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1
00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:05,400
[ Joe Cocker's "With a Little
Help From My Friends" plays ]
2
00:00:19,010 --> 00:00:20,180
? Baby ?
3
00:00:20,180 --> 00:00:22,920
? high with a little help
from my friends ?
4
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:25,090
? said I'm gonna make it
with my friends ?
5
00:00:25,090 --> 00:00:27,850
? try with a little help
from my friends ?
6
00:00:27,860 --> 00:00:29,890
? oh, oh,
I'm gonna keep on tryin' ?
7
00:00:29,890 --> 00:00:32,790
? get by with a little help
from my friends ?
8
00:00:32,790 --> 00:00:35,060
? I'm gonna keep on tryin',
now, babe ?
9
00:00:35,060 --> 00:00:38,730
? ooh, ooh, ooh ?
10
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,130
[ Wagner's "bridal chorus"
plays ]
11
00:00:41,140 --> 00:00:42,670
It seems to me
12
00:00:42,670 --> 00:00:46,070
A wedding means something
different to everyone.
13
00:00:46,070 --> 00:00:50,880
To some, it's an occasion
for simple pleasures.
14
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:55,150
And for others, a wedding's
implications are more profound.
15
00:00:55,150 --> 00:00:56,250
[ snoring ]
16
00:00:56,250 --> 00:00:59,150
For some,
it's a time for contemplation.
17
00:00:59,150 --> 00:01:03,560
For others, a time for regrets.
18
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:07,490
A chance to measure just
how far we've come in life...
19
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,000
So beautiful.
20
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,970
Against the promise
of those just starting out.
21
00:01:23,780 --> 00:01:26,410
We are gathered here today
22
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:31,980
To join candy and peter
in holy matrimony.
23
00:01:31,990 --> 00:01:34,750
Who gives this bride away?
24
00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:35,520
I do.
25
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,220
The bride was the daughter
26
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:40,560
Of Arthur Jensen,
my Dad's boss.
27
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,660
Fortunately for my father,
Jensen liked him enough
28
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,900
To send an invitation to him
and his immediate family.
29
00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:51,900
Unfortunately for me, I
qualified as immediate family.
30
00:01:51,910 --> 00:01:55,410
For richer or poorer,
for better or worse,
31
00:01:55,410 --> 00:01:57,980
In sickness, and in health...
32
00:01:57,980 --> 00:02:00,150
[ coins clatter ]
33
00:02:00,150 --> 00:02:02,320
- ...Till death do you part?
- Can it!
34
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,420
I do.
35
00:02:03,420 --> 00:02:07,390
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
36
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,440
[ Mendelssohn's "wedding march"
plays ]
37
00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:16,030
Mm. Mm.
38
00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:19,100
And with that,
39
00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:23,400
Miss Candy Jensen
became Mrs. Peter Rotelli.
40
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:26,840
And my mother
completely lost it.
41
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:28,640
[ sobbing ]
42
00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:36,480
[ Sobbing ]
43
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,650
Norma, you okay?
It's been 20 minutes.
44
00:02:39,650 --> 00:02:43,090
Weddings always do this to me.
45
00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:44,860
Weddings, bar mitzvahs,
46
00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:48,190
Detergent and fabric softener
in one...
47
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:53,870
It was just so beautiful!
They're so perfect together.
48
00:02:53,870 --> 00:02:57,100
I guess you could say
we were all pretty impressed.
49
00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:00,240
I just want
to get this over with.
50
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:00,970
Me too.
51
00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,780
What are you talking about?
52
00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:05,980
Don't you know weddings are
the best places to meet babes?
53
00:03:05,980 --> 00:03:08,350
Yeah, right. Like you'd know.
54
00:03:08,350 --> 00:03:09,550
[ Chuckles ]
55
00:03:09,550 --> 00:03:10,780
In order...
56
00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,420
Weddings, uh, funerals,
57
00:03:12,420 --> 00:03:15,450
Uh, airport lounges,
uh, laundromats...
