, I'll be really quick. 1087 00:48:11,521 --> 00:48:12,522 IAN: Okay. 1088 00:48:23,565 --> 00:48:26,032 So you guys have lived together for a while? 1089 00:48:26,034 --> 00:48:29,737 Yeah, we were-we were um roommates in freshman year. 1090 00:48:29,739 --> 00:48:32,639 We hated each other for the first few months, 1091 00:48:32,641 --> 00:48:34,543 then Philip Seymour Hoffman died. 1092 00:48:36,545 --> 00:48:37,813 Yeah. 1093 00:48:38,581 --> 00:48:44,150 NIKKI: Wow. Wow. Oh, wow, you look beautiful. 1094 00:48:44,152 --> 00:48:45,519 Thanks. 1095 00:48:45,521 --> 00:48:46,757 He stood up. 1096 00:48:48,190 --> 00:48:49,425 (GENTLE CLAPPING) 1097 00:48:57,199 --> 00:48:58,599 Wait, whose wedding is this? 1098 00:48:58,601 --> 00:49:00,369 Um, you met Bobby, right? 1099 00:49:02,005 --> 00:49:03,570 The guy from the pool? 1100 00:49:03,572 --> 00:49:04,572 Yeah. 1101 00:49:04,574 --> 00:49:05,572 He's getting married? 1102 00:49:05,574 --> 00:49:06,576 Yeah. 1103 00:49:07,844 --> 00:49:12,847 (SULTRY MUSIC) 1104 00:49:12,849 --> 00:49:16,787 ♪ 1105 00:49:26,795 --> 00:49:28,595 BLAKE VOICEOVER: I take you 1106 00:49:28,597 --> 00:49:32,499 to be my lawfully wedded husband, 1107 00:49:32,501 --> 00:49:34,438 to have and to hold 1108 00:49:35,838 --> 00:49:37,341 from this day forward. 1109 00:49:38,141 --> 00:49:41,675 For better, for worse, 1110 00:49:41,677 --> 00:49:44,512 for richer, for poorer, 1111 00:49:44,514 --> 00:49:45,816 in sickness and in health 1112 00:49:46,748 --> 00:49:48,517 until death do us part. 1113 00:49:52,288 --> 00:49:54,021 Are you-are you okay? 1114 00:49:54,023 --> 00:49:55,623 I'm on drugs. 1115 00:49:55,625 --> 00:49:57,657 Oh, wow, what kind? 1116 00:49:57,659 --> 00:49:59,092 Cupcakes with Molly in them, 1117 00:49:59,094 --> 00:50:00,360 I should have told you, I'm so sorry. 1118 00:50:00,362 --> 00:50:01,595 IAN: Shit. 1119 00:50:01,597 --> 00:50:02,865 - Jesus. - No, I'm good. 1120 00:50:03,632 --> 00:50:05,132 I've done Molly like, once before. 1121 00:50:05,134 --> 00:50:07,367 It was fun until I puked all over somebody's shoes, 1122 00:50:07,369 --> 00:50:08,668 but I don't foresee that happening this time. 1123 00:50:08,670 --> 00:50:11,338 I don't feel nauseous at all, I'm good. 1124 00:50:11,340 --> 00:50:12,706 I'm sorry, I said that already. 1125 00:50:12,708 --> 00:50:14,941 I'm gonna be serious from now. 1126 00:50:14,943 --> 00:50:17,711 Yeah, falling in love is a very serious matter. 1127 00:50:17,713 --> 00:50:18,981 So serious. 1128 00:50:19,681 --> 00:50:21,514 So you're okay with the choreographed dance 1129 00:50:21,516 --> 00:50:23,050 that we have to do later? 1130 00:50:23,052 --> 00:50:24,851 Oh my God, I would love that. 1131 00:50:24,853 --> 00:50:26,119 IAN: There'll be a speech 1132 00:50:26,121 --> 00:50:27,387 with a lot of inside jokes 1133 00:50:27,389 --> 00:50:29,123 that neither one of us are gonna get. 1134 00:50:29,125 --> 00:50:30,360 Bring it on. 1135 00:50:31,693 --> 00:50:32,793 Do you believe in love? 1136 00:50:32,795 --> 00:50:34,063 My parents got divorced. 1137 00:50:34,697 --> 00:50:36,996 Uh, oh. 1138 00:50:36,998 --> 00:50:37,998 No, I'm good, I'm okay. 1139 00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,532 I'm good, let's go get a drink. 1140 00:50:39,534 --> 00:50:40,700 Yep. 1141 00:50:40,702 --> 00:50:46,072 (UPBEAT MUSIC) 1142 00:50:46,074 --> 00:50:48,309 ♪ 1143 00:50:48,311 --> 00:50:51,144 ♪ Whoa this feeling 1144 00:50:51,146 --> 00:50:54,648 ♪ Whoa almost got me reeling 1145 00:50:54,650 --> 00:50:57,684 ♪ Yeah it's on me and I cannot seem to shake it 1146 00:50:57,686 --> 00:51:00,920 ♪ This song has got me and I can't seem to break it ♪ 1147 00:51:00,922 --> 00:51:04,560 (FADING INTO GENTLE MUSIC) 1148 00:51:11,099 --> 00:51:15,603 ♪ All of us have felt the burden 1149 00:51:15,605 --> 00:51:18,371 ♪ Of being nowhere alone 1150 00:51:18,373 --> 00:51:21,407 ♪ With feelings that leave us 1151 00:51:21,409 --> 00:51:25,579 ♪ Wondering when the time will come 1152 00:51:25,581 --> 00:51:31,751 ♪ To find something, someone, a feeling to guide us ♪ 1153 00:51:31,753 --> 00:51:32,753 Oh my god. 1154 00:51:32,755 --> 00:51:37,624 ♪ Like a technicolour operation 1155 00:51:37,626 --> 00:51:42,632 ♪ You commandeer my field of vision 1156 00:51:46,469 --> 00:51:50,474 ♪ I'm a bullet in the ocean 1157 00:51:51,873 --> 00:51:54,941 ♪ You harness me so softly 1158 00:51:54,943 --> 00:51:58,445 ♪ That I just fall 1159 00:51:58,447 --> 00:52:00,880 ♪ Baby ♪ 1160 00:52:00,882 --> 00:52:03,252 (CHEERING) 1161 00:52:06,422 --> 00:52:07,420 WOMAN: Oh, it's so cute. 1162 00:52:07,422 --> 00:52:08,657 MAN: Oh, yes. 1163 00:52:11,994 --> 00:52:13,262 Hey. 1164 00:52:13,795 --> 00:52:14,894 Hey, congratulations. 