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1
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:06,635
(frankie) out herein the middle, men live
2
00:00:06,670 --> 00:00:09,338
By an unspoken code. You shake,not hug. You never pay
3
00:00:09,389 --> 00:00:12,224
To have something done you cando yourself, and you don't go
4
00:00:12,259 --> 00:00:15,845
To the doctor unless... Well,you don't go to the doctor. I'm not going to the doctor.
5
00:00:15,896 --> 00:00:18,531
Come on. Just go in
for a physical.
6
00:00:18,565 --> 00:00:20,482
Look, they're raising
our deductible next month,
7
00:00:20,517 --> 00:00:22,735
So if you're gonna get
a horrible disease,
8
00:00:22,769 --> 00:00:26,038
Get it now
while it's still cheap. Hey, if something comes along,
9
00:00:26,072 --> 00:00:28,974
Mike's school of medicinewas not the same as mine.
10
00:00:29,009 --> 00:00:30,476
My heart just stopped.
11
00:00:30,544 --> 00:00:32,411
Oh, there it goes.
12
00:00:32,445 --> 00:00:34,613
When did this mole
get here?
13
00:00:39,419 --> 00:00:41,653
Shoulder popped out again.
14
00:00:43,173 --> 00:00:44,656
(bones crunch)
15
00:00:44,674 --> 00:00:46,158
(grunts) aah! That's better.
16
00:00:46,193 --> 00:00:48,160
(sighs) mike, you can't
just slap duct tape
17
00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:50,162
On everything anymore.
You're getting older.
18
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:52,497
You go have
regular checkups. I get 'em.
19
00:00:52,515 --> 00:00:55,901
Yeah, but you've got all
that lady stuff going on.
20
00:00:55,936 --> 00:00:58,904
Okay, I wasn't gonna say
anything, but you creak. I creak?
21
00:00:58,939 --> 00:01:00,556
(makes creaking sound)
22
00:01:00,607 --> 00:01:03,058
(laughs)
and dr. Oz says, men age faster.
23
00:01:03,143 --> 00:01:05,561
And that salt and pepper
you got there--
24
00:01:05,612 --> 00:01:08,781
Gettin' heavy on the salt.
'cause I don't goop on color with a plastic glove
25
00:01:08,815 --> 00:01:11,317
And a squirt bottle
like some people.
26
00:01:11,351 --> 00:01:13,285
Oh, please. I take
way better care of myself.
27
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,454
People say I look
ten years younger than you.
28
00:01:15,488 --> 00:01:16,922
(laughs) what people?
29
00:01:16,957 --> 00:01:18,924
Your sister,
when you're talking about
30
00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:20,593
How young and skinny
you both still are?
31
00:01:20,627 --> 00:01:23,579
Whatever, mike. You're gettin'
a physical. End of story.
32
00:01:23,630 --> 00:01:26,999
I don't need you dyin' early
and stickin' me with the kids.
33
00:01:29,301 --> 00:01:30,752
Mrs. Heck!
34
00:01:30,803 --> 00:01:32,503
Looking beautiful,
as always.
35
00:01:32,537 --> 00:01:35,006
Did ya hear that, mike?
He just... Never mind.
36
00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,176
So what are you boys up to?
We're gettin' our school on.
37
00:01:38,210 --> 00:01:40,144
We got
this humongous science project.
38
00:01:40,179 --> 00:01:42,146
It's worth,
like, half our grade,
39
00:01:42,181 --> 00:01:45,183
So I'm not gonna be able
to do any chores this week. Mm, we'll try to get by.
40
00:01:45,217 --> 00:01:47,318
Little brickster!
41
00:01:47,353 --> 00:01:50,221
Always a pleasure
to see you.
42
00:01:50,256 --> 00:01:53,291
You want a candy bar?
Here. I got another one.
43
00:01:53,325 --> 00:01:56,694
Oh, I wish I could, but I
don't wanna break the law.
44
00:01:56,729 --> 00:01:59,264
What do you mean? It's not
illegal for you to eat candy.
45
00:01:59,298 --> 00:02:01,499
But my mom said--
46
00:02:01,533 --> 00:02:04,068
Oh, yeah.
47
00:02:04,103 --> 00:02:06,704
Can I get this?
Put that down, brick.
48
00:02:06,739 --> 00:02:09,240
Why?
Because the, uh...
49
00:02:09,275 --> 00:02:12,277
(checkout scanner beeps)
the president outlawed candy for kids under 10.
50
00:02:12,311 --> 00:02:15,179
You lied to me?!
My own mother lied to me?!
51
00:02:15,197 --> 00:02:16,947
Listen, brick,
here's the thing--
52
00:02:16,966 --> 00:02:19,817
Do you know how many letters
wrote to the president?
53
00:02:19,852 --> 00:02:22,253
He probably thinks I'm crazy!
(whispers) crazy.
54
00:02:22,288 --> 00:02:25,056
(sighs)
(normal voice) wait. You lied, but your hair didn't fall out.
55
00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:27,025
(gasps)
is that a lie, too?!
56
00:02:27,059 --> 00:02:28,926
Join the club.
She once told me
57
00:02:28,944 --> 00:02:32,663
Kids who talk during
"wheel of fortune" go blind. Brick, come on. I'm sorry.