58
00:03:15,460 --> 00:03:17,990
But Wayne's
field experience aside,
59
00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:20,730
That day, I was
looking to forget about women.
60
00:03:20,730 --> 00:03:23,330
- ...Bus stops, uh...
- Well, one woman, anyway.
61
00:03:23,330 --> 00:03:25,770
You know very well
what you did,Kevin.
62
00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:26,970
What?!
63
00:03:26,970 --> 00:03:28,770
Honest to god,
if you asked me today,
64
00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:31,070
I couldn't tell you
what I'd done.
65
00:03:31,070 --> 00:03:32,740
Winnie, what did I do?
66
00:03:32,740 --> 00:03:35,610
- [ Scoffs ]
- Just give me a little hint.
67
00:03:35,610 --> 00:03:37,910
Maybe if you just
slowed down a little,
68
00:03:37,910 --> 00:03:39,510
You wouldn't need a hint.
69
00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:41,250
But, Winnie, I...
70
00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:44,420
And don't tell me you love me.
It's not gonna work.
71
00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:47,850
And there you had it...
tried, convicted, and hung,
72
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:50,160
All of which led me to...
73
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,390
This.
74
00:03:51,390 --> 00:03:54,130
Public auctions,
uh, taxi stands,
75
00:03:54,130 --> 00:03:56,000
Animal shelters.
76
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,300
In matters
of women and weddings,
77
00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:00,530
I was pretty sure
where I stood.
78
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:03,870
[ sighs ] I hate this.
79
00:04:03,870 --> 00:04:06,510
[ Blows nose,
continues sobbing ]
80
00:04:06,510 --> 00:04:10,810
Arnolds! [ Laughs ]
81
00:04:10,810 --> 00:04:12,140
Art Jensen.
82
00:04:12,150 --> 00:04:15,050
When it came to my family,
he was all heart.
83
00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:18,790
Norma. Oh, Norma, look at you.
84
00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:20,690
[ Cork pops ] ohh.
85
00:04:20,690 --> 00:04:23,390
- And when it came to my mother...
-Oh!
86
00:04:23,390 --> 00:04:24,290
He was all hands.
87
00:04:24,290 --> 00:04:26,490
Ahh... Norma, Norma, Norma.
88
00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:30,200
When are you gonna leave this
guy and run away with me, huh?
89
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:31,430
- Uh, Arthur...
- [ Laughs ]
90
00:04:31,430 --> 00:04:33,000
Jackie boy, good to see you.
91
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,200
Where's Beverly?
92
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,440
Well, she's crying her eyes out
in the bathroom.
93
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:37,500
She's so happy.
94
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:39,240
I spent three months' salary
on this wedding...
95
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,640
My own wife's not gonna see it.
96
00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:41,770
[ Chuckles ]
97
00:04:41,780 --> 00:04:44,540
- You remember Kevin, our youngest.
- I do.
98
00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:45,550
- Kevin.
- Hi.
99
00:04:45,550 --> 00:04:46,550
And Wayne.
100
00:04:46,550 --> 00:04:48,480
Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne.
101
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:52,620
Wayne, this may not be the best
place to tell you, but...
102
00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:55,150
Well, w-we're cutting back
at Norcom,
103
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:57,790
And we're gonna have to
let you go.
104
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,760
Just kidding! [ Laughs ]
105
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,530
Just kidding, Wayne!
106
00:05:05,530 --> 00:05:07,570
[ Groans ]
107
00:05:07,570 --> 00:05:08,640
[ laughs ]
108
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,140
Candy, you remember
Wayne from work, don't you?
109
00:05:11,140 --> 00:05:13,840
Actually, I don't believe
we've ever met.
110
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:15,070
Well, sure we have.
111
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,310
We went out last august,
remember?
112
00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:19,780
Uh... No.
113
00:05:19,780 --> 00:05:22,080
[ Clears throat ]
thank you, Arthur.
114
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,050
- Beautiful wedding.
- Thank you for coming, Jack!
115
00:05:24,050 --> 00:05:26,090
And with that,
the festivities got under way.