1165 00:52:14,896 --> 00:52:16,597 BOBBY: Thank you. 1166 00:52:16,599 --> 00:52:17,601 Big day. 1167 00:52:18,300 --> 00:52:19,432 It's a beautiful wedding, 1168 00:52:19,434 --> 00:52:20,633 you have a really good voice. 1169 00:52:20,635 --> 00:52:21,904 Yeah? 1170 00:52:22,838 --> 00:52:23,840 How's Morgan? 1171 00:52:24,606 --> 00:52:26,307 Uh, I haven't seen her in a while. 1172 00:52:26,309 --> 00:52:27,611 That's too bad. 1173 00:52:28,777 --> 00:52:30,012 You know, I, um, 1174 00:52:31,079 --> 00:52:33,313 I dig that bike. 1175 00:52:33,315 --> 00:52:35,117 I think girls on bikes are cool. 1176 00:52:36,485 --> 00:52:37,787 How much that cost? 1177 00:52:38,820 --> 00:52:40,820 I'mI'm not sure actually. 1178 00:52:40,822 --> 00:52:44,027 Yeah, must be doing something special. 1179 00:52:51,833 --> 00:52:53,300 Your wife. 1180 00:52:53,302 --> 00:52:54,802 BOBBY: Oh no, no, we have an open relationship. 1181 00:52:54,804 --> 00:52:56,135 There was a whole, 1182 00:52:56,137 --> 00:52:57,304 there was this book, 1183 00:52:57,306 --> 00:52:59,773 and I don't really remember, 1184 00:52:59,775 --> 00:53:01,677 but you can have sex with other people. 1185 00:53:03,846 --> 00:53:04,845 That's cool. 1186 00:53:04,847 --> 00:53:05,849 BOBBY: Yeah. 1187 00:53:10,485 --> 00:53:11,887 What do you want? 1188 00:53:12,722 --> 00:53:14,724 To go to the bathroom. 1189 00:53:15,757 --> 00:53:17,059 Is that all? 1190 00:53:21,864 --> 00:53:23,099 (THUD) Ow! 1191 00:53:26,101 --> 00:53:31,104 (MELANCHOLY MUSIC) 1192 00:53:31,106 --> 00:53:35,144 ♪ 1193 00:54:03,938 --> 00:54:05,938 DRIVER: Why's your rating so low? 1194 00:54:05,940 --> 00:54:06,942 What? 1195 00:54:08,043 --> 00:54:10,112 DRIVER: You're only at a 4.3. 1196 00:54:11,746 --> 00:54:12,945 I am? 1197 00:54:12,947 --> 00:54:14,216 DRIVER: Yep. 1198 00:54:15,818 --> 00:54:16,820 Why? 1199 00:54:17,820 --> 00:54:18,822 DRIVER: I don't know. 1200 00:54:19,655 --> 00:54:21,121 You seem fine. 1201 00:54:21,123 --> 00:54:22,789 I am fine. 1202 00:54:22,791 --> 00:54:27,795 (MELANCHOLY INSTRUMENTAL) 1203 00:54:27,797 --> 00:54:31,835 ♪ 1204 00:55:07,268 --> 00:55:08,504 (KNOCKING) 1205 00:55:16,010 --> 00:55:17,276 Hi. What are you doing here? 1206 00:55:17,278 --> 00:55:19,445 We didn't have plans. 1207 00:55:19,447 --> 00:55:21,447 Oh, I know, I just wanted to stop by 1208 00:55:21,449 --> 00:55:23,851 and apologize for leaving the wedding. 1209 00:55:23,853 --> 00:55:25,655 I can't do this right now. 1210 00:55:26,889 --> 00:55:28,222 Okay, it's just, 1211 00:55:28,224 --> 00:55:29,222 when I went to the bathroom 1212 00:55:29,224 --> 00:55:30,860 This isn't how this works. 1213 00:55:37,199 --> 00:55:38,965 WOMAN: Many are quick to label 1214 00:55:38,967 --> 00:55:42,869 the sugar lifestyle choice as prostitution, 1215 00:55:42,871 --> 00:55:45,072 but there are lots of differences 1216 00:55:45,074 --> 00:55:48,876 between this lifestyle and the oldest profession. 1217 00:55:48,878 --> 00:55:53,883 A prostitute and a client have a transactional relationship. 1218 00:55:54,315 --> 00:55:59,321 They meet, participate in some sort of a physical act, 1219 00:56:00,222 --> 00:56:01,725 exchange funds, 1220 00:56:02,023 --> 00:56:03,525 and part ways. 1221 00:56:04,025 --> 00:56:08,862 Typically, this is a one time occurrence, a job. 1222 00:56:08,864 --> 00:56:10,329 There is no relationship, 1223 00:56:10,331 --> 00:56:13,900 and no possibility for a relationship, 1224 00:56:13,902 --> 00:56:16,903 and that is the biggest difference, really. 1225 00:56:16,905 --> 00:56:18,240 The relationship. 