58
00:02:32,715 --> 00:02:34,666
Mom, you said you'd drive me
to babysitting.
59
00:02:34,700 --> 00:02:37,485
(brick)
she says a lot of things!
60
00:02:37,536 --> 00:02:38,970
Sean.
61
00:02:39,004 --> 00:02:40,938
If you have an older brother,
62
00:02:40,973 --> 00:02:43,841
You're eventually gonna developa crush on one of his friends.
63
00:02:43,876 --> 00:02:45,977
For sue,it happened this summer.
64
00:02:46,011 --> 00:02:48,746
(tchaikovsky's "romeo & juliet:Fantasy overture" playing)
65
00:02:57,856 --> 00:03:01,693
I'm heading out. I could give
you a lift on my way home. Let's go. I'll ride
66
00:03:01,727 --> 00:03:04,462
Unless you need to put
your books in the front seat...
67
00:03:04,496 --> 00:03:06,397
(chuckles) and then
I'll ride in the back seat.
68
00:03:06,432 --> 00:03:08,299
O-or I'll just wing it.
(laughs)
69
00:03:08,334 --> 00:03:10,668
If anyone needs me,
I'll be in sean's car.
70
00:03:10,703 --> 00:03:13,671
I'm trying to schedule
a physic for my husband.
71
00:03:13,705 --> 00:03:16,074
No, you won't have
any record of him.
72
00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:18,443
Just start a new file
called "mike."
73
00:03:18,477 --> 00:03:20,445
Tuesday? Great. Thanks.
74
00:03:20,496 --> 00:03:21,863
(receiver clatters)
75
00:03:21,914 --> 00:03:24,582
(gasps)
brick, what are you doing?
76
00:03:24,616 --> 00:03:27,885
I've been making this face
for an hour, and guess what?
77
00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:29,821
It didn't stick that way.
78
00:03:29,855 --> 00:03:32,523
(telephone rings)
hello?
79
00:03:32,541 --> 00:03:34,125
I got a situation here.
(fussing)
80
00:03:34,159 --> 00:03:37,461
Yeah. What's wrong, sue?
What else have you lied about, mom? What else?
81
00:03:37,479 --> 00:03:39,697
Wait. Who's talking?
Did sean come back?
82
00:03:39,715 --> 00:03:42,367
No. What's up?
Well, if he does, tell him I say hi.
83
00:03:42,401 --> 00:03:44,719
Anyway, the markleys didn't
leave me any diapers.
84
00:03:44,753 --> 00:03:47,722
Could you run out to the store
and get me some?
85
00:03:47,773 --> 00:03:49,741
Oh, he's already double-loaded,
86
00:03:49,775 --> 00:03:52,810
And if it leaks, it'll ruin
my cross-country sweatshirt.
87
00:03:52,845 --> 00:03:54,278
Right now?
88
00:03:54,313 --> 00:03:58,099
'cause I'm really busy
mopping up and...
89
00:03:58,133 --> 00:04:01,936
(lowered voice) maybe I was
gonna mop. You don't know.
90
00:04:03,572 --> 00:04:06,857
Excuse me. Can you tell me
where the diapers are? Over here.
91
00:04:06,875 --> 00:04:08,859
Oh, great. Thanks.
(checkout scanner beeping)
92
00:04:08,877 --> 00:04:12,696
I-I really appreciate it.
I'm--I'm in kind of a big--
93
00:04:12,714 --> 00:04:15,032
Here you go.
94
00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:17,068
Uh,
my grandma likes these.
95
00:04:17,102 --> 00:04:18,469
You're probably a small.
96
00:04:22,809 --> 00:04:24,176
Okay, wait.
97
00:04:24,211 --> 00:04:26,479
You think I need diapers?
98
00:04:26,513 --> 00:04:28,147
Oh, this is just...
99
00:04:28,181 --> 00:04:29,615
(gasps)
100
00:04:29,650 --> 00:04:32,718
Oh, my god. (chuckles)
how old do you think I am?
101
00:04:32,753 --> 00:04:34,754
Is it okay
if don't answer that?
102
00:04:34,788 --> 00:04:37,156
Look, I might sneeze-pee
once in a while,
103
00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:40,459
But I don't need diapers.
Do you see any gray there?
104
00:04:40,494 --> 00:04:43,930
No!
That's 100% chestnut brown. That's over in aisle 12.
105
00:04:43,964 --> 00:04:46,482
(sighs) I mean, come on.
106
00:04:46,516 --> 00:04:49,235
These are for...
107
00:04:51,905 --> 00:04:54,040
Geriatric bladder control.
108
00:04:54,074 --> 00:04:56,158
Do I look geriatric?
109
00:04:56,193 --> 00:04:58,394
(scoffs)
I could easily have a baby.
110
00:04:58,428 --> 00:05:00,212
I choose not to.
111
00:05:00,247 --> 00:05:02,565
These are
for old, creaky people
112
00:05:02,599 --> 00:05:05,635
Who are way older than me.
113
00:05:05,669 --> 00:05:09,105
Not you. (sighs) I'm sorry.
I-I'm a little flustered.
114
00:05:09,139 --> 00:05:11,557
I have a daughter
with a dripping baby.