116
00:05:26,090 --> 00:05:27,750
- You look beautiful.
- Officially.
117
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:31,390
Not that I was a stranger
to these things.
118
00:05:31,390 --> 00:05:34,990
I knew the drill... the fake
smiles, the small talk...
119
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,000
Hi!
120
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,530
The incredible women...
121
00:05:37,530 --> 00:05:39,230
Linda Carr.
122
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,700
Hi. Kevin.
123
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:45,100
Kevin Arnold.
124
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:47,970
Hi, Kevin-Kevin Arnold.
125
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:51,140
So... Quite a place, huh?
126
00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:53,410
And how about that ceremony?
127
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:56,450
Hey, nothing wrong
with being friendly, right?
128
00:05:56,450 --> 00:05:58,550
This is aunt Muriel.
129
00:05:59,590 --> 00:06:03,020
Aren't you a peach!
130
00:06:03,020 --> 00:06:04,520
I was just gonna say
131
00:06:04,530 --> 00:06:07,890
I couldn't shake another hand
if you paid me.
132
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:10,700
But for you,
I'll make an exception.
133
00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:11,970
[ Chuckles ]
134
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:13,470
[ "Bad, bad Leroy brown" plays ]
135
00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:14,470
Thanks.
136
00:06:14,470 --> 00:06:15,470
Uh-huh.
137
00:06:15,470 --> 00:06:17,570
All in all, it was clear
138
00:06:17,570 --> 00:06:20,710
This night was gonna be
some fun.
139
00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:23,780
There was mixing and dancing
and music...
140
00:06:23,780 --> 00:06:25,110
Such as it was.
141
00:06:25,110 --> 00:06:27,950
? bad, bad Leroy brown ?
142
00:06:27,950 --> 00:06:30,520
There was food and flowers
and booze everywhere.
143
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,750
? baddest man
in the whole damn town ?
144
00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:36,420
People who could barely walk
got up and danced.
145
00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:40,160
Small children skidded across
the floor like hockey pucks.
146
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,900
And friendly folk
from all walks of life
147
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:46,070
Sat down to break bread.
148
00:06:46,070 --> 00:06:48,200
Since we'll be
sharing a table together,
149
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,400
I think we should
introduce ourselves.
150
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,740
Somehow... I couldn't wait.
151
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:56,080
I'll start. My name is Morgan.
152
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,950
I enjoy old movies
and listening to albums.
153
00:06:58,950 --> 00:07:02,450
I'm also pre-law.
154
00:07:02,450 --> 00:07:06,090
I'm Cynthia. I'm pre-med.
[ chuckles ]
155
00:07:06,090 --> 00:07:09,490
And how about you?
156
00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:11,620
I'm Wayne.
157
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,590
Pass the A1.
158
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:20,100
Yeah, nothing like the
patented Arnold ice-breaker.
159
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:22,200
I'm missing an ovary.
160
00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:25,300
What?
161
00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:27,070
I like to be
right up front about it
162
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,480
Because it really doesn't
bother me at all.
163
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,010
That's good.
164
00:07:32,010 --> 00:07:35,050
Hi. Everybody
having a good time?
165
00:07:35,050 --> 00:07:36,820
- Great.
- You look beautiful.
166
00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:38,420
You're so lucky, candy.
167
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:41,290
[ Sighs ] are you
enjoying yourself, Kevin?
168
00:07:41,290 --> 00:07:42,190
Yeah.
169
00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:43,590
It's...
170
00:07:43,590 --> 00:07:44,860
[ cork pops ] it's...
171
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:46,160
It's great.
172
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:47,630
Well, good.
173
00:07:47,630 --> 00:07:49,800
Uh, don't forget,
there's more food over at the...
174
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,430
Hi.
175
00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:55,500
Uh [chuckles]
at the, uh... Buffet... Table.
176
00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,770
I guess she didn't see me.
177
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,140
Yeah.
178
00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:03,940
Does anyone mind
if I take this centerpiece?