1226 00:56:21,076 --> 00:56:22,344 Hey. 1227 00:56:22,744 --> 00:56:24,077 Yo. 1228 00:56:24,079 --> 00:56:26,280 What are you wearing to the toga party tonight? 1229 00:56:26,282 --> 00:56:27,884 Uh, a toga. 1230 00:56:29,083 --> 00:56:30,719 So I can't wear this? 1231 00:56:33,521 --> 00:56:35,255 It's not a toga. 1232 00:56:35,257 --> 00:56:36,525 What about now? 1233 00:56:37,559 --> 00:56:39,596 BLAKE: Uh, yeah, no, still not a toga. 1234 00:56:41,096 --> 00:56:43,266 Nikki, it's not a toga. 1235 00:56:44,967 --> 00:56:45,969 NIKKI: Fine. 1236 00:56:55,110 --> 00:57:00,884 (PHONE BUZZING) 1237 00:57:05,487 --> 00:57:06,755 Hey. 1238 00:57:07,755 --> 00:57:12,758 (SOPHISTICATED MUSIC) 1239 00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:16,128 ♪ 1240 00:57:16,130 --> 00:57:18,831 So, uh, about earlier. 1241 00:57:18,833 --> 00:57:20,200 It-it's okay, 1242 00:57:20,202 --> 00:57:23,006 but you can't just show up at my house. 1243 00:57:24,472 --> 00:57:25,539 To be fair, 1244 00:57:25,541 --> 00:57:27,039 you did just show up at my house 1245 00:57:27,041 --> 00:57:29,008 and invite me to your wedding. 1246 00:57:29,010 --> 00:57:31,110 And I got you that bracelet. 1247 00:57:31,112 --> 00:57:32,147 Right. 1248 00:57:37,152 --> 00:57:39,188 I read your reference letter today. 1249 00:57:40,456 --> 00:57:41,691 - Oh yeah? - Mhm. 1250 00:57:43,192 --> 00:57:46,492 Do you support all the fantastic things I said about myself? 1251 00:57:46,494 --> 00:57:48,228 No. 1252 00:57:48,230 --> 00:57:49,295 I'm gonna rewrite it, 1253 00:57:49,297 --> 00:57:50,833 tell the truth. 1254 00:57:56,204 --> 00:57:57,403 Did you read my writing sample? 1255 00:57:57,405 --> 00:57:59,206 Mm. 1256 00:57:59,208 --> 00:58:01,010 I'm gonna get to it this weekend. 1257 00:58:12,887 --> 00:58:14,690 Do you have any siblings? 1258 00:58:15,490 --> 00:58:16,490 What? 1259 00:58:16,492 --> 00:58:19,226 You know, brothers or sisters, siblings. 1260 00:58:19,228 --> 00:58:20,230 Why? 1261 00:58:21,063 --> 00:58:22,429 I just realized that I don't know 1262 00:58:22,431 --> 00:58:23,429 anything about your family. 1263 00:58:23,431 --> 00:58:25,234 We don't have to do this. 1264 00:58:27,536 --> 00:58:28,838 Okay. 1265 00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:34,041 It's really good, isn't it. 1266 00:58:34,043 --> 00:58:35,044 BLAKE: Mm. 1267 00:58:39,949 --> 00:58:42,452 There are so many expensive bottles of wine in here. 1268 00:58:43,284 --> 00:58:44,284 IAN: Mhm. 1269 00:58:44,286 --> 00:58:46,289 Imagine if I just smashed them all. 1270 00:58:51,092 --> 00:58:52,895 BLAKE: You missed my turn. 1271 00:58:53,762 --> 00:58:55,765 IAN: Oh, we're-we're going to my place. 1272 00:58:58,067 --> 00:58:59,568 No, I want to go home. 1273 00:59:03,271 --> 00:59:05,074 (SNIGGERS) It's so early. 1274 00:59:17,485 --> 00:59:18,485 (DOOR CLICKING OPEN) 1275 00:59:18,487 --> 00:59:20,554 IAN: Oh ho ho, who's this? 1276 00:59:20,556 --> 00:59:22,289 Who is this? 1277 00:59:22,291 --> 00:59:23,793 Gertie, Gertie, Gertie. 1278 00:59:25,728 --> 00:59:27,293 She missed you. 1279 00:59:27,295 --> 00:59:28,295 See that? 1280 00:59:28,297 --> 00:59:29,565 You did, didn't you? 1281 00:59:30,965 --> 00:59:32,465 Where you goin'? 1282 00:59:32,467 --> 00:59:34,269 Ha ha ha ha. 1283 00:59:37,271 --> 00:59:40,574 Oh, yes, I'm happy to see you, too. 1284 00:59:40,576 --> 00:59:42,309 Yes I am. 1285 00:59:42,311 --> 00:59:44,113 Yes I am, yes. 1286 00:59:51,686 --> 00:59:54,324 (LIQUID TRICKLING) 1287 01:00:06,367 --> 01:00:07,636 (CLINK) 1288 01:00:15,710 --> 01:00:17,510 (NEEDLE DROPPING ON VINYL) 1289 01:00:17,512 --> 01:00:23,215 ("CATCH THE WIND" BY DONOVAN) 1290 01:00:23,217 --> 01:00:25,619 ♪ 1291 01:00:25,621 --> 01:00:29,188 ♪ In the chilly hours and minutes 1292 01:00:29,190 --> 01:00:31,358 ♪ Of uncertainty 1293 01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:34,360 ♪ I want to be 1294 01:00:34,362 --> 01:00:39,134 ♪ In the warm hold of your loving mind 1295 01:00:41,804 --> 01:00:45,838 ♪ To feel you all around me 1296 01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:48,008 ♪ And to take your hand 1297 01:00:48,010 --> 01:00:50,242 ♪ Along the sand 1298 01:00:50,244 --> 01:00:55,250 ♪ Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind 1299 01:00:58,219 --> 01:01:02,456 ♪ When sundown pales the sky 1300 01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:04,590 ♪ I want to hide a while 1301 01:01:04,592 --> 01:01:07,094 ♪ Behind your smile 1302 01:01:07,096 --> 01:01:12,902 ♪ And everywhere I'd look, your eyes I'd find 1303 01:01:15,304 --> 01:01:19,139 ♪ For me to love you now 1304 01:01:19,141 --> 01:01:21,307 ♪ Would be the sweetest thing 1305 01:01:21,309 --> 01:01:23,744 ♪ T'would make me sing 1306 01:01:23,746 --> 01:01:28,751 ♪ Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind 1307 01:01:31,753 --> 01:01:35,755 ♪ Deeddy di dee dee deeddy deeddy ♪ 1308 01:01:35,757 --> 01:01:44,331 ♪ Deeddy deeddy deeddy dee dee dee ♪ 1309 01:01:44,333 --> 01:01:48,467 ♪ When rain has hung the leaves with tears 1310 01:01:48,469 --> 01:01:51,104 ♪ I want you near to kill my fears 1311 01:01:51,106 --> 01:01:52,671 (HEAVY BREATHING) 1312 01:01:52,673 --> 01:01:57,679 ♪ To help me to leave all my blues behind 1313 01:02:00,748 --> 01:02:04,450 ♪ For standin' in your heart 1314 01:02:04,452 --> 01:02:07,287 ♪ Is where I want to be 1315 01:02:07,289 --> 01:02:09,356 ♪ And long to be 1316 01:02:09,358 --> 01:02:15,929 ♪ Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind ♪ 1317 01:02:15,931 --> 01:02:19,969 ♪ 1318 01:02:40,521 --> 01:02:43,358 (SONG FADING AWAY) 1319 01:02:45,494 --> 01:02:47,497 (FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY) 1320 01:03:07,416 --> 01:03:10,816 (DOG CLAWS TICKING) 1321 01:03:10,818 --> 01:03:14,824 (QUIET FOOTSTEPS) 1322 01:03:25,567 --> 01:03:27,570 (CHIRPING) 1323 01:03:46,889 --> 01:03:51,894 (DOOR HANDLE RATTLING) 1324 01:04:00,469 --> 01:04:05,472 ("SPINNING BLUE" BY BIEN) 1325 01:04:05,474 --> 01:04:09,745 ♪ 1326 01:04:17,418 --> 01:04:20,119 ♪ Wake up wake up wake up 1327 01:04:20,121 --> 01:04:21,655 ♪ The sun is rising 1328 01:04:21,657 --> 01:04:24,224 ♪ The day is here for us 1329 01:04:24,226 --> 01:04:25,624 ♪ To take and run 1330 01:04:25,626 --> 01:04:31,634 ♪ With all our might to catch the light to be alive 1331 01:04:34,503 --> 01:04:37,470 ♪ Come on come on come on 1332 01:04:37,472 --> 01:04:38,505 ♪ Take my hand 1333 01:04:38,507 --> 01:04:41,675 ♪ And bring your dreams along 1334 01:04:41,677 --> 01:04:43,677 ♪ See the wonderful 1335 01:04:43,679 --> 01:04:48,416 ♪ All around get lost get found covered in sound 1336 01:04:51,753 --> 01:04:54,653 ♪ We're all spinning on blue 1337 01:04:54,655 --> 01:05:00,793 ♪ Watching the same clouds (OOH) 1338 01:05:00,795 --> 01:05:05,800 ♪ Breathing in, breathing out ♪ 1339 01:05:09,503 --> 01:05:11,403 (DISTANT LAUGHTER AND CONVERSATION) 1340 01:05:11,405 --> 01:05:12,474 Blake. 1341 01:05:19,715 --> 01:05:20,716 I'll catch up. 1342 01:05:21,983 --> 01:05:23,219 Blake. 1343 01:05:24,987 --> 01:05:26,521 You look like E.T. 1344 01:05:30,891 --> 01:05:32,894 I didn't see ya at the toga party. 1345 01:05:36,364 --> 01:05:37,697 You okay? 1346 01:05:37,699 --> 01:05:38,934 Yeah, I'm great. 1347 01:05:40,735 --> 01:05:42,003 JACOB: Hey. 1348 01:05:42,603 --> 01:05:43,905 It's okay. 1349 01:05:47,541 --> 01:05:49,441 You don't have to do this. 1350 01:05:49,443 --> 01:05:50,512 Do what? 1351 01:05:51,579 --> 01:05:54,748 Be nice to me because you feel bad or something. 1352 01:05:54,750 --> 01:05:56,552 JACOB: Oh, I don't feel bad. 1353 01:05:58,452 --> 01:05:59,521 (CHUCKLING SOFTLY) 1354 01:06:02,724 --> 01:06:05,791 Well, you can feel a little bad for me if you want. 1355 01:06:05,793 --> 01:06:07,062 (CHUCKLING SOFTLY) 1356 01:06:09,630 --> 01:06:11,433 Do you wanna talk about it, or? 1357 01:06:13,768 --> 01:06:15,068 Do you wanna, 1358 01:06:15,070 --> 01:06:16,372 go for breakfast? 1359 01:06:19,206 --> 01:06:20,442 Okay. 1360 01:06:20,775 --> 01:06:22,043 I'll get the bike. 1361 01:06:30,284 --> 01:06:31,784 (QUIET GUITAR STRUMMING) 1362 01:06:31,786 --> 01:06:33,887 JACOB: Are you bringing anyone to graduation? 1363 01:06:33,889 --> 01:06:35,621 Yeah, my parents. 1364 01:06:35,623 --> 01:06:36,789 You? 1365 01:06:36,791 --> 01:06:40,427 Uh, yeah, same, unfortunately. 