115
00:05:11,592 --> 00:05:14,143
I understand.
I'm a grandma, too.
116
00:05:14,177 --> 00:05:16,495
I'm not a grandma!
117
00:05:16,530 --> 00:05:17,964
(sighs)
118
00:05:17,998 --> 00:05:20,199
Just take me
to the diapers...
119
00:05:20,233 --> 00:05:21,901
For babies.
120
00:05:23,587 --> 00:05:25,488
Which I could have!
121
00:05:25,522 --> 00:05:27,974
(frankie)
it's so embarrassing.
122
00:05:28,008 --> 00:05:30,309
(sighs) all right.
So that's it then?
123
00:05:30,377 --> 00:05:33,062
I look like some granny now?
I need to call my ster.
124
00:05:33,096 --> 00:05:35,965
Mm. You don't.
You've got me... (receiver clatters)
125
00:05:35,999 --> 00:05:38,801
And I am here to tell you that
you are a vibrant young woman
126
00:05:38,852 --> 00:05:41,337
Full of life and beauty.
Blah, blah, blah.
127
00:05:41,388 --> 00:05:43,406
Don't take my word for it.
See for yourself.
128
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:44,991
(beeps)
129
00:05:45,025 --> 00:05:47,827
Who is this beautiful lady
from just last Tuesday? (clicks tongue)
130
00:05:47,861 --> 00:05:51,297
(beep)
ohh, and this one, with sunlight dappled on her face?
131
00:05:51,331 --> 00:05:54,834
(beep)
and this lovely lass eating a doughnut by the copy machine?
132
00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:57,870
Wow. Bob, you have
a lot of pictures of me. Not just you.
133
00:05:57,904 --> 00:05:59,722
(beep)
here's mike.
134
00:05:59,756 --> 00:06:01,240
(beep)
the kids.
135
00:06:01,274 --> 00:06:04,393
(beep)
ohh. Your house at night. So full of slumbering peace.
136
00:06:04,428 --> 00:06:06,529
(beep)
wanna see it at christmas?
137
00:06:06,563 --> 00:06:08,597
No, thanks, bob.
138
00:06:08,632 --> 00:06:11,317
(beep)
139
00:06:11,351 --> 00:06:14,136
It's eating my eyes. Kill it!
Head, meet bullet. Ka-bam!
140
00:06:14,171 --> 00:06:15,938
(explosion)
ka-pow! (laughs)
141
00:06:15,972 --> 00:06:18,057
Mr. Heck,
how are you, sir?
142
00:06:18,091 --> 00:06:20,926
Great, sean. Axel, I thought
you had a big school project.
143
00:06:20,961 --> 00:06:23,696
Why don't you stop wasting
time and get to work? Ho-ho! For your information,
144
00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:25,481
Our experiment is on
the effects of video games
145
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:26,982
On theeenage brain.
146
00:06:27,017 --> 00:06:29,502
First, we play 36 hours
of mutant road rage... (tires screech)
147
00:06:29,536 --> 00:06:32,388
And then we watch
a 10-hour "wipeout" marathon
148
00:06:32,422 --> 00:06:35,875
And see how much of it we can
remember. We even got a log. And your teacher signed off
149
00:06:35,909 --> 00:06:37,727
Oh, yeah. Coach is
totally cool with it.
150
00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:40,112
Some other kids are studying
the effects of music
151
00:06:40,147 --> 00:06:42,565
On coma patients.
(laughs) losers!
152
00:06:42,599 --> 00:06:45,084
Hey, professor,
you got a little bean dip
153
00:06:45,118 --> 00:06:47,737
On your log there.
(doorbell rings)
154
00:06:47,771 --> 00:06:49,739
I'll get it! Oh. Hi, sean.
155
00:06:49,790 --> 00:06:52,208
(mouths word)
156
00:06:52,242 --> 00:06:55,611
Hi, carly.
What are you doing here?
157
00:06:55,645 --> 00:06:57,463
I didn't
want to tell anybody,
158
00:06:57,497 --> 00:06:59,832
Because I thought
it was just a one-way crush,
159
00:06:59,866 --> 00:07:02,518
But then he gave me a ride to
babysitting "on his way home."
160
00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:04,403
It wasn't on his way home.
161
00:07:04,437 --> 00:07:06,272
He lives on the corner,
162
00:07:06,306 --> 00:07:08,641
And I was going
to pondview drive.
163
00:07:08,675 --> 00:07:10,810
That's two extra stop signs.
164
00:07:10,844 --> 00:07:12,645
And remember you tripped
into that fire hydrant,
165
00:07:12,713 --> 00:07:14,113
And he said,
166
00:07:14,147 --> 00:07:16,799
"you're bleeding pretty bad.
You want me to get your mom?"
167
00:07:16,833 --> 00:07:20,019
(exhales deeply) do you
really think he likes me?
168
00:07:20,053 --> 00:07:22,088
There's only one way
to find out.
169
00:07:22,122 --> 00:07:23,723
(car engines revving)
170
00:07:23,757 --> 00:07:26,358
We should get these cookies.
171
00:07:26,376 --> 00:07:27,827
Yes.