179
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:06,950
They just throw it out
at the end anyway.
180
00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:10,450
So much for dinner.
181
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:13,620
I decided to lay low,
remain inconspicuous...
182
00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:16,360
? for once I can say this is
mine, you can't take it ?
183
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,530
You know,
blend in with the crowd.
184
00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:22,230
? I got love, I can make it ?
185
00:08:22,230 --> 00:08:23,630
[ clears throat ]
186
00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:25,430
Though, while I was blending...
187
00:08:25,430 --> 00:08:27,770
Come on. Dance with me
one time, please? Just one time.
188
00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:30,100
- Maybe later, Arthur, I promise.
- Later? Why?
189
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,740
Mom was fending...
190
00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:33,440
Come on. One dance, all right?
191
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:34,440
- Oh!
- Oh!
192
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:35,810
For all she was worth.
193
00:08:35,810 --> 00:08:38,340
[ laughs ] that's okay.
That's all right. No problem.
194
00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:41,410
Hi, Kevin-Kevin Arnold.
195
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:45,020
Oh! Hi.
196
00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:47,220
It's just "Kevin," you know.
197
00:08:47,220 --> 00:08:49,620
So, having
the time of your life?
198
00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:51,020
Yeah, it's great.
199
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,490
Well, I'm just bored crazy.
200
00:08:53,490 --> 00:08:56,400
You know, I think couples
should do everyone a favor
201
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,200
And just elope.
202
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:00,800
Yeah. I know what you mean.
203
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,100
Please don't walk away,
204
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,540
And I promise
I'll say something interesting.
205
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:07,310
So, how old are you, anyway?
206
00:09:07,310 --> 00:09:08,940
Let's see, here.
207
00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:09,940
19.
208
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,340
Excellent.
209
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:13,380
I'm a sophomore at state.
210
00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:16,980
Oh, a state man, huh?
211
00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:19,180
Yep. That's me.
212
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,560
You know what would be
a lot of fun...
213
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,730
That is, if you're a fun guy.
214
00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:28,590
Are you a fun guy, Kevin-Kevin?
215
00:09:30,330 --> 00:09:32,500
Yeah. Sure.
216
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:34,430
I love fun.
217
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:39,610
Well, um...
218
00:09:39,610 --> 00:09:42,210
You got any grass?
219
00:09:42,210 --> 00:09:45,010
Grass?
220
00:09:46,180 --> 00:09:47,950
Here?
221
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:54,650
Yeah, I stashed a kilo
in the hat-check room.
222
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:57,820
Sorry. Fresh out.
223
00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:01,230
Hmm. That's too bad.
224
00:10:01,230 --> 00:10:02,830
That would have been fun.
225
00:10:02,830 --> 00:10:05,770
Well... Bye!
226
00:10:07,130 --> 00:10:10,340
It may have been
a turning point.
227
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:13,540
Sure, I had Winnie.
But this was a wedding.
228
00:10:13,540 --> 00:10:15,880
And if weddings
were a time for romance,
229
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,710
A time for possibility,
230
00:10:17,710 --> 00:10:20,050
A time when we might embrace
the unexpected...
231
00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:21,110
Linda.
232
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:23,350
Then this was my time.
233
00:10:23,350 --> 00:10:24,480
Yeah?
234
00:10:25,820 --> 00:10:27,860
I think I can get us
some champagne.
235
00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:33,990
Meet me at the gazebo
in half an hour. Okay?
236
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,800
Sure. The gazebo.
237
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,660
Whatever that was.
238
00:10:41,070 --> 00:10:43,840
And suddenly,
with Linda's words,
239
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,770
Everything changed.
240
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:49,270
The annoying guests,
Arthur Jensen...
241
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:52,140
All became none other
than harmless prologue
242
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:54,350
To the day's main event.
243
00:10:54,350 --> 00:10:57,180
There was no other way
to put it...
244
00:10:57,190 --> 00:11:00,020
Things were definitely
looking up.
245
00:11:04,060 --> 00:11:06,890
? I am invincible ?