1366 01:06:40,429 --> 01:06:41,827 They hate each other, 1367 01:06:41,829 --> 01:06:42,829 but they love me, 1368 01:06:42,831 --> 01:06:44,164 so they just come to all my stuff 1369 01:06:44,166 --> 01:06:46,166 and fight the whole time. 1370 01:06:46,168 --> 01:06:47,900 It's gonna be great. 1371 01:06:47,902 --> 01:06:49,068 That sucks. 1372 01:06:49,070 --> 01:06:50,769 JACOB: Yeah. 1373 01:06:50,771 --> 01:06:52,604 When did they get divorced? 1374 01:06:52,606 --> 01:06:54,740 Um, a while ago. 1375 01:06:54,742 --> 01:06:56,011 Like, when I was ten. 1376 01:06:58,646 --> 01:07:00,646 Mine also got divorced. 1377 01:07:00,648 --> 01:07:01,648 JACOB: Oh, when? 1378 01:07:01,650 --> 01:07:02,648 (SIGHING) 1379 01:07:02,650 --> 01:07:04,684 Right after I left for school, 1380 01:07:04,686 --> 01:07:05,818 they were, like, 1381 01:07:05,820 --> 01:07:09,088 "Okay, she's gone, we did it, the end." 1382 01:07:09,090 --> 01:07:10,326 I'm sorry. 1383 01:07:10,992 --> 01:07:12,260 BLAKE: No, it's okay. 1384 01:07:12,827 --> 01:07:14,630 Do you have any siblings? 1385 01:07:20,835 --> 01:07:22,001 What? 1386 01:07:22,003 --> 01:07:23,670 That's my question. 1387 01:07:23,672 --> 01:07:24,704 Whadda ya mean? 1388 01:07:24,706 --> 01:07:25,804 What does that mean? 1389 01:07:25,806 --> 01:07:27,706 I ask that on dates. 1390 01:07:27,708 --> 01:07:28,708 JACOB: Like, 1391 01:07:28,710 --> 01:07:30,110 "Do you have any siblings?" 1392 01:07:30,112 --> 01:07:31,847 is the question you ask on all the dates? 1393 01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:34,046 Every time? 1394 01:07:34,048 --> 01:07:35,115 100% of the time? 1395 01:07:35,117 --> 01:07:36,115 BLAKE: Mm hmm. 1396 01:07:36,117 --> 01:07:37,117 That's so weird. 1397 01:07:37,119 --> 01:07:38,617 But you asked me it. 1398 01:07:38,619 --> 01:07:39,853 JACOB: No, that's the first time I've ever asked it. 1399 01:07:39,855 --> 01:07:41,123 I mean, I don't plan it. 1400 01:07:45,460 --> 01:07:47,228 Why, why do you ask that question? 1401 01:07:49,965 --> 01:07:51,733 Because it's the start. 1402 01:07:54,702 --> 01:07:56,739 Do you have any siblings? 1403 01:07:57,706 --> 01:07:59,671 I don't have any siblings. 1404 01:07:59,673 --> 01:08:01,307 - Do you? - Yeah. 1405 01:08:01,309 --> 01:08:02,812 Got a half sister. 1406 01:08:03,478 --> 01:08:04,577 Which half? 1407 01:08:04,579 --> 01:08:05,878 JACOB: Oh, my dad's. 1408 01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:07,246 She's the worst person I've ever met. 1409 01:08:07,248 --> 01:08:08,715 She's the worst person 1410 01:08:08,717 --> 01:08:10,249 I've ever met in my entire life. 1411 01:08:10,251 --> 01:08:11,251 BLAKE: Your dad got remarried? 1412 01:08:11,253 --> 01:08:12,251 Yes. 1413 01:08:12,253 --> 01:08:13,519 And how old is she? 1414 01:08:13,521 --> 01:08:15,188 JACOB: She's-she's three. 1415 01:08:15,190 --> 01:08:17,156 But she acts like she's two. 1416 01:08:17,158 --> 01:08:18,324 We have nothing in common. 1417 01:08:18,326 --> 01:08:20,160 She's the worst little cute 1418 01:08:20,162 --> 01:08:21,160 - WAITRESS: Here ya go. - baby. 1419 01:08:21,162 --> 01:08:22,397 JACOB: Thank you so much. 1420 01:08:23,164 --> 01:08:24,363 Thank you. 1421 01:08:24,365 --> 01:08:25,365 I got this. 1422 01:08:25,367 --> 01:08:26,601 Oh. 1423 01:08:30,372 --> 01:08:31,403 I owe you. 1424 01:08:31,405 --> 01:08:33,208 You don't owe me anything. 1425 01:08:50,024 --> 01:08:51,559 Don't leave me again. 1426 01:08:53,962 --> 01:08:54,826 The bike, I meant. 1427 01:08:54,828 --> 01:08:56,131 JACOB: Sure you did. 1428 01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:06,674 Okay. 1429 01:09:08,944 --> 01:09:10,179 Goodnight. 1430 01:09:10,811 --> 01:09:12,277 No. 1431 01:09:12,279 --> 01:09:13,812 Bad night. 1432 01:09:13,814 --> 01:09:15,083 Good morning. 1433 01:09:17,786 --> 01:09:18,854 Good morning. 1434 01:09:20,988 --> 01:09:22,257 (DEEP INHALE) 1435 01:09:32,367 --> 01:09:33,636 (RATTLING) 1436 01:09:35,636 --> 01:09:39,641 (KNOCKING) 1437 01:09:44,011 --> 01:09:45,014 Nikki. 1438 01:09:45,880 --> 01:09:49,885 (KNOCKING) 1439 01:09:50,885 --> 01:09:51,887 Nikki! 