172
00:07:27,861 --> 00:07:29,929
173
00:07:29,963 --> 00:07:32,765
And we should get
those marbles, too.
174
00:07:32,783 --> 00:07:36,302
(axel and sean
speaking indistinctly)
175
00:07:36,336 --> 00:07:37,753
(lowered voice) okay.
176
00:07:37,788 --> 00:07:39,839
Just be cool.
177
00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:41,373
Hey.
178
00:07:41,408 --> 00:07:43,476
Shh!
179
00:07:43,510 --> 00:07:44,860
(normal voice) hey.
180
00:07:44,895 --> 00:07:48,063
Getting a snack?
(giggles)
181
00:07:48,098 --> 00:07:49,482
Oh, yeah.
Pay attention! Look at--
182
00:07:49,516 --> 00:07:52,735
"getting a snack?"
you are way on his radar.
183
00:07:52,769 --> 00:07:55,054
But he ignored me at first.
184
00:07:55,088 --> 00:07:56,789
What does that mean?
185
00:07:56,823 --> 00:07:59,558
My parents ignore
each other all the time.
186
00:07:59,593 --> 00:08:03,062
Oh, my god!
You're totally getting married!
187
00:08:03,096 --> 00:08:04,997
Ohh!
188
00:08:05,065 --> 00:08:07,616
I was starting to feela little better.
189
00:08:07,667 --> 00:08:09,635
Bob was right.
190
00:08:09,669 --> 00:08:12,271
Beer, frosting--show mean old person's digestion
191
00:08:12,305 --> 00:08:13,689
That can handle this.
192
00:08:13,723 --> 00:08:15,741
Hello, mother.
193
00:08:15,776 --> 00:08:18,477
I just took a walk
around the block with wet hair
194
00:08:18,512 --> 00:08:20,780
And swallowed
a watermelon seed at lunch.
195
00:08:20,814 --> 00:08:22,214
Pneumonia? No.
196
00:08:22,249 --> 00:08:25,684
Watermelon growing
in my belly? No.
197
00:08:25,752 --> 00:08:28,254
Quite the tangled web,
isn't it?
198
00:08:28,288 --> 00:08:30,055
(whispers) tangled web.
199
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:34,527
Yeah, but that pneumonia thing
is real!
200
00:08:34,561 --> 00:08:35,995
You just got lucky.
201
00:08:36,029 --> 00:08:37,630
(click)
202
00:08:37,664 --> 00:08:39,131
(car engines revving)
203
00:08:39,166 --> 00:08:41,633
Hey, where's my "oprah"?
(turns off tv)
204
00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:44,286
Axel, what'd you do to the tv?
205
00:08:49,910 --> 00:08:51,310
(bones crunch)
206
00:08:51,344 --> 00:08:54,379
Aah! Oh, come on.
207
00:08:54,397 --> 00:08:58,050
(door closes)
hey. Just got back from my physical and guess what?
208
00:08:58,084 --> 00:09:00,486
No creaks. No leaks.
No nothin'.
209
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,155
Picture of perfect health.
210
00:09:03,190 --> 00:09:04,623
That's awesome.
211
00:09:04,658 --> 00:09:07,610
First, adult diapers,and now I throw out my back
212
00:09:07,661 --> 00:09:09,128
Plugging something in.
213
00:09:09,162 --> 00:09:11,163
No amount of frostingin the world
214
00:09:11,198 --> 00:09:14,133
Can save me now.
215
00:09:16,853 --> 00:09:19,671
It'd been days,and my back wasn't any better.
216
00:09:19,706 --> 00:09:22,658
I still hadn't told mike.I don't know why. Yes, I do.
217
00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:25,461
The man never goes to the doctor
and still has perfect health.
218
00:09:25,495 --> 00:09:28,163
I'm sorry,
but that's just rude.
219
00:09:28,198 --> 00:09:29,565
A plugging-in injury.
220
00:09:29,599 --> 00:09:31,467
Is that who I am now--
221
00:09:31,501 --> 00:09:33,752
A person
who can't plug things in?
222
00:09:33,803 --> 00:09:36,605
(frankie) and then he takes me
to the adult diapers.
223
00:09:36,639 --> 00:09:39,408
I mean, come on. Look at me.
I could have babies.
224
00:09:39,442 --> 00:09:42,111
I could get pregnant
right now.
225
00:09:42,145 --> 00:09:43,512
Oh, turn left.
226
00:09:43,546 --> 00:09:44,930
(mouths word)
227
00:09:45,014 --> 00:09:48,283
(exhales deeply)
228
00:09:48,318 --> 00:09:51,487
Guess what, mom? Rode home
with a stranger today.
229
00:09:51,521 --> 00:09:53,906
Perfectly fine.
230
00:09:53,957 --> 00:09:56,225
Brick, come here. We have
to talk. (sighs) brick!
231
00:09:56,259 --> 00:09:58,394
Aah!
232
00:09:58,428 --> 00:10:01,130
Come to me! Come to me!
233
00:10:01,164 --> 00:10:04,400
(grunts)
234
00:10:04,434 --> 00:10:05,834
(sighs)
235
00:10:05,869 --> 00:10:08,070
Everyone needs a friendwho will stop you
236
00:10:08,104 --> 00:10:10,372
When you're about to makea huge mistake.