246
00:11:06,890 --> 00:11:09,330
As afternoon turned into night,
247
00:11:09,330 --> 00:11:12,030
Things began to change.
248
00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:15,330
The music got slower,
the champagne flowed,
249
00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:17,400
Romance took center stage...
250
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,210
For Arthur Jensen, anyway.
251
00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:21,870
Norma, this dress
really flatters you.
252
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,910
[ Sighs ] it's nothing.
253
00:11:23,910 --> 00:11:25,210
Nothing?
254
00:11:25,210 --> 00:11:28,080
If this is nothing,
I'd like to see something.
255
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,950
Oh!
256
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,150
As for me...
257
00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:32,220
Bartender!
258
00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:35,290
I was on a mission.
259
00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:37,060
Excuse me.
260
00:11:38,590 --> 00:11:39,690
Excuse me!
261
00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:41,030
Just one little hitch.
262
00:11:41,030 --> 00:11:43,900
Hey, what does it take
to get a drink around here?!
263
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,230
Hey, Kev.
264
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:49,370
Dad!
265
00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:51,040
What are you doing here?
266
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:52,510
What do you mean?
267
00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:55,740
Well, you know,
shouldn't you be dancing
268
00:11:55,740 --> 00:11:57,540
With mom... Or someone?
269
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,480
Can't... she's already dancing.
270
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,780
Your wife's a regular ballerina
out there, Jack.
271
00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:04,120
Now, look at you...
you're standing around here.
272
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,650
What's the matter? Your corns
acting up or something?
273
00:12:06,650 --> 00:12:07,650
Bartender!
274
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,660
Let me tell you
something, Jack.
275
00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:11,820
Everything costs
at these things.
276
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:13,090
Flowers?
277
00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:15,060
You have no idea how expensive
a couple of tulips are.
278
00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:17,300
Hm. You know, you want the
napkins folded to look like birds?
279
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:18,700
That's extra.
280
00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:22,100
Maybe I should quit Norcom
and get into catering.
281
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,840
[ Both laugh ]
ah, Jack, listen.
282
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,540
I love your lifestyle, man.
You keep it real simple.
283
00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:28,470
Plus, you have Norma.
284
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,340
Boy! Sometimes I wish
I were in your shoes.
285
00:12:32,350 --> 00:12:36,080
Providing, of course,
I could keep my own salary.
286
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,280
[ laughs ]
287
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,590
But somehow, if Dad
was looking for me to help...
288
00:12:41,590 --> 00:12:43,020
I got to go.
289
00:12:43,020 --> 00:12:45,190
I'm afraid he was on his own.
290
00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:47,330
Would you like a drink?
291
00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:48,830
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
292
00:12:48,830 --> 00:12:50,600
Please?
293
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,430
[ Scoffs ] come on, Wayne.
Let me have some of yours.
294
00:12:52,430 --> 00:12:54,330
Get your own champagne.
295
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,670
I'd do it for you!
296
00:12:55,670 --> 00:12:58,140
You know, I believe you would.
297
00:12:58,140 --> 00:12:59,610
I could give you this bottle.
298
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:01,640
As a matter of fact,
if it was up to me,
299
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:03,380
I'd give it to you right now.
300
00:13:03,380 --> 00:13:05,010
Bingo.
301
00:13:05,010 --> 00:13:08,680
But according to the state
drinking law, you're underage,
302
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:11,520
So if I did,
I'd be committing a crime,
303
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:12,790
And that would be wrong.
304
00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:14,120
Great.
305
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,890
Suddenly, my brother
had become Joe Friday.
306
00:13:17,420 --> 00:13:19,560
Hi.
307
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:21,330
[ Chuckles ] hi.
308
00:13:21,330 --> 00:13:22,800
Candy!
309
00:13:23,930 --> 00:13:26,570
Candy, wait up!
310
00:13:27,970 --> 00:13:29,400
'Scuse me.
311
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:32,740
And... I was in the bubbly.