1440 01:09:54,055 --> 01:09:55,324 Oh shit. 1441 01:10:03,398 --> 01:10:11,070 (MUFFLED FOOTSTEPS) 1442 01:10:11,072 --> 01:10:12,074 (THUD) 1443 01:10:19,014 --> 01:10:20,312 IAN: What the fuck? 1444 01:10:20,314 --> 01:10:21,549 Shit. 1445 01:10:23,018 --> 01:10:25,020 So I read your little love column. 1446 01:10:26,520 --> 01:10:28,323 Used me for material? 1447 01:10:33,662 --> 01:10:35,431 You used me for sex. 1448 01:10:39,067 --> 01:10:40,336 That was the deal. 1449 01:10:43,104 --> 01:10:44,373 I changed your name. 1450 01:10:47,074 --> 01:10:48,340 (DOOR CREAKING) 1451 01:10:48,342 --> 01:10:49,675 What's going on? 1452 01:10:49,677 --> 01:10:51,076 You were in there the entire time? 1453 01:10:51,078 --> 01:10:52,577 Sorry. 1454 01:10:52,579 --> 01:10:54,046 IAN: If you don't erase every trace of this thing 1455 01:10:54,048 --> 01:10:57,019 I'm going to ruin your name before you even have one. 1456 01:10:58,586 --> 01:11:03,589 (OMINOUS MUSIC) 1457 01:11:03,591 --> 01:11:09,128 ♪ 1458 01:11:09,130 --> 01:11:10,396 (DOOR SHUTS) 1459 01:11:10,398 --> 01:11:14,403 (TAPPING) 1460 01:11:19,106 --> 01:11:24,110 (SLOW ELECTRONIC MUSIC) 1461 01:11:24,112 --> 01:11:27,949 ♪ 1462 01:11:36,957 --> 01:11:38,491 BLAKE VOICEOVER: I'm not gonna lie, 1463 01:11:38,493 --> 01:11:41,096 I thought about throwing the bracelet in the water. 1464 01:11:44,131 --> 01:11:45,764 Then I sold it, 1465 01:11:45,766 --> 01:11:47,769 because I'm not an idiot. 1466 01:11:50,171 --> 01:11:51,737 (MUFFLED CHEERS) 1467 01:11:51,739 --> 01:11:54,005 NIKKI: God, I should have been a cheerleader. 1468 01:11:54,007 --> 01:11:56,342 Those girls are in such good shape. 1469 01:11:56,344 --> 01:11:59,579 Yeah but, what're they gonna do with their lives? 1470 01:11:59,581 --> 01:12:00,580 I don't know. 1471 01:12:00,582 --> 01:12:01,580 BLAKE: What becomes of them? 1472 01:12:01,582 --> 01:12:03,583 Yeah but, they can do the splits. 1473 01:12:03,585 --> 01:12:05,119 They'll figure it out. 1474 01:12:08,355 --> 01:12:11,156 I still don't think you should delete your column. 1475 01:12:11,158 --> 01:12:13,025 You need to own your scandal. 1476 01:12:13,027 --> 01:12:15,460 Like, uh, 1477 01:12:15,462 --> 01:12:16,764 Marie Antoinette. 1478 01:12:17,599 --> 01:12:19,331 She was a teen idol. 1479 01:12:19,333 --> 01:12:21,336 And she had sex with everyone. 1480 01:12:22,170 --> 01:12:23,669 When she went to Paris, 1481 01:12:23,671 --> 01:12:25,170 people got trampled to death 1482 01:12:25,172 --> 01:12:26,272 just trying to catch a glimpse of her. 1483 01:12:26,274 --> 01:12:28,174 That's really sad. 1484 01:12:28,176 --> 01:12:30,442 And didn't they behead her for being slutty? 1485 01:12:30,444 --> 01:12:32,044 NIKKI: 'Kay, well, we are still talking about her. 1486 01:12:32,046 --> 01:12:34,048 BLAKE: That's not always a good thing. 1487 01:12:36,184 --> 01:12:38,220 He revoked his letter for the award. 1488 01:12:40,054 --> 01:12:41,387 They disqualified me. 1489 01:12:41,389 --> 01:12:42,388 Shit. 1490 01:12:42,390 --> 01:12:43,856 BLAKE: I know. 1491 01:12:43,858 --> 01:12:45,394 That sucks, sorry. 1492 01:12:52,332 --> 01:12:53,601 Jennifer Lawrence! 1493 01:12:55,203 --> 01:12:56,602 What about her? 1494 01:12:56,604 --> 01:12:58,271 When the-when those naked pictures came out, of her? 1495 01:12:58,273 --> 01:13:00,106 She owned the shit out of it. 1496 01:13:00,108 --> 01:13:02,875 Declared it was a sex crime on the cover of Vanity Fair. 1497 01:13:02,877 --> 01:13:05,076 And, those pictures made her more interesting, 1498 01:13:05,078 --> 01:13:06,081 in my opinion. 1499 01:13:08,850 --> 01:13:09,915 I'd forgot about that. 1500 01:13:09,917 --> 01:13:11,250 NIKKI: I know. 1501 01:13:11,252 --> 01:13:13,055 She looked great. 1502 01:13:14,087 --> 01:13:16,088 BLAKE: Jennifer Lawrence. 1503 01:13:16,090 --> 01:13:17,089 J.Law. 1504 01:13:17,091 --> 01:13:18,190 Did ya see them? 1505 01:13:18,192 --> 01:13:20,128 NIKKI: No, I mean, she would have, if, 1506 01:13:20,962 --> 01:13:22,260 if I saw them. 1507 01:13:22,262 --> 01:13:24,362 I think she would have looked good. 1508 01:13:24,364 --> 01:13:25,430 But I didn't. 1509 01:13:25,432 --> 01:13:26,699 Did you see them? 1510 01:13:26,701 --> 01:13:28,470 Yeah, I saw them. 1511 01:13:30,305 --> 01:13:35,308 (SLOW ALTERNATIVE MUSIC) 1512 01:13:35,310 --> 01:13:38,376 ♪ 1513 01:13:38,378 --> 01:13:39,711 BLAKE VOICEOVER: If this were the nineties, 1514 01:13:39,713 --> 01:13:42,147 and I was in a Nora Ephron romcom, 1515 01:13:42,149 --> 01:13:43,549 this would be the moment 1516 01:13:43,551 --> 01:13:45,317 where it would seem all hope is lost. 1517 01:13:45,319 --> 01:13:50,555 (ENGINE HUMMING) 1518 01:13:50,557 --> 01:13:52,124 BLAKE VOICEOVER: But then, 1519 01:13:52,126 --> 01:13:53,960 out of the fog, he'd appear. 