237
00:10:10,407 --> 00:10:13,742
Carly was not that friend.
Sean is gonna love this poem.
238
00:10:13,777 --> 00:10:16,245
It's, like,
the most romantic thing ever.
239
00:10:16,279 --> 00:10:19,114
Really? Did you notice how
I used three different inks
240
00:10:19,149 --> 00:10:21,083
To express
my three different feelings?
241
00:10:21,117 --> 00:10:24,186
I wrote it last month, but I got
too nervous to give it to him.
242
00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:26,522
Are you kidding? "emotions
glinting off my braces
243
00:10:26,556 --> 00:10:28,857
Like the work
of a bedazzler."
244
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:30,275
He will love this.
245
00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:32,244
I don't know.
Is it too crazy?
246
00:10:32,278 --> 00:10:35,881
We are living
in the age of girl power. You're right.
247
00:10:35,915 --> 00:10:38,767
I am a woman
of the 21st century,
248
00:10:38,802 --> 00:10:41,153
And I am gonna give it
to him.
249
00:10:41,187 --> 00:10:44,673
Oh, my god.
I'm about to give it to him.
250
00:10:44,691 --> 00:10:47,609
Oh! I just got the key
to the machete cabinet.
251
00:10:47,643 --> 00:10:49,077
God, I love homework.
252
00:10:49,112 --> 00:10:52,714
(indistinct shoutingand explosions)
253
00:10:52,749 --> 00:10:55,350
Sean...
(man) aah!
254
00:10:55,385 --> 00:10:57,853
Um, can I see you
in the--
255
00:10:57,887 --> 00:10:59,721
(doorbell rings)
256
00:10:59,756 --> 00:11:02,374
(sighs)
257
00:11:02,408 --> 00:11:05,010
Hola.
258
00:11:05,061 --> 00:11:07,830
(gasps) oh, my god.
My ex-boyfriend.
259
00:11:07,864 --> 00:11:10,833
Brad,
what are you doing here?
260
00:11:10,867 --> 00:11:12,701
My tap class is just
down the street,
261
00:11:12,735 --> 00:11:15,571
So I thought I'd stop by
to pick up my colander.
262
00:11:15,605 --> 00:11:17,473
I left it here
when I took your family
263
00:11:17,507 --> 00:11:20,042
On that magical pasta tour
of Italy. Hold on.
264
00:11:20,076 --> 00:11:22,010
My ex-b.F.
And my future b.F.
265
00:11:22,045 --> 00:11:23,946
In the same room?
This is not good.
266
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:26,782
What am I gonna do?
We have to be smart about this.
267
00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:28,700
5.
1-2-3-4-5.
268
00:11:28,735 --> 00:11:30,252
Blue.
B-l-u-e.
269
00:11:30,286 --> 00:11:31,653
3.
270
00:11:31,688 --> 00:11:33,489
(tapping)
271
00:11:33,523 --> 00:11:34,957
Hey, brad.
272
00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:36,608
Look at you...
273
00:11:36,643 --> 00:11:39,494
Tap dancing on my porch
where the neighbors can see.
274
00:11:39,512 --> 00:11:40,929
Hi, mr. Heck.
275
00:11:40,963 --> 00:11:44,016
Just keeping my thighs hot
while sue grabs my colander.
276
00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:46,735
I have no idea what that means,
but why don't you wait inside?
277
00:11:46,753 --> 00:11:48,370
(pants) okay.
278
00:11:48,404 --> 00:11:50,272
Sue, brad's
in the living room.
279
00:11:50,306 --> 00:11:52,808
(carly laughs)
(sue squeals) okay!
280
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:55,777
(grunts)
what are you doing?
281
00:11:55,812 --> 00:11:58,113
Oh, nothin'. I was just
lookin' for a tton.
282
00:11:58,147 --> 00:11:59,848
Oh! There it is.
283
00:11:59,883 --> 00:12:01,750
Oh. It's a corn flake.
284
00:12:01,784 --> 00:12:03,685
Hey,
today's our anniversary.
285
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,054
What? Really?
286
00:12:06,089 --> 00:12:09,291
Yeah. I forgot, too,
but bob sent us a card. That's nice.
287
00:12:09,325 --> 00:12:11,994
And weird. Hey, why don't
you put on some heels,
288
00:12:12,028 --> 00:12:13,962
And I'll take you out
to a nice dinner?
289
00:12:13,997 --> 00:12:16,281
Oh... (chuckles) I don't
need a fancy dinner.
290
00:12:16,316 --> 00:12:18,233
I'm still enjoying
this carpet remnant
291
00:12:18,268 --> 00:12:21,503
You got me last year.
But I got a coupon.
292
00:12:21,538 --> 00:12:23,438
I'll even let you get
what you want,
293
00:12:23,473 --> 00:12:25,591
And I'll get something
of equal or lesser value.
294
00:12:25,642 --> 00:12:27,576
Let's just float it
to next month.
295
00:12:27,610 --> 00:12:30,379
It's getting late,
and I gotta find this button.
296
00:12:30,413 --> 00:12:33,365
Come on. It's our anniversary. I
just got a clean bill of health.