312
00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:35,040
Hi. How about one dance
with the bride?
313
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,640
No, I don't think
that would be possible.
314
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,480
W h-how about later, then?
315
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,420
No. I don't think
that would be possible, either.
316
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:46,350
[ Chuckles ]
smooth move, ex-lax.
317
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,760
Possibly... A mistake.
318
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,990
Give me that.
319
00:13:51,990 --> 00:13:53,630
Hey!
320
00:13:53,630 --> 00:13:55,030
And there it went...
321
00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:58,900
My last chance at romance,
intrigue, adventure.
322
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,340
My last chance at Linda.
323
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,600
Thanks. Yeah.
324
00:14:05,610 --> 00:14:06,670
Here you go.
325
00:14:06,670 --> 00:14:09,540
And then, just as things
looked hopeless,
326
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:10,810
A miracle.
327
00:14:10,810 --> 00:14:13,750
Suddenly, nothing stood
between me and destiny.
328
00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:16,180
There you are, handsome!
329
00:14:16,180 --> 00:14:19,420
Nothing but
Mrs. Robinson's stunt double.
330
00:14:19,420 --> 00:14:21,890
Is it time for my dance yet?
331
00:14:21,890 --> 00:14:23,790
Uh...
332
00:14:23,790 --> 00:14:26,330
[ "I am woman" plays ]
333
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,470
Ooh, your arms are so strong!
334
00:14:32,470 --> 00:14:35,130
I bet you could pick me up
like a feather.
335
00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:38,570
Sure. One of those rare,
180-pound feathers.
336
00:14:38,570 --> 00:14:39,870
You want to try?
337
00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:40,870
No!
338
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,610
Uh... No, I'd better not.
339
00:14:42,610 --> 00:14:45,340
[ Chuckles ]
why don't you lead for a while?
340
00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:48,980
Uh, actually, I got to go.
Thanks for the dance, though.
341
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:50,850
Sure thing, lamb chop.
342
00:14:50,850 --> 00:14:54,420
And, once and for all,
I was on my way.
343
00:14:54,420 --> 00:14:56,260
Driven, unrelenting,
344
00:14:56,260 --> 00:14:58,360
Determined to get
that champagne,
345
00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,760
No matter what it took.
346
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:01,090
Look!
347
00:15:02,660 --> 00:15:06,370
As it happened,
it didn't take much.
348
00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:09,540
And with that, I was on my way.
349
00:15:09,540 --> 00:15:11,740
[ crickets chirping ]
350
00:15:11,740 --> 00:15:14,940
I took a moment to contemplate
my good fortune,
351
00:15:14,940 --> 00:15:16,480
My incredible luck,
352
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,950
The remarkable turn of events
that had brought me here.
353
00:15:19,950 --> 00:15:25,820
Sitting with a cold bottle
of champagne, waiting...
354
00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:29,760
Pouring...
355
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,990
Sipping...
356
00:15:32,990 --> 00:15:36,400
Slurping...
357
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,170
Guzzling...
358
00:15:39,170 --> 00:15:41,930
Chugging...
359
00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:45,670
Sprawling...
360
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:47,970
Sitting there one hour later,
361
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:51,540
Three sheets to the wind,
drunk as a skunk,
362
00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:54,350
Watching my amazing hand.
363
00:15:59,190 --> 00:16:00,750
Kevin.
364
00:16:02,790 --> 00:16:04,760
You know very well
what you've done.
365
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:06,860
How could you?
366
00:16:06,860 --> 00:16:08,430
Uh-oh.
367
00:16:12,030 --> 00:16:13,730
Kevin?
368
00:16:13,730 --> 00:16:15,970
Linda.
369
00:16:15,970 --> 00:16:16,840
Kevin.
370
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:18,470
[ Pop! ]
I had only one choice -
371
00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:21,710
Attempt to play it straight.
372
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,010
I brought you some champagne.
373
00:16:30,550 --> 00:16:34,850
Look. I didn't really feel
much like champagne, anyway.
374
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:39,090
Oh.