1520 01:13:53,962 --> 01:13:55,760 (SIREN) 1521 01:13:55,762 --> 01:13:57,396 BLAKE VOICEOVER: Maybe at the top of a building, 1522 01:13:57,398 --> 01:14:00,333 or maybe in a cop car. 1523 01:14:00,335 --> 01:14:01,601 He wouldn't pull me over 1524 01:14:01,603 --> 01:14:03,268 because I was speeding in a school zone, 1525 01:14:03,270 --> 01:14:05,403 and he sure as fuck wouldn't give me a goddam ticket 1526 01:14:05,405 --> 01:14:07,807 for driving without a motorcycle licence. 1527 01:14:07,809 --> 01:14:09,342 (RADIO CHATTER) 1528 01:14:09,344 --> 01:14:10,913 It's my birthday today. 1529 01:14:11,912 --> 01:14:12,911 COP: No it's not. 1530 01:14:12,913 --> 01:14:13,912 It's my graduation, 1531 01:14:13,914 --> 01:14:15,748 and I really need to be there. 1532 01:14:15,750 --> 01:14:17,252 BLAKE VOICEOVER: We'd lock eyes. 1533 01:14:18,353 --> 01:14:20,285 We'd have coffees in sweater weather. 1534 01:14:20,287 --> 01:14:22,354 We'd drink wine in the park 1535 01:14:22,356 --> 01:14:23,826 like we were in some French film. 1536 01:14:25,326 --> 01:14:27,994 And we'd run through field after field holding hands, 1537 01:14:27,996 --> 01:14:30,161 while some upbeat love song played. 1538 01:14:30,163 --> 01:14:34,165 ("SUNSET LOVER" BY PETIT BISCUIT) 1539 01:14:34,167 --> 01:14:41,339 ♪ 1540 01:14:41,341 --> 01:14:44,112 BLAKE VOICEOVER: But this isn't a romcom from the nineties. 1541 01:14:45,179 --> 01:14:47,216 This is just my story, 1542 01:14:47,981 --> 01:14:49,984 and I don't want to be ashamed of it. 1543 01:14:51,019 --> 01:14:53,218 The story was never about the professor. 1544 01:14:53,220 --> 01:14:54,352 Or an award. 1545 01:14:54,354 --> 01:14:56,289 Or even my column, 1546 01:14:56,291 --> 01:14:57,357 which I didn't delete. 1547 01:14:57,359 --> 01:14:59,291 Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this. 1548 01:14:59,293 --> 01:15:01,059 I just changed my name, 1549 01:15:01,061 --> 01:15:03,064 to my real one this time. 1550 01:15:04,465 --> 01:15:05,734 (BEEP) 1551 01:15:23,216 --> 01:15:24,485 BLAKE: Thanks for the ride. 1552 01:15:42,604 --> 01:15:44,870 "Meet me on top of the bleachers." 1553 01:15:44,872 --> 01:15:46,173 JACOB: Hey Blake! 1554 01:15:48,408 --> 01:15:49,375 What? 1555 01:15:49,377 --> 01:15:51,777 JACOB: Come up here. 1556 01:15:51,779 --> 01:15:53,245 Why? 1557 01:15:53,247 --> 01:15:55,246 You gotta to see the view. 1558 01:15:55,248 --> 01:15:57,616 The view is unbelievable. 1559 01:15:57,618 --> 01:15:59,418 BLAKE: What are you talking about? 1560 01:15:59,420 --> 01:16:00,686 JACOB: I'm doin' a thing, 1561 01:16:00,688 --> 01:16:02,254 I'm doin' this thing, just, 1562 01:16:02,256 --> 01:16:03,455 can you come up here? 1563 01:16:03,457 --> 01:16:05,124 Trust me? 1564 01:16:05,126 --> 01:16:06,427 Work with me? 1565 01:16:10,097 --> 01:16:11,365 (NERVOUS HOWLING) 1566 01:16:13,033 --> 01:16:14,802 (DEEP EXHALE) 1567 01:16:15,069 --> 01:16:16,302 Okay. 1568 01:16:16,304 --> 01:16:17,602 BLAKE: Hi. 1569 01:16:17,604 --> 01:16:20,438 JACOB: It's romantic up here, isn't it? 1570 01:16:20,440 --> 01:16:21,473 BLAKE: Uh... 1571 01:16:21,475 --> 01:16:22,708 At the top of the, uh, 1572 01:16:22,710 --> 01:16:24,610 Empire State Building. 1573 01:16:24,612 --> 01:16:26,277 What are we doing? 1574 01:16:26,279 --> 01:16:28,313 JACOB: We're Sleepless in Seattleing. 1575 01:16:28,315 --> 01:16:29,749 I'm Tom Hanks, 1576 01:16:29,751 --> 01:16:31,483 you're Meg Ryan. 1577 01:16:31,485 --> 01:16:32,485 Unless you wanna switch roles, 1578 01:16:32,487 --> 01:16:33,486 ya wanna switch roles? 1579 01:16:33,488 --> 01:16:34,486 I'll be Meg, you be Tom. 1580 01:16:34,488 --> 01:16:35,286 No, I'll be Meg. 1581 01:16:35,288 --> 01:16:36,557 JACOB: 'Kay, I'll be Tom. 1582 01:16:37,158 --> 01:16:38,226 I got you somethin', 1583 01:16:40,494 --> 01:16:41,496 like the movie. 