297
00:12:33,416 --> 00:12:36,552
Maybe we'll even head home
early for a little dessert. (sighs)
298
00:12:36,586 --> 00:12:38,921
Oh, god. I hopehe's talking about ice cream.
299
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,895
Brad and sean are out there
together.
300
00:12:41,946 --> 00:12:44,197
God,
how did I mess everything up?
301
00:12:44,232 --> 00:12:46,700
(gasps) I hope
they don't fight over me.
302
00:12:46,784 --> 00:12:49,403
Sean would kill him!
He plays football.
303
00:12:49,454 --> 00:12:51,288
Yeah, but brad's
pretty tough, too.
304
00:12:51,322 --> 00:12:53,523
He's been taking
movement classes. (sighs)
305
00:12:55,059 --> 00:12:58,078
I was in a rush, so I just
grabbed it myself,
306
00:12:58,129 --> 00:13:00,030
But come see me in
307
00:13:00,064 --> 00:13:02,031
"bring in 'da noise,
bring in 'da funk."
308
00:13:02,050 --> 00:13:04,033
Matinees--Saturday, Sunday.
Mondays we're dark. Toodles.
309
00:13:04,052 --> 00:13:07,036
(axel and sean laugh
and speak indistinctly)
310
00:13:07,055 --> 00:13:08,472
(door closes)
311
00:13:08,506 --> 00:13:12,876
Oh, my god. I feel so bad.
He's devastated.
312
00:13:12,910 --> 00:13:15,846
(tapping in distance)
(sighs)
313
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:19,615
So I decided to tough it outand hope a warm bath... Come on. Aah! (exhales deeply)
314
00:13:19,650 --> 00:13:22,035
Would loosen upmy plugging-in injury.
315
00:13:22,086 --> 00:13:24,653
I know, I know.I should've just told him.
316
00:13:24,672 --> 00:13:26,389
Don't judge.
317
00:13:26,423 --> 00:13:28,358
Uh, hello. I'm in here.
318
00:13:28,392 --> 00:13:30,793
Oh, sorry.
319
00:13:30,828 --> 00:13:33,662
No, I meant, go to
your o bathroom, brick.
320
00:13:33,681 --> 00:13:36,799
Hey, you know, wait a minute.
My water's a little cold.
321
00:13:36,833 --> 00:13:39,569
I need you to turn on
the hot water for me. Why can't you do it?
322
00:13:39,603 --> 00:13:42,638
Well, you see, uh... (sighs)
here's the thing, brick.
323
00:13:42,673 --> 00:13:44,607
I kinda hurt my back
324
00:13:44,641 --> 00:13:46,476
L-lifting something
very heavy.
325
00:13:46,510 --> 00:13:48,844
But you guys always say
I'm not old enough
326
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,880
To use the hot water
by myself.
327
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:53,900
You're plenty old enough.
Go ahead. Give it a spin.
328
00:13:53,951 --> 00:13:56,452
(sighs)
329
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:59,622
Yep. That's enough.
You can turn it off.
330
00:14:01,291 --> 00:14:03,292
N-no. Ow. Ow.
The--the other way.
331
00:14:03,327 --> 00:14:04,994
Which way?
332
00:14:05,029 --> 00:14:07,330
To the right.
My right or the knob's right?
333
00:14:07,364 --> 00:14:09,165
Who cares about
the knob's right?
334
00:14:09,199 --> 00:14:12,001
Your right! Ow!
You're boiling me alive!
335
00:14:12,035 --> 00:14:13,503
Aah!
336
00:14:13,537 --> 00:14:16,172
I don't think
I can do this anymore.
337
00:14:16,206 --> 00:14:17,774
Brad's heartbroken.
338
00:14:17,808 --> 00:14:20,877
Sean's from, like,
a really prominent family.
339
00:14:20,911 --> 00:14:23,146
I can't handle
a love triangle.
340
00:14:23,180 --> 00:14:25,081
I'm not a kardashian.
341
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:27,650
We could use some
of their wisdom right now.
342
00:14:27,684 --> 00:14:31,220
Worst of all, it's made me
take my eye off the ball,
343
00:14:31,255 --> 00:14:34,190
Which is cross-country.
344
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:37,527
(exhales deeply) there's
only one thing to do here.
345
00:14:37,561 --> 00:14:40,229
I gotta tell sean
it's not gonna work.
346
00:14:42,416 --> 00:14:44,283
Righty tighty, lefty loosey!
It won't turn off!
347
00:14:44,334 --> 00:14:47,170
I don't know what I'm doing,
and I still have to pee! No! Righty tighty,
348
00:14:47,204 --> 00:14:50,206
And stop yelling at me!
349
00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:53,709
(exhales deeply)
350
00:14:53,744 --> 00:14:57,013
I don't know how you guys
do that every day
351
00:14:57,047 --> 00:14:58,464
(sighs) hey, brick.
352
00:14:58,515 --> 00:15:02,251
You know, we don't have
to mention this to dad.
353
00:15:02,286 --> 00:15:04,554
What, that you let me
use hot water,
354
00:15:04,588 --> 00:15:08,191
When I'm clearly not ready?
No, I mean, he doesn't need to know I hurt my back.
355
00:15:08,225 --> 00:15:11,260
More lies, mom?