375
00:16:39,090 --> 00:16:40,830
Yeah.
376
00:16:40,830 --> 00:16:42,490
Right.
377
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:48,570
And I guess that's when
I realized a couple of things.
378
00:16:48,570 --> 00:16:51,800
One... I'd just lost out
to a guy in a really bad tux.
379
00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:54,970
I better be going now.
380
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:59,950
And two... for 16 years, I'd
taken standing up for granted.
381
00:17:02,550 --> 00:17:05,780
Kevin, are you
gonna be all right?
382
00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:07,350
[ Snorts ]
383
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,720
Yeah.
384
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,990
Yes. No problem.
385
00:17:16,430 --> 00:17:19,000
Even in my stupor,
I knew what I'd done.
386
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:23,270
I'd behaved like an idiot,
betrayed my girlfriend.
387
00:17:23,270 --> 00:17:25,440
I'd acted like a fool.
388
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,040
And now...
389
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,040
Linda.
390
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:29,880
Yes, Kevin?
391
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:33,180
It was time
to face the truth...
392
00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:36,150
About myself, about my past.
393
00:17:36,150 --> 00:17:38,920
Time to stand up
and act like a man.
394
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,390
But maybe most of all...
395
00:17:42,390 --> 00:17:43,660
It was time to come clean.
396
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:45,160
I...
397
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,660
Yes, Kevin?
398
00:17:47,660 --> 00:17:49,530
[ Gags, retches ]
399
00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:51,930
- Aah! Ugh!
- So I did.
400
00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:54,070
[ feedback ]
401
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:56,770
Excuse me.
[ chuckles ] excuse me.
402
00:17:56,770 --> 00:17:57,970
Excuse me.
403
00:17:57,970 --> 00:18:01,410
Uh, before you all go,
I just want to say a few words.
404
00:18:01,410 --> 00:18:03,780
By the time I got back
from the men's room,
405
00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:06,080
I wasn't feeling too good
about anything.
406
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,750
About weddings,
about marriage...
407
00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:11,680
About human nature.
408
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:13,650
And at that moment,
I couldn't help but think
409
00:18:13,650 --> 00:18:15,920
That all the proposed romance
behind a wedding
410
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:16,960
Was just a sham.
411
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,460
You gonna dance with me later?
412
00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:20,160
- [ Sighs ]
- Huh?
413
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:23,430
For those of you who don't know
me, I got married here today.
414
00:18:23,430 --> 00:18:24,430
[ Rimshot ]
415
00:18:24,430 --> 00:18:26,060
Yeah, and I paid for it.
416
00:18:26,070 --> 00:18:29,300
[ laughter ]
417
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:30,400
There it was.
418
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,800
An empty ritual,
419
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:35,210
Dressed up in lies
and hypocrisy and greed.
420
00:18:35,210 --> 00:18:38,210
Not many of you know the story
behind candy and me.
421
00:18:38,210 --> 00:18:39,980
I'm not gonna tell it now.
422
00:18:39,980 --> 00:18:43,080
I just wouldn't want anyone
to leave here today
423
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,290
Not knowing
how I feel about her.
424
00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:48,920
I feel, uh...
425
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,060
Very lucky today.
426
00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:54,330
I don't know what you guys
are gonna remember
427
00:18:54,330 --> 00:18:55,960
About this wedding today, uh...
428
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,160
So I'm gonna ask you to remember
one thing...
429
00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:01,430
That you know how happy...
430
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:05,140
And lucky, uh, fortunate...
431
00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:10,340
I feel, that I get to say
that candy is my wife.
432
00:19:10,340 --> 00:19:11,910
[ Applause ]
433
00:19:15,650 --> 00:19:17,620
We did things kind of
the old-fashioned way...
434
00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:19,620
Oh, for 1972, anyway.
435
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:21,490
I'm glad we waited.
436
00:19:21,490 --> 00:19:22,790
Honey?
437
00:19:22,790 --> 00:19:24,960
[ Applause ]
438
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,240
- Aww!