1584 01:16:44,532 --> 01:16:46,531 It's actually a teddy bear. 1585 01:16:46,533 --> 01:16:47,532 JACOB: What, the rose? 1586 01:16:47,534 --> 01:16:49,501 And she gives it to a kid. 1587 01:16:49,503 --> 01:16:50,503 (SHOCKED GUFFAWING) 1588 01:16:50,505 --> 01:16:52,037 There's a kid in the movie? 1589 01:16:52,039 --> 01:16:53,304 BLAKE: Yeah, Tom Hanks has a son. Did you watch it? 1590 01:16:53,306 --> 01:16:54,874 I did, why? I don't remember there being a kid. 1591 01:16:54,876 --> 01:16:55,875 I gotta rewatch it. 1592 01:16:55,877 --> 01:16:57,143 BLAKE: Definitely a kid. 1593 01:16:57,145 --> 01:16:58,376 NIKKI: What are you guys doing? 1594 01:16:58,378 --> 01:17:00,379 JACOB: Um... 1595 01:17:00,381 --> 01:17:01,813 we're Sleepless in Seattleing. 1596 01:17:01,815 --> 01:17:03,982 He's butchering it. 1597 01:17:03,984 --> 01:17:04,983 NIKKI: Nerds. 1598 01:17:04,985 --> 01:17:06,451 JACOB: I'm doing awesome. 1599 01:17:06,453 --> 01:17:07,452 BLAKE: You are actually. 1600 01:17:07,454 --> 01:17:08,454 I am? 1601 01:17:08,456 --> 01:17:09,688 BLAKE: This is good. 1602 01:17:09,690 --> 01:17:10,990 Do they still fall in love 1603 01:17:10,992 --> 01:17:12,357 at the top of the Empire State Building? 1604 01:17:12,359 --> 01:17:14,160 No, that's-that's where they met. 1605 01:17:14,162 --> 01:17:15,960 But they were already in love they are... 1606 01:17:15,962 --> 01:17:20,965 (SOFT ROMANTIC INSTRUMENTAL) 1607 01:17:20,967 --> 01:17:26,138 ♪ 1608 01:17:26,140 --> 01:17:27,643 JACOB: You look really pretty. 1609 01:17:32,246 --> 01:17:33,379 Are you holding my helmet on? 1610 01:17:33,381 --> 01:17:35,417 - Yeah, I got it. - Oh, thank you. 1611 01:17:36,551 --> 01:17:37,549 NIKKI: C'monah. 1612 01:17:37,551 --> 01:17:38,918 What? 1613 01:17:38,920 --> 01:17:39,919 Let's go. 1614 01:17:39,921 --> 01:17:40,919 Okay. 1615 01:17:40,921 --> 01:17:41,920 BLAKE: Oh, we have to graduate. 1616 01:17:41,922 --> 01:17:43,155 - Hyah. - Hyah. 1617 01:17:43,157 --> 01:17:44,824 I came here in a cop car. 1618 01:17:44,826 --> 01:17:45,825 Why? 1619 01:17:45,827 --> 01:17:47,393 'Cause I'm cool now. 1620 01:17:47,395 --> 01:17:48,393 That is really cool. 1621 01:17:48,395 --> 01:17:49,394 I'm criminal. 1622 01:17:49,396 --> 01:17:50,396 JACOB: That's sick. 1623 01:17:50,398 --> 01:17:51,667 I know a criminal. 1624 01:17:52,233 --> 01:17:53,398 BLAKE: It's a long story, 1625 01:17:53,400 --> 01:17:54,567 but it's actually not. 1626 01:17:54,569 --> 01:17:56,201 - It's really not a long story. - What? 1627 01:17:56,203 --> 01:17:58,403 BLAKE: So, apparently, I need a licence to drive my moped. 1628 01:17:58,405 --> 01:17:59,772 JACOB: Uh huh, I didn't even know that. 1629 01:17:59,774 --> 01:18:01,107 BLAKE: No, neither did I. 1630 01:18:01,109 --> 01:18:02,441 JACOB: I thought you could just drive 'em around. 1631 01:18:02,443 --> 01:18:03,541 BLAKE: No. 1632 01:18:03,543 --> 01:18:05,376 JACOB: What? 1633 01:18:05,378 --> 01:18:07,446 BLAKE: So, that's something that I'm going to have to deal with. 1634 01:18:07,448 --> 01:18:10,549 BLAKE VOICEOVER: Each one of us has a story of how we got to where we are, 1635 01:18:10,551 --> 01:18:13,085 which most likely involves study drugs, 1636 01:18:13,087 --> 01:18:14,553 getting blackout drunk, 1637 01:18:14,555 --> 01:18:16,054 and having one night stands. 1638 01:18:16,056 --> 01:18:18,590 We'll tell these stories at dinner parties 1639 01:18:18,592 --> 01:18:20,459 and to our future children. 1640 01:18:20,461 --> 01:18:24,095 Well, maybe not the one night stand part. 1641 01:18:24,097 --> 01:18:25,630 Or the blackout drunk part. 1642 01:18:25,632 --> 01:18:27,635 Or the study drugs, for that matter. 1643 01:18:28,802 --> 01:18:30,468 But maybe our stories don't have to be 1644 01:18:30,470 --> 01:18:32,440 for anyone but ourselves. 1645 01:18:33,541 --> 01:18:34,874 Your hopeless romantic, 1646 01:18:34,876 --> 01:18:36,976 Blake Conway. 1647 01:18:36,978 --> 01:18:39,980 (DISTANT BANTERING) 1648 01:18:42,409 --> 01:18:47,409 Subtitles by explosiveskull 112096

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