Where does it end with you?
356
00:15:11,295 --> 00:15:14,230
You tell me not to lie,
then you do it.
357
00:15:14,264 --> 00:15:16,399
Okay, brick,
here's the thing.
358
00:15:16,433 --> 00:15:20,103
Lying is
absolutely 100% bad.
359
00:15:20,137 --> 00:15:22,071
It's just that
sometimes you do it
360
00:15:22,106 --> 00:15:24,107
To protect people
that you care about.
361
00:15:24,441 --> 00:15:26,409
Like when somebody gets
a bad haircut,
362
00:15:26,443 --> 00:15:28,377
You still say,
"nice haircut."
363
00:15:28,412 --> 00:15:31,247
Well, if you didn't want
me to get a candy bar,
364
00:15:31,281 --> 00:15:32,748
Why couldn't you
just say no?
365
00:15:32,783 --> 00:15:35,050
But why not? But why not?
But why not?
366
00:15:35,085 --> 00:15:37,119
But why not? But why not?
367
00:15:37,154 --> 00:15:38,988
It's just,
368
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,557
Sometimes a little lie
makes life easier.
369
00:15:41,591 --> 00:15:42,992
You get it?
370
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:46,095
Whoa. Why aren't you ready?
What's going on?
371
00:15:46,129 --> 00:15:49,265
Why is all this water
on the floor?
372
00:15:49,299 --> 00:15:51,834
I found a spider
under the porch.
373
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,819
It was
a golden silk orbweaver,
374
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,805
So I brought it in
to show mom,
375
00:15:55,839 --> 00:15:57,873
But I accidentally
dropped it in the tub,
376
00:15:57,908 --> 00:15:59,291
And she freaked out,
377
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,811
So I tried to get it out
before it drowned,
378
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,879
But it was too late,
so I flushed it,
379
00:16:03,914 --> 00:16:06,549
Which means if you want
to see it, now you can't,
380
00:16:06,583 --> 00:16:10,302
Because it's gone.
Nice haircut. I didn't know whether to be
381
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:13,255
My son had lied for me.I was in the clear.
382
00:16:13,290 --> 00:16:15,791
Except I forgot onelittle thing. Brick had a tell.
383
00:16:15,826 --> 00:16:18,227
(whispers) I'm lying.
384
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,365
(blows raspberry) now that
video games are homework,
385
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,985
They're not as much fun
anymore. (gunfire and explosions)
386
00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:27,970
Yeah. I need to eat.
I'm getting dizzy.
387
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,939
Yeah. Yeah, let's hit
the drive-through.
388
00:16:29,973 --> 00:16:33,576
I want a hamburger
and, uh... Those things.
389
00:16:33,610 --> 00:16:35,027
French fries.
390
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:37,079
No, but we should
get those, too.
391
00:16:37,113 --> 00:16:39,114
I should write this down.
392
00:16:39,148 --> 00:16:40,533
Yeah.
393
00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:43,519
Hey. We're going out to
get food. Do you wanna come?
394
00:16:43,553 --> 00:16:46,522
I want to, sean.
I really do.
395
00:16:46,556 --> 00:16:49,291
But my life is way
too complicated right now.
396
00:16:49,326 --> 00:16:52,294
I think I really need to
just focus on cross-country,
397
00:16:52,328 --> 00:16:54,797
And I hope
you can understand that.
398
00:16:54,831 --> 00:16:56,866
The timing is just
all wrong.
399
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:58,400
(chuckles)
400
00:16:58,435 --> 00:17:00,436
Isn't that always the case?
401
00:17:00,470 --> 00:17:04,106
So... I guess
what I'm saying is,
402
00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:08,344
I'm sorry, sean,
but I can't go with you.
403
00:17:08,378 --> 00:17:11,530
We'll bring you back
some nuggets. Later.
404
00:17:14,384 --> 00:17:15,818
(door closes)
405
00:17:15,852 --> 00:17:17,286
(sighs)
406
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,755
That was the hardest thing
I have ever done.
407
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:21,824
I'm gonna try
and watch "eclipse"
408
00:17:21,858 --> 00:17:23,792
And get my mind off it,
409
00:17:23,827 --> 00:17:27,362
But I don't think
it's gonna work.
410
00:17:30,066 --> 00:17:32,968
Hey, what's this?
Some kind of a poem.
411
00:17:33,003 --> 00:17:34,420
Pfft. (chuckles)
412
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:37,006
"feelings so strong,
they can't be wrong..."
413
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,474
(chuckles)
414
00:17:38,508 --> 00:17:41,376
"like a butterfly and a dove
riding on a rainbow of love."
415
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,479
Everyone needs a friendwho will stop you
416
00:17:43,547 --> 00:17:45,564
When you're about to makea huge mistake.
417
00:17:45,599 --> 00:17:47,716
Carly was not that friend,
418
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,251
But axel was.
419
00:17:49,286 --> 00:17:50,686
Oh, that's mine.
420
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,222
Just, uh, toolin' around
with some lyrics
421
00:17:53,256 --> 00:17:55,223
For a song, y-you know.
(chuckles)
422
00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:56,859
Axel saving Sue?
423
00:17:56,893 --> 00:17:59,445
I guess video games didaddle his brain.