- Aww! -Aww!
439
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,830
It was a testament to romance
at its finest and most pure.
440
00:19:33,830 --> 00:19:36,700
It was a declaration
of virtue...
441
00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:39,810
Simple and gracious and real.
442
00:19:39,810 --> 00:19:42,570
And after a day
of infidelities...
443
00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:47,310
Some proposed and planned,
some more subtle...
444
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,710
I felt for the first time
445
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,650
That someone believed in
something a little different...
446
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,920
In love...
447
00:19:56,860 --> 00:19:58,160
In commitment...
448
00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,190
All right.
449
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,130
You ready?
450
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,800
Arthur.
451
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,600
Yeah?
452
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,200
In each other.
453
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,040
If you don't get your arm
off my wife...
454
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,370
I'm gonna break it off.
455
00:20:17,010 --> 00:20:18,580
Jack, what...
456
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:21,410
Come on. Let's dance.
457
00:20:25,450 --> 00:20:26,890
Jack.
458
00:20:28,490 --> 00:20:32,020
It almost made me
glad to be there.
459
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:33,290
? fly me to the moon ?
460
00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:34,760
I guess you could say
461
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:38,230
That weddings mean a lot
of things to a lot of people.
462
00:20:38,230 --> 00:20:39,700
[ camera shutter clicks ]
463
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:42,230
? Let me see
what spring is like ?
464
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:46,440
We might cry at the romance
unfulfilled in our own lives
465
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,670
And shrink
at the unforeseen compromises
466
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,640
Our lives have held for us.
467
00:20:52,650 --> 00:20:55,780
But weddings
also bring out hope...
468
00:20:55,780 --> 00:20:57,180
And promise...
469
00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:58,880
And possibility.
470
00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:02,450
? baby, kiss me ?
471
00:21:02,460 --> 00:21:06,160
After all,
as we choose our partners,
472
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:10,160
Some of us make our choices
for life.
473
00:21:12,170 --> 00:21:17,000
And some of us dance
with just one of many.
474
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:21,210
And sometimes,
for the lucky ones,
475
00:21:21,210 --> 00:21:24,580
We remember
why we picked who we did.
476
00:21:24,580 --> 00:21:26,310
And after years of fighting
477
00:21:26,310 --> 00:21:28,750
Over burnt toast
and bounced checks,
478
00:21:28,750 --> 00:21:32,020
We might, for a brief moment,
479
00:21:32,020 --> 00:21:34,750
Look at each other
as we once did,
480
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:40,030
Before kids and mortgages and
routine conspired against us.
481
00:21:46,830 --> 00:21:50,140
And others are content
to postpone their choices...
482
00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:53,270
Knowing somehow
that the future,
483
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:55,510
Like that Saturday afternoon,
484
00:21:55,510 --> 00:22:01,280
Will tempt us
with dances both slow and fast.
485
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,580
Come over here, Barbara!
486
00:22:03,580 --> 00:22:06,080
? Fill my heart with song ?
487
00:22:06,090 --> 00:22:08,590
That was a really nice
speech, huh?
488
00:22:08,590 --> 00:22:10,420
You know, the stuff about love
489
00:22:10,420 --> 00:22:12,520
And that whole part
about waiting.
490
00:22:12,530 --> 00:22:15,230
? You are all I long for ?
491
00:22:15,230 --> 00:22:19,260
Maybe he waited, but...
She didn't.
492
00:22:20,470 --> 00:22:22,030
? In other words ?
493
00:22:23,340 --> 00:22:25,340
? please be true ?
494
00:22:25,340 --> 00:22:26,870
You?
495
00:22:28,780 --> 00:22:30,240
Where?
496
00:22:31,580 --> 00:22:33,050
At a wedding.
497
00:22:33,050 --> 00:22:37,080
? In other words ?
498
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,220
? I ?
499
00:22:39,220 --> 00:22:41,250
? love ?
500
00:22:44,390 --> 00:22:45,560
? you ?
501
00:22:45,610 --> 00:22:50,160
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