424
00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:03,032
You dot your I's
with hearts?
425
00:18:03,066 --> 00:18:04,533
Th-those are butts.
426
00:18:04,567 --> 00:18:06,068
(laughs)
427
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:09,338
(laughs)
428
00:18:10,807 --> 00:18:13,125
You said you'd be dressed
a half-hour ago.
429
00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:14,677
What's the holdup?
430
00:18:14,711 --> 00:18:16,612
(crying) I can't get out.
431
00:18:16,646 --> 00:18:18,597
I hurt my back
plugging something in,
432
00:18:18,632 --> 00:18:20,633
And I didn't want
to tell you,
433
00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:23,319
Because I didn't want you
to think I was old and pathetic,
434
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:26,822
And look at me.
I can't get out of the tub.
435
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:29,024
I tried,
and the whole curtain came down.
436
00:18:29,059 --> 00:18:31,994
Have you been drinking wine
in the tub again?
437
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:35,497
Mike, somebody thought
I needed diapers.
438
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:38,167
Can you believe that?
439
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:40,736
I always thought that
we would grow old together,
440
00:18:40,770 --> 00:18:43,405
But I'm way ahead of you!
441
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,008
I don't care
what dr. Oz says.
442
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:49,078
Women absorb all the stress
in marriage.
443
00:18:49,112 --> 00:18:51,246
Just ask mrs. Dr. Oz!
444
00:18:51,281 --> 00:18:54,883
Do you even know
the family's whole schedule--
445
00:18:54,918 --> 00:18:56,418
That sue has cross-country
446
00:18:56,452 --> 00:18:58,337
From 3:00 to 5:00
447
00:18:58,388 --> 00:19:00,389
And that brick has
the bookmobile
448
00:19:00,423 --> 00:19:02,474
Every Saturday at 11:00?
449
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:05,311
It takes a toll, mike!
450
00:19:05,428 --> 00:19:08,497
I didn't everemember
our anniversary.
451
00:19:08,532 --> 00:19:11,033
Back, brain, bladder--
452
00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:12,902
That's how it goes.
453
00:19:12,936 --> 00:19:15,170
Okay.
454
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:16,539
Grab onto somethin'.
455
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,607
(sobs)
456
00:19:18,642 --> 00:19:20,543
Ow.
457
00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:22,978
(chuckles and grunts)
458
00:19:23,030 --> 00:19:25,481
Just go find a new wife.
Be happy.
459
00:19:25,515 --> 00:19:26,899
Don't worry about me.
460
00:19:26,950 --> 00:19:29,952
I'll just be here,
falling apart before my time.
461
00:19:29,986 --> 00:19:32,988
Just do me a favor. Plug
everything in before you go.
462
00:19:33,022 --> 00:19:34,490
Stop it, frankie.
463
00:19:34,524 --> 00:19:36,492
Yeah. Look at--
look at my feet!
464
00:19:36,526 --> 00:19:38,961
I have the feet
of a 90-year-old woman!
465
00:19:38,995 --> 00:19:40,996
You're just pruny
from the water.
466
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:42,465
You're not falling apart.
467
00:19:42,499 --> 00:19:44,467
Oh, yeah, says the man
in perfect health
468
00:19:44,501 --> 00:19:47,002
Who's carrying me
like a fireman in his prime!
469
00:19:47,036 --> 00:19:48,971
I don't have perfect health.
470
00:19:49,005 --> 00:19:52,374
Yes, you do.
You said you did.
471
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:53,759
No, no. (clears throat)
472
00:19:53,810 --> 00:19:56,912
My cholesterol's high.
I didn't want to tell you.
473
00:19:56,947 --> 00:19:59,315
A little or a lot?
474
00:19:59,349 --> 00:20:02,318
A lot.
Really? We're both falling apart?
475
00:20:02,352 --> 00:20:04,320
Yep. Happy anniversary.
476
00:20:04,354 --> 00:20:06,555
If I could move,
I'd kiss you.
477
00:20:06,590 --> 00:20:08,991
(chuckles)
mm.
478
00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:14,362
I love you.
479
00:20:14,397 --> 00:20:16,831
Now get me a heating pad
and the remote
480
00:20:16,866 --> 00:20:20,668
And don't touch me
for a month.
481
00:20:20,703 --> 00:20:22,604
It actually turned out to be
482
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,773
One of ourbest anniversaries ever.
483
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,674
We laid in bed, ate pizza,
484
00:20:26,709 --> 00:20:28,810
And watched"when harry met sally."
485
00:20:28,844 --> 00:20:31,413
(laughs)
(laughs)
486
00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:34,549
And then a couple of dayson a heating pad later...
487
00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:37,185
You feelin' better, mom?
You about ready to get up?
488
00:20:37,219 --> 00:20:39,854
(sighs) I think
I'm gonna need another day.
489
00:20:39,889 --> 00:20:41,956
My back's still hurting
pretty bad.
490
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:44,459
(sighs)
491
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,762
(whispers) I'm lying.
492
00:20:47,797 --> 00:20:49,964
(crunches)
493
00:20:50,136 --> 00:20:52,900
Synced and Corrected by: Alex1969
Transcript by Addic7ed.com
494
00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:57,500
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